Side Stories: He Said, Pee Said

Summary

Last Podcast On The Left — Side Stories: He Said, Pee Said

Release Date: July 22, 2026
Hosts: Henry Zebrowski & Ed Larson
Episode Theme: Deaths of infamous political figures, wildly dark news, and the world’s most bizarre bodily-fluid stories—served with trademark irreverence.

---

Episode Overview

In this Side Stories episode, Henry and Eddie return after a week away to a deluge of darkly humorous news. The main themes for the episode:

• The alleged deaths (and ongoing conspiracies) of U.S. politicians Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham
• Deep dives into morbid and bizarre news: a flight instructor literally “bailing” mid-air, an epic penis mutilation story, and a Mountain Dew rescue from a porta-potty.
• An extended riff on public peeing, concert bathroom disasters, and the debauched state of underwear hygiene in religious communities (with insights from listener emails).
• All done with a tone that blends satire, roast-level mockery, and the gross-out glee listeners have come to expect.

---

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

---

1. Missed the “Funniest Week”: The 'Deaths' of McConnell and Graham

00:26–13:31

• Returning after a break: Regret at pre-recording an episode and missing “one of the funniest weeks in the entire year.”
• Riffing on death announcements: “After all this time, we lost Sam Neill… the girl from Lilo & Stitch died of AIDS… a lot of little girls died.” (Henry, 01:43–02:44)
• Satirical “interview” with Mitch McConnell & Lady G (Lindsey Graham): Channeling their legacies from “the Mexico of hell” to “Confucky.”
• Mitch McConnell “proof of life” conspiracies:
  • The circulating “proof of life” photo is mocked—Henry speculates it’s recycled from a previous hospital stay:

    “It was more than likely an old photo… the last time he was in the hospital.” (08:29)

  • Newspaper in the photo can’t be read; “the words turn into nonsense syllables.” (09:02)
• Why no official word? Conjecture that political machinations are at work to avoid temporarily replacing Kentucky’s senior Senator with a Democrat.
• Finally, a brutal summation:
  • “The only person we can depend on politically in the United States of America is the Grim Reaper.” (Henry, 11:21)

---

2. Lindsey Graham’s Death—Satire & Scandal

12:45–17:33

• Graham’s sudden demise:
  • Dismissing conspiracy theories of Russian involvement:

    “Why in the living fuck would Russia need to kill a 71-year-old closeted drug addict?” (Henry, 12:05)

  • A swirl of real and rumored anecdotes about Graham’s sexuality and double life, referencing the “Lady G” and “Ladybugs” sex worker stories:

    “He had these moles on his taint that he called his little ladybugs.” (Henry, 13:10)

• Legacy Roast:
  • “He would make sure he killed every gay person that existed besides himself and his pack of whores.” (Henry, 17:13)
  • Ed: “Lindsey Graham, fucking rest in shit.” (17:31)
• Mitch McConnell again: Fantasizing about heckling his funeral with a “Baba booie.” The only true “change agent” is Death (the Reaper).

---

3. Conspiracy: Is Mitch McConnell Actually Dead?

17:44–21:47

• Skepticism over the lack of recent video:
  • “A proof of life picture does not count.” (17:54)
  • Only a video with today’s date would be convincing.
• Frustration with inactive authorities:
  • Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear lambasted (“If you can't fish out a dead pedophile, you shouldn't be president either.” 20:24)
  • Henry lays into both political parties for inaction and hypocrisy.
  • Laura Loomer’s rumor that McConnell is brain dead is cited comically as “one of the worst possible sources, but she might be right.”
• Conclusion: “It is impossible” McConnell looks recently healthier in the new photo. Someone should “push his corpse out in front of the camera.” (Henry, 21:25)

---

4. Oddball News: The Plane Instructor Who Jumped Mid-Flight

27:10–32:44

• The story: Flight instructor Leandro Andres Bertazo jumps out of a flying plane, leaving his student—Rosario, a woman—to land the aircraft.
  • “Incredible trust… I must die for I have completed my job!” (Henry, 27:57)
• Empowerment riff: “This is huge for lady pilots.” (Eddie, 29:07)
• Suicide methods, gallows humor: Is jumping from a plane “the best way to do it”? Henry votes for “nitrogen poisoning.”
• Segue: A playful debate about the Jackson Browne/Eagles song “Running on Empty.”
• Memorable quote:

  “The idea of someone, mid-job, just being like, you know what? I quit. I’m off to see if a cloud can catch me.” (Henry, 32:20)

• Conclusion: Rosario lands the plane like a champ—“the most hireable motherfucker ever.” (Eddie, 33:02)

---

5. Peak Body Horror: Man Cuts Off and Burns Own Penis

33:26–41:15

• Story: Christopher Peden of Fort Wayne, Indiana, cuts off his penis, douses it in gasoline, and sets it alight in his mother’s garage.
• Dark Humor Analysis:
  • “He showed as much poise as Rosario.” (Eddie, 34:14)
  • Speculation on the logistics: “Is it easier to dip the severed penis in kerosene?” (Henry, 35:45)
• Gruesome medical facts:
  • “It’s actually quite difficult to bleed to death from your penis hole.” (Read from a medical forum, 39:21)
  • Why the body often protects itself from excessive bleeding.
• Banter on what happens when you lose a penis: Does pee just “fountain out”? Likely need for a bag or tube.
• Comedic closure:

  “When the EMTs found him there, they asked him what his name was. He said, Christopher. And they said, no, you, Nick.” (Eddie, 40:30)

---

6. Porta-Potty Mayhem: The Mountain Dew Incident

41:22–47:24

• Story: A man is found after a night stuck in the bottom of a porta potty. He claims he crawled in to retrieve a dropped Mountain Dew and got stuck.
  • “Now again, I said up top—I love Mountain Dew, but I do have a feeling there was something else in that bottle.” (Henry, 44:16)
• Rescue operation: Firefighters have to cut him out, then hose him down.
• Ed: “It must’ve been a little fun to hit a man covered in [shit] with a fire hose. You only get to do that, like, two, three times in your whole life.” (45:42)
• Speculation if the man wanted firefighters to “manhandle” him; he “wasn’t being helpful.”
• Reference to recent festival tragedy involving a dead baby found in a Porta Potty—hosts discuss online efforts (and misplaced efforts) to ID the mother.

---

7. Concert/Urinating Stories and the State of Public Hygiene

48:24–56:10

• Morgan Wallen concert incident:
  • A man urinated on a family during a show, to police indifference:

    “The cops, like, 'Ah, there’s nothing we can do about it.'” (Eddie, 50:00)

  • Henry: “These are people that… think the whole world’s gonna stop because someone’s pissing on them.” (51:14)
• Peeing and pooping at concerts:
  • “People who are pressed against the front of the stage often are covered in their own piss and shit.” (Eddie, 53:18)
  • The absurdity of adults wearing diapers to stand at the front of concerts.
• Olivia Rodrigo’s open complaint about fans soiling themselves at her shows.
  • Henry’s response for their own live show:

    “I’m going to single you out… unless you have an actual reason to wear the diaper. I don’t give a f***, that’s disgusting.” (Henry, 53:54)

• Hygiene failures: Riff on the probabilities and frequency of poop or pee accidents among adults.

---

8. Listener Emails: Mormon Underwear and Skid Marks

61:08–66:29

• Follow-up from previous episode:
  • Numerous listeners write in to confirm that “magic Mormon underwear gets skidmarked to hell by Mormon men.”
  • “It was a widely accepted phenomenon because it’s too gay to touch your butthole.” (reader email, 63:56)
  • Military reader shares: Mormon recruit was crowned “streak of the week” nine weeks running during boot camp.
  • Ceremonial disposal: Symbology has to be cut out before “burning the evidence.”
  • “Brown patches” from urine are routine, not just stains in the back.
  • Solution: “Just make the underwear brown. Get brown fabric.” (Eddie, 64:05)

---

9. “Fart-Filtering Underwear” and Novel Hygiene Tech

66:41–68:04

• Brief digression on “colloidal” and flatulence-filtering underwear technologies.
  • “If there was a person who could truly test the rigor of that underwear, it would be you.” (Henry, 67:48)

---

10. Random Exclamation Points and Light Closer

68:29–72:09

• Denny’s and the Green River Killer:
  • Listener with a family connection to Gary Ridgeway recalls awkward breakfasts, “He was kind of off-putting.”
  • Extended speculation: Was Ridgeway a Super Slam man or “just two eggs, bacon, and potatoes”?
• Housekeeping: Live show streaming info, upcoming tour dates, and news that Side Stories will tour again starting in September.
• Beloved Raccoon “Jimothy”: Tangent on the internet’s obsession with a deformed raccoon; Eddie hopes no one tries to put him in showbiz.

---

Notable Quotes

• “The only person we can depend on politically in the United States of America is the Grim Reaper.” – Henry, 11:21
• “It was a widely accepted phenomenon because it’s too gay to touch your butthole.” – Listener email (re: Mormon underwear), 63:56
• “He had these moles on his taint that he called his little ladybugs.” – Henry, 13:10
• “If I know you are wearing a diaper voluntarily to watch our show, I’m going to single you out… unless you have an actual reason. That’s disgusting.” – Henry, 53:54
• “When the EMTs found him there, they asked what his name was. He said, Christopher. And they said, no, you, Nick.” – Eddie, 40:30
• “Just make the underwear brown. Get brown fabric.” – Eddie, 64:05

---

Important Timestamps

• 01:43 – Outlandish riff on recent celebrity and political deaths
• 05:06 – The “proof of life” photo and McConnell conspiracy
• 13:10 – The “ladybug” taint-Graham sex worker story
• 17:54 – Why the “proof of life picture does not count” (explaining the demand for video evidence)
• 27:57 – Flight instructor jumps, trusts “lady pilot” to land the plane
• 33:26 – Indiana man cuts off, burns his penis (full story)
• 41:22 – Porta-potty Mountain Dew bottle rescue
• 48:24 – The Morgan Wallen peeing incident
• 53:18 – Diapers, pooping, and bathroom mishaps at concerts
• 61:08 – Listener emails about Mormon magic underwear
• 66:41 – “Fart-filtering underwear” riff
• 68:29 – Listener story: Gary Ridgeway’s Denny’s order

---

Tone & Final Thoughts

This episode is unrelenting in its dark, bodily-function-focused humor, letting Henry and Eddie vent at the hypocrisy and decrepitude of American political life—and the state of men’s underpants. If you love your current events unfiltered, covered in bodily fluids, and punctuated by death-metal-level cackling, this episode is for you.

“Live every day knowing for a fact that your underwear travels for you after you die.” (Henry, 72:08)

---

For More:

• lpotl.kisweed.com for JK Ultra VOD
• EddieTunes.com for tour dates
• Submissions: [e-mail]

---

Hail Sweet Satan. Hail Jimothy.

Transcript

[Eddie]

AE jeans look good on you. American Eagle just dropped.

[Henry]

Fresh new fits, the best fabrics.

[Eddie]

The jeans you can't get anywhere else.

[Henry]

We're talking Y2K inspired low rise styles to boot cut and original straight leg styles that go with everything in your closet.

[Eddie]

Stock up before everyone else because these

[Henry]

fits will go fast. You can check it all [e-mail] or

[Eddie]

just go to the store.

[Henry]

You know, recommendations can be great. Maybe someone recommended this podcast and here you are. But home projects are different. If a podcast isn't your thing, you lose a few minutes. If you hire your cousin's neighbor to mount your tv, you might end up with a lopsided screen and wall damage. Maybe I know a guy. Just isn't enough for your home. That's why thumbtack works. It matches you with top rated local pros with photos, reviews, and credentials all in one place. For your next home project, try thumbtack. Hire the right pro today. There's no place to escape to.

[Eddie]

This is the lost on the left side stories.

[Henry]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes.

[Eddie]

Hey there. Come on. Get your pudding and your pudding pants.

[Henry]

You know, Eddie, I can't believe we skipped one week. Because we didn't skip it. We had a pre recorded episode because you were doing dates and we were in the middle of traveling.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

And we just happened to miss one of the funniest weeks in the entire year.

[Eddie]

That's how it goes.

[Henry]

That's how it always is, man. Because it's just crazy to just think, like, I can't believe, like after all this time, we lost Sam Neill. Oh, oh, we lost Sam Neill. That was really sad. You know that one girl died at aids.

[Eddie]

Yes, yes. The. The one. Then we had the other she from.

[Henry]

What was it from? Moana.

[Eddie]

No, Moana didn't die of aids. No one didn't die. It was a different Disney chick. Oh. It was the. The girl from Lilo and Stitch died of aids. Wow. Lilo died?

[Henry]

Oh, no. Davenant Chase. That's what. That's what met. Yeah. Johnny Darko. Oh, girl from Donnie Darko.

[Eddie]

Well, we should have been able to guess that one.

[Henry]

Yeah, that was a sad movie. But what does Stitch die soon?

[Eddie]

She also. Lilo and Stitch.

[Henry]

Well, they both died. Wow. That's the same girl.

[Eddie]

Yeah, Moana did. And then the. And then the. The. The little girl from Godzilla versus King Kong died. A lot of little girls died.

[Henry]

A lot of little girls died. And sadly, we lost one of the most important little girls.

[Eddie]

A lady.

[Henry]

True lady.

[Eddie]

A Lady. Lady G. Hey.

[Henry]

Hey, Mitch.

[Eddie]

Hey.

[Henry]

It's good to see you, Mitch.

[Eddie]

Thank you for joining me.

[Henry]

Oh, no, no. I just. I'm actually kind of surprised how hot heaven can be.

[Eddie]

I am turning into crank. Oh.

[Henry]

You know, I just. Crazy. Do you think they put us in the Mexico of hell?

[Eddie]

You would think that after I died, I'd be able to talk correctly, but I cannot.

[Henry]

I just gotta say, I sure hope it's Mexico, because I've certainly had a lot of serrano peppers down in my taco home. Oh, I got a fire down under. I didn't know chlamydia followed you, Pastor Grave.

[Eddie]

Oh. Oh, I'm dying again.

[Henry]

Oh, Mitch. All right, let me hold your hand.

[Eddie]

Mitch.

[Henry]

Let me hold your hand. Oh, no.

[Eddie]

Oh. Just pissed out there for a second.

[Henry]

Did you give any kisses while you were paused?

[Eddie]

I'll pause again then.

[Henry]

All right. I'm sorry. I got to let you go. They need you to vote on.

[Eddie]

On.

[Henry]

They need you to vote on Israel taking over America. I got to send you back to heaven.

[Eddie]

Send you back to Earth. I voted for that. I voted for that.

[Henry]

I know. I got to send you back to Earth.

[Eddie]

Listen, though.

[Henry]

But next time you d. The next time you die, you come right back to old Lady G. Okay?

[Eddie]

They're gonna have to change the name of my state to Confucky.

[Henry]

Let me first say, I just want to do something real quick. Play with your lips. I've always wanted to do that.

[Eddie]

I'm a man.

[Henry]

I've always wanted to do that.

[Eddie]

Stop that.

[Henry]

I just wanted to say, I never got to have the pencil.

[Eddie]

Leave me alone. I just.

[Henry]

Too bad. Because we gotta have so many rules and stuff.

[Eddie]

Somebody brought me up and took a picture. This a eulogy right now?

[Henry]

Yeah. Yes, it. And I gotta say, Lady G, we're gonna miss you and all the joy you brought us here at last. Podcast Network. Welcome to Side Stories, man. I'm Henry Spousi. I'm sitting here with Mitch McConnell. And I gotta say, that proof of life photo they took of Mitch, I loved it. You know what?

[Eddie]

You could barely see the rod in his shirt.

[Henry]

You know what's really nice is he. Let's just be frank. Before that picture, he was Mitch. He was looking really. He was looking rough.

[Eddie]

He looked rough for the last 20

[Henry]

years, but I'd say on the last year or so, he's really looking rough.

[Eddie]

He's falling down. How does a man without feet fall down?

[Henry]

Because it's easy, because he's just two sticks. He's just walking around like one of those figures from Blair Witch. But I do think it's interesting is that when they put out the new photo, because I do remember, right.

[Eddie]

Sarlock's grandfather.

[Henry]

Yes. Right before he died, he was looking really, really bad. And then it seems that death has rejuvenated him because in the proof of life photo that was put out with his Asian wife, who's definitely not there for. For prop reasons.

[Eddie]

Oh, my God, she fogging split. She's like, I don't see the reason to come back. Well, that was the funniest response I've ever heard from a wife when their husband had a heart attack and ended up in the hospital.

[Henry]

I think it's really interesting that he looks really good. So for those of you that don't know, Mitch McConnell died about a month ago.

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Henry]

He. That's like. That's not the official news. The official news is that he had a. According to his office, he's been in the. He's been mysteriously in the hospital for a month. We're talking about this. Mitch McConnell made a. His office made a statement saying that he had a fall and that he is right back on his way to work.

[Eddie]

He looks. His whole body looks like a blister.

[Henry]

He's a sacule of like right now. He's a saccule of nutritionist liquid. He is not a human.

[Eddie]

I would like during this time. I want. During the autopsy, whenever that is. I check him for bones because I don't think he has them.

[Henry]

No, I think he's made out of tofu. So he's been Mii Mia since June 14th. And so what they said is that he had a cardiac arrest and he was rushed to the hospital. He came out and said that was not real. I fell down and I'm on my way to work.

[Eddie]

But because EMTs are so bad at their job that they're like, oh, a slip and fall is easily a heart attack.

[Henry]

They don't know what's going on. But they also. We know for a fact that he was administered cpr, which is something that normally doesn't happen on a trip and fall unless course, you're completely unconscious. But they gave him cpr, which then would also probably preclude, which is what I've gotten from every single message, every single person I've ever spoken to about getting and receiving cpr. Is that quite often when you're getting the chest compressions, it will break your sternum?

[Eddie]

Of course, when you're especially. They usually do. I talked to my cardiologist brother in law about that. And he was like. I was like, do you ever break the sternum when you're doing cpr? He's like, only if I want them to live.

[Henry]

Yep. And so you cut this picture of him. So if you see this picture when he's on pause, right back in the day when he was still just great at working, he obviously is. He's about to die. He is a living cancer tumor just standing paralyzed in front of a television screen on camera. At this point, they should be putting a butterfly fucking net over his head and they should be launching him into the shredder. But he continues to live. So he is. Right now, this whole thing happened. You see this picture put out saying, oh, he's absolutely fine. And he's going to. He's going to come back to work and he's dressed in street clothes, jeans, on a hospital bed. We see that his wife who then jet. As soon as that picture was gone. Even though we have not seen a video from him. Nothing.

[Eddie]

We don't even. I haven't seen any proof that she even came home.

[Henry]

This is. I am going to just go out in here because this is a satire program here. But I am also going to say, because of my years reading. It is not a photo. We know it's not an AI photo. What we think it is, though, it was more than likely an old photo that was taken last time he was in the hospital. Yes. When he fell. When he actually fell last year.

[Eddie]

She goes, we're going to need a couple of these. All right, now change your shirt.

[Henry]

And you don't. I am not even fucking joking. Because they knew that this was going to be a thing.

[Eddie]

Oh, they have the newspaper there.

[Henry]

Well, like a hostage photo. If you see Mitch McConnell, but also Mitch McConnell holding that paper is part of what makes it really interesting in this photo is because if you zoom in on it, I have not been able to get a proper read on this photo. Or a high resin. A photo in which I can actually read the words on the article.

[Eddie]

If that picture was in the fucking.

[Henry]

People have already linked like the picture and the newspaper to the date it was released. So. But if you zoom in on it, the words turn into nonsense syllables. Like literally, like, I cannot find a high res enough picture in which I can zoom. Actually read the words on it. Yeah, that's one thing. So I think that's where I think the, the conspiracy theory really falls in. We know that there is a Democratic governor of Kentucky.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

Which is why they are sitting on this. Because they don't want him to appoint a Democrat as the his fill in during this time period. Even though as soon as Lindsey Graham Lindsey's Graham's corpse was still hot filled with jism and you feel that crazy Ukrainian jism and he literally they his r worded sister in there as soon as physically possible. They really did she no business doing

[Eddie]

anything we don't know. I've never heard of this. All of a sudden she's in charge.

[Henry]

Yeah. She's just some dumpy ass from South Carolina who's just about to ruin more people's lives.

[Eddie]

Lindsay Graham, she has the same taste in men.

[Henry]

Very much so. Oh, I mean that's secrets Arlene is her name. Oh yeah.

[Eddie]

I don't want to learn her her ass.

[Henry]

But Lindsay Graham is the was the biggest worm in one of the worms in history. In political history. He had no center, he had no soul. He had no imagination. Then when I see all of these Democrats coming out to just talk about how funny he was.

[Eddie]

They're just trying to be classy and it's like I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it, man.

[Henry]

Shit.

[Eddie]

Say nothing. If you, you know, honestly just say nothing.

[Henry]

I have no respect for him. I have no respect for him. I have no respect for Mitch McConnell. I can't wait to be there screaming Baba booie at Mitch McConnell's funeral as well.

[Eddie]

Dude.

[Henry]

And I'm going to go there. I can't. Two saccules are the right now the only person we can depend on politically in the United States of America is the Grim Reaper.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

That is the only one doing moving the needle, doing the job that we need. We need Grim Reaper I'm going to give to his super pac.

[Eddie]

Dude. I was partying in Seaside Heights with Julie for the night, taking a nice easy day. And then she woke me up. We were hungover of course because you know, we were in Seaside Heights and I was sleeping in bed and she like woke me up. I didn't even open my eyes. She's like, ed, Lindsey Graham died and without opening my eyes. Was like good, went back to sleep.

[Henry]

I'm like, what?

[Eddie]

No. What?

[Henry]

Oh, toodle doo. No way. Not the lady himself because he went to. He was checking out a drone factory in Ukraine.

[Eddie]

So what do we say about. Do you think that's fishy?

[Henry]

No.

[Eddie]

You don't think that Russia killed him even though he was talking shit about Russia a day before.

[Henry]

Why in the living fuck would Russia need to kill a 71 year old closeted drug addict like, legitimately, like, he is a full on, living a hot pressure life, doing party drugs. All of the people that so many gay sex workers came out.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

To talk about their time with him during. During, right after his death. And no one wants to talk about the fact that, like, he was the single most compromised man in the United States government besides the President himself.

[Eddie]

You know that Poppers is also Mitch McConnell's nickname?

[Henry]

No. Well, he was Ladybugs.

[Eddie]

Yeah. Oh, Ladybugs. Oh, no, no. Lady G is.

[Henry]

No, is Ladybug. Ladybugs. Ed, do you not know?

[Eddie]

I know Lady Ladybugs. For what? For Mitch or for Lindsey.

[Henry]

Lindsey Graham. So I know Lady G. No. Yes. So Lady G was one of the common nicknames of Lindsey Graham.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

The other things that he. Amongst his constituency that he paid for, including the many sex workers who have seemed to have been completely supported by Lindsey Graham. Like a dozen of them.

[Eddie]

Oh, I gave to their GoFundMe. I'm really worried about that.

[Henry]

Me too. Because what are they gonna do? Because they're just gonna spill all of the tea. So the reason why his. His new nickname, Ladybugs came out is because of a supposedly debunked confession from a sex worker. That I do not. I don't think. I think it's real. Where he was getting bottoms. Right. Lindsey Graham. And when he was nude and he spread himself over the bed and he spread his butthole, he had these moles on his taint that he called his little ladybugs. Oh, cancer moles. Eddie. It was a while ago at this point. It was a while ago. And so they blow on it for good luck. No, I think that they. I think they did the thing. You remember. They. You know when you were like fat in music class in school and you got the. It was just the wood thing that. The. The honeycomb thing.

[Eddie]

Oh, the only thing you could play that was his tank. Yeah. He's more like the ladybug from Bug's Life. How you doing? Come on in.

[Henry]

No, it's probably like, hi. Yeah, come on me if you want. Yeah, that's fine. No one else cares if they come on me or not.

[Eddie]

Oh, man. Go ahead.

[Henry]

Come on me. And then all you got that borscht flavor. Ukrainian gay sex worker. Calm. Has to truly be so unique. Maybe just that's what killed him.

[Eddie]

Well, maybe. Maybe he actually was cleaning himself with his Disney World bubble wand.

[Henry]

He was so sad. Alone in Disney World. Because, you know, I've seen so many homosexual men alone in Disney World. You'd think they'd all band together with him.

[Eddie]

Yeah. No, I mean, as someone who's been to Disney World alone, it's great. But the. But if Lindsey Graham was with you, he would ruin it. I think that's why he was alone at Disney World.

[Henry]

The problem though is that it doesn't sound like an Eddie. It sounds like actually one on one. When he wasn't being a total succofant fucking whore to everything that's evil, he was actually kind of funny.

[Eddie]

Who cares?

[Henry]

But I'm saying at Disney, you guys would have just been like. You've been like, oh my God, I got the lightning line for blah, blah, blah. Like you would actually. Honestly, I bet you, him, you and Lindsay technically at Disney would have a great time because, you know, he knows how to use all the apps.

[Eddie]

Oh, you know. Yeah. Well, he probably. He's got the plaid.

[Henry]

He's got all the stuff. Stuff. Like, you know, he's doing the same that you do where you guys go. Because like Natalie's like that. You guys do the. You guys are sick. All the Disney people are sick. You got it. It takes like six months of planning to have one day at that stupid ass park.

[Eddie]

That's fine. You just put the. You put the information and you clock it and you hit it.

[Henry]

There's nothing casual about enjoying yourself six months ahead of time. You can't book anything.

[Eddie]

If you don't book in six months

[Henry]

ahead of time, you're not doing anything.

[Eddie]

He's got another right. People know how to do it.

[Henry]

Like Mickey Mouse.

[Eddie]

Yeah, Mickey Mouse. He's got all the connections.

[Henry]

Was that his corpse? He's in Space Mountain. Oh, yeah, that was a picture of him.

[Eddie]

But I'm sure they're going to launch his body.

[Henry]

Honestly, I feel that his. That would be very bad debris. I think it's bad for space. I don't think he should be up there. I think he's going to get one of our guys from Russia sick.

[Eddie]

Oh, man. Well, you know, glad he's dead.

[Henry]

Well, you know, it is really, really nice news that he's dead. And when Mitch McConnell's dead, final. When he is dead, he's brain dead.

[Eddie]

So yeah, there's nothing going on there. For those of you been brain dead, we watched him shut down. And by the way, you know, Bill Cosby's, you know what's going to be like, he was funny, you know, but he was funny.

[Henry]

Bill Cosby actually was funny. Bill Cosby's an actual comedian. We are taking away from the actual funny pedophiles when we call Lindsey Graham funny. Don't take that from Bill Cosby. That is life. He's supposed to be. That's his main thing. When he's not raping. He's hilarious. All right, Same thing. Lindsey Graham, he should have been busy working instead of fudgeing, doing material and fucking gay sex workers all the time.

[Eddie]

If a Democrat wanted to be fudgeing, cool, that'd be like, Lindsey Graham passed away today. He's responsible for the deaths of thousands, maybe millions.

[Henry]

Yes. This is the guy that would sell. He'd sell your grandmother to Israel for fudgeing a penny. He would fucking. He can't wait to. He would make sure he killed every gay person that existed besides himself and his pack of whores. It's the only thing he cared about. Lindsey Graham fucking rest in shit.

[Eddie]

That's right.

[Henry]

And. But also, Mitch McConnell said the same. Mitch McConnell, he has now been.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah. He said.

[Henry]

So the. I still.

[Eddie]

Last words.

[Henry]

We also, in the United States of America, and according to, like, international standards, you know, that a proof of life picture does not count.

[Eddie]

What do you mean?

[Henry]

Because certain communist states, like people like Russia and these, so they famously would use proof of life pictures and these things, and they would manipulate them. They've been since Stalin's time. Right? Yeah. And so the idea of a proof of life picture doesn't count internationally. That's why everyone's saying, we want a video. And how hard is it to look into a camera and say, hi, my name is Mitch McConnell. This is July 21st. I'm alive. Like, that is all you got to do. Or a video of him getting ready to come into work or getting all like, anything, Any single thing.

[Eddie]

What about, like, all right, how about this? In the hospital, like, in trouble if they're lying about this.

[Henry]

No, everybody know because it's the family holding it. No, it's. See, Eddie, what we're seeing here is that what he's taking up a hospital room with, the current administration is teaching every single person in authority is that unless you can have other people say there's a crime happening as well.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

It no longer matters. It requires the governing bodies of these places to admit that something's going on. And that's the problem. There's no independent way. The Democratic governor, I don't even know his fucking name. I don't even fucking care to know his name. He's also just sitting on his hands. He's writing strongly worded Twitter messages. He's just acting like he's some kind of girl in fucking high school show

[Eddie]

up at the fucking hospital.

[Henry]

He was a real fucking man. He would be in the lobby that day saying where the fuck is Mitch McConnell? I want to see him put a mirror under his nose and show me he's alive.

[Eddie]

Where's my goddamn employee?

[Henry]

But no one gives a fuck, all right? No one gives a f. So we are sitting here waiting because no one wants to because Democrats believe in a polite society which has been destroyed. And Republicans are literal mouth breathing Nazis looking to destroy the very fabric of the country in order to make themselves permanently in power. They don't fucking give a fucking shit. So this guy, he's. We already know that Laura Loomer said he, she heard he's brain dead. We want to believe her.

[Eddie]

There's also, it's like always the worst person you want to hear like the facts from.

[Henry]

But there it's just the truth. We also, a lot of people are saying there's another. Several two different agencies, what's it Bashir, Democratic Andy Beshear, the guy that is the governor of Kentucky, which some people are trying to say he's going to run for president in 2028. And as far as I'm fudgeing concerned, if you can't fish out a dead pedophile, then you shouldn't be president either.

[Eddie]

Also like what? We want the whole fucking country to be like Kentucky.

[Henry]

Fuck you. Fuck that you're talking about. And so we. Sorry guys. Yeah, fuck that shit. And so he's saying that he's heard from Several sources that McConnell is at least brain dead. He's at least sitting in a vegetative state, just rotting and no one has the balls to do something about it. Yeah, and that's why I think it would be the funniest thing in the world for some nurse to take a picture and send it out to the world. It'd be really nice if someone who fucking cares. I'll pay for your jail. I'll pay for. I'll help you. If you could. If someone can leak the information, I will help you get. Okay, I will help you get money. I will figure it out for you. If you can help leak this information because there's no way he is going to look in better shape in that picture than he did before he went into the fucking hospital.

[Eddie]

Impossible.

[Henry]

It is impossible.

[Eddie]

They would show us if he looked fine.

[Henry]

He is lying, of course.

[Eddie]

Incapable of lying because he's dead.

[Henry]

He's. Well, it's the only thing he's capable of. Lying on the bed yeah, he is completely dead. And so someone needs to have the balls to go and push his corpse out in front of a camera. All right? So can someone please go do that? And anybody, if you even think of defending any one of these guys to me, you can absolutely see yourself out.

[Eddie]

Yes. They need to die. He needs to die.

[Henry]

Them.

[Eddie]

Yeah. I, you know, honestly, I would blow him up.

[Henry]

Oh, God. I've got nothing like that whale. Just blow them the up. If you want to hear other fun topics like this, go to see our live show. We're still selling the VOD of our last ever JK Ultra show, the one

[Eddie]

in Oklahoma City at the Tower Theater. It was a lot of dude. I feel like it was one of our best shows.

[Henry]

We had so much fun.

[Eddie]

We went a little long too. We were riffing, we were having some fun. It was.

[Henry]

Yeah, we wanted to show everybody just like the, like, you know, this is our show. It is like loose and live. And I just was so happy. The. The crowds were great. Kane's Ballroom is legendary.

[Eddie]

Oh, my God.

[Henry]

So if you're ever, if you're in the Tulsa area, see as many shows as you can. Yeah. Kane's Ballroom.

[Eddie]

See whatever it is. Oh. Shout out to the church studio for showing Henry and I around and giving us all that primo Leon Russell history. He was awesome.

[Henry]

It truly was wonderful. And so you can go and get our last show. You can still get it play for another, like week or so. Whatever.

[Eddie]

I think it's like 10 days left.

[Henry]

Yes, something like that. Lpotl.kisweed.com which is a weird name. Yeah, it is K I S W e. Yeah.

[Eddie]

So lpotl.k I s w e dot com. Go watch the last JK Ultra ever. It's done.

[Henry]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

And then there's like add ons and you could do. There's like a $5 add on if you want to see the Q A. And then the tour shirt is available there, which was only. We were only selling on tour. Yes. So check that out if you want to. If you want to get that there

[Henry]

and also go and subscribe to LPN TV, YouTube. Right now. I'm doing the plug right now. I need you to go over there because Vampire the Masquerade for us. It is coming out. Season two is coming out. Out very shortly. Led by Marcus Parks.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

We have a bloodbath. 77. We. It is going to be fucking amazing. And you're gonna need to watch it for our next season as well.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I know. Yeah. Just like how you love with the mar. You're turning in the Marvel or stuff's better.

[Henry]

It's an hour long of stuff. I also don't. You can whatever all of you. The only thing you guys care about is your Easter eggs, your horseshit. Yeah, none of you care about anything.

[Eddie]

While you're over there, check out HGX2 Season 2. It was incredible. I'm so proud of that. I want to keep that thing moving. So watch that as well while you're over there.

[Henry]

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is an all in one website platform that helps you stand out online. Yes, that's right. You don't have to smash your face with a hammer. You can just start a business. It's got everything you need on Squarespace, from securing your domain to building a professional site and showcasing your work all in one place. Let's say you want to show everybody how you can carve your ribs out of your lower abdomen so that you look more like a Ken doll. That's amazing. You can bring your vision to life with AI powered design or curated templates. Plus flexible editing tools that helps you create something that truly reflects your style. Especially if you are somebody that is trying to corrupt the young men of America. That's what Squarespace is really going to help you. Squarespace makes it easy. It makes it easy for you to put all that together and you just go to Squarespace and do it all. Thanks, Braden. Head to squarespace.com left for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code left to save 10 off your purchase of a website or domain. It's obvious we love true crime, but it does make us feel a little paranoid about what's out there. As it should. And that's why it's so important to get a home security system that gives you peace of mind. With Simplisafe, you can stop crimes before they even start using their AI powered cameras to identify threats on your property and alert US based live agents to take action. Like arriving in a helicopter in the night, coming down from the helicopter, zipping down and breaking through the windows with their big axes. Going through the house, ripping through the walls, finding the criminals. It's easy to do. Simplisafe has been a game changer for us. And the best part? There's no long term contract. We've used it since the very early days of SimpliSafe here at LPN and it keeps us safe, doesn't it? It keeps all of our thoughts inside the building. Then there's the ones we let out because they have to go out because

[Eddie]

that's a part of it.

[Henry]

But Simply Safe keeps the other thoughts safe. And for that we say thank you.

[Eddie]

Simply Safe.

[Henry]

We want you to experience the same peace of mind as we, which is why we've partnered with Simply Safe to offer an exclusive discount to all of our listeners. Right now you can get 50 off your new system by visiting simplisafe.com lpotl that's half [e-mail] lpotl there's no safe like Simplisafe.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

Maxing is so maxing right now, bro. Get ready for spicy chicken maxing because Carl's Jr. Is saving you big with a 5.99 maxed out double stack, double stack, double stack spicy chicken sandwich. Seriously, just 5.99 double stack spicy chicken.

[Eddie]

This is unreal value in the bromosphere.

[Henry]

The new spicy chicken Max Max wallet friendly Max tasty only at Carl's Jr available for a limited time at participating restaurants. Tax unincluded, not valid for use within a combo or a combination with any of their offered discount.

[Eddie]

From your grave,

[Henry]

let's cut to some fun news. Now this guy, this was a funny ass story that I wanted to cover that we didn't get to because we were gone.

[Eddie]

Yes, this was. I've. We both pulled this one aside. I love this.

[Henry]

All right, so this flight instructor, Leandro Andres Bertazo, 42, he's found dead following this incident in which he jumped out of a flying plane to his death, leaving the student he was teaching to fly to land the aircraft by herself. Now that shows you number one, incredible trust. Yeah, I don't know if it does any like. Listen, I have good thought to say you fly a plane like no one I've ever seen. And now that you fly a plane again, so good. I must die for I have completed my job.

[Eddie]

Time for the ultimate test.

[Henry]

You're like just so fun. Just go like hey, this has really been great. All right, I'll see you. So this is crazy.

[Eddie]

You know what you have to do? Carry on. For his exact words.

[Henry]

You know what you have to do. Carry on.

[Eddie]

22 year old Rosario took off his

[Henry]

headset and his seat belt and he opened up the door, jumped out of the plane. He was Eduardo Alvarez, director of the Flying Parrot Cordoba Flying School where Bertaza work. Told the newspaper there are no signs of the pilot was planning to throw himself off the plane. Yeah, yeah. Because then how do you get in plane? Well, he wouldn't be able to get in the plane if he was showing. If he was practicing jumping out of it while he was. Was like sitting on the ground.

[Eddie]

If I was a pilot teacher who was planning on killing myself, I would show no signs. That's. That's how you get away with it.

[Henry]

That's the key. You want to be real.

[Eddie]

You want to make sure they let you take off. He even whole lesson right before he did and he completed the lesson. Do you think that they were like really bad? And he's like, ah, maybe he. I think this shows. It really does that. Rosario. I think this is a great advertisement for lady pilots.

[Henry]

Exactly.

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Henry]

I think this is huge for lady pilots. I think the guy before it, you know, he's taking the lesson and the guy's like, you know, like, almost glad I could fly a plane, unlock these stupid ass chicks. And then Bertazo is just sitting there just like, like, I cannot believe I teach this man. And then he's got. It's such a bad lesson. And he's just like, God, this is just. Why do I do this? If they do not learn, if they do not see, how do I continue to teach? Because, you know, like, maybe the flaps fell off or some. Or he came in sideways. And then finally he's up there with Zario just watching her perfectly fly. And he's like, yes. A woman kind of replies yes, later replace the man I wish her to be. Every mind dude, jumping out of a

[Eddie]

plane's got to be the best way to do it.

[Henry]

What do you mean?

[Eddie]

Kill yourself?

[Henry]

Yeah. Why?

[Eddie]

It takes some time. You really get to reflect while you're flying. At least you get to enjoy like flying down there. I think a building would be more scary. A bridge would almost be more scary. But a plane, I feel like by the time you got to the ground, you'd be like, you know what? I'm ready.

[Henry]

I've always wanted to do nitrogen poisoning.

[Eddie]

Oh yeah.

[Henry]

It's like one is where you just go to sleep, don't wake up.

[Eddie]

Is that like the. The suicide box or Cube?

[Henry]

Yeah, that's what I do.

[Eddie]

Yeah, you like to press the button?

[Henry]

Yeah, I wouldn't press the button.

[Eddie]

I also buttons.

[Henry]

I want to be able to choose the music. Oh, because that's thing you turn on the music and it's Desperado.

[Eddie]

It's only Eagle songs, unfortunately. Yeah, yeah.

[Henry]

Oh yeah. Unfortunately. I know that wasn't a proprietary deal that they did alongside their residency at the Sphere. They've decided, yeah, it is only the Eagles Joe Walsh ears that are specifically dialed in for the suicide boxes. So hopefully you like. I mean, obviously running on empties. Great, great.

[Eddie]

Well, not if you're the suicide box.

[Henry]

Why?

[Eddie]

Because. Yeah, you need the nitrogen to kill the people.

[Henry]

Oh, I mean, you're running on empty. That's Jackson Brown.

[Eddie]

Oh, well, Jackson Brown wrote the song. The Eagles did the song and they. Well, Jackson Brown wrote it for the Eagles and then he did his own version.

[Henry]

Really?

[Eddie]

Look it up.

[Henry]

I actually do believe. I do believe it. With any sense. Yeah, I do believe you.

[Eddie]

Oh, man.

[Henry]

Yeah, it's a. Oh, not the Eagles. No, it's not the Eagles, honey. We were wrong.

[Eddie]

Running on empty. Where's.

[Henry]

Oh, take it easy, take it easy.

[Eddie]

That's what I'm thinking about.

[Henry]

BR is correct.

[Eddie]

He.

[Henry]

He. He out stepfathered you.

[Eddie]

Running on empty.

[Henry]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, I mean that should be on there. Jackson Brown should be. It's an easy addition to the. Yeah, that's when you go to Suicide Box Plus. Yeah. And you do their proprietary app at 79amonth, you get. You get your own playlist of hand picked special suicide. Those songs like Jack and Brown's Running on Empty.

[Eddie]

The Loadout.

[Henry]

The Loadout Wipeout. Yeah, that's a good one. What's a good other good suicide song?

[Eddie]

Pipeline.

[Henry]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I would also probably put.

[Eddie]

Yeah, maybe. Nice.

[Henry]

Yeah. She's gonna hear the noose.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

Yeah, that's great.

[Eddie]

Bamba.

[Henry]

Wow. Yeah. Oh, that'd be great. Have a fun one. It's a bit of a fiesta. So that's why that was just a fun story. Because the idea of someone just mid job, just literally just being like, you know what? I quit. You know what? This sucks. Okay, I'm gonna go see if a cloud can catch me.

[Eddie]

She's like, oh, man.

[Henry]

And then you know what? She nailed it. And she. That shows Rosario was correct. And if I was at flight school, I'd immediately graduate her.

[Eddie]

Also. Of course she immediately graduates. And they only put her first name in there to protect her last name. She's getting every job in the world.

[Henry]

That's what I'm saying.

[Eddie]

Unless of course, the most hireable motherfucker ever.

[Henry]

What if she did a bad job pulling into the plane?

[Eddie]

It's her first time under pressure. I'm fucking proud of her.

[Henry]

You know what to do. Bye. Bye. Oh, Lindsay. I come to see you, Lindsay. It's a. Hits the ground like a javelin. Oh, yeah, that's got to be fun.

[Eddie]

So there's. There's a Lot of fun stuff we got to get to here. There's the guy who cut his penis off.

[Henry]

Okay, this is a good story.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry]

This is a great story. Great story. Everybody loves this one. So again it takes a man. This comes out of beautiful, beautiful Indiana. No way.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

On May 6th, a guy was charged with arson. He loves sausage there, they do. And they. But the thing is that normally they don't waste it like this guy did. So this guy, he was charged with arson after. And I like it because the police had to say he did this, that he cut off his own penis, doused it with gasoline and lit it on fire in the garage of his mother's house. And he left it in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Which is I think is this might be the third time this happened in Fort Wayne.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I will say this guy showed as much poise as Rosario. I seriously cut your penis off and you still take the time bleeding out the hole in your front. You dip it in kerosene, you light it on fire and you put it in a trash can and then you tick tock wait for the fucking cops.

[Henry]

Yeah, but you just. Well, he ran away. They cuz he obviously he was bleeding really badly.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

So when the cops came he had

[Eddie]

to go to the hospital immediately. Well, you could die.

[Henry]

Well, you know they fix it, right?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

Wine cork.

[Eddie]

Oh, wine cork. See I thought it was they put a cigar out on it.

[Henry]

Oh no, no, no. That's in Missouri. Town of Missouri. You got to guess if you don't have insurance. His name was Christopher Pton, 36 years young. Peyton. He said he told police that he used a kitchen knife to cut off his penis while he was in the garage. So he's. I mean he made enough sense there.

[Eddie]

It says genitals. Maybe he got the nuts too.

[Henry]

I don't know. You know what it is is that to me if you're cut. I truly. I think it was just the penis. Because the penis looks like a wick.

[Eddie]

Yeah, well, it depends if it's working or not.

[Henry]

Look, I think balls because balls don't pop off like too little, you know, they're coiled up stuff in there.

[Eddie]

Well, if you got a kitchen knife you can really hack at it.

[Henry]

But I think they'd spill out. I don't think you could set fire to it. I think it'd be too liquidy. I think a penis actually be separated enough from the liquid.

[Eddie]

I understand what you're saying. But also you dip it in kerosene. You set anything on fire.

[Henry]

Correct.

[Eddie]

You set water on fire.

[Henry]

But I think it's easier to dip the Paint. The severed penis in the kerosene.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

Than just like. Because I feel so.

[Eddie]

You think he dipped? He didn't put it on top?

[Henry]

No, I think he did.

[Eddie]

You think he dipped?

[Henry]

I think. I think this is a. I think this is softer.

[Eddie]

I feel like if he dipped, he would have lit his fingers on fire.

[Henry]

No, not necessarily. If he. If he let go of it real fast.

[Eddie]

He does look like a dipper.

[Henry]

Oh, yeah, he does. The big dipper. Look at him. Look. That little smile. You know, he. You. If you were to ask me to draw the guy who cut his penis off and set it on fire as the devices that are on fire, I might be there. Only just because he's one of those. That if you cut his face in half, he'd look like two different kind of guys.

[Eddie]

He does look like there was a time when he had his shit together. I feel like this is a man who used to have everything, and now it's all gone.

[Henry]

That's a man that's been through several rabbit hol that has led to this. This man. Is. He weirded out everybody at January 6th?

[Eddie]

Yeah. They're like, come on.

[Henry]

He made people angry when he showed up in Iran. Yeah. I mean, like, he's one of those guys. Everywhere he goes, everyone's just like, whoa. Oh, come on, guy. Whoa. Let's. A little bit less.

[Eddie]

Yeah. I mean, you know, did he really hurt anybody?

[Henry]

Himself?

[Eddie]

I guess the firemen had to do something.

[Henry]

They do. I feel. I honestly mostly feel bad for them because of how. How difficult this life is in general.

[Eddie]

Yes. Oh, yeah, for sure. If you get to the point where you got to cut off your dick and set it on fire and put it. Your mom's trash can, I mean, your life's bad.

[Henry]

You know, I just feel like there's so many more efficient ways to do that. Oh, we're at his Facebook page.

[Eddie]

Oh, nice.

[Henry]

Oh, look at that. From Fort Wayne. Yeah, look, I actually. Yeah, he's got a nice little haircut. What date is that? He has that nice haircut. 22. Oh. Things have been. A lot of things have been hard in the last four years.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I think he. I think he used to be fun.

[Henry]

Fine. What was that? Is that a funny or is your band.

[Eddie]

Oh, is your. Is your. Oh, is your band fire? Doubt it.

[Henry]

Yeah, he had an AI meme on there. Some kind of meme on there.

[Eddie]

That's Pre. AI.

[Henry]

All right. This is pre. I promises I won't get all political later. If we can trust lifeguards to save people, we could trust them to drown people they deem worthy of death. Share. If you're comfortable letting lifeguards be the judge, jury, and executioner. It's a funny meme posted on my birthday. Oh, for you. You guys would be real close.

[Eddie]

That's nice.

[Henry]

You know, I feel he's going to have some time to be in jail.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

And I think that this is a really good opportunity for him to reflect upon what he's done. And now that his penis isn't there anymore, much like Takari.

[Eddie]

I know we've asked this question before. What happens? Does it just, like, fountain out when you pee or like.

[Henry]

I actually think.

[Eddie]

I think you get a receptacle or something. Like maybe they stick a little tube in there and then you go, well,

[Henry]

yeah, you have to piss out a tube.

[Eddie]

I think. Yeah, I think you got to go bag once you cut your penis off.

[Henry]

I don't think. I think it's a second.

[Eddie]

Rob, you ever find a penis in the plumbing?

[Henry]

No, I. I was. I was not sure what you were going to ask me right there. I was so nervous for a second. Do you bleed to death after your.

[Eddie]

This is.

[Henry]

According to the Internet, it's actually quite difficult to bleed to death from your penis hole. Apparently. It's saying right here. Is that the problem? Is there too many knowns or like, I wonder if a person without knowledge and tools cuts off somebody's penis and then doesn't call an ambulance immediately, is there a chance a person may not bleed to death within a short.

[Eddie]

Is this Reddit?

[Henry]

This is. No, this is a really weird place. Do you want to see? Do you want to see?

[Eddie]

Yeah. You found the penis.

[Henry]

Whoa. No penis.

[Eddie]

That's not him.

[Henry]

This is someone that's just losing their penis.

[Eddie]

Yeah. These are other people who cut their penises off.

[Henry]

This is Rob.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Henry]

Just get it off of there. Yeah, Rob, I can't see that anymore.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry]

That's gotta go away.

[Eddie]

Rob turned. Yeah, you gotta put that safe search on. Oh, God. Bother me both of you so much is you're. Maybe it's just ready for my penis to go.

[Henry]

Maybe you're done. You're numb.

[Eddie]

Yeah, maybe it's. Maybe I'm. I'm bored with this boy.

[Henry]

According to Andrew, assuming the person is not taking anticoagulants, it's actually quite difficult to bleed to death from dismemberment of small members. Hands, feet, penis, ears, nose, even large members such as arms and legs. Are often survivable because the body is very good at protecting itself from blood loss. For example, transected arteries will spasm and clamp off blood flow. And loss of blood will cause the body to divert blood flow away from the extremities into the vital organs, therefore slowing the bleeding, allowing it to clot. In fact, the whole shock process can be viewed as a set of defensive measures by the body to ensure survival in the face of serious injury. This is a bitter lesson learned by emergency medicine only fairly recently. And I think it's really amazing that some people were like, I got. I'm can't believe I'm getting downloaded for this.

[Eddie]

When the EMTs found him there, they asked him what his name was. He said, christopher. And they said, no, you, Nick.

[Henry]

Haha. Eddie, write it down. That's a little Peter penis mutilation humor. You can say if you're an EMT and you come across a guy, you can use that.

[Eddie]

That one's free. Yeah, that one's free for you. I love my EMTs.

[Henry]

Make them all laugh. Yeah, make them all laugh.

[Eddie]

Unique, you know?

[Henry]

Well, that's really all we're at.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

Or unique. Unique. If he's from Greece, this is. I think that this guy has got a long road ahead of him, but at the end of that road, he might just find himself loving the life that he's finally leading.

[Eddie]

Christopher Peden. Can't do it no more.

[Henry]

Not no more. He going to be sitting the pen very, very soon.

[Eddie]

Here's another repeating. I'll tell you that. Absolutely not.

[Henry]

You got one of those. So this is another funny story. I love Mountain Dew.

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Henry]

Not as much as this guy.

[Eddie]

I got one that's attached to this that we didn't. I didn't clear with you, but I want to bring it up after this.

[Henry]

Can't wait.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

So this takes place in Porta Potty Town, USA. Kansas City.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah, Kansas City.

[Henry]

Now this is July 14th, the same day Mitch McConnell went down.

[Eddie]

Oh, maybe this got something to do with it. It has to be.

[Henry]

Cruise with Patriot portable restroom rooms. They were collecting units after an event. It was for. It was for World cup. So it's kind of an international.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

And so the guy came out, he made a little video.

[Eddie]

Interesting. The name of the Porta Potty company because most people who call themselves patriots are full of.

[Henry]

Yep.

[Eddie]

Got him, got him, got him, got him. Write it down.

[Henry]

So use that one. EMTs, you have that one too. In case you got a guy with an American flag shoved down his Throat choking to death about erotic asphyxiation inside of Porta Potty. So this guy. There's the guy from the porta Potty place. He comes out and he makes his video and he's like, all right. So we were closing down for the night, and I had no idea that this was even. Obviously, this makes sense. Before you pick up all the Porta Potties, you gotta clear them. So he said that that night, you know. You know, they stayed overnight.

[Eddie]

You don't want a Porta Potty full of. On the truck bed.

[Henry]

But no, in. In. No, I mean, for people.

[Eddie]

Oh, you gotta, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry]

You gotta check to make sure. So he came up in the morning before he was loading them all up. He knocked in every one of the porter pull bodies. And he said, you know, trying to make sure. And there was one all. One of them was locked from the inside. It's like, yellow. Hey, what's going on here? And the guy's like, out of here.

[Eddie]

Yep.

[Henry]

And he's like, well, you know, you've been there all night, and so we need to get you out.

[Eddie]

All right.

[Henry]

So he's kind of. Get out. He's like, you bet.

[Eddie]

You're on my way out. Right.

[Henry]

They waited for like an hour.

[Eddie]

An hour.

[Henry]

Yeah. Knocked again. They said, you gotta get out of here, man. We gotta.

[Eddie]

We're.

[Henry]

We're loading it up. And he's like, this is our plastic box. We gotta go. This is our public restroom. I do. Like, he used restrooms. He went to go collect the restrooms. Right. He doesn't call a Porta Potty because I think that's. I think that might be a brand.

[Eddie]

Yeah. In Texas or toilets.

[Henry]

So they finally. He's like, hey, can't reach the door, so you're gonna need some help. Can't reach the door in there. And they were like, what the do you mean you can't reach the door in here? So they unlocked it.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Henry]

They do the thing that they breach it and they just see his head poking out of the toilet he's covered in. And according to him, he told them, well, last night I dropped my Mountain Dew bottle in here and I crawled into the bottom here to get my Mountain Dew bottle out of it. And I got stuck in here last night and I stayed in there. Now again, I said, up top. I love Mountain Dew.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

But I do have a feeling or something else in the. That bottle.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

Maybe because he went down there to look for it.

[Eddie]

Mountain poo. Mountain dooo.

[Henry]

Yeah. Well, now it's Mountain doo. And so the fire department had to cut him out of it.

[Eddie]

Is that his head?

[Henry]

Yep. The. The. It's a durag. He's gonna.

[Eddie]

Literally. He's got a durag on. Oh, my God. That's a funny little term for it.

[Henry]

And he cut. They had to cut a hole in it. And he was, like, refusing to come out. They, like, saw these slats in it, and he's like, I can't come out. Well, they're like, you obviously can come out. And he's like, okay, come out. And when they finally had to go. And they're all covered in human.

[Eddie]

Sometimes you get in somewhere and you can't get out of it.

[Henry]

This man.

[Eddie]

I do understand that.

[Henry]

This man.

[Eddie]

His shoulders, you know, shoulders are weird. Let's. You can go down like this.

[Henry]

You're right.

[Eddie]

The arms up. And then you go. Once you get in there, I still

[Henry]

feel like, Eddie, this guy wasn't.

[Eddie]

You think he's lying?

[Henry]

I think he might not have been lying. I think he might not have been helping because they cut the slats out, and he kind of does this sort of a boredom, like, oh, I can't get out, man. Oh, I can't get out. And they were. There were all these firemen. If you watch this whole video, they're all like, dude, you absolutely can. Got out. We know you can get out. And because he wanted them to come in there and grab him. Yeah, yeah. So they pulled him out covered in human. And then they. They hooked up the fire hoses to clean them off. So they blasted him with the fire hose. I mean, clean them off like they were Michael Kramer from uhf.

[Eddie]

I know, it's disgusting. Disgusting. But that must have been a little fun to hit a man covered in with the fire hose. That's just all. You only get to do that, like, two, three times your whole life. Yeah, you know, that's. That's a big one. You know, I. I honestly would like to check that box.

[Henry]

He. We could do this.

[Eddie]

He.

[Henry]

They washed him off and, you know, I don't know what they're doing with him now.

[Eddie]

I love the Porta Potty. The guy who works for Patriot Porta Polly's who posted it. His name's Matt Von Swole.

[Henry]

Oh, yes. Yes. He is swollen.

[Eddie]

Oh, like world's worst fraggle.

[Henry]

No, this is the thing is that he refused.

[Eddie]

Now I'm in.

[Henry]

Yeah, it is. He is. He's just been like, no, I can't. I can't.

[Eddie]

Oh, he's trying to close it.

[Henry]

Yeah. Because he knows. Yeah. I think there's a little part of him that is afraid of being arrested, which I do understand. But also, like.

[Eddie]

I mean, if you like it, these are the last moments. This is what happens, like, when I walk Harley. Harley likes her walks, you know, and whenever we get close to the house, she starts dragging because she knows she's going to go home soon. I think that's what he's doing here. Yeah, I think he's.

[Henry]

He's a lot like Harley. Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. They had to take that hump off of him. He's so used to having the hump on him, he doesn't realize he doesn't have it anymore. And that's why he could fell in.

[Eddie]

That's why he fell into the.

[Henry]

So used to the hump.

[Eddie]

Hump usually stops him, catches him because

[Henry]

he's done this how many times? And he's used the hump. Stop dapping them before getting in there. But once they. Once the vet carved it off because he got it done for over there. He slid right through like he was a linguini noodle. What's. What's worse, this guy or the dead baby in the Porta Potty? Oh, this is much worse. And they are.

[Eddie]

That baby's sad.

[Henry]

Yeah, this is aggravated. Yeah, he's alive. Yeah, he's like, alive and fine.

[Eddie]

This is literally a pain in the ass. Dead baby ruins your life.

[Henry]

They're also. They are still very actively looking for the mother from that scenario. And there were several people, like, it was kind of sad. There were several people trying to identify the mother from footage from what.

[Eddie]

Everyone showed up fat, left skinny.

[Henry]

But it's literally like, there's several. I saw several posts online of people being like, this must be the lady you gave her. And I was like, I don't know. It just seems like a lady who might have lost a lot of weight. Just leave the lady alone, okay? Just like, stop. There's no reason to single out these women. Like, they keep trying to say they're singling out women.

[Eddie]

I'm sure at Electric Forest Festival, there's like multiple people there where you could be like, that must have been the dead baby. Yeah.

[Henry]

They were like, no, actually, no, my baby. My baby died in the hospital. You know, like, oh, no, actually, no, my baby died about a month in.

[Eddie]

All right, so I got a similar story here. This guy didn't go to the Porta Potty. This is a. This comes from a Morgan Wallen concert. And this was over in Baltimore at the M and T bank Stadium on July 18. There's a family, they wanted to go see Morgan Wallen because, you know, they sucked. And. And so they went to go to the Morgan Walley concert. And during the concert, it was a. It was a. It was a man, his wife, and their niece. And during the concert, there was a guy behind them. It was really annoying. And then they, like, you know, they're like, hey, man, you know, stop being such an. And then the guy whipped out his dick, and he started peeing on the whole family.

[Henry]

Hey. And he says, you wanted to go see Morgan Wallen. That's what you get.

[Eddie]

And so the wife was like, hey, I think whatever that guy's doing, it's all over my leg. And. And then the guy turned out.

[Henry]

And it's a true level of detachment to just not think that anyone would ever urinate on you.

[Eddie]

Literally, the quote is, whatever that gentleman is doing, it's on my leg. Unbelievable.

[Henry]

Like, not even. Like, can't even. Because if she thought that it was urine, she'd burst into flames.

[Eddie]

Yeah. So the husband said, at that point, I kind of see him, like, bent over out of the corner of my eye. So I turn to look. He's got his genitalia hanging, and he's urinating all over the back of my seat. My wife's leg, my leg, and my niece. And they don't fight him.

[Henry]

I would have been on top of him, punching him in the face.

[Eddie]

So they took the high road. They went to the cops. The cops, like, ah, there's nothing we could do about it.

[Henry]

You deserve it. The cops deserve it.

[Eddie]

The cops.

[Henry]

Yeah, well, people pee.

[Eddie]

All right, listen, we don't know that he peed. We can only say that you said you. He peed. And so we have no evidence, so there's nothing we could do.

[Henry]

Nothing I love better than getting more

[Eddie]

assault at a fucking Morgan Wallen concert.

[Henry]

That's so funny. The idea that they, like. What I love is like, of all the things to, like, play lawyer about, like, all of a sudden, it's just been like, did he actually piss on you or not? And they're like, I rake of pass. I'm covered in urine. It was like, that could be yours. You could have brought it in a bottle and squirted yourself with it in order to frame this gentleman. You know, the guy going, oh, this guy looks like a normal fan of country music.

[Eddie]

Cops said, we physically didn't see it, so we can't arrest him. You know what?

[Henry]

You're right.

[Eddie]

We all covered each other in piss and then said he did it.

[Henry]

Yeah, you're right. You know what I like about this is that so often you never get to see, like, the privileged experience, this style of policing before where people just don't. Or they just look at. At you and, like, couldn't care less that you're covered in urine. Like, that is actually.

[Eddie]

Don't touch me.

[Henry]

That's so funny, because these are people that obviously, they got m. They have money. They're like. They think that, like, the whole world's gonna stop because someone's pissing on them. And these guys are like, yeah, you know, you wouldn't believe this one time, like. Like you're saying that this is real. Like, let's just say there was one time a fellow police officer, mine, he pranked me by putting a live doo doo inside of my own pants while I fell asleep on my lunch break. That haunted me for the rest of my life. And I will not stand to watch a man get falsely accused again of releasing his excrement.

[Eddie]

I had no evidence.

[Henry]

I was. No. I had no evidence.

[Eddie]

Not.

[Henry]

And the judge had no mercy. All right? So if you think I'm gonna lay down a line for you, I'm certain you smelled like piss before you came in here, you piss filled woman. You piss filled. You dirty urine witch.

[Eddie]

Oh, man. Oh, man. You know what? The. The guy said? I'm the problem, the one who pulls on them. That's Morgan Wallen song. I had to look it up because I refused to know his music.

[Henry]

Oh, good.

[Eddie]

It's got a lot of listen, so people might know the reference, but I refuse to listen. So, no, I don't. You know, I had to do the joke like that.

[Henry]

He's like. He's music you punch your pregnant girlfriend to. Right?

[Eddie]

Like, I believe that's what it is. I think, actually, no, I think that he's smothering music. Oh, yeah, no, he's smothering. He's. Yeah, Punching's too upbeat.

[Henry]

Oh, yeah. That's normally while I'm listening to Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel. This is like the second time something like this has happened this month. Someone at a Noah Cahan concert in the crowd.

[Eddie]

Oh, okay.

[Henry]

And then, like, just. Well, about their business.

[Eddie]

Olivia Rodrigo took some recently because this is something that happens at concerts. There's people who are really crazy and they wear diapers and they go to the front of the stage and they don't want to leave because they don't want to lose their spot.

[Henry]

So they just so, like, People who

[Eddie]

are pressed against the front of the stage that refuse to leave often are covered in their own piss and shit.

[Henry]

Are you? No, not really. Right.

[Eddie]

Yes. This is real. This is something. People do it like music festival, New Year's Eve.

[Henry]

Dude, everybody at New Year's Eve at the ball drop.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then so Olivia, I've heard that

[Henry]

because in New York, they're not allowed to leave. That's. It's the same thing.

[Eddie]

Yeah, but yeah, yeah, because you. Once you leave, you're not in front.

[Henry]

You don't got.

[Eddie]

You're not against the stage anymore. It takes 10 hours sometimes just to see Olivia Rodrigo face to face. Who gives a. Olivia Rodrigo complained about in an interview. And then everyone on Olivia Rodrigo, I'm like, I think she has a right to say, hey, go piss and yourself. For my show.

[Henry]

I literally. I'm going to say this for last podcast on the left. If I know that you are wearing a diaper voluntarily to watch our show, I'm going to single you out. I'm going to pull you on stage, and we are going to collectively shame you. Unless you have an actual reason to wear the diaper. I know. I don't give a fuck. That's disgusting.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I'm going to need some. I'm going to need a little doctor's note.

[Henry]

That is disgusting. I can't believe that. I don't refuse to believe that Real.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah. It's something that happens all the time.

[Henry]

I believe in Cash Patel's UFO dump more than I believe in that.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah. The guy that Noah Kahan, who Rob was talking about, he said, if you have to poop at a show, please, dear God, go to the bathroom. I've pooped my pants as much as the next 29 year old. But you guys got to understand, there's a venue worker out there with a thousand yards.

[Henry]

How often are we shitting our pants?

[Eddie]

Like, that's the other part. They like, do they just leave the diaper and, like, make it someone else's fucking problem?

[Henry]

How often are we really pooping our pants into adulthood?

[Eddie]

We need to bring the price of

[Henry]

concert tickets down or maybe we gotta crank them all the way up. I have no idea. I don't know. Like, I don't know what's going on here, man. This is insane. I. All right, you know, we've talked about it on the show. I actively shout sharded myself, but it's an accident. I sharted once.

[Eddie]

Really? I've done it way more than once. Your whole Life. You only sharted once. Well, that's very impressive.

[Henry]

Let's just say I got to the toilet every single time. I pretty much always. Every time I've shat, I've shat all over a toilet seat and I've sat in it.

[Eddie]

I've definitely put, at least a couple of times, pairs of underwear in a trash can.

[Henry]

That's different. Yeah, I'm sharp. That's sharp.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

Sharting is.

[Eddie]

It's an accident.

[Henry]

An accident.

[Eddie]

It's an accident.

[Henry]

Shitting your pants on choice is insane.

[Eddie]

I imagine it's mostly PP because I feel like shitting. You can hold.

[Henry]

Let's also put it this way. If you're pissing, if you need to piss that bad too. Take off the pants.

[Eddie]

Take off the pants.

[Henry]

Take off pants. Shit on the floor. Oh.

[Eddie]

Maybe that's what happened with this guy at the Morgan Wallen concert. Maybe he just didn't want to leave his seat because he needed to hear. I don't know. Let's look at another song.

[Henry]

There's knuckle marks on my mom, and I put them there last night.

[Eddie]

Yeah, Whiskey.

[Henry]

Wish I could her like my father does.

[Eddie]

Yeah, Maybe he was singing I got better. Has he?

[Henry]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Pissed all over. That was his excuse for pissing. I got better.

[Henry]

We got a couple.

[Eddie]

You got worse? I got.

[Henry]

I got better. Honestly, this brings us all full circle to what I wanted to talk about where you weren't on the plane yesterday. Two days ago, and we were coming back from. We were coming back from. Where the were. We just. We were just in Oklahoma City, and so we were coming back and I.

[Eddie]

I wasn't on the plane. And boy, are my arms tired.

[Henry]

That's because you were jerking off until you fell asleep.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

I had an experience where I tried not to look, you know, but a very little girl and a very old woman. Woman went into the bathroom together.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Henry]

When they came out, I don't know who did it, but the only way to describe it is it felt like. I like. It felt like. Like Gary. Like what's his name? Like, it really felt like you just took the worst horrific dump of your life. Like it was the single worst. So I get. I was gagging.

[Eddie]

I got one of those on the floor.

[Henry]

And me and the other people around us were like, looking at each other and just had a. Our faces with our shirts from. And because it was either you think

[Eddie]

the old lady brought the little girl in there to have someone to blame.

[Henry]

Diabolical. I'm just saying. I think that little girl's drink. I don't know what she's doing.

[Eddie]

Maybe they. Maybe they didn't want to leave the little girl alone.

[Henry]

Yeah. Would she have a bunch of Irish car bombs?

[Eddie]

So she brought her in there to take a cuz they didn't want the little girl to sit.

[Henry]

I've seen an old woman blow up a bathroom before.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I think the old lady did it.

[Henry]

I'd like to think so.

[Eddie]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because the little girl. I mean, how old?

[Henry]

I don't know.

[Eddie]

What do you guess? 10, 8?

[Henry]

You bring? No, they. They had brought. No, it was like a. It was like a little kid. If it was like 13, 14. Yeah, little kid. No. 14, 15. Yeah, yeah, 14, 15. She went with her grandma.

[Eddie]

Sounds like a baby.

[Henry]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Baby's got sticky poop sometimes.

[Henry]

Oh, no, I know that.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, you can't leave the baby alone. You got to. You got to hold it while you.

[Henry]

Because you got to hold it over the toilet. Yeah, I know how kids work, man.

[Eddie]

I had an old man almost run me over for the toilet, and then I was like. I was like, hey, man, you need it more than I do, you know, on the plane. And, man, he did. It was a stinky one in there. It was so much, like all over the side of the bowl.

[Henry]

Sorry, buddy. It is first come, first serve. I don't care what the you got going on there, especially. I'm sorry. I'm the. That's where I may be mean Eddie, because even if that was true and I knew you were gonna do there ahead of me, I would absolutely cut you off because I gotta go faster anyway.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I let him go. I let him go.

[Henry]

You're too nice.

[Eddie]

I'm too nice. I wish I didn't or I wish I just held it.

[Henry]

If I got to pee. Oh, I'm. I'm jumping in there.

[Eddie]

Yeah. That old man was gonna die.

[Henry]

Hey, do it already. It. Just give up already. Leave it to the younger people.

[Eddie]

All right, so we got more poo poo to talk about.

[Henry]

Okay, I got this.

[Eddie]

I have to cover. How many people just turned off the.

[Henry]

I don't care. You know? Like, this is what we have to cover. We have to.

[Eddie]

It's our show. It's not their show.

[Henry]

So there's some listener emails. Oh, we got some. Don't we have some reggae tinge ones here? You want to reggae one?

[Eddie]

Oh, that's so nice. People, listen.

[Henry]

Oh, yeah, listen.

[Eddie]

That's so nice. Man, oh, man. Blaze up.

[Henry]

Sick of block. This guy's From George from Loveland, Colorado.

[Eddie]

Jorge.

[Henry]

Yes. Thank you. All right, Here you go. Yeah.

[Eddie]

This one goes out to Tootsie.

[Henry]

Rest in peace.

[Eddie]

Yeah, dude. This is what I'm talking about.

[Henry]

Henry Wilbur and he will make a fun. That's how you know that you're having fun.

[Eddie]

Wow. That was unbelievable. Really good, man. Thank you so much, George. Oh, my God. Keep that one around. Would you have. Thank you.

[Henry]

That's a good one. You got it, man. So last week, we debuted an interview we did with influencer author Alyssa Grenfell, who wrote.

[Eddie]

She was wonderful.

[Henry]

She's truly wonderful. We wrote the. She wrote the book how to Leave the Mormon Church. Go check it out. Especially if you're looking. Trying to figure out a way to get that.

[Eddie]

She.

[Henry]

And we had a lot of fun. We just kind of had a little, like, hangout episode where she showed us a bunch of the secret handshakes. And one of the special things that she did was she brought in the special magic Mormon underwear for me to

[Eddie]

try on, which I didn't know existed.

[Henry]

Yes. And so we got to put it on. It's extremely translucent. Very sexy. It looked great. And my main question to her, because my first question. Always going to something puerile and stupid.

[Eddie]

I will say it was the whitest you ever looked.

[Henry]

Thank you. I'm trying. We try because so hard with this Polish skin, you know, everywhere I go, people always ask me, are you legal to vote? You know, and so I. My main question, obviously, was, this is thin, cottony material. What is the situation with Mormon men and skid marks. Yeah. And Alyssa and her. Truly. I honestly, I want to say in her. I'm going to say she's lucky because she said she didn't know, and she, you know, she didn't know. And.

[Eddie]

Or she was too classy to answer.

[Henry]

Yes. But thankfully you guys weren't, because I got so many emails about which I. Because I called it, obviously. Yeah. Because so many of you poor ladies were forced to wash your fathers and your brother's Mormon underwear.

[Eddie]

Do everything. Yeah.

[Henry]

And the stories. Some of these make me want to fucking die. Some of these really, really die. Right. So some people said, you can bleach them, obviously, but they eventually get brittle and they break apart. So this is one. One I've been a huge fan of the show for nine years now, and I've always wanted to write in and give my two cents on something y' all are asking about. As another former Mormon term atheist, who also happens to live in Utah currently, I can say 1100 the magic underwear gets Skid marked to Hell by Mormon Men. I grew up with two uncles who are both large hairy men like Henry. And I don't ever remember a time their underwear wasn't skid marked. Love the shows. I was born into and raised in the church until I turned 21 and now I've been an EXMO for 10 years. I actually was going to BYU Idaho for a while while Chad and Lori were living in Rutsburg and during their thing. Right.

[Eddie]

Flex. Oh wow.

[Henry]

Honestly, I. I'm jealous. They have soup. She had extensive experience with Mormon men and their skid marks. Most of the places I lived at had up to eight dudes living there, most of whom had been on their missions. So they wore the underwear. And I can assure you that skid marks were a regular thing. Something that was joked about upon among almost every level of men socialization in the church and was a widely accepted phenomenon because it's too gay to touch your butthole.

[Eddie]

You know, I got the easiest fix. Just make the under wear brown. Just make it brown. Get brown fabric.

[Henry]

No, just become black as co. I mean, like it would be worse. I just want to reach out, let you all know that Mormon men have the worst skid marks on the planet.

[Eddie]

Whoa. That's. I don't know about that. Baptist.

[Henry]

I don't find out.

[Eddie]

I think it's the Baptist. I don't know.

[Henry]

Couple of linen suits. Would like to argue with that. Yeah, I was in boot camp with the Mormon man and he still wore his temple garments. Had boot camp. Boot camp. We had something called streak of the week where they. They stamp the underwear that are being had on laundry time. And whoever has the worst streak in their underwear would get what they call beaten, which is forced to do in multiple individual workouts. Our little Mormon friend had streak of the week all nine weeks of boot camp.

[Eddie]

Oh my God, dude. All you didn't get. I bet he was strong. As when he was done in my

[Henry]

first duty station, no pun intended. I also had a Mormon there working with my unit. We went on deployment and I came to find out he would walk around after work in the barracks with just his underwear and the entire back of it was brown. The rest of it was white. And we all called him skid. Just also about the pit stains. One thing was the pit stains. That's actually truly gross. But the one thing also I learned is that then the problem is that you can't just throw them out. You have to ceremoniously get rid of them. So you have to cut. There's these little magical symbols that are sewn into it that have to be cut out first and then the whole thing has to. To be burned. It's fucking absolutely stupid. Other person talked about not even just poo poo marks and skid marks. Not poo poo marks and armpit marks. Someone says, like I was a Mormon, I wiped vigorously because I didn't want to be disgusted about my own underwear because I watched my father, he's like, my problem was, was that it was white and it would collect every single little micro milliliter of pee. So if you had a bit of pee dangling. So he said by the time if you've been wearing it multiple times, no matter how when you wash it, you have a yellow patch right on top of your balls.

[Eddie]

And plus sweat kind of turns into that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, of course, of course that's what happens.

[Henry]

And so basically they bad idea. Oh yes. And it basically becomes permanent. The skid mark's permanent. And then they eventually they, they do called. What they say they call them well worn. Oh, that's the term. That's. Mormons always have code.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

So like part of the ways they say, instead of saying filled underwear, they say they're well worn and it's time for them to be mended.

[Eddie]

Well, how about they take some of that billions of dollars and just make sure everyone's got better underwear.

[Henry]

I do think that they could have some of that colloidal material. Have you seen that?

[Eddie]

No.

[Henry]

They have poo poo resistant. Look up poo poo resistant underwear.

[Eddie]

Oh really?

[Henry]

Yeah, they have colloidal. It's like, you know, there's fart resistant underwear, there's diapers.

[Eddie]

What do you mean fart resistant underwear?

[Henry]

There is underwear always put like dryer

[Eddie]

sheets in your pants.

[Henry]

No, but it has this like a type of. It's a, like a something in the fabric that collects your fart smells.

[Eddie]

Oh, it's got to be like a spoof. Remember those when you used to have smoked weed in high school and you take a shampoo bottle and you cut the end off and you fill it with dryer sheets and you blow the smoke through that so your mom doesn't

[Henry]

get you side stories. LPOTL gmail.com does anyone work within the underwear technology sector?

[Eddie]

Dude, this is how we stop the butt sniffer.

[Henry]

Well, there's a problem. Bet sniffer. Also. He's still out there.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

Also I just want to say I'm sorry because that video I showed during the. My mandate, it was a butt liquor.

[Eddie]

Yeah. Oh, butt liquor. Yeah.

[Henry]

He did a.

[Eddie]

He.

[Henry]

A little. He hit it with a little tip of his tongue. Where you get the tip of your tongue. Where you get the sweet taste. These have fart filtering underwear. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. These are pretty cool.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

Fart filtering underwear.

[Eddie]

I wouldn't wear it. I like.

[Henry]

You should try it.

[Eddie]

No, I like my farts.

[Henry]

But then you could do some like. It would be kind of cool for you. I. I feel like if anyone was going to share it.

[Eddie]

We do share an office.

[Henry]

If there was a person that could truly test the rigor of that underwear, it would be you.

[Eddie]

All right, well, maybe we'll get a pair. Rob, put on the company. Yeah, I'll get them for the office only.

[Henry]

I'll put on the company guard.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's for work.

[Henry]

It is for work. It is performance. Wear this thing, you get a little pad you can put on your butt.

[Eddie]

Oh, I bet that's nice if you're sitting down too long.

[Henry]

It's also great for when you got the roids.

[Eddie]

Oh, man. Well, I don't know about all that.

[Henry]

Well, yeah, cuz you know when you. I know how you like to free bleed.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah, no, I got. Yeah, no, I got my little tampon from my butt.

[Henry]

Yeah. Well, that's great. You. You my not like it. This is what your whole life is going to look like once you hit your mid-40s, my friend.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. The PP leaks.

[Henry]

So I also got here, I got this one last little letter which is really fun. My uncle and Gary Ridgeway during the Green River Killer redux was briefly mentioned that Gary Ridgeway often went to breakfast after his murders. I can confirm that the restaurant he frequented in his times, it was a Denny's. Apparently there is an exact restaurant, but I'd like to protect the Denny's innocence, apparently. So.

[Eddie]

There's no innocence in Denny's.

[Henry]

We all know, but we know he's saying the specific Denny's. He doesn't want to shout it out. I think it's the one near the Green River. So I know this because my uncle went to the same Denny's frequently enough to have a regular conversations with Gary Ridgeway during his campaign killing spree. In the period of time where Gary was most active. Apparently my uncle said. Had said uncle's boss even had lunch with what they called him. They called him Weird Gary. When asked about it, my uncle called Gary. He's kind of off Putting. Yeah, and he said he would. He wouldn't make sense and he'd be real random. He wasn't a smart guy. Apparently, Gary also refused to talk about his day job at all, even when asked directly. My uncle didn't really think about Gary for years until he saw the guy plastered all over the front pages of the newspaper in there early 2000s. Unfortunately, as my uncle is a notorious, notorious jabber jaw, I wasn't able to interdict and ask if Gary had a regular Denny's order. And if I ever find out if Gary Ridgeway had a favorite Denny's menu item, I'll write back. Please do. And why is it, I mean, ooh, what would it be?

[Eddie]

I love that he's a jibber jabber man. You know, that he talks at breakfast.

[Henry]

Well, I mean, I get it. I love the idea of talking. I.

[Eddie]

When I'm alone at breakfast, breakfast do not talk to me.

[Henry]

It's in the morning. It's not the same for me. I. I don't think it's the same. Well, I. I'm gonna say right here, guys, right now, straight up, I do believe that what he would do. That's a super slam.

[Eddie]

Do you think so percent yeah. You know, really? I would say probably just. He seems boring to me. I think he's just two eggs, bacon, and, and. And potatoes.

[Henry]

You don't think super slam's boring?

[Eddie]

What else does is in there?

[Henry]

Moon's over, Miami.

[Eddie]

Moon's over. Yeah, it's too much food for Gary. He's too tiny.

[Henry]

You got the berry stuff, French toast, lamb. He's not fat plant based pancake slam.

[Eddie]

Berkowitz is a super slam man, but

[Henry]

I feel like those are the kids got like, like, like Marcus eats big fat boy foods when he eats. The only things he eats are extremely fat boy foods, and he only eats them like once a day. So somehow he's like, stays skinny doing that. I think Gary Ridgeway might be like that, where he eats one big, super unhealthy meal every day.

[Eddie]

I could see Gary Ridgeway only e

[Henry]

meal a day, waiting a big, sloppy, gross meal, and then he doesn't eat for the rest of the day.

[Eddie]

Yeah. And he's just wiry the rest.

[Henry]

Yeah. And he's just smoking cigarettes and chewing gum and looking for prostitutes. Like, Marcus got it. Got his ass.

[Eddie]

Got his ass

[Henry]

turn.

[Eddie]

He doesn't do this show.

[Henry]

He doesn't. No, he doesn't care, dude. He doesn't know what happens over here. That's why you got to go patreon.com podcast and laugh. You could listen this ad free. I'm going to also tell you right now we're about to also unleash with this episode a secondary side stories interview that is breaking news from Henry Zabrowski.

[Eddie]

I'm very excited to hear this because I wasn't around for this interview but I can't wait.

[Henry]

It is a full on bricks and many things update with the man himself, Reckless Ben and that we'll see. It's going to show up on feed right after the show. So go check it out and go. And remember, live every day knowing for a fact that your underwear travels for you every after you die.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

Love the fact that how you treated your underwear will live and survive inside the memories of the loved ones you leave behind. And you can laugh knowing that you're up in heaven with your entire army of wives and you live on your planet. And guy, my God damn it. It's great to have them all washed my shit filled underwear up here on Uranus. Yeah.

[Eddie]

Just know you make your children wash your underwear. They will talk about your dirty underwear for the rest of very popular podcast. Until they die.

[Henry]

Yes. Because you're disgusting.

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Henry]

And you gotta wash your lpotl.kisweed.com Go watch JK Ultra.

[Eddie]

It's available for about one more week, maybe eight, nine days. I don't know. They'll tell you I'm there. Just go check it out. It's the last time you'll ever get a chance to see this. We had so much fun on the road. Two and a half years.

[Henry]

Truly three continents, six countries. Please watch it. It is a labor of love and we did something different this time because we didn't want it. I feel like the last we had shot specials that they were, they were really too tight and I wasn't really happy with the outcome. And I think we finally like at least the world can finally see what our live show is really like.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

So that you can get, you can get excited about seeing us when we come back and tour next year as a main show. Last podcast on the Left someone There was one thing I saw being like there was some confusion are nothing's happening to the podcasts or the streams? No, it's just because people, people don't listen. So nothing happening to the podcast of the streams. It is just Last Podcast on the Left live show is not going to be going on tour but side Stories is soon and we're going to have new dates for you.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Henry]

We're going to Be starting that in September.

[Eddie]

No, I can't wait for that. But in the meantime, come see me. I'm on the road. Eddie Tunes.com for tickets. I got July 31, Chicago, August 16, La. That's Dead Men Tell some tales. It's our Disney show. Henry's going to show up and be. Be with me on that one. And we're going to have a lot of fun. 911 and 9 12. DC be. I'm gonna be in DC on 911 doing shows.

[Henry]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

I got four shows over two days. Go see one of those.

[Henry]

Get them.

[Eddie]

I gotta be.

[Henry]

Eddie. Get up.

[Eddie]

911. 2. I'm very excited. I'm gonna invite all my military people out too, for that one. Milwaukee.

[Henry]

If you're performing outside, can you call this as an outside job?

[Eddie]

I guess. Well, I will be indoors, so it will be an inside job.

[Henry]

Oh, you know what? We completely forgot?

[Eddie]

What did we forget?

[Henry]

Is Jimothy gonna be opening for you?

[Eddie]

Oh, Jimothy. What? When is he. I'm sorry that everyone needs to leave that poor thing alone. Just move him inside.

[Henry]

Someone needs to capture Jim. Someone needs to capture him and take care of him before somebody comes.

[Eddie]

He needs to be in a rescue.

[Henry]

We can give a big old. This is like the reason why we need a snack. The reason why we didn't lead with Jimothy is because the whole world has Jimothy fever right now. And I figured that you already have it. And Jimothy is a memed raccoon that has a spine fusion issue. He's super short and he's cute, and the world is flipping up for him. He's a Seattle local. He's in the Bay area. Go up there. Just go.

[Eddie]

Think it was the toxic copper smelting of the Tacoma area that made him look like this.

[Henry]

Yes. And I think that someone should probably take care of him, but he is just a raccoon doing his little job and he's got cute little hands, and the whole world loves him. And I just don't want to know who he voted for.

[Eddie]

Yeah. September 27th, I'll be in Milwaukee. And October. October 4th, Denver. There's much more coming down the road.

[Henry]

Is Jimothy gonna be in any of those dates?

[Eddie]

He's in Seattle, but I'll reach out.

[Henry]

But if. Yeah, because that's my thing is that I'd love to. I kind of need to see you do a collab with Jimothy.

[Eddie]

Jimothy, I think, has, like, hours to live. Unfortunately.

[Henry]

I just like, for some reason I have this idea of Jimothy, like, getting picked up by some kind of entertainment couple company. And then all of a sudden, Jimothy is like, being dragged around by some like, Olivia Rodrigo or something. Like, you know, he's just clawing her tits. She gets angry when she gets scratched. And then he gets like he's living with MGK or something. I'm afraid for Jimothy. I don't want him to get involved in show business.

[Eddie]

He does a great version of I got no Strings.

[Henry]

I don't want him involved. I don't think he should be corrupted by this. I think he needs to. I think he needs to stay wherever he is at or we mean put into a proper home.

[Eddie]

He's going to go out with Morgan Wallen at the road.

[Henry]

Oh, no.

[Eddie]

Because he pisses on himself and so it works out fine.

[Henry]

Yeah. I wonder how his situation is. So if you see. But again, you try to leave Jimothy alone.

[Eddie]

If you can just kidnap him and give him to someone so he's just, like, taken care of.

[Henry]

It's one or the other. It's either leave him alone or give him to a hospital. And if not, just. Just. Let's just. Because we all love Jimothy right now. But I just feel that the attention's going to be hard on him. Like, look at what it did to Kanye West. All right? I don't want it to happen to him. I don't want him to go down the radicalization pipeline once he realizes his dreams are not going to fully go the way he wants to. Yeah, sure. He's going to show up and say, no, I'm on film. I act on film. You know what I mean? And they're going to be like, no, you make content now.

[Eddie]

He didn't have a tail.

[Henry]

No.

[Eddie]

So he wouldn't even make a good hat.

[Henry]

No. That make a great wall it, though. So just leave Jimothy alone.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Henry]

If we can. Or hire him, one or the other.

[Eddie]

All right, we love you guys. We'll talk to you next week.

[Henry]

Hail sweet Satan.

[Eddie]

Hail Jimothy.

[Henry]

Yeah, yeah.