Side Stories: How to Leave The Mormon Church w/ Alyssa Grenfell

Summary

Last Podcast On The Left: Side Stories — How to Leave The Mormon Church w/ Alyssa Grenfell

Episode Date: July 15, 2026
Host: Henry Zebrowski, Ed Larson, and guest Alyssa Grenfell

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Episode Overview

This special Side Stories episode dives into the realities of leaving the Mormon Church, featuring author, YouTuber, and ex-Mormon Alyssa Grenfell. The conversation explores Alyssa’s journey out of Mormonism, what it’s really like inside the faith, and how her book “How to Leave the Mormon Church” serves as a practical guide for those struggling to find their way in a new world. The hosts, known for their irreverent humor, unpack Mormon rituals, beliefs, and garments, and reflect on the difficulty and trauma associated with leaving high-demand religions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Alyssa’s Background & Path Out of Mormonism

• Alyssa grew up deeply embedded in the Mormon faith and spent a decade since formally leaving.
• Her departure was gradual, beginning with a loss of faith in God before questioning Mormon-specific doctrine.
  • "My questioning really started with not believing in God versus not believing in the Mormon Church." (06:40, Alyssa)
• She notes how difficult it is to confront doubt, partly due to the religion’s insular nature and strong societal pressures.
• The key impetus for her book was seeing so many ex-Mormons lost in mainstream society without a roadmap. She wanted to provide practical support for their transition. (02:30-02:50)

2. How Mormonism Differentiates Itself from Other Religions

• The church’s adaptive strategies (e.g., renouncing polygamy, lifting the priesthood ban on Black members) were discussed as tactics for survival and political integration.
  • "They're actually weirdly, like, they're very adaptive... Rather adapt than stick to their guns." (10:43, Alyssa)
• Changes are justified by the doctrine of "continuing revelation," where a current prophet can override previous doctrines. (11:14)

3. Mormon Culture & Political Power

• In Utah, theocractic influence is still strong; most officials are Mormon and their laws reflect church teachings.
• Early Mormon history: Joseph Smith’s attempts to consolidate total political and social power, including militia, banks, and government—a primary reason for the church’s multiple exiles.
• Polygamy persists in doctrine, even if no longer publicly practiced; offshoots continue it elsewhere (Canada, Mexico).
• The root function of certain practices and their political/cultural consequences are discussed candidly and humorously.

4. Franchise-Like Nature of Mormonism

• The church’s prophet system allows spinoff sects to proliferate, e.g., LDS vs FLDS, Chad Daybell, Warren Jeffs, and other splinter groups.
  • "The theology has a built-in, sort of franchisee like thing where if you make a strong enough claim to be your own prophet, you can spin your own church off the main Mormon body." (18:04, Henry)

5. Leaving the Church: Social and Cultural Fallout

• Alyssa describes the immense social costs, such as family estrangement and loss of community.
  • "You're never going to be able to, like, replicate the sense of community. Because I'm kind of an orphan now..." (26:39, Alyssa)
• Missing the "community" is cited as the hardest element of leaving.
• Many ex-Mormons struggle to navigate ‘normal’ culture—everything from drinking coffee to wearing tank tops is unfamiliar.
  • "Mormonism gives you so many rules that then when you leave... it feels like there's no rules." (28:42, Alyssa)

6. Adjusting to Secular Culture

• Ex-Mormons’ “firsts” (alcohol, coffee, fashion, etc.) can seem both exciting and overwhelming due to having been so tightly controlled.
• The religion’s evolving stance towards "dirty soda," caffeine, tattoos, and piercings indicate a slow shift to retain younger members.

7. Temple Secrets and Garments

• Alyssa brings real temple garments and demonstrates them for the hosts, demystifying these secretive items.
  • Detailed breakdown of the “Handshakes” (33:21) and coded garments, with both humor and seriousness.
  • Alyssa explains the ceremonial nature and structure: from receiving a "new name" to ritual dress with deep roots in Masonic ritual.
  • "The temple is the most secretive part of Mormonism... a very well protected secret. I didn’t know anything about the temple until I went through it myself." (32:20, Alyssa)
• Secret handshakes (“signs and tokens”) are described as passwords for entry into the celestial kingdom. (34:15-35:14)

8. Financial Power, End Times, and Social Control

• The Mormon “rainy day fund” is discussed ($100-300 billion reserves), ostensibly saved for “the tribulations.”
  • "Jesus really loves USD." (15:43, Alyssa)
• End-times prophecies and prepper culture: prepping and bunker mentality is both doctrinal and cultural (12:06-13:45).
• The LDS church adapts, but continues to lose young members rapidly (about 40–50%).

9. Personal Experiences, Humorous Aside, and Ritual Debrief

• Alyssa describes being sent to Colorado for her mission due to self-disclosed mental health issues. Details are given about missionary assignments (24:13-25:03).
• Experiences of going through endowment ceremonies, secret handshakes, and the confusion and intimidation felt by initiates (36:06–53:56).
  • "Because when you go through this, you're like, damn, Mitt Romney did this. All of my loved ones in this entire community did this. And they were okay with it. So if I'm not okay with it, it means I'm wrong." (52:11, Alyssa)

10. How To Actually Leave

• Alyssa emphasizes that many would-be ex-Mormons double down before they quit.
  • "Most people before they leave, they go through like a doubling down phase... and then they fall off the cliff and are like, oh, I don't believe." (55:09, Alyssa)
• Her advice: engaging with content like hers, seeking new community, recognizing the social and emotional withdrawal, and allowing oneself to experience life’s "firsts" outside Mormonism.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Welcome to Side Stories. Sitting here with Ed Larson, who is immune to the charms of the Mormon Church.” (01:17, Henry)
• "The first handshake is you put... your thumb on the knuckle..." (33:27, Alyssa, demonstrating temple handshake)
• "You're never going to be able to, like, replicate the sense of community... I'm kind of an orphan now..." (26:39, Alyssa)
• "Jesus really loves USD." (15:43, Alyssa, on LDS Church’s rainy-day fund)
• "The temple is the most secretive part of Mormonism..." (32:20, Alyssa)
• "Because when you go through this, you're like, damn, Mitt Romney did this. All of my loved ones in this entire community did this. And they were okay with it. So if I'm not okay with it, it means I'm wrong." (52:11, Alyssa)
• "Most people before they leave, they go through like a doubling down phase... and then they fall off the cliff and are like, oh, I don't believe." (55:09, Alyssa)

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Memorable Moments & Humor

• Ed and Henry’s irreverent riffs on Mormon “dirty sodas,” temple handshakes, and magical underwear.
• Alyssa’s good-natured participation when the hosts try on women’s temple garments (40:43+), describing the cut, fabric, and ritual symbols.
• The repeated comedic callbacks to “secret underwear,” “skid-marked Mormon men,” and the practicalities of temple ritual (“You’ve just done an hour of total nonsense that doesn’t do anything!” - 52:31, Henry).
• Frequent parallels drawn between Mormonism, Catholicism, and Scientology with tongue-in-cheek comparisons.
• Ed’s closing affirmation: “You’re wonderful. I can’t wait to read your book!”, and Alyssa’s own jokes about Satanists and atheists in the celestial hierarchy.

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Important Timestamps

• 01:07–02:50: Alyssa’s introduction, her book’s purpose, and context for the guest episode.
• 05:54–06:46: Alyssa’s faith crisis and loss of belief in God as the first step out.
• 07:39–08:29: Early Mormon history, Joseph Smith’s political aspirations, child brides, and why the church kept moving.
• 10:43–11:30: Mormonism’s adaptability and doctrine of “continuing revelation.”
• 13:06–13:45: Prepper culture and its prominence in some Mormon communities.
• 24:13–25:03: Mission assignments, racial profiling, and the impact of mental health admissions.
• 32:20–35:14: Secrets of the temple—handshakes, passcodes, new names.
• 40:11–44:00: Trying on Mormon garments; symbolism, rules, and rituals dissected.
• 52:11–53:07: The intense psychological experience of Mormon rituals and feeling disconnected from one’s upbringing.
• 55:09–56:00: Advice for those contemplating leaving Mormonism.
• 59:03–61:14: Alyssa and her husband’s post-Mormon life, raising atheist kids in Texas.

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Where to Find Alyssa Grenfell

• Book: How to Leave the Mormon Church (self-published, available on Amazon)
• YouTube / TikTok / Instagram: Alyssa D. Grenfell
• Other Resources: Frequent mention of the “Mormon Stories” podcast and the ongoing legal battles around ex-Mormon creators

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Closing Note

Alyssa’s firsthand account, coupled with the hosts’ rowdy questions, provides both informative and cathartic insight for those curious about, or wrestling with, high-control religions. The episode highlights the emotional cost of leaving, the pragmatic challenges involved, and the importance of community in finding one’s place outside the faith.

“Hail sweet Satan!” — The hosts and Alyssa, with a wink to their ex-Mormon listeners (64:44 & 64:53)

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For more on Alyssa’s work, check out her book “How to Leave the Mormon Church” and her YouTube channel for practical guides and ex-Mormon support.

Transcript

[A]

Still waiting in line.

[B]

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[A]

There's no place to escape to.

[C]

This is the lost on the left side stories.

[A]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Oh, Mormon alert.

[C]

That's right. We have a full on white Mormon alert.

[A]

Mormon alert. That's.

[C]

You know, as much as we've talked about Mormons on this show, I still feel like I know nothing.

[A]

But that's why slowly but surely, we're educating you. Welcome to side Stories. Sitting here with Ed Larson, who is immune to the charms of the Mormon Church.

[C]

I don't like him.

[A]

He can't be bought by them. It doesn't matter.

[C]

Soda.

[A]

Seriously, he doesn't like soda. He can't have it anymore.

[C]

Yeah, Seltzer's. I'm all Seltzer now.

[A]

Yeah. He doesn't. He can't even do it.

[C]

I don't want you syrups. I don't want your ice cream.

[A]

But we like coffee.

[C]

I love coffee.

[A]

And that's the thing. That's what's nice. To do it in defiance of them. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I am the opposite of a Mormon. But today we the total opposite. You're still white.

[C]

You're still white.

[A]

Yeah, I'm still a white man.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So that's still pretty, honestly pretty great for me. And this. Today we did. We. We're doing a full guest episode because we, I met this person through Natalie as they were doing someplace underneath. They are an expert because they have. They were deeply involved in the Mormon Church. They got themselves out of the Mormon Church. She went and wrote a book called how to Leave the Mormon Church, which is one of the. It's a great manual for helping people because what she realized this, this influencer. I'd say influencer presenter. She has a YouTube channel, Alyssa Grenfell. But she realized that Mormons were coming out of the church and being dropped into this modern world with no guide.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

At all. So that's why she wrote this to help people get out of the Mormon Church. We talked with her about a bunch of the secrets she brought Some Mormon underwear in here.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that. I didn't know it was a thing, man.

[A]

It's kind of sexy.

[C]

What do you mean it's sexy if

[A]

you get all wet.

[C]

Oh, yes. Because it's white.

[A]

Then you get. See, you can see through it. We get it. We go through all of this. The audience is going to love how sexual the conversation gets. I do. I tried. Somebody you're going to see. I'm not want to spoil it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

She is Alyssa D. Grenfell on Tik Tok. That's a L, Y S S A D G R E N F E L L. That's where she prints her stuff. She's also on YouTube.

[C]

That's right. How to leave the Mormon Church is way more difficult than just follow the sign that says exit.

[A]

Yeah. Because guess what? They cover the signs. Yeah, they do. You can't get out. So please listen to our long form interview of Alyssa Grenfell.

[C]

You're gonna enjoy this.

[A]

You better. Oh, we're rolling. Oh, great.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Well, we have a very special guest today. Somebody that is like truly in the world of, in, in the world of religions. Right. There's not many. There's not a lot of room for talk back. Right. They don't want you to do it. They don't want you to do it and it's fine. I find it interesting that of all the religions besides Scientology, if to call it that, that has such a deep core of people willing to talk about the church. It is the Mormon people like especially after the fact, even from within it, as we were just talking and what we have today is a truly very, very smart lady. Love this book which is how to leave the Mormon Church. And it is a extremely interesting. I love the fact that you focus on actual practical things that people need and we'll get into all of that. You also have a YouTube channel that is just under your name, right? Alyssa Grenfell. And we're here with author, host Exmoor, Alyssa Grenfell.

[B]

Thank you for having me.

[A]

And I'm also here with Adler City sitting. Right.

[C]

How you doing? Yeah, no, I'm basically just hanging out. This is a conversation between you two and I'm. I'm just here to make sure Henry doesn't attack you.

[A]

No, I'll never do that. I'll never do that. I love, I love Mormonity. I love the Mormonity of it all.

[C]

So if you're in X mode, you know any ex Larry or curlies Phil? I'm sorry,

[A]

do you, do you want to Leave.

[B]

You know, I feel like I'm the butt of an inside joke or something. I don't know what that is.

[C]

Oh, it's the Three Stooges. I'm too old.

[B]

Oh, was he Mormon?

[C]

No, no, he's a Larry Curly.

[A]

And both you, you literally sandbagged the whole thing at the very fucking top.

[C]

Hey, I think it's good I'm in this. I'm an escaped Catholic.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You know, I was an escaped Catholic. I went to Catholic school for a while and I got out of there just as it started getting hairy and, you know, what are you now? What would you call yourself now?

[B]

I'm an atheist.

[C]

Hell, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Isn't it hardcore?

[C]

We're number three now, atheists in America,

[A]

if you call it a group, it's getting there.

[B]

Or ex religious or secular. Yeah. A lot of people don't like to claim atheism because they're very unpopular.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most atheists are pricks.

[A]

They can be. They can be. But still mostly just because they're mad at fake God, like we all are. Now. When you got out, how long you've been out for long with like five years now.

[B]

10 years. Fully 10 years.

[A]

How long was it from the first thought of getting out to getting out?

[B]

You know, it's really hard because you have so many thoughts about getting out, but you suppress them so hard. That kind of. Once I was willing to admit it to myself, I feel like I kind of questioned my whole life.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

But I was probably. It was probably not till I was about 23, till I was like, allowing myself to be honest about it.

[C]

Yeah. Good for you.

[A]

Do you know, like, what was the big thing? Like, what was. It was like, what was the straw that broke the camel's back? I know I've. You've talked about how it was obviously a long process of just being a lady in the Mormon Church.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And is it. Is it just that, like, what was the final.

[B]

Yeah, my questioning really started with not believing in God versus not believing in the Mormon Church.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So it kind of was like taking it all the way to the bottom. And then once I stopped believing in God, then it was like, well, fuck Joseph Smith, you know, like, of course.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because he's talking about God. Yeah. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense.

[A]

Well, I was just.

[C]

Just having as well believe in Zeus.

[A]

Oh, very much so. I just had a. I went down a little bit of rabbit hole with this. This horrific fucker named Nathan Larson who killed himself.

[C]

Careful.

[A]

I'M sorry, you know, it's same. Same spel. And he put up Joseph Smith, he wrote this manifesto and he put up Joseph Smith as like one of the heroes of white supremacy. He said in his manifesto he was celebrating Joseph Smith by how. Because of how hateful he was and how he was gonna try to change United States government to be more like the Mormon Church.

[B]

Yeah. Joseph Smith tried to run for president.

[C]

Really.

[B]

And he basically the reason that the Mormons kept getting kicked out everywhere they went, because they would try to consolidate political power and because of the child brides.

[A]

Child brides. In the end, that kind of. That always comes to see me like. And also the child brides.

[B]

It kind of rises to the top. But it doesn't though, unfortunately.

[A]

I feel like it's always the very end. It's all just like, huh, they're trying to fuck with the voting systems and taxes and sometimes they have sex with a child. That's fine. But it's really just the taxes.

[B]

Yeah, it's really the governmental power. Yeah. The reason they kept getting kicked out is because he kept trying to make himself the leader of the militia and the leader of the town and the leader of the bank. And like literally every position of power was unilaterally held by Joseph Smith.

[C]

Sounds like a fake name. Sounds like he just made up the name. He's like, ah, Joe Smith.

[A]

He does. He's a grifter.

[C]

He's a grifter and a grave robbery.

[A]

Do we see that same thing now? Like, like in the end of, like, do. How different is the modern Mormon Church to the old Mormon Church?

[B]

I mean there's a. At least on the governmental level, if you go to Utah, you'll feel like it's the same because every. Both the senators, all of the congresspeople and the governor are all still Mormon.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So it's like still a theocracy and a lot of the laws are still controlled by Mormon, you know, temperance, basically. But I mean, they don't allow publicly at least the child brides anymore, so. Or polygamy, though they still do believe in polygamy. So.

[A]

So how does that work? Like, so they.

[C]

So it's all the one wife.

[A]

Yeah, I know, I know it sounds hard. My question is, how does it work? How is the. Well, we believe in it, but we don't practice at work.

[B]

So basically they had to give it up to become part of the United States when they were just a territory and now it's still in the scripture. So in the Doctrine and Covenants, it still says polygamy is a. Okay. It's basically like, we believe in it, but because the laws of the land prohibit it. We honor and sustain the laws of the land. Which is why after they banned it in Utah, they set up colonies in Canada and Mexico to keep doing polygamy. Which is where Mitt Romney is from.

[A]

Oh, he seems Mexican.

[B]

There's something about him Fair. I don't know if I see.

[A]

It's just hardworking, honest.

[C]

Now, as far as horrible sons of bitches go, Mitt Romney seems like he's almost fine. Is that true? Am I completely off base by thinking that.

[B]

Yeah. The political spectrum of Mormon men, Mitt Romney is on the better side of that.

[A]

Okay, but how much is that? Their new savviness of the 2000s versus an actual, like, belief system, like, in your mind? Because the Mormon Church, I think that, that they, they're savvy.

[B]

They're actually weirdly, like, they're very adaptive.

[A]

Yes. They understand.

[B]

Rather adapt than stick to their guns. Which is why, you know, polygamy, they got rid of the black ban from blacks. Black people holding the priesthood. Yeah, they get rid of stuff all the time to modernize and then in these days.

[A]

But like, then how do they rectify it with it now? Like when they talk to you guys about the old. Like, like, like how do they frame it? Like, do they frame when they make those big sweeping changes? Like, what is it they say from the inside?

[B]

Yeah, it's a doctrine called continuing revelation that says that the current prophet can override and give new revelation versus, like the previous prophets. So it's not that the old prophet was wrong so much as that the new prophet has new information, basically.

[A]

Ah, yes. And how he's. Now that he's refining the science like L. Ron Hubbard is refining it.

[C]

So. All right, so the end of the world. How many? 130,000 people. What is the number?

[B]

That's Jehovah's Witnesses.

[C]

Oh, Jehovah's Witness.

[A]

In Mormonism, it is the same number. They use the number. But isn't that number supposed to be like the idea that that's the amount of Mormons that will be left to lead the end world? Like the 140,000.

[B]

You know, they do believe in the book of Revelation, but I didn't really grow up hearing that number. Okay, yeah. I mean, I'm sure if you were to go back and maybe this is just like the continuing revelation of it all, that I never heard this, because if talk to a woman or anyone who was Mormon who is like 50 or like, you know, older than me, they'll give me all this random doctrine that I'm like, fuck, I never heard that. So there's a. Like, I'm. I'm not gonna. I can't deny that that might be a thing because it's changed so much. And they used to have a lot more like, crazy end times doctrine that they would teach that they've kind of moved away from do is that.

[A]

And that as a. As a whole, because, like, someone said that when we were doing the Chad Dabel, Lori Vallows, like, series, they said that you'd find that within every Mormon enclave, there's like a couple of crazy people.

[B]

Definitely. Yeah. More than a couple.

[A]

Did you, like. Do you have an example of that?

[B]

Yeah, like, I. Especially when I have moved around a lot, but I used to live in Montana, and I feel like in my congregation in Montana, it was very preppery, tons of like, really obsessed with guns, really obsessed with food storage.

[A]

Well, it's a part. Isn't it a tenet of the religion too, to prep.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's why people are so confused by Mormonism or Mormons, like, meeting Mormons, because you can meet like a Botox Mormon who is like a lady with a boob job, and they all want to have a pool and a boat. And then in the same ward congregation, there's like the prepper Mormon who they don't let their kids wear makeup. Or like, they, you know, you could

[C]

say that inside of a Catholic church as well.

[B]

Yeah. It's like what part they fixate on.

[A]

But with Catholic Church, it's like all the social stuff is supposed to kind of be to the side. You only get into involved because you're forced to by all the guilt of the societal, like, pressing on you, you know?

[C]

I agree, but I also want a bunker.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah. Just be for the corrupt.

[B]

Yeah. No, I mean, the end of the world is coming.

[C]

So what can I ask? Am I gonna play poker with my dogs?

[A]

Gabby. I don't know. Be like, that's not how you bluff. That's how you bluff. Are you getting. Every time you get a good hand, I see tail wagging. What am I currently saving up for? You know what I'm saving up for my retrofitted backhoe that I have slowly but surely attaching pieces of armor to, in which I will use to finally bring a podcasting festival to the White House lawn. But before that, I'm saving. And it's rocket money that's making it easy. With Rocket Money, you can track subscriptions and have the ability to cancel unwanted ones in just a few taps. It's amazing. Saving $15 a month allows me to add so many turrets to my vengeance machine. They've saved users over 880 million in canceled subscriptions. You can set budgets and goals, get personalized insights and regular reports, and receive real time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances, all in the Rocket Money app. Wow. Plus, you can consolidate your checking, savings, loans and investments into a single dashboard to give you a clear view of your financial picture, which is actually not a bad idea. So go to Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. [e-mail] LPOTL that's RocketMoney.com LPOTL RocketMoney. Why does the Mormon Church save all this money for the end of the world?

[B]

You know, Jesus really loves USD.

[A]

Why?

[C]

Well, because Jesus came to America, I guess.

[A]

So the Mormon Church is holding on to something like $100 billion more.

[B]

Yeah, it's like 300 probably.

[A]

And they use it in their funny little Mormon way. They say those little terms of phrases. And they said it was for a rainy day.

[B]

Yeah, it's our rainy day fund.

[C]

No, because of Noah. Is that like a. Is that like something to do with Noah?

[A]

But what does that. What does a rainy day mean?

[B]

You know, I do in Mormonism. And every religion seems to have like different interpretations of the end times Mormonism, the belief is that Jesus will renew the earth and things are gonna be really good. But before they're really good, like shit's gonna hit the fan.

[A]

Tribulations.

[B]

Yeah. So my guess in their mind is they're saving it for the tribulations. Like there's another prophecy that at some point the Constitution will hang by a thread. This is from Joseph Smith. And that the Mormon people will step in and save the Constitution and save like God in America or whatever.

[C]

What are they gonna do if money isn't real anymore? That's the end of the world.

[A]

Gonna be hard, but do you feel like that's what I've heard. Right. So that's like a dog whistle, right? The hanging by a thread term. Like there was some prep. Somebody used it. I forgot who it was.

[B]

I think it was probably Lori. Yeah. Chad Daylo and Louis Valley. That's the type of Mormonism there They were really into.

[A]

Because it seems that her father, Lori Valo's father, was a heavy prepper. And he said the same thing. Like, apparently they started hardcore when some guy in the government said, hanging by a thread on television, and then he said, we are not. We're ready to go. That's the Mormon signal.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I found this. There's this YouTuber that is like a Mormon prepper and he has this spreadsheet, this Google sheets thing with like have like 200 tabs. And in each tab they're basically tracking all of the metrics that Mormon leaders have said are like signs of the end of the world. And every time I've gone back to it, like so many times, and there's always like, you know how you can see how many editors there are? There's always like unlimited editors.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Basically, the religion's just becoming what the people say it is, is.

[B]

Yeah. At least like the, you know, the church could very well like, tamp down on this, like, kind of extremist sect or like, branch.

[C]

Well, those are the people that give the most money.

[A]

Well, no, though, because unfortunately in the Mormon Church, like, the theology has a built in, sort of franchisee like thing where if you make a strong enough claim to be your own prophet, you can spin your own church off the main Mormon body and it still. Mormon capital M. Mormonism.

[B]

Mormonism, yeah. Like, I mean, Chad Dabel is an example of that. The Lafferties, Warren Jeffs, flds. Like most of these sects, there's one called the Order. I mean, there's some that are polygamous, some that are, you know, some that are like three people, some that are 100. Like Mormonism, because it's built on prophets, it's very easy to claim prophetic authority.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

You just say it because it's to

[A]

me, kind of feels like, like joking. But like, it kind of feels like when you bluff in poker, where it's about timing, it's about like, okay, like, what's this from? Trust me, I just watched a documentary series, Sam Bateman, but Sam Bateman. And it seems, it's like, okay, it's like he really waited for a little

[B]

bit and they're like, wait for the power vacuum.

[A]

And then you're like, I'm the prophet now. And then like, you just have to wait properly.

[B]

Yeah. And wait till people are kind of like, what do we do next? That are like, you know, or if the, like the flds, the reason they became like more well known is because everybody. Wilford Woodruff is the one that said, we're not doing polygamy anymore. And then they were like, well, that's a sign. He's a fallen prophet.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So they wait till there's, like, a fallen prophet moment, and then some new dude is, like, charismatic and just like, oh, it's me now.

[C]

So the leaders just basically call it, like, I call it. I'm it.

[B]

I'm the guy.

[A]

It does seem like it. And when they're setting up that family, like, what exactly is the benefit of being a sister wife? What is it besides just getting all that primo dick?

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

I told you to be nice to her.

[A]

I'm just saying.

[B]

Natalie came down.

[A]

I'm just saying. We all can imagine just getting that.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

Oh, Sam Bateman's delicious tiny hands, white leather jacket. Oh, God, he's cool.

[C]

He's so disgusting.

[A]

God, he's so cool and he's so fast.

[B]

But he's got all those. I mean, he has, like, seven Bentleys. It's like, clearly, you know, he figured out something.

[A]

He's taking money from him.

[B]

Yeah. He's figured out how to manipulate people. But, I mean, from a sister wife perspective, I do feel like if someone tells you your salvation is dependent on doing fucking anything, if you believe them, you'll do whatever. Like, I mean, that's like the premise of cults. So I think the sister wife thing is the same where it's like, they're born into it, they believe it fully, and they believe that if they don't that they're going to hell.

[C]

You ever try to get someone out, like, explain to them, listen, this is all wrong. I'm out. My life's so much better now.

[B]

Yeah, to Mormons, yes, but not to flds or, like, polygamous people. They don't even talk to you.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I mean, that trust me documentary was so fascinating. Watching her slow, like, the having to literally deprogram them to even get them to the point where they're even willing to acknowledge that I don't want to be raped anymore.

[B]

Yeah. And I mean, especially the scene where they're in the car, the two girls trying to get Sam Bateman out of jail. And they're like, I have never been happier in my entire life. This is exactly where I want to be. And we are basically actually celebrities. I believe that. Like, they're saying, I believe that I am the most important person on the planet right now. Like, he thinks that the, you know, Queen of England is going to come

[A]

hang out with them like that Shit's so funny. Well, that's a part of like. And I've said this. You're. You, you're lovely. But I've said this even before about the Mormon ego. There's like almost this feeling of that. Because it's like he does play on that for them, isn't it? Like, I realize that they like the feeling.

[B]

The first wife feeling.

[A]

They're powerful.

[B]

The chosen wife feeling. Yeah.

[A]

You know, because they're a part of a new cool. Basically the new hip hop Mormon school.

[B]

Yeah. Like, if you walk out, you know, if you walk out in a. Like, I think that's. Yeah. The, the like be a. Being able to like rise up in a cult or in a religion is like a power trip. Because you're like, look at how excellent I am. Because I'm already in the truest religion on earth and now I'm in high leadership in the truest religion. You know, because there are people like

[A]

you where you were so nervous. It made. Felt like this burden, like the need to be a perfect Mormon to you seemed like, feel like this tremendous burden. And it seems it's those that think, oh, actually this makes me closer to God. I like this. It serves another purpose.

[B]

Yeah. And I think I had probably both experiences, like both emotional experiences at different points.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where like I went on a mission. Where'd you go to fucking Colorado.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

My husband went to Sweden, so that's cool.

[A]

But don't they. Isn't there like a thing with where you go? Isn't there like an insinuation kind of, like, not anything. Like, they kind of tell you, like,

[C]

it's special, but it's a ping pong ball out of a thing.

[A]

But no, it's like, my buddy Don was Mormon growing up. He definitely. But because he could speak Spanish fluently, they sent him to South America.

[C]

They.

[B]

You submit a whole application and if you had like, say that I had a parent who served in a certain place, they might be like, oh, we'll. We'll send you to that same place. Or if you learn Japanese in high school, okay, we'll send you to Japan. Or often it is like literally just racial profile profiling. Like, if you are black and you are living in America, they'll send you to Africa because you'll have an easier time converting people because you look like the people. So Asian Mormons, they'll send to Asia, even if they're like, as white American, basically, still just from America, from Utah.

[C]

Christianity has taken over Africa. And like, it's not like it Was definitely white people who did that.

[B]

Yeah, Dutch.

[C]

True Dutch.

[A]

And now. And then. Well, now the Chinese are turning it into a gigantic cobalt mine.

[B]

They'll usually do. They'll pair someone who is of the ethnicity of the country with a white person.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

So it like gets them almost into the door, but then also introduces like this cool American religion.

[C]

If you told me you were from Colorado, I believe you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Or Utah.

[A]

I mean, you have a Colorado vibe, but that's better than a Utah vibe.

[B]

I'll take. I. It's the nose ring.

[A]

It is, yeah.

[C]

Could you ski? Is that why they sent you? They're like, she'll be great on the slopes.

[A]

She loves. She loves going.

[C]

No.

[B]

So the reason I think I was sent to Colorado is because I disclosed mental health issues. And if you disclose mental health issues, you're seen almost like as a flight risk where they don't want to waste a tick, a ticket to Europe on you. Oh, and maybe you'll be sent home early. So, I mean, this is like most. Most of this is like what people, you know, assume the word on the street. You know, there's no handbook that says, but they were wr. Right? Yeah, they definitely.

[A]

They nailed it.

[B]

Yeah. So if I had not disclosed that or like another funny thing is only women are in the Temple Square Mission in Utah because it's like a honeypot situation. So if you go walk through Temple Square, you'll only see like very beautiful young women.

[A]

I noticed that. It's like very beautiful. Like blonde, blue eyed children.

[B]

None of the elders. They don't let the stinky boys.

[A]

No, because I hate the boys. The boys are gross.

[B]

Yep. Most people feel that way because I'm

[C]

always walking around with backpacks on.

[B]

And they just got done biking.

[A]

Always. I have this idea. This happened to me the other day. They came to my door. Alyssa. It took all of my strength to not heretic. Because like our home, as you can

[C]

imagine, filled with devils.

[A]

Our whole home. Yeah. Just devils all over. I just want to be like, yes, come inside.

[B]

Excellent.

[A]

Yes. Here we go. Enjoy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have a cup of coffee. Is there anything you miss?

[C]

The Book.

[B]

The Book of Mormon. I did bring one.

[C]

Oh, thanks. Did you steal it from a hotel? Yeah. Good.

[B]

No, this is my. Well, did I bring it? Okay. Here it is. I wanted to give this to you.

[A]

That's so sweet of you.

[B]

I wrote my testimony in the front. Just kidding. This was all an elaborate ruse. And I'm still Mormon's like, wow, he got me.

[C]

I'm in.

[A]

That's the Most effective sales pitch I've ever seen, honestly. But is there anything. Is there anything you're like, oh, fuck that I miss.

[B]

You know, I think mostly when you leave a religion like the Mormon Church, you're never going to be able to, like, replicate the sense of community. Because I'm kind of an orphan now from, like, I'll never be able to be as integrated into a social group as I was into the Mormon, like, Mormon Church.

[C]

I'm an atheist. I think you're great.

[B]

And my family hates me now, so,

[C]

I mean, they probably would have anyway, so I.

[B]

Maybe I miss my family.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, see, here's the thing. They. If you would have stayed, they still would have hated you, but they would have been currently abusing you as well.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

And so, like, disguised it as love.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And so you made the right choice.

[B]

Very conditional love. But, like, when you, you know, I mean, I still miss, like, I. I wish I could still walk into a room and say what I'm feeling around my family. Not that I ever, like, fully could, but I felt like I could, at least more than I do now.

[C]

When's the last time you talked to him?

[B]

Like, a month ago.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It's very cordial. We don't. And, you know, I know that they hate that I'm doing all of this. And especially I brought the temple clothes today.

[A]

Oh, no, we're. I want to try some on.

[B]

That's the most heretical thing I do. So I think that that specifically is what has made them the most frustrated.

[A]

They gotta see it, though. Like, it's for, like, honestly, we're curious. Sorry. The rest of us are super curious. You. Oh, don't have secret underwear, then. If you don't want me to know about it, then don't have it.

[C]

Just call it underwear.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

As soon as you say secret underwear.

[A]

What was, like, would you say the biggest cultural, like, hurdles you hit when you left? Like, what was the. The hardest part to kind of, like, that's why I loved what you did with your book. I love the fact that you helped kind of be like, here's a couple of things that help you not be as weird when you get into public school. Like, when you get out amongst us.

[B]

I would say, like, Mormonism gives you so many rules that then when you leave. This is a big problem with a lot of ex Mormons is it's like. Feels like there's no rules. So I would say, like, trying to adapt to, okay, I want to try drinking, but I literally have no context for this. I Haven't grown up seeing drinking in movies even. I haven't seen my parents do it. Like, whether it's that or any other substances, immodesty or like, you know, I never wore a tank top before. Like.

[A]

Yeah, it's like, that's wild too. That's immodest. Right? Like it's any. Any inch of skin.

[B]

Any. Showing your shoulders, short shorts. Like. So I think. I think, like, figuring out the balance between, like, doing what always feels very radical. Like drinking coffee feels very radical.

[C]

But is the Celsius allowed?

[B]

No. Well, so it is now because they kind of got rid of the caffeine rule. But when I was a kid, I couldn't have caffeine.

[A]

Yes. That's one of the big changes because it says Rob brought this up before the show is with the dirty sodas.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And that was with Eddie.

[C]

Was dirty soda.

[A]

Eddie wanted to know what a dirty soda was. You don't think you do. Alyssa, can you describe to him what a dirty soda is?

[B]

Yeah, it sounds kind of gross, but it's basically. And Sonic. Sonic has already been doing stuff like this, so it's kind of a rip off of Sonic. But aren't they kind of a Mormon company? So Sonic. Yeah, I don't think Sonic.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I thought that swig is the main dirty soda company, but it's usually like any soda with like a creamer. So they'll put like half and half into their soda or coffee creamer.

[C]

Sounds good.

[A]

It's not Eddie.

[B]

Or like, they'll do like the pumps of the Italian soda pumps type stuff. Like any mix in and then like lime or.

[C]

That's how that Topanella Coke got invented.

[A]

Dude, you should try it. It's so sweet. It's so gross. It's like vanilla ice cream sometimes in your soda kind of.

[C]

That's cool. That's a float.

[B]

That's a root beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

These are all products.

[B]

I mean, I feel like that it, like gives me a stomachache. But I'm also not like a huge soda drinker, so, I mean, it's not

[C]

as rum and Coke. Still not. It's not that dirty.

[B]

I prefer a ramen.

[A]

Do you find that now, like, the world seems to kind of be cracking open about Mormonism and understanding? Like, aren't they having a hard time keeping people in?

[B]

So apparently from a recent study, I think I've heard different stats, but I've heard 40% of people my age and younger leave. I've heard 50% and it's hard to know because like they have to be

[A]

hitting on a young person problem. Of course.

[B]

I think they definitely are and they

[C]

don't want to do anything.

[B]

There's a subreddit called Mormon Shrivel that has like every time a church building goes up for sale, people post it on there. And yeah, I mean, I definitely think they're shrinking and maybe that's why they are now changing other rules. Like they changed the rule about tattoos and piercings.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So you fucking weak bitches. You're so fucking weak.

[C]

Well, they stop getting their money, dude. They stop getting their fucking income. So they gotta bend some rules.

[A]

Catholic church doesn't give a. Yeah, hopefully. Oh, he's talking about anti AI, but he still hates gay people. And he doesn't give a.

[C]

That's a.

[A]

They got. That's a cult with a spine. Yeah, that's what they need to get going. But like, yeah, that must be because it's really kind of all zipping out now. It's like. So this actually probably puts us into a really fun, good way to start this, which is. I find it interesting that your parents think that you talking about the temple garments is the most like, horrific thing that you do. Why?

[B]

Because the temple is the most secretive part of Mormonism. I know that probably for you all, you just google it and you'd see the things online and you'd be like, oh, that's what it is. But within the religion or it feels like a cult when you start talking about the temple. It's a very well protected secret. I didn't know anything about the temple until I went through it myself. And I would even have, you know, friends in high school because I grew up outside of Utah. They'd try to. They'd be like, watch this YouTube video and I'd be like, I knew. I was like, no, this. That's sacred. Like, so whether it's like the secret handshakes or the apron or like the. The words that you know, the secret words that you learn.

[A]

Yeah. There's like certain things you have to say.

[B]

Like a passcode.

[A]

Yeah. And there's like a. You. Doesn't somebody stick like their hand through the curtain and you go through the whole thing and you did the whole thing right.

[C]

Ye be the most boring secret handshake of all time.

[B]

Unfortunately.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wish it was like some like

[C]

you guys hold pancakes.

[A]

Can you tell me what it is?

[B]

Which. Well, which hand? There are four handshakes.

[A]

What's the. What's the first handshake?

[B]

So the first handshake here, give Us, Eddie.

[C]

Give us Eddie.

[B]

Okay. The first handshake is you put. You both put your thumb on the. Like the. Yeah, right there. So, like right on the knuckle.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And then the second one is the valley of the knuckle.

[A]

Valley of the knuckle, which is what I normally call that, the vagina of the knuckle.

[C]

To continue.

[A]

I'm just saying.

[B]

And then the next one, you would go like this.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And I would do that to you.

[A]

Well, okay. Then you pinch the hand.

[C]

No, that's. That's. We do. Me and Julie, we do that to each other. We squeeze this little meat right here. It feels good.

[A]

It is really nice. I know that everything was stolen from masonry and all that kind of stuff. Do they.

[B]

But we didn't. Oh, we didn't do the most fun handles. The fourth one, you do that with your pinkies and then do this and then like that, and we're like, tickle. You know? Yeah, like that.

[C]

This one's actually kind of cool.

[B]

That's the patriarchal grip.

[C]

I feel like, you know, we're gonna start doing that off a mountain.

[A]

Yeah, I want to do that. Yeah, Yeah, I want to do that with you.

[C]

Go ahead. All right, so we'll do this in here and here. And then you put this here. And there we go.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

That feels like you're getting in.

[C]

Yeah. Make me feel strong. I do feel masculine.

[A]

It feels gender edifying when we do that, though. Like, what do they tell you that is.

[B]

So it's in the temple, they say it's the signs and tokens that you will present to the angels who stand as sentinels in the celestial kingdom, the highest level of heaven.

[A]

Which is interesting because it's very similar to what the. The Buddhists do with the Bardo, with this idea of, like, physicalizing. This idea of. You have to. There's certain steps you're gonna have to go through in order to get through. And it's very like, one to one. It's not allegorical. It is the thing you're good. You're gonna meet an angel. And so that's what they're saying, right? Is that when you die, this is gonna be the same setup, but it's gonna be in heaven.

[B]

Yes. And there's also. So there's the handshakes, and then there's the words you have to know. So I, like, got a new. It's called a new name, which a lot of religions. Yeah, I wish there was some Latin. That would be kind of fun.

[A]

Is it Just made up. Is it names or is it actual made up words?

[B]

So it's names from the Bible. Which is, which is so funny because they're supposed to be from the Bible, but there's like way more men in the Bible than women. So men. So like the men's names are all things like Adam or Michael, like these like, you know, awesome, like the very main characters of the Bible. And the women will be like a bish.

[A]

Like Esther. Estherman. It's all bad names.

[C]

Yeah, Grimlock. You know, Grimlock.

[A]

And when you went through it, did you feel anything?

[B]

Mostly afraid. Because it gets built up so much in your mind as like literally the most important thing that will ever happen to you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're endowed with power on high. And after you go through the ceremony and you get past the angels, that's like the ceremony that is basically your pre entrance ceremony to becoming a God.

[A]

It fascinating. And then what do you do after that? You go like get hamburgers and stuff. Like do you go do all this and say like, okay, you just became a God, let's go, let's go to McDonald's.

[B]

It's more like a God in utero.

[A]

Oh, got it, got it, got it. And then you just go off and live a life.

[B]

Yeah. I mean then you are supposed to keep your covenants. So you make all these promises in the temple that your covenants and then the rest of your life is kind of the test to prove you can keep the temple covenants. And you used to have to promise to kill yourself if you. Yeah, that's. I mean I didn't have to promise to kill myself.

[A]

But you got out.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's.

[B]

Which is why I can talk about it.

[A]

That's why we got their asses in a sling. God, you're. Got you, God. I got you God.

[C]

Man, I can't believe there's levels to heaven. Go yourself.

[B]

I know.

[C]

You're saying if I don't, if I die poor, you probably, you know. Is it based on money?

[B]

It was gold, platinum, diamond. It's not socioeconomic.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not based on like your net worth at the time of death.

[A]

But they do like rich Mormon.

[B]

They love a rich. Oh yeah, yeah. And they are always the ones who get like promoted into the higher levels of leadership. But yeah, we would go to the telestial kingdom. Because you guys are atheists.

[C]

Yes. He's Satanist. Even worse.

[B]

Okay, yeah, well, so there's change me.

[A]

Try to fix me.

[B]

So even Satanists would still go to the same level Unfortunately, I wish there was a better, cooler level for you for being a Satanist.

[A]

No, I like, ah. Honestly, it's beheld in and of itself. Don't bring me to Mormon heaven. I don't want to go.

[C]

So Salt Lake City was nice.

[A]

Salt Lake City's fine.

[B]

Well, Salt Lake 2 is so weird because you have the church HQ, but that's also like the most secular city in Utah. So there's like a huge counterculture where you can go. There's like this barber shop where they have the temple symbols on the barbershop is like the logo, which is also like very heretical. But like, there's a lot of like temple middle fingers around or like everywhere. A bar called Water Witch, which is like what Joseph Smith was.

[A]

So SLC has got the single. Of all of the places I've been to one of the most intense alt scenes I have.

[C]

Oh, yeah, our fan base is hilarious out there.

[B]

That's because the ex Mormon thing, because, like, you know, it's like the pendulum. You kind of become like more. You're like, let me go the opposite direction. I'm gonna do all the drugs, I'm gonna need all the tattoos. I'm gonna be a Satanist and fuck all of this.

[A]

It's so much fun. You guys are great. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is an all in one website platform that helps you stand out online. Yes, that's right. You don't have to smash your face with a hammer. You can just start a business. It's got everything you need on Squarespace, from securing your domain to building a professional site and showcasing your work all in one place. Let's say you want to show everybody how you can carve your ribs out of your lower abdomen so that you look more like a Ken doll. That's amazing. You can bring your vision to life with AI powered design or curated templ templates, plus flexible editing tools that helps you create something that truly reflects your style. Especially if you are somebody that is trying to corrupt the young men of America. That's what Squarespace is really going to help you. Squarespace makes it easy. It makes it easy for you to put all that together and you just go to Squarespace and do it all. Thanks, Braden. Head to squarespace.com left for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code left to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain name. Okay, so we're here. You have brought some temple garments. Yes, I'd love to at least look at them.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because the only time I've ever seen them is in. I'm going to be uncouth here. Okay. There's a series of document. Yes. There's a series of documentary films on the Internet called Mormon Girls with a Z.

[B]

Yes, I'm familiar.

[A]

Now that is the only way I've seen the these before. So please let's unsex these for

[B]

impossible.

[A]

Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah. Because that's the thing is that they seem kind of like. Like they are very lacy.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. How often you wear these?

[C]

It's like a Mormon burka mostly just.

[B]

Okay, so here's the. I have here the underwear and the temple robes kind of. Kind of separate things, but this is the underwear.

[A]

Alright. So now the underwear for those of you don't know they're not watching this. I will describe it. I have one pair of boxer briefs that are like this. It's a long legged boxer brief.

[C]

I like a long leg boxer brief.

[A]

I don't. They ride up.

[C]

They do.

[B]

Well, yeah. Sometimes it's like nice because you don't have the thigh chafing.

[A]

Now does that go on with no underwear with that on?

[B]

Correct.

[A]

So that's first layer.

[B]

So this is your bottom underwear.

[C]

It is a little loose as a man.

[B]

Men and women.

[A]

Oh, so women are the same. You don't have little panties.

[B]

These are women's underwear.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

So men and women wear the same underwear.

[B]

Basically.

[A]

They aren't wearing underwear.

[C]

They are.

[B]

They're wearing this as underwear.

[A]

Yeah, I guess. Yes.

[C]

They're not wearing.

[B]

It's almost like a spanx thing, like you know, but also. So then they also have the symbols. So if you see they have like that little stitch there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's part of the temple ceremony.

[A]

Got it. Okay.

[B]

So. And then they come in different, like fabrics, bricks too.

[A]

So. But they're always white. Yes, they're always white now.

[C]

Gotta hit that age.

[B]

I'll put it on the clown.

[A]

My question is, is what does one do with. I'm gonna say the Mormon men from what I've seen. I'm just gonna make a call. I think they're a skid marked group of men. I think that there was a group of men.

[C]

It's a lot of fast food.

[A]

I feel like if there was a group of men that would leave skid marks, it would be the Mormon men. How are we getting these stains out?

[C]

I'm gonna say the Baptists are worse.

[A]

Can you speak to experience?

[B]

You know I can't speak to the Experience of if Mormon men generally get skid marks.

[A]

This thing has to be a thing. Definitely. Side storieslpotlmail.com that has to be a fucking thing.

[C]

I'm afraid we're gonna have to get a new Mormon expert.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You might need a dude for that one.

[A]

There's just no way he's wiping, right?

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I can't speak to that. I can't speak to being a sister wife.

[A]

So they got the met.

[B]

So this is the top.

[A]

So you wear this every day?

[B]

Every day, day and night.

[C]

Under clothes.

[A]

Under your clothes. Now do when you wear these as well. Like, do you have to. How many pairs of these do you have?

[B]

And like, same as normal underwear.

[A]

Got it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So change it every day.

[A]

So it's not like you can only have one set.

[C]

No, it's not disgusting.

[B]

That would be hilarious.

[A]

I just thought it was just like, one set, and then you should wear that forever till it falls off. Like, it's a Hell's Angels leathers.

[C]

They're clean.

[B]

Do you want to try to put one of them on?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

It might be a little small. I'm for women.

[A]

I'm gonna come right back. Please banter amongst yourself.

[C]

Actually, I do have a question about. But what's going on in the Mormon community right now?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

The head dude, the old guy, he just died.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

What's his name?

[B]

Nelson.

[C]

Nelson.

[B]

Prophet. President Nelson.

[C]

President Nelson. So who replaced him? Do you know?

[B]

Oaks? Yeah, President Oaks.

[C]

So what's his deal?

[B]

He. So he's a lawyer or. He is a lawyer by trade. So that's why John Dylan is getting sued, in my opinion, because basically he's, like, taking over. You know, the prophet basically gets to take over the reigns for the church. So I think Nelson was a little softer.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Still not that.

[C]

But, like, physically too. He was very old.

[B]

Yeah, they're all so old, too.

[C]

Very sexy. This is great. God, I can see your hair through it.

[B]

Yeah. Do you want the bodice?

[A]

Yeah, give me.

[B]

Over your pants.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't put a. Don't make them your under nothing. Yeah, go for it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Let me just.

[B]

We were gonna.

[C]

I see through this. I don't. He's gonna come in with.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I don't want it.

[C]

Yes. She doesn't need to see his penis. Yeah. No, it's like.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Yeah. I usually just put them on over my clothes, but he's going. He's going hard.

[C]

So no bras in the morning.

[B]

You still wear a bra, but, like, you're supposed to wear on. Basically under the garment.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Over the garment. So the garments are as close to your skin as well, to be honest. Honest.

[A]

It is nice. It's very form fitting. I do feel like with a lot

[C]

of them, it's supposed to be.

[B]

Yeah, they are women's underwear.

[C]

Are these supposed to be loose? Are these yours?

[B]

Yeah. So those are. Well, no, those are new. It's a new pair, so.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, my.

[A]

So I can really blow through these.

[B]

Yeah, you're welcome to. They're not. Yeah, those are, like, fresh out of the bag now.

[A]

How do you order them?

[B]

You can. Well, you can't. And now since I took my name off the rolls, I can't. But.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. You have to have the special recommend.

[C]

Oh, w. This is a collector's item.

[B]

It really is. People go, well, because of the sex thing, the Girls Gone Wild. I. I do think people will, like, try to buy them online because it's like a kink.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

What do you mean? I. You know what? But this is kind of. It's form fitting. I feel like that I could. You know, a lot of the Mormon guys could use a little bit more support, and I think that this is kind of nice for them. This is actually kind of comfortable. Okay. Yeah, they're really nice. They're very soft.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And what is that one?

[B]

Okay, so. So basically, as part of the temple ceremony, you would first receive your underwear and your new name.

[A]

So you get it that day.

[B]

You get it that day. So it's all happening to you at once.

[A]

Is that when you turn eight?

[B]

No, that's your baptism.

[A]

That's the baptism.

[B]

So usually endowment is after 18. It's like 18 to 25.

[A]

Because you have to really choose.

[B]

Yeah. You have to opt in. Well, yeah, Basically you would get interviewed and you have to, like, pass all their questions and stuff to get the temple recommend.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you have to do that for baptism. You get an interview, and then you have a separate interview for the temple, and then you have an interview to get married in the church. So it's like. Yeah. Constant.

[A]

So what is this thing? So you get. So once the underwear.

[B]

So once you get the underwear, that's called the washing and anointing ceremony. You get the new underwear and the new name, and. And then you go into the endowment, which is like the main ceremony. I don't. You can wear this dress if you want.

[A]

I mean, I don't know. Is that one of yours, too? Is that one also yours?

[B]

This one is for real. My dress so.

[A]

So they put that on you, and then that's how you communicate.

[C]

Dress.

[B]

I bet. I bet this would fit you.

[C]

Because, see, the whole thing.

[A]

What I had to get. When I got my confirmation, I had to go to the husky section.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm not gonna fit this.

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, no. I will destroy this. Well, maybe you're a tiny woman.

[B]

Are you sure?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah, it's very. It's kind of big on me, but

[A]

I'm pretty thick right now. You know, creatine, I work out.

[C]

I think if Henry put it on, it would explode.

[B]

Should I put it on?

[C]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

We can have.

[A]

Honestly feel like I look good in this.

[C]

Yeah, I can see. Honestly, gold chain. I feel like this is, like, borderline, like, Italian man on vacation.

[A]

Oh, my Lord.

[C]

It gets you.

[B]

Satan chains.

[A]

Satan chains out. This is, like, really nice. I missed the 1920s.

[C]

This is like a sleepover.

[A]

Oh, I'm gonna tell you, I don't know if you want it back.

[B]

I have a lot of backups. Okay, so.

[C]

So is this going out or is this sleeping?

[B]

This is for just the endowment ceremony.

[A]

So this is just. Alyssa is wearing a beautiful lace dress. Dress with. It's got some mother of pearl beads on it. And then she's like, oh, you're dressing like a bride.

[B]

It's kind of. But you would do this all the time in the temple.

[A]

I love the over the shoulder lace. Very Greek.

[C]

Yes, very.

[A]

Like Aristotle. Like, that's the thing. Right? It feels very.

[B]

And it is. It's almost like. Yeah. It's kind of stolen from masonry.

[A]

It's all stolen from masonry.

[B]

Joseph Smith's little spin.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

They have a leaf thing over the crotch.

[A]

Yeah. That just like you're in the. Adam and Eve. Yeah. Just make sure that nobody sees anything.

[C]

Do you all believe in Adam and Eve?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Adam and Eve were the first Mormons.

[C]

Oh, they were. Yeah.

[A]

The very first Mormons.

[C]

So where. So Jesus came to Salt Lake City?

[B]

No, no, he came to New York.

[C]

He came to New York, actually.

[A]

No.

[B]

So you look like my Irish.

[A]

Yeah, you look like my babu. You look like. Like, it kind of looks.

[C]

You called your grandma Babu?

[A]

No, but you know what I mean. But you look like a Russian, like, bride, woman.

[C]

Like, this is a ghost.

[A]

This is frightening now.

[C]

I feel like I'm in the haunted mansion.

[A]

You're just so frightening. Why do they do this? Why do they do this to you?

[B]

You have to do this to become a God in the afterlife.

[A]

But it's just fabric how much is this?

[B]

So this will get up is probably like a hundred bucks, probably more now. It was a hundred bucks, like, 15 years ago.

[A]

But they don't give it to you for free.

[B]

No.

[A]

So you got to buy it, and then you show up.

[B]

Same with the underwear.

[A]

So you buy your own shit. You show up to your endowment, and then they put the shit you just bought on your body.

[B]

Basically. Yeah. You're. Or you're like, your mom would help you. And throughout the ceremony, you add more things. So, like, you start with just the white dress, and then as the ceremony progress. Well, you start with the white dress and the underwear, and then as the ceremony progresses, you start adding these little pieces on.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Do they all have different meanings, the pieces?

[B]

So this is supposed to be represent Adam and Eve. So you're right about that.

[A]

It's a green leaf apron.

[B]

Cause you learn the story of Adam and Eve leaving the Garden of Eden, which is in Missouri, which is also hilarious.

[A]

The idea that anybody would not want to leave Missouri.

[C]

I've always wanted. Wanted to go to Branson.

[A]

It's weird if Branson's the Garden of Eden.

[C]

I literally turned around and saw you forgot that you were wearing that. I was like, I thought I saw a ghost.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. It's the nun.

[B]

Who is this? Yeah. I feel like. And then during certain parts of the ceremony, the women, they. They kind of changed it, but you have to veil your face. So when you chant in a circle, you do this. Oh, God, hear the words of my mouth. And you're doing the patriarchal grip with the person next to you, and you're doing all of this for the first time, and you're like, what the. What the fuck is happening?

[A]

It is silly, but I actually view it as a. I mean, more cynically, obviously, L. Ron Hubbard built it very specifically into Scientology. The Xenu reveal was so specifically done to get you all the way in. Like, he knew. He knew what to do. He knew to put you through.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He lear from the oto. He learned it from other religions. And that's kind of find that interesting, is that you're. What you see here is the OG Version of it from. Stolen from Freemasonry, of how to make somebody stay.

[B]

Yeah. And it's like, you have to do so much work. Just like Scientology, you have to do a lot of work to get to the point where they even allow you to have this information.

[A]

Yeah. So that by the time you're walking a walk, the idea of it being silly or. Or dumb Must do it. Like, that's the last thing from your. Like what you were saying. It's very fright. It must very powerful and frightening because.

[B]

And it makes. Because when you go through this, you're like, damn, Mitt Romney did this. My parents did this. All of my closest, like my. All my loved ones in this entire community did this. And they were okay with it. So if I'm not okay with it, it means I'm wrong. Yes, because everyone I love and trust has literally done this fucking chanting ceremony.

[A]

Which means. And you've just went and have done. Let's just be nice here. An hour of total nonsense that doesn't do anything. And when you're in the middle of it. And like I've read that a lot of people talking about this, you're like, you're expected to be filled with God's love. And you're like, oh, this is all weird and sad and scary.

[C]

Did you see some people who like obviously felt like they were filled with God's love?

[B]

So by the time like when you do the endowment, everyone else, which could be like 30 to 40 people or more, like everyone else in the room has already done the ceremony.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

So when you go through you and then you get this like special piece of paper that they tape onto you or they pin onto you, so everybody in the room knows that it's your first time. And so it's almost like also the social pressure of everyone staring at me because they all know it's my first time.

[C]

Like, see the Catholics, we do it as a team. You know, there's like a bunch of. For Holy communion, there's like 70 of us, so we get in the cookie for the first time.

[A]

Oh, I remember the. But that was also different. Like, you know, Catholic who was like, I kind of felt like maybe the same or it's like a social.

[B]

But also like you've probably, you probably saw lots of people do that for the first time and get commun. For the first time before you did it yourself?

[A]

I saw it. Yeah.

[B]

Actually you kind of visualize like, okay, someday I'm gonna do that. And I know it's like, I know what I'm gonna wear. I know what it's gonna. What's gonna be said. This is like totally blindsided.

[A]

Yes. It's done to. It's done for that purpose.

[B]

Yeah. I like when I was growing up as a Mormon teenager, I felt. Thought I'm basically like a non denominational Christian, just with the Book of Mormon. Like everything else felt like I'm going to youth groups, I'm going to church on Sunday, I'm reading the Bible. Like, you're almost like lulled into this sense of like, I'm just like everybody else. And then you're like, what the.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

It's the boiling water. The frog in the boiling water.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't to kind of wrap this up, but was there any. Because like we do have current Mormon listeners still. Some somehow like we still have to

[C]

say there's more underwear. We do have more underwear.

[A]

I've actually brought some of mine from home. Now we're all gonna try it. This is the Satanist traditional Tommy Johns that I get here. I. What's a thing? Like, yes, because we do, we do still have some current Mormon listeners.

[B]

Okay, what's a. Sorry about this.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, like serious. But honestly, what is. Is the. Is there anything you could say to be like, this is what helped me get out. This is what I did.

[C]

Like, I bet there people listening right now that are scared to get out.

[B]

You know, I find that engaging with stuff like this is almost like the pinnacle of like right before you leave. Cuz you're like, oh, I'm so nuanced. I can listen to it and I still keep my faith. But then it chips away at your like, like understanding of the religion and like how much I feel like most people before they leave, they go through like a doubling down phase because they're like, I don't want to leave. I don't. I can't cope with that. I'd rather just go harder.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then they fall off the cliff and are like, oh, I don't believe. But so maybe they're like that.

[C]

I don't know. Yeah, no, it's like, it's like you always see like whenever like someone's about to break up with someone, they make lots of really nice mushy Instagram posts.

[B]

Yeah, very similar.

[A]

The longer the cat caption is, the more in trouble the relationship is.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Love my babe.

[C]

That's always a great relationship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like done or they're very like social Mormons. Like because it's so costly socially to leave the church, I find there's a lot of. It's called pimo physically and mentally out. So who know like I don't know what types of emails you're getting from

[A]

Mormons, but you were talking about too. But like the, the lady Mormons that are like doing all of the Botox, all of the boob implants, all of the stuff where it's like hyper Hyper feminine. They are extremely feminine.

[C]

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City about it.

[A]

Like, how does the Mormon church square with that?

[B]

Yeah, honestly, I feel like it's because the religion is like, for men by men, and men are never going to be pissed about women trying to be hot.

[C]

So

[A]

it does seem like that because

[B]

men get no coffee, but you can get a boob job.

[A]

You can get a boob job. And because Mormon men, I mean, I do say that I was like, man, they have it fucking good. They just get a job. Like if you stay in, right? Like someone will hook you up with a job, someone hooks you up with a wife, Somebody hooks up for men. It must be hard to get men out.

[B]

Yeah, I think it very much is. I mean, my. I was talking to a friend recently and they know someone who recently they literally moved houses because they had left the church and then found it. Like he, he lost all of his like business contacts. So they moved to a different part of Utah and like pretended like they had been active in the other ward and then they were like reintegrated so that he could get basically social contacts back.

[A]

That's how I said, if you don't hear me for a while, you don't hear from me for a while. And all of a sudden I'm like, you somehow see me under a different name as a small town preacher where I'm running a different church and doing stuff. Just don't say anything.

[C]

Just imagine you're making a documentary of some sort.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever see me in that position? Just understand and I'm working on something. Okay. Cuz obviously I've lost everything.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And also, let me. I'll ask you this question. I was just asking Natalie upstairs. Okay. This has got nothing to do with Mormonism. This is literally just a lady question. There's one question. Okay.

[C]

Why'd you point at me?

[A]

Because you. Okay, you get married at 20 years old, right? 20, 21 years old. You're married for like a year.

[C]

You're.

[A]

You're a man. Lady dies. How long are you a widower for? Are you a widower even if you get married again?

[B]

I'm confused by the question.

[A]

It's okay.

[C]

Your young man, young wife, he was Sister Natalie earlier.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, how long do you have to wait before?

[A]

But just like, are you always a widower from then on?

[B]

No, I don't think so.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, if you have a wife

[C]

that dies, you're always a widow.

[B]

Even if you get remarried.

[A]

Even if it was the first marriage. Six months long. You barely were married. Now you got a new wife. Been with her for a decade.

[C]

If she died, then you still love her. So you're a widow.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I think you could self describe as a widower, but if that was like the first thing out of your mouth when you meet people,

[A]

it'd be a little, hey, I'm a widower. This is my new wife, though. Hey, how you doing? Yeah, I lost the first one. Kept this one. Yeah, I'm a widower.

[C]

Yeah, it's a fun sentence.

[B]

You're like trying to use it for like sympathy points.

[A]

I got widower's energy. She was super upset.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. You gotta think sometimes.

[B]

I don't know if that is a lady. I don't think that's a lady question. Like a period question.

[A]

Once married, you are no longer officially a widower. No, this is a real website.

[C]

This is a real website.

[A]

That's actually from the newest study of the New Wives Administration. They say that you're no longer a widower. Yeah, the new wives.

[C]

I said that

[A]

if you were to marry a guy. All right, let's say he really love. You've been with your husband for a while, you got kids and all kind of stuff.

[B]

Whatever.

[C]

The interview's over, by the way.

[A]

It's done now. It's basically over. My question is, is that if you were to God, we'll save this.

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

You're halfway through the nonsense.

[A]

It was just.

[C]

I lost it. I lost it.

[A]

I lost the edge.

[C]

I lost the edge.

[B]

I thought you were going to ask about polygamy. Because if a Mormon man's first wife dies and then he gets remarried, then now he's a polygon. Polygamist in heaven.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

He's still sealed to both. Well, it doesn't matter if he wants it.

[C]

Did you get married, but when you

[A]

were still in the church?

[B]

Yeah, we were married in the temple.

[C]

Really?

[A]

And you both got out?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, are you still married to the same person? Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's amazing.

[B]

I know. Good news.

[C]

Very beautiful.

[A]

That's really beautiful. Honestly, it's really nice. Like, so do you. And you guys all. Were your kids in too?

[B]

No, thankfully, we didn't have kids till after we left.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Which you'd think maybe we'd be like having kids. We're not going to do that. But, you know, I still wanted to have kids after leaving.

[C]

No, especially now that you got all your ducks in a row.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I see now that he's out too Is he still kind of just like, whoa, like, it's.

[C]

How.

[A]

How's he. His transition. What does he do for a living?

[C]

Cocaine salesman.

[B]

He does PR and marketing.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, we left together and we're raising our kids to be basically like atheists in Texas. Which is like, funny because my 7 year old will come home and be like, I told everyone, God isn't real. And then they started arguing with me.

[C]

That is the Lord's work.

[A]

Yes, it is. Honestly.

[B]

Sorry, son.

[A]

The older people are going to have a real. I do think that it's that gen. I have a lot of hope for those kids, for your kids. I have a lot of hope for that generation.

[C]

There's no nuns anymore. Nuns are done.

[B]

Well, I am. I have hope, but I'm also a fan afraid because they're two. I have two boys and I'm worried about, like, the red pill. Neo conserve. Like the new conservative young men who are like, bone smashing.

[A]

I think as long as your husband, like, hugs him every once in a while, that's what I.

[B]

They will at least. Yeah. They'll definitely grow up with a strong father figure who is not like that.

[A]

As long as you got a father that can maybe show some form of affection that might help the little boys.

[C]

Yeah, y' all are good parents. You don't got to about worry about that show.

[A]

Yeah. You already make great decisions, like being on the show. Being on this fantastic show.

[B]

Well, thank you for having me.

[A]

This has got to be one of the.

[C]

This is.

[A]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[C]

Apologizing, her, the viewers.

[A]

Apologizing to everyone. But I also.

[B]

Did you see the symbols? Did you look?

[C]

Yeah, there's a V right here.

[B]

Yeah, that's the most important part. And then on the belly button, too.

[C]

The belly button has a V. Oh,

[A]

no, it's a line.

[B]

Yeah, they all mean different things.

[A]

It's on window.

[C]

What do these mean?

[A]

That's like. Is that where the tracker chip goes?

[C]

No, that's your C section. Oh.

[B]

All the. The masonry, you know, like the sim, the compass and the ruler. There's the Masonic symbols.

[A]

Oh, okay. This is the kind of stuff I want on my own clothes. I want all of them monogrammed, but

[C]

it needs to be a Z. Of course.

[A]

Alyssa, you're wonderful.

[C]

Thank you so much.

[A]

I'm gonna find the book. So it's on. I say try to get them from your local bookstore when you can, but does Amazon help you? Obviously. You get it at all.

[C]

All good.

[B]

Yeah. Amazon. Yeah, It's Just KDP public. It's self published, so you. You might not find it in a local bookstore.

[A]

Get it on Amazon. How to get out of the Mormon. Like how to Leave the Mormon Church by Alyssa Grenfell. Check out her YouTube. It is endlessly fascinating. You are constantly bringing up really cool new information about the Mormon, like, all of, like, everything that us. Let's just say some of us are kind of obsessed with. Right. Not saying me, my wife. Yeah, but yeah.

[C]

I mean, you are saying that, but yes.

[A]

So you guys do great work. So thank you.

[B]

Thank you. Yeah, yeah. And I have a TikTok and Instagram and if. Yeah, Mormon Stories is great too. So.

[A]

Yes. And he's getting sued. John Galen's getting sued.

[B]

Yeah. It's so insane after all these years,

[A]

how do you avoid getting sued?

[B]

You know, I think it's probably coming, but knock on wood. I mean, I think they're just waiting probably for.

[C]

That's how, you know, you made it, please me.

[A]

I'll help you. And it's the best thing that could ever happen for you. You just.

[B]

But the greatest. I mean, so I'm in Texas, whereas, like, John is in Utah. And the courts are stacked with Mormons.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I also think the reason they're suing John and not me is they know Texans, like, evangelicals, don't give a fuck. Well, they actually hate Mormons.

[A]

So is John still in?

[B]

John De Lynn is, I think, you know. No, he was excommunicated.

[A]

He's out, right? Yeah, he's out.

[B]

He was in. He chose to stay in, but was still publicly critical as a. Like, as a member. And then they excommunicated him in, like, 2018.

[A]

Man. They really tried. Try. They try to go like, well, we'll take a little bit of it, but don't you dare come from our copyrights. We will sue the balls off of you. We don't care. Even though it's not real. Thank you so much, H. This was wonderful. This was awesome.

[B]

Thanks for having me so much.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. I can't wait to read the book.

[A]

Hail sweet Satan.

[C]

Yeah. You know, and Hail sweet Satan. Again, just for the Mormon community.

[A]

It feels really good.

[B]

I think he preferred Lucifer's. Lucifer, actually. Hail Lucifer

[C]

from your grave.

[A]

Wow. She wasn't too upset by us.

[C]

No, obviously. I. Honestly, as soon as I saw her, I'm like, oh, she's gonna hate me.

[A]

No, she. But she did a good. You did a good job, too, because you didn't yell.

[C]

No.

[A]

You didn't rip off your shirt.

[C]

I Didn't eat a bunch of food?

[A]

No. You didn't cover yourself in all different sauces smoking ass weed? No, no. I mean we should have though.

[C]

That would have been cool.

[A]

We got to get her on that. That's next. Yeah. Get her fully into drugs. Yeah.

[C]

Bong rips with Alyssa.

[A]

I feel like that's what it comes down to. We need to do some lsd. We need to do some. Honestly, I'd even do cocaine with her just to do it.

[C]

You know, I never done heroin.

[A]

This is the person to do.

[C]

This is the person. Because she seems responsible.

[A]

If I turn a Mormon person or exmo with heroin, I win.

[C]

Yeah. She looks like she always has Narcan on her, right.

[A]

Yeah, we do doubt too. We stole it from.

[C]

From back. Yeah. Yeah. I do have an Aran in my backpack. So if you start to seize up in front of me, just be like, give me a shoe. Give me a sh. Give me a chat. Give me a chat, bro.

[A]

I'm going to die here, man.

[B]

Die, bro.

[C]

But this is coming out next week, so I might be out of an Aran.

[A]

Yeah, you might have used it.

[C]

Cuz I'm going to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and

[A]

they are going to need it. All right, so go over to patreon.com last podcast on left to listen to us ad free. You can also see movie signs with Ed and I, our videos over on the Patreon. It's great.

[C]

Hell yeah.

[A]

And our. Our movie opinion opinions. Solid.

[C]

Right? On the money. Better ones.

[A]

No. Not a single person. If you think that your opinion is better about film, you are incorrect, sir.

[C]

This show is not a reason for Henry and I to write off our 4K DVD addiction.

[A]

How dare you say that? That is not what we're doing.

[C]

Also this weekend is the end of JK Ultra. We're gonna be in Tulsa, Oklahoma at Kane's Ballroom on July 17th. And then we're gonn Oklahoma City on July 18th. And then of course, if you can't make it out to either of those shows and you're so sad that you missed a JK Ultra tour, don't worry. Don't worry. Lpotl.kiswee.com you can watch us stream. No, it's not a PP channel.

[A]

No, not anymore.

[C]

It is us doing our show at you from the comfort of your home. And if you rent it from them, it is available for two weeks. So you don't have to catch it live. You can just. You could rent it and then check it out later. It's no big deal. Deal.

[A]

You also, if you do the VIP through Kiswee, you get to join us for our Q and A after the fact and you can answer questions, so.

[C]

Oh, hell yeah. That's awesome. I didn't realize we were doing that.

[A]

We are.

[C]

Nice. And also, if you're in Texas on Sunday, I'm going to be in Plano. I know Texas is big, but Plano wants you to come see me live at the Mic Drop. That's going to be the comedy club. Does the comedy club.

[A]

Who knows about the city? I don't know if the city is always the most welcoming.

[C]

Yeah, maybe not. Probably not. But I'll be there on September 19th, you know that. And then I got a bunch of other shows coming up. I'm gonna be in Chicago, San Francisco, D.C. all kinds of places. Go to eddytunes.com to go check out where I'm gonna be next and come see me live on the road. And then Henry and I. I'm telling you, it's more than just crime wave at sea over here.

[A]

Oh, you gotta believe it's crime wave all over your face. Go to crimewavedc.com to go and buy tickets. We still got a couple of tickets left. Honestly, very few left. Yeah, no, you can put them on layaway. Come and join us in the high seas. We will kill a woman together. I'm sorry. Just because that's what happens on cruises.

[C]

Yeah, it is. All right.

[A]

But never really on Royal Caribbean.

[C]

No. They only run over whales, apparently.

[A]

But that's just because whales are there in the way. Dude, whales got to get out of the way, man.

[C]

Did you hear about that?

[A]

Now I don't want to get into it. Want to get it doesn't matter. Apparently people on the cruise didn't even notice. That's how great the boats are.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Royal Caribbean. They what? They ran over a bunch of whales and didn't even know. People still are having a great time.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And also come check us out at Midsummer Scream in the. At the beginning of August out here in Long beach, if you could. It's going to be a lot of fun. We're going to be selling the album, doing a panel, doing some signings, and lots of just hanging out, selling merch, you know? You know the. That happens at horrorcons.

[A]

See my ass over a Midsummer Scream.

[C]

Hell yeah. He's going to spread his cheeks and let you see the hole.

[A]

You really don't want to, but you can, though. Yes, that will be available. Hail.

[C]

Sit. Hail. Alyssa Grenfell.

[A]

Good work.

[C]

Bye. Bye.