Side Stories: Joey Chestnut vs. The World

Summary

Last Podcast on the Left: Side Stories – Joey Chestnut vs. The World

Hosts: Henry Zebrowski & Eddie Pepitone
Date: July 8, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Side Stories" from Last Podcast on the Left ricochets between the absurd, the darkly comic, and the deeply disturbing. Henry Zebrowski and Eddie Pepitone open with an unfiltered celebration of American competitive eating legend Joey Chestnut, before pivoting to stories of true-crime horror, bizarre animal news, the follies of biohacking billionaires, and wild listener correspondence. As always, expect irreverent banter, social commentary, and punchlines that walk the line between incisive and completely unhinged.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Joey Chestnut: American Legend (05:00–14:00)

• Viral Joey Chestnut Clip Debunked: The hosts address a viral video of Joey Chestnut choking out a protester, clarifying it was from 2022, not a new incident.

  • "We here at Last Podcast on the Left are Joey Chestnut stans—big fucking nutters, dude." (Henry, 05:29)

• Chestnut’s Legal Woes: Joey Chestnut allegedly assaulted a fan while blackout drunk, with bodycam footage described in detail. The hosts riff on his wife/girlfriend’s disappointed reaction and muse on the perils of stardom and competitive eating romance.

  • "[The cop] was trying to be as nice as possible because the cop is obviously a fan... Joey, I'm not trying to fuck up your night here, but I just need you to look at this video." (Henry, 08:59)
  • "If Julie sells me down the river like that in front of a cop, I'll be very upset." (Eddie, 10:33)

• Mocking the Competitive Eating World: They joke about American superiority in food competitions, Chestnut’s relationship status, and his history with fellow eater Neslie Ricasa.

• Eddie’s Joey Chestnut Song: Eddie sings a bawdy, Green Acres–inspired tune in Chestnut's honor.

  • "Spread your lips open far and wide, just let me put my dog inside." (Eddie, 07:03)

• Ethics of Celebrity Crime: The hosts debate which crimes can be forgiven if you’re a national hero ("Try to keep your crimes not violent... Financial crimes, no one really cares." [Eddie, 13:14]), ultimately expressing unconditional love for Chestnut and musing darkly about his possible onstage death.

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2. True Crime: The Ohio Siders Family Horror (17:31–31:38)

• Abuse Case Recap: Sixteen children, aged from 17 months to 18 years, are found living in squalor in rural Ohio. Authorities arrest multiple members of the Siders family after investigating indecent exposure charges.

  • "The police... were doing a search warrant for an indecent exposure charge on the son, Gary Siders Jr. Apparently he had been over four instances over the last month." (Henry, 20:14)
  • "If you have 16 child prisoners, don't go showing your dick to the neighborhood." (Eddie, 21:05)

• Generational Abuse Dynamics: The discussion covers child marriage, pregnancy records suggestive of abuse, and the local culture of indifference.

  • "You can marry your child in West Virginia... in Ohio, but you can kind of keep it sequestered in a house for a super long time." (Henry, 22:11)
  • They debate whether the many children were all the product of one woman, Elizabeth Siders, speculating on cycles of abuse and trauma.

• Neighbor and Law Enforcement Negligence: The hosts lampoon the "not my business, not my farm" mentality, especially in rural regions.

  • "I think it's partially the conservative idea of not my business, not my pig, not my farm... but it's really just, 'I don't care.'" (Henry, 25:07)

• Gallows Humor & Social Commentary: Henry and Eddie compare the family structure to homeroom, joke about names, and riff on the failure of the system, while acknowledging the immense tragedy.

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3. Weird News: Resurrection in Arizona (31:38–36:16)

• Toddler Declared Dead, Found Alive: An Arizona toddler survives near-drowning, declared dead during Super Bowl Sunday, only to revive hours later in the morgue.

  • "Pronounced dead in an emergency room on Super Bowl Sunday... About six hours later the boy... was found breathing in a hospital morgue." (Henry, 31:44)

• Parental Negligence & Medical Blunders: They roast the parents for getting stoned and distracted, the authorities for misdiagnosis, and riff on doctors’ arrogance.

  • "The doctor literally turned to the cop and said, 'Please do your thing and let me do my thing. I went to medical school for a reason.'" (Eddie, 35:12)

• Comic Relief: The segment is lightened with jokes about Super Bowl distractions and musical taste.

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4. Animal Story: Neil the Seal (36:19–43:10)

• Celebrity Elephant Seal in Hobart, Tasmania: "Neil the Seal," a two-ton elephant seal, habitually visits an Australian town, causing property damage and delighting locals.

  • "He’s cranky... he’s horny... he's here to f—k." (Eddie, 37:36)
  • "You can't get within 20 meters of Neil the Seal... He will kill you." (Eddie, 38:08)

• Tourist Risks and Conservation: Fans getting too close might spell doom for Neil, paralleling recent cases of animal euthanasia after public incidents.

  • "Not only is Neil the Seal, like, destructive, but the thing is, the real issue is he's become a celebrity... and this is what's going to get Neil offed." (Eddie, 38:34)
  • "There's a petition to make sure he doesn't get euthanized. Make sure you go and sign it if you care about Neil the Seal." (Eddie, 41:07)

• Culinary Tangents and Pop Culture: The hosts detour to why humans don’t eat seal ("full of mercury"), draw parallels to the Wu Tang Clan’s lost album, and riff on Brendan Fraser’s filmography.

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5. Billionaire Biohacker Meltdown: Bryan Johnson (46:58–54:58)

• Meet Bryan Johnson: Former tech billionaire turned anti-aging experimenter.

  • "He's been draining blood from his son and from young people... consumes exactly 1,977 calories a day from 6am to 11am... says he's reversed aging." (Henry, 47:03)

• Comedic Destruction of Johnson: The hosts relish detailing Johnson’s self-inflicted health woes — notably a stomach disease caused by his bizarre diet and refusal to pursue medical treatment.

  • "In truly the most wonderful set of just...the universe...Brian Johnson having an incurable stomach disease because of the things that he's done to himself makes me laugh and makes me know that there's maybe somebody looking out for us." (Henry, 47:57)

• Social Critique: The billionaire pursuit of immortality is reframed as a harbinger of dystopian tech fantasies for everyone else. The hosts posit the ultra-wealthy are testing out survival strategies on themselves before imposing deprivation on the rest of us.

• Grisly Anecdotes: Grotesque details about Johnson's clinical “optimization” of his girlfriend’s vagina surface, which Eddie cures with a peanut butter punchline.

  • "They did pH tests on it to get it dialed in." (Henry, 55:09)
  • "You know what fixes that? Peanut butter." (Eddie, 55:09)

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6. Santa Claus Pervert Arrested (55:44–58:56)

• Sting Operation: A man legally named "Santa Claus" is arrested for child exploitation after responding to a sting on a dating app.

  • "Baby illegally changed his name to Santa Claus." (Henry, 55:54)
  • "If anyone changes their name to Santa Claus, put him in prison." (Eddie, 57:54)

• Morbid Riffing: The hosts lampoon the scenario, spin dark what-if tales about "Santa" using his naughty-or-nice list for evil, and stress the obviousness of such a persona being a red flag.

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7. Listener Emails: Pathological Liar at the Truckstop (61:07–72:55)

• Wild Workplace Tale: A listener recounts the saga of a coworker who faked an elaborate dual pregnancy and baby shower, abetted by her own mother. The deception only unravels when she claims a “miscarriage” days before her due date.

  • “If you’re going to fake a pregnancy, don’t do it with twins.” (Henry, 62:37)
  • "This is entertainment! If you're working at a truck stop and that's all you do, you know, this is entertainment." (Eddie, 66:03)

• Hosts’ Reflections: Henry and Eddie discuss pathological lying as a symptom of deeper psychopathy, workplace toxicity, and when to cut people out of your life.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "We love you Joey [Chestnut]. We do. No matter what you've done. There's unconditional love for you here." (Henry, 13:40)
• “If you have 16 child prisoners, don’t go showing your dick to the neighborhood.” (Eddie, 21:05)
• On Neil the Seal’s fame: “The real issue is he’s become a celebrity...and people want their picture with him. And this is what’s going to get Neil offed.” (Eddie, 38:34)
• On Bryan Johnson: “He is pure scum...We are in such bad shape as a culture right now.” (Henry, 55:36)
• "If anyone changes their name to Santa Claus, put him in prison.” (Eddie, 57:54)
• On pathological liars: "You're willing to lie about something like that, you're willing to do anything.” (Henry, 69:37)

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Timestamps to Key Segments

• Joey Chestnut discussion & song: 05:00–14:00
• Ohio Siders true crime: 17:31–31:38
• Resurrected toddler story: 31:38–36:16
• Neil the Seal animal news: 36:19–43:10
• Bryan Johnson, the biohacker billionaire: 46:58–54:58
• Santa Claus pervert sting: 55:44–58:56
• Listener email: pathological liar: 61:07–72:55

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Tone and Style

Maintaining their signature style, the hosts blend gallows humor, vulgarity, and social mockery. Quotes veer between loving parody (of American heroes like Chestnut), righteous indignation at real-life horror, and unapologetically gross punchlines. Expect a whirlwind of ad-lib observation, cultural meta-commentary, and kitchen-sink riffing—as with all "Side Stories," the chaos is the point.

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Conclusion

Whether you tune in for the deranged true crime, the animal oddities, or just the hosts’ relentless rollercoaster of jokes, this episode distills everything that makes Side Stories a cult favorite: incisive (and often tasteless) comedy, compassion buried under bravado, and an ongoing search for meaning, or at least cathartic laughter, in a world that keeps cranking out ever stranger headlines.

Transcript

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[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Ryan Reynolds]

to escape to.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This is the last on the left side stories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Get my DH Getting your dh get my dh.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Dh. Dhl. An alternate packing service.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nah, dude, I'm just excited about my future as a messiah. I have stigmata.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You got stigmata?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yes, I have a stigmata.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You're so.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, I am touched by a Christ revenge.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't want to call you stupid.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I have a stick mark.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I guess it's ridiculous. No, for necessarily masculine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, exactly.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's what it is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Thank you.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Which I think translates.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, I. Dude, I lift so hard. The other day I lifted 245 pounds for the first time I've ever done that. And I ripped my hands open doing it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Deadlift. Yeah, it wasn't like a bench press.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, I'm not there yet. Yeah, deadlifts. I'm getting there. 245. That's big for me.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Look at me. You do nothing. You do absolutely nothing. You eat berries.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I do. I love my berries.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm thick now.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I have benched £300.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'll get there. Yeah, I am gonna get there.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I was 19, though.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, but. Yeah, yeah. All these kids, I see them all doing it. Even in the gym. Now the kids come over, they'll smell. They're all garbage. All they do is sit there.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They only.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They, you know, like you do is Nazi salutes to each other. I say skibidi over and over again. And then they just go. And they.

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

They.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But yeah, they can lift tremendous. We. They don't have feelings yet.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, no, no. I remember. I was. I cheated, though. I let it. I bounced it a little bit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And also you. Yeah, you weren't. Dude, I do slow.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, I bet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I do real slow. Everything but Makes me strong.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, is that what it is?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Stigma.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Is that why you're in the bathroom so long?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm touched by Christ. I'm in the bathroom because that's how I think. Welcome to side stories. I'm sitting here with non thinker Ed Larson. I guess what. Exactly.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Exactly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You all know. You all know me.

[Eddie Pepitone]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If we're in the toilet for a super long time, it's because life's complicated.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. And. Or I'm playing my fruit game.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Exactly.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Which is taking a shit full of fruit. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You and ice fruit. Between the berry consumption that you got yourself up to and the berry consumption that I'm up to, my shit's at grizzly level.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh. Do you know what I learned recently? And I don't even know what to do with this because I don't think I can handle this. Is that you're supposed to be freezing the blueberries.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I buy them frozen. I told you, bro.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You buy them frozen?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, you moron.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Apparently they release more antioxidants when they're frozen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Stigma. God damn it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You can't be better at life than me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sigma.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Just a little bit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I knew Christ. Henry Zabrowski.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It feels good to be the new Christ. I hope they don't kill me like the last one.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, you know, at least it'd be fun.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I won't get to come back for a couple of days. It didn't kill him in Italy. It was the Italians who did it. But it wasn't in Italy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Yeah. So they're right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He doesn't. You get to Italy and you make a right.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He couldn't walk to Italy. The ankle support wasn't good enough.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. What a. That's what I'm saying. Jesus Christ. Couldn't. They could. They could keep me on the cross, man.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's what I'm gonna say, dude.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You can't keep me on the cross.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I'm Teflon.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Shout out to Rob. Always throwing up. What we're talking about on the screen so we can see It. He threw up a picture of Jesus.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Thank you. Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Just so we knew that it was Jes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And you know, I love about this Jesus. I'm trying to inspire you guys.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I do appreciate white Christ. I love Ginger for making it a white Christ.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ginger Christ, Eddie. Sharon Christ is my favorite Christ, because that's the one the most. Because you know how well he would have stood the temperatures of the desert. But we have some updates. First of all, there was a lie that was issued a clip of Joey Chestnut choking out a guy, a protester. That was from 2022. It went viral. We were super excited about. Because honestly, we here at last podcast on the left are Joey Chestnut stand

[Eddie Pepitone]

big fucking nutter, dude.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Trying to get him in here.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Butter, bro. I'm all up in that shit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And yes, a fucking champion. He did plead guilty to assault. He was out on parole in order to compete in Coney Island. But I will say you have to

[Eddie Pepitone]

be on parole to compete in Coney Island.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And he won.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He did. 166 hot dogs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He won, which is a big deal for us. As in America again after the World cup, after we sucked dick over there. Right after we sucked all that dick. Because we suck and we're losers right now.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Joey Chestnut's our world.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's a winner.

[Eddie Pepitone]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I dare anybody from Valencia try to eat 66 hot dogs at once, I'll probably kill him.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Send his ass to Belgium.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Oh, I bet you. Oh, they have one little sip of tea over there.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They can't.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They all. They get all jittery. They can't eat 66 hot dogs. It'll fucking make their systems explode.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I wrote Joey Chestnut a song because I like him so much.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Please do it. You need a. You need, like, acapella.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's acapella.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The acapello is his gay brother.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Acapello is when a man does it. I'm sorry. All right. I'm sorry. Okay? That's how it goes. Acapella is when your ass does it. That's right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Don't you come at me. I have stigmatized.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Give me that, that, that nut. Give me that, that, that. Give me that. Give me that.

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Give me that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Eating that Nathan's is the place to be eating. Always chewing the life for me Set your lips open far and wide oh, that to stop me put my dog inside.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Huh?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, so supposed to do it in the Green Acres thing. Hold on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was so happy.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Always chewing is the life for me Spread your lips open far and wide Just let me put my dog inside. Give Me that.

[Advertisement Voice]

That.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That nut. Give me that. That. That nut. Of aids.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. Truly a wonderful American. And so from one American dead of AIDS to one soon to be dead of aids. Joey Chestnut, we salute you. Really good work. But, yeah, just so you know, sometimes clips go viral out of context. But I will say we didn't talk about this. We talked maybe briefly before we talk. We've been talking about talking about this on the show. I watched the body cam footage.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Of what?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Of Joey Chestnut getting arrested for the assault.

[Advertisement Voice]

Oh.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, my God, buddy, What happened? So it starts with, first of all, he's all hungover, right? Cuz. So the cop is coming to him. So what? We now know the whole thing. He a fan, A quote unquote fan came up to Joey Chestnut. He g. They got into some physical altercation where he choked the guy out, just like he choked the protester out and tried to stop his. His fucking incredible run.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You get between the nut and fucking dogs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Done. You're done, buddy. Well done. Okay. And so these guys. So the. This guy, obviously, he. He got choked out by Joe Chestnut. Super upset about it, so he called the police. The next day they come here to show him the video of what he did.

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And the best part is that. So Joey just not. Let's just say he don't remember it. Let's say he gets a little happy out there with the alcohol. Yeah, I think that he might. He says that he was completely blacked out, which I agree.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This is why I try not to hang out with fans.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I agree that he's completely. He was. So the cop is showing him the video. Jo Chestnut sitting there with his head in his hands, and he's like. The cop is trying to be as nice as possible because the cop is obviously a fan.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. So the cop is like, everyone's a fan.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Joey, I'm not trying to up your night here, but I just need you to look at this video. And he shows him the video, and it's him choking out the fan, Right.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Was he doing it with his hands or was it arm bar?

[Henry Zebrowski]

It was like arm bar, right?

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's not that bad, Eddie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're not his lawyer. You're not his lawyer. You're not paying you yet. Okay, so Joey says that as he's watching the mortified look over his face where he's like, Jesus Christ. And the best part is his wife behind him just going, you idiot, Joey, that's you. That's you, Joey. Like. Like over his shoulder he's going, that's definitely You. You're guilty of this, Joey. You know, like, Eliza's sitting there, said like, she's. And the cop is like, gee, you wish, Mr. Nut, I. I wish I didn't have to. I wish you didn't have to be me. You know, I mean, I gotta say, I've been watching you 97, and so this is a lot for me. None of us want to bring you in. None of us want to do this, but the guy is mentally handicapped now, and so we kind of have to bring him in. He's fine. No, he's not. He's not mentally handicapped. He's fine. But the cheer. I just feel like if you saw the disappointment of Joey Chestnut's wife.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I can't believe they blurred her face. We know who she is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I'll find her.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, but I think it's. She is. I think her anger might even be enough.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I. You know what?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, you know, sometimes you just feel like that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I gotta tell you, you know, I don't want to talk like this because I love the nut and I don't want to, you know, be an about this, but, like, I expect better out of his wife. I expect her to be like, that's not my Joey. That's not him. You know, like, come on, put on the show. You know, what are we doing here, Eddie? If Julie sells me down the river like that in front of a cop, I'll be very upset.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're gonna do it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wives look for crimes now. Okay? That's just how it is. There's no lower linnies from the river anymore. It was Mystic River. There's none of that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It doesn't exist. Right. You're a bad person if your wife's also a bad person. The key about every man or anybody who has a significant other, the key is that you need to find the moral opposite of you to balance you out. So most guys, I do believe, have a much more moral person in a wife form next to them. That is their morality outside of them, and it helps. Checks and balances of all the horrible things that you're going to do as a guy just throughout your life.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Oh, he used to be with another competitive eater and her name was Nestle.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Jesus Christ.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Whoa.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's her.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's his old. That's his. That's his old bride to be. And now I guess they. They're not together anymore. So I. I looked up Joey Chestnut wife, and he's not married.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, it's his girlfriend.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's his Girlfriend. I think she just got a little demotion, dude.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, fucking whatever. I mean, I'd fall in love with a girl if I could see her turn her throat into a hot dog. Highway every once a year, you know? I mean, just open up the gates and just throw all these nitrates in, making you permanently able to withstand the temperatures of the sun.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Hold on a second. Is he married or not married?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Are we really. This is. Wow. We're really gonna get this.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I need to know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Site storage, lpotl Gmail.com. is anybody hooked up with Joey Chestnut?

[Eddie Pepitone]

The Daily. The daily. The Daily Insight says his wife is Nestle.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The company.

[Eddie Pepitone]

The company.

[Advertisement Voice]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, that's. Honestly, it's a big day.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's a sponsor. That's a big no. Nestle Ricasa.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was previously engaged to her.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I was previously engaged.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, it's hard. These careers are hard on people. You gotta travel a lot. You got to travel a lot.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He's a big star.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's the groupies. You know what I mean? People come at you from all these different angles. I get it. It's hard.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You have groupies or meatballs, I think.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, Yeah. I think they're called meatballs.

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Depends on the size of them.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Really.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Depends on the size of them.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So I love you, Joey, no matter what your crimes are. So keep eating them dogs, bro. With it, man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All G has to know is much like we here at last podcast on the left are just subject to whatever the hell it is that we're staying within w me only because we have just committed just under the amount of crime we need to get canceled. Joey Chestnut, I would also advise you. Advise you the same.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, yeah. Try to keep your crimes not violent.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what I would do. Give it to financial.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Financial crimes. No one really cares.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Speed. You can do all that. You could do drug.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Drug possession, get a bad meme coin.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's great. That's all fine for us like that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We can all forgive you for all of those things.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, nut coin.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, in a second. I'd forgive you for your rug pull.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, that's fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because anybody's buying money from a hot dog, man should commit suicide. So I think that a fine thing. I think that's fine for that to

[Eddie Pepitone]

be a problem, I think. Yeah. All right. I love you, Joey.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We love you, Joey. We do. No matter what you've done. There's unconditional love for you here.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope you reign supreme till you die.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep, he will. Ten years from now.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I would love it, honestly. And I think he would, too, is if he died in front of us.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's going to.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I want. Don't worry about it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Competition.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I want.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I want him to go down hard. Eddie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Don't worry about it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I want them to be like, ah, there's no winner this year because Joe. Or I want him to still win.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, they're just like, he's eaten so many hot dogs. Multitudely. No matter how many hot dogs you eat today, you're not even. Even get close to his number.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So if Joey's like, all right, you're in the middle of a competition. Hypothetical speaking.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He. Middle competition. He's at 50 dogs. He's already winning. All right. He chokes, dies. There's still three minutes left. Do they let everyone keep going to see if they could beat him?

[Henry Zebrowski]

They better.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is this America? Does the war end when the general gets shot in the head?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Absolutely not.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. Yeah, we still got to go on. When our general of culture was shot in the head. Beautiful. Louis ck we still had to move on. We still had to get up every day and go to war.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And defend him and get out here and talk about how it's totally fine because he asked permission before he openly jerked off in front of a bunch of his co workers.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Not when he did it on the phone.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're right.

[Eddie Pepitone]

When he did it on the phone, that was actually pretty bad, I have to say. That was pretty bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That one was you, right?

[Eddie Pepitone]

That was very bad. That was pretty bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Really good, Eddie. But we just want to say we're so congrat Congratulations on his new Netflix deal.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, so he's a co worker.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he is. It's really great.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Look at that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's really good to be amongst the best here at Netflix.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So here we go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let's first get into this super sad story. I want to do this first before we get into your fun story, Eddie.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, whatever. I got time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is an all in one website platform that helps you stand out online. Yes, that's right. You don't have to smash your face with a hammer. You can just start a business. It's got everything you need on Squarespace, from securing your domain to building a professional site and showcasing your work all in one place. Let's say you want to show everybody how you can carve your ribs out of your lower abdomen so that you look more like a Ken doll. That's amazing. You can bring your vision to life with AI powered design or curated templates. Plus flexible editing tools that helps you create something that truly reflects your style. Especially if you are somebody that is trying to corrupt the young men of America. That's what Squarespace is really going to help you. Squarespace makes it easy. It makes it easy for you to put all that together and you just go to Squarespace and do it all. Thanks Braden. Head to squarespace.com left for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Adobe Firefly is the all in one creative studio with AI powered image and video editing for today's creative process. Built for creators of every kind, Firefly helps you generate, edit and experiment fast because the asks aren't getting smaller, the budgets aren't getting bigger and the timelines, oh yeah, still tight. With all the best creative AI models in one place, Firefly brings your ideas to life. Unlock a better way to make with Adobe Firefly.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch upfront

[Advertisement Voice]

payment of 45 for 3 months, $90 for 6 months or $180 for 12 month plan required. $15 per month equivalent to taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy.

[Eddie Pepitone]

See terms from your grave.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So this one is, you know, the current administration has really shown us a lot about how important family is.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh absolutely.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I think that that's one of those things that like us, godless, childless. I would say F words.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Here in Los Angeles, we've been trying to destroy your family culture for as much as possible.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's right. Trump loves his family so much he fucks his daughter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the idea. Right. He chose his daughter again by fucking her.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Which is his ex wife. So much he buried her sex with her against her will.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, that's huge. He's so pro family and I feel like that's what it is is that the family is suffering. And I think that what happened here in Ohio to me is another example of government overstepping on a family just trying to be a Family. Okay, so in Vinton County, Ohio, 16 children were removed from a home this deep. Trump country.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

In a 12 by 12 space in which they had been living sequestered, covered in feces, filth and. And all sorts of manner of total degradation from the ages of 17 months to 18 years old. 18 year old was completely nonverbal. Completely. Couldn't even write her name. Had no idea where she lived. Couldn't even the city that she lived in. They were being raised by. Quickly raised, I'd say kept by the Siders family. Now this is a close family, Eddie.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay, it sounds like it Gay are close.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So first it starts with Gary Cider Senior, 73. Then there's Elizabeth Christina Cider, 67. That's mom and dad.

[Advertisement Voice]

That's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's papa and Nanu. Right? And then you have Gary Seders Jr. 36 years young, with his beautiful bride, Elizabeth Seders, 33. Now you'd say that they all look like they're covered in liquid Vaseline, right? No, that's just. That's them. Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Some people, you know, some people like baby oil. They look like they like adult oil.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now what I find interesting about these family members is that they each have a different set of Chihuahua eyes. I've never seen human beings with tear stains before, like in a Chihuahua. And so Elizabeth Siders, Gary Ciders looks

[Eddie Pepitone]

like John Carpenter's ghost.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he does. He don't look good. And he looks like he needed a break.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And he's got the reverse Hitler facial hair.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's really gross. But the tiny mustache, which is weird. I hate that. I hate that. Especially if you're not a Civil War reenactor or Amish. So the way it goes, he's a

[Eddie Pepitone]

Civil War like perpetrator.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he's still fighting. So these guys, they all got arrested on child endangerment. Now where this all came from was that the police for some reason just. It's a little spotty. They were going. They were doing a search warrant for an indecent exposure charge on the sun. Gary Siders Jr 36. Apparently he had been over four instances over the last month. They said they. The idea is that he's been furtively. The term furtively showing his genital at the neighborhood four separate times in a way that you cannot construe. That he was trying, not trying to show it to a member of his household, which I did not know is fine. Yeah, like you could.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You can. Just as long as they're. As long as they're A roommate. You can show them your dick and balls.

[Eddie Pepitone]

If you have 16 child prisoners, don't go showing your dick to the neighborhood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You think that Eddie. I think he's. That's why I'm saying I don't think his eye was on the prize here. So that's what they went into investigating.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know, Gary Sr's so mad at Gary Jr. Oh.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He said the whole thing worked out. Yeah, I can't work out, dad.

[Advertisement Voice]

We.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We want. Supposed to. There's no one supposed to know about our baby factory.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You gotta go show your dick all over town.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, Daddy. Just like you did Daddy. How'd you be Mommy, Daddy? You what? So Gary Seiders Jr. Married, quote unquote, was allowed to marry Elizabeth Seiders. When Elizabeth was 15 years old, she was taken from her family, essentially. They went to another state.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, the family would have to sign off on it, right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

They did. They got permission. They went to another family. They went to another state in order to get married in West Virginia. Because Ohio, it's still got that over West Virginia.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is that. You can't marry your child in West Virginia. You can just you in Ohio, but you can kind of keep it sequestered in a house for a super long time.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

In Ohio, he would. They would have to wait another couple months.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, you have to get. Yeah, yeah. There's a form. Trump has to marry you. I think that's how it works that if you are getting married to a child in Ohio, Trump insists he officiates and then he also gets, I believe they call it prima nocta, which is a medieval concept of the feudal lord gets to have his first night with the newest bride of anyone amongst his town, hopefully. So these guys. So Elizabeth Siders has been a part of this family. So now this kind of is interesting thing. So she's now 33. She has been with them for 18 years. She has been pregnant every year. So here's the.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, so these kids aren't kidnapped, they're hers?

[Henry Zebrowski]

We don't even really know. So this is. So this is where she's been registered as pregnant. She was pregnant in 2008 with one child, 2009 child 2, 2011 child 3, 2012 child 4, 2013 child 5, 2014 child 6, 2016 child 7, 2017 child 8, 2019 child 9, 2020 child 10 child, 2022 twins 11 and 12, 2024 twins 13 and 4, 2025 twins, 15 and 16. And then apparently two subsequent stillbirths of conjoined twins that Died on delivery. This lady is just pressing them out. She's a Pokemon factory.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I have no idea how, how you could have that many babies and still have organization sense.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. I mean, she would have been at that point if they weren't stuck together.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You're right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I would count that as one.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If I was a betting man.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They had two hearts, right? Two hearts. What makes a person a heart or a brain?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Two of hearts. That's a good question. Type stories lpotlgmail.com. what makes a horse a horse? Well, Brian, are you. That sounds like a Wizard of Oz.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. And so she has 16 kids. No one asks any questions all these years.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Everyone is basically, they're like, oh, Gary

[Eddie Pepitone]

senior's got the home schooling.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They have moved from. They have moved from place to place to place with these kids. As they've increased in a bunch of different states. We're now seeing that this is the final resting places they've been at for four. They've only been here for four years. Those kids. They said, the neighbors said they'd never seen a kid. They didn't even know they had kids. It wasn't even until like all of us, they were like, what the happened in this house? They must be going around in the night time. They said the only thing they've seen of this family is Junior's penis.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know, I feel like people in Ohio, they like, I, I mean, yeah,

[Henry Zebrowski]

this is ohi thing.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They don't talk to each other, man. Like, this is where like Castro was hiding all those chicks in his basement.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, you're kind of not bad. You're not correct. You're incorrect. Because I do legitimately, I don't see nothing.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't say nothing. But ask a question way behind your neighbor. Who knows what's going on in there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think it's partially the conservative idea of not my business, not my pig, not my farm. Right. Which is how they say. They, they, that's how they say they have peace.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So they say, like, oh, I don't judge and I don't care what you do in your house or that kind of stuff. But it's really just. I don't care.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't care what happens over there.

[Eddie Pepitone]

There's no love in that goddamn state.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it's, it's all for sports.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's pure family.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's pure death. And these. So these guys were there. They don't know. They're. They're now calling us. The main issue here is that who fathered all these kids. So we don't really know. We don't know yet. They're now all in custody. They're all being tested.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Both of these guys? Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They definitely bushwhack that one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

One.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. I mean both of them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I definitely. There was a tag team style situation going on that I. I'm honestly think is gross.

[Eddie Pepitone]

What about Christina Ciders is. She is her only child. So did she only have Gary Jr.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It seems that Christina Ciders was the chef.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think I'd put her chef slash.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So she.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They had like manag one child and

[Eddie Pepitone]

then they moved into 16.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It does seem to that. Is that then they. Then whatever. What was happening with the youngest girl and Junior? They were either participating in making children all together.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Or they just watched.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like a good grandfather does. Oh, God. You know, that isn't ghouls, man. They are literal ghouls. So the kids are now out. They are trying to figure out they're

[Eddie Pepitone]

gonna be in the foster system their whole lives.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, they are not going to better. I guess. I guess all I'm gonna say is that this section is at least done right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They said the rest of the family. Apparently the rest of the Ciders family, they didn't hear a lot from them.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, yeah. They cut them off. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They said they really kept them at arm's length.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that it is interesting because they even just said that Ciders had even been an all American family within first. Because that's the problem is that they both dropped out of grade school. Yeah. Elizabeth Siders didn't she. She con. Completed eighth grade.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then she was.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No high school for her.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She don't need it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You don't need it to get that tomb. Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Right? Is that bad?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm not helping.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No, you're right. It's not a class. Getting calm is in a class in high school. So. Yes, you're right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, unless you call it a homeroom.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Do you know, in. In my school, we had like these

[Henry Zebrowski]

kids were in homeroom all the time.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes, all the time. They're not allowed out of homeroom. Unfortunately.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The.

[Eddie Pepitone]

We had a place where you could. If. If someone had a kid and they were in high school, we'd have a little. We had a daycare. That's how many kids were getting knocked up in Florida. We had a daycare in my high school.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just adapt.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do you guys ever ask, did you guys. What do high schools have wet nurses yet?

[Eddie Pepitone]

I mean, we're all wet Nurses. I've tried to. I applied to be one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, I hope whenever I see those maternity little closets, I'm like a waiting list.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Sorry. Part about Henry being a wet nurse is the kids get the floss while they're doing it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, this story is going to really only blossom from here.

[Eddie Pepitone]

What would so they like what they get? Life. What is the crime?

[Henry Zebrowski]

The crime is. Oh, no, they'll get massive life. Yeah. Child engagement, child rec. All of the child. The abuse stuff. You can go to jail for life for that. Seventeen counts of endangering children. Yes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And it sounds like it's worse than that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That it's kind of funny because, like, it will definitely. Oh, definitely. Wait till you see, though. Like, Law and Crime Network is like one of my favorite YouTube channels that goes over true crime. And they decided they had the Gary Cider Senior, they had his lawyer on and the just him even trying to explain that he was like, yes, the house was dirty and feces means dirty. So it was just. That's dirt. Confesses is the type of dirt. And then he was also like, okay. And then he was just like, also. There was no lock on that room. Any one of those children could have left at any time. They weren't locked in there. They were just kept in there. And you're right, you can't just. Even as he's trying to, whatever, he's

[Eddie Pepitone]

like, this is my job.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I have to do this.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I have to do this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do you think I like this?

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's in the constitution. I don't want to do this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't want to look at that man. That man is. I have a deer head and an apple head in one family. I've never seen an apple headed chihuahua person. Listen, if he is guilty, I get

[Eddie Pepitone]

to punch him first.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's my job. That's what I get to do. Until that day. Until that day, he is innocent. He's sort of innocent.

[Eddie Pepitone]

God, it's just like, you look at this crew and it's like, how does he destroy them?

[Henry Zebrowski]

And of course they couldn't sneak out. Gary Cider Senior is looking at two different directions. He's covering the whole round.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You're right. You're right. That's what it is. Yeah. His peripheral is way better than his straight up.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he'd be a really good tennis player.

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You want to hide from him. You just stand right in front of him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, well, we wish him luck and we hope that. I think the family is gonna be all right, man.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They really all should be in prison forever.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think that I feel like Elizabeth

[Eddie Pepitone]

Siders is the only one I take a little bit of pity on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Who knows? I mean yes, of course. Everything is she her life, whatever we want to her life wasn't awesome. So whatever was going like it's bad. She was of the four villains here, she was like the number four villain, you know what I mean? Like she was the one that was still there. Like it's hard. Yeah. Like a lot of people are gonna be like why didn't you go running out of there?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Should we do tears list on them?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well we gotta get the kids names first. It doesn't matter unless you get all the kids names. You gotta rank them. Sleepy, dopey, Sneezy, Grabby than two times

[Eddie Pepitone]

the amount of dwarves.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Trigger. What are your name your kids at that point it's like the entire staff of lpn.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh it is. You're like my intra family.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah man. Imagine that. I bet none of them had health insurance.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Now you would save so much money if you just made a little secret family.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Don't ruin my plan. All right, here we go. I actually have a bit of happy news.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is happiness. Arizona toddler declared dead was found alive in the morga.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Again.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is another kid that this is.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You're claiming this is happy? It is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Okay, so it's 6:20.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I I, I'm gonna throw an ish on the end of that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It was Super Bowl Sunday. You got to see the end of the game. An Arizona toddler was pronounced dead in an emergency room on Super Bowl Sunday. The worst, most bummer day to have a dead toddler. Toddler on. At five hours later the boy say Easter. See, you know it's nice if you give us something to do Super Bowl

[Eddie Pepitone]

Sunday at least it's already night time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I guess. What happened during the six hour period? So the baby was found breathing in a hospital morgue about six hours later. The circumstances that led to the near drowning. This is like Vincent Lorenzo fo.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was in a pool. It was in Maricopa County. County. Now we don't know. So apparently according to the police. The police the parents were. They had wandered off the pool because they were. Let's just say the parents were all up.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They would get. They were stoned.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They were stoned and drunk watching the super bowl and they lost control over there. They lost sight of their son that slipped into the pool. Truly nightmare of nightmares.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Also if you're getting high, what's more fun than a toddler Play with the kid. You know, if you're stoned, like, just pay. It's. They're goofy. Like, give them. Let me give you some entertainment.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Controversial statement. You know, we're fathers.

[Eddie Pepitone]

We're not fathers. That's not a controversial statement.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Anytime I've been around a child, I

[Eddie Pepitone]

Around a child, watch them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm mostly stoned.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

When I'm around a child, I've been stoned.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Put on metal by Pink Floyd. Yeah.

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

Dude.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And just be like, put on a show. Explain to them what Vietnam was about. Yeah. Get them used to it. But so this. It's sad, right? I also believe. But part of me is one of those where I. I tend to think super bowl parties and children should be separate.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I think that children can be kept in a place away from the adults. That's maybe my thought. Thought, right.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They could have used a pack and play.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They could have used a pack and play. But truly, I think it's really nice that it worked out like this. So the baby went in and it's heartbreaking situation. They said they had smoked weed in the morning and they got the baby. They found the baby. So right now I'm trying to see. So according to crowdfunding. There's a crowdfunding thing up there. The baby is breathing and apparently he doesn't have serious brain damage.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He's not a baby. Is a toddler. Toddler. 18 months. He could say Dada, probably.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, yeah. I mean, hopefully.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I mean, also, the cop who showed up, there was a doctor on the scene who pronounced him dead. And the cops like, are you sure? The doctor's like, I'm a doctor.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let's just say I like. And no dead children. Okay, let me show you. First of all, I put the little silver mirror underneath his nose. Then I put two silver dollars on his eyes for the River Styx so that he can pay Karon to take him to the other side.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Because everyone's mad at the parents and. Yeah, yeah, of course. You shouldn't get. You know, you shouldn't get so high you don't know where your toddler is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I wouldn't. But the doctor, super paranoid about it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

The doctor literally turned to the cop and said, please do your thing and let me do my thing. I went to medical school for a reason. Direct quote.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nothing makes me happy, doctor. Nothing makes me happy.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Dead at the scene and locked him in a drawer at the morgue.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And done. Oh, what was that little twitch? Who cares? I gotta go finish the Super Bowl. Oh, my God. They're turning it all around.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wasn't this also the worst super bowl of all time?

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't watch anymore. Just a reason not to watch.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The last time I watched the super bowl was so boring. I don't even know why I would lose track of my child. Right. Am I wrong? Men out there. Side stories, side stores. Lpotl, Gmail.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Come.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What is the super bowl you would have lost your child at?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, it could have been during the halftime show.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, Janet Jackson.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No. Bad Bunny. Oh, was Bad Bunny everyone watching Bad Bunny?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was saying, deterring the time that I would be so distracted that I would lose control of a child.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Maybe he was doing a Bad Bunny impersonation and just hopped in the pool.

[Advertisement Voice]

What.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What's going to do?

[Advertisement Voice]

Bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Bad Bunny's got a super weird voice. Let's continue this story. I actually. I like Bad Bunny. I like that whole thing.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, no, it's. It's. It's good. It's fine. It's fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right. Now, Eddie.

[Eddie Pepitone]

What?

[Henry Zebrowski]

You have a bit of news.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This story is honestly really nice. And this was one of those.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Nice is. We don't know yet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Natalie's also developing. Natalie's obsessed with the story.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. So we got a guy. Everyone's been sending me this and thank you very much. I appreciate it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Of course. L. This is for you. You like big animals. Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So Neil the seal, okay. He's this Australian elephant seal and he's been showing up to Hobart a whole bunch. And he's big. He's the only boy in town.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And now this is New Zealand, right?

[Eddie Pepitone]

No, that's Hobart is Australia. That' the bottom of Australia.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Got it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Tasmania.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So Tasmania. That's what it is. And so he like, he's been. Neil the seal has kind of. Apparently this is it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Anders Br. Not Anders Braveck. Who was the other guy? Martin Bryant. Martin Bryan. Territory.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Got it. The. Now I know my favorite. Now I get it. Yes. Thank you.

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And so maybe he's just a fan.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Maybe he just wants go do a true crime tour. So Neil the seal apparently has made it a glass, like almost like a tradition.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He comes back twice a year, as elephant seals do. They come back and it's usually one male ro rules an area of females.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And Neil the seal is in charge. But there really isn't that many females around. But there's coming in here and there. But Neil the seal runs this area of Hobart. That's his beach. And he's going to get bigger.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's 2 tons right now it's fascinating. So they have to deal with him every time he shows up. Up. He's cranky. Because what he does is. It's both that it seems that he's cranky slash wildly playful slash horny. Where he's.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, that's why he's there. He's there to.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right, he's there to. And so he's not. So he's doing what all the cops told me that teenagers do when they don't. They break.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

They break up.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Rub against poles. Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So he then will fall asleep in the highway and he just starts breaking shit.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. He likes to hang out in puddles.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He likes signs.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. And basically you can't get. Get within 20m of Neil the seal. He's an elephant seal. They are very dangerous. They are very big. He will kill you. A lot of people that. And this is the real problem here. Not only is Neil the seal, like destructive, but the thing is the real issue is he's become a celebrity. Yeah. And people want their picture with him. And this is what's going to get Neil off.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Because someone's going to get hurt by Neil and then they're going to have to do something about the head. Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And it's. This is what happened. There was a walrus in Norway a couple years ago. This happened. They had to off his ass. Yeah. Because he was cute. Just sleeping on couches in the bay. And then people just keep getting too close to him and then they gotta kill him. Because that's what happens. And I'm not saying I agree with the fact that they gotta kill him. I'm just saying that's what happens. It will happen. You know, like

[Henry Zebrowski]

he's really fun. It's like I do like the idea that the town is embracing him. And all of the police and the construction people try to make it kind of semi safe for him. Cuz there's like air areas. There was like one thing that they showed that there was like one specific like fence he liked to sleep on.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well yeah, he just. They put up a fence to keep him out. And he was like that. I like you. I'm gonna ruin that fence. I'm gonna destroy it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But it's so cute. He just rips through this pole thing where he does this thing where they put up these like wood slats and he just falls on him and falls on and falls until they break and then he just rolls through and then he sleeps and it's very cutie. Like rolls around. He's obviously like playing. He kind of has like, it's like both. He's obviously super horny and aggressive, but he's also sort of like having a good time.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Two thou, £2,200 out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just piece of blubber just destroying. And they have to deal with him every year. And every year he comes back, he gets bigger. Yes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And apparently he's not going to reach full size until he's 10. That's awesome. And he's five now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's so much.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So he's going to get even bigger. This is his beach. He owns this shit. The problem is that people want to get too close to him or there's other people who just hate him because he's up the neighborhood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I get that. But yeah, dude, he was there before you, bro. I guess not.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No. Well, I mean elephant seals were.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And that here is one of the weird problems is they haven't been there in a long time. But now elephant seals are doing a little better than they were and they're showing up to places where they used to be and now there's a ton of people and they're not having a good time commingling.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, how does it, does elephant seal taste?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Not good. Yeah, they're all over California.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because we'd eat them, right?

[Eddie Pepitone]

We'd eat the out of them if we could.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I wonder why we don't.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Because I, you know, it's a lot of the mammals in the ocean, they're full of mercury. That's why you really shouldn't be eating whale, you shouldn't be eating dolphin. You know, you get a big head or you get your, your kids get a big head.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, unpalatable meat. Past over hunting then nearly drove into extinction. So at some point people are just like, it's just disgusting and it's really gross.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, well, yeah, because they look dark

[Henry Zebrowski]

gy and it's a strong metallic flavor.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They're protected. All animals should be protected. But yeah, so there is a petition to make sure he doesn't get euthanized. Make sure you go and sign it. If you care about Neil the seal.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We all care about Neil.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I signed it. I think everyone else should sign it. Not that I think my signature should matter in Tasmania.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, but, but it's fun that they allowed us the option.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes. Do you know there's a. Speaking of Tasmania, you know the, you know that Wu Tang album that, that the farmer bro bought and that none of us got to listen. They play it at a, at a, at a museum in Tasmania.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Weird.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Isn't that weird? That's the only place you can go listen to it is standing in that museum.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love Wu Tang, but I don't want to go.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's what Neil's all about. Maybe he's just a Wu Tang fan and he just wants to hear the secret album.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She's a knight of Shaolin. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, dude. Creepy man. Yes, I bet dude chum rules everything around me. That's huge, dude.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes, but he, he will be getting bigger and, but most elephant seals do die before they get to the breeding age. But I think Neil isn't going to because he's a big old boy and he seems to be king of the beach.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, you know what I say somebody

[Eddie Pepitone]

him also, I mean, don't worry.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Somebody him.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh no. Neil's throwing it down. Don't worry about that. I will say if you have free time. I definitely scared my neighbor on an airplane recently when I was watching a bunch of elephant seal fights.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Cuz they get violent.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Have you ever watched it?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh sure.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Just them slamming into each other and digging their mouths into each other and just blood flying everywhere, ripping each other's noses off. It's awesome.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I watched that Ethan Hawk movie, Blue Moon. No.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah. So same.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, see I. It's me. I'm listening to my Donald Bird jazz. Elephant seals slamming into each other. Yeah, it's really a great way to experience life.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, I only watch. That's where I watch dramas. I watch them on planes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You watch drop. Well, this is a drama.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It is.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This is a drama. The ultimate drama of life.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's action. Honestly, if I wanted to see this, I'd watch Brendan Fraser struggle to get out of his trailer. Oh come on.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He's a whale, not a seal.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That new movies about the weather? Yeah, that movie look so stupid.

[Eddie Pepitone]

How Many World War II movies there's

[Henry Zebrowski]

been that was about the weather.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Like they, we, we would have never won if this guy didn't study weather. What if there's clothes?

[Henry Zebrowski]

But what if there's clouds?

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's D day. It's got to be clouds.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We don't want them to go. If it's raining, we don't want them to go.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Rain. But it wasn't a tornado. I, I literally I, I'm glad you said something that makes no me was so.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I couldn't believe it. I thought I was like, so this entire World War II epic is about the weather? I was like, I'd rather shoot myself in the head. It's a movie about a cloud. It's like the dumbest I've ever heard.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's like the. The horrible conversation you get stuck in with your family but for three hours and boring.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And you got to watch Brendan Fraser, who's out of practice.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You go.

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hot takes. Yeah. Really hot, dude.

[Eddie Pepitone]

For Brett.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I like Brendan Fraser. I like him. I can't wait for him in the mummy movies. I honestly think he's gonna be great coming back to the mummy movies. He's just a serious actor.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Should call it the Tummy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the sequel to the Way that's Secret of the World. But he dies in that, so we can't bring him back unless he comes back. Kind of like a Jason.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I brought this up before, but so ne.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So net. So wanting to see gay porn and eat fried chicken again. He comes back from the dead. The whale too.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Can you believe I'm so. I brought this up before the whale. Not one fart.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Not one.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Not one fart.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You mean to tell me a 600 pound man's like fat man dying, 600 pound man movie.

[Eddie Pepitone]

The movie should have ended with a

[Henry Zebrowski]

long fart, especially a gay one, right? He's been in the butt.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Maybe. I don't think he has been. I think that's part of the problem.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Side stories. LPOTL gmail.com is the whale about him?

[Eddie Pepitone]

No, I don't think he got it ever. I think he just likes. Likes it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let's give it up for our billionaires. I'm gonna give it all up for our billionaires. Let's cover the story real quick.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay, go ahead. What is this?

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

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[Ryan Reynolds]

Here for Mint Mobile. Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Advertisement Voice]

of $45 for 3 months, $90 for 6 months or $180 for 12 month Plan required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Brian Johnson not our favorite person from AC dc.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay. This it?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, exactly. Why are we even covering it? This is. You guys only know it's the Mormon vampire. First of all that's a big slept on thing that I think no one's talking about with Brian Johnson. For those of you who don't remember, Brian Johnson is this guy that is basically said straight up, I have reversed aging. I'm gonna be the first ever person to live forever. I. His whole thing was that he's been draining blood from his son and from young people. He's. He consumes exactly 1977 calories a day from 6am to 11am he has gotten his weight down to a specific thing. He believes he only ages eight months out of every 1212, which is the dumbest I've ever heard. Doesn't make any sense. It means nothing.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Doesn't make sense.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He is. Whatever it is, it's 124 months less so he's 48 years old and so he's made this big deal about how

[Eddie Pepitone]

he's like biologically he's 54 at least.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's disgusting.

[Eddie Pepitone]

His body looks fine, but his face looks horrible.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And in truly the most wonderful set of just. I just love the universe in many ways. It doesn't give us everything we want, but it gives. Gives us the things that we need. And Brian Johnson having an incurable stomach disease because of the things that he's done to himself makes me laugh and makes me know that there's maybe somebody looking out for us because this guy now has this thing called.

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

It's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's a. It's a form of intense gastritis. His stomach has eaten itself. He refuses to fix it the normal way because he believes he can fix it his way. Which means what, Eddie?

[Eddie Pepitone]

He's gonna die?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And so that's the one of the best parts about is that his whole experiment's gonna be. He's gonna vander beacon in. Yes, he is. Eddie. You are Cor. Wrecked. It's going to rip through his whole life. It's going to destroy him. He's already tried to drain his son of blood. His son managed to survive. And so that's a. Sons.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Do not give your father all of your blood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just don't.

[Eddie Pepitone]

My dad asked me for a kidney. I was like, you, bro.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Dude, you're like, man, seriously, it's just like you got. How many. How many months you got left? Yeah. And you want my good ass kidney.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You want my liquor, so. Kidney.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I gotta straighten this thing out to give it to you and then I don't get to drink anymore.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can I just put it this way?

[Eddie Pepitone]

You're out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Exactly, Eddie. Your job as a parent. We're not parents. And that's why I love talking confidently about it. But your job as a parent is to create another sentient creature. That's it. You don't. They're. They have no other reason to. They don't have to follow anything you say. They don't have to talk. They don't take care of you. They don't talk to you.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Fucking organ farm.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They don't have to do anything. They literally. You just allowed another consciousness exit to exist.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Exist.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that's it. That's you. Yeah. You got to keep it alive. But after that, unfortunately guys, your son is not yours to do with what you want. So Brian Johnson tried to do that. He did milk his whole family for their blood. None of it works. He's been doing all this kind of stuff and it makes mean a lot to me because yes, I am one of those. Would I live forever? Maybe the only thing I think about with living forever is who's gonna pay for it? Who's gonna pay for my ass when I'm fucking 150 years old? What. What status am I going to be at at 1? Am I going to be able to. Is it. What kind of alive am I going to be at? 150 years old, which is almost double

[Eddie Pepitone]

the age of 80. And think of it, every 80 year old, you know right now they all

[Henry Zebrowski]

want to be dead or they want to end the world itself.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Their kneecaps are about to fudgeing pop out of their eyeballs.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they're so angry about it, they want to punish all the rest of us. This is why every 80 year old's clinging to life and you want to

[Eddie Pepitone]

keep them around for another 70 years.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I know. I feel like. I think like before we get this batch of 150s, I think we need to kill this batch of 85 first. I think this batch of 85 has to go. They can't be the 150s.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't think they're going to be.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Henry Mitch McConnell is currently soup and we are sitting waiting for his ass to finally cool off the stove. They don't want to because then they have. Then we get another guy in. So they're just letting him sit on a warming plate because he's just meat right now. Yeah, he really is just garbage.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I mean he's been meat for a long time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Our pedophile president is literally also just turning into liquid shit.

[Eddie Pepitone]

How is he not on our list? We fuck that McConnell should have been on our list.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We brought it up. We said no politics. We brought it up.

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

Afterwards.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You guys said no politics. But he was mentioned.

[Eddie Pepitone]

We got Pope Leo in there in that politics.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, unfortunately it's fake. Even more fake. The king of nonsense world where he just as long as you're not gay, it doesn't matter.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So how did McConnell get so sick? Did someone leave him on his back for too long? McEl.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, McConnell's just. McConnell's been.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh yeah. Cuz he shorts out occasionally.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I also have this kind of little, little theory that the part of the reason why I like Jeweler of the House. I want to kill him myself. Can I end him? Can I be the one? Can I do it with my hands? It wouldn't take much. I'd give money to a charity to do it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I have a he great when

[Eddie Pepitone]

he dies before this episode comes out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, hopefully. I hope wish that's the one time the curse would be awesome. It would be awesome. So I. I have this theory about these billionaire guys. Kind of like with Jeff Bezos about how he tried to go to space and he found out it really sucked and so that's why he stopped talking about going to space anymore. Yeah, I. I really do think a lot of what we're seeing with the Peter Thiel's of the world and the. The guy, the Tyco. What's ET Looking from the other one open AI all from Palantir and from this guy. I do weirdly think that they're running these kind of of like test lives to see what they can do to the rest of us and see what we can possibly live on. I think that the billionaire class would love to figure out a way to make us all be able to just be able to live on like food cubes and some kind of, like, kind of air aerialized water or something. Yeah. I think there's like, a way that they kind of wish there was a way to kind of cut the food and water supply out. Out of it too. And I think Brian Johnson is sort of an experiment to see if we can get people really down to nothing.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then we can then force them to live like that. Like, and then we can stop worrying about, like, feeding them.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I mean, he's worried. He's not feeding himself.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what I'm saying is that I feel like, are they trying to create a system in which they can finally get rid of all this stuff about food chains and food supplies and water supplies and stuff like that so they can figure out a way to make us sort of like plants?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, he started taking an iron supplement. That's big. So he should be fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Natalie just did as well.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. No, I will say this guy here's. Okay, I'm gonna say something nice about him. Are you ready for this? At least he did the experimenting on himself.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sure.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know, and he didn't do it on a bunch of rats and humans.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But honestly, you know, he was his own science experiment.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You might have learned more. You see what? His TikTok is immortal. Unk. Yeah, this. I can't wait to watch him get die being hit by a bread truck or something like, that's like, what's gonna happen to him? But I just think it's important to remember that all of these billionaires are really like, that's kind of the system we're now in right now. Which is. I think that's why they're trying to do the aspirational thing towards the billionaires, because the idea is to, like, see if they can live without food and water and stuff. Like, they can all live like this and just on pills and stuff. So can you. And you. And it's designed desirable like this life is desire. Like, the idea that AI is inevitable thing like, oh, no, it's desirable. You not being able to think or do anything also on your own is also super desirable.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I would love it if they just blew up his yacht the moment before he died.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Soon.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, just right in front. Right before he died. Just like, hey, watch this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Either way, make it a coral reef. Nothing. Also, I would say if you want to never have sex with a man ever again, see the ick footage of him with an umbrella in Australia because the sun's too strong for him. And then the fact that he went Out. And he did a clinical test of girlfriend's vagina to show why he clinically made it as tasty as possible.

[Eddie Pepitone]

His what? Yes, he made his wife's vagina.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Girlfriend.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Girlfriend's vagina.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He did it clinically.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Is Tate. What? He just.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They did ph. Tests on it to get it dialed in.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know. You know what fixes that? Peanut butter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're disgusting. Are you a Labrador retriever? Are you. Are you in Dariel Castro's house?

[Eddie Pepitone]

It seems like he spent a lot of money on something peanut butter could affect.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So sound like. Well, it sounds like you got him. Oh, God, I hate this human being so much. He is pure scum. This picture of him. These. All these guys dancing. It's like him and Elon Musk. These guys. All these guys are just.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We are in such bad shape as a culture right now.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, you know, that's fine, but he's dying.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Speaking of, a guy named Santa Claus was arrested on child exploitation. Oh, no.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Baby illegally changed his name to Santa Claus.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, that's right.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They baited him and they got him in an undercover sting. And Santa Claus showed up to the 13 year old south to have sex with him. But you just think that Santa Claus

[Eddie Pepitone]

would look up for Jingle Bells.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just feel like Santa Claus would know who's nice and naughty. And I feel like when it comes down to the Santa Claus.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So he's taking advantage of the naughty kids. He's like, you're fucking naughty. You want to fucking move up the ranks?

[Henry Zebrowski]

And now that's how. We just got to an Epstein update.

[Eddie Pepitone]

What? That's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, no. I'm just saying that's. That's Santa Claus as Gemma Jeffrey Epstein with his blackmail scenarios.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Imagine that if we like the. That's how we find out Santa Claus was real, is that he's in the. He's just been molesting.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's been molesting all the naughty kids

[Eddie Pepitone]

because he knows he won't say anything. Santa Claus is real, and he goes

[Henry Zebrowski]

to Epstein island and he molest the naughty kids because they know that they won't. And some of them kind. Some of them were like, I'll suck your neck.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know, like, I was wondering why there were so many reindeer in St. Thomas.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're sweating. Well, I'm glad we had this thought experiment. This dude does not look like Santa Claus, man. Well, you're right, Rob.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, you're right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Good. Shut him down at peg.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't think he is. I Might even say he might not be. I will say, though, I do really love the fact that he wore all red to the pickup.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He draw a red outfit like he was Santa Claus to go have sex with the child.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know, they call him Santa Claus because he hasn't trimmed his phone nails. Toenails. They call him Santa Claus because he doesn't trim his toenails and their claws. I said phone nails.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, you did. I can't remember. I can't unhear it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But his toenails are closed.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I can't unhear what you said before. I can't unear the message and the stuff that you made, the mistake. Mistakes you've made that we're now in

[Eddie Pepitone]

rough place to be a sugar plum, I'll tell you that much.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, right up that guy's ass. I feel like she calls Sugar Club plums is what he calls it when he has hemorrhoids.

[Eddie Pepitone]

If anyone changes their name to Santa Claus, put him in prison.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Shoot him in the head. Just shoot him in the head.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They're trying to get too close to children.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're lying to people. Because guess who doesn't exist? Santa Claus.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If I just started showing up in like, I'm the Easter Bunny.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Not just that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If I change my name legally to Easter Bunny Zabrowski, you'd arrest.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know how many people dress up as Santa Claus every year and don't call themselves Santa Claus?

[Henry Zebrowski]

If you be the most Santa Claus of all Santa Claus, you're trying to lie to the kids. Because also, since when has Santa Claus ever had a kid sit on his knee and he asked him what he wanted and the kid says, a good railing,

[Eddie Pepitone]

but it's happened once or twice.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Kind of need a good old dugout. Get Santa. Get me. Get me. You know what I mean?

[Eddie Pepitone]

How old are you?

[Henry Zebrowski]

What is even happening here? Is this a Penthouse letter?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Santa Claus was on a dating app.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was on a. That's how they caught him. He was on a dating app for kids. I don't know if it was for kids, but imagine coming across Santa Claus on a dating app. Oh, he's on Grindr.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay. Cupid. Cuz Cupid's one of the reindeer.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, not bad. He was on Grindr.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Not bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was on Grindr. And they posed as a child on Grindr.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He was on a dating app. Door dasher.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ew. Santa Claus.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Kids.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I like that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Was in our notes. All right, here we go. I think we talk listener email, right?

[Eddie Pepitone]

I love listener emails. Do we have any new Stuff Stingers

[Henry Zebrowski]

people been sending have any new ones? So if anybody wants to send a new one in, we could use a new one.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know what, Can I put out a request if anyone's like, got a reggae thing going on or like some xylophone. I would love to hear a xylophone listener email or some reggae listener email. You know, action. You know, I figure I ask. It's always like metal, which I love. It is like our. Our people, our wheelhouse.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No AI. No AI Stingers. We can. Anybody can do that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Because I.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We've people try to send us AI Stingers and pass them off as their. Yeah, we know. We can run through it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You're not.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm not going to play your AI Stingers ever. So don't send them.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Also. Yeah, also Rob can do that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I can. Yeah, we all can do that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

We can handle. We don't need you for that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I could fake. I could fake an AI Stinger if I needed to and I don't.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, please.

[Henry Zebrowski]

To be honest, actually, Eddie, I don't think I can.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You don't think. You don't know how to do it?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know how any of it works, actually.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, I've never tried it before. I don't know how people do it. I never really went on it before.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what's nice about getting to this age where truly I could just choose not to.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. It's like I wouldn't do tik tok. What makes you think I'm gonna do chat gbt?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm trying to make things. Why would I want the thing to make things?

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's. Yeah, it's. It's a. It's like someone tried to do this to me recently, trying to pitch me on this comedy AI thing. They sent me this long thing. It was like, I think with someone with your talent, could really use this and it would help you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, that's an insult. Don't you understand?

[Eddie Pepitone]

I like doing the work.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's called the artistic process.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes. It's enjoyable to me. I do this because I like it. I'm not cheating.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it's not cheating. Yeah, I'm not going. Also. Yeah. Why am I trying? What am I winning here?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, what are you talking about?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, what are you talking about?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Jerk offs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I say we. We get a new disease that wipes out 20% of us. Let's go. I just say we just get one more screw is getting close. The screw's getting up here. So he's Going to kill us screw

[Eddie Pepitone]

worms on the list.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Screw, little screw. Oh, here we go.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, that's what Brian Johnson could say. Use screw worm to eat all of his guts out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's cool. I remember 15 years ago. This came from maternal instinct is a response that we talked last week about the lady faking her pregnancy. We talked about. We talked about pathological liars.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I had a cooworker. We'll call her Connie. Faked pregnancy during my own pregnancy.

[Eddie Pepitone]

God damn it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Connie and her mom Bonnie. Yeah, real names match just like that. Was either completely in it on it or she was too afraid of her daughter. To Connie contradictor as Connie was very large, frightening, volatile woman, early 20s. She copied every detail of my pregnancy and went as far as throwing a real baby shower that some of our co workers actually attended. It was 2011. I was working in a family owned truck stop diner and that is the best place to be pregnant and work.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, I think you actually kind of have to be hired.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what I would do. Yeah. And smoke and I just told my co workers that I was in expecting the very next day I arrive for my shift and I over your Connie talking about her pregnancy at a table of customers. Some clocking in my other coworker and Connie's mother Bonnie asks if I've heard the news and aptly tells me that Connie and I are prego buddies and that Connie was having twins and her due date was the same as mine as I politely congratulated her and I can see my other co workers behind her shaking their heads and mouthing no she's not. None of my other co workers bought Connie's story while whatsoever. They'd all worked there for years and Connie was a known pathological liar.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You're going to fake a pregnancy, don't do it with twins.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Also I'd say if you're a manager of something, fire a known pathological liar.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, just go ahead and do it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just fire him. Even if it's, even if it's stuff that's got nothing to do with work. Fire them. They're bad news.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Or you know what the best. If it's a cook thing and you don't want to like pay the, the, the whatchamacallit. The, the what's it? Wouldn't you fire somebody sometimes? Unemployment. Yeah, but you don't want to pay

[Henry Zebrowski]

them that you don't normally do normally with you fire somebody you don't have

[Eddie Pepitone]

to take them down to half a shift a week. Let them deal with that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's evil.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But I did that to a couple people especially.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're completely really bad. Well, especially if they're mentally ill and you're trying to slowly fold them out.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, that's, you know, that's idiot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's evil. Now this wasn't the first fake pregnancy. Well, no, I'm saying if they're actually evilly mentally ill. I'm talking about evil mental. Never. Actually, not sick people. I'm talking about people that are dangerous. Oh, shy pathological liars are dangerous.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They certainly, certainly are.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This one went on the longest by far. They had. She had already apparently did another first fake pregnancy. Right. So for months we'd all side each side eyed each other when the topic of Connie's twins came up. And especially when she wouldn't, she would blatantly do things pregnant women shouldn't do, like pounding energy drinks all day every day. I don't think I ever saw her drink something that wasn't a monster. Routinely starting fist fights in the truck stop parking lot.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Kind of.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Connie's a pip. Not to mention all of her sonogram pictures were clearly printed off the Internet home with any identifying details blacked out with a Sharpie. You're probably thinking how far could this possibly go? Because surely as soon as Connie never started to grow a baby bump, the jig would be up.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

However, Connie and Bonnie were both very large rotund women. Connie herself was about 6 foot 350, 350 pounds. Even if she was pregnant, it would be hard to tell. So between the huge size difference between her an eye and her ability to endlessly lie with a straight face, a co conspirator mother who would say and do anything to keep her happy and her explosive anger. I certainly wasn't going to call her on her. Exactly.

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is the problem, guys. A few months later when I as a fellow employee.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's not her job.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's not her. It's not her job. It is her boss's job.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Few months later when I found out I was having a girl. What do you know? Connie's twins are girls. When I complain about some pregnancy related issues out there was having, she began bragging about how easy this pregnancy was for her.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It was the. It was easy for her because it's fake. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because even though she was only six months along, as was I, she was already dilating and her doctor told her she was gonna have an easy peasy labor and delivery. That was another red flag. That's just because dilating that early would be something she'd be hospitalized in or on a strict bed rest for. And also because she was planning seeds to explain how she bounced back so quickly after the birth. Yeah, when I handed out invitations for my baby shower the very next day, Bonnie and Connie came in with their own invitations for Connie shower, and it was being held exactly one week before mine. This is when I thought the facade was going to end. Because of course they're not going to throw an actual baby shower for a painfully obvious pretend pregnancy. Right? And if they did, no one's going to go. But I learned that day that sometimes crazy has no limits. And an actual baby shower actually happened. And some of our co workers even attended. Despite knowing that this was all a lie. I think we all just wanted to see how far the lie would go.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, no, I, you know, morbid curiosity.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, now it's too late. Now I'm into it too.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I want to see if you're working at a truck stop and that's all you do. You know, this is entertainment.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, it's better than Marvel, right? Weirdly, I was the only coworker not invited. But I was more than happy to volunteer to work a double to cover them. Because an actually. As. Because as an actually expected mother, I was not going to spend money on a present for Connie's make believe twins. After Connie's baby shower, my family, friends, coworkers and I stopped being amused by this saga and all agreed this was now heading into a street scary. Maybe fetal abduction territory.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Was it byob? I feel like that's important. If there was free beer, I can see why people showed up.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Absolutely. Or if it was, I thought it was gonna be bring your own baby. And she did. Yeah, she did not. So how would. I don't even know. She can't even go against her own rsvp. It went to the point that all my manager took upon herself to move me to a later shift. So Connie, Bonnie and I would never cross paths during the day. What a. Fortunately, I didn't have to worry much longer because just a few days after my baby was shower, Connie's a no show for several days. Eventually tells us that Connie quit because she miscarried the babies. And at this point, we were both on our final six weeks of pregnancy. It's not a miscarriage at that point, it's a still birth. But since all of us working there knew that there was no twins to begin with, nobody corrected her.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

However, when regulars would ask Bonnie about Connie and the babies, Bonnie then pretended like she had no idea what they were talking about. Talking about. A few regulars were so weirded out by Bonnie's blatant gaslighting that some refused to be waited on by Bonnie again. I'm wondering if they'd given her Connie gifts or money for the babies and then they were lied to.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

By the way, I don't know what happened after that because I left for maternity to leave shortly after this and then I quit for good weeks later. I'm just happy that I didn't end up with an amateur C section at the hands of Bonnie and Connie. Honestly, I think that you are correct. I think you are right to think that I. I really, really think we have to stop minimizing behaviors that speak to much worse stuff. Like I get. I. I'm. I get problems with driving angry. Right. One of the reasons why I drive angry and I talk about this in therapy, why I get angry when I drive is because I have a distinct issue with whatever I deal with, with ocd. I moralize many things. I view certain things make you a good person, certain things make you a bad person.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And you love screaming the words, you my favorite.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And so I. But there's a part of me that knows it. Not moralized. But there's certain things I look at that I can't help but feeling that way. And one thing to me is that it shows to me somebody's character quite a bit when they're visibly on the phone while driving. There's something about that that makes me so livid. Like holding it against looking at it, looking down at it, not. Not paying attention to what they're doing. They're going to kill somebody. They're going to kill all of us. Right. And there's a good thing about that that in my mind is indic. Much larger. Not just attention span problem, but literally an empathy problem. Like a. A lack of understanding that we are surrounded by others doing the same thing that also need to traverse safely through and quickly through society. And that when I see somebody doing that, to me, it speaks to you. Couldn't give a fuck if I live or die.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's how I feel about speeding.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But it depends on. It's a life, the type of speeding. Right. I don't, I don't.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Just because you're a good driver doesn't mean everyone else is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I also. There's something to drive him too slow. I'm just saying altogether something like. Something like pathological lying is a symbol of very bad behavior.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And it is going to Escalate always. It does not end there. You're willing to lie about something like that. You're willing to do anything.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Absolutely.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because you will eventually do something to try. To you, you're heading towards an end point.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So what do you think? Do you cut someone out or do you call. Call them out?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I say these days, cut them out. Cut them out.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Because like, you don't need to fucking become their police.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Somebody that is been found to lie and has never once apologized before it or never kind of said, this is what's really going on. Someone that doubles down also somebody doesn't take no for an answer. Yeah, that's another big thing of mine is that when I find that when someone just did not take no for an answer, it means that you don't care about my will and you don't care how I feel about a thing. And I don't care whether it's about French fries or if it's about like the most innocuous, like, or if it's something really serious. The second you don't take no for an answer from me, I'm not talking to you anymore.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, I fucking hate salesmen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. But that's a part of me just being like, I'm just done. I'm done. Once I've said no, that gate is. That gate is closed.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because I'm not going to do that. So to me, it's one of those where you see stuff like this because. Interesting, because I find pathological liars fascinating.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. I didn't. I never got it like, I never understood pathological liars.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There is nothing to get. There's nothing to get. It is a sign of. It's just so psychopathy.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's so hard.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it's because they don't want to do the real work of doing something. Because the real world, which is easier

[Eddie Pepitone]

than keeping up all your goddamn lies.

[Henry Zebrowski]

See, we say that because we work hard and we do hard work all the time. And we work on ourselves and we do things that are difficult. And there are things, some people that don't do a single hard thing ever. That chick is working as a waitress with her mother at a truck stop diner.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ambition stopped there. Like, I don't need you to be in charge of a Fork Fortune 500 company. Yeah. But just the idea that like, and you can have a simple life. I think it's all fine. It's all fine. It's just really about what you do with it. And it's like some. These people like stuff like this If I was a manager of that. You can find two waitresses and a blink, throw a rock, you can hit them.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like in that. In that place, it's like as soon as they start lying about stuff that's completely insequential and then doubling down on the lie.

[Eddie Pepitone]

If they are lying and they work for you, they're going to end up stealing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They are. And then that's the basis. That's just the basis of the things they're going to do. Yeah, that's a very bottom level. And then it just goes up from there. So they need to learn a lesson the hard way. I think partially, that's what it is too, is that some of these people have not been punished hard enough.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. And there's, you know, they create a hostile work environment. Environment, yes. You know, as well. And that disturbs business as well.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Everything you gotta. Destroys everything. As soon as you have that kind of toxicity inside of your organization, it just spreads like a cancer.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I think a little light lying's okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You have to lie a little bit.

[Eddie Pepitone]

A little light lying's fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Maybe nice to me.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's all I want.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you're late, you know, you get a little white lie on why you're late.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, of course. Honestly, prefer you gave me the effort of lying to me. You know, at least you came up with a excuse.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I'm fine with it. But if you're creating an entire twin

[Henry Zebrowski]

pregnancy, then you're lying.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's up. Taking cash from customers, you're literally in a full.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like that's full sociopath.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, that's up. Yeah, yeah. It's a little cramps a Connie person.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Thank you.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You're welcome.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So go check out kiswee.com. i think it's.

[Eddie Pepitone]

What is lpotl.kiswee.com lpotl.kisweE.com that's K-I S W E. And that's going to be for. On the 18th of July, July, we have a show in Oklahoma City. It is the last JK Ultra show, but we're going to stream it. So if you haven't gotten the chance to go out and see JK Ultra, it's been two and a half years. I'm sorry if we didn't come to your town.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's also completely different from two and a half years ago. So if you saw it two years ago, the show's basically almost entirely different.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You're right, it is. Yeah. It's still got the general same like, outline, but like, the jokes are completely different. That's for goddamn sure. But yeah, we've been having so much fun with this, but it is time to put this baby to bed. It's time we rode her out, we rode her along and we wrote her.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, we made it. It's perfect now. Like a finely ho knife.

[Eddie Pepitone]

There are still some tickets left for the last two shows. That's going to be on July 17, Tulsa at Kane's Ballroom. July 18, Oklahoma City Tower Theater. But also, when you do the live stream, you get it for two weeks.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You do? Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You don't have to watch it in the moment. You can still rent it the day after and all that stuff. And so don't think you got to be there like it's a television show.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, dude.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And come check it out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're gonna have a lot of fun, man.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Also, the following day, I'm gonna be in Plano, Texas, on over at the Mic Drop there. It's gonna be fun. You know who I got opening for me? Nesh Patel.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ooh, that little up and comer.

[Eddie Pepitone]

The other one. There's a second one. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Local Dallas comedian.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's very funny.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So I, I was like, I was like, I'll help the other ne out.

[Advertisement Voice]

You're.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, I think our nemes is gonna be angry. He's losing work.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, I can't. Well, I used to open for him, so now this one could come open for me. And I think that works out just fine. I'm real happy about it. Yeah, but he goes by just nes on. On. On the old Instagram, so go follow him there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's cool.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But also this weekend, all right, I got big ass shows this weekend. First off, July 10th, salute to Bethlehem. This is like, I've never done anything like this. I have a two hour epic show with people from Bethlehem, about Bethlehem. I don't know why I'm doing this. I've hired writers. I've, like, it's like, like it is a whole thing. So please, if you are in the Bethlehem area, you're not going to want to miss this. This is going to be Friday. All right? That's July 10th. Friday, a salute to Bethlehem at the Arts Quest Steel Stacks. It's a really cool venue. They got food. I'm going to be there with merch. Don't worry about that. And then that Sunday night, I'm going to be in Newark at the Newark Culture Club. But that actually might be sold out already. And if you can't get tickets to that, come see me in New York City at the City City Winery. Co headlining with Kirsten Michelle Sills. It's gonna be a blast. That's gonna be at the City Winery in New York on Monday, July 13th. And then go to eddytunes.com I'm coming to all kinds of cities. I'm booking more. These shows are starting to sell out. I already sold out one of my Chicago shows so come and see the other one. That's going to be on July 31st. Henry and I got a sold out show here in la and then we got another one back up up after that with the Disney show that some dead men tell some tales. That's gonna be a Dynasty typewriter during D23 weekend and that's gonna be on August 16th. So come get wet with that. Go to edittunes.com see if I'm coming

[Henry Zebrowski]

to your goddamn town. So live every day knowing that if you just open your throat wide enough, you could be a hot dog champion. God, he's got a golden throat. And you just gotta love how thick and maintained that throat needs to be. So you gotta widen it every day by, with. With swallow and soda cans.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, that's why he's choking people out. Cuz he wants to make their throat smaller so he wins forever.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then you can laugh knowing for a fact you're crushing throats everywhere. Ain't nobody ever going to get that record. Ain't nobody.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Give me that, that, that. Give me that, that, that N. Give me that. Give me that.

[Guest or Minor Speaker]

Give me that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Eating at Nathan's is the place.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh you don't, you don't. You already did.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Always chewing is the life for me. Spread your lips open far and wide. Oh, that just let me put dog inside.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Very good. You see, I like the second version of it better.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes. Give me that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hail nut.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Hail the fucking big old nut.