Side Stories: Muyuns & Monsters

Summary

Last Podcast On The Left – Side Stories: Muyuns & Monsters

Release Date: July 29, 2026
Hosts: Henry Zebrowski & Eddie Pepitone

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Side Stories" on Last Podcast On The Left delivers the show’s trademark blend of dark humor, offbeat news, and grotesque tales. Henry and Eddie tackle everything from viral TikTok subcultures (Gooners), legal battles over fortune-telling, unhinged public acts at concerts and dollar stores, pop culture weirdness (Minions!), and an array of bizarre listener stories. Interspersed with sharp comedic banter, the hosts dissect why modern depravity seems weirder than ever—while never letting listeners forget to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. Muyoon Brothers, TikTok Fame & Pop Country

(01:27–11:24)

• Henry obsesses over the "Muyoon Brothers," Malaysian triplets from Ohio with viral country song covers. He jokes about "buying" the brothers and making them his sidekicks, skewering the surreality of TikTok celebrity.
  • Henry: “I like you to appear as a toddler and be able to smoke… you’re my favorite person in the world.” [03:45]
• Conversation pivots into country music—real vs. pop—and how Henry’s therapist is urging him to listen to “happier music” to curb his anger issues.
  • Henry: “My therapist said, when you’re in that headspace, go pet the dogs.” [08:51]
• Eddie offers up his new foster puppy for adoption, and Henry extends the bit about having too many Malaysian men at his house—and their chaos.

2. Gooners & Dollar Store Nightmares

(12:36–24:42)

• Eddie introduces a news story about Gooners—members of a viral subculture who masturbate obsessively, sometimes in public places like Dollar Stores.
  • Eddie: “There’s this weird TikTok trend of coming on people at Dollar Stores…” [13:02]
  • Henry: “Not all dollar store employees are Gooners, but all Gooners are dollar store employees.” [13:12]
• Discussion on how the intersection of internet culture and neglected retail spaces allows these behaviors to flourish, with riffs on how weak corporate accountability and poor communities are targeted.
• Both hosts note the social and technological roots of the phenomenon, culminating in gallows humor about solutions (robots, body cams, vigilantism).
  • Henry: “No one knows properly how to deal with it besides literally beating the living shit out of each one…” [19:31]
  • Eddie: “They refuse to keep people safe at these places.” [19:55]

3. Fortune-Telling Lawsuit in Pennsylvania

(30:08–37:52)

• The hosts analyze a court case involving Beck Ravenswood, a witch and tarot reader fighting a Pennsylvania law banning paid fortune-telling.
  • Henry: “We could do a thing where tarot card readers get a license… but then they better make those other fucking bitches do it too.” [34:12]
• They lampoon religious double standards, the antiquity of such laws, and the broader American tendency to use bureaucracy and law enforcement for petty personal vendettas.
  • Eddie: “If you’re going to have a Christian bookstore, you can have a tarot bookstore.” [34:48]
  • Henry: “The Bible’s a—Bible’s fake. It’s a random book.” [36:09]

4. Minions, Monsters & Pop Culture Paranoia

(38:00–43:40)

• Satirical deconstruction of the new “Minions” movie, its ahistorical timeline (how did they miss WWII/Nazis?), and Christian parent panics about evil in kids' media.
  • Eddie: “They actually did put some sort of a story element so Minions were not around during the reign of Adolf Hitler.” [40:05]
• Tangents into the ridiculousness of modern animated film storylines, with recurring riffs on the morality and history of Minions.

5. Concert Diapers, Poop Incidents, & Listener Confessions

(44:09–54:56 & 50:05–54:56)

• The hosts recount a grisly incident at a Devil’s Cat Den concert where an audience member defecated mid-show, prompting mass disgust and vomiting.
  • Henry: “He tried to shake it out… kicked the poo away… smeared it everywhere. Beer on the ground. It mixed in.” [47:09–47:32]
• Listener submissions reveal the prevalence of “concert diapers” for fans desperate to stay at the front of shows.
  • Listener email: “I wore an adult diaper for the line and the duration of the concert. …by the end of the show there was some leakage.” [50:34–51:10]
• The hosts react in disbelief and disgust, but also appreciation for the wild devotion of fans.

6. Viral Weirdoes: The Hat Man, Supervillain Culture, & Real-Life Jokers

(58:03–64:45)

• The “Hat Man”—a viral Massachusetts creep who impersonates a surreal monster in public, escalating to sexual harassment—is covered as another addition to the “rogues gallery” of weird modern supervillains.
  • Henry: “He does talk. If you say the word mime to me, I know for a fact you don’t know what you’re talking about.” [58:36]
• Comparison with similar viral menaces (e.g., the Burbank Butt Sniffer) and musing on why real-life superheroes are less common than such supervillains.

7. School Shooter Drones in Texas & Societal Dystopia

(65:10–71:47)

• News about Texas deploying school defense drones with pepper spray in response to school shootings—presented with dark sarcasm about cowardly police and dystopian priorities.
  • Eddie: “So now, basically, there are drones that live in schools to keep us safe from ourselves.” [67:32]
  • Henry: “At this point, we might as well just have the robots be the police.” [70:22]

8. Listener Stories: Poop, Blood, & Body Horror

(75:26–84:46)

• A listener (an orthopedic surgeon) debunks whether one can die from penis blood loss, sharing a harrowing story of a man who lost his scrotum to a hair tie gone wrong.
  • “A patient… decided to take his wife’s hair tie, wrap it around his scrotum… his balls come with it. He flushes them down the toilet.” [76:54–77:25]
• Another listener details cleaning a fast food bathroom after an elderly woman “committed a crime against humanity,” forcing the staff to confront the reality that unspeakable acts become legends.

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Selected Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• Henry on internet depravity:
  “Pornography and UFOs are the two driving forces of the Internet as we know it today.” [16:25]
• Eddie on mass neglect:
  “They refuse to keep people safe at these places.” [19:55]
• Henry on Gooners:
  “Not all dollar store employees are Gooners, but all Gooners are dollar store employees.” [13:12]
• Henry on the uselessness of certain laws:
  “The Bible’s a—Bible’s fake. It’s a random book.” [36:09]
• Eddie on concert diapers:
  “You gotta cover yourself in piss…” [51:23]
• Henry on the Hat Man:
  “He does talk. If you say the words mime to me, I know for a fact you don't know what you're talking about.” [58:36]
• Eddie on robots in schools:
  “There's drones that live in schools to keep us safe from ourselves.” [67:32]
• Henry, classic sign-off:
  “Hail Satan. We’ll see you next week. You’re dead to me.” [88:17]

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Memorable Moments

• The entire discussion of the “concert poop” chain reaction—a vivid, communal moment of disgust.
• The dark satire around why Minions “skipped” the Nazi years.
• The segment on the “Hat Man”—equal parts urban legend, performance art, and creep horror.
• The debate over which acts, if any, are “worth” soiling yourself for at a concert.
• Listener stories that turn from deeply disturbing to weirdly endearing, demonstrating the show’s knack for making the grotesque somehow communal.

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Important Timestamps

• Muyoon Brothers & country music therapy: 01:27–11:24
• Gooners & Dollar Store chaos: 12:36–24:42
• Fortune-telling law/debate: 30:08–37:52
• Minions & pop culture panic: 38:00–43:40
• Concert “poop-ocalypse” and diapers: 44:09–54:56
• Real-life supervillains (Hat Man): 58:03–64:45
• School defense drones in Texas: 65:10–71:47
• Listener blood/poop horror stories: 75:26–84:46

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Summary

This episode gleefully careens through internet absurdity, neglected corners of American commerce, bodily taboos, and pop culture’s most ridiculous footholds. Henry and Eddie’s chemistry turns even the foulest desperation (public gooning, concert defecation, medical gore) into laugh-out-loud trophies of shared human weirdness. It’s a classic Side Stories: dark, anarchic, honest, and so, so funny.

Transcript

[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Eddie Pepitone]

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[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Eddie Pepitone]

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[Henry Zebrowski]

So I wouldn't have to buy a new phone?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yep. Plus your plan price stays the same for 5 years on experience plans.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nice.

[Eddie Pepitone]

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[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Eddie Pepitone]

5G data exclusions like taxes and fees apply.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, maxing is so maxing right now, bro. Get ready for spicy chicken maxing because Carl's Jr. Is saving you big with a 5.99 maxed out double stack double stack double stack spicy chicken sandwich. Seriously, just 5.99 double stack spicy chicken.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This is unreal value in the bromosphere.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The new spicy chicken Max wallet friendly Max tasty only at Carl's Jr available for a limited time at participating restaurants. Tax unincluded. Not valid for use within a combo or a combination with any other offered discount. There's no place to escape to.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This is the last podcast on the left side stories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You like this?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This doesn't make sense to me that you like this but like his.

[Henry Zebrowski]

His entryway to it was the Malaysian boys.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh well that's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I like that. But now I like the song.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Is it an old song or a new song?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it's brand new song. Yeah, they did this version. This is the better version.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Now I'm

[Henry Zebrowski]

he always up.

[Eddie Pepitone]

These poor bastards.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Stepping around the room.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They're gonna save up all their money to go to

[Henry Zebrowski]

his face. There's nothing I can do. Take a crystal ball to Kawa. Always finds a way to leave drinking jack all by myself. He's choosing Texas. I can tell he loves it. That's the closest I get, man.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, that's the country, man. Yeah. No, I don't know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I like that song. I like that song sung by the Malaysian triplet boys. Those are the Muyoon brothers. I believe that's how it's pronounced. Those are the Muyun brothers. They're all the way from central Ohio. Malaysia.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They should be called the Bloomin Union is just.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're only wearing the flower outfits for this one song. I've played this on the stream several times. It's the one video I send to our mutual friend Billy Wayne Davis over and over again.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And now what's happened is I like.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You played this on the stream.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. You weren't there for that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I wasn't there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was the one. He wasn't there for.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, I was just like, man. I was like. I was like. I really do check out sometimes. I was like, wow. I was impressed by myself.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, no. You. You're forced. I make you at least acknowledge some of my little Asian. But then I found myself liking the original song. Non. Ironically, it went from the little Malaysian. Because the Malaysian boys, the triplets, are probably 30.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But they look like they're little toddlers, which is, again, my favorite type of person. Yeah, I like them better than any other type of person. I like you to appear as a toddler and be able to smoke. That is, if you can appear as a toddler, be able to smoke, have a conversation with me, and we can go drink together. You're my favorite person in the world. Having a little Malaysian boy, man pop right up on my shoulder like a parrot.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You would love that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nothing would make me happier than I have his little hooked feet.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You can't buy one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You cannot buy one.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Henry.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I will. I do understand the Moon Brothers need to be purchased as a group, and that is fine. I will provide the Muyoon Brothers. I have one room that they can stay in, which I'm certain will be far more luxurious than what they're used to. And I think that I can really show them the town. I think it'd be me, the Moo Yoon Brothers, too. Chuki, we could go out there and just take over Los Angeles.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

At the Blue Note.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You like it? It makes you very happy. Why you need to go the Blue Note again?

[Henry Zebrowski]

We could book the Blue Note, me and the Muyoon Brothers at the.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Hold on a second. You're going to do the Blue Note without me?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Unfortunately, yes. Unfortunately. It's the Moon Brothers.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Burn this building into the ground.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is about bringing the Moon Brothers. I'm going to have to teach them the Ella Fitzgerald songbook.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, you got to take. You don't take them there. You take them to Tin Horn Flats.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. Well, Tin or Hat Flats does need the moon jump.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Exactly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So we'll see you guys over next week. So once I get the paperwork done for them, they got to get their shots. And we do have to package them. I believe they do have to go underneath the plane.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, and the Ella Langley Choosing Texas video does star Luke Grimes from Yellowstone. I was correct.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's really interesting because it also has another actual like, what's it, a boy rider? Cowboy rider? A bull rider?

[Eddie Pepitone]

A bull rider.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. There's a guy in there who's a real bull rider. Then he talks about how he's like, you could deal. Men pretend to be from the country because they don't fold their hat right. And it's like, bro, just leave me the fuck alone. I'm from Los.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Wade Bowen, maybe. I don't know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Who cares?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Cowboys.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This guy. That's a real bull rider.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, yeah, they are. He looks like it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He is. He's a real bull rider. And he probably. Honestly, he probably gave that little country lady the ride to her life.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't know. I feel like he's got his mouth wrapped around Taylor Sheridan.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah, he does. Gotta keep him warm in the cold. Welcome to side Stories. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I am sitting here with. With the illustrious immune to country music, Ed Larson.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I love country music.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You don't like the song?

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't care about the song. I need to. I need to learn about it more before I just. I can't like something on my first listen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She's choosing.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I need to understand something a little more. So far, I don't really like it, but things grow on me, you know,

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm a Sturgill man. I know, but I like real country.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I like. You know, this is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I like real country.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No, but this is like pop country.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I like Casey Musgraves. That's as far as I'll go. Is. Maybe I'll listen to some of it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This part of me doing this.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is because my.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I think this is great, by the way.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. I need. I need some happier music. My therapist. I was talking with my therapist about my. Not recent, but it seems to be overbuilding what we. I seem to be calling, like, rage episodes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That I've been experiencing on and off since I was born.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So he puts the Piston therapist.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. And what he told me this week was that anytime I think of something bad. Right. Or something bad. Or like, let's say I'm deep in a violent fantasy about what I want to do to various people that I consider to be villains around me in a circle. Right. Yeah. And then every time I want to do something like that, when I want to.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Henry's the new gym enemy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We all know. The audience knows. The audience knows.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And when I fantasize out loud about what I want to happen. Right. And the way I think that encounters will go. My therapist said, pause. When you go into this because righteous anger feels good. Yeah, righteous anger feels good. But also afterwards, I feel tired. Eddie, of course, because I'm all filled with righteous anger.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You can't get mad all the time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I mean, you know, you can't.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Can't.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I physically can't. So you'll die. He says to turn to nice things. So every single time I experience pure rage, I'm supposed to then put on something that's really nice. It's my new pan flutes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So your therapist, when you complained and said you're going through fits of rage and thinking about murdering someone.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Not murder.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You said you wish your hands were knives earlier.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I said that. I was kind of an extended fun idea about how nice it would be if my hands were indeed blades and I could experience the cutting of the flesh on my own and to be the knife therapist.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And he said, think of something nice.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He said, pet the dogs.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Pet the dogs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He said, when you're in that headspace, you should pet the dogs.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I feel like you have to fire this man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, he's really good. Look at how much I'm healed already.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Speaking of, that's what. The dogs are healed.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, they're actually quite. Not trained. No, they do whatever the living they want to do.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, I got a new puppy at the house, if anyone needs a puppy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he's trying to get rid of this dog.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I got to get rid of this puppy. So if anyone needs a puppy. He's real cute. His name's Murphy, and he was supposed to go to another foster house on Wednesday. And they were like, nah, you got it. Yeah, there you go. He's living in my house. And we're not. We're not a puppy house.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, he's. They really just.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Puppy house.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's just squatting.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Very cute.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's very.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't know what he is. He looks like a yellow lab corgi mix, if I had to guess. But I still don't know what he is. But he's very cute. And I'd say for a puppy, he's very sleepy. And so I think that's very good. But let's move him on out at gmail dot com. Take that back, hamline.eddytunes Gmail.com.

[Henry Zebrowski]

and also, I have three Malaysian men that. That honestly lied about their age. They really need to get out of my house. Actually, now that I have brought them over, I just found they are a little bit more mature than I want them to be. And they're leaving cigar ash everywhere. And they burnt they burnt Natalie with the end of one of their stogies. And I said, they'll get asked to stop. They came in, they killed a fish, they ate his guts, they made a bunch of blood soup. And now I can't get them out of my house. They're not toddlers. They're not toddlers. They are full grown men. And I hope you love the song Choosing Texas, you know, because it's the only one they know in English.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I was thinking of, like, you know, new plays on words when I was doing nothing and just thinking, looking at the wall, and if there was a diddler named Todd, would he be a toddler?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Thank you. I feel like we can start the show now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Thank you. Yeah. Now let's start. Welcome to side Stories. My name is Henry Zabrowski. We've been warming up, getting ready to talk on the show. I am selling three Malaysian boys, men for money and I will split 10 of it with them to hopefully fund. They need a new. They need a home and they have to move as a group.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And then they need new shoes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. Any new shoes? Yeah, because they were. They're tap dancing too hard.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, they're very. They're very good. They're strong.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They have a million followers on Tick Tock.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They have a million followers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're crushing it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, I love the Moon Brother. No, the Moon Brothers are unstoppable.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know who doesn't have a million followers on Tick Tock? You guys got to get in there. You got to go to lpotl.kiswee.com to watch the stream.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We have a couple more days left. Stream.

[Eddie Pepitone]

JK Ultra Live Oklahoma City Tower Theater is [e-mail] Go watch the stream. It's available till Saturday.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, go. And also check out our brand new single from our Halloween sound effects album which will will be announcing a second pressing up soon. But you can go listen to Gods and Leather by the enigmatic band Master Trash anywhere. Songs are available.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

For streaming.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And our wonderful, the wonderful Ash Gordon.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ash Gordon wrote the song, sang the

[Eddie Pepitone]

song with us, sang the song, and they just had a child. Let's get some listens to get them some money for the child.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The only way they're going to make money and you know how much money they make off of Spotify.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes. So please, let's get her these 30

[Henry Zebrowski]

cents and go and check out Fred Jansen's revolting repository of Ghastly Sounds, Volume 1 and 2, which will be coming back out yeah. Very soon.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Also. Yeah. Come see us at Midsummer Scream. There might be an announcement there. Oh. So we got. We got some stories and some stories.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I love stories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I first want to start with your story. This. This story about the dollar store.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think that we should start with this. This is your story. Your favorite story of the week.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I, you know, Well, I. It's not. It's not my favorite. It's. It's the most insane story that there is this week. Yeah, the. The dollar stores don't go to dollar

[Henry Zebrowski]

stores don't go to dollars.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They're independently evil without this. But apparently Gooners are going in there and coming on the employees and they're coming on the patrons and sometimes the. On the Patriots.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that's the problem is that not all dollar store employees are Gooners, but all Gooners are dollar store employees. So that's as I told it. It's harder to parse it sometimes. I do understand.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes, they talk. They call themselves the Dollar General Gunarols. There is like a weird, like TikTok trend of coming on people at dollar stores.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So the first thing is we covered the first ever Gooner roll this year, I believe, in which a fellow member of the goon community died and a group of Gooners got together a Goonettes and they gooned publicly for this. This fallen comrade of theirs. And that was like the first time the public really heard the term gooning, which we know is long for masturbating,

[Eddie Pepitone]

but I still like don't totally understand gooning.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It is all day masturbated sometimes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's coming when you need it to be. I feel like it's just a term that changes all the time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It is. You're right.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't think there's to it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're right. There is a term that's. Because what they're doing is. It is a. They have a term that they're doing now because this is very spec. Gooning. Really? Honestly, Eddie, Gooning is just masturbating all day. It's either to come or to not fully calm. Some guys come multiple times. It's just spending your entire existence thinking about masturbating and pornography. That is your whole. And they're instead of them. The goal is instead of being losers. Right. That's a identity. That's a thing that they're taking on.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But the thing is, if you're doing this at home, good for you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, that's what we said. Yeah. In your house. But that's the problem. So I also will say maybe you shouldn't.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No, you shouldn't. But also just jerk off. The ones keep them out of society, keep them at home. Well, it's hard. That's kind of how I feel about it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So what these guys started doing, this is a thing. It's a trend amongst them. It's mostly a dollar. This is a dollar Trees. It seems to be. It's an all three.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's a dollar Trees. Dollar generals. And over at Family Dollar as well.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's great. I love jerking off at the family dollar.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Well, Family dollar is also owned by Dollar Tree. It's the same people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nothing would make me happier than coming on a grandmother, a mother and the grandchild all at once. I love a family dollar. But this. These guys go and they. It's. They do it. It's called tagging. Sharking come. Sharking. That's what they call us when they come on people just outside. Yeah. Online forms. They have this. I love this idea that they are in praise for being low inhibition.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Which means that they're low.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They want to be worthless. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So they also have low inhibition. So they are. They have lack of shame. And so they are praised amongst each other for showing lack of shame. This is a. This is a thing that the young men are struggling with.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So it's weird because like this existed, you know, losers always exist.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Masturbation has been around a long time. Yeah. As long as there's been. And yeah. There's been people jerking them off and stuck and sticking stuff in them.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. But I think just the readily available pornography is kind of like up this to the next level.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You see, I feel on one hand like. Yes. I also feel on the other hand it's. To me it's more of the social thing because there were. There has been this much Internet pornography since day one.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Pornography and UFOs are the two driving forces of the Internet as we know it today. Those are the real like the.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I guess I agree with that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The used net groups that created that all original conspiracy theory thought came out of and all of the. The. The technology that's on the cutting edge was all used by pornography. Pornography was the ones that made Blu Ray win.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They first.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They were the one. They are the first ones to. Honestly, pornography is supercharging the meta glasses industry. No, it is supercharging that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They love it too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, it's because we. It is technology that allows them to shoot really intense POV scenarios which is really great for gooners. But I don't think that it's. It's necessarily just the amount of pornography that's leading to gooners. It's the attention that public gooning gets them and how much of losers people have become.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So I think the problem with the Internet is more of we're letting them talk to each other and find each other.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, it always used to be a thing and guys used to masturbate collectively. We also know guys that do that traffic in csam. What they'll do a lot of times, which I'm. One thing I did not I actually found interesting is they ship them in UNICEF envelopes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

What?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. They go and they take UNICEF envelopes and volunteer. Like you give to. Like that's where they hide CSAM when they mail it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Really?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. And so it is very. It's. I don't think that it's the proliferation. I just think that it's the idea that it become an identity. It's this idea that every single thing now has to be your literal brand.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. But also I think the main reason that they're doing it at the Dollar General. At the Family Tree. At the Dollar Tree. At the Family Dollar is because those companies are not holding anyone accountable.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Exactly. Well, that's a part of that is

[Eddie Pepitone]

that that is the problem because, like, if you do this at a publix, you'll get beat to death. Yes. You know, but if you do this at the. At the Dollar General, no one. You report it it and no one. It doesn't go unnoticed, though. Like, they literally. There's women reporting this happening to them and then they'll go tell someone and then they'll hear me like, we got another one. And that's literally how they deal with this thing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. They don't care because they do think of it as a local issue. And they don't understand that they are filming it and putting on the Internet and it's monetizing it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're also all egging each other on to do it. They're all like building groups and they're talking about doing it. They know which ones to hit. They know what. They know the literal schedules.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Of managers. They know where to go. They are. They've been. They orchestrate it. It's a part of the gooning.

[Eddie Pepitone]

The thing with the business model of the Dollar General is that they eliminate employees more and more. And so that you will have a situation. There'll be a Dollar General in a not so great neighborhood and there'll be one employee lock it up at night. It's extremely dangerous. That employee already. And now they're being targeted by artists.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, it's why we should probably get rid of all of the human staff. We got to get rid of the human staff. These staff them with robots, with artillery, weapons. Yes, but this is the problem is that no one wants to deal with it. Nobody wants to deal with it. No one knows properly how to deal with it. Besides literally beating the living out of each one of them, which we should probably start doing.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Also, I go to a Starbucks the other day. There's a cop in the corner watching security. How come there's no security at the Dollar General where things are arguably much more dangerous?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I saw that costs a lot of money, Eddie.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, yeah. They refuse to keep people safe at these places.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, they don't want to pay because it's a dollar tree. And they have decided that also poor people deserve this type of atmosphere. Yeah, that's the idea is that the. They know that poor people will have a hard time wanting to get involved and call the police and do all of these things because God forbid they get an immigrant or a whole thing. So it's like, yeah, it all works. They have decided this is a symptom of a systemic issue. Yeah, this is not about porn.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No, it's not.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. This is a bigger issue.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This is a hole in society that has been unchecked for fucking many years. Dollar tree. Dollar stores have been ruining our fucking country for a very long time. They create food deserts. They move multiple in next to goddamn grocery stores in the middle of rural areas. They put the grocery stores out of business. And then people got to drive 50 miles for fucking lettuce that now has E. Coli in it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, listen, hey, the poo poo lettuce gives me time to spend time. I love being alone. And it are really nice. I need to lose about 10 pounds. And it's easy that way. Yes, this. But they're. They're saying they're taking steps.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No, they're not.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're taking steps. They're doing something.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Now that it's become national news finally. This should have been national news a year and a half ago when it started. But people have been too scared to report it. They've been underpaid. You know, I'm making what, $10 an hour? What's the minimum wage right now? And then you're just like. You're supposed to stop someone from jerking off on a grandma.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's like kind of what they're saying here too, which I think is. It's like, it's fucked. They're like. As you could see, he was pleasuring himself for a while outside of the register and then he went and he was jerking himself off over by the security officers. And you're watching video of staff making minimum wage or less.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's like a 15 year old girl

[Henry Zebrowski]

literally just trying not to look at the masturbating man. That's what they're trying to do. They're not going to be police officers. I remember when I worked for fucking Borders the way they talked about us trying to like. They're like, don't you even hesitate to tackle somebody running out of here with a book. And it's like, fuck you.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's a book. Fuck you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You got got not doing jack shit.

[Eddie Pepitone]

The book should be the one thing you're allowed to steal.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's what Eve did. That's what Eve did. That's how we got to this fucking place to begin with. Like Adam, this is all Eve's fault. Yeah. This is what all this was. This is from the very beginning. This is the kind of shit that happens on subways like every day. And like they just. People just. Yeah, true, but like.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And they got like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

How many times have we dealt with cops getting how many people jerked off at us? Yeah, yeah. You know, but you see that. And that was before goning. Yeah, they just did it for the love of the game.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Those were. Yeah, those guys didn't know they were going.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It was before it was monetized.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They were like, hold on. There's a name for what I do.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What do you mean? I do. I belong.

[Eddie Pepitone]

There's a community.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You mean to tell me there's somewhere for me to go?

[Eddie Pepitone]

I need to get out of the sewers and join society.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Choosing Goon and to by the way they pulled their penis out the room. They're choosing gooning. No. Yeah. Cuz it's amazing. Yeah. So in that way it does, it does give a home for them.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. So if like, if someone goes home on their lunch break and jerks off for the entire hour and doesn't come, is that going to have a gooner?

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what I would say.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I have a three more toony Gooner.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Get you drunk to finish.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I'm terrified of this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Of course you're terrified of this. Because when it comes down to it, if some guy whips his dick out, I'm gonna come in the freak out on him, I'm gonna throw at him. But then I'M gonna think about my dogs.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And before he's gonna. He's gonna pull out his penis at me, I'm gonna think to do attack his penis. But the first thing I'm gonna think of, Muun brothers wouldn't want that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No, you're right. The moon bro, the Gun Yun brothers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You don't even realize until you're outside sometimes and you like, look on your leg. Oh, yeah, she. Yeah, she got spattered with come and she saw it into outside because she was like, I couldn't be. It indeed was. And that's why, you know, none of this is. None of this. No one deserves any of this. No, none of the staff deserves it. None of the people at the registers. None of the people at the store deserve it. And it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They need to find the CEO of Dollar General and tie him to a curb, jerk off, show up and jerk off all over him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nothing would make me happier. I honestly, if there was a place I could pay money to jerk off on the legs of a CEO of a Dollar store. Oh my. That would do so much for me. This guy, they got a picture of him.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Look at him. Yeah, they got the back of him. They didn't get the real picture of him. Yeah, no, he. It's been happening.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're like, also, I hope it's him, right? I pray to God it's that guy and not some random man that happened to be there who had an itch on his belt. That's the other problem too, that you have to catch.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's the script man. It could be anybody.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It could be anybody. You have to catch them as they are coming, which is hard because you're in shock. If we can't get pictures of UFOs, how are we supposed to get pictures of gunners?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Exactly. Exactly. Well, at least, you know, they. They don't have reflective things on them. You know, we. I think it's easier to get a picture of a Gooner, I think. All right, body cams for everybody.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, done, Done. Thank you, thank you. I. I was trying to get him there.

[Eddie Pepitone]

At least Dollar Store employees should have body cams.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, God. Dystopian. Honestly, though, I will say if I see meta glasses anywhere near me, I'm gonna slap them all.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Your face.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Face. Don't you fucking.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I can't tell.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You can tell. I have anybody that is wearing glasses that look like they're from. This is. This is the advice. They are glasses that look like they are from an LMFAO concert.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I feel like anyone who. Glasses who Chooses to walk up to me and start talking to me. Is wearing meta glasses.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Then you tell them like you might as well. They look like this. They look like fake party store glasses. So when you wear them they look extremely like. They look like extremely cheap. Cheap sunglasses. They always have the little. A little dot on the side here. Okay. And they're shitty. You can see the camera on there. They're trying. Which is like they're making more and more subtle every day.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Oh, Ray Ban makes them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, Ray Ban makes it. Yeah, they're cheap too. Ray Ban is Ray Ban for the normal Ray Bans. Yeah. They are getting ready.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Aggravating.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Because it's made out of plastic. It's a piece of. And guess why would they have a camera in it?

[Eddie Pepitone]

How is it cheaper than a normal Ray Ban?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because they make it a cheaper material.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Eddie. I don't need more companies to hate. I. I am. I am up to here with companies I gotta hate.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'll give you a list of. Honestly, Eddie, I could give you a list. That's what I did. I looked up. There are certain things that I got into the realm of because I'm a man with no children. Where I looked up independent sunglass stores that have nothing to do with these big giant companies. I looked up independent clothing stores that have nothing to do with the giant clothing mills.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Cuz if it's $400, I might as well give it to some jerk off Ray Ban.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But that's the thing. You give it to somebody who actually hand makes it. A lot of those places have a lifetime jerk off.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Ra. Random sunglass person.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. It's not your fault. Yeah, but you know what I mean. He knows. He's just. He's just striking out. Nothing to you. He's just lashing. And that's where you got to think.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I'm sorry, I'm actually. This is the new pan. I'm sorry, you're starting to. You're starting to get me on it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, there are 250 reasons to join T Mobile.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like what? You can keep your phone and your number and T Mobile helps pay it

[Eddie Pepitone]

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[Henry Zebrowski]

Nice.

[Eddie Pepitone]

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[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Eddie Pepitone]

and 5G data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Fly from your grave.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, here we go. Let's. Let's talk about this. So this is an interesting, another interesting story I just want to bring to the forefront.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And we'll get into this, which is a case that is currently going on in Hanover, Pennsylvania right now.

[Eddie Pepitone]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

A local witch by no other better term, Beck Ravenswood that works at a magical store and called Serpent's Key in Hanover is currently suing the state of Pennsylvania to get rid of their anti fortune telling laws.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So this is, it's very, it's fascinating.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So where one of the laws from?

[Henry Zebrowski]

So this is literally from the 1800s.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So this law is based upon the idea of anything help. Fetterman is brains scrambled eggs and he's about to vote for Benjamin Netanyahu to be president. Yeah. He has no idea what's going on.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He is the person personification of a squawk.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's a shrek. I don't know why we. Why can't we. I'm just going to put the side stories lp otl gmail.com. why the fuck don't we have a Democrat run as a fake maga? Run as a fake MAGA and then flip on the inside. Is that so hard?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is that so fucking hard? But yes, the. This lady. So essentially, Beck Ravenswood was the exact wrong glitch to do this too. So there are several magic stores in this area, like around the world. Like, and I should know for a fact there's magic stores throughout Pittsburgh, some magic stores throughout Philly. I've been to them.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And this place is interesting because it seems she was targeted by somebody local. So two police officers arrived to speak with Beck Ravenswood about how her establishment, where she was doing tarot cards, needs to be shut down for this illegal idea of paying someone, which is an old concept that they had about paying someone. It's illegal to pay someone to tell you the future.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So in, in Pennsylvania. No. So that's the thing, is that in real tarot, you're not getting a progniscation. You're not getting like, no one's telling you the future. They're not going to predict your future.

[Eddie Pepitone]

If they are, they're stealing from you,

[Henry Zebrowski]

they're lying to you. So a part of tarot is supposed to help you with problems, thought processes like thinking about this, but it's really not.

[Eddie Pepitone]

She looks cool design.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, she's awesome. She. She's not. It is not designed to tell the future. There's ways to quote, unquote, do it like through the go. Like, you know, if you go through the entire golden path, they think you could do. But also that's crazy. It's required. That's a different type of tarot reading. You have to read for like a year and then it's like it's like a whole, whole process, but again, you're not paying money. And so a lot of people at the time, it's like the idea of anybody, any kind of shyster, doing any form of fake fortune telling. Yeah, Tarot cards are not that. So out of nowhere, these two police officers arrive at the Serpent's Key and talk with Beck Ravenswood, saying, we've heard that you run an illegal fortune telling business here and we're here as friends to tell you got to shut down. And she's like, well, I'm going to record our conversation. She's like, no, absolutely not. No, we're private citizens here and it's illegal for you to. For you to record us, which is not. It's not illegal.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, they're cops.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're cops and they should have their body cams on. And they didn't have the body cams on when they were talking to her because they thought they could intimidate her. So it seems. Which is old mob. Oh, yes. And there are many other stores in their neighborhood that didn't get the same attention.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So they just wanted to shut down or are they trying to get money out of her?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, they're trying to shut her down. They're trying to shut her down. And I think it's larger because they don't like her. They don't like her personality and they think that she is annoying. And they have decided that that's enough. And this is the problem. Right?

[Eddie Pepitone]

You can't just rid of all annoying people. We've done it already.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I wish we could. There's nothing I'd love better. I would love an anti annoying person. I wish we could do it. But the problem is that everybody finds somebody else annoying for different reasons.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's a matter of opinion.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It really is.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I find many people annoying that people

[Henry Zebrowski]

love so many, so many. And I. This person is now fighting the good fight because they're taking it all the way up to the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania. Talk about whether or not we are going to get rid of this law. Because it's antiquated. Because. Because Beck is even coming forward and saying an actual. Like, there is a middle way. Was like, we could do a thing where tarot card readers got a license. Yeah, well, you pay a vig every year and you get your little medallion that says, I can do it. Fine, whatever you want. But then they better make all those other fucking bitches do it too.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, all the other tarot card readers. Yes. Which are.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It seems that I honestly think a Lot of it has to do with interpersonal issues in which someone knows a police officer.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I think there's plenty of reasons to come after, like shady, like fortune tellers. Yes, but this isn't what's happening in this situation.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If you're going to have a Christian bookstore, you can have a tarot bookstore.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Exactly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If you, if you take one down, then the other one goes too. Cuz guess what's also a lie. And you pay money to the church. Exactly Right. So you pay them money for nothing. So at least this, you get something out of it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. And if you put that bookstore in a church, do they pay taxes? Probably not.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Of course. Course not.

[Eddie Pepitone]

The church I grew up in had a bookstore.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. And guess what? They get all that money.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They bet they get all that money.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All that money.

[Eddie Pepitone]

If I'm wrong about that, please write in side stories lbotl gmail dot com.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't think so.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't think I'm wrong about that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, I don't think so. I think any profits are completely fine. They're not taxable. I have no idea how it works. Yeah, but these guys are like, it's just in, it's, it's very interesting to see. This is why whenever we talk about satanic panic on the show, we're still like, it's still happening.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Very much so.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This whole thing is what we're, what the right has done is this idea of let's weaponize the government against everybody we don't like. And guess what that, that is. Yeah, that's fascism that's going to head towards genocide. Because then it just turns it to this idea of this like, oh, because you've decided you don't like that person, that means it's wrong for it's immo. That person's immoral.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. And also it's like every time they just always refer to Bible.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, the Bible's a, Bible's fake.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's a random book. It's a, it's a paper with words on it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's an important, it's an important historical document that has nothing to do with my day to day actions, is nothing

[Eddie Pepitone]

to do with the goddamn law, that's for sure.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And every single time.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Just because it's in there doesn't mean I have to fucking believe it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And this week's episode we covered Breatharianism and it's the same thing. The reason why Breatharianism got as far as it did is because of our natural inclination in the United States of America to be polite about other people's religious belie beliefs and not immediately say, that's stupid. You need to shut the up. Because we want to be open to people's belief systems. But the problem is that then it leads to stuff like breatharianism in which enough people said it was real, that it caused enough traction to get it to kill five people. Yeah. So it's no idea is wrong. I don't believe in the concept of wrong ideas, but it's how we proliferate them and how we talk about them and how we. We need to. Like, it's that idea of like, I'm just taking you seriously just because you think you're fueled by Christ.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. I can't stand churches. I would wish that they were all gone.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Every church should be a public house for human beings to just freely enter. That's what it should be.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I understand. But here's the other side of it. I think you have the right to exist.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And so because you have the right to exist and just because I don't like you doesn't mean that I don't think you have the right to exist.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's called nuance. I just think you suck. Yeah. I just hate you.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I won't go anywhere near you. But guess what? This is the United States of goddamn America. Work up. And you're allowed to do your dumb over there. Yeah. So don't you come and tell me I can't do my dumb over here. You.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Keep it to your goddamn self.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And then we got these, these, these crazy ass religious zealots trying to come for the minion movie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're saying that the minions used evil. Like, they use evil inside of their. Their like rituals or whatever. They. He's going banana.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So apparently spoiler alert for the new Minion movie, but apparently in the new Minion movie there. It's an old Hollywood movie. It's a prequel. And they're trying to make. They're trying to come because the Minions were huge in. During the silent era, which is a hilarious concept to me. And then once it moves into the talkies, they like, kicked out of the business of Hollywood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can I honestly ask a question? Question? What does that mean?

[Eddie Pepitone]

What do you mean?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like, what is you. What are you even describing?

[Eddie Pepitone]

I'm describing the plot of the new Minions and monsters movie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But what. How did.

[Eddie Pepitone]

How.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What? So in the. In the original, where did Minions come from? They came from the movie Despicable Me.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Right? Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Where they were his assistants.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's. I think they're Slaves.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now they're slaves. They came from a little island. I think they were stolen. Brothers did it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Of course they did. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But this is my question. All right. So Minions were the slaves of the guy from Despicable Me who were supposed to like even though he had slaves. Right? Yeah. Steve. They were Steve Carell slaves. They then were then independently actors back

[Eddie Pepitone]

in the day, apparently. I haven't seen the movie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That doesn't make any sense. I thought that they were just slaves at this point.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's just making random garbage for people to enjoy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Are the Minions not active serving the Nazis as well?

[Eddie Pepitone]

They could have.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do they not a part of the pogroms.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think there is no way did Minions help Stalin. Not slaves. Apparently they're volunteers.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, he volunteered to be like that. Oh, yeah. Don't. Yeah, they get. Don't listen to what they're saying.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Does he lock the door to their cabin at night?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Banana. That banana means free him. So they. They actually did put some sort of a story element in it so that the Min were not around during the reign of Adolf Hitler. That is.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So they're around during the time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That makes me angry. Yeah. Just don't.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You can't pick and choose. You can't pick and choose.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They are evil.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Or that's them saying that they would have been Nazi.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They were stuck in an ice cave between the years of 1812 and 1968.

[Eddie Pepitone]

How are they making silent films?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, my God. That is the. That is what that is because they knew.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They knew they would be Nazis.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You can't just take them out.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Available for the job doesn't mean they're not Nazis.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Guess where else they then be. In Afghanistan with Osama bin Laden.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Guess where else they'd be. They're definitely an ISIS. There are so many reasons. 7, 6, 4.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, if they were. If they were, they would have changed it to Nisus Banana.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it would have been like.

[Eddie Pepitone]

To hate the Minions without being scared of them. Summering. Summoning a Cthulhu baby.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I hate the Titu Coco. I hate the nonsense talk. This is. They say psychologically need to help evil people. They will suffer a form of depression if they don't.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's a great concept.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's really funny. It's like the candelabra from Beauty and the Beast, except for he's a rapist. Pol Pot. Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Lumiere. Lumiere is raping those dusters.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Those are good. There is a.

[Eddie Pepitone]

How he never set one of them on fire either is beyond me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There is an expose on Netflix on its way.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Dude. All right, so Lumiere sets a duster on fire with. He's raping it. All right? They. And then the goddamn beast, who is a captor.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Keep it going.

[Eddie Pepitone]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Keep it going.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They falls in love with his. With his, I guess, prisoner Bell. And then everyone gets turned back into human. That duster is covered in burn scars. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I did permanent damage, by the way. He's two stepping around. Yeah, I agree with you. You know I agree with you.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. But, you know, kill them all. So don't listen to anyone who tells you not to see them. Don't go see the Minion movie because it sucks.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just. Yeah, just don't see the Minion movie. I just feel like there's something else you could give kids these days, except.

[Eddie Pepitone]

God, imagine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is there not anything else?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Imagine reading the script.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. You know how many actors are just. That's. I mean, it's a huge gig, though. I would nothing. Please hire me. Yeah, please hire me to go. I'll do whatever you want.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You'd be a great minion.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The cast is stacked.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Trey Parker's. Trey Parker is the head.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He plays goofy, goony, goomy, goomy.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Trey Parker did that specifically.

[Eddie Pepitone]

George Lucas is in it. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Plays himself.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Everybody. Every director needs to be in a movie now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, they do that. He did it, like, for his grandkids. I think Trey Parker also did it because his kids begged him, because he said no one ever asked him to do anything. And they finally. They were like. They were like, should I do the Minion movie? And his kids were like, manion. And he's just like, I made some of the most important cartoon characters of all time. Time. Minions.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Minions. He's going to make so much money.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he is. He's fine. Let's just say he's fine. He loves the strippers.

[Eddie Pepitone]

There's baby Cthulu.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Get out of here. I'm already angry.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know what?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I agree with the Christians. I agree with the Christians. I hate that. I hate it. You're right. You know what? It is an abomination. I hate them.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They're ripping off Lovecraft. I mean, that is like. I mean, you would talk about. I mean, he's racist.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's fun, though. But yeah, he was. He was interesting. All right, here we go. We got this next story. This comes off of what we were talking about about this. The concept of wearing a diaper to go to the front Of a.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

A concert. Like the front of the place. Like, I had. I was shocked at how many people were fine with it. Lot.

[Eddie Pepitone]

We got. A lot of people wrote and said

[Henry Zebrowski]

that they did it like that they do that. That that's customary. That it's like so common. That it's just like everyone's like, yeah, people wear diapers all the time. To the front.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I totally knew this and you didn't. Which cracks me up. I feel like this is something that you would be on the level with.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. That's disgusting.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Bonapu. Man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's disgusting to me. I'm also one of those. Because I think I have a little bit of social anxiety. So I'm not. I don't like being up close. I like being in the back.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't like being up front. I don't like feeling trapped in the front. That scares me. No.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Henry only goes to Celebrity Ring on

[Henry Zebrowski]

the side of the stage. I go to the. I do. I try to go to Nor. I think that's fine. I go there. But I also try to go below. I like go to the back.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I like to be in the back. I just. I get scared in there. I don't like being.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I'm not trying to be in there. We're old, man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I want to be in the.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I'm out of the loop.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's not for me, man. I don't. I don't like getting hit.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I mosh pitted. I did my time. I'm out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I'm done. I'm out. But this is disgusting. This came from a band called this. Someone went to go see Devil's Cat 10 in the Sister city to my hometown, Dunedin, New Zealand, which I find interesting.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Dunedin.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Dunedin is technically the neighborhood right next to where I'm technically where my family is in Florida. And that is.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I was wondering why I knew the name.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. Dunedin is the.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sister city. Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's where I stayed. They drink hard in Dunedin.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's Florida. They. They don't like their families.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I went for breakfast in Dunedin at about the most popular breakfast spot. And then the only way I could get in is if sat at the bar. Which is just like a table at the end of the building. Yep. And they. I saw them pouring those drinks. It was all vodka.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let's just say it was.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It was early.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let's say Florida's real loose with the drinking all day and driving concepts.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Everyone was driving in and out of that place. Everyone drinking hard. I never seen. I'VE worked in the bar industry for almost 20 years. I ain't never seen drinking like that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know why? It's because you don't have the guts to take it upon yourself to get your family home safe. Because those, those drinks don't count.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's juice. Okay. Orange juice is in it. There's juice in it. You're right.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They're being healthy. They're getting their vitamin C. You're all

[Henry Zebrowski]

fortified, you're ready to go. That's not alcohol in that way. Alcohol is different for them. That's what allows them to drive.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. That's wake up juice. Yes. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Was because of the shakes from the night before.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So this person disco someone who went to this concert in Devil's Kid, Damen Radburn, he told stuff. They all realized they smelled this smell. It was. It was a. It was a poo like smell. And they said that they were all in the front. And all of a sudden he noticed that a man in front of him did the patented. I'm going to try to shake it out, Shake it out, shake it out. Shook an act of poo out of his pant leg. Right.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But how did it get everywhere? It had to have been loose.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So it was real loose. And then he says what he did was he watched the poop go. So the man said he was watching the whole thing happen. And he watched the guy out of his pant leg. And then he watched him try. Try to kick the poo poo away.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Smeared it everywhere. And then there's beer on the ground.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yep.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And fixes in. It was wet. It was a wet lump.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's a concert.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. Because you know he had got nachos. You're upset. And so parking was.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And you can't go to the bathroom. It ain't gonna be a pretty one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. Nope. I don't know that for certain. And so he. They then people. Everybody was stepping in it. And then it turned into a gigantic like then the spread all over the floor.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Cuz everyone was dancing in it. To the point where the lead singer of Devil's Ken had a stop and say what the is going on here? Why is everybody. Why is. What's the panic?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Security came on stage and told them to stop.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. Because it was disgusting. Because guess what? Then people started doing vomiting.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes. On top of the.

[Henry Zebrowski]

On top of the.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they're already smelly because they're from New Zealand.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, New Zealand people aren't that smelly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Damn. You're seeing At a concert.

[Eddie Pepitone]

At a concert for sure.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, at a concert. They're smelly in there.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I feel like they're kind of. Yeah, they're kind of clean over there. In New Zealand.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It was a metal concert.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It was a metal concert. One of the women who saw the called it huge. Massive. I hadn't seen one that big before.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm proud of the guy. They, what I do find interesting about like New Zealand and Australia and stuff like that. They don't like naming the person that did everything.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They won't shame you.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, they're not guilty at it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, they are mean, like poop. They know the guy who did it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I know who did it. But you know you got to go through the whole process.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Process of what? Court for what?

[Eddie Pepitone]

For defecating in public.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know. He said he was at a, he said they, they, the, there's going to be no charges because they said there, there. It was a medical emergency.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well the guy himself, the guy should never have gone to a concert because I'm just going to. I just dealt with this with Jackie cuz she had the dookie, the dookie flu.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Uhhuh.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And she's still going out and doing stuff. I was like, no, you can't keep it at home.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Last thing you want is an accident.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If you have diarrhea, diarrhea, stay the home.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, sometimes light diarrhea is fine. Just kind of like a little squirt.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Stay home.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I think a little, a little, some diarrhea is fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can I give a 42 year old man's level advice and just tell you, just stay home.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I'll give you a 45 year old's advice. And sometimes it happens. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, I honestly very rarely have diarrhea these days now. Yeah, it's pretty great.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's because we're not drinking that much. Much. Yeah, that's, that's really all of it. It's, it's the whiskey that really just chops it all up for you like such. I know that's what happened. But yeah, no, so they stopped the concert, they cleaned it up and then started again.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh well, you know, again, show's got to go on.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Which I found to be very nice.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I agree with that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. And then you know, to stay. I know we're not getting the listener mail just yet, but there is one listener mail that's very similar to this someone. I, I saw this one. I had to flag it there. They say they're pro concert diaper this is one of our fans. They listen to us and they told us that they're pro con. They said they were attended the recent Pittsburgh show and they had a good time. They said they didn't wear a concert diaper to our show, which is. Thank you. Because it is kind of long.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. It's a theater.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, I mean, like when we perform in the theater, don't actively go to the bathroom in your pants.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So they say in bathrooms. In college I waited six hours in line to see Paramore and I was on a mission to be in the front. I wore an adult diaper for the line and the duration of the concert. Shockingly, I did have a girlfriend with me who was fully aware of the diaper. I didn't but pissed a lot. And by the end of the show there was some leakage. That is we danced, made friends with another couple who had no idea they were partying with a bag of piss. I'm not a gross human anymore.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're not.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But it was the best concert concert ever. I. I stand by the concert diaper.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It definitely wasn't the best concert ever. Paramore.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's Paramore.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Paramore. Paramore. We're just coming out here. I'm just saying right now. I'm just. We're doing this.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You gotta cover yourself in piss.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You don't do it for Paramore. If you're gonna cover yourself in piss, it better be for somebody who.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Ozzy's dead, so I don't know who you do it for.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm trying to think who I would cover myself in piss to see before they died. I think that the only person I would maybe. Ah. Nope.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Zeppelin. Re Reunion.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Absolutely not.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't care about them anymore.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, they sound like now. Yeah, I've seen the. Who they. Mine.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. I kind of seen whoever. Everyone I wanted to see.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Who'd I see who.

[Eddie Pepitone]

People love Paramore, though. I love.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, it's. I love Haley Williams. I know you're.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, you do like Rob.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like singers. Yeah. Rob likes great. I.

[Eddie Pepitone]

People keep saying her voice is wonderful, but like, so are opera singers. I don't listen to that. You know, like, she's not for us any.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let's just get off of this because people are gonna get angrier.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Making people angry sometimes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I know.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I do too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But this is one of those where they're just gonna get angrier. And we are the type of people that this is just definitely not for us. It's not for us.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's definitely not.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You don't want us there.

[Eddie Pepitone]

If I was there, I should be asked to leave.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, I'm a bummer.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Ruin your time. If I was there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm not supposed to be there.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I've tried Paramore and boy it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You don't want me there. You need a power less.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, I need a whole bunch less.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She ain't for me.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, she is not for me. It was. Yeah, no it's. Yeah, it's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, that's fine. But same time, let's go to the bathroom.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know what? I'm glad he pissed his pants to that show.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, if there was a place to ruin it time for everybody else.

[Eddie Pepitone]

See, now that I'm. Now I'm thinking about this. I'm going all. I'm going full circle. I say it's good you go to like one of the like Stagecoach festival

[Henry Zebrowski]

dude, that's the place to go.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Literally going straight.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm gonna buy tickets for Morgan Wallen. I'm gonna sit in the front row. I am gonna actively my pants in the front of the front row Morgan Wallen and go help. Help.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, that's where this me. So when Pete got peed on at the Morgan Wallen we covered it last week.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Somebody got paid on so now we just have to make it a thing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. I think it's just what we do.

[Eddie Pepitone]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Morgan pissing.

[Eddie Pepitone]

We're going to hire all the Gooners and we're going to send them the Morgan Wallen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh my God.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Call it organ balling.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Done. Yeah, yeah, done. Side source [e-mail] we claim that. We claim that that's ours. That's our idea. Gooners unite. Honestly, I do want to get the Gooners together. I do also have other plans. If we could unite the Gooners that's a voting block that we might need.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I mean they are united.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If we could create Gooner centered legislation. I don't know that helps the Gooners

[Eddie Pepitone]

well though their whole thing is chaos though.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well no, what the idea is if we can give them how it would be to give them gooning zones.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Here's the problem. If someone says that hey, you can come on me Gooners they immediately don't to want it no more. That's the problem. They want to. They want to come on innocent people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Actors that can act outraged, okay. About being calmed off.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They secretly like it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're or they're just neutral with it as a job.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So the Craigslist ad is looking for calm loving actors who could pretend that

[Henry Zebrowski]

they don't Love come looking for actors. All it needs to be is actors who can act like they don't mind being cummed on or they're angry about being c on. That's it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because then it's really about. You don't have to put anything else in there because then it could be to people that like it and then people who don't like it. You just want money. Yeah, we just, they should be allowed to do that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

We saw Pink Flamingos this past weekend,

[Henry Zebrowski]

so, you know, Pink Flamingos literally contains the DNA of every one of his other movies. If you don't like Pink Flamingos, every other John Waters movie is a reverberation from Plink Flamingos.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I'm glad Pink Flamingos exists. I hope I never see it again.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love it. I love it. Got right into it. It got right under his skin. He couldn't handle it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I hated it. I loved it, but I love them and I love the chaos that it, that it brings to the community.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love that movie.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But yeah, no, I'm glad I saw it because it's history. But man, I'm done. I I here's my thing about Pink Flamingos. If you really want to see Pink Flamingos, you don't have to go watch one of his better movies.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love Pink Flamingos. It's good to see. I thank you. I recommend it to everybody. Watch it with a group of friends. Yeah, that's the funnest way to do it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Watch it alone.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I've watched it alone, but it's fun with a group of friends. That's the only time I've ever seen, I've ever seen it with people. I've only ever seen it alone.

[Eddie Pepitone]

If I saw it alone, I would have turned it off and, like, been upset all day.

[Henry Zebrowski]

See, I watched that alone. I've seen martyrs alone. W for a dream. I love watching things alone that are horrific. Yeah, that's my favorite.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. We're going to watch Solo tonight.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Eddie and I are getting together. We're going to hang out, get pizza and eat Solo. We're going to mix that up.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Listen, we're going to see Solo together, Eddie and I. And then my next goal is for our next episode for Movie Signs is that I just got stories. Movie stories. The next episode of Movie Stories I'm bringing in. I got my 4k of basic instinct and Showgirls and we're going to bring all the boys together. And I'm making stew again. Yeah, I'm going to make stew. And we're going to watch Showgirls.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Fish stew this time. Fish Stew and Showgirl.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What a weird mixture. It is weird. That is a. That's a step too far.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I want to make it upsetting.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Speaking of upsetting, it's. It's going where it's going to be upsetting. There's only one Ozempic.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Hello, I'm Ozempic.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because this ad is 30 seconds. I can't get into everything I'm FDA approved to do. So I'm just going to play my jingle again.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But first ask your doctor about which

[Henry Zebrowski]

FDA approved uses of me.

[Eddie Pepitone]

The Ozempic pen may be right for you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Call 1-833-OZEMPIC or visit ozempic.com to view

[Eddie Pepitone]

the medication guide and learn more about Ozempic. Semaglutide injection 2mg.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Only Novo Nordisk makes FDA approved Ozempic. Now here's that jingle again. There's only one Ozempic. I love my phone but not my carrier. What do I do?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, there are 250 reasons to join T Mobile.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like what? You can keep your phone and your number and T Mobile helps pay it

[Eddie Pepitone]

off up to $800 per line.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So I wouldn't have to buy a new phone?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yep. Plus your plan price stays the same for 5 years on experience plans.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nice.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Find your reason@t mobile.com

[Henry Zebrowski]

via virtual prepaid guard card. Typically takes 15 days after rebate submission price guarantee on TalkText and 5G data

[Eddie Pepitone]

exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Everyone's talking about protein lately, but how

[Henry Zebrowski]

do you actually get enough of it? Muscle Milk Muscle Milk has a great tasting new formula with no artificial sweeteners, flavors or added colors. It's high quality complete protein designed to support healthy muscles with fewer ingredients than the previous formula and 2642 grams of protein for when you're stuck in in

[Eddie Pepitone]

meetings or need a post workout recovery.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Available in chocolate, vanilla, cream, cookies and cream and strawberries and cream.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Try the new great tasting Muscle Milk today available in stores nationwide. Muscle Milk protein for all. Yeah, what do you want to talk about? Because I got this one story that I'm obsessed with and I just started reading about it and there isn't much to it yet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But we both have those.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. So why don't you go first? The Hat man you like?

[Henry Zebrowski]

The hat man is he is out of Narrack, Massachusetts. This guy's been around for a while. Apparently he's been around for at least a year plus he's now identified as Hernan Villigran Lukes. He is from Massachusetts area. And the reason why we know him is because he's a bit of a creepzoid. He's been known as the hat man. Some people are calling him a mime. And, you know, people that are calling him a mime are ignorant.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, no, he's not a mime.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, he talks. He is actively not a mime. He does talk. If you think. If you say the words mime to me, I know for a fact you don't know what you're talking about. What he dresses as is a mysterious, slender man style character with weird. I want to say he has these weird paper like things glued to his face. They make him look white. Like he has white makeup on. Kind of like smart school boy, nine. But it's not. It's stuff glued to his face. And he wears a giant top hat and he has a cane. Now, the thing is, at first people were thinking he was funny. He would do this, like, affectation of walking around and people were like, oh, he's being some interesting guy. He's. He's on the younger side.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, he's very young.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's young. And people would notice that. They would follow him on Instagram and he would post all these weird photos of himself in this, like, makeup and this get up. He was walking back and forth, creeping people out. But until then, that was not a crime. It's not a crime just to be creepy.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because then they'd get us all, wouldn't they? And so this guy then took a step farther. So what he was doing is again, not a mime. He would go up to people while they were walking and he began to swim, sort of make sexual advances. He was rubbing himself on people while they were sitting at bar bus stops. Right. That was like a big. The one thing you do drive by.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And he used to hit him with a tip. Like you scrape it across the shoulder blades.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But he had his pants on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. And so then. Which.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Not that that makes it right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're right, Eddie.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And I'm just trying to, like, know the difference.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There were steps, because then that was

[Eddie Pepitone]

as bad as dollar store good. No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But then it increased. He would begin to remove his clothes in front of people. And so everyone was like, they didn't like that. And so the final step came when apparently he was removing his very heavy clothes because he has a tie on and his shirt.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He rents tuxedos, it looks like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it looks like. Or he has one tuxedo that he keeps by himself. He has A social media presence that's extremely disturbing.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He has lots of nice clothes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, he has.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Even his underwear is like. You could tell it's fancy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think that you are extremely generous. Generous of for him.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I think that's nice underwear.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't. Eddie, you know.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, I mean he's wearing it, so that makes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can we play. Can we hear some of his voice there, Rob? So he does. He talks about drinking.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't understand.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know. Someone will tell me what he said. He is a. He's very creepy in the video. But what he was doing doing is. Was taking off his clothes, covering himself in cooking oil, as you can see in that photo right there. So that's an example right next to it. As you can see, he's covered in oil.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No, he loves the tiny shorts covered in oil pictures in at the park, which I'm guessing is the same park.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And it seems that that is what he eventually got busted for, which was removing all of his clothing, cover himself in cooking oil and gyrating very closely at people. So he's been around arrested, which is great. They're going to do what they can with him. But now we have another villain on the scene. And I do find interesting that now we have a Smart School Boy 9.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He's definitely inspired by Smart School Boy 9.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Absolutely. We've got the Burbank Butt sniffer. Yeah. We've got. Who just got arrested Again. They don't know what to do with him. We have got the, the Hugger.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The, the Guy Bandit and the Hat man now. And what I find interesting is that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And there's the guy who dresses like a gimp and gets stom. Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We have super villain. Culture is big.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Would you put the, the, the, the quiet man who stands in the middle of the road in this group?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I view him. No, he's a folk hero. Yeah, yeah, he's a folk hero. He understand.

[Eddie Pepitone]

He understand you're not sexually assaulting anybody.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, no, no, no. He is just getting three hots in a cot from the local government. I didn't realize the rogues gallery is really. Oh, no, it's building up. And that's what I'm saying is like after we talk to the, the Brooklyn Devil and we know that it's hard to be a real life superhero. It's extremely difficult. It's, you know, it's a lot of liability. It's a lot of stuff and it's actually a non consistent gig.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, I imagine you'll probably get Killed eventually.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. It does seem to be very dangerous. These guys are. Where are our heroes now that Bonnie Tyler's dead?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Where are our heroes that are going to come forward and are going to defend us from these people? Why isn't there a guy in a raccoon costume not chasing after this guy, beating the shit out of him?

[Eddie Pepitone]

I don't know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what should be happening. I do find. I do think it's interesting though that we're gonna see. This is where I. We'll talk. Maybe Brooklyn Devil will have him back on to talk about this. That I wonder if, just like the Batman himself, if the jokers are gonna actually need to. To inspire them to come out.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Now here's the problem with this guy. Is he actually committing a crime?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. He's being sexually aggressive at people and he's frauding them. He's touching them. He is now. He's now crossed into full criminality because he has touched.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Because he's touc people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He has touched people.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Especially assault. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And the doing the flagrant sexual act in front of somebody is still considered assault.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Even if you don't. Even if your clothes are on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If I jerk off at you just. I. We already covered this. The truth is, is that if there is an evidence that can state clearly enough that I was jerking off at you. Like if you.

[Eddie Pepitone]

If your hand is in your pants.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If your hands are in your pants for an extended period of time and you. And there are other extenuating circumstances like the appearance of ejaculate or the moans pleasure. Or if I start going, he's choosing goon. And you can tell by the way my penis jerking off and reading people's tarot cards then. It depends. Just don't tell them what to do with themselves. You know. Again, you're fine as long as you have the medallion. If you have the medallion and you're not actively like, that's the key here. And then there'll be a psychic mafia. And then that's where I come in. But there's a lot of people talking about the hat man. He has a whole subreddit.

[Eddie Pepitone]

There is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's been many sightings of him. He's now arrested. I think unfortunately this is going to mean he's going to do it even more.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh yeah. Because he's got all this attention.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. From us.

[Eddie Pepitone]

From us.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And we'll have you on the show side stories dot com.

[Eddie Pepitone]

We will. Batman on the show.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Come on down to the show.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Even speak English.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm certain he can Put a couple of words together,

[Eddie Pepitone]

right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

We'll do one of those Google. Google translates.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, well, I know you're looking for a hero, and sometimes, Henry, your hero isn't necessarily a man. It could be a flying robot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, flying robot.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's right. There's a Texas company. Oh, my God. I don't even know. This is. This is just. I am just learning about this now. There's a Texas company that is making school shooter defense drones and they're testing them out in Arkansas. Arkansas. And basically what these are, these are drones that fly around armed with bear spray and stop a school shooter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I want you to hear how. You know what that sounds to me. Sounds like we scared. I'm scared of kids with assault rifles and I don't want to get hurt, so we better send the war part in because I'm scared.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This, obviously it comes out of Texas and we know that in Texas, cops

[Henry Zebrowski]

are weaker than children.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Because of the Evolvedi shooting where the cops refused to help and they're actively holding back the parents from helping themselves.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think it's really funny that they are using this as a way to get out of doing their jobs. Their one job as a police officer. I love, I honestly love police officers, you know I do. But your job is to get shot.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. So the, the, the fast moving drones have the capability to spray pepper rounds and blare loud sirens. They literally will like go up. They will fly up to a school shooter and say, put the gun down.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The next Dylan Klebold is just going to shoot that out of the sky.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes. And so basically they say that they can respond with the, with these pepper spray drones that are going to live in schools. That's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That is unbelievable. That is the dumbest.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Instead of making any gun laws, any

[Henry Zebrowski]

form of gun laws, they've decided to just put army flying murder robots. Flying murder robots in schools because that's where they're needed the most. They need to protect themselves from the children.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They say.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is the. Look, think about these cowards.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They say if the pepper spray bombs or the bear spray doesn't work, these things fly up to 100 miles an hour and they can just hit the kid in the head with it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's actually kind of funny. That's hilarious. That's funny. That's legit fun. Just shoot him in the head with it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

All right. Flying at his balls.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Kamakazi drone. Oh, hell yeah. We nailed him in the nuts. That's hilarious. That's goddamn hilarious. This is the funnest day of my life.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So in Arkansas, where there is basically. Basically no infrastructure.

[Henry Zebrowski]

None.

[Eddie Pepitone]

They have these flying murder robots in schools to keep us safe from ourselves.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That is the bleakest, saddest thing I've ever heard in my. My life. That is so sad. It's so sad. And they are such fucking pussies, man. I cannot believe they don't have the balls to go in and protect. They just don't have the balls to go in and protect kids. They just don't want to deal. They are so concerned about their own safety, man. They're so afraid. These cops are just so weak over there.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Say that the drones can get to the shooter one minute faster than a. Than an actual cop.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Go yourself.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Which is. It's way more than a minute because the cops don't show up.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's also in the school. Sure. Yeah. So you put the murder robot in the school with them. Yeah, of course it's gonna respond.

[Eddie Pepitone]

There's cops in the school as well.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But, you know, put cops in there, but also do something. Do something.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So it's an Austin tech company that made it, and they have. And they man the. The drones from Austin. So basically, they're just sitting in front of a TV waiting for the drones to be activated and turned on. And then they fly the drones around the school, and they have maps of the schools so they know, like, where every room is and stuff like that. They're sitting there controlling it from states away.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, you know what? I. I think it'll be. It'll be interesting to see what happens, because Marcus was describing to me that they have now put three different. Because Greg Abbott is, like, completely sold the state out. Oh, yeah. And so the. They've put three different data centers around where Marcus's family lives, and they leg legitimately like this. The faucets are not working. And it's all. It's like. All the stuff's happening, and it's just,

[Eddie Pepitone]

like, gonna become worthless.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I can't. I can't wait for Texas to be completely sucked dry into an entire granite field. And you guys are gonna have to figure out what to do from there, and you're gonna have to figure out what to do with Wheels, your government, and what your governor Wheels is doing, all right? You got to kick him out of the BK Kids club, and you gotta push him out of his chair, down onto the ground, and drag his torso around back and forth until he gets to the picture. Maybe take him out to one of those fields.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Florida's putting $557,000 into the campus guardian angel pilot program.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, good.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So they're gonna be in Florida.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, good. Honestly, it makes sense. Cool. That's also where they're.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, great. No, because this is off. Yeah, Parkland. When the cop wouldn't go inside there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. Because they were scared. Because they have all the guns in the world. They don't want to use them because God forbid some child with a bump stock AK47 shreds them to pieces with those raining.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Also, Parkland is Copland. I'm. I'm from around there. That's where all the cops live is in Parkland. And for that to happen is the cops being too scared to stop the shooters. Cuz they.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They just don't want to. They literally just don't want to deal with it. They don't want to be put in physical danger.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. I mean, there's a reason they work at a school and not on the real beat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, they're.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. So we need better cops.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, we do.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Not this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Not this. At this point, we might as well just have the robots be the police.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I mean. Well, I mean, that's where we're going.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Florida, The Texas on Florida. The goal is to make it so no humans policing anymore.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Well, we all know that Texas is the first state to use a robot to kill someone.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Big ups for them too. Big ups to the robots is huge. Did you see that recent body cam footage where there's like a standoff with the police and some shooter in a house and then eventually like it like hours had gone by, like 12 or 14 hours, and they weren't sure if he was still in there. So they breach a window and then they send a drone in and they find him dead from the shootout. That makes sense though, right? In a shoot in that scenario, having a surveillance drone go in makes a lot of sense. Like having surveillance drones.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Actually, that's not weaponized robots.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That does the job for you. Like the goal is to have something that is leading the way running around

[Eddie Pepitone]

with a broom, pretending to be a. You know, pretend like he's using a rifle with a broom and he's going to get pepper sprayed or someone's going to hit him in the head with 110 mile an hour robot or wait

[Henry Zebrowski]

until one day the proper person isn't there and there's some form of like LGBTQ trans meetup that someone's not going to want to deal with and they're going to use it against them and that's what's going to happen. What's going to happen is they're going to use it at some point.

[Eddie Pepitone]

The kids are going to do a walkout or something and they're going to

[Henry Zebrowski]

use it on kids just for the sake of population control. That's next.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yes. So there we go. That's happening. Put it in the list. Enjoy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

P. Diddy is in jail. He got. He got put in protective custody because he got into a fight over something. It seems that people are coming for P. Diddy.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, well, he's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's not doing well in jail.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, he keeps getting his release date pushed up. It was June and then April. Now it's February. But now he got into a physical fight in jail. Will his release date get pushed back? No, no, probably not, because I'm sure he was just jumped. But he's in solitary confinement right now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, they'll get him out soon. Trump is waiting to figure out. The only reason why Trump hasn't done it quickly is because he's black.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Well, he probably doesn't have anything on him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I mean, no, you would have done it no matter what. You would have done it just for the ls. But he's. But he's racist.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Him a good guy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Because he likes what he's done. He doesn't like his race, though. That's the problem. He's like. It's like he loves his. He loves his. His attitude. He loves the way he treats women. He just doesn't like the fact that he's black.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So. Do you know that Bigfoots in Rhode island don't have tits?

[Henry Zebrowski]

That disgusts me. No, no. How do you know it's for certain?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Someone spotted a Bigfoot. Credible, incredible sighting, apparently. Class A sighting. I don't know what that means, but that's what it's called.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It means you saw. Saw it real close.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. And then so he. He says that he saw Bigfoot and he came face to face with it, and I had really long arms and no tits.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It is.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love how he immediately said, scott, no tits.

[Eddie Pepitone]

There were no boobs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like, what does that even. Like, why is the first thing he said? It's a visual sighting. That's in a class A Bigfoot sighting.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But the females are that big. I don't want to see the male. They got no boobs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But then I understand how. How do you know it was a female if it didn't have.

[Eddie Pepitone]

See, I feel like you should say it didn't have a dick before you say it had no boobs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. You'd be like, it had. I saw it's. Yeah, I saw. It's big. Crazy.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. You can't. Wow. Don't make fun of its chest.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Like, whoa. Hey. Why are you doing it?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Why? An like, that's like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Come on. It's like. That's kind of the look right now.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Like, tiny boobs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's the big. The tiny boobs, big butt thing is, like, in now.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's like a whole thing.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I think it'd be great for big feet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Technically, it's a part of the bigfoots. Thank you.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. Sorry about that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. But that's like.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Ah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. So, you know, thank you for letting us know that. The bigfoot's in rhode island.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ain't got tits.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Top surgery.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It ain't got tits. Where's the tits on that? I can't jerk up to that. Oh, I thought I could jerk off at something like this, But I can't.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's the whole story.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, it's great story, though. That's the entire story. It's the entire story. Where are we at? Where are we at now? It's time.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Time for some listener emails. All right, let me play you this.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You got a new one?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let me. You guys want a new one, or you want the one from last week? You seem like.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Do we have another reggae one? I don't know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I went through the one from last week. I went through the one.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I feel like it should go again. It was. It was one of my favorites.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, so that's. That's the one from George in loveland, colorado. Here it is again.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Thanks, george.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, that's on it. Yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This one goes out to tootsie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Rest in peace.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Sad stories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sad stories. It might get scary.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It might get gory.

[Henry Zebrowski]

God damn angry wheel Per will make a fun. That's how you know that you're having fun. God damn it. He's correct. God, it's good.

[Eddie Pepitone]

What are people talking about this week, Henry?

[Henry Zebrowski]

So we asked a question. Can you die from penis blood loss?

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We got an answer.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Sometimes I forget that I ask things.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is it great? See, I'm in a unique position to comment on the blood loss after loss of penis story from last week.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I had my vagina cut off.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I am Mr. Penis Gillig. For context. I'm an orthopedic surgeon and have worked at busy trauma centers where we have seen all kinds of disasters and are trained on how to manage them. Some training, however, doesn't get you ready until you deal with what rolls in

[Eddie Pepitone]

through the trauma bay or the penis surgeon.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Gotta be fun. That's if you put an elbow in it for context, you have about 5 liters of blood in very few areas that you can bleed out from. Generally, you can lose about 1 liter from your chest cavity, another 1 liter from your abdomen. You can lose up to that in each thigh from femur fractures. It's difficult to lose enough blood from a cut unless it's through a big artery. And lost at the scene while cutting off your penis scrotum does not cause enough blood to die. It does create a story that you'll tell at parties for years to come. Which brings me to my tail. A patient, let's call him Jeff, was a 30 something year old guy who just came back from a concert. He had done some party drugs, likely ecstasy, maybe some others, while trying to get ready for bed. He was just too horny.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

In his impaired state, he decided the best way to deal with this was to take his wife's hair tie, wrap it around his scrotum, hoping that the tight band would also cut off his urge to to jacket. He then took a nap by the toilet in the bathroom.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh no.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Several hours went by and he woke up to his wife coming home. Now sober, Jeff looks down at what are essentially necrotic mummified balls. He panics and takes off the hair tie hammer. Oh yeah. And his balls come. He takes off the hair tie and his balls come with it. Too quick. Oh yeah. In a panic, not wanting his wife to see, he flushes them down the toilet and now passes out bleeding from where his manhood once was. But just the balls, just the balls was a bigger cut. Cut. Now to Jeff being brought into the trauma bay. Normally when there is a quote unquote amputation, they call every surgical special subspecialty to see if they can reattach or salvage the body part. No one knew who covered ball amputation, so they activated the amputation pathway and called just about every doctor in the hospital to come see the. This poor man while not losing enough blood to get a load of this. Listen, hey, hey, hey. You know we're really supposed to help him, you know. You know how you mostly work when kids cancer and stuff and how sad that is. Come downstairs for a second.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This a lightning got little yucker for you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I. Come on here, come just have a laugh. I'll tell. I told him that you were. I told him you're specialist in ball amputations.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Okay, we got a couple of yucks one, funny one. Gross.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yuck. Well, not losing enough blood to kill himself. He did give multiple doctors a story to tell. When people ask, what's the weirdest thing you've seen someone how to hurt themselves? Well, his balls didn't make it. He did. I'm not sure if he had kids before this, but it seems like a good thing. He has taken himself out of the future gene pool going forward.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, man. Lost that. Lost that.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Dude. That's crazy. Well, I mean, don't do that. Don't. Hair tie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hair tie.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Hair tie did it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I've seen that before though. I've seen people do that. There was that Sally Jesse Raphael story about the guy making himself a unic with a hair tie.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Really?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. It's not a good idea.

[Eddie Pepitone]

No, it's a horrible idea.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Leave them alone. That's what I say. Leave them alone. Unless you're a doctor.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Seven liters of blood. That's it, huh?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, that's it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Interesting.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just seven big things of faggo.

[Eddie Pepitone]

What about like super fat people? Like if you're 500 pounds, you have more blood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Side stories. LPOTL gmail.com, i'd love to know.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I feel like you'd have to.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We have this one last one. This is what you have to, I think, honestly agree. I don't know how. Yes. Bigger people tend have a higher total volume of blood. According to Google. Makes sense. That does make sense. Google AI is hungry for blood.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. These big fatties hoarding all the blood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Give me your extra blood.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Hoarding the blood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I see your flappy arms. I know they're film suckling blood.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh, you got a towel on a stick to wipe your butt. You're full of too much blood. Give me some of your blood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can I chew on your love handle? I. I chew on your blood handle. I lost my balls. I lost my balls in a hair tie incident.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Give me your blood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right this way, sir. Do you have a medallion for that? I like to comment on the atrocity that is old lady poop scenarios. I just want you to know right now we're done with poop stories after this week. For a while. We've hit our current moratorium. Yeah, yeah.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Don't send more poop stories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We did it though.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's a blood stories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can we go away for a while? Then we come back? All right.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too much after a couple weeks.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now, I know no one asked for this, but it haunts me every time I go into a fast food bathroom and I need people to hear my story. Back in high school, at the young naive age of 18, I was a shift manager at a fast food joint. Wow, a manager at 18. 18 year old, man. That's how lazy an owner is. Just been like, yeah, sure you do it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I mean I was 16 and the only dude in Dairy Queen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'll tell you that much. Wild what they literally us do as kids.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's right. I stole a bunch of ice cream.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Of course that's what happens. They just steal. They just steal things.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You gotta watch people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now if it was my job to oversee the cleaning and closing of the store on a regular daily basis. We closed at 10 and by then we usually would have had both bathrooms deep clean with usually quick wipe down after we closed. So at 9:50, 10 minutes until we close and this little old lady walked in, hesitant to acknowledge us. She waddled to the bathroom and I kind of forgot about her until sometime around 10:15, she walked back out and she said good night. After the staff was done cleaning, it was my job to go through and make sure they did all their duties. We walked into the woman's room to witness what I could only describe as a crime against humanity. I pushed open one of the stalls and when I tell you the stall was covered in. I'm not lying. There was not an inkling of white on the porcelain. The floor and walls behind said toilet were completely covered in feal matter. I looked at the employee I was walking in with and said, dude, you have to clean that. Technically speaking, Hazmat has to come in, but you know that doesn't really happen with the fast food restaurant industry. He looked at me with dead eyes and said I quit. I begged him not to. Which resulted in me cleaning the toilet and him getting the walls and floor. That's my story. Twelve years later, I still think of it. Old ladies should not be trifled.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah man. Dude, I love the choosing. Have a nice night.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Good night everyone.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Thank you for dealing with that problem.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't have to buy anything to use the bathroom, right? Oh good. Excuse me.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's funny because I'm to figure out if she's a demon or an unfortunate woman.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's both. You could be a demon and unfortunate woman. That woman is cursed with whatever happened to her. And she did take it out. And whoever she. She took it out and whoever was closest and had a toilet. And for that I will say that is where the demon guided her. That kind of where I feel like that's like during the, the. The Obsession part when the demon is taking over, like her conscious parts comes forward me like, I should put this in the bathroom instead of all over these church pews. Like, like, literally, like that's her first thought being like, oh, I should find a bathroom. And then she goes back into. Let's fucking do it on the floor. Let's do it on the floor. Come on, Deirdre. We never shit on the floor anymore. Show them your pussy. Show them your pussy. Piss the shit out your pussy.

[Eddie Pepitone]

You know?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Okay.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Well, when you work in restaurants, I think least when it was for me in the 90s and early 2000s, I mean, this kind of thing happened. H. Never.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This 2014.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Never. Yeah, that's how long?

[Henry Zebrowski]

12 years ago by his buddy.

[Eddie Pepitone]

But I mean, I mean I saw like lots of like when I worked at Garfield's. I remember at the Harry Potter premiere, there was two shits on the floor and I like, I. I'm guessing it was children. And just like, it's like people just go in and they. On the floor and then, you know. And it's weird because it's my only memory of that place. It's that horrible day where like, I work too hard and then like, you know, like. And then it's, it's. It scars us. Yeah, it really does because there's so many nice things things happened there. I'm sure there were like nice waitresses or cooks that I was friends with, but all I remember is cleaning up the. On the floor that day.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. That's really amazing. So you're gonna live every day being the person that makes a memory for a lifetime for someone else. Whether you can laugh knowing I know they'll be talking about that for a long time. As you go to the bathroom and you just go. At least I leave them with something to laugh about.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that's the most important, important part is that that lady did that horrible thing in that bathroom and then it got to us.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And we could share with you.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah. We'll help you spread your poo poo stories next month.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Next month.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Next month.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because we're done with poo poo stories for a while.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Unless a really good one comes through the real news.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because that's the problem is now that's what's going to happen.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The next thing that's going to happen is that unfortunately we're gonna see like, like Trump is gonna him his pants on the, like on national stage. And we'd have to cover.

[Eddie Pepitone]

We cover that. But if someone shits at someone at an Offspring concert.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're not going to cover that. Not doing it.

[Eddie Pepitone]

So.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But what we're not going to be talking about is over at Midsummer Scream. Come and see.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Maybe a little bit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Maybe a little bit. We come down to Long Beach. It's the Long Beach. Come down. It's Sunday, August 9th. Last panel on the left. You could come by. It's the Long Beach Convention Center. Midsummer Scream. We went last year. We went last year. And I am not kidding. It is legitimately the best con in SoCal. One of the best cons in California I've ever been to.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I didn't think I liked cons. And I went to that, and I was like, oh, we need to do this every year.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It is so fun.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Awesome.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're having our own booth. Come see our panel. Last panel on the left. Go. We're coming to the booth. Get a shirt, grab a comic, Bring something. Get signed. We're going to be there the entire weekend. But see us on Sunday, August 9th. That's when the panel is come on out. We truly. If you're in the south, if you're in the Southern California area, you got to come and you're over. Horror fan.

[Eddie Pepitone]

It's a blast.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's huge.

[Eddie Pepitone]

There's every horror icon's going to be there. And then they have, like, little, like, practice houses for all the haunted houses. It's really cool. I had a good time. And then hopefully we'll see David DM again and he'll let us into his. Like, he's. He has, like, the room over the convention center on all of you. It's very fun.

[Henry Zebrowski]

God, that's great.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's going to be fun. I'm going to be in Chicago this weekend. Come see me on the 31st at the Lincoln Lodge at 10pm that's gonna be a lot of fun. And then I got Dead Men tell some tales Aug 16 at Dynasty Typewriter here in Los Angeles. That show's gonna be amazing. That's my Dead Disney show. I do with my buddy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm excited for this.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Henry's gonna come. He's gonna be the voice of Walt Disney. We're gonna have a blast at this show. I really hope you all come out and see this. We've been working on this for over a year, and it is stupid. I. I'm going against D23. I'm gonna do the most vile Disney show I can during their Giant Festival. That's great for that. 9 11. I'll be in D.C. 912 as well. But not as fun. And then 927 Milwaukee. October 4th, Denver. Lots of other coming out, some side stories. Dates will be announced hopefully next week.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I do think it's a great chill day to be in our nation's capital.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Oh my God.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just love being on the road. I love it. Well, I'm glad you're gonna be out there. And be safe.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I will be safe. It's gonna be fun. I love, I love it all.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, go check out Bloodbath 77.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That comes out on Thursday.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And we'll be do. We will be promoing and more. Go check it out. We've got it is blood 77 season 2 of our vampire the Masquerade playthrough. And I think it's very, very dark, dude.

[Eddie Pepitone]

And when you're on on there, just chill out. On that LPN TV YouTube page.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Look at awesome.

[Eddie Pepitone]

We got HGX2. We got two seasons of that. This is the second season of Vampire the Masquerade. It's all awesome. We're doing some crazy over there. And then go check out the other YouTube pages. Of course we got the brighter side. Page seven. Nerd of mouth. Romantasy. They're all connected. Fraudsters. Foreign report. Get in there. Be a part of it. Know us better. See our faces.

[Henry Zebrowski]

See our faces.

[Eddie Pepitone]

That's right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right. Hail Satan. We'll see you next week. You're dead to me. You're dead to me. You're dead to me. You're dead to me. You're dead to me. You're dead to me. You're dead to me. You're dead. I want to dance, dance, dance. When I summon you let your soul surrender. Dance, dance, dance like the devil do.

[Eddie Pepitone]

I wrote a little song to remind you. Choice hotels get you more of the experiences you value. The Cambria Hotel's got it all. A rooftop bar. Have a cocktails up here. Feel just right. It's Cambria.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Amazing.

[Eddie Pepitone]

All right, bring a date, your team

[Henry Zebrowski]

or even your mom.

[Eddie Pepitone]

Book [e-mail]. see you on the roof. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Maxing is so maxing right now, bro. Get ready for spicy chicken maxing because Carl's Jr. Is saving you big with a 5.99 maxed out double stack double stack double stack spicy chicken sandwich. Seriously, just 5.99 double stack spicy chicken.

[Eddie Pepitone]

This is unreal value in the bromosphere.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The new spicy chicken Max wallet friendly. Max tasty only at Carl's Jr available for a limited time at participating restaurants. Tacked on, included. Not valid for use within a combo or a combination with any other offered discount.