Side Stories: On the Road

Summary

Last Podcast on the Left: Side Stories — On the Road

Episode Date: April 22, 2026
Hosts: Henry Zebrowski (“A”), Ed Larson (“B”)
Location: Portland, Oregon (Robot Pirate Media studio)
Theme: A wild, irreverent recap of the crew’s recent tour through Alaska, fueled by weed, ghost stories, dark news updates, listener emails, and their inimitable blend of gallows humor.

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Episode Overview

The April 22, 2026 edition of Side Stories brings listeners along on the Last Podcast crew’s recent adventures across Alaska and the Pacific Northwest. Henry and Ed riff through tales of haunted hotels, murder tourism, horrifying local legends, true crime news, community shout-outs, and the existential perils (and comic relief) of traveling while stoned. True to form, the episode is a mix of comedy, real crime, urban legends, flashing moments of genuine reflection, and shout-outs to underground scenes and fans.

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Key Discussion Segments

1. Post-Alaska Reflections

Timestamps: 01:23–04:50

• The hosts revel in surviving their tour through Alaska, reflecting on the wild energy and turnout in Anchorage and Fairbanks.
• Quote (Henry, 03:11): “I didn't know there were 400 people in Anchorage.”
• Banter about possibly being spied on at their Anchorage show (“Thank you so much to the Russian intelligence agencies for sending Boris and Natasha…”)

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2. Alaska: Haunted, Murderous, and Surreal

Timestamps: 04:50–10:28

• The hosts joke about local Alaskan oddities: Russian grocery stores, gruff shopkeepers, and conspiracy theories about H.A.A.R.P. (“weather manipulation, but actually… just let me in the door”).
• Discussion of Alaska's true crime legacy:
  • Numerous serial killers with roots there—Robert Hansen, Israel Keyes, and others.
  • Astounding audience response: “During the show, I'm like, how many people here know a victim of a serial killer? And about 20 people raised their hand.” (Ed, 06:33)
• The overwhelming “Last Podcast energy” of Alaska (haunted hotels, a transient population, male-to-female ratio, and murder tourism).

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3. Ghost Stories at Captain Cook’s & Haunted Anchorage

Timestamps: 07:59–10:28

• Ed’s Ghost Encounter: Tells of a brush with a possible bathroom phantom in the supposedly haunted Captain Cook Hotel.
  • “There's, like, a dude in a red jacket, and he's just standing there right behind me… I turn back around. Gone.” (Ed, 09:25)
  • Neither host is sure if Ed saw a ghost, but Ed historically has “seen the most ghosts out of anyone I know” (Henry, 09:38).

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4. Alaskan Mud Flats Tragedy: Local Legends Examined

Timestamps: 10:30–14:53

• The infamous Anchorage “mud flats” story:
  • Urban legend version: A honeymooning woman gets stuck and is gruesomely split in half by a rescue helicopter.
  • The reality (per a local fireman): She drowned as the tide came in; unsuccessful efforts included putting a bucket on her head to extend her air.
  • "She just sat there and waited to die with a bucket on her head, screaming, while the firemen didn’t know what to do." (Henry, 13:53)
  • “They have a hose that they stick in and it presses water and it shoots you out... that's the brighter side of all this.” (Ed, 14:03)

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5. Highlights from the Road: Weed Lounges & the Local Arts Scene

Timestamps: 17:14–19:18

• Fairbanks shout-outs:
  • The “Pocaloco”/“Pacolo” weed lounge—a stoner’s paradise with rentable gravity bongs.
  • Bon Thai (the “best Thai food” Ed’s ever had).
  • The Basement—a small theater bringing alternative events to Fairbanks: “It’s up to you to build the alt scene you need... half that room had never even heard of the basement before.” (Henry, 18:29)
• Establishing local scenes: “Go and make your scene alive—that’s how you do it.” (Ed, 18:49)

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6. True Crime & Notorious ‘On the Road’ Moments

Timestamps: 19:22–21:57

• Tales of meeting odd Fairbanks outsiders—most notably, a mysterious “Jester Man” wandering near their accommodations: “The Jester man jingle-jangled in the night and got covered with snow.” (Ed, 20:07)
• Creepy imagery blends comic, poignant, and surreal: “20 years ago, the Jester man was frightening. Now he's just looking for a place to die.” (Henry, 20:15)

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7. News Updates: True Crime and the Absurd

Timestamps: 21:57–27:36

• DeForvid Arrested:
  • Ongoing case summary: Musician “DeForvid” arrested for Celeste Rivas Hernandez’s murder (“He really could have been more happy on these red carpets. You’d think he’d smile more.” —Henry, 22:18).
  • Details: He bought an industrial incinerator for his Bel Air home.
• King Charles’ “Sausage Fingers”:
  • Hilarious riff on King Charles’s infamous swollen hands; related e-cigarette vapes shaped like his fingers now available.
  • “Who gives a… he's the king. Be sick, your ass. You woke up sick when you were born.” (Ed, 25:17)

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8. Recent Atrocities: Family Annihilation & Mass Violence

Timestamps: 27:31–35:59

• Shreveport, LA family annihilation:
  • Shemar Elkins kills 8 children, his wife, and another woman; hosts grapple with horrors, context of mental health, and U.S. social failures.
  • “You know, maybe we should try to make [mental health care] a little more available.” (Ed, 30:40)
• Discussion of Family Annihilators vs. Mass Shooters:
  • Henry riffs on male privilege, ego, and the toxic patriarchal logic behind familicides.
  • “Men kill their families because… they are theirs to dispose of and to do whatever they want with. And… proxies for the legacy of the father.” (Henry, 32:08)
  • “A real man abandons his family. He doesn’t kill everybody. Go live in shame in a worse state.” (Ed, 35:36)

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9. Sick, Surreal, & Sordid: Rape Academy and the Internet’s Worst

Timestamps: 36:00–40:37

• Coverage of a website/forum teaching men to drug and sexually assault their wives.
• Outrage and gallows humor as coping: “Nothing makes me want to draft more than the Rape Academy.” (Henry, 38:12)
• Alarming stats: “62 million hits in the month of February... Disneyland website had 28 million.” (Ed, 38:31)
• “If you find out someone you know is visiting this website, I think you're allowed to hit them.” (Ed, 40:30)

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10. Quadruple-Amputee Neo-Nazi & More Absurdist Horror

Timestamps: 40:40–43:47

• Ed laments fans keep forwarding stories about Dayton Weber, a “quadruple amputee” with neo-Nazi leanings.
• Unexpected video: “They put blow on a dollar bill… and he did the blow like in Tommy Boy, then grabbed an AK-47 and started just shooting it out the window.” (Henry, 41:33)

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11. Listener Emails: Haunted Museum Curses, TikTok Conspiracies, and Mall World

Timestamps: 56:55–65:13

• Listener possibly cursed by artifacts after visiting Zak Bagans’ Haunted Museum—cat dies, injuries ensue, UTI develops (“…three weird and kind of deep scratches in the center of my chest…” —Listener, 58:50).
• TikTok “GATE Project” rabbit hole: Gen X women claiming to have been in a government mind control experiment that sent them astrally to “Mall World.”
  • “People desperately want to feel special, and the gifted thing set up a lot of people for high potential and then they didn’t do the thing.” (Henry, 62:50)

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12. Community Shoutouts & Upcoming Projects

Timestamps: 17:14–18:49 | 51:06–54:08 | 66:26–69:59

• Shout-outs to “Pocaloco” weed lounge, Bon Thai in Fairbanks, the local drag scene, and the “Make Your Own Scene” ethos for small towns.
• In Memoriam: Matt Schmidt of Schmidt Sausage Haus in Columbus—“So good. Everything you guys make is perfect. I wish I could have married into your family…” (Henry, 51:51)
• Promotion of Season 2 of “HGX2: The Blood Tournament” on YouTube and the Last Podcast’s continuing live tour.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you've got a little scene, bring us to it. [e-mail].” (Henry, 18:49)
• “The Chester man jingle-jangled in the night and got covered with snow.” (Ed, 20:07)
• “I feel like it’s if heaven was hell, you know?” (Henry, on Alaska, 15:00)
• “Men kill their families because… proxies for the legacy of the father.” (Henry, 32:08)
• “If the Terrifier Clown can find love, anyone can find love.” (Ed, on Art the Clown’s engagement, 50:27)
• “62 million hits in the month of February. The Disneyland website had 28 million. That’s the difference.” (Ed, 38:31)
• “If you find out someone you know is visiting this website, I think you’re allowed to hit them.” (Ed, 40:30)
• “Go and make your scene alive—that's how you do it.” (Henry, 18:49)

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Episode Structure / Flow

1. Travel Recap: Dark comedy and candid banter reflecting on Alaskan tour, local culture, and fan experiences—0:00–21:57
2. Current Events: Shocking, often disturbing true crime and internet news, spinning from the horrific (family annihilators, rape forums) to the absurd (King Charles’ fingers, amputee neo-Nazi)—21:57–43:47
3. Listener Engagement: Listener stories about curses and conspiracies—56:55–65:13
4. Shout-outs and Plugs: Community and business highlights, upcoming podcast news, promos for related projects and live dates.

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Tone and Takeaways

• Classic LPOTL energy: irreverent, quick-cutting, sometimes tasteless, but interspersed with real cultural and social critique.
• Extensive local color and real appreciation for smaller scenes (“make your own alt scene!”).
• Candid confrontation of darkness, both in the world and in themselves—a mix of self-deprecation, crude jokes, and calls for actual change and awareness.

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Listen if you want…

• Gallows humor about true crime, rural weirdness, and the darker corners of America.
• Stories from the road—haunted hotels, local cannabis lounges, weirdos in the snow.
• Real talk (with jokes) about violence, privilege, and the shortcomings of American society.
• A window into small-town scenes, community-building, and how to make space for counterculture anywhere.

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“Laugh knowing that you’re gonna fuck over everybody wherever you’re at. Because today is your last day at work and in life, and you don’t care what happens after you die.”
(Henry, 65:57)

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For more, check out YouTube.com/lpntv for HGX2: The Blood Tournament.

Live show dates and merch at lastpodcastontheleft.com. For emails, stories, or local recommendations, hit [e-mail].

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This summary omits all sponsor ads, intros, and outros to focus on the content and character of the episode.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

This is the lost on the left side stories.

[A]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Just another beautiful Monday morning.

[B]

Yes, it is, baby.

[A]

It's just so nice out here.

[B]

Portland.

[A]

I can't believe we made it. We made it through Alaska. We made it through the tundra, through

[B]

the Yukon, through that.

[A]

We went over Canada.

[B]

Can't believe that we're here.

[A]

I can't believe me is here as well.

[B]

Yes. If we would have stopped there, they would have to change the name to you cunt. You.

[A]

You're the one.

[B]

You're the one.

[A]

Eddie, where are we?

[B]

We currently are in Portland, Oregon, at the wonderful. What's the name of the studio we're in?

[A]

We're over at Robot Pirate Media. We want to say thank you guys so much. We have such a handsome operator here. Yes, I'm looking at him.

[B]

Randall.

[A]

Randall. God. Randy, of course. Yeah.

[B]

You're making me Randy.

[A]

Of course. You're like. Your first name's Randy.

[B]

God, I'm just picturing you naked.

[A]

God, I just want to suck on your weird, hairy Portland knees. Oh, yeah.

[B]

I bet you could tie your shoes with your penis.

[A]

God, we love being here, but we're here for a special reason. It's not just to smoke weed outside of our homes.

[B]

No, that's right. Today is 4:20 to us,

[A]

Dude. I'm afraid of me, dude. Yes, but that's why we do it. We smoke weed so you don't have to hear at side stories. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

[B]

Hello. I feel big.

[A]

You are big. And we have had truly one of the most wonderful confluence of days and events over the last several days. I just can't even believe it. First of all, we got a lot of announcements. Yeah.

[B]

All kinds of shit.

[A]

A lot of shit. Thank you to everybody that came out to those Alaska shows.

[B]

Those Alaska shows were so much fun. Oh, my God. We had over 400 people in Anchorage.

[A]

I cannot believe it. I just want to say. We were even talking about.

[B]

I didn't know there were 400 people in Anchorage.

[A]

They weren't. They were trucked in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We had them busted.

[B]

Voted in from Russia.

[A]

Yes, they were. There was a lot of spies.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I just want to say thank you so much to the Russian intelligence agencies for sending Boris and Natasha to our show.

[B]

We did see a Boris and a Dash.

[A]

I absolutely saw Boris and Natasha. I saw a fat Russian man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I saw a very skinny, hot Russian woman. And they were going. They were yelling at each other and shit. And they were plotting.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Well, you. Airport.

[B]

You and Natalie would make a great Boris and Natasha for Halloween.

[A]

Oh, honestly, it's a great idea.

[B]

That's a good. That's a good. Put it in the open bank. I will.

[A]

Fairbanks also had. The first time I've ever seen a Russian grocery store, and I did not know that Russia.

[B]

I have seen Russian grocery stores before,

[A]

but I did not know it was famous for its groceries.

[B]

No, it's definitely not.

[A]

It just sold. Just sold Pope's tears and Glick glory. Yeah.

[B]

And it wasn't all free.

[A]

Yeah. Don't you. Isn't there a line you're supposed to get on where you can get your rough toilet paper, and then you can go and get your grish. Course you can get your. You can get your hammer toes, and you can get, like, all sorts of your, like, baked.

[B]

Your fish tails and your eyes. Yeah.

[A]

And your back fat stew. I don't know what they eat over there, man, but I'll tell you what. It looked gross. And the man was not friendly.

[B]

No, he wasn't.

[A]

I asked him if he sold alcohol, and he's like, no, no, no.

[B]

He said, come on, bro. You're Russian.

[A]

Whatever.

[B]

Where is it? You spy lie to me.

[A]

Some kind of spy?

[B]

Yeah. What do you. I mean, there's nothing to spy on in Fairbanks.

[A]

Absolutely. Actually, there's quite a bit. There's Air Force base. We saw all those black planes come into the Fairborn International Airport.

[B]

That's right. Heart, right? Was that what it's called?

[A]

It was something else. It was something like a mag well, HARP is one thing. Outside it is harp. HARP is a. It's. Well, they're obviously.

[B]

They're controlling the weather.

[A]

They're controlling the weather. They are the space lasers.

[B]

Why is it warmer?

[A]

It's because they making it cold. So you think it's getting. Gonna get colder, but it's not. It's actually gonna get hotter. So they're changing it all up. It's actually run by. That's where the space Jews live. Oh, they live in there. And they zap their. Their lasers from space down. HARP is very simple.

[B]

Yeah. Nothing's more Jewish than Fairbanks, Alaska.

[A]

Oh, we could not believe. Not believe it. But no, honestly, HARP is a communication center that a lot of people have a lot of. There's conspiracy theories around it. They were doing weather manipulation, but actually

[B]

it's just let me in the door.

[A]

That's what Jesse Ventura tried, but he did not make an appointment. But they are shooting laser beams off the ionosphere in order to like attach information to laser beams. It's like a whole thing. But it doesn't do the things that conspiracy theorists thought it did. But one of the big things that like, I forgot about Alaska, obviously. We've covered a lot of true crime in Alaska. Yeah. But we asked so many people, like, normally when we go into town, we like Google like, town true crime.

[B]

Yeah. Who's the killer from here?

[A]

Yeah. To kind of like go just to

[B]

get to know people.

[A]

Just to know what you like.

[B]

Yeah. It's like, what sandwiches are good. And then who killed people?

[A]

Who killed people here and Alaska.

[B]

Big list. I.

[A]

Right now I have a list of just. This is just six serial killers that operated outside of Alaska. Besides obviously Robert Hansen, Israel Keys. But then there's James Dale Richie, John Fountainberry, Thomas Bundy, Charles L. Meech. That's just some of them. There's so much murder tourism in Alaska, dude.

[B]

During the show, I'm like, how many people here know a victim of a serial killer? And about 20 people raised their hand.

[A]

Way too many.

[B]

That's like, that's crazy.

[A]

That was way too many.

[B]

I never thought that that would cross over, like, that number would be that big.

[A]

But I've never been in a more last podcast coded environment than Alaska. Between the haunted. We went to a haunted hotel. We went to Captain Cooks that we talked about in our Haunted Alaska series.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, we went to Captain Cooks and we went there and I was just like, yeah, you know, I don't believe in any of this. I go to the bathroom. I had a weird little incident okay,

[A]

so we don't know. All right, so at this point, that's

[B]

probably me just being paranoid.

[A]

You got little eyeballs.

[B]

I got tiny eyeballs.

[A]

But also. All right, because. So this is what happens. So Captain Cook says, for those of you who don't know in Anchorage, the Anchorage looks like. Like a city out of, like, a Soviet bloc. Like, it literally is. It is not been touched since the 1970s. Everything is. The streets are empty. There's. But there's one big major hotel in the center. Captain Cooks has been there for ever, and it's considered one of the most haunted locations in an extremely haunted city.

[B]

It's very cool looking.

[A]

Yes. And we asked people kind of like, oh, where you from? Also, Alaska is a place where nobody's from Alaska.

[B]

No.

[A]

Everybody's running from another place and has ended up in Alaska.

[B]

We met a couple real Alaska people, but there it's. Everyone else is, like, from somewhere else.

[A]

From somewhere else.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so we go, that's a lie. That is all.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of course, everything starts that. They're always like, I was a circus doctor, and then I was. Of course, I worked on the. You know, a pet railroad. I did that for a while, and then I just wanted to see what was going on. Anchorage way. And next thing I know, I got a little lady all full of my gunk.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

Now, I've been here for 25 years.

[B]

Four to one, male to female. Dude, what is that?

[A]

It's a lot of man.

[B]

That's like. That's just like, you know, I hate to do this to the guys there, but if you're a lady. Get out, get out, get out. Or make more run.

[A]

You gotta make more women.

[B]

Yeah. Or, like, try to wait. Find out a way to, like, trick them to get there.

[A]

I actually think some of the guys just need to switch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They gotta do the Jurassic park way. We met a couple life vibes away. All right, so, Eddie, now tell your story.

[B]

All right, so we're at Captain Cooks. We're having a nice afternoon drink. We don't have a show. So we're like, yeah, let's. Let's treat ourselves nice, you know, we're sitting there waiting for Billy to get in town. Nothing really to do, and I'm like, ah, you know, I've had enough. I want to go make a pee pee. I go to the bathroom. I go downstairs, and the bathroom's completely empty. No one in the bathroom.

[A]

There's nobody in the bathroom.

[B]

No one in the bathroom. No one in the stalls. Stalls are open. It's completely empty bathroom.

[A]

And Honestly, there was 10 people in this bar. Yes. There was nobody at the bar.

[B]

The whole place is empty. The whole entire city is empty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no humans there. But somehow a bunch of people came to the show. So I'm going to the bathroom, and I'm taking a pee, and I look behind me. I felt like, a presence. I look behind me. There's, like, a dude in a red jacket, and he's just standing there right behind me. I was like, oh, all right, no problem. I'm in a bathroom. Other people. It's public bathroom. No problem. So I turn around, keep being. I turn back around. Gone. Didn't hear a door open. Didn't hear nothing.

[A]

And you've seen the most ghosts out of any other person I have ever met?

[B]

I. Well, debatable, but yes.

[A]

Yeah, but you, of all of the people that doesn't believe in ghosts, that have seen the most ghosts. Ghosts. It's you.

[B]

Yeah, but. So I go. I had this, like, weird experience. Like, man, this weird thing happened to me. It's like, you know, this place is haunted.

[A]

Yeah. And then we talk about. And then you were like, oh, maybe it was one of the employees. But the employees were all wearing navy.

[B]

Yeah. They're all wearing blue.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And so there was, like, if he wasn't. Because it was definitely an employee's jacket. Yeah. There was a hotel's, like, bellhops jacket.

[A]

I would love to know side stories. Lpotl.

[B]

I hope I'm stupid.

[A]

Does somebody have pictures of any old employees that worked at Captain Cook's? Because that, like, I didn't see anybody come out, and I didn't see anybody walk into the bar. That a red jacket on?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No. And half the people that came to that bar ended up at the show the next day.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. So I don't even know what happened.

[A]

I have no idea what that was.

[B]

It was very bizarre.

[A]

That was very, very scary.

[B]

Very bizarre.

[A]

That was one of the ridiculous things we heard. We also heard about how, like, in Alaska, the mud will kill you.

[B]

Oh, my God. All right, so. All right, here's. This was. We got a couple versions of the same story. And then I actually looked. All right, so here. Here's the story that Billy told us about from Alaska. Dude, you're gonna love this, Randall.

[A]

So you're really gonna like this one. Right?

[B]

So there was a couple. They were on their honeymoon in Anchorage,

[A]

which is, first of all, what a horrific mistake.

[B]

Bad idea.

[A]

Don't do that.

[B]

There's no, Anchorage. There's nothing there.

[A]

So many places to go on honeymoon.

[B]

Go to the woods, go to on a cruise.

[A]

There's cool. There's, like, cold places that are nicer. Like Colorado. I mean, we love the last.

[B]

I'm not saying don't go to Anchorage. I'm just saying if you want to get sexy, it ain't there.

[A]

That's where your wife dies on the first day.

[B]

Yeah. It's all 500 pounds. Dudes flip flops at 30 degrees, and that makes Horny.

[A]

God bless you.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly, please go there then. But the. So they're on there. So they're surrounded by. Anchorage is like these mud flats, and it's like. Instead of, like, beach, it's just mud.

[A]

It's just thick, thick, dark mud.

[B]

It's, like, thicker than quicksand mud. And so they, like, wanted to explore it, and so they started walking out in the mud, and I guess, like, she stood in one place too long, and then the mud started to, like, consume her. And because of the suction of the mud, they couldn't get. Get her out. And they're trying to pull her out. They're trying to pull her out.

[A]

Yeah, she sunk up to her waist, and then they couldn't pull because she got stuck in it.

[B]

So the story is that they're like, all right. They tried a helicopter rescue, and they, like, tied her hands to a. To a. Like a rope ladder. And then the helicopter came, and it was pulling her out. And it was pulling her out, and then it was so bad that it ripped her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In half.

[A]

Like a new year.

[B]

And then her legs were there. Then, like, her guts are just, like, spraying out the bottom of her honeymoon.

[A]

And then obviously, indigenous person came because they save everything. Everything.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And they pull up all the. The guns. Yeah. They made wigs, and they made. They made rope.

[B]

So they were like. They were like, that's what. That was the story we heard. Like, that's crazy. And then Billy told the story on stage, and then later on, during the meet and greet over at Beartooth Tub, got a Beartooth theater pub. Such a nice place.

[A]

Seriously. Wonderful.

[B]

Yeah. Go see a movie there. Go see a show if you got a chance. What a great time they got. The pizza was great, too. Surprising.

[A]

Pizza was really good.

[B]

So for Alaska, it was edible pizza.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

Yeah, I know. So congrats. You did it.

[A]

And reindeer sausage was also.

[B]

We're talking to someone who knew the firemen who were there during the rescue. And then she's like, that's not how it went down, that's urban legend. I was like, oh, okay. What happened? She's like, well, the tide started to

[A]

come in because that's what kills you, that you get stuck in the mud. And then the tide comes like in the. The Leslie Nielsen like, Twilight Zone fucking thing. What he did with Ted Danson.

[B]

Creep show.

[A]

Creep show. Sorry.

[B]

Creep show. Yes. And so. And so the tide starts to come in and they can't get her out. They don't know what to do. Her husband's freaking out. He's holding her and. And then all the firemen, they don't know what to do to this woman to get her out of the mud. And they just have to accept that the ocean is going to drown her. And it's very slow process. And so in order for her to not deal with it as much or as like a last ditch effort to try and like save her, they just put a bucket on her head.

[A]

Yeah. They're like create like a diving bell, like scenario. They thought it did not work. No. And then Eddie and I were both like, okay. I mean, obviously that's horrible. She just like sat there and waited

[B]

and waited to die with a bucket on her head, screaming. But I will say in front of these firemen who had no idea, no idea what to do but to watch now they have like a whole system.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that is the brighter side of all this. They have like a hose that they stick in and it presses water and it shoots you out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They have a way to get you out now.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

So.

[A]

But if you think about this as married men, think about if I just how upset Julie would be if you. When you put that bucket on her baby. I love it. Like just going, No, no, don't, Natalie, no, shush. No, it has to be this way. It was just like, oh, so you live. I just jump in the mud.

[B]

It'd be so. Yeah. No, but the guy did jump in the mud and it didn't take it.

[A]

Yeah, it's because.

[B]

Because he was like laying down on it because putting his feet. Yeah, dudes. He was a little more buoyant.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that at that point Natalie would be so mad, she would levitate out of the mud. Yeah.

[B]

Like, if I save her life.

[A]

Yeah. I think.

[B]

How about the bucket would make.

[A]

If I pass. If I put the bucket on her head for her to go, she would rise. Super Saiyan, like Phil, filled with rage.

[B]

Ready?

[A]

Oh, I'm the one in the bucket.

[B]

I'm.

[A]

Oh, I'm the One in the bucke.

[B]

I imagine the bucket would just melt if I put it on Julie's head.

[A]

It would just, like, just anger her face.

[B]

The. Yeah. Just been like, you best.

[A]

I could hear it. You hear it from the shore. You. You up. I up. You've been like, I'm certain we're all gonna have to get over this, you know, like, the husband's back with the police. Just being like, this has just been. There's no way I can get money back on the hotel. Right. Like, this is like. He's already kind of like, formulating, and he's just like. Because, you know, again, because we have to cope.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. But that was the most. One of the most horrific deaths.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Fucking bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I never heard about my entire fucking life.

[A]

Yeah, It's Alaska, man.

[B]

That's Alaska, man. I was describing Alaska. I was like, it's so beautiful and white everywhere. And it's just like. I was like, it's like if heaven was hell, you know?

[A]

Like, it is stark. Yeah, it is stark. And we went to the world's most beautiful gas station where it was like, that's the.

[B]

That. That's the fucking stuff they have out there. Like, go see the most beautiful gas

[A]

station in the world.

[B]

And I had a milkshake machine.

[A]

And it had a milkshake machine. It had a casual ass milkshake machine. When you get these, like, milkshake bullets and you put it in the machine.

[B]

We shouldn't be in charge of the milkshakes.

[A]

Milkshakes should not be so readily available.

[B]

They gotta take time. You should feel a little bit of guilt of ordering. There should be a line at the ice cream store. Everyone wants scoops. And you're like, I want a milkshake. And they gotta sit there and slowly blend it.

[A]

I drink.

[B]

That's the pain that you should feel by ordering. I want more.

[A]

I want.

[B]

If there was such.

[A]

I'm so sickened with myself. I'm sickened with myself if I get a milkshake so thoroughly that I drink it alone.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

In a car. Like, I don't.

[B]

Well, that's what these guys do.

[A]

Yeah. Well, that's different. They're doing that because they're driving dead sex workers around.

[B]

You know, we had a milkshake type of machine when I worked at Dairy Queen. You know, it's just like sludge that comes out of a jug that they make slightly colder. Of course, it's just thicker chocolate milk that they just make a little colder.

[A]

It's ice cream soup.

[B]

Yeah, it's all it is. Yeah.

[A]

It's delicious. Well, thank you, Alaska. You treated us right.

[B]

Yeah. Shout out to Pacolo. The.

[A]

Oh, my.

[B]

They hooked us up. They were great.

[A]

We found brunch.

[B]

Weed consumption. They made we consumption lounge correctly.

[A]

Fairbanks. There is a weed heaven in the Arctic circle called the Pocaloco.

[B]

Pacoloco. Pacolo, which is a Hawaiian name for weed.

[A]

We went.

[B]

I mean, I guess they are.

[A]

You smoke in. In there. They. You rent a gravity bong. You can rent a fancy gravity bong. That is one of the perfect. Most perfect cannabis lounges.

[B]

All glass like roar. Gravity bong.

[A]

It was.

[B]

I couldn't believe it. I was like, this shouldn't be nice.

[A]

So if you like this too much. Exactly. And if you like weed, get up to Fairbanks. Like, straight up.

[B]

Like, I feel like it made us immune.

[A]

It died. Delicious weed. Yeah. So much delicious weed.

[B]

It was unbelievable.

[A]

Shout out to legs too. Thanks for the. Thanks for the joints and.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And also we did. In Fairbanks. We did our show at this cute little place called the basement. It was below the best Thai food ever had my whole life. Yeah.

[A]

Bon Thai.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

But like, we ate it twice.

[B]

We ate it. We ate there twice. But the basement, unbelievable. Cool little theater spot right in the middle of Fairbanks. They had a drag show with like a full set. Like next week.

[A]

It's up to these little towns. I mean, this. We've talked about the Senakra now. We've gone to a lot of places. It's kind of up to you to build the alt scene you need. Like, we walked in that room. We sold 200 tickets in Fairbanks. Half that room. Can't believe it. Half that room. Had never even heard of the basement before or even been to the basement. Go and make your scene alive.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's how you do it. You go to this small place because you guys all showing up is that makes it actually a cool place for people to come. And we want to be there more. Like that's the idea. So if you've got a little scene, bring us to it. Side stories lpotl gmail.com.

[B]

we really love, like, totally down to check now. We saw that people will show up in Fairbanks. Like, let's rock. You know who didn't come to the show? The just a man.

[A]

Just a man. Just. Just a man. Yes.

[B]

So we. We're staying right outside of like, the scariest retirement home is the wrong word. Mortuary.

[A]

It was a cream. It was a pre crematory.

[B]

It was a. It was a giant cement rectangle. Covered. Dying people.

[A]

Yeah. And it was covered in snow and icicles. And we're sitting there after our show smoking weed, watching the snow come down. And a man in a jester hat.

[B]

I think it's his hair. I think it was.

[A]

It had bells. He had bells.

[B]

He had bells on his little cart.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I think the bells were. Because he wanders off.

[A]

Just a man. Just the Chester man walked around and he walked around and the Chester man jingle jangled in the night and he got covered with snow.

[B]

The Chester man so frightening. I feel like 20 years ago the Jester man was frightening. Now he's just looking for a place to die.

[A]

I'm so afraid of the Jester Man. I was so afraid. I didn't want to beat the Jester Man.

[B]

I kept.

[A]

And then he kept looking at us.

[B]

It was like one in the morning.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, don't let the Jester man come and get us, Bill Eagle. And then just a man come and get us.

[B]

If I could crawl cross this street physically, I would try and kill you.

[A]

The curse that held me to this parking lot is what allows me. Do not murder you.

[B]

A jingle. A jingle tangle.

[A]

All right, well, if you guys know the Jester man, hit us up.

[B]

Hit us up. Let us know. Tell them we want them on the show.

[A]

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[B]

How long?

[A]

Oh, man, I saved so much money on my Mint Mobile, you wouldn't even believe it. Man, I got to upgrade. I bronzed Wendy. Yep, she's still alive. But it's nice to hear the little barks kind of coming from in there. And we put some kibbles in the slot near her mouth. But it's just been so nice to have the money to finally be able to do something that's been on my Pinterest board for a while. So thank you, Mint Mobile. If you like your money, Mint Mobile's for you. Shop [e-mail] lpotl that's mintmobile.com lpotl upfront payment of $45 for 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required. Hired equivalent to 15 per month. New customer offer for first 3 months only. Then full price plan options available. Taxes and Fees extra. See mint mobile for details

[B]

fly from your grave.

[A]

Anyway, you got some updates. First of all, great news. Finally deforvid got his ass finally arrested. You know, when I look at all these pictures. So deformed for the. Just to remind you, we've been covering this deforvid. His name is David.

[B]

Yes, but deforvid, which is what he

[A]

calls himself because I guess he's half a stupid robot. He's finally been arrested for the murder of Celeste Rivas Hernandez. We know that her body was found in his Tesla. We've been covering this for a long time. But the one thing I will say to truly about him now, looking at all these pictures of him, he really could have been more happy on these. On these red carpets. Because I really think that if he had enjoyed himself, he really always.

[B]

About how sad the four of it was.

[A]

He's just always thrown. Yeah, he's just like. Because, like, I know all of his music was about choking Celeste to death, but it does seems like, you know, like, it'd be weird. You'd think he'd smile more.

[B]

Yeah, he used to have it all,

[A]

you know, he just has everything. Wow. Are you Bradley Cooper? No. But Deformed is gonna go to jail. Finally. But I wonder what took so long.

[B]

They just wanted to make sure 4,000% they were gonna be able to. To put him away.

[A]

Yeah, because obviously he had been grooming her for a long time and he had been. I honestly wonder if there's somebody else.

[B]

I mean, there. I mean, he bought a. What was it? Crematorium? Is that what. Incinerator. He bought.

[A]

He bought an incinerator?

[B]

He bought an incinerator for his Bel Air home.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, not many incinerators in Bel Air homes.

[A]

No, not unless you're Warren Buffett.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I mean, like, how many tax documents?

[B]

The one good one.

[A]

He's the only one. He was the only good one ever.

[B]

He's the one good billionaire. That's because his last name is Buffet.

[A]

Yep, it's French for big fat.

[B]

Lay them out. I'll eat all. That's. That's what he does.

[A]

He.

[B]

He's so nice that he gets naked and he puts a buffet on himself. And that's how his servants eat. They eat off of him like that.

[A]

Nothing would happen. Buffet just eating some turkey sausage discs off of Warren Buffett. His faa pulling little pieces of beautiful chicken sausage out of the wispy hairs above the mound on his penis.

[B]

Just wrapping sashimi around his t. Just

[A]

pouring pancake batter in his mouth and having him mama bird it back into my mouth. God, I wish it'd be around Warren Buffett. I want to be inside him.

[B]

Asshole is a glory hole.

[A]

I. He's dead, right?

[B]

No, no, he's very much alive. He paid his taxes and then told all of us that the other billionaires paid our taxes, that we wouldn't have to pay our taxes.

[A]

No, I know. Warren Buffett's correct.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And also Warren Buffet and shut up.

[B]

All right?

[A]

You're not gonna do anything about it. Go kick their asses.

[B]

Warren Buffett.

[A]

Go do something about it. Start a fight.

[B]

Yeah. You know, he tries to help.

[A]

He does try to help. We also have. Oh, another horse in a fun.

[B]

A little.

[A]

This is like a more fun story. Did you see this thing about sucking on King Charles's sausage fingers?

[B]

Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. So we. Last week, we talked about. I didn't know how fat King Charles's fingers were.

[A]

Yeah, they're all. They're horrible.

[B]

They're like. Like £3 each.

[A]

Yeah. And they're. Each one is like a fiddle. Tempin.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like all. Like, all. Each one of his fingers are like their own water weenie.

[A]

And now a lot of people. Oh, it's because he's sick.

[B]

Who gives a. Yeah, I don't care. He's the king. Be sick, your ass. You woke up sick when you were born.

[A]

I want the whole family to die. The whole family to be wiped out by all of you.

[B]

Yeah. I can't believe they've been each other for so long. And they're not dumber than this.

[A]

Fuck it. I can't believe Prince Harry has two eyes.

[B]

It's ridiculous.

[A]

All right, so fuck these people. So he has these big, thick, old fingers.

[B]

Everyone loves to make fun.

[A]

Of course they do, because he's their big, thick, crazy fingers. And he's done not a single. Because you know who should have big, thick fingers? A blue collar man.

[B]

Oh, they do. You know when you see those from, like, alcohol.

[A]

Oh, yeah. But, you know, you see those. Those Instagram pictures where it's like, his hands look like this? So that man can look like this.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I remember my. When my dad was dying in Reno, this Uber driver, I had one day. He's, like, scarred into my memory. He was driving me to the hospital, and he had, like. Like, he had those driving gloves on, and it was just like. But out the top of the driving gloves were, like, the fattest King Charles fingers I ever saw. And it was just like the whole Time when he was driving, it was like, ah, Ah, my hands. I was like, you should get. I'm just like, driving me to the hospital to watch my father die. I'll never forget.

[A]

But the. Now there's a company that you can go get Tobacco vapes. It's an e Cigarette company that look like his fat fingers.

[B]

It's very funny. So you can kind of suck on his fat fingers in the street and blow out your weird cherry vape. That's so funny.

[A]

Why does he just cut him off?

[B]

Oh, man, he looked great with hooks. He can't even sign. They have to, like, put the finger in is put the pen in his hand and move his hand around.

[A]

The King only signs things.

[B]

That's the only thing he does.

[A]

Get him a stamp.

[B]

Yeah. He can't even rape anymore.

[A]

Not anymore. Is that sad for him?

[B]

He can't even do it anymore. Too old. That's got to be out of there.

[A]

Oh, that makes me so sad for him. God, he used to be able to have so much fun. Really used to enjoy his life. What else we got here? We got some good stuff.

[B]

There was a crazy. I feel like if we don't talk about it, it's. It's bad, but, like, horrific story. There was a. The Shreveport family annihil, which they're calling domestic violence, which would be one of the largest school shootings of the year if it happened at a school.

[A]

So Shemar Elkins, this is out of Shreveport, Louisiana.

[B]

He murdered. Not a happy place.

[A]

No, he murdered eight kids. He shot his wife and he shot. So seven of the kids were his. One of the. The kids was also his, but by another woman who he also shot as well. Yeah. Now, all of this seems to have started on Easter Sunday when he called his mother, who was estranged from him for a long. Estranged from him for a long time because she was a. She had had him and she was, like, struggling with crack use. And then he was raised by a family friend, but they kind of reconnected, and so they kind of, like, became like, an emotional. Like, she was, like, trying to help him because he was, like, obviously extremely upset. And so he kept calling her. And on, like, Easter Sunday, he calls his mother for the Easter call, and she says she can hear all the kids in the background. He's like, I'm going to everybody. I'm about to kill everybody. And she.

[B]

Which is said by lots of dads,

[A]

especially on Easter Sunday. Yes. I mean, we all got to get up. No one wants to go to church.

[B]

Take this seriously now. You can't just like randomly say you're going to kill the family anymore.

[A]

Not anymore, Eddie. And that makes me upset because that's my leverage.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know, so he goes out there and he, he tells his mom to do it. They're all like, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. He finally, it seems like, oh, he came out of it because he was like posting a hopeful prayer on Facebook. Which again, not true. That, that, that never means he's out of. Of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anytime you start po. I actually feel like the second you start seeing prayers on the Facebook page. Yeah.

[B]

Cuz prayers are supposed to be between you and God.

[A]

Yeah. And if you're putting it on Facebook, you're bringing Zuckerberg. No.

[B]

I'll tell you that much. I don't know if God's real or not. I know he's not.

[A]

He's not.

[B]

But like, but if God was real, God would not be on Facebook.

[A]

Absolutely not. He'd be on Kinkster. What was that? That. The one that the. He'd be on Fat Life.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

He'd be on Fat Life. He'd be dressed as a dog. Dog. He'd be leaving him around with. With a dog leash. Eating out of a bowl.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking to little boys on aim.

[A]

Oh yeah. It's only asl. Too old. Too old. I'm God. I'll make you of age in an instant. Boom, Boom. Now you're a full grown man. Have sex with me. Boom, boom. Back to a child being a God. Being God is wonderful. All right, I'm sorry.

[B]

Back to this horrific story.

[A]

Yes. So this. Back to this horrific story. So he, he did kill everyone. Everybody.

[B]

And then he shot a total of 10 people. Eight were children.

[A]

Yes. And it's really, really up. But then he stole a cop car. We stole a car.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then was murdered by the police. And then you got. They got him in the end. So that's really all the fantastic comedy we can really work out of this.

[B]

There really isn't any comedy at all. It's fudgeing horrible. No, this. No one knows how he got a gun, but you're trying to figure that out. He sought mental health care in the past. He did. And he wasn't able to get it. Which fucking sucks. Suck. You know, maybe we should try to make that a little more available.

[A]

Maybe make a bit of a priority there. But also, you know, this is a, an example we were saying, you were asking before the show, what's the difference between this and like a mass killing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why is a mass shooting?

[B]

Is kind of what I was asking.

[A]

It seems. Well, because there's so many different, wonderful, diverse types of murder and that each one comes from a different place. So when you look at spree killing,

[B]

if he would have done this, if he killed the same exact people in a church, would it have been a spree shooting or still a family in Ireland?

[A]

No, it would have been a spree killing. Well, if it was the same people, it would have been family annihilation. It depends on who you kill. The reason why he killed his family is because familia side and especially family annihilation amongst dudes because there was another guy that just did it, a former senator.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There was this other. There was a. What was this? A congressman just did this.

[B]

Just killed his family. Killed his.

[A]

He killed this.

[B]

Why are we talking about this? It's both.

[A]

It's all of it. Don't worry. It's all of it. Oh yeah. Former lieutenant governor also did this this week. Virginia's ex lieutenant governor killed his wife and then himself. And he was obsessed with. I guess he was dealing with this. He had two separate allegations of sexual assault in 2019. A guy, Justin Fairfax. And he just never recovered because of how upset he was. They got him on those because all the slews against. He's never recovered. So he killed his wife and himself. But again, the reason why that he does this is it's ego.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's loss of status. Men kill their families because they view in the patriarchal view that they are the product of them and they are theirs to dispose of and to do whatever they want with. And that they are just proxies for the like, legacy of the father. Father. So every single time. So that's why they do that. They do that to punish everybody. They do that to be like, none of you are now going to be here because I'm embarrassed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I don't want you all to be embarrassed of me so much.

[B]

I will kill you, man. It's so weird. Like I've always. My whole life, I've always considered myself a little bit of a feminist, you know.

[A]

And I'd say you're a lot of a feminist because you're so, so.

[B]

I'm so, so big. Yeah. There's nothing I could do about it. £260, probably £ for pound. One of the biggest feminists, one of

[A]

the biggest ones I've ever seen.

[B]

Yeah, I'm up there. Yeah, I'm at least three lesbians.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Stacked on the shoulders. I saw them in here.

[B]

They're right here in Portland. Yeah.

[A]

Hey, I've. Oh, I've seen. I've seen one of those totem poles before.

[B]

But yeah, no, I've like since doing this side stories more than the other show. I just like men out. Men are wrong all the time.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

They're always. It's always incorrect. It's always we're.

[A]

Because. Well, we understand this because we also. We were kind of talking a little bit about this, like, with Billy. Like, we were talking about like the idea of like male privilege and white guy privilege is a part of that is you need to be able to. Because of our power in this life. Right. Because of what we get to the. The things that we don't have to deal with. With. We can also take the shit from everybody and we should. The whole point of it is that we can put ourselves in front of vulnerable people and other people and absorb the criticism because we should be able to take it. A lieutenant governor should be able to take accusations of sexual assault and if they're not real, he will make them go. He will win in court.

[B]

Court.

[A]

And do the thing he needs to do to clear his name and then it's over. You don't have to then go like, the idea is that you have that power to take that these people are coming at you because you maybe abused your fucking power to rape them. And so it's this. We are. That's our job here.

[B]

The lieutenant governor, like, makes me like, just as angry, if not more angry than this guy.

[A]

But this guy was like, almost like. It's actually two ends of the coin. Right. Because you have one end. Like, this guy was kind of both. Bad start, bad middle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Bad end. Right. He was in the military, but he didn't really get much stuff out of it. He came like, all of this, like, where was the military in this?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where did. Why weren't they there, like, helping him with this? Like, so that's one hand. He was kind of abandoned. And then the other dude. Lieutenant. The lieutenant governor guy is essentially just like. It's. It's an example of like, you just were such a. That you couldn't take. Take the heat so you killed your family.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and like, that's the. That's the. That's what it really comes down to is that you have to be able to take it. And then it also understand that it's. I can fix me. I have the Abilities to fix me if I really want to.

[B]

Yeah, he the government. Yeah, he did the governor. This guy tried to fix himself and they wouldn't let him know. And you know, not saying that, you know, he sucks. Yeah, I like this again.

[A]

We always say you can always ways get in that car and drive to Mexico.

[B]

Just leave.

[A]

Just abandon.

[B]

A real man leaves.

[A]

A real man abandons his family. He doesn't kill everybody. All right. You go and live in shame in a worse state.

[B]

Yeah, you live. That's it.

[A]

You leave. You go to you know where you go. You know, it's great for it. Anchorage.

[B]

Oh, we were just there. Bear bags.

[A]

Even better. Ship them up. They love. There's so many lost dads there.

[B]

Go be alone forever.

[A]

You go work in an oil rig.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No one will ever know.

[B]

Dude, you know after like 10 years. You know what's pretty? Walrus Walrus. Real pretty.

[A]

After a couple years, you start going like. There's some softer. Actually look at. That's a soft one right there. I like right there. He's laying down.

[B]

God, I won't comb your whiskers.

[A]

Also. Yeah. Again, it's 4 and 1. You should learn how to suck dick.

[B]

Yeah, you really should. Yeah, just be gay.

[A]

Just be gay.

[B]

Just enjoy it.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

I'm sure they are.

[A]

Oh, yeah. All those guys. You know how it is.

[B]

Henry and I signed our first top surgery.

[A]

We did.

[B]

That was pretty impressive.

[A]

I was pretty happy with it.

[B]

I was really. I was like, wow. I was like. I feel like I. I officially feel safe. I officially.

[A]

We're in there, man. It does feel like it is kind of nice though. We could still. And we say horrible things and they take it.

[B]

Oh, my God. You know what else is horrible? Like, I. Oh, good. Yeah. I don't even know. I don't want to talk about it, but I feel like there's another one. It's just so gross. The Rape Academy.

[A]

Oh, God. We just are not even.

[B]

I don't even know. I don't. There's no comment on it. I'm just disgusted with humanity. Yeah.

[A]

It's just all. It's completely up. But I will say one thing I did not know was apparently this year, which I guess is a big get for the. For the academy. Is that Trump speaking at the graduation? Oh, and I think that that's really kind of crazy for them. I can't believe that they got him to come out because he never go. He never leaves. Mar A Lago. I guess they're doing it at Mar A Lago.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. The salutatorian is going to be Brock Turner.

[A]

Ye. Yes, absolutely. That's how you get in. How you get in is that you write your. In order to get into the Rape Academy, I heard you have to do an essay about Brock Turner. Like your personal hero in the scene, like in the industry. Who's your. Who. Who are you building your career off of? You know? Are you Bill Cosby?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you Jimmy Saville? You know, I mean, one of those. But all those take money guys.

[B]

Yeah. So they're really upset because the. The. There's a horrible porn site that. That has the Rape Academy with the subsex zzzz.

[A]

It's just. All.

[B]

Just the worst. Guys drugging their wives.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And doing it and putting it on there. And people are. They're teaching each other how to rape their wives.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Which is insane.

[A]

Yeah. It's extremely bad.

[B]

It's the most upsetting thing I think I've ever read about.

[A]

Yep. It is.

[B]

And is. It is. I'd rather read about the guy who kills his whole family.

[A]

Yep. And it's like, I'll never be like this. I'm saying this entirely satirically, but nothing makes me want to draft more than the Raven Academy. Nothing says to me like, nothing makes me say send the 22 year olds to Iran more than the Rape Academy. But I don't. But I'm.

[B]

62 million hits in the month of February. The shortest month in the month of February. 62 million hits.

[A]

Valentine's Day.

[B]

Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day. Did it.

[A]

It sucks.

[B]

Stop. President's Day.

[A]

Well, that's what he does it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Only. Only 100,000 of the clicks were Trump.

[A]

That was it. Well, he was just. Again, he was just signed. Trying to see how his tweets were doing.

[B]

Y. Yeah. It's because reach all this stuff. He's always hitting the refresh like that. Yeah. So yeah. If you eliminate it. Why. Why is that not Dark Web?

[A]

Because, I mean, it is encrypted and I do think a lot of it is. Some of it is invite only. Some of it is kind of like loose.

[B]

It's not just like 2 million. Don't sound like invite only, but I

[A]

mean, you actually be surprised.

[B]

It's probably, you know, is it like people just like they're all actually.

[A]

I don't quite know. I don't quite know. I didn't fully go into it, honest.

[B]

Because I just. The Disneyland website had 28 million. That's. That's the difference. That's the difference.

[A]

All right. I can't even talk about this.

[B]

How upsetting is that price?

[A]

More people went to the rape academy

[B]

more than Disney doubled, more than double. We're like. Like, people are just on there trying to, like, make reservations, man, that make reservations 90 days out.

[A]

I got to say, that Lightning Lane is really killing Disney. That's what this is about.

[B]

This is.

[A]

This is actually more complicated. This is more commentary on the Lightning Lane. People are not happy with that. We, none of us are Disney.

[B]

Yeah. And so we. We know it's out there. We obviously think it's the worst thing ever. And I just don't want to even give it more press, but I felt like we had to talk about it.

[A]

Well, it's just one of those things as dudes. It's another thing that we have to understand that is out there. And if we ever see anything like that, you call it out, and you call them the. You call them a creep and a pervert, and you tell everybody, you know that that's a person that. Who's doing that, and you literally just destroy them.

[B]

That if you find out someone you know is visiting this website, I think you're allowed to hit them.

[A]

I think you should.

[B]

I think it's.

[A]

I think I'd go on there and say, do it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, you're allowed. I think they're Nazi territory.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's in there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think they're probably pretty. Pretty close. I will also say, can guys please stop sending me? Not, like, in a joking way. How many of you have keep sending me? Like, they're like, oh, hey, your guy's at it again.

[B]

Who's your guy?

[A]

What do you mean, my guy guy? They're like, Dayton Weber, your guy, the quadruple amputee. Right? They keep sending me more.

[B]

Oh, they found a swastika on his belly.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

How does a guy with no arms and legs scrape a swastika into himself?

[A]

Do you understand that the Nazis really wanted. The Nazis would have put you in a basket. I would have thrown you over the wall into a chamber, dude. They would have you up, dude. The Nazis wanted nothing to do with you, man. They would have killed you and then

[B]

throw bag on wood, dude.

[A]

That's your whole career you made happen.

[B]

How did you get full of yourself?

[A]

But then he's cool because he taught himself how to shoot a gun. But then someone sent me the video of him doing the nub stand where he was doing. They put blow on a dollar bill, and they put it Underneath his face. And he did the blow like in Tommy boy. And then he came down from the nub stand, grabbed an AK47, and started just shooting it out the window. And it's like, what is this guy. What is even happening out.

[B]

Out here, man?

[A]

It's not even Anchorage.

[B]

I know you're upset about not having arms and legs.

[A]

Well, yeah, but you also became a cornhole champion.

[B]

You became a champion.

[A]

Like, you.

[B]

Like. How do you not. How are you not satisfied?

[A]

He's not satisfied. And maybe that's what the true strength of a champion is. God.

[B]

Well, at least we know where he's going to be hanging out. In prison.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

God.

[A]

Where?

[B]

With the Nazis.

[A]

Oh, I thought you meant in sort of like. Like, an area where he'd be, like, floating in a pool, like. Or he'd be on a bunch of leaves, you know, or be nailed to a wall. You know those old jokes.

[B]

Yeah. Y. Yeah. He's so short, they can not see him. All right, come on.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

All right.

[A]

He just got. Honestly, he doesn't even have an armband. He needs more of a uniform. Guess what? They don't make belts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

God, it's fun to come.

[B]

It's.

[A]

God, it's fun to attack him.

[B]

So it's like, you never get to make fun of someone with no arms and legs.

[A]

No, just.

[B]

He's in there, that guy.

[A]

Thank you, guy.

[B]

He is your boy.

[A]

He's not my boy. He's not my boy. Lrh is my boy. You're allowed to say other guys are my boy. He is not my boy. He's just. He's just the guy I thought he was. I liked him before he murdered her. Before I knew all this stuff. I liked him before.

[B]

No. And he was just a champion. He was.

[A]

That's what I like.

[B]

He had the whole world in his

[A]

sling.

[B]

Yeah. His belly button.

[A]

God, he's got to have a deep belly button. He uses it for soup. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to organize your finances when all of your money is in wet dollar bills and old coins? There's a much easier way to start. Rocket Money. Rocket Money can track subscriptions and has the ability to cancel unwanted ones with a few taps.

[B]

Tippity Tap.

[A]

Tip Tippity tap. The app consolidates checking, savings, loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give you a clear your view of their financial picture. With the tippity tap, you give it a tippity tap on the app. Little tippity tap. Okay? You get your money on the app. You can set budgets and goals. Get personalized insights and regular reports. Anything to have you understand that you are rapidly spending your money quickly. All right. Rocket Money is going to help you stop the bleeding. Set savings goals for something big. And users who create a financial goal with Rocket money save over $70 on average within the first first 30 days. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bill so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. [e-mail] LPOTL that's RocketMoney.com LPOTL RocketMoney.com LPOTL

[B]

from your grave. Oh, man. How about this? All right. This one? All right. So if you've ever listened to Roundtable, you know my fucking hatred for this organization. And it got a good serving of justice this week. SantaCon. I hate SantaCon. I worked in the bar business in New York for many years.

[A]

Does Portland have SantaCon? You guys have Santa Con?

[B]

I'm sorry. It's the worst. It's a. It's a. It's an organization. If you don't know what SantaCon is, every. Every December, one of the Saturdays leading up to Christmas, every that wants to be a piece of gets drunk.

[A]

Yeah. Every Santa Claus, every frat boy douchebag, and the whole city goes out there, anywhere there's a Santa Con. It sucks.

[B]

Yeah, it's always awful, but they're always, like, puking on each other and each other.

[A]

But I did not understand that it was for charity. Right? So apparently that was kind of part of the thing.

[B]

It started from a good place and was quickly ruined.

[A]

And now, now we know why. It's Ruden.

[B]

Stefan. Pus pill. This. Sorry, I couldn't read his name. He's 50 years old.

[A]

You need glasses.

[B]

He's from. I need lots of things. Please. I, I. You know what? I went to the eye doctor. He's like, you're fine. I'm like, I know. I'm not. I think you're bad. I didn't read the letters. And he's like, good job. And I'm like, what happened?

[A]

You don't need. You're too pretty to read.

[B]

It's like. It's like, I need a better eye doctor. I got so mad. He's like, do you smoke? And I was like, no. Well, I smoke marijuana. And he's like. And then he wrote, I smoke tobacco on my. I'm like, I don't smoke cigarettes.

[A]

It's not tobacco.

[B]

It's not tobacco. Take it off. There. He's like, you said you smoke. There's no thing for weed. I was like, you. You. I.

[A]

Man, really? Yelling.

[B]

He sprayed some. My eyes, I couldn't see. I order an Uber. I'm stuck in the lobby. I can't look at my phone.

[A]

Then he was just trying to get rid of you.

[B]

He was trying to keep me. Either way. Santa.

[A]

So.

[B]

Santa, Worst place in the world. It's like the. It's. It was such a nightmare every time. Like they're always like the hospital. One of the guys that worked with me ended up at the hospital that night because some chick he knew or was like his. It was like his girlfriend's roommate came home at 4 in the morning. She was covered in blood because someone broke a bottle over her head. And she was dressed like Santa Claus. And then he brings her to the emergency room. And then when he gets to the emergency room. Everyone in the emergency room at 4 in the morning is dressed like Santa Claus. It's a fucking nightmare. It needs to be stopped. But they were running it for charity, so they let it happen. Turns out Stefan. What's his last name? Pildies him. Anyway, he's from Hewitt, New Jersey. Was arrested on Wednesday and is awaiting appearance in a Manhattan federal court charging him with wire fraud. He was stealing the SantaCon money from 2019.

[A]

Can it.

[B]

To 2024.

[A]

Can it stop now?

[B]

$2.7 million dollars. He stole.

[A]

He stole $2.7 million.

[B]

$2.7 million.

[A]

Can this just end now?

[B]

It needs to end. It should have ended before. Now that we know the money's not even going to charity and the dude was stealing it. It's all evil. Get rid of it.

[A]

Get out of it.

[B]

There's like children looking at these dudes dressed like Santa Claus, puking all over their.

[A]

You and I are just the same though, that we're both over like drinking based Holidays.

[B]

I hate it. Halloween, I'm at home watching horror movies.

[A]

See, I love. I love Halloween because Halloween. Else it's more just St. Patrick's Day, New Year's Eve. Single. All of these things are just like

[B]

stupid, no reason to exist holidays.

[A]

It's just one of those things where you could drink at a great pace on your own. All right? There's no reason to be. There's just no reason to binge drink. You're gonna your life up, dude.

[B]

When I used to have to run the Village Poorhouse during SantaCon, it was like an eight hour fistfight for me. I just stopped. Sir Like, I left the camp kitchen. I was like, kitchen only. Only serving hot dogs. I was like, that's all you people deserve. I was like. I took the menu and I threw it in the trash for the day. I was like, hot dogs. That's all you get. Fuck you. You're ruining my restaurant. And then I would literally have to go. I. There was. I saw some dude dressed like Santa Claus. I never. I couldn't believe the balls on this guy right in front of me. Full hand comes down, slaps one of my waitresses in the ass. Like, hard as fuck. I couldn't believe it. I just leveled the guy and I threw him out of the bar style. Like, a hand on the shoulder and one on the belt. Like, threw him out into the street. Like, there was a cop outside. I was like, get this guy out here. He salted, you know, like, and then it was just like. That's what it is.

[A]

Oh, I know.

[B]

I went down to the basement one time. There were two people dressed like Santa Claus fucking in my cooler right like, where the food is. I was like, get out of here. What do you do? It's a. It's a disaster. It needs to end.

[A]

Well, now maybe hope. Hopefully they'll.

[B]

Right.

[A]

This is the time. This dude.

[B]

I hate this, man. I'm glad you stole and you got caught.

[A]

Pretty great.

[B]

I can't stand Santa.

[A]

God.

[B]

End this charade.

[A]

But let's also. Let's. Now that we did some bad news, let's do some good news.

[B]

Eddie, I felt like that was good news.

[A]

No, but there's another good news. All right.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

Our friend of the show, Art the Clown. Oh, he's just got engaged.

[B]

Oh. To Jada. Christ. Christy, Art got engaged.

[A]

David Howard Thornton. I thought we were gonna try. I was trying to sell Amber to him.

[B]

I literally was like, what chick do I know? Can I hook up with this guy? Yeah, because when we interviewed him, he was single.

[A]

Yeah. But now he's out there, so. Sorry, ladies. Art the clown is getting hitched.

[B]

Yeah. He was in full costume, and he got down on one knee and he gave Jada Christie a ring. And she said yes. And they were all at the Huntsville Comic Con Exp. Bo. Congratulations.

[A]

Good work, boy.

[B]

Congratulations, terrifier clown.

[A]

We better be at that wedding. Dude.

[B]

If the terrifier clown can find love, anyone can find love.

[A]

Yeah. And if. I mean, cuz he. He's a murderer.

[B]

Yes, he's a deep murderer. Scary dude.

[A]

He's f. He's fueled by. By Satan's power. Yeah.

[B]

Dressed to the nines. She kissed him and took the ring.

[A]

Because, I mean, she knows she's. She knows what she's in for. She knows that she's a part of the Art the Clown company now.

[B]

I mean, that's the only. That's the safest place to be.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I mean, that's why people fall in love with serial killers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because if you're the. The. The guy that kills women, he might not kill you, but guess what?

[B]

What?

[A]

A lot of times they get to you.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Also. But you know who's sad? Another. Another. More sad news.

[B]

Which one?

[A]

Matt Schmidt of Schmidt Sasha's house died in a house fire.

[B]

So our favorite sausage house in Columbus and Germantown, a wonderful Schmidt sausage house. Been open for over a hundred years. I think the one of the owners of it sadly died this week. Shout out to the Schmidt family. You don't deserve this. You've been giving the. The. The town of Columbus, the city of Columbus, the state capital of Columbus. Beautiful sausage.

[A]

Just so good.

[B]

Beautiful sausage.

[A]

So good.

[B]

So good. Everything that you guys make is perfect. I'm so sorry that man had to go. He had many years of making sausage in his life.

[A]

He's not. Hopefully he's not the only guy making the sausage hostages. But. But I do feel sad. I feel sad that he's gone. And we love you and we loved your establishment, and I wish I could have married into your family.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I wish that I. I wish I could have loved your daughter in a way that could have got us in there. I wish that I could have. I wish that I could have been a part of your family in a way.

[B]

The. The fifth generation. Fifth generation Schmidt matchmit. Oh, my God, dude. What a pillar to the community he really was. That was like. We had. It was really like a day that I was dreading.

[A]

And we had such a lovely day.

[B]

Made it such a great day. That's just us. That one day we fell in love to hundreds of people every day, making them so happy with all their wonderful sausage platters.

[A]

We sat, we made our sausages. Doc.

[B]

Yes, we should.

[A]

We kissed, and we shared a hot beer together. God, that was really one of the best days of my life. And I'm. Including my wedding.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Including my wedding to my beautiful wife.

[B]

Top 15 wow meals I think I've ever had.

[A]

Really good.

[B]

Really good. Really good sausage meal. I never expected it. I shout out to you. I hope. Do you think they'll make them into

[A]

one if I was in a sausage?

[B]

You better become Like a casket. Like put a sausage casing around the casket.

[A]

Like, let's just pitch this.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You grind up his. Listen. You grind up the. Your father's body and then the meat into a slush put into a one big casing. How fun is that?

[B]

Such a nice tribute. Ruined. Just ruined immediately I think just the casing around the coffins. Oh, just the ground up casing around the coffin.

[A]

Ground up with the same spice mix. And you may.

[B]

What if it's just him not ground up in a sausage casing?

[A]

Well then you just. He just looks like his corpse has been put in a glam skin condom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like it's being used to the ground.

[B]

And you think you wouldn't like that.

[A]

Actually I would.

[B]

Yeah. Write in side stories lpotlmail.com.

[A]

what food based burial do you want to. To be done to you? Honestly? I could be put in a bow bun. I could be putting a bao bun.

[B]

That's because you're turning into one.

[A]

Hey, I'm just. I'm earning my stripes. I'm earning my. I'm earning my stripes. All right, let's get to some. I have some listener emails.

[B]

Oh, okay. Oh, and shout out to the safari guy who. Who said he'd rather be killed by an elephant than ever shoot one. Because he was killed by an elephant

[A]

and he got exactly how he wanted. Yeah. Thank you.

[B]

Elephant started charging him and he. He's like, I said it and I'm gonna hold two. And he's gone.

[A]

He legitimately. He probably pulled up his gun and then he did that.

[B]

He didn't carry one.

[A]

Do you remember that was Nick Cage at the end of the. Of. What was that? When he's the angel.

[B]

Oh, City of Angels.

[A]

Yeah, City of Angels. Like I could see him just doing that like into the charge.

[B]

It wasn't him, it was Meg Ryan. Spoiler alert.

[A]

Oh yeah, that's right. Her ass. He stopped, became a human.

[B]

They had sex and she went on a post sex bike ride. As you do.

[A]

Oh sure.

[B]

And then the. The truck took her and your father called it.

[A]

We laughed. We had so much fun. But also, you know what I'll say about about that and shows you what's kind of fun after that. Then he gets to be single. Yeah. Now he's single. You know. And I mean, I do wonder if Nick Cage would be really good at being. I don't know if as an angel. I don't know how much Riz. He'd have.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At that point. But God, right after that you get

[B]

all Shout out to Gary Freeman. We love you, buddy. Thanks for being good to elephants your whole life and taking one for the team and making us understand that you are right. I used to. I think you. And he was old. He was old enough.

[A]

How old?

[B]

He was like, over 50, I think.

[A]

That's not old enough. Eddie. We're 40. You're. We're there. We're there. We're at it. We're at four. I'm 42.

[B]

I. What do you think would be better for me to be killed by, at this point, football player, elephant or orca? Like, what. What's better for my. For my identity? My last podcast identity. We all know the ham's going to take me.

[A]

You being thrown. You being torn apart by orca, because,

[B]

yeah, I feel like that's the way to go.

[A]

Yeah, that'd be awesome.

[B]

You know, I got invited to an orca party. I know it's going to be on Earth Day. This comes out on Earth Day. Happy Earth Day. Everybody. Do something nice for the planet.

[A]

But you get chum.

[B]

I don't know yet. I will totally report back. There better be fish.

[A]

Like, do you have to catch a seagull and drink its blood?

[B]

So the Natural History Museum in Los Angeles has a new orca exhibit, and they're having the big opening black and white orca party on the 22nd. And because I'm a new orca celebrity, yes, they invited me, and I'm going to go. And I imagine it's a like a Eyes Wide Shut party. I got an orca mask. And then I think we're just all gonna kill a trainer. SeaWorld trainer.

[A]

Bring me my fresh. I just came from the University of Alabama for. I'm a marine biologist major.

[B]

This is gonna come out after I go, so you can't uninvite me.

[A]

It's too late.

[B]

I already got in. I already took my pictures with the president.

[A]

He's got your log jammed. He's got your log jam. That's called a. Of Hollywood. Welcome to Hollywood Orca party. All right, here's some listener emails.

[B]

All right, let's hear it.

[A]

Okay, here we go. This one I actually thought was very interesting. This is about this. This is about Zach Bagan's Haunted Museum. I'm gonna do this one, do this other one. All right.

[B]

We. We. He's, you know, we feel we like him. He's fine, he's fine, he's fine. We are.

[A]

We have mutual friends.

[B]

I think. I think I. You know, as far as, like, people who do this for a Living. He seems okay.

[A]

Yes, sure. So two years ago, I went to Las Vegas for the first time, mainly to do a spartan race and also check out the city.

[B]

I love the Spartan race. Just a nude marathon.

[A]

No, no. Normally it's when you as two men, you run with yourself inside another man. You carry them around your waist.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Anyway, my sister said we should go to the haunted museum. The last time I had visitor in la, I wanted to go to Museum of Death.

[B]

Rock and roll. Go see our picture.

[A]

Yeah, we're in there now. I remember my sister saying she thought some stuff in the Museum of Death seemed disrespectful, blah, blah, blah. But she felt like that in the haunted museum. She thought that the. Maybe because I guess there's like a bed with dried blood on it. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So she went through the whole thing, got a T shirt. It was fun. I went home a few days later. Literally, as soon as I got home, one of my cats was dying. He was old, but he was circling the drain real, real quick. I had a family friend coming every day to check on him though, and he just decompensated fast. I got home from the airport and I had to take him to the vet, and he got put down that day. When I woke up the next day, I had three weird and kind of deep scratches in the center of my chest. I didn't think much of it since I have cats, but it was pretty far down my chest. Like two days later at work, I was rushing to get something done before my ship was over, and I accidentally slammed a crane hook into my fourth forehead. It didn't hurt that much, but it busted my forehead open and blood dripped onto my safety glasses. And I looked in the mirror and was just like, oh, good. The next day. We usually have this little meeting when somebody gets hurt, but we usually don't know who it was. But, oh, look, she got a big head injury, right? So pretty soon after that, I started to develop symptoms of a uti, but I just wanted to take care of it quickly. So I did a telehealth appointment, got the prescription, picked it up after work. I ended up having a weird reaction to the medication. I felt feverish on my joint, joints hurt. I got inflamed. These. These events happen quickly in front of each other. And just wondering if I was cursed. By the museum.

[B]

By the. By the museum.

[A]

Yeah. She was aged. She saged herself afterwards and then stopped. No. And she threw the. The T shirt. She got away from the museum.

[B]

Well, did she did you taunt. What is it, Betsy? Becky. What's the doll? Pamela.

[A]

Pamela? Yeah. A lot of haunted dolls named Pamela.

[B]

Well, I know that Robert the doll. If you taunt Robert the doll, he'll you up. He'll you up. So like Peggy the doll. Peggy the doll. I don't know if you taunted Peggy, you know, then maybe that's something. Maybe. Did you take a picture of Peggy that you shouldn't have taken?

[A]

Made me think about that. How'd you brought upon yourself?

[B]

Yeah, maybe try writing Peggy a letter and sending it to the museum apologizing and see if that helps. Honestly. Yeah. And if. If nothing else, you'll do it. You'll feel better. You'll feel like you're. You're trying a little harder than yes. Yeah. Don't throw out the shirt. I guess it's too late. Well, I mean, you could always donate it. People like that kind of stuff.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Honestly, you could ship it anywhere.

[B]

First items are good to put through thrift stores.

[A]

You know. He's sitting here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

P.O. box 470, North Hollywood, California, 91603.

[B]

That's right. That's right. We'll take it.

[A]

And this next one is one that's interesting. Is it normally, you know, like we have a bunch of different weird rabbit holes that people fall down. This is one I have never heard of before. Before. But I just wanted to bring it to people's attention because I'm going to actually look into it a little bit. So this is a thing called the Gate Project, which is. I think that it's fake, but it's interesting. So I.

[B]

It's on Tik Tok. It's got to be real.

[A]

Yes, of course. Yeah. So this comes from. This is the person writing the letter. I just finished the Montauk Project episodes and it reminded me of the fact that now there's a bunch of Gen X women on TikTok Tock who genuinely believe they're a part of a similar mind control psychic power government program called the Gate Project. These all, they all allegedly, they alleged that there were former gifted kids that were separated from their classes and they were given special classes that they were told used to develop psychic powers and that they all would separately jump into an Astral Point project into this world called Mall World. One word that was this sort of like liminal spaces.

[B]

Ladies B Shopping.

[A]

Right. It's like, oh.

[B]

There was a little part of me

[A]

I was like, so you going to tell me that this is how up the as right to the Mall like

[B]

declares like that's what the liminal space is.

[A]

Immediately they're going to what, Nordstrom Rack. Now I guess this is not just. This is. Yes, it is on Tik Tok but it's getting hundreds of thousands of likes. It's everywhere. People getting liberal. Gen X women have this idea like because it's kind of like the Indigo Children. There's. There seems to be a lot of. Cuz we were. I was put into a giv a class as a kid and that was like a thing right? There was all. All of that was kind of. I had to take a special test and I got put in other room and I was told to like we could skip the grades and all that kind of. But my mom was like, no, don't do that because like obviously you will be socially maladjusted. Everybody's going to be the sh.

[B]

In Catholic school, they told me I was too big for forgifted. They just let me take naps while they taught me the Alphabet in fifth grade.

[A]

He's gonna die in a war. Don't worry about him. We don't. We don't need to teach him to read. Okay. He's gonna die out there. But that's the. It's this huge thing. But I do think so. One thing I watch and it's like par. It's People just desperately want to be special. Desperately want to feel special. And I know that the gifted thing set up a lot of people for high potential and then they didn't do the thing.

[B]

You thought because you were in AP classes you were eventually going to be rich and running a Fortune 500 company.

[A]

Yeah. And unfortunately that's not really how it works. A lot of people are very smart. Right. You just have to. You just don't get the stuff. It's just like we were put in gifted classes because they considered us. They thought we'd get bored.

[B]

Yeah. College is full of all kinds of fucking idiots.

[A]

Oh, very much so. You can still. The lowest person in any medical school that graduates is still a doctor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You could be the dumbest person in the world if you pass those classes.

[B]

2.0 doctor.

[A]

Oh, there's plenty of them. You probably just met. That's your optometrist.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's what you just met.

[B]

Oh, definitely.

[A]

You must. But you just got to see. Got C. Gets degrees.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Optometrist.

[B]

Yeah. Why am I bending over? Yeah.

[A]

And he's just like, this is good. Always go from the bike.

[B]

He starts with brown eye and move up To White Eye.

[A]

This is what I call. Over here is where they deliver pack. We go from dark area in back through the internal combustions, and we come up to the little globules in your head. They see all the ways that the bullet will enter into your face. Huh. Is this good?

[B]

Yeah, it's great.

[A]

Is this radio?

[B]

It's for the Internet.

[A]

It's for the Internet, you know, I mean, it's not for the radio guys. Really good stuff this week.

[B]

We didn't finish this.

[A]

The thought. What do you mean?

[B]

So what's the deal with these women?

[A]

That's really it. It's like you. If you look into this there, it's just a whole world that they are. It's almost like people saw the Montech project and they saw MK Ultra. And then, like, Gen X ladies were like, we want one. And then now they've made this new one where they go to the mall. And in their minds, closing your eyes just to go to the mall is extremely funny.

[B]

Honestly. Like, when they were like, smart women have been manipulated. Like, I'm like, all right, I believe this. I believe this. And like, they took us to the mall. Like, you're a. God damn it.

[A]

Immediately to the mall. What is the Auntie Ann Pretzels like in the liminal world? Also, there's a movie called up the Coming Out. We met the guy Kane. Pixels. It's called the Back Rooms. You're just ripping off the back rooms, guys.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

You're not. It's not even original.

[B]

You didn't do it.

[A]

You're just ripping off.

[B]

That already exists, man. Alaska is all back room back rooms.

[A]

Oh, if the back rooms exist. They are.

[B]

It's up there. It's an Anchorage.

[A]

We walk through the back rooms.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To get to the venue.

[B]

Oh, my God, Yes.

[A]

You know how many times I didn't know? Oh, man.

[B]

Oh, the. The pet store that was just selling bird heads.

[A]

I just bought. I want to buy so many quail heads now.

[B]

It's so funny that we went to a pet store that was only selling bird heads, and we're like, we can't bring this in our luggage because I don't want them to check it. But give me your card.

[A]

Yeah. Because I want it. There was a basket of dried quail head, and I just know that Natalie saw that basket. She'd burst into tears.

[B]

I really wanted to get Carly one of those duck heads, but I didn't have the courage to put in my luggage.

[A]

No, we shouldn't, but we'll have them Delivered to the office.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, good idea.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To the office.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then any duckheads please send them over to P.O. box470, North Hollywood, CA 91603 live every day.

[A]

Like you know it's gonna be your last. All right. Love the fact that it's your last day so you don't have to go to work the next day when you could laugh knowing that you're gonna over everybody wherever you're at. Because today is your last day at work and in and in life. And you don't care what happens after you die.

[B]

This is the last year in the world. I know that for a fact. And you can watch HGX2 Season 2, the Blood Tournament crowning of the Ham lord now on YouTube.

[A]

YouTube.com TV go and watch it. It has been. We've got the.

[B]

The first episode of season two's out. Crushes it. Jackie crushed it. We got Julia Rossi's in it.

[A]

It's an lpn.

[B]

Really funny.

[A]

It's really funny. We brought in an expert editor from Adult Swim. We're literally made. We are going.

[B]

We're making our own Adult Swim show.

[A]

Yes. It is a full on Adult Swim show. So please go check it out on YouTube.com lpntv that's right.

[B]

It's gonna be eight episodes long. The first one's out now. They're about a half hour each. It's like wall to wall jokes. It's so much fun. We took everything that was great about the first season and then just put it right into this and like we really like tightened it clip along. It's badass. I'm so proud of this. We have great guest stars coming up. Billy Wayne Davis, Trey Crowder, Maggie May, Alex Hooper, John Millhiser. We. We got all kinds of great people coming by. My wife Julie Rosing and extremely funny. We literally and we pluck everyone from the network. It's so much fun. Marcus shows up. Natalie shows up. Jackie plays multi possible parts. Go watch it. Amber's amazing. I so proud of this. Please, please YouTube.com tv go check it out. Hit me up. Let me know what you think about it. I want to know.

[A]

And go see the rest of us at Last podcast on left.com Go buy tickets to see us live.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

We're super easy to go see. We're in Cincinnati.

[B]

Cincinnati on April 25th at the Taft Theater. That's this Saturday. Going to be a lot of fun. And also come out, laugh really hard. I'm going to be screaming hail Satan in Front of my family. I need support. Yes, I need support. We're doing this. I'm taking some big swings.

[A]

They're very. They are very.

[B]

They like. They like God.

[A]

But guess what? We're going to sour them on God.

[B]

This is a hell of a way for them to find out I'm Aston atheist.

[A]

Yeah, they'll find out this way. But also come 426 Lexington, Kentucky over the Manchester Music Hall. We have very few tickets.

[B]

Few tickets left for that. Please, let's sell this out. Let's have some fun in Kentucky. And then May 5th and Hollywood. Henry and I are going to be at Netflix as a joke festival at the avalon Theater at 9:45 or the late Show.

[A]

Do not go to stupid night of too many stars. You'll never meet those people. They don't give a about you.

[B]

They don't care. Yes, it's a benefit for autism, but they don't care about you. Give them money, you have what we can say you know someone who's autistic.

[A]

Buy them ice cream, buy them a sandwich.

[B]

What are we doing here? All right, the night of a couple people you might know and you might

[A]

meet and we'll hang out with you. Yeah, I'll hang out with you all night. Well, don't get your address. I'll come to your house.

[B]

We have time. We do have time.

[A]

It's our city.

[B]

We just went to Alaska. All right. When I knited too many stars. Stars. When is the last time Jon Stewart went to Alaska? Probably. Probably did some US oversight, I'm guessing.

[A]

Guess where. There. The night always has too many stars in Alaska. That's right. Because it's beautiful.

[B]

Rochester, New York. May 30. Sold out June 28. London, Ontario. Still some tickets. Come see us there. That's going to be a lot of fun. And then of course I'm hitting the road. I got new dates coming out. I got my first Comedy store date on July 26 in the belly Room. That's going to be a blast.

[A]

You think you'll get get passed?

[B]

I don't care. And that means yes because I don't care. The they'll pass me just to make everyone who's worked for free for a decade really mad.

[A]

That's the idea.

[B]

And then but go to eddytunes.com to check out ever all the shows I got coming up. We got lots of fun. I got hit in the road hard

[A]

this year and honestly. Thank you again to Robot Pirate Media. Thank you for all your help. You were guys super pros. Server in Portland. For all your podcasting needs, check out Robot Pirate Media. That's right, rub it, rub it. Hail Zayden.

[B]

Fuck you, deforvid.

[A]

See you in hell, deforvid.