Side Stories: Slide Stories

Summary

Last Podcast On The Left – Side Stories: Slide Stories

Date: September 10, 2025
Hosts: Henry Zebrowski & Ben Kissel

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Overview

This episode of Side Stories dives into summer adventures and mayhem, focusing on Henry’s recent trip to the legendary Wisconsin Dells. The hosts explore absurd water slide incidents, small-town Midwest culture, the misadventures of suspicious weed procurement, infamous oddball news stories (including the recurring “Burbank butt sniffer”), macabre medical updates (including a surgeon who amputated his own legs for sexual gratification), the ethics of water-based “assault,” and listener stories about dog meat and colossal bodily functions.

With their trademark blend of dark, irreverent humor and offbeat insight, the episode veers from slapstick Midwest observations to jaw-dropping headlines—pausing for moments of gross-out detail and existential absurdity.

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Main Segments & Key Points

1. Back from Break: Wisconsin Dells & Water Slide Culture

• [03:09] Henry recounts a trip to the Wisconsin Dells—described as “the Shangri-La of central Wisconsin” and “where the moneyed working people go to relax.”
• Jokes about “big backs” and body types:
  • Henry: “The more I work out, the more I look like a giant Balkan man on a farm” [02:32]
  • Ben: “These are people who can carry a refrigerator on their back.” [04:52]
• The wilderness resort has America’s largest interconnected water park—filled with “thick women” and “men who are muscular but drink and eat enough to still be fat.” [04:37]

Holden vs. The Slide

• [11:06–15:04] Story highlight: Holden McNeely, friend and performer, becomes a hero to his daughter by attempting a massive water slide.
  • The slide requires users to weigh under 250 lbs, and Holden, just over the limit, gets the red light.
  • Henry: “Nothing has made me laugh harder... It added years to my life.” [13:32]
  • Ben (on his own similar experience): “They wouldn’t let me on the Harry Potter ride at Universal because I was too fat. I lost 30 pounds. I rode that ride. It was great.” [13:42]
  • Discussion about the humiliation and existential crisis of being too heavy for Midwest slides:
    • “If we’re quibbling over a few pounds... maybe don’t do it!” [14:10]
• Midwest beer culture:
  • Killing a case of Spotted Cow (local beer):
    • Henry: “Me and Holden killed a case of 24 over two days.” [15:31]

2. Subtle Midwest Drug-Dealer Dynamics

• [07:14] Henry tries (and fails) to score “real weed” from a liquor store clerk in prohibitionist Wisconsin:
  • Embarrassing exchange reveals that he looks like “a narc,” a running theme:
    • Ben: “You look like a cop.”
    • Henry: “Is this what resting cop face is doing to me?” [07:22]
• Mild family debate: liquor store etiquette and Delta-9 THC laws.
• Ben: “There are certain rules in the Midwest you can’t fuck with.” [08:22]

3. The Burbank Butt Sniffer Is Back

• [17:44] The infamous “butt sniffer” is rearrested, allegedly for sniffing at a Walgreens.
  • Henry: “Kalise Karen Crowder loves the smell of a butt so much, it brings him to criminality.” [17:56]
  • Discussion about the legal conundrum—where does “butt sniffing” become chargeable if there’s no touching?
  • Theorizing punishments:
    • Henry: “He needs an iron mask on his nose.” [20:36]

4. Culture & Food Oddities: Virgin Boy Eggs

• [21:08–24:35] Henry reintroduces the “virgin boy eggs” story—Chinese eggs boiled in boys’ urine.
  • Unpacking the process, flavor, and cultural context in grim comedic detail.
  • Ben: “You know what’s even more disgusting... virgin man piss. Because those guys are gross.” [21:35]
  • Repulsion at the color and taste of these eggs, with Henry describing them as “what Mickey Rourke’s morning looks like.” [23:04]

5. Listener Stories: Poop, Fart, & Bodily Function Epics

• [28:15] Listener emails about “huge” bowel movements, mostly from women:
  • Woman describes a two-foot long turd while hiking:
    • Henry (reading): “Probably a two foot long turd.” [29:12]
  • Ben describes paintball-induced woods shits and friends shooting him with paintballs mid-defecation. [29:35]
  • Observations on the universality (and absurdity) of poop pride.

6. Doctors Behaving Badly

• [32:05–44:50]
  a. Dr. Neil Hopper – The Amputee Fetishist Surgeon

  • UK surgeon, obsessed with amputation, fakes necessity to get his own legs removed for sexual gratification.
  • Henry: “His feet were an unwelcome extra... a persisting, never ending discomfort.” [34:22]
  • Issue of consent, insurance fraud, and if being aroused by amputations makes him a better or worse doctor.
  • Ben: “If he’s horny for it, he’ll do a better job.” [37:55]
  • Humor about naming conventions: “Hopper,” “Bobber,” “Crawler.”
  • Philosophical tangent: "Do we really want doctors getting ‘revved up’ for work in this way?"

  b. Dr. Frédéric Péchier – The Thrill-Seeking Anesthesiologist

  • French anesthesiologist poisons patients to bring them to the brink of death, just to revive them for the thrill—killing 12.
  • Henry: “He liked bringing people directly to the edge of death, then kind of pushing them over the side.” [45:49]
  • Raises discussion of “God complexes” in the medical field and the riskiness of trusting “insane” doctors.

7. Water-Based Crimes & Suburban Discord

• Sprinkler Assault in Florida:

  • [47:42–51:05] A man sets up sprinklers to drench disabled neighbor children waiting for their school bus—twice a day for a year.
    • Ben: “He drenched them twice a day for a year.” [48:09]
    • The hosts are appalled at the cruelty; discuss how this called for “village justice.”
    • Henry: “That guy needs to get group beat.” [51:00]

• Raymond Cruz vs. The Hose Incident in Silver Lake

  • [55:47–60:40] “Tuco” from Breaking Bad arrested for spraying a woman with a hose while washing his car after asking her to move repeatedly.
    • Debate over: is spraying water assault?
    • Henry: “Any unwanted physical interaction—on the base level—is assault.” [56:57]
    • Ben: “If you ask three times and they don’t move, spray them.” [57:50]
    • Questions of harassment, suburban etiquette, and the burden of celebrity.

8. Listener Letters: Eating Dog in Korea & More

• [68:38–73:59]
  • Multiple correspondents describe eating dog meat in South Korea (sometimes unwittingly as children).
  • Details of the experience: taste, guilt, and cultural context.
    • Henry (reading): “The fat tasted exactly like a wet dog smells... no mental remove from the bowl in front of me and beloved memories with my childhood dog.” [71:56]
  • Discussion of new dog meat restaurants in Pyongyang and North Korea's need for protein sources.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Henry (on Midwest bodies):
  • "Thick women are beautiful. Men get big. And we... we were in the Dells." [04:34]
• Ben (on ceremonial slide humiliation):
  • “The fattest state in America told Holden he's too fat.” [14:41]
• Henry (on butt sniffing):
  • “Don’t make him monetize another habit.” [20:21]
• Henry (on amputee doctor):
  • “He gets up and looks at his nubs and goes... and I feel like I might be jealous of his happiness.” [35:21]
• Ben (on hospital horror):
  • “European doctors scare me. They’re always working on assassins for free.” [47:01]

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Episode Tone & Style

• Language/Tone: Irreverent, dark, gross-out comedy, rapid-fire banter, peppered with blue-collar philosophy and gallows humor.
• Atmosphere: Casual, walking a line between relatable summer tales and bizarre, unsettling news.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:09] – Henry’s Wisconsin Dells adventure & Midwest body types
• [11:06] – Holden vs. The Slide (“red light” shame)
• [17:44] – “Burbank butt sniffer” update
• [21:08] – Virgin boy eggs: horror in Dongyang
• [28:15] – Listener poop/fart stories
• [32:05] – Dr. Hopper: surgeon amputates his own legs
• [44:50] – Dr. Péchier: “Flatliner” anesthesiologist
• [47:42] – Florida sprinkler assault (disabled kids)
• [55:47] – Water hose “assault” in Silver Lake
• [68:38] – Listener tales of eating dog meat

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Closing

The episode is a classic Side Stories blend of personal anecdotes, unspeakable news, scatological overshares, and philosophical musings on crime, justice, and the relative importance of feet. The hosts maintain a rowdy, judgment-free zone where even the grossest or weirdest human impulses (so long as they don’t hurt others) are met with sympathy and wry amusement.

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“Love your nubs, dude. I’m gonna start saying that more—where’d you get your work done?” – Henry [67:57]

Transcript

[Henry Zebrowski]

TV's number one drama, High Potential returns with star Caitlin Olsen as the crime solving single mom with an IQ of 160. Every week, Morgan uses her unconventional style and brilliance to crack LAPD's most perplexing cases. It's the perfect blend of humor and mystery. She's breaking the mold without breaking a nail. High Potential premieres Tuesday at 10, 9 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. In sports, five games were featured in.

[Ben Kissel]

Hockey action last evening.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Did you see the game last night? Of course you did. Because you used Instacart to do your grocery restock. Plus you got snacks for the game, all without missing a single play. That's on multitasking. So we're not saying that Instacart is.

[Ben Kissel]

A hack for game day, but it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Might be the ultimate play this football season.

[Ben Kissel]

Enjoy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

$0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fee supply. First three orders in 14 days excludes restaurants. Instacart. We are here. There's no place to escape to.

[Ben Kissel]

This is the last on the left side stories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. No more tears.

[Ben Kissel]

Recording.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We'll start getting in there. We'll start it, you know.

[Ben Kissel]

How you doing, big man?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just feel like the people.

[Ben Kissel]

Sorry. Normal man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I. No, I'm big. I'm big. Here, feel me. Would you not say I'm thicker than I was? No, not my hand. No, not my. Not the palms of my hand. Feel my shoulder. Feel this.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do you feel. Does it feel thicker than it was?

[Ben Kissel]

I don't. Guess it's been a while since I rubbed.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, Feel the back of it.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, it is. Actually, you know what? There's a bunch of muscle there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm starting to get there.

[Ben Kissel]

As much as I wanted to just call you fat, there's muscle there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm starting to fill out the sections of me that were once hollow.

[Ben Kissel]

I think as a Pollock. I'm a Pollock as well.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Go. The back grows. The back gets big.

[Henry Zebrowski]

My problem is.

[Ben Kissel]

Why is that?

[Henry Zebrowski]

You think I lift weights?

[Ben Kissel]

No, but I know that. I know that. I'm saying Polox. Why do we all have big backs?

[Henry Zebrowski]

All I know is I can't get cut. Right? Like when I. Lifting a weight.

[Ben Kissel]

You don't have a cut. You look weird.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I would look. Imagine if I look.

[Ben Kissel]

Alex Jones.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I would look like. What's his name? The Al Roker.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like a bunch of plastic bags just strapped to a pole.

[Ben Kissel]

No. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, you don't look good.

[Ben Kissel]

Cut.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. What I'm trying to do is just get big, but I. The more I work out, the more I look like a giant Balkan man on a farm. Yeah, right. The idea that Polish people have big backs is a horrible stereotype. For who? I never heard that stereotype. Yeah, exactly, because I know it. Yeah. Because that's our lives. That's the big back. Life that we live is that way. Holden McNeely's British and Irish is all hell, and he couldn't fit in that tube.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, my God.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Welcome to side Stories. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

[Ben Kissel]

What's the tube?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just want to do. We came back from our surprise. We were on break.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, we were on break.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I didn't want to tell you.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, we. Henry said we're going to keep it a secret for them because they won't stop listening if they don't know. And then guess what?

[Henry Zebrowski]

They stopped listening to how it happens because you guys sensed it. But we're back from break, and so, just quick, before we get into the side stories of it all, I was at the Wisconsin Dells, and I don't know if anybody's been to the Wisconsin.

[Ben Kissel]

Dells, but it is as modern as the computer Dells.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, it is. I want to say that the Dells are where, like, Tim Waltz's son would go. You know what I mean?

[Ben Kissel]

Like, it's a.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The. The.

[Ben Kissel]

It's exactly where Tim Waltz is. Well, he has a daughter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think the moneyed working people of Wisconsin, it's a burger culture. They go to the Dells to relax. It is considered the Shangri La of central Wisconsin. Yeah. Like, the way I talked about it when I taught, when I told Gurney, who's from that part of the world, that that's where we were going for our. For our break.

[Ben Kissel]

She was like, don't worry about paying me this week.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're gonna need it. You're gonna need that. Which is also hysterical because nothing made me feel more like the fucking chic of Saudi Arabia than being in the Dells. It was so cheap. It was. So just say that if you're from the coast and you want to feel like a millionaire, go to the Dells. It's amazing. But so there's a part of this whole ritual which I didn't know. So the people of Wisconsin, they're big.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Thick women are beautiful.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's the men. Men get big. And we. We were in the Dells.

[Ben Kissel]

It's sad. Big.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's. No, you know what? It's working big. These are men that work hard enough to be muscular, but drink enough and eat enough to still be fat.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, yeah. No, these are definitely like people who can carry a refrigerator on their back.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, they're strong, Right. But so they had to monitor these slides. So just for those who don't know, we went to this place called, I believe was the Wilderness Resort. It is a. The. The. The nation's largest interconnected water park systems. Right. You go to these places. It's in indoor water parks, outdoor water parks, like, and lots of sleep slides, all this type of. Right. The thing I don't like. I don't necessarily like any bit of this, but I went with a family. Yeah, I went with Holden's family. And it was really nice to see that joy inside of a child.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And watch the child have a good time. Winnie had a temper tantrum, and then I had a temper tantrum. And we went back and forth and we. We catered to the family.

[Ben Kissel]

When he does it, but when you do it, it's ends the day.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, everybody gets upset. But no, I did very good. I had edibles, right? So I just ate a lot of edibles. And there was a point where when you do these slides, the joints don't.

[Ben Kissel]

Go too well at the water park.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Everybody gets angry also. It's what I want to talk quickly in Wisconsin. All right, I want to know this side stories lpotl gmail.com subtle debate within my family before I continue the story. We went to a liquor store. Holden and I were in the liquor store. We stir up a conversation with the man behind the counter. He was congenial to us. We were laughing quite a bit about, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I. He said something along the lines of the man behind the counter, oh, well, I'm sober. I don't drink alcohol anymore. And I was like, huh? I bet you guys hate that Delta nine out here. You know, you got that Delta nine weed. That's free, legal weed, right? And he was like, yeah, I wish, you know, that Delta 9 is fine, but, you know, whatever. I was like, I bet you guys wish you had that free weed, the real weed. And he said, oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, that would be amazing. And I was like, you know what I've discovered with a lot of these Delta 9 places is that when you go in them and you go up to the counter and you ask the young person at the counter and say, this is all great. Do you have any real weed? A lot of times they'll just sell it to you.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Oh, is that what happened?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Good. No. So I just said that to him and I was like, is there any place that might be like that hip here? Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, weed is criminalized in the state of Wisconsin and it's completely illegal to sell. Like, he hit me like, mustache.

[Ben Kissel]

You look like a cop. But look at me. I have like a fucking tie dye shirt on Undercover. I've been arrested by a man with a beard and a tie dye shirt.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm the coolest guy in the world. Is this really just what resting cop face is doing to me?

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. You're like, hey, brother.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was desperate for weed. You should have. Dude, just. No, I was being straight know. I was being matter of fact.

[Ben Kissel]

I told you to just bring it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I. It's hard. I didn't want to bring it in between.

[Ben Kissel]

You're such a scaredy, baby.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I am. Well, go back to. So I am. I normally do it. I normally go because I normally can like kind of find it. Yeah, normally I just. I go into places and I just say stuff like weed and like people like will. Will put me towards.

[Ben Kissel]

Tenders are where you go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was the bartender there.

[Ben Kissel]

Bartender. It's a liquor store. It's a much different situation. He can get a lot of trouble, lose his license.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what Natalie was saying. Bartender.

[Ben Kissel]

It doesn't matter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was like, I've never heard of a liquor store clerk with any form of adherence to the rules.

[Ben Kissel]

There are certain rules in the Midwest that you can't fuck with. I guess so that's like marrying another man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, it's getting gay. Yeah, I saw several big ugly gays at the Dallas and I was actually like, you know, I was like, that's progress.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh yeah, there are some really good gay bars in Wisconsin.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, I bet. Have you been to the Big Suck?

[Ben Kissel]

I've been to Sheboygan. I went to a gay bar in Sheboygan.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it puts the boy in Sheboygan. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

She. Man. I went to Sheman. Sheman.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, I was there with Amber Nelson. It was really funny because the one good patch of like fit men, like there was. And she was like, oh, it's a man. Maybe I could go talk to some man. And I was like. I went by and I overheard them. I was like, they're the only gay people here. Those fit men are all homosexual and together.

[Ben Kissel]

I remember the one time I went. I was at a wedding in Wisconsin. I was with. I Was Adam Wirtz and Sam Wurtz's wedding. Yes, I remember we broke off.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was with you Kissel. A couple other people went to the same place.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. We broke off because there was no booze at the wedding. And then we broke off and we went to this bar because they were playing football. And we're like there for like 20 minutes. Like this place is really nice.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Everybody loves us.

[Ben Kissel]

A lot of good guys, guys just hanging out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Domino's bought me two shows. I was like, this is crazy.

[Ben Kissel]

And then like it was like we were there for half an hour. It's like, this is a gay bar.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's nice though. In Wisconsin it's. You can be gay and straight. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

You know what the best part of gay bars is? There's not some chick telling you to leave.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I will say also we know what Wisconsin also taught me about my own body. I'm the truly androgynous one.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I know a lot of people say something like an Eddie Redmayne or David Bowie, you know. Youngblood are all of our favorites. That they're more of like an androgynous style because they're a beautiful man. But I am both covered in hair and have huge tits.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So I got both you.

[Ben Kissel]

You're there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm in. I am technically more androgynous than either of them.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Than any one of those guys.

[Ben Kissel]

If you pound for pound and tit meat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If you wanted to the shit out of my tits.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You could shave me up and get a hold of that.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. You really could.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. And so to finish the story. So we're at the slides. So Winnie. I was there with Holden, his lovely wife and his lovely daughter Natalie and Amber. So they were watching Winnie filled with life. So excited for the slides. Could only go on one. All of the other slides scared her. So she couldn't do it. But her father wanted to show her something. And I actually. It made me for the very first time look at Holden McNeely. Like he was a father.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because he.

[Ben Kissel]

I still haven't done that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Exactly. It's hard to.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But the way he nutted up for his own daughter. Cuz his daughter was like, I don't know if daddy wants to go on the big swide tech.

[Ben Kissel]

Technically she's here because he nutted up.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Exactly n it in n it out. But it was like she was like daddy dude going to go on the big swat. And he was like, I don't know. I don't know honey, if I should. And we're all like, you know, sounds like Winnie wants to see you go on the super big crazy slide.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because there was one big crazy slide that had a direct drop down from the top. Right. And he was just like, oh, I guess. And I was like, and I'm filming it for content, so you gotta go do it for your daughter. And so he was just like, all right.

[Ben Kissel]

That's the man who buys the Airbnb. You get to say that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That is literally what I did. And I was just like, you're gonna eat. So he then proceeded to eat a gigantic burger. Yes. He proceeded to a gigant burger. And it was like, okay. And what they do on the slides in Wisconsin is because they have to be, I guess, legally capable, culpable. There's a. There's a scale that you have to step on that just goes red light, green light about whether or not you can go through the slide.

[Ben Kissel]

Because this is the way.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So this slide tell you the weight.

[Ben Kissel]

That the red light comes on at.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All of the rest of them didn't, but this one said 250.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right. Because the big boys were doing it. But I was seeing big boys not make it. It was a giant loop. Right. And we were seeing boys get halfway through and then sliding back.

[Ben Kissel]

What happens? Do they gotta blow on it real hard or something?

[Henry Zebrowski]

They have to. Literally, there's a fatty, like, crevice, right. There's a club. There's. It's tried. Or, dude, emergency release. There is three release ports. One is, if you don't make it through the tube, you slide into this other thing, and then they have to open it up, and then you can stand out of it. There's also two in the loop itself itself, in case you're so fat, you move so fast, but you then get stuck in the tube, which has happened according to the employees. And then they get something like a hook, like one of those animals that they. The thing they used to move dogs around.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they pull you out of a hatch. Oh, yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

There he is, leaving disgrace.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So he walks up. He has waited. He waits online for half an hour. His daughters is going like, daddy, Daddy, Daddy. And he gets to the top of this tower, and when he steps on the scale and. And it goes red. Nothing has made me laugh harder.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, you love it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It added years of my life.

[Ben Kissel]

I tell you what, man, this is gonna be good for him because this really turned my life around. Because they wouldn't let me on the Harry Potter ride at Universal because I was too fat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

And I was like, you know what? I'm going on this ride. I lost 30 pounds. I rode that ride. It was great.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, Holden. Then the first thing, he came up to me this morning because he knew we were going to be doing side stories. And he came up to me and he's like, I was only four pounds too heavy.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I was like, but it's.

[Ben Kissel]

Those are crucial.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Those are four crucial ass pounds.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I guess what, guess what I also don't want you doing.

[Ben Kissel]

I guess you're five pounds too heavy because. 2502-512522-53254.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Exactly.

[Ben Kissel]

So you're five pounds too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But also not to be an asshole. Why are we. If we're quibbling over pounds, like, if we're quibbling over, like, maybe I could like take my. My shirt off. Like if we're quibbling in that area, maybe don't do it.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I would say you need a 10 pound grace area. Yeah, that's me. That's me. But that's just one story. Then. Then Natalie got brutally.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, that's a top story. Outside story.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's why it's a top story. Holden's too fat for a slide. One of my favorite things.

[Ben Kissel]

The fattest state in America told Holden, he's too fat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Slide stories. Pretty great slide stories. He did a really good job. But I will say he did it for his daughter. And in the end, I mean, he.

[Ben Kissel]

Didn'T do it for his daughter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, now maybe he'll do what he does need to do for his daughter.

[Ben Kissel]

Stay alive.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. And take a look at his health. But at the same time, nothing made smoking look prettier than Wisconsin.

[Ben Kissel]

Remember when Holden was the thinnest person we knew?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, he's. I always will want to hold that over him the rest of his life. All right, so we do got some stories that's like. And then. So thank you to everybody and Ian, who served us at the Dells, who's a listener. He did incredible work. And I will do. He was a server.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, he just gives you spotted cow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He just brought me spotted cow.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Which is.

[Ben Kissel]

He just brings you holding y. Yeah, baby.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Lumpy cow.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Spot a cow. New glorious beer. Get some.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I had so much. I was so proud of me and Holden because we killed a case of 24, just me and him over two days.

[Ben Kissel]

That's great.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it was pretty great.

[Ben Kissel]

And then.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what's great? More spotted cow. You drink quieter. The family gets.

[Ben Kissel]

They really do.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They Just go away.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, time, you know, they go to sleep.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Also in the Dells, what I think is really funny is that you could definitely see children having the best summer of their lives. And you can also see the summer where the child can no longer be fun with the family anymore.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Where they need to go away.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Well, it's because the father's become a nightmare. I've watched. I watched many fathers become nightmares, but that's a father's job. Father's job is either be a nightmare in order to inspire a child to be better or be non. Existent.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. I went to Cincinnati. Thank you. Shout out to everyone in Cincinnati. Great time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. You did a live show.

[Ben Kissel]

My show was great. Sold out. Reed Failor, Travis Irvine all did great. Shout out to Bombs Away Comedy. Go check out their shit. But I will say shout out to everybody in Cincinnati for going and buying that goddamn ham salad. Sold out again.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He sold out the goddamn.

[Ben Kissel]

Sold out the ham salad again. Over at Bridgetown Meats.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And these poor guys are all like, what's the formula?

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like, why is some. You know, for months, the ham salad just congeals and sits and gets solid. And then once every six months, shout.

[Ben Kissel]

Out to all you people who listen to me and get that ham salad, chicken, eggs, fuck. Turkey, ham, ham salad. I'm proud of everybody in Cincinnati. Porkopolis, they call it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I know. And it's not just because of the first lady. It is because they like their meat there.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, and we are aware that the Cleveland show was canceled.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, but it is because the venue shut down. It's got nothing to do with us. No, but we are looking for. We are having. There is going to be a replacement show same weekend. And that is. We're being finalized as we record.

[Ben Kissel]

We. We're working on it. So hold on. Your tickets, unless they refunded them, but just keep an ear out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We are replacing the show, though, just so you know.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, let's get to some updates. The Burbank butt sniffer is back in the news. I mean it. We did that episode.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I want to say, I think it was the next day.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

When? The next day you got arrested again. Very soon, Kelise. Karen Crowder loves the smell of a butt so much that he cannot help himself to the point where it brings him to the point of criminality. He has now been arrested at least twice for inappropriate behavior, allegedly sniffing women's behinds.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Different businesses in Burbank. I know. Last time we saw It. It was at a bookstore, which we said that was specifically technically savvy. Butt sniffing.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. Yeah. It's a good place to do it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's a. Gets a place. If you were a butt sniffer.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And you were looking for the perfect place to do it. It's that. This one, though. This one. Why is the. Okay. He got arrested doing it at a Walgreens.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, no.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Why does that gross me out and the bookstore doesn't gross me out as much?

[Ben Kissel]

Well, it's because everyone's sick at Walgreens. Do you think they had to change the name to Wall Browns? Come on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's only if he was smelling. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Was he in the stomach, like, flu section?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, go. I don't know. He got arrested again. They don't know what to do. He's a registered sex offender. They now have taken his parole away. So he's no longer on parole. But I don't even know what that means. I He.

[Ben Kissel]

What do you mean they took his parole away?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

So he was rewarded.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think he was out on parole. No, he was out on parole. So I think that now he's about to do some form of prison time.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, I don't know if it can be serious time.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because it's still like. It's what we discussed, what we were talking about when this story originally came out officially.

[Ben Kissel]

Assault.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, he still didn't touch anybody.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. But he is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it's not good on this.

[Ben Kissel]

Like, now it's like, you know, you sniff butts. We know you sniff butts. You can't sniff butts anymore. Remember we had the lawyer write in.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Say they could do, like, specific things for specific people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're going to have to write that in for him because obviously he cannot quit. He is too legit. He loves to smell that fucking butt. I think because he has done actual, like, things besides. Oh, he's bad guys.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Anything that he does that is any somewhat similar, he can now be charged.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's even a strong breeze and there's a butt near you. You have to leave, sir. You can't collect the butt juices. Just like a rottweiler driving down the street with his head out of the pickup.

[Ben Kissel]

It's like, man, just become a janitor, become a plumber. Get in that. You like. You like dookie. You get in there, man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know how many times they say, do what you love and you never work a day in your life. But then it turns out it's all wor.

[Ben Kissel]

This is his Free time. You're right. Don't let him is how he cuts loose.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Don't make him monetize another habit. Yeah, all right. This is his fun. Let him. Let him have this. But no, he's taking it from no good. It's probably good to do is take.

[Ben Kissel]

Out his sniff glance. Take away the whole sense he needs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

An iron mask on his nose.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh yeah, like a clothespin with a fucking like chastity belt.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Clothespin, yeah, with a combination.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That only the sheriff knows.

[Ben Kissel]

I was got in trouble.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Didn't you Just tell me. Can you tell me if this broccoli's bad? I can't tell. I can't tell anymore. I'm legally not a lot of stuff anymore. There's that story because then I got into this whole thing for some reason. Have you heard about virgin boy eggs?

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, in China where they cook them in piss.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What they do is they get the piss from virgin boys. They go to elementary schools and they collect the piss.

[Ben Kissel]

We talked about this on Roundtable back in the day.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, but it's still a thing. Very much so in 2025. I just watched the whole special on like a couple long story about a guy who's still selling steaming virgin boy eggs where they say that it like allows you to be like. You get some kind of constitutional like thing from it. It's from Dong Yang.

[Ben Kissel]

You know what's even more disgusting than this, Henry? Virgin man piss. Because those guys are gross. Those guys. Virgin man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Why is that worse?

[Ben Kissel]

Well, because they're gross people. But they can't get laid on their balls all day cooking them. You like their eggs? Speaking eggs, you know, they. It's that virgin man piss. They're all like £600. You know, they got. They got a bad person. They drink.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Some of them are extremely skinny.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, some virgin men.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Some of them are very, very, very skinny.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But yeah, there's some of it. It's the collecting of it.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You've never heard of this?

[Ben Kissel]

You never heard of this?

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's the guy, you know, you know who I don't want to meet is the guy that has to go around collecting it.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Let me. Let me say hi. Let me ask your boy. Your boy there is attractive. Has he had sex yet and they.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Had something about this. Does your boy had a quart of water this yet this morning? Because I'm going to need that pe to be as clear as we can get it. Children who have been raised in the city are used in the practice and believe Relieve themselves in basins that the vendors place in the hallways. And then they cook. They cook it up. They just steam out the urine. And I guess what really made me. I was watching it and I think that would really kind of made my stomach turn was how brown the eggs are and how I imagine piss it changes colors.

[Ben Kissel]

I also weird crabs, like crabs are usually blue and then they turn red.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I actually kind of wondered in a way. Yeah. I don't like the color of them. And I just feel like. Yeah. Kids just seem to be drinking more water in Dong Yang.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because it looks like Mickey Rourke's morning.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is what that egg looks like.

[Ben Kissel]

It's great that the town's called Dong.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. No, it is not lost on me, Eddie. It is not lost on. Sweet, sweet cosmic joke is out there. And the smell of bubble and virgin boy pisses everywhere. That's how you know you've reached the city limits of dungeon.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, my God. What if a kid was like, actually, I've had sex a lot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I was molested just so you couldn't take my piss. Wow.

[Ben Kissel]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're all trying to stop the piss eggs first and then we're going to stop the molestations. First the molestations stop the piss eggs, then the molestations can stop.

[Ben Kissel]

Does it like. So these virgin boy piss eggs, now these things, are they just saltier? Is that what it is? I don't know, Eddie. If the boy's diabetic, are they sweeter?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, I've never taken a bunch of vitamin B.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, no Chinese man will answer me. No, no Chinese man I can get a hold of will answer me.

[Ben Kissel]

This guy's liking it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, he's not. He's eating an egg. He looks confused and he looks sad. You would have to literally put a gun in my mouth with the egg.

[Ben Kissel]

He doesn't like it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, obviously I like it. No piss. It's not good.

[Ben Kissel]

He got it to eat it for a YouTube video. Guess what, dude, you don't need to buy half a dozen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, I feel like just get one. Maybe the guy said like, you buy one, you buy six. Yeah, get these off of my bowl. I guess. Rise from your grave. TV's number one drama, High Potential returns with star Caitlin Olsen as the crime solving single mom with an IQ of 160. Every week, Morgan uses her unconventional style and brilliance to crack LAPD's most perplexing cases. It's the perfect blend of humor and mystery. She's breaking the mold without breaking a nail. High Potential premieres Tuesday at 10, 9 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. And I will not be destroyed by these children that keep purchasing my businesses. Yes, I have lost horsepix.com and yes, currently I am in some form of tete a tete with Putin's daughter who purchased Umu paintings.com. so now I'm a man alone who's decided I'm out of the sales business. Yeah, I'm starting a new website. It's called Henry Zabrowski's Feet.com and that's because I'm sick of Wikipedia going out there and slandering my good name on my feet, all right? My feet are good. And this is all I have. So you need to support me and Squarespace. Squarespace makes it all possible. It makes a podcast possible. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid. Squarespace domains make it easier to find the best name for your business at one fair, all inclusive price. No hidden fees or add ons required. Head to squarespace.com left for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code Elliot Eft to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hey, Eddie.

[Ben Kissel]

What?

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans?

[Ben Kissel]

What doesn't belong in my epic summer plans?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Getting burned by your old wireless bill.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, my gosh. It burns me all the time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I know. It's like Halawa.

[Ben Kissel]

So hot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hot. While you're planning beach trips, barbecues and three day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, what should be holding me back?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Probably. I would say you're. You've got problems with, you know, the. You have acid reflux.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You got some problems consuming dairy.

[Ben Kissel]

I can barely swim.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You are afraid of loud noises.

[Ben Kissel]

I hate loud noises.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're afraid of being outside, but otherwise. But otherwise, you're good to go. And that's why you got to make the switch to Mint Mobile.

[Ben Kissel]

So fresh.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, with Mint, you can get the coverage and speed you're used to, but for way less money and for limited time, Mint mobile is offering three months of unlimited premium wireless service for 15 bucks a month. So while your friends are sweating over data coverages and surprising charges, you'll be chilling. Literally and financially. And this year, skip breaking a Sweat and breaking the bank. Get this new customer offer and your three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com lpotl that's mint mobile.com, upfront payment of $45 required equivalent to $15 a month limited time. New customer offer for first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes. Unlimited plan taxes and fees extra C Mint Mobile for details I also feel like now that we've went into that disgusting territory for no reason. I don't know if I should go into all of the stories that we received when I had the butt sniffer.

[Ben Kissel]

It really does relate. Like why is this guy so active? We got 49 emails from women telling us how big their shits are last.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Week before we did the when we were doing the epis. I asked for more stories after we covered the very cute woman that do.

[Ben Kissel]

Like we hate it when you talk about shit. And then we get 49 emails.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I didn't know what to say about this.

[Ben Kissel]

That's like these are my shit stories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So many stories of what we said were traditionally skinny women talking about their bowel movements.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And man oh man did Joel have to really deal with that.

[Ben Kissel]

I love every chicks like 5, 6, 120 always giving their measurements.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love it. They are. There's a lot of good ones here. This woman woman said she had dug a cat hole after hiking. She was several months hitting 20 miles a day. She got. She ate a bunch of super like kind of processed food and then one time they had to go to. She had to go to bathroom real bad.

[Ben Kissel]

When you're hiking it's all nuts.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh God. It's all.

[Ben Kissel]

That's all.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's all you're eating and leaves.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. There's all these bars drinking stream water. Something about the woods that makes me want to dump.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Everybody says this. I'll never go. I dug a cat hole which was probably 6 inches deep, 18 inches long. I squatted, I pooped. No joke. This made it from the back of the hole to the end of the hole. Continuing on for other several inches. Probably a two foot long turd. That was from one young lady. That's cool. Good for her. No, this woman talks about her own fart made her. Well I mean that's.

[Ben Kissel]

That's natural. That's everyone's farts make them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Not all the time. Sometimes my fart.

[Ben Kissel]

Sometimes just a fart. But yeah of course not all the time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But you really gotta to be delicate with it man.

[Ben Kissel]

I remember one time it Was all my friends were playing. What was it? What was the game that everyone. Paintball. Everyone loved playing paintball in the woods. I love. And they finally talked me into playing paintball, and I. I'm not a paintball guy, you know? And so I'm like. I don't like running around. It's in the middle of college and stuff. So I'm like, all right, if I'm gonna run around all day, I guess I should take some vitamins. So I ate a bunch of vitamins like an idiot. And then I went out and played paintball with my friends. And then all of a sudden, you know, the vitamins are like, oh, what? What? My body's like, what a vitamins. And so I just, like, had to take the biggest of my life in the middle of the woods. And I'm sitting there in the woods and everyone's shooting me with paintballs because I got shitty friends at the time. Never went back. Bad time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Anyway.

[Ben Kissel]

What were you saying?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I hate the woods. I'm with you. I hate the woods. There are no restaurants there, and so I'll never go. All right, let's get to some stories.

[Ben Kissel]

The skinny woman. Fat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, we did enough.

[Ben Kissel]

I weigh 120 pounds. Let's talk about my huge experience.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I feel like we didn't get to any stories.

[Ben Kissel]

Underground bar in Orlando.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We've been doing, like, 40 minutes, right?

[Ben Kissel]

Long Island Iced Te.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think we should. Let's do some stories, and then we'll.

[Ben Kissel]

Get back to this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, so first of all, I want to talk about some doctors having fun.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, doctors need to have a good time. It's got to be a depressing job.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The problem is that every single time doctors have. I. I feel like when doctors do have a good time, it's, like, at the expense of the rest of humanity. Yes, sometimes.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, but Patch Adams. He was having a great time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Healed no one. It didn't. It saved not a single life.

[Ben Kissel]

Whatever happened to Robin Williams? I don't know. That's different.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Where are they now? Will Robin Williams break his silence on his own Suicide. That's my favorite. Everything's break silence these days. Everything's just his birthday. Yep, yep.

[Ben Kissel]

I saw it was just his birthday.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sweet aside, Leo makes silence sense. Wow.

[Ben Kissel]

He's been dead for 11 years.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. Time has flown.

[Ben Kissel]

That was almost his death day.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Almost? Kind of both.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All of them together. Yeah, he was. I think he was a Gemini or something.

[Ben Kissel]

He died in Paradise City, huh? No, Paradise K. Okay, okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right.

[Ben Kissel]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now that's not as fun. Doctors are doctors out there. You know, they say, I don't like a funny doctor. I don't like a doctor having fun. And this is kind of the reason why. It's one of these guys, this guy that got. We've been hit up about the strike story quite a bit.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We first covered this a long time ago.

[Ben Kissel]

This is the one I didn't. This is the one story I didn't read. So, please.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Very. This is a good. Technically. This is an update. But it seems that he's fine now. I believe they got him. Now, I think the main issue was on insurance fraud that they were looking on. This is a guy by the name of Neil Hopper, which is hilarious. He's from Truro, Cornwall. This is in uk. He carried out hundreds of amputations as a doctor doctor, literally the operations, until he wanted to get his own legs removed for sexual purposes in 2019. Now, this guy, loving what you do. This guy said he had a sexual interest in amputations. He said that what he did to himself. So now what we found out is that he lied to insurance, saying, you gotta chop my legs off because I've got sepsis. Now we know. Yes. He's saying that he had had an injury to his legs and that he essentially thought he had sepsis. He had to get his legs taken off. And the way he did that was that he used dry ice to freeze his own legs so that they had to be removed.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So this guy's fucked up in his own way. And now we know that he cut his own legs off for his own sexual purposes. He said that he felt that his feet were extra.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He said that his motivations were a combination of obsession.

[Ben Kissel]

So happy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yes. And he said that he had problems with his feet. That's when he said that he was. He was caught with extreme pornography as well. That was a part of this. When he got arrested for the insurance fraud, he said that he got it paid for. That was the whole thing is he got the procedure paid for and they found him with this extreme amputee pornography, which I still don't quite understand what it is. Side stories, lpotlmail.com is it?

[Ben Kissel]

You just jerk off to nothing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, this is my question. Is it the act of just sawing legs off? Is that what this guy likes? Or is this guy.

[Ben Kissel]

Because I think he likes nubs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The worst part about Hopper, first of all, because his name is hilarious. That's hilarious.

[Ben Kissel]

He's got no feet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

His name should have been Bobber.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

For what he does when you throw him in the fucking water.

[Ben Kissel]

Crawler.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Mr. Crawlers. Right. He said that his feet were an unwelcome extra. A persisting, never ending discomfort to him. And I'm just going to go ahead and say there. I know that this is not about kink shaming. This is about life in general. Feet, feet. Super crucial.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. If you have three feet, we can call that extra.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Extra. And because you know what? All the guys I know that either can't use their feet anymore or who had to lose their feet.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Super missed their feet.

[Ben Kissel]

My dad was so mad when he lost his feet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yo. Exactly. Because there was no chip on that. You can't go to findmyfeet.com.

[Ben Kissel]

I think my dad looked at his nubs and jerked off once.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This guy, every day Dr. Hopper gets up and looks at his nubs and goes. And I feel like I might be jealous of his. Of this happiness.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But now he's getting sued across the board by every single one of his patients being like, was my amputation necessary? That's the main thing now too, is that they are coming for the horny for it. Yeah. And he showed up to work at his job, like, this is a good thing about this. As a question for all of us, you know, Eddie, I come to work, okay. You happen to find pornography on my laptop. Playing of naked men, doing podcasts.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right. And that's like.

[Ben Kissel]

That happens in the building?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. Okay. You see this pornography now? Is this a part of the room in the building and where we're working? Let's say it's where you and I are working. I've kept it away from the employees.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right. We're in our writer's room now. Does it mean something that I'm here doing it now? You know, I'm horny at work.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Doing the job.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Does it make it worse?

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, it makes it a little worse. I guess.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like, if a surgeon, like, I guess that's like, I guess, obviously I'm not. It's. I'm a comedian, so it's different.

[Ben Kissel]

I want you to be happy. You know, there is that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But if a guy that does amputation, a guy who does amputations as a surgeon, he's jerking off at amputation videos at work. Is that him getting revved up for work?

[Ben Kissel]

Seems like he might know more about it than other people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Or is. Or this is my question, if you come. Or is it like, this isn't studying? Or is this another world? Can you jerk off to algebra I don't know. Is this another world? Where does he come and care less, or does he come and care more? Like, this is my problem, too, is that if he hasn't come yet, is the act of the amputation so exciting that he's really dialed in? But if he's come already, is it like when you've masturbated and you haven't yet told your wife yet that you were not maybe have sex that evening because you've masturbated and then you're not. As in maybe irregular. Just hard. It's just like a harder process. You think he goes like, oh, yeah, I just came to all my. Oh, I love my knee suckers. 4 and 5.

[Ben Kissel]

Was he jerking off at work? If he wasn't jerking off at work? You know, it's like, Does a porno.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's a doctor, though.

[Ben Kissel]

I. It is a doctor.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I guess that's what's really holding me up here.

[Ben Kissel]

I think that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hello. Look at me. Oh, look at me. Half lights. Look at. Aren't they absolutely sexiest snobs you've ever seen?

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Are these the sexiest snobs you've ever seen, Doctor?

[Ben Kissel]

I see. Here's the thing. If he's horny for it, he's gonna do a better job.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know. Or is he distracted?

[Ben Kissel]

If I show up for my amputation surgery and the doctor has two amputated.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Legs, I'm probably like, he knows what he's doing. I'm not only the president, I'm also a client.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, exact. Exactly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But did he be super. But also, it's weird to be super happy about it, though. It's the look on his face. I mean, that's so much what people need.

[Ben Kissel]

No, to see someone happy about not having legs. You're losing your legs. You're gonna be very depressed. This guy's having a great time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I want to see somebody happy.

[Ben Kissel]

Positivity. We're going in the brighter side territory.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I know what you're saying, but I don't want the brighter side to just be. I don't have legs anymore. Like it should be. This is a person overcoming adversity, a great attitude, despite if you're objectively happy about losing your feet, that's like. That's a up. Feet. Just like the bottom of all of us. Yes. Our interaction with the world begins with our feet.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, it's not everybody, but, you know, people who have a feet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I'm just saying. And everybody that's born without feet.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Are Super Like. Like, God damn, I wish I had feet.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. And I know I'm not the Little Mermaid. There's a whole movie about it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's a whole movie begging for feet.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, so this idea that you would be. I don't think. I guess I get it. I guess it gets. It's fine if you're cool with it after. But this idea of you just being like rock hard.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Look at that right here. As you can see. I don't know which. Which to which number you're referring to my sexual knob. I just don't know. Just like the idea of making them or the idea of. If it's just stumps. You think stomps are sexy? This overview on Wikipedia kind of explains it a little bit. Acrotomophiles may be attracted amputees because they like the way that they look. Or they may view the amputee's stump as a phallic object which can be used for sexual pleasure. But anything can be. That's an elbow. That's a knee. A normal knee. Knee.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But they. It's not as hot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You can't really stick a knee in someone's. Yeah, you can.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm. I'm more turned on by a nub than a knee.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Look at this. Hey, Natalie, come here. Come here.

[Ben Kissel]

You could definitely jerk someone off with the back of your knee.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's weird.

[Ben Kissel]

It certainly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know.

[Ben Kissel]

I didn't say it wasn't weird. I just said it could happen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I haven't. I have no problems with any of this. I just think that the man is on a. Reasonably happy. He. He is sad now that he did lie to insurance.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. Is that what the story is? That he's like. He got in trouble for insurance fraud.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the thing. Is that he faked it by torturing his own legs. I think it's hard.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Can you do that? Can you be like, hey, I want my arms gone?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I bet.

[Ben Kissel]

Can you just show up to the doctor?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like a little off the side stories. LPOTL gmail.com. i bet you you could find a guy.

[Ben Kissel]

Of course you could find a guy. I can find a guy for anything.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We go down to Mexico.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And we go down there. We can find a guy. I bet you we can. As long as you have.

[Ben Kissel]

Sick of these feet. I want them gone.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're abstract.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm turned on by nubs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I gotta have rid of my feet. Give me nubs. Put my feet on my hands.

[Ben Kissel]

It has to be legal.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I guess. But I do think, I guess if it's consensual, it's consenting, you would just.

[Ben Kissel]

Have to foot the bill.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just think that also intended removing torso. The bill. Thank you. You have to remove. I think it's very dangerous to remove. I think you just can't find a doctor who will do it because they'll basically get. They won't be a doctor anymore if they just cut. Yes. They say it's do no harm, but if the guy's like, but my feet are bullying me, why not?

[Ben Kissel]

While not illegal for an individual to request, a surgeon will not perform the amputation of a healthy foot without a clear medical reason.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But you can find a guy that would do it. You could find a guy that used to be a surgeon, that, that was fired from being a surgeon. Technically, very much so. You can find somebody. And I bet if you know their first name, if you know, like if you know Stephen and he used to be a surgeon and then he got canceled on the. The Internet and he can't be a surgeon anymore. He can do that and he will do it for 20 grand.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, I bet he'd do it for less. But you want to make sure you live.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the thing.

[Ben Kissel]

It's got to look good. If you're getting turned on by it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Your nubs look good or cheap. Yeah. Choose two.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, that's the thing. Fast, good or cheap.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. So, yeah, I guess good for him.

[Ben Kissel]

He's a nub with himself.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I.

[Ben Kissel]

I just.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He also apparently got some money from doing it. He apparently got a little bit of money. I just.

[Ben Kissel]

What do you mean he got o. Got money from.

[Henry Zebrowski]

From insurance?

[Ben Kissel]

Well, that's the thing. He's defrauding, you know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Yeah. Obviously insurance is tough enough. That's part of the plan. And the other one. This is another doctor story. Frederic Pier.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is another one. It's like doctors are just like up. But I do we have to get.

[Ben Kissel]

Rid of my fingers?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love. I know that on some level we have to figure out, we have to trust doctors, but they're also insane. Right. So just remember they all got a God complex. Looks like a therapist. Therapist. Just like your physical therapist. Anybody that's in that has to be like, they're slightly insane, but you kind of hope that this, their insanity will still help you.

[Ben Kissel]

My brother in law is a heart surgeon. Asked him if he ever broke anyone's chest plate while he was giving them cpr and he's like, only when I want them to live. This is like you're insane.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, well, all right, well, you know, but that way, you're the one who made it heavy, so. But this guy, Frederic Pesher, this is like a. You ever see the movie Flatland?

[Ben Kissel]

This guy looks like a doctor.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He does look like.

[Ben Kissel]

He's like. I don't feel like he could have any other job with a face and beard like that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, he's about to be a prisoner.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, no.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So that's the next job he gets. He's accused of poisoning 30 children and adult patients.

[Ben Kissel]

Really?

[Henry Zebrowski]

12 of whom died. He worked as an anesthes. An anesthetist. This makes a serial killer, basically. He. He worked as an anesthetician, what we call, like. So his job was. I believe that's the term. Right. The guy that. It's all the. The anesthesia. Anesthesiologist. Anesthesiologist. And so what he was doing is that he was poisoning them because he was trying to convince and show other people he. He could save people no matter what. So he was poisoning them, killing them on the table, and then bringing them back to life.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, with like an EP pen or something?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, like, with adrenaline shot. Something like that. Like with the Uma Thurman when Pulp Fiction.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Where they had just do a. And so he's of this. He's killed 12 people in the process of it. And he does it for the thrill of it.

[Ben Kissel]

Kill one. You got to be like, hey, bro, you're not good at this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was doing it to show, but he's like, oh, but I save 18 I them.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's literally what he's doing it.

[Ben Kissel]

That's. That's still failing technically, if you want to go by school grades.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's just interesting because it's kind of like a guy that, like, tests NAS. It's like a guy who tests NASCARs. But you. But it's. What if you get to test a NASCAR and only the car dies?

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, that sounds like fun.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That. Exactly. That's what he was doing in France as well, too. Oh, it's France. This is France. But France, they do have a socialist. I believe they have, like, a socialist healthcare style, like, thing, so anybody can get their help. So this guy was. Yeah, he was playing French games. But, you know, again, I know it's like, up that he killed people, but at least he wasn't collecting basins of virgin boy urine in order to boil a bunch of eggs in a public square.

[Ben Kissel]

Legal. And people like it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I. I don't know if they like it. I Think they tolerate it.

[Ben Kissel]

It seems like no one's stopping it. If I've been talking about it for 10 years, it seems like everything, everyone's fine with it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It goes up and down those virgin boy eggs. That stock is going up and down. You wait. Because it's going to be how we are. As how we're going to be treating chickenpox in two years. Don't worry. But this guy. Yeah, he looked like a very responsible doctor. But no, he's a full thrill seeker. He liked bringing people directly. Directly to the edge of death and then kind of pushing over the side.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, man, he's big too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Too.

[Ben Kissel]

He looks like the star of fat liners.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wow. He.

[Ben Kissel]

Come on, people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's actually what actually happened to Holden. He was fat lined before going in down the slide. Got full 25 minutes making fun of my friend's weight. An entire hit show used to just attack one man that the. The fam. That even the listeners even barely know.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Or like he does technically work for you. He could probably sue. He wants to.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I could fire him.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, you could.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, because he's too fat. California. I could weigh him. I can weigh him and. And then decide if he's too fat to work. I can do that, girl.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is. No, there is a right to work state.

[Ben Kissel]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So. No, no, I honestly, I'm really. I'm proud of him.

[Ben Kissel]

I am proud of him. He's going to lose weight. He's going to look great.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. But he. And he didn't kill people for. For thrills like this guy did.

[Ben Kissel]

No, he certainly did.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But this. Yeah, he just was a. Did the. These do. Do they scare me and European doctors scare me? Yeah, European doctors scare me with any of the other doctors.

[Ben Kissel]

Why? Because they get paid less.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. You know what is about European doctors? They're always working on assassins for free. Every single time I see a movie.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's always a European doctor. He's always working on some criminal for free.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. He comes here and he's like, oh shit, I got to do medical school again.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was always putting on the joker's face. He's always like reattached. Scratching somebody's hook, hands someone's foot. It's always that dude Mangala.

[Ben Kissel]

European doctor.

[Henry Zebrowski]

European as all hell.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was born in lederhosen. He had some. You got some stories, Eddie.

[Ben Kissel]

I do. I got a couple of water based crimes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Good.

[Ben Kissel]

That I. They're not very. It's not interesting as much as I feel like they'd spark some debate. So I wanted to talk about them. Good. The first one, I'm glad the guy got in trouble. The second one I don't agree with. And let's talk about it. So the first one's a Florida man was arrested after police say he intentionally set up sprinklers aimed at his disabled neighbors. He drenched them twice a day for a year.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's a long time for it to go a year Unreported. For some reason.

[Ben Kissel]

It wasn't unreported. They've been. They filmed him. They had, like, sting operation him to, like, make sure they happens. The dad, basically. This guy lives in Okala, Florida.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Horrible place. Okala, Florida, needs to go.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It tried to be nice, and everyone was like, no, we can't be nice.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It is just. If there's a place that makes Winter Park, Florida, look nice or any of the other sections between Tampa and Orlando.

[Ben Kissel]

Look nice, Okala is better than Lake City.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wow.

[Ben Kissel]

I will say that that's disgusting to think that. Yeah, Okala is better than Lake City. So anyway, this guy lives in Ocala.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ocala.

[Ben Kissel]

His neighbors are disabled children. And, you know, their parents and the bus.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, they just don't group them up alone there. They're not just in one.

[Ben Kissel]

Could. It could happen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There could definitely be a hype house filled with kids with cancer making money for some energy drink company. I can absolutely see that. Being like this gives me just enough zip to get back into chemo today. Thank you. Thanks. Lightning bolt energy.

[Ben Kissel]

So basically, the bus would stop at the driveway in front of his house and not their house because there was just a better ramp for the kids to get on the bus.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it's super fucking annoying. And I get all the sounds of their wheels creaking in the afternoon is keeping me from watching my pornography.

[Ben Kissel]

So he hated the fact that they used his driveway.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I get it, man. They just. All they do is hang out, flipping their crutches everywhere, yell at you, dropping their IV bags in your new car. Car. I'm sick of having these disabled kids gunk up my hell ramps.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. So he timed his sprinklers and aimed his sprinklers to go off when the kids went on the bus and got off the bus both two times a day. These kids. It got so bad that the father would wait and go with the children in, like, a poncho and a bathing suit and walk them. This is the middle of winter, you know, like, they would do the. The ship and he would walk them to the bus. And get soaked. And there was nothing they could do.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's no father of one of these disabled people went up to this man, dragged him from his home and just started in the house doing it through his cell phone.

[Ben Kissel]

Also, this guy looks shitty and he looks like a drunk and all this stuff, but he looks tough. He looks like he can throw down.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, if he was tough, he'd be throwing water balloons at those kids in wheelchairs.

[Ben Kissel]

It's a good point.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So.

[Ben Kissel]

But anyway, this guy got caught and it is assault.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Assault. He got.

[Ben Kissel]

He got charged with. With two. With two assaults.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And what am I getting the rest of what I do? Wait, is this a problem for me? Huh? I just irrigated the children.

[Ben Kissel]

Four counts.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I make the gray. Make it a. I thought that they were called vegetables for a reason. Everybody, why you mad at me?

[Ben Kissel]

So it was chosen. Four counts of stock talking, two counts of battery on a disabled person, and two counts of battery. He's in a lot of trouble in Marion County, Florida. And you know what? This guy, I'm glad he's in trouble. Second story.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, dude. No, this guy's a piece of. But I also just don't understand why nobody. Why was there. No. If there was a thing that called for village justice? Yes, this is how. This is where Florida especially.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, the cops are useless.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, the cops are just as bad as criminals.

[Ben Kissel]

This went on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, this is the Florida. In Florida. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to say that they let.

[Ben Kissel]

Disabled children get sprayed twice a day for a year.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're literally stepped in. My father, before he died, was viciously attacked by a dog. The father, guy that literally just north of Ocala. The cops could not give a fuck. What they taught me is that if you're in Florida, you got to handle some of these things on your own.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That guy needs to get group beat. I mean, he will. I'm sure.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm sure in prison he'll get group beat. Speaking of horror stories, do you ever feel like there's something spooky going on with your WI fi? Then it's time to check out t mobile 5G home Internet. With their fast speeds and effortless setup, T Mobile Home Internet takes the mystery out of getting online. Just plug it in and you're connected in 15 minutes or less. And you get all that and more at a great price, guaranteed for five years so you don't have to worry about any jump scares on your bill. Get T Mobile Home Internet and get online with a simple setup. Their fast speeds and a five year price guarantee. Visit t-mobile.com homeinternet to check. Availability guarantees monthly prices of fixed wireless 5G Internet data. Exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Service delivered via 5G network speeds vary due to factor affecting cellular networks. Guarantee exclusions and [e-mail] home Internet this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is an ad by BetterHelp often if I have a problem, the only people I can talk to are the daemons held within the Enochian seals that I can only release with the spurt of orgon energy and a well timed moon phase driven talisman prayer. But some people use better help. They've been around for almost a decade. Help military millions and out of 1.7 million client reviews they've got a 4.9 rating. That's almost a 5.0 rating. BetterHelp is qualified and experienced counselors that meet localized standards for counselor vetting and care delivery. They view the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your goals, unlike me who is constantly trying to unlock the mysteries of John Dee and his meddling assistant. Some people use BetterHelp. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences and you can switch to a completely different counselor at any time. Completely online. You can pause your subscription whenever you need to. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of Expertise. Find the one with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off the first month at betterhelp.com LastPass pod that's better hp.com LastPod you ever picked a vacation spot based in where you don't need a phrase book? Yeah, it's called My Home. With Babel, the language barrier no longer has to hold you back. Start speaking a new language with confidence thanks to Babel's conversation based technique that quickly teaches you to use useful words and phrases about the things you actually talk about in the real world. Like guillotines. There's over a dozen languages available to learn at your own pace so you can achieve your goals with material tailored to your individual proficienc, agency level, interest and time availability. You ever been with this guy? He's going who is your daughter? Where's your wife? Where's your daughter? Where's your wife? And you're like sir, please, no, please leave me alone. I think. And you're like whoa, I think I know that Spanish. Thanks Babel. Because you learned it because of Babel. Go check it out. It's easy to do. It's a it's on your computer. It's on your phone. Phone. It's not like you got to go some other place. It's right there in front of you. You can just go get it better, cuz if you don't, I'm coming for you. Learn another language. Babel is gifting our listeners 55% off [e-mail] left. Get up to 55% [e-mail] left. That's spelled B A, B, B L.com left. Babel.com left. Rules and restrictions may apply.

[Ben Kissel]

All right, Raymond Cruz, you know who this guy is? You ever see.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Did you watch Breaking Bad? No.

[Ben Kissel]

Breaking Bad's great.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I made it through the first two seasons. It's good.

[Ben Kissel]

Tuko, the guy, he was like a crazy gangster.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

All right, this guy, you recognize him? He's in a bunch of other movies. Training Day.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I feel like the cops only arrested him because he's played so many villains. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

So he's washing his car in his front yard in Silver Lake out here in la. And this chick is, like, bothering him. This, like, this. This girl. And he's bothering. He's like, get here.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Are we going to get in trouble for being on his side?

[Ben Kissel]

I don't care.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, good.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, he's in trouble.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I mean, either way, he's in trouble.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Yeah. If I don't have an opinion, then why have a podcast?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Exactly.

[Ben Kissel]

So it's. So this guy Tuco, he. This girl's like, by his. He's trying to wash his car in his front yard. She keeps bothering. He's like, hey, get away from my car. I'm washing my car. She's like, no, I'm not going anywhere. And he's like, get away from my car. And then she's like, no, I'm not going anywhere. So he sprays her with the hose. She tells the cops, they arrest his.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ass for hitting her with the hose. Hitting her with the hose. I do understand.

[Ben Kissel]

The middle of summer.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I guess this is my question, is that obviously, I mean, an all technicality.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That is assault.

[Ben Kissel]

Is it?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. On the very, very base of assault.

[Ben Kissel]

I believe, like, flip someone's hat off, you've heard that's assault.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If you throw a cup of water on them, it's assault. It is any unwanted physical interaction. Any unwanted physical interaction. Which is sort of of like why the butt sniffer was kind of. They didn't.

[Ben Kissel]

But was she harassing him?

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's. Well, you can harass somebody as much as you want. You can yell at somebody as much as you want. You can threaten to kill them up to the point of purchasing a gun, showing them the gun that you're going to kill them, telling them the day and date you're going to kill them. And if that day and date go by, you are innocent of any. Anything. Okay. I have a little bit of backstory. There was a woman, three women in a van, and they're parked close to his car.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He asked them to move, they didn't move. That's the story. And then he sprayed him with a hose.

[Ben Kissel]

That's it. Okay, so how many times did he ask? That's the real question you ask. I'd say if you ask three times, they don't move. And you're trying to wash your car. Spray them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I mean, I guess it's one of those where you just see another role taken by Michael Penn Bena, you freak out. Right. You're just sitting there being like, well.

[Ben Kissel]

He lost another big one. Scientologist Michael Bena. Yeah, yeah. You know that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Michael Banger, Scientologist. That's why he gets all the roles.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Whoa.

[Ben Kissel]

I know, I know. It's very sad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No way.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. He's not a Scientologist. This man's Catholic as hell.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, very much so. That man has so many crucifixes, it looks like he is practicing to kill a messiah, you know? You know when you have Catholic guy has so many crucifixes, I think this guy just wants to crucify someone. He was trying to wash his car. Yeah. And they were in the way. This is. I could see if you got to the point.

[Ben Kissel]

How much time you got?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, it depends on obviously. Was it just a sprit or was it a fuck you bitches. You bitches, you bitches.

[Ben Kissel]

I imagine he was just spraying it on them as they got soaked and laughing. That's how I hope it went.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well. That's what I love. That's what I wish to do.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But that's the difference between. But I guess that that's what it is. Or is it like I'm a soaking wet. You make you soaking wet, you fucking drive in parking ass bitches. Is it that or is it them going like fuck you, Michael Pen is 10 times the action you are. And they're like, they're doing that at him. They could then he stancer with the hose. That. That could be that. Or is it a single spray? Did he spray her once and they flipped out and said, oh, brown man. Put what on me? Did they do that or did they do the thing or it. You know, this is the problem, Eddie, is that there's a lot of details here that we need before we decide who's the good and the bad guy here.

[Ben Kissel]

But I'm looking at the comments on tmz. Everyone's on this guy's side, of course.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because it's a frivolous thing to do. Cops obviously were trying to. I'm going to say this as nice as possible. I could see a world where the cop was trying to maybe make the lady stop yelling. Yep.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then arrested him, saying she wants to press charges. She's decided to press charges.

[Ben Kissel]

Do it. I mean, according to the law, if you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Touches you. Yeah, he touches you. But she can not press charges.

[Ben Kissel]

Of course, she could just be a normal person and be wet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, because she is a Michael Pena head. She's a Pena head. She's a Pena stand. And she doesn't like the fact that he's there, and she's racist for that.

[Ben Kissel]

When he turned around to tell them to stop filming him, he was still hosing his car, and some of the water from his hose hit the front of his car. Car and spilled on their car. That's it. It got on their car.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, that was the thing, is that they were saying it didn't even.

[Ben Kissel]

If it didn't even hit them, then what's the charge?

[Henry Zebrowski]

It sounds like agent's saying this is a.

[Ben Kissel]

That's a good agent.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. That's a good age. He's coming right there. And I'll tell you what's got another thing.

[Ben Kissel]

Hey, just touch the car.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Michael Penny is a connected entitologist, and he is. He is one of those. He's got. He's got slaves in his house. And we need to start thinking about it. How many more Marvel. How many more Marvel rules does one man need? No, I think that he. I could see. This is a suburban war. This is suburban war here happening that normally is handled amongst the. The citizens of the street. And normally the way it's handled is like, hey, you. Hey, you.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then it's over.

[Ben Kissel]

Michael Pena joined Scientology to stop drinking.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Well, good. No people. You get there. Well, that's how they get a lot of people, because they're. They're both Their. Their rehab programs are stellar.

[Ben Kissel]

And I gotta say, if he joined all the way back in 2000, it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Really did a lot for him. They did Narconon and Alan.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, he's got a great career.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Narconon does extremely good work.

[Ben Kissel]

That cop movie is great. Ethan Supley, When's the last time you saw that movie?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was a great. And a watch.

[Ben Kissel]

God, I love that movie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Michael Payne, he's a great actor. Yeah, but he is. He really is. Ethan Supley was the same.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ethan Supley. They got it because they helped him kick heroin.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Well, he's so big now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, different big. But he. They helped him. He basically then felt. He. He never said these words, but he definitely said that. He definitely. You could feel that he owes his. He feels that he owes his life.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, he'd be dead.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Wow. So Scientology is not bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Isolated. They'll love that. They will. They will. They will. We were going to talk about that. I feel like we've done enough here. The corn concert guy.

[Ben Kissel]

Everybody know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Everybody covered it before. We got it off a week. It was rough.

[Ben Kissel]

Now, I gotta say, the corn thing. There wasn't System of the down also playing. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He didn't like him as much.

[Ben Kissel]

Or if they went first, he got so jazzed that he had to do it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. He came for corn because he was so hard from System of a Down.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just think that guy was, I guess, feeling it. Yeah, we couldn't be. It was like early in the set too.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Twist must have been listening to Twist. Oh, I hope he wasn't listening to dad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah. So one of the sad ones.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, my dad killed himself to the song Jerk Off. And then also watch out for the Papa John's dustinator. Some of the dust is currently causing unfixable rashes. You're gonna look at that. So then we're gonna get to some listener letters.

[Ben Kissel]

Did we talk about the lady family Annihilator?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. I'll save it for next week because more is going to come out. I am. That we did have. There is. It is kind of funny. A doctor by the name of Emily Long did kill her husband to two of three killed herself. It is funny. I'm going to cover this next week. More.

[Ben Kissel]

So why is it funny?

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's funny because of the other doctor girls on Instagram that in Tik Tok that do doctor social media like content. There's like three Emily Longs and you've had several. I've when I was looking funny because Emily Long, the woman that killed her family and killed herself, posted all of these TikTok talks. Basically talking about how brave she is as a mother. Help being a business owner, being a bit working for a business and Helping her husband who had brain cancer. Turns out she embezzled $660,000 from a chicken wing company. From a chicken wing restaurant. Dude. That's not a lot of. She. She embezzled.

[Ben Kissel]

That's over a period of two years.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

That's still like. That's a lot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's a lot. She embezzled $660,000.

[Ben Kissel]

Also, whoever's doing those books should be fired. How do you not notice that a chicken wing store that 660,000 dol me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

To make it away. Now I'm here to do the books. I gotta stop. I need to be making a wings. But she basically. She made all this tick tock content right before she killed her family. About again. Bragging about how what a great mom she was. And then the problem is that all these other tik tok doctor moms that were also named Emily Long had to come out and say tough day to be named Emily Long.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And so. Because everyone was looking for the video. Videos where she very casually talks about how she's turning a new leaf and then she killed the whole family. But again, the reason why we even cover those stories is that it's just nice to see a woman do it.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You never get that. You know, woman embezzling money, woman in charge. Breadwinner.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Deciding that the family couldn't handle the embarrassment of her shame. That's huge. That means women are finally starting. Starting to show themselves. Yeah. They're starting to feel themselves.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Starting to be killers. And if you're one of those Emily Long influencers, just change your name to Emily. Wrong. Everyone know who you are?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Emily Shong.

[Ben Kissel]

There we go. So there's. We need two names.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Emily Schlong. What's nice about that? People show up thinking it's like sexual content. Maybe you wear a low cut shirt.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hook them. Start talking about getting your balls checked for cancer. Start talking all that kind of of stuff. You become this doctor done Dick doctor.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's right in itself. You're the new Dr. Ruth. Dr. Ruth died of a. Her. Ate her head.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do you know that?

[Ben Kissel]

Is that what happened?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Dr. Root's own jumped off and ate her head.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean that was a. We all know that was a snapping.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The pussy's actually it's right now on its way to Mexico. Tenata. The cause of her. Dr. Ruth Westheimer died in July 12, 2024 at the age of 96. The cause of her death was not publicly disclosed. Oh yeah. It's. It was that intense.

[Ben Kissel]

She Took on a biker bar.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. She actually got her lip stuck in a glory hole. And she died of. She died of his death in a buc ee's bathroom. She was at an all you can eat oysters restaurant, and she died from eating a bunch of shells. Didn't understand what the shuck was going on. All right, let's just.

[Ben Kissel]

Do you want to do more lady poop stories?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No.

[Ben Kissel]

These are our listener emails this week. People have eaten dogs and guinea pigs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah. This is a new one. New song. Wow.

[Ben Kissel]

It's very young blood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Don't do this. Let me get it. Different. Let me get it. No, you know what that one was? It's like. It felt very like. Like 1970s. I've been watching a lot of Criterion.

[Ben Kissel]

I didn't dislike it, but. Yeah, okay. I did.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It was good.

[Ben Kissel]

He used the triangle. Here we go. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah. Gonna sit yourself down and enjoy some. Listen, Reman, that makes me want to.

[Ben Kissel]

Jerk off to some nubs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, dude. Nub it out, dude. Some of my favorite shit, Dude. I love a guy. Love your nubs, dude. I'm gonna start saying more than that, actually. Where'd you get that done?

[Ben Kissel]

Hey, where'd you get your work done?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Where'd you get your nubs done? Wouldn't it be amazing if instead of him just taking off, hon. Lucky, huh? Got it covered. I also love the ide head. I was like, just take out the shins, put feet on the nubs. Now you're dorf.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, that's not bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

How cool is that? Be dorf.

[Ben Kissel]

That's cool.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Here we go.

[Ben Kissel]

Amputation.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm telling you this story right now, this listener email story, just because I think it's really funny. Okay, so you see. No. That people were talking about this. So breeding dogs for meat in Korea was a common practice for a long time. It's now considered. It was considered quite controversial for a long time. Now it's just been made illegal.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes, I do know that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

So I discussed that story on Brighter side.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This comes from back in the day, breeding dogs for meat. All right, so I was in a Korean Christian show choir when I was a kid. We were based in la. The group was very popular in Korea in the gospel world. We would go on to a Korean tour every summer. We would travel all around the country performing at churches and schools. We would eat as a large group of traditional restaurants. The adults would order for all of us kids.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

While on tour, we stopped to eat in a more remote part of the country, in the mountains we were told we were going to eat oxbone soup, a very common Korean dish. We all sat in the ground low tables and ate happily. I honestly didn't notice anything about the meat at all. For 12 year old me, it seemed exactly like stewed beef.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Once we were all finished, the director of the group had our attention. She asked did you all like the food? And we all happily remember replied yeah. And then with the biggest shit eating grin on her face, she goes well surprise. You all just ate dog. Oh my God. Cue a room of 60 kids fighter. Oh my God. They said. The kids between 8 and 16 started screaming. The mental breakdown. American wailing, gagging, making themselves throw up. I just sat there with my two sisters, shocked and pissed. But we already hated the director so we just looked at each other with a shared look of of understanding. The director truly was a terrible person. She had to apolog to all of us. But ultimately we just moved on and kept performing child labor as musician Aries. Oh yeah. For Jesus.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, man, that is real. Wow. That, that Jesus choir shit. That they really do make a lot of money off those kids. Maybe, maybe the dog's name was Ox. Everything about that that's really fucking sad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This next one is actually kind of vile. So I'm just going to do. But I do think it's interesting. I lived in the South Korea teaching English to kids from 2011 to 2013.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love to experience through food and thought it would be interesting to try dog soup Boss and Tang the main way the meat is prepared. Even at the time it was really kind of falling out of favor and all of my students were horrified when they told. When I told them I wanted to try it, a friend and I found a place that sold it. It was hard to do. The soup was nice, lots of boiled vegetables and a good broth. The dog meat itself tasted a little bit like lamb seal food. Sure.

[Ben Kissel]

Cute. Thank you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That was actually the very few first restaurant that Natalie and I went on a date to in Toronto. It was called Soul Food.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, really?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh nice.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Cooked by an American. Of course afterwards there came the bad part, right. So they said they tasted like lamb, which kind of disgusts me, but sure.

[Ben Kissel]

Korean bark, big hue.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's cute. Then came the bad part is that they left left all the fat on the meat. The fat tasted exactly like a wet dog smells. It completely overpowered my senses and left absolutely no mental remove from the bowl in front of me and beloved memories with my childhood dog.

[Ben Kissel]

I want to puke.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I didn't finish. Yeah, he made her real sick. Yeah, she was pretty upset. Yeah. North Korea. Apparently, though, they just opened a brand new, nationally recognized, recognized dog meat restaurant in Pyongyang.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, I mean, North Korea, they don't have any food. They might as well.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And in North Korea, they. Dog meat is like. They have their version of Top Chef, which is hilarious.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because they. Everybody starved there. And one of the main ingredients they often use is dog meat.

[Ben Kissel]

Dog Chef.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. It is cute. If you could. Oh, the dog.

[Ben Kissel]

Disgusting.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, no. I can't look at that anymore.

[Ben Kissel]

That's disgusting.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I didn't know it looked like that.

[Ben Kissel]

What part of the dog is that?

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's just. I think that is the suit.

[Ben Kissel]

Their veins.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think that's the boop right there. I think you're right. Right there. That's the suit and boot. Oh, yeah, yeah. Be careful with that. Some good old fashioned. I love seeing the little tits on it.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nothing better than, like seeing little nipples on my meat, man. Well, what a great story. I'm glad I did this.

[Ben Kissel]

Thank you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Next week we'll have better ones, Eddie. You know why? Because we're back. I don't like the color of those ribs either. Yeah, it's the color of the meat that I don't really enjoy.

[Ben Kissel]

You know what? If it was good, I'd argue for it, of course, you know, but it's just clearly bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, it's just not to our tastes, that is for certain.

[Ben Kissel]

Nah, man, that looks gross. It's gray and beige. Those are not colors meat should be.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I like eating egg salad with noodles.

[Ben Kissel]

Egg salad with noodles. Noodles.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, like, I like to make. Like we used to know. And during lint, we used to make tuna and egg.

[Ben Kissel]

Don't complain to me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know how.

[Ben Kissel]

I can't lose weight.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't do it as much. I don't do this much, but. No, you eat a can of Tuner. No, no.

[Ben Kissel]

You let me add a bunch of carbs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't do this anymore as much. This is what my parents used to do. We used to do like. Oh, it's called tuna and egg.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We used to make tuna and egg, which my mom used to make tuna and egg just for Lent. And then we eat pasta with it.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We eat buttered noodles with it, man.

[Ben Kissel]

Actually, Jackie's like tuna macaroni salad is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what my mom makes?

[Ben Kissel]

It's kind of.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what we make. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Is there eggs in that?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, it's delicious.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I like eggs.

[Ben Kissel]

I take everything back. I'm sorry.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Jackie doesn't like eggs. I like eggs. I'll eat eggs. I'll eat the eggs right out of a chicken's. Make it with virgin bo and there's nothing virgin about an egg covered. A mayonnaise. That's to tell you what. Because an egg covered in mayonnaise. That egg.

[Ben Kissel]

That's right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because you know I live every day wondering when I'm going to eat egg salad next. And guess what? I love the fact that it's going to be tomorrow.

[Ben Kissel]

A non virgin egg is a chicken.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That is.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes, it's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It is an adult. And that's why I laugh my way to the store when they say you're sure you want that much mayonnaise? And I say absolutely. Because I've had egg salad almost every day this week. But I just have a little bit of time. That's what keeps me healthy, youthful and glowing.

[Ben Kissel]

Is it? Cuz you look like egg salad a little bit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Slowly but surely. My. The oils are making my hair wet at all times.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh man. Well, check us out on the road. Henry and I and Marcus will be in St. Paul next weekend. We got 100 tickets left.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, come see this sounds like a.

[Ben Kissel]

Lot but it's really not. So come see the show.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's going to go fast.

[Ben Kissel]

It's going to be amazing. Kansas City the next night side. So we sold out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Yeah baby.

[Ben Kissel]

And then October 24th, come see us in Redway California side stories. This is our favorite show of the year.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Come out man. We have so much fun. If you're anywhere in the California air in like the northern California area, come to the show. We have so much with so much fun.

[Ben Kissel]

The last time people came from Tahoe and Reno last time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And this time we're gonna plan more. We got a bunch of stuff to do. I'm like, I'm really excited.

[Ben Kissel]

It's gonna be a blast. I can't wait to do it. Make sure you come out to the show. We're doing it with Billy Wayne Davis. It's over at the Matteo community summer on October 24th. Also Henry and I, we just looks like we got a couple more shows we're going to add before to the end of 2025 and we're going to announce it in a week or so.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes we are. We have a lot of fun shows hanging out. I'm very, very excess and yes we will guess. Let's give a shout out to the Bleach Cafe.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay. Who are they?

[Henry Zebrowski]

They gave Rob a shirt.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, all right. Well, yeah, then I like that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they're good. The shirt that he's wearing is actually really good.

[Ben Kissel]

That's a really cool shirt.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's a really good shirt. Also, check out the the new Slash videos back.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, yeah. It's on Melrose now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Go check it out.

[Ben Kissel]

It's very cool. Go check it out. I love that place. It's so much fun.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Cool.

[Ben Kissel]

Good people over there, too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, they are. Yeah, Kiko's. Wonderful.

[Ben Kissel]

All right, guys. Well, we will talk to you now next week. And I hope you enjoy. Aaron Hernandez. It's football season.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, you're going to like it.

[Ben Kissel]

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because he's going to get you out there. Hail sweet Sat and everyone.

[Ben Kissel]

And hail Virgin Boy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Piss, please. Someone's got to. Hey, listeners. Marcus, Ed and Henry here. A little bit of an announcement.

[Ben Kissel]

You loving all the episodes of last podcast on the Left lately. Well, listen, now you can get even more from us.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Squeeze it out of us. If you want to hear new episodes ad free and unlock access to last podcast on the left seven days early, subscribe to Sirius XM Podcast plus on Apple Podcasts or visit sirius xm.compodcastplus to start your free trial today. Do it.