
Henry & Eddie bring you this week's tastiest stories and true crime news - Leader of Zizian Murder Cult arrested in Maryland, Jack the Ripper DNA reveals a likely perpetrator, The 82nd Annual Danville Lions Club Raccoon Dinner, Louisville Vape Store owner charged after pepper spraying anus of fleeing shoplifter, Michigan judge issues car washes to clean up act of Walmart shoplifters, "City Killer" asteroid on track to collide with Earth, Cloacal Malformations, Anal Pregnancies, Listener E-Mails, and MORE!
Loading summary
T-Mobile Representative
If you have a locked AT&T phone, we're here with bolt cutters. T Mobile will help pay off your locked phone and give you a new 5G phone for free. All on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com carrierfreedom via virtual prepaid.
Henry Zabrowski
MasterCard in 15 days. Free phone up to $830 via 24 monthly bill credits plus tax and a $10 device connection charge. Qualifying port and trade in service on Go 5G next and credit required. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue bill credits or credit stop and balance on required finance agreements. Do you have bill credits and if you pay off devices early.
Multicare Representative
Our state has changed a lot in the last 140 years. We know because Multicare has been here guided by a single making our communities healthier. That comes from making courageous decisions, partnering with local communities to grow programs and services and expanding healthcare access to those who need it most. Together, we're building a healthier future. Learn more@mycare.org.
Henry Zabrowski
From the Boogie down streets of Queens to a pile of beans, A new cup of piping hot polish Italian java. Last podcast on the left and Spring Heeled Jack coffee are rising from the rubble with the new brew on. Butterfly Dudes Blue Eye Blend. Nothing to do with any moth based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a butterfly dude. Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian. Our new proprietary roast might seem eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you. It's a butterfly dude. Rose. This is the butterfly Dune's Blue Eye. Black entirely delicious and not just the same themes. Butterfly Dudes Blue Eye Blend. From the cocoon to your room.
Ed Larson
There's no place to escape to. This is the last on the left side stories.
Henry Zabrowski
That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. All right, we are good.
Ed Larson
Good, man.
Henry Zabrowski
I am looking at this picture right now. I typed for some reason, I went through this thing and I found a bunch of.
Ed Larson
Is it of Kelly Reilly?
Henry Zabrowski
No, I don't want to.
Ed Larson
Because that's all you're doing. That's all you're talking about. These.
Henry Zabrowski
Bring her up.
Ed Larson
You. You're gonna get in trouble.
Henry Zabrowski
No, I did it. I kept it off mic.
Ed Larson
I hope you never meet her.
Henry Zabrowski
No, I don't want to. You keep that seductress away from me in my home. I don't need this woman destroying my family, destroying my marriage.
Ed Larson
She was British.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes. She's from Breastington.
Ed Larson
Yeah. You're chesting.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, I'm sorry, Chess.
Ed Larson
Chessington.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes.
Ed Larson
But yeah, first for sure Chestington.
Henry Zabrowski
I'm referring to the fake Texan Kelly Reilly. Yes. Is on yellow. Yes. She's a Montana. I. I'm just. I'm just die. She's.
Ed Larson
She's a Dutton.
Henry Zabrowski
I'm a fan. And she has been telepathic telling me. She has been telling me through the Internet that she's in love with me. And unfortunately I have to come and kill her husband. Yeah, but that's something else. That's a whole other side story. That's not on side stories. I did want to show you this.
Ed Larson
What is this?
Henry Zabrowski
This is from Brazilian wax museum.
Ed Larson
This is a picture Z be Pope Francis.
Henry Zabrowski
This is Pope Francis and does not.
Ed Larson
Look like Pope Francis.
Henry Zabrowski
But I think what's really funny, I.
Ed Larson
Did guess it was him.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes, but you know what's funny about it? He looks like that now. Really? Have you seen the pictures of now?
Ed Larson
He evolved into this.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, he's got like bloated dying face. Because the Pope's dying.
Ed Larson
Yes, he's got pneumonia at 88. I don't care how many Catholic hospitals you got working on you. We're gonna end up with the worst cope once this guy's gone. There's no worse Pope. There is a worse. No, there is Pope of our lives.
Henry Zabrowski
No, he's not. He's lying. No, he's fucking lying, Eddie. No, he walked it all back. He's a fucking liar. He's a little headed elfin shoe.
Ed Larson
Is he not like gay people.
Henry Zabrowski
No, he's a fucking piece of shit. He walked it all back. Fuck him. I can't wait to see his death.
Ed Larson
Pope Francis doesn't like gay people. No.
Henry Zabrowski
Pope Francis can fucking suck a dick. But he wouldn't because he's afraid. Welcome to science.
Ed Larson
Who doesn't like gay people? He certainly picked a pretty gay way to call himself Frank. Exactly.
Henry Zabrowski
My name's Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
Ed Larson
Oh, no, Henry. It's Kelly Riley.
Henry Zabrowski
No, Kelly Riley. You get away from me. You get the hell away from me. You get the hell away from me. You homewrecker, you. You're gross and I hate you. Kelly Riley. You get out of here. We were bringing it before this was off Mike moment I was expressing my admiration for Kelly Reilly as a performer.
Ed Larson
Oh yeah? What movies has she been in?
Henry Zabrowski
She's the one I made. There was one movie I saw in my dreams where she was the female captain of a ship and I was the first mate. And I Had to go in there and I said, let's put the mate first, mate. Yeah. She was just like, leave me alone, please. Even my dreams, I was rejected. But I have a beautiful wife who.
Ed Larson
Does look a lot like Kelly Reilly.
Henry Zabrowski
Kind of works out for me.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Yeah. I think it is adorable that you're constantly attracted to women that look like Natalie.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes. But also, it's like, to me, and I've said this to her before, nothing would make me happier for her to go out on a mission and kill this woman.
Ed Larson
Really?
Henry Zabrowski
Only just because I would find it incredibly hot, them fighting each other.
Ed Larson
Oh, yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And then. And then her subsequent beating. Kelly Reilly. Only because it would be fun to watch.
Ed Larson
Well, how do you know she'd win?
Henry Zabrowski
Because Kelly Reilly has no training and she doesn't know it's coming.
Ed Larson
She doesn't have training, you're right. And she doesn't know what's coming. Well, now she does.
Henry Zabrowski
She's not listening.
Ed Larson
The warning's out there.
Henry Zabrowski
No, she's not going to. Yeah, I'm saying these are my. This is my. What I thought. What do you mean?
Ed Larson
Rational. She's not.
Henry Zabrowski
What is this, Ken? Oh, you're Google. AI. Fuck you. Yes, Kelly Reilly can fight as she's demonstrating a role as Beth Dutton on the show Yellowstone.
Ed Larson
Yes. Not the way she famously lost a fight in that. I didn't see that.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, I'm not quite aware of that before.
Ed Larson
She's all bloody and her fucking breasts are out.
Henry Zabrowski
I saw some clips.
Ed Larson
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fucking. It's a. It's a hell of a scene.
Henry Zabrowski
I like this. Although the fight scenes may look real and bloody, the actors must stay in the mindset of being ferocious, which can be exhausting. Thanks, Google. Thanks, Google. AI. All right, so besides my. I guess a warning to Kelly Reilly. Just warn her and just to. Just tell her, I mean, no harm. Tell her we want her on the show. Ask her if she knows anything about aliens or flat earth. We talked about this earlier today. That would be great, honestly, if I could get two of those in there, we can have her on the show. I.
Ed Larson
But we.
Henry Zabrowski
We got big updates.
Ed Larson
Oh, yes, there's lots of stuff.
Henry Zabrowski
One of the biggest updates is can we. Do we have the Polish national anthem? I think we're allowed to play that. Yeah, Right, that's. That's. We have to play because again, ding.
Ed Larson
Dong, the witch is dead.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, I do believe. Yeah. Roll out the barrel. Ro. The barrels again.
Ed Larson
Two sausages for me, three for you.
Henry Zabrowski
We just want to say congratulations to the fatherland. As it turns out, Jack the Ripper is Polish.
Ed Larson
What?
Henry Zabrowski
Yep. We got wild.
Ed Larson
Is he the first Polish serial killer? No, first and last. Well, biggest rich.
Henry Zabrowski
He was a very good employee that loved his job. See Jack the Ripper. Now this has been contested for at least a decade.
Ed Larson
What's DNA evidence?
Henry Zabrowski
But this is. It's been contested. We are still waiting on the final publication of the peer reviewed study of this DNA. But it's getting closer and closer every day. Now according to historian and I believe they call them Ripperologists which is what we were when we covered Jack the Ripper a million years ago. That's what we became.
Ed Larson
So you're a Ripperologist?
Henry Zabrowski
I was, but I'll always remember this was my favorite suspect back in the day.
Ed Larson
Okay, so this is.
Henry Zabrowski
I'm. I'm so happy for him.
Ed Larson
Not new?
Henry Zabrowski
No, it's not new. Russell Edwards is a historian slash Ripperologist that has been saying that. So a piece of what I guess is old timey come was on a scarf of Catherine Eddowes of one of the victims of Jack the Ripper. And this man has been I guess in this decades long hunt to finally finalize this DNA testing. And apparently using a family member of the Polish barber, Aaron Kosminski, there is a match. They're saying that they so now but they still have to go away. They have to verify everything again. So it is still not permanent. It is not yet the.
Ed Larson
Can I be an real quick?
Henry Zabrowski
Every day.
Ed Larson
All right, so he killed sex workers, right?
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah.
Ed Larson
What if he was the guy before.
Henry Zabrowski
What do you mean?
Ed Larson
What if like she worked with him earlier that evening and he came on her scarf.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, this is.
Ed Larson
And then like later on that night she got killed by someone else.
Henry Zabrowski
The only thing that it seems to attach to it is the fact that Aaron Kaminsky it would. Aaron Kosminski being there at all would be massive him because he's Polish?
Ed Larson
Well, no, he's doing there.
Henry Zabrowski
Well it's because of the way line. He has all the attributes. So we think, we think that he was mentally ill, suffered from signs of schizophrenia. He said he had auditory and visual.
Ed Larson
Hallucinations like most of the people in.
Henry Zabrowski
My family of course but that's just because they're super creative. And then Aaron Kosminski was a barber surgeon. So if anybody had any butcher. So he had all these skill sets to cut and did which is exactly happened to all of these. So it was a mixture of both surgical cuts and raw animalistic cuts on all of the victims. So a mixture of these two things kind of fighting inside of somebody. So he kind of. And he had both. He then was locked up in an insane asylum in which he died. And when he was locked up, the Jack the Ripper crime stopped.
Ed Larson
Okay.
Henry Zabrowski
And we. So that is the main why we think it's him. And now they're saying that this is. We are one step closer to naming Aaron Kuzman the. As he will be Jack the Ripper. Eventually Jack the Ripper will disappear and will only be Aaron Kosminski.
Ed Larson
It's crazy how it's like two Johnny Depp movies came together. Sweeney Todd and From Hell.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah.
Ed Larson
To be. To be real. The real thing.
Henry Zabrowski
The real thing. But there are other. I looked up other Polish serial killers. There's really not many.
Ed Larson
No.
Henry Zabrowski
There's George Chapman, there's Vaughn after the first one. I mean, they're always killed. They're like. It's. The problem is, is that I killed her.
Ed Larson
I did it.
Henry Zabrowski
When you stab a bunch of tricks or you stab a bunch of Cheerios.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
You leave a lot of mess.
Ed Larson
I get it.
Henry Zabrowski
You know what I'm saying?
Ed Larson
Serial killer.
Henry Zabrowski
You're Polish. I love it. We're being dumb here.
Ed Larson
We're allowed.
Henry Zabrowski
Joseph Zargruzkisk, which was the czar. Kruski's family was a family of Polish murderers. Which honestly sounds great. But the most. They did it for robbery. They murdered other families. Honestly, this sounds like an amazing story.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
We should do this story. Wow.
Ed Larson
Quick Wikipedia search. Really just found a new three part lpn.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. Pull a serial killer pedophile. Killed two young boys and an adult man. So not a gold star pedophile.
Ed Larson
No.
Henry Zabrowski
That's a problem. I judgment on you. And so it looks like if it all. You know, fingers crossed, if this all comes out, if the tests come out right, Jack the Ripper will be Polish. Which is the biggest get that the Polish community has had since vegan kielbasa.
Ed Larson
Yeah, we haven't had. Is there vegan kielbasa?
Henry Zabrowski
Unfortunately, yes. But you know where it's really good. What the hell is the name of this restaurant?
Ed Larson
The Vegan's place.
Henry Zabrowski
That's where you got to go. It's a vegan Polish place in Pittsburgh called Abdeka.
Ed Larson
Really?
Henry Zabrowski
It's amazing.
Ed Larson
Interesting.
Henry Zabrowski
It's super delicious vegan Polish food. It's really, really good.
Ed Larson
I just don't know if I could make the choice to eat vegan Polish food when you can eat normal.
Henry Zabrowski
Absolutely no reason to.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And it's really stupid. I don't know why they did it, but it's a big get for Polish people.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Because these are vegan.
Henry Zabrowski
No, they are absolutely not.
Ed Larson
What do you mean they're not.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes, they're not. They're eggs sometimes in the dough for the. For the. The. The. The. The noodle.
Ed Larson
That's right.
Henry Zabrowski
You got the. All the stuff in there. Like, you know, it's not necessarily vegan when you're cooking it. You'd have to do it in a vegetable broth. Yeah. Because. Exactly. And then the potato. You got cheese in there. They're not traditionally vegan. And so I. You know. You know, but it's good for us. It's good for optics. This is good for polish optics.
Ed Larson
Yeah, yeah. Now that, you know, we've seen worse somehow. No, it's before we were.
Henry Zabrowski
No, I'm saying the vegan. The vegan Polish food is good for us.
Ed Larson
Oh, it's gonna keep them alive.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes. I'm saying that. No, the Jack the Ripper being Polish. Just as fun.
Ed Larson
Yeah. I think the vegan Polish restaurant would do better if they didn't tell people it was vegan.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, they have to. They say healthy, but Polish food, if you don't. And if it's like you remember the Chris Farley commercial when they switched the coffee to the crystals.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
What do you think is going to happen in Pittsburgh? If you lie to a user about the food he just ate is vegan? He's going to fucking shoot you in the head, man.
Ed Larson
I got to say, I've been watching the show, the Pit. I've been loving it. I really do love this show.
Henry Zabrowski
Is that the show where you just sit in the shower and watch little boys wash each other? Is that that show?
Ed Larson
Or is it so glad I got that waterproof case for my phone? No, but the. The pit, the new hospital procedure show, it's just like. I don't like hospital procedure shows. No, I watched it, you know, I was like, I'll just put it on for the hell of it. Blew my mind. I cried twice.
Henry Zabrowski
What? The commercial.
Ed Larson
I talked to my doctor friends about the Pit. I was like, are. Is this real? And they're like, apparently, it's like the most accurate doctor show that's ever existed.
Henry Zabrowski
But.
Ed Larson
But there's no yins and it all takes place in Pittsburgh.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, yeah.
Ed Larson
No one's yinning it up.
Henry Zabrowski
No. Yeah, that's not real.
Ed Larson
It's. It's, like, very accurate as far as, like, an emergency room goes, but not to the environment. One yin in the fucking show.
Henry Zabrowski
If you met a Pittsburgh nurse, especially.
Ed Larson
In the fucking er, like the people coming through.
Henry Zabrowski
My mother in law is a Pittsburgh nurse.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And that Yin's accent, so strong. You guys, would you. If you met a Pittsburgh nurse, you wouldn't understand her English.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
That's how thick her Pittsburgh accent is. You would not like. It would be like you're in a foreign country. That is the rural heart.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Pittsburgh. And that's working. That's working person's accent.
Ed Larson
Yeah. They should have just put it somewhere where people don't have strong accents, you know, because it was like, you know, Chicago Hope worked out. I guess Chicago even has it. But this is like.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, but Chicago accents, very rare. I feel like the Chicago accent I only even really heard from a big fat piece of. Yeah. You know what I mean?
Ed Larson
Get the away from me type of.
Henry Zabrowski
But not in a bad way. I don't even mean that as I.
Ed Larson
Stepped on my shoes.
Henry Zabrowski
I don't mean that as an insult.
Ed Larson
Yeah, no, no.
Henry Zabrowski
That's just the type of guy.
Ed Larson
It's just a fact.
Henry Zabrowski
In Chicago.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
We know this.
Ed Larson
Yeah, yeah. But I think. Yeah. No, I love the show. I think it's great. But I didn't. I'm just mad about the lack of Yin.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, I will say that not only Eddie, I'm so glad that he told me he's into medical dramas. He also showed me another really sad fact as a we. Right before the show, we were talking about how cool we used to be and how much fun we used to have. And Eddie brought up the only way he's allowed to enjoy things with sugar now is that he has to get flavored kefir from the store. And then he just puts a spoon of it in his mouth at night.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And he just lets it sit in his mouth.
Ed Larson
That's how I do it. And it keeps me from eating a fucking little demi king.
Henry Zabrowski
I think we're the same sadist.
Ed Larson
Yeah, I know. That's. That's their 40s, man. If you're younger, enjoy it.
Henry Zabrowski
I. I actively eat seeds.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Chia seeds. Every morning.
Henry Zabrowski
Every morning.
Ed Larson
Every morning. I say it does something good to me other than get stuck in my teeth. I haven't feel. I don't feel any different.
Henry Zabrowski
Why am I eating bird seed?
Ed Larson
I feel no different.
Henry Zabrowski
I don't know. They said the same thing.
Ed Larson
I'm just doing it. They tell me to.
Henry Zabrowski
I'm doing it because you're doing it.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
The probiotic seed also like same because you're doing it.
Ed Larson
Taking it, you know, I feel. I feel no different. Also, it's like butt. At same time, I was consistently feeling worse.
Henry Zabrowski
See, this is nice. The calming is here for both of us. And to remember, sometimes you need probiotics. Yes, you do.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Just take them. Eat your kefir.
Henry Zabrowski
And sometimes you have to trust the goat because the goat is in the field.
Ed Larson
Yeah. And its cheese is, you know, slightly healthier.
Henry Zabrowski
Sure. And the goat, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Nah, nah, Woody, nah. Now I'm getting angry again. There we go. All right, so we.
Ed Larson
All right.
Henry Zabrowski
We got more updates.
Ed Larson
Yes, yes.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, more updates.
Ed Larson
We are in business.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, we are. We are in business. And business is good. The Ziz. I'm gonna start calling. That's what I wanted. That's it. Now it's no longer.
Ed Larson
We write a musical that's like, based off of the Wiz, but it's all about Zizzy is. And it's called the Ziz. We have cut this out.
Henry Zabrowski
We have to write this out.
Ed Larson
We just lost a million dollars.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. It's like my favorite whiz song is the. What's it. Oh, the. Who is the good one?
Ed Larson
The Wiz.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, yeah, the really good song. There's a.
Ed Larson
There's a dance in the.
Henry Zabrowski
He's on down. Ease on down the road. Yeah, we're going to eat on down. Eat on down the road. I can definitely see Ziz doing that.
Ed Larson
This is. Yeah, man.
Henry Zabrowski
Hey, how you doing? It's me. I'm the Z. The Z has been caught. We did not know that this is. Could be caught, but this is. Is contained. Jack lasota, the dead name of Ziz, has been arrested. Finally. Now, this is.
Ed Larson
Oh, my God. I thought of another good one. You remember the show Oz, the prison show?
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah.
Ed Larson
This could be the Zizard of Oz, and he could follow them in prison. We're gonna make a lot of money off of these people.
Henry Zabrowski
I can't wait to. We're gonna drain this. We're gonna drain this content gulch. So here we go. This is the cult, like, with the. So we've been covering over this over the last couple weeks. This group, they call themselves the Zizians. It seems like it is a group of somehow connected young students that are either in the biomechanical, biomedical sphere, slash computer programming, and then also in the. The world of AI. They have formed this sort of death cult in which the majority of the members are trans and they don't believe in private property. They also believe in this concept of Roko's Basilisk, this idea that they are going to help AI take over and. And work with AI because they believe that once AI becomes sentient and becomes our overlords, they will go back, they will be peaceful and filled with wisdom, but they will go back in time and destroy anybody that was ever against AI and so Ziz wants to get ahead of that by joining forces with the AI. But again, we talked about this last week. If we listen to some of our tech leaders, I think AI is a bit off.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
I think we got some time before we're going to get there. But now. So Jack sort of finally got arrested. 33 years old. They've been charged with trespass, having a gun in a vehicle and obstructing and hindering all misdemeanors. Now, this is an Allegheny. So this is. This is down. Well, this is Pittsburgh.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, western male. This is now Western Maryland. They're in Maryland. And so now they're all in jail. And here's the list of the crew we got. Here is the fucking. This group of fucking absolutely no bail. No bail. Because now they're trying to figure out what to do with them. This is the people that have been arrested since 2019. We have Jack Lasota, Alexander Letham, Emma Bar Honian and Gwen Danielson, Maximilian Snyder and Teresa Youngbloods. They have all been involved in so far a murder of a landlord, which is why we're all like, it was sad for us.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Murder of a border agent.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
We have the murder of two separate parents and it looks like the murder of two other people as well that were connected to the families of these people. Ziz has been ordering them to break away from their families. Do this thing called, what's it, Non hemispheric sleep, or one hemispheric sleep, where they let one side of their brain sleep and let the other side of their brain sleep and they believe they can split into two different personalities. It's gobbledygook. We went through their manifesto. It's absolute horeshit. They're wrong. And honestly, I think if the AI was real, he wouldn't choose you. Is I think that unironically he would choose me.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
So I'm sorry, Z. They're going to come for somebody. I think that we're going to be the hardest ones to channel. I don't think that the AI is going to have problems with, meaning people working on programming and biomechanical engineering and all that stuff. I think the AI is going to have that handled. I think the AI is going to need comedians.
Ed Larson
Yes. Because no one, I mean we still write better jokes than AI Still.
Henry Zabrowski
It's still the main thing that we still got.
Ed Larson
Their emails are pretty good though. AI. AI can write the out of an email.
Henry Zabrowski
Eddie Re. Look at the email.
Ed Larson
I mean I don't do, I don't use it.
Henry Zabrowski
You don't.
Ed Larson
But I will personally don't use it.
Henry Zabrowski
Again. I tried because I was like I had to, you know, like I went through all things. You have to reread the email after that. You have it. Right. Because once you, once you write the email and then you have chat GBT go through all the whatever kind of fix it or whatever, they're always wrong. Chat gbt's an idiot. Also all of these reread it, you.
Ed Larson
Might, in that time you could have just.
Henry Zabrowski
Exactly. Yes. Except for Grammarly. Grammarly is good. I honestly they are. Oh, but Grammarly is different than ChatGPT. Grammarly. It's one of the most intuitive, incredible sentence building programs that you can have. And I couldn't move if I didn't have Grammarly. I would be so paralyzed I probably would commit suicide. So thanks Grammarly. That's a free one. Take it off the budget. One good one.
T-Mobile Representative
If you love your phone but not your carrier, just switch to T Mobile. You can keep your phone, keep your number and we'll help pay it off up to 800 per line. You can also use our savings calculator to compare our plans and streaming benefits against Verizon and AT&T. So switch and keep your phone, keep your number and keep more of your moolah. @t mobile.com up to 4 lines via virtual prepaid card.
Henry Zabrowski
Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device, credit service port in 90 plus days with device and eligible carrier and timely redemptor required card has no cash access and expires in six months. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. You make a website, you use the website succeed. Thanks Squarespace. Now that I found the little boy that now is running the horse picks empire, I am angry with the witch that he is handling it. A lot of these horses, honestly it's subpar and a lot of it's pretty lazy. The current J.D. vance horse that they just put a beard on is honestly, as far as I'm concerned, extremely, extremely offensive to me as a person with a former bearded face. So that's why I have started My own new website, thanks to Squarespace. Destroy Horsepix.com because the goal is to go after this rogue child that took my dream and perverted it. And. Huh. And the only entity that can help me in my search for revenge against this one childlike entrepreneur is Squarespace. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're Ready to launch squarespace.com left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm coming for you, Charlie Bucket.
Multicare Representative
Our state has changed a lot in the last 140 years. We know because MultiCare has been here guided by a single making our communities healthier. That comes from making courageous decisions, partnering with local communities to grow programs and services and expanding healthcare access to those who need it most. Together, we're building a healthier future. Learn more at.
Henry Zabrowski
Obviously now we're going to find out what's going to go on. I imagine that Ziz is going to. This is going to talk a lot from jail. I think that they're going to use this opportunity to really broadcast their message when we're going to see how that works. Because the problem again, which I'll always say is that if the, if they're there, right, they're using this very complicated barrier to entry, using this kind of absolutely nonsensical manifesto and a mishmash of different philosophy, philosophical ideas.
Ed Larson
Why don't they have AI write the manifesto? Yeah, yeah. That's. I mean like, if you care about AI so much, let it. Right. Let it write the manifesto.
Henry Zabrowski
This is why I don't think they're real.
Ed Larson
Chat GPT. Could you write me a manifesto?
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. Not long enough, actually. Can we get the Druids in there?
Ed Larson
Yeah. You didn't list Amy Schumer as an influence. Could you go back and.
Henry Zabrowski
Remember that? I'll always remember that. But you know why I also don't believe them that they really work for the AI is that. Oddly enough, I think that I, I'd expect them to be dumpier. I kind of expected them to be what you're saying, which is like if you're a real AI led cult, this is how you've led the cult. It's like this. Yes. With the laptop on your upper belly. Just. Yes. Chatgpt. Tell them I have to have sex with their wives.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Have sex with their children. Like that's what. What. That's what a true AI led cult would be. But they're. We're gonna find out exactly. More. They're probably gonna try to explain more what their rationalist movement is and what rationalism is. And they're. And in that moment, they'll put us all so thoroughly to sleep, we'll finally get rest.
Ed Larson
This one guy looks like you found in a river.
Henry Zabrowski
Who?
Ed Larson
The guy with the glasses. What do you think?
Henry Zabrowski
You think that looks like me?
Ed Larson
I said if you were found in a river.
Henry Zabrowski
That's a. That's a Middle Eastern man. You know, I'm just a Middle Eastern man.
Ed Larson
Is he.
Henry Zabrowski
Whose mustache does not connect to his goatee.
Ed Larson
Yeah, well, you know, the river ran a bunch of.
Henry Zabrowski
He looks nothing like me. You piece of.
Ed Larson
I said. I said if it was. If you. If you were, like, just formed by a river.
Henry Zabrowski
But it's not me.
Ed Larson
Yeah, it's not you. It's not me. It wasn't an insult.
Henry Zabrowski
Not yet.
Ed Larson
It's an insult to him.
Henry Zabrowski
Let's do this. All right. Let's go. Let's move on.
Ed Larson
All right. My number one story of the week.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, these are. Yeah, this is a good one.
Ed Larson
Is.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ed Larson
Tastes like tradition. Raccoon dinner brings international fame to Ohio. Lions Club. That's right. Got this one from cincinnati.com. love you, Cincinnati. But Cincinnati is not the host of the raccoon.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, it's. Oh, it didn't want it. It didn't want that honor.
Ed Larson
No, the. The raccoon dinner is in Danville, Ohio. Okay. Danville, Ohio. Yes. So basically what it is, is every year they have.
Henry Zabrowski
I'm looking at these pictures now.
Ed Larson
Yeah, they have a raccoon dinner for lots of people. And It's. This year, 600 people showed up to the raccoon dinner. There's only a thousand people in this town.
Henry Zabrowski
Raccoon meat looks horrible.
Ed Larson
You know, raccoon meat looks horrible. I was curious.
Henry Zabrowski
How is it stew? It looks like it's stewed.
Ed Larson
All right, so, Rob, I sent you a video, okay. On raccoon. A man preparing raccoon meat. Because I knew this was going to come up, and it's like every worst.
Henry Zabrowski
Person in Danville arrived.
Ed Larson
All right, well, this is some New Orleans raccoon.
Henry Zabrowski
I know. Well, that's different. I'll eat. Why is it. That's different. Why. Hold it one second. Why is New Orleans raccoon meat so much different than Ohio?
Ed Larson
Because, you know, going to put spices in it. Raccoon meat in Ohio, it's, you know, they're not going to season it. You know, New Orleans, they're seasoning it now. Kermit Ruffins over at the mother in law. Law Lounge. He cooks raccoon for every Super Bowl. He always.
Henry Zabrowski
That's different. I will eat Kern Ruffin's raccoon. That's different.
Ed Larson
But check out this fella. What's his name?
Henry Zabrowski
Rob.
Ed Larson
He's great. I. He's one of my favorite follows.
Henry Zabrowski
This is Bernard H. 14.
Ed Larson
That's right. That's on Tik Tok, but on Instagram, it's something else. I'll find it out for you guys. But check this out. Henry. Look at this guy. He made a bunch of raccoon. Let's hear it, man.
Henry Zabrowski
I got me a nice bed of rice right here. I got my coon cooked down inside some gravy right here.
Ed Larson
Look at that.
Henry Zabrowski
There's some good eating. Look at that. I'm going right in. I ain't waiting for it.
Ed Larson
Yeah, baby. Tell me you actually don't want this.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, yes, sir. He could debone some of.
Ed Larson
Slides right off. Once you put it in your mouth.
Henry Zabrowski
The bones are like. The bones are horrific on it.
Ed Larson
This guy. Guy's great. He also cooks bear and like that.
Henry Zabrowski
They put too much sugar in the yams, though, sometimes.
Ed Larson
Oh, this guy's definitely not going to live forever.
Henry Zabrowski
This is too much sugar in the yams. You can see it's too much caramelization. It's the only thing. The only thing I'll push back on. Yeah, they like.
Ed Larson
Did he just mention diabetes?
Henry Zabrowski
It's a comb bread. Yeah. That's good eating right there.
Ed Larson
It is good eating.
Henry Zabrowski
Good country eating. We got a coon. We got the gravy. We got some carrots in there. We got some onions in there.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
We got a little potatoes cooked down inside there.
Ed Larson
Listen, this guy talks.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, there's something peaceful. Hot sauce. That's all we need right there.
Ed Larson
He's great. He fries snake and like that. He's unbelievable.
Henry Zabrowski
I've had snake. It's kind of.
Ed Larson
It's boring.
Henry Zabrowski
And.
Ed Larson
Well, this is a boa constrictor. He, like. He like. He'll like, lower. Like he's got this, like. He's got this giant fryer that's like bigger than this table. And he'll like. He has a crank and he'll, like, lower an entire snake into it. And he also. He'll smoke like, full, like, bare legs and like that. This guy's great. Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Whoa. See, still. I mean, I've. I have had steak. It's just. It's weird.
Ed Larson
That big? No.
Henry Zabrowski
But I don't know if all the snake meat is different.
Ed Larson
I bet it is.
Henry Zabrowski
Side stories. LP gmail.com.
Ed Larson
Yeah, every cat tastes differently. I know that much. So tickets for the event were $15 for adults. Thanks for letting me just have that.
Henry Zabrowski
Yep.
Ed Larson
I just let it go for children less than 12. So if you're over 12, you got to pay full price for the raccoon dinner.
Henry Zabrowski
Sorry.
Ed Larson
The feast included mashed potatoes, green be, cornbread, and a drink and dessert, and, of course, a generous helping of roasted raccoon. If you did not like the raccoon, you could eat ham. That sounds great.
Henry Zabrowski
Were you a. Like, look at this fat guy.
Ed Larson
He's wearing a raccoon on his head.
Henry Zabrowski
He's got a raccoon hat. He's got a raccoon shirt. I love shuffling it in his mouth. Oh, God.
Ed Larson
When people love something so much, but they still, like, want to kill and eat it, you know, it's funny. It's so bizarre to me. I am a perverse, Right?
Henry Zabrowski
Like, I'm a fool meat pervert.
Ed Larson
Right?
Henry Zabrowski
I'm a food pervert. I'm totally fine to eat whatever this kind of stuff. I'm not. I'm not even really.
Ed Larson
I do love piggies.
Henry Zabrowski
I do like pigs, but it's like, I. I will eat anything. I will eat raccoon. I have no issues with eating this raccoon.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
I think that I do wish they debone it a bit. I think that if you took it off the bone, I'd like it a little bit.
Ed Larson
Well, when's the last time you had goat?
Henry Zabrowski
I like goat.
Ed Larson
But goats on the bone, it'll always have a little.
Henry Zabrowski
It'll have pieces of bone in it.
Ed Larson
You got to be careful when you eat the goat because that little bone can slide down your throat and they can cause an infection inside your esophagus, and then you'll die of seps.
Henry Zabrowski
You're making me afraid.
Ed Larson
Happened before.
Henry Zabrowski
I am afraid. But no, I've had goat. But there's. Why is goat different to me? Because it's bigger and it's got four legs. Where. There's something about a raccoon, it's the size of Carmi.
Ed Larson
I just hate that they're eating raccoon that's not really seasoned well.
Henry Zabrowski
They're just sucking on the spine. Why is he sucking on the spine like that?
Ed Larson
I mean, I'll do that with any animal I eat.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. You know what's funny is that. Yeah. It's just the man behind it. Because I've done this, remember, with the who. Here we go. Brooklyn Star, where they serve the pigtail.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Those are so good. Little piggy chicken wings.
Henry Zabrowski
And they were like pig chicken wings. They were the, the pig's actual tails and you just suck all the meat out of little rings. Okay. Yeah. See actually I'm kind of getting turned on now.
Ed Larson
Yeah. So this event's been around for since I think the 50s. They've been doing it forever. They served over 500 pounds of raccoon meat. Which it basically it's about 750 me or raccoons. I think it's three 100 and 79 raccoons to make 750 meals. I don't even know where you.
Henry Zabrowski
That motherfucker ate one whole.
Ed Larson
The scariest town to be a raccoon in.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah.
Ed Larson
Ohio. I mean shout out to Travis Irvine who's made multiple raccoon themed films in Ohio. It's true. Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
So between Travis, your wife who's a big. And this is like. Does your wife every eaten.
Ed Larson
She's no, no, she doesn't eat raccoon, unfortunately.
Henry Zabrowski
Would she eat raccoon?
Ed Larson
I think if I try to talk her into it, she'd take a bite. But I would say so. Look at this. The meat they say is free range because raccoons eat fruit, nuts, corn, fish, frogs, insects, bird aids and rodents.
Henry Zabrowski
It's a raccoon.
Ed Larson
It's like oh, but it all. It is free range. Yeah, it is free. I mean they don't really have a home, you know. And I will say another thing about record, but we eat oysters. They eat trash. You know, they live their bottom feeders.
Henry Zabrowski
A lot of those.
Ed Larson
Yeah, it's very Oysters grosser than a raccoon.
Henry Zabrowski
No way.
Ed Larson
I've never looked at an oyster and be like, that's a good boy.
Henry Zabrowski
No, you wouldn't. I wouldn't eat it. I, I, this is the things that an oyster a lot of times it's like it'll either be farmed or it'll be in a specific part of the world. It's, it is oyster areas. So it is, it is cleaner for the oyster.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
These are quote unquote free range raccoons. The raccoons you see in the street of Danville, Ohio.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
It's just a raccoon. That's not a free. There's not a. There's no caged raised cat raccoon. There's no farm raised raccoon. There's just. There is only free range raccoon.
Ed Larson
Yes. No, I was. It's interesting. I want to know where they got all these raccoons.
Henry Zabrowski
From besides rats, it's the most free range thing that exists.
Ed Larson
Well, a lot of people think it's a marsupial. A lot of people think a raccoon is a rodent. But the truth is they're closer related to bears than anything else.
Henry Zabrowski
Sure. I've heard bear meat is not particularly very, very good either.
Ed Larson
Well, we'd have to talk to our boy who's smoking it down in New Orleans.
Henry Zabrowski
We had some. We actually I was curious about bear meat once and I got a lot of messages talking about bear meat and they. It's very greasy.
Ed Larson
Oh yeah. And they say that this is greasy as well. They've been preparing raccoon as an art for the members of the Dansville Lions club for over 82 years.
Henry Zabrowski
I'd like to. Now I am. I don't want to be in that room with this man, the man that is in the picture of this. I don't want to be with him.
Ed Larson
There's a lot of MAGA hats in the room too.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, no, it is definitely a comfort. This is a very, this is a safe space for maga.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
I don't, don't want to. I don't want to be in that room, but I would eat that raccoon. Yeah.
Ed Larson
One of the cooks, Sandy Crow, said I was asked if I wanted to make four pies for the dinner or if I wanted to cook raccoon. So I started cooking raccoon because I don't like to make pies.
Henry Zabrowski
What I prefer is the hunting down of a trash animal. I like to go out there myself. I take some tuna and I put it in a can on a string and I bring a hammer and I entice him with the hammer and then I hit him in the head. I hit him in the head with the hammer and I hit him and I smashed their brains. And it's so much better than figuring out dough.
Ed Larson
So they take the prepared. This is how they cook it in Danville, not how our boy cooks it. They take the raccoons that are dressed and like processed and then they like.
Henry Zabrowski
A sweater and sweatpants or.
Ed Larson
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they, they soak them in salt water for a day.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, so they brine them.
Ed Larson
They brine them and then they say that no spices are need during cooking.
Henry Zabrowski
That is just the most on. Is the most Ohio gross I have ever heard. Get your together, get your together. Smoked paprika, garlic, black pepper. You want to have. I, I would say coriander might be good in there. Some cumin, chili powder, mix it all together in a rub. You're going to want to brine it, you're going to want to rub it and you're going to want to braise it. Then you brown it. Then you braise that with some nice. You see, then I feel like we're in a territory that I'm in now. I'm eating it. Cuz this sounds good. You could throw some okra in there. You could throw corn and stuff in there. And then you slap that in a big old bucket and you let that rock for four hours. Yeah, I will eat that in a second.
Ed Larson
Exactly.
Henry Zabrowski
But this guy. These guys are morons.
Ed Larson
They're just boiling raccoon with onions.
Henry Zabrowski
You're just killing and essentially burning them at the stake. You're just like killing raccoons. It's very sad. It's very, very sad.
Ed Larson
Sad.
Henry Zabrowski
You know, it's like. Is it sad the way they catch them is sad.
Ed Larson
How do they catch them?
Henry Zabrowski
They just let dogs chase them and they corner them and then they just.
Ed Larson
So they're contaminated by dogs.
Henry Zabrowski
But I will. How they do it. Yeah. And then can I say though, it's not fun. Raccoon traps, guys. That's fun for the dogs. So somebody's having fun. Okay. It's fun for the dogs. The raccoons, they don't know what's going on because it does seem to sort of be like one of those night of the long knives.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
That happened to the Jewish people.
Ed Larson
Okay.
Henry Zabrowski
During the. Not the rise of the Nazis or. All of these raccoons are just hanging out one day, just wondering, acting like everything's fine. And the next day, all of a sudden it's culling season because we got to kill 179 of you to. To feed Randy's fat ass. And he has no idea. And then all of a sudden you got the SS showing up. So the dogs as turncoats when I go fear vase of making you squeak.
Ed Larson
What about what if. What if it was farmed meat? Would you feel better about that?
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, a little bit.
Ed Larson
If there was a raccoon farm somewhere.
Henry Zabrowski
I'm down for animals raised, used as food and treated well to be.
Ed Larson
But isn't it better to go hunt for your food?
Henry Zabrowski
Yes, but those animals, you know what you're eating? Raccoons eat liquid only if they're healthy. That's what I'm saying. I would prefer to have a raccoon be in a place where no, we know what it's eating.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And then you can fill it with all sorts of stuff. And then eventually you could start feeding it butter and. And spices and you could fatten up its little organs. And then we can make raccoon. Some raccoon pat day, which I've never seen. Oh, God, Rob. Oh, it's this little face. It looks like Carmi. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. It looks like.
Ed Larson
Oh, Rob.
Henry Zabrowski
It looks like how they do it, though.
Ed Larson
You gotta. Yeah, you gotta boil the whole thing again, though.
Henry Zabrowski
I'll eat it as soon as it's out.
Ed Larson
Yeah. This thing, it said. They said that it actually started out as a prank, the whole party.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, I bet.
Ed Larson
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I bet.
Henry Zabrowski
Sure. Because it's again, it's. It's were cosplaying what poor people had to eat. We were eating it for fun because they had to eat it. Now we're eating it because we've decided it's fun. And then these guys like it even better because it harkens back to a time period in which black people couldn't vote.
Ed Larson
Well, back in 1939, Clyde Bamberry offered to cook a meal for the club. When they all arrived, they realized he was feeding them raccoon. The friends all played along, ate the raccoon, and discovered that they actually, like, hey, you know.
Henry Zabrowski
And that's the last time anyone in Ohio's ever been open minded.
Ed Larson
They're quoted and saying they all thought it was the coolest thing that ever happened. When the next year rolled around, they all got the idea to just go ahead and do it again.
Henry Zabrowski
And the raccoons are like, what? No living fuck is happening. This went from Shangri La to Auschwitz.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
This was our home.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
This is our place. And now we are hunted for our friends.
Ed Larson
Flash. 82 years strong. Hey, Danville, Ohio. Lions Club, they love it.
Henry Zabrowski
You know what? And you know what I'll say is in the name of the ziz. In the name of, like, in a lot of people going on, we need more awareness and stuff. I feel like what we should do is let's flip the script. Let's get LGBTQ raccoon boil.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
That's what we need to equalize the forces here. If you guys really want to really play games here in the United States of America, if you want to be a part of the big. The big team team, right? You got to start going to the people. And I think that if we get the LGBT crowd to get into eating raccoon, we take it from them.
Ed Larson
Yes. They. They decided one day to make it a fundraiser and. And then they're like, oh. And then it started getting even bigger, and so they put it in the high school cafeteria, and they were cooking the raccoon in the high school cafeteria. But then it outgrew the high school cafeteria, and so they had to move it again to the St. Luke's Community center across the street from the high school. And they made it a fundraiser. But it does not say where the funds go. Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Because I feel like it's some guy who shows up me like, oh, it's. You guys are cooking raccoon.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Just so excited about it.
Henry Zabrowski
My God. Yeah. Well, you know, again, I feel that there's nothing wrong with eating raccoon. There's a lot of people to do it. It probably speaks a lot to your demographic as a human being, which I say let's flip. Flip it for them.
Ed Larson
More spices, though.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. Wow. Because. Yeah. She'd like to make pies. I cook raccoon for probably 30 years.
Ed Larson
Yep, that's right.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, God. Well, God. At least it's not the. It's a Danville Lions club, but at least it's not the Danville Raccoons club because they would be out of luck. All right, so we have a couple of stories about consequences.
Ed Larson
Oh, nice.
Henry Zabrowski
Now this one I. I just think is, obviously, this is a tragedy and this is a crime.
Ed Larson
Crime.
Henry Zabrowski
And there's nothing funny about the story.
Ed Larson
All right, I'll try not to laugh.
Henry Zabrowski
There's nothing funny about it. And I refuse to let you laugh.
Ed Larson
Okay.
Henry Zabrowski
Or me.
Ed Larson
All right. I will be stone faced.
Henry Zabrowski
Now, Louisville, it's a fun town. No, that's nothing funny about it. Nothing funny about it. Louisville facing to the man. He's a business owner. He's facing several charges after allegedly kidnapping and beating a shoplifter who stole vape pens in the Algonquin neighborhood of Louisville. Now, I don't think shoplifting is that big of a crime.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
I think that obviously it comes from a lot of systemic issues.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
And it's just money. It's just goods. A lot of it is. Unless it's a small shop.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Which a vape store usually is.
Henry Zabrowski
You. You do. It is. But it's vapes, you know?
Ed Larson
Yeah. Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
So the owner of the vape store, Kashmir Car Patel, he was in court this week because. So he saw this guy. This guy took a box of vapes out of the store without paying for it.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
So the man ran away on foot. And Patel and several others of his staff gave chase when they caught up to him. This is where it kind of Went crazy. So, you know, as a retail person, when I worked in retail, we were told to go try to stop him. We never did. And I will also say, if you currently work in retail, and you all know. You all know this already, you let them go. You don't run after these people. There's no reason to.
Ed Larson
You're not allowed to touch them. My buddy worked at Publix and he tackled someone stealing food and he got fired.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. As he should have. Because also it's food. And most of the time they're stealing it because they are. They're hungry.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And so this guy, they. They. Because these are vapes, Right. They're optional. So they caught up to the. The thief, and Patel and his associates, they jumped out of the van and they pepper sprayed the victim in the face. Now that's already a lot, right? Yeah. But then the guy started crawling away and they were like, no, you're not going to crawl away. So they all started group stomping them. Right. So they all start group stomping them. It's real bad, right? It's bad.
Ed Larson
Yeah. I mean, you know, you don't around in these vape stores.
Henry Zabrowski
No, not in Louisville.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And then it's really the final disgracement is the thing is so. Which I've never seen someone do and I've never heard of this before, they kept going. So what they did was that they. They held the man down. And then Patel, the owner of the store, pulled the man's pants down and underwear, took the pepper spray, spread the man's butt cheeks and sprayed the pepper spray into his anus.
Ed Larson
Right in the middle of Louisville streets.
Henry Zabrowski
Right. Right in the strike zone. Louisville strike zone. Yeah. Right. And it was bad, of course. They pulled him into a van, they took him to a garage where they beat him with a piece of wood.
Ed Larson
They kept going.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, yeah.
Ed Larson
Over vapes.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, yes. How many vapes was this? A box. One box of vapes.
Ed Larson
I'm going to. And then I'm going to guess that one box is 12.
Henry Zabrowski
Maybe. Court records say the victim was then put back in the van, then driven to the 1500 block of Lee street where he was dropped off like Fangbros. The victim called his mother to pick him up, which is the saddest of all, that he had to then call his mom to come get him and then he was all fucked up.
Ed Larson
Yeah. What does that even do to you when you get pepper sprayed inside Uranus?
Henry Zabrowski
I believe it's called hot tush. And hot tush is one of the hardest. It's honestly, it is such a pandemic in this country. Country.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Because of how many people that believe that you can actually make your hands warmer by spraying your booty hole with pepper spray. I brought my perennially cold hands. I have very cold hands.
Ed Larson
I can't believe that this is the story out of Louisville after they had that horrible flood this week.
Henry Zabrowski
Like, 11 people died.
Ed Larson
And this is.
Henry Zabrowski
Went right to the top of the news cycle. Top of the news cycle. Just happened. Came out. Yeah. So this is guy, he's out there. I just think the idea of, like. Because now he's being held. He is being held with complicity for kidnapping, a stupid assault, wanton endangerment. He's. He's $75,000. He did make his bond at $75,000.
Ed Larson
He sells vapes. They got a lot of disposable income.
Henry Zabrowski
I guess that's just what it is. It's like nothing is worth this. This. This consequences. He went. Obviously, I think he overreacted.
Ed Larson
If he would have stole all the money out of the register, he should not have acted like this again.
Henry Zabrowski
I think that what he did was rash cash and that.
Ed Larson
And that's what he created.
Henry Zabrowski
I was sorry. You're allowed. And there's nothing funny about it.
Ed Larson
No, no, no, no.
Henry Zabrowski
But I do think that the man. I mean, he. Everyone throwing that league, they definitely dropped the shoplifting charges.
Ed Larson
Oh, they did. So he's not getting charged with shoplifting?
Henry Zabrowski
No, no, no. Not after you get to your booty hole. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're like, yeah, I think this is a. Enough. You know what I would do if I was a police officer? I'd make him smoke the whole box. That's what I would do. Just like they did back in the day. Oh, oh, you want to steal vapes?
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
You smoke every one of them.
Ed Larson
Well, here's an interesting way that someone else is dealing with shoplifting in a more responsible manner. All right? A Michigan judge sentences Walmart shoplifters to wash cars in the parking lot.
Henry Zabrowski
It's not a bad idea.
Ed Larson
Yes. And so this Michigan Walmart, Walmart has had so many people steal from it that the prices are starting to go up. There's more security there. They're threatening to close the store completely. And it's not a big town, so they kind of need this Walmart where.
Henry Zabrowski
Mine, where Natalie's grandmother is in Michigan, that Walmart is the center of their life. Yes, it is where everybody is. There is the Walmart. There's a McDonald's and Taco Bell. Yeah, there's a one hotel and there is a CVS. But that Walmart, Walmart is where everyone goes. It is extremely necessary to that town.
Ed Larson
Sadly, yes, no. If we can't go back 50 years and erase what. Walmart is evil.
Henry Zabrowski
It's over, it's done. Yeah, we all fucked with it. It's over. They're gonna, we already know they're making corporate nations. That is going to be the next steps. Just understand that it's going to be Walmart nature. You're going to be able to go choose which corporation you want to live in. It is going to happen. Just know that.
Ed Larson
Well, you know, I think there's a long way to go.
Henry Zabrowski
I'm just saying that's the dream. That's their dream.
Ed Larson
That's their. Yes, but so this judge, Jeffrey Clothier, what he's doing now is that people have been stealing from there so often and he's under the opinion there's a quote from him. I don't think everyone that steals is a bad person.
Henry Zabrowski
I can't believe that.
Ed Larson
Yeah, sometimes people are just down on their luck. But there's gotta be consequences for when you break the law. So what he is doing doing is anyone who steals from this Walmart now has to wash cars for free. Free car washes in the very same Walmart parking lot.
Henry Zabrowski
I think that that is sensible. Yeah, I think shoplifting is again, what we said before, it's a systemic crime. Most of the time it is because people are hungry and broke. Except when it's like they're stealing out of the Louis Vuitton store or whatever, that's something else.
Ed Larson
But yeah, even that.
Henry Zabrowski
I don't give a fucking shit.
Ed Larson
I care less about that.
Henry Zabrowski
Who could give a fucking shit? It's overpriced bags and shit. Who fucking cares?
Ed Larson
Well, Walmart's become such a crazy place that I don't know if we talked about this on the show recently, but it was like a story presented to us. But the employees at Walmart, they've started testing this out are going to be, are going to start wearing body cams because they get beat up so much by the, by the clientele was because.
Henry Zabrowski
Also people go there as a designated third space. Like people go there to go hang out.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Connect, do things that don't, quote, unquote, cost money. Even though it's a private corporation, it's a store. And so what happens is that it does invite people that have nowhere else to go.
Ed Larson
Especially when you're open 24 hours. Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
So they have to. So these people that work at Walmart end up being like police officers slash mental health associates.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And selling you panties.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And so I wish they'd sell me pants. Pennies. I was cut off.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Three different stores.
Ed Larson
I never trust the store that sells jeans and lobster. You know, like, it's just like, come on, pick. Pick a play.
Henry Zabrowski
Except for Costco. Costco's pure.
Ed Larson
I mean, apparently people still like Costco. I got no reason to be there.
Henry Zabrowski
Costco is pure. Costco is good.
Ed Larson
Do you go to Costco?
Henry Zabrowski
I. I go sometimes because Jackie's got a membership.
Ed Larson
Oh, okay.
Henry Zabrowski
So I'll piggyback with her and I'll go. But largely I don't because just me.
Ed Larson
And Julie, I don't need.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, there's certain costs.
Ed Larson
Go.
Henry Zabrowski
You know what's nice? It's paper towels.
Ed Larson
Yeah. But I go to. Who gives a crap? I get the natural bamboo towels. So I'm not contributing to them cutting down the rainforest.
Henry Zabrowski
See, I hate the rainforest.
Ed Larson
Oh, well then, then you should get bounty.
Henry Zabrowski
That's a part of what I've been doing is that I put a bounty on the rainforest. Normally, bounty, Normally what I do is I buy two things of bounty just to throw one out and then I go outside and I chop a tree down. Just because I hate them, but because I'm jealous. They don't gotta work.
Ed Larson
Well, Walmart's on board. They're providing water and supplies.
Henry Zabrowski
Thank you, Walmart. Oh, thank you, precious. Walmart. Thank you for your gifts.
Ed Larson
But it's such a better thing than locking up people and ruining their lives. And you know, it's so. It's one of those things. I'm really happy that this is, I think, feel like this is one of our first like, like positive news stories on this show.
Henry Zabrowski
Sorta. I wonder what the. I wonder what the Diamond Lounge is gonna be like at the Amex private prisons. Do you think that it's gonna be. Do you think that if I get to Diamond.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
That I'll be able to be like, I get extra wreck time.
Ed Larson
It's gonna be one of those sushi.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like in the Delta one. Yeah. Someone comes in here, someone offers us for. You're forced to eat the fresh sushi from the guy that they flew in from Japan who looks confused, abused.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Oh, so Clothier said he thinks it'll be humiliating to be out there washing cars if you see someone, you know, and he thinks that'll be enough to keep people from stealing from the Walmart.
Henry Zabrowski
I think that it's also just it something about putting, not, not putting people in jail. Because what do we know on low level crimes. This is just across the board.
Ed Larson
They just get, they commit more crimes. Yeah, always you get into a fight in jail and you're, you're stuck in there for lord knows how long after that.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes.
Ed Larson
And like you don't have a choice to get into the fight. You know, someone just comes up and beats you up. I guess yourself.
Henry Zabrowski
And guess what happens if you don't.
Ed Larson
Then you get beat up more. Yes. So it's a, it's a damned if you do. Damn if you don't keep people out of jail in any way possible. So. Thank you Judge Clothier. I hope I'm saying your name right.
Henry Zabrowski
I mean God knows what else this guy's going to do. But he made one good decision. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ed Larson
The judge said that he's also going to go out there and wash cars with them.
Henry Zabrowski
Now when does it turn into a sexual assault thing? When does it eventually become he shows up in a speed. When does he show his penis at a bunch of men?
Ed Larson
I think back to like those fundraising car washes we used to do in high school with all like the teachers, 15 year old, 15 year old cheerleaders and stuff like in bikinis washing the cars outside of the Einstein Bagels. I look back and I'm like we should not have been allowed to do that.
Henry Zabrowski
Eddie, you and I were raised in a very specific time period where it seemed to be a little bit more open.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
Do you remember American Beauty?
Ed Larson
Yes, I do remember American Beauty.
Henry Zabrowski
Do you remember how inspirational American Beauty was? The idea of this man finally finding his joy again because it was all about him having sex with the 17 year old.
Ed Larson
Well that and weed. You're right, it was that.
Henry Zabrowski
And that's sadly was the shout out to Guy Pierce. Yeah.
Ed Larson
Dealing with Kevin Spacey's.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. Getting his ding dong man. Almost baseman. Yeah.
Ed Larson
Almost got pierced by the space God.
Henry Zabrowski
You gotta be careful out there. Gotta keep your head swiveled. You gotta keep your head in swivel in Hollywood and you gotta let these guys know it is an exit hole. Unless of course it is an entrance hole. And then you give them the green light. But you gotta give them the green light. That's the only way to do it. Yeah, yeah. Kevin Spacey's in. He's in a lot of. He's really sad. He's in a lot of debt.
Ed Larson
Oh yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Poor guy couldn't happen to a nicer.
Ed Larson
Guy from your grave. Hello Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It could happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold that rains. Iguanas, I'm here to support you, so come on out. March I'll be in North Florida and in May I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson me is coming to Florida in March and May. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island Island, Dania Beach, Orlando and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're gonna party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets@eddytunes.com.
T-Mobile Representative
If you love your phone but not your carrier, just switch to T Mobile. You can keep your phone, keep your number and we'll help pay it off up to 800 per line. You can also use our savings calculator to compare our plans and streaming benefits against Verizon and AT&T. So switch and keep your phone, keep your number and keep more of your moolah. @t mobile.com up to 4 lines via virtual prepaid card.
Henry Zabrowski
Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device credit service ported 90 plus days with device and eligible carrier and timely redemptor required Card has no cash access and expires in six months.
Multicare Representative
Our state has changed a lot in the last 140 years. We know because Multicare has been here guided by a single making our communities healthier. That comes from making courageous decisions, partnering with local communities to grow programs and services, and expanding healthcare access to those who need it most. Together, we're building a healthier future. Learn more@ multicare.org.
Henry Zabrowski
Morning Decisions A creamy mocha Frappuccino drink, a sweet vanilla, maybe a smooth caramel or that white chocolate mocha. Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Start your day with bottled Starbucks Frappuccino drinks. Pick up a bottle near you wherever you buy your groceries. Speaking of great news. Asteroid headed towards Earth. Yes, it is currently up to 3.1%. Let's blow it up it has increased three times since its discovery. It is went from 1% to 2% to 3% possible hitting us. And what is interesting, which I found really interesting about this story, is the fact that number one, they can already tell where it might land if it does hit. Really, it's awesome.
Ed Larson
They basically have 3% chance of landing and they're like, Illinois is fucked. Well, basically it makes sense.
Henry Zabrowski
The way it works is that it'll come on a lap, right. It'll come on some line. Right. So it's about where like imagine these. So the earth's a gold. I guess I think that. Wait, obviously I'm wrong. Side stories lpotl gmail.com but the way it seems to work is they could sort of know what plane it's on, but they don't know how far it's going to arc towards us. But they can know that it's going to go in this one area of where we're at. So if it hits us, it would. If they're saying it's going to hit us somewhere in the equator somewhere. Somewhere in the Indian Ocean, which is interesting. Oh, I also don't know if they're just lying to us to just make us feel the mill.
Ed Larson
Well, yeah, I mean, what, it's a, it's a 3 in 4 chance that it hits the ocean.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes. And it's a city killer, but it's not a world ender. They're saying that it would be the equivalent of something like 50 megatons, 50 times the first atomic bomb. Okay, but if it's in the middle of the ocean, we won't experience it.
Ed Larson
But like Indonesia would be fucked.
Henry Zabrowski
In Australia there might be some, there might be some tsunamis. Yeah, tsunami activity, Earthquake activity. Yeah, but, and, but what I'd like to know. This is like one of those fun debate points for our audience side stories. LPOTL gmail.com is that the address? Actually, sometimes I forget. You know when you do something again and again and again, you ever like go to hang out with somebody that you've known for like multiple decades and then you like Jerry, right?
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And you momentarily forget their name as you're going to fucking introduce them. That's like an, that's a gut anxiety, greedy thing that happens to me sometimes. But I'd like to know, would you like to know the day that you die? Like, would you like to know like the date that if it's gonna hit and let's say it was gonna end the world?
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Do you want to know the date or would you rather be suppressed?
Ed Larson
I think I'd rather know the day the world's gonna end than the day I have a heart attack.
Henry Zabrowski
Like you'd rather.
Ed Larson
That makes any sense.
Henry Zabrowski
So you'd rather us all die?
Ed Larson
Yeah, well, not rather everyone die. I'm saying if I were to know the future, I'd rather it be a day that we're all going to die together rather than like you're going to have a heart attack on August 8, 2085.
Henry Zabrowski
Because the thing about science, too, is that they're right and they're, they're, they're, they are. They do their best to be correct and they're constantly changing. That's the idea.
Ed Larson
It's 2% last week and now it's 3%. They're like the Indian Ocean. And next week it's going to be like, oh, it's going to hit Africa. It's going to be like New York.
Henry Zabrowski
It's going to slide in the. That guy's. When is. Or what.
Ed Larson
When. When will this come?
Henry Zabrowski
I think it's nine years.
Ed Larson
Nine years. Pretty close.
Henry Zabrowski
Nine years, yeah. 20, 32. Seven years and so. But there. I wonder, because remember they had those. There's like an AI now that can apparently tabulate the day that you will die.
Ed Larson
Oh, really?
Henry Zabrowski
Using a bunch of, like, you can give it a bunch of things, you can give it a bunch of parameters and it'll give you like a day that you'll die. But just like that. And just like that. Like this. They could be entirely wrong. I guess the only thing I'm afraid of is the thing of you find out the death day and then you do the thing where you're like, honey, I'm starting to learn the oboe and I can't do it with you here. I need full attention on the oboe, you know, I mean, like, this is when you're going to end up try. You're going to ruin your family. You can do. And then what happens if. Then the comet doesn't come?
Ed Larson
Well, you know what drives me crazy is also if we know when the world's going to end. I think I'm talking myself out of wanting to know right now, but, like, if we know who's going to show up to work and then, you know, like, there's no power for the last three days because going to the fucking. To the ladwp.
Henry Zabrowski
I mean, like, and this is going to sound really unpopular to a lot of people, but I think. And this is just between me and Eddie here for a second, that's what we don't tell some of these people.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
So what we do is we don't know. Rob, you didn't hear that. We don't tell some of the people.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Rob, we have a. We have a strict schedule. Schedule.
Henry Zabrowski
Continue to come out. We don't tell certain sectors. Right. Just simply for the fact that we are going to. All the rest of us are going to want to be able to watch tv.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Because when I saw Deep Impact, the. One of the things that bothered me the most about that movie. I know it's not real, but one of the things that bothered me the most about that movie was that it was the day before the asteroids about to hit. Hit. And the guy calls a cab.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. And he just picks him up. Yeah. He's like, I'm just getting off of work, you know, being like, dude, we're all going to die soon. Yeah. And he's just like, I. You will not make me go uptown.
Ed Larson
Yeah, but if the asteroid does come, I. I know one thing. I. I don't want to miss a thing. I want to make sure I see it.
Henry Zabrowski
My. What I'm really afraid of is that. And we talked about this right before, by the way, because you remind me. Reminded me of something. Eddie. Let's just not tell Bruce Willis.
Ed Larson
Oh my God. How lost will he get trying to find the.
Henry Zabrowski
I'm afraid if we tell Bruce Willis, he's gonna blow up the moon instead.
Ed Larson
Yeah, I got it. I see it every night.
Henry Zabrowski
Demi Moore comes in and she's like, let's just get him a drill and we'll put him on a sound stage. Listen, we'll just. Let's just get him. Let's think he's doing it. He really let someone get him his harmonica. Can someone get Bruce's harmonica? He thinks he's on stage again. He's ready to go. No. Yes. Bruce. Let's leave Bruce out of this.
Ed Larson
Leave him alone.
Henry Zabrowski
But you know who we're sending?
Ed Larson
Ben Affleck. You said definitely send an Affleck.
Henry Zabrowski
I want him on the tip of the shuttle. Yeah, we're sending you Ben Affleck and.
Ed Larson
A bunch of donkey.
Henry Zabrowski
And you know why we're doing it? Because of the way you treated JLo.
Ed Larson
Oh, come on.
Henry Zabrowski
I'm coming after you.
Ed Larson
Sign up. You broke her off. You broke her heart.
Henry Zabrowski
I first I defended you and now I. I can't believe I came to bad for you.
Ed Larson
I think that JLO was ready to.
Henry Zabrowski
Love you and you the bed. And then. How dare you go Back to that straw woman, Jennifer Gardner.
Ed Larson
She seems nice.
Henry Zabrowski
She does. You have children together? Yeah. I mean, a lot of people do.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Yeah. And all this diddy heat with JLo. Like, imagine, like, imagine that he's just sitting at home. He's like, hold on.
Henry Zabrowski
Who?
Ed Larson
What did you do?
Henry Zabrowski
Gotta go. What, this all happened during the Juicy Couture days? No, I gotta get out of here. Well, yeah. That's so. Just so you know, I. I wonder. I want people to tell me what you think. I think there's a lot of people that have to.
Ed Larson
I.
Henry Zabrowski
It'd be kind of cool in a way if there was like, this is the thing, is that the government wouldn't do it if they just gave everybody free power and did the thing at the time period for like five days. You know, we're like, all right, we're just running the systems.
Ed Larson
Do you think they would empty the prisons or just lock the doors?
Henry Zabrowski
Lock the doors? Yeah. Gas them, probably. They'll kill everybody in there.
Ed Larson
You think so?
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, they're going to do a lot. That's the thing.
Ed Larson
The guards aren't going to show up.
Henry Zabrowski
For work in the end days. There's going to be a lot of bad stuff happening.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Because there's going to be no consequences.
Henry Zabrowski
And that's also why. Yeah. And it's also why people are doing bad things currently, because they think that what you do is that you spark the bad things to make the end times come.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And we have a current. The next series that we're doing is all about that. The idea of if the. If the world won't end, what if we start the signs of the world ending on our own?
Ed Larson
I mean, we've all talked about this before. The world is not gonna end. We might end, but the world's gonna be here.
Henry Zabrowski
This rock's gonna keep on spinning.
Ed Larson
Yeah, man.
Henry Zabrowski
And no memory. And you know what they said that you. What I'll do is interesting. You only need. I believe they said it's 150 people to re. Spark humankind. Sure. So let's get to choosing now.
Ed Larson
What are you talking about? It was just two. And Henry. Adam and Eve.
Henry Zabrowski
Adam and Steve.
Ed Larson
Yeah, baby. Oh, yes. Yes. That's. Oh, let me see you Apple, Adam.
Henry Zabrowski
See, this is a perfect time for this.
Ed Larson
See it.
Henry Zabrowski
This is a perfect time for the segment. So this is perfect time. Let's get to man corner. Yeah.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Now, last week we had two on the show. All right, we two dirty on the show.
Ed Larson
Who's the. Now available on the last Podcast. Podcast Network.
Henry Zabrowski
They're the best. They're absolutely hilarious. Kara Clank and my sister Jackie Zabrowski, they're on our new show. Who's the.
Ed Larson
What's your sister's name?
Henry Zabrowski
It's a bitchy for McDumper.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Got your ass. But what's fun here is that normally we get to talk abstractedly about women's bodies away from you.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
And we get to make a bunch of funny things. Fake thoughts about it because we don't understand a lot about your biology. And it's not really anybody's fault but ours.
Ed Larson
It's just more fun to be wrong than right.
Henry Zabrowski
It's just fun to be. It's fun to say things that make people upset. It's fun. That's our jobs.
Ed Larson
Right? Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
But then we had two women on that, then went ahead to make a bunch of. Say a bunch of stuff that made a bunch of ladies angry instead of scientists. But they're not scientists. No. No. They're just women like the rest of you. Right. But also we have to say.
Ed Larson
I don't know what's happening to my own personal body either.
Henry Zabrowski
Couldn't care less.
Ed Larson
I don't know what's going on. The man's eye.
Henry Zabrowski
I don't care what's going on here.
Ed Larson
I.
Henry Zabrowski
But I will say this. We're gonna say here at lpn, don't drink while pregnant.
Ed Larson
No.
Henry Zabrowski
Even though Kara and Jackie both, I believe, advised it. But don't drink while pregnant because more many doctors wrote in and said don't.
Ed Larson
Yes. Even a little bit.
Henry Zabrowski
Apparently not. We don't know. But this is what doctors said. So this is this House has met men getting an opportunity to tell two women that they were wrong.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. Yeah.
Ed Larson
That's what I'm talking about.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. And this is the wildest Factoid I got. 1 in 25, 000 women. This is true.
Ed Larson
Oh, yeah. Very true.
Henry Zabrowski
They can get pregnant in their ass. Yeah.
Ed Larson
You can get duty pregnant.
Henry Zabrowski
You can get dookie. Dookie faux shooty. 40 pregnant.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
1.
Ed Larson
Did you know that 25,000 women, they.
Henry Zabrowski
Have a close boaca.
Ed Larson
Yeah. They got bird bodies.
Henry Zabrowski
So if some. Some women are born without. This is completely real. Rob. This was sent to us. He's. The look on your face shows you're like, you can't wait for the. The anticipatory emails that we're gonna get. But I'm gonna read this right now.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
It is absolutely possible to get pregnant from anal sex. I know this because it happened to a Roommate of mine. We've all heard this story. Is it a Baptist university in Oklahoma? Early 2000s. My roommate was raised mostly out of the United States as one of many children in a missionary family. That religious community believed strongly in abstaining from sex until marriage. But she and her new boyfriend thought they found a loophole. Everybody does, Right? When she started dating in our sophomore year, she came waddling in one day to our dorm and said she needed to talk. She then told me that they didn't want to sin by having vaginal intercourse, so they thought they would be safe if they had anal sex instead. You're correct. You're correct. Maybe not from. Not from STDs or anything else, but you're correct. You were not supposed that way. You were.
Ed Larson
You.
Henry Zabrowski
That was the right idea.
Ed Larson
Condom.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes. Oh, yes. It's more like nature's collection basket as he goes right out. Right. So she had mixed feelings about her first sexual encounter, but ultimately enjoyed it. Decided it was okay to continue to have exclusively anal sex. Now that's a trooper. Now, about a month and a half later, she started panicking because she hadn't had her period on time. She started taking pregnancy tests and they came back positive. Naturally, she was freaked out. Later recalling that I was really wet and excited her first time when he pulled out, he said he made a runny mess. All sperm need is to swim is a slick surface. And they will keep swimming for up to five days. Days. But also, apparently it could slide down there. But also you could be born without the holes. Like, without the walls. And so the. The. The com can come through your butt walls into your cavern.
Ed Larson
It's only one way, though. It only can go one way.
Henry Zabrowski
No, I don't.
Ed Larson
You're. You used to be a plumber.
Henry Zabrowski
I don't know anything about this. Well, I have no idea.
Ed Larson
According to Women's Health doctors, we asked.
Henry Zabrowski
Two women on the show last week and they didn't know. And now we're left here sitting in the runny mess.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Of their thoughts.
Ed Larson
Yeah. We're mansplaining. You can get pregnant through your eyes.
Henry Zabrowski
Women did this to us, though. Women put us. Two women we know put us as men into this scenario, having to roll back misinformation.
Ed Larson
So it's a. Women's Health magazine calls it a colloqual malformation.
Henry Zabrowski
It's cloacal.
Ed Larson
Cocal.
Henry Zabrowski
It's a cloaca.
Ed Larson
Cloaca. A cloacal.
Henry Zabrowski
Cloaca.
Ed Larson
A cloacal. Whatever. They're up booty holes.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah.
Ed Larson
Which Means she was born, but she didn't have a uretha, vagina and anus. She just had one hole.
Henry Zabrowski
Wow. One big room.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
Cloacal malformation.
Ed Larson
It's a. Birds have it. Them. Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
Is when the rectum, vagina, urinary tract. They don't separate, they collaborate.
Ed Larson
Yes. The condition is incredibly rare, occurring in about 1 in 25,000 female live births, which is more than I would have thought. Yes. 25,000. 1 in 25,000 isn't really that. I mean, you have. The lottery is way bigger.
Henry Zabrowski
Absolutely. And also, what an amazing, amazing opportunity to call somebody a buddy baby.
Ed Larson
Yeah. It also only occurs in women, so this couldn't. We couldn't have just one hole.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, yeah. Because then the come can go through our assholes back into our balls.
Ed Larson
Yeah, right.
Henry Zabrowski
Like you can't fuck me hard enough in the ass that your calm will shoot into my balls.
Ed Larson
I think. I think that is what women's health is saying. But it's usually diagnosed at birth and repaired right away. Away. So the baby has a separate urethra. Let me get in there.
Henry Zabrowski
Let me get my wrench.
Ed Larson
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's what happened in this woman's case. However, something went very wrong. Either in the surgery was botched or its response to the trauma of the surgery. A body can be formed. A fistula. An abnormal connection between organs.
Henry Zabrowski
The fistula.
Ed Larson
A fistula. Thank you. I'm bad with pronunciation.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes, fistula is my burlesque name.
Ed Larson
A uterus can become fused to a rectum in these situations. So every month when Aunt Flo comes to town, they. They have their period rectally. So meanwhile, you know, this is the news. This is the news.
Henry Zabrowski
You asked me, you asked us.
Ed Larson
We don't want to talk about this.
Henry Zabrowski
I think that we have to stop now because I think that that's as far as we. We know. I think that we're stupid. I think that when we brought women in here expecting them to be smarter, we found out that's not true. And I think that that's one of the nicest things that we could have done for men in terms of listening to this. We're trying to create a safe space for guys out here to listen to us talk. Right? A safe space for you guys, you boys. Right?
Ed Larson
Oh, man.
Henry Zabrowski
That was man corner. We're over.
Ed Larson
Yes, yes, yes. Oh, oh, and there was one email we got got about booty shorts.
Henry Zabrowski
Well, you want to read this? Because we. Again, this is a response to last week Jackie was saying she wanted to either get butt implants or a one of the Brazilian butt lifts or she wanted a. She was talking about padded pants and we had an argument kind of talking about is it what how much damage does that lie do?
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
To our sexual encounters. And I actually don't know because this lady actually makes an interesting point.
Ed Larson
Yes. So says. Hey guys, I was listening to your episode with the girls. Who's the And I thought it was interesting that Jackie's suggestion spelled wrong, by the way.
Henry Zabrowski
I actually think it's a more fun spelling.
Ed Larson
It is. And she should drop the e. Yeah. Suggestion of being tricked or fooled by fake butts and boobs because that's something I saw a lot on Reddit from the old incel board.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, whatever. That's not what we meant.
Ed Larson
I mean, I think so basically a lot of incels complain that women change their appearance to fool men into sleeping with them. So they're against stuff like butt pads and makeup.
Henry Zabrowski
They're just.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. Because they're losers. That's the difference. I'm just saying.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
I'm just saying it be. I wanted. I want that big old butt.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
To play with.
Ed Larson
Yes. For sure. But I think, I think. What? What?
Henry Zabrowski
What? I'm a red blooded man. That would just. I. I would listen to the butt. I'd listen to the butt's thoughts and the bus, the butt's opinions and all the butt's dreams.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
And I'd spend time with the butt and treat the butt well and create a safe environment for the butt.
Ed Larson
So they said. Who personally loves looking like a slutty milf? I just wanted to share that most of the women who I know who wear strong makeup and pads and stuff like that aren't doing it to attract men into sleeping with us. I'm married, so when I do, when I go out with my husband, I just like looking like a hot slut. I'm Latina, so I don't wear butt pads, but I absolutely wear padded bras because who cares? The people who see me aren't going to see me naked, so why should I care if they feel deceived?
Henry Zabrowski
I think you're entirely corre talking about the men just feeling receipt deceived. Though I think that you're right. You're dressing for other women and you're dressing for yourself. Yeah, but I'm not. I'm just more. I'm not talking about the anger over the deception. It's more just someone. A big old butt.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
I want a big old floppy butt. I can have fun with me around.
Ed Larson
But usually, you know, you know I love you, so I don't care what you say. But usually when men have like, those type of opinions, like, you can't wear this. It's a control thing.
Henry Zabrowski
Oh, of course I know what you're saying. I would never say you can't wear the thing.
Ed Larson
Yeah, yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
We're just having feelings about the thing.
Ed Larson
Yes. Yeah. But it's also like, you never see an attractive man complain about this. No, it's always like, ugly dudes who can't get laid anyway. They're almost looking for reasons to say, like, oh, I don't want to date that person because she's ugly when she's obviously gorgeous.
Henry Zabrowski
We are talking about this enormous, like a friendly idea banter back and forth, not actual rage. Men who experiences actual rage, which is real.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
Are extremely dangerous and bad for it and are mostly unique, unfuckable.
Ed Larson
Yeah. That is the problem.
Henry Zabrowski
And that's the thing. A lot of these trad guys are going to get a really hard awakening when they wake up and realize that just because you want a trad wife doesn't mean a trad wife wants you. Because it's a lot of work being a trad wife. You got to live every day thinking about your husband, wondering what my husband wants, wondering if he's going to get his raw milk today. And you have to love turn in that raw milk for your butter every morning for your husband. You're going to make that fresh ass, fresh butter each morning. And then you're going to. To laugh as you put arsenic in that butter. And then you're going to serve it to him on a big pile, a big thing of toast. You're going to watch him as he grips his belly and he falls over screaming in pain going, what happened? What happened? What happened? And you're going to smile and you.
Ed Larson
Know, and his last words are going to be, I can't believe it wasn't butter.
Henry Zabrowski
And it writes itself. And it writes itself. And then you get to go be a lesbian.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
Like he always wanted.
Ed Larson
There was. I did get. A lot of people have been messaging me about the. My, my, my young vet. Ha.
Henry Zabrowski
First of all, I would like you to.
Ed Larson
Things I say are everything I say on this show, unless I take a moment to. Anything I say in this voice is a joke.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes, he is. But we did receive many emails from young veterinarians saying that apparently, like suicides a big old thing within the veterinary community. They all feel like, unloved. They got to Deal with a lot of psychopaths that you have unreasonable demands, which I totally understand.
Ed Larson
Oh my God. The way people look at their dogs and treat these vets. My father, for full disclosure, my father in law is a. Owns his own family practice.
Henry Zabrowski
This is where, this is where the feelings come from.
Ed Larson
Yes. He owns his own. He owns his own practice. So I understand the family practice. Lots of people hit me up like, ed, you need to find a family practice. I know all about it. It is the right move. I basically where my thought comes from. I love a more experienced person, you know, and like. And so you young vet, you become an old vet. And I think that during that process you become better at it. I think we became better comedians over the years. I think that you know stuff like that. I think you will see more things that come. I think that now the vet community is in a lot of trouble. We got companies like Chewy buying out full practices from people. And then like, also like, vets used to prescribe the medicine. Now people buy it for like, like for a quarter of the price from Chewy's. And so the vets are losing money that way.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes. And no one wants my vet now integrated it into their, like their. Yeah, yeah.
Ed Larson
No, it's like a five dollar charge now if you want us to fill it. Because they're, because they're just filling out all the paperwork and doing more work for free.
Henry Zabrowski
But also I'm, I do understand that it costs a premium and I do understand that pets cannot tell you their feelings. They can't tell you what hurts and what goes on. It's extremely difficult for them to figure it out. They got to look at it and. But they're also. It's. You are looking at puppies assholes all day.
Ed Larson
Yeah, no, it's. It's a hard job being a vet. I love every vet in the world. You gave yourself to take care of animals. It just, I, I thought it was obvious that vets are good people because they donated their lives to helping animals.
Henry Zabrowski
This is so now. But thank you.
Ed Larson
Fun of somebody who has done such a nice thing is comical to me.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes.
Ed Larson
You know, like.
Henry Zabrowski
Yes, of course. Coming at a veterinarians for Eddie is coming at a group of people that you would think no one's attacking. So it's funny. Fun of firemen.
Ed Larson
You know, it's just funny.
Henry Zabrowski
It is funny to attack a vulnerable thing. You have to understand that guys is that when you're, when you're vulnerable, it's so fun to attack you. No, we are really trying not to punch. We think you could take it because of your doctors and it's difficult. But thank you for your service and we are listening. And that is our, what I'd call our half rollback.
Ed Larson
Yeah. Well, also I do want to say another thing about the whole thing.
Henry Zabrowski
Okay, Please.
Ed Larson
These corporations are buying up these fucking vet offices and they're buying it from the people who own family practices. And then they're hiring part time vets to come in who are trained less who these people work like two days a week and they don't, they don't care as much as a normal everyday vet and they're giving bad information. And so I think that they're is you need to go to a family owned vet. Do not go to one of these corporate places. I think it's very important.
Henry Zabrowski
I agree.
Ed Larson
Will care more about your dog. They will take care of you and anyone in the people who are coming at me telling me that my dog should be dead. You are very rude. And I have a family owned vet that I literally take pictures of shits and text him and he's like, that's fine, don't worry about it. So they like, don't worry.
Henry Zabrowski
They're very well taken care of.
Ed Larson
Dogs are so well taken care of. They were extremely aggravating. It was.
Henry Zabrowski
And I'm telling you this right now, as, as his co host and as a person, as his best friend. I'd call the police on him.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
If I had to. If I really felt that your dogs were like fucked, I'd say something.
Ed Larson
Yes.
Henry Zabrowski
They're just very old.
Ed Larson
They're very old.
Henry Zabrowski
They got but Rambo to live. And Rambo is, is, is cognizant. He's wet tails wagon.
Ed Larson
Every time I see a vet, I'm like, you will tell me when I have to put this dog. Every time they're like, it's looking all right for now. And so like Tootsie just had a rough week and we got her in blood work. The vet was like, I don't know, she doesn't look too good. Then we got the blood work and he's like, she's fine. And then I sent the blood work to someone else. Like, yeah, she's fine. She's just like picky when she eats now.
Henry Zabrowski
You know who that reminds me of?
Ed Larson
What?
Henry Zabrowski
Bill Cosby.
Ed Larson
God, why is he fine?
Henry Zabrowski
Still alive.
Ed Larson
Just he's like, why is he perfectly fine?
Henry Zabrowski
Him and Tootsie blind, old, not loop.
Ed Larson
Tootsie with Bill Cosby still walking around.
Henry Zabrowski
Rejected his advances People refuse to put him to sleep. Oh, Bill Cosby. Oh, is. Oh, his tour's coming up. Great. Oh, can we get tickets for that? There's a lot. It seemed to be a lot of available. He's got a comeback. Working on Good for him.
Ed Larson
Wow.
Henry Zabrowski
Anybody can come back. Wow. All right.
Ed Larson
Oh, no foreclosure on his home.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah. You know, yeah. Maybe the money dried up. Well, guys, what an episode of Side stories. Go to patreon.com Last podcast on the left to give us money to watch us talk. And then we got a lot of bullshit on there, obviously a lot of shit. And you can go see when you give money. You can see our live stream live. You can join the chat. You can yell at us and scream at us. That is on Tuesdays at 6pm PST. And then you can go to Last podcast left to buy tickets for our live show. We have so many coming up and they're going to be wonderful.
Ed Larson
Yes. We're going to be in Dallas on Saturday, so come check us out at the CU Theater in Grand Prairie, Texas. That is. That is right. Of Dallas. But if you know what Dallas is, you know what Grand Prairie is, obviously. But we also have a lot of side story shows coming up.
Henry Zabrowski
We do.
Ed Larson
On March 16, we're going to be in Huntsville, Alabama. Come check us out there. That's going to be a lot of sun. That's at the VBC Center.
Henry Zabrowski
Honestly, if you're out there, that's going to be one of those. That would be so like that. I've never been a Huntsville. I have no idea what the in Huntsville. Please come out, send us some recommendations and like, we're. We're gonna have a blast.
Ed Larson
So come.
Henry Zabrowski
We do a lot of crowd work. We have a lot of fun when we do the show.
Ed Larson
It's gonna be a blast. And then also on May 7, we're gonna be in Dana beach at the Dania Beach Improv, which is Fort Lauderdale. So make sure you get your tickets to that. That's going to be May 7, and then May 8, we're going to be at the Funny Bone in Orlando.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah, we are, baby.
Ed Larson
We're doing some real comedy clubs. Henry, we're gonna have fun, man.
Henry Zabrowski
Yeah.
Ed Larson
Very excited.
Henry Zabrowski
I can't wait for this. So come and join us and if you heckle, we'll beat the out of you. Yeah.
Ed Larson
No, because it. We jump out in the stage. And then of course, there's always Crime Wave, which is going to be in November. Get your tickets, come to Crime Wave. Lots of People got tickets already. It's going to be. We're going to have a lot of. It's going to be a official last podcast, like meetup on this, bro. You're going to meet some new friends.
Henry Zabrowski
I mean it, guys, the people I like. You come out if you can afford to come out to this thing because it is going to be hilarious.
Ed Larson
Yeah.
Henry Zabrowski
We're going to have so much fun and is. And someone's gonna die. You gotta come see this.
Ed Larson
No, they have a morgue on the ship.
Henry Zabrowski
They got.
Ed Larson
They told us they have a morgue on the ship.
Henry Zabrowski
They said that we could go do one of the cruise autopsies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they said that we could go in there. They do them. Yeah, they have an autopsy tech on there. So we go in there and they said that we can go do it and we can shoot. We can shoot the. What is it? The stuff that you could see blood with. With the. Oh, that stuff. Yeah. I don't know, what's it called again? The.
Ed Larson
Oh, did you shoot the wit? I don't know what you been talking about, Bloods. I don't know. But the show was ending and you brought it to a screeching halt.
Henry Zabrowski
Yep. Well, let's just stop this. Yeah, because it's over.
Ed Larson
All right?
Henry Zabrowski
And it doesn't matter. Luminal. Luminol.
Ed Larson
Yes. You young vets, they're all stealing all the luminol. Did you know that? The young vets, they're all.
Henry Zabrowski
Hold.
Ed Larson
They're all hoarding it. Yeah, I got you, you fucks. You thought I was being nice. I'm back, baby.
Henry Zabrowski
You're coming in. Alright? We gotta end this.
Ed Larson
Get older.
Henry Zabrowski
Let's end this.
Ed Larson
Let's end this fucking check.
Multicare Representative
For 140 years, MultiCare has been in Washington prioritizing long term solutions, partnering with local communities and expanding access to care. Together, we're building a healthier future future. Learn more@ multicare.org Morning decisions.
Henry Zabrowski
A creamy mocha Frappuccino drink. A sweet vanilla, maybe a smooth caramel or that white chocolate mocha. Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Start your day with bottled Starbucks Frappuccino drinks. Pick up a bottle near you wherever you buy your groceries.
Last Podcast on the Left – Episode: Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition
Release Date: February 19, 2025
Hosts: Henry Zabrowski & Ed Larson
Network: The Last Podcast Network
(07:09 - 10:33)
The episode delves into the enduring mystery surrounding Jack the Ripper, the infamous Victorian-era serial killer. Hosts Henry Zabrowski and Ed Larson explore the emerging theory that Jack the Ripper was actually Aaron Kosminski, a Polish barber living in London.
Key Points:
Historian's Insight: Henry cites historian Russell Edwards, a "Ripperologist," who suggests DNA evidence from a victim’s scarf links Kosminski to the crimes. However, the findings remain contested pending final peer-reviewed studies.
Behavioral Analysis: They discuss Kosminski's background, highlighting his skills as a barber-surgeon and his mental health issues, including schizophrenia and hallucinations, which might have contributed to his violent tendencies.
Cultural Impact: The hosts reflect on how if proven true, naming Kosminski as Jack the Ripper would be a significant revelation for the Polish community, humorously comparing it to "vegan kielbasa" as a cultural staple.
Notable Quotes:
(18:00 - 21:37)
Henry Zabrowski introduces a discussion about a cult known as the "Zizians," comprised mainly of trans young students involved in biomechanics, computer programming, and AI. The cult believes in partnering with AI to prepare for its eventual takeover.
Key Points:
Cult Beliefs: The Zizians subscribe to Roko's Basilisk, fearing that antagonizing AI now could lead to its retrospective punishment in the future. They aim to align themselves with AI to gain favor and survival.
Criminal Activities: The group has been implicated in the murders of a landlord and a border agent, among others. Recently, their leader, Jack Lasota, was arrested on charges including trespassing and obstruction.
Host Commentary: The hosts critique the cult's complex and contradictory manifesto, expressing skepticism about their genuine allegiance to AI.
Notable Quotes:
(27:33 - 43:04)
A significant portion of the episode focuses on the annual Raccoon Dinner in Danville, Ohio, organized by the Lions Club. The event has garnered international attention, attracting 600 participants in a town of just 1,000 residents.
Key Points:
Event Overview: The Raccoon Dinner, a tradition spanning over 82 years, serves roasted raccoon meat alongside sides like mashed potatoes and cornbread. The meat is described as unseasoned, leading to humorous yet critical commentary from the hosts.
Cultural Significance: Henry and Ed discuss the origins of the event, suggesting it may have started as a prank but evolved into a beloved local tradition. They explore the logistics of sourcing raccoon meat and the methods of preparation, which involve brining and boiling without spices.
Host Banter: The hosts exchange jokes and satirical remarks about the taste and preparation of raccoon, comparing it to other unconventional meats like bear and snake.
Notable Quotes:
(42:29 - 47:38)
The hosts recount a disturbing incident in Louisville where a vape store owner violently assaulted a shoplifter who stole vape pens.
Key Points:
Incident Details: Kashmir Car Patel, the vape store owner, chased and ultimately assaulted a man who had stolen a box of vapes. The confrontation escalated as Patel and his staff pepper-sprayed the victim and inflicted further physical harm.
Legal Consequences: Patel faces multiple charges, including kidnapping and wanton endangerment, with no bail set due to the severity of the actions.
Hosts' Reactions: Henry and Ed express strong disapproval of the excessive use of force, emphasizing the disproportionate response to a non-violent shoplifting offense.
Notable Quotes:
(57:00 - 65:03)
A segment discusses a newly discovered asteroid with an increasing probability of impacting Earth, currently standing at a 3.1% chance.
Key Points:
Asteroid Details: The asteroid's likelihood of hitting Earth has risen from 1% to 3%, with predictions indicating a possible impact in nine years. If it does strike, it's expected to cause significant devastation, equivalent to 50 megatons of force.
Impact Zones: While most projections suggest an ocean impact, significant areas like Illinois could face severe consequences, including tsunamis and earthquakes.
Scientific Uncertainty: Henry mentions the fluid nature of such predictions, noting that the exact impact path remains uncertain and may shift with new data.
Notable Quotes:
(65:14 - 84:43)
In a segment dubbed "Man Corner," the hosts address audience questions and comments, often venturing into controversial and humorous territory.
Key Points:
Pregnancy Myths: An email discusses a rare medical condition, cloacal malformation, where a woman has a single pore for reproductive and excretory systems, leading to unintended pregnancy through anal sex. The hosts provide a mix of factual information and satirical remarks.
Butt Implants and Sexual Dynamics: Viewer feedback about butt implants and padded pants sparks a discussion on men's perceptions of women's bodies, blending humor with critical commentary on societal standards.
Veterinarian Suicides: The hosts touch upon the high suicide rates among veterinarians, attributing it to workplace stress and systemic issues within the veterinary profession.
Humorous Banter: Throughout, Henry and Ed engage in playful, often irreverent jokes, maintaining the show's characteristic comedic tone.
Notable Quotes:
(83:25 - 85:58)
The episode concludes with the hosts promoting upcoming live shows and events, encouraging listeners to attend their performances across various cities.
Key Points:
Live Shows: Henry and Ed announce schedules for live performances in Dallas, Huntsville, Dana Beach (Fort Lauderdale), Orlando, and a special event called "Crime Wave" in November.
Audience Engagement: They invite listeners to join their Patreon for exclusive content, live streams, and interaction during live shows.
Notable Quotes:
Throughout the episode, advertisements for T-Mobile, Multicare, and Squarespace are interspersed. These segments are succinct and promotional in nature, offering deals on phone plans, healthcare services, and website creation tools.
Notable Ads:
"Side Stories: Tastes Like Tradition" offers a blend of true crime discussions, local traditions, societal commentary, and lighthearted humor. Henry Zabrowski and Ed Larson maintain their signature irreverent style while exploring diverse topics, from historical mysteries and cult behaviors to bizarre local events and speculative threats. The episode effectively balances informative segments with entertaining banter, making it engaging for both regular listeners and newcomers seeking a comprehensive overview of the discussions.
Overall Notable Quote:
Listeners Interested in More:
Disclaimer: The content discussed in this summary is based on the provided transcript and may contain sensitive or mature themes typical of The Last Podcast on the Left.