Side Stories: The Epstein Tier List w/ Jared Logan

Summary

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Last Podcast On The Left – Side Stories: The Epstein Tier List w/ Jared Logan

Episode Date: December 17, 2025
Podcast Hosts: Henry Zebrowski, Ed Larson
Special Guest: Jared Logan

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Henry, Ed, and guest comedian/game master Jared Logan take a characteristically dark, irreverent, and comedic look at the latest revelations from the Epstein universe: newly unearthed photos, escalating discourse around his high-profile connections, and a speculation-heavy "Epstein Super Friends" tier ranking. The episode blends emotional reflection, signature wild tangents, and gallows humor, rounding out with some of the most bizarre true crime/deviant stories of the week. Recommended for listeners who want biting satire, cultural critique, and all-out absurdity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Current Events and "Good News" in a Horrific News Cycle

[03:30–07:25]

• The hosts lament the unending barrage of grim news, highlighting recent terror attacks in Australia (during a Hanukkah celebration on Bondi Beach) and tragedies at Brown University.
• Briefly, they try to lighten the mood: Ed shares that their foster dog Gigi found a home.
  • “Gigi has found a home. This is our second successful foster.” – Ed Larson [05:48]
  • Both joke about elderly dog Tootsie’s improbable resilience.

2. Rob Reiner Tragedy: Crime, Grief, and Show Biz

[07:26–17:46]

• A deep dive into the shocking murder of Rob Reiner and his wife, allegedly by their son Nick. The story resonates for the hosts: Henry had worked with Rob, and both are haunted by grief’s effect on comedians.
  • “Seeing a comedian heartbroken is like the hardest thing to watch for me.” – Ed Larson [08:24]
  • Discussion of Nick Reiner’s past struggles, the documentary Being Charlie, and the surreal Hollywood scene at the crime scene.
  • They reflect on the pressure of fame, how family dynamics can turn dark, and the ways comedy can mask pain.
  • “You do that thing where you're crying in one room and then you have to walk in and do comedy.” – Henry Zebrowski [09:00]

3. Super-Centenarians: Mel Brooks, Dick Van Dyke, and the Old Guard of Comedy

[17:47–20:18]

• Henry bemoans media treatment of centenarian Dick Van Dyke, and they reflect on Mel Brooks’ incredible stamina.
• Mock analysis of how “Jewish magic” and stem cells keep these legends alive.
  • “Stem cells, baby. And pure Jewish magic.” – Henry Zebrowski [19:47]

4. Guest Introduction: Jared Logan

[25:20–31:40]

• Jared is introduced with high praise for his crowd work, comedic prowess, and gaming expertise (LPN RPG, Glass Cannon Network).
• Banter about DnD, world-building, and the addictive magic of roleplaying games.
  • “‘I am a fair and just God, but I am an angry God.’” – Jared Logan (about being a GM) [29:27]
• The innuendo ramps up as DnD improvisation veers into incest themes.

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The Epstein "Super Friends" Tier List

[32:04–58:25]

Background

• The hosts catch up Jared on the latest in Epstein world: newly released photos tying Epstein to Trump, Woody Allen, Steve Bannon, Noam Chomsky, Bill Clinton, and more.
• Speculation runs rampant on how these relationships functioned, who was closest, and the bizarre details found in the photos (e.g., Jeffrey’s “dildo glove,” ostentatious décor).

Notable Quotes & Breakdown

On Woody Allen

• “Any chance he had at like, not being a horrible pedophile is all ruined now.” – Ed Larson [35:26]
• “His greatest film is Crimes and Misdemeanors. And the whole point…is you can get away with it if you have the money, power, and the charisma.” – Jared Logan [38:44]
• “He [Woody Allen] was the only one saying, ‘Yeah, I was friends with [Epstein]. He was great.’” – Henry Zebrowski [39:02]

On Steve Bannon & Trump

• “Main email correspondent through the first term of Trump's presidency was between Epstein and Bannon. They talked endlessly about Trump.” – Henry Zebrowski [43:08]
• “I think Bannon took it upon himself to be the go-between for Epstein and Trump on the back end—so they could semi-negotiate whether or not Epstein was going to get murdered.” – Henry Zebrowski [43:26]

On Noam Chomsky

• “It’s more gross that he was friends with Steve Bannon.” – Jared Logan [46:52]
• “Even the most gremlin goblin-looking men … love millions and millions and millions of dollars.” – Henry Zebrowski [53:01]

On The Power Elite

• “You realize that really all of these guys… have more in common with each other than they do with any of us. The real conflict is between these elites and me specifically. And I’m gonna take them down.” – Jared Logan [50:52]

Tier List Results

• S Tier: Steve Bannon, Bill Clinton, Prince Andrew, Woody Allen (“formerly known as Prince Andrew” gags)
• A Tier: Woody Allen (again, for notoriety), possibly Bill Gates (debatably lower—“he never asked Epstein how he was doing”)
• B Tier: Richard Branson, Matt Groening
• D Tier: Noam Chomsky, Bill Gates (debated)
• Jimmy Buffett: Considered only an island acquaintance—“furthest from Jeffrey in the actual friend group”
• Apologists and surprises: Matt Groening’s infamous foot massage story is relayed in all its gross detail [57:40].

Would They Actually Hang Out with Them?

• “Do you want to go to an island and hang out with this group of dudes?” – Jared Logan [58:51]
  • Most say no, except Ed, who wants to meet Jimmy Buffett.

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Other Wild Stories: Crime & the Absurd

[60:44–69:51]

Florida: The Hog-Eating "Influencer"

• A man arrested after being reported for “eating a German shepherd in public,” which turned out to be a dead hog he staged as a social media stunt.
  • “He looks like he’s built a doll out of body parts.” – Jared Logan [63:04]
  • The group discusses the inability of legal systems to handle bizarre deviant behavior that’s ‘technically’ not illegal.

The Burbank Butt Sniffer

• Local LA menace: man repeatedly arrested for sneaking up and sniffing women's butts. Despite being arrested, he can’t be charged with much (“hasn’t touched anyone”).
  • “I have an idea...what if someone kicked the shit out of these guys?” – Jared Logan [65:27]
• The hosts riff on rehab as sideshow freaks, bomb-sniffing as alternative employment, and how the internet amplifies such antics.
  • “The internet and social media have turned our society into a blackened canc—there’s no hope of remediation.” – Jared Logan [63:35]

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Notable Quotes & Segment Timestamps

• On comedians dealing with grief:
  • “You do that thing where you're crying in one room and then you have to walk in and do comedy.” – Henry Zebrowski [09:00]
• On the powerful and the Epstein circle:
  • “You realize that really all of these guys… have more in common with each other than they do with any of us.” – Jared Logan [50:52]
• On Epstein’s super-friends’ tiering:
  • “I would say all S tier Steve Bannon. A tier Woody Allen. D tier Noam Chomsky…” – Henry Zebrowski [55:09]
• On the freak-show biz for weirdos:
  • “Overregulation of freak shows. This guy can’t get work as a geek.” – Jared Logan [70:22]

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Closing & Plugs

[71:00–78:21]

• Jared Logan plugs his comedy shows (Better Half Comedy at Bar Bandini, Echo Park, Los Angeles), LPN RPG: Bloodbath, and Glass Cannon Network.
• Ed plugs live events (Oxnard Levity Live, SF Punchline) and champions NYC’s endangered Jimmy’s Corner bar.
• The hosts amuse themselves pitching a “death pool” for 2026, proposing listeners submit their own family members for a darkly comic audience-driven twist.

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Episode Tone & Style

• The episode maintains LPOTL’s signature blend of dark and irreverent humor, gallows wit, digression, and pop culture savvy.
• Throughout, the tone oscillates between raw honesty about tragedy, outrage at the powerful, and absurdist layered joking.
• Jared Logan is seamlessly woven into the banter, providing nerd-cred, deadpan, and a willingness to dive as dark as the hosts.

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For listeners who missed the episode:
Expect biting commentary on tabloid depravity, reflections on grief and comedy, and the most irreverent treatment of both current events and high-profile creeps you'll hear anywhere. The episode is a celebration of tragicomedy—poking at the rotten core of power, privilege, and media spectacle, and finding laughter in the bleakest of places.

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Listen to Side Stories weekly for more news, crime, and the weirdest of the weird—with the only response that makes sense: laughter.

Transcript

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[Henry Zaprowski]

There's no place to escape to.

[Edward Larson]

This is the last on the left side stories.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories.

[Edward Larson]

Yes, Henry, I, I was thinking about something, like, I loosely talked to Rob about it and I'm just curious, like, it's the end of the year.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Oh, is this the beginning?

[Edward Larson]

Is the beginning. We're talking as performers, as humans, as. No, not as, not as humans. No. This is as how the people perceive us.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Great.

[Edward Larson]

So I was like doing some research. Not research in my own brain. I was just thinking hard and.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, that's all. That's what research is, buddy.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah. People say reading and looking stuff up.

[Henry Zaprowski]

No, no third party.

[Edward Larson]

Make it up in your head.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I feel good about it. Yeah, it's good to go.

[Edward Larson]

You can have a predetermined answer in your own brain and if you Google long enough, you could be proven right.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's my whole life.

[Edward Larson]

So I, I was very curious and I have no answer here. And I was wondering if you've heard something about this. What happened to those South African scientists in Antarctica that were all killing each other?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, what it seems is that they.

[Edward Larson]

Said that just went away. Right.

[Henry Zaprowski]

The last update that we had had was that they were sending somebody to Antarctica to see what was going on. And then we heard nothing. Honestly, what I think happened was it.

[Edward Larson]

Sounds like he killed them all.

[Henry Zaprowski]

No, it sounds like there was a flare up and then people went to go there, and then it. I honestly think it just kind of chilled out.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I think something was like.

[Edward Larson]

There was something beating the. Out of.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Everyone just stopped or they. Or something happened or maybe like. Maybe it was like it turned out he had, like, a large thorn. Initiative.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You know those things with lions when they're grumpy and it turns out they might just have a thorn in their.

[Edward Larson]

And then they're so grateful. This is so great, man. I was walking Harley the other day, and she had a little thorn in her foot, and I took it out and I. The way she looked at me, she was like, you're a superhero.

[Henry Zaprowski]

No, I know. This dog's always. Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

She's like, you're the smartest, most wonderful man who's ever existed.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Oh, yeah. I also believe that my dogs believe that I am an indestructible wall, that I am a fierce warrior, which is why they always start shit with much bigger, more vicious looking dogs on the street. Because they think that out. Because I'm the strongest.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

They've killed this dog. Yeah. Because I just lift them up. I just lift them up. So they must think I'm the strongest person. That. Like, I'm Brian Shaw. Like, I'm the mountain from Game of Thrones. And it's like, no, that's a Rottweiler. It's going to fudgeing kill me. Carmi. Welcome to side Stories. My name is Henry Zaprowski.

[Edward Larson]

So if you know what happened to those South African scientists, I'd like to. I think it's good if we find out if they're dead or not.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Just explain what it was, because maybe people don't remember what it was. Real quick, introduce himself first. All right.

[Edward Larson]

I'm Edward Larson.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Thank you.

[Edward Larson]

And you're. Henry's a brass.

[Jared Logan]

I already.

[Edward Larson]

Did you introduce yourself?

[Henry Zaprowski]

I already did.

[Edward Larson]

So remember, you're doing it.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You're gonna. You know, that's why I'm doing. I'm trying to do it almost in a subtle professional.

[Edward Larson]

Every time I see you, you're like Henry Zabowski.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

Always.

[Henry Zaprowski]

So, you know.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

But no. So what happened was there were. There were these South African scientists in. Where was it? Antarctica.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Antarctica.

[Edward Larson]

Antarctica. They're down there one day, one of them's like, hey, there's a guy trying to beat us all up. Please send help.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

Then we never heard about it again.

[Henry Zaprowski]

They sent somebody and I think that they kind of figured it out amongst themselves. That's what I believe. What happened?

[Edward Larson]

Yeah. I mean, I feel like they could have just killed the guy.

[Henry Zaprowski]

No, I think we would know that.

[Edward Larson]

No one would.

[Henry Zaprowski]

How they would. They would have to send another guy. Whoever got sent ping back and said everything's fine.

[Edward Larson]

Who they sent Liam Neeson.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Maybe. Who knows? Maybe they said. Maybe they actually sent Liam Neeson.

[Edward Larson]

The alleged perpetrator reportedly showed remorse.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes.

[Edward Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's what I'm saying.

[Edward Larson]

I figured they apology to the victim. See, I need more follow up stories. This is. I feel like this wasn't popular enough. You get us all worried about something and you leave us in the lurch.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's called news.

[Edward Larson]

I hate that shit.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, they hate us. Yeah, news hates us, Eddie.

[Edward Larson]

It's so. It's so fucked up.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's the idea is they always make you upset. They don't want you to know. They want you to go looking.

[Edward Larson]

We had. This was a really stressful, horrible week of news.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Horrifically horrible week of news.

[Edward Larson]

Can I start with good news?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

Gigi got adopted.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Nice. That is good news.

[Edward Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zaprowski]

The terror dog in their home. Who was a lovely dog. I love Gigi.

[Edward Larson]

Dog is just love Julie too much.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes, I love Gigi and I'm glad that she is gone and she has found a home.

[Edward Larson]

Gigi has found a home. This is our second successful foster.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's amazing. The next you can find another elderly dog. Julie.

[Edward Larson]

No more 2025 dogs.

[Henry Zaprowski]

No, we need a new.

[Edward Larson]

No more 2025 dogs. We're closing out the year with two dogs. Unless one dies.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yep.

[Edward Larson]

Then she could go any minute. It could be today. It could from now.

[Henry Zaprowski]

She's not going to go. Yeah, Tootsie's not going to die.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, I don't think she is. No.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And I think that.

[Edward Larson]

I think she might have died years ago and she's still just like her motor functions are keeping her walking around.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I want Tootsie's blood. That's what I want. I want to look at Tootsie's blood and I want some of the blood.

[Edward Larson]

God, I'm so happy for Tootsie, though, that this little dog's out of the house. Then we can just go back to total peace.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Total peace and silence.

[Edward Larson]

Oh, man.

[Henry Zaprowski]

This really quickly. We're going to just get this done at the very top. We now know one of the most upsetting pieces of news besides obviously the. The horrific terror attacks in Australia and in Brown University. And at Brown University. Both with Brown University, obviously it happens so often here that we don't care. We just move on. When it comes to Australia, they are going to. Obviously they are very seriously approaching this. We know that it was a father and son that took upon themselves to attack a Jew. I believe it was a Jewish celebration.

[Edward Larson]

The first night of Hanukkah on the beach. It was a very big Bondi beach, which is one of the most beautiful places I've ever.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes. And so just so you know, like. And I immediately saw the conservatives trying to SW into this idea of like, oh, look, their masks, their, their weapons banned. Everyone doing. Didn't do anything. Even though it took 35 years for there to be another shooting of this size.

[Edward Larson]

Also. It would have been so much worse if they were automatic weapons.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Exactly. So these guys were just so, you know, unfortunately, if people want to murder a lot of people, they can. That is just like a part of one of the fucked up things in this life that in America we've just decided to raw dog that everybody else kind of tries to mitigate it. We've just decided to just take that on its face. And so we just have to take care of each other. And that's one of the hardest parts about the season, right? Is that all these things that are dark when one of the biggest, darkest stories also in America was the story of Rob Reiner and his wife being murdered by their son in their home. We know that they were at a. Sadly, we know that they were at a party at Conan o' Brien's house the night before. That night they were. Got into a massive conflict with Rob Reiner and his son Nick.

[Edward Larson]

In front of everybody.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He did not.

[Edward Larson]

In front of all of Hollywood. Everyone had to.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I mean, well, then they ran over to his house. We know that Billy Crystal was the one that, like, it was his daughter that discovered the bodies. But it was like Billy Crystal and Larry David were like at the crime scene, which is just like. Is that the funniest or least funny crime scene of all time? I don't know.

[Edward Larson]

It's least funny.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes. And they go and they sudden.

[Edward Larson]

I mean, as a comedian, maybe I just feel like this. But like seeing a comedian heartbroken is like the hardest thing to watch for me. Of course.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's like the idea of.

[Edward Larson]

I know that's like. Because I just look at myself and like Part of it, but.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Oh, yeah, no, you have. Many times. I love. We love you. I love being comedian. It is my life. It is my. I do many ways, I feel it's almost a personal calling. Like, it's one of those things that I love to do and it's a part of who I am. But I've had those moments. I have the. You know, we went through horrific drama. I've been through horrific personal drama. And you do have to do that thing where you're crying in one room and then you have to walk in and do comedy. We've done this many times.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, I had to fucking. I hosted two of Kevin's memorials.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes. It's just one of those things. Is a part of the. Part of this. It's a part of what we hold. But Nick Reiner was a troubled individual. He was obviously getting more and more troubled. We know that Rob Reiner worked with his son specifically and made a documentary about his struggles with addiction. And I think it was a movie. Yeah, it was a movie movie. No, it was a movie movie.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was a movie movie.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And it's just horrendously. It's. It's horrendous. We know that the son now is being. They're saying that he's not a mentally capable of being in trial yet. The movie was called Being Charlie.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That they made. We know that Nick Griner has also just hired Harvey Weinstein's lawyer.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, he. Alan. The guy's name's Alan Jackson. Not the country singer. He's worked with Karen Reed, Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey. So that's the lawyer representing Nick Reiner.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But I don't think it matters. I think it's just. I think the reason they found blood.

[Edward Larson]

He checked into a hotel room. It was covered in blood.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Oh, he did.

[Edward Larson]

I mean, you know, it's just like he. Apparently, he slit their throats while they were sleeping.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah. It's a whole horrific thing.

[Edward Larson]

The crazy thing about this story is, is because it obviously affects us personally, just because it's in our field.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, at first, it's like when I first saw the news drop, my first thought, and this is horrific, was like, oh, I much like our wonderful president. I was like. A little part of me was like, I hope this wasn't some political maga crazy person that stabbed him to death. Like, that's the first thought I had. Was. And then now he's loose in the Valley. Yeah, right. Like, now he's just here. So that was like, my first thought, which, like, the first time I had one of those words, like, I actually got scared for a second.

[Edward Larson]

Well, yeah, because it also. It just seemed like there's been people who, like, follow rich people home around where we live. Of course, like, break it, like, happened to the. The mo. That. The Motown guy, but someone just lost their. Their wife that way. Music producer. Yes. You know, and so, like, I thought that's what I thought happened, is someone just followed him home to rob him. Yeah. You know, and then, like, it turns out that it's the. The son, most likely. Obviously, he's not convicted yet, but it's.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's most likely him. And it seems it had quite a lot to do with drugs and seemed that there was a conflict in which. That he was living on their property. And they have. Essentially, it was close. Getting closer and closer to the point where they were going to say, you can't be home.

[Edward Larson]

I can just imagine Rob, because Rob Reiner is a very passionate man. You know, I've seen him yell multiple times on.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I watched him yell in person.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And he's also one of the nicest, kindest men I've ever met.

[Edward Larson]

But on one of those end, when you're dealing with people like this, you.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Have done every single thing that you can to take care of your son. You're in the public eye. Yeah, it's. And like, I. That's one of those things that's such a unique situation to explain to somebody of, like, you're a very famous Oscar nominee winning at one of the greatest directors of all time, and you can still go to in a function at a party that is both a work function, kind of. It's friends and family, in a way.

[Edward Larson]

It's Hollywood elite.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's Hollywood elite. So there's a pressure there. And then you have been dealing with this over and over and over again, and then your son has decided to bring it again.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

After all these years, and you are then in a fight. I could see it all being just exacerbated to its very, very peak.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And then how often do we see this amongst quote, unquote, normal families? Does they. Does they change? And how many times have we seen already, in my world of research, do I see dumpy son being told that things have to change? Dumpy son kills everybody.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah. Well, that's the craziest part about this, is we probably would have covered this story if it was a plumber.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Of course, you know. Yeah. You know, okay, that's not the lowest of the Low rub. That's not the lowest of the low. I'm not a chimney sweeper, okay? No, you're not. No, no. That was not the lowest of the low. I still put Booker in there.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, so. But you worked with Rob Reiner on Wolf of Wall Street.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes.

[Edward Larson]

You sat with him for two days.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I was. I hung out with him for about two days.

[Edward Larson]

I was extremely jealous. When you told him when.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That whole movie.

[Edward Larson]

When you were filming that movie, all the stories, like, literally, like, you having to, like, be, like, with, like, strippers on top of your shoulders.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes.

[Edward Larson]

The thing that I flipped out the most about, personally, was, like, that you got to hang out with Rob Reiner.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It was. He was. He did not make us feel like he was anything but, like, a normal, friendly guy. Yeah, he was one of those. Extremely approachable. He was sort of holding court quite often, but also, like, was just one of those very. Not just one of those legends.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Every once in a while in Hollywood, I've been. I've had my heart broken by so many of my heroes. I've met so many horrific bastards. And then you meet somebody like that. Who? The name, the. The reputation, all of this. It all is exactly as ordered. And they're just wonderful. It was like, him, Jack Black, Jeff Goldblum.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

They're all like, oh, that's a star. You know, it's just an incredible person. He just knows how to do the thing. And I also can see how. I think that he was probably what his daughter. What his daughter said. He was a really good father, but he also was a. He's just torn and emotional.

[Edward Larson]

He's probably screamed at him plenty of times.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And I think that these dumpy sons, a lot of times, like, I mean, I. I say this is sort of like, obviously as a derogatory term, but it's this idea of, like, dumpy's a.

[Edward Larson]

Kind thing to say about this, man.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah. It's just that you get angry once real life is starting to ask you to take some responsibility.

[Edward Larson]

What is it about, like, once someone kills somebody, like, they look evil all of a sudden?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, he was looking back. I'll say he was looking bad.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

This is like, he was on these. All these red carpet. This was recent. He's got, like, this, like, shaved head and this scowl on his face, and he's in all these pictures, and it's like, yeah, I get it, man. I bet you Rob Reiner does. I bet you every single time he sees that face, he's like, shut the up.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But A. Like, we're outside, buddy. Like, this is my job. I'm at work, man.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Like, honestly, like, I know it sucks to be in the public eye, buddy, but it's my fucking job. I'm Rob Reiner. There's nothing I can do about it now.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, you.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I'm sorry. I guess I brought you into this world. I'm sorry that this was a part of this, but that's what. That's the reality.

[Edward Larson]

I mean, the craziest thing is, like, he did it while they were sleeping in their bed.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I mean, we don't know quite. We actually don't know, so we probably shouldn't. We don't know for certain.

[Edward Larson]

Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, that wasn't all right, so. But, yeah. But their throats were slit.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes. We have no idea. We just know that he came at them very.

[Edward Larson]

Are we sure it wasn't Andy Dick? Where was he?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Where was he? Honestly, I'd love to know where's his. Because he has to wear a bell now. Like, legally, he has to wear a bell. But, I mean, we'll just get off this topic.

[Edward Larson]

I didn't get invited to Conan's party.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He has an alibi for this weekend. That one, he did. But we just. Again, we're just going to leave it at this because obviously, you know, also, of course, we make fun of everybody, so this is no different.

[Edward Larson]

I feel like we just had to talk about this. It's too crazy of a story to not talk about.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But also, I feel like I can't do my. I can't do my normal. Make fun of everybody. I wish I could. I almost wish I could.

[Edward Larson]

I mean, honestly, it, like, not to be, like, weird about it, make it about us. But, like.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Are you okay? I'm fine.

[Edward Larson]

Because, like, I, like, if I work with someone for one day, I get emotionally attached to them.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I know that, unfortunately, honestly, that people that work in show business, you also meet somebody. You meet a frame of them. You're like. You meet, like, a section of what their life is like, and you don't really know what they're like. And you also know that what I know, even at the very small level that we have, it really exponentially complicates every single one of your human connections.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

No matter what. So I know that it's a whole. That's a part of me that I just can't help but think too, is that it's all just a fucking mess. And it's just such a shame that it has to be on such A massive public scale, man.

[Edward Larson]

I can't help but keep thinking about Mel Brooks.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I mean, he's just like, I love.

[Edward Larson]

That man so much. And for him to like watch his best friends and then who essentially is his nephew get killed like this, it's just at the end of your life.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Like no one, nobody deserves it.

[Edward Larson]

Funniest widower of all time.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Actually, I do know, actually, I do have a list of people who deserve it. Yeah, I'm not gonna say who. I'm not gonna say the list of people who deserve it, but Rob Reiner was not on Rob R. And his lovely wife were not on that list. Yeah, not that list.

[Edward Larson]

Dick Van Dyke.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Happy birthday. You know what it is about Dick Van Dyke? I felt so bad about the fact that they just. They crammed a camera in his face on his 100th birthday and there was like that whole scenario.

[Edward Larson]

He loves it though.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, but they're sorta. There was a segment where he's still a very old man. There was like, his wife was like, they gave you a moon man from the Video Music Awards. Which is even in of itself. That's an old concept.

[Jared Logan]

Yes.

[Henry Zaprowski]

They went and they were like trying to show them what a movement. And he kept going, what? What? And then the audience was like laughing. You could tell people were laughing. Like he was kidding. Right. And then you could see in his confusion that the audience obviously thought that he was kidding. So then he obviously tried to kind of laugh along with it.

[Edward Larson]

I do like watching him exercise.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, yeah, no, I've saw this. Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

He could crunch like a. I want.

[Henry Zaprowski]

To see the sex tape.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah. I want to see him follow, man.

[Henry Zaprowski]

No, I know. He's practicing getting up on that, man. That's what that is. That's what those push ups start so he can eat at Munch Munch and lunch. But that was five years ago. He does not have the mobility anymore. He does not have the mobility anymore. That was a long time ago, buddy.

[Edward Larson]

And he.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That was right before COVID Yeah, yeah. He can't do that no more. And he. Well, I just felt bad just because it felt like everybody. I think he seemed to be very happy and it was nice in a way. But I do think on some level they were like, you plan a 12 hour live stream for 100 year olds and it's sort of like planning a 12 year old, 12 hour live stream for a 5 year old.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You know what I mean? Because you're like, he's like looking grumpy and he definitely needs a nap. And he's like, no longer. He's just kind of like standing into doing that very scary old man thing where they kind of like have their mouth hang open and they stare at ghosts.

[Edward Larson]

I will say I saw Mel Brooks last year do like a live Blazing Saddles. He was like doing heel clicks and running all around.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He takes good because you know what?

[Edward Larson]

He's 99. He's going to be 100 very soon.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I think much like with Dick Van Dyke, which is the reason why he looks much better when they do the at home interviews. He just sa it. Yeah, right. He never goes out. He saves it once he's on the stage. Mel Brooks probably feels like 25 years younger once he's on stage. And you know, the second he's off stage, it's like he's in a wheelchair. I met him 20 years ago and he was ancient then. So I don't know how. I don't know how that works. Stem cells, baby. And pure Jewish magic. That's what takes you all the way to the top. All right, we already did. Wait, we did. Bunch.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah. Rise from your grave. You know what I don't like about picture frames? Hard to change. Same old picture. You're looking at it for years and years and years. Yes, it may bring some people comfort, but me? Switch it up. I got new people in my lives. But you can't be printing out pictures anymore and putting them in the frame and taking it out. You're gonna end up breaking the glass, putting new holes in the wall. Every time you put a new frame up. That's where aura frames comes in. That's right. Send your pictures straight from your phone to the frame in front of your face. This is the future. All right. I love my aura frame. And the best part is I got my friends and family are connected to my aura frame, so they send me stupid pictures. So I'll be sitting there, I'll be watching tv, and then, you know, it's a picture of my friend's butt. And I'm like, that's hilarious. Thank you for making this show better. So get your aura frames. Send your friends and family pictures that they don't want to see on their aura frame. Make them go through and delete them or they'll send you back offensive pictures on your aura frame. Get this for the family.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Now.

[Edward Larson]

It's a great way to really bond without actually talking to each other for a limited time. Save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off Aura's best selling Carver mat frames named number one by wire cutter by using the promo left at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code left. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions do apply.

[Henry Zaprowski]

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. Every dream needs a domain, which is why I finally solidified the borders of my own animals URL register.com you will bend to my will. Thanks to the power of Squarespace, I have been quantifyingly organizing every single available animal based creative business URL that is around and I'm coining them for myself. Wonderful things such as buffalo sauce sauce.com such as kangaroo hats.com such as many different chickens shoes.com and it's all held behind the giant iron powerful Squarespace fueled gates ofAnimals URL register.com and any one of you that dares defy me or the unilateral power of Squarespace with their blueprint AI Squarespace AI Enhanced Design Partner which sounds like the hand in hand we will march across the graves of URLs that people have been trying to steal from under me using the canons of animalsurl register.com me AI my old buddy Jeff Bezos. We're coming for you. All right. Squarespace is gonna help me. Squarespace is my bullets. Squarespace is my canvas. Squarespace is my God. We like Squarespace here. Head to squarespace.com left for a free trial when you're ready to launch, use offer code left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Don't let the overpriced phone bill suck the joy out of the holidays this year. Right now, all of Mint Mobile's Unlimited plans are 50 off. You can get 3, 6 or 12 months of Unlimited Premium Wireless for 15 bucks a month. Isn't that nice to look forward to? Normally with the holidays, there's so many bad things that happen. So much bad news. Everything bad happens in snows. It's the worst weather. But you know what's nice is Mint Mobile's looking out for you. And at least someone is. Because other than that, you were completely and utterly alone. The only person that can help you now is Mint Mobile. So turn off your expensive wireless present into a huge wireless savings future by switching to Mint Shop. Mint Unlimited plans@mint mobile.com lpotl that's mintmobile.com lpotl Limited time offer upfront payment of $45 for three month, $90 for six months or $180 for 12 month plan required. $50 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only over 35 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. Capable device required. Availability, speed and coverage varies. See Mint mobile.com well, now we're going to.

[Edward Larson]

In honor of Rob Reiner, we're going to have one of our favorite comedians come in. We talk about the Epstein list, which Rob would have loved.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You know, Rob Reiner would have loved our deep, deep exercising of the connections of Jeffrey Epstein and the current administration, which is why we are continuing forward. But we did want to have a guest today who is one of our favorite dudes on the face of the planet. He is our.

[Edward Larson]

Honestly, I've looked up to him for many years. He's a great man.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Before, people don't understand this. Before, crowd work comedy was a thing. Jared Logan was by far the single best crowd work comedian I have ever seen.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And anybody who's ever tried to do it since truly fucking sucks at it. I've seen every one of them. They all fucking suck. Go see Jared Logan live when you can. But more importantly, he is on our is game running and he is the storyteller for LPN RPG the Vampire The Masquerade presents Bloodbath over on LPN tv. His name is Jared Logan. He also works at the Glass Cannon Network. And here he is with a few thoughts about this week's news. Ladies and gentlemen, are you recording? We're moving lights around. I don't want to do this. I don't do this until I want to. Don't want to scare our guest.

[Julie]

He's fine.

[Henry Zaprowski]

We got a live dog in here. That's champ.

[Jared Logan]

I like dogs.

[Edward Larson]

How about dead ones? I'm not that.

[Henry Zaprowski]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not here for. For our little, like, oh, Pandery dog content. Okay, he's not like that. He's a real comedian. Not only is he a real comedian.

[Edward Larson]

I love pandery Dog content.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I know we do, but he would.

[Edward Larson]

Be more open to it.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Jared's better than that. Okay, he's better than that.

[Jared Logan]

He's bigger, though.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He's bigger than that. This man I would never have trusted a more nerdy endeavor than what we do here at last Podcast network with our LPN RPG Vampire the Masquerade presents Bloodbath, led by Jared Logan. You are the Only man I would have ever allowed to guide us through this adventure.

[Jared Logan]

I'm honored. Honored to. To do so. Yeah. That was awesome.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You're extremely good at the job.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah. I love game mastering. Yeah. It's all I want to do. I never get tired of it.

[Henry Zaprowski]

What's your favorite favorite of your jobs? That is your favorite of your job.

[Jared Logan]

I mean it really actually is. It's like, you know what I have because you're right. I have a couple jobs. I do writing work and I'm a comedian delivering a performing comedian. I deliver letters as a postman. I drive for Uber eats.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Where's being a father in there?

[Jared Logan]

I. I make videos where I vomit up food.

[Edward Larson]

Oh, that's so cool.

[Jared Logan]

And then they reverse the video. So I'm sucking up the vomit.

[Edward Larson]

Joey. Reverse. Right.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Unfortunately though, Jaredet is now hack. Someone's already done it. Yeah.

[Jared Logan]

Revers. Oh good. Here's the video.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah. Yeah, we made him watch it right before.

[Jared Logan]

It's going to make me vomit and cry.

[Edward Larson]

Y. Yeah know it made me very upset so I'm glad it made you upset too. Cuz everyone else like was like ed's a and I'm like, this is really upsetting and horrible.

[Jared Logan]

It's really more the emotional.

[Edward Larson]

I'd rather watch someone turmoil beat to death with a hammer. Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Hey, don't worry, I got that too.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, let's throw that up there. I. Yeah, I. So, so yeah, then my favorite job is being a game master. And you know, I do it. I do it for money and I do it almost every day now. I do it a lot of days of the week. But then I still want to do it at home just with my friends.

[Henry Zaprowski]

See, that's the true addiction.

[Jared Logan]

I never get tired of it. Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Because we have a home D and D game. Yeah, I'm still doing that.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

So do you ever play or are you always the master?

[Jared Logan]

I have been trying to play a lot more in the last year or two. Because if you're just the master, you get arrogant. Yeah, you get power mad.

[Edward Larson]

But you'd be so good at that, being arrogant power mad. I feel like if I wanted anyone power mad, it'd be you.

[Jared Logan]

I am a fair and just God. But I am an angry God.

[Edward Larson]

So do you, as someone who knows nothing about this world, do you like write the story?

[Jared Logan]

You can. And then you can also play games out of published stories, published adventures. And I do both and I love to do both for different reasons.

[Edward Larson]

Right.

[Jared Logan]

But you know, for years I just wrote all the stories but now I really do like to run, like out of a published campaign. It's fun.

[Edward Larson]

Okay. And then you fuck with it a little bit.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, you have to. You have to like, you know, one of my players. And on the Glass Cannon, which is the other thing I do.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, that was a big thing I wanted to also push is like, go check out glass cannon. You guys are doing it really well over there.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And you like, I love. You know, again, it's because they hire Jared.

[Jared Logan]

That's right. I mean, they know talent when they see it. So we have a long term campaign and that's like a Pathfinder campaign, which is like Dungeons and Dragons with more rules.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, sure.

[Jared Logan]

It's like a complicated Dungeons and Dragons.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Don'T make me hard.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah. And then I run that out of a published book. So I have to study these books. There's a lot of sides to the dice and I have to study all these books. And then I have to write down how all these combats are gonna work. And then my players will be like, I think I'd like to meet my character's mom. And I'm like, okay, let's write that in. And then, you know, I just that to the whole published story.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You did that when we were doing vtm. Like, I saw you do that. Like when I did that to you where I said, I want to meet the rest of the Nosferatu, and you were like, well, it's cast the Nosferatu.

[Jared Logan]

Then we gotta do it. The most fun was when that character wanted to meet her mom. I made her mom an evil hag who was trying to destroy the community, you know, and then the evil hag was disguised as like a beautiful. I said like a Cate Blanchett type. And the player was just attracted to this NPC and thought she was on a date.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He's like, no, it's your mother.

[Jared Logan]

Own mom.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's hot. You can play this game however you want. That's Game of Thrones stuff.

[Jared Logan]

So that's the kind of erotic content I bring. I'm erotic forward.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah.

[Jared Logan]

With my games.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Incest theme.

[Jared Logan]

Exactly.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes. Which honestly, I appreciate.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And I love what you do. And that's why we have you here. Because again, we very rarely invite other talents on here to dance with the two daredevils of side stories.

[Jared Logan]

Right.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You know, we never do that. And so one thing we want to do.

[Edward Larson]

I'm barely paying attention most times.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, it really does work that way. I'm sorry, you're being check in and out. You're also being harassed by the dog. The champ is touching. It is attacking his knees.

[Jared Logan]

He is a cute dog.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It is a cute dog. And that's why we have him there. Dude, to we do this to distract you because we're about to hit you with an Epstein update.

[Jared Logan]

Epstein updates.

[Edward Larson]

We call them.

[Henry Zaprowski]

We call them our update. It's our series of updates on the wonderful twist and turning adventures of our not dead friend Jeffrey Epstein.

[Edward Larson]

He's alive.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Oh, yeah.

[Edward Larson]

Oh, yeah. Do you like a good stinger? I like a.

[Jared Logan]

What is a stinger. You mean like a. Like a musical stinger?

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jared Logan]

Oh, I love a stinger.

[Edward Larson]

Rob, please hit him with the f date stinger. You're gonna love this. He's gonna break it.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's an island adventure. It's an island adventure. Heck yeah. It's Jeffrey time. It's an update with Jared Logan. So excited now.

[Jared Logan]

I can't believe you got the Harlem Boys Choir for that.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It was so hard. They were so scared.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah. You'd be surprised how cheap they are.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah. Free. Totally free if you have a bow and arrow.

[Edward Larson]

Right.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Now we recently obviously we've been covering the ever extending world of the new disclosure behind the. Because we see our again, our President seems nervous and they really been kind of like now we're leaking just like gas out of the back of our President. It's slowly coming to the surface. We're seeing real pictures now. The pictures.

[Edward Larson]

Pretty sure he farts out the front.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's called shit. Still no cold. They've been releasing pictures finally. These are the things that they've been talking about for years that have been a part of this Jeffrey Epstein like dossier they've been threatening to show. One was obviously this picture of Trump with a bunch of. I'm going to go and make the educated guess of calling them girls, little young girls.

[Edward Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He was all. Or he had a big crowd. That was the first one that came out. But the big thing that was interesting was that, yeah, we all know the President and Jeffrey Epstein were like close friends, right?

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

They're good buddies.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And Epstein tracked his flights during his first term as president and literally would mimic his travel. Now we know this. He would go follow the President from place to place to place.

[Jared Logan]

I didn't know that sounds like the.

[Edward Larson]

Kind of thing I get you arrested and killed.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah. And so what he was doing was knowing and he kept saying to everybody else and because now his batch of super friends. Right. That he had something on Donald Trump and the fix was in. But then unfortunately it got cut short. Don't know how. Must have been sad. Right. So now these other pictures are coming out and we wanted Jared to help us rank his group of super friends. Jeffrey Epstein. It wasn't just. It wasn't just all Teflon Don, man.

[Edward Larson]

No, no, no. He had lots of friends. You know, he. Trump can only have sex with so many girls.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

You know, and so you got to get someone else in there to really.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Get in there, spread around. So where I'd like you to do business, we're gonna do the old fashioned tier list. So it's S, A, B, C, I believe. D and then F. Yeah. No E. Right. So we're gonna, we're gonna label these guys. So we've got what we now know from his pictures, like his truly best friends, number one filmmaker and comedian and everybody's favorite mensch, Woody Allen.

[Edward Larson]

Oh, have you not seen the new photographs?

[Jared Logan]

I have not seen the new photographs.

[Edward Larson]

I would say anything that Woody Allen, any chance he had at like, not being a horrible pedophile is all ruined now. It's like any like, little bit of hope. I had to enjoy Love and Death one more time.

[Jared Logan]

Oh, yeah, this is real. Well, you know what? I haven't been able to watch a Woody Allen film since, you know, all the scandal happened with him and all that came out.

[Edward Larson]

The big.

[Jared Logan]

The wife that just does whatever you say or you won't let her friends come over and have a slumber party. Yeah, I mean, you know, it didn't matter. You know, I wasn't there. I didn't really get informed about all of it. I didn't know whether it was true or not. But I don't want to watch a movie and be thinking about that.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, it does pump and like, I also find it interesting that people that can. You can watch something like a Woody Allen film which is involving some sort of like you're supposed to have it. I got it. I believe the ultimate kind of. We have to imagine you like this man, right? Like Woody Allen in every movies. Women love him.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Women are beautiful women.

[Edward Larson]

I don't know. What do you want to say?

[Jared Logan]

He wrote himself with some of the most beautiful women. You know, he wrote himself into movies where the most beautiful women are in love with him and some of them were lonely.

[Edward Larson]

You're married to Mia Farrow.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, I mean, he was married to beautiful women, but yeah, I mean, yeah, that's a.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Dress like a baby.

[Edward Larson]

She did dress like a baby.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And she had a baby haircut.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, you think so? They they. What's a baby's haircut?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Look at me. Bald is.

[Edward Larson]

Is a baby.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Look at Mia Farrow with a. You tell me that's not a. She doesn't have an infant's haircut. The Rosemary's face long hair.

[Edward Larson]

Well, that Rosemary's baby. They weren't then.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, but that's probably when he became attracted to her.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's not a baby's haircut.

[Jared Logan]

That's when he started crushing Dixie hair.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's a baby haircut. That's a baby's haircut.

[Edward Larson]

That's not a baby's haircut.

[Jared Logan]

I just want to say can pull that off because you need a certain head shape. But what I was gonna say, and this has been said before, his movies, you know, give you hints because Manhattan, the whole plot is dating an underage woman.

[Edward Larson]

It's right there. It's one of the most popular movies. I rewatched Stardust Memories have as much as my coffee as you like.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Sorry.

[Edward Larson]

The gives him a sick.

[Jared Logan]

Wow. It's in this similar receptacle.

[Henry Zaprowski]

We're hairy. Jared. We got off the plane yesterday and, like, legitimately, I got ahead of. I was insecurity ahead of him. I got ahead of him. I already bought him his coffee. I put his milk in it the way he likes it.

[Jared Logan]

That's lovely. That's great.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah. You know, it's gotten too deep.

[Henry Zaprowski]

We're as close as Jeffrey Epstein and Woody Allen.

[Jared Logan]

There they are again.

[Edward Larson]

I try a couple years ago because, like, I was a huge Woody Allen fan. Like, his stand up especially. It's all jokes. It's funny. And so I'm like, all right. My favorite movie was one of his worst movies. For some reason, I fell in love with the movie Stardust Memories.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

And so I put it on to, like, watch it again just to, like, you know, absorb it and enjoy and the fucking. The whole movie. There's like subliminal messaging in the background to being a pedophile. Right.

[Jared Logan]

I think your greatest clue, and it's not overtly or even implicit pedophilia in it, is. Well, his greatest film is Crimes and Misdemeanors. And the whole point of the film Crimes and Misdemeanors is you can get away with it. If you have the money, power and the charisma, you can get away with whatever you want.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And you wonder if. Because during that time period, it's actually kind of interesting because that was the central time period of his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein. Because Jeffrey Epstein was obviously catered to these people Now Woody Allen. Now the bravest of all of his Jeffrey Epstein's friends, which is why I might put him s tier is the only one saying, yeah, I was friends with him. He was great.

[Edward Larson]

See? Really?

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, that. I mean, that's really a Trump tactic, which is admit nothing. You what? I mean, just be like, yeah, I was.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I was friends with him. He was hilarious. I loved his dinner parties. You don't go. That's essentially what he was saying.

[Jared Logan]

Like, oh, his life's already over.

[Edward Larson]

We're like, working wise, you know.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Oh, I just noticed something, guys.

[Edward Larson]

What happened?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Look who that is.

[Edward Larson]

Who's that? I don't recognize him.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's Jimmy Buffett. Yeah, Jimmy Buffet.

[Jared Logan]

He was just there, cuz Island.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, he had to be there.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He just loves island.

[Edward Larson]

Really into relaxation.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He's way more. But Bill Clinton's friend. Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

He's got changes in latitudes and changes in attitudes.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I'm gonna say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about that.

[Edward Larson]

He's the furthest away from. From Jeffrey in that picture of people that are friends and holding each other. He's the not Jimmy.

[Jared Logan]

Anybody but Jimmy.

[Edward Larson]

I'm also mad at myself. I didn't recognize Jimmy Buffett.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, I'd say, wow. It's because it's without the hat.

[Edward Larson]

The hat.

[Jared Logan]

No hat, no shirt.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But in fact, you could put another.

[Jared Logan]

Man in that hat and shirt, and I'd be like, Jimmy Bu.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Which would be a good idea for him to have sent to this party.

[Edward Larson]

Oh, man. So do we put Jimmy Buffett on the friends list?

[Henry Zaprowski]

No, because I'm still saying he was just an acquaintance. Yeah, because you really don't see the friendships until you see the pictures of. Again, truly Jeffrey Epstein's.

[Edward Larson]

Was there a Margaritaville on the island?

[Henry Zaprowski]

No, because there's already Margaritaville island next door. Oh, that's where the island is. Oh, that's where his island was. Yeah, he was neighbors with Jeffrey.

[Jared Logan]

Oh, there you go.

[Edward Larson]

You know, coincidentally, the first place I ever drank underage was the Bahamas. Now, his.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Truly his best friend, the one that actually surprised me the most, because you never really see, like.

[Edward Larson]

Because I would say, what is Woody Allen ranked s here?

[Jared Logan]

We didn't even.

[Edward Larson]

You ranked him, but Jared didn't say.

[Jared Logan]

Wait, I need to know what the tears are. I don't even know what an s tier is.

[Edward Larson]

Well, you ever watch people rank things for no reason on YouTube?

[Jared Logan]

No.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You never did tears.

[Jared Logan]

This is. This is a. Woody Allen took that photo.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, they're Wondering who did take the. These photos.

[Jared Logan]

Oh, really?

[Henry Zaprowski]

So this is just a photo of Jeffrey Epstein, Miss. Very mischievous in the bath. But there is a best, better bed. I want to show him the pictures of Steve Bannon. Steve Bannon is really. That's why, like, before we argue who's his best, best, best best friend, you need to look at the pictures of him with Steve Banner. Now, that's Steve Bannon and Noam Chomsky.

[Jared Logan]

Oh, no.

[Henry Zaprowski]

So Noam Chomsky is his third best friend. We know that. They all hang out together.

[Edward Larson]

Have you seen the glove? Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You've seen the dildo glove? Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

It's the most upsetting thing I think I've ever.

[Jared Logan]

Where's that? Where did that come from?

[Henry Zaprowski]

From his home.

[Edward Larson]

He had it made or bought it. I don't know. It was probably a gift that he used. Sometimes people buy you a gift and you don't get a chance to use it. He really used everything people gave him.

[Henry Zaprowski]

We also don't know if that's his hand or not.

[Jared Logan]

Can anybody buy one of these? Because I think it'd be so funny for Kara to open her Christmas gift. Oh, yeah, dildo glove.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I think I'm looking it up. So there's a thing called a. What we are looking at is a black.

[Edward Larson]

Amazon sells sex toys.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He definitely get his. He did not get his on Amazon. No, no, no.

[Edward Larson]

He got his on cram.

[Jared Logan]

Custom job.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I love how they blank out the middle finger because that's the one with the dick tip on it.

[Edward Larson]

The other one is the thumb has a dick tip. Well, it's a lot.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Why is that one? Well, this is what we're trying to say. So, like, we have pictures now of him and Steve Bannon, our best, best, best, best, best friends. And now what we know is that the main email correspondent through the first term of Trump's presidency was between Epstein and Bannon. They talked endlessly about Trump, constantly talked while Bannon was in the White House. And part of me wonders now if Bannon was the outreach from Trump to connect back, like, legitimately.

[Edward Larson]

It's the mob. Yeah. Of course you have to have someone going in between.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I think that Bannon took it amongst himself to be the go between for Epstein and Trump on the back end so that they could semi negotiate whether or not Epstein was going to get murdered or not.

[Jared Logan]

Right, right. So. So Trump is sending Bannon as his diplomat to be like, you better keep quiet about me.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Find out exactly what you know. Steve Bannon charms Epstein. They're best friends. Like, to the point where I don't know if you've read any of these emails about how Epstein and him. The way they talk back. And fourth is so wildly nerdy. They're all like, do you want to visit in the dark of night, or would you prefer to find a more clandestine way to meet? They do this thing with the way they talk to each other, like they're little boys playing spies.

[Jared Logan]

Wow.

[Edward Larson]

Well, they're probably like, do they. How well do you think they know each other?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Extremely.

[Edward Larson]

They're new friends at this point?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes. I think, you know, sometimes you turn.

[Edward Larson]

It on for a new friend.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I think that is what happened. I think. What. You see these pictures? Look how big Jeffrey Epstein's desk is.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, it's a big desk. He bought it so people can't reach over and strangle, I guess.

[Jared Logan]

So is this irrelevant to what we're saying? I would love to see Steve Bannon be hanged and then his body abused by children in the street.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I would love that.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

Great.

[Henry Zaprowski]

To be honest, that's a Patreon gift we've been going for. It's it for a photograph there. It's a mirror, I think.

[Edward Larson]

Oh, that's a mirror. I don't know, actually, can you zoom in on that? What the is that?

[Henry Zaprowski]

It looks like it's the Creation touch.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, it's the creation touch.

[Edward Larson]

Oh, my God. It is.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It is right from the Michelangelo. From the Sistine Chapel.

[Jared Logan]

Sistine Chapel, Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's the. Yeah, it's the moment that God makes man.

[Edward Larson]

Interesting.

[Jared Logan]

These guys all think they're God.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, this is the problem, Jared, is that. Also. Let's pick up the pictures of Noam Chomsky. We were forgetting Noam Chomsky because what a giggly little girl he was around these guys. The. The picture of him and Steve Bannon's their belly buttons touching each other. They're legitimately holding each other like they are the best friends they've ever experienced. And I just don't. I don't know. Can you look at g. Can you imagine Noam Chomsky having this much fun? Anybody?

[Jared Logan]

Yeah. No. He never smiles. This is so weird. I've seen Noam Chomsky give, like, long talks, lectures, interviews. He does not smile. Right.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And he's so, like, pedantic and, like, the idea of, like, you know, because it's in his thing. Jared, tell me if I'm right or wrong, because you've done a lot. You are very well read. Yeah. Now, Noam Chomsky, his idea is that Our society is oftentimes built upon or can be built upon our language models. Right. The idea that that language can society.

[Jared Logan]

You know, I don't want to prove my ignorance.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Sum it up, please.

[Jared Logan]

My idea of Noam Chomsky and I have read some Noam Chomsky is that it's mostly about how capitalism dehumanizes and destroys everything and creates tyrannical government structures. And that he's like, more of like a socialist.

[Edward Larson]

Right.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Seems wrong.

[Edward Larson]

I mean, well.

[Jared Logan]

I'm wrong. I told you I'd be ignorant.

[Edward Larson]

According to Wicked Wikipedia, Jared is correct. No Chomsky, also 97 years old, still alive.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, Noam Chomsky's also doubling down and saying he doesn't care that he was friends with Jeffrey Epstein either, because he was saying that he was a philanthropist. And again, another version of so Woody Allen.

[Jared Logan]

It's more gross that he was friends with Steve Bannon.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes, I honestly.

[Jared Logan]

If you want to do tears.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Exactly.

[Jared Logan]

Friends with Steve Bannon worse than friends with Jeffrey Epstein.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Exactly.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And I think that's what we're seeing.

[Edward Larson]

At least Jeffrey Epstein threw parties.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's the thing. And.

[Edward Larson]

But.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But also, Jared, I wish that you could see the emails of other tech guys emailing Jeffrey Epstein. There's this guy, I forget that his name. You're talking. I'm talking to CEO of a billion dollar company, Richard Branson. Not Richard Branson.

[Edward Larson]

He was in there, though.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He's in there. He's in there. But Richard, it was a billionaire CEO who sent Jeffrey Epstein an email asking for advice on how to cheat on his wife. He sent the saying, being like, basically, how can you help me close the deal with these woman? And then they all looked at him like he was the coolest guy in school. Look at this picture. So now this.

[Edward Larson]

Send an email asking how to cheat on your wife.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You wanted. That's a phone call. Also, this is Dean Cayman. So that guy on the. The dead douchebag in the denim shirt, this is his other best, best, best best friend. That's Dean Cayman who runs Segway.

[Edward Larson]

Ran Segue.

[Henry Zaprowski]

No, it's not the dead one. I thought it was out there.

[Edward Larson]

No, it's the guy who bought it from the dead guy. Yes, because. So if you don't remember, Jared, the guy who owned Segway, took. Ran a Segway off a cliff and died.

[Jared Logan]

Right. I remember that.

[Henry Zaprowski]

One of the best pieces of news of all time.

[Edward Larson]

And then I guess the guy who bought it was like, I'll use this as a way to fuck kids.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, say basically another 15 year old girl said that she was a part of his. That was, she was attached to him and he had a whole connection into the world of industry that was through Richard Branson and that took him into Australia.

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[Jared Logan]

They still see us.

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[Edward Larson]

I feel like we're moving too fast.

[Jared Logan]

No, I know. Listen, I just want to say, so this is going to seem like a weird example, but I remember years ago, before the news and the world got so much more exciting. But years ago, Nelson Mandela died and Barack Obama was president.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes.

[Jared Logan]

And I remember I read a news story that he let George W. Hitch a ride on Air Force One to go to Mandela's funeral. And I remember you're letting Bush get on the plane with you that you guys were against each other. I mean, like at the time, Bush was the worst thing that had ever happened, the Iraq war. And I was like, how can you? Like, the least you can do. Barack Obama is not give him a ride. He can definitely afford and has a flight ready to go to, you know, wherever he needs to go. And I just remember thinking, he's comfortable.

[Henry Zaprowski]

On Air Force One.

[Edward Larson]

Sure.

[Jared Logan]

Well, we gotta make him comfortable.

[Edward Larson]

Just saying.

[Jared Logan]

It's just you just. You realize that really all of these guys, all of them, and I think disrespective of even the political spectrum, have more in common with each other, of course than they do with any of us. And the real conflict is between these elites and me specifically. And I'm gonna take them down. I'm gonna post something on Instagram today.

[Edward Larson]

And take on.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Chance.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

A real's gonna fix this up.

[Edward Larson]

You know who's buddies with George W. W. Is Michelle Obama. Is said she's really close with him.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, now we know. Unfortunately, I think that we're seeing that George W. Technically was not the right man at the time. Right. He was not the right man in time. He had Dick Cheney.

[Jared Logan]

Right.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Who now we know. Sadly. Sure. One of the worst villains in modern times.

[Edward Larson]

R.I.P. i miss you.

[Henry Zaprowski]

At least he cared about the country.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He actually cared about America.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And that's like. Yeah. I mean to. Obviously to the pain of everybody else.

[Jared Logan]

Right.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But at least he cared about one thing and many hearts.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And that's what he likes. So we can. We can rank these now.

[Edward Larson]

I believe be the idiot in the room and ask a couple questions. Christians.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Absolutely.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

Who's Dom Chomsky?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Noam Chomsky is a capitalism.

[Jared Logan]

He was against it.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah. Okay.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He was a philosopher and writer and so he wrote about. Yes. But I believe that was like the. One of the. His tax. Was the ideas that capitalism. You. These are the things that they sort of use to with us as they change language.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, you're right.

[Jared Logan]

I mean it's like. It's like he. He would say that like every single president was guilty of horrific war crimes.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, absolutely. I agree with.

[Henry Zaprowski]

They are.

[Jared Logan]

That's absolutely true.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Jared Logan]

So yeah. I mean it's about power and how power corrupts.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He knew it so intimately that he wanted to join the team and he did. And so that's. We eventually unfortunately, what we find out is that even the most gremlin goblin looking men that look like they smell like a bus station and he wears Target clothes even. He loves millions and millions and millions of dollars.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah. So it's weird. Right? So let's just. I guess we could quickly rank them and then we'll move on because we have some fun. Other stories. I want to hit him with at least one other story. I also put Prince Andrew, formerly known as Prince Andrew.

[Jared Logan]

That's Prince Andrew, like press conference interview where he was like saying incredible. It was. It's great viewing.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Incredible.

[Jared Logan]

It is. It's like a goddamn Christopher Guest movie. It is what he's sweating. I think he literally takes his collar and is like.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, because at one point afterwards, too, Prince Andrew thought that that interview went spectacularly.

[Jared Logan]

Wow.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That was his idea. That was all.

[Jared Logan]

I remember that.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And they were all like, don't do this.

[Edward Larson]

This.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Don't do this, don't do this. Yeah, yeah. He completely ruined his own life. But now we know he was wildly involved. And King Charles at his most sick. Sickest is being like, you're not a prince anymore. And that's just what the. That's his punishment. Right, Whatever. So. All right, let's.

[Jared Logan]

But of course he thought the interview went spectacularly because all of these guys, no matter what happens at this after the thing happens, they go, that was spectacular. I crushed it.

[Henry Zaprowski]

They're all.

[Edward Larson]

They've all succeeded. They're all old as. And they will. Even if they all spend the last two years of their life in jail, they. They feel like they won life.

[Jared Logan]

They're branded a pedophile. They don't give a.

[Henry Zaprowski]

They kind of like it. As a matter of fact, you saw that accidental mailer with that. When Trump.

[Jared Logan]

Like that.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Whatever that list that Epstein was on that just said two pedophiles. That they were all a lot of list up.

[Edward Larson]

You know who's. I'm surprised. Not on the list. Cosby.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Bill Cosby. Just. He liked him of age.

[Jared Logan]

You'll notice all of the people that hung out with Jeffrey certain are white.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Bill Cosby couldn't even go.

[Jared Logan]

He was like, no, you don't get it. I'm. I could help you. I know a lot about this.

[Edward Larson]

Yes. That's the thing, Bill. We don't even give them the drugs.

[Henry Zaprowski]

We know. No, no. They just use leverage. So I would say all S tier Steve Bannon. A tier Woody Allen.

[Edward Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zaprowski]

D tier Noam Chomsky, because we talked about this. Because he's closer friends with Steve Bannon.

[Edward Larson]

What about Buffett, man? This is Buffett. Just.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Let's just disregard Buffett for.

[Edward Larson]

I was. I immediately started, like, researching during this conversation because I didn't know about the Buffet till right now. And like, everything I see is just like, people be like, ah, Florida. They're friends. You know, rich people, Florida. They know each other.

[Jared Logan]

Apologists.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's a big. A big difference. Prince. So he's.

[Jared Logan]

Okay, who's. Wait, who's in the black and white there?

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's Buffett.

[Jared Logan]

That's Buffett. Okay.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Jared Logan]

And then we've got Branson and we got Clinton. I mean, Clinton's Like a no brainer. It's like no one was surprised.

[Henry Zaprowski]

No, we knew. Take him.

[Edward Larson]

No, he's a president. He's got to be us. Yeah. Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's a big one. And Andrew's ass. Andrew's. At least s. Because Andrew went back. Andrew actually took the pictures to prove that he was friends with Epstein in Central park and then continued to talk with him after. After.

[Edward Larson]

Wow.

[Jared Logan]

And then Branson. I kind of. I kind of. I don't know.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Is he friends with anyone?

[Edward Larson]

Branson's a piece of shit. One time I had to work do an event for him, and he made us, like, literally rip down a wall in a building so he can drive a Lamborghini through it.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You're actually making me like him. That's kind of all right. Is there anybody else that should be.

[Edward Larson]

On this, you think?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Is there, like, anybody we're missing?

[Jared Logan]

Bill Gates.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Where would Bill Gates be on it? I mean, honestly, I would say, you know what? Bill Gates.

[Edward Larson]

Is he truly his own? I mean, you got to put him.

[Henry Zaprowski]

At a no, man. He never asked Epstein how he was doing. I'd actually put him on a D list in terms of friends to Epstein.

[Edward Larson]

Oh, that's how we're ranking this?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah. He's a friend, too.

[Jared Logan]

How close you are to Epstein?

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Like, who's a friend to him? You know what I mean? That's the thing, Eddie. What do we know about friends? Chip two way street.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Absolutely.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Jeffrey's lonely. When Jeffrey's anxious, who does he call? Steve Bannon, of course.

[Edward Larson]

I mean, if I was anxious, I would call Jimmy Buffett. He's like the chillest dude in the world.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I don't know if he is Eddie.

[Edward Larson]

His last name is Buffet, but that.

[Henry Zaprowski]

What's chill about a buffet? It's like a sea of sharks.

[Jared Logan]

Buffet is really a lot of pressure.

[Edward Larson]

We're just on a cruise.

[Jared Logan]

What about Simpsons creator Matt Groening?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Oh, that's right.

[Edward Larson]

He's not on.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, you know what it was?

[Edward Larson]

I mean, you got to have someone draw a cartoon for the kids.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Matt Groening was also in. He. We know he got foot massages. There was one picture of him at a party. Really ugly guy.

[Jared Logan]

Oh, God.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Wildly ugly guy. He apparently la. His feet are so disgusting that when the girl took off his shoe, kind of. He does.

[Jared Logan]

He looks like a Simpsons character.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Oh, very much so. Matt Groening. Apparently, the. The story is, is that his feet were so wretched that when he removed his shoes for the little girl to massage them, she wretched Right. She literally like vomit dry heaved and he laughed at her.

[Edward Larson]

Well, it's. It's a whole night on a plane.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It really is, man. It's a small tube.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a small tube.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, I'm just glad that we really.

[Edward Larson]

Woody Allen on there twice.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He should be. He's just in the queue. Yeah, he really, really should be. Thank you, Jared. This has been really helpful.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, I like this ranking lot. I think this makes total sense.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

S is Steve Bannon, Bill Clinton, Prince Andrew, formerly known as Woody Allen, of course. Twice in the ace.

[Edward Larson]

I mean, well, because he's like the most famous pedophile.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Genuine friend. Genuine friend. Yeah, yeah. And then you got b. Richard Branson, Matt Groening. That's really just about impressing your friends.

[Edward Larson]

Do we know what movie they were filming when Epstein was on set in.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Video Village with Jay Scorpion?

[Jared Logan]

Let me ask this, let me ask this.

[Edward Larson]

This.

[Jared Logan]

Let's ignore for a minute the pedophilia. Do you want to go to an island and hang out with this group of dudes?

[Henry Zaprowski]

No.

[Jared Logan]

Neither do I.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Can you imagine choosing I don't want.

[Jared Logan]

To hang out with Woody Allen. I don't want to hang out with Matt Groening. These are the most entertaining of the two.

[Edward Larson]

I would hang out with this crew of people just to get close to Jimmy Buffett.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You would have compromised yourself, Eddie. It shows you who would have compromised. Compromised you.

[Jared Logan]

I want to hang out with Buffett. And I gotta be honest, you guys, I mean, again, we have to.

[Edward Larson]

Let's.

[Jared Logan]

Let's imagine the pedophilia is not happening again. I want to hang out with Clinton. I'm sorry.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Of course, he's the only one.

[Jared Logan]

I want him to play for me.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, well, because Bill Clinton would also.

[Edward Larson]

Well, Woody Allen also played jazz. I wonder if they on the island together. Oh, my God. Clarinet and saxophone and Bill Clinton. There's this kid sitting there bored.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Hot peanuts. Hot peanuts, Hot peanuts, Hot peanuts.

[Jared Logan]

You guys see what he's doing? He's improvising. All these young girls, like.

[Henry Zaprowski]

How about it's about the children you don't molest. You know, this has been. But I, I. Yeah. Noam Chomsky in the Bahamas. Can you imagine how his shirt is. His sweater must smell covered in the water of the ocean.

[Jared Logan]

Right? You don't want to take that New York mothball smell and then put it in that level of humid tropical heat. Yeah, you don't want that.

[Henry Zaprowski]

All right, well, thank you so much, Jared.

[Edward Larson]

You know, it's so Weird. Evil really does keep you alive.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's not having a contra.

[Edward Larson]

It's. Look at. Every one of these dudes is still alive. Except for Buffett. Except for Buffett.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Rest in peace, man.

[Edward Larson]

Rest in peace. Sad.

[Henry Zaprowski]

All right, let's get. Let's do one simple sad screen. This has been awesome.

[Edward Larson]

Let's do one.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Let's do a simpler story for Jared.

[Edward Larson]

Any story is simpler. Any story.

[Henry Zaprowski]

One last little story. I just want to get what you think. Think about this. All right, so obviously this is a Florida story about to receive.

[Edward Larson]

Okay. This happened in Epstein country, around the corner from Mar a Lago.

[Henry Zaprowski]

So this guy, they're saying that it's a popular Worth Avenue photo. Sh. Spot. Right. Is this really nice picture of this sort of clock tower? It's really nice. This man, Jonathan Houston of Clueston, he was arrested in December 8th because he. With misdemeanor criminal mischief. Now, apparently a witness called the police saying that a man. Man had cut open a German shepherd and was chewing on its intestines in the public area and taking footage of it.

[Edward Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And the man. The police arrived. Really?

[Edward Larson]

Been to West Palm Beach?

[Jared Logan]

I have been to Palm Beach.

[Edward Larson]

Did you take a picture by the clock tower?

[Jared Logan]

I don't think I did. I went to a wedding there.

[Edward Larson]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Jared Logan]

And it was the only black tie wedding I've ever been to.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Wow.

[Jared Logan]

And I didn't like it.

[Henry Zaprowski]

No.

[Edward Larson]

You're getting married in Palm Beach. It should be a linen wedding if you're going to do a theme or you're.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But that's where the money is. It's good money. Money.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's moneyed people.

[Jared Logan]

I don't look good in a tux. I look like a. I look like a Popeye character. Tuxedo.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You look like a corrupt public official.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, exactly. I should be holding bags of money with the dollar sign on them.

[Henry Zaprowski]

So this guy. So this is the thing. So they called the police. So I guess, like, someone freaked out. They saying, oh, my God, he's eating a dog in a public area. And they go to the police, go to the john, go to Jonathan. And they're like, what the fuck you doing? He's like, I'm not eating a dog. I'm eating a hog.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah. So rhymes with dog. He had cut open harder than dog.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He had cut open a hog. And he's like, this is my social media job.

[Edward Larson]

He didn't kill the hog. He bought a dead hog.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes. And he films himself on his social media accounts. That has over 3,000 followers. Where he. He chews on for this, for this. His whole thing, I mean, it's blowing up now. It's just video of him chewing on ra. Dead animals in various pretty locations.

[Jared Logan]

Now when you see his photo, you go, yeah, that is his job.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

So he looks like a. He looks like the one of the criminals that tried to steal and rape Pippi Longstocking, Right?

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Jared Logan]

He looks like he's built a doll out of body parts. Yes.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, but he. But we don't understand. He got let right back out, Jared. Because that's just criminal misdemeanor. And they literally said because it's not a dollar, he could go home that day.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, but the thing was he caused. There was a lot of pig blood on the sidewalk that they had to clean and they said that cost $346.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But look, he's got a tarp down. Yeah.

[Jared Logan]

He was polite. He put a tarp.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's a garbage bag.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

What's your first reaction?

[Jared Logan]

I mean, you know, my wife is so tired of hearing me talk. But my first reaction is that the Internet and social media have turned our society into a blackened canc. That I feel at this point there's no hope of remediation. Yeah, I do. I think that this guy exists because of the Internet.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Very much so.

[Jared Logan]

I think. I think before social media and the Internet he would have just, you know, killed a couple coeds and that would have been that.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, but now he's a star.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But I will say, Jared, though, in a way, is this not. It's almost equivalent to killing several women, but it's own. But I don't know why it's not illegal. But it's not. It's almost not legal, Eddie.

[Edward Larson]

Well, because they haven't thought to make it illegal.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well, no, because technically he didn't kill the pig. He brought an already dead pig out. Technically, if there was a grill there, this would be a barbecue.

[Edward Larson]

It's destruction of property. It's the blood on the sidewalk is what he's in trouble for.

[Jared Logan]

It might be. It might be worth creating a new law.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yes.

[Jared Logan]

You're not allowed to do this.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It will now we're discovering we know what. Also, this would be a good update for you. Have you heard of the Burbank but sniffer?

[Jared Logan]

No.

[Edward Larson]

Oh, yeah. This is a guy going around sniffing butts.

[Henry Zaprowski]

This is actually really interesting. Like they have no idea how to keep this guy in jail. He's been arrested four times.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Where he clean, he goes out. He's all over Burbank. In Glendale. He gets down on his. Goes to bookstores and places. He gets down on his hands and knees and he sneaks up on women and he sniffs their butt.

[Edward Larson]

But apparently he never touches.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He hasn't touched anybody. So they pick him up and they leave. They basically hold him for like three days and then have to release him again because they're like, we aren't. We can't figure out how to properly.

[Jared Logan]

I have an idea.

[Edward Larson]

Release them in Calabasas.

[Jared Logan]

What if. What if. Just a thought. What if someone kicked the. Out of these guys? That's what we need, their ass.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I think that then they would get.

[Edward Larson]

In more trouble than the pig eater and the butt sniffer.

[Jared Logan]

I don't know. You know, they'd go to jail for.

[Edward Larson]

Multiple years for, you know. That's the crazy part about.

[Jared Logan]

Explain to the cop what happened. Happened. Hey, you know, when it comes to beating people up, cops can, you know, I can help you out.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You are, I would say. And we know police officers. I imagine that if you have a man tried to sniff your girlfriend's butt.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And you're allowed to fight them. Yeah. I think if you kicked him in the head and they went and you know, like they. I imagine some police officers would probably do a little. They like, they do a little laugh and then sometimes they'll just bring you in. And I've seen this too, where they'll like put you in the car and they. And they're like, we'll handcuff you in front. Yeah. And then they bring in. And then you kind of got. You just kind of go through the swinging doors and you go in and out. Yeah. They'll make it real easy for you if they really don't care.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, this is him.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah, it's. I just find interesting is that he. He's got such big ears. Yeah.

[Jared Logan]

You think he'd be listening to the butts.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah. Well, maybe he can use them as smell.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Whoa. Like a, like at a snake. Like an anaconda.

[Edward Larson]

His shit's all fucking up.

[Jared Logan]

This is a.

[Henry Zaprowski]

This is.

[Jared Logan]

This is weird because this guy doesn't look like a serial killer like the last guy. This guy looks like he could be handsome, right. Be a attractive guy. He doesn't need to be sniffing strangers butts. But as we learn, you know, the heart wants what the heart wants, so.

[Edward Larson]

The fart wants what the fart wants.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You know, Napoleon Hill says, don't worry about dreaming about things that you wish you could do. You're already doing what you're meant to be doing. And I think that that's what this is. This is what we're saying where it's like how can we we. Is there a way to train him to maybe detect bombs? Yeah, that's a way to sort of.

[Edward Larson]

Do the catch me if you can guy and turn him against the other criminals.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Against this.

[Jared Logan]

How about, you know, I'm seeing a whole branded Internet business for this guy. I smell your butt. I tell you. You know how your chakras are misaligned or the toxins you have inside of you.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He's already in Bur Burbank.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's the easiest crowd to sell that to.

[Jared Logan]

Right, no problem.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, yeah. Or you could be a fortune teller. Well, we've come up with those solutions is official sex. And one thing I wanted. I want to go back to the pig story for two seconds.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Great.

[Edward Larson]

Someone the person who called it in said he was eating a German shepherd.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yes.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

It does not look like a pig.

[Jared Logan]

Well, it just shows you how rampant misinformation is in this, in this society, you know.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah. Because if you just look closer and saw there was a hog, she'd be like oh.

[Jared Logan]

Know that the person who said it was a German shepherd was a liberal.

[Edward Larson]

Oh definitely.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Tell me about it.

[Edward Larson]

Making a big deal out of eating.

[Jared Logan]

A dead animal on the sidewalk.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's just the idea too are just being like. And the cops just. And the guy just, just, just straight in fact being like, oh, it's not a dog, it's a hog. I can't say this is what I do.

[Edward Larson]

So silly that you would think this is a problem. Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

What's wrong? No, this is what I do is what my job.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah, he's an influencer. I just, you know, I just feel like, you know, a couple hundred years ago they would have just grabbed him off the street and killed him, dragged him off to kill him and like sure, that led to a lot of bad stuff. But then it solved problems too.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You know I look at the last election, I think a lot about how a lot of these 18 year olds should have been in a war.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

They should have been too busy fighting something. They should have been too busy in an army getting some kind of training. They should have been. That's what the I feel. Feel like we kind of need to go back in a way to that like I think these. That guy was supposed to die in a feudal style trench warfare.

[Edward Larson]

But he's going to die. The Tricklonos is going to take him out at some point.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I think he's been very careful. Isn't that like the worst thing to eat raw?

[Edward Larson]

It's up there. Well, chicken's the worst.

[Henry Zaprowski]

The technically, if you want to get into it, beef. The beef commissions did a whack job on pork in order to. They do a whole thing polish is coming out.

[Edward Larson]

This is.

[Henry Zaprowski]

You want to get some real conspiracy theories. The beef industry made the health implications of eating raw pork more intense. They put. They put a thumb on that in order to. With the pork industry in order to. That's the reason why I'd much rather.

[Edward Larson]

Eat medium rare beef than pork.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Well yeah, because it's grow. But we, but also we've been trained for that. That is a cultural thing that we have ingested because we were told how bad pork do you think it got.

[Edward Larson]

To like my food handler's license test because they're very strict about it.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But I think that's, that's what I'm saying. Exactly why it went to your food handlers license is because beef originally was fucking with it.

[Jared Logan]

Well, tartar, you got to be able to have a nice tartar I two.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Three times a day.

[Jared Logan]

I think, you know, this just shows again how the liberals are ruining the country because.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Thank you.

[Jared Logan]

Listen, the overregulation of freak shows. This guy can't get work as a geek.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That guy should. Exactly. He should be.

[Edward Larson]

This is the traveling road gig.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Why is there no no like shanty circuses anymore?

[Edward Larson]

Right.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's where that guy should be. He should be on a boardwalk.

[Edward Larson]

I think there are shanty circuses. We just don't roll in those crews anymore.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Side storys. LPOTL gmail.com. where can we find a shanty circus?

[Edward Larson]

Are you in a shanty circus? Please reach out.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Can we come and be in one? Can we come see one?

[Jared Logan]

We'll come, we'll give you two bits to see you eat a dead hog.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Jared, thank you so much for being here.

[Jared Logan]

Thank you guys.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Is there anything else you want to plug before you go?

[Jared Logan]

Just check me out on the glass cannon network work where I do all kinds of games. I play in them and I'm a game master for them. And then also, please, please go and watch Henry and I and Jackie and our good buddy Ross Bryant and Ed Larson.

[Edward Larson]

I show up for two seconds.

[Jared Logan]

You should be a player in a game. You should be a mainstream.

[Edward Larson]

You'd have to have a lot of patience with me.

[Jared Logan]

I don't think so. I think you're a natural. Anyway, how good is Ross? I mean Ross.

[Henry Zaprowski]

How fucking good is Ross?

[Jared Logan]

Ross Just reads Paradise Lost for fun. He's a strange genius.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He's so smart.

[Edward Larson]

Hey, tell people about the standup show you do with Kara.

[Jared Logan]

Oh, yes. So if you're in the Los Angeles area, every Wednesday at 8pm at Bar Bandini in Echo park, you can see my wife and I perform together on our show, Better Half Comedy, where we have fantastic comedians all the time. My favorite comedians like Maria Bamford. We had the last show. Eddie Papper, Pepitone.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah.

[Jared Logan]

Dana Gould, John Early. All of these people that I absolutely love come on our show. We'd love for you to come and check it out. 8pm Wednesdays, Bar Bandini, Echo Park. We're coming back on, I think January 7th. We're on a little holiday break.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Live comedy is the best thing in the country right now. That is the thing to go do. Go support live comedy, especially if you're in la. We need to bring our comedy scene back.

[Edward Larson]

Amen. Amen.

[Henry Zaprowski]

We'll.

[Edward Larson]

Jared, thank you so much for stopping by. I eternally love you and I think you're one of the funniest people.

[Jared Logan]

I love you guys. Always nice hanging out, guys.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Thank you, my sweet. My sweet prince. What a wonderful Christmas season we have ahead of us.

[Edward Larson]

Oh, God, Thank God. I'm so excited. What a great year, man. This has been a great side stories year.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I've had so much fun.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, I know.

[Henry Zaprowski]

And let me ask you. Let me do this live, right? Let's do this live and then see, we'll do. Let's get a poll, side stories. LPOTL gmail.com because I'd love to. To know, should we officially do a death pole?

[Edward Larson]

What do you mean?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Like a. Like, should we do an Official death pool 20, 26, where we set up our guesses?

[Edward Larson]

Where do you put Dick Van Dyke?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Oh, I mean, that's too. I mean, like, we're gonna have to do like those. I think we're gonna have to do, like what we actually won't make any money on. And then we have to do a couple, like, totally, totally off the wall once.

[Jared Logan]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

Because we need, you know, obviously we need some murders in there.

[Henry Zaprowski]

There. Yes. But also one that we don't know and you don't know what's.

[Edward Larson]

So we can get hit by a car.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Absolutely. Like, in my mind, first thing I'm thinking of, like, and this is not my choices, but I would say, like, it's like Dick Van Dyke's one side Paulie Shore.

[Edward Larson]

I mean, Andy Dick, obviously, but I.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Feel like that's a. That's you should talk about because I feel like that's less.

[Edward Larson]

I think Paulie Shore is, like, surprisingly healthy.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Exactly. That's what I'm saying. And he's like, that would be my ring. That's the 20 to 1 spot. So we need to talk about. About this maybe. Let's see what the audience might think. It's cruel. They might not want us to do it.

[Edward Larson]

It is cruel. But maybe we shouldn't. Maybe they should submit some people we don't know. Maybe you have a grandfather that's about to clock out.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I'm saying if we include them in it, they'll think it's less evil.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want family members involved in our Death Watch.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I'll bet. I'll bet on who's going to die in your family.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah. I think that's how we really do. That's awesome. Yeah. I think we add like a personal aspect. Yes. To the celebrity death one.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I love that idea.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Who was it last year? Didn't we do this for 2025? No, we never did it. We've never officially done it because people get about it. Yes, we talked about it. It's like, I think that's because we've never done it because people get upset. But I think that we're ready to be upset. So I want the audience. But I want.

[Edward Larson]

I'm already upset.

[Henry Zaprowski]

I want the audience.

[Edward Larson]

I'm already mad and upset. So we might as well have some fun and make some money while doing it.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But who knows?

[Edward Larson]

And did Van Dyke number one on the Death Watch?

[Henry Zaprowski]

Of course.

[Edward Larson]

What? Why? He looks great.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's because I honestly think they put so much weight on him hitting 100.

[Edward Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That he might have used. Have all of his strength getting him to 100. And then he might pass.

[Edward Larson]

Noam Chomsky, 97.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Fingers crossed. He's what I want to see.

[Edward Larson]

Go, man. Yoko Ono is going to live forever.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Oh, no. Oh, no. Patreon.com podcast Love Give Us Money to watch us do this live. We also, every Tuesday, 6:00pm PST, we do our live stream. Last stream on the left on Patreon only live. And then it goes to free on our YouTube page. You go check it out there and go see the other shows on our YouTube page. Like we've been plugging LPN TV. Go check out Bloodbath, presented by LPNRPG.

[Edward Larson]

That's right. Also, January 4th is a great Christmas present. Come see me and my friends in Oxnard Levity Live. That's Oxnard, California. It's Right below Santa Barbara. I got Carolina Hidalgo, Julia Johns, Holden McNeely and Jake Young all doing the show with me. It's going to be a lot of fun. I'm gonna host it and do really long host sets and bring my friends on and off. It's going to be a ton of fun. You're going to want to check that out. That's going to be January 4th at Oxnard Levity Live. And then in February 18th, I'm going to San Francisco. I'm going to be as a Wednesday night. So this is for the locals. Wow. Yeah. San Francisco Punchline one night only. Me, Grant Gordon and my wonderful wife Julie Rosing is going to host it.

[Henry Zaprowski]

That's so much fun.

[Edward Larson]

So come check out those shows. Shows also I want to give a big shout out and to Jimmy's Corner, which is my favorite bar. All right. My favorite bar is. Is in jeopardy of shutting down.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It is the. It's the littlest little bar in midtown.

[Edward Larson]

It's a tight. It's a tiny Times Square dive bar. It's a boxing bar. Has the best jukebox I've ever seen. And the beer. They still have four dollar Budweisers in the middle of Times Square. It for. For Jimmy Glenn Glenn who used to own Jimmy's Corner, he really wanted to Julie. He used to always give her the eyes. But he was a good guy.

[Henry Zaprowski]

He's allowed honestly. It just gives you strength, Eddie.

[Edward Larson]

But he died of COVID and during the height of COVID and then his son took over the bar and he had. They had a sweetheart deal with Durst. The. Not the murder Durst, the brother. His brother. They had a sweetheart deal with him. And then after Jimmy died side Durst is like, you know what? We're gonna sell the building and knock it down. And so Jimmy's Corner, they're fighting tooth and nail. Great. Was some of the best bartenders I've ever met.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's just such a funny place.

[Edward Larson]

Great place. It's weird. It's like this classic.

[Henry Zaprowski]

If you want to see what New York out of 1970s was like, it's the last like touch.

[Edward Larson]

There's people who've been going there for like 40 years.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

You know, it's a really great place. The guy Jimmy, he who used to run the place, he was like a boxing trainer for Muhammad Ali and Mike Tyson. There's all kinds of great photos. So even if this place does end up going down, it needs to find a new home. But it's what you could still Budweisers are $4. A pint of beer is three. In the middle of Times Square. It's getting eliminated. It was the last true bar in that part of town.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Yeah.

[Edward Larson]

And so I'm very sad to see it go. Please give it some support and see if we can keep this thing alive. Like I said, it's my favorite bar. So if you're in New York this time, just go and give them some money. Go experience it before it closes. It is really one of the great places as I've ever been.

[Henry Zaprowski]

It's pretty great, man. So go check it out while you can. New York has no memory, my friend.

[Edward Larson]

It doesn't. I still love it though.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Love every day. Knowing for a fact you're the. You're your memories. Right. You gotta laugh at your own memories and you gotta live for the fact that. Yeah, you might. Sometimes when you look back at something you miss. You miss how you felt at the time and not things you were doing. Think about that. Sometimes it's about you can't get a feeling back.

[Edward Larson]

No.

[Henry Zaprowski]

But what's a new, new, amazing feeling that you can have?

[Edward Larson]

Masturbation.

[Henry Zaprowski]

Congrats, Kale, Satan.

[Jared Logan]

Everyone.

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[Julie]

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