Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders

Summary

Podcast Summary: Last Podcast on the Left – "Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders"

Episode Information

• Title: Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders
• Release Date: February 5, 2025
• Hosts: Henry Zabrowski and Ed Larson
• Description: Delving into the dark and bizarre aspects of our world, this episode explores the enigmatic Zizian cult murders alongside other unsettling tales.

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1. Introduction and Early Banter (00:01 - 03:09)

The episode opens with Henry and Ed engaging in light-hearted conversation about classic David Lynch films such as Mulholland Drive, Twin Peaks, and Lost Highway. Their discussion highlights the intricate and often perplexing narratives of Lynch's work, setting a casual and conversational tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

Henry (00:55): "I just forget because... Oh, the movie actually makes a lot more sense than people say."

2. Promotion of Upcoming Live Shows (03:02 - 07:10)

Henry and Ed introduce their upcoming "Crime Wave" cruise in collaboration with Royal Caribbean. They humorously describe planned antics, including selecting random passengers for pranks, and mention other promotional activities. This segment blends promotion with their characteristic irreverent humor.

Notable Quote:

Ed (04:10): "We are going to have so much fun. And I say our hope... Honestly, I hope we only lose about 10% of the audience."

3. The Zizian Cult Murders (17:50 - 29:10)

The core of the episode revolves around the mysterious Zizian cult, an extreme vegan and left-wing group implicated in multiple murders across the United States. Henry and Ed dissect the complex ideology of the Zizians, touching on their beliefs in extreme veganism, functional decision theory, and their violent opposition to perceived non-conformists.

Key Points:

• Origins and Beliefs: The Zizians advocate for extreme veganism and possess a convoluted ideology that mixes rationalism with militant activism.
• Murders: Two notable cases are discussed:
  • Curtis Lind (19:49): An 82-year-old landlord in Vallejo, California, stabbed to death by Zizian members.
  • David Milan (19:50): A Border Patrol agent killed in Vermont during a traffic stop.
• Arrests: Both Maximilian Snyder and Teresa Youngblood, members of the Zizians, have been arrested in connection with these murders.

Notable Quotes:

Henry (18:03): "This involves a cult, huh? Now they call themselves... the Zizians."

Ed (19:28): "One of them was Maximilian Snyder. And Teresa Youngblood was for the Vermont murder."

4. Anecdotes about Dog Behavior and Veterinary Insights (07:10 - 14:25)

Transitioning from the cult discussions, Henry shares a disturbing story from a veterinary clinic where elderly clients' dogs consumed parts of their deceased owners. The conversation evolves into a broader discussion about canine behavior post-mortem and the emotional impact on pet owners.

Notable Quote:

Henry (08:51): "But I will never get the image of those three little dogs cuddling with her while licking her face in the waiting room."

5. Harassment through Fart Selfies (49:22 - 57:01)

Henry and Ed delve into a peculiar case from the UK involving a woman who sent her boyfriend's ex-partner multiple videos of herself passing gas. This act of digital harassment led to her receiving a community order, highlighting the nuances of online behavior and legal repercussions.

Key Points:

• Incident Details: Rhiannon Evans sent at least seven fart selfies between December 22 and January 1, which were deemed harassing.
• Legal Outcome: She received a 12-month community order, including alcohol abstinence monitoring and a two-year restraining order.
• Discussion: The hosts debate the severity of the act, balancing humor with the consideration of intent and impact.

Notable Quotes:

Ed (49:35): "A woman who sent fart selfies to her boyfriend's ex has been given a community order."

Henry (56:35): "She wants to send videos because she felt her partner was being treated unfairly and said that it was purely malicious."

6. Gooning: A Cultural Examination (32:22 - 45:57)

The hosts explore the concept of "gooning," a term referring to a prolonged state of arousal achieved through extended edging without reaching climax. They discuss its origins, the community surrounding it, and its implications on personal behavior and mental health.

Key Points:

• Definition: A state of intense focus and arousal without orgasm.
• Cultural Impact: Gooning has developed its own subculture, often discussed within online communities.
• Personal Anecdotes: Henry and Ed share humorous takes on the practice, blending personal stories with observations.

Notable Quotes:

Henry (32:34): "Gooning is like the state usually achieved after a prolonged edging session when a man becomes completely hypnotized with a feeling radiating from his penis."

Ed (33:05): "I’ve never gooned. I always, you know, shoot the win."

7. Listener Stories and Final Discussions (57:00 - 72:22)

In the concluding segments, Henry and Ed address various listener-submitted anecdotes, ranging from inappropriate behavior in public spaces to humorous takeaways on social etiquette. The episode wraps up with final promotions for upcoming shows and content across their platforms.

Notable Quote:

Ed (67:02): "Places to go, things to do, people to see, things to make."

---

Conclusion

"Side Stories: The Zizian Cult Murders" offers a blend of dark true crime investigation with the hosts' signature humor and candid discussions. From dissecting the disturbing actions of the Zizian cult to exploring bizarre harassment methods and unconventional sexual practices, Henry Zabrowski and Ed Larson deliver an engaging episode that intertwines serious topics with comedic relief.

Contact and Further Engagement Listeners are encouraged to reach out via email at side [e-mail] and engage with the hosts through their social media channels and upcoming live events.

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Disclaimer: The content discussed in this summary is based on the transcript provided and reflects the hosts' perspectives and humor style. Listener discretion is advised due to the mature and sensitive nature of some topics.

Transcript

[A]

There's no place to escape to.

[B]

This is the last on the left side stories.

[A]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Man. Last night I was watching Mulholland Drive. Ooh, I'm going through it. Back through, obviously. Just the full David Lynch. Yeah, I'm still stuck.

[B]

I watched some Twin Peaks last night. I'm still working on it.

[A]

Great. Yeah, it's great. But man, you just like, forget just how like, sexy that movie is.

[B]

I haven't seen it since the theater.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

I just remember the little old lady by the dumpster.

[A]

That's a man, but played by a lady.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

But it's labeled as man. The character is a man, but it's played by the lady that plays the nun.

[B]

Oh. So I'm kind of right. You are, yeah. But that's. That's pretty good. 20 year memory.

[A]

It's pretty good. It's also. I just forget because. Also forgot that it has like, he had published the nine things to remember while watching Mulholland Dr. To kind of pull it apart a little bit better. And it's great. I forgot, like. Oh. The movie actually makes a lot more sense than people say. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.

[B]

I'm sure I won't have any idea what's going on.

[A]

You will, I promise you. Especially once the movies come out. Then you're like, those are movies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're like, oh. And I know that is, you know.

[B]

Lost highway made almost no sense.

[A]

Lost highway makes far less sense than Mulholland Drive.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think that there's a sliver of sense. I viewed Lost highway as his most pop savvy film because his soundtrack is. Got so big.

[B]

Well, that was a huge sound.

[A]

It was a huge soundtrack. Where Mulholland Drive is his best movie.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Which is so good. And then Blue Velvet's wonderful. But it's his most understandable movie.

[B]

I feel like Blue Velvet. Yes.

[A]

Except for the Straight Story, but it's not for me. That's fine. A lot of people. I do. I'm glad to see how many things he can.

[B]

Straight Story is a children's movie. Right.

[A]

He made a PG movie for Disney that was extremely straightforward. That was very well lit and acted. It's just painfully boring.

[B]

Oh, I can't wait. That sounds right up my alley.

[A]

What you like?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's. That's. I love a boring movie.

[A]

And welcome to a boring podcast. My name is Henry Zabrowski. This is side Stories. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

[B]

I'm so sad because of all the boring things in my life, I wish.

[A]

That I had more exciting things to do. Which is why, you know what actually really helps?

[B]

What helps?

[A]

Methamphetamine, dude. If you just want. So long, dude.

[B]

I almost forgot that it existed.

[A]

If you want to add some, like, a pinch of excitement.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Smoke meth.

[B]

Yeah. Because the vitamin C just ain't cutting it.

[A]

I really don't. Tell me Chia seeds.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It is not exciting me at all. Yeah. I am smoking meth and I feel vivacious. I am ready for work. I'm productive. I'm having sex with my wife five, six times a day.

[B]

Yeah. How about the menu? Having sex with them again.

[A]

Yes. Two, three times a day. Whenever there's a man around me, especially a police officer that I'm trying to score meth from, from, I'll suck his dick. I'll put his baton in my ass.

[B]

Yeah. It's great. I. I love. I love to smoke out of a light bulb with a cop.

[A]

You really should. You try it.

[B]

You guys smoke teeth at home. You should smoke teeth. Don't smoke teeth out in the streets. If you're gonna smoke your teeth, smoke them at home.

[A]

See, I thought you were about to segue into promo for our live shows.

[B]

Oh, we can, we can. If you want to smoke some teeth with us, we got a big one. Ooey oo, baby Ooey ooey, baby Won't you let me take you on a city cruise? That's right.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

That's right. That's right. Side Stories is hitting the. The seas. We're going to be a crime wave coming your way on Royal Caribbean.

[A]

Oh, yes. So we're doing this Crime Wave, I.

[B]

Saw many people say, on sale on Friday.

[A]

Yes, they do. I. Many people asked. Is this. I thought this was a bit.

[B]

No.

[A]

I thought you guys were making this up. No. Go to the Royal Caribbean website. You can buy tickets starting Friday for Crime Wave. We are providing the comedy and I. I mean it. We are going to. Eddie and I have already decided one of our bits. We're going to choose top five women on the boat to push off and.

[B]

The top five guys who look like they're going to push.

[A]

Exactly. We are going to have so much fun. And I say our hope. Honestly, I hope we only lose about 10% of the audience.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. To crime. Because here's the thing, like, if you want to come and you want to see us, this is a vacation you should plan. It leaves out of Fort Lauderdale. Go to crime [e-mail] left to get your tickets on Friday. It's from November 3rd to 11th to November 7th.

[A]

And I cannot truly stress this enough. This is going to be one of the oddest weekends of all of our lives.

[B]

I don't even know why we said yes.

[A]

You've got to come to this because I don't know if we're going to do it again, but when you're not.

[B]

Doing it again, I don't know.

[A]

I mean, unless it's the funnest thing that we've ever done. So you're going to come out, we're going to have a blast. And our go is to bring the true crime to the other two thirds of the boat that doesn't know that there's a true crime cruise happening on their cruise.

[B]

Yes. That is going. That is the beauty of all this.

[A]

We are going to info dump. We are going to go to that karaoke night, which I'm going to probably host, and I'm going to get a hold of that mic and I'm going to tell everybody about the Black Dahlia. I'm going to tell everybody about Andre Chillo. I'm going to ruin the cruise for everyone else for the sake of you. Come and watch us. We're going to have a blast. So that's one announcement. Another announcement.

[B]

Oh, I'm going to host the belly flop contest.

[A]

Hopefully I've.

[B]

I've told them it's one of my demands.

[A]

We have to get insurance, though.

[B]

Yes. Oh, really?

[A]

Apparently.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Just because some people don't know how to properly belly flop, you know, insurance.

[B]

In the middle of the sea.

[A]

Sure. But, yeah, but no, I feel like when you flop into the bed, like, because this is the problem truly with about people that they. A lot of people think they can belly flop.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But you got to be really pretty fat.

[B]

Oh, there's lots of bloody noses when it comes to the belly flop context. That's a big part of it.

[A]

A skinny lady. I've seen a skinny lady belly flop and bounce off the water and go off the pool. Yeah, they skip. So be again. Think about your bmi. Yeah, that's a big thing there.

[B]

I'm sure you're huge.

[A]

Yes, please. And we want to also a little. And a little other announcement. If you happen to ever hear a pro Trump commercial on our show, it is some kind of digital artifact. A lot of times they lie, especially people within the Trump administration. They lie, especially evangelical right people about what the frame of the ad is. They Then sell it on a big group style. However they do it to these digital companies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then they just put it in without our permission. Because under no, under no uncertain terms, President Trump can absolutely go himself.

[B]

Go, go eat, go suck.

[A]

But that's the last we're going to talk about it because I'm not going to let us become Jimmy Kimmel.

[B]

We do not want to talk about this. We're just forced to talk about it because he keeps invading your beautiful ear holes.

[A]

We're just letting you know we're working on it. And that man, I can't wait to see his grave.

[B]

Oh, my God. Burgers are going to take him down at some point.

[A]

Very, very soon. And we have another update. Yes, obviously, which I should have pressed you more on last time. What happened is that I. I did know this, but I didn't want to ruin this for you. What dogs will eat you when you die?

[B]

Well, not all of them. It says some.it has happened. Yes, yes. But for the most part, cats eat more than dogs eat more.

[A]

So here we go. This comes from a vet clinic. When you work in an established general practice in an older upper class community, you get to know a lot of the regulars, especially the elderly. They usually have a lot of time on their hands. Their pets are usually seniors, too, and they are their lifeline to the outside world. I don't know what that' like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They also like to get small dogs and spoil them, so their health problems are abundant. What? We had these three clients that were a pair of sisters in their 80s and one of their daughters in her 60s. Funniest old ladies with the most stereotypical little dogs, mini poodles, crusty eyes, awful teeth and all. One day I answered the phone. It's the daughter of one of the older two. Her aunt had been found dead in her apartment the day before and she wanted to schedule an appointment to bring her poodles in for a checkup with the veterinarian asap. Her aunt had been deceased for a couple of days at least before someone had checked on her. And in the dime, the dogs, each no more than 4kg, had eaten most of her face, especially her lips and nose, the tips of her ears. Luckily, the dogs, they were happy, healthy, and never had any health issues stemming from their little snack. The niece, new owner of the dogs, was distraught and I felt terrible for her. But I will never get the image of those three little dogs cuddling with her while licking her face in the waiting room.

[B]

Yeah, I would say, you know, that's Fine. You know, some poodles, they. They'll eat you a little bit, you know, and they didn't go hard on her. That's not like they were hungry. A little lips, some earlobes, talking about. That's not bad. No, no, no, no. I think that's okay. That's fine. I. All I know is Tootsie has seen a lot of death. She hasn't eaten anybody.

[A]

Well, see, Tootsie is one of those dogs I can imagine, you know, like, she's picky eater. But after World War II in Russia, they had these massive food and sh.

[B]

There.

[A]

Yes, yes. And I think that Tootsie would have done very well in the cannibal runs of Post World War II Russia, where the people were forced to eat the sickest child of the neighborhood and eat all the dogs and eat all the cats. I could see Tootsie there being on the right side, quote unquote of history, being like, yes, yes, yes. Eat the infant.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I could see her being like, I see. Oh, I heard that Grandma was coughing. Like, I could feel like she knows. Yeah, she could do that. She knows how to survive.

[B]

Yes. I know that at least one dog, a couple dogs have eaten their owners after they died. I'm just saying, as a whole, all cats do it. Most dogs don't.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm sticking to my gun.

[A]

Sure. You're allowed, you're allowed. But I also want to bring something up to you that I brought up to you in when I was venting to you about our veterinary experience. Because we also just went to the vet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I thought it was really funny. So our little dog Wendy, right. She's got her little Mohawk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dyed purple. Because we're childless couple with extra money. We don't care. Right. And so we did was that we're sitting there with Wendy and this lady, the most typical LA woman I've ever seen.

[B]

How old, if you don't mind me asking?

[A]

Anywhere from 25 to 60.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

That's, you know, that type of LA woman.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She could be any one of those ages and looks great for any one of those decades.

[B]

An Ellen Barkin type.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Put emphasis on the bargain.

[A]

This was. And so what she did was she asked us, she saw us that we had dyed the hair of Wendy and she said, oh, oh my God, who did that? And we're like, oh, we have this little. We go to this little spa for the dog, you know, we take her as fucking groomer or whatever.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

Yes. And she was like, I was wondering if they do a procedure. So my dog's face is getting so gray.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

As can we just die her face, like black so that she can look young again. And we're just sitting there looking at this woman. And my first thing is so like.

[B]

This is your vet.

[A]

This is my vet. This. No, this is the end. The vet's lot. This is in the lobby. This is the waiting room.

[B]

If it was your vet.

[A]

But then she looked at me and. And so my problem is, is then I don't have a joke. I was like, well, the thing is, is that. Yeah. Honestly with her. We were trying to get her face re dyed because obviously she's so old, I don't know what to do with her. And we've been trying to figure out what. I asked our groomers if we could get her some filler.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Up in here, we get some filler. This woman did not.

[B]

Rejections.

[A]

Did not react to me. Did not react. Like, almost seemed curious.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we just moved on. Natalie wanted to go. We go in the vet, inside of the vet.

[B]

Imagine a dog with big, beautiful lips.

[A]

That's all I thought about. I thought it was fun. I go into the vet. We were talking about all this stuff. She's like, is there anything else you want to do for Wendy? I make the same joke. I go in there and I say, what works? Yes. Know. It's. She didn't laugh. But I'm sitting here. So I say to the vet. She. We sitting there in a moment of silence, and I was like, let me tell you. Do you have a. Do you recommend anybody that does, like, local, that does dog filler? Because obviously Wendy's just not super hot anymore. And so. But the vet did not react right. And she said, yeah, I guess you got one, too. My husband's a comedian as well. And Natalie was like, yep, yeah, he's a comedian. And I'm sitting here. I am one. You are one.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Your husband. It's just some funny guy at an office somewhere.

[B]

You're yelling, I'm the.

[A]

I am one, though. I am a comedian. And how hard is that to be screaming, yes.

[B]

Recognize me, you know? Yeah. Did you start telling her your credits?

[A]

No.

[B]

Did you tell her about the SNL thing?

[A]

I stayed in silence sense because I have class.

[B]

I was fat and naked.

[A]

Do you know how I was shaved at a high level? Do you know? But no. No. Yeah, that's a little. That's just, you know, what you get to. That's what you can get to experience. If you go to a vet in Los Angeles.

[B]

Well, you know, one thing that I've learned and the reason why I asked you about your vet's age is I'm very ageist when it comes to vets.

[A]

You've talked about this.

[B]

I don't want no young vet.

[A]

I know. I like a young. I like.

[B]

I like 50 and over.

[A]

I like.

[B]

That's what I said for vets, 50. Otherwise, they ain't seen the. They don't know what's going on.

[A]

But sometimes they're just like, kill it.

[B]

That's what the young. That the young ones have always telling me to kill it, kill it. And the old ones are like, see what he's got?

[A]

Well, tootsies, tootsies almost can buy alcohol.

[B]

I'm talking about Rambo. Bunch of kids were like, kill him. He's dead.

[A]

Who?

[B]

These guys at the emergency vet a year ago.

[A]

Well, they was again, they just don't want to deal with it.

[B]

Exactly. And then the old timers are like, yes. See what happens?

[A]

Because they're old and they don't want somebody. They don't want their daughter to show up. And so kill it.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Old vets, good young vets, work on it.

[A]

Wow. I'm gonna. We're gonna get so many emails. We have so many. They should have it side stories, gmail.com. i'm pro. Young, able veterinarians. We need them.

[B]

I'm gonna hear that you want to actually show up to work and do your goddamn. They do sometimes they're like, oh, I got a family. My kids got a game. I got stuff to work till 8.

[A]

Let's get to some news. Okay. Because I already feel it. Already feel.

[B]

I want the hate.

[A]

I know, I know. It's called engagement. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. You make a website, you use the website succeed. Thanks, Squarespace. Now that I found the little boy that now is running the horse picks empire, I am angry with the way that he is handling it. A lot of these horses, honestly, it's subpar and a lot of it's pretty lazy. The current J.D. vance horse that they just put a beard on is honestly, as far as I'm concerned, extremely, extremely offensive to me as a person with a former bearded face. So now that's why I have started my own new website. Thanks to Squarespace. Destroy horsepix.com because the goal is to go after this rogue child that took my dream and perverted it. And ha. And the only entity that can help me in my search for revenge against this one childlike entrepreneur, Squarespace. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're Ready to launch squarespace.com left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm coming for you, Charlie Bucket. It's always nice to keep your money where you can see it. Tell me about it. I turn all my money into doubloons that I bought on ebay and I look at them. I keep it in a bucket in my office. Unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers also seem to like keeping your money too. How dare they? If you're tired of crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees, and quote unquote free perks that actually cost more in the long run, switch to Mint Mobile. Come on, listen to Ryan Reynolds, right? He's the sweetest man in the world, right? He totally. You believe Deadpool, right? Mint Mobile offers premium plans starting at $15 per month with high speed data and unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest 5G network. That's 5G's. Wait till we get to 9H's. Mint is gonna be. It's incredible. Mint works at the bottom of the ocean and it works in space. Go and you get that. Mint Mobile. It's. It's good for you to do you saving money. You're spending money for no reason. Go to Mint Mobile if you like your money. Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans@mint mobile.com lpotl that's mint mobile.com lpotl upfront payment of $45 for 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first 3 months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details now. I was so lucky to stumble upon this story. We've had many people send this story in as well. But I will say this is one of the toughest decipher stories. Okay, I've had to pull apart in a minute and it doesn't largely make sense, but we are at the very beginning of this. And the only reason why I even wanted to kind of broach it with our peoples was because it's interesting, it's unique. We haven't seen something like this yet.

[B]

It's a wheelhouse for sure.

[A]

And it's in our wheelhouse. And I just want to track this story for a while and see where it goes. So this is a. It's very confusing. So just try to follow along with me, all right. This involves.

[B]

Are you talking to them or me?

[A]

The humans on the show? Yeah. I never talk to you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I eat you. So this involves a cult, huh? Now they call themselves, but I guess where they've known themselves, they're kind of claim themselves as a group called the Zizians.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

Which was built upon zipping on some scissor. It's nothing cool about this really.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like literally like the only thing that is sort of cool about it is the fact it's the first hyper. Like hyper, hyper left wing. It's a. What they call extreme vegan.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Trans death cult.

[B]

Really.

[A]

Right. It is.

[B]

Do vegans murder?

[A]

Well, these guys believe in extreme veganism. They also believe in a system of thought that is so fucking stupid and academic that all it does is confuse people and is why people have a hard time with left wing ideology in the first place.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Is that. It's a bunch of word salad that. Never mind. When a cult leader gets involved with it, it makes an even deeper word salad and convinces a bunch of vulnerable people in the most vulnerable place possible, especially in mid transition. They are literally courting people and weaponizing them against what they consider to be low level offenders. So these guys are. Right now they are implicated. This group is implicated in the six murders.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

One of them.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Yes, that's a lot. But right now we. We're not quite certain.

[B]

We don't know if they did it. They're not. It's not official. Official, no.

[A]

They're accused two murders that have definitely been tied to members of this group. Was one a man by the name of Curtis Lind, who was an 82 year old landlord who stabbed to death in Vallejo, California.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then on the other side of the fucking country, David Milan, a border. I believe he's a border patrol agent, was also killed in Vermont. The two suspects in those two separate. But according to police, they now are saying that they are connected. One was the suspect for the Vallejo murder was Maximilian Snyder. And Teresa Youngblood was for the Vermont. The Vermont one. And now we know that young butt has been arrested and so has Maximilian Snyder. I am sorry if I'm also dead naming anyone, I will say that some of the writing on this. The Newsweek. Newsweek did a breakdown of the story and that that whole building needs to just be shut down.

[B]

Newsweek used to be reputable.

[A]

That article was fucking unreadable. And it's supposed to make it all make sense. I'M not quite certain because a lot of these people within this group were transitioning. So some of them, some of them are reporting them as their new names and some of them reporting them as their dead names. And I have no idea which is which.

[B]

Well, if they haven't officially changed their name and committed a crime, I imagine.

[A]

They would be known as their legal name.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Yes. But it's, again, it's all over the place. But they are. The whole thing is that what these people have done is created a school of thought where they don't believe in surrender and they believe in this kind of. It's a fight between the good and the non good. And they have this decision making process called functional decision theory that comes from some highfalutin old school ideological, some kind of like left wing concept about you're not making decisions every day. I'm butchering this. But it seems one of the layman terms to kind of describe this is that it's very similar to Euronimous in the Batavia series, where all decisions are. There's no quantifiable morality that can be put on your decision making. What you're deciding between when you make a decision, you're not deciding between results, you're deciding between strategies to get results. So the strategies, so they. All you're caring about is the strategy. You don't really care if the results are good or bad because those things don't matter. Matter. They view themselves as double good, which means they view themselves at some kind of form. They said it's extreme altruism mixed with extreme veganism, which means death to all people that are not vegan. And they also are in the sovereign citizen world where the goal is to constantly engage in an aggravating way, people of low level authority, to the point where violence gets involved.

[B]

So why did they kill the border agent in Vermont? Was he bringing in moose meat or something?

[A]

Essentially what happened is, is that these two, the two people that were pulled over there were part of this supposed group, the Zizians. The Zizians. They got pulled over. They had already been tracked. These two people were at a hotel a couple of days before. They looked suspicious. They were dressed all in black, carrying guns around, being really, really extra looking, like Columbine killers. Right.

[B]

Know that if you're going to commit such crimes, if you're wearing that, people are going to notice.

[A]

Well, they're doing it on purpose, they're doing it to be noticed. And so they get told that they got someone from the hotel Called the police and said I'm worried about these people. The hotel manager went to go talk to them. They said they're just staying in town to go look at property that they're going to buy. So the police are already aware of their presence. They get stopped and it's literally just within the traffic stop that they decide to shoot at these officers. They just pull their guns and start shooting.

[B]

Oh okay.

[A]

Because they just decided that they were being persecuted and now is the time to begin to shoot. They both got shot, Both suspects were, were shot. But the cop that got shot died. And they live. Yes, well, one of them lived.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That young blood who is now going into jail. The other. And the. On the other side of the the world in, in California that a man might Lind who was a landlord who owned this piece of land had a group of these Zizians live. And what they believe one of their big concepts, another one is this, they don't necessarily believe in personal property as well. So one of the big ideas signed the lease. Of course the central character of the story is. Is known by the dead name of Jack Lasota. And what they have put together is a series of like from their blog where they had a blog called Sincereusly where they wrote all of these. These very, very long winded theories about rationalism. They are. This whole thing is an AI vegan cult.

[B]

But they hate AI. No.

[A]

Yes. Well, they believe that AI needs to be risk mitigated in risk management. These are all people, everybody that seems to be involved within the zizzy.

[B]

They work in risk management but they're out here killing people.

[A]

Exactly. But they are. But it's because they believe that there's a war that is going to be happening between the good and the non good, whatever this means. But this Ziz person for a while was living what they called the rationalist fleet. One of their jobs, the concept was we'll live for free on boats in the water. Which just didn't work. Right? It didn't work.

[B]

Boats are very expensive, extremely pits and.

[A]

You have to buy one and it costs money. Go. Two best days of having a boat. Do you buy it, do you sell it?

[B]

Amen, brother.

[A]

And then you. That was a big problem. And so what happened was that a group of these Zizians were living in.

[B]

Every time you say their name you sound drunk.

[A]

Come here, Zan. Come here. I saw you kissing the piano player. But they, they were living on giant storage boxes, these big like what you call, what are you. They're like import.

[B]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you call storage containers? Containment units. Yeah.

[A]

They were living on containment units on the sky's. They were living in containment units on this guy's land during the rent moratorium of 2020 and in the California area. They had all said he stopped charging them all rent once the moratorium ended. The 80 year old man showed back up to say hey, I'd like to get rent from you guys now, right?

[B]

Yeah, or you're going to get ejected.

[A]

Yes. And then they did the exacting stabbing him to death. And so they all attacked him. He'd already had run ins with this group before right now. And then another member of the Zizians.

[B]

God, it's so rare you feel bad for a landlord, right?

[A]

And it's like the, another member of the Zizians killed their parents. So that's, that's the other like two deaths that are floating around. We're trying to figure out exactly how organized they are. But all of this comes from the Internet and all of it's about being aggressively against anybody that is not, not in their philosophical system.

[B]

So when did this all break? Is this new? Is this like. Have they been around for a while now?

[A]

A couple of years. The thing where it really kicked off is that there was a protest in the. There was a protest where it first kicked it where the. This is now in jail. There was a protest at this place called the center for Applied Rationality. Which is hilarious because these are all. I also love that all of these reactionary essentially terrorists and cult members all call themselves rationalists. Oh yeah. Because the idea that it's believing that human intelligence will save us.

[B]

Yeah. Has the whole world gone crazy when you're the one who's gone crazy?

[A]

Yes. And then I will also help us if we, we properly mitigate the risk. But the, this place for center Applied Rationality was a local kind of outreach about this rationalist thought. And Ziz decided apparently that they weren't first of all weren't being included then eventually turned into really histrionic accusations of cefar. Essentially telling them that they were like saying that she. That they were attacked by like making shit up. Then they did a bad protest at this place during this big meeting. And the way they were dressed, people thought they were there to kill everybody instead of doing a protest because they were dressed all scary and they were holding guns. And so they all got arrested. So they're all currently in jail right now. The whole crew is basically in jail. They're basically all in jail already. We don't.

[B]

We don't even talk about it.

[A]

Not really. But what I would say, if you're interested in all because you just, you know me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The reason why I'm even talking about this is because I love cult systems. I love thoughts in cults, I love the inner workings of cults. And what I love is a new one right now. If you go and look it up, like you can go and see their entire. Like they have a whole mission statement that is [e-mail] and I will say it doesn't make any sense. And if you please somebody, try to explain to me what in the living hell. Functional decision theory and this idea of hemispherical thought and unhemispheric sleep. That's what they're trying to teach them to sleep with one half of their brains and another, they're also cutting people off from their family. The big thing with ZIZ was telling brand new members essentially, like, your parents don't get you, you need to kill them.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And you know, again, whether they're where you. Whether your parents get you or not, don't kill them. Because when it comes down to them not getting you is why you're cool. Okay? If your parents get you, you're not cool.

[B]

Or they're. Or they are. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And you're real dumb.

[B]

And that's annoying when your parents are cooler than you.

[A]

Well, I don't even want to think about that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With that.

[B]

So up with Riz, down with this. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So go and check out. Go try to pull this apart. It's just all over the place. I just. It was a. It's fun to see a baby cult and also see how, you know what I will say, Truly, these zoomer cult leaders, you need to spend more time outside of your fucking phones. Okay. If you're going to be a Zoomer cult leader, I'm even talking to my. My alphas, my gen alphas. Fucking cult leaders. You need to get out there and you just start working on your interpersonal skills.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Meet some people.

[A]

You can't hold a cult together with blogs alone. It's not how it works. You need to physically control them. I'm not saying to do it. I'm saying what you should do. If you want to be better at being a cult leader, you're going to need to go out there and meet people. I'm sorry, I know you're anxious, but you're going to have to go out there and say hi to People, if you want your cult, stick together and eventually be attacked by the fucking adf. Yeah.

[B]

And also, you know, we got to work on these outfits.

[A]

Seriously.

[B]

This is crazy, guys.

[A]

Like you tripped it off. If you're not employed, make a costume.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Make a uniform for your fucking Colt.

[B]

A tie dye Moo Moo or some shit.

[A]

None of you guys are making good shit for the future.

[B]

No.

[A]

Where's my. I want my fucking order the Solar Temple. But now.

[B]

Yeah. I want like headbands and shit.

[A]

I'd stop killing just randos. And just kill yourselves.

[B]

Yes. What's the old school? Real cult.

[A]

Just fucking kill yourselves.

[B]

The aliens are coming and you gotta.

[A]

Kill yourself to meet them. But first you, you know, just do something fun with it.

[B]

Yes. And. But Zisters of Mayhem would be a better name than.

[A]

Also, I love Sisters of Mayhem. The band.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Love them. So. Yeah, go and look it up. This. This person. Also talk about Roko's Basilisk. I hate Philos. I like philosophy because I'm trying to sort of get into it. I've been reading it more. Right. I read some stoicism. I read a little bit of some.

[B]

St. What was that? That doesn't mean anything to me. You can keep saying it, but you're not really saying anything. Side stories. Lpotl. If you know what Henry's saying.

[A]

Sartre. But it's. I tried to. I tried to read it and I didn't fully understand it. I've tried to read. I. I've read some niche. Nietzsche, Nachi. I've read Freddie Nachos. I've read a lot of Freddie Nachos. And I kind of get that too. So I. I sort of get it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's one of those where. How is this helping? I do think it would be better for. And I've said this. I have a lot of friends on the left wing, fully left wing people that I've talked to, and they all agree with me, which I do. I do think so. Is that the language needs to be cleared up. I need to make it so that we can understand it. Because we're all stupid. Okay? And just because we're stupid doesn't mean that we don't deserve to be educated.

[B]

Yes, absolutely.

[A]

So try to help me. Try to reach me. Try to understand me. I guess you can't. I guess you won't. I guess you front. That's how I know my life was out of love, fool. Whoa. Gangster's paradise.

[B]

Damn, dude, that was wild. Coolio. All right. Peepee Hanging with Norbert.

[A]

Was he alive? No, he's dead, right?

[B]

He's dead. Yeah.

[A]

Another one will gone too soon. Another patriot con. All right, now that was my first big story of the week.

[B]

All hell says no, no, no.

[A]

Opposite. But yeah, I just. Again, it's just nice to see a left wing one. You never got one.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah, that is. That is good.

[A]

But the other big story, this one's huge. Again, it. Who's into gooning? Who's doing the gooning? I.

[B]

It's weird. I didn't know what gooning was. Then you explained it to me and I'm like remembered that I kind of knew what it was.

[A]

Gooning is like. You know what I'll say? Back in our day, Eddie and I were saying this before the show. We masturbated with a purpose.

[B]

That's right, man.

[A]

We masturbated too calm.

[B]

I want to see results.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

I want to feel and see results. Results. To masturbate. It.

[A]

If I just wanted to sit and play with dick and balls, I would have been a altar boy. Right. I would have go back and be a priest. All right. But if I just want to sit and play with my hard dick and balls all day, then it's just like, what am I doing? I masturbate to come.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

It is fun to play with your dick and balls when it's not hard.

[A]

When it's not hard and you just.

[B]

Slap it around and scratch it and. And be like, oh, there it is. Yeah. Especially when you're sick.

[A]

Oh, my favorite.

[B]

It's the best. Yes.

[A]

But still used to have a purpose. But these kids found a new way to make gooning have a purpose.

[B]

Yeah. These guys. Oh, yeah. All right. Gooning.

[A]

Oh, boy, I do love this term. Gooning may be the simply defined as the state usually achieved after a prolonged edging session when a man becomes completely hypnotized with a feeling radiating his penis. That's not good. It's not good. It's. Gooning is normally you get hard, but you don't come. Right.

[B]

Do you think it's like it started as a practice to just last longer? No, I just think they're just bad at jerking off.

[A]

I think men are broke. Broken, Eddie.

[B]

Yeah, most of them are.

[A]

I think that this came from. Have you ever left a comment on a pornography video?

[B]

Never.

[A]

These are the people they're doing.

[B]

They all have. These are the guys with usernames.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, gotcha.

[A]

Yeah, no, this, this. This is a very good not that hot. Not that hot.

[B]

Barely Goons.

[A]

So sad. Yeah, I'm almost, I almost came. She's so ugly now.

[B]

Do you ever see that, that Martin Scorsese movie, Gundun?

[A]

That's actually a very funny idea for a parody.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Not being able to come. It's perfect. We are still holy if we keep it in. Now this story, obviously this story starts sad, it gets happy. All right, so a man with the most unusual name of Nautica Malone.

[B]

He's Christian name.

[A]

That is his Christian name. And he went viral for a little video. Now first, Eddie, I want to show you the video. Now this was filmed outside of a Tempe, Arizona, what they call a bikini beans.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Now, bikini beans, for those, just those that you don't know, it seems to be a kiosk, boiling sun. Whereas 18 year olds are in bikinis selling coffee, hot coffee. Bikinis and bikinis. Seems dangerous, but also the same dog time. Fun idea. But also these poor ladies are just sitting ducks.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And so this man was filmed in the drive thru of the bikini beans. And we're going to see right now why this caused a bit of a controversy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He pulls up. Hi, how are you?

[B]

Good.

[A]

Have you been here before? Yeah. Sir, you need to leave. Unacceptable. Unacceptable. So what you don't see?

[B]

No pants on.

[A]

He has no pants on. And his penis is in his hands. Right. He's where he's driving a very manly car. A Charger.

[B]

He's got a Dodge Charger.

[A]

Now that's a man by Nautical Malone. Now what's interesting is that he has a beautiful smile. He seems very handsome. He's a husband. He's a husband and father. It also seems that this is a, I'm going to say repeated behavior because the barista knew to film the man. So he came up, he showed his penis and he showed that he was touching his penis. The woman that was serving the coffee, he then went and committed suicide. So Nautical Malone went and blew his brains out. Now because it went viral, because his.

[B]

Family is going to find out that he's jerking off to the girls.

[A]

Not even just. Well, I'll tell you what, buddy. His family, before it went viral. Yeah, the family went to shame the bikini barista for putting it on the Internet.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And she said, your son's a pervert. Then he committed suicide. So, yeah, they tried to be like, why did you ruin my son's reputation?

[B]

And it's because I ruined his own reputation.

[A]

And they decided to take mad legal matters in their own hands and provide Some civilian justice by putting this guy on blast. They didn't put his name out there. They just showed him. It just went really, really viral. He committed suicide. It was bad for this guy, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You think now, end of this sad story.

[B]

You would think.

[A]

You'd think.

[B]

You would think this would be the end of the story.

[A]

No. The children of the Internet always win.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know if they win.

[A]

No, they're. They're actually all in danger. But what they have figured out is to embrace it, Create a new thing. So the gooners of 4chan decided to call. They looked upon this.

[B]

This is a group.

[A]

I don't know what they. I don't know. They were live streaming, though. They live streamed. This is from. They.

[B]

They're called the gooners of 4chan. Or they are gooners of 4. In.

[A]

This is according to complex magazine.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They, A group of gooners arrived at the bikini beans and held a memorial for who they called their goon lord Nautica. And he called him goon lord Hash. Goon lord. And they hosted whatever. The first ever hashtag gunal. Gunal, where they showed pornography in this parking lot lot in memory of nautica. And they had T shirts made up. A memorial gun lord T shirts made up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the funeral was promptly broken up in 20 minutes.

[B]

20 minutes by the police.

[A]

Now, I know that none of this.

[B]

Is good, but this is so awful.

[A]

But so I will say, do they.

[B]

Call themselves gooners, People who goon?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I believe it's goonists.

[B]

Oh, that makes it sound aggressive.

[A]

And they. They practice goonism.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Now, the goon lord memorial only lasted for a short time, but I think for all of us, I think a gunal is. Now, we very rarely see a novel idea put into the lexicon that can really take off in a good way.

[B]

Yeah. You got to have a gunal. Like, there has to be paid admission, you know, because if you just like.

[A]

For the pornography.

[B]

Yeah, for the pornography. And like, you can't do a goon roll out in public. You know, there's got to be, you know, there's got to be, like, waivers and I guess, 18 and over.

[A]

See, I feel like a gooneral. It doesn't have to involve you gooning. It's just more all of them understanding that this member of our gooning community is gone. And that pillar, that corner of our gooner world. I can't hear that. It's like, you know, the clicks of your dog's nails.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

How comforting that is.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. When they're always there and they're walking on the forgunis.

[A]

The sound of.

[B]

Well, is it that fast or is it just like slow like.

[A]

Let's just face it, Eddie, a lot of these guys can't get hard or come Anyway.

[B]

I think that it's gonna have to be like a lot of slapping. You gotta slap your penis to keep it awake, you know. And then like, you know, I, I, I don't know. I've never gooned. I never, I never goned. I always, you know, shoot the win.

[A]

You know, I mean, again, I'm on.

[B]

A time, I'm on a time limit.

[A]

I'm a results oriented person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're a person, that must. I. I am not clock on it. I'm not wasting my time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To not come. That's why I don't even like strip clubs. I love strippers, but I don't like strip clubs.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because it feels weird to be hard in a public place with friends.

[B]

Yeah. Well, you don't have to get hard. You can just have fun looking at boobies.

[A]

But she's touching your ding dong.

[B]

You don't have to get a lap dance.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I've never had.

[B]

You can just sit there and watch.

[A]

I got a lap, got a lap dance one time at the Claremont from a seven year old woman.

[B]

You have to do it. That's Claremont.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

No, that's, it's, you know, if I ever went to the Claremont, I would have to get, I would have to get a laptop.

[A]

We will be going to the Claremont in Atlanta.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

When we had there in June. I think that we should go and host an after party at the club.

[B]

I think that's a very good idea.

[A]

Now our wives will love it.

[B]

As someone who worked at Hooters, we, we would run into this kind of. Sometimes like guys would go in the bathroom and start jerking off and like that. And we'd got to kick them out and stuff like that. There was guys that would leave like, you know, like horrible tips for the girls. Like they like half a hundred dollar bill or something like that in a room key, you know, like bunch of horrib human beings.

[A]

Yeah. That's not cool.

[B]

And so I think but like when I look at this bikini beans place, it seems like it's worse than Hooters.

[A]

What?

[B]

It seems like.

[A]

You mean to tell me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That there are business slash morality issues with a bikini barista coffee institution in Arizona, our most pure state. Well, there, one of the best states in the union is going to have a problem with 16 to 18 year olds in bikinis in what I would only describe as easy rape huts.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That I feel that it would be. You think that there's might be problems?

[B]

It's so weird because I have to wear it when I worked in the kitchen. I used to have to wear a hairnet, you know and like a bikini just seems like, you know, they.

[A]

None of. They don't got bushes anymore. Half of them.

[B]

I know, but still.

[A]

But your hair, you had hair down to your back butt. Yeah, of course. You had to have a hair net. I wore.

[B]

I wore a hat. I'm just saying everyone had to have a hair net or something.

[A]

Not the ladies.

[B]

Yes, they do. They have. Not on the floor. Oh no, not the servers.

[A]

Yeah, not on the floor.

[B]

But they're making coffee.

[A]

Coffee though. Coffee. It's just coffee. It's just coffee. But there. But part of me thinks Hooters has an as like walls. Hooters has another staff. It's got a bunch of angry health insurance. It has some security and it's a bunch of stuff where this is just a loneliness own 18 year old in a bikini just waiting to be harassed.

[B]

Yeah. That is the problem with the bikini. Beans, coffees. It seems like. Because like.

[A]

But I also love it though.

[B]

I actually like shirts and shorts. This is a bikini.

[A]

But I also. I like the concept. I do. I like the concept. I think that they should be allowed to make this concept. I don't mind this. I just think that.

[B]

I think that hiring the age of the women that work there should be a little higher.

[A]

I. Yeah.

[B]

Honestly, if you're.

[A]

I'm going to put it this way. If I was a businessman. Owner.

[B]

Right.

[A]

If I was a business owner of a bikini beans. Minimum 35.

[B]

Oh yeah. No, that's how you get a real employee to be.

[A]

I think a lot of people should. To be honest, if we focus more on the MILF end of this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Think about how much more money you'd make. Like oat milf.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Coming down to oat mil.

[B]

Yeah, no, exactly.

[A]

Like oat milfs is fun.

[B]

Yeah. I like this a lot. I like where you're going with you. Because like percent milf then you could be 25, 28.

[A]

Like legal. And that's crazy. Legal.

[B]

And you what, 50?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that you. Because a mil can hold her ground. You get a 40 year old woman in there and she's going to be like you watch your mouth you bastard. You know what I mean? Like that's what we need. Unless that makes them harder than ever before.

[B]

But I just think it's up. Like, first of all, these kids don't know how awful they're being. Or they do know how awful they're being, but it's like. It's like the Goon Lords doing the Gooner.

[A]

You think it's bad?

[B]

What are you talking about?

[A]

It's like a candlelight vigil for a pervert.

[B]

We don't even know that this guy was gooning. We don't even know he's a Gooner.

[A]

Well, he wasn't not goning.

[B]

Well, he was. He was. We don't know. He could have been about to come.

[A]

I didn't see that. If you look at the video again, he's not.

[B]

He just got to the window.

[A]

His pants are not there.

[B]

No, they're not there.

[A]

Unless he's wearing very thin leggings.

[B]

I think your hero is a fraud.

[A]

Yes, I agree. I don't think that, Eddie, you're right.

[B]

They're modeling themselves off of some guy who committed suicide. The moment he gets caught gooning.

[A]

You know what it is?

[B]

Should be fucking thankful he got caught if he wants to be their hero.

[A]

You know what it is? To be honest, it's not about this, man. It's about gooning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not about nautica. It's about other Gooners coming together and be like, if we could just find a safe place for us to be.

[B]

It's certainly not the parking lot of a coffee shop.

[A]

Jizrel. If we could form Jizrel. Oh, I like for the gunas.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

They can go down there to Jizrel and they can all goon together as a community.

[B]

Yeah, we'll give them Galveston.

[A]

Let's give them Galveston. If we can section off Galveston, we'll give it to the goas. They can fit in there. And they can. Because again, it's more. Just don't rub your lifestyle in. In our face. I don't want it anywhere else. Literally. Don't rub it in my face. I want you to go down to with Benjamin Nutanyahu in Jiswill and just. And then finally, maybe they can come.

[B]

Nut and yagu, please.

[A]

Thank you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not fully. I'm not fully. I fully fluid in goonish.

[B]

Well, I wanted to say one thing. I don't think anyone should be going to these Bikini Bean stores because they do not treat their employees correctly. I just did a brief search. And then first of all, there's no. The applications all about like your social media and none of it's about. They don't even need to put their age on the application.

[A]

No. And there is absolutely no. I just feel like the coffee is suffering.

[B]

Yeah, well, the coffee's got to be bad, you know, But I don't know.

[A]

But again, we're sure we are coming. Five stars. Five stars. Look at this. Girls of Bikini serving coffee. Coffee was good. Service with good girls were nice. Dragon B, that's Westwood, New Jersey. Arguably a sexist concept, but it seems to be done for what it is and it's in good fun. Brian tried. Brian even tried to neg it. He even tried to say, I don't like it. He had to basically say, you know what?

[B]

In the end.

[A]

And yeah, it's allowed. This is something that if President Eisenhower had looked upon, he'd be like, and that's why we fought the Japanese. That's what our American flags are for.

[B]

They used to have this horrible concept there at the Bikini Beans. Are you ready for this? They would make you pay for your training. So if you got trained there, you would then owe them $300 before you ever got a paycheck.

[A]

Arizona, according to Matt H. I follow Bikini Beans coffee on Instagram because of their beautiful baristas. I stopped at this business while I was visiting Tempe. Their coffee is very good and the service is friendly. They were a bit slow getting my odor out. It was great seeing the beautiful ladies and their smiles. I was disappointed when I was unable to get a picture with the girls. They said they couldn't come outside and stay inside the building. Yes. And it's a good rule. Yes. They're like a thing that if, if we stay like we in the bulletproof glass, like we don't get taken, you know, like, it's just like girls keep getting taken, you know. So according back to Matt H. If you want to get a picture, they said if you stop by about closing time, you can get a picture with them. So a perfect time to stop here would probably be between 9:30 and 10pm Is this what the manager told them?

[B]

This is when the girls are alone talking to their cops. Stars.

[A]

Girls, run. Run. He gave it us three stars because he couldn't touch him.

[B]

Good God.

[A]

He couldn't wrap his meaty yelping paws around him.

[B]

Indianapolis, Matt H. Oh, the India.

[A]

I can't even imagine the sadness inside of the Indianapolis Bikini Beans. Oh, my God, what that must be like, because I just feel like the Indianapolis Bikini means it just has me working there.

[B]

That's for scooning if you live there.

[A]

Hey, you want a red eye or a black guy?

[B]

My eyes are up here.

[A]

They don't. Hey, they don't there.

[B]

I don't think.

[A]

Hey, buddy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You think they're bringing out bridget when it's 20 degrees out? No, they got me, Barnaby.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

All right. I got the tents to file out the suit. You got a problem with it?

[B]

Gooning in Indianapolis is just jerking off a bratwurst.

[A]

I can't believe it will not come. Gooning in Indianapolis, I think is. God, that's my. It's gonna be my album here. You got give us some stories before we get out here, we gotta run through some stories.

[B]

Well, this one. If we only get to one. This one, I feel like sparks a debate here. A woman used fart selfies to harass a partner's ex. Okay.

[A]

A woman. Yeah, yeah. This is. Yeah, this is interesting.

[B]

This is interesting. All right. A woman who sent videos of herself passing wind in a series of harassing messages. Messages to her boyfriend's ex partner has been given a community order. That's right.

[A]

Yeah. She got 12 months of parole. She got sending fart videos for.

[B]

Sending fart videos now over what?

[A]

This is uk.

[B]

This is uk.

[A]

This is the uk. So that's a part of it to remember.

[B]

Yeah, this is definitely the UK. She sent more than three more fart selfies to Deborah on WhatsApp on December 22, right before Christmas. Maybe that's why it was. Could have been a gift.

[A]

People are upset.

[B]

Four more in the following one was Boxing Day. Yeah.

[A]

She got at New Year's Day.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Which is honestly, you know, you got your biggest fart saved up for those days.

[B]

Oh, my God. You been eating ham after Christmas dinner.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Christmas Day, you've been pounding the ham and then you've been drinking. Especially in. In the uk they're drinking all the nog. All that beer too.

[B]

Oh, my God. Nog. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Beer runs through a woman.

[B]

So Evans was arrested at her home, admitted to sending the videos and was given a 12 month community order and felon finds. She suggested she wanted to send videos because she felt her partner was being treated unfairly and said that it was purely malicious. She was smirking throughout and found it hilarious. But the victim did not find it hilarious.

[A]

Yeah, definitely not, because that was the point. She's sending fart videos to her ex, which should be one of the most celebrated, non invasive way to tell someone to go fuck Themselves.

[B]

It really is like the most innocent way to attack your partner's ex.

[A]

But we have. We have had this happen a lot because UK has a different. What they really are more concerned with. It seems over.

[B]

They don't like farts as much as we do.

[A]

Oh, that's not true.

[B]

You don't think so? You think so?

[A]

There are just some. This is one thing I. That you'll discover even more as you research deep into things in uk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The type of horny that are really gross British couple are in to. You know, I mean with the big ears, big crooked noses. Horrible Adam's apples. Spindly knees. Yes. Gray skin.

[B]

How they look. Yeah.

[A]

Right. These guys are. They're eating each other's farts. They're eating each other's. Yeah.

[B]

The nice ones.

[A]

But I'm saying they're like. That's a normal couple in some of these smaller towns in the uk. Right. Like that's what they do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So farts are like they. They've been doing farts forever. Benny Hill. Like Shakespeare. Shakespeare had fart humor. Comedy bearers as well. Hart. Fart humor. Like literally. Yes. Shakespeare. Plenty of farts. Farts are actually a huge part of the entertainment history of the uk. I'm not even being.

[B]

I stand corrected.

[A]

Facetious.

[B]

No.

[A]

Which is hilarious to even use a word.

[B]

Facetious when you're talking about fart culture.

[A]

And so far. Culture. I would never even think to be facetious about fart culture.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. And the fault. The first fart joke came back from the. From the Sumerians. That's how old fart humor is. The fact that this woman can. Can't freely send. And because it will. Because in the UK it seems as when we did the Somerset Gimp and we did a couple other people. They really. They have a. Which I do. I like.

[B]

I remember the Somerset Gimp just show up. Yeah. And get stepped on or something.

[A]

But he would jerk. He would rub his genitals in front of people. And in the UK they take that way more seriously than we do in the United States of America. They take the concept of you breaking my consent by showing me something I don't want to see. Like in America, we're just used to it. I mean, I feel like I've just seen so many people. I saw a man openly take a. I've seen men masturbate. I've seen a homeless woman's open. I've seen all that kind of stuff. Right.

[B]

And I heard about Gates is about to be the. The surgeon.

[A]

Gunnaro. Very good. Eddie got him. Taking him down a bit. Peg, they say the first joke ever recorded was a fart joke. Oh, I always remember.

[B]

Should have it. It's so silly. I mean, that's how you get kids to laugh.

[A]

It was a Sumerian proverb. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial. A young woman did not fart in her husband's lap.

[B]

Yeah, this woman said that. The reason she.

[A]

I think I actually had an Uber driver say that to me.

[B]

Well, at the time she sent the video, she had some drinks, and then she sent them. Understanding that this has caused some. The victim some distress.

[A]

Yeah, she tried to.

[B]

Yeah, she sent them. Malicious intent.

[A]

Yes, she did.

[B]

I think she sent them with malicious intent.

[A]

Yeah, she said a fart video to her fucking husband's ex. Why is this that complicated or bad?

[B]

But I'm still like, I know it's rude. Yeah. But I don't see the crime.

[A]

How is this a crime?

[B]

How is it I don't see the crime?

[A]

Side stories. LPOTL gmail.com.

[B]

I think most harassment.

[A]

I think people are put the ass.

[B]

In harassment if you could.

[A]

But, you know, I've had a couple of people even say that they think that Eddie and I take the side of the bully often only because in my. My view is I think that over punishing something stupid. I hate red tape. I hate the concept of. This is something that very much so could have been sort of handled between y'all. Right. Like, you could have been like, hey, stop sending me fart videos or I'm going to come over there and slash your tires. Or like, old school block. Yeah.

[B]

You can't block the number.

[A]

You know, you all watch it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't have to watch the fart video. You know what you also could definitely do, and I want to say this to everybody with power. You know what you can do? Close your phone. Yeah, it's on the phone.

[B]

You're on your phone too much.

[A]

All you had to do was just not look at the text from your. Your ex's new girlfriend. Why are you looking at the texts? Don't look at them. Delete them. Don't be involved. Why so many people want to go back to their exes? Why are people so obsessed with their exes? Move on. Just move the on if they're gonna text you, Billy. Great. Who cares? I'm getting cornholed by by somebody else now. I'm with that golf DJ that you knew that I was gonna be with.

[B]

You're getting Cornell by a golf Dude.

[A]

I play in the character of the.

[B]

X.

[A]

I think the ex took it too far by bringing it to the police.

[B]

Of course by being like.

[A]

Because then this is all doing is just playing you further into the ex's world.

[B]

Well, she knew she had her ass in a sling because now she's got to go to six because her phone and her ass is in.

[A]

Honestly, she. And she's not to me anything. She looks like she could really fart.

[B]

Yeah, she does look like she has some in there.

[A]

But she's cute. I like her.

[B]

She seems nice. This is a creative way to. To get revenge, even though there's no revenge to get.

[A]

Why is this a crime?

[B]

I don't know why it's a crime, but she has 60 days of alcohol, abstinence monitoring and two year restraining order against the victim.

[A]

She has to not drink for two years because of the two year.

[B]

A two year restraining order against the victim, 60 days alcohol, abstinence and 15 rehabilitation sessions.

[A]

I will say this lady must love that. I just looked up her name. Rhiannon Evans Farts. And it's just her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean that if you type in her name Farts, that's the first thing that comes up. Which is punishment enough. That's punishment enough. Okay. I really do think that the social punishment of her name now being forced forever tied to the word Farts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is enough.

[B]

I mean, I think it's great for her.

[A]

Of course she was smirking. She was physically. She was shooting herself farting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's funny to do.

[B]

It is. It is.

[A]

It was on the day after Christmas. It's hilarious.

[B]

It is funny. You got them fart. She didn't have to smell them.

[A]

Same thing with.

[B]

It's over the phone.

[A]

Oh, did you seriously. You know what? Actually, Eddie, that does bring me to. I actually could further understand if she came and farted on your pants or property even. Oh.

[B]

But still not. I don't think it's fine.

[A]

Technically, I bring the HOA in.

[B]

I had. Dude, I had this situation. Tell me what you think about this. I'm at. I. I almost got in a fight in the bathroom a couple weeks ago. I.

[A]

At work.

[B]

No, not. No, it's a. No. This is a solo bathroom. So I would have to get in a fight with myself.

[A]

About to say, yeah, like, you shouldn't be doing that.

[B]

Yeah, I would just be kicking the toilet. I got to fight. No, but.

[A]

And fighting, kissing, tugging.

[B]

So I'm at a urinal and I let a big old fart out and the guy next to me looks at me and goes, really?

[A]

I would deck him in the mouth. I was like, we've talked about this endlessly. We have talked about this on this show. We've already talked about this. Debate is settled.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You fart at the urinal. Yeah, it's a bathroom.

[B]

It's a bathroom.

[A]

You can fart.

[B]

I literally looked him like, where the. Do you want me to do it? And then he. He really immediately realized he was wrong.

[A]

Well, yeah. Yeah, because it's. First of all, don't talk.

[B]

I'm a gentleman. Also came in here and did it.

[A]

Him talking to you, you is the violation of the urinal code.

[B]

Yeah, I got my dick out.

[A]

The only way you're supposed to talk to each other if you go, like, if the only thing he ever should have done was nice. Yes, exactly. That's what. That's what a man is supposed to do. And that's why. That's why. You know who's really good at this? Trans men.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You get them in that bathroom because they are. They can't. Like, that's what I like is a hardcore trans man. You could do that thing where you go, like, dude. What the. Dude? And they are ready to. To go. They are farting. They are. They don't give a. Dude. They're low down, man. They're going to go out there, they're going to fight for you, man.

[B]

Yeah, man, I. I got so mad.

[A]

Yeah. That makes me want to get other CIS men out. You can't handle a fart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is a bathroom, dog. This is civil war going on.

[B]

Yes. I'm farting. I'm farting.

[A]

We know this, though. But we've already. We know this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the audience knows us.

[B]

Well, I think we should get to some listener mail.

[A]

Yeah, let's get to some listener mail. Eddie.

[B]

There was a. There was a podiatrist who got caught jerking off at people, but we don't need it.

[A]

Well, honestly, the most disgusting thing about the podiatrist was the fact that he was a podiatrist without a license, which I think is what kind of pervert you have to be to voluntarily be.

[B]

A podiatrist and then jerking off while you're touching feet all day.

[A]

Well, he touched it. Well, it's also the sad part about. I mean, now we're doing the story. He got caught because he got. He jerked off in that front window. Right. And then the lady. Lady called. He's like, I think somebody's jerking off my front window. And then the saddest assignment that a cop had to get, which was then put on duty watching that window and had to watch the man go jerk off at the window. Watch him leave. Go collect the come in a little cup.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To go make sure it's the guy.

[B]

That's a bad job.

[A]

Yeah. That's all your job is.

[B]

If this guy was a gooner, he would have never gotten caught.

[A]

See Gunas.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Some goonists have a point. No material left behind.

[B]

But also, I just really. I've brought this up. Last time we talked about a come bandit. They're not stealing come. They're leaving it. Don't call them bandits.

[A]

And it's sick of this. It's because it's not. No banditry is happening.

[B]

These people being called cum bandits, they are just.

[A]

They are essentially. They are mailman for ejaculate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. So let's think. You're right, Eddie. Thank you.

[B]

So mad.

[A]

You should. All right, so here we go. Let's talk a little bit about this. I got a couple of go. I got a couple. These two letters in a row that I'm excited about. I was peripherally involved in a UAP incident at Vandenberg Air Force Base in 2003. I just transferred to Vandenberg Air Force Base as security forces staff sergeant. In late October, early November, I was assigned to Delta flight, which was the night shift. The master sergeant in charge was giving me the tour of all the secured areas before I actually started working. He told me that he needed to stop by. The LE desk was what we call the police station for the base. The master sergeant went into his office and I decided to get to know the two guys working there that night. After a while, they asked if I could watch the office while they stepped out for a smoke. A couple of minutes later, the phone phone rang. A woman claiming to be a dispatcher with California Highway Patrol was asking me if we had any planes in the air. I told her that due to security reasons, I couldn't give her that information. She then said that two chips were pulled over on Highway 1, which ran through Vandenberg and were observing green lights over the base. I immediately thought this was a case of play a prank on the new guy. But the two guys stopped smoking and ran in. They recognized the dispatcher on the phone as one as they have communicated with in the passed. So she was legit. After a brief conversation, they laughed off the incident and politely ended the call. Just then, the flight chief darted out of his office. And sped off. I was stranded at the LE desk for a few hours. Just before sunrise, he returned, saying he had taken eight sworn statements from security forces members across the base who had all seen a, quote, red cube moving silently over overhead. That was the last I heard of the incident until yesterday when I saw a program covering the incident on Vice. Yes. Which is true that it was the cube event. There is a cube event.

[B]

There is a big. Is there multiple cube events?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. And cube is a new. This is a new shape.

[A]

Cube's been around. There's been cubes.

[B]

I know.

[A]

They're just weird.

[B]

So it's just like a floating square? Or is it. Or like this? Or is it like a. Like it's kind of cube.

[A]

It's got. Or it's got edges.

[B]

You keep saying cube. But how many sides? Like, it looks like a. But that. The one that Rob.

[A]

That's not a cube.

[B]

That looks like a DND die.

[A]

Yes. Because that's not a cube.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That's a cube.

[B]

But that also looks like a DND die.

[A]

It's because you're seeing it. It's semi translucent. So as you could see through it. Because that's kind of what they're saying. It seems to be sort of like a glass box, a glass cube, and it's something inside of it. That's mostly what we see. We don't know what the hell that is.

[B]

So cubes are. This is old news. Kind of.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

All right.

[A]

But this is new news. This next one's new news.

[B]

All right. All right.

[A]

That was a kite that's found out to be a balloon. Unfortunately. Now this one, I think that it's also going to bring on some conversation.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Because I really think that this is egregious.

[B]

You're right.

[A]

I'm gonna throw up. This week's segment on buffet related crimes.

[B]

Oh, please.

[A]

Reminds me of a crime that I witnessed many years ago. My husband and I were out at our local Chinese buffet. Unusual. Enjoying our usual date night dinner after working up a mighty appetite. Canoeing and swimming all day. I know what that coat for. Yeah.

[B]

Getting canoed butt sex. Yeah. G, G, now you're gone too far. I'm trying to figure out a new one.

[A]

I know. I applaud you.

[B]

Gooner. Or later going to get you.

[A]

Or later come is going to get you. I eagerly grabbed my plate, ready to slam my holes all full. That's how it says. And get into the line, ready to load up on some Americanized Chinese goodness. To my horror, I saw an Enormously fat woman in line directly ahead of me, picking out all the remaining beef out of the beef and broccoli.

[B]

It's rude, but I have.

[A]

Oh, no, it's allowed. It is not. I would be upset. Yeah, it is allowed.

[B]

Especially out of the broccoli.

[A]

So you mean to tell me this is a dish by the name of beef and broccoli? You don't just get to pick out the meat and leave none for everyone else. Doing that kind of shit in public makes all of us either all of the rest of us fat people look bad. He's correct.

[B]

Or you lose weight because you're just going to have broccoli.

[A]

But no, still covering the sauce. Same.

[B]

Same.

[A]

Right. I went back to my table with my beef and broccoli list plate and complained bitterly to my husband. But Faith staff did put out a new tray within 10 minutes. Of course.

[B]

Great.

[A]

But the damage was done. To this day, the beef and broccoli lady is mentioned in our house when discussing shamelessly gluttonous behavior. Yeah, because that's the truth. Don't let people see it. You know, I get it. People don't like vegetables. You need to learn to like vegetables.

[B]

Oh, God. I just got a lecture today.

[A]

You gotta like vegetables, but the people don't like vegetables. But you got to mix them in and you got to at least pretend for other people. Yeah, pretend for other people. You know what? I do think.

[B]

But she could have been. It could have been one of those situations where, you know, like, sometimes you're at a Chinese buffet and they will, like, take the food you don't eat and, like, weigh it and charge you.

[A]

That does happen.

[B]

And this. She knew she wasn't going to eat the broccoli and she didn't want to get charged.

[A]

Well, she should just do something that has no broccoli in it whatsoever.

[B]

Well, then there's. Then you need to put out a beef only dish. Where's the Mongolian beef? I don't think that was there.

[A]

It's. There's a beef and broccoli dash. You can just eat some of the broccoli. That's what I think you need.

[B]

You can. She can eat some of the broccoli. But I'm just. I'm giving. I'm saying I understand where she's coming from.

[A]

I think this might actually cause some Debate. Side stories. LPOTL gmail.com. yeah, I do feel like there are people that will say that it's a buffet. You're allowed to pick elements.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But part of me Thinks that I hate pea shoots. Well, just the concept of you.

[B]

There was a chicken and there were pea shoots in there. I would work around the pea shoots, especially if I was able to do it.

[A]

I'm just locked in by a sense of a supreme food based embarrassment. Like the idea of choosing the ends of the meat that are left would make me. I know that I'm disappointing someone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And because I know.

[B]

But you also are a line cutter.

[A]

I'm not a line cutter.

[B]

Yeah, you admitted.

[A]

No, I'm not.

[B]

Last week you said you cut the line.

[A]

I was a. Absolved by people saying that. No, it's true. On a second swipe through, you can go to the food that you want.

[B]

Yeah, you were absolved by a bunch of other rude goons.

[A]

No, no, Good guys, good people.

[B]

Yeah, People who also cut the line.

[A]

Places to go, things to do, people to see, things to make.

[B]

Nah, man.

[A]

Love to make.

[B]

You're at a buffet. You shouldn't be in a rush if you're at a buffet.

[A]

Yeah, you. Sometimes you have to be because business calls. Calls.

[B]

It is a quick way to get food.

[A]

It is. Well, just know the other. There's some rules. People say, don't double dip. Be respectful, wait your turn in line. Give the other diner space. Sure. But still, I was. I'm just looking for a break in the. In the. Don't eat in the line. Don't tell me what to do. These rules are wrong.

[B]

You should not.

[A]

This is Google AI. Go. I don't want to listen to Google AI. No, no, you can eat in the line. What? Yeah.

[B]

No, you can't.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

That is unsanitary.

[A]

You really think you can't eat in the buffet line?

[B]

Well, I have trauma because when I was a child, got caught eating mushrooms at the Ponderosa. Right out of the. Not mushrooms, marshmallows. Out of the. Out of the. Right out of the. The dip. And then. And it was right by the soft serve and I was just eating the marshmallows and I went back to my table and then the guy who. The manager came over and he's like, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid of. You all have to leave because this child was eating the marshmallows. And then I was like six. What the. Yeah. So I can.

[A]

This is really.

[B]

My father was happy though, because he got a free meal for all of us.

[A]

You know, I did not know what I stumbled upon.

[B]

Especially in a ponderation, I do feel.

[A]

Like, yes, I see why you're upset and why you are Upset. Why? This is as this story really does ring true for you.

[B]

Oh my God. The crime wave that has a midnight buffet every night. Dude, I'm gonna be a king of that midnight buffet.

[A]

You have a. Can't live.

[B]

Wait every day some goddamn shrimp.

[A]

You live every day this Thursday, this Friday waiting for those tick come out for this cruise and then you are going to love the fact that you have purchased not even two. I'm saying one ticket. Yes to the cross.com left this Friday and then you're gonna laugh your entire cruise when you're out there. Because we are going to cause some mayhem on this cruise. But we can only do it if you're there. And I mean this. We don't get more money if we sell more tickets. We're literally on a. There's not even. I mean it. We are literally. Do I need you to come?

[B]

There are going to be some normies there who are going to be very upset about what they're see usa.

[A]

It's going to be wonderful and you're going to love. And that's why all I'm saying is that like so we like. We're not even pushing tickets because we make more money to sell the fucking tickets. We're literally pushing.

[B]

I just want to be there.

[A]

I want you there. I want you to see what in the living hell this is going to be.

[B]

Sinister Hood is also doing it. So that's going to be cool.

[A]

They're there and I'm certain they'll be doing a lot of stuff. So you can bring your white wine and you sit.

[B]

You guys, you can't bring the white wine. You have to buy what's on the boat.

[A]

Yeah. Then you bring it to the show.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Some of these ladies. There's going to be some intense ladies.

[B]

We're bringing our wives.

[A]

Oh, very.

[B]

For protection. I was actually thinking about bringing extra security.

[A]

I just. I wanted. I. You know who I want is the crew from. What's his name? I'm from the Gaddafi.

[B]

Oh, Gaddafi. You know the crew security didn't do a great job. I must say. It's cuz when he wasn't a good boss. Anal knifing.

[A]

Yeah, he wasn't a good boss. That's the problem. I'm a great Boss. Go to patreon.com lastpodcast and left and watch me be a great boss on side stories. Kane Pixels. Yeah, Kane Pixels is already here. Our doc. Our. Our interview with that child went great.

[B]

Yeah. So much smarter than very intelligent. It was intimidating in A weird way.

[A]

And talking with him, I felt like I wanted to ask advice of him.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In my mind, I'm like, I gotta give this kid advice. Then I'm like, what are you talking about? He's directing a movie.

[A]

He knows everything. He knows everything. He's very, very smart. Go check that out and go to on our socials at LP on the left. You can go check it out on Tik Tok. Go help give China leg up over on Tik Tok and go to Twitch TV lpntv to watch our Twitch streams. And then go to our YouTube channel, where we currently have, honestly, I think our greatest triumph and good pud.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, it was a great episode.

[A]

I love our episode of the. The. The New Year's Eve resolution checkup.

[B]

Yeah. Bad Cop, Fat Cop.

[A]

Yep. It's really fun.

[B]

And also Tomorrow on Thursday, fat February 6th is the Hoopa Goo game. We're coming back. HGX2. Natalie's gonna be on the show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We got Frank Castillo and Mike Lawrence.

[A]

That's gonna be so much fun.

[B]

It's gonna be a really great one. And then make sure you check us out on the road. We got February 22nd in Dallas, March 14th in Nashville at the Ryman Auditorium. And then side Stories. Just Henry and I is going to be in Huntsville on March 16. We got April 18, Detroit, May 3 to Toronto, June 28, Atlanta. The 29th is already sold out for side Stories at Dad's Garage, the other one.

[A]

But we are ready to go. These. These shows are going to be great. I can't wait.

[B]

And then we're going to announce some more Florida dates coming up for side Stories. And I'm doing a full solo standup tour, which I'll be announcing next week in Florida in March and in May. So get ready for that if you live in Florida. It's going to be a lot of fun. I love you guys.

[A]

Yeah. Hell, yeah. Hail sitting hell.

[B]

You know what? Hail Satan. Again.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah. And you know. And down with the Gooners.

[A]

Hey, man, I say up with the Gooners. And why don't you go ahead and come, guys?

[B]

Yeah, just come.

[A]

Here's your permission. Use your permission to come.

[B]

Just give it a shot once. See how it goes.

[A]

Just once we get them, then we can kind of get their brains back.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get rid of one, because I think you're backed up with all that extra semen. It's making you make some bad decisions.

[A]

We're supposed to come, guys.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Like, you want to get it out of your prostate. You want to be coming at least 20 times a month for the sake of lowering your pro. Literally just to lower your state. Your get possibility of getting prostate cancer. Yeah, so. So goon it for your health.

[B]

Don't goon it for your. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. C it for your health.