Santa Claus Strikes Back

Summary

Laugh With Me – "Santa Claus Strikes Back"

Podcast: Laugh With Me
Host: Jeremy Odem
Guest: Santa Claus (St. Nick, Father Christmas)
Date: December 20, 2025

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Episode Overview

This festive episode welcomes back Santa Claus for his first visit since 2023. Host and comedian Jeremy Odem, with co-hosts and producer Johnny, invite Santa for a tongue-in-cheek, candid conversation that is anything but the usual jolly North Pole routine. Instead, listeners are treated to a disarmingly honest, often grumpy, and sharp-witted Father Christmas who vents about everything from AI taking over the Naughty/Nice list to the perils of egg shortages, the Grinch's media overexposure, and even his own "retirement" ambitions and marital woes. Jeremy and Santa riff on contemporary culture, Christmas logistics, and, in classic podcast spirit, roast each other and their friends. The episode culminates in a rapid-fire Naughty/Nice list review of notable figures—both personal and celebrity—with biting Santa commentary.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Santa’s Gruff Mood and Italian Grievances (04:26–07:03)

• Return of Santa: Santa’s been absent since 2023, and Jeremy welcomes him with a list of international aliases, which Santa quickly rebuffs.
• No Gifts for Italians: Santa humorously claims that he’s banned all Italians from getting Christmas gifts due to the actions of Luigi Gallinate, a 19th-century anarchist.
  • Santa: “Ever since Luigi Gallinate ruined it for them…there has not been an Italian getting any Christmas gifts for at least four generations.” (06:07–07:03)

2. Santa’s Health Regimen and Expectations (07:28–09:18)

• Spin Class and Staying Spry: Santa boasts about a new high score in a spin class and contends with Jeremy’s not-so-subtle body shaming.
• Fat Santa Stereotype: Santa points out holiday media’s expectation for him to be fat, referencing claymation classics where Mrs. Claus nags him to gain weight.
  • Santa: “They expect a fat Santa.” (08:36)
• On His Fitness: Santa parodies the late Chris Farley’s lifestyle, “a lot of alcohol, a lot of cocaine, and some working out so I can run around like a crazy man...one night a year.” (09:06–09:17)

3. Modern Christmas Challenges: Egg Shortages & Cookie Disrespect (10:16–13:59)

• Press Resentment: Santa dislikes unpaid "press outings" and jokes about monetizing his image.
• Egg Shortage Fallout: The North American egg shortage led to parents substituting strange cookie ingredients (like duck fat) for Santa’s snacks, causing deep offense:
  • Santa: “All of a sudden, I'm the second class citizen here. Give those cookies to your family. I'm bringing gifts. I'm working my butt off for that…Get me some good cookies.” (12:06–12:34)
  • Jeremy likens Santa’s treatment to “people treating the cookies like dog scraps.”

4. Santa vs. AI: The Naughty/Nice List Crisis (14:38–17:47)

• Santa’s AI Disaster: In 2018 Santa tried AI to sort the Naughty/Nice list, and the result? “Everybody was naughty. I mean, it was a great year for me.” (14:49–15:00)
  • Santa: “Now kids are using AI to generate the letter to Santa...instead of three sentences, I get eight paragraphs that go nowhere.” (16:16–16:42)
• AI-Induced Elf Unemployment?: Santa complains he may need AI to decipher the AI-generated letters, leading to the loss of real elf jobs.
• Monetary Woes: He jokes about the costs of decoding AI letters, “That’s why I gotta monetize this because I ain’t making nothing right now.” (17:21–17:32)

5. Changing of the Guard: Leadership and Elf HR (22:43–25:05)

• Santa’s Step-Back Role: Jokingly admits delegating all management to Mrs. Claus and cranky elves.
• Elf Performance Reviews: Formerly handled by Santa but now assigned to “Cranky” or “Crunchy” Elf.
• Tragedy at the North Pole: Santa claims the “Corona Elf” was eaten by the Abominable Snowman post-dentist’s death—riffing on “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’s” plot.
• Santa: “That wasn’t so much a movie. That was like a biography.” (25:35–25:49)

6. Santa’s Ennui: Quiet Quitting & Marital Woes (26:19–29:28)

• Quiet Quitting: Jeremy accuses Santa of coasting, delegating, and losing touch. Santa echoes the burnout, “It was never my intention to do this as long as I have.” (26:43)
• Mrs. Claus Leaves: Santa reveals Mrs. Claus “went to Venice” a year and a half ago, and claims it’s “no big deal”—but his therapist recommended facing his issues on the podcast.
• Shadow Banning Jeremy: Santa admits to holding a grudge and “shadow banning” Jeremy McCarthy after Mrs. Claus’s last appearance on the pod.

7. Pop Culture and the Grinch Overshadowing Santa (20:11–21:42)

• Grinch Resentment: Santa is peeved by the Grinch’s overwhelming presence in commercials and pop culture despite being “the guy who hates Christmas.”
  • Santa: “Why is he getting all the spotlights?...The whole point of his character is that he hates Christmas.” (20:18–20:39)
• Walter Goggins as the Grinch: Santa finds out about the actor’s new role and threatens to put him on the naughty list.

8. The Naughty/Nice List Rapid Fire (34:12–46:11)

A lightning round where Jeremy proposes the following figures for Santa’s judgment—with commentary:

• O.J. Simpson – “Dead.” (35:55)
• Turkey from Jeremy’s Story – “Dead.” (36:10)
• Patrick Mahomes – “Nice…Are you sure you want to go into this?...I know the deal that you made.” (36:18–36:43)
• Lavetti Vegas (former guest) – “Nice…but barely. He’s gotta take care of himself in the DMs.” (37:05–37:18)
• Kyle Oda (Jeremy’s brother) – “Nice.” (37:35)
• Lane Kiffin (football coach) – “Naughty…No remorse. So, yeah, it’s a naughty Lane.” (37:42–38:27)
• Jim Harbaugh (former Michigan coach) – “Nice…But only because the list was set before November.” (38:34–39:29)
• Philip Rivers (NFL QB) – “Nice. Permanently on the nice list…he’s getting very, very close to the household with the most individual deliveries.” (39:41–40:07)
• Johnny Palermo (Producer) – Santa is harsh, referencing a bad gift basket and Palermo’s partial Italian heritage but admits, “I put him on the list to even get considered in the first place.” (43:12–43:28)
• Eric Larson (2025 Guest of the Year) – “Nice. Very tall guy. Handsome. Sound sleeper.” (43:53–44:32)
• Dez Pearson (child, nominee) – “Naughty. He’s got to be nicer to his wife.” (44:47–45:08)
• Cisco (musician) – “Nice. Gave him 50 years on the nice list for ‘the song of a generation.’” (45:20–45:43)
• Taylor Swift – “Naughty…Did you listen to her new album? Tons of premarital sex.” (46:10–46:24)
• Grant Pearson (movie reviewer) – “Nice. I actually follow him on Letterboxd.” (46:37–47:09)
• Joe Exotic (Tiger King, in prison) – “Pending…But if you’re in prison, you broke the law. You’re on the naughty list.” (49:44–50:17)

9. Santa’s ‘Controversial’ Sauna Session with Jeffrey Epstein (51:55–53:59)

• Epstein Connection: Santa is evasive and awkwardly deflects questions about being in a hot tub with Epstein.
  • Santa: "Just hanging in the sauna, eating ice cream. It was a Christmas miracle." (53:48–53:59)
  • Jeremy bluntly presses, “A man that's very involved with children probably doesn’t want involved in this is all I'm saying.” (53:03)

10. Philosophical Santa – The Meaning of Christmas? (54:31–54:49)

• Santa Summarizes the Season: With a final, almost existential shrug, he says:
  • “I just think of the meaning of the season…Gifts delivered by Santa. Somebody that loves Christmas, that loves merriment and mirth. When's the last time you mirthed?” (54:31–54:49)
• Jeremy admits to being overdue, to which Santa aptly replies:
  • “That's why you're so restless at night.” (54:49–54:55)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Press Junkets:

  • “I am different in the mall because I'm on the clock…I don't know what the audience…of this show is, but Santa ain't getting no kickback.” – Santa Claus (10:16–10:47)

• On cookies:

  • “Get me some good cookies.” – Santa Claus (12:26–12:34)

• On AI:

  • “Kids now are just putting it in there and it's spitting out gibberish…I need an AI that can read the letters and then spit me out a thing. And you know what that's going to say? A bill.” – Santa Claus (16:16–17:21)

• On Mrs. Claus Leaving:

  • “She went to Venice. Hanging out there. It's no big deal. I'm sure she'll be back.” – Santa Claus (28:13–28:24)

• On Taylor Swift’s New Album:

  • “Did you listen to her new album? Tons of premarital sex…Santa, Santa, don't go for that.” – Santa Claus (46:15–46:24)

• On Handling Awkward Situations:

  • “Anytime I run into something uncomfortable...I just think of the meaning of the season.” – Santa Claus (54:26–54:34)

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Selected Timestamps for Key Segments

• [04:26] – Santa’s return; Italian ban riff
• [07:28] – Spin class & Santa’s physique
• [10:16] – Santa vents about press and egg shortages
• [14:38] – Discussion about AI ruining the Naughty/Nice list
• [20:11] – The Grinch overshadowing Santa
• [22:43] – Elf HR and tragic backstory
• [26:43] – Santa’s feelings about 'quiet quitting'
• [34:12] – Start of the Naughty/Nice List lightning round
• [46:10] – Taylor Swift’s “naughty” status explanation
• [51:55] – Probing Santa’s ties to Jeffrey Epstein
• [54:31] – On the meaning of Christmas and “mirth”

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Tone & Style

Jeremy and Santa maintain a quick, sarcastic, roast-heavy banter reminiscent of classic irreverent comedy podcasts. Santa's character swings between self-deprecating, world-weary, and sharp-tongued, with moments of surprising vulnerability and offbeat philosophical insights. The tone is cheeky, contemporary, and at times pushes into dark comedy, especially in riffs about Santa’s burnout, controversial associations, and pop culture grievances.

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In Sum:
This episode flips the typical holiday script, showing a battle-hardened Father Christmas whose patience for both modernity and tradition is wearing thin. Despite it all, Santa’s underlying affection for the season emerges—if only when reminded to “mirth.” The result is both a comic deconstruction of holiday mythology and a sly commentary on burnout, cultural change, and the pitfalls of public image in a digital age.

Transcript

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[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

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[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

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[Santa Claus]

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[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

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[Santa Claus]

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[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

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[Santa Claus]

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[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Welcome back and Merry Christmas. It's a brand new episode of Laugh with Me podcast with Jeremy Oto, Bobby Holmes, Jo and we've got a guest who hasn't been on the show. Well, since 2023. It's been. It's been a minute, but this is. This is what they call in the business baguette. This is the man of the hour and we're going to just dive right into it. He's here. He's waiting. He's on short time. He is a giant in the transportation industry. He is delivering gifts since the fourth century. A favorite of all children worldwide. The 2023 guest of the year nominee. This is St. Nicholas, St. Nick, Father Christmas. Some people even call him Kris Kringle. Some might know him as the man with the Bag. Some people, that's what they call a drug dealer. But not me. I know him as Sinterklaus or maybe even Babo Natale. You know him as the Santa Claus. Johnny. Welcome, Santa. Welcome back to laugh with Me, Santa.

[Santa Claus]

Although I would state that I don't like to use that Italian pronunciation.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

That last one was Italian for Father Christmas. Good job.

[Santa Claus]

I mean, as everybody knows, Italians don't get gifts from Santa.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Is that true?

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, ever since Luigi Gallinate.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, my.

[Santa Claus]

Ruined it all for them.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

What did he do?

[Santa Claus]

He was a famous anarchist.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, okay.

[Santa Claus]

He'd throw bombs at people.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Smith. So a man. All right, hold on.

[Santa Claus]

Surest way. Surest way to get on the naughty list.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Santa is coming out swinging immediately. You, the man famously known for individually putting people good list, naughty list, and you are now crossing out all Italians because of one man's doing.

[Santa Claus]

I mean, that was 110 years ago.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, so that was. But you really had to dial in after that, is what you were.

[Santa Claus]

Oh, yeah, yeah. So that's why I was surprised he didn't know that, because they're. There has not been an Italian getting any Christmas gifts for at least four generations.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

I don't. I don't really keep tabs on the Italians. I'm gonna be honest with you. My apologies to any Italians that listen to the pod. But anyways, we're here. We're excited. Santa Claus is here. First time you've been here in two years. Just, I guess, welcome. Like, how's. We're gonna get into a lot. We're actually. We're gonna go through your naughty list. Like, we're gonna get through all that. But first, how's the season going?

[Santa Claus]

I set a new high score for my spin class. Got recognized by the teacher. They. They said that I was riding really, really fast, dear.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So spin class, is this you? So you work out?

[Santa Claus]

Yes.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Your physique would say otherwise. Whoa. That's not fat shaming. I just want to put that out there right now. I'm not fat shaming. I'm just saying. Look at you, Santa.

[Santa Claus]

I'm not happy.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay. In general or by my question about.

[Santa Claus]

Your line of question.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, okay. I just want to clarify. All right. My apologies, Santa.

[Santa Claus]

Well, have you never watched a Christmas program? Have you ever seen Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? The. The old classic claymation?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Of course.

[Santa Claus]

And what's the big thorough line that I had to act out in that I didn't. I wasn't fat enough. And Mrs. Claus was upset because what do people expect?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

That is true.

[Santa Claus]

They expect a fat Santa.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah. So why are you working out, then?

[Santa Claus]

Well, I'd like to keep really, really tone. Like, I want to be spry.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So do you spend a good chunk of the first half of the year, then just kind of working out, just kind of getting fit, and then the second half of the year kind of fattening up?

[Santa Claus]

No.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, no.

[Santa Claus]

It'S.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So then walk me through what that looks like.

[Santa Claus]

It's. It's very much. Have you seen, you know the late Chris Farley?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, yeah.

[Santa Claus]

Very prototypical of that.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So a lot of alcohol, a lot.

[Santa Claus]

Of cocaine, and some working out so that I can run around like a crazy man.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay, all right.

[Santa Claus]

One night a year.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

One night. Well, Chris, you know, Chris Farley did all that. Way more than one night a year.

[Santa Claus]

Then. Look, where is he now?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, that's a good point. This is what keeps you alive, I suppose. All right, well, rest in peace, Chris Farley. He's gone too soon, that's for sure. Well, we got Santa Claus here. We've got a lot to talk about. You seem generally in a negative mood, frankly. Generally, when we see Santa, we think of Santa. We. We talk to Santa, you know, maybe at the mall or something. We see you at the mall. It's like, oh, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas? And then I'm. I'm. You're on the pod. You know, you came here, you came to me, and let's just say you're a little down. Now. We are. We are close to this little holiday called Festivus. Let's give you an outlet. Is there anything that you're just. You want to get off your chest if you want to really feed into this negative mood you got?

[Santa Claus]

Well, I mean, first would be press outings like this. I mean, yes, I am different in the mall because I'm on the clock. Like, I'm trying to make money. I'm trying to monetize this.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

And I don't know what the. The audience or the reach of this show is, but Santa ain't getting no kickback.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So. Yeah, you hear that joke? Exotic. We're not doing kickbacks, I guess. That's for damn sure.

[Santa Claus]

But, yes, I do have a few things that have been bothering me with recent culture developments. 1600 years of doing this, and I'm seeing problems that I've never encountered before. I don't know if you're aware of it, but the North American continent had a major egg shortage this last year.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

It did. And it really caused an issue at the grocery stores with not just the availability egg. This was earlier in the year, but also the cost of eggs. I mean, there was quite the dilemma.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, true. Which I understand. You know, Santa knows. I see it.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah. You're aware of the markets.

[Santa Claus]

I'm aware of the markets. I know what happens.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Sure.

[Santa Claus]

But the problem was is that eggs were so expensive that people started substituting different ingredients into their cookies instead of the eggs, trying to save that buck. And, you know, there's been a lot of fads. There's been the protein diets and there's been the gluten free and there's been all this kind of stuff. You know, I've come to, I've come to expect that, like, I can find enjoyment in those.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay.

[Santa Claus]

But if you say I don't have an egg, so I'm going to try to make these cookies with, I don't know, like a shot of duck fat or something.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Duck fat? I guess you go over the world.

[Santa Claus]

Like, that's not good to me. No, but it's almost like the people, they had this cookie, they were like, well, that didn't work. This is gross. Let's give it to Santa. Like all of a sudden, I'm the second class citizen here. Give those cookies to your family.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

I'm bringing gifts.

[Santa Claus]

I'm working my, my butt off for that. Eight hours on Christmas Eve. Get me some good cookies.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Eight hours, huh?

[Santa Claus]

Give or take.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, you do, you do flip some time zones so you would think your actual output would be more than eight hours. But I, I digress.

[Santa Claus]

I've been doing this a long time.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

You know, more. You knew better than I knew. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is interesting that people are treating the cookie situation with you much like they would do with like a dog, you know, where they just kind of give the, the pieces that they don't want or don't like to a dog, thinking, well, the dog will eat it. That's sad.

[Santa Claus]

Santa's never thought about it that way before.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's too bad. What else you got going on? I mean, what else, what else is bugging you? I mean, the cookie thing is bad. I mean, let's be honest.

[Santa Claus]

If they could just substitute a like, ingredient for a like ingredient.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay.

[Santa Claus]

Maybe instead of giving me the goose fat, you use a goose egg instead of a duck egg.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah. So this is more of, this is, this is good information for the people to make sure that you're using appropriate ingredients for, for Santa for his cookies. That actually it makes a lot of sense.

[Santa Claus]

Maybe in just your everyday life.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

It's honestly a respect thing.

[Santa Claus]

If, if you're reading a recipe online.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

Follow the recipe.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Follow the Recipe. That makes a lot of sense, actually.

[Santa Claus]

If you need the recipe, then you don't know how to make it.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

That's fair. That's fair. I feel like you're yelling at me. I don't bake any cookies.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, I know.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay. Okay. That's just. That's good. I guess a guy who would know it'd be you. You're right. Okay. Okay, Santa. Okay. Again, I appreciate you coming on the pod. All right. Cookies. This is a bad thing. Here we are. You seem upset still. Is there anything else you want to get off your chest while you have a moment? To the people. AI, Artificial intelligence. Just in general or. What's up?

[Santa Claus]

So I've had my run ins. I've had bad experiences in the past using AI I thought it was going to help me out. I thought it was going to cut down on my workload.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

How have you. How have Santa Claus used AI?

[Santa Claus]

Well, in 2018, I used it to generate the Naughty Nice list and blew up in my face. Everybody was naughty. I mean, it was a great year for me.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

It's easy year. Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

I mean, literally we were able to just carry the gifts over and deliver them in 2019. And it was like a vacation year. So actually. Wow, that was a really good year. Yeah, that was a really, really good year.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

You might want to rethink this.

[Santa Claus]

Me and, me and Mrs. Claus, we were still going strong at that time. Like, ah, still. That was great.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Is there issues with Mrs. Claus since AI? AI. Yes. Okay.

[Santa Claus]

So the problem with it is kids today want to use it for everything. Okay, so the post office used to deliver, like they would literally deliver thousands, hundreds of thousands of letters every single day. And I had a whole team and we would go through and they would read them, compile the lists, build the gifts, put the gifts in my bag, and then I would go, you know, deliver them hopefully in under seven and a half hours. But now kids are using AI to generate the letter to Santa.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Hold on. I thought it was an eight hour work day.

[Santa Claus]

Well, give or take. Give or take. Give or take.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay.

[Santa Claus]

The kids now are just putting it in there and it's spitting out gibberish. Like, I need a whole nother team of elves just to read it. Because now instead of like Sally, age 4, sending me three sentences saying, I want Polly Pocket.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Santa Claus]

Now I get eight paragraphs that go nowhere and tell them I want a purple elephant with a polka dot hat that's missing an arm, which is obviously.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Not even a thing.

[Santa Claus]

That's not even A thing. Like, I don't even know why somebody would want that. This is like the island of misfit toys just hurled up. And that's all kids want now.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

They want the rando.

[Santa Claus]

Yes.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So, hey, this is. This is concerning.

[Santa Claus]

I'm going to have to get an AI just to decipher the AI messages. Like, I need an AI that can read the letters and then spit me out a thing. And you know what that's going to say?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

No more jobs for the elves.

[Santa Claus]

Well, no, it's just going to be a bill. I'm going to have to pay somebody.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Like, it's going to be a bill.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, Grok is going to be my new decipherer, but it's going to cost me, you know, $2 for a letter. That's why I gotta monetize this because I ain't making nothing right now.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

You were never. First of all, Santa, with all due respect, you were never in this for the money, okay? Oh, no, you were in this for the children, right?

[Santa Claus]

So, yeah, the letters, they're just way, way too long.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So. All right, so AI is causing some issues where we are just getting lost in translation with what the kids actually want for Christmas. That. That actually makes a lot of sense. Well, I mean, that's got to be it. I mean, you're. You're a fairly positive guy, Santa, from my memory, you. You have been a very positive influence in my life and a lot of kids lives. The cookie thing, I get. I get it. The AI, I didn't understand. Now I do. That's gotta be. Anything else that's. You need to get off your chest. I'm sure you're good now.

[Santa Claus]

Well, I am a paragon of positive energy.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah. 100.

[Santa Claus]

I'm always smiling. I've got the rosy cheeks.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

You do. That's from your boozing.

[Santa Claus]

Show me. Show me a skinny guy with rosy cheeks, Mr. I'm gonna judge you on your appearance.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, me, maybe. Yeah, me, skinny guy, rosy cheeks.

[Santa Claus]

I wouldn't say that's a. I wouldn't say that's a healthy rosy glow, though.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

No, that's probably a lot of truth. As a guy who knows everything about everybody, you know, this is not a healthy.

[Santa Claus]

I mean, I would say too, that just, you know, Johnny has done you no favors with the lighting in the studio.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Johnny, this guy. I'm gonna tell you right now, and I don't know, we're gonna go through the naughty list, the nice and naughty list. I'm just gonna tell you right now, I don't know where you've got him situated, but I can tell you right now, I know where I've got him situated.

[Santa Claus]

He's got some secrets.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

It's been a rough year with him.

[Santa Claus]

He's got some secrets.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, it's. The show never been more successful, but Johnny never had more problems. So we're working through that. Off. Off air, obviously.

[Santa Claus]

I've actually been dealing with a very similar situation.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah. What do you got?

[Santa Claus]

Where somebody who's so inferior to me is causing problems.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh.

[Santa Claus]

And I don't know what it is right now. Like if it's just opposite year or opposite day or, you know, where you do good means bad and yes means no.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Well, it's an odd numbered year. 20, 25. So we're. I could see where it's like an opposite. Like next year to even year.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, thank. Thanks. I never would have thought of that. I've been. I've been doing this for 1600 years and I've never noticed how the dates work.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Just something I noticed.

[Santa Claus]

But let me. Let me talk for a little bit.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, it's Anna. It's. It's. The floor is yours.

[Santa Claus]

So you heard of this Grinch guy? Green guy?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, yeah. Harry. Yeah. Love him.

[Santa Claus]

Why is he getting all the spotlights? I see him on the Walmart commercials. I see him on all kinds of different commercials. He's all over the place, associated with Christmas. The whole point of his character is that he hates Christmas. He hates the nice. Who's in Whoville? I went to Taco John's the other day. All their decor.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

All Grinch At Taco John's?

[Santa Claus]

Yes.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

What are you doing at Taco John's?

[Santa Claus]

I can't have a taco.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

One taco or a six pack and a pound.

[Santa Claus]

Santa loves those potato Ole.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah. Who does it?

[Santa Claus]

Honestly, I love that spice, but I don't. Why wouldn't they turn to me?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, I could see it. But here's the thing.

[Santa Claus]

Like me and Big J, we're what the holiday is all about.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Here's. Here's the thing is on those. You mentioned the Walmart commercials. You know, that's Walter. That's Walter Goggins. You know, the guy that plays Uncle Baby Billy from the Righteous Gemstones. He's playing the Grinch. Do you have him playing Santa in the Walmart commercials? Because he's kind of a big deal right now. That kind of. That's gotta help. I didn't know that you've got Hollywood stars wanting to play the Grinch in these big comm. Big campaigns.

[Santa Claus]

I mean, he's, I, I, I'll tell you. He's, he's going on the naughty list for 2026. Because I didn't, I did not know.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

That Uncle Baby Bill is your Grinch now. I mean, that's how I'd see it.

[Santa Claus]

You pull another stunt like that, you're going to be on the naughty list for 2026.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

I don't want, obviously, I don't want that. Sad. I mean, that would be devastating for me. It's been a big year for me. It's been a big year this year. This year. I, I think you've been following along, right?

[Santa Claus]

I think 2014 was bigger for you.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

2014 was a good year. I give you that.

[Santa Claus]

Really good year.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

I'll give you that. Well, I. Sienna, it's like, it's one of those things. I couldn't have been more excited that you said you'd come back on the pod because it's been a couple of years.

[Santa Claus]

And then I remember you, too, and.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Then, and then I get you on the show and you're just so angry. You're so angry. I don't remember that from when you were last on. What's. Did something happen to you in the last couple of years? I, I guess I don't.

[Santa Claus]

No. I mean, everything's been, everything's been really, really good. I mean, elves are, are up 8% from what, what I heard.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Like, in height. Like, what, what do you mean by up 8%?

[Santa Claus]

Well, just like 8% year over year.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay, who feeds you this data? So, like, and then what do you do with it?

[Santa Claus]

Last year, if there was one elf or like, just elf was at 1.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

Now elf is at 1.08. That's 8%.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Do you give performance reviews to the elves?

[Santa Claus]

I used to.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay, who handles that now for you?

[Santa Claus]

Cranky Elf.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Cranky Elf. So you gave.

[Santa Claus]

Well, either cranky or Crunchy.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Crunchy Elf. What a name. Crunchy, Crunchy Elf. Hasn't showered in months.

[Santa Claus]

Are you unfamiliar with the elves?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

I'm obviously not familiar with the elves. I'm, I'm confused. So is there like, a boss elf then? Because you're, well, you're like, I'm the boss. You're the. I. Oh, trust me, I get it. You're the boss. But you've now delegated the performance reviews to another elf, so there's got to be like, a head elf. Or is that like an HR is like Crunchy Elf in charge of HR department, basically, for the elves. Do you have An HR department. Because if you do them.

[Santa Claus]

No, no. Hr.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Good, good. You don't need that.

[Santa Claus]

God. Cranky. Crunchy.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Crispy.

[Santa Claus]

Crispy. I've met Cushy.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Last time you were here, I met Crispy.

[Santa Claus]

Corona.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Corona. Oh, my God, do I remember. Corona Elf. Coronal. Always rolling up with some limes. Remember? Always had those slices of limes.

[Santa Claus]

Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah. That was always. That was always fun.

[Santa Claus]

Man, what a shame. It was a shame.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

Shame. What happened?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

What happened? Oh, I. I hadn't heard. Corona Elf. Did something happen?

[Santa Claus]

Abominable Snowman.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

It's always. There's always a chance. Yeah, right. In your world, there's always a chance.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah. Somebody. Our last dentist died. You know the dentist that would normally pull the teeth from the Abominable Snowman? The dentist died and I guess there was no training program out there to train another dentist to pull the teeth from the Abominable Snowman.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Hold on and say. Now you're. Now you're just giving me the. The, like the theme of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, like the movie. Like now you're just.

[Santa Claus]

I mean, that wasn't so much a movie. That was like a biography.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

A biography? So you tell me that was true. The Claymation. You even brought it up yourself. The Claymation show. That. That's a biography.

[Santa Claus]

Yes. It's all real.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, my. I don't even know what's real and what isn't real anymore. More with you. This is. This is getting. This is a spirited conversation. I tell you that right now. You. Are you good. I feel like you're not the same guy we. We talked to a couple of years ago. You. You had just so much life in you, and now I feel like you're just kind of. Are you quiet quitting on us?

[Santa Claus]

Excuse me? What does that mean?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Well, you're just kind of like, I. I'm delegating. I'm doing this. Self doing this. And this elves dead. And this self needs dental work. And. And I'm. I'm working out, but I'm getting fat. I just. You don't seem as in tune and on top of things. Are you. Are you quiet quitting on us?

[Santa Claus]

Well, it's never my intention to do this for as long as I have been doing it.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Right. None of us ever want to do this this long.

[Santa Claus]

So, I mean, I did it like 20 years and I was just like, that's about enough.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

20? Yeah. So you've been over it past 20 years? You've been doing this a long time?

[Santa Claus]

Well, I Mean, but that's that any successful entrepreneur will tell you, hey, as a, as a, as an owner, as an investor, you only need to work for those first 20 years. You just need to lay the groundwork, the company, and then you bring in the people that do the day to day, and then it's called passive income and you sit back and you do it. And luckily I, I met the love of my life, Mrs. Claus, and I was like, here, you handle this.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, you handed that off to Mrs. Claus?

[Santa Claus]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah. So you, you fell in love and then we're like, you're the perfect person now to do all the work for me.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah. Wow, that's something.

[Santa Claus]

But then, you know, I mean, before Corona got eight by the Abominable Snowman.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Rest in peace.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah. Mr. Claus, not a big fan of Corona, really. And now I got neither of them.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Who was. Where did Claus go? Where did Mrs. Claus go?

[Santa Claus]

But just, just. She went to Venice. She's living in Venice. Hanging out there. It's no big deal. I'm sure she'll be back.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

She went out for a gallon of milk and never came back or what?

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, yeah. And it took me a while to find her because as I've stated, I don't go to Italy.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Right.

[Santa Claus]

So it took me, took me a good year and a half to find her. Okay. But I know where she is now. And I mean, it's inevitable we'll be back together. Next year will be totally different.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Well, I, I sure hope so. Everybody knows Santa Claus. Mrs. Claus, you're kind of a package deal. Tough to find out that that's hasn't been the case. How long has this not been the case?

[Santa Claus]

About. About a year and a half.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah. Okay, so shortly after you were on the pod. Exactly. We had, we had a little dust up there where you were kind of throwing around on the bus on your last appearance. And then she came on the show and then, you know, she kind of threw it around of what's up and so. Oh, wow. I mean, I, I hope I wasn't any part of her moving off to Italy. I. My apologies if that's the case.

[Santa Claus]

My, My therapist, I, I brought that up, but my therapist has convinced me that that's not the case.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

That's good. Okay, well, shout out to your therapist.

[Santa Claus]

She said that this would be part of the healing process for me to come on the pod and.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

And confront this head on.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh. So if I'm reading between the lines, you've held a grudge against me for quite some time.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, you might say I Shadow banned you.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Shadow banned me of all people. Okay.

[Santa Claus]

Not Johnny though.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Not Johnny. We're going to get to you Johnny. Don't you worry.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So you're telling me that the AI that's meant to make everyone's job easier to manage just adds more to manage on top of the thousands of apps the IT department already manages? Funny how that works. Any business can add AI. IBM helps you scale and manage AI to change how you do business. Let's create Smile to business IBM.

[Santa Claus]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

But first.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

There the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Santa Claus]

Hey, everyone.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Ed Helms here, and hi, I'm Kal Penn, and we're the hosts of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.

[Santa Claus]

This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Jenny Garth, host of the iHeart podcast. I choose me to discuss the new Audible adaptation of the timeless Jane Austen classic Pride and Prejudice. This is not a trick question. There's no wrong answer. What role would I play?

[Narrator/Advertiser]

You know what? I can see you as Mr. Darcy. You got a little call in first.

[Santa Claus]

Okay, that's really sweet. I appreciate that, but are you sure I'm not the dad? I'm not Mr. Bennett here. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

All right, well, it does seem like you're in good spirits right now, so.

[Santa Claus]

A lot of healing going on.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

A lot of healing going on. A lot of good stuff off Santa. Let's go ahead. Let's get to your list. I. I've got. I've got a list of names. I just thought it'd be interesting the audience would be interested in these people and kind of whether or not they're on the naughty list or they're on the nice list. And some of them are. They listen to the show.

[Santa Claus]

I don't have time to go through all the people.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

No, no. I wouldn't even imagine going through all the people of the world.

[Santa Claus]

And like I said, even I have a team for that.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Right, Right. I've just got. I've got maybe a dozen people. I just thought it would be fun to go through these people because the people who listen to the show might be interested in that. And then you. You say whether they're on the nice list or the naughty list, and it would just. It would be fun. You know, it's something fun. I'm looking for some fun, some energy here from Santa and, you know, maybe we could turn this thing around, you know, it's not too late. It's not too late, Santa. Okay. All right, number one, and it's. Remember this show, you know, we. We do have some kind of.

[Commercial Announcer]

Out.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

There characters within our show. Some people that a lot of people maybe wouldn't so much be into. But here we love them, okay? Here we love them. Number one, this is a guy that is near and dear to my heart, and I hope he is yours. O.J. simpson. The juice, the hall of fame, NFL running back. We're just. We're gonna rapid fire go through some of these names. O.J. simpson. Nice list.

[Santa Claus]

Dead.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay. Yeah, he is, in fact, dead. Okay. A couple episodes ago, I. I spoke about a turkey that I saved on the side of the road. Just like to know how that turkey's doing and if he's on the nice list.

[Santa Claus]

Dead.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

That's. Boy, I risked it all for that. Okay. All right. Patrick Mahomes, Kansas City Chiefs quarterback.

[Santa Claus]

Nice.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

You sure about that, Santa? You might want to re. Look at that one.

[Santa Claus]

Are. Are you sure. Are you sure you want to go into this?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

What?

[Santa Claus]

I know the deal that you made. Hey. I know the deal that you made.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Hey, Sam. Santa, you know, Santa, you want to air laundry?

[Santa Claus]

You want to call my rankings into account? You be prepared to be called into account. Oh, ho, no.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

All right. Okay. Mahomes. Nice list. Okay, all right. Former guest, 2024. Guest of the year. Laugh with me. Lavetti Vegas.

[Santa Claus]

Nice.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, he's on the nice list.

[Santa Claus]

Well, but barely. But barely.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay?

[Santa Claus]

He's. He's gotta. He's got to take care of himself in the dms. You can't be booing people.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, it's a Levetti.

[Santa Claus]

That's. That's no way to create a positive.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So you're reading environment. You're reading my DMs. Okay, that's the guy. He booed me.

[Santa Claus]

I read everything.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay. All right, Fetty, this is what it's going to take, all right? Kyle Oda, my brother, frequent guest on the show.

[Santa Claus]

Nice.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Nice list. Okay, how about Lane Kiffin, Former Ole Miss head coach, now lsu.

[Santa Claus]

Naughty.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

That. That makes a lot of sense.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Rough year for him.

[Santa Claus]

I mean, it's. It's really, really tough to. To make the nice list when you, you know, you go and you promise students, athletes, a school, a community that you're going to be there for them, that you're going to be that coach and then immediately ditch them for a larger opportunity. And, you know, I watch everybody when they're sleeping. He slept very, very well through the whole thing. Yeah, well, he was sleeping on a bed made out of money.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Ah. Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

But slept very, very soundly. No. No remorse. So, yeah, it's a naughty Lane.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Maybe next year. All right? She run more Former head coach of the Michigan Wolverines, just recently fired.

[Santa Claus]

Nice night.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, Santa, nice list. Really?

[Santa Claus]

Well, so the elves got to make the gifts.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

And so it's kind of like Oscar voting. So I got to have these, I got to have these ratings in by the end of October.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, you have a cut off on.

[Santa Claus]

This list because, I mean, I, if I was saying, like, oh, well, a week ago. So that's when the naughty list, like the elves have no time to maneuver. I don't know if you mentioned it, but I am in the transportation logistics industry.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

That you are.

[Santa Claus]

And I've got to ensure that these gifts are not only made, produced, but also delivered on a timeline.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah. In like an eight hour time period on a Christmas.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah. This will, I do speak very confidently that this will be the last time that he'll ever be on the nice list.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So. Okay, that's probably. That's fair. That's fair.

[Santa Claus]

I hope he enjoyed that. Huffy bicycle.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So you've seen the recent news. Yes. Okay. All right. Very good. Okay, how about Philip Rivers, the new quarterback?

[Santa Claus]

Nice.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Indianapolis Colts. Nice.

[Santa Claus]

Permanently on the nice list.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Hey, I love that.

[Santa Claus]

Also, he's getting very, very close to the household with the most individual deliveries. I mean, there's 10 kids. Yeah. Some of those kids, you know, they're starting to have relationships. They're starting to have, you know, significant others that come over there. I mean, I'm delivering like 19, 20 packages there on an average year.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So how long do you have to spend at a guy like his house versus somebody with like a kid?

[Santa Claus]

See, that's, that's the interesting part. You know, it's the same amount of effort for me to deliver 20 packages as it is for me to do one. So. Yeah, that's some of the people that are on your list, you know, solo guys. Yeah, they're kind of a pain in my ass. Like, it's like start, you know, start getting married, start having some kids. Like, make it worth my while to even visit your house.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

That's fair. Yeah, that's fair. All right. Johnny Palermo, our esteemed producer.

[Santa Claus]

Well, this is one that I had to think of a lot.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Still thinking about it, it appears. I'm going to take it from here, Santa, because. Johnny, Johnny, I'm going to look at you while I just, I didn't want Santa to actually say whether or not you're on the nice or naughty list because frankly, you're on everybody's naughty list. You have been on an absolute rampage for the past two months from our launch to iHeartMedia, to creating the animated show that we've got coming out soon. More details to come to the. You bring up when you come in here and start talking about your personal life and your personality, personal problems. And. Johnny, I've got problems, too. Johnny, you come into my studio and start talking about your problems, you can take that to your studio, okay? Let's just put that out there right now. Johnny, when you come out of my turf, we're talking about my problems, okay? And we've got a few. Okay? We've got a few. Santa, I just want to say Johnny's been a thorn on the side of a rose for the better part of this year. And I love a rose, okay?

[Santa Claus]

And, I mean, if I could just jump in here, please, for a moment. I mean, the gift basket that he gave me. Absolute garbage.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Trash.

[Santa Claus]

You. You think I get this on the Today Show? You think that. You think that this is what. This is what I'm talking about, Fallon's given me when I go on that show.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

This is what I'm talking about.

[Santa Claus]

You gave me a switch one. What the hell am I gonna do with the Switch 1? There's a Switch 2.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

There's a Switch 2 this year, Johnny. Like, of course, the Switch 1 was cheaper and it was a better value and you could buy it and it's like, oh, I can use that other. The rest of money I saved on other things. Of course you can do that, or you can get the right thing, which is a switch 2, and then you still get the other stuff, because that's the right thing to do. That's. I. You think I don't tell him this stuff?

[Santa Claus]

I mean, I.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

You know that I do. You see me when I sleep.

[Santa Claus]

So here's the thing is, like, I don't deliver gifts to Italians.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Correct.

[Santa Claus]

And despite his name of Palermo, he's only 30% Italian. And I made an exception. I put him on the list to even get considered in the first place. And it's. It's embarrassing.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

It is embarrassing. Johnny, I hope you will take all of this into consideration in your next year. Okay? Sounds like you made the nice list still. But not. Not because it's something that I believed in.

[Santa Claus]

Wouldn't happen now.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

No, wouldn't happen now. You're lucky. This list was made in October. Okay, how about 2025 guest of the year, Eric Larson.

[Santa Claus]

Well, as we've already discussed on the.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Nice list, as we already discussed.

[Santa Claus]

Well, yeah, you hit me up back in October. That was one of the qualifications for winning guests of the year.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

That's right. I forgot. All right, so for those of you who don't know we get this list for the nominees of guests of the year, I do check with Santa if there's. There's a background check, obviously, and to see if there's anything that maybe I missed and in announcing guests of the year, so. Yeah, you're right. Eric did make the nice list. And, yeah, good call. Thanks for your help on that, by the way.

[Santa Claus]

Very tall guy. Handsome.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

He is. He is certainly tall.

[Santa Claus]

Sound sleeper.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Sound sleeper. So he's got no problems. That guy's just loving it. Just loving life. All right, here's a. Here's a guest of the year nominee and the only child on this list that I'm going to ask you about. DEZ Pearson.

[Santa Claus]

Oh, naughty, naughty.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

The only child on the list. Naughty. What happened?

[Santa Claus]

Well, he's got to be nicer to his wife.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

There we go, Johnny. All right. It's a good call. That's a throwback to episode 100. I like that.

[Santa Claus]

Very, very disappointed.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Go back and listen to that, people. That's good.

[Santa Claus]

Very disappointed in his behavior. And frankly, he's got to do better if he wants to make the nice list.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Shout out Des. All right, how about worldwide sensation Cisco?

[Santa Claus]

Cisco. Nice.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Nice. Yes, yes. That makes a lot of sense.

[Santa Claus]

I actually gave him 50 years of COVID for creating the song of a generation.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, for good song.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, once. Once he created that, I gave him a sash.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay.

[Santa Claus]

Song of a generation, Sasha. Oh, and along with that, 50 years on the nice list.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Does he wear the sash? I haven't seen him.

[Santa Claus]

Only when he sleeps.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, he wears it when he sleeps.

[Santa Claus]

Well, he knows that I'm watching.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, good call. Wow, you guys got a special connection.

[Santa Claus]

I mean, it's kind of like when you get a Christmas gift and, you know, you got to use it around the people that gave it to you.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, that's. That's a good point. Yeah. All right. Okay. Well, she. She is one of the biggest pop stars in the world. Taylor Swift.

[Santa Claus]

Naughty.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh, naughty. She had a huge year. How could she be on the naughty list?

[Santa Claus]

Did you listen to her new album?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

I did.

[Santa Claus]

Tons of premarital sex would.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Yeah, that makes. Okay. All right.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah. Santa. Santa, don't go for that.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

There you go. Just not working on Santa's nice list there. Okay, how about 2025 guess of the year nominee Grant Pearson? He's our movie guy.

[Santa Claus]

Nice, nice, nice.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay. Very nice.

[Santa Claus]

I actually follow him on letterbox.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Lot of good movie reviews.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've got a lot of nights just with nothing.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So you're just reading Grant's letterbox. So.

[Santa Claus]

Okay, you know, need to kill my mind with a couple bourbon smashes and a movie.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

You're a bourbon guy.

[Santa Claus]

Of course.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So do you watch the movies and then go to the letterbox to see what he thought, or do you look at his reviews and then watch?

[Santa Claus]

I follow his reviews.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay, very nice.

[Santa Claus]

I'm not. I'm not watching it. If he hasn't already.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

He is, in fact, our movie guy. We are, in fact, moving into award season, so that means we will have Grant on the show very soon. So there you go.

[Santa Claus]

Not a lot of Santa this year in the awards. It's very disappointing.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

It's been a while, huh? It's been a while since there's been a Santa.

[Santa Claus]

Like, I'm not an actor, but I enjoy seeing portrayals of me, especially, you know, really heroic portrayals of me.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Do the actors ever reach out to you for advice or just to, like, pick your brain on what it's like to be Santa?

[Santa Claus]

It's embarrassing to say this.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay.

[Santa Claus]

The last one to do it was, you know, Billy Bob Thornton.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Oh.

[Santa Claus]

For Bad Santa. And he. He took everything I said and he flipped it up on its head and he did the opposite.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So he was, in fact, Bad Santa. Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

And since then, I told Crunchy Elf to just. I don't. I don't want to talk to actors.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So Crunchy Elf is in charge of kind of your pr.

[Santa Claus]

Cranky. Cranky Elf.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Cranky Elf. That. Actually, you know what? After talking to you here today, that makes a lot of sense.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

I can see who you're working well.

[Santa Claus]

And you know, the elves know that I got a six and a half hour window that I need to get all my work done for the entire year.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Six and a half now.

[Santa Claus]

And so if it's not important enough to fit in that window, then they don't even need to bring it to me.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Santa, you are desperate to work less, aren't you?

[Santa Claus]

Excuse me?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Are you. Are you. How close are you to retirement? Like you are desperate to cut down that work day. You're like the guy who's like, ah, if I. I got. I got just Friday left, but honestly, I know, I know I'm scheduled till 5, but on a Friday I might be able to get out of.

[Santa Claus]

Are you saying that I'm the. I'm the cop. I'm the. I'm too old for this cop.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

But it's a holiday, so I know.

[Santa Claus]

You'Re saying that this is lethal weapon?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Maybe three. Three. I'm too old for this. Yeah, that's. Yeah. I got faith in you, buddy. You do.

[Santa Claus]

You do a job for 1600 years, see how you like it.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

I feel like I have. I feel like I have. And I'm not talking about this job. Thank you, Johnny. All right, so we've got. We got two names left. How about 20, 25 guest of the year nominee, currently residing in prison in Fort Worth, Texas. How about Joe Exotic, the tiger king?

[Santa Claus]

Pending.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Pending. That's fair. He is. That will be decided by the President.

[Santa Claus]

Well, part of the reason is, even if he was on the nice list, I have no way to deliver the gift.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

True.

[Santa Claus]

I mean, I could deliver it into prison, but I feel like that would just get him in more trouble.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

So you don't deliver presents to anybody that's in prison then?

[Santa Claus]

No, no.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay.

[Santa Claus]

No, that's, That's. That's an official policy.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay.

[Santa Claus]

You broke the law. You're. You're getting on the naughty list. But I do think that he's on the right track.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

I've.

[Santa Claus]

I've actually reached out to the President about getting myself a pardon. You.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

A pardon?

[Santa Claus]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

What have you done?

[Santa Claus]

I just, you know, just against, you know, anything that could happen in the future. Like, I. I mean, you see a lot of people getting canceled, just normal, upstanding guys.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

And yeah, I could totally see someday somebody just having an itch up their ass being like, you know what? Santa breaks into everybody's home every single Christmas Eve. I think it's time we take that man down. And then you're gonna be like, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Santa Claus]

I don't break into anybody's house.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

I've already been part for that. I can totally see you pulling that out of your ass. Yeah, okay. All right. Okay. That's fair. All right. You know, I had one. I had one more that I wanted to throw out you because I felt it was important and I feel like the people need to know what's up with this. And honestly, you just brought up the pardon thing, so it's actually kind of goes along with that because it might be something you need. It appears just Friday some more documents were released in the Jeffrey Epstein files that were. That the government had. And there was a lot of photos. President Clinton in a hot tub. Michael Jackson was posing with Mr. Epstein. There also was one with one Santa Claus in a sauna with Jeffrey Epstein in the files. Wanted to pick your brain on this. What were you doing with him?

[Santa Claus]

Sorry, who. Who'd you say?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Jeffrey Epstein?

[Santa Claus]

Big. Wait, Big Jeff.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Big Jeff. You got a nickname for him? Okay.

[Santa Claus]

I mean, just really good host, like I, I, I guess Big Jeff.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Big Jeff. Yeah. Yeah.

[Santa Claus]

Getting in trouble? Oh, yeah, he's, I mean, there was nothing, I mean, just again, guy picked me up, had eggnog with a little bit of bourbon.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

All the good stuff. Okay.

[Santa Claus]

On the, the flight over, the good, like it was, I mean, heck of a weekend. Heck of a weekend.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Heck of a weekend. This guy, he had one of the all time worst scandals you could even imagine in American history. He had this island and he's got these young girls and he's selling them to these big famous rich people, including former presidents, our current president, even allegedly. Santa. You're, you're involved in this?

[Santa Claus]

He never told me that.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay. I'm just, you know, a man that's very involved with children probably doesn't want involved in this is all I'm saying.

[Santa Claus]

So he had an ice cream bar.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Okay.

[Santa Claus]

Six different flavors.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

One ice cream bar. Yeah, six flavors.

[Santa Claus]

Well, there was like, you know, and each bin had its own scooper so that the ice cream wouldn't get cross contaminated with the other ones before you put it in your bowl. But then like you could put a strawberry scoop in with a chocolate scoop in with a vanilla scoop, and then I put a cherry scoop on top of it.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

No, no, absolutely not, Santa. Do not distract me with this six scoop flavored ice cream bar. What were you doing with Jeffrey Epstein?

[Santa Claus]

Just hanging in the sauna, eating ice cream.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

In a sauna? Ice cream that would have melted in a heartbeat. I think you know better.

[Santa Claus]

It was a Christmas miracle.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Christmas miracle. Okay, I don't think we've heard the last of this. I just don't. Luckily more files getting released next week. We're gonna find out what's up with this Santa. I don't know all the details. Obviously there's a lot redacted still. I don't think it was supposed to be, but a lot's redacted, so. We will get to the bottom of this. Santa. It's, it's, it's been an honor to have you.

[Santa Claus]

Anytime I run into something uncomfortable, you.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Run from it and eat ice cream.

[Santa Claus]

I just think of the meaning of the season.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Which is what?

[Santa Claus]

Gifts delivered by Santa. Somebody that loves Christmas, that loves merriment and mirth. When's the last time you mirthed?

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

It's been a long time, honestly.

[Santa Claus]

Yeah, I know. That's why you're so restless at night.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

This is the most positive you've been the entire time. This is literally the most positive you've been this entire time. Is it because I brought up the.

[Santa Claus]

The sauna and to all those listening, have a good night and a me.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

Johnny Make a note of this place.

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[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Santa Claus]

What a matchup we got y'.

[Podcast Host (possibly Jeremy Oto or Bobby Holmes)]

All.

[Santa Claus]

This is that classic HBCU vibe non stop action the bed is rockin and the crowd lit chance echo drum beat everybody showing that school pride Game like this yeah it calls for an ice cold Coca Cola. Ah, crisp and refreshing. That's a game changer right there. Yeah, that taste always hits the right note. Just like the band at halftime. And just like that we're back at it. Passionate fans, school colors every everywhere and in ice cold Coca Cola that's a winning combo no matter the sport, no matter the yard Everybody knows fan work is thirsty work so grab a Coca Cola and keep that HBCU pride going.