← Law Enforcement Talk: True Crime and Trauma Stories
Law Enforcement Talk: True Crime and Trauma Stories
A Talk With a Convicted Registered Sex Offender
00:40:01
A Talk With a Convicted Registered Sex Offender and Her Transformation. This might well be the most difficult episode I have ever done. Because I have no chill when it comes to these types of offenses and crimes. Conversations about sexual offenses are often framed in headlines, court records, and statistics, but rarely through long-form, accountable dialogue that explores what happens after conviction.
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- [00:01]
Grainger Announcer
If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift and you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.
- [00:32]
John J. Wiley
She went to prison for eight years for a sex offense. She had a lot of time to change her life. She's here to talk about hard lessons learned and what she does with her life today. Welcome to the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show. In the Law Enforcement Talk Radio show, we are joined by special guests talking about their experiences, their realities of investigating crimes, plus those who have experienced horrendous trauma. Police, first responders, military and victims of crime share their stories. Hi, I'm John J. Wiley. In addition to being a broadcaster, I'm also a retired police sergeant. Be sure to check out our website, letradio.com and also like us on Facebook. Search for the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show. There's a couple ways you can stay in touch and keep informed of what's going on with the Law Enforcement Talk radio show. Number one, go to our website letradio.com, sign up for our email newsletter. It's real easy to find. I promise we don't spam you. I send out about one email every two weeks or so. And there's also a feature called Broadcast Channels on our Facebook page where we send messages directly to your inbox, directly to your messenger. Real easy to sign up for. Make sure you like or follow the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show Facebook page. And up top you'll see broadcast channels one for free podcast versions of the radio show. Another one top post of the day. So YouTube can stay informed quickly, easily and best of all like always free. Joining us on the Law Enforcement Talk Radio show we have Holly Bot as a guest. Holly did eight years incarcerated in Minnesota State Prison, which we'll talk about a few moments. Her website is Hollybot Me. That's H O L L Y B O T.me and she wrote a book called From Surviving to Living. Holly, thanks for being guest on the Law Enforcement Talk Radio show and talking about a really uncomfortable situation for thank.
- [02:31]
Holly Bott
You for having me John. I appreciate it.
- [02:33]
John J. Wiley
And by the way, Bot is a word as a name that we think of. It's automated, it sounds bad, it's got a negative connotation. I've never gotten that feel from you.
- [02:44]
Holly Bott
No, no. It's actually a great name if you're in the tech industry.
- [02:51]
John J. Wiley
Well, how are you? Good. Good for you. Because I'm not. I'm rather technical for an old guy. I've learned a lot of tricks about tech, but I tell people, you know, I'm not Bill, not Mark Zuckerberg. I'm just a guy who's got a syndicated radio show, podcast, and social media does really well, and that's enough. And I learn new things every day. One of the things. And I want to make a little confession beforehand, and we'll talk very briefly about this. This is a very uncomfortable conversation to have with Holly because I have a lot of people know I have strong opinions about certain things. And Holly has agreed that we're not going to go into great detail about her crime, for lack of better words, because that's really what it was. You were a happy married woman in your mid-30s when this offense took place, correct?
- [03:46]
Holly Bott
That is correct. Yep.
- [03:47]
John J. Wiley
How old were you?
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Holly Bott
34.
- [03:49]
John J. Wiley
And very briefly, you. And I'll say it, you had sex with an underage boy that was 15, and you. You wound up getting arrested and charged for that. Am I right?
- [04:06]
Holly Bott
Yes, I did.
- [04:07]
John J. Wiley
Okay.
- [04:08]
Holly Bott
All correct.
- [04:08]
John J. Wiley
All right. We're gonna. We're gonna not even talk about that because, look, I'll be honest with you, and my wife will be the first one to tell you. I have no chill about certain things. And this is one of the things that I can't guarantee that. That I will keep my composure. So let's go fast forward that you had the offense. When did you find out that there were pending criminal charges?
- [04:34]
Holly Bott
So I actually had turned myself in. And it's. The criminal justice process is actually a long one. It's not like TV where things happen very rapid fire. So a detective came to talk to me, and then a week passed, and then I was asked to turn myself in. I spent some time in jail until I could be bailed out. And then almost a full year passed of court hearings and things like that where I just pled guilty. There was no trial. My desire was always to just plead guilty and do my time. And it took almost a year before I was finally sentenced and served my prison sentence.
- [05:22]
John J. Wiley
And that sentence you were. Well, we're fast forwarding. You got convicted and served eight years in the penitentiary.
- [05:30]
Holly Bott
Yes, the full sentence was 12 years. And in Minnesota at that time, you served two thirds of your sentence. The final third was assumed Good time. And if you did not behave while you were in prison, they would start chipping away at that. So that if you really misbehaved, you would spend the full 12 years. But if you were a model inmate, you would get out after two thirds and serve the rest on probation.
- [05:57]
John J. Wiley
Now, here's one thing I say all the time about prisons and prison population. Criminals, you name it. 90, I would say 95% of the people, and I hate percentages, but a large percentage of the people that are in prisons that get arrested are usually drug and alcohol related. Then you have a small percentage where people make really bad decisions. They make a five minute decision that really has lifelong ramifications. And I suspect yours had a lot to do with that. Then you have a very, very small percentage of career criminals and they're violent criminals and they can wreck your life.
- [06:31]
Holly Bott
I think all of that is true. Certainly I didn't have a chance to talk to everyone there, but you get a sense when you spend that much time in prison of who your community is, you know, and you know, I wanted to circle back to your response to my charges, which are honest and they matter because I don't think, well, very few people are proponents of crime or hold it up as a way to live. And I certainly don't say that about my own crime either. It was a terrible decision and a horrible moral choice. And I don't disagree with that at all. And I would find it strange if people were not upset, right?
- [07:17]
John J. Wiley
And look, there's an old saying I had to learn and I'm a parent. So one of the things I did is I had to learn that you can be upset at the action and still love the person. We can, we can be. I can be very unforgiving or I don't seem to have a lot of give in me when it comes to certain behaviors. However, with a person, it's a different story. And I think a lot of people don't get that about police. They think that we pass judgment on every, on someone based off their behavior. And that is quite often not the.
- [07:49]
Holly Bott
Case I have found in the corrections. Well, on the law enforcement side of things, which includes corrections as, as well course that there were some truly fantastic individuals that I attribute a lot of my transformation and success to. I've had three different probation officers because if you move to a different county or if you drop down in security risk, you're assigned to a different probation officer. All of my probation officers have been amazing, fantastic people that I just can't say enough good things about. And the same is true for different guards that were at the facility I was at. Some of those men and women were just outstanding in how they really cared about what they were doing and making a difference. And so there's too much of an us versus them divide that is perceived by community, perhaps. But I don't think it bears out in reality if you live through the experience.
- [08:52]
John J. Wiley
And I think that's true that I place a blame directly in Hollywood. And when I say Hollywood, it's not just television and movies, it's also the news media. And they seem to foster this divide of us against them. I've never been a proponent. As a matter of fact, Holly, in my years of policing, I never encountered anybody that felt that way. So one thing before we go to break. You don't strike me as being a career criminal before then or after?
- [09:24]
Holly Bott
No. I had, I had once gotten a ticket for not wearing a seatbelt while driving. And that was really my only brush with the law prior to this. And I didn't really know anybody to my knowledge that had been in jail or prison or had any interaction with them either.
- [09:41]
John J. Wiley
We're talking with Holly Bott. She did eight years. She was convicted of a crime, a sex offense. And she wears that label of a convicted sex offender, which we'll talk about in a few moments. Minnesota Prison. She wrote the book From Surviving to Living. And her website is called Hollybot Me. That's H O L L Y B O T me. This is Law Enforcement Talk Radio show. We'll take a short break. When we return, I promise we're going to talk about the trial, her reactions, her response, being incarcerated. And some magnificent things happen and what she's doing about her life today. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. If you want to be a guest on the law enforcement talk radio show, simply contact us. It couldn't be easier. You can send us a message on Facebook. Look for and like the Law Enforcement Talk Radio show page or email jetradio.com that's J A Y etradio.com if you're.
- [10:41]
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- [11:16]
John J. Wiley
Current conversation with Holly Bott on the law enforcement talk radio show. Holly is from Minnesota. She's eight years incarcerated in Minnesota prison for She's a convicted sex offender, which we'll talk about in a few moments. And during her time, some remarkable things happened which we'll talk about. She's wrote the book from Surviving the Living and her website is Hollybot Me. That's Holly. H O L L Y B O T me Holly and thank you for what you're saying earlier about the crime, but you are not this type of. And I'll say this over and over and over again till the day I die. We dealt with people all the time. The vast majority of people we dealt with as police in Baltimore, they didn't get arrested. As a matter of fact, most of the calls were civil cases. They weren't even criminal cases. Very few were criminal. And of the ones that were criminal cases, the vast majority of them, they just handcuff you. Standard arrest is not a big deal. Nothing transpires. However, there was always a small percentage that were serious. You strike me as the type of person because you said you turned yourself in, that you were not a dangerous society.
- [12:32]
Holly Bott
You know, I mean, clearly I was. If I committed a crime, and I think that this can happen to many different people in many different ways. I was emotionally in a crisis situation in my own life and in my own family. And so often people commit crimes, whatever that may be, robbing a bank or doing drugs or any kind of thing, because they're trying to solve a problem. And they think that in, in their poor judgment that this is a good problem solving choice. And, you know, I think that that applies to me to some degree. I was looking to commit social suicide. I was exhausted at home. And now these are all my responsibility. I could have made different choices. I could have asked people for help. I could have reached out to a church or a number of different things that I did not do for understandable reasons, mitigating reasons, but nevertheless reasons I'm accountable for. And so I just thought, I want everybody to give up on me. I am sick of performing and sick of trying so hard to impress people, to please my family, to make a lot of money, all of these things. And so if I commit a crime, then people will say, oh, well, forget about her and all the pressure will be off. That's kind of how my life was going at the time.
- [14:06]
John J. Wiley
And I hear what you're Saying, holly, and I'm not coming down heavy on you, but that sounds like life for just about everybody. I don't think you're unique in that situation. It's just how we handle it. I look back at my early 30s, and look, I was right where you are, and I was ready to check out. I was ready to die by suicide for a lot of different reasons. However, other people intervened. I didn't choose to do a criminal act. That's so I got to say that. Look, I understand, but I disagree with you because ultimately, I'll go back to my days in the police academy. We had a guy, he transferred another agency. He was from Canada originally, and we had a guest speaker in that did multiple armed robberies. And then he made his life good, and he wrote books in prison, became an ideal, all that ideal inmate, all that stuff. And this guy raised his hand, said, listen, there are plenty of kids that have never done anything wrong in their lives, and they don't get this podium, I'm walking out. And that's exactly what he did. So I'm. I'm kind of that school, too.
- [15:17]
Holly Bott
I don't disagree with you. I'm not suggesting causality in what I was stating, merely suggesting background for where I was at that point of making a decision. And it's a good warning to put that out there, because I would have never believed myself capable of committing a crime. And I don't think people who knew me would have either. So I guess I had that overconfidence that I'm one of the good guys. Therefore, there's no. I guess I'm not totally sure how to explain it, but people in real life crisis emotionally are not capable often, of recognizing that they are in a crisis situation emotionally, just like a very sick person is often not able to help themselves or whatever else. And so that's really what I was looking at, and it's a big warning now of we need to be very intentional about being a community, about asking for help, but also being a resource for others because you don't really know where someone else is at either. And just being a good support for people, we tend really to live our lives and keep to ourselves. And, you know, today in neighborhoods, how many of us know our neighbors have ever met our neighbors or really spent a lot of time with our neighbors? You can live 10 years in a neighborhood and barely know the names of the people around you, and it doesn't have to be that way. So I'm suggesting, testing, not necessarily causality, but ways to look for people who need help and how to recognize it in yourself.
- [16:59]
John J. Wiley
Let's change gears a little bit. You, after the incident, you turned yourself in and you went to the police and were you thinking that anything bad was going to happen? You're going to be okay. This is your first offense, for goodness sakes.
- [17:14]
Holly Bott
No, I did not think that everything would be okay, but I did not know what to expect either. Like you mentioned, Hollywood and the media tend to be what we consider our informed source if we have no personal contact with these, you know, different things. So that was true for me as well. And so I knew I was in trouble, but I didn't know what that looked like.
- [17:41]
John J. Wiley
And you, I'm looking at my notes. You were married at the time?
- [17:45]
Holly Bott
Yes, married with five children.
- [17:48]
John J. Wiley
So is it safe to say that that marriage ended when news of this broke?
- [17:54]
Holly Bott
Not immediately, but it did end as a result of that and we did get divorced. Yes.
- [18:02]
John J. Wiley
Gotcha. And I hate to ask this without going into a lot of details, how's your relationship? How would you describe relationship with your children?
- [18:10]
Holly Bott
I have a good relationship with my children except for my daughter who I have not seen or spoken to since she was 7. My husband, my ex husband was of course very upset and my four children, older children, four boys and a girl, my four boys were older and they knew me, they loved me. I'd been a stay at home, work at home mom and so they wanted to keep that relationship with me. So he facilitated that. Not because he cared about any of those things. He told me, I answered the phone for you because the boys would be mad if I didn't. However, our daughter is only four and I'm going to try to make her forget you ever existed. And if I can't do that, I'm going to make her hate you as much as I do. And shortly after he made that statement, he gave her away to a woman that he had been seeing out where he lived in, in Seattle, Washington and told her, you know, tell her you're her mom and hide her from the rest of my family and from the rest of my wife's family. And that woman agreed to that. And I have not been able to find my daughter since. I've put up missing persons reports and things like that.
- [19:27]
John J. Wiley
Hopefully we'll people listening will get some information. We'll return that conversation, few moments. We're talking with Holly Bot. She's convicted of a sex crime and is did eight years incarcerated in Minnesota prison. She wrote the book from Surviving the Living and her website is Hollybot me. That's H O L L Y B O T me. This is law enforcement talk radio show. Don't go anywhere. I promise you we will be right back. Of all the radio stations in the United States, there are no other shows like the law enforcement talk radio show. And on Facebook there's only one official page. Do a search on Facebook for the law enforcement talk radio show and be sure to like the law enforcement talk radio show Facebook page.
- [20:12]
Grainger Announcer
If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering with on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift and you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.
- [20:48]
John J. Wiley
Return A conversation with Holly Bott on the law enforcement talk radio show. Holly, there's no easy, gentle way of putting us as a convicted sex offender. And she did eight years incarcerated in Minnesota prison. She wrote the book From Surviving to the Living and her website is Hollybot Me. That's Hollybot Me. Holly, thanks for talking about this. It's very much appreciated. I want to, before we go into the court and then the incarceration part, you talked about the one daughter you don't have a relationship with. I want people that all over the United States are listening to be on the lookout and they can contact me if they have information and I'll pass it on to you. What would you want them to do for getting information to you about your daughter?
- [21:39]
Holly Bott
She's 19 now, so she's an adult. And I was able a couple of years ago I called every school in Seattle that I could think of to see if my daughter was there because in the divorce I was given custody of my daughter. And so I wanted to find her. And I finally found the school that she was at, but I could only access her school record. So I have a photo of her and things. And I started receiving communication from the school as a parent. And this past summer I received the communication that she was homeless and had been receiving support as a homeless student, which just breaks my heart because I've been wanting to provide even if she doesn't come home, make sure she's okay and provide for her. And so her name is Vivian and I want to make sure she's okay, that she's well taken care of. Whatever I can do to provide for her financially or in any other way. And so they can reach me at hollyollybot Me, that's my email address. Or even, you know, visit my website, use the contact form there. I would appreciate any help in, in finding my daughter.
- [22:52]
John J. Wiley
What was her name again?
- [22:55]
Holly Bott
Vivian.
- [22:56]
John J. Wiley
Yeah. Please try to. If you, if you can locate Vivian, you know her, please have her get in touch with her mother. And here's the thing that, that Hollywood also gets wrong. And there's no white picket fence. There's no we all live happily ever after. We sit tea on our porch and laugh and laugh, laugh. There's not like that. Not for me, not for you, and I'm sure not for your daughter. But we want her to be well taken care of. I want to fast forward a little bit. You were. You mentioned you pled guilty in court. Did you feel at that time, Holly, that your destiny was in control of other people?
- [23:37]
Holly Bott
Absolutely. And I was really in quite a state of shock. I think, when. When we do things that surprise even ourselves, we. I think I had cognitive dissonance. Who I thought I was versus who my behavior suggests that I am was so shocking to me.
- [23:58]
John J. Wiley
Right.
- [23:59]
Holly Bott
That I did not hire a lawyer. I did not really try to help myself through the process. I just kind of went along with things and waited for it to be over.
- [24:09]
John J. Wiley
Take us through the sentencing where what usually happens, and I'm not familiar with Minnesota, but usually happens, is when someone enters a guilty plea, the judge gives sentence. And when the judge passed sentence on you, what happened to you?
- [24:26]
Holly Bott
So I actually pled guilty in September of 2010. I was arrested in March of 2010 and spent a couple months in jail to be bailed out. Then I pled guilty at a hearing in September. And it wasn't until the following March of 2011 that there was a separate sentencing hearing. And I was sentenced at that time to 12 years in prison. And I was shocked because there's no mandatory sentence for my charge. So it could have been anything from probation to a maximum of 12 years. And actually there could be an upward departure of a 30 year sentence, but there needs to be an explanation for why that would happen. And so I walked into the hearing totally unprepared and not really knowing which end of the spectrum I would fall in. Of course, really hoping it would be probation and I could go back to my family. At that point, my ex husband was in jail himself. I had a restraining order against him. He had started drinking and doing drugs and just becoming threatening and so I'd had unfortunately to get a restraining order, which he then proceeded to violate frequently so that finally I had to report that and he was put in jail. So when I sat at sentencing, I was the only parent available to my children and really hoping I could remain that way. I didn't know what would happen to them otherwise.
- [25:56]
John J. Wiley
And so when the judge said, I'm sentenced you to 12 years, there had to be some sort of reaction inside of you.
- [26:05]
Holly Bott
It was physical. I almost passed out really. My vision went dark and all my hearing, it was almost like my blood pressure just plummeted and I felt very dizzy and kind of within a second or two, the room was back to normal. But in the space of that time now lawyers are asking for things. There's all sorts of formalities happening in lingo I didn't understand and I really felt like I wanted to fix this. I'm frantic, I'm desperate, I'm in a panic. Let's reverse about five minutes, let's have a do over. And while all that's going through my head, the judge hits the gavel and I am immediately taken into custody and let out of the room and put in a cell by myself. And I just, I was just reeling. Just reeling.
- [26:58]
John J. Wiley
Yeah, I, I've never gone through. So I, I don't know, I. I know that my reaction probably would not be good, but you want to, I would think from everything I've seen on television, and I'm gonna be the first to tell you how they would usually gets it wrong, that you want to be stoic and you, you don't want to give an, an outward appearance that for appeal reasons, a lot of different legal reasons of reacting. But I would. To not react.
- [27:25]
Holly Bott
Yes. It's a very vulnerable feeling because you want to do something, exert some measure of control to try to move this in a positive direction. And yet you're told, you know, don't say anything, just be quiet, just let us handle these things. So like you said, you feel that you are almost passive inside this bureaucracy bureaucratic institution and that you're being processed. You're quickly becoming a number and not a person.
- [27:59]
John J. Wiley
You said something that really struck me. You want to go back to. Let me repeat the. Induce five minutes over. And there's no do overs in life. So the panic mode must have set in. But you know, we. And you also said, and I'm paraphrasing that there's an old saying that I used to hear quite a bit, I still do, that life doesn't Judge us by our intentions. It judges by our actions. And you made some actions that were not good. And you don't strike me as the type of person that would do this sort of things. That's the thing that is. I'm not judging you. I'm just saying you don't seem like that kind of person. I have no problem putting a person in prison for X amount of years if I was the judge for behavior that they cannot help doing.
- [28:49]
Holly Bott
You know, I, I think that like you said, Hollywood and media tends to give us an idea that criminals can, and even potential criminals are recognizable on site.
- [29:02]
John J. Wiley
Yeah, they're not.
- [29:02]
Holly Bott
They're not, no, they're. They're ordinary people. I was, I am. I was. I'm an ordinary person. Certainly nothing special about me, good or bad. I mean, yes, bad because I committed a crime, but I mean nothing that makes you think now that person's gonna go out and do a mess of their life. So I think that's why it was very hard for my friends and my family and myself because it felt so like being blindsided. I felt like even blindsided myself. And I, and this is a long process. This isn't like I committed a crime and immediately I'm blindsided. I'm just. Unless you've been through it, there's this.
- [29:47]
John J. Wiley
It's easy to judge when you, when you haven't gone through yourself. We're talking about Holly Bott and she did eight years incarcerated, Minnesota prison for a sex crime. Her website is Hollybot Me. That's H O L L Y B O T dot me and she wrote the book from surviving to living. This is law enforcement talk radio show. Don't go anywhere. I promise you. We'll be right back.
- [30:10]
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- [30:39]
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If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift. And you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.
- [31:14]
John J. Wiley
During conversation with Holly Bott on the law enforcement talk radio show. Holly is a convicted sex offender, and she did eight years incarcerated Minnesota State Prison. She wrote the book From Surviving to a Living, and her website is hollybot Me. That's H O L L Y B O T me, Holly. I want to change the conversation to. There's a process that happens, and I've never gone through myself. But you get arrested, you go to a local jail, you go to court, and sometimes you're put in a jail or lockup, and then you're transported to prison. Tell us about being transported to that prison. How long were you in a regular jail? And. And what was your experience like when you went to that prison?
- [31:57]
Holly Bott
So sentencing happened on Friday, and I was immediately processed into the jail and was transported to prison the following Monday. And it was very surreal because I had expected a prison to look like a prison to inmates, to look like they belonged there as criminals. Right. And Shakopee Prison at that time is a Zoe one women's prison in Minnesota, and it houses all custody levels from minimum to supermax. And it had no fence at all. And so, quite literally, someone could have just walked off the property. And we wore street clothes. So what amazed me is no one ever did that or was really rare. And they were usually found hiding in the bushes next door or something. So I'm at this place where it looks like a college campus. The women there look like grandmas from the church bake sale and high school cheerleaders, and just nobody looked like they belonged there. This didn't look like a prison. And so it was very shocking. And I'm going through this horrible experience of knowing I'm not going to be home for a very long time combined with this strange setting. And so it was a lot to take in. I would say it takes maybe a year or more before an inmate who's going to have a long sentence can adjust and stop reacting to what's going on around them and start responding instead. That was true for me.
- [33:29]
John J. Wiley
There seems to be a big difference. My experience is limited to taking people to jail and prisons, escapees, you name it. And I use an example of what they call the cut or Jess up in Maryland. It's loud, it's violent, and it's extremely upsetting. But yours doesn't sound like that experience at all.
- [33:49]
Holly Bott
No, I've never felt physically threatened. I think there was only one fight I might have seen the whole eight years. Other fights might have happened, but not anywhere. That I saw. And so I don't really know how to explain a prison like that. What would I compare it to other than what I saw on tv, which I now know is not the best thing?
- [34:12]
John J. Wiley
So it wasn't like Orange is the New Black?
- [34:14]
Holly Bott
Not like that at all. Not my experience.
- [34:17]
John J. Wiley
And during your incarceration, and I'm using terms. And before we get lost in this conversation, I talked with Holly beforehand and I asked Holly, are you an incarcerated, institutionalized person? Because a lot of men I know came out of prison, they cannot get this hold of the thing called freedom. They're still used to being told when to wake up, when to eat, everything else and the freedom to make decisions on their own. Not the case. So I'm going to ask you a question again. Are you institutional, institutionalized person, or are you free?
- [34:46]
Holly Bott
I am free. I've never felt that institutionalization type feeling even there. And of course, I had been a homeowner and a work at home, stay at home, mom of five children. I was in my 30s when I was incarcerated. I was 43 when I was released and I went back to. I bought a house and started a business and just kind of picked up. Picked up my life again. So maybe I had developed some skills that are necessary to prevent institutionalization. I'm not really sure.
- [35:24]
John J. Wiley
Yeah, that's. I'm glad you're not. Because these people really. These. These people really suffer and they can't. They can't seem to grasp that there is another way of living. Before we get into your book and the transformations you made, one of the things I have to say is, again, I've said as many times. You don't strike me as the kind of person that. And we say this all the time. I say it all the time. The biggest threat to people in general is not the boogeyman down the street. It's not the guy. Hey, kid, let me find my puppy in the van. It's our neighbors. It's people that. Nothing against you, Holly. That look like you and I. They don't look different. Ted Bundy looked good. He didn't look like a serial killer. He didn't look like Richard Ramirez. A lot of people, we think so. How would you describe your life today?
- [36:11]
Holly Bott
I can't remember who it was. A famous person that said, we have identified the enemy and he is us.
- [36:17]
John J. Wiley
He is us for sure. How would you describe your life today?
- [36:21]
Holly Bott
I would describe it as much different. It's a work in progress and it's. But it's good. I'm content. I'm happy and enjoying life. But I started work on myself in prison that I'm still doing today. Now see that I will be doing for the rest of my life in growth and in healing and in learning.
- [36:50]
John J. Wiley
I'm glad you said that. It's a lifelong thing. And before speaking of life, and this is just an impression I got when we first talked prior to the interview on the radio, I sense a bit of shame. Do you still carry that red badge of shame from what happened?
- [37:11]
Holly Bott
Absolutely. I don't even know how to describe that feeling so that someone else can understand what it's like. But you carry it every day. I think even if I hadn't been convicted and sent to prison like you said, many people are not. I still would have carried that badge of shame, an identifier in my heart that would have labeled me forever. And having other people aware of that status, I don't think increases it. It just makes it. I don't even know how to put it, but it just. It's a life sentence of I did this, this thing and I need to re evaluate everything about myself and about life and move forward knowing that.
- [37:59]
John J. Wiley
So you did some serious reevaluating and you wrote this book. From surviving to living. Why did you write the book and what is it about?
- [38:06]
Holly Bott
So about halfway through my prison stay, I. Despite all that I've said, in spite of all these things, when I first entered prison, I didn't think I needed to have a personal transformation, maybe performance changes. But I was wrong, of course. I just didn't understand. And about halfway through this is really important. I wasn't looking for God, searching for God or anything like that. And one day there was a lockdown and all I had to read was a Bible. And it was the most interesting book I've ever read, which surprised me because I thought prior to that it was boring. And so I really think that God is a person who can interact and make his own choices and interrupt our lives. And I believe he interrupted mine. It's not something that I was seeking. And there was good advice in the Bible about what to do, advice I thought I would not have the self discipline to carry out. But I began to try. And I do believe that God had me read the Bible because he was going to enable me to do sending child support home voluntarily. I didn't owe it legally, but to start providing for my kids. I made $3 every two weeks and I started sending 25% of that home, which was a hardship, but I was able to do it. That's where the transformation began. On a small stage with these little obediences to self discipline and a changed life. And then loving others, showing kindness to the inmates around me, beginning to serve them without expecting anything in return, which was hard.
- [39:44]
John J. Wiley
It's very hard to do. That's hard to do in life in general. One thing I want to take away from this is, look, I did my own transformation. I don't talk about it much, but I found that God, which is the term we all use, and by the way, it's a three letter word. It's no different than car. People use different, influenced by their parents, whatever it was. But I found that God didn't wander away. I did. I was the one. And I needed to get right sized. And it sounds like you got right sized.
- [40:13]
Holly Bott
Yes. And I was blindsided by that happening. But it really did change everything for me. And I didn't know that that was going to happen, that that would be the result. So I wrote the book because if I had had a book that tells me if I had had a book like mine when I entered prison or even before, I would have started a path to personal growth and all of that intentionally much earlier.
- [40:43]
John J. Wiley
Right.
- [40:43]
Holly Bott
When I entered prison, I thought my life was over, that I would never be worth anything ever again. So what's the point in trying? And so any attempt at moving forward was seriously delayed by that mindset. And now I know better. Right. People can change, really can change greatly.
- [41:02]
John J. Wiley
Yes, they can.
- [41:03]
Holly Bott
And if someone had told me that, I would have started that path soon.
- [41:07]
John J. Wiley
Well, Holly's book is called From Surviving to Living. Check it out. And her website is Hollybot Me. That's H O L L Y B O T me. Holly, thanks so much for being guest on the show and Tony's story, both very much appreciated.
- [41:20]
Holly Bott
Thank you.
- [41:21]
John J. Wiley
You can find us on Facebook, look for and like the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show Facebook page. I'd like to thank our guests for coming on the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show. The Law Enforcement Talk Radio show is a national syndicated weekly radio show broadcast on numerous AM&FM radio stations across the country. We're always adding more affiliate stations. If you enjoyed the podcast version of the show, which is always free, please do me a favor and tell a friend or two or three. I'll be back in just a few days with another episode of the Law Enforcement Talk Radio show and podcast. Until then, this is John J. Wiley. See you job.
- [42:03]
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- [42:33]
John J. Wiley
If you like the show, please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. It really does help the show to grow. Thank you for listening.