Law Enforcement Talk: True Crime and Trauma Stories

Episode: FDNY Firefighter Experienced Severe Trauma

Host: John “Jay” Wiley
Guest: Joseph Bonanno (retired FDNY firefighter, author, podcaster)
Date: January 11, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode explores the life and traumatic experiences of Joseph Bonanno, a veteran FDNY firefighter who worked at Ground Zero on 9/11, lost his brother Michael (also an FDNY firefighter) to suicide, and his mother in a house fire. Joseph discusses the deep personal impacts of trauma, survivor’s guilt, and how he channels his pain into positive pursuits—sharing firehouse camaraderie and cuisine through his book, podcast, and advocacy work for suicide prevention. The conversation offers listeners a raw, frontline perspective on grief, PTSD, the realities of firefighting, and the enduring bonds and legacies of first responders.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Camaraderie of Police and Firefighters

• Joseph reflects on the close relationships between police and FDNY, including shared challenges and communal meals.
  • “Most of the time, we actually had the mounted police and the highway cops come in for dinner all the time.” (03:04)
• Firehouses provided a haven for officers in tough neighborhoods—with memorable and affordable meals.
  • "I put together a chicken cutlet parmesan dinner with dessert for like $3.50." (03:15)
• Jay and Joseph exchange lighthearted banter about “firehouse cuisine” versus police food.

Career Beginnings and Family Influence

• Joseph’s father was a 34-year FDNY veteran but rarely spoke about communal meals or day-to-day details.
  • “He never really spoke about the meals and sitting down together... The first tour that I worked, I actually brought a bag lunch with me.” (04:01)
• Joseph admits to being a rebellious son who eventually realized firefighting was his true calling.
  • “I was a little bit of an arrogant... I'm going to be better than you... But it was the best decision I ever made.” (04:49)

Trauma, Survivor’s Guilt, and 9/11

• Joseph vividly describes 9/11 as both the “best and worst day” of his career:
  • “It was the worst day in the history of our country ... but I wouldn't have not wanted to be part of it.” (06:32)
  • “It was outright amazing and outright horrible at the same time.” (07:10)
• He highlights the outpouring of global support and how tragedy united people beyond political or social boundaries.
• Discusses the rising toll of 9/11-related illnesses:
  • “We just passed that number by a few of post illnesses where people have gotten sick and died. So, we've now passed 343 firefighters [lost on 9/11] because of World Trade Center related illnesses.” (08:15)

Personal Loss and Processing Grief

• Opening up about his mother’s death in a house fire (1981):
  • “She fell asleep with a cigarette... She actually was burned over 55% third degree burns... She lived for a week when she died right in front of me and my brother.” (13:21)
• Describes the struggle to reconcile being a firefighter unable to save his own mother.
• On survivor’s guilt and moving forward:
  • “You can ruin your life by drinking and drugs and depression... But is that truly the way you want to honor the people that you lost?” (16:41)

Suicide in First Responder Communities

• Joseph’s brother Michael’s suicide and the cumulative weight of trauma:
  • "He struggled with alcoholism a little bit. But he got clean and sober... [but] your identity is all the uniform... Now I'm just sitting home watching reruns. So he struggled with that..." (23:13)
• The stages of suicidal ideation are demystified with clinical precision and personal understanding:
  • “First you say—Is this life even worth it?... Then the next phase starts to be: I'm better off dead. And if I was going to end my life, how would I do it? That's when they're in serious trouble.” (23:57)
• Emphasizes the need for honest intervention, even if uncomfortable.
  • “If I step on their feet and say things they're not comfortable hearing—they need to hear that, and it's my obligation to do that.” (29:34)
• Observes the lack of interest in mental health and suicide prevention training at professional conventions despite higher suicide rates than line-of-duty deaths.

Building a New Life & Giving Back

• Joseph’s post-retirement mission combines cooking, storytelling, and advocacy:
  • Hosted a firehouse cooking podcast and published "American Firehouse Cuisine", dedicated to his father, brother, and those lost on 9/11. (34:35)
• Sees food as a bridge for healing and connection, echoing the support he saw during 9/11 recovery.
  • “To prepare and share a meal with somebody... It's one of the most endearing, touching things that somebody can do.” (38:22)
• Supports FFbha.org and Tunnel to Towers, with proceeds from his projects aiding suicide prevention.
• On podcasting as capturing “the human element”; striving for legacy, camaraderie, and education rather than fame.

Advice for Aspiring First Responders

• “If this is something you consider, go to a local firehouse and talk to the firefighters... Find out what’s going to be involved at the 5 year mark, 10 year mark, 20 year mark... Most of the policemen and firemen you talk to, very few say ‘I hate it.’ Most of them just loved it, wouldn't have it any different.” (40:42)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On 9/11:

  • “It was the worst day in the history of our country... but I wouldn't have not wanted to be part of it.” — Joseph (06:32)
  • “[9/11] brought an entire planet together. Never mind your political beliefs, your race, your color, your religion, your sex, whatever—it brought everybody together.” — Joseph (07:10)

• On Survivor’s Guilt:

  • “I missed responding by only a few minutes and I'm certainly glad that I survived but I don't want my survival to be at the cost of somebody else's life.” — Joseph (09:08)

• On Substance Abuse:

  • “We get a sense of invincibility with the uniform. And we're not invincible.” — Joseph (15:38)

• On Suicidal Ideation:

  • “Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.” — Jay Wiley (17:46)
  • “All they need is one—the literal straw that broke the camel’s back.” — Joseph (25:35)

• On Purpose Post-Trauma:

  • “I just want to get the word out there and share my experiences with cooking, teach people how to help people cook, talk firehouse talk, stuff like that.” — Joseph (34:46)

• On Food as Support:

  • “To prepare and share a meal is one of the most touching things you can, I think, that you can define.” — Joseph (38:22)

Important Segment Timestamps

• 02:51 — Firehouse food, camaraderie between police and firefighters
• 06:32 — Joseph discusses 9/11 as both worst and best day of his career
• 13:21 — The death of Joseph’s mother in a house fire, early in his FDNY career
• 16:41 — Approaching loss and self-destructive behaviors from trauma
• 23:02 — Michael Bonanno, Joseph’s brother, and the progression of suicidal ideation
• 29:34 — The stigma of mental health in first responder culture and importance of direct intervention
• 34:35 — Joseph’s post-service projects: podcast, books, and advocacy
• 38:09 — On food, legacy, and mission of giving back
• 40:42 — Closing advice for prospective police and firefighters

Resources Mentioned

• Joseph Bonanno’s Book/Podcast/Website: americanfirehousecuisine.com
• Suicide Prevention for First Responders: ffbha.org (Families and Friends for Behavioral Health Awareness)
• Tunnel to Towers Foundation: tunnel2towers.org

Tone & Takeaway

This conversation is authentic, occasionally somber, but always hopeful—grounded in the lived reality of trauma, loss, and the struggle for meaning after tragedy. The episode balances tough, necessary discussions on suicide and PTSD with humor, the warmth of firehouse tradition, and an actionable message of support and camaraderie. Listeners gain not only insight into the unseen emotional toll of first responder life but are also encouraged to seek help, break stigmas, and contribute to a legacy of care.