Law Enforcement Talk: True Crime and Trauma Stories

Episode: Horses for Healing Trauma: Former Police Officer Speaks

Host: John "Jay" Wiley
Guest: Nate Fisher
Date: November 5, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features a powerful and deeply personal conversation with Nate Fisher, a former Texas police officer and U.S. military member. Nate shares the traumatic story of losing a rookie partner in a line-of-duty car accident, the ripple effects it had on his life and mental health, his battle with survivor’s guilt and suicidal thoughts, and ultimately, how equine therapy and his fiancée helped him find healing. The discussion candidly examines the mental health struggles endured by law enforcement officers and first responders, highlighting the importance of breaking the stigma around trauma and seeking help.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Impact of Line-of-Duty Death

• Host Jay Wiley introduces Nate and frames the gravity of losing a partner in law enforcement.

• [02:01] Nate reflects on the ever-present trauma:

  “It always stays with you…no matter what type of therapy you do, it's still with you.”
  — Nate Fisher

• Wiley stresses that trauma impacts not just families but all who respond or are involved—officers, paramedics, dispatchers.

2. The Incident: June 2016

• [05:07] Nate recounts the night his rookie partner, Indy Ekpanya, was killed. Initially a seemingly routine call for a noise complaint became tragic when Indy was killed in a vehicle accident en route to assist.

• Nate’s guilt was immediate and overwhelming, believing his choice to have Indy back him up contributed to the death.

  “I just was responsible for his death.”
  — Nate Fisher [08:35]

• The physical and emotional response left Nate immobilized at the scene, plagued by “coulda, shoulda, woulda” thinking.

  “I just killed my partner. And then the other officers…they’re doing everything they can to get him out…The fire department…they just handed the other officers the tools because…it’s one of our own trapped, gone. We need to be the ones that do something.”
  — Nate Fisher [11:51]

3. Aftermath: Police Culture & Coping with Trauma

• The host and Nate discuss broader issues:

  • The prevalence and deadly risk of auto accidents to law enforcement, and changing attitudes towards seatbelt use.
  • The culture of “closure” and the reality that trauma leaves wounds that don’t fully heal—time just changes its nature.

  “I don’t believe [time heals all wounds] is true. I just get more used to it. That’s all there is.”
  — Jay Wiley [03:57]

4. Downward Spiral: Survivor’s Guilt & Personal Crisis

• Nate describes the buildup of trauma in his career, distrust of the public after being ambushed, and the cumulative toll.

• His partner’s death coincided with the end of his marriage, exacerbating his sense of loss.

  “I was stuck on a curb… Because no, motions take over. Logic gets thrown off to the side.”
  — Nate Fisher [21:07]

• Nate relates his struggles with alcohol and describes hitting a breaking point, including a harrowing suicide attempt:

  “I see my sidearm on my end table next to my bed… I pick it up, I look at my spouse, put it to my head, and I pull the trigger. And… the gun went click.”
  — Nate Fisher [23:13]

  • His spouse intervened before further harm. The failed attempt did not immediately bring relief; instead, Nate describes feeling persistent, unresolved pain.

5. Rock Bottom and the Road to Healing

• Nate continues working, but his performance craters. A stint overseas with the military distracts him but, upon return, he is back to square one:

  “When I wasn’t on duty, I was drinking to try and suppress everything… I started telling myself, you know what? Alcoholics drink alone…so I wouldn’t be drinking alone.”
  — Nate Fisher [31:10]

• Meeting his now-fiancée, who encourages him to spend time at the barn with her horses, proves a turning point.

6. Equine Therapy: Horses as Healers

• Nate inadvertently discovers the healing potential of working with horses:

  "That’s where my therapy started. Without me knowing it, my bar tab started dramatically falling… The horses—just like how service dogs can pick up what you’re putting off—they pick up everything…but they don’t want you to touch them at all. If you’re having bad anxiety…they pick that up."
  — Nate Fisher [34:13]

• The discipline of caring for and being present with the animals forces him to implement calming and self-soothing techniques, making him aware of his emotional state and providing real-time feedback.

• His fiancée, who is herself a survivor of trauma, helps him understand how horses mirror human emotion and can serve as unique partners in therapy.

7. Finding Purpose: Advocacy and Breaking Stigma

• Nate starts the podcast Surviving the Streets to provide a platform for first responders to share their trauma stories anonymously if preferred, aiming to challenge the stigma of mental health issues in law enforcement.
• Working toward a nonprofit to provide affordable therapy to active and retired officers and first responders due to high costs of care.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Dispatchers and Trauma:

  “I’m glad you mentioned dispatchers, because they definitely don’t get recognized enough.”
  — Nate Fisher [03:08]

• On Police Culture and Responsibility:

  “We didn’t care… about ethnicity, gender, race, religion. Just do your job, and if I need help, just show up.”
  — Jay Wiley [10:29]

• Survivor’s Guilt:

  “I removed myself from the situation and sat down and just was… frozen with the guilt and the anger of what just happened.”
  — Nate Fisher [19:31]

• On Therapy and Healing:

  “They [the horses] are the ones that provided the therapy for me. All I was doing was just brushing them and cleaning out their hooves.”
  — Nate Fisher [35:55]

• On Breaking the Silence:

  “She’s an open book… that gave me the courage and the strength to tell her about what happened to me.”
  — Nate Fisher [36:09]

Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:00 – 05:00: Introductions and background, law enforcement trauma.
• 05:00 – 13:00: Detailed recount of partner’s fatal car accident and the scene.
• 13:00 – 17:45: Culture of law enforcement, coping mechanisms, and circumstances around the accident.
• 17:45 – 24:41: Emotional collapse, survivor’s guilt, and suicide attempt.
• 24:41 – 29:29: Aftermath, lack of immediate support, continuing work, and further spiral.
• 29:29 – 32:39: Meeting his fiancée, introduction to equine therapy.
• 32:39 – 35:55: Discovery of horses’ therapeutic impact, reduction in drinking.
• 35:55 – 37:34: Healing, partner’s shared trauma, podcast creation, and advocacy.
• 37:34 – 37:54: Upcoming goals, thanks, episode ends.

Resource Links & Further Information

• Surviving the Streets Podcast: Available on Apple, iHeart, Spotify (one to two new episodes/month)
• Podcast Mission: Platform for anonymous sharing by first responders; focus on mental health and stigma reduction.
• Future Plans: Developing a nonprofit to provide therapy for first responders.
• Contact: Jay Wiley - jay@letradio.com

Final Note:
Nate’s story is a poignant, raw account of law enforcement trauma. It shines a light on the mental health struggles often hidden behind the badge and underscores the healing power of connection—be it with humans or horses. Listeners are left with a sense of hope, as Nate’s journey transitions from despair and isolation toward recovery and advocacy for others.