Why do Some Struggle with Porn and Others Don’t? - Leading Saints Podcast

Summary4 min read

Episode Overview:

Podcast: Leading Saints Podcast
Episode: Why do Some Struggle with Porn and Others Don’t?
Date: June 26, 2026
Host: Leading Saints
Guest: Matt Winger (Therapist specializing in pornography addiction)

The episode explores why some individuals struggle with pornography use while others do not—specifically through the lens of trauma and attachment theory. The focus is on helping Latter-day Saint leaders better understand addiction's complexities so they can offer more compassionate, effective support. Therapist Matt Winger explains how trauma—particularly in childhood—and attachment wounds may create patterns that drive addictive behaviors, challenging simplistic explanations for pornography struggles.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Leaders’ Misconceptions and Naïve Approaches (00:00–01:56)

Host’s Personal Reflection:
- The host recalls feeling unable to relate to church members who repeatedly struggled with pornography.
  - Quote:
    
    "I couldn't even relate. I couldn't connect...I must have it figured out, because I don't struggle with pornography. So if they just did what I did, maybe they would not struggle with it." (A, 00:05)
- Recognizes this view as "naive" and unhelpful—projecting personal experience onto others ignores the problem’s real complexity.
  - Quote:
    
    "But this is such a naive approach to just this really complex human experience." (A, 00:27)
Need for Empathy & Deeper Understanding:
- The host sets up the importance of recognizing underlying trauma and not assuming identical paths or solutions work for everyone.

2. The Trauma-Addiction Connection (01:56–06:00)

Trauma as Root Cause:
- Matt Winger:
  - Positions sexual and pornography addiction as a way to regulate a “dysregulated nervous system” due to trauma.
    - Quote:
      
      "We approach sexual addiction from the lens of trauma. We believe that trauma is at the root of sexual addiction and that ... porn addiction arise[s] as a way to regulate a dysregulated nervous system." (B, 01:56)
- Trauma is "anything that overwhelms the brain or the body's ability to process," often occurring during childhood or adolescence, when resources to process pain are minimal.
  - Quote:
    
    "Most significant trauma happens to us when we are least resourced to be able to deal with it. Which means when we're young, when we're kids...anything that we encountered that was bigger than us, scarier than us, more painful than we could handle..." (B, 02:30)
Unprocessed Trauma:
- The body "stores" trauma it can't process, responding to later triggers "as if that trauma is happening... in real time."
  - Quote:
    
    "The brain is kind of stupid...it can't tell the difference between the past and the present sometimes." (B, 03:05)
Outside-in Coping and Addiction:
- Without an “attuned and present caregiver,” young people develop outside-in coping strategies—addictions being one common result.
  - Quote:
    
    "We're likely to reach out for outside-in coping, which can be addictions of all kinds..." (B, 04:10)
Why Sobriety is Difficult:
- Even with effort and help, lingering trauma triggers often disrupt progress, making lasting sobriety rare without addressing underlying wounds.

3. The Role of Attachment Wounds (04:51–06:00)

Attachment Theory:
- When caregivers are unreliable, unsafe, or inattentive, children develop an “attachment wound”—a break in the needed bond with a caregiver.
  - Quote:
    
    "That can leave what we call an attachment wound, where I have a need to connect with an attuned and present caregiver. But they are not safe, consistent, or reliable in their connection to me." (B, 05:00)
- Repeated neglect or negative responses to a child's needs can significantly “damage or...break altogether" the bond between child and caregiver.
Two Types of Attachment Wounds:
- Matt signals there are two major types of attachment wounds, both of which play a role in later addictive patterns.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Projecting Our Experience:

"This is such a naive approach to just this really complex human experience."
— Host (A), 00:27
On Trauma's Lingering Effects:

"Our body does not... the brain is kind of stupid... it can't tell the difference between the past and the present sometimes."
— Matt Winger (B), 03:05
On Root Causes:

"...trauma is at the root of sexual addiction and porn addiction arise[s] as a way to regulate a dysregulated nervous system."
— Matt Winger (B), 01:56
On Caregiver Importance:

"But they are not safe, consistent, or reliable in their connection to me. That causes a break in the bond between the child and the caregiver...we call that an attachment wound."
— Matt Winger (B), 05:00

Timestamps of Key Segments

00:00–01:56: Host introduction; acknowledging naive assumptions about addiction and setting up trauma as a root cause.
01:56–04:51: Matt Winger explains how trauma, especially in childhood, fosters dysregulation and coping mechanisms that can develop into addiction.
04:51–06:00: Attachment theory and its link to addiction—the importance of relationships with caregivers and how disruptions manifest as wounds fueling addictive behavior.

Summary

This episode challenges the simple "just stop" mentality regarding pornography struggles and calls church leaders to empathy and deeper understanding. Therapist Matt Winger presents trauma and attachment wounds as foundational to why some individuals develop addictive patterns—emphasizing that true solutions must go beyond willpower or superficial behavior changes. Instead, healing requires addressing past pain and creating spaces for real connection and support.

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Transcript5 lines

[00:01]
A
So I remember being a young bishop and somebody would come in and share their struggle with pornography. Right. It was almost. I couldn't even relate. I couldn't connect. And, you know, here they are just continuing to relapse and do this sin over and over and over again. I think, why don't they just do what I do? Like, you know, I just don't spend a lot of time on my phone or, you know, I've got good hobbies, or I've got distractions in the right places. And so I must have it figured out, because I don't struggle with pornography. So if they just did what I did, maybe they would not struggle with it. Right. But this is such a naive approach to just this really complex human experience. So why do some individuals struggle with pornography even to the level of an addiction, and others don't? And how do we avoid the trap of projecting our own experience onto others and assuming if they just did what we did, then they'd be fine? Right. Well, Matt Winger, who is a therapist and does such an incredible job, primarily working with men who struggle with pornography, and he talks about this concept of trauma being at the root and cause of why people become addicted and why they keep acting out and. And how to really begin to unwind this or at least begin to understand it so that we can untangle this. This web of complexity in the human experience to get them past the struggle with pornography. So I'll leave the complex discussion to him. So here's my. Here's a quick clip with Matt Winger about this concept of trauma as it. As it is manifested in the. The struggle with pornography. And make sure at the end of this, you go register to hear the full. Full presentation by Matt Winger about this. It is so good, so informative. And. Yeah, go register@LeadingSaints.org liberating to grab a. Free. To grab a free seat there. So we'll see you there.
[01:56]
B
We approach sexual addiction from the lens of trauma. We believe that trauma is at the root of sexual addiction and that sexual addiction and porn addiction arise as a way to regulate a dysregulated nervous system. Okay. What I mean by that is anything that overwhelms the brain.
[02:19]
A
Brain.
[02:19]
B
Or the body's ability to process. And that at the time, is what we would consider trauma. And most significant trauma happens to us when we are least resourced to be able to deal with it. Which means when we're young, when we're kids, you know, 0 to 20 years old, anything that we encountered that was bigger than us Scarier than us, more painful than we could handle, overwhelming to our system and to our body. That is trauma. Okay? It's something that our body and our brain is storing to try to deal with later because we do not have the resources to deal with it at the time. And what that happens in the nervous system is anytime that anything reminds us of that trauma or has some connection to it or some trigger around that experience, our body is going to react as if we were in that traumatic experience in real time. Our, our body does not. You know, one of my teachers in this, they used to say, you know, the brain is kind of stupid. You know, the. It doesn't can't tell the difference between the past and the present sometimes. And so when I have the feeling as if I am in the a situation that feels similar to my trauma, I'm getting my body and my emotions and my thoughts are going to react as if that trauma is happening to me in real time. So all that dysregulation in the body, if we don't know how to approach it, and we don't have an attuned and present caregiver to help us work through it, as young people, we're likely to reach out for outside in coping, which can be addictions of all kinds of sorts and sizes and types. So most people that are stuck in a porn and sex addiction aren't always being triggered into their trauma per se. There, there's a lot of times they're in the loop of acting out over and over again, and the desire to do so over and over again, that is self reinforcing, involving the dopamine system in our brains. But if they're trying really hard and they're getting help, the reason that they can't establish long term sobriety is because these trauma triggers and these things within the body are kind of knocking them off course after a couple weeks of sobriety. You know, it's these blind spots around our experiences as young people. So when we have an unregulated nervous system as a young person and we're exposed to traumatic events and we don't have an attuned and attached caregiver to help us, that can leave what we call an attachment wound, where I have a need to reach out to, I have a need to connect with an attuned and present caregiver. But they are not safe, consistent or reliable in their connection to me. That causes a break in the bond between the child and the caregiver. Okay? So I reach out and I need them to respond and they're not there for me, or they get upset with me, or I reach out and I'm hurt, or I reach out and I'm ignored. I reach out and I make friends fun of. And over time, if these these experience happen again and again, that bond that should exist between a child and a caregiver becomes very damaged or. Or broken altogether. And we call that an attachment wound. Okay, now we're going to talk about two types of attachment wounds that are most common, and they involve the relationship with the caregiver. But the trauma can happen both in that relationship itself or outside of that relationship.
[06:01]
A
All right, that concludes this clip with Matt Winger. Again, go grab your free registration at leadingsaints. Org Liberating to make sure you hear the full presentation by Matt winger. This starts June 30th, so jump on it.