Janelle James: Head Of The Class

Summary

Podcast Title: Let's Talk Off Camera with Kelly Ripa
Episode: Janelle James: Head Of The Class
Release Date: July 2, 2025

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Introduction to Janelle James

In this vibrant episode of Let's Talk Off Camera with Kelly Ripa, host Kelly Ripa welcomes Janelle James, best known for her standout role as Principal Coleman in the hit series Abbott Elementary. Joined by Kelly’s husband, Mark Consuelos, and their friends Jan, Seth, Albert, Roz, and Devin, the conversation dives deep into Janelle’s journey in comedy and acting, her experiences during the pandemic, and her insights into the entertainment industry.

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Janelle’s Early Career and Stand-Up Comedy

Janelle opens up about her beginnings in stand-up comedy, sharing anecdotes that highlight her resilience and dedication to her craft.

Janelle James [16:38]: "I'm doing every bite of it. Cause I can't waste it. Cause it would be a sin to waste it."

She recounts her initial aspirations to emulate iconic comedians like Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock, aiming to transition from stand-up to a flourishing acting career.

Janelle James [22:11]: "I always knew I wasn't towards acting. I had always wanted to be Eddie Murphy or Chris Rock or, you know, somebody like that."

Her passion for stand-up is evident as she describes her approach to performances, focusing on delivering a seamless narrative without relying on crowd work.

Janelle James [44:46]: "I'm trying to weave a narrative through my hour. I'm really trying to make people laugh the whole hour."

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Transition to Acting and Abbott Elementary

The conversation shifts to Janelle’s breakthrough role in Abbott Elementary. She shares the unique circumstances under which she landed the role during the pandemic, reflecting on how the global crisis impacted her career trajectory.

Janelle James [19:54]: "I was pretty chill. I was in the middle of the pandemic when that happened. So a lot of things had happened around this show was clouded by that whole experience."

Janelle discusses the initial challenges of portraying Principal Coleman, a character that embodies confidence and overconfidence, and how she navigates the blurred lines between her persona and her personal identity.

Janelle James [19:05]: "She's like a conglomeration of...my ego turned up to 10. Basically confident overconfidence. But I feel like this season you've kind of found out that's all a kind of a mask."

She reflects on the show's success and the fan base it has garnered, emphasizing the importance of authenticity in her performances.

Janelle James [24:15]: "If you could go through something like that and then go and do a show the next day, then you're in. You can't escape it. I'm going to be doing this forever. I'm trapped."

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Experiences on Tour and Balancing Fame

Janelle shares insights from her comedy tour, detailing the rigors of traveling and performing while managing her acting responsibilities. She candidly discusses her habits to stay productive and maintain her well-being on the road.

Janelle James [13:06]: "So my last time going on tour by myself, I was staying in places. I was sleeping with my back up against the door because I didn't feel safe."

Her humorous take on hotel room service orders and the challenges of staying organized during tours adds a relatable layer to her narrative.

Janelle James [16:21]: "I'm doing every bite and sip of each thing. And then I'm done. So wasteful."

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Navigating Fame and Personal Growth

The episode delves into how fame from Abbott Elementary has transformed Janelle's life, juxtaposed with her efforts to remain grounded. She discusses the disconnect between her public persona and her private self, highlighting the struggles and triumphs that come with increased visibility.

Janelle James [28:32]: "It is very weird...my character has become a thing unto itself."

Janelle emphasizes the importance of staying true to oneself amidst the pressures of the entertainment industry, sharing personal anecdotes that showcase her adaptability and unwavering spirit.

Janelle James [43:15]: "I have other stuff I can do."

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Advice for Aspiring Comedians and Actors

Towards the end of the episode, Janelle offers heartfelt advice to those aspiring to enter comedy and acting. She underscores the significance of perseverance, authenticity, and continuous hustle in achieving success.

Janelle James [35:34]: "I always felt like, oh, I'll get discovered through stand up or one of my comedian friends will become famous and they'll get a show and they'll say, come on over here."

Her candid discussions about past experiences, including challenging gigs and pivotal moments, serve as motivational lessons for listeners navigating similar paths.

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Conclusion and Reflections

As the conversation winds down, the hosts express their admiration for Janelle’s talent and dedication. They reflect on her journey, celebrating her achievements and anticipating her future projects with enthusiasm and support.

Mark Consuelos [40:50]: "I know you're going to win an Academy Award. I know that you will."

Janelle concludes with a message of gratitude, reinforcing her commitment to her craft and her audience.

Janelle James [56:23]: "Thank you so much."

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Notable Quotes

• Janelle James [19:54]: "I was pretty chill. I was in the middle of the pandemic when that happened."

• Janelle James [22:11]: "I always knew I wasn't towards acting. I had always wanted to be Eddie Murphy or Chris Rock."

• Janelle James [44:46]: "I'm trying to weave a narrative through my hour. I'm really trying to make people laugh the whole hour."

• Mark Consuelos [40:50]: "I know you're going to win an Academy Award. I know that you will."

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Closing Thoughts

This episode of Let's Talk Off Camera with Kelly Ripa offers an intimate glimpse into Janelle James' multifaceted career and personal experiences. Through engaging dialogue and heartfelt stories, listeners gain valuable insights into the resilience and passion that drive Janelle's success in the competitive worlds of comedy and acting.

Transcript

[Kelly Ripa]

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[Mark Consuelos]

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[Kelly Ripa]

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[Mark Consuelos]

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[Kelly Ripa]

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[Janelle James]

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[Albert]

But some towns only have white people, right? I think when it's those towns and they have never, you can tell they've never maybe even seen a black woman in person, much less had to listen to one talk for an hour. It's like, it's not even that I'm being funny. They just can't even believe it. It's never. It's not whether I'm being funny or not. They're just like, what is that? Like, what is this?

[Mark Consuelos]

Somebody got to cue me or do I cue myself?

[Jan]

Cue your shop.

[Kelly Ripa]

Okay.

[Mark Consuelos]

All right, everyone. Is this it? Is this it? Are we rolling? We are. Seth, we're rolling. Wow.

[Jan]

Seth spoke.

[Mark Consuelos]

Seth speaking to the mic.

[Albert]

We're rolling, baby.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah. People love your voice. They want to hear more Seth Lies. It's like cowbell.

[Kelly Ripa]

They're like, more Seth.

[Mark Consuelos]

More Seth.

[Albert]

I've seen the comments. I haven't seen any of those.

[Mark Consuelos]

What comments? We have four followers on social media. We are back with another episode of let's talk off camera. So let's get talking. Said it before. I'll say it again. This is season three.

[Kelly Ripa]

Season three.

[Mark Consuelos]

Jan and I have an Albert. An Albert.

[Seth]

An Albert.

[Mark Consuelos]

We have an album coming out on itunes later this month. So look for that, today's gu is Janelle James. Big listen.

[Kelly Ripa]

This woman kills me.

[Mark Consuelos]

She is so funny.

[Kelly Ripa]

She's so brilliant.

[Mark Consuelos]

I think she's gonna win that Emmy.

[Jan]

I hope so.

[Mark Consuelos]

I think she is She's a scene stealer. And I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I believe that if we were neighbors, we would be really good friends. I think that we would be in each other's houses a lot. Like, dig a tunnel under the ground, like, have an underground tunnel that led from her house to my house and back, that kind of thing. I just. I know I like when I see her. She's got, like, a twinkle in the eye, and I recognize it.

[Jan]

It's your people.

[Mark Consuelos]

It's my people. Yeah. But before we get to Janelle, guys, Albert, Jan, Seth, any long weekend vacation news to report?

[Jan]

Abby had a big weekend, right?

[Mark Consuelos]

This was the weekend Sausage Fest.

[Roz]

Sausage festival, which, by the way, all the newcomers this year were like, I love the title. And of course, gave you the props. I said, kelly, name this, because it was a bunch of gay guys sitting around eating sausages with Kelly on World Day weekend. And she's like, this is Sausage Fest. Well, we got so rain all the way up leading up to Saturday, and then Saturday looked very iffy. And then all of a sudden, Saturday morning, blue skies.

[Mark Consuelos]

I know. It irritated me. I was like, this is the kind of encouragement that Albert doesn't need to have that sausage festival. The ME, AKA the meat gala.

[Roz]

Steve from Peconic Prime Meats was, like, all giddy and excited. Thought you were gonna be there. He made you a dessert.

[Mark Consuelos]

I don't know what led Steve to believe this. I am famously never going to be on Long island on Memorial Day weekend ever again.

[Roz]

Well, it was a big hit.

[Mark Consuelos]

I have retired from Memorial Day weekend on Long Island.

[Jan]

How was Palm Springs?

[Roz]

Oh, yes, I want to hear, uh, oh, the door has flung open.

[Kelly Ripa]

Here he comes.

[Mark Consuelos]

Come in here. Sit down. It's. It's your story to tell, because, again, I didn't see it. So I need you to tell it from your perspective.

[Albert]

Oh, boy.

[Mark Consuelos]

So did you just wake up? Yes. We're talking about our weekend, okay? Our fun weekend. And we went out to dinner, and then I was. I don't know what you would call it. What would you call it?

[Seth]

You were assaulted.

[Kelly Ripa]

Yes.

[Mark Consuelos]

Right?

[Seth]

Yeah.

[Mark Consuelos]

Like sexually assaulted?

[Seth]

Well, I mean, in certain states, yeah.

[Mark Consuelos]

It was the craziest. So I. So I need you to tell the story because, again, it happened to me from behind.

[Seth]

What do you. What do you want me to begin?

[Mark Consuelos]

Begin where? We're sitting and I'm faced. I'm leaning on my chair this way.

[Albert]

Yeah.

[Mark Consuelos]

I've got my legs folded because everybody is this way. I'm Sort of at the head of the.

[Kelly Ripa]

I'm not at the head of the.

[Mark Consuelos]

Table, but I'm at the end of the table off. Right. And I'm facing everybody else who is.

[Seth]

So I see a table off her shoulder. That at the beginning of the dinner, they keep turning around and they just smile and then whatever they're. I would say they're 40s, mid to late mid-40s.

[Mark Consuelos]

So everybody disputes you on the age. They say. They say 30s.

[Seth]

Yeah, yeah. Okay, 30s. Great. 30s. Late 30s. Old enough to know better. And it's. It's nearing the end of our dinner. We're at the right. We're at the entree section.

[Mark Consuelos]

We're in the middle of our dinner.

[Seth]

And the lady from the table gets up and starts to make her way over to us. I'm sitting next to Kelly.

[Mark Consuelos]

According to Lola, she has two paper.

[Kelly Ripa]

Bags in her hand.

[Seth]

I think they were doggy bags. Okay, so they're done. No, Albert, I didn't know what they had for dinner. Don't know what they had. I don't know what they had. But anyway, she approaches the table and she's kind of like, you know, in 30 years of doing this, there's people approach the table and they're usually very kind and they usually approach the way this lady approached, apologizing for her approach in. In a way. Hey, I'm coming over here. Now. That's kind of the body language. I know this is inappropriate, but I'm gonna ask a question. And it went from that to grabbing Kelly from behind my tits.

[Roz]

No.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yes.

[Seth]

I didn't see the tit, but Kelly said she.

[Mark Consuelos]

No, she's not making it up. She grabbed my tits.

[Seth]

No, you're not making it up. But I didn't see that part. But I think she tilted her head.

[Mark Consuelos]

Back, she pulled my head back, and.

[Seth]

She laid a bed. Big kiss on her. When I thought, yeah, right smack.

[Mark Consuelos]

Mark thought it was my mouth, it was my nose, which I don't know if you can still. She had braces. She had braces. And I don't know if you can still see the little fleck of skin. Cuz I. I had a cut on my tip. I had a cut on my nose from her braces. And I was like.

[Seth]

And we all went, oh, like this. And so it happened. And she disengaged. And she said something like, what did she say? I'm the only one brave enough.

[Mark Consuelos]

Or I blacked out. I don't know. I literally blacked out. I was like, what? Just. I thought I was at first, because a woman's hand came, and my head went back, and I saw blonde hair, and it was a very tall woman. I thought it was Gigi. I thought it was Ted McGinley's wife, Gigi Rice. And I was like, oh, my God. I was like, oh, my God. And then the mouth went over my nose, and I was like, ow. And then I looked up and. And I looked up, and I realized I don't know this person.

[Kelly Ripa]

Oh, my God.

[Mark Consuelos]

And I could just. By the looks on everybody else's face, everybody was like, yeah, it was like. It's. It was like. And we're. You know, us. We don't mind. Like, we are so good when people approach us. We're not like. We're not fussy.

[Seth]

Nobody's. Nobody's giving you a kiss.

[Mark Consuelos]

I didn't see her approaching, and she snapped my head back, and I was like, oh, my God. There goes my neck, you know, because I have, like, this chronic neck issue. So my head went back, and I was like, oh, not the neck. And then. And then the nose bite. And I was like, oh, my God. Am I.

[Seth]

So she disengages from that. And then she starts to walk towards me.

[Roz]

No.

[Seth]

And I said, I'm good.

[Roz]

No, no, no.

[Seth]

And I put. And she still walked over. And I point to her. I go, I'm good.

[Albert]

And that she.

[Roz]

Was she drunk?

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jan]

And then she quickly run away. Oh, yeah.

[Kelly Ripa]

And then it was like.

[Mark Consuelos]

And then, like, everybody from the restaurant came over, and they were like, are you okay? Oh, my God. Are you okay? Oh, my God. We are so sorry. What can we do? How can. Would you. Would you like us to ask her to leave? And I said. I said, I think the less energy we give this, the better.

[Roz]

That's up. I'm sorry.

[Seth]

No, it's never happened before.

[Roz]

No. With the approach over, like, that's normal.

[Seth]

The approach was a normal, like, kind of dobbining. I'm gonna just. I mean, I'm so sorry to bother you. Do you mind if I take a picture?

[Mark Consuelos]

She didn't say any of that.

[Seth]

No. But that was the energy.

[Mark Consuelos]

Oh, you mean her body parts.

[Roz]

They must have been mortified.

[Mark Consuelos]

Oh, they were more. It was that energy of, like, you're.

[Kelly Ripa]

Not going to talk about this on.

[Mark Consuelos]

The air, are you? And I was like, not on tv.

[Kelly Ripa]

But just on the podcast.

[Roz]

Oof.

[Mark Consuelos]

Having said that, the food was the lamb.

[Seth]

The lamb kebab served.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah.

[Roz]

What did you eat? Let's get.

[Seth]

I had.

[Mark Consuelos]

But don't give away too much. We don't want it. The rest, we don't want.

[Seth]

Saffron chicken.

[Albert]

Ooh.

[Seth]

Bye, guys.

[Kelly Ripa]

Bye.

[Albert]

Thank you.

[Jan]

Okay, we're ready.

[Mark Consuelos]

Oh, here you go, Janelle James. Jan and I were looking at you, we're like, janelle is so freaking pretty.

[Albert]

Oh, shit. Okay, well, thank you. I'll take that. Because I was like, oh, my God, I look a mess. I'm so glad it's not on camera.

[Mark Consuelos]

Clearly it's not on camera. This is, by the way, in case you're curious where I am. This is my 27 year old son's former bedroom. He doesn't live here anymore, but we've kept it as it was when he lived here. And as you can tell, he was into some freaky shit.

[Albert]

That's cool. You've kept it the same.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah.

[Albert]

My son just graduated college a couple weeks ago.

[Mark Consuelos]

Congratulations. Is that your first college graduate?

[Albert]

Yes, my first college graduate. Yes. And it's weird and wild.

[Mark Consuelos]

It's the greatest though, isn't it?

[Albert]

Yeah. I'm like, oh, I. I made an adult. He's met. He's super cool.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, he's.

[Albert]

He's finished college. He's so kind and he's like a man. That's weird.

[Mark Consuelos]

Did you go to college? Did you go to college?

[Albert]

Let me say no and yes, I went to college multiple times, different places, never finished.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, yeah, listen, all three of our kids graduated college. But what I didn't tell them, what I didn't say at the time, was that, guys, you're not going to need any of this. I didn't say it. I didn't say it. I didn't want them to know the truth.

[Kelly Ripa]

Truth.

[Albert]

I don't agree. I'm so glad they went. I think if just, just to have a little. That little limbo between adulthood and going from high school. I think it's so necessary.

[Mark Consuelos]

I always feel like I really. Because I didn't go to college. So I feel like it was probably more about me than about them. Like, I. Yeah, I mean, me and.

[Albert]

You are not regular people.

[Mark Consuelos]

What did I say? Yeah, I just said, okay.

[Albert]

Which is what I try to tell everybody when they're like, how do I do what you did? I'm like, you're not me.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, it actually can't be done. It's such a case. Right. It's so true. No, but we were saying, like, if you moved next door, I know that you and I would be best friends.

[Albert]

Dude, I don't do podcasts, I don't do interviews. I was like, who? Kelly Rippa. Okay.

[Mark Consuelos]

Give me some for this, Albert. Yeah, because I was like. I was like, we are. We are simpatico.

[Albert]

I can tell. The first time I met you, I was like, I like her.

[Mark Consuelos]

I am. Me, too. I was like, I. I met you before you met me, because I met you when I saw on Abbott elementary. And I was like. I was like, she's special. You are. You are special. I just want you to know that, like, if you ever doubt yourself, call me and I'll be like, you are the most special.

[Albert]

Well, you just fucked up, because that's about to happen.

[Mark Consuelos]

Good. So you're on. Jan says you're on your comedy tour right now.

[Albert]

I am. Well, not at. I have a weekend off. But, yes, I am.

[Mark Consuelos]

Okay, but you are like, are you going from hotel room to hotel room to state? I am okay.

[Albert]

And I'm like, oh, shit, I'm old.

[Mark Consuelos]

No, but what is it like when you travel, when you're on tour? Like, take me through that. Do you have. When you stay in a hotel, do you have your own bedding that you bring? Do you. Are you a germaphobe?

[Albert]

You know, Kelly, I always say I have not yet leaned into having money. I am new money. Like, super new. And every upgrade is like Shangri La to me. So my last time going on tour by myself, I was staying in places. I was sleeping with my back up against the door because I didn't feel safe. So now to have, like, turn down service, I'm like, this is the Taj Mahal. So I. I am still maximizing my points. I'm still, you know, that's never.

[Mark Consuelos]

I want you to know you're. That's never going to go away. I promise you that will never go away. Because I think that if you are like me and you did not grow up with money and you, like, had to work for everything.

[Albert]

Yeah.

[Mark Consuelos]

I feel like that never leaves you. Like, I am always assuming that I'm on the precipice of bankruptcy no matter what.

[Albert]

Yeah. Facts. And I want to be a germaphobe, but I'm so tired, by the time I pull out the Lysol wipes, I'm already sleeping.

[Mark Consuelos]

Like, they have a spray now.

[Albert]

I don't have time to reclean a hotel room.

[Mark Consuelos]

No, they have a spray now. Oh, God. What's it called? It's Clorox sanitizing spray. And you walk into a hotel and you just spray. It's like a Febreze, but it sanitizes. It's Like a one stop thing.

[Albert]

Just so now I gotta smell the fumes, though.

[Mark Consuelos]

It's not fumey. It doesn't smell like anything. No, it's got no scent.

[Albert]

Is this what you use?

[Mark Consuelos]

It's what I use every time I go into a hotel. Like. Like I'm a freak.

[Albert]

And what are you guarding against?

[Mark Consuelos]

You think I don't know? Sperm yeast. Sperm yeast.

[Albert]

Sperm yeast. Clorox bath.

[Mark Consuelos]

The big three. It's like herpes, syphilis, and yeast. Those are the big three.

[Albert]

I'm interested to know. We got to do a science experiment. What happens to sperm when you. When you spray Clorox on it?

[Mark Consuelos]

Is it just like.

[Albert]

Just clean sperm now or. I mean, the sperm is still there.

[Mark Consuelos]

I don't know. At this. At my age, it doesn't matter. Yeah. I don't even need to kill the sperm. I'm just trying to kill the yeast. So Albert's big question is, what's your go to room service order? Or do you try to accept. Explore the local cuisine?

[Albert]

Oh, no, I'm in the room. I'm in the room, definitely. And I am getting everything. I'm a. I'm a breakfast more than anything.

[Mark Consuelos]

Okay.

[Albert]

Person. Usually by the time I get there, I don't really want dinner. I will eat mashed potatoes for dinner. That's a thing. And mashed potatoes and like some kind of vegetable and that's it. I will eat just that for. Because that's something you don't really make for yourself.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah.

[Albert]

You know, I live by myself. I'm not making a whole pot of mashed potatoes. So when I'm on the.

[Mark Consuelos]

On the road, I'm like, what's the breakfast?

[Albert]

Breakfast? I'm doing every. I'm getting that waffle. I'm getting the eggs, I'm getting the meat, I'm getting the fruit.

[Roz]

Yeah.

[Albert]

I'm getting a hot beverage. I'm getting a cold beverage. I'm getting. I'm getting a smoothie. I'm getting the green power juice. I'm getting all of that shit. And I'm taking one bite and sip of each one. I'm doing a bagel. I'm doing all that.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah.

[Albert]

And I'm doing one sip and one bite of each thing. And then I'm done. So wasteful.

[Mark Consuelos]

But so then. So you just have like a sample of everything. But you see, Albert, this is the problem with Albert. He would order all that and then eat every bite of it. Cause he can't waste it. Cause it would be a sin to waste It.

[Roz]

Well, she's the person that puts the tray outside the room. And I sometimes stop and think, can I eat that? Because I've been done.

[Albert]

You're one of those weirdos. Yes.

[Mark Consuelos]

I mean, you want to hear the craziest and worst story ever? I'm going to tell you. When my kids were little, we were staying at a hotel. We were in California. I had to be out there. We were doing the show out in California, and Mark and I went to a party, and we were. This is back when we were drinking, so we were a little bit in our cups. And we come home and we're on our floor, and we get to our room, and the kids. Room service tray is outside our room. And we're standing there, and I was like, these kids. So much waste. They didn't. Like, they barely ate. So now Mark and I are standing outside drunk as skunks, eating the half a cheeseburger. I'm dipping the fries in the ketchup, and I'm eating it. And then he waves the key. It was like a card key. So he waves it. Waves it. It's not working. He waves it. It's not working.

[Albert]

Oh, it's not your room.

[Mark Consuelos]

We're on the wrong floor. Wrong floor. Eating some random family. Yep.

[Albert]

And now you're spraying Clorox randomly.

[Mark Consuelos]

Clorox in my mouth. Clorox in my mouth. Oh, can you imagine?

[Albert]

I would have died.

[Mark Consuelos]

Oh, please. I was like, thank God I was drunk, because I. If I wasn't drunk, it would have been a real nightmare. I would have gone to the emergency room. So, okay, so we were talking about. Before you log on, we do, like, a whole thing about you. You've been nominated three times for Outstanding Supporting Actress.

[Albert]

I've been nominated three times, but you'll.

[Mark Consuelos]

Be nominated for four times, right from your mouth, Kelly. No, no, no. But this is the year you win.

[Albert]

Okay. I claim that. I don't know. I feel like that's what. What I should say.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, no, this is. I believe this is your year because nobody has the deadpan. Nobody can do what you do.

[Albert]

Facts. I truly believe that. Yes. But, you know, does enough people like it?

[Mark Consuelos]

Is the question, who did you base Principal Coleman on? Like, who is she? Because she is. She is somebody we all know. Like, she is.

[Albert]

Yeah. I mean, she is. She's like a conglomeration of like. I mean, she is my. Is it your ID where you're just like, if my ego was out of control, who would I be? She is like, my ego turned up to 10. Basically confident overconfidence. But I feel like this season you've kind of found out that's all a kind of a mask, as most people. Yeah, like that are. But yeah, she. The role that she's playing is my ego turned up to 10.

[Mark Consuelos]

When you got that role, did you pinch yourself? Were you, like, when you read the pilot and you got the role, were you thinking, this is like, theoretically, this is a juggernaut show and this is going to launch me into another stratosphere?

[Albert]

I was not, and I hope to not make people upset about this, but I was pretty chill. I was in the middle of the pandemic is when that happened. So it was such a. I feel like a lot of things that happened had happened and has happened around this show was clouded by that whole experience. Like, I experienced it in a different way than I would have if I was, like, living normal life.

[Mark Consuelos]

Right.

[Albert]

And so my main thought when I got it was, oh, my God, I have to get on a plane. That was my first thought. When they said, oh, can shoot the pilot. I was like, I have to get on a plane.

[Mark Consuelos]

But back then. But if you think about it back then. Cause I remember being like, I had to get on planes too. Like, I was still working and I would have to get on a plane, but I would be like, I swear I'm the only person on this plane. It was like, I felt like the few times I flew during that time, it was like being on a private plane, like. Well, because there were not many people traveling.

[Albert]

I feel like, though. Yes. But it was so much unknown that it only took two other people for. To freak me out because I was like, it only needs one person to have it for me to get it, you know? And so I was pretty freaked out. And I. And actually somebody was, I need to go back and look. Because I was talking about this with somebody about my reaction and how that hit me. And they told me to look for the email that said, hey, you got the role. Because I don't even remember how I felt except fear of going outside. And that's. This. That's. That's unfortunate.

[Mark Consuelos]

That's why. I mean, that's really wild. Cause I didn't even think about. You know, it's like, I think we were just so grateful to have a great TV show on the air that I didn't even think about it in terms of.

[Albert]

Yeah, our whole first season was COVID protocols. And I went from like, only being in the house with my kid to being with 100 people. You know, so it definitely was a different experience. And I always say that should be even like more props that we did all of that and made it seem like life was normal. I know all of that happening in the background, you know, so, yeah, I'm such a downer.

[Mark Consuelos]

No, no, but you, you started out, like, what would you say, were you a comedy writer or a comedian first? Like, what would you say was your. What you considered yourself when you started out?

[Albert]

Oh, a stand up. A stand up comedian. That's what I was. And I knew I wasn't towards acting. I had always wanted to be Eddie Murphy or Chris Rock or, you know, somebody like that that, like, really tore it big and then from there become a movie star or something like that. Like, like, just like they did just like a lot of comedians do, right? And so I remember I would audition just to keep my agents happy, just to feel like, let them think they doing something and. But nothing, nothing would come to me that I was super excited about or, you know, I just always felt like, oh, I'll get discovered through stand up or one of my comedian friends will become famous and they'll get a show and they'll say, come on over here, like, like Adam Sandler does or Seth Rogen and that whole crew. So I wasn't worried, but that was my goal, like, to just be a big standup comedian. And when I got this pilot, this was the first thing I had been excited about was like, on paper in maybe ever. Like, yeah, of course. Yeah. I was like, this is good. I was like, this is hilarious. I can not only my role, but I could see every character very clearly. It was so well written. I was reading it and, like, laughing out loud, I was like, oh, I'm gonna try for this. And I did have the thought that, like, even if I didn't get it, I knew it would be good. I knew it would go at least a pilot, you know, I was like, this is going to be a thing.

[Kelly Ripa]

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[Mark Consuelos]

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[Kelly Ripa]

And for me, Hershey's with almonds is.

[Mark Consuelos]

A perfect duo because it combines two.

[Kelly Ripa]

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[Mark Consuelos]

My go to snack almonds.

[Kelly Ripa]

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[Mark Consuelos]

That'S, well, holy Hershey's.

[Kelly Ripa]

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[Jan]

Keep that.

[Mark Consuelos]

In.

[Kelly Ripa]

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[Mark Consuelos]

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[Kelly Ripa]

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[Mark Consuelos]

How great is that?

[Kelly Ripa]

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[Mark Consuelos]

Are you somebody that can watch things you didn't get?

[Albert]

No, because and it that's so funny. I haven't thought about this in a while. Another thing I was excited about that I auditioned for once was Glow. Do you remember that? It was like the female wrestler.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yes, I remember that.

[Albert]

I really wanted that role. It was for one of the female wrestlers and we had to make up an 80s rap and perform it in the, in the audition and also like do a fight scene with ourself. And I did this rap that I performed and then I did a round kick. And I remember leaving that audition like nailed it and did not get that role. And I have not watched one second of that show. I'm so salty. Maybe I'll watch it today.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, no, I'm the same. Like when it's, it's very funny. Were talking about the other day and Mark was talking about all of the films that he's auditioned for and how I refuse to see any film that he's auditioned for that he didn't get the job. And so I literally haven't been to the movies in 20 years. I have not, I won't see anything. I truly have not seen a movie in such a long time because I'm like, fuck them.

[Albert]

That's exactly what I was gonna say off that show. And I heard it's pretty good though.

[Mark Consuelos]

When you're on the standup circuit, that's one thing. It's one level of fame. You have a fan base and people are coming to see you cause they know you're funny. But when you are on a show like Abbott elementary, you are famous. Like you are famous everywhere you go.

[Albert]

Don't I sound so excited about it.

[Mark Consuelos]

I know, but what is that like? It's gotta be weird.

[Albert]

It is very weird. I think part of the weirdness is like you said, I was stand up famous. I was pretty, I was a pretty well known stand up. But I feel like comic stand up is like such a niche performance space that there's people that go their whole life without ever seeing a stand up comedy show. You kind of have to search it out. And that's, there's kind of a safety in that, in that I knew my fans were my fans. You know, like if they were a fan of me, they liked me and this show. I always say like the people who would have never come across me watch Abbott, you know, everybody watch. And it's not about. It is about me, but I'm also playing this character and this character has become a thing onto itself in that I think a lot of people, partly because I'm so mysterious, I guess, can't separate me from the character. They think she's a real person. So I, I, I've Been working on taking that as, oh, I'm doing such a great job. I'm doing just such a great job that people think I'm just playing myself and this person exists. But it is very weird that.

[Mark Consuelos]

But you are doing such a great job.

[Albert]

Thank you so much. You know, but anyone who really knows me knows that this is not.

[Mark Consuelos]

Let's talk about the people that really know you. Did you have any friendships or friends or family members that suddenly started treating you differently?

[Albert]

No, because I haven't really changed. I mean, my son always says I'm the same person just every time he sees me. I have a bigger house. That's basically a lot of my family. I mean, my mom and everything. My aunts and up, they have watch parties and stuff. But, like, my siblings, they kind of don't watch. My sister says it freaks her out to watch the show because it's so. She says, like, I got body snatched. She's like, who is that? So he kind of freaks her out. And I think my son is the same. They're just like, that's not you. It's weird.

[Mark Consuelos]

You know, Are they in show business at all? Is your sister.

[Albert]

They're not. No one is. Then that's why it's weird. Like, my kids don't know anything about this business. And I think that's also why it's weird for me to be famous. I got into this as an adult already. I have no idea about any of this stuff. Right.

[Mark Consuelos]

It's better, though. It's better that way. That's why you're normal.

[Albert]

Oh, deaf.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yes.

[Albert]

I mean, I. I feel like I felt the same way about standup. I started stand up when I was 28, so I was already, you know, an adult, married and had kids. And. And so I feel like I missed the. The bacchanalia that would have, like, ruined my life.

[Mark Consuelos]

But you had, like, crazy past jobs. What did you do in your previous stand?

[Albert]

Oh, my gosh, everything. I think anyone who's tried to survive in New York has done the hustle thing of 50 jobs. So I think. Let's see. My most memorable jobs. My most memorable job was a receptionist at this salon. I think it's still there. It's called Mark Joseph Salon.

[Mark Consuelos]

Oh, yeah.

[Albert]

And of course.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Albert]

And that place was. I mean, I keep saying I need to make a show about that place because it was like, where all the Vogue girls and the In Style and all those girls would come. And that was my first brush with, like, not only Hollywood, but fashion reality in that they would have on, like, Hermes and. And Prada and then come to pay for their, like, $14 manicure, and their card would get declined.

[Mark Consuelos]

Wild.

[Albert]

Because they're wearing, like, sample clothing. But they don't really make any money, Right?

[Mark Consuelos]

Of course. Because in the magazine industry, you know, they obviously have no money. They. It's like everything they're wearing is, like, editorial, and then they get to wear it. But they.

[Albert]

So this is even before the Internet. I learned not to envy people based on what they look like. Exactly.

[Mark Consuelos]

Exactly.

[Albert]

And. And just a cast of characters work there. I worked at Scores, the strip club.

[Kelly Ripa]

Yeah.

[Albert]

This is.

[Kelly Ripa]

When were you a stripper?

[Albert]

I was a humidor, which is one of the topless. Because I had. I felt I was too good to be a stripper. I have regrets. I should have done that while my body was still together.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah. But I mean, if I had, like. If I had a good body, it's my biggest regret. Like, I mean, I didn't have anything. Like, people. What people would. If they watch me strip, they would, like, actually pay me to put my clothes back on. They'd be like, please, this is awful. We insist you get dressed.

[Albert]

You're ripped. To this day, Kelly Ripa, for sure.

[Mark Consuelos]

No, but, But. But I think that would be such a fun job if I couldn't get caught doing it. I would love to do that.

[Albert]

I mean, some of the best money I ever made. And I will tell you, I did get caught because I was working there at the same time I was working at the salon, and one of my bosses came in and saw me, and that's why I stopped working there. I was so embarrassed.

[Mark Consuelos]

No kidding. Really?

[Albert]

Because they were two older guys and they really. I just felt like my dad caught me with my. With my titties out. So I. Wow.

[Mark Consuelos]

What were they doing there? What were they doing there?

[Albert]

Exactly? They don't get to us, isn't it?

[Mark Consuelos]

Exactly.

[Albert]

It's always on us.

[Mark Consuelos]

Oh, that's an. I mean, who cares about any other past jobs? That's an amazing past job.

[Albert]

But, yeah, I had all these side hustles. I. I would say, so I would. I had. I started a cooking company just, you know, willy nilly. That got pretty big. But my ex husband, he used to make fun of how many jobs I had, but I would just, you know, I would quit jobs and get another one the next day. And he actually made me a collage of all my business cards that I had while we were together. So I would quit jobs, but I always had one. I Always had a job. I'm like a. A professional interviewer. I'm sure to this day I could still walk into any place and get a job.

[Kelly Ripa]

Like, I just.

[Mark Consuelos]

I just.

[Albert]

Yeah.

[Mark Consuelos]

It's funny. My kids, who are adults, they have life plans, and they will turn down job opportunities because they're waiting to see if the other opportunity they're hoping for comes to fruition. And Mark and I were like, wait, you're. Cause the thought of turning work down for Mark and me is so foreign. It's never occurred to us to turn down a job. They would ask me, like, can you juggle tomatoes on the corner?

[Albert]

And you're like, yeah.

[Mark Consuelos]

I'm like, of course I can.

[Albert]

And not only that, I love it.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, I love it. Yes, I can. And I would lie. Can you ride a unicycle? Of course I can. Like, it didn't matter.

[Albert]

And you would, wouldn't you? You would do it. I would.

[Mark Consuelos]

I would do anything anybody asked at any time. And if I couldn't figure it out, I would lie and then figure it out on the floor. Fly.

[Albert]

Yeah. And, yeah, I wouldn't turn down work, but I would quit for any reason, because I always felt like I would get another one or I'd interview, like, three places, and then I'd get home. Like, I'll decide which one. I like this office because it's on the west side.

[Mark Consuelos]

You have skills, but you have a. Like, she knows how to draw. She knows how to sew. Like, these are skills. Like, you were always going to make it no matter what.

[Albert]

Yeah, I will hustle into some. Some money somewhere. Into a job somewhere. Like, truly never worried when you finally.

[Mark Consuelos]

Started making money on the regular, like, where you were like, oh, this is a large check. Oh, and there's another one. Oh, and I get one every week or whatever. Did you do it? Like, a big purchase? Was there, like a. Like, the first big purchase? Do you remember what it was?

[Albert]

Ooh, I think that's probably what my first, like, real money was like, my first writing job. And I remember the checks were great. But then also, we got a. We got a whole bunch of checks for residuals, and I had no idea what residuals even were. I had been throwing them. Throwing them away. It was the letter. It was the envelopes from the wga, and I thought they would just talk about my health insurance and shit. And I had been throwing them away, and my co worker was like, did you get all those checks? And I was like, what? And I truly, literally sprinted home in New York. I remember running to the train station and running to my house, and I had a couple on the. On the. On the table, and I opened it and they were all checks. And I had to, like, contact them and be like, please resend these checks. Anyway, it ended up being, like, $70,000 that I hadn't.

[Mark Consuelos]

That you had just tossed into the garbage.

[Albert]

I had just to the garbage. Because I was like, I'm already making all of this money, which was so much money for me at the time. I was like, surely there isn't any more. But it was all these residuals.

[Mark Consuelos]

Amazing.

[Albert]

And so very not even exciting. My first big check, I bought pure silk pajamas.

[Mark Consuelos]

And then that's exciting to me.

[Albert]

I bought a $3,000 bed. This is what happens when you get money as an adult. I bought a bed.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah. Yep.

[Albert]

And really good sheets. Like, I basically just pimped out my bedroom.

[Kelly Ripa]

Good.

[Albert]

Practice my jam.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, no, that sounds amazing.

[Albert]

Now debit money.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah.

[Albert]

Avid money is a totally different thing.

[Mark Consuelos]

Tell us about the avid money.

[Albert]

I bought my mom her first new car. Like, it's the first new, brand new car she's ever had. And it's. I. I think it's just a regular car, but she is like, oh, I've been giving my friends rides around the church parking lot. They all line up and to ride with in her car.

[Mark Consuelos]

That's so sweet.

[Albert]

And then she'll call me and she's like, me and your aunt are in the car. Like, I'm at her house. So my aunt comes out of her house with the snacks, and they sit in the car and, like, meet up.

[Seth]

No.

[Albert]

And she just, like, shows her, like, oh, look what the sunroof does. Look what this does. Like, she. Her last car was, like, from the 90s. It was, like, so old that she got into, like, a one person accident. And I really always say that the car committed some suicide. She ran into, like, a median. The car was over it. And so I bought her this new car. And it made me so happy.

[Mark Consuelos]

Like, so, guys, guys, Janelle's doing it, right? She's on prime time. We're. We're fucking around with daytime. There's no day, there's no cheese in daytime syndication. We gotta get on a primetime show. And then.

[Albert]

I know. I. I know how lucky I am. I truly do. Yeah.

[Mark Consuelos]

And so that show. What episode are you on now? Have you made it to 100 episodes?

[Albert]

No, not quite. We're in season. We're going into season five. I don't even know. 86.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah. You're gonna. You're gonna hit 100 episodes, and guess what? You're gonna.

[Kelly Ripa]

Abbott elementary residual money.

[Albert]

I mean, I can't even imagine. Thank. Thank God.

[Mark Consuelos]

It's gonna be wild. It's gonna be wild.

[Albert]

I'm tired.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah. This is. Yeah.

[Roz]

It says, as of April 16, 2025, 71 episodes of Abbott.

[Albert]

71.

[Mark Consuelos]

Okay. And so. And so how many episodes do they shoot? I just want to make sure you do 22.

[Albert]

We had short seasons because of the strike, so we're a little behind.

[Mark Consuelos]

So you'll get. You'll. They'll do it this year, and then you're gonna have, like, oh, forget it. Do you know what Tyler Perry did?

[Albert]

What did he do?

[Kelly Ripa]

He got all of his shows.

[Mark Consuelos]

This was, like, genius. He told us on this here podcast.

[Kelly Ripa]

When he did his deals for his.

[Mark Consuelos]

Shows, they initially wanted to buy the pilot episode or, like, they would buy 10 episodes of a show. And he's like, no, I need you to buy a hundred episodes. And they were like, no, we'll never do that. We'll never buy 100 episodes. And he's like, no, I'm not selling it to you unless you buy 100 episodes. And he sold every show, basically, with a syndication already.

[Albert]

A syndication deal.

[Mark Consuelos]

I was like, what?

[Albert]

Why? But here's the thing. See, this is what was also my thought with Stand Up. He came with a ingrained fan base.

[Kelly Ripa]

Right.

[Albert]

That's why they bought it. He's like, my people are going to follow me over here, and they're going to watch a hundred episodes, so I know my worth. And it's the same thing and the same reason I still continue to do standup. Like, my fan base is always going to be there. That's a skill that I have that will always be with me, and I feel, like, super lucky that I have it, especially as the entertainment industry collapses here a little bit.

[Mark Consuelos]

Has your agents, like, have they. Like, did they understand the gold mine that you are? Have they gotten you?

[Albert]

Do they ever.

[Mark Consuelos]

No. But I'm hoping differently for you. I feel like you need to become a movie star, and I'm sitting here looking at Janelle. Okay, you're so. We already know you're funny. We already know you're talented. I know that if. I know that you could do drama if you wanted to. I already know.

[Kelly Ripa]

I know.

[Mark Consuelos]

And I know you could do nothing.

[Albert]

But sadness under the jokes. You know that.

[Mark Consuelos]

I know that. I know that. And I just feel like you. Like when I look at you, and I'm never wrong about this, and I. I've said it before, and I. This is a hill I will die on. I know you're going to win an Academy Award. I know that you will.

[Albert]

Kelly Ripa, be my agent. No.

[Mark Consuelos]

Jan and I will. Jan and I will agent you. We are very good advocates. Are we not the best. We are such good advocates. I feel like we need to write the thing. You should write the thing. You're probably a better writer than I am.

[Albert]

You know, I don't disagree, but another part of me is like, why should I? I always think about actresses who are known for things, and they didn't have to write it for themselves. I'm like, why can't someone bring me something? And I have things in mind, but I feel like you're the same way, probably. Since we like each other, I have to be. And I think this is what happened with Abbott as well, for Quinta. It has to be something. I'm so excited about to do this much work, and it just hasn't really hit me yet. The thing that I want to invest that much of myself in to be my vehicle. And I know it'll come to me. It just hasn't as of yet. Well, you know, part of it, too, is we shoot 10 months out of the year.

[Mark Consuelos]

I know. So then. And so then it's like. Like, you're just too busy. We just can't, you know?

[Albert]

Yeah. I'm already like, yeah, and.

[Mark Consuelos]

But you're. But your character. If you were to book, say, a major motion picture jam, here's what your agents say. And Quinta. You know, Quinta would work with you because your character, Principal Coleman, has to.

[Kelly Ripa]

Go to a sabbatical. She goes on sabbatical.

[Mark Consuelos]

That's when you shoot your movie.

[Albert]

Well, I don't know if you've been following the show, but I got fired for a couple hours, and people almost killed themselves.

[Mark Consuelos]

Right. I know.

[Albert]

People were on suicide watch. Our ratings went down. People still have stopped me on the street and said, I'm not coming back until you get back on the show. And I'm like, I am on the show. I was only fired for one episode.

[Mark Consuelos]

One episode. It was a.

[Albert]

And they're like, oh, I literally stopped watching.

[Jan]

When you read that, were you freaking out at all, or.

[Albert]

No, because I. Come on.

[Mark Consuelos]

They're not gonna.

[Kelly Ripa]

They're not gonna.

[Mark Consuelos]

They don't write. They don't. They're not gonna write her off. There's no way.

[Albert]

I mean, not only on some ego, like, but also. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. And then again, it goes back into me just never being worried. I. I'm saying, so, so used to this, like, what's next? What else do I got to do? Hustle. I'm respected in so many different place. I'm just not worried. I'm like, well, if they. That's a decision they want to make, that's. That's cool. I got other stuff I can do.

[Mark Consuelos]

You know what's funny? I was saying we switched studios at the talk show, so we used to be on the Upper west side for like 40 years. Same building, same everything. And people were really traumatized. Like, my kids were traumatized when we had to switch studios and move downtown. And I had, like, I had an asymptomatic reaction. Like, I had. I felt nothing because I'm like, if I got emotional every time I had to switch dressing rooms or I, like, the show was canceled or the show never came back. Like, I don't get attached to things like that.

[Albert]

Don't hang on. You hang your hat on one thing that's going to wreck you. Now you can't get up to do the next thing. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. That's why you. My homie Kelly, I'm telling you.

[Mark Consuelos]

Listen. Oh, Jan has a question.

[Jan]

I have a question because I know you're doing stand up. Because we were just at a stand up show and we were. They were doing crowd work and we were the victim of it. Do you do crowd work?

[Albert]

I do not. My stand up is about me. I don't want to talk to anybody else. I don't want to know anybody's thoughts. I have things to say, and I am very, like, joke and, and, and story. Not stories.

[Mark Consuelos]

Not.

[Albert]

I'm not telling stories. But I'm trying to weave a narrative through my hope for an hour. Like, I'm really. I really try to like you. I'm trying to make people laugh the whole hour and then have them leave. Like, oh, that was a show. You know, so I'm not pausing. Ask people who's getting married tonight? Or none of that shit. That's not my bag. And I think it's so dangerous to do if you're not good at it.

[Mark Consuelos]

Exactly. Also, I feel like crowd work almost seems like the person came to the show unprepared.

[Albert]

I mean, there's people who are great at it. Todd Berry, who is one of the first people to take me on the road. He, you know, he has a whole album called the Crowd Works, or he was doing that before all these, you know, Internet Comedians started doing it. So some people are skilled at it. The guy who hosts, who does the crowd warm up for? Fallon, I forget his name. He's like an amazing crowd work comic. Some people, that's their bag. But these people, a lot of people who are like trying to tell jokes and then going into crowd work, it is kind of that they're unprepared. You know what I mean?

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, I mean, it reads that way to me. How was your crowd work comedian?

[Jan]

It was, he was good. It was just in the beginning, but I was like looking at this, I was looking at the people up there and I said, that's terrifying. Like, were you scared the first time you did that? I think it's the most terrifying thing.

[Albert]

Stand up.

[Jan]

Yeah.

[Albert]

I mean, what do they say? The, the. It's like right underneath death for people's biggest fears.

[Mark Consuelos]

Public speaking.

[Jan]

Yeah, it seems terrifying.

[Albert]

Yeah. So, I mean, I think that's how a lot of objectively bad comedians are allowed to flourish and that people are so impressed that they're speaking out loud to a crowd that they don't realize that they're not funny.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Albert]

I don't mean to sound. No, I mean to sound exactly how I sound, but I really hate wasting people's time. So I'm. Yeah, I don't. Do.

[Mark Consuelos]

Do you have a. Is there a person that you think is overrated as a comedian? Okay, quick gut check. Literally, if you're dealing with tummy trouble.

[Kelly Ripa]

And bloating, this is for you. We're told to go plant powered and.

[Mark Consuelos]

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[Mark Consuelos]

C A U S e M E.

[Kelly Ripa]

T-I C S.com off camera.

[Mark Consuelos]

Is there a person that you think is overrated as a comedian? Care to name them?

[Albert]

How many? How much time we got? No, I'm joking.

[Mark Consuelos]

I mean, there's a lot of. I mean, it's funny. My daughter will send me comedians that I find to be very funny. But most comedians, or like, I call them influencer comedians, I don't find very funny at all.

[Albert]

But, you know, it depends on the person. I truly try to just, like, mind my business and not worry about what other people are doing. But again, stand up is a great thing in that you can have your fan base.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah.

[Albert]

And that's it. And no, I always try to tell people like, you don't have to like me. I can recommend someone else. Tell me what you like and I could recommend somebody who will be good for you. But you know, I'll take your money once is what I always say. You don't have to come back, you know, But I do enjoy people who look like they're trying.

[Kelly Ripa]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Consuelos]

Trying.

[Albert]

Yeah.

[Mark Consuelos]

With who?

[Albert]

Respect. Who seem like they respect the craft. Because I do think it's a craft.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, it is a craft. Did you ever have a moment on stage where you bombed so hard that you were like, fuck this.

[Albert]

I am definitely. I was at a private event. I think this was in like, ooh, I forget what town in Illinois. Some, some town, Elgin or some shit. And it was a sit down, dinner crowd. I had to do an hour. I did not have an hour. I should not have accepted that job. I was getting like $100. And at that time, you know, when you first start out, you're like, oh, I've been contracted for an hour. I have to do exactly an hour. So I was up there and I was bombing. I was bombing partly because, no, I was pretty good, but also a lot of places I used to perform when I first started were super white, super middle America. And I could tell that they were just like, what is this? Oh, at one point, I remember bombing so hard, I truly left my body. I remember my soul leaving my body. My soul was so embarrassed to be associated with me. And I was floating above myself like, you are bombing. Like, I was talking. And then I felt my body, like, almost collapsing. And I remember re. Entering my body to. To stay standing. Like, that was the wildest experience. And I remember it so clearly. But I always say, if you could go through something like that and then go and do a show the next day, which is what I did, then you're in. You can't escape it. I'm going to be doing this forever. I'm trapped.

[Mark Consuelos]

Are white audiences different than black audiences?

[Albert]

No, it's not that they're different.

[Mark Consuelos]

It's just like a different sense of humor.

[Albert]

For example, I went. I did. What is it here? Irvine. Yeah, Irvine, California. Now, I've done a lot of places in California. I did San Jose, and that was pretty cool. And I get. I get. And have always pretty. Gotten very mixed audiences. But some towns only have white people, right? I think when it's those towns and they have never. You could tell, they've never maybe even seen a black woman in person, much less had to listen to one talk for an hour. It's like, it's not even that I'm being funny. They just can't even believe it. It's not whether I'm being funny or not. They're just like, what is that? Like, what is this? And that's what I would go through a lot when I first started, because I was doing all these small towns in the Midwest, and I think that that really got me fit for all these other shows that I'm doing now. I'm not scared of anything because I already went through that.

[Mark Consuelos]

Of course.

[Jan]

How much do you make when you're like, when I was at this comedy show, how much are those guys making when they get up there and do.

[Albert]

Did he do a whole hour or did he do 15 minutes?

[Jan]

Yeah, and they would do 15 minutes. Like, what do they get paid?

[Albert]

Oh, if they get paid, you probably don't get paid for those. Maybe like 20 bucks or something. But those are called. Those are called practice shows. You're not really. You're not the headliner, so you don't get paid like, you. Like you did anything. And. And those are. Yeah, that's. That's where we practice. You do 15 minutes. At a time in New York, which is why everybody moves to New York to do stand up. You can do six 15 minute shows in a night.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, right.

[Jan]

How can you run from club to club here? How do you afford to live here? That's crazy.

[Albert]

You don't. You eat. You eat a slice of pizza a day. You. You crash at your friend's houses. You, you know, you have a day job. You know, I would assume the same, like being an actor and waitering, you know, during the day and stuff.

[Mark Consuelos]

When I first moved to New York, I couldn't afford to live here. And I found a woman that rented me the space underneath the desk in her office.

[Albert]

I did that.

[Mark Consuelos]

You did it too.

[Albert]

It was a we work. It was a wework. When we work first started, I rented someone's desk space.

[Mark Consuelos]

This was 1989, so there was no we work. So I had to. It was over on. It was in between 5th and 6th on 56th Street. And I had to be in the building before 6pm because that's when the building locked.

[Albert]

And then leave in the morning before they came in. I did the same thing. And what was so funny? I don't know if you've ever been in a wee. I don't know if they still exist, but it was all glass.

[Roz]

Yeah.

[Albert]

So I would be under this desk and if I overslept, I would come out and people would be. Would see me crawling from under.

[Jan]

Oh my God.

[Mark Consuelos]

I told you we're the same person. I'm just the much older version. That's insane. We are the same person.

[Roz]

That's the opening scene to the movie right there.

[Albert]

Right, Right. Well, what you know is people always say, well, if you want to write something, write your life story. And always say, which part? Like exactly so much.

[Mark Consuelos]

Waking up in a weworks. That's how the movie starts. You're crawling out of the weworks.

[Roz]

Wow.

[Albert]

God. I don't remember how much I paid her for that, but I definitely paid her like 20 bucks. 20 to 50 bucks to like sleep underneath that desk.

[Mark Consuelos]

Yeah, that was. I. I paid. I paid $50 a week to sleep under.

[Albert]

$50 a bed? Yeah. I think I was doing like $50 a week. Yeah.

[Mark Consuelos]

I couldn't. I mean, it was all the money I had, but I could not afford to. That was the only way I could live here.

[Albert]

Yeah.

[Mark Consuelos]

I mean, terrifying.

[Albert]

Many people rented closets and all of those things. I would. I would fake fall asleep at everyone's house, even strangers. I'd be like, oh, so tired and just like, just Go to sleep. Sleep. We should be murdered.

[Mark Consuelos]

I mean, let me just start by saying I moved to New York in 1989, and the fact that I wasn't murdered is a miracle. It's like every. This was prime murdering time in New York City.

[Albert]

You. That was stabbing. Stabbing.

[Mark Consuelos]

The stabbing era city. That was the time that it was stab city. And the fact that we weren't killed and you were in Weworks, which is really scary.

[Albert]

The kindness of so many scary strangers.

[Mark Consuelos]

Scary.

[Albert]

I used to befriend people on the street and crash with them that night. And I should be murdered.

[Roz]

Wow.

[Albert]

I should be murdered.

[Mark Consuelos]

It's a miracle. I'm so glad you lived.

[Albert]

Made us tough.

[Mark Consuelos]

I'm really glad you lived. So I just want to thank you for doing our podcast. I'm really. You're going to win the Emmy this year. And then it is.

[Albert]

Thank you so much.

[Mark Consuelos]

We're going to start a prayer circle here. We're going to start a prayer circle. And we need to, like.

[Jan]

We need to open an agency.

[Mark Consuelos]

You and I need to be agents. We would be the most powerful agents.

[Kelly Ripa]

Know why?

[Mark Consuelos]

Because we would work our asses off and like, get. We would get you a package deal. I'm serious.

[Albert]

And I feel like she's joking, but I. I so believe that.

[Mark Consuelos]

No, no, she's not joking.

[Albert]

Okay.

[Mark Consuelos]

Jan is the better version of me. Like, okay.

[Albert]

Cuz I'm like, yeah, you guys would be.

[Mark Consuelos]

And I'm tough as nails. But Jan is, like, smart and cagey and she, like, just makes things happen.

[Jan]

Get it done.

[Albert]

Do it, guys. I'll be your first client.

[Mark Consuelos]

Let's do it. We got a client Anyway. Don't forget to watch Abbott Elementary. Go see Janelle James on tour right now. Are we going to put the tour dates up on our website? We're gonna put the tour dates up on our website.

[Albert]

There's only a few left because that's. I'm back to my other job as a principal.

[Mark Consuelos]

Oh, my gosh. That principal. Ava, I'm so glad you didn't get fired.

[Albert]

Thank you so much.

[Mark Consuelos]

And don't forget, you could check out Abbott elementary. Abc, Albert Hulu, Disney plus. Thank you so much. We'll talk to you soon. I just adore you. I love you so much. Bye.

[Albert]

And I don't like a lot of people.

[Mark Consuelos]

I am saying. Saying we're the same.

[Jan]

That's the new tagline to the show.

[Mark Consuelos]

Bye.

[Jan]

We should have asked her if a fan ever tried to kiss her.

[Mark Consuelos]

Has a fan ever. Has a fan ever grabbed your tits from behind, pulled your head back, pulled your head back with your stiff neck.

[Roz]

And then stabbed your nose with their braces.

[Mark Consuelos]

That's the thing that really upsets me is that I still have this little.

[Albert]

Can you see it?

[Jan]

I can.

[Roz]

It's legit there. I want to find this woman and slap some sense into her.

[Mark Consuelos]

I just wanted her to not put her her mouth on my nose. It's such a suffocating feeling.

[Roz]

I think her movie needs to start with her coming out from under the desk. And the title of the movie is five to nine.

[Mark Consuelos]

That's funny.

[Roz]

Did we sign off, Jen? We did the goodbye.

[Mark Consuelos]

Well, that's it, everybody.

[Jan]

Can't wait to talk to you all off camera next week.

[Mark Consuelos]

Bye.

[Albert]

You're welcome.

[Mark Consuelos]

Kelly. I cued myself.

[Roz]

Cue yourself, Jan.

[Kelly Ripa]

Let's talk off camera with Kelly Ripa is a production of Malojo Productions.

[Mark Consuelos]

From Malojo, our team is Kelly Ripa.

[Kelly Ripa]

Mark Consuelos, Albert Being, Jan Chalet, Seth.

[Mark Consuelos]

Bronquist, Roz Therian, Devin Schneider, Michael Halperin, Julia Desch and Team Radio Andy Lisa Mantineo, Scott Marlowe, Jake Getz.

[Michael]

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