← Let's Talk Off Camera with Kelly Ripa
Let's Talk Off Camera with Kelly Ripa
Nikki Glaser: Is Golden Globes Ready
00:49:02
New Queen of Comedy and Host of The Golden Globes, Nikki Glaser joins Kelly to discuss how she is prepping for the January 11th show, if there's a celebrity she's worried making a joke about, and if she ever gets hurt by a joke. Nikki dives into all things roasts, what drives her as a comedian, and her recent experience hosting the SNL.
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- [00:01]
A
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- [01:01]
B
I am always driven by admitting things that I shouldn't be admitting. Just in case there's one girl out there who projects some kind of perfection onto me that I used to project onto, you know, Jennifer Aniston or someone I looked up to that I felt less than. I always want to reveal those things for a younger version of myself.
- [01:20]
A
Somebody got to cue me. Or do I cue myself?
- [01:22]
C
Cue your shop.
- [01:23]
A
Ok. Hey everybody. We're back with another episode of let's talk off camera. So let's get talking. Oh, my gosh. Jan. I don't know how you got her. Today's guest is the queen of comedy. The reigning queen, and I would say undisputed queen of comedy. She proves she can take down anyone in a roast. Oh my gosh, she roasts. I never want to be roasted by Nikki. She looks fabulous doing it. Her career changing set at the roast of Tom Brady, of course, to flawlessly hosting the Golden Globes, which she's gonna do again. Jan, did you know that? Yes, I did. Yeah, she's gonna be a repeat and I predict a three peat and probably a four peat. She crushes it. In all of her standup specials, she's appropriately earned a spot on this year's Time 100 Most Influential People list. Jan, have you ever been an influential person? I have not. Albert, how about you?
- [02:24]
C
Well, Jan's one to me, but no.
- [02:25]
A
I've never, never been one. Jan is the most influen influential person in my life.
- [02:29]
B
I am my list.
- [02:30]
A
She. But I am, I am thrilled. I am so excited. She's here now, right? Yes, she is.
- [02:35]
B
Ready?
- [02:36]
A
All right, let's bring her in. Nikki Glaser, everybody.
- [02:39]
B
Hi, Kelly. That was so nice, just having to sit through that intro and hear all those nice things about yourself. It's painful, but I'm letting it in.
- [02:48]
A
I'm sorry. Where are you? It looks like you're in a Hollywood bunker.
- [02:51]
B
It does look like that. I am actually staying at my friend's house in Beverly Hills. I'm here. I usually live in St. Louis, but I'm here for. To prep for the Golden Globes, and so I'm staying at my friend's house, and we've just made it look like I'm in some kind of, like, those little cubicles you go into at agencies to, like, cry to your therapist or whatever they do in there. Yeah, it looks like that.
- [03:12]
A
Wait, so you typically live in St. Louis?
- [03:14]
B
I do. I'm from there, and my whole family is there. And then, you know, after college, I was, you know, New York or la, just, you know, working on the act and trying to make it. And then I kind of felt like I made it to a point. And then Covid happened, and then I moved back to St. Louis just to hang out with my family. And then when things kind of lifted, I just realized no one really notices I'm here. And I can always just, you know, fly to where there's work, and so no one really knows I'm there. Everyone in LA thinks I'm in New York, and everyone in New York thinks I'm in la. And it works out great. It's really. It's just nice to be somewhere where, like, I'm as probably you are. Just, like, I'll say yes to everything. I'll go out and do a podcast. I'll do a set that night, and it's nice to be somewhere where that isn't happening. So it's kind of like my drug of choice, which is work. I keep on the coast, and I have to go fly there if I want to use.
- [04:06]
A
So I'm actually the opposite. I say no to everything, including, like, I, in August, decided to host a holiday party for all of the producers of Lives, and that is tonight. And I regret my decision. And I'm trying to get out of my own party.
- [04:23]
B
Why do we think we'll ever want to do anything like that? Like, we always in the moment, if you do, the rule is, like, if you don't want to do it now, you don't want to do it in the future. But sometimes I do want to do it now. And then the future comes and it's, you Dread it so, so much. And of course you have fun when it all happens, but it's like the dread leading up to it is certainly not worth it.
- [04:43]
A
And yeah, a party chance that it's like sex.
- [04:47]
B
It totally is. It, like, used to be Fun in your 20s to like go out and socialize and do things, and now it's the last thing I want to do. I can't even relate to anyone who wants to do it. It is like sex.
- [04:58]
A
I see. I'm glad. I'm glad that Nikki is saying this. It makes me feel better because I look at you and I'm like, she's so confident. She's so self assured. She is out there. She's fearless. She doesn't give a shit.
- [05:10]
B
No, it's. We all project that onto everyone else. And the more, you know, the more you have these kinds of conversations with people, you realize that everyone is having the imposter syndrome. Everyone is having social anxiety. Everyone dreads everything. And it's nice that I project that because I think that, yeah, when I'm on stage, you know, the second the lights and the cameras come on, I'm not dreading it. I really am having fun. Like, I can really say that. I can be backstage being like, I can't believe I have to go on and talk for an hour. What am I even gonna say? Or, you know, having all those feelings. But the second I step out on the stage, all those feelings disappear. And I'm always having fun. And then the second I get off stage, I'm throwing off the boots. Like, my feet hurt. Like, that's the weird thing about performing is that you. All of your pain kind of goes away. You can be really sick. And then the lights come on. I know you've obviously done the show when you've not been feeling well. Or like, my shoes can be hurting so bad, being like 6 inch stilettos and people go, how do you stand on stage in those for an hour? And I don't feel it at all. But the second my foot hits the stage where it's dark, it starts, like, cramping up and I throw off the shoes. But I just don't feel it before. It's just that adrenaline. But I'm constantly self doubting and feeling insecure and it's just like, she's inside your head, Kelly.
- [06:22]
A
Yeah, she's inside my. So my therapist told me that the reason I do my job is because I'm trying to cure myself. Spoiler alert. There is no cure. But I have crippling Anxiety and fear of public speaking.
- [06:36]
B
It's so wild because no one seems better at it than you.
- [06:40]
A
No, I'd rather like. It's very. Like, I can do my own show, but if I have to say, do Jimmy Kimmel, I'm doubled over backstage. I'm ready to vomit. Well.
- [06:50]
B
Cause you don't have as much control. Anything could happen. I get the same way. I really plan those out so well, where I'm like, this is the question that's gonna come next. And obviously, it always falls off the rails and goes someplace else, and it's fine. But I have anxiety over that, too, Of. Of just not being in control of what I'm gonna do or giving, like, a sincere speech or public speaking. And like a. Like, giving a, you know, a memorial service speech. I always say inappropriate things or like, a wedding speech. I. That's where everyone gets quiet, like, oh, my gosh, Nikki Glaser's here. As the brides. Stay tuned for this. And I bomb every time.
- [07:26]
A
Have you ever seen some of those bomb, like, bridesmaid speeches on social media? They are my favorite. I send them constantly to people. I'm like, this is going to be me at your wedding. If you ask me to give a speech, this is what I'm going to say.
- [07:41]
B
The pressure is always so on for us because people expect us to really thrive in those moments. But it is the exact opposite. Just, I ruin every wedding I speak at because the rest of the reception, I can't look anyone in the eye because I can just see how disappointed they all are.
- [07:54]
A
I feel bad for people who are sat next to me at a dinner party. And again, I never leave my house. But once in a while, I've got to go to a dinner party. You know, the kind where they put your name in front of the plate, and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah. And then. And then you sit down and you see the expectant looks on the people to your right and to your left, like, oh, my gosh, this is going to be amazing. And what I do is the most horrific thing. Like, Mark is so good. He either has a conversation or doesn't. He feels no compunction to entertain anyone. I, on the other hand, host a version of the Oprah Winfrey show over on my side of the table. And I'm like, did you know that my seatmate was molested as a child? Oh, that's.
- [08:37]
B
When did that come up?
- [08:37]
A
And I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, tell me about yourself.
- [08:41]
B
And she did oh, yeah, that happened to me the other night where a woman, just within seconds of meeting, was telling me about her first husband dying in a car accident. And while she's talking, she goes, I don't know why I'm saying this to you, and I'm. I want to say I don't know either, but there is something. There's something nice that people feel that comfortable around me, and I'm guessing you to just share these things that they go, I don't tell anyone this. And. And I always look back and I go, what am I doing that's eliciting this? And I guess there's just a lack of judgment. I think that we both have that where we aren't really phased by much. And I guess they see that in our work, and so they're like, oh, I can really drop a bomb on her. And I really do like that. But I feel like there's. Sometimes I go to these things and it'll be, you know, people. Really famous people that I've watched for years and years, and they kind of know who I am now, which I'm not used to, and they're very excited to meet me because they think it's gonna be like, joke after joke and roasting them. And. And I'm just not really a roast comic off stage, like, unless the event calls for it. I'm not. I'll think mean things in my head, but I do not want to tell anyone mean things. And I. It's just not my nature. And so I just kind of shut down sometimes because in my head, I'm like, this super famous person is so annoyed that they have to sit next to me at this banquet and that they wish they were sitting next to Nicole Kidman or whoever else is in the room. And I'm such a disappointment to them. So I kind of get quiet because I'm like. I don't want them to feel like they have to talk to me. And then recently, I got feedback from someone who was very excited to sit next to me, someone that I thought would never even know who I was. And they had told a person who told a person that they were really disappointed in how boring I was.
- [10:15]
A
Who was it? You gotta tell me who it was.
- [10:17]
B
I can't say.
- [10:17]
A
Can you tell me what it rhymes with?
- [10:18]
B
Someone I admire? It's a comedian I really, really look up to. And I was just so nervous. But my boyfriend always tells me, like, just remember, these people are excited to meet you. They know you. And just as being on screen and all the things you've done. And so we were at the Vanity Fair Oscar party last year, and I just wanted to get out of there because I was feeling that so much of, like, I'm the least important person in this room. People keep making eye contact and they don't. They. They're just dreading me coming over to say hi. And. And he was like, we're not leaving until you go up to someone and tell them what you mean they mean to you. Because when someone I think is super big tells me what I mean to them, I'm like, what? You know? So he gave me that assignment, and we couldn't leave until I did it to one person. And thankfully, Patrick Schwarzenegger walked in the room, and I got to go like, oh, my God. White Lotus. And it was the perfect person because I felt like, oh, he's kind of new. Like, obviously his dad is and mom are super famous, but he's kind of new on the scene as being someone who's known. So I felt like, okay, he's not tired of this yet, so I can lavish him with compliments.
- [11:15]
A
And what's fascinating is that you went to that Vanity Fair party because you were on our Oscar stage at 6am yes. Like a good girl.
- [11:24]
B
Like a good girl.
- [11:25]
A
Let me tell you something. Speaking on behalf of the staff of Live, we will bleed for you. We will die. Anybody that shows up and does our after Oscar show, we will go down in flames. For like, if you need a bodyguard, you need somebody, you need Jan to get rid of a body. We are your people.
- [11:46]
B
That is so sweet. I was so happy to do it because it's so cool to be on that stage the night after. I think that's just so cool. And you guys are just always the most fun interview. I mean, the first time I did it, it was just like, you go in and you have all these talking points you don't get through. It's so fast, and you guys are so nice, and so just. It makes it. That is an interview I go into with no nerves because I just that you are steering it in the right way. There's never going to be awkward pauses, like, you're just such a pro. But that was. That was so fun. And it gave me an excuse to not stay out late because I had to be up early in hair and makeup.
- [12:21]
A
Also, we hate doing talk shows again. So when I feel like when you hate doing talk shows, you, like, have an empathy towards your guest. And it's like, I'm going to make this as seamless as it easy as possible.
- [12:36]
B
That's really nice. That empathy, it's lacking in this business. You killed it. You did an Aria. Ariana Grande joke during your set with us, and it was major about peeking over a fence. Oh, yeah. She's always looking like she's looking over a fence. Like a small dog. That's right.
- [12:54]
A
What was that for? Where you made me into Ariana Grande.
- [12:57]
B
That was for the Oscar.
- [12:58]
A
Oh, for the Oscar show? Yeah, they made me into Ariana Grande, which, by the way, I don't mind telling you, I had Christopher Buckle do my makeup. He's such an amazing makeup artist that he made me look exactly like Ariana Grande.
- [13:09]
B
He did. I remember it. It was uncanny.
- [13:11]
A
We FaceTimed my daugh. And I see the pissed off look on her face followed by the smile because my assistant.
- [13:18]
B
She thought it was you.
- [13:19]
A
My assistant was like. She was like, oh, Ariana Grande is here. Your mom wants you to say hi to her. And I see her go like, no, no. And then she's like, hi, how are you? Like, right. Like a whole. My God. And then I was like, hi, Lola. And she's like, what?
- [13:35]
B
Did you learn any, like, new makeup techniques from doing that? Of like, oh, maybe I do want.
- [13:40]
A
No, he literally put. He puttied my eyebrows. Oh.
- [13:44]
B
So it was like.
- [13:45]
A
And, like, drew them on and, like, it was almost prosthetics. It was practically prosthetics.
- [13:51]
B
Yeah. Oh, that's amazing.
- [13:52]
A
That taped my face back. It was crazy. It was really.
- [13:55]
B
That's so fun.
- [13:57]
A
So I just read that you are writing and starring in two films.
- [14:01]
B
Well, I'm writing two films, and hopefully they're going to get made and I will be starring in them. And then I am. It was just announced today, I'm doing a movie with that Ava Longoria is directing with. I'm doing it with Kim Kardashian, Brenda Song, and Fortune Feimster. Oh, my gosh. Fun girl. Buddy comedy. So fun.
- [14:20]
A
Amazing.
- [14:20]
B
We did a table read the other day and, like, met for the first time. And it does really feel like that kind of dream cast that you hear people talk about on talk shows of, like, we're really just best friends and we hang out. Like, we just got along so well and. And, you know, I'm a big Kim Kardashian and have watched, you know, Kardashians forever, so you feel like you know her and it's just. Yeah, this is. But this is my first, like, foray into movies. You know, when they come knocking, you just got to answer and go, okay, I'm ready to go. It's. But you try so long throughout your career, like, put me in anything, and you audition, and then suddenly people are like, no more auditioning. We'll just give you this movie.
- [14:56]
A
It's amazing.
- [14:57]
B
It's so nice, and it's so exciting.
- [14:59]
A
What are you going to do? How are you going to handle it when you are nominated for a Golden Globe and you're simultaneously hosting the Golden Globes?
- [15:07]
B
Well, that happened last year. I was nominated for my comedy special. So I was just, like, backstage in the curtains, like, after having, like, you know, done my monologue, just like. And then I lost. But it was. It was so fun to have that extra added element of, like, oh, there might be something really fun that happens tonight too, that I might win. And then the defeat was just like, okay, whatever, because now I'm hosting again. So it was like a really safe place to be. If you. If you lose.
- [15:32]
A
When you're preparing to host the Golden Globes, how much advanced time does that take? When do you start writing it? Do you write it all yourself? Do you work with a team? How does it work?
- [15:44]
B
Yeah, it starts, you know, it just started this week, actually, because I had. I just filmed another comedy special, like, a month ago, and then I went right into snl, like, two days after that. And so it was like, I didn't have time to really even think about the Globes until all that was over. And then I took, like, a little break for Thanksgiving just to relax, and then flew here and then started this past Monday. What we do is we start writing jokes. I have, like, you know, a team of writers that, you know, every award show gets, and me and my team talk about what movies we want to talk about, talk about what kind of angles we want to take, and then we just start writing, and then we compile jokes. And then I go out every night to different clubs around town and tell the audience, like, hey, I'm hosting the Golden Globes. Would you guys like to hear some jokes that I might do in my monologue? And then we run through them and I read them off my phone. And that way I start to memorize them too. Cause I'm running them every night. And so by the time that I get to the Globes, I've done the set like 90 something times. Wow, amazing. And so the prompter could go out and I have it memorized because I've done it so many times. So it's just. Just running the jokes around town, especially in la with audiences who kind of know the nomenclature that I'm using to talk about movies and tv. And a lot of these movies and tv, like, people have never even heard of. So it's kind of like an uphill battle of, like, explaining what each of the movies are or explaining what. Who an actor is. And. But it's kind of cool because the audience feels involved in it. They feel like it's like a super special kind of performance that they're witnessing. And I always tell them, like, if I do a joke on the show that you laughed at tonight, you can literally tell people, I told her to do that joke. So it's like. It feels like we're like. It's a collaborative process, but it's. I just love practice, you know, I love showing up at something. And so much of what I do is just like, oh, my gosh, what's this gonna be? And there's so many nerves. I realize that the nerves are just around being unprepared. And I'm. I love being unprepared. I love saying, like, I'm just gonna wing it because great. When it goes wrong, you. You can say, oh, I wasn't prepared. If I had been prepared, I would have gone great. And you always have this excuse. But the more I've been in my career and the times that I've really nailed it, it's just like, I've just put all the work and I can and it. And then if it fails, it's also okay because I did everything I could to be great.
- [18:03]
A
You controlled your end. You controlled your end.
- [18:04]
B
There's this. There's the safety net there of, like, my biggest thing in this business that I suffer with is just regret after I do something that could have been better. Why did I choose to say that? Why did I forget to say that? And just all these regrets. And when I really prepared as much as I can, regardless of if I forget something, regardless if I say the wrong thing, I really. If I can say, I. I don't know why I did that, but I literally did my best, and I couldn't have. If I look at my process and go, I couldn't have done anything differently, then I can't really be mad at myself, and I just have to go, well, that's just what I did. But when I am unprepared and when I know I could have done a couple more sets or worked a little bit harder, finesse this joke more, that's when I really beat myself up. And that is not. I'm Not a good person to be around in the days following something like that. So. So I just. I just work my butt off for. For. For these really big moments. Snl, my specials, and the Golden Globes, and Roast Jan. So for, like, the Globes, does it, like, when you're thinking that you're going to, like, poke fun at an actor and actress, does it matter to you.
- [19:06]
A
Whether or not you think that they've.
- [19:08]
B
Got a good sense of humor about it? Absolutely. I think that there's, you know, there's someone that we might come after this year, and I was thinking about what their reaction would be, because I don't think they have a good sense of humor, but it's someone that is just. I don't want to reveal who. And I'm sorry to talk in vague terms, but it's like picturing this person looking angry about the joke I'm making. To me, I never want to make anyone uncomfortable. This person, I just feel like, can kind of take it and is not deserves it. But, like, I'm almost annoyed that they wouldn't have a sense of humor about it as opposed to, like, oh, that was mean. And I shouldn't have said that. This person is just, like, maybe takes themselves too seriously. And so the idea that this person could look pissed off at the joke, I'm saying is the first time I felt this, where I'm like, that is even better. It's so funny. So we've. So I've been like, we need to write jokes about how this person isn't going to laugh. So we have, like, a safety net of like, okay, and. But what if they do. What if we do get this person to crack? Like, what. What do we do? We have a joke for that. So we'll have every kind of plan in place.
- [20:12]
A
You have, like, backup plans within the plan?
- [20:15]
B
Yeah. I mean, I go in like, okay, if I. If the mic goes out, do I have a joke? If I slip on my dress, do I have a joke? If my nipple pops up, do I have a joke? Like, if a light falls, like, we kind of looked at every awards show and all the kind of faux pas that have happened, and I'm like, I want a line for everything. Because that's. Those are really. If someone gets slapped, you know, like, if someone gets assault, like, what. Let's plan for everything. Because those are the moments that really stand out is when it seems like, oh, she was still able to keep her cool and run the show when shit went down. You know, last year with Wicked, I Felt, you know, in the press tour, you know, for the first Wicked, I felt these women are taking this very seriously. The Ari stands, they don't really have a sense of humor about Wicked, and I don't want them coming after me, and I certainly don't want to. To ruin Ariana or Cynthia's night. If, you know, the musical theater crowd, like, really take this stuff seriously. And there's not, like, I don't know if they'd be there for it. But then when I got out there and I did, like, a couple subtle, wicked jokes, you know, you got to make fun of it. But we really. I went pretty soft because I just did not want to offend them or their fan base. And. And then I looked out down after I did my first joke, and they were both just like, like, do more. Like, they were wanting more. And I realized in retrospect, I'm like, oh, you know what? Ariana Grande really is a funny person. She's like, she's got a sense of humor. Yeah, she's like a six timer on snl. She really, you know, I think I underestimated that she would have a good sense of humor. So this year I feel like, oh, I can go a little bit harder, but I absolutely take into consideration those things. You know, going into this year with Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm like, okay, we all know the joke about him not dating anyone over 25. Like, that's. That's been done to death. He's coming in there, like, ready to hear that. So let's do something. What can we say different about him? So that's kind of like, my goal this year is to, like, switch it up and not do the old cliche jokes that everyone's heard about everyone. And, yeah, it's like, I don't want to ruin anyone's night. It's not the same as a roast where it's like, they signed up for it. So there is, like, a lot of trepidation going into it. But I think this year I have a little bit more of a Runway, because last year, I think everyone was just so terrified of what I would do because they'd only seen, like, the Tom Brady roast and, like, oh, she's out for blood, like. And so I had to be very, like, gentle. Like, guys, I come in peace. And I think this year I'll have a little bit more leeway just because they don't expect me to go as hard. So maybe I'll get to go a little bit harder.
- [22:35]
A
Was there anybody, like, was there any agent interference in advance of you last year, did anybody come to you and say, please don't make fun of my client or please do make fun of my client? This episode of let's Talk Off Camera is brought to you by Alloy Health. Use promo code off camera for $20 off your first order@myalloi.com here's the truth, everyone. Brain fog, sleep issues, changes in your hair and skin, even your sex drive, they're all connected to hormones.
- [23:18]
B
Was there like, was there one like.
- [23:20]
A
Symptom that surprised you the most from this? I mean, there was many, but the changes in my skin, like the actual skin on my body frightened me.
- [23:31]
B
See, I'm so scared that I haven't.
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A
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- [25:39]
A
Was there anybody, like, was there any agent interference in advance of you last year? Did anybody come to you and say, please don't make fun of my client or please do make fun of my.
- [25:53]
B
Client or no, you know, we didn't. We. I'll be interested to see if that comes through this year just based on what I did last year. But no one really had, like, we heard that maybe some people had caught wind that I was gonna make fun of them, so they might get there late to miss the monologue. But that didn't end up happening. So there was. But there was no direct communication from anyone. And then I reached out to a couple people about, like, what. Or not even a couple people. I reached out to Benny.
- [26:22]
A
Benny Blanco.
- [26:23]
B
Yeah, Benny Blanco. Sorry, Benny Blanco about Selena and Benny joke. And so I wrote to. I wrote to him. I got his number from someone.
- [26:32]
A
From someone.
- [26:32]
B
From someone and just cold called him and said, hey, I have this joke. Can you. Totally fine, if you don't want me to do it. And he was like, let me run it by Selena and I'll get back to you. And so we were all just like, waiting, bated breath, like, oh, my gosh, what's she gonna say? And they were both cool. They were like, selena thinks it's funny. I think it's hilarious. Do it. So they were like, more than game. And that was the only joke where I felt like that it might be offensive. I said, like, you know, Benny Blanco is here because a genie granted him a wish. Like, it was just something about how he doesn't des deserve to be with Selena or whatever. Which I. Which I know in my heart, I don't even believe that was the thing. It's like, if I make a joke where I'm like, I really feel this way, and I'm like, oh, this person's really doesn't deserve Selena. Like, there's gonna be too much stink on it and there's gonna be like this venom in it. But I actually think he's really cool. And I wasn't really in the camp of people being like, what did he do to get her? Like, he's a really nice guy and he's. There is a sexiness to him. So I didn't. I didn't feel that joke so much that it Landed with like this, this anger so he could take it, and he knew that, so that was nice.
- [27:36]
A
Who do you think deserves, like, now I'm asking my own kind of question. Who do you think deserves like a takedown, like, like a roast in an. In a not nice way?
- [27:51]
B
I feel like the people that I like doing gross when the person's down for it and they have watched them and they. They enjoy it for some sick reason. Like, some people really like to be roasted and think that that is. Feels good or feels fun or think it's like a. Because I don't think anyone really likes it. But I think some people think it displays some kind of strength or pride to be able to take that. Whereas I think that Rose, if you, if you go into one thinking like, oh, I'm not going to take it personally. This is fine, you are sorely mistaken because they, you know, at these roasts, we say things that are so cruel where even I go into them a lot of times thinking, oh, you know, no one's going to say something about me. I haven't thought about myself. But they often do bring up something where you're like, oh, I didn't know I looked like that. And I didn't know my ass was that flat. And I didn't know that, you know, it resonated with a crowd of thousands of people that, you know, I look like Larry Bird or whatever it is, where you're just like, oh, crap. Like, there have been times where I've been, you know, my feelings have been deeply hurt by roast, where I just have to sit up there and go like, you know, and act like you're having. Having fun. But at the after party, I'm in the bathroom crying and, and texting my, you know, injection lady to be like, get the bird out of my face. You know, like, let. Drain the bird.
- [29:06]
A
Drain the bird. You don't look.
- [29:08]
B
Free him from his cage.
- [29:09]
A
You don't look like Larry Bird.
- [29:11]
B
Thank you.
- [29:11]
A
Well, for the record, by.
- [29:13]
B
I fixed it.
- [29:14]
A
No, no, no.
- [29:16]
B
But, but that's the thing is that that's when they really hurt. Like, the joke itself. Like, that's fine, people can make jokes. But when the audience gets it in a way that you're like, oh, no. Like, this isn't just one guy writing a joke behind the scenes about one picture of me found on Google Image. This is something that is resonating with the audience that is seeing me in person. That's when it really hurts when, when a joke kills in a way that you're like, oh, this is. Everyone in the culture accepts this premise, and that. That can be really painful. Do you retaliate, you know, behind the scenes? Oh, I'll get. You know, after a joke is made, I can just go off to my friends and family, and I can, like, quietly hate them from afar and think to myself, you know, someday when there's an opportunity for me to help them, I won't. You know, those kinds of things. Like, I, like, I think Fran Leibowitz talks about that kind of revenge of like, oh, I can't wait to exact that kind of revenge where it almost drives me, like, I can't wait to have a talk show someday or have a place of power where they need me. And I go, no, actually. Oh, they're booked on the show. Like, my dream is to be hosting a talk show. And this one girl I did a show with once was so rude and dismissive of me, and I just couldn't even believe how nasty she was. And I was like, I can't wait till she is, like, getting ready to perform on my show. And maybe I'm not aware of the bookings that week. I've had a big week, and there's all these guests, and they tell me, this person's gonna be on, and I go tell her to pack up. Tell her to send her home. And without any, like, explanation, they go, well, we don't have anyone.
- [30:47]
C
I'll go.
- [30:47]
B
I'll get my dad to come in and play guitar. She's not on the show, and, like, she has to pack up. She doesn't know why that is. Like, who knows if I'll ever be in a position to do something like that? But that's where I'm like, oh, that would be really nice someday to do something like that.
- [31:02]
A
I do in my head every day. Every day. Every day. Nikki, I have a question.
- [31:07]
B
Has any of your material that you've.
- [31:08]
A
Tried out at the clubs, has that.
- [31:09]
C
Ever leaked to people? And then you've heard, oh, maybe she really shouldn't do that the night of. Has that ever happened to you?
- [31:14]
B
Yeah, you know, it happened. It's. Oddly enough, it doesn't. It hadn't happened for the Golden Globes, and. And I wouldn't mind if it did, because I almost. I would, like. I would kind of like the celebrities to know the jokes I'm doing about them, because their reaction shots really make, make, or break a joke a lot of times. And so I wouldn't mind if the person themselves it's. Knew about it. But I Will say that when I was doing the Roast of forget which roast it was, but Caitlyn Jenner was on it. And I had a joke in my set leading up to that that did get back to her. And she didn't know me at the time. She just heard some comic was doing this kind of joke, and she told people at Comedy Central, like, if a joke like that is made, I. I will walk off the stage. And they were already telling me, take that joke out of your set. Like, we don't think she's gonna like it. And I said, well, when I hit it from her, has she said not to do a joke about that? And it wasn't about anything trans related. It was about the car accident, actually. And it's, you know, obviously not a great topic to bring up, but, you know, when you do a roast, all bets are off. And. And so I said, you know, when I hear it from her, I will not do the joke. And I said, give me her number. Can I call her and ask her if I can do this joke? Like, I would be willing. And they were like, no, no, no. We don't even want to her to know that anything like that could happen. I'm like, well, I. It's gonna happen unless I hear it from her. And then. And then I did. And then I easily took it out. Like, the second she said she would be offended by something or that would upset her to the point of walking upstage, I said, oh, of course I'm not gonna put that in. I'm not gonna fight to ruin someone's night in that kind of way. So it was easy to take out, but it was like the night before, it was kind of annoying because I was like, we could have. We could have fixed this earlier if you would have let me talk to her. But that's the only time it's happened. I've been lucky enough that nothing things leaked. And, yeah, fingers crossed. But now they're like, packing up people's phones and audiences, like at the Improv in the Comedy Store, like, they're all in those little yonder cases. So I feel pretty good about stuff.
- [33:02]
A
Do you have a joke that you love that never works? And you keep at it, you keep trying.
- [33:09]
B
Oh, my God, there's so many. I'm trying to think of an example. What was one, Because I just edited my special and I probably had to take it out because it just didn't do well. There's one that's like, stopped working and it was. That's an interesting thing where Something is killing. And then it just. People just are like, no, we don't get it anymore. And I just recently took out a whole chunk of my special that was talking about Ozempic and how skinny people are really upset about it because they don't want fat people thin. That's their thing. And how they can't say, like, you.
- [33:40]
A
Know, Jan, you're talking to Jan, our producer. He's very upset about Ozempic because, like.
- [33:45]
B
Then people feel like, I've worked for this, I've gone to the gym, I don't overeat. I'm. I'm. You know, and now you can just shoot yourself in the stomach. And, you know, what I will say is that as someone that's had an eating disorder, like, you know, it's like it's on both ends of it and it's not as simple as just having self control. And also Ozempic isn't to me, it's never really like, it doesn't feel like a cheat to me because you have to like, you know, spend thousands of dollars out of pocket. You gotta stab yourself in the stomach, you have to have like, diarrhea until you die.
- [34:14]
A
Like, right?
- [34:14]
B
Yeah. It doesn't sound easy, but it's like I had this joke about, you know, just all the thin people, they wanted to just tell people like, no, stay fat. But they couldn't. So they're just like, you know, diabetics need their medicine. Like, they needed it. Suddenly all these thin housewives were like, really up in arms for diabetics who they never cared about in the history of diabetes and how it was like, it's not that you care about diabetics. That's not any. You just don't want like Kelly Clarkson to have a thigh gap for some reason like that. There's. There was just this premise of like, thin people. Sometimes that's all they have is like, I've worked so hard on this and their whole life is about being thin. So they feel like it's this talent, it's this achievement. And so when fat people get thin, fat people are generally like, have had to work to have a talent because they are discriminated against because of how they look. And so they've had to be extraordinary just to even be considered to be on camera because they get discriminated against. There's not as many fat people on tv. And so when then that fat person who's so incredibly talented because they've had to work that hard gets thin now, oh, no, what do I like Then people are like, what do I have? Like that, that was my. You're stealing my talent. And like, because, you know, in our, in, in, in Hollywood, which is the most, you know, frustrating thing for me a lot is that being beautiful and thin is like enough to make you famous. Like that, that's, that's enough to be like, we don't need anything else from you. You know, like, you don't need a talent like as long as you're hot. And then there's been times in my career where I felt like, oh, I don't need to work as hard on writing jokes or perfecting this act or my performance because if I just look hot, that's going to be what people talk about and that's enough for people. It like blows them away. Like, wow, she looks, she had a.
- [35:51]
A
Glow up and she's funny.
- [35:53]
B
So it's like, what do I put my effort into? Because I seem to get the, the same kind of praise for both. And that is, that's frustrating to me because I would like to just, you know, a lot of, a lot of time gets put into your looks and it's a lot of time where I could be writing or sleeping or studying or, you know, it's hard to look over my, my notes for a show I'm about to do when there's like a pencil in my eye or I have to look at the, my hair, makeup, person's shoulder for the eyelashes to go on. Like, there's a lot of effort and time that is wasted for me to look a certain way. But at the same time it does get you those, it does get you that attention and that praise of like you're doing something extraordinary by looking hot.
- [36:33]
A
I would think being hot and being a stand up is harder. Like it's easier to laugh at funny looking people. It's easier to look at a hot mess and laugh. Like the visual is funny. Like if I'm looking at, at somebody like you and you make me laugh, then I'm really laughing because like I'm laughing at the humor because you're gorgeous. So how hard could your life have been? Right?
- [37:00]
B
I, I think I did struggle with that in the beginning where I felt like there were people that were. Like when I first started, I remember there was this female comic who, who talk about revenge. Like I, well she, she's just, you know, hasn't made it and never will be known. But so, so I got my revenge in terms of what happened to her. But she was like the big man on campus when I started and she hated me and would always say, you know, that the high school cheerleader shouldn't be a comedian. And I was not that, you know, and even if I was, yes, you could be. You know, there's all different types of, you know, obviously comedians are insecure people, but cheerleaders can be insecure as well. And I always felt like I got that a little bit, but I, you know, I'm insecure in every way in my life. I grew up in a family that did, or a mother that did really value herself based on how she looked or how thin she was or what she fit in and how she looked in the mirror. And so I can't get that out of my head no matter how much I try. Like, there's. My worth is determined by if people think I look a certain way. And so as much as I try, I try to get that out. But that has always been in me and especially just watching who I admire. Before I chose the field of standup, I wanted to be an actress. I wanted to be Jennifer Aniston, I wanted to be Britney Spears. I mean, that was, that's all so deeply ingrained in my head. And so the idea for me to say, oh, I want to be a stand up famous stand up comedian, there weren't even the women I looked up to when I first started. Sarah Silverman, gorgeous, like there the headline about her was like, she's funny and she's hot. And so that was something to me that I liked that challenge of like, wow, we want to fuck her, but we also really think she's funny. Like, that was interesting to me of achieving that, of like, oh, you have both going on. And so I think that's, I've never lost sight of that. And there's just a desire to have the acceptance both from, you know, my dad who admires people who are funny, and then my mom who admires people who are hot. So I'm trying to do both. And there's also this insecurity that as a comedian, I'm on stage for an hour talking to a microphone with no dancing, no singing, no screens, no lights. Like, it's a lot to ask people to stare at something that long, especially in our day and age with tick tock and attention spans. And so I'm always like, let me give them something to look at, you know, Like, I do feel like there's, there's a pressure on me to be presentable in a way, especially when people are paying so much for tickets to like, look dressed up or you know, if you get, you can look at my legs or my boobs or like to just give them something to look at. And, and yeah, there's just, you know, I am just a product of, of my society and the culture I was raised in. Like, like full stop. Like, I am just, you know, I, all that early 2000s stuff about airbrushing women's bodies and being a certain way has just, you know, it's never gonna, it's never gonna leave me that pressure. And so it's, it's, I have both.
- [39:51]
A
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- [40:39]
B
Oh, so you don't need that.
- [40:40]
A
The dry food he won't eat. He's obsessed with it. Well, listen to this Jan. You can get 20% off your first box today at raisedrightpets.com Kelly let me quickly spell this out for you. That's R A I S E D R I G H T p e t s.com Kelly this Valentine's Day, dim the lights and discover a deeper kind of connection. KY yours and mine. Lubricant invites you into a world of tingling delights for you and warming sensations for them. A combination that ignites every touch. Get ready for an adventure into next level intim intimacy that leaves you both wanting more. Find out why KY is the number.
- [41:19]
B
One lubricant brand and then find out again.
- [41:22]
A
If you know, you know.
- [41:24]
B
Visit ky.com to learn more. Use product as directed.
- [41:27]
A
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- [42:45]
B
I think so. I. I really, you know, that's a thing that a lot of comedians say. But I do find that, you know, when I go into therapy a lot of times I'll, like, go to see a new therapist and she'll be like, oh, my gosh, thank you so much for being so honest today and so brave and coming forward with all this. And I'll say, I honestly, I just did my act, like, I just did this on stage last night. Like, I have no problem. I do feel freer up there because there's something about people always go, how do you do that? You stand with a microphone in front of all those people and saying these really vulnerable things. There's no discourse. You know, they're not giving me feedback verbally about whether they like me or not. It's just about getting those laughs, which is a sense of extreme approval. And. And it's the only time in my life where I really feel like I get to be heard and not interrupted. And so it just. I feel free to just let it all hang out and everyone's in the dark. I kind of feel. I feel safe. And I have always felt like, you know, my favorite artists are always ones that admit vulnerable things that I can relate to as someone who feels like, oh, that girl up there would never struggle with that. So I am always driven by admitting things that I shouldn't be admitting, just in case there's one girl out there who projects some kind of perfection onto me that. That I used to project onto, you know, Jennifer Aniston or someone I looked up to that I thought that I felt less than. I always want to reveal those things for a younger version of myself. And so I, yeah, I do. I feel like I get so much out up there, it's not recorded. That's the best thing about Stand Up. You know, when I'm doing a special, it's like this extra added pressure that I never feel when I'm on tour. Because, no, I. I always feel safe up there to really say whatever I want and that it's not going to follow me, it's not going to end up online like it rarely does. And I feel like it's just live performance is just so freeing. And I really do feel like we're like this little tiny group of people that are like, it stays in this room. So I say, like, wild stuff up there that I'm so glad hasn't come back to haunt me. But it. It really. It does feel that way. It feels. It feels. Feels therapeutic. But I mean, even like someone like you obviously look up to as someone who is so funny and effervescent in themselves, but also extremely fuckable. Like, you have that too, of, like, being so hot, so put together, but making it look effortless and also just really being yourself. Like, I don't ever want to come across as not approachable, but also having that layer of, like, there's a star quality there of, like, wow, she looks so good. And so I feel it. Like, you. You have also set that kind of example. I would put you in the same category as, like, the way I looked at, like, Jenny McCarthy of, like, someone who's so themselves, so real. Like the Jenny McCarthy I grew up watching on Unsingled Out. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, she's a different. I think she's still got what she's got.
- [45:26]
A
She's still herself.
- [45:27]
B
It's funny she's herself, but she's also hot. And I think it's just. I want everyone to like me. I want men to let me. Women feel they want to be my best friend.
- [45:35]
A
Like, my whole thing comes down to a person like this. And I think you've sort of. You've said this, but I like a consistent personality. Like, if you're a dick, be a dick all the time. If you're lovely, be lovely all the time. I don't like a public angel. And the cameras go off and then the dark side takes over and you're like, whoa, what just happened?
- [46:00]
B
There's so much of that in our business, too, and that you hear about from, like, assistants who talk to my assistant who, like, shared. And I'm like, this person that is even nice to me, you know, at a party. I'm like, they are, like, fired Someone because they didn't they look them in the eye or something like that, where you hear like, oh, no. Like, how. How are you even that mean? Like, I just can't.
- [46:21]
A
It's a lot.
- [46:21]
B
I can't imagine being that cruel. And I've constantly heard that you're one of the nicest people in the business. Like, nary a bad word about you has ever been told. Always, Always on the list of people who are actually nice.
- [46:34]
A
Well, the people who would say bad shit about me are all in this room. And that's why I keep them. I keep them right here. They are chained to this table. I want to ask you about snl because I. Back in Jan. I'm going to tell you a story, Albert. In 2003, after I gave birth to Joaquin baby Nick number three, I hosted SNL and I had big milky boobs. So, like, my boobs were written into everything. My boobs were enormous. And they were. They were like my co star. Like, I had big boobs on display. But, you know, I was like, these are here for a limited time and they may not be that big tonight, depending on when the baby eats before. Before the show goes on the air.
- [47:24]
B
Yeah, no kidding.
- [47:25]
A
Yeah, right? So I was again, paralyzed with fear, terrified. I wanted to vomit. My upper lip was stuck to my teeth for the entire hour. I didn't think it was possible for somebody to have less saliva in their mouth than I.
- [47:41]
B
Yes, yes. I had that, too.
- [47:43]
A
You had the same thing.
- [47:44]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [47:45]
A
Because you did not look nervous. You looked like you were having the best time.
- [47:49]
B
I would say, like, the weakest. Going into it, I was so nervous. And then once, you know, because it's just like the dream come true. It's like the thing that I almost thought I would never get. Like, I always thought maybe, but it was a dream. I kind of let go. It's just like, you don't reach so few people reach that level of fame to host snl. And it's. I can have a very successful career without that, you know, like, that's. That's okay. And so it was almost like this. This mountaintop I never thought I would summit. And then getting to do it was just. It's almost like kind of left me in a weird position of, like, then what's the point of going on? Like, I just did the thing that was always the goal and would mean that I made it and I don't need to do anything else. And so. But now it's just to do it again.
- [48:31]
A
Well, yeah, now you have to do like the five Times club and you get the jacket.
- [48:35]
B
That's the new, that's the new goal. It's always moving the goalpost.
- [48:38]
A
I was too terrified doing it the one time to ever want to do it again.
- [48:42]
B
That's, I mean that is, I remember Lauren telling me before the week of it's going to be really hard and then you won't remember how hard it was at all. It's like pregnancy. You'll just want it, you'll want to do it again. And that's exactly how I felt is like I, oh, I, I took this so seriously. I was so trying to be in control of something that I didn't have control of. And that's the beauty of the show. And I did, I did relinquish a little bit of it because you, you just learn that like, oh, this is just such a well oiled machine that any thing I try to exert any kind of control over, it's just not gonna, it's just gonna, there's no point in it. And it's the best show if you do let go. And so I was able to let go in some places, but I just wanna go back and do it again because I'm like, oh, now I get it. And I was able to let go and have fun. Like you know, my monologue, I just felt like, oh, I had been running that all week in clubs and it was just killing so hard. And that room is just a different kind of room. And so I felt like, oh, I didn't get the same response that I was used to. And usually that'll really throw me like the first, the thing I have the most control over not going exactly how I wanted it to go. I was earlier in the week thinking, if that happens, how am I even going to do the rest of the show? Like I will just want to throw in the towel because it's like. But after it didn't get exactly what I wanted to do, I was really proud of myself that I was just like, oh, okay, well that, that's again, I could say I did everything I could to make that great. It's not my fault that it didn't go the way I wanted to. It's no one's fault. It's just the way it is. And no one even notices as much as I do. Who gives a shit? Let's. Now you have a chance to make all these other things the best that you can do. And so then I really just like had fun and it felt like being in high school again in plays. Like, I haven't done that kind of, you know, ensemble work and since high school. And so I felt, and everyone is, feels like they're in high school because they're so young there. Everyone Is in their 20s. They have this, like, excitement and enthusiasm about being there that was so palpable. Everyone was kind to me. I didn't walk out with a single, like, even like little kind of talky thing that you think you're gonna walk away with. Like, wow, this is it. It was, it was bliss. I mean, I, I really afterwards was like, can I, like, audition to be a cast member? Like, I just want to do it again and again and again because I love that it's live. I love that I, I don't have to go into an edit afterwards and watch myself. I love that it's just like, it's done. Onto the next. Like, that's what I love about Stand up. That's what I love about even, like, talk shows. It's like, I can't change anything and it's done and I can move on to the next thing, onto the next, and I don't have to review myself. I don't like looking at myself. Like, being in an edit, watching myself do stand up is like, truly torture for me. It's the worst part of my job. And so I just love the nature of that, of, like, done it, dump it, let's on to the next. It was honestly very jarring to come out of SNL and be like, they don't need me anymore because you're the center of attention for a week and then Sunday comes and it's like a one night stand that's like, bye, bitch.
- [51:35]
A
Were you surprised which ones, like, which sketches got cut versus which ones were kept?
- [51:42]
B
Yes and no. You know, like, I, I knew that it wasn't going to make sense and that I wasn't going to understand the genius behind what gets chosen, what and what doesn't. But, but I felt for the most part, I sat in those meetings where it was being decided and I, I learned a lot. Like, I sat back and was like, I'm not going to assume that I know what's best for this and what is best for this and what is going to resonate with their audience. And yeah, there were some surprising things, but mostly I was like, no, they made the right choice. Like, it. There were some sketches that I was like, I don't know if that's going to go. And then it was like the favorite. So I, I Realized that I didn't know much going into that. And it was, it was just, it was nice for once to just honestly take a back seat and be like, I'm a guest in this place. I am not running the party. This is, I am just here to have a good time and, and be literally, you know, Donna takes you off stage and grabs your hand and pulls you down the hall.
- [52:34]
A
Isn't she amazing?
- [52:35]
B
Amazing. Everyone there, like, everyone there that's been working for, like, 20, 30 years, all the crew, they're so sweet. They're so, so excited for you in a way that you felt like, oh, they'll be so jaded at this point about, like, a new person coming in and being like, oh, wow, snl. But they're just like, they can't wait to show you around and introduce you to everyone.
- [52:53]
A
I'm proud of what they do.
- [52:54]
B
That was the coolest part, was I just felt like, wow. It feels like everyone here is just excited for this as I am, and they do it week in and week out. It just felt like they understand how truly special that show is as much as the people on the outside do. And I, I, I, I loved it. It was, it was the best week of my career.
- [53:12]
A
I can't wait for you to host again. It's going to be very exciting.
- [53:15]
B
I'll do anything I can to do it again. It was so much fun.
- [53:19]
A
Thank you for doing our podcast.
- [53:20]
B
I really appreciate it. I love talking to you. It was so nice to, to have, like, a long chat. I've. I love you so much. You're so funny. You keep it so real.
- [53:29]
A
Again, we love. I love you. We here love you. And I'm not kidding. We will hide a body. We will cut a bitch. We will go to the mat for you. You've done us so many solids, and we just worship you.
- [53:44]
B
And we keep doing solids. Girl, have me back.
- [53:47]
A
We cheer you.
- [53:48]
B
Be careful what you say.
- [53:49]
A
Yeah, be careful. We'll see. I love you guys running after the Academy Awards.
- [53:55]
B
You made it so easy. It was so fun.
- [53:57]
A
So make sure listeners don't forget Nikki is Hosting. Hosting the 83rd annual Golden Globes. That's right. She's back for a repeat, which will be airing Sunday, January 11, on CBS. CBS, before it gets destroyed by all of the mergers.
- [54:17]
B
Oh, we're gonna be touching on that pretty soon.
- [54:19]
A
We're just gonna all be on one platform.
- [54:23]
B
Jokes that are gonna come.
- [54:24]
A
Yeah, the merger jokes. Oh, I'm looking forward to the merger jokes.
- [54:27]
B
Lot of merger burger jokes.
- [54:29]
A
Thank you. So much. We'll talk to you soon.
- [54:31]
B
Bye, guys.
- [54:32]
A
Thank you, Laser, everybody.
- [54:35]
C
Thank you.
- [54:36]
B
Bye. Thank you so much.
- [54:41]
A
Let's talk off camera with Kelly Ripa is a production of Malojo Productions. From Malojo, our team is Kelly Ripa, Marc Consuelos, Albert Bianchini, Jan Chalet, Seth Bronquist, Ross Theory, Devin Schneider, Michael Halperin, Julia Desch and Team Radio Andy Lisa Mantineo, Scott Marlowe, Jake Getz. We've all been there.
- [55:05]
C
You hold on to a coupon but forget about it and suddenly it's expired. Expired in 2012.
- [55:11]
B
Dang it.
- [55:11]
C
Fortunately, by switching to Geico, you could save about 900 on car insurance without ever touching a coupon. It feels good to save big. It feels good to Geico. A KFC tale in the pursuit of flavor. The colonel made his $10 Tuesday bucket so full with eight pieces of juicy, crispy chicken or tenders that it might just last you till Wednesday if you've got that kind of self control. I mean, some people want leftovers, others are more into right nowers. The Colonel lived so we could chicken. 10 bucks. 8 pieces. One big deal with KFC. $10 Tuesdays. Prices and participation may vary.
- [55:49]
B
Taxes, tips and fees, extra.