Life Kit (NPR)

Episode: 4 negotiation tactics to try in everyday life
Date: February 16, 2026
Host: Marielle Segarra
Guest: Joan Moon, Founder of Moon Negotiation and Head of Negotiation Coaching at Harvard Kennedy School

Episode Overview

This episode of NPR’s Life Kit, hosted by Marielle Segarra, explores how negotiation skills traditionally used for high-stakes contexts—like job offers—can be adapted for everyday situations. Joan Moon, negotiation coach and founder of Moon Negotiation, shares practical strategies and frameworks—including research-backed techniques and acronyms—for navigating everyday conflicts and finding creative, collaborative solutions.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Negotiation Is Everywhere

• Negotiation happens beyond salary talks—it arises daily in household chores, choosing a restaurant, or settling on vacation plans.

  • “If so, you have done some form of negotiation, whether it was over who’s going to do the dishes, what you were having for dinner, or where you were going to go on vacation together.” (Marielle, 00:09)

• Negotiation fosters agency and satisfaction:

  • "It can really improve your everyday contentment, your satisfaction with your situation. And it can really give you a sense of agency. It gives you a sense that you are making intentional choices and creating a life for yourself, curating a life for yourself that you're happy with." (Joan, 01:01)

2. Tactic 1: Benchmarking

• Definition: Collecting objective data and standards to legitimize your requests (e.g., what is a fair price for a service or product).
• Application: Not just for salaries but also big purchases or services (plumbers, car buying).
  • Use the APP model to investigate:
    • Ask: Directly inquire or question relevant parties.
    • People: Consult others in your network or communities.
    • Paper: Reference documentation, policies, or market research.
  • "You can reduce the ambiguity by investigating using the APP model." (Joan, 02:42)
• Benefit: Reduces ambiguity, arms you with legitimate data for negotiation.

3. Tactic 2: Win-Win Strategies

• Definition: Frame the negotiation to meet both parties' interests, seeking a mutual benefit.
• Example: Joan describes turning a contentious customer service call into a collaborative problem-solving dialogue:
  • “I want to remain a long time satisfied customer at this company ... Can we focus on a solution to how I can get my phone reconnected?” (Joan, 05:15)
• Insight: Focus on shared goals rather than revisiting blame or past mistakes.

4. Tactic 3: Offering a Menu of Options

• Definition: Present multiple (ideally three) creative and actionable solutions rather than a binary yes/no.
• Example: Adapting cleaning duties within a household by offering several options such as new schedules, redistribution of chores, or hiring a cleaner.
  • “When you present three different options, it’s less of a standoff and it signals to the other person a collaborative tone, like, let’s solve this problem together.” (Joan, 06:54)
• Benefit: Lowers defensiveness, creates flexibility, and often increases the chance of agreement.

5. Tactic 4: Knowing Your BATNA

• Definition: Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement—the fallback if you can’t reach an agreement.
• Importance:
  • Having a strong BATNA prevents desperation, sharpens your negotiating position, and helps protect your interests.
  • “When you increase and improve upon your alternatives, you’re able to think with a clearer head and you’re less likely to make a decision that you regret later on.” (Joan, 08:38)
• Should You Share Your BATNA?
  • Yes, but subtly; letting the other party know you have alternatives can make them take your concerns more seriously.
  • “When you are able to subtly signal, like, listen, I’m close to my breaking point here, then they are going to prioritize the request that you are making to them or not.” (Joan, 09:17)

6. Navigating Invisible Parties & Roles: The PDMs Framework

• Three Roles:
  • Power Broker
  • Decision Maker
  • Messenger
• “Oftentimes, you're not just negotiating with the person in the room. So really thinking about who are the actual parties involved and who are the power brokers, decision makers, and the messengers can be important.” (Joan, 13:40)
• Application: Especially relevant in family or group dynamics—identify who truly has influence to direct your energy effectively.

7. Negotiation Examples in Relationships and Friendships

• Romantic Partners: Sometimes outside family members or cultural expectations shape negotiations (as in the wedding planning example).
• Friends: When addressing emotional issues, start by stating shared interests (e.g., valuing the relationship) and use thoughtful timing (HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired).
  • “Anytime you're feeling any of these things, it's probably a bad time to engage in this conversation. We really want to be mindful about the timing and context.” (Joan, 15:10)

8. When to Walk Away

• Consider the importance and longevity of the relationship.
• Avoid overtaxing valued relationships with excessive negotiation.
  • “If this is a long standing relationship that you really value... you want to make sure that how you negotiate and how frequently you negotiate isn't wearing out or fatiguing that relationship...” (Joan, 16:18)

9. Handling Fear of Being Perceived as Demanding or Greedy

• Benchmarking protects against negative perceptions—objective data supports reasonableness.
  • “You're also, once you have that data and you present that data to the other person, you reduce the likelihood that they're going to respond that way because you have objective data.” (Joan, 17:23)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Negotiation can help you come up with compromises, creative solutions that go beyond yes or no, this or that, and that can help you get unstuck.” (Marielle, 00:21)
• “What we always recommend in negotiating is to strengthen your BATNA, have a really good alternative.” (Joan, 08:19)
• “A menu of options is a way to stay away from yes or no requests and instead to present three different creative choices so that it increases the likelihood of the other person agreeing on one of those options.” (Joan, 19:11)
• “HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired ... likely not the best time to engage in a negotiation conversation.” (Joan, 20:02)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Negotiation in Everyday Situations: 00:00–01:19
• Benchmarking & APP Model: 02:30–04:18
• Win-Win Strategy & Reframing Conversations: 04:36–06:29
• Menu of Options: 06:29–07:45
• BATNA & Power in Negotiation: 07:45–10:28
• Invisible Parties/PDMs Example: 11:40–14:40
• Resolutions with Friends & HALT: 14:41–16:10
• Knowing When to Walk Away: 16:12–17:14
• Dealing with Perceptions of Being Demanding: 17:14–18:00
• Glossary Recap: 18:00–20:17

Summary Glossary of Terms & Acronyms

• Benchmarking: Research and use of external standards or data to validate a negotiation point.
• APP Model (Ask, People, Paper): Steps to get information—ask directly, seek input from people, consult paperwork or data sources.
• Win-Win Strategies: Framing outcomes to benefit all parties.
• Menu of Options: Provide at least three choices instead of a binary proposal.
• BATNA: Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement—a critical fallback plan.
• PDMs: Power Brokers, Decision Makers, and Messengers—roles to identify in any negotiation.
• HALT: Avoid negotiations when you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

Tone & Takeaway:
Upbeat, practical, and supportive, the episode emphasizes that negotiation is a skill for everyday happiness and healthy relationships, not just big deals. As Joan Moon notes, the key is preparation, creativity, and understanding both your own—and the other party’s—interests and boundaries.