A better way to support your teens as they go back to school

Summary

Life Kit – “A Better Way to Support Your Teens as They Go Back to School”

Host: Marielle Segarra (NPR)
Guest: Lisa Damour, psychologist & author
Reporter: Andy Tagle
Date: August 19, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this insightful episode, Life Kit dives into the emotional challenges and opportunities that come with teens and preteens heading back to school. With NPR reporter Andy Tagle leading the conversation, psychologist and author Lisa Damour shares actionable advice, backed by recent survey data, on how parents can best support their kids' mental health, foster open communication, and set healthy boundaries—especially around social media and independence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Emotional Complexity of Back-to-School ([00:15]–[06:51])

• Old Anxieties & New Pressures:

  • Teens still stress about fitting in, body changes, and social acceptance.
  • Today’s teens also worry about larger world issues (climate, economy) and the added pressures of social media.
    “Young people worry about big things…One of the top concerns for young people was what their futures were gonna look like.” — Lisa Damour, [05:55]

• Parental Concerns Have Also Evolved:

  • Parents worry about academics, mental health, social media, and the unknowns affecting their children.
  • There is often a sense of emotional distance as kids become more independent.

Quote:
“I think a lot of parents feel like they don’t really know the kid in the same way they felt they used to. I think a lot of parents feel like their kid has broken up with them.”
— Lisa Damour, [07:00]

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2. Opening Communication Channels ([07:24]–[10:36])

• Let Kids Come to You (or Gently Schedule):
  • Teens want to talk—they’re just selective about timing.
  • Wait for organic openings or schedule a time for talks, rather than ambushing them.

Quote:
“The best way…is to listen for when your teenager brings it up…once your kid is talking about it, that is a great time to say, ‘how are things feeling for you at school?’”
— Lisa Damour, [07:35]

• Embrace the “Eye Roll”:
  • Eye rolls and grumbling are normal, even constructive.
  • What counts is compliance, not the attitude.

Quote:
“So long as they’re doing what we ask, even if they’re rolling their eyes, I think adults should accept that they have found a way to both be compliant without seeming like a goody-two-shoes.”
— Lisa Damour, [10:11]

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3. Navigating Perfectionism ([10:45]–[12:05])

• Addressing the Pressure to Be Perfect:
  • A third of Gen Z kids feel pressure to be flawless.
  • Parents should normalize mistakes, reinforcing worthiness independent of performance.

Quote:
“The goal is to help them understand that mistakes are inevitable…while we are working on our shortcomings, we still can feel that we are good and worthy and decent.”
— Lisa Damour, [11:29]

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4. Emotional Ups and Downs: The Teenage Rollercoaster ([12:05]–[14:29])

• It’s Normal for Teens to Have Intense, Shifting Emotions:
  • Peaks (“top of the world”) and valleys (“world is ending”) are part of healthy development.

Quote:
“Mental health is not about feeling good…it is about having feelings that fit what’s happening and managing those feelings well.”
— Lisa Damour, [13:25]

• Negative Emotions Are Not a Sign of Danger:
  • Sadness or stress following disappointments is expected (“proof of mental health”), not always a red flag.

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5. Supporting Teens After a Bad Day ([14:29]–[17:32])

• Listen First, Advise Rarely:
  • Teens most want adults to “just listen” and “take our feelings seriously.”
  • Advice should come only when asked for.

Quote:
“Far and away, what they said is, just listen. Second to that was take our feelings seriously. Very low down on the list was offer advice.”
— Lisa Damour, [14:47]

• Give Space When Needed:
  • Respect teens’ need to decompress after school; it’s not personal if they retreat.
  • Don’t expect a full recount of their day (think: “Tell me about every meeting you had today”).

Quote:
“School is a lot of people…It’s not that they don’t want to be with the adults in their home. It’s that they don’t want to be with anybody.”
— Lisa Damour, [16:18]

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6. Social Media & Setting Boundaries ([17:32]–[21:38])

• Introduce Tech Gradually:
  • Start with texting; avoid social media until age 14 if possible.
  • At 14, kids can reason about different perspectives and motivations, building resilience to online pressures.

Quote:
“My ideal for when social media comes into the picture is minimally age 14…The older teenagers can be before they get on social media, the more skepticism they bring to the table, which for social media is a very good thing.”
— Lisa Damour, [18:18]

• Safety First in Rule-Setting:
  • Discuss boundaries by emphasizing safety rather than punishment or legal consequences.
  • Encourage independence but set guardrails centered on wellbeing.

Quote:
“Do not focus on what you’re going to do if you bust them…Focus on the teenager’s safety.”
— Lisa Damour, [20:01]

• Today’s Teens Are “The Tame Generation”:
  • Lisa notes teens today don’t push boundaries like previous generations; some clinicians worry they’re not getting enough independence.

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7. Sleep and Routine: The Unsung Pillars ([22:06]–[22:48])

• Sleep is Non-Negotiable:
  • High schoolers: aim for 9 hours
  • Middle schoolers: 10 hours
  • Elementary: 11+ hours

Quote:
“Sleep is the glue that holds human beings together. High schoolers are supposed to begin getting nine hours of sleep a night. Middle schoolers 10, elementary school kids 11 hours or more.”
— Lisa Damour, [22:06]

• Routines Make Transitions Smoother:
  • Routines reduce the need for constant decisions and reinforce priorities.
  • Expect some complaining—transitions are tough!

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Takeaways & Actionable Advice

(As summarized by Andy Tagle, [23:03]–[23:45])

1. Your teen has a lot on their plate. Let them come to you, or gently schedule talks instead of ambushing them.
2. Some distance in your relationship is normal. Embrace the eye roll!
3. Give lots of space and focus on listening—let your child develop coping skills.
4. When setting boundaries, focus on safety risks—not just punishments.
5. Prioritize sleep and routines for a smoother school transition.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “Not a good way to start my middle school journey.” — Marielle Segarra [00:34]
• “Absolutely. There’s the timeless ones and there’s the timely ones.” — Lisa Damour [05:42]
• “Embrace the eye roll.” — Andy Tagle [10:36]
• “Mental health is about having feelings that fit what’s happening and managing those feelings well.” — Lisa Damour [13:25]
• “Just listen…Far and away, that’s what they said.” — Lisa Damour [14:47]
• “Let the kid dump it. Right? They’re just trying to get rid of it. Don’t ask them why they brought the garbage home.” — Lisa Damour [15:51]
• “The older teenagers can be before they get on social media, the more skepticism they bring to the table, which for social media is a very good thing.” — Lisa Damour [19:17]
• “Sleep is the glue that holds human beings together.” — Lisa Damour [22:06]

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Structure for Quick Reference

• Intro & Main Theme: Navigating the emotional landscape of teens returning to school ([00:15])
• Teen & Parent Anxieties: Modern and timeless ([05:42]–[07:00])
• Communication Tips: Let teens open up on their terms, embrace eye rolls ([07:24]–[10:36])
• Addressing Perfectionism: Mistakes are learning ([11:26])
• Teen Mood Swings: Normalizing ups and downs ([12:18])
• Supporting Bad Days: Listen, don’t fix right away ([14:47])
• Giving Space: Unwind time is for everyone ([16:18])
• Managing Social Media: Delay, discuss, and set healthy rules ([18:18])
• Setting Boundaries: Focus on safety, encourage age-appropriate independence ([21:38])
• Sleep & Routines: Crucial for a stable transition ([22:06])
• Final Takeaways: Practical tips for a better school year ([23:03])

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This episode provides research-backed, actionable tools for parents and caregivers to help their teens thrive during the tough back-to-school transition. The tone is supportive, encouraging, and realistic, filled with empathy for both parents and kids. The central message: Teens need connection, space, structure, and plenty of sleep—and parents do too.

Transcript

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[Marielle Segarra]

You're listening to Life Kit from npr. Hey, everybody, it's Marielle. I remember my first day of, I think it was sixth grade. I showed up in this cute outfit that I had loved the day before. If I remember right, there was a plaid skirt and a maroon cardigan. I was stylish. But then I got to school and all the girls were wearing gym shorts and athletic sneakers. And I was like, what did, did I miss the memo? Like, I suddenly felt so self conscious about my clothes, like a total outsider. Not a good way to start my middle school journey. And I think I'm not alone here. Right? Back to school time can be exciting, for sure. All those fresh notebooks and dreams of possibility. This is my year. I'm gonna try out for the play or make the soccer team or finally talk to that boy. But it's also hard on kids.

[Lisa d'Amore]

You know, it's always been hard to be a teenager, and it's always been hard to raise a teenager.

[Marielle Segarra]

That's Lisa demore.

[Lisa d'Amore]

I'm a psychologist who cares for teenagers and the adults around them. I'm the author of three books on raising adolescents. And I had the honor of working with the Walton Family foundation and Gallup on a poll about the emotional lives of teenagers and their parents.

[Marielle Segarra]

Just a note here, the Walton Family foundation is an NPR funder, and that poll was a part of the 2024 Voices of Gen Z study. They talked to thousands of 10 to 18 year olds and one of their parents or guardians about the emotional lives of preteens and teens. Turns out, no surprise here, they are complex. The study found, for example, that nearly all of the children polled felt happy the prior day, but 45% also felt stressed, 38% felt anxious, and 23% felt sad. Kids today aren't just thinking about their classes or fitting in with their schoolmates. They're also thinking about fitting in with all the other kids on social media. And the parents of those kids have a lot to think about, too.

[Lisa d'Amore]

Parents worry about how kids are doing in school. They worry about social media. They worry about what's ahead for their kids. So everybody is navigating a complex environment with both old and new concerns.

[Marielle Segarra]

On this episode of Life Kit reporter Andy Tagle talks with Lisa d' Amore about how to prepare emotionally as your teens and preteens, head back to school. We'll talk about how to let your kids come to you about tough topics, what to do after a bad day, and how to set boundaries around social media.

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[Marielle Segarra]

Before we dive into the rest of the show, I just wanted to check have you followed us on Instagram? Yeah, we have an Instagram now. It's NPR Life Kit. There you'll find exclusive videos, comics and more. Again, that's NPR Life Kit.

[Andy Tagle]

See you there. Back to school time is such a self conscious time for kids, especially for preteens and teens. I don't have a teen at home personally, but I used to be one and I do not miss those first day jitters, let me tell you. You know, I'm remembering wearing your new shoes or your new backpack and hoping that you made the right choices and that your friends think that you're cool and just feeling so aware of every aspect of my body and my language and everything. Can we start there? Can you talk to us a little bit about some of the anxieties that kids these days are facing as they return to school.

[Lisa d'Amore]

Absolutely. Well, there's the timeless ones, and then there's the timely ones. Right. So what you described, like, I don't think any of us would sign up to do seventh grade again or eighth grade again.

[Andy Tagle]

Not on my. I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Absolutely not.

[Lisa d'Amore]

Lisa. It's always been hard. You know, there's so much transition. You're so worried about where you fit in. Your body, like you said, is changing, and you have no control over where this is all headed. You know, it's braces, it's bras, it's all of the above. And I think nobody is comfortable for quite a while. And then on top of that, we have the timely challenges that young people now face. Right. We're asking a lot of them academically. They are trying to navigate a social media environment that can be very, very taxing for them. And young people worry about big things. When I was in the seventh and eighth grade, I was actually not worrying about world peace, what was happening with the environment. Those concerns were not on my mind at all. You talked to teenagers today, One of the top concerns for young people was what their futures were gonna look like. So it's different now for kids.

[Andy Tagle]

That is quite the list. And what about the other side? For the parents of tweens and teens today, it's no walk in the park either. What are some of the big burdens they're carrying during this time? What are parents most worried about?

[Lisa d'Amore]

Well, I think in some ways, it's the same. I think a lot of parents feel like they don't really know the kid in the same way they felt they used to. I think a lot of parents feel like their kid has broken up with them. You know, their younger kid was more engaged and. And friendlier and more conversational. And suddenly their kid turns into a teenager, and they become quieter or squirrely or hard to get to open up. So I think that's always been challenging for parents.

[Andy Tagle]

Man, what do we do about this? You know, I think some of your research showed that clearly there's a lot to worry about. And on top of that, it's hard to talk about this stuff. Is that right?

[Lisa d'Amore]

It is true. Both the parents have a lot of concerns, and we've run through several of them, and that they find it hard to have these conversations with teenager, or they're having a hard time bringing these conversations up. And so what I can tell you is that as much as teenagers may seem like they're not so easy to talk to, or they don't necessarily want to have these conversations. What we heard from the teenagers is how helpful these conversations are, how much they care about what adults have to say. So my advice to anyone caring for a teenager is go ahead and try to have this conversation about whatever it is you're worried about. And the best way usually to make it happen is to listen for when your teenager brings it up. So parents and caregivers can worry about things like school, they can worry about things like mental health. And today's teenagers will talk about those things at home. And so once your kid is talking about it, that is a great time to say, oh, it sounds like your friend's having a hard time at school. How are things feeling for you at school?

[Andy Tagle]

Takeaway 1. Teens have a lot on their plates these days. Even if it doesn't seem like it, they do want to talk about it. You just might have to let them come to you first. If they don't, you could try scheduling some time with them, look for them.

[Lisa d'Amore]

To open those up, because that's when teenagers are going to be most receptive to what adults have to say or even questions from adults about those things. Sometimes, though, parents and caregivers find that the thing they want to talk about just isn't coming up in those moments. What I recommend is looking for a place on your kid's calendar, which can feel like a funny thing to look for, but I think what we want to say to a kid is, hey, I was thinking about your, you know, start of your school year and how it's going. I have a few questions, I have a few thoughts. Can we talk about it now? Or is there a time in the next day or two where we could talk about it? So giving them a chance to adapt to the idea that there's going to be a conversation about this tends to make those conversations go better.

[Andy Tagle]

Okay, so let them open the door. Don't blindside them with the conversation. I love that. Those, those are really good tips. Anything else? Any other approaches for, for these types of conversations?

[Lisa d'Amore]

Well, I think sometimes it happens that parents or caregivers share information with a teenager. Like, okay, you know, you need to get your backpack all ready for the school year tomorrow. We don't want the first day to be, you know, wild in the morning, and the teenager or the tween will, like, roll their eyes when the adult does it. Here's what's usually happening. Young people, teenagers, their job is to become increasingly independent. And so if they, if we say to them, hey, you need to go, you know, get your backpack loaded. And they go, that is a great suggestion. I'm so glad you mention that. I really appreciate the guidance. That would be weird. That would be weird. What is much more expectable is that they're going to roll their eyes and they're going to do it. But so long as they're doing what we ask, even if they're kind of grousing about it, even if they're rolling their eyes, I think adults should accept that they have found a way to both be compliant without seeming like a goody two shoes.

[Andy Tagle]

Wow. Embrace the eye roll is what you're saying, Lisa. Embrace the eye roll.

[Lisa d'Amore]

I have a lot more patience for eye rolls than most adults do.

[Andy Tagle]

Wow. Okay. Well, I'm gonna have to bring that home to my mother. Takeaway 2 Look, your relationship with your kid is gonna change during this transition period because they're changing. That's a good thing. It's natural to feel like you're going through a breakup with your kid. That's normal development. Embrace the the eye roll. In the Gallup poll you worked, you found 1 in 3 Gen Z kids feel they have to be perfect. Middle school and high school can feel like a time a teen needs to be perfect. The rest of their life is depending on how they do. How can parents support a kid whose perfectionism flares up around school?

[Lisa d'Amore]

The goal is not to try to give them guidance about how they can be more perfect or what they could do to prevent mistakes. Mistakes are a done deal. The goal is to help them understand that mistakes are inevitable. We all have our shortcomings, but while we are working on our shortcomings, we still can feel that we are good and worthy and decent. That's what we're trying to get kids to understand. When kids really struggle with perfectionism, they make a mistake and then they decide they're entirely terrible. That's where things go off the rails. The goal is to let them recognize the mistake while still having a general sense of positive self regard.

[Andy Tagle]

Can we talk a little bit about the moods and emotions of teenagers? Because I know for a lot of parents this can feel scary and like a moving target. Like my kid is always anxious, my kid is always stressed. What can you tell us about the moods and emotions of teenagers?

[Lisa d'Amore]

So the general framework is that teenagers emotions are more intense. It's not on its own a sign that anything's wrong. It's actually a sign of forward development. But one of my favorite questions that we asked in our Gallup poll was about the kinds of moods kids had a lot of on the previous day. And they did tell us that they felt anxious and they did tell us they felt stressed. And some kids felt sad and some kids felt angry. The number one response, the feeling they reported having a lot of the previous day, 94% of kids said happiness and 91% said enjoyment. All of the other emotions I just mentioned, the highest ranking one was only at 45%. So the takeaway here is that kids have lots of moods, good and bad, and what you see in teenagers is that they have ups and downs.

[Andy Tagle]

That roller coaster just really resonates. You know, thinking back to my time in high school, I just remember every day I was on the top of the world or the world was ending.

[Lisa d'Amore]

Absolutely.

[Andy Tagle]

Do you have any advice for riding that roller coaster as a parent?

[Lisa d'Amore]

I do. So here's how I want everyone to think about this. I want everyone to think about this the way psychologists think about it. To us, mental health is not about feeling good. It is not about getting up and staying up. Mental health is about having feelings that fit what's happening and managing those feelings well. So if your kid isn't invited to a party that all their friends seem to be going to, they will be sad. That is the expectable emotion. It would be strange if they didn't feel it. What we're interested in is, well, then what do they do? Like, do they have a good cry? Do they go put on their sad playlist until they feel better? Do they cuddle the dog? You know, do they go for a run? All of those are wonderfully adaptive and many of those are things kids told us they did to comfort themselves. In our surveys, we only worry if they're using coping strategies that are harmful. If they take it out on themselves in any way, if they feel low or self harm, then we become concerned. But the presence of a negative emotion on its own is usually proof of mental health, not grounds for concern.

[Andy Tagle]

That's great advice. It is okay to have negative emotions. It's what we do with them. And that leads into my next question, which is, what about when your teen comes home and has a bad day, as we all do, you know, they get in the car, there's just a dark cloud hanging over them. As a parent, it's hard to know what to do.

[Lisa d'Amore]

Absolutely. So we asked teenagers, when you're upset, what is it that adults can do that's most helpful to you? Far and away, what they said is, just listen, just listen. Second to that was take Our feelings seriously. Very low down on the list was offer advice. And I think I'm a parent myself. Your kid gets in the car, your kid comes off the bus, they're upset. You want to fix it. You want to jump in with some suggestions, just listen.

[Andy Tagle]

It's like the hardest thing to do.

[Lisa d'Amore]

It is so hard. It is so hard. It can help to say something like, do you want my help or do you just need to vent? Because usually kids will say, I just need to vent. I will also tell you my number one tool as the parent of teenagers myself, when a kid is upset is sometimes I'll say, is there anything I can do that won't make this worse? And that seems to go over very well, because I'm acknowledging that, you know, getting in there and meddling may not actually be helpful, but I'm also offering whatever services might be of use. And so if parents can think about when they say, how was school? Think about it as like opening an emotional garbage can. Let the kid dump it. Right? They're just trying to get rid of it. Don't ask them why they brought the garbage home. And if they seem to feel better having dumped all the garbage, tie it off, throw it away. You don't have to go through it. You can also let it go.

[Andy Tagle]

What about the kid who doesn't want to give you their emotional garbage? You know?

[Lisa d'Amore]

Well, it's true. And indeed, one of the other things that was high on the list of what teenagers wanted, especially older teenagers when they were upset, was some space. And they were asking for that very explicitly. And I think it's hard. You know, you haven't seen your kid all day. A whole lot went down, you know, it did. It's the start of a school year. They come in the house, they make a beeline for their room. You're hearing nothing. So there's a couple of ways to think about it. First of all, school is a lot of people. And so the kid who comes home and just makes a beeline, if they are, you know, lucky enough to have their own room, goes to their room, closes the door. It's not that they don't want to be with the adults in their home. It's that they don't want to be with anybody. The other thing we have to remember is their days are long and tedious. And when we say, tell me about your school day, that would be like our life partner saying, recount for me every meeting you had today.

[Andy Tagle]

Right.

[Lisa d'Amore]

Fair enough. We'd be like, no way. It's over. It's done. I gotta go do it. Leonel so what tends to work well is give them space. And what we know also from our data is that kids have great ways to cope with upset feelings. When they're frustrated, they will listen to music. They will sometimes play video games as a distraction just to move on from things.

[Andy Tagle]

I love that. And it makes a lot of sense, you know, after. After a long day of work, adults want to decompress. Teens deserve that space, too. Takeaway 3. For teens, emotions are often more intense. There will be good days and there will be really, really bad days. Lisa says focus on listening and giving your kid respect. This is an important time for them to develop their own coping skills. Offering them lots of space to do so is key. Let's talk a little bit about social media, access to social media, because it is the thing we can't not talk about these days. And I think, especially at the beginning of the school year, you know, you want to set good boundaries for your kid. You want them to start out on the right foot. What does that look like?

[Lisa d'Amore]

So in my ideal world, you go very slowly because kids do need to be connected to their peers. Social media can be hard on kids. Social isolation is also really hard on kids. I would wait until a kid says, I need a phone, and you find out why. And it's not unusual for texting to be how kids start to connect or make social plans. And if the day has come where your kid really doesn't know what's going on or is not able to maintain meaningful friendships because they don't have access to texting, I think that is a time to consider giving them access to text texting, then see how they're doing with texting. And I said to my kids, you are on texting until you cannot maintain your social relationships with texting alone. And my ideal for when social media comes into the picture is minimally age 14. And with texting, a lot of kids can get to and past 14 with enough connection to their peers. And the reason 14 for me is so critical is that that's when they develop the ability to see things from multiple perspect, understand different motivations before that. However smart they are, they are concrete in their thinking. And the older teenagers can be before they get on social media, the more skepticism they bring to the table, which for social media is a very good thing.

[Andy Tagle]

Wow, that is so interesting. 14, you said. Is that watershed age?

[Lisa d'Amore]

Minimally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andy Tagle]

Let's talk a little bit more about setting healthy boundaries for the school Year specifically. Maybe it's someone who wants to start makeup. Maybe it's high schoolers that have a little more freedom. They want to start going to football games on their own, or they're asking about so and so's party. How do you set yourself, your whole family up for success in those moments?

[Lisa d'Amore]

What we need to appreciate is that we are actually raising the tamest generation of teenagers on record.

[Andy Tagle]

Really.

[Lisa d'Amore]

They hate the house far less than we ever did. They do things, yes, they are very well behaved. In fact, some of us on the clinical side are bemoaning the fact that today's teenagers are not pushing the boundaries enough, not asking to go out as much as we would normally see. They're very good kids. And we're in a phase of what we call kind of intensive parenting where parents are across socioeconomic groups, very, very aware of what their kids are up to, very closely connected to their kids through technology. So the thing that we actually want to be mindful of is that it is actually teenagers job to push boundaries, to seek novelty, to want to be out in the world. It's not fun necessarily in your family, but it's exactly what teenagers are supposed to be doing. So my guidance on this is when you are talking with teenagers about all of the risks that are available to them, do not focus on what you're going to do if you bust them. Do not focus on what the law says. The laws make actually very little sense much of the time. Focus on the teenager's safety. So if a teenager says to you, what are you going to do? If you catch me smoking weed, you can say, look, me catching you, that is the least of your concerns. Here's my worry. Cannabis is very hard on the developing brain. And so whether I catch you or not, my worry is that you're going to actually interfere with healthy growth in your own brain. So don't worry about getting caught, worry about getting hurt.

[Andy Tagle]

Takeaway 4. If you're anticipating conflict around house rules, Lisa says, emphasize the importance of safety for your kids instead of potential punishments. And as for social media, introduce it slowly and deliberately. Lisa recommends restricting kids to just texting before the age of 14. Do you have any final thoughts, feelings, advice for teens, for parents, as we head back to school? Anything that you want to leave us with?

[Lisa d'Amore]

Let me say two things. Number one, focus on sleep. Sleep is the glue that holds human beings together. High schoolers are supposed to begin getting nine hours of sleep a night. Middle schoolers 10, elementary school kids 11 hours or more. So way more sleep than people think kids need. The other thing I will say is that routines are wonderful. Routines reduce decision making. They help us do the things we say we want to do. They help us sort of be clear about what our priorities are. So build your routines very, very deliberately and let yourself sort of click into that school year routine with lots and lots of sleep. Expect complaining and know that transitions are just hard.

[Andy Tagle]

Takeaway 5 Two Surefire Ways to have a smooth school transition. Give your teen lots of time to sleep and find a good routine for them. Lisa d', Amore, it's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for joining us.

[Lisa d'Amore]

Thank you for having me.

[Andy Tagle]

All right, it's time for a recap. Takeaway 1. Your kid has a lot on their plate and they probably want to talk about it. If you want to discuss a big topic with your teen, let them come to you. If they don't, try putting some time on the calendar rather than blindsiding them. Takeaway 2 Some more distance in the relationship is normal. Embrace the eye roll. Takeaway 3. Amidst all the ups and downs, focus on listening and giving them lots of space. Takeaway 4 When you're setting house rules, emphasize the safety risk, not punishments. Takeaway 5 A solid sleep and a solid routine are paramount.

[Marielle Segarra]

That was Life Kit reporter Andy Tagle. For more Life Kit, check out our other episodes. We've got one on calming your kids back to school jitters and another on how to show up for teens when big emotions arise. You can find [e-mail] LifeKit. And if you love if you love Life Kit and want even more, subscribe to our [e-mail] lifekitnewsletter. Also, we love hearing from you, so if you have episode ideas or feedback you want to share, email [e-mail] this episode of Life Kit was produced by Margaret Serino. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan and our digital editor is Malika Grebe. Megan Kane is our senior supervising editor and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagle, Claire Marie Schneider and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering support comes from Robert Rodriguez. I'm Marielle Segarra. Thanks for listening and have a great first day.

[Lisa d'Amore]

Foreign.

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