
Loading summary
Capital One Ad
This message comes from Capital One with the Capital One Saver card. Earn unlimited 3% cash back on dining and entertainment. Capital One what's in your wallet? Terms apply details@capitalone.com you're listening to Life Kit from NPR.
Marielle Segarra
Hey, it's Marielle. When I was walking home yesterday, I saw a sign outside my local gym. It said something like, got a bikini, got a body, then you have a bikini body. I love this idea and the way it pushes back against the common narrative that you're only allowed to go to the pool or show your belly or even exist in the world if your body looks a certain way. Ronald Young Jr. Has thought about this topic a lot.
Ronald Young Jr.
So recently I went to a pool and there was a picture that like came out of me shirtless. And like normally I like go through great lengths of only letting people in person see me shirtless. Like I've never posted a picture online or any of that.
Marielle Segarra
Ronald is the award winning host of Wait for It, a podcast that he says unpacks the nuanced thoughts of fat folks and all folks who think about their weight all the time. And he understands that hesitation, the body insecurity people feel in a bathing suit or just walking down the street. But he says there's so much more to a person than their body or the clothes they put on it. So why not try to focus on your presence, your attitude, owning everything about who you are.
Ronald Young Jr.
I saw this picture and I was like, you know what? Hell yeah. This is. That was like a good opening to Hot Ron Summer, as I call it.
Katie Storino
That makes me so happy. I like that. Hell yeah. Looking at yourself in the photo.
Marielle Segarra
Katie Storino first found a following online by using her style and voice to promote size inclusivity and body acceptance. She wrote a book called Body how to embrace your body and start living your best life. And she's also the author of a new novel called Sunny side Up.
Katie Storino
My life's work is really to try to convince people that summer is just super fun and you should spend your energy and time making memories with your family and friends and not like trying to hide under a towel by the side of the pool.
Marielle Segarra
On this edition of Dear Life Kit, the advice series where reporter Andy Tagle asks experts your burning questions. We are going to get real about body image. Self deprecating comments, how to deal if you're feeling competitive about weight loss and how to shut down a straight up body image bully.
Catherine Marr
This message comes from Charles Schwab. When it comes to managing your wealth, Schwab gives you more choices like full service, wealth management and advice when you need it. You can also invest on your own and trade on think or swim. Visit schwab.com to learn more.
Capital One Ad
This message comes from Capital One with the Capital One Saver card, earn unlimited 3% cash back on dining and entertainment. Capital One what's in your wallet? Terms apply details@capital1.com this message comes from NPR sponsor US Bank. With US Bank Business Essentials, you get more than just a bank. You get a dedicated partner that provides you a powerful combo of checking and card payment processing with with quick access to the money you've earned, proving that there is nothing as powerful as the power of us. Visit usbank.com today to learn more. Member FDIC Copyright 2025 US bank this.
Catherine Marr
Message comes from Apple Card. Each Apple product, like the iPhone, is thoughtfully developed by skilled designers. The titanium Apple Card is no different. It's laser etched, has no numbers, and rewards you with daily cash on everything you buy, including 3%. Back at Apple Apply for Apple Card in minutes, subject to credit approval. Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch terms and more@applecard.com hi, it's Catherine Marr, CEO of NPR. Federal funding for public media has been eliminated. That means that the NPR network is moving forward in an uncharted future, but our commitment to you will never waver. Please give today to support the kind of journalism that democracy relies upon. Make your gift@donate.NPR.org thank you.
Andy Taegel
Okay, question one dear life kit, A good friend of mine often makes disparaging comments about her appearance. She often talks about how she feels fat or gross. I think she looks great, but whenever I try to reassure her, she dismisses me. Sometimes she even snaps that I don't understand. My friend is about 15 years older than me and she also talks about aging in a really negative way. Listening to her comments, she's started to make me feel anxious about my own appearance and the prospect of getting older. How can I tell her I don't want to hear her talk like this? I want to be a supportive friend, especially when she's feeling insecure, but it's starting to negatively affect my own mental health and body image. Signed Not Negative Nancy okay, so my first thought I think it's totally fair for our writer Nancy to not want to be around this negative body talk all the time, but is the best move to maybe start to create some distance? Agree. Disagree.
Katie Storino
I'm going to jump in and just say that I think there's A couple ways you can handle that. You can say, one, is this a friendship that means a lot to me that I need in my life, and maybe it's a weed that you need to pull out and move on from to protect yourself. But the second thing is you could also offer the attempt at, like, going on a positive journey together and being like, hey, friend, I don't like the way you talk about my friend. Would you ever want to, like, try some, like, affirmations together, like, go on a journey together and see how they react to that?
Ronald Young Jr.
Yeah, I agree with Katie. I think the conversation is probably the first step. Like, hey, you know, when I'm around you and you start talking about, like, what you look like and aging and being fat and all that, like, it puts us both in a place where I don't even know what I'm supposed to do here, how I'm supposed to help. Like, how can we work together to make you feel better? Leaving the house, Is this about, like, going on a shopping trip, getting some clothes that you feel good in? Is this about, like, going and, like, doing a skincare routine? Or, like, yeah, like, what is it gonna take for us to boost your confidence? And how can I be there to support you? And if she does not respond to that, then I would say distance. And that thing is, distance doesn't mean, like, abandonment or neglect. It just means, like, hey, like, if you're gonna be over there doing that, I'm gonna be over here, like, rooting for you and praying for you from afar, but I can't be in it with you. You know what I mean?
Katie Storino
Yeah, yeah. Protect yourself.
Andy Taegel
So address the thing directly and then take steps from there.
Capital One Ad
Exactly.
Katie Storino
Yeah.
Ronald Young Jr.
Yeah.
Katie Storino
And I think another thing that is complicated is sometimes you just don't want to bring, like, it's easy sometimes for you to see the problems that your friend has and the things that they need to fix as they can see with you from a 30,000 foot view. But sometimes you just don't want to. You don't want to bring all that to their kitchen door. Like, oftentimes that just makes you the bad guy. And they're like, can you believe she said this to me? Can you believe this? So sometimes distance is just the only way. And it's so painful for Katie.
Ronald Young Jr.
Yes. And if your friendship can't survive that, if your friendship can't survive a tough conversation, then y' all never really graduated into friendship. Right?
Katie Storino
It's correct.
Andy Taegel
One more point on this that lit up for me was that I. That you Just don't understand when a friend has a really different viewpoint from you, especially with their body, and they're like, you just don't get it. What do you do?
Katie Storino
I mean, I'm just like, try me. Like, try to either explain it to me or tell me how I can support you.
Andy Taegel
Then my takeaway from all this is the reminder that, like, when your friend is having a hard time and that is going to cause inflection points in your friendship, sometimes that will cause your friendships to, like, bend and grow. Sometimes that will cause them to break. And either way, that's okay. We're gonna learn from that, right?
Ronald Young Jr.
Yeah.
Katie Storino
Yeah.
Andy Taegel
Okay. Question two. Dear Life Kit, My partner and I have Both been on GLP1 medications for about eight months. She's losing weight so much faster than me, and it's hard not to compare my body to hers. How can I manage my jealousy while still celebrating the changes in her own body? She's happy to see signed competitive companion. Okay. I think a lot of people could identify with feelings of body jealousy, body envy, and how much more complicated those emotions can be when they're within your own home and within your own romantic relationship. Is it okay to voice those feelings?
Katie Storino
So I'm hearing some, like, things here, like, the word celebration. And I had a friend who went on a GLP one like, two or three years ago, and every pound she lost, she would call me and be like, yes, like. Like, I can fit into this now. It was so triggering and jarring for me. And then I finally had to be like, hey, I don't want to hear about this. This is not the way I think about weight. And, like, it's not a celebration. It's just like a number changing. Like, it's so much more neutral for me. So it's. It sounds like maybe the partner in this situation is being a little toxic in their weight loss.
Ronald Young Jr.
I think you're right, Katie. First of all, I just want to say, and I hope this goes far and wide, weight loss is not something to be celebrated, period. No, I don't. I don't ever think it is. And I. To really nail this point home. I lost my mom last year, and before she died, she lost a ton of weight. And it was scary for us, but because we were like, oh, no, this is indicative of something horrible happening to her. And I realized that every time we see somebody losing weight, our assumption is that something good is happening to them. And that is a terrible assumption, especially when it comes to what we are saying about what that means for Health generally. Oh, losing weight always means that you're getting healthier, and we know that, in fact, that's not the case. And so for. In this case, if we're saying that we're selling, how can I be happy for her? I'm like, well, you could be happy for her if her weight loss is attached to something else. Like, for instance, if I ever wanted to lose weight, it's like, well, I don't want to be out of breath on the stairs. If I turn to my partner and say, hey, I'm not out of breath on the stairs anymore. This has been great. I can go on long walks and hikes with you, and I feel a lot better. And it's not attached to, like, what I look like in my clothes or how I feel about myself. Then it'd be totally. Then I'm like, yes, now we have something to actually celebrate. I don't think that anyone who has lost a massive amount of weight has done that is not your biggest accomplishment in life. There are other things that you've done that I will be prouder of you for than for losing weight.
Katie Storino
I have recently lost weight, and the comments I get about my body are infuriating. And people don't understand why I would not want these comments. I don't want them. And people being like, you're. You look so happy. Like, you look so healthy. And I'm like, you don't know anything about it. Like, that's not an indicator of happiness or of health. Like, it's. It infuriates me to, like, a real core.
Ronald Young Jr.
The other thing, Katie, is, I think it robs you of everything that you've accomplished while fat. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, it's like, how dare you come to come to me and say, oh, you're doing this, and wow. And I'm like, what all has Katie accomplished as a fat person? That is the things we should be celebrating and that she's continuing her journey to being awesome. And, like, think about all the people that love you, Katy, because you're Katy and not because you were fat or thin. And so then all these people come along to be like, oh, yeah, now you're really going to get it. It's like, no, I'm. I was getting it already.
Katie Storino
You know, Ron, I'm going to cry. That is the. That is it. And, like, this is not a podcast about me and my personal journey, but that is that. You. You just said it. I mean, you said it.
Andy Taegel
So this is great advice for. For our listener. Competitive Companion. I wonder if there's anything else you have for us on the dynamic between competitive companion and her partner about the conversation that they need to have at home.
Ronald Young Jr.
I think they just need to reassess their actual goals. It cannot just be about aesthetics. It has to be about like something else. And I don't know what that something else is for them. Maybe it is a walking goal, maybe it is a marathon thing, whatever, but it cannot just be attached to a number and an aesthetic. Revisit it together and decide what that is for both of them as individuals and as a couple.
Andy Taegel
Absolutely. Okay. Question 3 Dear Life Kit, My brother in law likes to call people by funny names. His name for me blends my name with the word anorexia. Even though I've never been underweight or experienced disordered eating, I've asked him to stop. His response can't you take a joke? Recently my sister baked a cake and offered me a slice, which I accepted eagerly. My brother in law leaned over and said, you don't want to eat that. You'll just have to stick your finger down your throat later. My daughters, who are 13 and 11 looked shocked and confused, but no one else in my family reacted. Now they're not interested in attending events on that side of the family if he's going to be there. I'm torn between wanting to participate in family events and not wanting to subject myself and my daughters to this kind of teasing and my family's normalization of it. What can I do? Signed Bullied by brother in law hey yo, this.
Ronald Young Jr.
Yeah, go ahead Katie. Go ahead Katie. Because I'm fired up. Go ahead.
Katie Storino
I'm so fired up about this. This made me so mad because one, it's men thinking that they can get away with like saying and like not realizing that there's consequences and just being such dumb dumb about stuff. And then two, it's so hard because that relationship with your sister is so delicate and your sister is not always going to be able to come to your side. Like your sister might have to side with spouse due to like peace in the home. And that is really hard to accept. But your brother in law is an.
Andy Taegel
If this is what he's saying, that's funny, what is he saying that's not funny? Like what is your sister.
Katie Storino
No, that's what I'm saying is, is that's also an indicator of like, maybe in the home, like what you' sister is dealing with behind closed doors. But that's not something you can force a friend, a family member or anyone in your life to realize they have to come to that stuff on their own. But you can make the choices. Like, I love that she talked to her kids about it and I really love that she's making the choice that they're kind of like, I don't really want to do that. So maybe it's. You have to reconstruct the family dynamic where you're just doing like ladies stuff and you're just doing stuff with like sister, mom and kids.
Ronald Young Jr.
I would say like, this is a brother in law. So I'm like, yeah, I feel like at some point you have to say.
Katie Storino
To me, an ex brother in law.
Ronald Young Jr.
Yeah, pretty much. Like, you could even say to your sister or someone else be like, yo, you need to watch your boy. Like, that's because that's what I would say if this was a friend that you were bringing around and they kept doing stuff like this. Katie, I turn to you and be like, yo, you better get your boy. Because like, my kids are here. He's over here saying dumb stuff. He's got about one or two more times before you're not going to see us anymore, period. Like, that's the, the leverage that you have is your attendance at these events just to say, if Frank keeps running his mouth, you will not see me at these things anymore. Especially with my 13 and 11 year old kids who are like, well beyond the age of reason at this point, like now have their own opinions on what this is like. And he's saying dumb stuff to their mother. Like, I don't like that. That's. What are you talking about here, Katie?
Andy Taegel
How would you step in in this scenario?
Katie Storino
I. So here's the thing, is that what I. I'm coming in with the perspective of again, if this is what he's saying in public, what's he saying in private?
Ronald Young Jr.
Correct.
Katie Storino
I know that a woman who is most likely being emotionally abused at home is unable to defend herself and often will stick up for the husband. And then that is so disheartening to see. So it's like, I almost don't want to put that person in the position to have to do that.
Ronald Young Jr.
That's fair.
Katie Storino
Yeah. So that's like, it's like I would talk directly, I would take the bully on and I wouldn't do it in public. I would do it in private because the bully's gonna wanna like challenge you in public. So it's like you almost have to take the bully in private and be like, hey, like, what's up with this? Like, why do you Talk to me like this.
Ronald Young Jr.
I agree with that. And I think if you're going to take the bully on, I think you have to answer to his questions. Can't you take a joke? No, I'm sensitive.
Katie Storino
Yeah.
Ronald Young Jr.
No, I can't. No, you can't make those stupid jokes anymore. And you should feel uncomfortable around me about making those jokes and it should be weird for you. And if you don't want to come to family events because I'm there, that's perfectly fine. Cause I feel like that's. If we're leaving, especially the sister, out of this completely, then I feel like, I mean, then going straight at the bully and saying, like, stop doing this. And if you do it, I'm gonna call it out every time. And every family event is gonna be awkward. Cause I'm gonna be in the middle of the table. Like, Katie, I know you said do it in private, but I'd be at the middle of the table. Like, what that means. What that means? What you saying? What you talking about? Explain that to my 13, 11 year old. What do you mean by that? Like, explain that to me. That doesn't. Like, like, keep going. And I'm gonna make it real awkward for everyone so that every time I show up, they're like, oh, no, Ronald's causing a seed again. Like, yes, I certainly am. I think. And you know why I'm thinking this way, Katie and Andy. I feel like I shouldn't have to be the one to no longer go to family events because of someone else's.
Andy Taegel
Totally. Yeah.
Ronald Young Jr.
That's not fair. I'm like, why do we now have to kind of like move like sp. Toe around when you're the one being the jerk? And I, I guess, I guess my question is, is there a way that she can, like, and I don't know what her marital situation is, but if her spouse is around, is there a way they could join forces and be like, hey, Frank, like, we'll, we'll talk to Brian.
Katie Storino
Yeah.
Ronald Young Jr.
Don'T, don't walk to your car alone. We'll jump you.
Katie Storino
I don't know that she, she didn't mention a spouse. And now I'm like, I need to know, like, who, who's she coming in with?
Ronald Young Jr.
Yeah. Because now there should be two divorces happening.
Katie Storino
Yes. And also I just, I love to plug divorce in general and just say, like, let's. I think we should just normalize not, not pushing through and just push and just leaving more often because I think sometimes we overestimate the bond of marriage. Is that bad to say, but I'm very pro divorce.
Ronald Young Jr.
I understand your perspective and I support it.
Katie Storino
Do you think? Thank you.
Andy Taegel
Ronald. Katie, before you go, we ask every guest of your Life Kit for their best piece of advice. I would love to hear yours.
Katie Storino
Okay. I never know if people are going to understand what this means, but ride the horse in the direction it's going. So if it's not flowing, if it's not like, if it's not working, you do not have to stick with it.
Andy Taegel
I love that a lot.
Ronald Young Jr.
Yeah. For me, it's just real cliche. Don't give up. I think that the you in the past would be very proud to see where you are now. And so don't give up.
Andy Taegel
Ride the horse where it's going. Don't give up on said horse.
Katie Storino
Yeah.
Ronald Young Jr.
Yeah. That's good.
Katie Storino
I think we've solved it all.
Andy Taegel
I think so. Ronald. Katie, this was such a pleasure. It really was.
Katie Storino
I had so much fun.
Marielle Segarra
That was Life Kit reporter Andy Taegel talking to Ronald Young Jr. And Katie Storino. For more Life Kit, check out our other episodes. We have one on boosting your body acceptance and another on how to choose the right birth control for you. You can find those@npr.org LifeKit and if you love Life Kit and want even more, subscribe to our newsletter@npr.org LifeKitnewsletter Also, we love hearing from you, so if you have episode ideas or feedback you want to share, email us@lifekitpr.org this episode of Life Kit was produced by Sylvie Douglas. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan, and our digital editor is Malika Garib. Megan Kane is our senior supervising editor and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Claire Marie Schneider and Margaret Serino. Engineering support comes from Stacy Abbott.
Ronald Young Jr.
Maria.
Marielle Segarra
I'm Mariel Segarra. Thanks for listening.
Catherine Marr
This message comes from Jerry. Many people are overpaying on car insurance. Why? Switching providers can be a pain. Jerry helps make the process painless. Jerry is the only app that compares rates from over 50 insurers in minutes and helps you switch fast with no spam calls or hidden fees. Drivers who save with Jerry could save over $1,300 a year. Before you renew your car insurance policy, download the Jeri app or head to Jerry AI, npr.
Capital One Ad
This message comes from Strawberry Me. You've worked hard to get where you are, but what's next? Strawberry Me. Career coaching helps professionals like you take the next big step with confidence by matching you with a certified career coach who understands your goals and challenges. This isn't just advice, it's a personalized, results driven approach to uncover hidden strengths, overcome obstacles and accelerate your career growth. Visit Strawberry Me NPR to claim your $50 credit.
Catherine Marr
This message comes from NPR sponsor Shopify. No idea where to sell? Shopify puts you in control of every sales chann. It is the commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. Whether you're a garage entrepreneur or IPO ready, Shopify is the only tool you need to start, run and grow your business without the struggle. Once you've reached your audience, Shopify has the Internet's best converting checkout to help you turn them from browsers to buyers. Go to Shopify.com NPR to take your business to the next level. Today.
Podcast Summary: Life Kit - "Dear Life Kit: I'm Jealous of My Partner's Weight Loss"
Release Date: July 22, 2025
Introduction
In this enlightening episode of Life Kit, hosted by NPR's Marielle Segarra, the focus centers on the complexities of body image, self-acceptance, and the emotional challenges that arise within personal relationships concerning weight loss and body perception. The episode delves deep into listener-submitted questions, offering expert advice from guest contributors Ronald Young Jr., a renowned podcast host, and Katie Storino, an advocate for size inclusivity and body acceptance.
Challenging Body Image Narratives
Marielle Segarra initiates the conversation by highlighting a provocative sign outside a local gym that reads, "Got a bikini, got a body, then you have a bikini body." She appreciates how this challenges societal pressures that dictate specific body standards for public appearances. This segues into Ronald Young Jr.'s personal experience with body image and social media. Ronald shares his discomfort with having a shirtless photo of himself circulated online, a departure from his usual preference for private displays of his physique.
Key Insights:
Notable Quote:
"There's so much more to a person than their body or the clothes they put on it. So why not try to focus on your presence, your attitude, owning everything about who you are." – Ronald Young Jr. [00:59]
Listener Questions and Expert Advice
The heart of the episode revolves around three listener questions, each addressing different facets of body image struggles and interpersonal dynamics.
Listener Profile: Not Negative Nancy
Question Overview: Nancy expresses concern over a friend's continual disparaging remarks about her appearance, which have begun to impact Nancy's own mental health and body image. She seeks advice on how to address this without damaging their friendship.
Expert Advice:
Katie Storino: Suggests evaluating the importance of the friendship and considering whether to distance oneself if the negativity persists. Alternatively, she proposes embarking on a positive journey together, such as practicing affirmations, to foster mutual support.
"Maybe it's a weed that you need to pull out and move on from to protect yourself... try some affirmations together." – Katie Storino [05:14]
Ronald Young Jr.: Advocates for open communication, encouraging Nancy to discuss how the friend's comments affect both of them. He emphasizes the importance of determining mutual goals and the potential necessity of creating distance if the behavior doesn't change.
"If your friendship can't survive a tough conversation, then y'all never really graduated into friendship." – Ronald Young Jr. [07:15]
Notable Quote:
"Protect yourself." – Katie Storino [06:36]
Listener Profile: Competitive Companion
Question Overview: The listener shares feelings of jealousy as her partner loses weight more swiftly than she does while both are on GLP1 medications. She struggles with comparing her body to his and seeks ways to celebrate his progress without undermining her own self-esteem.
Expert Advice:
Katie Storino: Highlights the importance of setting neutral or non-aesthetic-related goals for weight loss. She recounts personal experiences where constant weight loss updates became triggering, advocating for a more balanced perspective on what weight loss signifies.
"It's not a celebration. It's just like a number changing... it's so much more neutral for me." – Katie Storino [09:16]
Ronald Young Jr.: Stresses that weight loss should not solely be celebrated for aesthetic reasons but tied to meaningful health or lifestyle improvements. He suggests reassessing goals to ensure they are aligned with personal well-being rather than external appearances.
"Revisit it together and decide what that is for both of them as individuals and as a couple." – Ronald Young Jr. [11:55]
Notable Quote:
"Weight loss is not something to be celebrated, period." – Ronald Young Jr. [09:34]
Listener Profile: Bullied by Brother-in-Law
Question Overview: The listener recounts her brother-in-law's insensitive jokes about her eating habits, which have visibly upset her and her young daughters. She feels conflicted about attending family events due to his behavior and seeks strategies to address the situation.
Expert Advice:
Katie Storino: Expresses frustration with dismissive attitudes toward harmful jokes. She advises setting boundaries by potentially distancing oneself from the bully and restructuring family interactions to limit exposure to such negativity.
"Maybe it's. You have to reconstruct the family dynamic where you're just doing like ladies stuff." – Katie Storino [14:01]
Ronald Young Jr.: Recommends confronting the bully privately, clearly communicating that such jokes are unacceptable. He suggests leveraging the listener's decision to limit attendance at family events as a means to enforce boundaries.
"You're the one being the jerk... is there a way that she can... join forces and be like, hey, Frank..." – Ronald Young Jr. [17:22]
Notable Quote:
"Ride the horse in the direction it's going. So if it's not flowing, if it's not like, if it's not working, you do not have to stick with it." – Katie Storino [18:39]
Conclusions and Key Takeaways
This episode of Life Kit offers profound insights into the intricate dynamics of body image within friendships, romantic relationships, and family settings. The experts emphasize the importance of:
Final Advice from Experts:
These pieces of advice encapsulate the episode's overarching message: prioritize self-acceptance, maintain supportive relationships, and pursue personal well-being over societal expectations.
For More Episodes and Resources
Life Kit continues to explore various aspects of human life, offering practical advice and expert insights. To delve deeper into topics like boosting body acceptance or choosing the right birth control, visit NPR's Life Kit. Subscribe to their newsletter for the latest updates and share your thoughts or episode ideas via email at lifekitpr.org.