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- [00:01]
Ron Rudzen
Support for the following Message come from LinkedIn ads. With LinkedIn ads, you can reach professionals relevant to your business. Target them by job title, industry company, and more by launching your next campaign with a free $100 ad credit at LinkedIn.com results, terms and conditions apply.
- [00:18]
Marielle Segarra
You're listening to Life Kit from npr. Hey, everybody, it's Marielle. Have you ever gotten somebody the perfect gift? Rachel Wilkerson Miller definitely has.
- [00:34]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
If you live in New York and you've been to restaurants, every restaurant has to have a choking poster on their wall that explains, like, how to do the Heimlich on somebody if they're choking.
- [00:41]
Marielle Segarra
And a lot of restaurants will commission ones that are tongue in cheek or specific to them.
- [00:46]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
And it's something that my girlfriend and I had talked about when we had first started dating. Like, she would point them out in different places we'd go, and she pointed out a specific one that she really liked.
- [00:54]
Marielle Segarra
It was blue and white and had a kind of vacation theme. Like, people are having dinner on a tropical island underneath these palm trees while this dude in formal attire is getting the Heimlich and a full hamburger comes flying out of his mouth. So Rachel found the poster online, bought it, and gave it to her girlfriend as a housewarming gift when they moved in together years later.
- [01:16]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
And just like a few, like, a couple months ago, she was just like, I love that so much. That was the best gift I have ever received. It's so special. It makes me so happy every time I look at it. And like, you can't pull that out very often. Like, that was a deep cut that I got lucky in terms of finding and then, you know, again sat on it for two years until the perfect moment. But, like, to me, that was, I feel very proud of that one.
- [01:34]
Marielle Segarra
Rachel, by the way, isn't just a great gift giver. She's also the editor in chief of Self magazine. And she says gifts can help us show people we care about them and that we know them because it's a.
- [01:45]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Way of communicating not just I care about you, but I see you. I see you for who you are and the things that you're interested in. And I found something that you personally are really into.
- [01:54]
Marielle Segarra
And when you nail it and get someone a really thoughtful, heartfelt gift, I swear it's better than being the recipient because you get the anticipation when you have the idea and when you make the thing or buy it, when you're wrapping it, when you're bringing it to their house, and then finally when they open it and you see that look on their face. We want that for you. So on today's episode of Life Kit, how to give better gifts for the holidays. And by the way, these gifts don't have to be expensive and you don't have to buy them. It's not about spending money, it's about showing love.
- [02:34]
Unknown
This message comes from NPR sponsor Saatva, maker of quality handcrafted mattresses. Founder and CEO Ron Rudzen shares one of their core values.
- [02:45]
Ron Rudzen
At Saatva, we believe sleep does unlock a superpower.
- [02:49]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
When you wake up and you're totally refreshed, you go after things more.
- [02:53]
Ron Rudzen
And it all starts with being on the right mattress.
- [02:56]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
And that's what Saatva has been inspired by from the day that we started.
- [03:00]
Unknown
Visiting and save up to $600. This message comes from Capital One, offering commercial solutions you can bank on. Now more than ever, your business faces unique challenges and opportunities. That's why Capital One offers a comprehensive suite services all tailored to your short and long term goals. Backed by the strength and stability of a top 10 commercial bank. Their dedicated experts work with you to build lasting success. Explore the possibilities@capitalone.com CommercialAmember FDIC. This message comes from NPR sponsor Rosetta Stone, an expert in language learning for 30 years. Right now, NPR listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership to 25 different languages for 50. Learn more at RosettaStone.com NPR support for.
- [03:58]
Ron Rudzen
NPR and the following message come from the Pew Charitable Trusts sharing about the state of housing in America on the after the Fact podcast available@pewtrusts.org after the fact. This message comes from BetterHelp. It's important to take time to show gratitude towards others, but it's equally important to thank yourself. Life throws a lot of curveballs and being grateful isn't always easy. Therapy can help remind you of all that you're worthy of and all that you do have. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Try@betterhelp.com NPR today to get 10% off your first month.
- [04:36]
Marielle Segarra
Hey everybody, it's Marielle. Before we get back to the show, I want to take a moment and talk about what makes Life Kit and everything you hear from NPR possible. It's you. NPR is public media, which means we're here to serve you. And we've had a bold vision from the start to create a more informed public. Think of our work as part of the civic infrastructure. It's freely available to everyone. We cover communities that haven't always had their voices heard. And we serve places big, small rural and urban all across the country, many of which have seen their other news sources shrink or disappear. We can do all this thanks to your support. So on behalf of the team at Life Kit, I want to say how grateful we are for listeners like you. We appreciate you navigating all of your life moments big and small with us and a huge thank you. If you already support our work through NPR or by donating to your local station, your generosity fuels one of the most trusted news sources in America today. If you haven't made that leap to contributing yet, Giving Tuesday is almost here, so it's the perfect time to support what you love. Sign up for perks across more than 25 podcasts with the NPR Bundle today. It's a tax deductible donation that helps make the world a more curious place, so you can feel good about that while you enjoy. Sponsor free episodes of Life Kit and exclusive access to our specially curated themed playlists on Apple Podcasts. Join us at plus.npr.org or you can always make a gift at donate.npr.org and thank you. I feel like for a lot of people, gift giving feels really daunting, right? It's like you've got somebody with a birthday coming up and you want to or you feel like you have to get them a gift but you have no idea where to start.
- [06:25]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Completely agree. I think people get really overwhelmed because they want to do something really impressive or really special. And I think a lot of times people are trying to reinvent the wheel. They want to do something unexpected so they avoid giving the person something that they explicitly asked for, which I actually think is misleading mistake. If somebody is telling you what they want, it's totally fine to give them exactly what they want. But even if they didn't, I think there are ways to figure out what might be a good gift for this person.
- [06:51]
Marielle Segarra
Yeah, I mean, do you have a road map we can give to folks, the ones who are just standing there in the store with a big like, question mark popping up over their head.
- [07:00]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Instead of going to a store and looking for inspiration in the things that you see? I think it starts with before you even leave the house thinking, what do I know about this person? Generally speaking, what am I looking for here? What they've mentioned being into being excited about things that they mentioned using a lot or things that they mentioned wanting to try thinking back to your recent conversations, this is the person who mentioned that they were really excited to have a game night with friends. Like, okay, that tells you that they're into Games, that's a great jumping off point that maybe if not a game explicitly, maybe you get them a puzzle or a Lego set or something else that feels related to that.
- [07:37]
Marielle Segarra
So if somebody says they're excited about a game night with friends, that makes me think, you know, they like games, but also they might like gathering with people. Like, that's what is calling them right now completely.
- [07:49]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
So maybe you give them a great book about gathering. I highly recommend the Art of Gathering by Priya Parker, one of my favorites. If people like hosting, it's a great gift. But you could also think about other things that go along with having friends over for a game night. So maybe it is about, like a charcuterie board or other snacks or a cookbook that's tied to making little appetizers or just other things that would, like, supplement a game night without necessarily being a game.
- [08:13]
Marielle Segarra
Yeah. Or could the gift even be that you set up the game night?
- [08:19]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Oh, absolutely. Like, just offering to throw that as a get together. Say, like, we want to celebrate your birthday. What do you think about coming over and trying out these new games or just spending time together? I think that's a really great point to just look for the ways that they tend to feel. Like, how do people spend their time and focusing on that and offering them a way to do that that maybe takes some of the pressure off of them or makes it feel more special or just something they don't have to plan themselves. That can be a gift in and of itself.
- [08:45]
Marielle Segarra
So I want to. I want to walk through an example using our producer, Claire Marie. Okay, so I have some details about her, and I'm wondering what you might say would be a good birthday gift for her. Okay, here are the things that I know about Claire Marie. I know that she likes knitting and backgammon. She also likes shoes. She really wants a butter dish.
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Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Ooh. Okay.
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Marielle Segarra
I have also learned that she likes a luxurious experience. Like she's been wanting to get a facial.
- [09:17]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Ooh. Okay. These are great jumping off points, I think, for a gift. So let's start with knitting, because I think that that's something I actually do. So I have thoughts on how to put together a great knitting gift. Maybe you get them, like little knitting needle covers or other sort of, like, things to fill out their knitting bag. This is one. If you don't knit, that might be difficult, but I think it's worth kind of just poking around, searching knitting gifts online and see if anything comes up that feels cute. Looking on Etsy feels like a good opportunity. But I would say like anything that feels really personal, like choosing the yarn for your project you probably want to avoid particularly because you don't know what her skill level is. So think accessories versus yarn with, with a hobby like that. But the other thing that you said is that she wants a butter dish. And I think that's a really fun opportunity to find something that feels really fun. But I would recommend going to like an antique store or vintage store or looking on Etsy for something that's like a little bit unusual or unique. And a thing that I really like to do with food related gifts is to pair it with a food of some sort. So in this case, when you give it to her, depending on the circumstances, you could also give it to her with like some really nice butter. Like you could go to a nice high end food shop and get like, you know, just like the fanciest butter that they've got or even just some Kerrygold, but something that kind of takes it to the next level. So not only are you picking out the perfect butter dish, but you're giving her a new butter to try.
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Marielle Segarra
Ooh, I love that you have me already searching. I'm googling butter dishes.
- [10:38]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Yeah. See you could also do like there's lots of fancy little butter knives that you can buy that kind of go with like or like they're like cheese knives, but I use them for butter personally. So like something like that could also help flesh out the gift if you wanted to add more to it. Not that you need to because I think this is enough. But just thinking about kind of like how to build a whole little kit of small things versus trying to find one perfect gift can also be a nice option.
- [11:00]
Marielle Segarra
Totally. I wonder how should your relationship with the person come into play when you're giving a gift? Like I'm Claire Marie's coworker, but it feels like we're at the butter dish level.
- [11:12]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
I think you're totally right. Like that feels like the exact correct gift because it's friendly and it's warm without feeling super personal or intimate. And it's like a thing that she'll use. You know that she's mentioned wanting it, but you don't know her taste so well that you're trying to pick out a really expensive item where she can only have one and it needs to be perfect. You have a little more wiggle room with something like a butter dish. And so I think with co workers or people who you don't know super well yet, going for those gifts that you're like you're generally getting in the right area and even if it's not perfect, there will still be value in it for them. I think that's the right move.
- [11:43]
Marielle Segarra
Yeah. Butter is super neutral.
- [11:45]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
It is. Everyone can enjoy butter. It's really not that personal.
- [11:50]
Marielle Segarra
I feel like sometimes the best gifts are like they're little treasures.
- [11:54]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Completely agree. Yeah, just like little weird things that people pick up on their travels or those I saw this and thought of you gifts. I think it's never a bad idea to just. If you see something that reminds you of somebody, buy it then. And you can either save it for their birthday or just give it to them then if it's small, like it just. It's an. It's a nice thing to do in friendships and relationships to just be thoughtful and give little gifts as you come across them. But I agree they don't need to be elaborate or super complicated. It's just like, here's a weird, funny thing that reminded me of you and I thought you'd like it.
- [12:23]
Marielle Segarra
Do you have like a box or a bag under your bed with all the gifts you're saving up?
- [12:29]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
I don't because I think I have idea. I save ideas, but I don't usually buy the gift until it's time just because you never know if something better is going to come along. But usually kind of like storing those ideas away as you come across things is a good idea.
- [12:41]
Marielle Segarra
Where do you store the ideas?
- [12:43]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Usually in a notes app. One tip for everybody is if you have an iPhone in a contact card, you can put notes in the contact card so you can make a note of gifts you'd like to buy this person as you think of them. Or you can email them to yourself, put it in your calendar reminder. If you have that person's birthday on your calendar, just wherever you can find it easily, I think is the most important thing.
- [13:03]
Marielle Segarra
That's really smart. I'm gonna do that. Can a gift help you deepen your connection or your relationship with someone?
- [13:10]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
I think so. Particularly if you think about experience gifts like a. Like a museum membership, where the implication is like, we're gonna do this together. And that might be something with a family member or a significant other. But I think the idea of like, this is something that we can do together or that we have in common. Or if you have a parent who's really into a particular sport, maybe you get them tickets game for their birthday with and you're going to take them and you're going to go together and you're going to make an event of it. I think that can be a really nice way to deepen that bond because you're not only giving them this really special thing, but you're also enjoying it with them. And even if it's something that you don't personally love, like the idea of, like, for your birthday, I'm going to spend time engaging with the thing that you love, I think can make people feel closer.
- [13:53]
Marielle Segarra
What do you think about just asking people what they want for their birthday or whatever?
- [13:57]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
I think that's totally fine. Again, I don't think that we need to put so much pressure on ourselves to choose the perfect gift without any input from the other person. So, again, it kind of goes back to your relationship with people you're really close to, like family members or partners. I think it's like, totally, like, absolutely ask. I think with friends it can be trickier because you are in that weird position of, like, are we doing gifts? It kind of depends on how close you are, but I think you can frame it elegantly of kind of like, you know, if they've got a birthday coming up, like, you know, what's on your wish list this year, or, like, you can say, like, I want to get you something special. I think giving them a category is like, are there any cookbooks that you're really excited about that you've been wanting? Like, give me a short list. And then like, the gift is you pick one of them, but they've given you five. Giving them a little wiggle room when they give you ideas so that you get kind of like, retain some of the magic of gifting, which I think a lot of people are hoping for.
- [14:47]
Marielle Segarra
Yeah, there are some people who really don't want any more physical items or they don't have the space for it. What are some kinds of experiences you could consider as gifts or acts of service even?
- [15:02]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
I think that consumables can be a really good option for people who don't want more stuff or don't have room for it. So again, thinking about, like, is there a bakery in your area that makes really great pies or breads? Like, could you get them a really nice gift basket that essentially you're going to eat everything out of it and, like, you know, the basket is just a cardboard box at the end of the day. Something like that could be really good. We talked about museum memberships, and I think that's a nice option. Or are there other things in their area that they like to do regularly that you could sort of help facilitate car Wash gift certificates can be a really nice option. That kind of work for everyone who has a car. So that. That could be a way you could do acts of service and something consumable that they might not be necessarily thinking about. But kind of combining these things together can be a nice way to do it.
- [15:44]
Marielle Segarra
I think a lot of people feel like they don't have the budget to get someone a good gift. But also, just based on what we're talking about, it seems like gifts don't have to be expensive to be meaningful.
- [15:58]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Right.
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Marielle Segarra
Like, there's a lot we've listed that are totally affordable or even might just require your time.
- [16:04]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Definitely. I think that flowers you can probably get for 20, $25. That can be really nice. A book that you think they'll like is always a safe bet, particularly if you can find a copy signed by the author at the bookstore. I think that's a really nice way to take it to the next level. Can you make something. Can you make a really delicious batch of cookies that you like, wrap up nicely for them? So I think just thinking about what, can I personally provide a little piece of art? Like, if you can draw or paint, can you make them a little something? Just. It doesn't have to be a big ordeal. It can be small and personal, and it's just a way of like, saying, I care about you. I wanted you to have something nice and special on this day.
- [16:42]
Marielle Segarra
Yeah. At their very best, what can gifts do for us?
- [16:47]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
I think at their very best, gifts can give us an opportunity to do something that we might not have been able to do otherwise. They could really be about discovery. So I think the gifts that are so special are the ones that are like, you found the perfect thing for me that I didn't even know existed. That's really hard to pull off. So we'll say that's like the Platonic ideal. But I think beyond that, gifts can. They can solve a problem. They can make somebody's life a little easier in some way. They can bring them a little joy or delight or pleasure. They can make them feel less alone. They can make them feel seen. They can do any number of these things. And I think it can be helpful to just think about, what do I want my gift to do? Do I want it to make somebody laugh, or do I want it to make them feel, like, really moved and cry? Because those are two totally different gifts, most likely. Just think about what you're trying to achieve with a gift and start there, versus trying to come up with the perfect gift. That would be perfect for anyone and everyone.
- [17:46]
Marielle Segarra
Claire Marie, are you feeling like I should get you a butter dish, or has it now ruined the surprise? No.
- [17:55]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
100%. I want.
- [17:56]
Marielle Segarra
I want a collection of butter dishes, you know?
- [17:58]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Amazing. Okay. We did it.
- [18:01]
Marielle Segarra
You guys did it. Wow. Good. Okay. Really nice to meet you, Rachel.
- [18:09]
Rachel Wilkerson Miller
You, too.
- [18:11]
Marielle Segarra
For more Life Kit, check out our other album episodes. We have one on how to buy gifts on a budget and another on how to prepare for wildfires. You can find those@npr.org LifeKit and if you love Life Kit and want more, subscribe to our newsletter@npr.org lifekitnewsletter. Also, we love hearing from you, so if you have episode ideas or feedback you want to share, email us@lifekitpr.org this episode of Life Kit was produced by Claire Marie Schneider. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan, and our digital editor is Malika Garib. Megan Cain is our supervising editor and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagle, Margaret Serino, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering support comes from Stacey Abbott. I'm Marielle Segarra. Thanks for listening.
- [19:13]
Ron Rudzen
This message comes from NPR sponsor Merrill Whatever your financial goals are, you want a straightforward path there. But the real world doesn't usually work that way. Merrill understands that. That's why with a dedicated Merrill advisor, you get a personalized plan and a clear path forward. Go to ML.combullish to learn more. Merrill, a Bank of America company. What would you like the power to do Investing involves risk Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner and Smith Inc. Registered Broker Dealer Registered Investment Advisor Member.
- [19:41]
Unknown
SIPC this message comes from Jackson Seek clarity in retirement planning@jackson.com Jackson is short for Jackson Financial Inc. Jackson National Life Insurance Co. Lansing, Michigan and Jackson National Life Insurance Co. Of New York.
- [19:57]
Ron Rudzen
Purchase new this message comes from Warby Parker Prescription eyewear that's expertly crafted and unexpectedly affordable. Glasses designed in house from premium materials starting at just $95, including prescription lenses. Stop by a Warby Parker store near.