Life Kit: Hidden Ways Technology Can Influence Your Parenting Decisions
Release Date: July 29, 2025
In this enlightening episode of Life Kit from NPR, host Marielle Segarra delves into the intricate relationship between technology and modern parenting. Featuring an in-depth conversation with Amanda Hess, a critic at large for the New York Times and author of Second: Having a Child in the Digital Age, the episode uncovers the often unseen impacts that technology has on parenting decisions, especially during pregnancy.
Introduction to Amanda Hess and Her Digital Pregnancy Journey
Marielle Segarra opens the discussion by introducing Amanda Hess and setting the stage for a conversation about the pervasive role of technology in pregnancy and parenting. Amanda shares her initial discovery of her pregnancy, highlighting how the internet immediately became her primary source of information.
Amanda Hess (00:33):
"I immediately googled what to do when you get pregnant. That was a pretty good clue to the Internet that I was pregnant."
The Intrusive Nature of Pregnancy-Related Technology
Amanda delves into the subtle yet pervasive ways technology invades the intimate journey of pregnancy. She discusses how her online presence during pregnancy made her a target for ads and how data brokers commodify such personal information.
Amanda Hess (02:01):
"I just fed that to these apps and systems that exist to try to make money off of me."
Amanda's research reveals that data brokers charge a mere $85 per 1,000 pregnant consumers, emphasizing the low cost of selling such sensitive data. This commoditization of pregnancy not only invades privacy but also influences decisions during one of the most vulnerable times in a person's life.
Amanda Hess (03:19):
"The way that I used the Internet was to put in any feeling or information that I maybe felt a little ashamed of speaking to anyone else about. So it just becomes this repository for like all of my fears and like my weird body stuff..."
The Collapse of Critical Distance with Technology
Prior to her pregnancy, Amanda maintained a critical distance from technology, using it analytically to explore and then detach from various online phenomena. However, pregnancy altered this dynamic, making her more reliant and emotionally connected to digital tools.
Amanda Hess (06:27):
"I had this relationship where I was very used to going in and examining some online phenomenon or downloading an app, writing about it, and then, like, deleting it..."
The Reality Behind Pregnancy Apps and Idealized Images
A pivotal moment in Amanda's journey was an ultrasound that revealed her son's tongue was persistently sticking out—a detail that starkly contrasted the idealized images portrayed by pregnancy apps like Flo. This realization underscored the limitations and inaccuracies of digital representations.
Amanda Hess (09:07):
"My son was sticking out his tongue on the ultrasound, which I noticed and initially thought was cute, but is apparently unusual to happen."
She reflects on how these apps presented a “serene” and standardized image of pregnancy, which failed to account for the unique and often unpredictable nature of individual experiences.
Navigating Medical Realities and Online Communities
Amanda discusses the emotional and psychological impact of discovering her child had Beckwith-Wiedemann syndrome (BWS), an overgrowth disorder. This diagnosis alienated her from the online pregnancy community she had become part of, highlighting the disconnect between real-life complexities and online portrayals.
Amanda Hess (12:36):
"I was googling as hard as anyone ever googled trying to understand like what he would look like... But they're not like any kind of loving portrait that anyone, any normal person would like to take of their child."
Takeaway 1: Interrogating Your Relationship with Technology
Amanda emphasizes the importance of critically evaluating how and what technology interfaces into significant life changes, such as pregnancy. She warns against the overwhelming influence of personalized ads and data-driven decisions that may not serve the best interests of the parent or child.
The Double-Edged Sword of Parenting Technology
The conversation shifts to the pros and cons of popular parenting tech devices like the SNUO (a robotic bassinet), Owlet (smart sock monitor), and Nanit (smart baby monitor). Amanda recounts her experience with the SNUO, highlighting how its promises of enhanced sleep for babies led to an overreliance that inadvertently created barriers between her and her child.
Amanda Hess (16:53):
"It really stepped between me and my baby and made it really, really difficult to understand what kind of sleeper he was, understand like how he would sleep naturally, what he really needed."
Takeaway 2: Balancing Information and Well-Being
Amanda advises parents to discern the necessity of online information and data collection. She questions whether excessive online research genuinely alleviates concerns or merely amplifies anxieties, urging a balanced approach to information consumption.
Amanda Hess (25:53):
"What I really learned from that shift was, like, something that I thought I needed or I thought was desirable, like, was actually unnecessary."
The Pitfalls of 'Sharenting' and Social Media
Amanda explores the phenomenon of 'sharenting'—parents sharing their children’s lives on social media—and its implications. She recounts her own compulsive urge to post her son’s images, later recognizing how it fostered an idealized and potentially damaging portrayal that downplayed his unique traits and medical challenges.
Amanda Hess (23:39):
"I was then, like, just, like, obsessed with posting him in a way that, like, did not acknowledge all of the really difficult stuff that we were dealing with, especially the medical stuff we were dealing with."
Takeaway 3: Ensuring Technology Enhances, Not Hinders, Parental Bonds
Amanda underscores the necessity of evaluating whether parenting tools genuinely support familial bonds or create unnecessary dependencies. She advocates for delaying the adoption of high-tech solutions until after understanding a child's specific needs, promoting a more intuitive and personal approach to parenting.
Personal Reflections and Lessons Learned
Amanda shares her journey of reassessing her relationship with technology post-pregnancy. She highlights the importance of distinguishing between desires and actual needs, advocating for simplicity and presence over technological dependency.
Amanda Hess (24:16):
"It means that when I was, like, testing out fancy monitors and devices, like, I was really drawn to looking at them because, like, I'm addicted to screens... but I don't need to be doing that."
Final Takeaway: Mindful Participation in Parent Media
The episode concludes with Amanda’s advice to parents to be conscious of their media participation. She encourages guarding one’s imagination against the allure of technology companies and emphasizes the value of being present with one’s child over maintaining a digital persona.
Amanda Hess (25:53):
"I think you should guard your imagination and not just give it up to any, you know, tech company that can capture your attention."
Recap of Key Takeaways
- Interrogate Your Digital Engagement: Be mindful of the personal health data you share online and critically assess the pregnancy and parenting information you consume.
- Balance Information Intake: Determine what data and information are truly beneficial versus those that may contribute to unnecessary anxiety.
- Evaluate Parenting Tech: Ensure that technological tools enhance family connections rather than create barriers or dependencies.
- Mindful Sharing on Social Media: Be deliberate about how and why you share your child’s life online, recognizing the potential impacts of an idealized digital presence.
Conclusion
Amanda Hess’s insightful narrative serves as a cautionary tale about the pervasive and often invisible influences of technology on the deeply personal journey of parenting. Her experiences underscore the importance of maintaining a balanced relationship with technology, prioritizing genuine human connections, and being mindful of the digital footprints we leave behind.
For those interested in exploring more episodes that tackle everyday challenges and practical solutions, Life Kit offers a range of topics from reducing screen time to budgeting effectively. Tune in to Life Kit for more expert advice to help you navigate the complexities of modern life.