Life Kit (NPR) – "How parents can be screentime role models"
Original Air Date: October 23, 2025
Host: Marielle Segarra
Guests/Experts: Andy Tagle (Life Kit reporter), Jean Twenge (researcher, author), Elizabeth Milovatov (law professor, PhD in children’s online rights)
Episode Overview
This episode of Life Kit explores how parents can be effective role models for healthy screen time habits, emphasizing that setting limits for children isn’t enough—parents must also reflect on and adjust their own behaviors with technology. Host Marielle Segarra and guest reporter Andy Tagle unpack practical strategies, key expert advice, new research, and real-life solutions for creating a balanced family tech environment.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Escalating Challenge of Screens in the Modern Family
- Children today face far greater exposure to technology than previous generations; the "dial is cranked up by a million" compared to when current parents were kids (01:05).
- There is growing research on the negative mental-health impacts of excessive screen and social media use among kids and teens, including depression and sleep disruption (Jean Twenge, 02:25).
Notable Quote
"There's all the toxicity online... The more hours a day a teen spends on social media, the more likely it is he or she will be depressed."
— Jean Twenge, [02:25]
2. Why Parental Behavior Matters Most
- Children absorb parents' attitudes and routines with devices more than any set of rules (Andy Tagle, 06:24).
- "Phubbing" (phone snubbing) – parents distracted by devices during interactions – can harm children’s emotional intelligence and attachment (07:04–08:16).
- Even small disruptions, such as checking notifications mid-conversation, send clear signals to children about priorities.
Notable Quote
"When you're talking to someone and you take that phone out, the message... is you're not as important as what's on this phone."
— Jean Twenge, [03:15]
3. Recognizing Signs of Healthy (or Unhealthy) Tech Use
- Instead of rigid screen time rules, experts recommend using five baseline questions (from London School of Economics, via Elizabeth Milovatov, [09:49]):
- Are they eating well?
- Are they sleeping well?
- Are they getting good grades in school?
- Are they interacting well with family?
- How are they interacting with devices (e.g., are there tantrums or misuse)?
- These questions apply both to kids and adults.
Notable Quote
"Before you look at your kids, you want to ask yourself these questions too... It's just about being mindful of screen context and content."
— Andy Tagle, [10:23]
4. Concrete Strategies for Parents
A. Honest Self-Assessment & Narrative Approaches ([11:01])
- Acknowledge the necessity of tech for work/life, but narrate your behavior to your children. For example:
- "Mommy’s going to be on this call for 15 minutes, then we'll have breakfast together."
- This transparency helps children understand purposeful versus mindless screen use.
B. Make Up for Unavoidable Tech Interruptions ([12:05])
- Offer "counterbalance" time (like extra playtime or a special snack outing) when you must use screens around your kids.
5. Setting Family-Wide Boundaries
A. No-Device Zones & Times ([12:44])
- All experts agree: meals should be device-free.
- Jean Twenge strongly advocates for no phones or electronic devices in bedrooms overnight for every family member (13:16).
- Research: Sleep quality suffers, even if the device is off.
- Common Sense Media study: 6 in 10 teens use phones between midnight and 5am.
Memorable Debate
- Concern over using the phone as an alarm clock is addressed: use a traditional one (14:00).
- For emergencies, keep the phone outside the bedroom, with emergency ringer settings enabled (14:24).
B. Assign Devices to Purposes ("Anchor Devices") ([15:06])
- Designate certain devices for specific uses (e.g., laptop for work, iPad for art).
- Helps set clear boundaries and supports healthier usage patterns.
6. Kid-Specific Limits & Practices
A. Parental Controls—Start Early ([16:12])
- Set up controls for all connected devices (even WiFi routers and digital assistants)—kids are clever about bypassing restrictions.
- Be proactive in conversations about online dangers (e.g., pornography) since kids may encounter them unexpectedly.
B. Tailoring Rules by Age
-
For ages 6 and under:
- Limit screen time as much as possible; avoid using devices as a "digital pacifier."
- Use the E-AIMS model (Engaging, Actively involved, Meaningful, Social content). Watch together when possible (17:17).
-
For school-age kids:
- Stay engaged with what they’re watching and playing.
- Encourage long-form, immersive content to bolster attention spans.
- Begin teaching about digital literacy, cyberbullying, targeted ads, unrealistic images, etc. (18:15).
C. Smart Time Limits & Breaks ([18:45])
- Figure out limits that suit your family. "Less is more" is a good default.
- Consider "phone-free" blocks, especially during family activities or vacations.
D. When to Allow Smartphones/Social Media ([19:25–21:53])
- Elizabeth Milovatov: Advocates for dialogue, flexibility, and respecting children's rights to social connection; strict bans could backfire by making tech more alluring (forbidden fruit effect) and damaging trust.
- Jean Twenge: Takes a hard line: no smartphones until a child can drive; basic call/text devices only until that point. Backs up with research linking early smartphone/social media use to mental health risks.
Memorable Quotes
"A smartphone is absolutely necessary in the social stratosphere... but if you ban them, it becomes more enticing."
— Elizabeth Milovatov, [20:11]
"Even adults are going to find it very hard to resist the platforms... much less a child or an adolescent."
— Jean Twenge, [21:24]
- Community action suggestion: Band together with other parents to set group norms/age limits to avoid social isolation ("strength in numbers") ([22:26]).
7. Making Family Choices with Confidence
- Ultimately, each family must decide its own rules based on values, needs, and their children's dispositions ([22:55]).
- There is no "perfect" solution; incremental improvements matter and perfection is impossible.
Final Words of Encouragement
"Doing something is better than doing nothing... I always push back against those arguments... There's still a lot that you can do."
— Jean Twenge, [23:46]
Memorable Quotes & Key Moments
-
"Monkey see, monkey do. If you're screen obsessed... your kid is going to do the same thing."
— Andy Tagle, [07:04] -
"If you have to fub, narrate what you're doing... It's not about ignoring you on purpose."
— Andy Tagle, [11:01] -
"No electronic devices in the bedroom overnight... Hard stop."
— Jean Twenge, [13:16] -
"There's always something you can do. Try your best."
— Andy Tagle, [24:11]
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 00:00–02:25 – Introduction; Marielle describes her own evolving tech experience
- 02:25–03:32 – Jean Twenge on mental health, toxicity, and experience-blocking effects
- 06:01–07:37 – Andy Tagle on parental influence, "phubbing," and modeling
- 08:16–09:40 – Research on impacts of distracted parents, “still face” phenomenon
- 09:49–12:05 – Healthy tech benchmarks and self-assessment strategies
- 12:44–15:02 – Household tech rules: device zones and nighttime boundaries
- 16:12–19:25 – Parental controls, content guidance, and screen time by age
- 19:25–21:53 – The debate over smartphone age and social media access
- 22:26–23:46 – Community norms, supportive encouragement from experts
Final Summary Checklist for Parents
- Model what you want to see: Kids notice and copy your habits.
- Limit device presence during key family moments: Mealtimes, bedtime, and whenever possible.
- Set clear, age-appropriate boundaries and explain your decisions.
- Stay engaged in your child’s digital world: Know what they watch, play, and experience.
- Coordinate rules with other families if possible.
- Be flexible, transparent, and willing to make adjustments along the way.
- Don't aim for perfection—small, consistent efforts really help.
Useful for anyone seeking practical, research-backed strategies for managing family technology use—and especially relevant for parents navigating the complex new landscape of children's screen habits.