How to bring more play into your life

Summary

Life Kit Podcast Summary: "How to Bring More Play Into Your Life"

Release Date: July 7, 2025

Introduction

In the episode titled "How to Bring More Play Into Your Life," NPR's Life Kit host Marielle Segarra delves into the essential role of play in adult life. Through engaging conversations with experts and personal stories, the episode explores why play matters, how to rediscover it, and practical strategies to integrate more playfulness into daily routines.

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1. The Importance of Play

Marielle Segarra opens the discussion by highlighting that play is not solely a childhood activity. She introduces Whitney Bay, who reminisces about her imaginative play during childhood in Illinois, emphasizing how play fostered creativity and a sense of identity.

Whitney Bay [00:33]:

"Play for us was going outside, climbing trees. It was making mud pies. We used to, like, reenact a lot of, like, current events, like the Olympics."

Marielle references the 1996 Olympics, a pivotal moment inspiring young girls and fueling their imagination through the achievements of female gymnasts.

Whitney Bay [01:03]:

"So just, like, use our imagination. And it was fun. It really felt. I mean, of course, it wasn't real, but it just. It felt like I was somebody."

She underscores that play helps individuals immerse themselves fully in the moment, fostering joy and personal growth.

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2. Expert Insights on the Necessity of Play

Marielle introduces Jeff Harry, a play coach, who offers a concise definition of play:

Jeff Harry [01:29]:

"I define play as any joyful act where you forget about time. It's where you're, like, fully immersed in the moment. It's when you're your you est you."

Jeff emphasizes that play varies per individual—from whitewater rafting to cooking—and highlights the widespread neglect of play in adult life.

She also brings in Dr. Stuart Brown, a renowned play researcher and psychiatrist, who affirms play's fundamental role:

Dr. Stuart Brown [02:15]:

"It's as basic as sleep and nutrition. It just doesn't necessarily produce the same outcome as hunger or fatigue. But the need to play is there in all of us, and we all have deficits when we don't experience it sufficiently."

Dr. Brown explains that play serves evolutionary purposes, aiding in skill development, problem-solving, and social collaboration.

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3. Personal Journey: Whitney Bay's Rediscovery of Play

Whitney Bay shares her transition from a playful childhood to a more restrained adult life in a corporate engineering environment in Seoul.

Whitney Bay [07:10]:

"They were like, kind of pushing me, hey, you need to be more serious. Like, don't be so funny, goofy. Like, this is a serious workplace. Be more serious."

Feeling pressured to suppress her playful nature, Whitney describes the emotional toll it took:

Whitney Bay [07:20]:

"I feel like I'm losing myself."

This narrative sets the stage for the episode's core message: reclaiming playfulness as adults.

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4. The Five Takeaways for Integrating Play

Marielle Segarra outlines five practical strategies to incorporate more play into adult lives, each supported by expert advice and personal anecdotes.

Takeaway 1: Figure Out Your Play Style by Connecting with Your Inner Child

Jeff Harry encourages listeners to reflect on their favorite childhood activities to identify their unique play personalities.

Jeff Harry [08:21]:

"What were your favorite ways to play as a kid? Were you super into Legos or erector sets? Finger painting? Make believe?"

Marielle relates this to her own experience with Barbies, recognizing her affinity for creative and storytelling play.

Takeaway 2: Follow the Whispers

Jeff suggests that moments of boredom can be gateways to rediscovering play.

Jeff Harry [10:50]:

"When you get bored, all of a sudden that inner child starts to whisper all these needsided ideas, these ideas that make you nervous."

Whitney Bay illustrates this by starting her YouTube channel and pursuing improv, leading her to a fulfilling career in comedy.

Takeaway 3: Engage with Your Inner Critic

Acknowledging the internal voices that discourage play is crucial. Jeff Harry provides a technique to combat negative self-talk:

Jeff Harry [13:20]:

"You're, like, feeling crappy or binge watching Netflix... you were like, oh, there's my inner critic."

He advises naming the inner critic and countering its negative statements with positive affirmations.

Takeaway 4: Liberate Yourself

Dr. Stuart Brown emphasizes the connection between play and freedom, encouraging listeners to identify and remove barriers that inhibit playful expression.

Dr. Stuart Brown [14:52]:

"Was there a moment, was there a circumstance, was there a situation that allowed you to really feel like you were yourself?"

Marielle and Dr. Brown discuss how societal pressures and personal circumstances can stifle the freedom essential for playful experiences.

Takeaway 5: Find Your Moments

Incorporating small, playful activities into daily routines can significantly enhance one's sense of joy.

Whitney Bay shares a delightful memory of turning a mundane restaurant visit into a playful game with her parents, fostering lasting connections.

Whitney Bay [16:46]:

"I taught them how to play this game where the first person says who they are, the second person says where they are, and the third person says what they're doing."

Marielle echoes this by suggesting simple actions like petting a puppy or engaging with strangers in playful ways.

Dr. Stuart Brown [17:56]:

"That little bird is really glad to be alive... I'm still glad to be alive."

He illustrates how brief moments of interaction with nature or others can rekindle a sense of playfulness.

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5. Recap and Final Thoughts

Marielle succinctly summarizes the five takeaways:

1. Identify Your Play Style: Reflect on childhood play to understand your current preferences.
2. Listen to Your Inner Whispers: Allow boredom to spark creative and playful endeavors.
3. Address Your Inner Critic: Recognize and counter negative self-talk to embrace play.
4. Seek Freedom: Remove barriers that prevent you from expressing your playful side.
5. Integrate Playful Moments: Find opportunities for play in everyday activities.

Marielle shares a lighthearted personal anecdote about singing a playful variation of a song, reinforcing the episode's message that play can uplift and enhance well-being.

Marielle Segarra [19:45]:

"I was like, we got the beets... I was alone in my life... but I was like, we got the beets."

Dr. Stuart Brown [20:12]:

"See, that's part of the magic of play itself. All of a sudden you feel better."

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Conclusion

The episode of Life Kit effectively communicates the significance of play in adult life, providing actionable strategies and inspiring stories to help listeners rediscover and embrace their playful nature. By understanding personal play styles, listening to inner desires, confronting negative self-perceptions, seeking freedom, and seizing playful moments, adults can enhance their well-being and foster deeper connections with themselves and others.

For more insights and practical advice, explore other episodes of Life Kit, including topics on rest as a form of resistance and the power of fun. Subscribe to the newsletter at npr.org/lifekitnewsletter to stay updated on the latest episodes.

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Notable Quotes:

• Jeff Harry [01:29]: "I define play as any joyful act where you forget about time. It's where you're, like, fully immersed in the moment."

• Dr. Stuart Brown [02:15]: "It's as basic as sleep and nutrition... the need to play is there in all of us."

• Whitney Bay [07:20]: "I feel like I'm losing myself."

• Jeff Harry [10:50]: "When you get bored, all of a sudden that inner child starts to whisper all these needsided ideas."

• Dr. Stuart Brown [17:56]: "That little bird is really glad to be alive... I'm still glad to be alive."

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Credits:

This episode was produced by Margaret Serino, with visuals by Beck Harlan and digital editing by Malika Garib. Senior Supervising Editor Megan Keane and Executive Producer Beth Donovan led the production team, supported by Andy Tagle, Claire Marie Schneider, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering was handled by Simon Laszlo Jansen.

Transcript

[Sponsor Voice]

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[Marielle Segarra]

You're listening to Life Kit from npr. Hey, it's Marielle. When Whitney Bay was growing up in Illinois and her mom would tell her, go outside and play, she knew what that meant.

[Whitney Bay]

Play for us was going outside, climbing trees. It was making mud pies. It was. We used to, like, reenact a lot of, like, current events, like the Olympics.

[Marielle Segarra]

The 1996 Olympics, I believe the 1996 Olympics were an iconic moment for young girls. The dream Team for us was made up of gymnasts. Dominique Mocciano, Carrie Strug. We little ones were obsessed.

[Whitney Bay]

We'd set up, like, this little bench, and I'd run, and I, like, jump over it. Like, it's a vault, and it's literally just like a sitting bench. So just, like, use our imagination. And it was fun. It really felt. I mean, of course, it wasn't real, but it just. It felt like I was somebody.

[Marielle Segarra]

Like a lot of kids, Whitney was fluent in play. You probably have an idea of what play is, but here's a definition I think really rings true.

[Jeff Harry]

I define play as any joyful act where you forget about time. It's where you're, like, fully immersed in the moment. It's when you're your you est you.

[Marielle Segarra]

That's Jeff Harry. He's a play coach. Companies hire him to get their employees to play more.

[Jeff Harry]

I like to say I make work suck less because work sucks right now and it really doesn't have to.

[Marielle Segarra]

And he says play looks different depending on who you are. It could be whitewater rafting or pickleball. It could be making a podcast. It could be cooking. As adults, we often stop playing. Sometimes we even forget how to do it. Dr. Stuart Brown, a play researcher and physician, psychiatrist by training, says that is a problem because play is a central part of our existence.

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

It's as basic as sleep and nutrition. It just doesn't necessarily produce the same outcome as hunger or fatigue. But the need to play is there in all of us, and we all have deficits when we don't experience it sufficiently.

[Marielle Segarra]

On this episode of Life Kit, why we should play as adults and how to do it will help you figure out what feels like play to you, using the concept of play personalities and how to work it into your life, even if you don't have a lot of free time.

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[Marielle Segarra]

[e-mail] before we get into the how of play, let's talk about the why. First off, you should know that humans are not the only animals that play. Obviously, domesticated animals like dogs and cats do it, but so do bears and leopards and bison and ravens and dolphins. And the list goes on. And from an evolutionary perspective, play might not make sense at first. It often seems to have no purpose, and it can come at a cost. You know, it uses up energy and it can even be dangerous. But animal play scholars and biologists argue that play does serve a number of purposes, that it can help us adapt to difficult circumstances, to practice skills that we need to survive, to problem solve and to collaborate. Stuart Brown, whose voice you heard just before the Break says there's a lot of research on how animals play and also on how humans play when we're kids. But there aren't as many studies on play in adult humans for now at least. We have learned a lot, though, from watching other social animals. For example, there's research on rats, who are highly playful creatures. The researcher prevented them from playing and then after watched them run a maze and also socialize with other rats.

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

The play deficient rats have the inability to socialize as well as those who have played, so that play itself is seen as a necessity for rat health and rat pack socialization.

[Marielle Segarra]

He says. The same seems to be true for humans and other social animals. As you can see, there are a lot of reasons you might want to incorporate more play into your life also. Come on. Feels good, right? So let's move on to the how portion of this episode and get back to Whitney Bay, our make believe Olympic gymnast classic story. She grew up and she learned from the world that her playfulness was inappropriate. Whitney studied engineering in college, and when she graduated, she went to work for an engineering firm in Seoul.

[Whitney Bay]

They were like, kind of pushing me, hey, you need to be more serious. Like, don't be so funny, goofy. Like, this is a serious workplace. Be more serious.

[Marielle Segarra]

So you would get that feedback, like.

[Whitney Bay]

At the office all the time, every day. My boss would be like, you're laughing too loud. And I was like, it's funny. I can't help it. Or they'd be like, oh, your clothes are too bright. You know, these kinds of things. And I was like, I feel like I'm losing myself.

[Marielle Segarra]

Whitney's talking about a concept that psychologists call the inner child.

[Jeff Harry]

There is an aspect of you that knows what you want, that has always known what you want. Your kid self knows what makes you happy. Your kid self knows what makes you fulfilled and satisfied.

[Marielle Segarra]

So, takeaway 1. Figure out your play style by getting in touch with your inner child. Let's start with a question that Jeff shared. What were your favorite ways to play as a kid? Were you super into Legos or erector sets? Finger painting? Make believe? Catching fireflies? Seeing how far you could catapult yourself off the swing set? For me, it was Barbies. Hello, Barbie.

[Whitney Bay]

Let's go for a drive.

[Marielle Segarra]

I love to dress them up in the coolest fashions and also create storylines for them. They'd be in love triangles filled with passion and betrayal. Tonight's the school dance. Gotta look great. Okay, so then you're gonna think about what kind of play that is. What's at the center of it. One framework that can help you is called play personalities. Stuart Brown lays these out in his book. In his decades as a psychiatrist, he would ask patients about their early experiences with play. He and his colleagues would review the notes and they noticed some archetypes.

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

So that there is a kind of a play fingerprint that I would call the play personality that emerges. It's not scientific. This is not something that we're measuring with a series of neurotransmitters, but it's a clustering of what really gives you a sense of joy and engagement and sustained motivation.

[Marielle Segarra]

Here are a few examples, and you can be more than one of these. There's the joker who loves to laugh and make other people laugh. Whether that's through practical jokes, wordplay, physical comedy. There's the artist creator. The point for this person is to make something. Could be something beautiful, something functional, something goofy. As Barbie's personal stylist, my inner child definitely fell into this category. You've got the kinesthete who finds joy in movement. You know, swimming, running, stretching. You've got the director. They love to call the shots to play in the parties.

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

One of the people that we picked out that's a celebrity director is Oprah.

[Marielle Segarra]

Also the storyteller. Hi. Hello. Those relational dramas between my Barbies, Classic storyteller behavior. Once you have a sense of your play personality as a kid, you can start to think of ways you might like to play now. For my artist creator side, I put together a gallery wall of art behind my couch. For the storyteller, I watch shows with storylines filled with love and betrayal, like Grey's Anatomy. Another way to find out what kind of play is for you is to listen to the whispers. And this is takeaway two. Jeff. Harry says, think for a moment about what we started doing when we were stuck at home during the pandemic with nothing to do. We picked up hobbies. Baking sourdough bread, doing embroidery, woodworking. And that was in part because we were bored. His challenge for you, for five or ten minutes a day, put down your phone and your laptop and do nothing.

[Jeff Harry]

When you get bored, all of a sudden that inner child starts to whisper all these nerve sided ideas, these ideas that make you nervous and you know, ideas like, hey, you know, why don't you start writing that book or that blog post, why don't you make a video on TikTok?

[Marielle Segarra]

Whitney heard the whispers when she was working at that engineering job in Seoul. They were telling her to travel and to start her own YouTube channel.

[Whitney Bay]

Hey, everyone, it's me, Whitney.

[Marielle Segarra]

Hi, everyone.

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

Good morning.

[Marielle Segarra]

Good morning.

[Whitney Bay]

And those videos got a lot of good feedback, and so I just, like, kept going off to the next adventure.

[Marielle Segarra]

She started doing improv in Korea, and then in 2019, she moved to New York to pursue a career in comedy. And she loves it.

[Whitney Bay]

So, like, I'm on the stage, and someone sets me up to be a rat that can do karate. So I'm on the stage, and I'm doing karate as a rat. Just, like, very imaginative. Just things I would probably never really do on my own. So, yeah, I find, like, now I go in these wacky worlds, and I just follow the fun.

[Marielle Segarra]

Sometimes smaller, less world shifting opportunities for play will present themselves. I was at this event one time, and I was deciding what to do. Did I want to drink? Did I want to go to another panel? Was I ready to leave? And then I saw that someone was selling coconuts. They'd chop off the top and stick a straw in. And I was like, that. That's what I want. So I got one. I told Jeff this story.

[Jeff Harry]

I love that story so much, because what you did in the moment, you're like, what will bring me joy right now? And you just walked on over to that.

[Marielle Segarra]

But then I'm walking around happy as a coconut, and people started talking to me. One woman with the cool silver boots complimented my drink. We chatted and exchanged info, and she even held my coconut when I went to the bathroom. And that's the thing. Doing what's calling you in a given moment can lead to connection because people.

[Jeff Harry]

Think, ooh, she looks so happy. I want to be around that type of energy.

[Marielle Segarra]

So the advice here, do the things that you find interesting and watch what adventure shows up. Okay, so we're listening to our inner child. We're following the whispers. We're starting to play. At this point, we may hear from our inner critic. Takeaway three. Talk to it, Jeff. Harry says your inner critic is that voice inside you telling you why you shouldn't do that thing and saying that you look ridiculous when you play.

[Jeff Harry]

You're, like, feeling crappy or binge watching Netflix. You got popcorn, like, on. You're just dribbling down, and you're just like, oh, I'm the worst person in the world. And then you were like, oh, my goodness, there's my inner critic.

[Marielle Segarra]

One exercise that can help. Write down what your inner critic is saying or visualize what it looks like and sounds like.

[Jeff Harry]

Does it sound like that bully from third grade? Like, who's that inner Critic. So get a visual and then name it, you know. And mine is Gargamel from Smurfs. Gargamel would always love to suck all the joy and play out of everything, right? And literally when Gargamel shows up, I write down what it it's saying.

[Marielle Segarra]

And then once you write the insults down, cross them out and write the opposite.

[Jeff Harry]

So it's like, I'm never going to be enough. And then I write, you are going to be enough. Oh, I'm never going to be successful. Actually, you're already successful and you're going to even be more successful. And you cross those out and, and put the positive of that and you start reading those back to yourself. And this is a positive psychology technique. It's just, just pattern recognition in many ways.

[Marielle Segarra]

You can do this. In the middle of play, your inner critic pops up and says, this is such a waste of time. And you're like, okay, thank you, inner critic. I appreciate you, but I'm playing with my inner child right now. And actually this is a great use of my time. Okay, takeaway. 4. Liberate yourself. Stuart Brown poses a question in his book. When have you felt free to do and be what you choose?

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

Was there a moment, was there a circumstance, was there a situation that. That allowed you to really feel like you were yourself whether you were 4 years old or 40?

[Marielle Segarra]

Why are we talking about freedom? Because play and freedom are interwoven. When you're doing something simply for the end result, like to achieve, you lose a part of the joy of being alive.

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

It's easy to lose a sense of an experience which is in itself wondrous, by demanding that the experience produce outcome.

[Marielle Segarra]

When you're playing and you're not so attached to the outcome, that gives you the freedom to wonder, to be in awe, to learn for the sake of learning. So in addition to that question above about when you felt free, also ask yourself, what stands in the way of you feeling free now? Is your environment unsafe? Is your job constantly in jeopardy? Is your partner always critical of you? That is all legitimate and for many.

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

Many people, living in a violent neighborhood, being impoverished, having physical illness, this is not to make life just fun and games and play. It's not life is challenging for all of us. But the play nature that we have usually allows us to find within our lives, even in very difficult lives, moments of joyfulness.

[Marielle Segarra]

And that's takeaway. 5. Find your moments. Look, I get it. You may feel like you barely have time in the day to sit down, let alone play. But playtime doesn't have to mean spending hours every day making sandcastles, though. I'm kind of into that idea. You can inject play throughout the day. Whitney Bay was at a restaurant with her parents this one time.

[Whitney Bay]

And my rule is, at a restaurant, everybody puts away their phones.

[Marielle Segarra]

She taught them how to play this game where the first person says who they are, the second person says where they are, and the third person says what they're doing.

[Whitney Bay]

Like, if I say, oh, we are farmers, then you have to say where we are. And so my mom would be thinking, like, okay, I'm a farmer. Where am I? And just kind of using her imagination, we are farmers and we are at Walmart. You could say anything.

[Marielle Segarra]

And then maybe the third person is like, okay, we're farmers at Walmart and we are shopping for bikinis. And you do a little scene.

[Whitney Bay]

I could be like, hey, Farmer Joe, that's a nice hot pink bikini you got on.

[Marielle Segarra]

And so on.

[Whitney Bay]

It was only like 10 minutes and our food came out, and that was into that. But to this day, we still talk about that. We're like, well, remember when my dad did this and my mom did that? Like, we still talk about that fun moment that we had.

[Marielle Segarra]

You can also find moments of play by just letting yourself be playful, even for 30 seconds. Pet A puppy on the street with permission. Pick up a pine cone at the park and ask your friend to name it. Watch people flirting on your subway car. Stewart said that on the morning of our interview, he walked out of his house to get his copy of the New York Times.

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

And there on the step in front of me was a little Oregon Junco. And that little Oregon Junco was looking up at me and jumping up and down and jumping up and down. And I thought, that little bird is really glad to be alive. Okay, so am I. I'm an old guy, but I'm still glad to be alive. So I got from the immediate surroundings a sense from nature that, you know, at least that moment was a joyful one.

[Marielle Segarra]

Okay, it's time for a recap. Figure out your play style or personality. You can start by asking, how did I like to play as a kid? And how can I incorporate that form of play into my life now? Also, follow the whispers. Whether you're at a job you hate or at an event, unsure of what to do next. Listen to that voice that's saying, go get a coconut. Engage with your inner critic. Give it a name. Mine's called Doreen. She is the worst. And when she starts yapping and telling me that I look ridiculous. I tell her she's wrong. Think about what makes you feel free. And by that we mean think of a time when you felt free to do and be as you choose. What stands in the way of that now? Lastly, find moments of play whenever you can. I. Sorry, I was just thinking of something else silly that I did this morning, but it's too silly to tell you.

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

Good for you. Well, don't, don't, don't hesitate to share it.

[Marielle Segarra]

Okay. So, like, I, I don't know if you'll know this song. I think it's like a song from the 80s, but it's like We Got the Beat. You know that one?

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

No, I don't. But I'm a couple generations older than you.

[Marielle Segarra]

I got food, groceries delivered and I got beets. And so as soon as I took out the bag of beets, I just started singing we got the beets. And I was alone in my life. Good for you. But I was like, I was like, we got the beets.

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

Well, you felt better when you sang it while you were singing it.

[Marielle Segarra]

I really did.

[Dr. Stuart Brown]

See, that's part of the magic of play itself. All of a sudden you feel better. Why? Why does play do that? Why do we have that in us? And since it's in us, why don't we use it more?

[Marielle Segarra]

Good question. For more Life Kit, check out our other episodes. We've got one on rest as a form of resistance and another on the power of fun. You can find [e-mail] LifeKit and if you love Life Kit and you just cannot get enough, subscribe to our [e-mail] lifekitnewsletter. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Margaret Serino. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan, and our digital editor is Malika Garib. Megan Keane is our senior supervising editor and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagle, Claire Marie Schneider, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering support comes from Simon Laszlo Jansen. I'm Marielle Segarra. Thanks for listening.

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