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Amelia Edelman (3:44)

Of course, people's reasons for solo travel are wide ranging. Maybe you're seeking a break, an adventure, or like me, simply some time away from all the other people involved in your day to day.

Markita Harris (3:56)

I was burnt out, I was tired, I needed a change.

Cameron Clark (3:59)

I had just gone through a breakup.

Joy Fox (4:00)

That was the first time I'd ever been anywhere out of the village. Actually, you know, it was in England, a small village in England in Essex.

Amelia Edelman (4:08)

That first voice you hear is travel journalist Markita Harris, who was selected to spend all of 2021 traveling the world solo through Airbnb's Live Anywhere program. While she jumped into the metaphorical solo travel deep end living and working in a different country every month, she recommends first time solo travelers. Take it slower to start strengthening those solo sea legs. That's takeaway number one. Start small.

Markita Harris (4:33)

You're arriving in a destination and the only person you really have to rely on is yourself. It can be a little intimidating, like when you don't have to cater to your partner or a friend or your kids or you know, to a job.

Amelia Edelman (4:48)

Marquita suggests trying out some solo mini trips close to your home first to get a sense of how you plan, manage and meander when it's all on you.

Markita Harris (4:57)

Just like see if you can just have a beach day by yourself somewhere that's local.

Cameron Clark (5:01)

For some people it's even like running errands by yourself.

Amelia Edelman (5:04)

That's psychotherapist Cameron Clark, who specializes in trauma informed therapy and strengthening clients relationships with the self.

Cameron Clark (5:11)

You know, like taking a trip to the bookstore or the grocery store without your cell phone, taking a day trip and going to a place that maybe you've never been before and exploring on your own and then maybe building up to a weekend trip.

Amelia Edelman (5:27)

You can even start small by planning a regular old not solo trip and then testing the solo travel waters while you're there.

Cameron Clark (5:34)

Maybe it's taking a trip where you're on a trip with friends and you decide to take one day out of that week long trip to do something on your own.

Amelia Edelman (5:42)

Of course, starting small isn't a requirement. Just ask Joy Fox, who at age 90 has spent nearly 70 years traveling solo and has become well known for sharing her story. Her first solo trip happened when she was in her 20s and her fiance broke off their engagement. She pawned her engagement ring and went straight to Italy by herself without ever having left her small English village before.

Joy Fox (6:04)

I know I was heartbroken when I went and I didn't seem to be that heartbroken when I got there because then I met, you know, the beautiful Luigi who showed me the whole of, you know, the Italian Riviera and all of the big cities around on the back of his scooter. I mean, it was such a great adventure. That was really the start.

Amelia Edelman (6:27)

So if you too are aiming to rip off the band aid and do a first solo trip somewhere across the world from where you live, you can and should do that if it's your dream. Just be smart about where you choose to go. That's takeaway number two. Land on a destination that suits both you and your goals. Once you are ready to head off to another country solo, Marquita has some tips for choosing that first destination.

Markita Harris (6:49)

The best thing to do is go somewhere that's English speaking or that speaks whatever languages that you know.

Amelia Edelman (6:56)

That said, if your goal is to, say, go to France this year and you've only just downloaded Duolingo, Joyce says, don't sweat it.

Joy Fox (7:04)

Just learn a little bit of the language, even if it's only Bonjour or, you know, where's the toilet?

Amelia Edelman (7:10)

Another consideration when selecting a solo travel destination, you'll first want to figure out what kind of trip you're looking for and how that might work for you on your own.

Markita Harris (7:19)

I have friends that they're opposed to cities, especially if you're in New York. I have a lot of friends that are like, I can do that here and it's better in New York.

Amelia Edelman (7:27)

So take a close look at what you actually want when you travel. Maybe you always love a family beach trip, but you don't like the idea of beaching all by yourself. Do you want to sign up for a group retreat, something like yoga or surfing or a group tour where you're solo but together and the guides kind of handle everything? Or would you prefer to strike out totally on your own and improvise when it comes to activities, saying, like, okay.

Markita Harris (7:50)

Like I want these things, I want this experience.

Amelia Edelman (7:53)

From there, aim for somewhere that's easy to navigate, diverse, welcoming, and that already sees people like you, locals and travelers alike.

Markita Harris (8:02)

Lisbon was my favorite because it was so easy in the world. I made so many friends there. I connected with other, like black expats. I've never felt safer anywhere else.

Amelia Edelman (8:14)

Meanwhile, a place that one traveler finds uncomfortable may land in another traveler's comfort zone, or vice versa. Cameron says that's crucial to keep in mind if you're selecting a solo destination based off of influencer recommendations. Instagram is not reality.

Cameron Clark (8:29)

We get a lot of input from media, right? That tells us what this should feel like or what it should look like or what we can expect. And while there is some truth to some of that stuff, which is why we talk about these things in generalities, our own personal experience of what that feels like is going to look really different.

Markita Harris (8:46)

The worst experience I had was in Malibu. It was in the U.S. that's Markita.

Amelia Edelman (8:52)

Who after spending 12 months in 12 countries, discovered that the most frightening country was home.

Markita Harris (8:59)

I was at a Airbnb and the host was just deeply racist and I felt unsafe. Like racism, anti blackness, misogyny, all of these things. They're everywhere.

Amelia Edelman (9:12)

On the other hand, she says her family and friends were scared that she planned to stay in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, by herself, and those fears were unfounded.

Markita Harris (9:21)

And I loved Rio. I've never been to a place where so many people looked like me. I will sing its praises, I think, especially for black.

Amelia Edelman (9:30)

For black travelers, you want to find that fine line between being prepared and being hypervigilant. You want to take safety precautions, but don't let being solo put you into a spiral where you try to create the padded room of trips that doesn't leave any room for serendipity. Your best bet, rather than trying to pre schedule your trip down to the minute, is just doing enough research that you get a solid sense of the destination information about what it will be like to be there.

Cameron Clark (9:56)

On a practical maybe that looks like calling a friend who's been the place that you've been before and saying how queer friendly is this city? What neighborhoods are places that I might want to go see that are going to feel safe for me as a person of color? What is it about the transportation in this place and what do I need to know before I get there so that I can plan ahead? Am I going to want to rent a car or is public transportation something that feels safe? I think those are things that can be really, really helpful.

Amelia Edelman (10:23)

That's takeaway number three. Plan ahead to avoid travel pitfalls. If there are particular sites you know you want to see while you're there, restaurants you don't want to miss cross check their hours online in advance and look for any seasonal closures.

Markita Harris (10:37)

Why didn't I know that there were so many religious holidays?

Amelia Edelman (10:42)

That's Markita. She got to Medellin, Colombia, during a holiday heavy season and discovered much of the city's establishments were closed with I.

Markita Harris (10:51)

Was so excited and it was just. I mean, I hate to say it, but it was like the most boring trip I've ever had.

Amelia Edelman (10:56)

So check in advance. Foreclosures as well as events or festivals that might mean there are too many people in town rather than too few solo travelers. Or, let's be real, any travelers might be more comfortable avoiding, say, Rio during Carnaval, New Orleans during Mardi Gras, or Santorini during the entire summertime. Stick to shoulder seasons and you'll avoid overwhelming crowds and shuttered businesses. Planning well can also help you avoid the dreaded single supplement tax. That's a travel industry premium that is sometimes charged to solo travelers when they take a room alone, a room that the group tour or cruise could otherwise book two people into for more of a profit.

Joy Fox (11:36)

Years ago when this was set up, you know, everything was set up for two people.

Amelia Edelman (11:39)

That's Joy. The single supplement can range from an additional 5% to up to 200% of the standard accommodation cost.

Joy Fox (11:47)

I don't want to pay it anymore. I've paid it for years and years. So I am trying to find trips now that either give you a heavy discount or don't charge it at all. And there are quite a few companies coming up now that are, you know, putting the single supplement aside, which is a good thing.

Amelia Edelman (12:03)

If you're booking a group tour or cruise, aim for a tour company that doesn't charge a single supplement or a cruise line that offers dedicated solo cabins. Planning ahead gives you the best opportunity to take full advantage of programs and resources that are tailored to solo travelers. Joy recommends organizations like Women Welcome Women Worldwide and Solos.

Joy Fox (12:23)

You can travel solo and you can have two or three nights with somebody who will host you and show you what they do locally. So it's a very good way of getting to know the country and the.

Amelia Edelman (12:34)

Culture of course, you won't be able to suss out everything about a destination in advance, and that's okay. Taking risks within reason can be huge when building your confidence as a solo traveler. We'll explain how to do that when Life Kit returns after the break.

Wayfair Announcer (12:54)

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Amelia Edelman (14:20)

Here'S takeaway number four. Know when to get out of your comfort zone and when to stay right there.

Cameron Clark (14:26)

Maybe challenging this idea that all of our T's have to be crossed and all of our I's need to be dotted and we have to be fully secure and ready before we take a risk. There's a ton of really interesting research about this, actually, that says the more risks that we take, the more confident that we feel and the less anxiety we're going to have in distressing situations.

Amelia Edelman (14:49)

The important thing? It's finding your own unique balance between a little risk taking and still being functional and fun.

Cameron Clark (14:56)

We never want to push ourselves past a place of moderate discomfort because then we have the potential to kind of pop out of our window of tolerance and all of a sudden we get validated that travel is scary and bad and we shouldn't be doing that. So we want to like stay within.

Amelia Edelman (15:10)

A threshold that feels manageable Experiencing discomfort, Cameron explains, is a normal and healthy part of the learning and growing process. When trying something new, certainly including solo travel, it's important not to run from it.

Cameron Clark (15:23)

So we want to expect to take a solo trip and feel totally fine and not feel uncomfortable or not feel fearful or not feel lonely. And the reality is, is those are really normal parts of being human. And solo travel, in whatever form you choose to take it is such a great platform and space to challenge your humanness and to learn how to be with your humanness. If we want more comfort doing it, then we have to do more of it.

Amelia Edelman (15:52)

Yeah. The best way to travel solo is to travel solo.

Cameron Clark (15:58)

That's right.

Amelia Edelman (15:59)

You might be able to help strike this balance by making sure you have what you need. Maybe you get overstimulated in airports. Bring noise canceling headphones, or maybe you know you tend to spiral when you have low blood sugar. Bring your favorite snacks.

Markita Harris (16:12)

I also just learned that your mistakes are often what make the best stories and what also get you out of your, I'm going to say, comfort box. You got to get out of the box.

Amelia Edelman (16:22)

That's Markita. She reminds travelers that while loneliness can happen, of course, in fact, on your first solo trip, it's probably more than likely at some point, it's not the end of the world.

Markita Harris (16:32)

They call it traveler's melancholy. I got tired of myself. I'm like, oh my gosh, Like, I don't want to. I need to hear another voice besides my own. And that for some people that might manifest in a certain existential loneliness. And I think, I think that's fine. I think use that to kind of push you to book a tour. The loneliness, you deal with it by just approaching it head on because you should know who you are in these circumstances.

Amelia Edelman (17:04)

Joy says she has often been told she's brave for traveling on her own and pushing through those moments of discomfort, but she disagrees.

Joy Fox (17:11)

I'm not brave. Every time I do something different, I'm scared of how it's going to turn out. So I'm not brave. But life is too short to sit around and have regrets about not doing something.

Amelia Edelman (17:25)

She recommends taking your time to sit with that discomfort or loneliness and giving yourself a lot of grace. Joy also recommends little luxuries within your budget when traveling solo, such as upgrading to premium economy for flights and pre booking reliable airport transfer rather than chancing it on public transport. That's especially true if mobility issues are something that makes you feel nervous about traveling solo.

Joy Fox (17:49)

That's a feel good thing when you come back to know that there's a guy waiting for you who's going to take you right to the door and drop you off. I'm still in pretty good health. I haven't had anything exchanged inside of me. You know, I've had no new knees or hips, so I'm fortunate that way. But I do have a little mobility issue. And, you know, when I was going to Iceland, I thought, oh my God, will I be able to keep up? So it's just a comfort thing that's always going to be a part of the budget as a ride to the airport and back.

Amelia Edelman (18:17)

Booking that nicer airport transfer or that comfier tour through a location where you're feeling particularly nervous or unfamiliar can be a great way to rely on others while you're traveling solo, says Cameron.

Cameron Clark (18:28)

We never want to be only relying on ourselves or only relying on other people. We want there to be a nice blend and a nice flexibility between the two things. And knowing we have security on both sides gives us the ability to be more resilient than if we're only taking care of ourselves or only relying on others to take care of us.

Amelia Edelman (18:47)

Of course, even if you plan that ride and plan that tour, when you make a plan, the universe laughs. And in the moments when that happens and with travel, it likely will look to takeaway number be prepared to pivot. During Marquita's year abroad, she honed her when to fold skills, when to sit with an icky feeling versus when to move onward and upward, like when she treated herself solo to one particularly fancy restaurant.

Markita Harris (19:13)

It's like this huge, like, pomp and circumstance and. And there's all of these cute couples and I'm like, oh no, now I'm gonna feel like, should I be here with a man? Should I be here with a. With another person? That experience definitely made me feel like, okay, this is not for me.

Amelia Edelman (19:30)

The experience made Marquita realize that while she enjoys sharing the occasional white tablecloth meal with others, she's more comfortable as a casual diner. When flying solo, she says, you will likely encounter things like this parts of a trip that turn out not to be your cup of tea. And if so, you should have no qualms ditching them.

Markita Harris (19:48)

I really think that's the key to all travel. No matter if you're going by yourself or with a group, you gotta move on. And if you can't move on, then you need to hop on a plane and get back home and take care of yourself, period.

Amelia Edelman (20:02)

Cameron agrees and adds that all that Pre planning you did before your trip should set you up for success when it comes to deviating from that plan. Maybe you list out a few potential backup accommodations in advance or casual restaurants in case you aren't feeling fancy after all.

Cameron Clark (20:16)

We're working a little bit on building our trust within ourselves to know that if something does happen, I can take care of myself and I know how to reach out for support. And I've put these things in place in the event that I need them.

Amelia Edelman (20:28)

And know that whether or not those last minute pivots are needed, you're never truly alone.

Markita Harris (20:34)

You're gonna befriend, you know, the person that helps you up the mountain.

Amelia Edelman (20:38)

That's Markita with takeaway number six, make connection.

Markita Harris (20:42)

There's always a friend somewhere. And I think in a weird way, solo travel has taught me that you're never alone. And I think that's the cool part.

Amelia Edelman (20:52)

With solo travel, if you're feeling shy or at a loss for where to start making those connections when you're somewhere new, Joy says it's easier than you might think.

Joy Fox (20:59)

You know, smile and maybe give them a compliment about something or ask a question and suddenly you're not really on your own, because I just think there's kindness. I think when you're traveling on your own, you've got the best of both worlds. You know, you can join people, you can talk to people, or not. And if you enjoy your own company, as I do, I'm okay with myself. I don't feel loneliness.

Amelia Edelman (21:28)

That sense of connection with other people or cute animals or even connecting with yourself can be huge. In finding the joy in solo travel, here's Cameron.

Cameron Clark (21:37)

I do think that solo travel has the ability to help us really deepen our experience of trusting ourselves.

Amelia Edelman (21:43)

She recommends asking a local, like your server at a bar for recommendations or goofing with a cute pet or a kid you encounter. Even pulling out your journal and taking time to connect with yourself. Best of all, the connections and lessons you make on the road can inform and serve your home life in the most valuable ways. Here's Joy.

Joy Fox (22:02)

I love my solitary life. I love silence the morning, you know, the magic hour in the morning, outside when the bees are all falling asleep on the flowers. I just really, really, really appreciate everything I've got, and I'm grateful for everything I've got. It's wonderful to go, but it's even more wonderful to come back.

Amelia Edelman (22:22)

So to recap, takeaway number one, start small. Whether that's with a day trip, a solo sojourn off a group vacation or even just a local day of errands or events around town by yourself. No foam. Takeaway number two Land on a destination that makes sense for you, even if it doesn't look like all those travel TikTok reels your friend sent. Takeaway number three Plan ahead to avoid travel pitfalls. This will ensure you're prepped when it matters, but also it'll build your solo travel confidence and resilience long term. Takeaway number four Know that discomfort or loneliness can sometimes show up in solo travel, and that's okay. Put guardrails in place and decide which elements are non negotiables for your own peace of mind, like that blessed airport transfer. Takeaway number five Be prepared to pivot. Things don't always go as planned, so go with the flow. And when you can't, don't be afraid to bow out. Takeaway number six make connections. When you forge those bonds with strangers, new friends, and even with yourself on the road, you're never truly alone.

Marielle (23:31)

That was reporter Amelia Edelman. By the way, are you looking to get stronger this year? We have a special newsletter series to help you start your own strength training routine. You can sign up@npr.org stronger this episode of Life Kit was produced by Claire Marie Schneider. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan and our digital editor is Malika Garib. Megan Keane is our senior supervising editor and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Taegel, Margaret Serino, Sylvie Douglas, and Mika Ellison. Engineering support comes from Jimmy Keeley and Stacy Abbott and Mariel Segarra. Thanks for listening.