Life Kit: The Key to a Less Frantic Holiday Season

Host: Marielle Segarra (NPR)
Guest: Niro Feliciano, Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Author
Release Date: December 1, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode tackles the often overwhelming and hectic nature of the holiday season. Host Marielle Segarra and guest Niro Feliciano delve into practical strategies for letting go of perfectionism, managing family expectations and conflict, staying present for what really matters, and keeping stress and anxiety at bay. The conversation draws from Feliciano’s new book, All Is Calm...Ish, offering listeners a more joyful, realistic approach to the holidays.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Pressure for a “Perfect” Holiday

• Holidays Come with Unrealistic To-Do Lists
  Marielle lists a comically exhaustive array of “must-dos” for December, echoing the unrealistic pressures many feel to create magical experiences.
  (01:00-02:08)

• The Reality of Parental Overload
  Niro recalls peeling carrots for reindeer late into Christmas Eve and realizing she was taking on far too much for others, leading to a sense of dread.

  "Pretty much November 1st is when I started feeling it... we are all running at maximum bandwidth." — Niro Feliciano (02:42)

• Missing Out on the Moment
  Niro shares a story of exhaustion on Christmas morning:

  "In all the doing I am missing being. I am not here, I'm not present, I'm missing this." — Niro Feliciano (05:54)

Connection Over Perfection

• Focus on What Really Matters

  "If you authentically can find joy for yourself, that will do more for the people around you than you killing yourself trying to bring joy to them in other ways." — Niro Feliciano (08:26)

• Reflect on Moments to Be Present
  Marielle discusses the importance of choosing specific moments to be fully engaged, rather than aiming for constant perfection.
  (09:06-09:36)

  “Pick those three moments that you know you want to be present for, and then we can be intentional in those moments.” — Niro Feliciano (09:36-09:54)

Intentionally Letting Go

• Stop Doing the Unnecessary
  The tradition of peeling carrots for reindeer is used as a humorous example of unnecessary holiday “shoulds.”

  “Why am I peeling these carrots for the reindeer? Why am I doing that?” — Niro Feliciano (10:33)

• Mindset Shift: “I Get To” vs. “I Have To”
  Niro recommends reframing holiday obligations as privileges:

  “Shifting it to ‘I get to’ helps us to recognize privilege. And that often leads us into gratitude.” — Niro Feliciano (11:15-11:33)

  She gives personal examples, like decorating early because she treasures rare family time.
  (12:03-12:49)

Challenging Unrealistic Expectations

• Examine and Revise Your Expectations
  Holidays rarely go as planned. Niro urges listeners to notice and adjust unhelpful expectations.

  “Maybe we have to think backwards a little bit to what are my expectations for the holiday? What are the ones that never get met that always leave me disappointed?” — Niro Feliciano (14:00)

Boundaries and Family Drama

• Recognizing the Need for Boundaries

  “Any area of your life where you generally feel resentful or depleted... is an area that likely necessitates some boundary.” — Niro Feliciano (16:42)

• Practical Boundary-Setting Example
  Niro shares a friend’s story about limiting family’s holiday stay to maintain joy, emphasizing communicating limits clearly and kindly.
  (17:23-18:30)

• Letting Go of Unresolvable Conflict

  “If we've had this conflict for 20 years, we don’t necessarily have to solve it this holiday. ... Ask yourself what conflict is not worth addressing this holiday season?” — Niro Feliciano (19:05)

Coping With Holiday Anxiety

• Breathwork and Cold Therapy
  Niro suggests calming anxiety through slow exhalation (inhale 4, exhale 6) and exposure to cold (ice packs, cold water), both of which reset the nervous system.

  “It stimulates the vagus nerve and that puts us into parasympathetic, which is the rest and relaxed part of our nervous system.” — Niro Feliciano (20:34-21:13)

• The Power of Optionality

  “Most of what we do during the holiday season is actually optional.” — Marielle Segarra (21:58)

• Prioritizing Your Joy Benefits Others

  “Your joy is so important, and it will make a difference in how other people experience joy around you.” — Niro Feliciano (22:14)

GLAD Practice: A Gratitude Technique

• GLAD: Grateful, Learned, Accomplished, Delight
  This daily or seasonal reflection helps anchor gratitude and positive focus:
  • G: What are you grateful for?
  • L: What have you learned about yourself or others?
  • A: What have you accomplished? (small things count!)
  • D: What brings you delight? (23:04-24:16)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “In all the doing I am missing being.” — Niro Feliciano, reflecting on a missed Christmas morning (05:54)
• “Focus on connection over perfection.” — Marielle Segarra, recurring theme (09:06)
• “Shifting it to ‘I get to’ helps us to recognize privilege. ... that often leads us into gratitude.” — Niro Feliciano (11:15)
• “If we’ve had this conflict for 20 years, we don’t necessarily have to solve it this holiday.” — Niro Feliciano (19:05)
• “Most of what we do during the holiday season is actually optional.” — Marielle Segarra (21:58)
• “GLAD stands for what are you Grateful for, what have you Learned, what have you Accomplished, and what brings you Delight.” — Niro Feliciano (23:04)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:42] Niro describes the creeping dread of holiday overload
• [05:11] Niro’s story of missing presence on Christmas morning
• [07:02] Marielle’s childhood reflection on her exhausted mother
• [09:06] Takeaway: Connection over perfection
• [10:32] Letting go of unnecessary holiday “shoulds”
• [11:00] Mindset shift: “I get to” vs. “I have to”
• [13:41] Revising expectations for family time
• [16:42] Defining and applying boundaries
• [19:05] Identifying which family conflicts not to address
• [20:33] Techniques for calming holiday anxiety
• [23:04] The GLAD gratitude practice

Five Big Takeaways (Recap)

[24:24]

1. Focus on Connection Over Perfection
   Let go of getting everything “just right” in favor of meaningful connections.

2. Choose Three Moments to Be Fully Present For
   Decide what truly matters most—and consider what you can stop doing to make space for those moments. Shift your mindset from “I have to” to “I get to.”

3. Revisit Your Assumptions
   Ask what expectations, often unmet, are driving your disappointment and revise them for realism and kindness.

4. Set and Communicate Clear Boundaries
   Be honest about what you can handle, and remember you’re not obligated to fix long-standing family issues.

5. Use Simple Techniques to Reset Anxiety
   Practice calming breathwork, use cold as a reset, and reframe your thoughts with the GLAD meditation.

This episode offers a relatable, compassionate conversation infused with humor, honesty, and plenty of actionable strategies. Both host and guest model self-compassion and serve as a reminder that a joyful holiday is possible—if only we slow down, set boundaries, and focus on what (and who) truly matters.