Life Kit Podcast Summary: "Why It's So Hard to Accept Compliments"

Release Date: July 15, 2025
Host: Marielle Segarra
Reporter: Andy Tagle
Guest: Xuan Zhao, Behavioral Scientist and CEO/Co-founder of Flourish Science
Featured: Alec Cohen, Choreographer and Dance Director

Introduction: The Struggle with Accepting Compliments

In the episode titled "Why It's So Hard to Accept Compliments," NPR’s Life Kit explores the common discomfort many people feel when receiving genuine compliments. Host Marielle Segarra opens the discussion by sharing her observations and a personal anecdote about her younger cousin, who effortlessly accepts compliments, inspiring Segarra to delve deeper into this social challenge.

Marielle Segarra [00:15]: "Many of us were never taught how to accept a compliment."

Alec Cohen’s Dance Class: A Metaphor for Embracing Praise

To illustrate the discomfort surrounding compliments, reporter Andy Tagle introduces Alec Cohen, a choreographer who uses dance as a tool to build confidence and acceptance of praise. Alec guides participants through a "mini version of Intro to Pop Star," encouraging them to embody the confident energy often associated with pop stars.

Alec Cohen [06:17]: "If you just say thank you in that moment, it'll be done with. And I think over time, just saying thank you will become a practice."

The reporter shares her personal struggle with accepting compliments, highlighting how cultural upbringing and self-esteem issues can contribute to the discomfort.

Unnamed Reporter [04:22]: "I have a near allergic aversion to receiving praise. I'm so bad at taking compliments."

Expert Insights with Xuan Zhao: The Science Behind Compliments

The episode features an in-depth interview with Xuan Zhao, a behavioral scientist at Stanford University and CEO/Co-founder of Flourish Science. Zhao discusses her research on social connections and the profound impact of genuine compliments.

Xuan Zhao [07:27]: "We actually underestimate the power of our compliments on other people. People actually feel even happier than you would expect."

Research Findings: The True Impact of Compliments

Zhao highlights a study where recipients of daily compliments reported increased happiness, contrary to senders' beliefs that recipients might feel overwhelmed or indifferent.

Xuan Zhao [07:52]: "The recipient, each time, they got really, really happy because it's a new compliment."

She emphasizes that compliments act as rewards, activating the brain's reward circuits similarly to money, but without any loss to the giver.

Xuan Zhao [09:00]: "When you receive a compliment, your brain, the reward circuit, lights up, just like when you receive money."

Key Takeaways: How to Effectively Give and Receive Compliments

1. Compliments as Opportunities for Connection

Compliments serve as powerful tools for building and strengthening relationships. Both the giver and receiver benefit emotionally and socially.

Xuan Zhao [10:22]: "A compliment is an opportunity to connect with another person. This is an opportunity to brighten another person's day."

2. Understanding the Barriers to Accepting Compliments

Various factors, including cultural norms, self-esteem, and personal upbringing, can make it challenging to accept praise. Recognizing these barriers is the first step toward overcoming them.

Xuan Zhao [13:11]: "Compliments can be hard to receive for lots of reasons. Like were you taught never to be boastful or were you raised in a culture where a compliment might be perceived as jealousy?"

3. Viewing Compliments as Unconditional Gifts

Approaching compliments as gifts with no strings attached can alleviate the pressure to respond immediately or reciprocate, making it easier to accept them graciously.

Xuan Zhao [16:27]: "Compliment is a gift, and oftentimes when we give it, we want to give it as an unconditional gift to another person."

4. Being Specific and Sincere in Your Praise

Specificity in compliments enhances their impact. Rather than generic praise, highlighting particular traits or actions makes the appreciation more meaningful.

Xuan Zhao [18:08]: "When a compliment is more specific... say more specific about, oh, I really like how you approach the go-to-market strategy."

Personal Stories: The Lasting Impact of Compliments

Zhao shares a heartfelt story about how a simple compliment on her eyes altered her perception and decision-making regarding beauty standards imposed by society.

Xuan Zhao [19:35]: "Your kind words might turn another person's day around and even change their life."

Meanwhile, the reporter reflects on her experience in Alec Cohen’s dance class, noting a positive shift in her self-perception after receiving genuine praise.

Unnamed Reporter [21:24]: "I couldn't help but just feel a little bit good about myself too."

Conclusion: Embracing the Power of Compliments

The episode wraps up with a recap of the four key takeaways, reinforcing the idea that compliments are valuable tools for enhancing personal and professional relationships. Listeners are encouraged to give and receive compliments thoughtfully and sincerely, recognizing their significant positive impact.

Andy Tagle [22:01]: "Takeaway 1: A compliment is an opportunity for connection that benefits both the giver and the receiver... Takeaway 4: When offering praise, be specific. Maybe think about the compliments that have meant the most to you."

Final Thoughts

"Why It's So Hard to Accept Compliments" offers a comprehensive exploration of the psychological and social dynamics involved in giving and receiving praise. Through expert insights, personal anecdotes, and practical takeaways, the episode empowers listeners to harness the positive power of compliments to foster deeper connections and enhance their well-being.