There's a huge difference between flattery and a sincere compliment. Flattery is a form of manipulation where someone showers praise or attention on a person in order to ingratiate themselves or gratify the person's vanity (Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary). It's the motive that's wrong. I say something positive to gain a person's trust so I can influence them or protect myself. I assume all of us find ourselves doing this on occasion. For the most part we're not even conscious we are doing it until we hear it coming out of our mouths. And flattery doesn't necessarily require lying. Everything I have said about a person may be true. What makes it flattery is why I said it. The very same words could be said with a different motive and be a sincere compliment.

As we read Paul's letter to believers in Rome, we might ask if he is flattering them so they'll welcome him when he arrives, or is he complimenting them in order to encourage them in their service of the Lord? One doesn't have to read far in Paul's letters to discover he is quite willing to confront and correct when it's needed (1Co 11:17-22; Gal 3:1,3). There's simply nothing in him that's falsely manipulative. Strongly authoritative at times, yes, but manipulative, no. Yet the same man who will bluntly speak truth is also willing to compliment, and he does it well. Even though his words aren't directed to us personally, we find it encouraging and healing just to listen to such heartfelt approval. He has a grace each of us would do well to learn because we are surrounded by people who desperately need to be complimented.

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