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Hi, I'm Mariana and I'm the host of the Life with Mariana podcast. Today we're diving into a really interesting topic and it's become such a powerful tool for self discovery, personal growth, and really improving relationships. And it's the Enneagram. You guys might have seen this going around on TikTok or Instagram or seen this around. Maybe you've already taken a quiz. But. But if you don't know and if you're not familiar with Enneagrams, it's a personality framework and it really helps to identify nine distinct types of people. It's more than just our personality test. It's really a way to understand your motivations, fears and desires that really drive you at your core. So by learning your Enneagram type, you can really uncover the patterns in your thoughts and behaviors and gain so many more insights into how to grow and connect with yourself and others. So I would recommend if you're listening to this episode and you don't know what your type is, to pause or take a beat for a second and go to a free quiz. It only takes a couple, couple minutes to do. Like I literally did it so fast. And I think by knowing the three main types that you are before listening to this episode, it's really helpful. So when she talks about the different types, you can understand a little bit more about yourself. So I took my quiz before recording this episode with her and I really felt like my three main types were very spot on. And I love the positive aspects about those types, about me, my motivations. But then having those fears also were really interesting for me to know because I understood what drove me to have those things that were patterns that were showing up in my life. So there's nine Enneagram types, types that she's going to talk about in this episode. She refers to them by type 1, 2, 3, etc. And other sites that you might take a quiz, you might see that it's called by a name. So I'm going to tell you the nine different types and the number and the name. So depending on what site you took your quiz on, you can see which one resonates with you. Type one is the reformer, and these are people that are idealistic, principled and driven by a desire to improve the world. Type 2 is the helper. They are caring, generous and motivated by the need to feel loved and needed. Type 3, the achiever, is ambitious, adaptable and focused on success and recognition. Type 4, the individualist, is creative Introspective and longing to find their unique place in the world. There's a couple more types to go through. We've got type five, the Investigator. They're curious, independent and always seeking knowledge. Type six is the Loyalist. They're loyal, responsible and guided by a need for security and support. Type 7 is the enthusiast. And they're optimistic, adventurous and in pursuit of new and Fun experiences. Type 8's the Challenger. These people are confident, assertive and protective of themselves and others. And finally, type nine, the Peacemaker. They're easygoing, accommodating and striving for harmony and peace. Hopefully. When I said a few of those types, you were like, okay, a couple of these definitely resonate with me. So as soon as I did the quiz, I was like, okay, I definitely know which types I am and it definitely resonated when I got my scores. So if you're curious about your Enneagram type, you can take any free quiz online, just Google it. Or you can find a recommended resource like truity.com and it's a really quick and easy way to figure out your type and prepare for the episode. I'll also put it in the show notes so you guys can find it easily there and take your quiz. And the Enneagram is a tool for personal growth and self awareness. So once you take the quiz you're like, okay, what do I actually do with this information? It can really help you recognize your strengths and challenges so you can work towards becoming the best version of yourself. And beyond that, it's really incredibly useful in understanding the people around you. So whether it's your partner, friends or colleagues, when you know someone's Enneagram type, you can really understand their perspective. You can communicate with them more effectively and build stronger relationships. Even without having people in my life take the quiz, I can look at these and I'm like, okay. I'm pretty sure I know that the people in my life are these certain numbers or names. And so it's really helpful for me to understand them a little bit more. So in this episode, if you want to learn a little bit more about Enneagrams, I've got Stephanie Barinhaal. Stephanie is an Enneagram coach, speaker and author of the book Enneagram in Real Life. Find your type, understand who you are and take steps towards growth. Her book is available for pre order now and I have it linked in the show notes and it's available in January. And her work makes the Enneagram practical and approachable and I can't Wait for her to share her wisdom with you. So let's dive into the conversation. So for those people who are new to Enneagrams, can you explain to me what exactly it is?
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So the Enneagram is a motivation based personality framework. And I say personality framework, but really it's a tool for self development and personal growth. And it is oriented around nine core types or archetypes. And basically these are. These each have this specific motivation or this underlying driving force that is underneath all their outer behavior. So that's what it is kind of in a nutshell. But it's a little bit different from some of the other tools you might be familiar with because it's very growth oriented. So it doesn't describe who you are right now. It kind of describes where you've been and what your growth path is.
B
Does it change for people? Like, if I take it a year from now, could it be different from today?
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So your assessment results might change, but that doesn't mean your type has changed. So Enneagram assessments are very imperfect because it's very difficult to understand motivation. And so that's why I always recommend that people check out, you know, their assessment, if they want to take an assessment, and then really dive deep into those top three results and figure out if one of those fits. Well, typically your. One of your top three results will fit. It's not always the case though. So that's why some people get different results. But your type doesn't change actually throughout life, even though we do change and grow. Right. But we're still kind of dealing with these underlying motivations that are really beneath the surface.
B
And what are the nine different types?
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I'll share the motivations and I use the number rather than using something like one of the nicknames or the monikers because I find that those can be misleading. So I'll start with type 1. So ones are motivated by a need to be good, right. And correct. And this is not about being good at things. It's about being morally and ethically a good person according to their own personal, moral, ethical code. And each type also has something that they're avoiding. And so ones are avoiding being corrupt or bad in some way. And so they have this inner critic that kind of keeps them on the straight and narrow, if you will. Type twos are motivated by a need to be loved and wanted and needed. And this is really about building positive rapport with other people. They put all of their energy and investment into really positive, strong relationships and have this encouraging and lots of advice giving Demeanor with other people, and they want to avoid being discarded or rejected. And sometimes twos can feel like if they're not helpful or loving or lovable to others, then they have like, this underlying sense of worthlessness. Threes also have this sense of worthlessness, but it comes from a different place. So threes are motivated by a need to be successful and valuable and admired. And they fear that if others around them don't admire them or value them or think that they're really impressive, that maybe there's like nothing to them after all. They kind of put on this external performance of who they believe that they are, and underneath the surface, they really fear being worthless or failing to meet their full potential. Failure is especially painful for threes, to the point that they often are the type of person who will only do things that they're already good at. Fours are motivated by this need to find and express their truest, most authentic identity. And they are plumbing the depths of their psyche. They have this rich interior landscape that they're looking to know more about themselves and to feel more. And they're really skilled at kind of being able to pinpoint what they're feeling, even if they don't always say it out loud. They are really searching constantly, kind of soul searching to know more and to understand more about themselves. And they want to avoid being inauthentic or insignificant. So they are the type of person who's always going to put their own special little flare on something, which is, I think, kind of a cool thing about fours. Now we have fives, and they are motivated by a need to be competent and self sufficient. And their worst case scenario that they're avoiding is being depleted or intruded upon. And these two things kind of play together because fives find that if they are self sufficient, they can meet all their own needs. They won't need anything from anyone else, and no one else will ever intrude upon them or deplete them of their very precious resources, which are mostly about time, energy, emotional energy. Those sorts of resources are the most important to them. But they do really care about, you know, having a private space as well. And they work really hard to create margin in their lives so that they don't ever have to feel kind of pressed or pressured. And then we have sixes. Sixes are motivated by a need to find certainty. And they find that safety and security can help them feel more comfortable on their search for certainty. But unfortunately, certainty is elusive. And the closer they get to this concept of absolute certainty, the more they find it kind of slipping through their fingers. They're kind of known for being anxious, but I think one of the things that marks them is actually that they're doing everything they possibly can to mitigate feeling fear or feeling afraid. That is really the worst case scenario for them. And they're avoiding their worst case scenario coming to fruition. So they are the type of people who really think ahead and are like, okay, this could happen, this could happen, this could happen. How am I going to mitigate that? And some sixes do that by planning, and some sixes do that by saying, I'm not going to let fear conquer me. And they try to scare the fear off. Then we have sevens who are in a lot of ways opposite of sixes. So whereas sixes see how everything might go wrong, sevens see how everything is going to go right. And so they're motivated by a need to be free to explore the world of opportunity. And they are really driven by freedom, the sense of, like, being really limitless and being kind of aware of so many different experiences and possibilities and just positivity and fun and interest. And they're really after mental stimulation, though. So a lot of the time people say, oh, they just like to have have fun, but they really like to be mentally engaged and engrossed in whatever they're doing. And they're avoiding being trapped in pain or boredom. And often boredom feels physically painful for sevens. So eights are motivated by a need to be against, and this is not to be against, as in just to be contrarian for contrarian sake. They kind of have this tough exterior that lets other people know, hey, you can't overpower me. You can't overtake me. I have to protect myself. And they don't want to be vulnerable to other people because being vulnerable means they could be betrayed or controlled by somebody else. And so that's what they're really avoiding. So even though, you know, many eights do have this really loving and kind and tender part of themselves, what most people see is this tough exterior. They're very strong, they're very dynamic. They're concrete. They don't like to think in abstractions. They're. They're just very practical people, very dynamic. And that's what the world gets to see for the most part. And then we have nines who are motivated by a need to be at peace internally and externally. And they do that by kind of carving out this comfortable space for themselves where they won't be bothered. They can be comfortable. They can kind of feel like a little bit neutral and just turn down the volume on all of the opinions and chaos around them. And they avoid being the cause of discord or disconnection. And they kind of fear that if somebody wants something different from what I want, that will be conflict. So they want to avoid that. And so they do that by really merging and being really easygoing and kind of going along to get along with other people.
B
As you went through these types, there's definitely a few that stand out to me. So I took the quiz before we recorded because I was like, okay, I want to know more about myself. And when you were describing the numbers that coincide with my personality, it is definitely really spot on. And I'm sure other people are doing the same and they're hearing things about themselves. I think the good things are great, but I think maybe the things that we want to avoid are the things we want to work on. So once we take this quiz, we find out our type. What do we actually do with this information? How can it help us? Guys? The holidays are almost here. It is mid December now, and I know that you might still have a little bit of shopping left to do. And it's okay if you didn't get your holiday shopping done as early as you hoped because Oui is making it really easy to give way better gifts. 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And if you're not traveling to New York, I would definitely go to their site because Saks.com is making it really easy for me to find gifts for everyone on my list, even the pickiest people or the things that I'm looking for myself. @saks.com there's holiday inspiration for everyone. So if you're thinking about friends that travel or the host or people who love beauty products and fashion, there is literally everything that you could think of. They've got something for everyone and every personality. Like your hard to shop for friends. And I want to share with you guys a few things that you might be looking for. There are so many great stocking stuffers on their site and one thing that I know so many people in my life would love is the Dagny Dover Mara phone sling bag. It's a little crossbody bag that you can wear and it literally just takes your phone with you. So if you're going out for a walk or you're traveling, it's a really great bag to take with you no matter where you go. 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A
The first thing is just to observe how those things are playing out in your life. So like I mentioned, the quiz can be useful, it can be a good tool, but it's not the end all, be all for what your type is. So I really encourage people. I think the first step is to really verify that you've got the right type. So say you really resonate with 3, 7, and 9. Then I'd say dive deeper into those types and learn more about what it's like to be each of those types and how they show up in the world and listen to different podcasts and really read and research. But just start to observe yourself. Maybe you start a daily check in where you're like, okay, where have I seen different aspects of this type show up in my life today. And you don't have to change anything immediately. It's just about noticing what you're seeing and how things are showing up.
B
I would say what an example for me is. So one of my numbers that showed up was six. And I think the parts of it that I like are security planning, best case scenario. Like, I like those parts of my personality, but the anxious part of it is something I would want to work on. So if we see to ourselves, like, okay, there is a part of this that I don't love, but I see that this is who I am. Is there a way that we can change this? Or how can we use this as a tool for self improvement?
A
So I kind of make the analogy that it's more about understanding that each of these types is a lens that we through which we see the world. And when we're unaware that we are looking through this lens, it's like a pinhole. So we can only see what's in our scope. So for Sixes, for example, we can only see what's out there to be afraid of or to be anxious about or worried about. And so part of the work of the doing enneagram work is zooming out. So instead of looking through a pinhole lens, trying over time to look through a wide angle lens. So that's kind of how we work on that. It's not to absolve ourselves of these qualities that we don't like. It's more so to see that there are other ways of looking at the world that are not so fixed that will be more useful. And so maybe the anxiety or concern is still part of it, but maybe you also build this inner resource of saying, you know what, this is what I want to do and I am terrified, but I'm going to do it anyway. And using that courage that Sixes also have.
B
Have you found that there are certain types that are more compatible in a romantic relationship? And what do you do if you are one type and then your partner is another type and it's just really clashing? Like I think you were saying it, maybe it was like 6 and 7 are really opposite.
A
I firmly believe any type pairing can work. And sometimes people are like, should I break up with my boyfriend because they're this other type? And I think we're not compatible, but it's not really the case. Any type pairing can work. It's more about what will work for you and more about being in a partnership where you're both working toward being a better or more aware or more conscientious person. And so I think the things that where we end up clashing, what can be helpful is understanding why we're clashing. Like what does your behavior, you know, or your motivation trigger in me and understanding it through that lens.
B
And how can we use Enneagrams in the workplace and with our co workers or people that we're managing or with our boss?
A
This is one of my key applications in the way that I use the Enneagram, which is I do a lot of corporate work and a lot of off sites and things like that for teams. And I think the most useful thing is first to understand yourself, right? So understand what am I bringing to the table at work? What hidden motivations do I have that I'm not even aware of, that I'm bringing in here? And then the second thing is to recognize that other people are coming from a different place. So for example, if I'm the type of person who gets really quiet when I'm angry and I go into a meeting and my colleague is in there and they are quiet, I might start assuming that their behavior is my motivation, right? So say I'm like, okay, if I get quiet when I'm angry, they're quiet. So that means they must be angry. But what they could actually be doing is thinking or processing or maybe they're tired or they're sick or they've got something entirely different on their mind. And so it's really useful to instead of kind of making that assumption to recognize, okay, they've got something else going on, they've got a different motivation. And that really, really helps with communication because instead of assuming that they're doing this thing and you know, now I'm going to be defensive toward them or short with them or something, which is unprofessional, of course, but we do that because we're human. We can kind of engage from a different place. We can be more curious, we could ask questions, we can be more open. And that's one of the most helpful things we can do because it really helps us engage with more curiosity and more empathy with one another when we're communicating in the workplace.
B
And in your book you talk about one of the strengths being this emphasis on practical real world applications. So how does somebody say, okay, I want to use my Enneagram in my everyday life and just be conscious of what my main types are.
A
One of the main things I think is learning to self reflect and then learning to self observe. So self reflection is like after the fact and it's thinking okay, what was I doing earlier and why did I do that? Self observation is in the moment. So it's saying, oh, I'm doing the thing right now. What do I want to do differently? So using those two skills as tools and I'll give an example of how to build the self reflection and self observation skills. But being able to do that helps you to build kind of a space to where you have a different. You have an option, right? Like it's building that wide angle lens I mentioned. So I don't always have to like look through the pinhole and choose the only option. Within this pinhole I can have a wider angle lens and I have a lot more options. So to build this, one thing you could try is set an alarm on your phone. Maybe it's every day at 8pm, 9pm something a little bit before you go to bed and ask yourself a few questions. How did I see my type show up today? What did that look like? How did I handle it? Could have handled it better? Could I have done something a little bit different that might have had a better outcome? Or what would the person I want to be have done in that moment? So just those simple self reflection questions and doing that on a regular basis actually helps you then develop the skill to in the moment be like, oh, I'm doing the thing. How do I want to handle this?
B
Yeah, I think that that reflection is really important to have, especially when you're going through things because sometimes in the moment you don't realize you're doing it. And the reflection at the end of the day is really nice to just be like, okay, how did I act today? How did I feel? What did I like about this and what am I hoping to improve? And you talk a lot about this nonlinear journey. So can you elaborate why having this perspective is so important? Especially when using enneagrams to have self awareness.
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I've seen over the past several years this really like self improvement, self help thing happening where there's an expectation that everything is up and to the right, if you know what I mean. Like you're always improving, you're always getting better, you're always growing. And that is simply not realistic. And one of the things that I've kind of seen the most is two different phenomena that happening. One is just cycles of big growth and then kind of just like letting things settle in. And I know for me, for myself, I actually burned myself out by trying to do way too much all the time. And I had to pull back and let myself just kind of Settle into these new practices that I wanted. But there's also some interesting concepts from different psychologists. One of them is Richard Boyaltis, and he talks about the sleeper effect versus the honeymoon effect. So the honeymoon effect is what happens right after a big growth event. You learn something new. Maybe you went on a retreat or you read a really awesome book and you're like, yes, I'm changing everything, I'm doing everything. And it feels really good and natural. And then shortly thereafter, a few weeks later, it doesn't feel as good anymore. So you're still trying to do all the things and you're like, ah, I feel like I didn't actually grow. And you start to get bummed, you start to get down on yourself. It doesn't feel as great anymore. But then there's also the sleeper effect. So the sleeper effect is that about six to 12 months after that initial growth event is when you'll see a lot of the actual integration of the growth processes take place. So that's when you actually get to see the growth where it feels more natural again. But sometimes we get really discouraged in that middle ground. And so I always want to encourage people that it's okay that it feels hard, it's okay that it feels, you know, arduous to maybe do your journaling or your check in or self observation because it does get better and it does get easier over time because it has to take time to integrate.
B
I know. And that growth over time is really difficult for people, especially when a lot of times so many of us want something to happen right now, if we're doing the work, we want to feel better tomorrow. So how can someone stay patient with themselves while working on this? Through self reflection and emotional regulation over time? Because when you tell someone, okay, it might be a year till you feel better, it's a little bit discouraging.
A
I think self compassion is an excellent tool here. And I know that it's been talked about a lot in the past few years as well. And I just, I just can't like emphasize it enough. So what I mean by self compassion is not, oh, I can just do whatever and it's fine. What I mean by self compassion is maybe you made a mistake and you say, you know what, I understand why that happened and it doesn't change my worth as a human being, even if I did something wrong or I did something hurtful towards somebody else. And it allows you to have a little bit more space around, okay, I'm not a bad person. I did make a mistake. What can I do to make it right. And it gives you a little bit more space to do that. So I think in general, just being patient with yourself throughout that process, I think that's probably one of the most powerful things that we could do.
B
And you have so much more in your book. So can you tell us a little bit more about Enneagram in real life and who is this book for?
A
This book is for new and somewhat experienced Enneagram learners. I find that a lot of people read a lot online, like or on social media, and then they think, oh, I know everything there is to know about the Enneagram. But those people come to me and they're like, I can't figure out how to apply this information. And the reason for that is because there is still lack of understanding of the types themselves and the depths of the types. So in the book, I really lay the groundwork for what is the Enneagram, how does the system work, all of that stuff. And then I go deep into each individual type and give you, I mean, not even close to all the information there is about the Enneagram, but certainly enough where you can really understand your type in a deep way. And one of the most important things for people to read in there is the subtypes. So we don't have time to get into that today, of course, but that is one treat that you'll find in there, that it's going to be so, so helpful for you to understand your type and understand your growth path.
B
Amazing. Well, where can everyone find your book and follow you?
A
You can find Enneagram in Real Life by Stephanie Baron hall anywhere books are sold. But you can also find it on my website, which is nine types, all spelled out dot co. And you can find me on Instagram at nine types co. And that's where you'll kind of find the hub for all of my other information.
B
Amazing. Thank you so much. Thanks so much for listening. And be sure to subscribe to my podcast and rate and review because it would mean so much to me. And follow me on Instagram at Mariana Hewitt to see what episodes are coming up next.
A
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Podcast Summary: "Discover Your Enneagram Type: The Key to Personal Growth, Better Relationships, and Self-Awareness with Enneagram Coach Stephanie Barron Hall"
Life with Marianna
Host: Marianna Hewitt
Guest: Stephanie Barron Hall, Enneagram Coach, Speaker, and Author of Enneagram in Real Life
Release Date: December 10, 2024
In this enlightening episode of Life with Marianna, host Marianna Hewitt delves into the transformative world of the Enneagram with guest Stephanie Barron Hall. Marianna introduces the Enneagram as a robust tool for self-discovery, personal growth, and enhancing relationships. Highlighting its rising popularity on platforms like TikTok and Instagram, Marianna emphasizes the Enneagram's depth beyond a typical personality test.
Marianna (00:07):
"It's a personality framework that helps identify nine distinct types of people. It's more than just our personality test; it's a way to understand your motivations, fears, and desires that drive you at your core."
Stephanie Barron Hall provides a comprehensive overview of the Enneagram, describing it as a motivation-based personality system centered around nine core types or archetypes. Unlike other personality assessments, the Enneagram is deeply rooted in personal growth, focusing on underlying motivations and the path toward self-improvement.
Stephanie (04:09):
"The Enneagram is a motivation-based personality framework. It's a tool for self-development and personal growth, oriented around nine core types, each with specific motivations and underlying driving forces beneath their outer behavior."
Stephanie meticulously outlines each of the nine Enneagram types, detailing their core motivations and fears. Marianna also shares her experience of taking the Enneagram quiz, finding her results to be highly accurate and insightful.
Type 1: The Reformer
Stephanie (05:39):
"Type Ones are motivated by a need to be morally and ethically good according to their personal code. They have an inner critic that keeps them striving for perfection."
Type 2: The Helper
Type 3: The Achiever
Type 4: The Individualist
Type 5: The Investigator
Type 6: The Loyalist
Type 7: The Enthusiast
Type 8: The Challenger
Type 9: The Peacemaker
Marianna (12:06):
"When I was describing the numbers that coincide with my personality, it was really spot on. The positive aspects are great, but the fears are what I want to work on."
Personal Growth and Self-Awareness
Stephanie emphasizes that understanding one's Enneagram type can illuminate personal strengths and challenges, guiding individuals toward becoming their best selves. By recognizing innate motivations and fears, individuals can navigate their growth paths more effectively.
Stephanie (16:43):
"The first step is to verify your type. Dive deeper into your top results and observe how these motivations play out in your life. Start a daily check-in to notice patterns in your thoughts and behaviors."
Enhancing Relationships
Understanding the Enneagram fosters deeper empathy and better communication in relationships. By knowing a partner's, friend's, or colleague's type, one can appreciate their perspectives and motivations, leading to stronger and more harmonious connections.
Stephanie (19:04):
"I firmly believe any type pairing can work. It's about being in a partnership where both are working toward being more aware and conscientious individuals."
Applying Enneagram in the Workplace
Stephanie shares insights on leveraging the Enneagram in professional settings. By understanding one's own type and recognizing others', individuals can improve workplace dynamics, enhance communication, and foster a more collaborative environment.
Stephanie (20:06):
"Understanding yourself and others' motivations helps in mitigating misunderstandings. It fosters curiosity and empathy, making communication more effective in the workplace."
Self-Reflection and Self-Observation
Stephanie advocates for consistent self-reflection and self-observation as tools for growth. By regularly assessing one's actions and motivations, individuals can develop a broader perspective and make more informed, conscious choices.
Stephanie (22:01):
"Set an alarm daily to ask yourself how your type showed up today. Reflect on your actions and consider what you could do differently to align with the person you want to be."
Embracing a Nonlinear Growth Journey
Acknowledging that personal growth isn't a straight path, Stephanie discusses the importance of patience and self-compassion. She highlights the "honeymoon effect" and "sleeper effect," explaining how initial enthusiasm may wane before deeper, lasting growth takes hold.
Stephanie (23:59):
"It's okay that it feels hard. Growth takes time to integrate. Self-compassion allows you to understand that making mistakes doesn't change your worth as a human being."
Stephanie introduces her book, Enneagram in Real Life, designed for both newcomers and those with some Enneagram knowledge. The book offers practical applications and delves deep into each type, including subtypes, providing readers with tools to apply the Enneagram in everyday scenarios.
Stephanie (27:10):
"This book lays the groundwork for understanding the Enneagram system and provides deep insights into each type. The subtypes section is particularly helpful for understanding your growth path."
Marianna wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to explore their Enneagram types through recommended resources and Stephanie's forthcoming book. She emphasizes the Enneagram's potential to unlock personal and relational growth, urging listeners to subscribe and follow for more inspiring content.
Notable Quotes:
"The Enneagram is a motivation-based personality framework... it's a tool for self-development and personal growth." — Stephanie Barron Hall [04:09]
"Any type pairing can work. It's about being in a partnership where both are working toward being more aware and conscientious individuals." — Stephanie Barron Hall [19:04]
"Self-compassion allows you to understand that making mistakes doesn't change your worth as a human being." — Stephanie Barron Hall [23:59]
Resources Mentioned:
Book: Enneagram in Real Life by Stephanie Barron Hall
Available for pre-order in January [28:12].
Website: nine.types.co
Follow Stephanie on Instagram at @nine.types.co
This summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions on the Enneagram, its nine types, and practical applications for personal and professional growth. For a deeper dive, listening to the full episode is highly recommended.