"Eat, Prey, Love..." by Jilly Dreadful + "The Devourers Of War..." by Oluwatomiwa Ajeigbe

Summary

LIGHTSPEED MAGAZINE PODCAST – Episode Summary
Date: March 5, 2026
Host: Janina Edwards (Adamant Press)
Stories:

1. "Eat, Pray, Love, A Modest Proposal for Ensuring Gender Equality through Selective Dietary Practices or A Geriatric Millennial's Guide to Girl Dinner" by Jilly Dreadful, narrated by Susan Hanfield
2. "The Devourers of War, or An Excerpt from the Cookbook of the Gods" by Oluwatomiwa Ajegbe, narrated by Stefan Rudnicki

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Episode Overview

This episode features two striking contemporary speculative tales:

• "Eat, Pray, Love..." is a sharp, satirical look at digital culture and gender politics through the lens of the viral "girl dinner" trend, reimagined with a darkly literal twist.
• "The Devourers of War..." is a mythic fantasia in which a trickster-god battles the incarnations of humanity’s greatest woes—disease, hunger, curses, imprisonment, and death—after the world's gods have fallen.

Both stories explore the nature of power, the consequences of collective action, and the complicated pursuit of balance, social or cosmic.

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Story One: Eat, Pray, Love, A Modest Proposal for Ensuring Gender Equality through Selective Dietary Practices

by Jilly Dreadful
Narrated by Susan Hanfield
Time: [02:14] – [11:36]

Main Themes

• Satirical reimagining of “girl dinner” as a social media-driven, literal cannibalistic trend targeting men displaying toxic masculinity.
• Exploration of how meme culture, social radicalization, and the digital algorithm can shape—and even catastrophize—collective behaviors and gender politics.

Key Discussion Points and Plot Highlights

• Origins of the Trend:
  “The earliest videos went something like disembodied female voices singing strange intonations of the words girl dinner… as the visuals… featured dozens of increasingly strange combinations of food.” [02:35]

• Escalation and Media Reaction:

  • Videos escalate from odd snacks to suggestions of cannibalism (e.g., human ear with sautéed vegetables, an “ex-husband’s eyeball” in ramen).
  • Social media platforms attempt to scrub the disturbing content, fueling conspiracy theories about the origins (e.g., solar flare interference or algorithmic manipulation).

• Cultural Impact:

  • High-profile, possibly staged “girl dinners,” such as Kathy Griffin hosting an event with a “pit roasted provocateur” (speculated to be Jake Paul), become viral moments blending morbid irony and internet spectacle.
  • Cultural commentators and meme-makers eagerly pile on, with lines like:
    “Dudes really would rather be spit roasted than go to therapy.” [Approx. 04:58]

• Academic and Societal Aftermath:

  • “Toxic masculini”—new cuisine trend announced tongue-in-cheek offering “ethically sourced man meat.”
  • Academic circles begin submitting dissertations on the gastronomic uses of toxic masculinity; trend dies as “novelty wore off.”
  • Men’s behaviors shift: “Men who once scoffed at the idea of emotional intelligence now flocked to workshops on empathy and active listening. Dating apps introduced toxicity scores alongside height and job titles.” [09:28]

• Digital Folklore and Memetic Transformation:

  • Dr. McGowan theory: girl dinner becomes a modern wendigo/vampire legend—“a new form of digital folklore” helping society process its collective discomforts and desires.

    “What we witnessed was the birth of a new form of digital folklore. Just as our ancestors used stories of Wendigos and vampires to process their fears and desires, we created the Girl Dinner phenomenon to confront the very real monsters in our midst.” [10:07]

• Lingering Effects:

  • “Urban legends spoke of a secret society of women who had tasted power and refused to give it up.”
  • The story closes with an unanswered question:

    “Now that the feast of girl dinner has ended, the hard truths we’ve swallowed sit heavy in our collective gut, demanding to be processed. … Are we finally full? Or has our taste of power only intensified our hunger for lasting change?” [11:18]

Notable Quotes

• “Yelp reviewers raved about the rich flavor profile of entitlement, the tender texture of fragility, and the sweet, sweet saltiness of male tears. ‘It’s fat free and full of irony, my favorite flavor.’” [08:28]
• "A new language emerged, ... spoken in the dialect of hunger and satiation, of power consumed and power shared..." [10:58]

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Story Two: The Devourers of War, or An Excerpt from the Cookbook of the Gods

by Oluwatomiwa Ajegbe
Narrated by Stefan Rudnicki
Time: [15:21] – [76:38]

Main Themes

• Epic confrontation between the last Orisha, Eshu, and the Ajogun—the devourers of death, disease, hunger, curses, and imprisonment.
• Themes of responsibility, trickery, fate, and atonement after the fall of order.
• The burdens (and questionable allure) of absolute power, and the ambiguity of ultimate victory.

Structure and Plot Highlights

1. Opening, Stakes, and Character Introduction ([15:36]–[18:45])

   • Eshu, god of fate and pathways (also a cosmic trickster), is reflecting on his life, facing imminent death: “I have lived for eons, but every single day is running through my mind right now. Every trick I ever pulled, every city destroyed in anger, every lover I took to bed.” [15:44]

2. Backstory – The Fall of the Gods ([18:46]–[23:21])

   • The major Orisha are destroyed by the Ajogun, malevolent entities Eshu himself created to balance the gods’ power.
   • “I was weak, you see. Too confident in my abilities… I became the tool they used to kill the gods.” [21:08]

3. Quest for Balance – Facing the Ajogun ([23:22]–[65:30])

   • Eshu consults the “great mothers who hold all knowledge”—the witches—who task him to return the Ajogun to darkness.
   • Receives a riddle: “One you shall find in the land where no birds fly, one on a burning battlefield, two in a city of bones, and one among the souls of the lost.” [28:16]
   • He defeats, in turn:
     • Arun (Disease) and Abi (Hunger) in City of Bones ([35:20]–[43:40])
       • Wry, dark combat full of riddles, shapeshifting, and trickery.
     • Aone (Imprisonment) on a rain-shrouded island ([44:00]–[53:05])
       • Avoids battle by freeing mortals and banishing the concept of captivity.
     • Apei (Curses) on the burning battlefield ([54:00]–[62:10])
       • Faces manipulation and is nearly cursed with mortality; resists and prevails.

4. Climactic Battle – Death Herself ([65:31]–[76:38])

   • Eshu faces Iku—the feminine incarnation of Death—before the gates of the Underworld.
   • Iku: “You are a treacherous liar, a self centered bastard who only cares about himself… But at least they pretended to care.”
   • Eshu’s chant, used to unmake his creations, is finally stretched to its limits: “With the hands that made you, I craft your destruction. With the tongue that called you forth, I banish you. With the lips that named you, I strip you of your identity. Begone.” [Repeated in multiple battles]
   • Nearly destroyed himself, Eshu ultimately succeeds, but at the cost of his own life:
     “I sighed and fell to my knees. Behind me, the call of the Underworld became stronger. I closed my eyes and traced my fingers on the surface of my staff. Holding it reassured me. ... My journey has not ended. Instead, it has only just begun.” [76:17]

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “The universe is full of mysteries that even an ageless eye cannot see.” [51:30]
• “Only the Maker can unmake with the hands that shaped them. Return the devourers to the darkness.” – The Witches [28:28]
• “If I was lucky enough to survive the Final Devourer, I would lead a quiet life and enjoy some peace. At last.” [62:29]
• “There is no such thing as a fair fight, in my opinion. The purpose of any fight is to win, and that is what I try to do, honor be damned.” [70:20]
• “Her hair tickled my face, and her closeness suffocated me. I started choking, completely powerless in the presence of the Devourer of Death.” [73:00]
• “My body turned to dust and was blown away. I looked down at myself. My new body was transparent. I sighed, or tried to. I had become a soul without a body. I was dead at last.” [76:00]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:14] – "Eat, Pray, Love..." story audio begins.
• [09:28] – Men adapt to new gender realities.
• [10:07] – Theory on digital folklore and new mythos.
• [11:36] – Story one ends; bio of Jilly Dreadful.
• [15:21] – "Devourers of War..." story audio begins.
• [28:16] – The witches' prophecy.
• [35:20] – Confrontation with Disease and Hunger.
• [51:30] – Eshu considers the limitations of godly knowledge.
• [54:00] – Confrontation with Curses.
• [65:31] – Underworld, final battle with Death/Iku.
• [76:38] – Story two ends; bio of Oluwatomiwa Ajegbe.

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Final Thoughts

Both stories channel the magazine’s signature blend of dark humor, incisive social commentary, and grand, mythic imagination.

• “Eat, Pray, Love…” uses the collision of digital trends and ancient folklore to speak to contemporary gender and power struggles in a voice both biting and playful.
• “The Devourers of War…” is sweeping and epic, at once a meditation on responsibility and mortality and a rollicking adventure through a world reshaped by chaos, magic, and regret.

Each invites listeners to reflect on who we empower, what we are willing to consume—and who we become, at the end of a memorable feast.

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Notable Sign-Off:
"Be mindful of your menu. You are who you eat." – Janina Edwards [80:38]

Transcript

[Janina Edwards]

Light speed.

Hello Starshine, the Earth says hello. And welcome to the Lightspeed Magazine Story Podcast. I'm your host, Janina Edwards. In this episode, you'll be listening to Eat, Pray, Love, A Modest Proposal for Ensuring Gender Equality through Selective Dietary Practices or A Geriatric Millennial's Guide to Girl Dinner by Jilly Dreadful and the Devourers of War or an Excerpt from the Cookbook of the Gods by Olwa Tomiwa Adjegbe. First up is our short shot. Eat, Pray, Love, A Modest Proposal for Ensuring Gender Equality through Selective Dietary Practices or A Geriatric Millennial's Guide to girldinner narrated by Susan Handfield. Coming up right after this message,

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[Janina Edwards]

Welcome back. And now Eat, Pray, Love, A Modest Proposal for Ensuring Gender Equality through Selective Dietary Practices or A Geriatric Millennial's Guide to GirlDinner by JillieDretful Narrated by Susan Handfield.

Eat, Pray, Love, A Modest Proposal for Ensuring Gender Equality through Selective Dietary Practices or A Geriatric millennial's guide to GirlDinner by Jilly Dreadful young women aren't inherently cannibalistic, says Dr. McGowan, a leading expert in digital anthropology. It's just the algorithm that can make them this way. The earliest videos went something like disembodied female voices singing strange intonations of the words girl dinner in a voiceover effect, as the visuals of the video featured dozens of increasingly strange combinations of food. A handful of cheesy crackers, grapes, and a stick of string cheese with a line of Sriracha along the top. Girl Dinner A tin of anchovies, a couple gummy worms and a sliced up kiwi Girl Dinner as the trend gained popularity. However, Michelle in Michigan posted a video of sauteed onions and mushrooms with what appeared to be a human ear. Kira in Pennsylvania made herself a bowl of ramen and in the description of the video wrote, is that a soft boiled egg or my narcissistic ex husband's eyeball in my bowl. Who can say? Although social media sites scrubbed their platforms clean of the more graphic content that came later, the true ingredients of the earliest videos were never substantiated. Some channels attribute the digital siren song to a social media algorithm influenced by the sun's static, reported by NOAA's Space Weather Prediction Center. Talking heads and other outlets produce soliloquies lamenting Gen Z's lack of patriarchal respect. But whether it was due to space weather heretofore unseen since 1859's Carrington eventually, or a topic trending amongst an increasingly radicalized audience, only one thing was certain. Young women from all over the United States suddenly started to target men known to exhibit traits of toxic masculinity for literal hashtag girl dinner. It was as if the collective consciousness of womankind had decided to take you are what you eat to its logical, if gruesome, conclusion. In Ojai, California, Kathy Griffin hosted one of her infamous dinner salons where the main course was controversial male influencer Jake Paul. Attendees posted videos to their Instagram stories slow panning around what appeared to be a pit roasted provocateur on a spit. A self styled alpha male reduced to spectacle complete with an apple in his mouth. It's the 15th anniversary of Jennifer's body and hell is eating locally sourced dude bro, quipped Diablo Cody. Her Instagram story garnered not only millions of views, but thousands of comments challenging the validity of the video as a publicity stunt because although she wasn't tagged directly, eagle eyed followers spotted Oscar award winning special FX makeup artist V. Neal also in attend a meme shared more than 1.8 million times captions the scene with dudes really would rather be spit roasted than go to therapy. The women's expressions in the footage carried that same electric anticipation visible on Anthony Joshua's face right before he knocked Jake Paul unconscious in their infamous boxing match. Joy mixed with certainty the look of someone who knows exactly what's about to happen. Months after this girl dinner, Jake Paul still hasn't surfaced. He also hasn't been reported missing, further fueling speculation on whether this was all staged. Another viral comparison paired the dinner footage with clips from Paul's boxing match against Anthony Joshua. Split screens showing the women's gleeful expressions matched perfectly with Joshua's famous smile right before the knockout. Same energy, the captions read. Was it just another outrageous stunt from YouTube's notorious Chaos Merchant? Or was it the ultimate alpha male stunt taken to its horrifying real life. Conclusion after that girldinner, the phenomenon spread faster than a TikTok dance challenge, leaving authorities baffled and men freshly dosed with red pills quaking in their designer suits, nice watches, good belts and dress shirts. Hashtags like EatThePatriarchy and this is what Feminism Tastes like also began trending. As the madness peaked, a new cuisine emerged, playfully named toxic masculini. Every street corner had a sidewalk chalkboard with decorative script advertising their limited time menus featuring ethically sourced man meat. Yelp reviewers raved about the rich flavor profile of entitlement, the tender texture of fragility, and the sweet, sweet saltiness of male tears. It's fat free and full of irony, my favorite flavor. But like all trends, as this one began to wane, it finally reached the hallowed halls of academia. Adartmuth, a PhD candidate, submitted her dissertation on the gastronomic applications of toxic masculinity in the post digital age. Her dissertation is still currently under consideration by the ethics board of the Graduate school. Perhaps it was the shortage of suitable ingredients. Or maybe the novelty simply wore off. Whatever the reason, women across the nation gradually returned to more conventional dining habits. In the aftermath, sociologists, psychologists, and data scientists scrambled to make sense of what had transpired. Was it mass hysteria? A glitch in the collective unconscious? Or simply the logical endpoint of years of pent up frustration? Dr. McGowan proposed a novel theory in her TEDx talk. What we witnessed was the birth of a new form of digital folklore. Just as our ancestors used stories of Wendigos and vampires to process their fears and desires, we created the Girl Dinner phenomenon to confront the very real monsters in our midst. Her words resonated with millions, sparking a global conversation about gender dynamics, online radicalization, and the power of memes to shape reality. As the dust settled, a new equilibrium emerged. Men who once scoffed at the idea of emotional intelligence now flocked to workshops on empathy and active listening. Dating apps introduced toxicity scores alongside height and job titles. And in conference rooms across the country, men eyed their female colleagues with a newfound respect tinged with just a respectable hint of fear. But in the darkest corners of the Internet, whispers persisted. Anonymous forums buzzed with rumors of underground supper clubs where the Girl Dinner tradition lived on. Urban legends spoke of a secret society of women who had tasted power and refused to give it up. Now that the feast of girldinner has ended, the hard truths we've swallowed sit heavy in our collective gut, demanding to be processed. A new language emerged, concluded Dr. McGowan, spoken in the dialect of hunger and satiation of power consumed and power shared for the first time, we all became predator and prey, forever changed by the meal we made of ourselves after having sampled toxic masculinity. Is it ever possible to eliminate our deeply ingrained biases? Or are we destined to simply purge and go back to the way things were? Are we finally full? Or has our taste of power only intensified our hunger for lasting change?

That was Eat, Pray, Love, a modest proposal for ensuring gender equality through selective dietary practices, or a geriatric Millennial's Guide to Girldinner by JillieDredful Narrated by Susan Hanfield Jilly Dreadful writes feminist science fiction about cyborgs, mermaids, and the strange places where bodies and technology coll. Her first book, Stories, a Hope Punk collection of short fiction, won the Sundress Publications Prose manuscript contest in 2020. Her work has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize, long listed by Ellen Datlow for Best Horror of the Year and received honorable mentions for Best Science Fiction of the Year. She has a PhD from University of Southern California. You could call her Dr. Dreadful, but she's not that kind of doctor and is a member of SFWA. When she's not writing fiction, she writes digital ghost stories, publishes dark [e-mail], hosts the Ophelia Frequencies podcast, and is rebooting the online Speculative Fiction workshops for summer 2026. Along with a diverse career on stage and screen, Susan Hanfield is a prolific audiobook narrator with hundreds of titles to her credit. Susan is an Earphones Award winner, three time Audie Award finalist and a Voice Arts Award nominee from her professional studio in Los Angeles. Susan's favorite fiction genres include literary fiction, historical fiction, young adult and science fiction fantasy. Nonfiction genres include faith based, inspirational, personal, self development and business. Susan is known for her wide range of voices, accents, intonations and her ability to bring the written story to life. Next we have the Devourers of War or An Excerpt from the Cookbook of the Gods by Oluwa Tomiwa Ajegbe Coming right Up

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Now please enjoy the Devourers of War or An Excerpt from the Cookbook of the Gods by Oluwa Tomiwa Ajegbe Narrated by Stefan Rodnicki

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the Devourers of War or An Excerpt from the Cookbook of the Gods by Olowatomiwa Ajegbe the Final Chapter the Devourers of War. You know that thing you humans say about how your life flashes before your eyes just before you die? I think you guys might be onto something. I have lived for eons, but every single day is running through my mind right now. Every trick I ever pulled, every city destroyed in anger, every lover I took to bed. I see them all, clear as day. I guess I'm about to die. I know what you're thinking. How did I, the mighty Eishu, God of fate and pathways, end up here? Well, you see, my opponent this time might be a little bit out of my league. I have battled Elder Gods, demons from hell, and monsters that descended from the stars. But none of them are like the enemy before me now, slowly draining my life force with every passing second. I am fighting against iku, the incarnation of death itself. It's a long story, but it seems I have time. Well, I don't actually have time at all, but you know what I mean. I should probably start at the beginning. Do you have any idea how difficult my job is? I don't want to sound like a whiner, but for eons, the universe has been governed by several major gods. Each of them controlled different aspects of existence, keeping everything in balance. Then suddenly, they were all wiped out, killed by an enemy so powerful that they had no chance against its fearsome power. When the major Orisha, the gods of Heaven and earth, were Destroyed, Someone had to step up. Someone who already held the title of the God of balance. Someone who was strong enough to replace the gods. Someone who could rouse the lesser gods who had hidden themselves in the folds between worlds, scared that they would be the next ones to be purged. Your guess is right. That person turned out to be me. I didn't exactly volunteer for this arduous job. Of course, I have a well earned reputation for avoiding responsibility after all. No, this impossible task was forced upon me. And I guess I'm trying to atone for the part I played in the demise of the gods. I was weak, you see. Too confident in my abilities and thinking I could wield boundless power without fulfilling most of the duties attached to it. Vain and carefree, I allowed an enemy to seize control of my mind. I became the tool they used to kill the gods. But that is another story entirely. A world without gods is a world that makes no sense. There was no order in those days. Natural laws lost meaning. Entire cities disappeared overnight. For no reason, the fabric of reality itself began to unfurl. I wanted nothing more than to curl away in some remote corner of the heavenly realm, hiding from the tremendous responsibility that loomed before me. But that was not even an option. The rift caused by the Orishas absence transcended realms. Lesser gods, evil spirits, and countless nameless abominations that never dared to reveal themselves for millennia, all crept out of their holes. Humans with twisted minds and dark powers also stepped into the open, knowing they could finally torment their kind without the divine repercussions. The real threat, however, was not the ravenous monsters or wicked wizards. Instead, the real problem was the forces behind the gods demise. The Ajogun, the Devourers of War. You've probably never heard of them. Few humans have. Unlike the gods, they rarely manifest or take on corporeal forms. This is because no vessel could ever hold all of their terrible power. In fact, they are so powerful that they were locked in the deepest parts of Apadi, the underworld. This did little to dampen their influence, but that was the best option. You're probably wondering why they even exist in the first place. The answer to that is both simple and complicated. But first you should know that I created them. I know that makes me look like the bad guy again, but you have to let me explain. The few humans who are aware of their existence think there are 601 Ajogun ruled by the six or seven strongest. But that's wrong. Just as there are countless Orisha, there are also countless ajogun in fact, the exact number of the Ajogun is the highest number you can think of. Plus one. They had leaders. Though that much was true. These leaders were equivalent to the major orisha. They were Iku, Arun, Ape, Ab and A1. These forces were the devourers of death, disease, curses, hunger and imprisonment. Together, they were designed to bring turmoil to the lives of humans. I created them as balancing forces against the gods, meaning to mirror their abilities and in some ways even counter them. The existence of all powerful gods had thrown the world into imbalance, and it was my job to restore the balance. The Azogun were a necessary evil, constantly monitored by the gods, even though they were imprisoned in the deepest parts of the abyss. But somehow they whispered into the heart of a resentful God and used him to destroy the most powerful of the Orisha. No, it wasn't me. It was some other God. And yes, he's dead now. I killed him. But I digress. To stop the madness unleashed upon the world after the death of the gods, I had to remove the Ajogun from existence. That way there would be balance again. I just had to find an infinite number of malevolent forces as powerful as the dead gods and take them out easy. What could go wrong? Of course I went to the witches before starting my quest. They knew everything that happened under the sun and were beyond the power of gods and demons. They were incredibly powerful, but neutral, willing to assist whoever offered them the preferred sacrifices. I stepped through a portal into the realm between Heaven and Earth. That liminal space where my godhood is always somehow suppressed. There is no color in this realm, no wind, no ground or sky. Nothing. In the midst of this nothingness, a fair skinned woman in a simple white robe stood waiting. Now, trust me. I have seen many beauties in my time. But the woman before me looked so beautiful I couldn't tear my eyes from her face. I cannot describe exactly what was so captivating about her, but I wanted to gaze upon her for all of eternity. Then she spoke. Eshu Odara, Weaver of fate and last of the Orisha. We have been expecting you. The voice of the woman made me stagger backwards. So forceful and filled with raw power. It was the combined voices of all the unseen witches, overlapping, echoing in the vast emptiness of that otherwise featureless world. I composed myself and bowed slightly. The great mothers who hold all knowledge in Heaven and Earth. The ones who tread the path between life and death with ease. Advisors of deities and observers of the vast universe, I greet you. I have come for your help. Will you Help me as you have done in the past. The woman smiled, a radiant smile that threatened to drag me back under her hypnosis, but I resisted the pull. Offer your tribute. Then we shall see. I sighed and reached for my bottomless bag. I took out a gourd filled with the blood of Lakatabu, the immortal elephant, a lock of hair from a banshee, the dying words of a cursed man, four phoenix hearts preserved in a bottle of palm wine, and the scales of an albino mermaid. The woman looked down at my sacrifices and nodded. The offerings disappeared, a sign of acceptance. You have come to ask about the Ajogun? I nodded. I need to destroy them. I'm sure you know why. The witches made a sound similar to chuckling, but I couldn't really tell with all the overlapping voices. Only the Maker can unmake with the hands that shaped them. Return the devourers to the darkness. I sighed. Never expect a direct answer from the witches. I understood half of what they said, but the deeper meanings would only be revealed after several hours of meditation. Thank you, esteemed mothers. But there remains a problem. The world is large. How do I find the leaders? The witches sighed, and a cold wind blew past me, chilling me to my bones. For a second, I felt an indescribable emotion from them. We cannot see them clearly, but they are not together. The Devourers of war are spread across the world of men, spreading the terror of their name. We can only tell you where their energy is strongest. One you shall find in the land where no birds fly, one on a burning battlefield, two in a city of bones, and one among the souls of the lost. Great, I thought. Another riddle. I hid my frustrations behind a smile and bowed. I appreciate your help, I said, and I stepped back through my portal, already thinking about the cryptic answers the witches gave me. There was one thing I knew for sure. I would be doing a lot of traveling through a mad world in search of incredibly powerful forces of destruction. I would have to match my madness to the world's, or even outdo it. But that was a challenge I was willing to rise up to. Even as I left the realm of the witches and appeared back in the human world, I was already thinking about the answers I had received. To be honest, I had not expected to get much from the witches. After all, when I created the ajogun, I made them immune to all forms of divination. This was done to prevent evil dark wizards known as babalaos to the initiated from finding the location of these forces and setting them loose on the world, however, the witches were connected to all realms and shared the senses of every beast and every nature spirit. They must have picked up traces and whispers of the Ajogun's passing before weaving them all into a riddle for me to solve. The problem is, riddles are for smart people. Throughout history, the major Orisha have given quests to aspiring heroes in the forms of songs and riddles. Usually the so called chosen one was too dumb to understand the message that there was always someone smart in their party to help them. I was not the smartest of the Orisha. The most cunning, yes. But smartness was something best left to Orunmila, who was always lost in one book or the other. Of all the deceased gods, the God of Oracles had been my closest friend. We had gotten to know each other while I was imprisoned in his library that contains all the books in all realms, written and unwritten both. I didn't read any of them, of course. I was busy writing a new book as part of my punishment for tricking the Creator himself. It's a very long story. I didn't have Orunmila with me and I couldn't go back to his library for clues. When the gods died, access to the heavenly realm was closed. Several minor gods were trapped there, watching the human world die. If the matter of the Ajogun wasn't so urgent, I would have dedicated all of my strength to opening the pathways to the land of the gods Orun once again. But the world doesn't need the God of pathways. The humans and their dying world needed the God of chaos. They needed Eishu Lalu Ogiri Oko, the merciless God of retribution. And that's who I was going to become. First, I sought out the twins. Two of the Ajogun's leaders had been inseparable since I created them. Following the revelation of the witches, I knew they were still stuck together. It wasn't really difficult to find the City of Bones. I just had to travel the human realm until I found the place so densely covered with the energy of the twins. In days of old, this land had been called Ibadan, a sprawling city that housed several prominent humans and demigods. I had descended there on occasion and taking a human form and mingling with beautiful human men and women. In those days, the streets of Ibadan rang with laughter and the brown roofs reflected the setting sun perfectly. But now there was nothing but silence. As I walked through the desolate city, I saw so many bones littering the streets, but no living thing crossed My path. At the city's center, where a glorious bronze statue of my humble self once stood, I finally set eyes on the Ajogun. For the first time in centuries, they stood side by side, staring at me as if they had been expecting me or all along. Arum, the Devourer of Disease, had manifested themself as a child in a distended body with sores leaking, pus all over their body. Abbey, the Devourer of Hunger, looked like an old man who has more bones than skin. The skin was stretched over their bones, and their eyes were so sunken that I couldn't pick out the pupils. I stopped and regarded the two powerful entities. Despite their weak appearances, they had devoured a prosperous city of several thousand humans in less than a month. I wasn't going to take them lightly. So the betrayer seeks us out first. Should we be honored? I grimaced at the overlapping voices. Those two hadn't lost the bad habit of completing each other's sentences in a way that made it impossible to even tell who had spoken first. I have a lot to do, so can you just say sorry and return to your prison? I said, already summoning my weapon. You are still a Jester, even though your king is dead. They gave me no warning before attacking. Unlike my past battles with wizards, demigods, and gods, there was no set pattern to a fight with the Ajogun. Arun scrambled forward on elongated hands and legs like something birthed from a nightmare, while Abi just opened their mouth wider than humanly possible and tried to swallow me. I raised my staff and smashed Arun in the head before reciting an incantation that made me heavier than a mountain so that Ebi couldn't swallow me. Arun transformed, becoming a shapeless mist that surged up my nose, trying to infect me with all the diseases in the world. I shapeshifted into a wind spirit, banishing the Ajogun from my body. Ehby roared a word of power and instantly grew to the size of a mountain. Their mouth covered the sky and descended upon me. There was no escape, but I was prepared. It was time to end the battle. I gripped my staff with both hands and chanted in the language of the gods. With the hands that made you, I craft your destruction. With the tongue that called you forth, I banish you. With the lips that named you, I strip you of your identity. Begone. For a brief second, there was silence. Then a thunderous boom shook the world, and I was thrown off my feet. When I looked up, the two Devourers were gone. Their energy was fading as Well, I could feel something dissolve within me, a tiny part of the link I shared with all my creations. I sighed and looked up at the sky, totally exhausted from the brief exchange. Two down, three to go. Unbidden, a line from the witches resurfaced in my mind. Only the Maker can unmake with the hands that shaped them. Return the devourers to the darkness. Fate is a strange thing. How convenient is it that I, the only person who could kill the Ajogun, was also the only survivor of the Purge of the Orisha. Even though I am the God of Fate, there are things hidden to me as well. The universe is full of mysteries that even an ageless eye cannot see. I shrugged the thoughts away and prepared to use my remaining ash to teleport away. I still had a long way to go before I could relax and ponder on the complexity of fate. My journey had only just begun. I will not bore you with the details of my travels. Okay, maybe I'll bore you a little. I couldn't find another Ajogun for a while. I tried Divination, even though I wasn't really good at it. I scanned the world several times. Nothing came up. So I just started roaming the realms, following my intuition and the increasingly inconsistent threads of fate. Eventually, I stumbled upon an island in the Dark Sea. As you probably know, the Dark Sea is the most dangerous sea in the human realm. It houses some of the most terrifying monsters ever created. I know how terrifying they are because most of them were made by me. Why, you ask? Well, I was bored, but that's by the way. The Nameless island was home to a clan of merchants who bravely sailed the Dark Sea and traded with people on both sides. They were very prosperous and thought themselves safe on their secluded island. Until A1, the devourer of Imprisonment, came for them. In the Dark Sea, it rains continually. Under that constant heavy rainfall, it was impossible for birds to take flight. This was why the witches had called this place the Land where no birds fly. I had no problems opening a portal to the island, though, because I'm awesome. I stepped through the invisible doorway cautiously, already armed with my staff and keeping my left hand in my bottomless bag of tricks. If there was anyone among the Ajogun who could be unpredictable or try to ambush me, it would be A1. Though they were weaker than the others, A1 was almost as cunning as me. Think of them as a trapster or jailer, but on a cosmic scale, yeah, terrifying, eh? Visibility was non existent on the island because of the endless rain to Be honest. The island wasn't really an island. Most of the land was flooded and I had to levitate to avoid soiling my godly feet. I had to give up on seeing anything with my eyes, and instead found my way around using divination. If there had been anyone to see me, it would have been a terrifying sight. An albino of indeterminate height holding a white staff in one hand and the other lost on a black bag strapped to his shoulder, floating leisurely through a ghost town while chanting gibberish and smiling in the rain. An unforgettable sighting it would be. But there was no one to see. I could feel the presence of humans in the houses I passed. Every house was surrounded by the same invisible barrier that enclosed the the entire island. Nobody could leave or enter except me. As the God of Pathways, I can always find my way out of any place. There is no such thing as a locked door in my presence. A1 knows this. They know their powers are totally useless against me. I cannot be imprisoned. That was why they'd not drawn attention to themselves by imprisoning an entire city or a town. They chose the most unapproachable place they could find in the human world and used their powers in the hope that I won't find them. But here I was. And here they were as well. Unlike the first two Ajogun I'd defeated, a One didn't manifest themselves in a physical form. Normally, this would make them harder to defeat. How would you defeat the concept of imprisonment? By granting freedom, of course. I just had to liberate the thousands of people trapped on this island in the middle of a turbulent sea. Once I did that, Awan would fade away from having his power diminished. You don't have to understand how I win. Just be prepared to applaud my genius. I hovered above the island for a while, gathering every drop of power in my body. There was only one way to free those people. I had to remove them from the island that had become their prison. Using my power, I created a massive portal above the island and caused it to descend slowly. If I couldn't access the people locked in their homes, I would just liberate the entire island at once. I could feel a one struggling against me, their invisible hands pushing back against my portal. I grinned and said to the unseen devourer, you are in some ways the strongest of the Ajogun, but also the weakest. You cannot fight against me. The portal swallowed the island whole, taking everybody it contained to a different place. When they were gone, I was Left alone with my opponent, I could feel A One's life force fading away. So I proceeded with the exorcism chant. Without it, those tenacious bastards would return someday. This was the only way to make sure they ceased to exist. With the hands that made you, I craft your destruction. With the tongue that called you forth, I banish you. With the lips that named you, I strip you of your identity. Begone. I sighed and turned to leave. There had been no direct confrontation because of the way their power worked and because they were too scared of me to be proactive. But I felt more drained than I had in my previous battle. The amount of ash I'd spent to move the entire population of the large island thousands of kilometers away was considerable indeed. It would take me a while to recover, but I wasn't complaining. I knew I would use that time to prepare the remaining Ajogun. Each of them was strong enough to end the world overnight. Being the last of the Orisha is definitely not an easy job. There are still gods in the world, remember. Only the most powerful were destroyed, of course. Several lesser gods faded away as a result, but some of them fled and hid in liminal spaces. They managed to escape the spiritual shockwave caused by the erasure of the major Orisha. These Lesser gods aren't even trying to put up a fight against the Ajogun. And you know, I totally understand. If I was in their shoes, I would be focused on survival, too. Only a mad person would even think of fighting against evil forces whose sole purpose is the destruction of the world. Fortunately for the world, I've never been entirely sane. While searching for traces of my next target, I stumbled upon a gathering of minor gods. I watched them from a distance. At first, they gathered in a deserted village square, about 40 in number. I could see many familiar faces among them, including the person addressing the other gods. Afefe, one of my demigod children who attained godhood stood on a podium and was saying something most of his listeners weren't agreeing with. He spoke with more passion and subconsciously used his powers as a Wind God to levitate, so he towered over anyone else. I considered making an appearance amongst them. Surely they would be happy to know there was at least one powerhouse still around. But I looked at them again and sighed before turning my back on them. They were not strong enough to fight the Devourers and would just get in my way. Also, who would want to fight alongside a God infamous for betrayal? The whole world still thought I killed the gods. I opened a portal and stepped into it appearing a thousand kilometers away, I appeared right in the middle of a war. Two armies were locked in fierce battle, and for a moment, I just took in the beautifully morbid sight. Bodies fell on my left and right. Blood soaked into the sands, and the cries of dying men filled the air. I had become immaterial, so I just drifted through it all, watching the humans butcher each other. One of the armies had red uniforms, while their enemies were clad in white. They fought ferociously without any obvious formations or tactics. It seemed as if the two armies were determined to destroy one another, regardless of what it cost them. I was about to do some quick divination, just to make sure I was in the right place, when I saw him. My next target, a human soldier dressed in a lavish black robe that seemed out of place on the battlefield, stood to one side, watching the battle with an amused smile. I could sense the otherworldly energy pulsing about him, the unique signature of a being that had spent a long time in the abyss. He was Ape, the Devourer of Curses. I approached him slowly, and he noticed me. His eyes met mine and he smiled. I kept walking until I was standing directly in front of him. Eshoo. What a pleasure this is. Welcome to my playground. I glared at him, preparing myself for battle. He noticed my stance and smirked. Relax. I really don't want to fight you, he said. I don't care about what you want, I replied, raising my staff. Before I could cast any spell, however, he clapped his hands together, and everyone on the battlefield froze. Imagine a world where you don't have to bow to Sango and the other annoying Orisha. You could rule the cosmos alongside me and my sister. Nobody would be able to stop us, he said, his voice filled with conviction. If I didn't know better, I would have believed him. He sounded so convincing. But I have been tricking people since the dawn of time. I just shook my head. Don't waste your breath, I said. The Devourer's handsome face twisted in a grimace. Then he smiled and said in a voice filled with regret, what a pity. I really liked you. Then he clapped his hands again. The soldiers sprang into motion, but this time, they didn't fight each other. Instead, the two armies faced the same target, Me. A pei used that opportunity to slip away, hiding in the mass of bodies. I cursed and spun my staff, summoning a gust of wind that blasted everyone around me. Several feet away, men were thrown to the ground with enough force to break every bone in their bodies. But this did not stop the rest. They swarmed Forward, trampling upon fallen comrades and enemies alike. Swords reaching for my heart. This time I called the name of Fire, and it answered with a mighty roar. Fire fell from the sky like rain. All around me, men screamed and burned and died. Still, they reached out to me, charred hands seeking my life. However, it was too late. The fire kept falling until the entire battlefield burned. Impressive. You really are the most unpredictable Orisha. I turned in the direction of the voice. Apes stood among the flames, unaffected by them. His eyes, two orbs of endless darkness, bore into mine. I wonder what I should curse you with, he said, walking towards me as if he had all the time in the world. Ape had the power to curse people with an almost endless number of things. His power was one of the most dangerous among the Azogun. But all of his powers were useless against me, the one who created him. If the ajogun were meant to counter the Orisha, then I was meant to counter the Ajogun. Stop bluffing, I said. You must have exhausted most of your power while entertaining yourself with those before you possess them to attack me. You're right, the Devourer said, a strange smile appearing on his face. But that doesn't mean I can't lay one final curse on you before you destroy me. I ignored him and tightened my grip on my staff before speaking the chant. With the hands that made you, I craft your destruction. With the tongue that called you forth, I banish you. With the lips that named you, I strip you of your identity. Begone stumbled and fell to one knee, his face contorting in pain. His skin started dissolving into dust, but he forced a smile and met my eyes again. I curse you, Azhu, last of the mighty Orisha. I curse you with mortality. I curse you with death. I curse you with decay. I curse you. I could feel the power of his last curse trying to subdue me, but I shrugged it off. I watched as every last trace of him vanished from existence. In the depths of my soul, I could feel the effect of his passing. The world was already healing. I knew the minor gods would be feeling it too, wherever they were. So would the wizards and priests who read the skies daily. My long journey was almost over. I had no idea what I would do if I managed to complete my mission. Perhaps I would reside in the human realm, helping them recover from behind the scenes. I knew I definitely wouldn't be returning to the land of the gods. I have never liked that place anyway. And I didn't have any intention of crowning myself king of the gods. No If I was lucky enough to survive the Final Devourer, I would lead a quiet life and enjoy some peace. At last. However, I was aware of the fact that my plans might never be realized. In my next battle, I would be facing the strongest of the Ajogun, a primordial entity with absolute power. I turned away from the burning battlefield and started my long journey to the gates of Apadi, the underworld. It was time to fight against the end of all things, Death herself. I have been fortunate. Once I was just an ordinary human. I wasn't even special among humans. I was not like the legendary warriors with skin of steel and unparalleled skill in battle. Nor was I a genius scholar who could advise even the mightiest kings. I wasn't the most handsome or talented. I was rather average in all aspects. But there was one thing I possessed in abundance. One thing I used to get where I am today. I prefer to call it quick thinking, but you'd probably call it trickery. With this gift, I was able to deceive even the eyes of the Creator himself, stealing godhood and ascending to the highest peak of heaven. In my long life as a God, trickery has gotten me out of some tight spots. Being the most experienced trickster in all the worlds combined meant I rarely had to lift a finger to fight. And whenever I am forced to pick up a weapon, I constantly look for ways to win as quickly as possible. There is no such thing as a fair fight, in my opinion. The purpose of any fight is to win, and that is what I try to do, honor be damned. However, trickery and underhanded methods will only get you so far. I'm not so vain that I would deny that fact. I always knew that all of my tricks would be nothing in the presence of absolute power. I always expected that if I was ever stupid or unlucky enough to go against someone in infinitely more powerful than me, I would run away. But there are some battles you can't run from. Even if the world thought I'd perished with the other gods, even if no one would remember or witness all I'd done for the sake of the world, I had to see things through. With that knowledge burning in my mind, I walked into Hell. For the first time ever, I entered the battlefield fully prepared to die. When you hear of the Underworld, you probably hear terrifying tales of lakes of fire and demons who torture fallen souls for eternity. Those reports, most of them propagated by priests who seek to terrify prospective converts into devoutness, are all false. The Underworld is a realm of the deepest darkness. It is a yawning abyss that perfectly portrays emptiness. Misery is abundant in the air, and despair dodges every step. Hidden horrors torment the mind of the unfortunate souls doomed to roam the sunless lands. Even Sango, once king of the gods, feared to descend into this place. Yet here I was. I stood before the gates of the Underworld, leaning on my staff. The journey here was perilous in many ways. I had to fight against several powerful souls sent to destroy me before my arrival. I could feel a deep weariness in my bones, but I refused to fall just yet. Very soon, I knew my long journey would end one way or the other. Before I could rest, however, I had to vanquish one last enemy. IKU stood before the towering black gates of the Underworld, staring at me with a lazy smile on her gorgeous face. Yes, you read that right. Death is not a rotting old man in a tattered cloak wielding a scythe. Death, when appearing in a human form, has always appeared as female. A breathtakingly beautiful woman with skin an enchanting shade of night, and eyes so deep and dark that even the strongest man could drown forever in them. Unlike the other ajogun who didn't care about appearing as a particular gender, IKU enjoyed her appearance. Eishu Elegbara. The one who threw a stone yesterday and kills a bird Today I greet you, my father. Her melodious voice held more than a hint of mockery in it. You seem to be in a good mood, I said, standing straight. Of course. I haven't laid eyes on you since you created me and banished me to the abyss immediately after. When you put it like that, you make me sound like a terrible person. I replied, grinning despite the circumstances. IKU shook her head, her dark hair fanning out as she moved. But you are a terrible person, Eshu. IKU said, narrowing her eyes and glaring at me with sudden intensity. You are a treacherous liar, a self centered bastard who only cares about himself, just like the other gods. But at least they pretended to care. You, however, think you should be applauded for being who you are? You disgust me. I don't care what you think. I didn't come here for a lecture, I said, then raised my staff. As I uttered an incantation, the darkness around us stirred and heeded my command. Stakes made from shadows rose from the earth and stabbed through Iku's body. The darkness also took the form of chains and bound her tightly to prevent escape. Is this your best? I expected something more creative from you, Trickster. She called out, looking too comfortable in the restraints, I gritted my teeth and called upon all my powers, using up all of my ash in one breath. With the hands that made you, I craft your destruction. With the tongue that called you forth, I banish you. With the lips that named you, I strip you of your identity. Begone. My words were greeted with a loud boom, and suddenly I found myself flying backwards until I struck a wall and fell to the ground. There was a loud ringing in my ears, and my vision was unfocused. All I could hear was the sound of footsteps coming close to me until I felt cold lips next to my left ear. Did you think that would work on me? IKU whispered into my ear. Her hair tickled my face, and her closeness to me suffocated me. I started choking, completely powerless in the presence of the Devourer of Death. How pitiful to think the others were easily defeated by you. But I understand why you made it this far. They couldn't resist the urge to devour, so they used up most of their powers, toying with humans. That made things easier for you. However, since we escaped from your prison, I have been here in the land of the dead, getting stronger and feeding on souls. You are no match for me. I wanted to reply with a witty comeback, but my airflow was restricted, so all I managed were choking sounds. IKU leaned closer, one hand outstretched. I knew she was about to snap the threads of my life, ripping my soul out of my body to devour. Ignoring my pain and discomfort, I focused and used what little power I had left to shape shift into a shadow. I slipped away from IKU as fast as I could. Once I'd distanced myself from her, I returned to my original form. She stood up and regarded me with an amused expression. Are you trying to run from death? What a coward. Without warning, IKU launched herself at me. Changing shape in midair, she became a shapeless mass of shadows that howled in a horrible voice. Skeletal hands sprouted from all over her body. Reaching for me, I summoned my staff and slammed its end on the floor. A pillar of fire descended on the shadow creature, and it screeched in pain. I spun and ran as fast as I could. While it was distracted, a plan was brewing in my head. It was a dangerous plan, but it was my last hope. If it didn't work, everything I had gone through would be for nothing. I shook away my dark thoughts and kept running. My destination was the gates of the Underworld. That was where I needed to be for my plan to work. Behind me, I could hear sounds of pursuit IKU seemed to have changed shape again, but I didn't look back to see what kind of monstrosity was trying to kill me this time. When I reached the gates, I placed my hands on them and pushed. They were as tall as mountains, but I applied my godly strength and the gates opened. Little by little, I could tell that IKU was almost upon me. I gritted my teeth and kept pushing until the gates finally swung open. Beyond the gates, there was a deep darkness that drowned everything in it. The Underworld called to me, but I resisted its call. Once a person passed between those gates, there was no return. Instead, I turned back to face iku. She had transformed into a wraith with six hands, each holding a different weapon. A dagger came flying at my head, but I dodged only to find the top of a spear coming for my face. I summoned my staff, commanded it to turn into a shield, and deflected the attack. The next attack was from a sword, then a mace, a scythe, an axe. Somehow I dodged them all. Then I struck back. Perhaps luck finally decided to smile on me. Since my death was near, my staff passed through Iku's defenses and struck her chest immediately. As it made contact, I. I whispered a word of power. Lightning erupted from the staff, blasting the devourer away. When she rose again, she was back to her human form, but her body carried severe burns. She snarled at me, and I smiled back. With the hands that made you. I said, starting the chant. Impossible. I cannot be defeated. I. I am death. I am inevitable. I ignored her outburst and continued. I craft your destruction. IKU started running towards me as fast as she could, probably hoping to get one last attack in. With the tongue that called you forth, I banish you. A torrent of darkness appeared in her hands. It seemed she was about to throw everything she had at me. But I didn't relent. I focused on the chant. With the lips that named you, I strip you of your identity. She launched her attack, but it was too late. Begone. I roared. IKU wailed as the darkness all around us surged up and swallowed her until there was nothing left. It was over. The final Devourer was gone. I had succeeded in an impossible task. But I wasn't celebrating. I couldn't celebrate. I had burned my very life force to destroy iku. I had depleted every ounce of power in my body. I sighed and fell to my knees. Behind me, the call of the Underworld became stronger. I closed my eyes and traced my fingers on the surface of my staff. Holding it reassured me. I could feel a crazy grin on my lips. If only Sango and the others could see me now. My body fell to the earth, and I watched it happen. I watched as my body turned to dust and was blown away. I looked down at myself. My new body was transparent. I sighed, or tried to. I had become a soul without a body. I was dead at last. The Underworld is quite interesting. I have been here for weeks, months, years. Time doesn't exist here, but I have witnessed a lot of things in my short time here. I have interacted with several souls and tried to make peace with being dead. I have also fought several nightmarish creatures that feast on souls. Sometimes I run from them if they're too strong. It hasn't been too bad, to be honest, but I'm not planning to do this forever. The reason I opened the gates of the Underworld before my last stand against IKU was quite simple. With the gates open, souls could travel back to the land of the living. Yes, I'm talking about actual resurrection. Of course, certain steps must be followed. If someone simply crossed over without making the right preparations, they would be little more than a ghost that could be exorcised easily by even the weakest priests. The most important step is to find the fruits of Life located in Oya's garden. Oya had been one of Sango's wives and was the Goddess of Death. She ruled the underworld from a castle at its center. And in that castle, there was a garden that housed several miraculous fruits. The Fruit of Life is one of them. Eating this fruit would give a soul the ability to regain their body as long as they passed through the gates. Easy, right? Except for the fact that there isn't really a map to Oya's garden. The Underworld is filled with dangers at every step, and if my past is anything to go by, I am very unlucky. So I will try to find the fruits, hoping that my soul isn't devoured in the process. I am determined to live again. Even if I have become used to being dead, there is still so much for me to do. And even though you'll never catch me admitting this later, I care about the humans. And I want to see how they're functioning in a world without the Orisha. There are so many things I want to see. My journey has not ended. Instead, it has only just begun.

[Janina Edwards]

That was the Devourers of War or An Excerpt from the Cookbook of the Gods by Oluwatomiwa Ajegbe Narrated by Stefan Radnicki Directed by Alison Belle Buis Oluwa Tomiwa Jegbe is an Ignite Award winning writer of the Dark and Fantastical, a poet and a reluctant mathematician. He has poetry and fiction published or forthcoming in Podcastle, Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Baffling Magazine, Lightspeed F and S F and elsewhere. When he's not writing about malfunctioning robots or crazed gods, he can be found doing whatever people do on Twitter Oluwasigma. He writes from a room with broken window panes in Lagos, Nigeria. Stefan Radnicki is a double Grammy winning audiobook producer and an award winning narrator who has won 17 audio awards as well as more than 35 earphones awards and been named one of Audiophile's Golden Voices. Stefan has been producing Lightspeed magazine podcasts since 2010, eventually adding nightmare and Fantasy magazine and sharing the Hugo Awards for best semiprozine in 2014 and 2015.

[Meg Bashwiner and Joey Taranto]

The war is over and both sides lost. Kingdoms were reduced to cinders and armies scattered like bones in the dust. Now the survivors claw to what's left of a broken world, praying the darkness chooses someone else tonight. But in the Shadow Dark, the darkness always wins. This is old school adventuring at its most cruel. Your torch ticks down in real time and when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job. This is a brutal rules light nightmare with a story that emerges organically based on the decisions that the characters make. This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s and man, it is so good to be back. Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the Shadow Dark every Thursday night at 8pm Eastern on YouTube.com the Glass Cannon with the podcast version dropping the next day. See what everybody's talking about and join us in the dark.

[K Pop Demon Hunters / Commercial Voices]

Oh please, not that music. That music gives me nightmares from my childhood.

[Meg Bashwiner and Joey Taranto]

Could we get something a little bit lighter? Some lighter music here?

[K Pop Demon Hunters / Commercial Voices]

Are you a fan of true crime TV shows?

[Meg Bashwiner and Joey Taranto]

And what about Unsolved Mysteries, the show that jump started all of our love of true crime?

[K Pop Demon Hunters / Commercial Voices]

I'm Ellen Marsh.

[Meg Bashwiner and Joey Taranto]

And I'm Joey Taranto and we host

[K Pop Demon Hunters / Commercial Voices]

I Think Not, a true crime comedy podcast covering some of the wildest stories

[Meg Bashwiner and Joey Taranto]

from your favorite true crime campy TV

[K Pop Demon Hunters / Commercial Voices]

shows all the way to Unsolved Mysteries, baby.

[Meg Bashwiner and Joey Taranto]

You will laugh, you will cry. You'll think about true crime in a whole new way. And you'll also ask yourself, who gave these people mics?

[K Pop Demon Hunters / Commercial Voices]

New episodes of I Think not are released every Wednesday with bonus episodes and out every Thursday on Patreon.

[Meg Bashwiner and Joey Taranto]

And every Monday you can listen to our True Crime rundown where we go over the top true crime headlines of the week.

[K Pop Demon Hunters / Commercial Voices]

So come and join us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Hi, we're Meg Bashwiner and Joseph Fink of welcome to Night Vale and on our new show the Best Worst, we explore the golden age of television. To do that, we're watching the IMDb viewer rated best and worst episodes of classic TV shows. The episode of Star Trek where Beverly Crusher has sex with a ghost, the episode of the X Files where Scully gets attacked by a vicious house cat,

[Meg Bashwiner and Joey Taranto]

and also the really good episodes too.

[K Pop Demon Hunters / Commercial Voices]

What can we learn from the best and worst of great television? Like for example, is it really a bad episode or do people just hate women?

[Meg Bashwiner and Joey Taranto]

The Best Worst available wherever you get your podcasts.

[Janina Edwards]

Lightspeed Magazine is edited by John Joseph Adams and published by Adamant Press. The podcast is co produced by Stefan Rodnicki and Alison Belle Bues at Skyboat Media and the stories and podcast are copyright 2026. Post production was by Alex Barton at Phase Shift and our music was composed and performed performed by Jack Kincaid. Thanks for listening Starshine. This is your host Janina Edwards reminding you to be mindful of your menu. You are who you eat.