December 1990 Fashion Etc.: Denim, Body Image & The World's First Bath Puffs

Summary

Podcast Summary: Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s Episode: December 1990 Fashion Etc.: Denim, Body Image & The World's First Bath Puffs
Release Date: November 26, 2024
Hosts: Tara Ariano, Pamela Ribon, and David T. Cole

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Introduction

In this episode of Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s, hosts Tara Ariano, Pamela Ribon, and David T. Cole delve into the December 1990 issue of Sassy magazine. They explore the vibrant fashion trends of the early '90s, discuss body image concerns among Gen-X teens, and reminisce about the era's unique beauty innovations, including the introduction of bath puffs. The hosts provide insightful commentary, humorous anecdotes, and critical analyses, making the episode both nostalgic and engaging for listeners.

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Fashion Feature: Denim Dominance

The episode kicks off with an in-depth look at the December 1990 fashion feature, which centers entirely on denim.

David T. Cole (03:32): "It is 10 pages long. It is called denim. Denim, denim, denim... That's all of the denims."

The hosts dissect the dual photography styles used in the feature—color and black-and-white—highlighting the distinct aesthetics each brought to the showcasing of denim.

Amy (03:32): "The color photos seem like they were put together by someone with a sense of style. Even if I wouldn't wear every single piece in them, the black and white ones are just plain and boring."

Eli (07:07): "These black and white photos look sad, like the girls are on their way to class on an average Wednesday."

The conversation extends to specific outfits and styling choices, with the hosts expressing both admiration and critique.

Dave (05:28): "They also all have great hair. They have cool girl hair, one and all."

Amy (10:25): "I don't know why anyone wears boxers. Shorts. There, I said it."

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Body Image and Beauty Features

The discussion transitions to body image, referencing an article titled "I Hate My Body" by Grace Kyung Wonhong.

Amy (12:34): "It's basically just try not to stress too much about your body because beauty standards change for completely arbitrary reasons."

The hosts commend Grace's efforts while critiquing certain aspects of the article, such as the inclusion of her weight and her emphasis on crash dieting.

Dave (13:59): "She crash dieted to try to lose eight pounds. Eight. Just eight."

Additionally, they explore another beauty feature, "Real Professional," focusing on a young makeup enthusiast named Charlie Bol.

Amy (14:23): "She describes the makeup artist she's shadowing as having her hair pulled back nonchalantly, which is not the right adverb for that."

The hosts critique the makeup descriptions and the authenticity of the styling showcased in the magazine.

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Advertisement Highlights

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to dissecting the advertisements featured in the December 1990 issue.

1. Esprit Ad

   • Amy (23:17): "It's just two cute white people with their heads really close together... and it's just vibes."
   • The hosts admire the minimalistic and stylish approach of Esprit but note the possibly awkward casting choices.

2. Tampax Ad

   • Amy (24:03): "It's just a girl with some bangles and her hand clamped to the side of her thigh hiding, which you see two pages later, a teensy tiny tampon."
   • They humorously recount the practical challenges of carrying tampons as depicted in the ad.

3. Clairol Highlights

   • Dave (27:22): "If you think a model is born with it all, think again. You can get your highlights the same way she did. Just shitty."
   • The hosts critique the unrealistic beauty standards promoted by hair product ads.

4. Loris and Looney Tunes Watches

   • Eli (31:21): "I thought that was Wile E. Coyote."
   • They discuss the quirky and often mismatched advertising choices, expressing amusement and disdain.

5. Playtex Baby Powder

   • Amy (34:18): "If you're reading this ad from our day, that's a real bummer because you know how bad baby powder is for your body."
   • The hosts highlight the lack of awareness regarding product safety that was prevalent at the time.

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Reader Interaction and Letters

The episode also covers the reader section, featuring letters that reflect the double standards in teenage fashion and social expectations.

Amy (40:14): "Why is it that to win the title of Sassiest girl in America, you have to spend your summer rebuilding churches in Fiji or writing letters to the Pope protesting his policies regarding women's rights?"

The hosts discuss the gender bias evident in the magazine’s awards, contrasting the expectations placed on girls versus boys.

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Behind the Scenes: Magazine Diary

In the diary section, Summer Lopez, the editor-in-chief for the month, shares her experiences managing the reader-produced issue.

Amy (36:48): "Summer takes us through her time running the magazine. She seems very cute and enthusiastic, also kind of a dork."

The hosts speculate humorously about Summer’s interactions and the internal dynamics of the magazine staff.

Dave (39:26): "That's why they call them batter bodies. Everything is good. Batter bodies."

They also touch upon interpersonal conflicts within the magazine team, adding a personal touch to the discussion.

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Upcoming Episodes

Concluding the episode, the hosts tease the content of the January 1991 issue, promising topics such as:

• "Why are boys scared of you?"
• "What's Nick Cave's type?"
• "Who is the third to win the title of sassiest girl in America?"

They encourage listeners to stay tuned for more nostalgic dives into Sassy magazine.

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Notable Quotes

• Dave (00:55): "It is December 1990. Gillette threatens to close the world's biggest razor blade plant if Boston goes ahead with plans to ban ozone-depleting chemicals."
• Amy (24:08): "I don't think so because there's a whole storyline in Mystic Pizza."
• Eli (31:21): "I thought that was Wile E. Coyote."

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Conclusion

This episode of Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s offers a comprehensive and entertaining exploration of the December 1990 issue of Sassy magazine. Through lively discussions and candid critiques, Tara, Pamela, and David transport listeners back to a pivotal moment in Gen-X teen culture, highlighting the fashion, beauty standards, and societal norms of the early '90s. Whether you're a nostalgic listener or new to the Sassy phenomenon, this episode provides valuable insights and plenty of laughs.

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Support the Podcast:
Listeners are encouraged to support the podcast through Patreon subscriptions, offering perks like full PDFs of the discussed issues, access to a Discord community, and more. Visit patreon.com/listentosassy or follow the podcast on listen to sassy.com for additional content and updates.

Transcript

[Tara]

How do you make an Airbnb? A vrbo. Picture a vacation rental with a host who's showing you every room like you've never seen a house before. Now get rid of them. There you go. No host ever. Now it's a vrbo. Make it a vrbo.

[Joan]

How much pressure can you put on the tip of a nail before it breaks? It depends on how you care for it. Skin Science Update from Vaseline Intensive Care. Joe I'm Joan London and at Vaseline Intensive Care Research they've developed a hand and nail formula containing keratin and liposomes. It softens skin and it makes nails 30% stronger. A fact you can check for yourself. They have a money back guarantee.

[Amy]

30% stronger nails.

[Joan]

From intensive research comes intensive care.

[Dave]

It is December 1990. Gillette threatens to close the world's biggest razor blade plant if Boston goes ahead with plans to ban ozone depleting chemicals. Yeah, that's right. We'll take our razors and leave. Minimalist little nothing. Dresses are the look of the season. A man is killed in the Bronx in the theft of his leather jacket. It's rough out there. But you don't care about all that because you're moving.

[Amy]

Yeah, that's right.

[Dave]

Your mom has had enough with this town and your weird ass dad and the boys who don't treat you right and the things that are named just 2 inches shy past WR. Your mom doesn't care that it's in the middle of a school year and you're on Christmas break and literally nobody's in town. Which means you can't tell anyone you're leaving. Which means you can't even throw some kind of going away party which your mom says you can't afford right now anyway because of something called first and last month's rent plus deposit. This is literally the worst thing that's ever happened to you. And you are the same person who didn't get picked for this reader produced issue of your beloved teen magazine. There's a stack of cardboard boxes on your bed waiting for you to pack up your entire life and just disappear. But you aren't ready for that. Yes, it's time to listen to Sassy.

[Amy]

Before we get into this episode, we have a little bit of site business. They have been threatening this at Patreon for a while and now they finally did it. You can give a gift Patreon subscription to a loved one or friend or enemy. It's none of our business which patreon.com listen to Sassy gift or just click the link because we will also put it in the show notes. But with the holiday season upon us, if you want to help the podcast and spread the sassy love, get in there and start giving gifts. Let's talk about the COVID of this reader produced issue. It's not just reader produced, it's also reader modeled. Pam found the photographer. It is Deborah Jaffe, 25. She is still a photographer. Amazingly, she seems like she's outside of the age range for this reader produced issue, but never mind. It's a good photo. Amy, Elizabeth and Nancy, 15, 15 and 16 are our cover models and they look very cute. It looks very sassy. Doesn't look, as, I'm going to say it, bad as the other photography in the whole rest of the issue.

[Dave]

They also all have great hair. They have cool girl hair one and all.

[Amy]

Yep. Yeah.

[Dave]

You can't just pull any of these hairdos off because it's Tuesday. You have to have the whole Persona that goes with it.

[Amy]

Yep.

[Dave]

Yeah. You have established that you can handle an asymmetrical bob.

[Amy]

That's a. That was a very advanced move in 1990. I'm impressed. Good job, Amy. Looking good. We only have one fashion feature and that may be because it's kind of two features in one. It is 10 pages long. It is called denim. Denim, denim, denim, denim, denim, denim, denim, denim, denim, denim, denim, denim, denim, denim, denim. That's all of the denims. Deborah is one photographer. The other is Carter B. Smith, who's also still a photographer. But half of the photos are in color, the other half are in black and white, and that's the split. So there's a different set of models, a different stylist, and different photographer for the different setups, whether you're black and white in studio or in color out on the street. We already talked about Daisy Von Firth because she wrote a blurb for what now she is the stylist for the color photos and she has it. And Shelley Franklin, who styled the black and white ones, is seems like a person who is from Tulsa and just went to the mall and bought some stuff like sorry to Tulsa, but that's how it looks.

[Dave]

Is this because of.

[Amy]

Is this because of page 52, perhaps, where the one just looks like they pulled her in from a seminar? Yes. In a. In a cardigan. You can't tell what any of these colors are. T shirt, cardigan, jeans. Wow. That really took the work of a stylist to throw that one together.

[Dave]

She is wearing some glasses on a chain, which is bold, and the other Lady. The other girl has put a doily around her hips. I see what's happening here. It's three different kinds of pants. Right. So she has a belted jeans top, then a doily for the next 12 inches, and then that's over leggings that could potentially be sewn into the shorts. It's really hard to tell.

[Amy]

No, I just. I think this is just a skirt over leggings, isn't it?

[Dave]

It's awful. It's hideous. That's terrible.

[Amy]

Well, you also definitely need leggings under it because it seems like this. The doily part starts before the. Before the bottom of the denim. And so otherwise you're just going to be ass out in chemistry class wearing this thing.

[Dave]

That's why I had the hope that it was all together. Denim and crochet. Mini.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Dave]

No. Oh, my. Yeah. It's not all you can wear. You hate the foot charm on 50 and I think we should mention it.

[Eli]

Part of it is that because it's dangling toes down, which is a weird way to see a foot silhouette. The other part is it's like Almost the Hang 10 logo.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Eli]

From the 70s. But all the toes are still attached. It's not a footprint. It's an actual foot. But also the toes are all splayed out maximally to the extent where it looks like those creepy toe shoes where you put your individual toes into.

[Dave]

Which did you see? This is from a Coney island vendor.

[Eli]

That tracks.

[Amy]

This is cute to me. Sorry, I don't even mind the foot.

[Dave]

She's cute in a like, she's been pulled in for questioning sort of way. You're never going to get me to talk. Then she adjusts that cap.

[Amy]

She's cute, but she. I agree. She does look like she could be a B girl. Like she was running away from the. With her big piece of cardboard that she was doing head spins on and then they caught her because it was too big for her. But I like it.

[Dave]

She's definitely wearing a unitard underneath so she can break into anything. Any dance battle. I think that's she's dance battle ready and that's why you like her.

[Amy]

Yeah, maybe. But it also just seems like the color photos seem like they were put together by someone with a sense of style. Even if I wouldn't wear every single piece in them the way I would every single piece in the black and white. Cause they're just plain and boring.

[Dave]

Like.

[Amy]

Yeah, I appreciate that. Some effort and thought and some kind of, like, spark of originality went into the Color photos more so than. I mean, the black and white ones. Like, in addition to being black and white and very dark, they just look sad. Like, these girls all just look like they're on their way to class on an average, like, Wednesday.

[Dave]

This is true.

[Amy]

This is true.

[Dave]

But Victoria venantini on page 53 is actually wearing everything. Like you said. They threw everything at her. She put it all on. It's a lot. It's a lot of look, as we used to say. So even the ones where it's like girls on their way to class, they're all. They all have something where I couldn't do this outfit.

[Amy]

Well, even in this one with the shorts, it looks like they've shot her from above to conceal the fact that the crotch is a little bulgy. It doesn't fit her as nice and flat as you would like.

[Eli]

I think she's doing the Teacher from Billy Madison Cosplay.

[Amy]

Yes. She's anticipating that movie by a few years. She is indeed. Bridgette Wilson, future wife of Pete Sampras, the tennis star. This. Oh, Dave had a question about Kathy on page 57.

[Eli]

I'm 57. Is Kathy 18 or 80?

[Amy]

Great question.

[Dave]

She's a fun gal.

[Amy]

Dave also asks, is this biggest fashion feature by Paige Count? I think it is.

[Dave]

Okay. Speaking of Dunham, this month's making. It is.

[Amy]

Hate it so much. I'm so mad.

[Dave]

Yeah, it's outer underwear. And just wear some boxers under your jeans. I don't know why you've gotta ruin things permanently.

[Amy]

No.

[Dave]

Taking a pair of boxers and. You know, we all know sewing things to jeans is not easy. You're gonna break your sewing needle probably once or twice. And your mom's mad by the time you're done with this one because your mom doesn't want you running around with your underwear hanging out. Particularly boys underwear. Where'd you get it? Where did you get it? Those better not be your dad's. Ew. So if they're not your dad's boxers, where are you getting them? Sponsors is the answer. And then the bottom of the jeans that she made is not in this. How to. But that's actually kind of interesting to me. What did she do there? She, like, took a bandana and rolled up her jeans and put a different pattern on the. On the cuff. That's cool. It is a slimmer figure than if you are gonna go authentically wearing boxers and jeans. I will speak from experience.

[Amy]

Right? Because they get all bunched up. Yes.

[Dave]

Yeah, they get all bunched up. And you also have to have a certain amount of bag to your jeans in order for anybody to see the boxers that you're trying to show off. Then you're wearing your giant shirt anyway. So you gotta find reasons to lift up your shirt and ask, is this my stomach? It's just a whole thing.

[Amy]

I don't know why anyone wears boxers. Shorts. There, I said it. Like I feel like on men they just get all bunched up too. What's. What is the appeal of this underwear type? I don't, I truly. I don't get it. And I never have. Dave, you don't wear boxers. Explain.

[Eli]

I think people that do wear boxers don't want their fits all snug.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Eli]

But let me tell you, the older you get, the more snugness you want. You need support.

[Amy]

Yes.

[Eli]

Pendulums guys, they're like pendulums, but yet we do think of you. Go to the boardwalk, the arcade, there's the machine. Or it's like the boxing thing. You're like. Like that now.

[Amy]

Speed bag.

[Eli]

Yeah, except there's no seam anymore. Oh, there's a couple bag. I can make letters with them now. A, B, C. Oh my God.

[Amy]

D. Wow.

[Eli]

X.

[Dave]

My mistake. They do. Yes. I was just realizing that I was wrong and they do tell you how to do the bottom of your jeans with the matching boxer shorts material. My bad. I was so offended by this look.

[Amy]

That I just assumed it's impossible to read it because there's so the background behind her. The Venus on the shell is so busy that you really have to squint to see it.

[Dave]

I probably didn't finish this article because I was busy doxxing Katie.

[Eli]

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

[Dave]

I hear yes. Thank you. Way more appropriate. An exceptional number of our reader produced issue interns went on to be in the New York Times wedding announcements. Yep, this one included where I learned that Katie Winesberg's mother was a supervising producer of the Ricki Lake show.

[Amy]

Cool.

[Dave]

Isn't that neat? Katie went on to graduate from Cornell and she ended up with an internship at Sassy magazine at some point. Off of this success here at making it.

[Amy]

Not. We got two beauty features this month. The first one is less a feature in the beauty sense that we normally have. And it's an article called I Hate my body by Grace kyung Wonhong, age 20, of La Crescenta, California. And it's basically just try not to stress too much about your body because beauty standards change for completely arbitrary reasons that you can't predict. And what is stylish now won't be stylish in five years. And there's a side by side right on the first page of Vivien Leigh and Paulina Porizkova with the caption, Paulina, right, is today's ideal. But she'll look outdated as scarlet in a few years. And that is true because in a few years, Kate Moss was the. Was the style. So did it get better? Arguably, no. But this is very good effort. I do think she would be making a stronger point if she didn't print her own weight. And the fact that she crash dieted to try to lose eight pounds. Eight. Just eight. Not 18, not 80. But, you know, she went on to be a gender studies professor, so I guess she knows better than me. Good job, Grace.

[Dave]

Beauty feature number two is called Real Professional. Amy. Charlie Bol, 14, of Grosse Pointe Woods, Michigan, had been practicing makeup on friends and relatives for about four years. And now she got to work with a real live makeup artist. She says, quote, I was dancing. This is a thing that Charlie will say more than once, and it doesn't feel good each time you read it.

[Amy]

Yeah, she's good at makeup. Not so great at the writing part. I mean, she describes the makeup artist that she's sort of shadowing for this as having had her hair pulled back nonchalantly, which, like, no, no, it's not the. Not the right adverb for that. I also think that doing a makeup look that the idea is they have these three different models and they're like, we're gonna do a big something on each of them. Like, one gets big eyes, one gets big lips, and then, you know, the not big lips, but you know what I mean, they do, they highlight her lips more. And then one of them, they're just like, we wanna highlight her skin. Okay, like, how is that makeup then? Just feels like a cop out to me. Do something else. Do her cheeks.

[Dave]

Well, this is, you know, the usual things like wear great lash, wash your face, put on moisturizer, try to look like there's not much going on, and you'll look even prettier. But there. Oh, speaking of nonchalantly. Hair. Hair done. She said you open her, she has to open her mouth like she's swallowing an orange to describe putting on lipstick. And then I just kept trying to figure out what right where. If you're trying to swallow the orange, is the orange past your mouth? You're still opening it because it was very confusing.

[Tara]

How do you make an Airbnb? A VRBO picture, A vacation rental. Now imagine that Every time you stay there, you earn rewards towards your next trip. Congrats. Now you're in a VRBOVE. Make it a VRBO. OneKeyCash is not redeemable for cash and can only be used on Expedia, Hotels.com and VRBO. How do you make an Airbnb a VRBO? Imagine trying to find the perfect vacation rental for a girl's trip. Now imagine there's a tool that makes it easy to compare different houses so the group agrees on a house faster than they agree on appetizers. You've got yourself a vrbo. Make it a vrbo.

[Amy]

About face. I don't have much to say about this other than a blanket statement for the whole thing, which is turn on the lights. The three photos for the three main blurbs that aren't about the copy. Like, it looks like they're. It truly looks like they're standing in rooms that just don't have the lights on. Yeah.

[Dave]

Like, they forgot to put the flash on. And they were like, we. It's too late.

[Eli]

It looks like the scene in the movie, the power's just gone down in the whole state.

[Amy]

Yes.

[Eli]

And the generator lights just kicked in. But not the real lights yet. And then they did a fashion shoot in that little interim period.

[Amy]

I mean, I don't know much about photography, but I do know that about photography.

[Dave]

But I know the lights are on. Like, I can't tell what that soft brush is on her face. It looks like Silly Putty. It looks like she's putting Silly Putty on her eye.

[Amy]

I can barely tell she has a face. Like, it's so dark. Guys, go to the visual aids to see how we. How much we are not exaggerating the darkness of these photos.

[Dave]

And it says right next to it, it starts with, it's nighttime. You're about to go to bed. So at first I was like, oh, that. Maybe they're trying to. But they're not. No, the other people are not at bedtime.

[Eli]

Do you think that is Sully Putty? And she's trying to get a print of her eye.

[Amy]

You can barely see the bristles, like, under her thumb. I can see them. So no.

[Dave]

Oh, yeah, There they are in my issue, my print issue. There's a big square in it because someone cut out the definition of Nard and it was like going on the locker bitches. That's so cute, isn't it?

[Amy]

I'm glad someone responded to Nard because we didn't. The middle blurb. Your lips don't have oil. Glands Gross. So during the mean, cold, windy, dry winter, they're super prone to chapping. Luckily, the following balms can help save your defenseless lips. Body shops range. I used to love those. Although, as I've complained in the past, you do have to stick your finger in them, and then your finger's all slimy. Rachel Perry's Lip Lovers lip balms have sunscreens too, and they come in a bunch of different flavors. There's also herpes and lip balm. I'm just gonna say, I don't want to be seen carrying that one around, frankly. And then finally, the godlike Kiehl's Lip Balm number one, which just works wonders. It does. All of these, I'm sure, are fine. Rachel Perry is the only one that is name checked in that song by that dog about Kiss My Lips, so obviously it is superior in my personal opinion. I don't totally get the point of this new feature called Remember When. It sort of seems like the dumbed down version of the beauty feature about how, you know, body types, fashionable body types change. This is just like different kinds of hairs were fashionable at different times. And now in the 90s, anything goes, but it's all like. It seems like this person just was vibing with the illustrations and then someone had to write a blurb to go with it for no reason, because this person writes like a YouTuber. Okay, guys, these are the 90s. So what's up? Sorry, it's been a while since my last vlog. I mean, that's not part of it, but that's how YouTubers talk. And then the end. Okay, you can stop puking now. I'm done. Seriously, though, go out and do something wild. Create a whole new you. Most of all, stay cool. May the force be with you later. Wrap up. You had, like, four endings. Just one is fine. Oh, my God.

[Eli]

And what is this? Lord of the Rings.

[Amy]

Seriously?

[Dave]

I think Alison Gaines, if you read it in the world's youngest Andy Rooney, this is what I think was maybe happening. Walking around New York City nowadays is like a passage through time. I know you've seen. Just upset. What year is it?

[Eli]

I saw this lady on the street. I couldn't tell if she was 18 or 80.

[Amy]

Mm, yes. She also refers to hankies on the noodle, meaning wearing a scarf on your head, which, like Andy Rooney, I had Uncle Stevie, as in, like, Stephen King in his old column in Entertainment Weekly, but they're basically the same.

[Dave]

Mm.

[Amy]

Mm. Too much. We try it. Another dark photo of a girl with I'M gonna say at least three bath puffs. And amazingly, there was a time when bath puff technology was new. I liked the look and feel of my Belange body sponge as soon as I took it out of the package. Actually, it looks more like one of those nylon dish scrubbers than a sponge for your body, but it's much softer, even soft enough for washing faces. When you add soap or cleanser, it lathers really well and kind of massages your skin. Another nice thing about it is that it rinses and dries quickly so it doesn't end up smelling like a swamp creature, says Kelly Bell, 23, of Lansing, Michigan. Perfect synopsis. I love bath puffs. I use them all the time I can, including when I travel, because I hate to use a washcloth. This was a huge leap forward for soap and body wash. So thank you to the inventor of the body puff, the bath puff, who, now that I've read this blurb, probably did just see a dishwashing sponge and was like, hmm. And they were right.

[Dave]

When I got a six pack. Oh. Of Fran Wilson's Mood Matcher lipstick. Sorry that we were talking about abs. I was totally psyched. There were some great shades, such as light blue, dark blue, yellow, orange, and pink that claimed to change color according to your body chemistry. Guess what? These things are still around.

[Amy]

What?

[Dave]

Mood matchers. You could still get them in, like, 20 different colors, and they just turn your lips different shades of red and purple. I don't know why we're still doing it. I don't know why we're like, it's yellow, but it's not. It's not because of your mood. Come on. But anyway, you can still get them. FranWilson.com also has a side thing where she has figured out how to name every kind of Q tip to say, this is the kind of Q tip you need for a baby. This is the kind of Q tip you need for your wig. This is the kind of Q tip you need for your eye makeup. What can't Fran figure out we don't need? But she could name. I'm very impressed with her legacy.

[Amy]

Let's talk about ads. I want to start with the ad on page seven for Esprit because it is just two cute white people with their heads really close together, and all you can see of clothes is the collar of a turtleneck and a bit of a coat. And the rest of this is just vibes. And Esprit could get away with that because they had such a great brand and I love Them, and I love them still. And I would have put this on my wall. And I probably did if I could have found it in another magazine, because I did not Rip. Paige is out of sassy.

[Eli]

Think he super glued himself to her?

[Amy]

Yes, I do. Also, I think this is Glen Powell's dad. This guy looks very Glen Powell to me.

[Dave]

He seems like her college professor. He just seems too old for this ad.

[Amy]

That was a hot, sexy thing that was happening at the time. There's a whole storyline in Mystic Pizza.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Amy]

And she wasn't even in college. She was in high school. Still.

[Dave]

We have a two page Tampax ad, but this first page is about Tampax tampon protection in the palm of your hand. And it's just a girl with some bangles and her hand clamped to the side of her thigh hiding, which you see two pages later, a teensy tiny tampon. This became the way that I walked to the bathroom with a tampon in my hand until I stopped using these things. This was the official penguin march to the bathroom. Put your tampon in there. Eventually I learned you could just sort of tuck it up in winter months in your sleeve. But if it was summertime and or you were in a swimsuit, this was the. This was the stiff armed walk. I also think it's pretty cute that they put this tampon ad next to the next month section.

[Amy]

Yeah. When this product existed, it was before I had unlocked the secret of just putting things in your bra, which I now do all the time. Would have really solved a lot of problems if I'd figured out just put a tampon on your bra. It's fine.

[Dave]

Ooh, what you got in your bra today, Tara?

[Eli]

Do they still make these in this packaging?

[Amy]

Uh, I don't think so because it.

[Eli]

Looks like the way people do sweetener packets. Now I'm just wondering if anybody ever put a tampon in their coffee and is like, no more coffee.

[Amy]

On page 23, we've got an ad for Merry go Round. And I think this is our old friend Paula Marshall again on the left, the future actress. This type of patchwork sheer blouse that you wear over, like the slinkiest tank top that your mother will allow. This was such a look. Every part of this, especially the girl who's standing up because she's in the more colorful one. And this style of Jean. She is December 1990 to me. Also the hair, also the earrings. Like all of this whole look is perfection. I love it.

[Dave]

I hate it. I mean, did you do this to yourself?

[Amy]

No. I wished I Could. I admired it. All my friends dressed like this.

[Dave]

It was very preppy. Like, it came with very high bangs and a poof and a bow in your hair. It didn't read the Sherilyn Fenn vibes that the girl on the left seems to have pulled off successfully in this one. But, yeah, no, it was not my thing.

[Amy]

This look hangs on. You can still see versions of it in, like, the earliest days of friends, for sure. And that was four years after this.

[Dave]

So on page 37, we have an ad for finesse. This picture. So this woman, I guess, runs a cruise and did her hair, and a man was trying to, like, talk about, like, maybe hit her up to find out what was in her golden box of jewels next to her coffee, and he accidentally got his hand stuck in her hair.

[Eli]

Yeah, it's the guy. It's the super glue guy from the Esprit. He got some glue on his hand, ran it through her hair, and now he's stuck. And they have to go on this, you know, parade on the cruise boat that she is grand marshal of.

[Amy]

No, you're both wrong. She is the new swordmaster of House Corrino 10,000 years ago on Dune. So he's congratulating her on her new assignment.

[Eli]

Good for her.

[Dave]

Oh, she is shiny. Page 40 and 41, we have a cover, like a spread of a blonde model. This is for Clairol, and it says, the body maybe, but the hair can be yours. Maybe you'll never have a model's figure, but the good news is your hair can have her highlights. Off. Right? Off. Fuck. And off.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Dave]

So if you think this model was born with it, think. Oh. So if you think a model is born with it all, think again. You can get your highlights the same way she did. Just shitty. Just shitty. Just made me feel bad about myself.

[Amy]

Not only that, but it makes you feel bad about the model because it's kind of selling her out. It's like, you think she looks this hot naturally. Look at this. Dumb. She just gets her highlights out of a box, Right.

[Dave]

I think she's like, I'm fine with that. Look at the rest of me.

[Amy]

That's true.

[Dave]

You want my hair? It's from a box. No, it's not. I was born with it. You need a box. Ridiculous.

[Amy]

They also really thought they were getting away with something by putting the cleavage on the fold.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Amy]

Like, to make it look less, like, needlessly exploitative. But we see what you're doing, Clairol.

[Dave]

Yeah. Continuing this Trend on page 69, two pages for Depp. Similarly, there's a girl and she's. She's clutched like Fiona Apple in the Criminal video. Like when we found her in the closet and she's wearing tights but not a top. So she's. You think she's hiding her breasts, but she's actually hiding her thighs. Because Depp says your thighs may be too thunderous, too saddlebaggy, too thin, too jiggly, too cottage cheesy, large curd, too hereditary. Or just like the before in a before after ad, but with depth styling products, at least you can have your hair the way you want it.

[Amy]

Everybody, God, settle for whatever you can get, you dumb cows.

[Eli]

Yeah, awful good, hair bad. Everything else.

[Amy]

They did not read Grace's article, I'll tell you that.

[Eli]

That's why they call them batter bodies. Everything is good. Batter bodies.

[Dave]

Oh.

[Amy]

On page 77 we have an ad for Caboodles. And you would be forgiven for thinking that this was just another extra page of Sassy Club, because that's what it looks like. It's just a bunch of stuff, some little blurbs. Amazingly, we also see an image of Julie Clefman, Miss Caboodles 1990. They were just giving Miss titles to anyone for anything back in the day. Good for her, I guess. But yeah, anything is possible. Anything is possible. The world keeps on turning. Another one, two punch here of juxtaposition. On page 80, we've got the Loris Watch ad. Musically gifted. This is a. This is a watch that plays the little song, one placed yesterday, the other which has Mickey Mouse on it. And all of the numbers are represented by flags that one, of course, plays It's a Small World. But look out, Mickey, because your watch supremacy may be coming to an end. Over on page 90, we've got the Looney Tunes Watch ad for Armatron. All of these Looney Tunes characters are coming for your wrists. And I do remember this as the era where Warner Brothers was like, why not us? And started, you know, opening the Warner Brothers store and doing the like, weird hip hop shirts and all that. That whole era of Looney Tunes branding. I still think that the Mickey Mouse watch is a classic. Probably not this one from Loras, but in general. And these Looney Tunes watches look cheap, Especially the digital one that has a little chunky plastic Bugs Bunny saying, what's up, Doc?

[Dave]

I thought that was Wile E. Coyote.

[Amy]

You're right. Why would he be saying what's up?

[Dave]

It makes no sense. Now I see it. Wait a minute. Now I see it. I had to relax my Eyeballs and not look like. I thought that was a long mouth of Wile E. Coyote.

[Amy]

Okay, I see it now.

[Dave]

I see it now.

[Amy]

Yep. That wasn't his hand.

[Dave]

Yeah, no. Watch.

[Amy]

These are real ugly. This awful. Don't ask for these for Christmas. You will regret it.

[Dave]

Speaking of things you can't regret, on page 83, how to get the guy you really want. Even if right now he doesn't know you exist. You can write into the Tymar Group department at Blackrock Turnpike in Fairfield, Connecticut.

[Amy]

Oh dear.

[Dave]

Yes, I want to get a gorgeous guy. That's right. Rush me the GH system immediately. I must be totally happy with my new love life. Or I may even return it for a complete refund. You can tell because they're serious. Because they have a money back. Guaranata tea.

[Amy]

One of these days I need to get to Florida and see the guarantees in their natural habitat. Majestic.

[Dave]

In this image you can see that blonde is about to untuck that dude's guarantee and go to town on it. My God, there are so many things in this full page ad. I am blushing. I am blushing.

[Amy]

This. The caption under this photo is so dark though. Imagine a guy all your own. Someone you can snuggle and cuddle with. And who calls you on the phone. Can you guess? The bar is on the floor.

[Dave]

10 bucks. 10 bucks guaranteed to get the guy you want or you don't pay a penny. It's just that simple. It's this system. It's a system that's important to know. It's not a book. It's a system.

[Amy]

Of course.

[Dave]

And it's like nothing you've absolutely. Like nothing you've seen or heard of before. No old fashioned advice that you already know. None of the same old stuff you've read in books. This is so amazing. So foolproof. It's been called the world's best guy getting system. Here's just some of the exciting things you'll learn. How to make a guy notice you without being pushy. The big mistake that most girls make. And how to avoid it. How to make shyness work for you instead of against you. Five little tricks to get any guy hooked. How to flirt without looking easy. And then how to turn just a friend into a boyfriend. Oh, the right way to touch, feel and hold a guy. And then you can get a special gift on Secrets of Kissing where it definitely looks like two girls are kissing on the COVID of this. It's worth. It's worth the money to find out anyway. The Tymar Group of Blackrock Turnpike is here to help you out. It's 10 bucks plus $2 postage and handling. I want it. I want the system. It says it arrives at your home. Then unwrap the package, get comfortable, and then get ready. Discover all the fun, love and happiness you've been missing out on.

[Amy]

All of it. Oh, my God.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Amy]

On page 86 and 87, we've got stuff we wrote across the top half of two pages, and then the bottom half of two pages is taken up by an ad for Playtex now with baby powder. And if you're reading this ad from our day, that's a real bummer because you know how bad baby powder is for your body in general, but especially your genitals. Thanks.

[Eli]

Playtex mean you can't trust the Playtex mob boss lady.

[Amy]

Can you believe it?

[Eli]

No, that's all you need. Now, see, you're gonna stick this baby powder tube up your hoo. Ha. See?

[Dave]

Put it in your couch. See? It's gonna work. See? All right, in our ridiculous tiny section of. I guess you wanna be a model and order prints or be a paralegal. My favorite section.

[Amy]

Oh, wow.

[Dave]

Earrings. Wild colors are nice, quiet ones. For a sample pair of triangle earrings in black, white or neon. Send checker money to Sunday afternoons. These drawings of earrings.

[Amy]

It's so funny that this company is in Santa Fe because I swear to God all of the stores in the downtown area are still selling earrings that look exactly like this.

[Dave]

Is it pizza?

[Amy]

Right?

[Dave]

Number one, is it the contents of my purse? And then is it tiny condom in a circle? What are these? Earrings? Oh, wow. That's what you say when you. When you get them gifted by your kid. Oh, wow. Earrings. Oh, wow. And then next to it, how to be popular. Send $8.95 in check or money order to image book in Naples, Florida. Look at the image of this popular queen. It's that easy. String of pearls.

[Eli]

Oh, boy. That's a missing person's photo.

[Amy]

She is.

[Eli]

Well, it is a way to get popular.

[Amy]

Yeah. She looks like an extra from Star the next Generation in a way I like, can't totally put my finger on.

[Eli]

She's the Entertainment Director and Rigel 4. Yeah, Holiday Planet, whatever the fuck it's called. Don't add me Star Trek people. I don't care.

[Amy]

Diary this month because it is the reader produced issue. We don't get Jane in the diary. We get our editor in chief for the month, and that is Summer Lopez. And so she takes us through her time running the magazine. She seems very cute and enthusiastic. Also kind of a dork, which is probably how that she got this job she quotes. I. I finally got to meet Mary Kay, Karen Kim and Mary for dinner, and I knew everything was going to be very cool. I picked that phrase up from Karen. What did you. Had you really never heard the phrase very cool before? Uh, we also hear Neil was on vacation while all of this was going on. And I susp. I have to wonder, was it a vacation or was it paid leave so that he would not get any opportunity to interact with the, you know, older teen, younger, 20s readers? She also refers to somebody keeping stuff in their brassiere, which I hope was a joke. Cause otherwise it's just more evidence that this is an old person in a young person's body. Had a meeting with advertisers where they insulted them, which seems like something they should have been briefed beforehand not to do, especially at Sassy, because they could not afford to alienate any advertiser. Clearly based on the guarantee ad we already talked about. But I also just have a little bit of a spicy note and commenter on our Instagram let us know that Summer Lopez had a falling out with Jane at some point, but they didn't have any more details than that and they wondered if we did, which we don't. But if you do, call the hotline 720. Sassy, go tell us the dirt. What happened? Why are they mad at each other? Say what? Say what, Say what? Mistaken identity. Thanks so much for the interview with Christian Slater. I found him intriguing in Heather's and loved him. A puppet of the volume. I've been curious if he's as interesting and cool as he appears in those movies. The interview was honest. I love his deepness and his intenseness in movies. Okay. Shayna, is it from Eugene, Oregon. Depth and intensity are the words that you're looking for. You surely know them. Don't waste my time. Oh, wow.

[Eli]

That is not. It's not a magazine thing.

[Amy]

That's.

[Eli]

That's a letter.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Eli]

Just saying. Yeah, I mean, they could have put a sick in there.

[Amy]

I guess that's true, but I don't think I've ever seen them do that. Next. Sassy Sexist. Just a question. Why is it that in order to win the title of Sassiest girl in America, you have to spend your summer rebuilding churches in Fiji or write letters to the Pope protesting his policies regarding women's rights? Yet all it takes to be the sassiest dude in America is a healthy helping of Murray's superior hairdressing pomade and a love of brownies and root beer. What's the deal? You know what, Verushka, great point. It's true. Again, the bar on the floor. On the floor for the sassiest boy in America, too, because he did just get it on vibes. He didn't do anything impressive except have a band, which. Which guy doesn't?

[Dave]

He had a lot of opinions.

[Amy]

He did have a lot of opinions, too. And the next letter says, why didn't he get the COVID And I also think we said that at the time, it did seem like a double standard, that he should have been on a cover, especially for an issue when it was a boy. But, you know, I guess Christian Slater probably would have sold more copies than Ian because of his deepness and his intenseness. Next up time, we're skipping the December 1990 slumber party so we can have a break for the holidays. So instead, we will be telling you about the January 1991 issue, starting with its teen life topics. Why are boys scared of you? What's Nick Cave's type? And who is the third to win the title of sassiest girl in America? All that and more coming in two weeks.

[Eli]

You can follow this podcast at. Listen to sassy.com on Blue Sky. You can support us on Patreon. It's $5 a month, gets you a whole bunch of great perks, like that full PDF of the issue that we're talking about, access to the Discord, and of course, warm and Fuzzies.

[Dave]

You can also call us, as we said, our hotline, 720Sassy. Go. Leave us a voicemail about the show or the magazine, and we may play it on a future episode. Listen to Sassy.com. come find out what we're up to. Take a quiz, thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time.

[Eli]

Maybe it's just me with the ball gag, then, guys. It's just the way I was taught to put on lipstick and I just didn't really question it. Yeah, just me sitting in front of the mirror, nothing on but my boxer shorts, my gigantically pendulous testicles putting on lipstick.

[Dave]

You know how somebody's kink, Dave, touching.

[Amy]

At your sack like it is swallowing an orange and then putting lipstick on it.

[Dave]

Oh, no. Keep dancing.

[Amy]

Keep dancing.