December 1990 Teen Life: Protests, Fruit & Cocaine

Summary

Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s Episode Summary: December 1990 Teen Life: Protests, Fruit & Cocaine

Hosts:

• Tara Ariano
• Pamela Ribon
• David T. Cole

Release Date: October 29, 2024

---

1. Introduction

In this episode of Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s, hosts Tara Ariano, Pamela Ribon, and David T. Cole delve into the December 1990 issue of Sassy magazine. They explore the magazine's strong stance on pressing teen issues of the era, including drug prevention, student rights, and societal expectations.

2. Overview of the December 1990 Issue

The hosts begin by setting the stage for December 1990, contrasting global events with the release of the magazine's first reader-produced issue. Tara exclaims, “This is the biggest thing that's ever happened” ([00:55] Tara), highlighting the significance of involving readers in the magazine's creative process.

3. Critique of Notable Articles

a. "When Mom and Dad Snort Coke" by Sheila Tracy

Pamela Ribbon passionately criticizes Sheila Tracy’s harrowing story about a 10-year-old boy dealing with his parents' cocaine addiction. She remarks, “Sassy, you should not have published” ([02:04] Pamela), addressing the lack of credible sources and perceived sensationalism in the narrative. David adds skepticism about the story’s authenticity, questioning, “Are you a real person when you're under a certain age?” ([07:03] Dave).

b. "Black Armbands and Bart Simpson" by Barbie Smith

Barbie Smith’s article discusses student rights, touching on issues like freedom of clothing and protection from unreasonable searches. Tara notes the article's relevance continues today, stating, “Barbie's article could have been written yesterday” ([09:18] Tara). The hosts commend the courage of Mary Beth Tinker and her brother in taking their fight for armband rights to the Supreme Court, emphasizing the enduring struggle for student freedoms.

4. Body Talk and Health Segments

The "Body Talk" section addresses various health topics aimed at teens. Pamela humorously points out the segment's shortcomings, saying, “These looks terrible” ([15:03] Pamela). Topics discussed include the importance of fruit consumption and the negative effects of excessive TV watching:

• Fruit Consumption: “45% of all Americans will consume no fruit today” ([14:03] Pamela).
• TV Consumption: Tara mentions a study linking excessive TV watching to reduced energy and concentration ([16:07] Dave).

5. Introduction of New Columns

a. "Green Gossip" by Summer Lopez

The new gossip column, "Green Gossip," is introduced by Summer Lopez, who reports on a local community's fight over landfill placement. Tara praises the well-researched piece, stating, “This is probably the best reported story in the issue” ([18:49] Tara). Pamela humorously contends, “You absolutely right. What’s the deal, moms?” ([45:10] Pamela), reacting to readers' humorous submissions.

6. Readers' Contributions and Features

The hosts discuss various reader-submitted content, including humorous and critical Q&A sections:

• Average Touch Time of Men’s Genitals: A humorous yet uncomfortable topic is dissected with witty banter. Pamela quips, “He was put on this earth to ruin your life” ([21:55] Dave).
• Relationship Dilemmas: Questions about maintaining relationships without communication are addressed with sarcastic advice, showcasing the hosts' playful criticism of the responses.

7. Poetry and Creative Expressions

The magazine features poetry from readers, which the hosts present with a mix of skepticism and appreciation:

• Denise Moore’s Poem: An introspective piece that Tara initially suspects to be a joke but grows to appreciate upon reading aloud ([42:24] Tara).
• Joyce L. Farr’s Piece: A more refined poem titled “Do you dream in black and white?” is lauded by the hosts for its depth and emotional resonance ([43:39] Ted).

8. It Happened to Me: Jane’s Insights

Jane, presumably a key figure behind the magazine, updates listeners on the transition to a reader-produced model. She discusses the challenges and successes, including the overwhelming number of applications for various roles:

• Model Applications: “A third applied to be models. No comment on that” ([35:23] Tara).
• Editorial Challenges: Jane reflects on the difficulties in maintaining quality and consistency, especially with stories like Sheila Tracy’s fraudulent cocaine narrative ([35:23] Tara).

9. Pop Culture and Final Remarks

The episode concludes with a look at contemporary pop culture references and their influence on the magazine’s content, such as:

• Dawson’s Creek Reference: Tara connects the "First Spot Fine Line" to a Dawson's Creek episode, noting its forward-thinking nature for the time ([03:04] Dave).
• Horoscope Segment: A playful take on astrology with the “Horror Scope,” adding a creative twist to the traditional horoscope ([39:35] Dave).

10. Notable Quotes

• Pamela Ribbon: “Sassy, you should not have published” ([02:04] Pamela)
• Tara Ariano: “This is the biggest thing that's ever happened” ([00:55] Tara)
• David T. Cole: “It was dumb” ([02:27] Dave)
• Pamela Ribbon: “He was only 7 years old at the time. She was only 17. There's no way. This is true” ([06:27] Pamela)
• Tara Ariano: “Mary Beth Tinker should have taken a little less time with the armbands and a little more time with the sweater” ([09:51] Tara)
• David T. Cole: “These difficulties are... I don't know what you're talking about” ([28:53] Dave)

11. Conclusion

The hosts wrap up the episode by reflecting on the enduring impact of Sassy magazine and its reader-produced issues. They encourage listeners to engage with past and present teen issues, emphasizing the magazine's role in giving a voice to Generation X teens. The episode closes with playful banter and teasers for upcoming discussions on pop culture and personal projects.

---

Connect with the Hosts:

• Call-In: 7-20 Sassy Go
• Email: [e-mail]
• Quiz: Available online at [e-mail]

Join the Conversation: Follow the hosts on social media and Patreon for exclusive content and behind-the-scenes insights into the Sassy magazine and its vibrant community.

Transcript

[Pamela Ribbon]

You might not want to be involved in the war on drugs, but make no mistake, if you're a parent, you've been drafted. Call for a free parent's Guide to Drug Prevention. 1-800-624-0100.

[Dave]

It is December 1990. British and French workers meet in the middle of the Channel Tunnel under the English Channel. The newly reunified Germany holds its first parliamentary election. For the first time, 12 people are are in space at the same time. But none of that matters because the.

[Tara]

First reader produced issue is out. Oh, my God.

[Dave]

The do not disturb sign is on the bedroom door.

[Pamela Ribbon]

It's time to listen to Sassy.

[Tara]

This is the biggest thing that's ever happened.

[Pamela Ribbon]

I mean, at least when the diarist last week didn't want to deal with this, she made a list.

[Dave]

We don't have time for lists.

[Pamela Ribbon]

We don't have time for lists. Pam's got a heart out. We got to go with it. May only do one word a piece for each segment.

[Dave]

This was such an important issue.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Is it. Where is this on. On your goal list in 1990? Like, how big of a deal would it be if you got to be on the editorial team for this?

[Tara]

Oh, I would have been too scared to apply.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Well, for the people on the panel who aren't cowards, how big of a thing would this be?

[Dave]

I would be still talking about it now. Pamela Ribbon, one time Sassy, Sassy contributor. Yeah, nothing could be cooler.

[Tara]

Nothing. It's. But in theory it is. And then you actually read it and it's like, oh, they needed help. I didn't get enough.

[Pamela Ribbon]

All right.

[Tara]

Because when we get to the. When we get to. It happened to me. This is when Jane sort of gets into, you know, the process of how they did everything. And I certainly thought this was cool at the time. Reading it now, it's like a lot more oversight was required in all areas of the production of this issue. What are your thoughts, Dave, as a reader?

[Pamela Ribbon]

It was dumb.

[Tara]

Tara.

[Dave]

I would say you were editing people not much older than this forever. So the bar was not a low bar when you were my editor. So I would say that you're like, you're looking at these 15, 16 year olds and being like, do better. And I'm like, you should. You got me at like 21:22.

[Tara]

So, you know, and I'm sure my editing could have used work then too. Like, we're all, we're all learning life. Life is a. Is a lesson, not me.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Great then, great now.

[Dave]

Flawless.

[Tara]

Well, let's get into the teen life topics starting with the spot fine line, which is ch changes. Also coincidentally, the title of an episode of Dawson's Creek that I was preparing for our sister podcast. Again with this. This very week that we're discussing it.

[Dave]

What does it mean?

[Tara]

Very popular. Obviously it's a song lyric, but it's, it's a very popular TV episode title. You will see it everywhere if you look. And Sassy might have been first with the spine line ahead of the times. So this reader produced issue does not have a fiction story, but in a sense doesn't it? Because our first feature is when mom and dad snort coke. Our author is Sheila Tracy, age 16, and it tells the harrowing story of a boy whose, you know, details have been changed, except that we find out he's 10. We get a lot of detail about his life, including the way his awful coke snorting mother extorts her wealthy parents, that she does sex work to support her habit, that he is neglected, so on and so forth. All of this is coming from him. Like, who is this author to the kid? Who else did she talk to? Like, there's no evidence that she talked to obviously the parents, but no talk of like to any kind of expert, any case worker in this situation. Because spoiler, he does get removed from his parents care. It's just all a complete to me tissue of lies. And the, the kicker is I'm hoping that all these drug addicts become sterile because they have absolutely no right to have children. First of all, fucking yikes. And second, Sassy, you should not have published. I mean the whole story, but especially someone should have cut that line. Good God.

[Dave]

I don't actually think she talked to Jason either. The whole thing reads like gossip about why clearly Sheila's mom called social services on the kid down the street. Much like the summer that I was boxing up croutons. It does begin with like, no, you didn't. No, none of this is true.

[Tara]

I can't believe of all the bullshit we've read and it happened to me. Somehow working in a crouton factory is the detail you believe the least.

[Dave]

It's not a real job. If you had told me that's Simpsons episode. How do you think they get made season? You wait for bread to go stale and then you stomp on it. That's how croutons are made. Stomp on Becky Meaty.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Do you have specialized soles in your shoes that are like grid knife grid to cut them into little squares?

[Dave]

Listeners, it begins. I'll never forget the first time I Met Jason. Asterisk. Not his real name. We played tennis. Just remember that part. He played tennis. He was rude and overly competitive and showed absolutely no respect for anyone. During those few hours that I spent with him, I witnessed him run after my brother with a broken beer bottle, hurl racial slurs at passersby, and describe in detail exactly why and how all the minorities in the world should be killed. One would expect such behavior from someone who was drunk or high, but not from Jason. He was only 7 years old at the time. She was only 17. There's no way.

[Tara]

No.

[Dave]

That this is true.

[Tara]

This is true.

[Dave]

And he wasn't crazy either. He was acting the only way he knew how.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Jason also had a four foot red Mohawk.

[Dave]

He stopped playing tennis. The seven year old long enough to hurl a beer bottle at someone.

[Tara]

He was the most disruptive little boy at the country club. And I said, no more.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Not only does he set cats on fire, he eats them.

[Dave]

Yeah, I mean, it's wild. That's the first time she met him. So how many times did she meet him? Where are.

[Tara]

Where are they?

[Dave]

Why are they playing tennis? It's ridiculous.

[Tara]

Yes. There's just gaps in the reporting. And when we get to. It Happened to Me, the Jane update on like, how this all got made, she says that Sheila had interview subjects for the story, like, cancel on her five times. And it's like, okay, so she. Is this a right around, like, who. Who was she trying to talk to? All of this just seems super fake to me.

[Dave]

Yeah. Sheila lives in.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Oh, wait, hang on, hang on, hang on.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Okay, go ahead.

[Dave]

Is this my official doxing?

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah, this is your dachshund music.

[Dave]

Sheila J. Tracy, currently 51 years old, living in Washington D.C. sheila, give us a call, let us know who was Jason and did you win a contest for this at your school? Something happened here. What was Jane like? 720. Sassy.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Go.

[Dave]

Thanks. Mmm. Don't get that finger far from that button, Dave. We're moving on to feature two. Feature number two, black armbands and Bart Simpson. This is by Barbie Smith, who is 15 at the time. Barbie does an article here about our rights as students and how they've been taken away from us. Or what you got to do to fight, because they will keep taking away. Barbie's article could have been written yesterday. So upsetting about this. Like, as I read it, I was like, nothing is better. In fact, so many things are worse. She dives into a couple of different types of rights that students should have, humans should have, but Students are in this weird place. Where are you a real person when you're under a certain age? And what if you go to a public school? And who gets to decide when they look in and take your shit? The first one being about freedom of clothing, the second about freedom from unreasonable searches and seizures. And then lastly, a freedom of the press. I could not stop putting links in the show notes because I got pretty upset. But one of the things that she dives into is Mary Beth Tinker and her brother John Tinker, who were fighting all the way to the Supreme Court to wear armbands that, you know, for.

[Tara]

Peace to protest the Vietnam War.

[Dave]

Yes. And they found a pretty interesting article from her talking about, you know, why. Why they went all the way to the Supreme Court. Like, I think it's. It's pretty amazing when a kid isn't a student, isn't intimidated out of going this far for your rights to just have a life, have. Have an intellectual life inside high school.

[Tara]

Yeah, let. What? Let time traveling Wes Bentley do what he wants.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah. I say Spanky with his peace paddle.

[Dave]

It's a great photo. It's a great photo.

[Tara]

It is. I mean, I'll just say Mary Beth should have taken a little less time with the armbands and a little more time with the sweater Depiller. But yes, credit to her for saying, maybe they're.

[Dave]

Hand me down.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Mary Beth Tinker's like, ow. Somewhere.

[Dave]

Yeah. I did not dox her. But yeah, these days, hoodies are banned. Crocs are banned. All black clothing are banned.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Why are Crocs banned?

[Dave]

Guess why, Dave?

[Pamela Ribbon]

Too much expression in the. In the jibbitz.

[Dave]

No, because they want you to be able to safely run in an emergency. That's right. Crocs are banned because guns are not.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Right. So that's a good compromise.

[Dave]

Fucking crazy. Oh, this made me so angry. Dress codes are a violation of Title IX because they're often pretty gender biased. There's one. Ninth Circuit has to uphold a ban on an American flag shirt at a California high school because they did figure out that these kids were trying to wear American flag T shirts on Cinco de Mayo day to just be like, dicks. Nothing. Nothing is better now. So, Frida, I don't know if this happened to you guys, but I remember the year that they were like, we can search your lockers. It's legal. So that's when I stopped using a locker because it's school property. They can just go in, take whatever they want. This is legal. But then some. Some schools are finding out it's not legal to film middle school kids changing in locker rooms.

[Tara]

Jesus.

[Dave]

To where? They said, I mean, it's just girls in panties and underwear. It's not that big of a deal. But it was a visiting school coming in to do, like, sports that were like, I think those cameras are on and I'm changing. So that got stopped. Strip searching 13 year olds to look for ibuprofen in their underwear. That went all the way to the Supreme Court. And yeah, strip searches on kids is.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Pretty common when you're abusing ibuprofen. What exactly are they trying to stop here? Headaches are good for you kids.

[Dave]

Any excuse.

[Tara]

I mean, as a headache sufferer, I can say they didn't want you to carry, like, Tylenol. You would have to get. I had to have a note from my mother that said I was allowed to have it.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Right.

[Tara]

So that I could continue going to class, my terrible classes with a headache. The last chunk is about freedom of the press. The example that we are told about censorship, of course, is from a paper called Spectrum. And I just wanted to say it's the perfect title for a school newspaper. Spectrum.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Spectrum was the name of the women's section in the newspaper growing up. Yeah, you got your movies, you got your sports, and for the ladies, we got Spectrum.

[Tara]

Yep.

[Dave]

Did you make that up? I believe you.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Fashion, cooking A to Z.

[Tara]

No, that's true. In the Standard, right?

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. St. Catherine Standard.

[Dave]

Because they're like you women and your feelings.

[Pamela Ribbon]

They didn't want to not have a women's section, but they didn't want to call it the women's section. That's the amount of progress we had made in the 70s and 80s. And it really was. It was just like dresses, cooking, makeup. Yeah, the whole Spectrum.

[Dave]

I have no sense of humor until we're done with this. June 2023 at a northwest high school in Grand Island, Nebraska. In response to a directive from the administration that students must use their birth name and their bylines instead of their preferred names. The staff responded to this directive by running two columns and a news article addressing LGBTQ issues. The school retaliated by dissolving the entire journalism department. Restore and protect student rest, freedom. Learn more about New Voices. There's a link in the show notes. I'm so mad. This is not a good use of my hour spent on just this article.

[Pamela Ribbon]

You don't want those reporters running willy nilly. Who knows what they'll turn up.

[Dave]

ACLU.org knowyourrights studentrights or don't. And if you don't know about studentsengaged.org at Texas, please get involved.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Ask your teacher first.

[Dave]

No.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Let me hear your Body Talk.

[Tara]

Wow.

[Dave]

Amazing. Amazing.

[Pamela Ribbon]

First of all, I just want to say I just hope this is because this is a reader produced issue and all their section headlines now in hand painted ad font. I hope that's just for this month because it looks terrible.

[Tara]

Yes, it does.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Okay, great. Good. First thing of body talk is 45% of all Americans will consume no fruit today. And they're shame, shame, shame. It's just like mother always said, fruit is good for you. Okay? Vitamin C helps ward off some kinds of cancer. Won't give you bleeding gums if you eat that fruit, et cetera, et cetera. I realize this is reader produced issue, but this is not too far from some of the stuff Sassy says like oxygen breathe in.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pamela Ribbon]

I always just love it when they do something super basic like you want to jot something down? Try a pencil.

[Dave]

This picture for the fruit does seem like they really struggled. She's in shadows. It feels like someone was like, we don't have anything. The fruit looks so, so bad if it's lit. She's got her hand in her mouth.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Uh huh. I made studio light. Didn't seem to be on.

[Tara]

Oh my gosh.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Forgot to put something on.

[Tara]

All the photography is terrible. This issue. Sorry.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah. Oh, I see it's also a student photographer. Well, Tanya Nelson, you suck.

[Tara]

Yeah. No, they don't have flights in Columbus, Ohio.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Nope.

[Dave]

Is going out in today's air too hard on your skin? Not if you live in one of the top skin friendly cities. You will never guess these top skin friendly cities because they are Portland, Seattle, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Columbus, Detroit, Houston, Indianapolis and Milwaukee. I'm going to say none of them are still at the top of any skin list.

[Tara]

I mean, Portland and Seattle maybe like if you live there, you're probably going to be dewy just because it's wet all the time. The rest of them, I don't know what you're talking about.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Well, it's all about cloud cover, right? It's just how little sun you're getting.

[Tara]

Okay.

[Dave]

These days the worst skin friendly cities are all in Arizona. That is no surprise.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Well, because they're racist.

[Tara]

Arizona is trying to turn you into leather every second you're there.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Oh, I see.

[Dave]

Yes. Yes.

[Tara]

After studying the behavior of 1500 subjects, researchers have found that positive thinking can have a negative effect in traumatic situations. That's because looking at big probs with an excessively sunny side up attitude can actually keep you from adjusting to them or dealing with them. Hey, you know what else is a Probably using the word probs in this context, you have room to say problems. This is actually a kind of serious little blurb. Don't be abbreviating words like that. I hate you.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Wow.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Whoa.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Damn.

[Tara]

Well, positive thinking can have a negative effect. And I'm not thinking positively about this person's writing career.

[Dave]

Oh, dear.

[Tara]

Moving on. An evening of staring at the tube might sound relaxing, but it really isn't. The results of a 13 year study prove that watching over three and a half hours of TV a day cuts your energy and concentration. Hey, counterpoint. Shut up.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah, why don't you just, you know, go places? Acting.

[Dave]

Good job.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Thanks.

[Dave]

Lori Meeks was the editor of this month's Body Talk. Lori Meeks from Collinsville, Illinois. Best I can tell. Dory Dory. Because I wrote Doxing Lori and then I wrote just keep Google. Just keep googling. But doxing Lori.

[Tara]

Beautiful.

[Dave]

Do think she went on to become a professor of religion in East Asian languages and cultures at USC, perhaps. Lori, if it's you 720 sassy, go give us a call. Did you eat your fruit today, Cynthia?

[Pamela Ribbon]

Wow. All right.

[Dave]

Was that wow a compliment?

[Pamela Ribbon]

No.

[Dave]

Yeah, it didn't feel like one.

[Tara]

Then we have a new calling.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Gossip is the place to be. Trash throwing. For the life of me, I thought.

[Tara]

You were gonna sing Green Gossip like Green Giant. But it also fits.

[Pamela Ribbon]

But in the. In the Red Robin tune. Green Gossip, yum.

[Tara]

It's. Oh, I guess. Green Giant.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Ho, ho ho. Green Giant, Giant.

[Tara]

It's the same.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Oh, ho ho. You up?

[Tara]

No, I didn't. Green Giant and Red Robin are the same.

[Dave]

No, they're not.

[Tara]

Yes, they are.

[Pamela Ribbon]

There's no ho ho ho and Red Robin.

[Tara]

No, but I'm saying it's the same tune.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Chirp, chirp, chirp, Green Robin.

[Tara]

Oh, God. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Okay.

[Tara]

There's a new column called Green gossip. Summer Lopez, 17, of Los Gatos, California, wrote it. And it's the story of going to visit her grandparents in Illinois and landing in the middle of a huge fight about where to put a landfill in this farming community. I have to say this is probably the best reported story in the issue. Honestly. Like, she went to a meeting, she talked to people who are involved in the fight. She, you know, looked into the legal challenges that are being brought against this.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Legal challenges? No.

[Dave]

Landfill and pictures of horsies.

[Tara]

Pictures of horsies what the. The main horse picture is, I'm going to say the best photo in this issue. But she also gets the end and is like, you know, this is stopping one landfill is only stopping one landfill. The issue is more, we're running out of space for all our fucking garbage because it's not going anywhere. There's solutions, and there's, like, stopgap measures that you can take. And so I thought this was one of the better pieces in the issue. Good job, Summer.

[Dave]

Summer Lopez, I think she stayed in Los Gatos, California. And the best I can tell, she went into education. All right, does green gossip stick around Tara?

[Tara]

No, it's a great idea.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah, no, he went off to fight Spider Man.

[Dave]

This month's what he said, when do you consider yourself taken? They asked Neil, I guess, because he was hanging around a lot of underage girls in the office, and they was like, I'll give you some opinions. And they're like, fine, Neil, don't you have a girlfriend?

[Tara]

The month off. Yeah, I don't like this.

[Dave]

And he's like, I don't consider myself taken. Come on in, ladies. Anyway, I don't care what Neil says.

[Tara]

No. Robert, 18, who's on the water polo team of Corona del Mar High School in Newport Beach, California. I feel like I could stop reading right there. But he, ever so philosophically explained, explains, I never consider myself taken. I consider myself a free spirit. But the point in a relationship when I feel like I only want to see this person, which is what I think you're talking about, usually happens around the second or third date. This kind of equivocation where you're like, he's not into it, but he could be. Robert was put on this earth to ruin your life. So look out for Robert. And I'm going to say look out for water polo team members, too, because.

[Dave]

Going to guess, Robert's a lawyer now.

[Tara]

Yeah, he drowned.

[Pamela Ribbon]

He's no longer with us.

[Dave]

Oh, Jesus.

[Pamela Ribbon]

He was litigating something in a pool and trying to do too many things at once, and he sank.

[Dave]

The saddest thing about our doxing is that they didn't put the what he said full name because it would be fun to have found out what each boy grew up to be.

[Tara]

Mike, 16. The earliest time I'd consider myself taken is after there's an engagement ring on the finger of the female involved. Feel like, again, I can stop reading right there. Yeah, says this high school junior who likes playing golf as much as he likes headbanging to Metallica. Interesting combination but then Mikey realizes that's not what he means. Actually, I wouldn't feel really taken until about three months after she said I do. Then I'd know it was really final and there would never be anyone else, period. So Mike's been cheated on in every relationship he's ever had. It's what I'm reading between the lines of this one. Also, he is the most 42 looking 16 year old ever. And most of the 16 year olds on this page look old. He looks extraordinarily old even by that standard.

[Pamela Ribbon]

He's got a real put me in coach vibe. Put me in coach. You're not part of any sports team anymore, Mike. Oh, no. I don't know how long this was in process, but for some reason this reader produced episode has brought back on the Road. And we are back. And we are in Vancouver, British Columbia, which isn't even in America at all. No, it's in Canada.

[Tara]

No.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Which is not America.

[Tara]

Nope.

[Pamela Ribbon]

I don't know what's going on here. I just made me laugh that it was described as a very European city up in Canada. Because Vancouver is many things, but it is not European at all.

[Tara]

Here's.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Here's Montreal, Quebec City. Sure.

[Tara]

Yes, Vancouver.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Absolutely not.

[Tara]

No. What you can never do in life. And this is advice for all of our listeners in Vancouver. Feel free to call in 7:20 sassy go. We just won't play your calls. But never listen to what Vancouver is like from people who live in Vancouver because they are so smug about the city. Like, and they. Of course, as soon as I saw at the top of the page, it's Vancouver. Like, they're gonna mention the oceans and the mountains and they do. Like, we fucking know. We're so impressed. Vancouver sucks. Sucks ass. All the kids in these pictures look like dicks. And the fact that they all got organized by their teacher makes me hate them more. I'm sorry. I just am not into them. Sorry.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Well, also, it's Kitsilano Secondary School. So it's like the Vancouver center of Vancouver is the most Vancouvery, whitest, richest, little, you know, neighborhood. So it's. Yeah, it's.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah. Vancouver's not great. I didn't like Vancouver.

[Tara]

Nope. Bass.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Anything you want to docs on Vancouver, fam?

[Tara]

That's what I was waiting for.

[Dave]

No.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Named after Swag. I got it. Named after Captain Vancouver. Vancouver actually is the name of a city in British Columbia. And get this, in Washington, too many Vancouvers. Help. Help. I go to a strict school where everyone gets stressed out, especially during semester exams, in order to stay awake when studying at night, many kids take caffeine pills. Can this type of drug be dangerous? If so, do you have any other methods of staying awake? Signed Yawn. Is this before or after Saved by the Bell? Before opened our eyes to the dangers of caffeine pills.

[Tara]

I'm pretty sure it's before, but I will look it up while you're talking.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah, because that's what my mind immediately went to. My other question is everybody had remembers the first time somebody had a box of trucker helper pills in their lives. And I guess they're amphetamines.

[Tara]

Yes.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Boy, those worked. I don't know what the hell they were. Like, what is this? This is like. Like drinking a cup of coffee. All right. I mean, I don't like coffee back then and boy. Oi, oi, oi. Oing up for hours.

[Tara]

I've never taken a caffeine pill. The closest I get is when I take Excedrin for off label purposes because it has caffeine in it. I'm sure you're not supposed to update on that episode of Saved by the Bell, Jesse's song. It aired November 3, 1990, so this issue would have already been on its way to press by the time it it aired. So just a confluence of inspiration, I guess.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Next up, diarrhea after meals. No, thank you.

[Tara]

I'd rather have dessert.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Rather have dessert is correct. Scared to go out? Lately I've been really afraid to go out in public. My boyfriend thinks that I have agoraphobia. My father doesn't believe me and even if he did, we couldn't afford a therapist. Where can I go for help? Anywhere in the house.

[Tara]

Agoraphobia. Unless his time person just wants attention, we're not minimizing anybody's real problem.

[Pamela Ribbon]

I am.

[Tara]

Okay.

[Pamela Ribbon]

I mean I did.

[Tara]

Yep, you did.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Anything to add here, pam?

[Dave]

Ann Marie DeVita. Not a lot out there to find about her. I think she's 49 these days and still lives in Downers Grove, Illinois, which sounds to me like a place where Tim Burton sets films. The davitas are here. Help.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Help for him.

[Dave]

I need some help. Edited by Kevin grub of Omaha, Nebraska. We're starting with a bathing suit nightmare. I'm a 15 year old boy who has an embarrassing problem. When I go swimming, my bathing suit becomes embarrassingly revealing. What can I do about it? Signed beached whale. Oh no.

[Pamela Ribbon]

It should have been signed driftwood.

[Dave]

Next up, I want to know the average touch time for a man and his Penis outside the clothes. This is you just wait. What? It never seems to go away. It never seems to go away. It doesn't matter if you're just getting out of the pool. There just seems to be a constant need for a lot of men. I don't want to. Yes, all men, but like, the touching, the adjusting, the pinching, the gathering, the shoving, the wiggle. Wiggle.

[Tara]

Okay, I don't know what you're talking about.

[Dave]

In your day.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Are you saying that there is a like an amount of time talking.

[Dave]

Dave, we are talking about men. Could you just shut up for a second?

[Tara]

Okay. I'll just say I do know what Pam is talking about because. But I don't think. I just must not be around strange men that much because I was at the mall last week.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Hey, right here.

[Tara]

I know. I said. I said I'm not around strange men. That's a compliment.

[Dave]

I know.

[Pamela Ribbon]

He's saying I was strange.

[Tara]

I see.

[Pamela Ribbon]

A little joke we were doing, right?

[Tara]

Anyway.

[Dave]

Shut up. We're talking about men.

[Tara]

I saw what a man thinks.

[Dave]

We'll let someone else know.

[Tara]

I did see a guy, like, just rearranging things, like, walking around and like, just. And I locked eyes with him. Like, I can see you.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Tara]

And he didn't stop thinking about. He doesn't care.

[Dave]

He doesn't care.

[Pamela Ribbon]

He wanted to get comfortable.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Dave]

I want to know average touch time. Because I do. There's just a lot of it. Go ahead.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Average touch time. Let me tell you what that guy was thinking.

[Dave]

Thank you.

[Pamela Ribbon]

He may have been stopping something in its tracks. You want to shift things before they go places or get bigger and then are harder to move.

[Tara]

Okay.

[Pamela Ribbon]

There's a lot of, like, now or never move.

[Dave]

That what tub thumping means?

[Pamela Ribbon]

What?

[Dave]

Is that what you're doing? Is that what you mean?

[Pamela Ribbon]

I. I will not answer that. Because it feels like a trash dipping.

[Tara]

It in the bud when you're tub thumping your chumbawamba.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Yes. You get.

[Pamela Ribbon]

I mean, you get it knocked down in public. I would find. You know, I would find a dark, stinky alley to go down and adjust my biz right away from eyes.

[Tara]

Right?

[Pamela Ribbon]

But that guy just might have been like, it's gotta happen now, or this is just gonna. Is we're gonna be poking out of the underwear and then what?

[Tara]

Listen, all I' that he was like, three yards from Dillard's. Like, just walk into the store and duck into a. A rack. No one is in Dillard.

[Pamela Ribbon]

That's not weird at all.

[Dave]

Why is everyone bringing their hard ons to Dillard.

[Tara]

Is this a TikTok thing?

[Dave]

It's happening. I hate it.

[Tara]

The Dillard's hard on challenge. It's sweeping the nation.

[Dave]

They all play. I get knocked down as they're walking through it. 17 seconds.

[Pamela Ribbon]

I know we're not on TikTok, but can we start an account just to see if we can get the dealer's heart on challenge?

[Tara]

Sure. Yeah.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Okay.

[Dave]

Sure.

[Tara]

Back to this actual question. I don't understand what the problem is because it's not like he says, embarrassingly revealing. But then he signs it beached whale. So initially I thought he's saying everyone can see the outline of my junk. Okay, then why.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Okay, why is the sign beach whale? I don't know.

[Tara]

Okay.

[Dave]

Yeah, I think he may mean the, like, the whole thing. Like, not. We're not just talking about one area here. It's like I would like to be less visible in a. Why do they stick so tight everywhere? In crevices?

[Tara]

Yes. I don't. I don't want it to be like someone used a telestrator on my genitals when I'm swimming. And my answer to him is just stay in the water until everyone leaves. Girlfriend's cocaine habit. My girlfriend is doing cocaine and she's starting to become dependent. How do I help her? Signed, anonymous. First line of the answer. This is a very sticky situation. Wow, that feels like it's not quite. Not quite emphatic enough about what's going on. But anyway, they, you know, are like, tell someone you trust, blah, blah. For more help, call the 24 hour cocaine hotline. First of all, I never doubted that it was 24 hours if it's a cocaine hotline, but the number is 1-800-999-9951. They were so close to just having 1, 800. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. When they're on cocaine, dialing the hotline. But then they gotta try and fit in those five ones. They're never gonna do it.

[Dave]

No. No one's gonna get those last couple of numbers in.

[Tara]

Nope.

[Dave]

No one's ever called the cocaine hotline.

[Tara]

Nope. On cocaine.

[Dave]

My girlfriend thinks I don't love her anymore because I usually don't call her. Yeah, dude. Sometimes I just can't. And I'm horrible at writing letters. Her friends are giving me the guilt trip. But neither one of us wants to end the relationship. What can I do or say to end all the hype? Sign torn apart the hype. The hype of talking to her. What can I do to not have to talk to my girlfriend anymore. What makes you think neither one of you wants to end the relationship? You don't know her. What she thinks her friends are like.

[Tara]

You should call her.

[Dave]

She's ready to break up with you. He's like, nah, it's good. I just don't talk to her or see her. And we're great. What's the problem? Can you help me with this problem? She's got some issue with me never calling her, and I don't want to write to her. And I do talk to her friends.

[Tara]

What?

[Dave]

We're perfect.

[Tara]

What this guy needs is a class in how to get good at writing Letters from Pamela Ribbon.

[Dave]

There you go. I could do that. I don't know. I think he's a lost cause. Kevin Grub. And it says, from Omaha nb. And I'm like, did we used to call Nebraska nb? And at one point we changed it. I don't remember doing that.

[Tara]

No. NB is New Brunswick.

[Dave]

There you go. Kevin is still a writer according to LinkedIn and still in Omaha, Nebraska. His word cloud is Writer, Empathy, Justice, International Human Services, Program Management, Generalist Evaluation. I don't understand that word cloud, but I'm not on LinkedIn. Kevin, way to go.

[Pamela Ribbon]

You'd understand that if you were a business person. Pam.

[Dave]

I don't know. Is that something people just say to each other, I'm a generalist? Is that a. Is that a personality trait or a job? I don't know. I've never had a real job, as my cousin likes to point out.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Oh, wow. The about section, it actually says my word cloud.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Pamela Ribbon]

You weren't adding that. That was actually in it.

[Tara]

Yep.

[Dave]

He's using this to get to know him. Is he never calls. I think I figured something out.

[Tara]

We've already alluded to it a couple of times, but this month's It Happened to Me is not by a reader. It's by Jane, who, since she had to give up the diary, writes three big columns here instead to describe what it was like when the magazine was taken over by a band of readers. She gives us some stats about the most and least applied to categories, including fashion styling. Only got 2%. A lot of you wanted to write 23%. And the biggest portion, a third applied to be models. No comment on that. But she describes, as she goes on, only a certain number of selected people actually got to go to New York and physically be in the office. And like, I think if people understood more that if they said, I want to be a stylist, they might get to go to New York. You'd get more than 2% because all the writers didn't get to go anywhere. They just mailed their stuff in. So there's that. She also talks about how proud she was to hear people, various readers and editors yelling to each other about things like caption readability, which is funny because we've complained so many times in these episodes. But hard. How hard it can be given their design choices to read text on the pages. I don't like this display copy or this display font either particularly, but it is very readable given that. Yeah. This is where she also talks about Sheila's various interviews falling through for the cocaine story, which is fake. Thank you, Jane.

[Pamela Ribbon]

I need to amend my font description from earlier because it just dawned on me what this font they've been using everywhere actually is.

[Tara]

Okay.

[Pamela Ribbon]

It's not the hand painted ad, you know, dollar sign kind of font. It's the font to the credits of all 60s and 70s sitcoms. Brady Bunch, Gilligan's Island. Oh, yeah, probably green gossip is the place to be, but it's definitely that font.

[Tara]

Yep.

[Pamela Ribbon]

This has been Paw Patrol.

[Tara]

Oh my God. Pam docked someone while I was talking.

[Dave]

Well, we could do the layout. Person who you were complimenting, Dave Zachary. Present. That's right. They also had some male contributors to this reader produced issue. Zachary present. Did the layout. He's 15 at the time from New York, New York, and according to his LinkedIn, he is the chief chief creative officer at somewhere in Berkeley, California. You can look him up, but anyway, he's got. He works in the games industry and, and deals with like art direction and design. Like he did it.

[Tara]

Yay, Zach.

[Dave]

Way to go.

[Tara]

He's living the dream.

[Dave]

Living that dream. Another new feature started from this reader produced issue is a comic strip which is such a great idea. This inaugural one is by Judy Budnids, 17 of Atlanta, Georgia. This is a four panel strip about a girl complaining about the hypocrisy in America. Where is, you know, why is there prejudice? Why do people judge on appearance, race and religion? And then this guy in the corner in a Dave voice says, the problem is people. Then she's like, shut up, nerd. So that's it. Very quickly, Judy Budnitz, you were like. If you were like, I know who that is. That's because she's. She's been a writer ever since she had a book called Nice Big American Baby of short Stories, which I had a copy of. She's name checked by Miranda July in a 2015 article that Miranda did about how she likes to read short fiction. So Judy was definitely one to watch, but I don't know what she's done lately. Where'd she go? Where did you go? It's me singing my own doxoxic.

[Pamela Ribbon]

I don't hear any dachshund, so I'm not playing the music.

[Dave]

Yeah, it's true. Is it doxxing when you're tell a history? Yeah, fine. I don't know where she went. We also have a horoscope this month. It's the Horror Scope by thank you Teresa McWhirter who is who became a Hit it Dave.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Oh, doing it again.

[Dave]

That's all it is.

[Pamela Ribbon]

2727 20. Sassy. Go. Are you enjoying the dachshund music?

[Dave]

That's a great question.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Should it remain this forever or shall we change it every week? You let me know, dear listeners, but only people who call in get a vote. I don't want. I don't care if you put it on discord or on social. You have to take the time and effort to let me know with your voice.

[Tara]

And also let me know if you think that we should have a personified mascot for all of the doxing and that that character should be called the Dox Ox.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Sure. And should we just like instead of changing it, should we add something to the mix each time? Like this is like the dachshund music but also the dachshund helicopter is in the air. You let us know.

[Dave]

Crazy. This is too much. Anyway, Theresa McMurt her became a Canadian novelist. She wrote an article in Vice about when her mom drunk shot her in the eye.

[Tara]

My God.

[Dave]

I just want to know why the illustration wasn't reader produced. I feel this inconsistency is frustrating.

[Tara]

Well, I think when we get to the fashion etc ish episode of this podcast and get to talk about an ad that one of the readers drew for a makeup brand, you will know because that drawing is bad. Stuff you wrote is usually reliably the wildest way to close out our issue. Our Teen Life episodes stuff we wrote for the reader produced issue is super sized and they just went the off this month. I want to start with SM of Columbia, South Carolina who writes why is it menstruation? It should be women struation. Well, thank you for that insight, Emily in Paris. But actually not everyone who menstruates is a woman and we know that now. So shutty. Next, Denise Moore wrote a poem which I will read. These eyes don't know what they are Showing. I feel it beating, sweating on my lung. My insides rolling out past my tongue. The burning sensation through my nose. My valves feeling like they're about to close. A hair follicle picking at my brain. My eyebrow hair growing against the grain. My ears echoing a distant sound. A miraculous moment has been found. I'm going to pause here and ask, when you read this, did you assume it was heading to some kind of joke payoff? Because I did all of this. It just seems like a gag. Okay, well, Pam is right. It doesn't. Food film felt on my bone watching the mud absorb a stone. Letting the air caress my skin. Not knowing where I am or where I've been. The grass is brown and it is growing. These eyes don't know what they are showing.

[Pamela Ribbon]

And now my poem is done. But I would trade it all in for an onion bun.

[Tara]

Thank you, Forked River, New Jersey.

[Dave]

I just thought maybe it was gonna resolve with, like, I'm, you know, like being buried alive or something like that. Like I am the girl you never talk about. Like it was once the hair follicle was picking at their brain that I was like, oh, this is depression, I thought. Joyce L. Farr of Columbiaville, Michigan. That threw me for a second. Is bringing back the greenlight's voice. This is my answer to the Reebok ads. Question. Do you dream in black and white? No. I dream in abstract grays. Hues without boundaries, indifferent, undiscerning grays. The bird has no color against the indistinct sky. Dreaming somewhere mediocre in between, not quite heaven and not exactly real. I live in black and white, I shout to deaf ears, but I die to be gray. If evil is black and peace is white, then humanity is gray. The raven and the dove rise into the sky, the realm ever widening as they fly closer to each other. Reality is brighter lights and darker shadow, stars against the night. A flash of lightning in the early morning hours. Ivory pebbles slipping silently over plush black velvet cascading onto the mahogany floor. When fear of discriminating eyes hit you, remember that ivory attracts dust, mahogany reflects light, and we use gray matter to think. Thank you. Joyce L. Farr, Columbia. It's amazing.

[Tara]

It really was nothing until you gave it the dramatic reading, I have to say.

[Dave]

Well, thanks.

[Pamela Ribbon]

You did elevate it. Pam.

[Dave]

Joyce, give me a call. What are you up to? 7 20. Sassy. Go. Let's take it on the road.

[Pamela Ribbon]

And lastly, we got Jenny Gibson from Lexington, North Carolina. If you can't taste the onion, as my mom says, then what's the point of using them for flavoring. You know what, Jenny Gibson, you're absolutely right. What's the deal, moms? Yeah. Putting onions and shit you can't taste. If you say you can't taste it, save yourself a little money.

[Tara]

Yep.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Don't put them in. Makes everybody happy.

[Tara]

Kids know they're there, but every mother does it.

[Dave]

It makes things taste better, but they'll be like, you can't taste the onions, but it makes things taste better.

[Tara]

But you can taste the onions. That's the point.

[Pamela Ribbon]

If it tastes better, that means you're. Yeah, you're.

[Tara]

Would you have said that before you had a child?

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah. Are you buying that weird Cheerios that's like made out of broccoli and shit and you're like, gotcha.

[Dave]

I don't do that. My husband might. But I do try to say, look, there's onions in here. Because she thinks everything's spicy. And spicy just means it has flavor. And you know, you gotta get past that because there are things she likes like pizza that clearly there's some onioning. There's some onioning. There's some flavor of onions going on in your pizza. You're not having tomato spaghetti sauce and there's no onion involved. Well, it's just hard.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Okay, Pam, one last one to go.

[Dave]

One last one. Until next time. There were three editors this month of stuff we wrote, but the last one is Andrea Zler, who I think is the exact same Andrea Ziesler who created Bitch magazine. So talk about what happens after this. You did the sassy magazine and then you made your own. Very cool.

[Tara]

Yeah, don't look up too many things, Dave.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Don't look up making colors ladder and ladder to see what you would actually. Yeah.

[Tara]

Anyways, yes, magazine is very cool. Don't look up what's happened to it lately. And don't go to magazine.com cuz it's not that anymore. RIP.

[Dave]

Oh really? Next time.

[Tara]

Our discussion of the reader produced issue continues with our look at its pop culture topics. Mike Patton of Faith no More gets profiled Wild at Heart and the Black Crows get reviewed A Sprocket gets Wet and more my plug this week on our sister podcast. Again with us. We are now talking about Dawson's Creek which of course came along well after the sassy years. But we are also talking about various projects of our various shows stars for the holidays. So if you join us on Patreon you can hear all about that again with this podcast.comclub for more information in.

[Pamela Ribbon]

The pop culture issue, I will exclusively for our patrons, reveal the answer to what is it.

[Tara]

That is enticing?

[Dave]

You can call us at 7:20 Sassy, go. We've mentioned it a couple of times. Leave us a voicemail, let us know if I doxed you correctly. So we can have a sister podcast.

[Tara]

The Doc Socks.

[Dave]

The Doc socks. Everything'[e-mail] including the December 1990 quiz. We put it up online. You can take it, find out how waste you are. So don't write your answers down on a piece of paper, you piece of shit, and then call us at 7:20, sassy, go. And let us know how it went. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time.

[Tara]

One more note before we go on. Some examples of other women's sections in newspapers back in the day.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah.

[Tara]

In Women's Realm.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Oh, no, that's. Yeah. That sounds like something from Lord of the Rings, but okay.

[Tara]

Yep. Society. We're living in a society. Men aren't there, just fucking it up.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah.

[Tara]

They're doing business and sports, bar people and events.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah.

[Tara]

And over the coffee cups.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave]

These are all just words for gossip.

[Tara]

That's very Peggy Hill, that last one.

[Pamela Ribbon]

Yeah.

[Tara]

Love it.

[Pamela Ribbon]

All right.