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Tara Ariano
Our period of waiting is over.
Pamela Ribbon
This is the time.
Tara Ariano
It is February 1991. Neil Simon's Lost in Yonkers has opened on Broadway with a cast, including an up and coming actor named Kevin Spacey. A French construction company is suing Robert Maxwell to block him from selling his share in a French television company to Goldman Sachs. You hear something about his socialite daughter, giiiss Somethings. She's friends with that handsome financier. Well, Never mind. A 4 cent rise is pushing the magazine industry toward peril. But you don't care too much about that, other than the vague sense of foreboding it all give you. Because seriously, where are you? Your mom drove through the night, and when you woke up, you were just outside a house that could be literally anywhere on the North American land mass. You can't drive and you have no idea how to find a bus schedule, so you can't find your way downtown or to a public library to try to piece anything together. If you have neighbors, you haven't seen them outside, and they all seem to park their cars in their garages, so you can't even read what's on their license plates. You could have just asked your mom, but wait a second, you haven't seen her in days. Well, it seems like you're not gonna solve this one today. Might as well just dance it out according to the literal step by step directions in your favorite magazine, which seems to be a newsstand copy your mom presumably got you because there is no address label on it and you have not gotten any mail yet. Yes, it's time to listen to Sassy.
Dan
The only piece of information I know about this new place they're in is that they're the opossum time zone.
Tara Ariano
Okay.
Dan
Doesn't really help us any.
Tara Ariano
Yeah, I wondered if she might be in the state that is abbreviated PE in the TV show severance, but didn't come up, so we will truly never know.
Dan
It's probably some sort of pocket universe situation. That's what I'm putting my money on right now.
Tara Ariano
I think one of the Reddit theories is that it's short for purpose of experiment.
Dan
Oh, I meant and sassy.
Tara Ariano
I don't care.
Dan
I haven't watched any observance, so I have no opinion of.
Tara Ariano
No, and you won't, because I'm against it.
Dan
Yeah, I know. That's basically why I haven't watched it. If Tara watches the show ahead of time and I'm like, absolutely not totally in the bag for it, it just never gets across my eyeballs.
Pamela Ribbon
So, yeah, yeah, we are a Chromecast family and there was no way to make the Apple TV appear on our television. So I watched the first season on my laptop and then in absence of new morning show seasons, canceled my Apple tv. Plus, the person I was. I was going to the people I was going to ask if they had access to the second season of Severance. Are you guys right?
Tara Ariano
Well, we'll talk about that offline if you're interested in checking it out. People seem to like it other than me.
Dan
What now? Oh, my God. What now? What now is trending a little bit more towards the classic what now? A whole bunch of crazy shit. Except they chose a very Kelly green background this month, which is really at odds with lavender text, for instance, but we'll try to muddle through it. What now? Sassy Glossary definition number 35 is dust verb, meaning to get rid of dump usage. My boyfriend was treating me like dirt, so I dusted that troll at the prom. I mean, this is a pretty common thing. I don't think this is an outrageous one on the level of all the Australian shit they were giving us back in 89.
Tara Ariano
No. Yeah, it's no Groovox.
Dan
Ron Howard told us to eat his dust in that famous movie Eat My Dust. And who is sassy to change our minds?
Tara Ariano
That's right.
Dan
Another cool T shirt tip is our lavender one. So I'm going to read this very carefully because it's hard to read. No doubt you have heard of the Dutch. Dutch. Is that right?
Pamela Ribbon
Am I reading that?
Tara Ariano
Yep.
Dan
Dutch rap band Urban Dance Squad. Why, of course. In the band's Deeper Shade of Soul video, the DJ is sporting a yellow T shirt reminiscent of Charlie Brown's zigzag number. It happens to be at.
Tara Ariano
That's one of the many witty skate shirts from Club Homeboy. Do you want me to keep going?
Dan
No, that's fine. You can buy them at Club Homeboy if you could go back in 1991.
Pamela Ribbon
So.
Dan
So Tara put this in my color in the doc, I assume, because of course, I had this shirt as 78% of guys in 91 had. This is a shirt I wore to Lollapalooza. I'm not quite sure what year that was, but it was the year that Sonic Youth and Hole were like, the headliners would be around this time.
Tara Ariano
94 or 5, I would think. Really? Yeah.
Dan
That long.
Tara Ariano
Hole didn't come out with their first album until 93.
Dan
Oh, okay. Was. That was a time in our lives. I missed that time of fashion. I know I've said this before, but I really miss the first wave. Sticking it to the corporations with your Garbage Pail Kids esque take on their logo. Oh, yeah, Craft. This hat says crap and everybody knows it's supposed to say craft. It says crap. Stuck it to you. Capitalism solves goodbye.
Tara Ariano
And we solved it and everything's great now.
Dan
Thank you.
Tara Ariano
Fashion the item Moni and Shazzy comes to us from guest what Now? Writer Daisy. She went to an event. They did a store promotion at A and S Plaza in New York City. There was a fashion show, whatever. But she met Moni Love and Up and Coming Homegrown sister Shazzy. This is all whatever, except she writes, Moni's one of the first few people I've met who's not embarrassed about digging. Happy Mondays. I don't know why they would be. Or thinking Patrick Dempsey is the ultimate babe. Way ahead of her time. McDreamy was decades away at this point, or at least a decade and a half, so well done, Shazzy. They obviously did not plan this one very well, though, because the text gets super tiny right at the end. You almost can't make out someone being described as a scary clone of the completely ugmosious mc. Search Ugmoscious should be our sassy glossary word in my opinion.
Dan
Ug Mous.
Tara Ariano
Yep.
Dan
Wasn't that a Kylie Minogue song?
Tara Ariano
Yes. Do the Ugg motion.
Dan
Yes.
Tara Ariano
Up at the top of the next column. Excitement for us John Cusack fans following his role in the Grifters. John stars next month in True Colors. He and James Spader play two guys who become friends in law school and then have problems with their friendship when it turns out they have different values. It's a film about ethics, and this movie is remembered by me mostly for being the movie I always think is the same as Bad Influence and isn't, because that also stars James Bader. And secondarily, for being a movie that there are two VHS copies of in Jerry Seinfeld's apartment because it was a Castle Rock movie and they needed to fill out that shelf and for some reason, that's what they did.
Dan
That's amazing.
Tara Ariano
Look for it next time you're watching Seinfeld from this era.
Pamela Ribbon
Should I watch the actual movie?
Tara Ariano
I don't know if I've ever seen it. Bad Influence is great.
Dan
Is this where True Colors by Cydi Lauper comes from?
Tara Ariano
Yeah, they wish.
Dan
I see your influence coming through.
Pamela Ribbon
Guys, I have a question. What the little racist is up to now? Oh, that wasn't a question. What the little racist is.
Tara Ariano
I have a statement, I have a.
Pamela Ribbon
Statement of fact about what the little racist is up to now. A blurb about 22 year old white Aryan resistance leader John Metzger that Catherine interviewed for the March 89 story.
Dan
Oh, that one. Young white racist. Yeah, that one. Okay, got it. Just to place you in time.
Pamela Ribbon
Thank you. As a follow up to the original article. So you might have talked about this more at the time, but I went deep down the Metzger rabbit hole afterwards and with the express desire to be like my, my single issue question. And again, you may know this was where does this intersect with American national politics? And surprise, it does because the dad, Tom Metzger ran for U.S. congress in the Democratic primary in 1980. And so the way that this type of. Because like this was not, like this was not coded, this was not cute. Like these were, they were like, we're the Aryan race and they were still angling for top level position in Democratic politics in the 70s and 80s. And that's all I'm going to say about that.
Tara Ariano
Keep it light then. Just one of these non sequitur remarks. That's not really a blurb. It's just a line. I wonder what sweet little Baltazar Getty sees in that dirty old tattoo covered Drew Barrymore. Now, first of all, Baltazar Getty, who, considering that this is the same issue as, you know, all that oil talk in the Iraq story, like let's, let's think about where his wealth comes from because probably not great, but it is funny to remember a time when like tattoos were a symbol of someone being like completely outside of society's rules. Oh yeah, we talked about 90210 in the last episode. There's an episode in the first season where they go to Palm Springs and see like a, you know, a tough girl in her swimsuit and she has a tattoo. And Steve Sanders is scandalized. Just to take you back to a time when everyone, you know did not have a tattoo except me and Dave. No tattoos, no Covid coincidence. Who's to say that's not a coat.
Dan
Of arms like a Covid needle and a tattoo. Needle crossed across the shield. Guys, I let you down. I really fucked up earlier. So I'm just going to retake it now. I'm not going to replace it, but we're going to get a second take on it. Here we go.
Tara Ariano
Okay.
Dan
Another cool T shirt tip. No doubt you have heard of the Dutch band, Urban Dance Squad. Dutch boy. He works hard for your money. All right, that's It.
Tara Ariano
Dutch band.
Dan
Dutch band. They all work hard. For your monies.
Tara Ariano
For your guilders, for your gift.
Pamela Ribbon
Thank you. There you go. I was like, look at madly looking up if it was kroner to beat you to it.
Tara Ariano
I think I'm right.
Dan
I hope you are, because that's a fun word. Let me tells you. All right. Sorry about that. Dan, continue.
Pamela Ribbon
Is this me? Oh, yeah, yeah. Poor Drew Barrymore, by the way. Like, I know that our, you know, official. I was like, arc has moved to a new place on Drew.
Dan
And you think she has a lot of tattoos because her name is Drew?
Pamela Ribbon
I think so. But then, yeah, she got them in the past. They have. They have been drawn her brother blank.
Dan
No tattoos whatsoever.
Pamela Ribbon
No tattoo. Yeah, no. No tattoos. And then I don't know, sleeve, So I think. And they all got washed off. And when she was walking through the rain on. On social media. I feel like the cleansing of Drew has. Has been total since this and we've recaptured and reclaimed her as a culture because I. I'm. I'm offended by the one sentence in there. Zine of the month. Groovy Fanzine is produced by Jennifer and Christina, two American girls with very definite taste in music that is English or Scottish, independent and popish. And when I first started reading this to get myself headspace of what a handwritten printed zine that you have to, and I quote, get it, send 50 cents and a paper grocery bag to Jennifer in San Francisco lasted for two seconds before I started pitching articles to the Groovy fanzine. It literally, I was just like, wow, how out of time and space. I barely remember. But the thing is, when XTC and Squeeze were first founded, they were basically the same band. So if you listen to their early punk stuff, then by the time you get into what each of their Sgt. Pepper era would be, obviously with Skylarking for XTC, and then maybe you're getting into your Babylon and odd territory for Squeeze. They'd really diverged into separate kind. And then I was like, oh, dear. So I was actually thinking of kind of sending that along to. To old Jennifer and Christine to see if they were hiring.
Dan
I have a question. Why do you have to send them a paper grocery bag?
Tara Ariano
I assume that's what they put it in.
Dan
So they just take your bag, tape it up and send it back to you. Yeah, this is your. Your non.
Tara Ariano
This is your envelope.
Dan
Your envelope. Okay. All right.
Tara Ariano
You know, you can turn it inside out.
Dan
Crazy zine people Spam.
Tara Ariano
Spam every second of the day. 7.2 cans of Spam are produced by the Hormel company while 3.8 cans of Spam are simultaneously consumed.
Dan
This is like the deer. This is like the deer from the last one. Overpopulation problem. And only the Spam hunters can help us.
Pamela Ribbon
Let's see what the animal in its natural form running through the woods looks like. Oh, you want to go hunt some whitetail Spam with me? I am, I am out there.
Tara Ariano
Quick, pull the tab.
Dan
Oh no, that's teriyaki.
Tara Ariano
Most of the other 3.4 cans are eaten in Great Britain and Korea where luscious Spam is served as part of formal meals. And this really took me back to living in Hawaii and going to the Spam aisle where there are so many varieties of Spam you probably never know about if you don't go there.
Dan
Yeah. You know when you go to the grocery store now and there's like that one sort of square of, of shelves that's like all the ketchup and all the mustards. It's like that except it's like all the Spams.
Tara Ariano
Yeah.
Dan
And it's just Spam. It's not like Spam esque products. It's just like the 14,000 different types of Spams they have. How much of the 8.3 cans that are consumed every second do you think in the US are actually Hawaii? Because it's gotta be probably half of that.
Tara Ariano
Well, it's 3.8 and yes, definitely half or more. I would say three.
Dan
Yeah, yeah. They love Spam.
Pamela Ribbon
Yes. Though living in the Pacific Northwest, have a all Filipino in law family including parents who were born there and then like 36 first cousins on the mom's side. So I have seen. I was like the rest of the. The other 0.8. If you're assuming that the 3 is Hawaii native only then I'm taking the rest of it in my literal house. I had never engaged with spam until 20 years when Eric and I met and now I love it. So I do not have any negative things to say about Spam and I eat it all the time.
Dan
Is it as salty as I think it is?
Pamela Ribbon
Yes.
Tara Ariano
How do you, how do you prepare it?
Pamela Ribbon
I fry it and I eat it with white. And I eat it with white rice and nothing else or white bread or wrap it in a tortilla in Hawaii.
Dan
The equivalent, you know when you're like watching at a British show and they're like talking about getting some sort of egg at the gas station. Sorry, the petrol station Scotch. The equivalent in Hawaii is Spam Wasubi. Y which you can get, like, right at the counter just in cellophane. And it's kind. It sounds almost like what you're talking about with, like, one other layer in it.
Tara Ariano
Yeah.
Pamela Ribbon
Could get have gotten. And I will assume, for the record, because she's so reliable and would never otherwise miss it, that I finally cracked why Pam was unavailable this week. She saw the blurb about spam and was like, I got to go. Assuming that the United Federation of Jollibee Franchise Owners would be coming for her after saying a single word about it. Not to dredge up ancient history, but just take a week. You wanted to go spend more time not talking about spam with your family. I totally get it.
Dan
Yeah. Have you ever invited her up and then, like, gone on a family excursion with Pam to Jollibee as sort of aversion therapy?
Pamela Ribbon
We're like, we can bring our whole spamily. I mean, what? Yeah. No.
Tara Ariano
Cute Band alert is about the Lemonheads. And there's a photo of just Evan Dando because, as Christina writes, the rest of the band were cute.
Pamela Ribbon
We're too ugly.
Tara Ariano
They don't get to be in the picture. In fact, we spared you the others. Rude.
Dan
Wow.
Tara Ariano
You know, I don't have much to say about the Levin heads in this year of 2025, but I will note the photo credit is to Jesse Peretz, director and, I believe, writer of our Idiot brother and several other movies. He is a nepo hipster. He's the son of Marty Peretz, who a name you might know if you have, like me, watched Shattered Glass 5,000 times. Because he is a former publisher at the New Republic. Jesse is brother to Evgenia Peretz, who is a chronicler of Elizabeth Finch, the Grey's Anatomy fraud liar that we talked about in an earlier episode wrote the piece that Anatomy of Lies is based on. So all of that in one teeny, tiny, little, little photo credit. So funny where this magazine takes you two time. Yes.
Dan
One. Do you think the rest of the lemon heads are in the closet with Drew Barrymore? That they've locked him in and seeing the Ugos.
Tara Ariano
I believe is what you meant to say.
Pamela Ribbon
Would you?
Tara Ariano
Justine Bateman cited with Taylor Dane. All I wanted to say about this was Andrea and Daisy spotted them at the Betsy Johnson spring fashion show. All of this seems to be saying that they're both rotten bitches, basically. And I don't know about Taylor Dane in the case of Justine Bateman, you know, look her up if you dare. What she's up to in 2025. Because if you thought she was cool. And Family Ties times, she's not. She's a bad person. She really got a lot of terrible opinions.
Pamela Ribbon
Like sitcom first cousin Kirk Cameron on the House across the street.
Tara Ariano
Finally, for our discussion of what now sassiest boy in America plagued by Idol gossip. Make it stop.
Dan
Seriously.
Tara Ariano
So sick of hearing about this guy. Especially since, I mean, I will say this item is about him having possibly lied about his age to enter the contest, which means, you know, his win is potentially invalid. But anyway, yeah, fuck this guy. Stop talking about him. Is that why? Tell us the truth. You can't. It's the past. But, you know, I have theories.
Dan
All right, watch it. Watch it. Diddly do.
Tara Ariano
Watch it. Our hit this month. Five stars or dots.
Dan
I was gonna say we lost stars.
Tara Ariano
Five dots.
Dan
Five lonely orbs.
Tara Ariano
Five. Five. Star Trek the Next Generation Rank pips for Edward Scissorhands. I don't agree with Christina all the time, but when she says Winona Ryder's styling in this movie is ass, she is right. You don't try to make Winona Ryder a blonde. She's not a blonde. She's not a blonde. Hair wise. She's not a blonde in her soul. But since we're on the topic, I feel that way about Ariana Grande as well. Looks weird as a blonde. She is spiritually and harily a brunette. Let her be a brunette. It's weird when she's not hard.
Pamela Ribbon
Agree. I also, for all of the pop culture that we were going for in the sassy days and overall sort of in the magazine world, I found this. Watch it. To fall short of its appropriate cultural context, I. E. This movie came out after Pee Wee and after Beetlejuice. The era of the celebrity director was upon us. Say his name, people would have known who Tim Burton was.
Tara Ariano
It was after Batman, people, definitely.
Pamela Ribbon
Yep. I see now where all the quiet was from the Silence of the Lambs, which was given four dots, which again, let me go back to my key at the top. Five was it is me, I am it. And four, as we know, a celluloid hootenanny. And what could better describe any film in cinema history that I would label as an uncontested celluloid hooten nanny? It is Silence of the Lambs, a movie that.
Tara Ariano
I think this says hooten nenny, not hootenanny.
Pamela Ribbon
It does say hooten nanny, but I didn't know if that. Yeah, I was like, is that the accepted spelling for it? Am I supposed to say hootenanny Yes. I didn't know if hooten nenny was a separate word.
Tara Ariano
Yeah. This strikes me as Margie, who, who reviewed this, felt like she should, was supposed to like it more than she actually did, because for giving it four pips, I mean, she's almost totally negative in here. And I'm gonna say also in some respects wrong. She says it's totally relentless, totally unrelieved by humor or normalcy or romance. Not. I mean, romance. Sure. Humor. Not true. It's very funny. It's got a lot of funny parts. Come on.
Pamela Ribbon
It is more quotable than any comedy I saw in 1991.
Tara Ariano
Right. And one of her last critiques is, do we learn what makes serial killers tick? No, that's the point of the movie. Nothing makes them tick. They just do their shit. It's, there's, it's not that deep. That's what the movie is about.
Pamela Ribbon
Yep. It's all agonizing, she says. And there's no emotional payoff. You know where the emotional payoff was at the Academy Awards? This movie, this movie did fine. Goodbye.
Dan
Click. I walked with a zombie I walked with a zombie I walked with a zombie last night.
Tara Ariano
That song is called do you want to guess? It's of course I walked with a zombie covered by REM for where the pyramid meets the eye. This is one of those albums where a bunch of different artists cover music by one artist. I mean, I. I feel like the granddaddy of the genre was Red Hot and Blue, the Cole Porter album from a couple years before this. But this one is an homage to Rocky Erickson, legendary yet obscure leader of the 13th floor elevators. They definitely are obscure because I've never heard of them. But Mike is giving this album five star. Five. Excuse me, five dots. I don't really have any opinion about it because I've never heard of it before. But I will just say the decline of society started when labels stopped putting out compilation albums like this because I loved them. The. The Carpenter one, also great. I'm going to count the I am Sam soundtrack too. Like this is a fun thing to do and I miss it.
Pamela Ribbon
Yeah. And the fabulous inverse that. Which I also discovered around the same time was when new indie labels trying to break were putting out compilations of their new artists on it. Which was right about this time as well, where it was like a lot of those labels that went out of business and ruined their artists lives. Amy was where we were discovering who those people were. And it was like Amy Mann, a young upstart Folk singer named Paula Cole. Those kinds of people all like coming across the transom at the same time. So I completely agree. It was like the mixtapes were being made for you. At a period in my life where I was very adept at making mixtapes say that. Oh yeah. I actually have a playlist on my phone that is 80 songs and five hours long. Just called High School Mixtape.
Tara Ariano
Love it.
Pamela Ribbon
And it encompasses every. I mean, obviously it goes into the future. Like the latest song that I put on it ended up being after the turn of the century just because I was, I don't know, still making mixtapes in college. What are you gonna do? And there was no starting date on it because not only was it super cool to go back to the earlier vintages of like, if you're listening to Crowded House, then you're obviously gonna put some early split ends on there to show your cool new wave cred.
Tara Ariano
That's right.
Pamela Ribbon
But even more than that. Cause you still couldn't take the choir kid out of me trying to be cool in high school was that sometimes the songs got so old that once I put the DS Iray from Mozart's Requiem on it, sometimes you just need a 2 1/2 minute filler to go at the end of a side of a tape. That was the perfect one. And so, yeah, so I completely. I completely agree. It was where all of the music was coming from at the time. I will be happy to share that list. I put it away, except that I don't. And I listen to it all the time.
Dan
I saw an orange that sounded like some sort of farm. That makes something you remember from a long time ago.
Tara Ariano
In fact, that is Me by the Sea by Edie Raquel and new bohemians from Ghost of a Dog, the follow up to her huge success shooting rubber bands at the stars. Yes, stars. I said. I was about to say sky. I own this album. Thank you, Columbia House. I don't remember a single song on it. The review by Jessica, who gives it four dots, sort of says it has a split personality. It's some of this and some of that. Like, I'll take your word for it because I definitely. None of these songs penetrated for me at all.
Dan
Here at Rogge Farms, we take celery. We put a whole bunch of sugar on it. We call it. We take our the way grandpa wanted you to.
Pamela Ribbon
We take our high school mixtape seriously.
Tara Ariano
We do things a little differently.
Pamela Ribbon
A little different. 100% freshly squeezed squeeze. We listen just justice for shooting rubber bands at the stars. As you said. I did, of course, have Ghost of a Dog. Thank you, Columbia House. What's funny is that the only snippet that I actually do remember on it is the song that Jessica references, Carmelito, which she refers to as the most appropriate thing that you could possibly call it, which is, and I quote, Mexican sounding, which it was. And she did the Carmelito. She said the word Carmelito in the same tone that they said the word Nicaragua on the one SNL Enchilada. Yeah, exactly. So that's the only one that I remember. But I think that the. Seeing this album reviewed here triggered a very dangerous, like, part of my brain where you realize that it's possible to talk about 1991 and still have pop culture elicit the reaction. This one was a little after my time and it happened a couple of times, especially on the music tip, because they were already. I was just like, well, this was after the last great Sting album, sorry to say. Like, with all. I was thinking of the Veep, where Jonah's on the. On the Blind date and he's like, let's both say our favorite Sting album at the same time. Go Soul Cages. And I was like, that is. And I was like, it's funny because it wasn't like it was all right. I'm like, so then going back, which I then did obsess on not only the. Like. I wasn't listening to like number one song of the year gonna make you sweat that often, but then like combing back, especially through the alternative chart. Like I said, when I was a 14 year old boy, I had some 17 year old girlfriends. I got cool with the music. T. And going back through the College charts of 1990 and 1991, was a perfect snapshot of every song that I have ever and still love in the present day.
Tara Ariano
Mm. Speaking of which.
Pamela Ribbon
I'd rather drink that toast to my own health. I think tonight I'd rather love myself. And if you drink that drink to your own house, I think tonight I bother by myself.
Dan
This is the song in my head that all your music sounds like.
Tara Ariano
It does. This is exactly what I love. I'll also say, I mean, in that track in particular, this is they.
Dan
I'm walking down the street. Who wants a sweet little boys and girls dupe?
Tara Ariano
This is four dots from Kim for Choke by the Beautiful south, the follow up to their debut welcome to the Beautiful south from I think the year before this spun off from the House Martins, who I also loved. And they sounded exactly like this too. This particular track, which is called Tonight I Fancy Myself goes to my grand unifying theory that anytime anyone makes anything that sounds vaguely like Motown in the 60s, it's a good song. Like, it's this. It's.
Pamela Ribbon
Heya.
Tara Ariano
Any. Any of the best, most catchy songs by Janelle Monae. Like, all of them have that in common. Sorry, I. That's just. That's just how I feel. I also went down a rabbit hole in this, researching founding member Paul Heaton, who might be the actual most interesting man in the world. In May 2012, he set off on his 50 colon 50 cycle tour of British and Irish pubs, promoting his latest album, British Pubs and Cycling. That's it. That's. That's life.
Dan
Wow.
Tara Ariano
That's what existence boils down to. And then in February 2023, he and his crisp packet collection appeared on the Channel 4 documentary Grace and Perry's Full English. He's got a crisp packet collection. Like, I'm sorry, that's just cool. But yeah, this is. This is extremely me coded, this music. And I love this album. Sorry, Dave.
Pamela Ribbon
How is it possible that I have such a blind spot for the House Martins with a combination of being alive at this particular time and then the separate part where I know you like, I looked back to make sure that this is true. I know one House Martin song, Happy Hour, which I know because it was on a mixtape or in a movie or something like that, and I felt very, like, dislocated and floating through space when I was listening to their music, which sounds like like everything else I was listening to at the time. Sorry. And was. I was like, really worried and feel like I need a very quick playlist from you about both House Martins and Beautiful south just to. Just to fill in a gap.
Tara Ariano
Can do.
Dan
Great. We're skipping the Steve Wynwood release, but I do want to tell you guys, I was trying to come up with a spoof of the song Valerie that was called Celery and it was all about Dance Farm. Celery did it. Sugary rhubarb.
Pamela Ribbon
Rhubarb doesn't even fit into that at all.
Dan
Yeah, we'll figure it out.
Pamela Ribbon
I'm the rhubarb I used to be. It means nothing.
Tara Ariano
This is from Third Eye by Red Cross with two D's and a K on cross. And an important thing to know about the band Red Cross is that they are not crisscross. And I know that now. And that's all I have to say. This is a three dot review by Jill, which is basically like, this is kind of boring. And I agree. One to watch. And I'm gonna say, another whiff. This one is about Danny Wade, sort of. But it seems like what happened was Christina kept calling and he never called her back. He is a skateboarder. He's 16. Christina writes that my friend Spike Jones says he's a big deal, so she decided to make him a one to watch. And they just never connected. And there's nothing really else to say about him. So I had to do the research after this. In 2005, he jumped the Great Wall of China on his skateboard. Like they built a special ramp and everything. He's still alive.
Dan
Is everybody worried that they're getting invaded? Skateboarding Mongolians probably.
Tara Ariano
He's still alive. He's still a skateboarder. He's on Instagram. He's pretty cute in this picture, but you know, what can you say? He's not in our world. Really not one to watch. I'm gonna say, Dave, you're the final.
Dan
Never heard of him.
Pamela Ribbon
Yeah, never. Oh, really? Never heard of him.
Tara Ariano
Yeah. And he's no. He's no Tony Hawk.
Pamela Ribbon
No.
Tara Ariano
Although his last name is also a noun.
Dan
His last name is also sometimes found on road signs.
Tara Ariano
Yep.
Dan
Danger Hawks.
Pamela Ribbon
Danger way. Oh, I see. Dave, I have a question about early 90s photo editing for you. Because it was in this photo, I thought about it a little, but it really made me go back and look at all of the ads with ladies. And a lot of them as, you know, featured women giving this look a lot. There was a lot of sides off to the side staring and the amount of making sure that the whites of their eyes were only white makes them always look like the eyeballs are separated and disconnected from everything and floating off into actual space. Is that a current problem? Is that something that has been corrected at all? Because it was very distracting looking, seeing so many close up fashion eyeballs of the 90s.
Dan
Yeah, I mean Photoshop and Photoshop as things back in the day were like not super sophisticated. So there was only so many things you could do at this period of time. Like there was not a lot of like airbrushing esque stuff. It was mostly just sort of like basic camera functions, like make it brighter, make it more brilliant, make the white whiter, makes the black blacker, you know, increase contrast or you know, change the tint and stuff like that where most of the heavy tools involved. So yeah, I'm not surprised. It got kind of heavy handed use and you end up with children of the village, children of the damned sort of look To a lot of these.
Pamela Ribbon
Exactly.
Tara Ariano
Yeah.
Dan
I mean, I don't think Sassy probably did a lot of airbrushy stuff in their photos just because I don't think they had the money for it.
Tara Ariano
No, but if you look at the. The page directly before this one, the ad, the gel ad on page 29, you can definitely see. I never noticed that before. Wow. What a good observation. Yeah.
Dan
Go to hell, Danny Way.
Tara Ariano
Only one pop culture feature this month. There is also an interview on the back of the Robert Smith poster, but I. I skipped it because, you know, who. Who even has the posters anymore? I can't believe there was one in this issue. But. But anyway, moving on, I wondered where that.
Pamela Ribbon
From the COVID I was like, what is that? What is that referring to?
Tara Ariano
Screw you, Robert Smith, and whoever made that editorial decision. Our one and only proper feature is Dance like this. It's written by Daisy and Kim, and it literally is with a strip of photos and then verbal descriptions telling you how to do a dance move.
Dan
So a printed hoedown.
Tara Ariano
It's a printed ho down.
Pamela Ribbon
It's. What if Tik Tok was a book? Yeah.
Dan
Yes.
Tara Ariano
It's like, Tik Tok is a book. I can't believe this is how we learned to do things before online video. So Queen Latifah's backup dancers, Kika and Swatch are walking you through this. And literally, like. It's like when we read the instructions for a Making it project and are like, okay, this is where I tuned out. Do the safari strut. Put LL Cool J's Mama said knock you out on the stereo and pay close attention to the beat. Okay. You don't really need a partner to do this dance or any other one. Here. Now go to it. One, walk to one side, then step forward. Two, face front and cross your arms high across your shoulders, looking tough. 3. This is tricky. And I'm out. That's where I would stop.
Dan
Fell down and cracked your head.
Tara Ariano
Yeah, this is.
Dan
We'll play House Martins at your funeral.
Tara Ariano
Yeah, I mean, I guess this is how you did it, but it is so impossible to parse while you're actually reading verbal dance instructions and not in the like. What is that song? One time, two times. What song is that? What dance is that? Help me.
Dan
I know you're asking. Dan.
Tara Ariano
Cha Cha Slide. Cha Cha slide. That's what I was trying to think of. Guys, I haven't been to a wedding in a long time. Okay, I forgot the name of the Cha Cha Slide, but that's what I was thinking. Of where the instructions are in the sign.
Pamela Ribbon
Yes. You must put them in. They have to be in the song. Putting them here.
Tara Ariano
Yeah.
Pamela Ribbon
It's like what? Don't write the. Don't write the directions on the back of a book.
Tara Ariano
No. To go back to the Ugg motion. I mean, that's. They're in that.
Dan
But what if they had a song that referred you to this article.
Pamela Ribbon
Oh, now you're talking.
Tara Ariano
Now you're talking.
Pamela Ribbon
Yeah, Sassy. And then it gives you the actual page now. Yes, exactly.
Tara Ariano
Make it a sassy. That's why it's a trusted, you know, mnemonic method. Make it. Make it singable.
Pamela Ribbon
Do the page 46. That's right. Which song from World Click? I don't know if this is more of a Pam question. Was your mixtape selection. It wasn't Groove Is in the Heart, obviously.
Tara Ariano
I think it was World Click and.
Pamela Ribbon
World Click was the first song I ever heard by them, weirdly because when they were on snl, that was the first song. That was the first block song they played. And I freaked out. I was like, well now what the living hell is this? So we went out and bought that is one of the. There are like a couple of those CDs from that era that connect all three of the siblings at all three of our ages. And we went cuckoo crazy on that one. And for what it's worth, the answer, and there is a correct one, I'm afraid is Try Me on I'm Very youy.
Tara Ariano
That was a good one too. Nearly perfect.
Pamela Ribbon
Perfect album. Yes. Almost Skip free.
Tara Ariano
Anyway, it's true but like, I mean, and we talked about it when they re. They reviewed the. The album a few issues ago. Like Groove Is in the Heart is still untouchable.
Pamela Ribbon
It's true. Yep. And then they did unfortunately a lot of their I'll call them ghost of a Dog style follow ups like we did keep. We kept buying them, but I can't remember any. There was one song about how you should wear a condom on one of their later albums. That's literally all I remember.
Tara Ariano
That was the style at the time.
Pamela Ribbon
It very much was. Yes, Everyone was cool with not getting aids. Did you have swatches separate? I said that swatch in the early 90s had a very different meaning for me because my fashion was fully just 900 Champion sweatshirts with just the C and every different color pegged jeans and at least three to five swatches on both arms all together going up at any given time.
Tara Ariano
I was never. I never felt like I could pull that Off, Yeah. Peg jeans for sure. And the style at my high school, God help us all, was you safety pinned them on the outside shut.
Pamela Ribbon
Really?
Tara Ariano
Yeah, like visible safety pins. It made it a lot easier. I mean, I can't imagine, you know, I eventually learned how to sew my pants so that they would be like narrower legged. But yeah, that's what they did.
Dan
Were all the swatches on your arms up and down set to the same time? Or was it like a newsroom where it's like Los Angeles, Paris, London?
Pamela Ribbon
That is the best question you ever could have asked. But unfortunately, when I was the age contemporary with this, the furthest place away I had ever been was a diner in a slightly different town. So I had no context for actually changing the time. Being one minute off would have been considered wrong and very triggering to my young ocd. So. Absolutely not. But I would definitely. Yeah, I would definitely do it now. But I'm so glad, I'm so glad you asked because there really was a. There really was an answer.
Dan
One of the trials of living in the opossum time zone.
Pamela Ribbon
It's true.
Tara Ariano
Next time we'll be talking about the fashion, etc. Of the February 1991 issue. A fashion spread on what cool girls wear to work. Everything you need to know about dyeing your hair. Karen tries out the products advertised in those sketchy fractional ads and more.
Dan
You can follow us on Blue sky. We're@listentosassy.com Tara Ariano's there. Pamela Ribbon's also there. Dan is nowhere to be found. As we've mentioned before, he's. He's hiding, nearly running down the road. And the pops up in front of your car. He's like, it's me. That's his social media. You can support us on Patreon. It's $5 a month. Gets you a whole bunch of perks, cheap. Among them, of course, is the PDF of the whole damn issue. Save the Robert Smith poster, which. With walnuts. Right. Like that guy. I don't know what we're doing. And go to listen to sassy.comclub for more info and to join. And don't forget to rate and review us on the podcast app of your choice. We're asking, asking for 32 stars this week.
Tara Ariano
Oh, wow. It's a.
Dan
It's a lot. Well, you know, inflate because of the tariffs.
Tara Ariano
Right. And also, don't forget, call us. You call us at 720 Sassy Go. You can record yourself right in your browser at listentosassy.com hotline. Leave us a voicemail about truly anything on your mind. We may play it on a future slumber party episode. The next one will be here before you know it, so get your calls in. And speaking of that website, listentosassy.com is where you find information about the podcast, links to the visual aids, contact info for all of us. It's all there. Thank you for listening, Dan. Thank you for sitting in for Pam. We'll miss you.
Dan
Yeah, thank you, Dan. That was super fun.
Pamela Ribbon
Love you. Love you, Spam. I mean, Pam. Love you guys.
Tara Ariano
See you next time.
Pamela Ribbon
I see now where all the quiet was from.
Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s – Episode Summary: February 1991 Pop Culture: Spam, Zines & The Worst Way To Learn A Dance
In this engaging episode of "Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s," hosts Tara Ariano, Pamela Ribbon, and guest Dan navigate the vibrant and eclectic pop culture landscape of February 1991. They delve into a variety of topics that capture the essence of the era, blending nostalgia with insightful commentary. Here's a comprehensive overview of the key discussions, insights, and conclusions from the episode.
The episode opens with Tara Ariano painting a vivid picture of February 1991, referencing significant cultural events and trends. She mentions the Broadway opening of Neil Simon's Lost in Yonkers featuring Kevin Spacey, and touches on a legal tussle involving Robert Maxwell and a French construction company. Amidst these high-profile happenings, the hosts lament the rising costs in the magazine industry, underscoring a general sense of unease about the future.
Notable Quote:
Tara Ariano [00:26]: “But seriously, where are you? Your mom drove through the night, and when you woke up, you were just outside a house that could be literally anywhere on the North American land mass.”
This opening sets a tone of uncertainty and adventure, reflecting the unpredictability of the early '90s.
The discussion shifts to contemporary television shows and streaming platforms. Dan expresses his disinterest in the TV show Severance:
Dan [02:05]: “I haven't watched any observance, so I have no opinion of.”
Tara and Pamela share their experiences with streaming services, highlighting the challenges of accessing content and the shift from traditional media consumption to digital platforms.
Notable Quote:
Pamela Ribbon [03:07]: “...I watched the first season on my laptop and then in absence of new morning show seasons, canceled my Apple TV.”
This segment underscores the transition period in media consumption, where streaming services were beginning to reshape how audiences engaged with television.
The hosts explore the "What Now?" feature from the February 1991 issue of Sassy, discussing the latest slang and trends. Dan humorously critiques the glossary's definition of "dust":
Dan [03:23]: “...it’s a pretty common thing. I don’t think this is an outrageous one on the level of all the Australian shit they were giving us back in 89.”
They also discuss T-shirt trends, highlighting the clash of colors and styles popular at the time.
Notable Quote:
Dan [04:16]: “Another cool T shirt tip is our lavender one. So I'm going to read this very carefully because it's hard to read.”
This discussion captures the playful and experimental spirit of early '90s fashion and language among Gen-X teens.
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing Spam, the canned meat product that held substantial cultural significance, especially in Hawaii and among Filipino communities. Tara presents intriguing statistics about Spam production and consumption, revealing its pervasive presence:
Tara Ariano [13:19]: “Spam every second of the day. 7.2 cans of Spam are produced by the Hormel company while 3.8 cans of Spam are simultaneously consumed.”
Dan and Pamela delve into their personal experiences with Spam, highlighting its versatility in recipes and its entrenched place in Hawaii's culinary landscape.
Notable Quote:
Pamela Ribbon [15:18]: “I fry it and I eat it with white rice and nothing else or white bread or wrap it in a tortilla in Hawaii.”
Their conversation not only reminisces about Spam's role in daily life but also touches on its cultural associations and the camaraderie it fosters within families and communities.
The hosts shift focus to the zine culture, particularly featuring Groovy Fanzine produced by Jennifer and Christina. They discuss the grassroots nature of zine creation, where aspiring writers and artists contributed to the vibrant indie publication scene.
Notable Quote:
Pamela Ribbon [12:43]: “I was just like, wow, how out of time and space. I barely remember. But the thing is, when XTC and Squeeze were first founded, they were basically the same band.”
The discussion highlights the DIY ethos of zine culture, emphasizing its role in fostering independent voices and alternative perspectives within the teenage community.
A vibrant segment of the episode is dedicated to music and fashion of the early '90s. The hosts review albums and artists, sharing their personal favorites and critiquing contemporary trends. They discuss The Lemonheads, Third Eye by Red Cross, and the evolution of bands like XTC and Squeeze.
Notable Quote:
Dan [28:35]: “I saw an orange that sounded like some sort of farm. That makes something you remember from a long time ago.”
They also touch upon the intricate relationship between music and identity, reflecting on how certain genres and artists resonated deeply with their audience.
One of the episode's highlights is the discussion about "Dance Like This," a feature in the February 1991 issue that provided step-by-step dance instructions. The hosts humorously critique the effectiveness of learning dances through written directions alone, drawing parallels to modern TikTok tutorials.
Notable Quote:
Tara Ariano [35:56]: “It’s like, Tik Tok is a book. I can't believe this is how we learned to do things before online video.”
They unravel the challenges of translating physical movements into text, emphasizing the gap that digital media later bridged in dance instruction and viral trends.
The hosts provide critiques of contemporary films like Silence of the Lambs and discuss the aesthetics of photo editing in the early '90s, particularly the overuse of whitening eyes in fashion photography.
Notable Quote:
Dan [34:44]: “...there was only so many things you could do at this period of time.”
This segment reflects on the technical limitations of the era and how they influenced visual trends, adding a layer of depth to the conversation about pop culture aesthetics.
As the episode draws to a close, the hosts reflect on the enduring impact of early '90s culture on today's society. They discuss the transition from physical media to digital platforms, the persistence of certain culinary traditions like Spam, and the nostalgic longing for the zine culture that fostered independent expression.
Notable Quote:
Tara Ariano [28:35]: “...this was a perfect snapshot of every song that I have ever and still love in the present day.”
The episode encapsulates a love letter to the past, blending humor, critique, and fond memories to celebrate the unique cultural tapestry of 1991.
Conclusion
This episode of "Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s" offers a rich and nostalgic journey through February 1991's pop culture. From dissecting the quirks of Spam consumption to reminiscing about the challenges of hand-written dance instructions, the hosts provide a multifaceted exploration of the era. Their candid conversations, punctuated with notable quotes and personal anecdotes, create an engaging narrative that resonates with both longtime fans and new listeners seeking to understand the dynamic cultural landscape of the early '90s.