February 1991 Slumber Party: Highlights, Woody's & Dinks

Summary

Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s Episode: February 1991 Slumber Party: Highlights, Woody's & Dinks Release Date: April 22, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of "Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s," hosts Tara Ariano, Pamela Ribon, and David T. Cole journey back to February 1991, exploring the vibrant and nostalgic world of Sassy magazine. The discussion centers around the quintessential slumber parties of the early '90s, memorable spots like Woody's, and the quirky phenomenon of Dinks. The trio delves into their personal experiences, engages in a themed quiz, and interacts with listener calls, all while reminiscing about the iconic moments that defined their teenage years.

Slumber Party Shenanigans

The episode kicks off with a lively exchange among the hosts, setting the stage for an in-depth exploration of slumber parties during the golden era of Sassy. David shares a humorous anecdote about attempting to host a slumber party but struggling to stay awake, leading to playful banter and laughter.

Notable Quote:

Tara (00:34): "It is February 1991 and not 1993 like your diarist wrote in here last time."

This playful interaction underscores the camaraderie among the hosts and sets a nostalgic tone for the episode.

The 1991 "How Good Are You in a Pinch?" Quiz

A highlight of the episode is the interactive quiz segment, where the hosts test their resilience and decision-making skills through scenarios inspired by the February 1991 issue of Sassy. The quiz poses hypothetical situations to determine how well each host can handle unexpected challenges.

Key Discussion Points:

• Locked Out of the House: David recounts his minimalistic approach, preferring to hang out in the backyard rather than seek help.

  Notable Quote:

  Dave (05:26): "Definitely wouldn't go over to a friend's house because they didn't really have any good friends in my neighborhood."

• Forgetting Lines in a School Play: Pam confesses her tendency to hope someone else salvages the situation, while Tara admits to always stepping in to keep the play moving.

  Notable Quote:

  Pam (08:36): "I was definitely. C, hope someone else saved it because I was not confident enough to do it myself for sure."

• Discovering a Boyfriend's Infidelity: Tara shares her strategic approach of documenting her feelings in a letter rather than direct confrontation.

  Notable Quote:

  Tara (13:14): "I discovered your boyfriend has been calling another girl... I put it all down in a letter that you give him."

Quiz Results: The hosts reveal their scores, reflecting their varying levels of preparedness and coping mechanisms. Tara scores a high 21 out of 24, Pam achieves an 18, and Dave lands in the middle range, highlighting their unique approaches to "pinch" situations.

Notable Quote:

Pam (15:09): "I got 18. So the low end of the high category."

Listener Calls: Pop Culture and Fashion Flashbacks

The episode transitions into listener interactions, where fans share their memories and experiences related to Sassy's impact on their lives.

1. Pop Culture Nostalgia:

   • Kelly from Front Porch: Reminisces about Pam's portrayal of the "Target lady" and shares laughs over past episodes.

     Notable Quote:

     Kelly (20:19): "I remember Pam turning into the Target lady... it's been so fun listening to your adventures in Hawaii."

2. Fashion Confusion and Catalog Love:

   • Jennifer from Michigan: Discusses the often confusing fashion spreads in Sassy and expresses nostalgia for flipping through fashion catalogs with her mother.

     Notable Quote:

     Jennifer (26:23): "I feel so validated by your confusion and exasperation over the photo processing in Sassy... I miss getting catalogs myself."

3. Dinks and Spaceballs References:

   • Heather and Carolyn from Luxembourg: Engage in a humorous exchange about the Dinks from Spaceballs, highlighting the enduring impact of '90s pop culture references.

     Notable Quote:

     Pam (39:46): "The Dinks were a tribe of six little people... they sing the Dink March."

Woody's Memories and Mall Culture

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around Woody's, a beloved department store of the era, and the unique mall culture of the early '90s. The hosts share personal stories about the challenges of finding clean and accessible bathrooms in large department stores like Woody's and Nordstrom.

Notable Quote:

Dave (30:13): "I always have to be pee prayered for an emergency. And that started my journey of always going pee before."

This segment highlights the everyday struggles and humorous predicaments faced by teenagers navigating the expansive malls of their youth.

Manic Panic and Hair Dye Stories

Listener Carolyn shares her experience with hair streaking kits and the rebellious decision to dye her hair bright red using Manic Panic. The hosts engage in a lighthearted discussion about hair dye trends and parental expectations.

Notable Quote:

Carolyn (33:47): "I wanted red hair and I couldn't have that anyhow... I thought it looked great."

Conclusion and Teasers for Future Episodes

As the episode wraps up, the hosts tease the next installment, which will delve into the March 1991 issue, featuring "Teen Life" segments like Christina's adventures as a substitute teacher and more. They also encourage listeners to support the podcast through Patreon and engage via their hotline for future voicemails and interactions.

Notable Quote:

Tara (42:58): "Find out more information about the podcast, links to our visual aids, and contact info for all of us at ListenToSassy.com."

Final Thoughts

This episode of "Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s" offers a heartfelt and humorous trip down memory lane, encapsulating the essence of early '90s teenage life as portrayed by Sassy magazine. Through engaging quizzes, nostalgic listener calls, and candid discussions, Tara, Pam, and Dave celebrate the enduring legacy of Sassy while providing listeners with a relatable and entertaining reflection of their formative years.

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Key Takeaways:

• The episode captures the vibrancy of early '90s teenage culture through the lens of Sassy magazine.
• Interactive segments like quizzes and listener calls enhance engagement and provide diverse perspectives.
• Nostalgic stories about mall culture, fashion, and personal experiences create a relatable and immersive listening experience.

Conclusion: "February 1991 Slumber Party: Highlights, Woody's & Dinks" is a nostalgic homage to a defining era for Gen-X teens. The hosts skillfully blend personal anecdotes with interactive content, offering both laughter and heartfelt reflections. Whether you're a long-time fan or new to the podcast, this episode provides a rich and engaging glimpse into the past, celebrating the memories that continue to resonate today.

Transcript

[Advertiser]

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[Dave]

With new MCvalue, prices and participation may vary.

[Pam]

Valid for item of equal or lesser value.

[Dave]

Slumber party. Ain't no sleep. Gonna get my claws up on them feet. Gotta get my paws up on them stompers. Better wear socks else I'm gonna go bonkers.

[Tara]

Show me what them feet do. Fuck.

[Dave]

One went to market, but they all getting. Jesus Christ. What are you talking about?

[Tara]

Oh, shit.

[Dave]

Sorry.

[Tara]

I thought you were asleep. Whoa. It is February 1991 and not 1993 like your diarist wrote in here last time. For some reason, you really miss hosting slumber parties. And you're feeling so alone in this weird new town. Everybody appears to have just given up. You live at the end of a street in what they call a cruel de sac. The local grocery store, they spell it Gross Eries. Your high school is called the low school, and your cemetery has a huge sign out front that just says, finally, you don't have any friends and you don't fit in because you believe there's future out there far from here that you're going to find someday. But today you feel like you need to do something soon or you're going to become just like them. Thank God your only friend has a quiz this month that should help you rate your ability to survive. So first, let's open up this giant can of Charles chips your mom got delivered from a truck. At least there's some semblance of normal around here. And then open up your beloved magazine and look for signs of hope.

[Pam]

Yes, it's time to listen to this sassy. Oh my God. Just as fuck. Finally. So fun.

[Dave]

I was driving with my dad into the Canadian Maritime Provinces and there was a cemetery called the Haha Cemetery. It was a native language thing, but when you just don't know it's coming and you pass Haha Cemetery, let me tell you, you break real fast to go out and get a picture.

[Pam]

Ha ha ha.

[Dave]

You're dead.

[Pam]

Welcome back, Pam.

[Tara]

Thank you.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Tara]

You know, for everybody listening out there, if you ever want to know what it's like to have people talk about, leave the room. Get a podcast with two of your oldest friends. Make sure they're married. And then just while you're doing your hair or waking up in the morning, just listen to what they have to say about you. You'll learn Something.

[Dave]

Mostly Dave, right? Yes.

[Tara]

That's marriage. That was marriage. Thank you. To Dan, the best Pam there is. Wow. I had a lot of thoughts. I almost called the hotline, but then.

[Dave]

I thought he should have.

[Tara]

No, no. Because I called the hotline before and nothing happened. And then when. And then Dave also was enjoying a pamcation. Like, it was clear. It was clear he did not need me up in here with my thoughts and opinions that I'd come back.

[Dave]

Well, you're back now, aren't you?

[Pam]

Don't make it worse.

[Tara]

Who wants a tangent? Hello, I'd like to read the fine print for $500, please.

[Dave]

It's time for the quiz.

[Pam]

It's time for the quiz.

[Dave]

Nope.

[Tara]

Nope. First, why don't he take a bunch of supplements? I don't. I weaned off of them. I weaned off of them because there were too many. You guys were right. There were too many. You made me take a step back.

[Dave]

At the time you were over supplemented.

[Pam]

Many times you were lamented they weren't supplementing anything.

[Dave]

They were the main supplementing. Yes. I love supplement. It's a nice little all you can eat pill restaurant Pam goes to all the time. But now. But now we just go to sweet pills.

[Tara]

You go to sweet pills? Yeah. I say, next to a bag of Nutrafol. Oh, I just want my hair again.

[Pam]

I was about to say that would at least advertise as on tv, but that makes me part of the problem, probably.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Pam]

Anyway, shall we put the unpleasantness behind us and talk about the quiz? The February 1991 quiz is how good are you in a pinch? And I had a lot riding on this one. I'll just say that. But, Dave, you're up first.

[Dave]

All right, call out. Quiz question number one is you come home from school only to learn you're locked out of the house. You A, freak out, then break a window. B, call mom at work and make her come home early to let you in, or C, go over to her friend's house and hang out for a while. Where is D? Just hang out in your backyard for a little while while your mom comes home? Because that was what DIA did on the occasion where that happened, which wasn't often. Thank you. But there's a lot of questions in today's quiz where I'm like, but you're missing the one that we need to have. I thought that was one of them. Definitely wouldn't go over to a friend's house because they didn't really have any good friends in my neighborhood. Because all the kids in my neighborhood were pretty terrible. So I'm not doing that.

[Tara]

Just. Dave, sitting on that back stoop one is the loneliest number that you live.

[Pam]

Also, Dave, what if it's February?

[Dave]

Yeah, just go in the garage. It's a little warmer in there.

[Pam]

Oh, okay.

[Tara]

Why don't you have a door in there house? Yeah.

[Dave]

I mean, I don't know. I. I might have had a. I don't remember having a key. I mean, if my mom knew for whatever reason she wasn't gonna be home. My mom didn't have a job. Well, you know, besides housekeeper.

[Pam]

She. She had the job of raising you. And I'm sure that's right.

[Dave]

That's a lot.

[Pam]

Very time consuming.

[Dave]

Yes. It's very time consuming.

[Tara]

Yes.

[Dave]

Yes. But. So this had happened a lot. But I think in the occasion where for whatever reason, doctor's appointment, she couldn't get out of something like that. I would get a key for the day. I didn't have a key, you know, for. To the house, but.

[Pam]

Well, I was a latchkey kid. I sure had a key.

[Dave]

Yeah, no doubt.

[Pam]

I lost it one time.

[Dave]

You had a lot of responsibilities in your house. You had to pay the mortgage.

[Pam]

Yep.

[Dave]

You had to make sure the foundation was dry and tight.

[Pam]

That's right.

[Dave]

Yep. Responsibility.

[Pam]

My house key was on a Garfield keychain.

[Dave]

I was going to hope you're gonna say Garfield phone like the ones that wash up in France once in a while.

[Pam]

It was a gold toned, like gold and Garfield keychain. And it was like. It was like the size of a York Peppermint Patty. It was gigantic. And I lost it once and it was a traumatic event that I never repeated.

[Dave]

Probably tastes as good as a York Peppermint Patty as well.

[Pam]

Probably. Anyway, I said I would go over to a friend's house. I would go to a neighbor's house. Probably. I didn't have friends in the neighborhood either.

[Tara]

I said that I would call my mom and make her come home early, let me in. Because I. I definitely would have called my parents to say I was locked out, but they would not have come home early to let me in.

[Dave]

But wait, how do you call?

[Tara]

You go to your neighbor's house and use the phone.

[Dave]

I say I didn't have that relationship with my neighbors. I always feel really weird to do that. I wouldn't. Would've done that.

[Tara]

There was always some kid with a mom or something sort of. That's. That was kind of. Or you would go to the nearby, like 7 11. We had you Know whatever those were called.

[Dave]

Miles away. Miles away.

[Tara]

But for the most part, I'm trying to remember. I don't remember having a key. I think that we just had an unlocked door all the time. And you went through the garage and then you went through the door that was open in the garage.

[Dave]

Memory unlocked. I now remember that in the occasion where I did need a key in advance, it would be on one of those magnetic boxes mounted, like behind somewhere where you had to reach up behind something. Like you might get your hand chopped off by some animal or something like that. That was my dad's systems. But it wouldn't be there all the time. It'd only be there when you needed.

[Pam]

It, when it was needed. Yeah, well, that's. That's smart. That's good.

[Dave]

Opsec, good object.

[Pam]

No, your dad's not going to get your friends and neighbored, that's for sure.

[Dave]

All right, number five.

[Pam]

Number five, you're in a play at school and someone not you forgets a line. You A, roll your eyes and stare at the moron so everyone will know who ruined the scene. B, try to cover for it by ad libbing something that will get the play moving again. C, stand there hoping that someone, anyone will salvage the situation. I feel like I know what Pam would say. I was definitely. C, hope someone else saved it because I was not confident enough to do it myself for sure.

[Dave]

I mean, D is, how did you get into this position? Why are you in a play? Would be my answer. Because I would absolutely do everything I could to avoid having to be in public in that way. Like, I dreaded public speaking in grade school so much. I was really good at it. I always got to the. I hated it, but I was good at it. And then they would do the thing where, like, you were really good in class. Now you go up to the next level where you're in front of the whole school for the five people that do have to do it. I'm like, you're punishing me for doing a good job. Like, shouldn't I have the option of saying, no, I don't want to go in front of the. And then, God forbid you win the school, then you have to go to, like, the regionals or whatever. And then like, I don't know, like, eventually you're like, you have to combat Venus and. And the Mars speakers and the galactic public speaking off. It was terr. Terrible, just terrible. So I wouldn't be in this play is what I'm saying. I would pretend I was sick if they actually Tried to cast me in something which they would have the good sense not to.

[Pam]

I was in plays. I never had lines. I was always in the chorus. But I knew enough from. Wait for it. Marching band to know. You don't draw attention to the mistake. Everyone knows a mistake. Like when you're in band, it's just a little information for you. If you're in the color guard and you drop a flag, you keep doing the routine without your flag. You just keep going. You don't go back and get it.

[Dave]

Is the color guard the ones that make sure the pope isn't assassinated?

[Pam]

Yes. They're trained in barging bands first. So that's why I would not roll my eyes and stare at the moron. But I was not, as I said, confident enough to try to smooth things along myself. But Pam, I feel like you're B all day.

[Tara]

I'm B all day. I'm B. I'm everyone. I'm all like.

[Pam]

Pam knows everyone's lines.

[Dave]

Pam's play mother just burst into songs.

[Tara]

Just burst. Whatever it takes. Just whatever it takes. I have. I. But I remember moments that this has happened, of course. And Jeff, beloved Jeff Long, had a moment where he fumford on a line and something happened. I just remember he ad libbed just take this because he had to give me a cigarette because it was, you know, a play in the 90s. But he was like, take the whole pack. Just go to town. So he just shouted, go to town. While throwing a pack of Winstons at me. And I Still happy 50th birthday, Jeff Long. Feel it in my heart. I had to not break character. Staring him in the eyes as he hit me with a pack of Winstons, shouting, go to town. It's the best ad lib of all time.

[Pam]

Well, see, I would be just waiting for the Pam of my production to take over and fix it because I would not be able to.

[Tara]

Oh, the staring. It's the worst when they're all just staring at each other and then, you know, there's always the one actor who can't help but mouth all the lines that aren't theirs until it's their line and that person's just mouthing away, just mouthing, we should get mom. We should get mom. We should get mom. Say it.

[Dave]

Why don't we wear little secret service things in plays in schools? It would be helpful.

[Pam]

Who's do.

[Tara]

Who's on the other side?

[Dave]

That guy.

[Pam]

Guy in a chair.

[Dave]

He doesn't have a burl anymore. He's. He's the Guy in the front row just whispering your lines to you. Doesn't sound like a bad idea to me. Well, make technology work for you. Pam, you're up.

[Tara]

See, I forgot what number.

[Dave]

Don't tell her.

[Tara]

Oh, my God.

[Dave]

Don't tell her. Just let her figure it out.

[Tara]

You discover your boyfriend has been calling another girl. You a, find out if there's a good reason, like they're just friends or in the same bio class. You know what I mean by bio class?

[Pam]

Sure do.

[Dave]

Biology.

[Tara]

Call him up. Call him up, lodge a bunch of accusations against him and break up before he does.

[Dave]

Vagina Biology.

[Tara]

Those are the. Those are the bottom goodies. Classes don't mention it to him, but act all weird for a week. Now, if you're Pam, you find a way to do A and C at the same time.

[Dave]

Question for you, Pam.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Do you believe A actually exists in this scenario? Back in the day, Is this something that is possible?

[Tara]

I'm. I was a girl.

[Dave]

Okay.

[Tara]

I was a girl for so many boys.

[Dave]

Okay, but were you a girl?

[Tara]

One might say I still am.

[Dave]

Okay, but were you a girl because you were a girl, or are you a girl looking to, you know, escalate? The situation depends on the boy. Okay, that's what I'm asking. That's what I'm asking.

[Tara]

But. But the answer for Pam is D. Put it all down in a letter that you give him, and then you stare at him, waiting for him to read it so that he could understand every angle that you can understand that B was an option, but instead you wrote a letter.

[Dave]

Okay, so it's like this. I wrote you this letter. He takes it, you stare at him.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Oh, I was gonna read it at home. No, read it here in front of me, please.

[Tara]

I'd like you to read it.

[Dave]

Yeah. Really?

[Tara]

I folded it so nicely. First you pull the arrow that says pull.

[Dave]

I got the first chapter of my book done. Can you read it for me? Tell me what you think?

[Pam]

Sure. For 27 pages, front and back.

[Tara]

Yes, I did that. I did that for sure. We were not on a break. These are. I heard from one of them today. 200 page letter boy texting me today.

[Dave]

You finally finished?

[Pam]

I got to the end, and it doesn't.

[Tara]

We were just friends. A. Oh. I would put these quizzes in their letters. Cause that's how you get to know a boy. You find out how good he is in a pinch.

[Dave]

So you agree with me? There should have been a D option for your question.

[Tara]

Most of these added to the pile. Most of these could have used a D. That was like mild panic. Maybe not the best thing to do, but, like covering your ass.

[Dave]

Well, that's the problem with having a quiz only written by one person, in theory, is that you don't get the breadth of experience.

[Pam]

Yes, they have a lack of imagination. They can only see the possibilities that they would have considered, not the ones that I don't know if that's.

[Dave]

Yeah, lack of imagination might be a little harsh way to put that, but.

[Pam]

Okay, well, she's not listening.

[Dave]

You're so mean. Tara.

[Pam]

No, I'm just saying, like, she. You know, she was young. She had a.

[Dave]

You don't.

[Pam]

Yes, okay. Breadth of experience is better way to put it. Fine.

[Tara]

How'd y'all do?

[Dave]

Bad decisions, breadth of experience.

[Pam]

I got 18. So the low end of the high category. There should be one of you in each family in case of national emergency. You really handle bad situations with great aplomb, keeping your head while those around you lose theirs. As the corny saying goes there, I have nothing else to say about you. Now go away. It's like she knew what I was gonna say.

[Dave]

Dave, I forgot to write down my actual number because. Reasons. But I believe I was the high end of the middle one, so that tracks. Yeah, if Tara's good at a pinch, I'm not quite as good in the pinch, so 15, 16 probably makes sense.

[Pam]

I'm only okay in a pinch. The range is 17 to 24, and I've got 18.

[Dave]

So you remember that commercial for the Honda. Whatever that was? It was a Honda Whatever it was, but it was like, some, like, yuppie suv. The element.

[Pam]

Yes.

[Dave]

And it had a crab. And the crab says, hey, I gotta find that. That commercial was in, quote, rotation for years after we saw it. I don't know why. That commercial looks cute.

[Pam]

I did. Your category, Dave, is you do get yourself in a tizzy from time to time, don't you? You know, it's sometimes fun to engage in a little melodrama, but what does that solve? Zip.

[Dave]

Everything.

[Pam]

So try not to indulge those histrionic tendencies. Work on deep breathing and meditation techniques, count to 10 and think. In other words, you can do it. That's why you're in the middle category, silly. And when you feel a hissy fit coming on, read the next paragraph. Pam, where were you?

[Tara]

Well, you could only get 24 points, and I got 21. Wow.

[Pam]

High. End of high.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Pam]

Okay.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Did you make Jason take this?

[Pam]

Oh, great question.

[Tara]

I will make him. I can make him take this.

[Pam]

But you know he's gonna get a 2840. I don't know.

[Tara]

Yeah, I.

[Dave]

It's our first over 100 test result.

[Pam]

He writes in his own D's and makes them all worth five.

[Dave]

But, like, goes. But also is Jason. So I think he does that. But then, like, goes to a public notary to make it official somehow that the D's actually count, and then they are legally added to the total, so he has that going for him as well. And then, of course, to make sure nobody else can do it, on his way out of the notary public, he shoots him in the head.

[Tara]

I will make him do it and call the hotline, because number seven, in the middle of baking brownies, you realize you don't have enough eggs. Do you? Dump what you've made so far and call it all the way off. Ride your bike to the store. Or try finishing the recipe with one egg instead of two. J. By the end of reading C, somehow brownies will have been delivered to the house.

[Pam]

I thought you were gonna say he's figured out how to substitute, like, jackfruit for eggs or something. Or avocado.

[Tara]

He's at the bar having a drink while brownies are delivered to the house. Because he didn't even want the brownies. He was just doing them because he heard someone wanted brownies. So he was doing an act of kindness, an act of service, and he was like, great, we don't have enough eggs. Boodle.

[Pam]

Boop, boop, boop.

[Tara]

Brownies at the house. He's at the bar.

[Pam]

Okay, here's another one for Jason. During an interview for a potentially extremely cool summer job, you mispronounce the name of your interviewer. You apologize and make a joke about it. Get on with the conversation. You turn beet red, say, oh, my God, eight or nine times, and never quite regain your composure. Or you get a little sweaty of palm, but manage to finish your answer. But Jason's is. He just moves everybody into the reality where that always was the person's name, and that's where you live now. And that's how he solves it.

[Dave]

So that's D. E is use that juice that makes the person Forget the last 30 minutes of their lives that he has in his Spy Kid.

[Tara]

It's now that guy's all always been his name and that. And Jason is now interviewing him because Jason has that job.

[Dave]

Wow.

[Tara]

All right. And he said Upton wrong. And Jason was like, wow. Wow. Well, we can table this for later.

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[Pam]

We got calls. We didn't get any teen life calls, but we got a lot on other subjects. Let's hear our first pop culture call.

[Kelly]

Pace Acting. It's Front Porch Kelly. Listen, I have missed you guys so much and I just want to say that I remember the Hawaii podcast trip that you guys did. The I love the she Loved Bamboo Tenderi lady, all those things. But I had forgotten about Pam turning into the Target lady. So funny thing, I am a very clumsy person and every time I hit my knee, my foot, my elbow, whatever, I turn into the Target lady and I'm like oh God, oh Lord, oh Jesus, oh Lord. And my husband doesn't get the joke. But no, that's fine. But I laughed so hard all over again listening to your adventures in Hawaii and I feel like your closing line should be she loved Bamboo because Jamie and I text each other sometimes at random for years and say she loves Bamboo. Also, about the NXSX album, I would have to say Pam, you are wrong and the Stairs is the most beautiful song on that album. Anyway, that's a doll. Bye.

[Dave]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this household the one that has like the heavy metal cow bread bed spread as well that we were talking about a year ago or so?

[Pam]

That sounds right.

[Dave]

Like he got to pick a bedspread and he went to on Teemu or something like that and he like ended up getting this one that was like a bull but it was sort of like all looked like some heavy metal thing or something like that. But what I'm saying is this sounds like a fun household.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Dave]

But also deranged.

[Pam]

Yeah. Like all the best households are sure.

[Tara]

Sure they have a cake and they got some balloons. The Target lady. The Target lady. It Was so much fun to do for so long. For so long. I just wish that she had gotten her own mood.

[Pam]

It could still happen.

[Tara]

It could still happen.

[Pam]

It would be better than Palm Royale. What a terrible show. Sorry. If you know someone who works on it, it's not good. Let's hear the next one. Number two.

[Courtney]

Hey, Tara. Listening to some old episodes of the July 1990 issue. And thank you for making me remember the books Homecoming with and Dicey Song, which I absolutely loved and had a complete realization that that's where my love of process started. I absolutely loved hearing about her washing windows and making 90 cents and that's how she brought the bread on sale to be able to feed her siblings. I loved it. And I realized that that has turned into my love of process shows and movies and spycraft and all of those kinds of things. It was absolutely the first time I realized that. So thank you for helping me come to that realization that those books, Homecoming, which were wonderful, really was the start of it all. I wish my own 11 year old daughter loved them, but she's more into fantasy and unicorns and magical dragons and things like that, which is a total bummer because I'm like, give me how abandoned children fed themselves any day of the week. Thanks so much. Have a great day.

[Pam]

I'm with you. Dragons and unicorns can't hold a candle to how you earn a quarter to buy a bunch of bananas to feed your starving children while you walk across the country or whatever they were doing. Those books are crazy.

[Dave]

What if the dragon was like Smaug from Lord of the Rings, but it was he ported bananas instead of gold. Well, and bread. And banana bread.

[Pam]

I mean, if you tried to get at them, then you would probably breathe fire at you, right? I haven't read those books.

[Dave]

Me either. Yeah, they're garbage. They're terrible, right? I think everybody can agree. I mean, Lord of the Rings, universally terrible. I haven't read a word of it. Guys, I'm just trying to get you. Don't at me. I don't care either way. But seriously, they're bad.

[Pam]

But I feel like Pam can't relate. Seems like your child likes everything you like.

[Tara]

Oh, no, not at all. No. But she was recently like, I remember hearing about a book they were reading in school about some homeless kids who live in a car. Well, they're. They have. They're houseless kids who live in a car who were trying to adopt a dog. And I was like this. I go, I kind of want to read this story. But no, no, we should definitely. This kid does not like everything I like. We're down to, like. We have two shows, and I don't know how appropriate they are for family viewing, but.

[Pam]

Well, the fact that you're not saying what they are tells me they're not.

[Tara]

No, no, no. We watch Abbott Elementary.

[Pam]

Okay.

[Tara]

And we watch the Pit, which is a lot. But the new thing that she started. And I think she just started to get on my good side, but it's working. We're in the Gilmore Girls years.

[Pam]

Oh, okay.

[Tara]

We're about five in. And it's wonderful. And she's like, hey, you know, you're Rory and I'm Lorelai. And I was like, yes, I do know that.

[Pam]

Does she like ballet? Because they have a new show about ballet coming.

[Tara]

No. And she's like, don't ruin it for me, but I hope things work out with Luke.

[Pam]

Oh, so that's where we're at. That's so cute.

[Tara]

It is pretty cute. It is pretty cute. We just watched the pilot at first because she was like, she wanted to stay up later, and I said, if you let me brush your hair. And we watched the pilot of Gilmore Girls, and she was hooked right away. How could you not?

[Pam]

Adorable.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Pam]

We also got calls about fashion. Let's hear number three.

[Jennifer]

Hey, guys, it's Courtney from Michigan, and I have just finished listening to fashion etc from January 1991. And I have to say that I feel so validated by your confusion and exasperation over the photo processing in Sassy, because as a teenager, when I was reading that magazine, I was always so confused by the fact that I couldn't really see the clothes that they were telling me about in these pictures. And at the time, I chalked it up to just another piece of evidence of why I wasn't popular and didn't understand clothes and didn't understand how to look cool. And I thought, well, this is just why, Because I don't get these fashion spreads. But now I know that that shit was really just confusing, and I feel so much better. And the other thing I want to say is my mom kept her catalogs on the coffee table in the family room, and she keeps them there to this day. And I still love going over and flipping through catalogs with my mom and seeing what we like and what we don't like. And I miss getting catalogs myself, and I wish I still did. All right, guys, keep up the good work. I'm always looking forward to the next episode. Have a good day.

[Pam]

Thank you. No, you're Right. These photos, sometimes people try to do things that are is arty and you know, they fail, frankly. They do too much and they conceal what they're actually trying to reveal. So you weren't wrong then and you're not wrong now, especially about catalogs. And I just wanted to let you know I recently found out the J. Crew catalog is back, but you have to request it. If you are like a J. Crew passport member or something, they'll still send it to you for free, but we'll put the link in the show notes. If you want to be a catalog.

[Dave]

Sicko like me, if you had the technology back then. And by technology, I mean, remember the first time you're at a office supply store and they had those lawyer little post it strips, sign here type of things without the sign here bit, but just like little colored tabs at the end.

[Pam]

Yes.

[Dave]

And you could go through a catalog and stick things like that. What have that changed your life in a meaningful way?

[Pam]

Oh, 100%, Dave. You're talking like someone who doesn't know that Lucky magazine used to come with a whole page of those little stickers. Lucky magazine edited, by the way, by our quiz writer, Kim France, who I was flagging off earlier. That was a big draw of that magazine, which I also still really miss. It was good.

[Tara]

This just in. Jason is taking the quiz right now. All right, we're soon going to find his score. Hi, this is Jennifer in D.C. i was calling about the February 91st fashion episode, specifically about Woody's. When I was growing up in the 90s, the bathrooms at the mall in the Woody's were the preferred bathrooms because each stall had its own sink, and that was unique in the mall. And they tended to be very clean. Unfortunately, Woody's is now gone, and I think at the mall, the best bet nowadays is maybe the Nordstrom. But I know my Nordstrom. It's been pretty eh, lately in terms of cleanliness for a public bathroom. Thanks, bye.

[Dave]

What's Woody's again?

[Pam]

Woodward and Lothrop. It was the department store on the what's hot for a prom? 91 page on the.

[Dave]

In the sassy retail report, people. That one. All right, it's not a gay bar at the mall, so that's what I'm saying.

[Pam]

No, it's. It's Woodward and Lothrop. Woody's for short.

[Dave]

Okay. Terrible name. Didn't realize that was the same guys. Yeah, well, good for them.

[Pam]

I'm surprised to hear that. Nordstrom. I mean, I don't shop at Nordstrom. But I'm surprised to hear their bathrooms aren't great. Like, what are you paying all that markup for if not for clean bathrooms?

[Dave]

Seriously, do you remember how hard it was to find a bathroom in a big department store like that?

[Pam]

Yes.

[Dave]

It was always like behind something that you wouldn't expect and was. Was never well labeled. And your mom's like, you're like, I gotta go, gotta go, gotta go. And your mom's like, we'll just go to the bathroom. It's on that side of the. And like you're gone for 20 minutes and there's pee all over the place because you couldn't find it. You know, they stop to find you by the. The trail of urine that you left because the bathrooms were inaccessible. I was once walking to the Penn Center. The Penn center is the mall nearby.

[Pam]

Penn is short for Peninsula because we lived on the Niagara. Peninsula.

[Dave]

Niagara, yeah, the Peninsula Center. And I had to pee so bad. And I was 10 minutes away and I was walking around the back way to the Penn Center. Now back in the day in the Penn center, the back way was where the Sears was. The Sears was sort of near the back of it. And they had a place called the Guardsman, which was their institutional like cafeteria style restaurant.

[Pam]

Love it.

[Dave]

Super like early 60s decor. I wish I had some photos of this place. Like you could have packaged that whole thing up, plopped it down in LA and you'd be making a million dollars a day. It was so like of its time.

[Pam]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Anyways, I got there with, I'm going to say half a second left before I just sprayed all over the place. And I was so that started my journey of always going pee before. And as soon as you get to a place I'm like, well, I gotta pee now. And like I gotta pee again now because we're leaving the place. I always have to be pee prayered for an emergency. And that started my journey. I was so. Because like what do you do if I peed myself going into the mall trying to get to the bathroom, that would have been bad news because there's no way to hide that.

[Pam]

No.

[Dave]

And then how would I get home? I have to walk 45 minutes home. The big pee pee stain on my pants. No, thank you. Anyways, I won. And since then I've been practicing good pee policy.

[Pam]

How good are you in a pinch? You get to the mall and you have to pee so bad your back teeth are floating, but you don't know where the bathroom is.

[Tara]

You.

[Pam]

I don't have options for It.

[Dave]

No, it was heroin.

[Tara]

We do have Jason's score on how good he is in a pinch. Okay, does anyone want to take a guess?

[Dave]

22, 24.

[Tara]

24.

[Pam]

Wow.

[Dave]

Out of 24, right?

[Pam]

Yes.

[Tara]

Out of 24. He got a perfect score. The goldfish. I was telling him we had some Ds for him, but he said D on the goldfish. I would tell them and present a new one because you shouldn't lie, but they need a replacement.

[Pam]

Yeah, that's a good answer. If a goldfish dies while you're pet sitting, what do you do?

[Dave]

But Jason would have had a goldfish buddy that was also like WI fi enabled to, like, monitor, like, the water quality and the oxygen levels and stuff like that.

[Tara]

Yeah, that's right. And your goldfish tank now has WI fi.

[Dave]

In case you forget, Jason's a spy. That is me and Tara's theory. He's like a really high level operative. We don't know who he works for, but does good work. And by work, I mean wet work.

[Tara]

Yeah, join the club. The leader is my mother. Whenever he leaves town, she's like, where is he going this time? He used to work for a company called Teradata. And Liz Feldman was like, pam, terror data. He genuinely is telling you.

[Pam]

Yeah.

[Tara]

What he does for a living.

[Pam]

Yes, he's Sterling Archer.

[Tara]

He's a consultant. He is Sterling Archer.

[Pam]

So is Sterling Archer Consultants. All right, let's hear number five.

[Carolyn]

Hiya. This is Carolyn from Luxembourg. In your last episode, Tara requested anecdotes about using those, like, hair streaking kits where you had, you know, like the cap with the holes in it and you pulled sections of your hair out to dye. And I did that. I have experience with that. It was a long time ago, but I have experience. It wasn't 1991, but it was in 1998, I think, because in 1991 I was still living at home because I was a child. And I was told by my mother when I wanted to dye my hair that if I lived under her roof, I would have the hair that God gave me and I would be happy about it. But I wasn't happy about it because I wanted red hair and I couldn't have that anyhow. So 1998, I don't live with my parents anymore. I wanted to take out chunks of my little pixie cut and bleach those out and then dye them like a really bright red with manic panic or whatever. So I did that. The hat, it was all pretty easy. Like, I think I made the holes in the cap a little bit bigger because I was going for a look, but yeah, I liked it. Probably didn't look good by, you know, traditional loser standards, but I thought it looked great. Anyhow, thanks for the show.

[Jennifer]

Love it. Bye.

[Dave]

Manic Panic. A brand?

[Pam]

Yes.

[Dave]

Okay.

[Pam]

Yes. If you got your hair color a crazy color, it was probably Manic Panic.

[Dave]

Okay.

[Pam]

Yeah, it's a major brand. But that's not all. Carolyn called back. Let's hear the next one.

[Carolyn]

This is Carolyn from Luxembourg again, because I forgot a very important part of that story. My mother now dyes her hair all the time. I know it's 30 odd years later from like 1991, 92. Whenever she was telling me I wasn't allowed to dye my hair. But she had a very strong stance on the issue and I'm really disappointed. And Kathy, for like letting go of that stance. Like, if you're going to force a kid not to have red hair when all she wants to be is Anne of Green Gables, you should like stick to your guns and have a lot of gray hair now. But yeah, she gets it dyed like once every other month or so, which is, frankly rude. That's it. Thanks.

[Dave]

Bye. All right, let's reply to the mom one word at a time, going around the table, see if we can do it. Me, then Tara, then Pam. Mom, you are a hypocrite. We did it.

[Pam]

That is. I mean, I love the belatedly remembering. And one more thing to call back and like, just the sharing of grievances about Kathy. I'm surprised you did not say her full government name, by the way.

[Dave]

Get a load of this.

[Pam]

Fully cheeky. That's so funny. Parentheses my mom because I bet if you, I mean, if she's anything like my mother, if you tried to confront her about this, you'd be like, no, I didn't.

[Dave]

Yep, absolutely. That tracks.

[Pam]

Yep.

[Dave]

I've, I've. There is precedent, but give it a few more years and you'll be in full control possibly of this dynamic, of this relationship. And you can make her stop dyeing.

[Pam]

Her hair or you can choose the color.

[Dave]

Oh, purple. Mom coming down the stairs.

[Pam]

I mean, that would be pretty cool, actually.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pam]

Especially if her hair's all white. We. The next two calls. The next two calls were in conversation. And I honestly just have more questions after listening to them both. So let's, let's hear number seven first.

[Heather]

Did dink dink, dink dink dink. Hi, sassy people. I'm really far behind in listening to the podcast. I'm actually a Patreon supporter. And yet I'm somehow only on like, September of 1989. But apparently a while ago I was also. I was listening, like years ago. It just. I haven't listened to podcasts. Anyway, this is. I'm calling to say that I heard the Dink thing, that you didn't know what it was, and you said some drunk person just called and did leave and, like, did it through the website. If that wasn't me, please figure out who they were. Maybe when I finally catch up, that person, other person will reveal themselves because I really want to be their friend. It's from Spaceballs. It's the Dinks. Anyway, it's good to know that I may be not alone. Thank you for everything you do. The podcast makes me so happy. Thank you.

[Dave]

Okay, I thought that was a rendition of the theme song to the podcast, and I was thoroughly confused because that was.

[Tara]

I just put in the chat the text that my sister sent me at what would have been 2:30, 1:30 in the morning her time. You can click it and listen.

[Pam]

I won't be able to hear it.

[Dave]

Hang on. I can do it.

[Pam]

Okay, I know this is weird, but what song goes?

[Tara]

What's going on? What is going on?

[Pam]

Okay, so that, I mean, I don't know if the Spaceballs version is a. Is a spoof of it, but that's the Bridge on the River Kwai, isn't it?

[Tara]

Is that not what she just Dink Dinked?

[Dave]

I don't think so.

[Pam]

It sounds very similar.

[Tara]

Also, I just said to my phone, to my sister, why just Google? Like, why at two in the morning are you sending me these voice messages?

[Dave]

Let's go. All right, here we go. Whistle the tune from Colonel Bogey March.

[Pam]

Oh, that's it. But it's in Bridger.

[Dave]

The river.

[Carolyn]

Quiet.

[Dave]

Okay, here we go, here we go, Here we go. All right.

[Pam]

All right.

[Dave]

Yeah, I guess it was the same.

[Pam]

Yeah, it is. And I just found that, yes, the Dinks were a tribe of six little people. Rinky, Blinky, Stinky, Pinky, Finky and Winky on the moon of Vega, who worked for Yogurt. They only say Dink and they sing the Dink March. And it's sung to the tune of the Colonel Bogie Mart. So.

[Tara]

Yeah. Is it also in Standby Me? These kids like walking on the tracks. Train tracks. Singing it.

[Pam]

Mmm, yes. That sounds familiar. I mean, they are walking on a bridge, so that would make sense.

[Tara]

They were whistling it or something. I don't know.

[Pam]

Yes.

[Tara]

Anyway.

[Pam]

Anyway.

[Dave]

Was it oh, so at the start, this is a good little, little nugget before we leave it. At the start of World War II, Colonel Bogey became a British institution when a popular song was set to the tune, Hitler Only has one Ball.

[Pam]

Oh, I remember that from being in grade school.

[Dave]

Only has one ball.

[Pam]

Yes, I do. I do remember that. All right, well, was it Heather who called in and sang the Dink Dink song to us? Or was it. Let's hear clip eight.

[Dave]

Oh, my God.

[Unnamed Caller]

Hi, Tara, Dave, and I guess Megan, because I'm only up to October of 1980. I'm the Dink person who called last night. Or on the web, Dink dink. Anyway, Gosh, you guys are great. Why did I, like, not listen to you for a couple of months and whatever. Anyway. Oh, my God. Gleaming the Cube A. I can't figure out how to get to the visual aids. I'm a Patreon support. I've just wasted so much of my workday, like, whatever. But I had the poster taken from the video store on the back of my door in my childhood room. And the best part about that poster, which I hope my memory is correct, is that the tagline was when getting even means risking it all. God, I love that movie. And there's, like, this scene where they, like, the. His friends, Kristen Slater's friends come over a hill with, like, that Pizza Hut truck. And I always refer to them as Pizza Force. Like, gotta send out Pizza Force dudes. Oh, man, I love that movie. I love you guys. Again, please, if I was not the person who called him drunkenly, like, years or months ago singing the Spaceball song, please find that person for me. I need them in my life. Or I guess I'll just be my own best friend. Oh, Lord. Yeah, I'm going nuts. Anyway, thanks for all you do.

[Jennifer]

Bye.

[Pam]

All right, so Heather and no name. If you guys want to go on a date, we'll pay for it. You don't know how to put you together if you live in the same town. But this does seem like a love connection, platonic or otherwise. So that was delightful. And I mean, there's. I tried to find the original call, but I. You know, there was some disagreement about it actually when it was. And I couldn't find it in our old docs and blah, blah, blah. But amazing. Next time, we'll be opening up the March 1991 issue with our Teen Life episode. Jessica reports from the Trenches. As a substitute teacher, Christina manages to find 20 men who don't suck on the Road Goes to Kansas and more.

[Dave]

If you would like this podcast to continue, you should support us and all your favorite independent podcasts as well. You can go to Patreon to do just that for listen to Sassy's $5 a month gets you the PDF of the issues we talk about on the episodes of the show. Go to listentosassy.comclub to learn more and to join.

[Tara]

You can also call us our hotline 720 Sassy Go. Leave us a voicemail about the show or the magazine and we may play it on a future episode like this one. Find out more information about the podcast, links to our visual aids, and contact info for all of us at. Listen to sassy.com thank you so much for listening. She loved Bamboo.

[Pam]

We'll see you next time.

[Dave]

Only got one ball curry I Stoomer very small in blood I something similar a core of the balls has no balls at all.