January 1991 Fashion Etc.: Pastels, Jean Jackets & Apple Cider Vinegar

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary: Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s

Episode Title: January 1991 Fashion Etc.: Pastels, Jean Jackets & Apple Cider Vinegar
Release Date: February 11, 2025
Hosts: Tara Ariano, Pamela Ribon, and David T. Cole

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1. Opening Banter and Humorous Introductions

The episode kicks off with the hosts engaging in lighthearted and humorous exchanges. Pamela Ribon hilariously advertises a fictional cry hotline, setting a playful tone for the discussion ahead. This segment features the trio riffing on absurd scenarios and showcasing their chemistry:

• Pamela Ribon: “What makes people all over America break down and cry like this? Call 1-909-069 CRY...” [00:12]
• Tara Ariano: “Oh my God, this has gotta end. I can't.” [01:53]

2. Spotlight on the Cover Girl: Hannah Lord

Transitioning from their comedic opening, the hosts delve into the main topic—the January 1991 issue of Sassy magazine featuring Hannah Lord as the covers girl. They meticulously describe her outfit and discuss the transient nature of such features:

• Tara Ariano: “Our January 1991 cover girl is of course our newest sassiest girl in America, Hannah Lord...” [04:00]
• Pamela Ribon: “She's cute and that's Hannah, and we'll I think, never hear about her again.” [04:01]

The discussion highlights Hannah's silvery jean jacket, black leggings, and distinctive LA gear shoes, critiquing the minimalistic yet impactful styling.

3. Fashion Feature: Slowly Fade to Pale

The hosts explore the magazine's fashion campaign titled "Slowly Fade to Pale," which promotes pastel-colored outfits as a winter mood enhancer. They critique the use of cross-processed photography, which distorts true colors, making the pastels appear muddled:

• David T. Cole: “Cross processed photos… they're all traits of cross processing. So none of the colors in this whole series of photos is accurate.” [05:25]
• Tara Ariano: “This feels worse than the dress from Twitter years ago in terms of no one is seeing what you're telling us.” [07:43]

Their analysis underscores the disconnect between editorial decisions and the actual visual presentation, questioning the effectiveness of such stylistic choices.

4. Cataloged Look: The Commercialized Aesthetic

Next, the hosts examine the "Cataloged Look" feature, discussing how catalogs influence fashion trends. They mock the overly commercialized poses and styles, comparing them to unnatural catalog shoots:

• Pamela Ribon: “This is very commercial. All of these poses, I would say... just another catalog fashion story.” [08:38]
• David T. Cole: “She's got, like, motorcycle club jacket, French mime shirt...” [11:56]

The conversation highlights the repetitive and uninspired nature of catalog fashion, emphasizing a lack of originality and creativity.

5. Keepers: Denim Jackets and Their Varieties

The episode continues with a deep dive into denim jackets under the "Keepers" feature. The hosts discuss various styles, such as fringed and paisley denim jackets, critiquing their practicality and aesthetic appeal:

• Pamela Ribon: “These fringy nightmares and these paisley ones are probably even worse.” [13:49]
• Tara Ariano: “I recognize the little angles at the bottom and the two buttons...” [14:36]

Their commentary reflects a humorous skepticism towards the durability and style of these denim jackets, questioning their status as "keepers."

6. We Wear It: The Quest for the Perfect White T-Shirt

In the "We Wear It" segment, the hosts dissect Sassy’s extensive categorization of white T-shirts, lamenting the overcomplicated classifications and high pricing:

• Pamela Ribon: “I almost wrote a whole thing about how I can't get my favorite white T shirt anymore...” [33:45]
• Dave T. Cole: “How much are you paying for a white T shirt that you like today?… like $6.” [34:09]

They humorously debate the necessity and practicality of Sassy’s detailed descriptions, while also sharing personal anecdotes about finding the perfect white T-shirt.

7. Beauty Features: Tackling Skin Problems

The beauty section of the magazine, titled "Beauty Feature," is scrutinized for its aggressive language and questionable skincare advice. The hosts discuss various skin concerns and the magazine's suggested solutions, highlighting the disconnect between teenage realities and editorial recommendations:

• Tara Ariano: “Problem number four. I've read that moisturizer is necessary for everyone with skin. I know I don't need moisturizer on my oily nose...” [40:08]
• Pamela Ribon: “It was like doctors are getting involved with what your situation...” [41:33]

Their analysis points out the unrealistic expectations and impractical advice often propagated by teen magazines.

8. Letters to the Editor: Reader Interactions

The episode features a segment on letters from readers, where the hosts and a fictional correspondent named Tim Versane humorously interact with fan submissions. They playfully mock the magazine’s awards and reader feedback:

• Pamela Ribon: “You received this award for your layout entitled Anytown USA in your October 90 issue.” [76:02]
• Tara Ariano: “We have letters on your dates from hell.” [73:32]

This part of the discussion underscores the playful nature of the podcast, blending satire with genuine appreciation for reader engagement.

9. Ads and Sponsorships: A Comedic Take

Throughout the episode, the hosts intermittently comment on advertisements within the magazine, offering a sardonic take on the marketing strategies and product placements typical of the era. They mock the extravagant and often nonsensical nature of the ads:

• Pamela Ribon: “Boyfriend rap poetry contests galore...” [66:06]
• Dave T. Cole: “They send you a letter to R.E.M. dead Letter Office.” [67:10]

This segment adds another layer of humor, highlighting the often absurd nature of 90s advertising.

10. Closing Remarks and Support for the Podcast

In the concluding moments, the hosts encourage listeners to support the podcast through platforms like Patreon, sharing personal reflections and promoting upcoming content:

• Pamela Ribon: “You can support us on Patreon... listestosassy.comclub to join support your indie podcast.” [80:41]
• Tara Ariano: “We have a review of Going Dutch starring Gen X icon Daniel Dennis Leary...” [80:29]

They wrap up the episode with enthusiasm, inviting the audience to stay engaged and continue celebrating the nostalgic journey through Sassy magazine.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamp:

• Pamela Ribon: “I need it.” [03:44]
• David T. Cole: “This is part of the bit.” [02:16]
• Tara Ariano: “This is the Dickie of jackets.” [17:21]
• Pamela Ribon: “Jingle my bells with the bells down below.” [66:45]
• David T. Cole: “It's very Delias big swastika right at the bottom for some reason.” [17:43]
• Pamela Ribon: “You need to use the smaller ones later after you've washed it...” [36:04]

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Conclusion

This episode of Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s offers a humorous and insightful exploration of Sassy magazine's January 1991 issue. Through witty banter and sharp critiques, the hosts dissect the fashion trends, beauty tips, and advertising strategies of the early 90s, providing both nostalgia and contemporary commentary. Listeners are treated to a blend of satire and genuine appreciation, making the episode both entertaining and informative for those who cherish or seek to understand the cultural zeitgeist of Gen-X teens.

Transcript

[Pamela Riven]

What makes people all over America break down and cry like this? Call 1-909-069 CRY and do it for yourself. $2 for the first minute, 45 cents each additional minute. If you're under 18, ask your parents before you call 1-909-099 CRY. What I'm calling it now. It is January 1991. Sears is closing down its McDonald's kids apparel stores, McKids. Apparently your little nuggets weren't all that happy to be dressed like Grimace. The New York Times style section has a mind blowing solve for your overstuffed closet. Use a coat rack or a ladder. Don't know why it doesn't mention a solo flex or the backs of every chair around your kitchen table. Maybe it was a space issue. But you don't care too much about all of that because oo coo you know absolutely nobody school plus plus do no wo to to go to dance. The new rule to talk is tuk tum kun su moon good thumb nooba doo sums to moon one moo won't stir in your room or do and noot su moo boo you foo va voo moogazoon soon to do. Look who'da call the cry hotline. Look mooga do hood food you suits tomb too.

[Dave]

Loosen to suzu.

[Tara Ariano]

Oh my God, this has gotta end. I can't.

[Pamela Riven]

I can't take it anymore.

[Dave]

I don't quite understand because I think we established last week it was like the place names that have that are all O's because of it.

[Tara Ariano]

Listen but then you made us do loosen to susu we do lose to sisu.

[Dave]

This is part of the bit.

[Pamela Riven]

When we examine ancient texts, we can come up with different interpretations. Steve.

[Dave]

Yeah, it's a Sanskrit all over again.

[Pamela Riven]

It's how we got shoompu.

[Dave]

Was that story that you tried, was it good? Did you translate it and figure out what they were saying?

[Tara Ariano]

I stopped listening because I think I had a stroke.

[Dave]

Yeah, I had a couple strokes as well. Well, it'll be interesting, Saul, for the Reddit people.

[Pamela Riven]

Yes.

[Tara Ariano]

Hi everybody.

[Pamela Riven]

Hello. Hello. What? What happens when you call 190-9909? Cry? What happens?

[Dave]

Well, first of all, that's real. It was a 90s hotline that you can call for $2aminute and you hear sad stories that gonna make you cry.

[Tara Ariano]

Jeez.

[Dave]

There was a comment on it from somebody who actually called it back in the day and he said they were listening to stories about a woman whose child died and then it's supposed to make you cry. But everybody who was on the line, they laughed at it and they didn't call that.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah, there's a boing boing story. I've never heard of this before either.

[Dave]

Why would you call it?

[Tara Ariano]

Because you want to make yourself cry.

[Dave]

Yeah, but I mean, if.

[Pamela Riven]

Why do we listen to this American Life? Why do we do it? I'm watching Oscar shorts this morning. I'm just crying.

[Dave]

All right, maybe it's for Pam then maybe they should bring it back. Make some of that bonafide money in.

[Pamela Riven]

My boo hoo tune. I need it.

[Dave]

But yeah, it's real and you call it and it's supposed to make you cry, but it's just like stupid sad stories from people.

[Tara Ariano]

We don't know if they're stupid. We also don't know if they're real.

[Dave]

Of course, I'm sure they're not real and therefore they are stupid.

[Tara Ariano]

Well, shall we get into the episode?

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah. Our January 1991 cover girl is of course our newest sassiest girl in America, Hannah Lord. We get a different shot of her on the inset with About Face where we see her whole outfit which is silvery jean jacket, black leggings and then the ugly LA gear shoes that are part of the prize and jacket, legging, black leggings and shoes. Barely an outfit. And yet I feel like that's the only way to make those shoes both the showcase of the look and somewhat acceptable. Purple is probably the least offensive color that they came in. Not jealous of her hair then. Definitely am now. This is what I'm always trying to go for. I get this, she's cute and that's Hannah and we'll I think, never hear about her again. Unlike Ian Spinonius who like basically has a column every month. Like then he went to the store like no one cares. Our first fashion feature is called Slowly Fade to Pale. It's part of this issues and the next several issues ongoing campaign to make you dress like a marshmallow peep. All pastel outfits. And Dave had a note about the the process that they used to print these photos. So Dave, tell us, educate us these.

[Dave]

Photos, what we call cross processed photos and probably actually was back in the day because these are actually shot on film. You just go into the dark room and instead of using the right set of chemicals for your type of film, use a different set of chemicals. So you use like slide chemicals for photos and then photo chemicals for your slides and it cool, reacts differently and changes it to these colors. So if you ever see like, you'll see, like, green, blue photos that, like, look vintage or, like, pinky, orangey ones. They're all traits of cross processing. So none of the colors in this whole series of photos is accurate. So they're saying, like, this is pink, and they're looking at us like, dude, that looks pretty green to me.

[Tara Ariano]

Right.

[Dave]

That's why. Why they did this. I mean, again, once again, it's bad enough when they make a colorful photo shoot, black and white and grainy, for whatever artistic reasons.

[Tara Ariano]

Yep.

[Dave]

You know, at least you can imagine it. But this one, like, they're actually saying, well, this is, you know, pink, and it's like. Well, it looks like, like, purple at best, kind of going towards green or something like that. So that's why. Because they made a stylistic decision to cross process these, but to the detriment of any sense of what color we're actually seeing.

[Tara Ariano]

Right.

[Pamela Riven]

But the bright yellows still stay yellow. That's just how cross processing works.

[Dave]

Yeah. It affects some colors more than others. But that's not the yellow that actually was like that. It's also changed. Like, sure, it might be yellow, but it might be a day glow yellow, you know, in the actual light. I mean, I couldn't tell you. Look at the sky. Like, the sky is not that color. Right. The sky is.

[Pamela Riven]

I don't know if you've been to LA lately. Well, it's true in all of these colors.

[Dave]

Yeah. The sky isn't usually ochre.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah. I mean, the very first shot of the spread on page 42, it says, like, she's. Like you said, David, she's in a pink turtleneck and a pistachio trench coat. And they basically look like different shades of the same color because of how this is processed. So. Yeah. What a dumb decision to do with a whole story that's supposedly about good mood clothes for winter in colors that hint not holler. Like, I don't know. If you say, so this. This is worse than the dress from. From Twitter years ago in terms of no one is seeing what you're telling us. This is. And I feel crazy.

[Pamela Riven]

I didn't pull it out. But now that I see it differently, on page 45, that girl is definitely getting crapped on. She's just standing under so many birds that look like they're like, this is gonna be great. Pete, come over here.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

Poop right on her open eyes. It's very dangerous. Yeah.

[Tara Ariano]

Well, that was a nice babydoll dress once.

[Pamela Riven]

Yes. Our next feature is called Cataloged Look. Catalogs still come in the mail, but they don't hold the power that they used to. Where did your mom keep her catalogs, Tara?

[Tara Ariano]

I don't remember her keeping her catalogs or getting very many. She was not really a catalog shopper, so this one doesn't apply to me. I mean, the Sears Wish book, obviously a different situation. And we poured over that, but I don't remember it having any kind of place of honor.

[Pamela Riven]

We had Service merchandise and L.L. bean and whatever. So many catalogs all the way to that. When I didn't know Sundance was a film festival, it was this catalog that came in of, like, turquoise jewelry and sweaters. But what's funny about this is it starts with a Jay Peterman outfit, and I did not know that Jay Peterman was a real thing. Thought it was a Seinfeld invention. Definitely not a New Yorker. But anyway, this is a run of clothes that you can buy in catalogs. That's funny, because aren't we. Aren't they always trying to make models look like they're not doing catalog shoots? And then here we are doing one for a magazine.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Dave]

This is.

[Tara Ariano]

This is very commercial. All of these. All of these poses, I would say. And they've already done it. They've done the version of this before, a couple of years ago, because that also had crazy poses. There was a girl with a. Jumping off a curb or something.

[Pamela Riven]

Oh, right.

[Tara Ariano]

I don't remember all the details, but that was another catalog fashion story where poses were extremely unnatural. So maybe that's the idea.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Page 58. Get down, Mr. President, she's got a gun. I mean, it might just be a Charlie's Angels gun, but still, she's a clear and present danger.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah. Marcia. Marcia is our model in. In this one and every. I don't care what you say. She's cute. She's killing it. Every single pose. She's looking great even when the clothes are. What did they put on her this time? She's pulling off aspirational. Yeah. On page 59. This is a Dream Pam outfit. If I were in Mad Men, this is like, she's wearing tights. She's wearing a hot. Like, I think they're corduroy hot pants. And then a cardigan, like a long cardigan. And a sweater under that cardigan. Probably a vest. Who knows? These are just a variety of things. I couldn't wear tights and then little mint booties. I don't.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah. You know how they were always wearing hot pants to the office in Mad Men?

[Pamela Riven]

I would. I would.

[Tara Ariano]

That's true. You would.

[Pamela Riven]

That's why I keep getting hired. Little bit Peggy, little bit Joan. This is. Even this wig. I love all of it. It's a cute little outfit. And then on page 60, they've put her in a giant cape, like a artist's smock situation. Well, it's got buttons down the front, so I don't know.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah, it looks like a nightie.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah. And a dumb hat. And some indoor shoes. Those are indoor shoes?

[Tara Ariano]

They are. I think they're what I'm wearing right now that you gave me for Chris.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah, I was like, oh, Kyrgyzstan in the house. Yeah.

[Tara Ariano]

I don't know. This is how you address me. Page 61. This, this. These shorter alls.

[Pamela Riven]

Yes, the shorter alls. The tights, the boots, the stripes, the jacket. This is like. I mean, I don't. You don't have to do this today, but when I think about early television without pity days. Like you were a New Yorker that I would see in Las Vegas. We're going to see a dance movie.

[Tara Ariano]

This was.

[Pamela Riven]

You would totally wear this.

[Tara Ariano]

All those timelines are mixed up.

[Pamela Riven]

I know.

[Tara Ariano]

That's.

[Pamela Riven]

This is it. That's what I'm saying. Like, this is. If you. This is Atara to me.

[Tara Ariano]

Wow. I mean, it's nice that you think of me as, like, early friends Run, Jennifer Aniston, but I could never pull off Turtle these boobs. Are you kidding me?

[Pamela Riven]

I don't know.

[Tara Ariano]

No way.

[Pamela Riven]

That's what the jacket's for. I think the whole thing would be very cute.

[Tara Ariano]

All right.

[Dave]

There's so much going on in that outfit, though. None of it goes with any other part of it. Really?

[Pamela Riven]

I love it.

[Dave]

She's got, like, motorcycle club jacket, French mime shirt.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Working down on the farm overalls, white stockings. It's all very confusing.

[Pamela Riven]

Natalie Portman could wear this for sure.

[Tara Ariano]

Yes. She could wear anything. She'd wear a garbage bag and probably has at this time. I definitely was wearing cut off jeans over tights. Sorry. But. Yeah, no, I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have attempted this, but. Page 62, the square dance look. Oh, my.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah, this is how I dressed Dave just so he'd have to talk about the fluvags.

[Dave]

The rest of it looks relatively comfortable, as long as it's not too cool outside.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Dave]

I do enjoy how she seems to be putting her head back on her neck in the photos. Just about to crack it back into the correct orientation.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah, like the Elizabethan ghost in Ghosts. That's right. Page 63. Our last page of this spread, she's. She's in a shorter wig, little cardigan, white button down looks like. And then tight cigarette pants and boots. And this is fully outtake from a Beatles album cover shoot. This is. This reads very Beatles to me.

[Dave]

Yep, absolutely.

[Tara Ariano]

That's not a knock. I kind of like it. Our next fashion feature on page 68 is Keepers.

[Dave]

Keepers.

[Tara Ariano]

The idea here is keepers for keeping denim jackets. Build in the style, take the punishment, and last forever. That's what makes them keepers. That's right. So this is all denim jackets. Pretty good idea for a spread considering how much variety there is in that garment. So I prove I don't approve of every jacket. I approve of the concept.

[Pamela Riven]

I wish they were all in color because these fringy nightmares and these paisley ones are probably even worse.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

So I'd like to see how bad this paisley top with the polka dot bottom situation is. There's. I did.

[Dave]

No. Oh, sorry. There's no worse combination, no worse pairing than a jean jacket with leather bits. Like those brown, like cheap utility boot style leather. And the fringe is usually made of something like that. Those colors, those textures are not friends.

[Pamela Riven]

And those fringes are always kind of stinky and they get stained and then they feel terrible on your. Anything that they touch, they get wet.

[Dave]

And they never get unwet somehow.

[Pamela Riven]

That's right.

[Dave]

They're like the bot or like the top of a Birkenstock sole after like a couple of years.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah. I was pleased to flashback to. This was definitely my bongo jacket that I had that she's wearing on the bottom two squares. I recognize the little angles at the bottom and the two buttons and the way that. So those pockets are shaped just for scissors. It's the only thing you could fit in the front pockets. Do you see how they angle into a V?

[Dave]

What about a tiny dunce hat?

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah, it was. Yes. And so you open it, you pry that button off, which you could see they didn't even rebutton it. Cause it was.

[Dave]

What about a wedge of cheese?

[Pamela Riven]

Actual battle. You could put a wedge of cheese. You could put a wedge of cheese. Couldn't put like a pencil or anything in there because you'd find it would get stuck under that big giant button.

[Dave]

What about a collapsed fan?

[Pamela Riven]

One key. Yes. One fainting fan.

[Tara Ariano]

You could put a compass from your geography set in there if you wanted.

[Dave]

To open or closed.

[Pamela Riven]

Yep, that's true. That's true.

[Dave]

You might hurt yourself taking it out.

[Tara Ariano]

But how often are you putting things in the pocket of your jean jacket?

[Dave]

Are we done naming triangle things?

[Pamela Riven]

That's a personal question. First of all, maybe a little tampon. But the. As you can see, there's no, like, side pockets for your hands to jam into. And so what you had were just the inside pockets, and they were kind of flappy, so something could fall out when you took off your jacket. As you can see, you have to cuddle yourself in it all the time just to wear a jacket in the hallway normally.

[Tara Ariano]

Sure.

[Pamela Riven]

So you don't want stuff in those pockets.

[Tara Ariano]

I don't think I've ever had a jean jacket that had side pockets.

[Pamela Riven]

Well, I feel like the one underneath with the bandanas all around has it when I'm looking at that cut. But they're great. Jackets with pockets are great.

[Tara Ariano]

Oh, yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

I said I'm controversial.

[Tara Ariano]

I'm just saying, like a jean jacket styled like this. I feel I usually don't have side pockets. The ones that I currently have don't.

[Pamela Riven]

Yes. Because they're. They're treating your silhouette right.

[Tara Ariano]

But so is the spotlight, honestly.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah.

[Tara Ariano]

Anyway, on page 71, we have a cropped everywhere. They describe it as a dating game motif. Short sleeve denim jacket. It is, of course, bias spree. It's like a sort of 60s pop art floral print in blue. So, you know, I love it. But it's cropped at the bottom. And also the sleeves are cropped. Like. This would be a cute idea if it was a whole jacket. This feels like a ripoff. It's basically vest plus as opposed to jacket minus in terms of what it's doing for you as a garment.

[Pamela Riven]

You gotta be real confident.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

Or where. Yes, she's really doing a great job in this photo. But, yes, like, my gosh, the confidence in your midriff.

[Dave]

This one, a zoom jacket, you wear it on Zoom. It looks like you got the full deal.

[Tara Ariano]

Yes. This is the Dickie of jackets.

[Pamela Riven]

The Dickie. Where's that catalog? My Zoom clothes. I'm in.

[Tara Ariano]

I mean, speaking of catalog, this is a very catalog pose, too. And it's the kind of thing where if you see it in a catalog, you're like, I can't buy that. Because this weird pose means there's something weird about it that they're trying to conceal.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

That's very interesting.

[Dave]

It's very Delias big swastika right at the bottom for some reason.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Dave]

What? Why?

[Pamela Riven]

Page 72. We learn other ways to wear a jacket. Like a straight jacket. This is why you can't have pockets, because you have to tie yourself up in it with a this is so silly, this jacket. I can tell as we reveal more and more about it. This red and white one is just a clown jacket on me. Like I will look Ronald McDonald ready in this silly jacket.

[Dave]

Wear that jacket. Tom Waits is behind you telling all his old circus stories.

[Pamela Riven]

He looks comfy. Is why I'm frustrated. This little stripey guy. Right? Is it the same one on page 70?

[Tara Ariano]

No, I don't think it is. Because that one is like multi checks. It's multiple different fabric prints. This. This is a different one. I think it just happens to be. Does it say it's red and white?

[Pamela Riven]

There's so many squares to read about.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah. It doesn't say, oh no. Bold blue and white. So this is again white.

[Pamela Riven]

Oh, it's a different jacket.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah. This is why you don't do your shoot in black and white. If you're showing off clothes, let us see what the colors are so you don't have to guess or read your blurbs.

[Dave]

Taking her blurbs.

[Tara Ariano]

There are too many blurbs these days and. But on the other hand, I guess you have to make that decision when one of your garments is a fringed jacket and the fringe is red, mustard and purple fuzzy. Which sounds horrible.

[Dave]

That's tough. That sounds like there was some sort of snork apocalypse. All the snorks had their antenna ripped off and sewn to a jacket. Rip snorks feels like a good place to stop. Yeah. What other podcasts you going to hear the phrase rip snorks?

[Pamela Riven]

That's right. We give you what you want.

[Dave]

Not the snork cast. They're still going strong.

[Tara Ariano]

Guys. What next is back. And guess what's next. Pastels. They're not done. The pastel campaign continues. They even say in the blurb the pale colored clothes on pages 42 to 47 look great all alone. Do they? But come off even better when worn with these. Head to toe. And then some accessories and pastels to match. And they have a sampling different kind. Several different shoes. Class rings with pastel stones. You can get them in muted tone stones.

[Pamela Riven]

They don't seem that pastel jewel tone to me.

[Tara Ariano]

To me as well. Underwear. Which, like, are they accessories related? Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Okay. So it's a pair of. Sorry. Three pairs of underwear. White, baby blue and pink. And matching socks. And then also a tiny miniature pink teddy bear on top of the underwear. Now are they trying. Are they doing that so that they're trying to cut the sexiness down But. Or consequentially creep factor way up. What do you think is the editorial decision making going on here?

[Tara Ariano]

Well, I remember.

[Dave]

Wait, one more question. When you guys put on underwear, is there a bear present? Is this the girl thing? I don't know about.

[Pamela Riven]

These are personal questions.

[Tara Ariano]

No, because I remember these underwears, and what the issue was is that they had swastikas on the right hip. So that's what they're covering up. Just kidding. That's not true.

[Dave]

Swastika fashion.

[Tara Ariano]

Fruit of the Loom did not have swastika underwear that I know of.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah, it's really giving off some lolita vibes. You're right. The bear just pushes it over the.

[Tara Ariano]

Lollipop edge here, which it already kind of is. Like, to me, pastel is very babyish, so you're already kind of in that zone. The other issue is, you know, some of the things that they're trying to sell you on is makeup. And then they've done the. What is it called? Cross processing? They've done that, I think, on these photos as well. So they're also. They're super dark, and they're like, here's these frosty blue eyeshadow. Like, I can't see anything. Her entire eye looks the same color to me, including the whites and the iris. Like, this is. This is not how you show off these products. I feel like by this point in the 90s, we had had our ocatone moment and moved on. Like, I didn't. I don't remember pastels really being a thing at this point.

[Dave]

Pastels are for Easter. That's it.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Beyond that, no applications whatsoever.

[Tara Ariano]

Yep.

[Dave]

Thank you.

[Tara Ariano]

Mm. And babies.

[Dave]

All right, Pants pan's not subscribing to my substack. Speaking about Nazi emblems, right?

[Pamela Riven]

Well, yeah, I went away for a while, but I also want to tell you, it says the actual title of this was Pastel on. Pastel on. Pastel on. Pastel On. Pastel On. Pastel On. And I don't know why it says that, but the more I saw it, the less sense it made, and it stopped meaning pastel.

[Dave]

I think it's supposed to be a play on pastel on, as in, you know what medium of art you're doing your pastels on. It's not a really great leap to what they're doing there.

[Pamela Riven]

We have a feature called Worn Out. Is it even a feature? We have a little page called Worn out and set in Los Angeles. Andrea scooted her butt around LA looking for that particular kind of west coast style. She visited Melrose Avenue in Venice Beach. You get it? This is what she saw. These pictures of young people could be taken today on the streets of Los Angeles. Everybody looks exactly the same. We're still wearing this. We're sitting in the same chairs. A lot of these places still exist, other than this vintage clothing store called Aardvarks that some people are standing in front of. In one of them two, there's a couple that are featured a couple of times named Angie and Anton. And she just thinks they're the cutest couple. And they're so posed together, giggling that they look like. You could tell me this was Ione Skye and the King Ad Rock. If you're far away and blurry, and then when you come in close, I just felt like Tara would be like, no, she went to high school with Ione sky and he was a drummer for Faith no More. Just everybody in these pages looks a little famous. So I decided to look them up.

[Tara Ariano]

That's Los Angeles for you.

[Pamela Riven]

I guess. So you get inured to it, maybe, because. I don't think so. Now this is a. But I see what you. But maybe it's just young people also. All can look famous when they're in this lovely light, in this sun.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah. We recently rewatched the 30 Rock episode where TGS is ending and Jenna decides she's gonna go to LA and get into movies. And then she gets off her plane and everyone at the airport is extremely hot, including, like, the janitor. She's like, shut it down. Turns right around and leaves. That's Los Angeles, I feel like.

[Dave]

So we got Angelique here sitting in one of those death trap.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Plastic form chairs of the 90s. The white ones with the four barely there l shaped legs. And these always are great for about four or five months. And then you're living in the zone where it could completely collapse, shatter, and splinter on you within five seconds. So it is very much not a chair you want to be sitting in. If you find a vintage 90s chair. Deal. Do not sit in it. You will possibly die.

[Tara Ariano]

I feel like if they get any direct sunlight on them, they start to soften and they, like, are just melting.

[Pamela Riven]

They also break and have a little pinchy sliver that you can't see until you've sat down in them in a bathing suit. And then you get your butt bit.

[Dave]

Yeah, I pinch.

[Tara Ariano]

I pinch.

[Dave]

Katherine likes to dress differently each day.

[Tara Ariano]

Wow.

[Dave]

Good on you, Katherine. What family did you come from? Did you come. Are you a cartoon where you have to dress the same for every episode of your life? What is going on? She Seems like she wants a trophy or something. Catherine could go cram it with walnuts. And there is one photo here that is of leggings and shoes that also features a tarot reading advertisement that is selling you on deep personal insight, which I would come to expect from a tarot reading. But what if you can get a tarot reading that was just like, sold as generalities? Like, you're gonna have some good days and some bad days coming up, so. So says the tarot. Yeah, dinner is going to be fine.

[Pamela Riven]

It's a living.

[Dave]

You may want to fill up your car. Your gas might be low, might be full. That's what the Sorcerer means.

[Tara Ariano]

But it's available in four languages. That's pretty good.

[Dave]

Yeah, I kind of missed the. Whatever. It was the travel segment they had at the start.

[Tara Ariano]

Oh, on the road.

[Dave]

On the road.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah.

[Dave]

This is sort of. So is this a one off or.

[Tara Ariano]

They keep it around worn out stays. I don't know if it's in every issue, but spoiler alert for I believe March on the Road is coming back.

[Dave]

Well, it's back for the reader's edition, but to see it back for real, that's good. I think I like that one.

[Pamela Riven]

Down in the bottom right. Scotty 23, sings in a band called Mighty Joe Young. I shaved my head and started wearing hats. He says it's growing back now. And then I was like, wait, what? Wait, why? So Scotty is Scott Weiland. Mighty Joe Young didn't keep that band name for very long. You may know it as Stone Temple Pilots, but before the band was called Stone Temple Pilots, I learned that they had briefly changed the name to Shirley Temple's Pussy.

[Tara Ariano]

Oh.

[Pamela Riven]

And they were like, they had gotten a record deal. Everything was happening. They were like, we're Shirley Temple's pussy. And then just clearly someone in marketing was like, fucking just don't just. And they were like, well, we like the STP part and oil's cool. So Stone Temple Pilots. And I think it was a great idea. This band was so good.

[Tara Ariano]

I recently heard a comic on a podcast who. Liza Trager has a new special on Netflix this week called Night Owl. And she says when they were trying to think of what to call it, she decided she was going to try to do the American fiction thing and was like, let's call it Dumb Bitch. Like, just as a joke. And then Netflix came back and were like, we love Dumb Bitch. And she was like, no, no, no, no, no. We can call it Dumb Bitch. So, same kind of thing, except in reverse.

[Dave]

He's also standing in front of newspaper boxes. Remember newspaper boxes?

[Tara Ariano]

Vaguely.

[Pamela Riven]

We still have them in our neighborhood.

[Tara Ariano]

Really?

[Dave]

For what?

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah, in front of the shawarma place right next to my house.

[Dave]

For like, LA Weekly or whatever it is.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah, LA Weekly and all that stuff. Yeah, it's flyers and still got the.

[Dave]

Learning Annex over there.

[Pamela Riven]

I think so, Yeah. I mean, I would guess it's all online now, but I do think so.

[Dave]

Yeah. Huh. I haven't seen one of those in ages.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah, here there's still the Austin Chronicle, but, like, at heb, that's just in a stack, like in one of those metal racks.

[Dave]

Sure, sure. But the ones out in public, do you remember when they first started plopping those around and they didn't even have a door, and it was just on the honor system, and there's a little coin box welded to the side of it. This is one guy just, like, walks. Just takes 38 globe and males out of it for some reason. He's going to go resell them on the dock. I don't know what that was, but some people just like, ooh, something to steal. Yay.

[Tara Ariano]

Maybe he was moving, needed to wrap his glasses.

[Pamela Riven]

Then we have making it. We're making Alice bands, y'all. You, this. This is like, get some fabric and you're gonna cut it. You're gonna make a tube, you're gonna sew it. You don't know. You don't need to do any of this. You don't have to go to the fabric store.

[Tara Ariano]

Nope.

[Pamela Riven]

Just get your T shirt, cut your sleeve, you got an Alice band.

[Tara Ariano]

Or if you have tights and you get a run in them and you will just cut off a piece that doesn't have a run in it. Or just cut off the piece that does have a run in and turn that on the inside. I had as many of these as I had tights that I got runs in. Every time I. Every time I had to retire a pair, I would turn it into one of these. And I wore them for so long, I don't know why I stopped.

[Dave]

I think this person's a robot.

[Tara Ariano]

Huh.

[Dave]

And their head, you can tell, is about 30% taller than a normal human head because they need room for the electronics. And that's where the instant Alice band comes in is to hide, you know, the interface layer. You lift up the band. There's like a whole bunch of USB A&C plugs and various dials and stuff for programming the. The robot here, because I don't think they're human.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah. When we get to about face, they're gonna be trying to sell us wigs, and I'm pretty sure this is one of them. Oh, yeah, that is some high hair. But these brows, so thick. They're back. This is the brow of the moment.

[Pamela Riven]

Again, I can't take this brow. When will it end? It's so. It's so Margaret Qualley. It's so like, you rubbed your dog in the wrong direction, and so it.

[Tara Ariano]

Hurts to look at.

[Pamela Riven]

It looks to me like when you rub an animal in the wrong direction and they're unhappy, like a wet cat. And they're just like, fix that. And it makes my eyebrows hurt to look at. Spiky. Brushed the wrong way. Aggressively against the grain. Brows.

[Tara Ariano]

Well, can I ask you a personal question?

[Pamela Riven]

Yes. But Dave can't.

[Tara Ariano]

Okay. Do you get your brows, like, done?

[Pamela Riven]

No. Okay. I did for a very brief time, because the lady who did my hair was like, she's right here. She'll wax this. And I was like, I don't think I need it. And then I was right. Cause all it would do is cause irritation. So these are just what they look like all the time.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah. Mine are natural, too. I used to get them done every other week. Because when I was taking care of myself properly and still getting manicures and pedicures regularly, I would, like, just get a manicure every week, pedicure every other week. And whatever week I wasn't doing a pedicure, I'd get my eyebrows done. It was very regimented. But, you know, all of that fell off during the pandemic. And now, like, you know, they look pretty good. I just, like, you know, I tweeze around the edges, but they're not shaped or anything. So, you know, the. The messy. The big, thick, messy caterpillar brows, like, they can stay forever as far as I. Because I don't look unkempt.

[Pamela Riven]

An unruly brow is not the issue for me. It's that. It's that mass that's that.

[Tara Ariano]

Right.

[Pamela Riven]

Waxed into pain. Sharp spikes. Yeah. Oh, it just hurts. This hurts my head.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah, I wouldn't do that. But, you know, I'm not marker quality. It's one of the many ways you can tell brows is one. The list goes on.

[Dave]

New section alert. It's page 28. We wear it. And what are they wearing? What thing are we going to discover this week on we wear it. The new segment and sassy white T shirts. Not just white T shirts. So a whole bunch of white T shirts. And get Ready for these descriptions? Ribbed, soft, thick, ultra thick V neck. The V stands for very and roomy. These are all the type of T shirt qualities that you can have according to we wear it.

[Tara Ariano]

I mean, I didn't really think it until you said it, but you're right. These do sound like pornhub categories.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

Yes.

[Dave]

You have to put two together.

[Pamela Riven]

Beefy, roomy, soft vneck, soft V neck.

[Dave]

Definitely ribbed V neck.

[Pamela Riven]

That's my favorite. Yeah.

[Dave]

Ultra thick. Thick.

[Pamela Riven]

I'm kind of thick and roomy.

[Tara Ariano]

Oh, my God. If you're single, please put that on your Tinder profile. Thick and roomy. I mean, I sense you're being sarcastic about, like, what a thing to care about, white T shirts. But, like, they're. I mean, when you read these blurbs, there are so many considerations, and when you get a bad one, you know it.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

Yes. I, I, I almost wrote a whole thing about how I can't get my favorite white T shirt anymore because the store left this neighborhood, moved, and then tragically recently, one of the owners of that store passed away. So they. You can't even find this t shirt anywhere. EBay. Nothing. It's gone.

[Dave]

Was the owner's name Hanes? Because if so, I got some good news for him.

[Pamela Riven]

Wait, still alive.

[Tara Ariano]

Was the owner's name Dog Charney?

[Pamela Riven]

I don't know what that means.

[Tara Ariano]

Oh, that's American Apparel guy.

[Pamela Riven]

Oh, no. Oh, no. Those, however, also alternate alternative apparel. And all of those. Yes. Then you have problematic perfect tees that have to go out. I like a nice, like, burnout tee, but also super soft.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

This place was called Common. The clothes were amazing and their T shirts were perfect.

[Dave]

How much are you paying for a white T shirt that you like today?

[Pamela Riven]

Well, I just moved into finding vintage ones because that's the only way to get them soft enough, as you can see. So it varies on what it's going to look like, but a white T shirt, I will. I genuinely would probably pay $75 for a perfect white.

[Dave]

Oh, my God, how much I pay for my white T shirts? Like $6.

[Pamela Riven]

No.

[Tara Ariano]

Well, you don't pay $6 for a T shirt either.

[Dave]

If I make my own T shirt. If I just make my own T shirt. That's the white T shirt they cost me. Like, okay. Not $6, like $10.

[Tara Ariano]

Okay.

[Dave]

For a blank.

[Tara Ariano]

The ones that you get through are through methods.

[Dave]

Yeah. By the way, if I, like, went to Target or something to get a shirt.

[Tara Ariano]

Oh, like, just.

[Dave]

Did you just see what Pam did when I, When I Got to Target.

[Tara Ariano]

To go to a shirt.

[Dave]

This is what she did. Look away.

[Pamela Riven]

I did look away.

[Dave]

All the muscles, sort of like curved back. Okay, here I am with the fucking.

[Pamela Riven]

Bought new clothes for my kid yesterday. 12. Just have to fast fashion for her because it has to be super soft. No tags, whole thing every.

[Dave]

No, just like 60 bucks for her, right?

[Pamela Riven]

No, no, because we get her like a $8, $6, a genuine $6 T shirt. Because she's going to do the beefy move immediately, which is pull the shirt over her knees, stretch it all the way out, you hear every seam go. And then she decides. But she's right. Look at this teeny thing they sent. This is a large for a 12 year old.

[Tara Ariano]

That's not large. It's.

[Pamela Riven]

It says it right on here. Large for 10 to 12 year olds.

[Tara Ariano]

Look at those small pieces. I'm agreeing with you. That's, that's. I know it's appalling that they would call that a large.

[Pamela Riven]

So this is why we start from the very beginning not being able to get what we can clearly see we're supposed to receive in fashion. And now here we are looking for the thick and roomy.

[Tara Ariano]

I mean, I'll just fact check on Dave if he was getting like a plain white T shirt to wear under, you know, a dress shirt for an event just so he didn't, you know, sweat through it or whatever, you would buy a six dollar shirt from Target. But when you're buying a shirt that has something, you know, something on it, like a fashion shirt, you don't pay. I mean, you don't pay $6 for it, but you don't pay 75 either.

[Pamela Riven]

Look, I learned about these great shirts because you sent me one at, from Imagene and Willie.

[Tara Ariano]

Yes.

[Pamela Riven]

And now I have a bunch of these T shirts including like the Dirty south and the Austin one because they're great and they're made of a really great fabric. And I just want you to see just the plain white tea. $56.

[Tara Ariano]

Well, don't tell Dave that because I got him one now he knows. Jesus Christ. He says that's where all your hard earned work goes.

[Dave]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That was me doing Pam from two minutes ago.

[Pamela Riven]

It's gonna last longer than the Target outfit. That is gonna. The Target tea will not last long. You'll be buying five of them.

[Dave]

Yeah, okay, but like here's the thing. I'm gonna have a shirt that's gonna turn into a crusty armpit situation before the shirt itself is going to die. Of natural causes. So I don't need longevity in the shirt. That's not like what I'm looking for.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah, well, I just wanted to make my boobs look nice. And that is harder than going to target and grabbing the $6 bag of T shirts.

[Dave]

You just get. You just get a normal shirt, but you get that.

[Pamela Riven]

Don't yell at me.

[Dave]

You get that.

[Pamela Riven]

Yell at me. Dave, this is not our first fight time.

[Dave]

You just get a regular white t shirt for $6 and you just go to one of those iron on places and they put that iron on. From the 70s of the two hands grabbing your boobs, everybody's gonna notice your boobs.

[Pamela Riven]

Perfect.

[Tara Ariano]

Geez.

[Dave]

This is a good cheap solution for everything. That tops will cost you $22 with the iron on.

[Tara Ariano]

All right, I'll just say first of all, under roomie, they misspell simoleons.

[Dave]

Tisk. Tisk.

[Tara Ariano]

And I'll give a recommendation for anyone else like me who is a plus size boob haver. The Bella blanks. If you're ordering a shirt, Bella women's T shirt like is a good, good cut, good length. This is always my problem, including from Imogene and Willie, is when I get a shirt, if it fits my boobs, then it's often too long and I have to do like my own. I have to cut it up myself. And there just has to be a better way. So I appreciate that they were trying to do it.

[Dave]

You should start your own T shirt for big boob Havers. Call it Capital Knockers.

[Pamela Riven]

Is this. Do you mean like Bella and Canvas? Yes, yes. That's. We made our My Year of Dick shirts in. They do have a nice length. Yeah.

[Tara Ariano]

Wow. Controversial. Just one beauty feature this month. It is your 10 biggest skin problems annihilated. Very aggressive language in my opinion. But it truly is just problem. And then there's solutions such as, you know, my nose pores are oily. What's the best pimple killer, et cetera. So I just had a few that I pulled out the third. I have large pores, especially near my nose. How can I keep them from getting bigger? And one of their solutions is go see a facialist. And you know, we complain about this occasionally where they're like, just go do this thing. Go to the health food store and spend all this money that you don't have. The idea of going to a facialist when I was a teenager. Absurd.

[Pamela Riven]

Never. It's called the dermatologist. Yes.

[Tara Ariano]

I think I've only gotten two facials in my life. As an adult with a job like I, this is not something that was on the radar for me as a teenager. But they also recommend if you have large pores. They talk about Retin A, the topical drug. And when I was getting really bad outbreaks in my 30s, I was prescribed Retin A and it was the scariest thing I ever had. Just Retin A, you know, cream, it made my skin so red and so flaky. It was, it was the worst. And if you also have bad skin in your 30s or older, proactive was recommended to me by a coworker who probably felt bad for me because my face was falling off at work and it really worked. So I'm not sponsored by Proactive, but if they wanted to make me a spokesperson, I would. Problem number four. I've read that moisturizer is necessary for everyone with skin. I know I don't need moisturizer on my oily nose, but should I use it where my skin is normal? And they say, actually the dermatologist we can consulted says not everyone needs to use moisturizer. What? This is like the most shocking thing I've ever heard. But it, I mean, I might try to go moisturizer free for a week because I always get super shiny on my forehead and my nose. Pam, you're gonna be shocked and appalled. You're gonna call in a wellness check for me. But I, Even as a 78 year old woman, might not need moisturizer.

[Pamela Riven]

I'm excited for your experiment because this whole feature was about shit that I never have to deal with right? At all. Like I'm like, oh my God, I can't even imagine being. But not my nose. Like, do, do, do, do, do, don't touch the nose.

[Tara Ariano]

Like all of it feels so.

[Pamela Riven]

I felt bad for all of these. Maybe it's the annihilated part, but it's written like, God, you fucked up kid. Right? You're gonna need some of this. So many chemicals and acids and pores and Retin A. This feels, this feels like doctors are getting involved with what your, the situation. And so I support you. I think it's great that maybe you don't need moisturizer. I can't actually go four minutes without moisturizer or my nose flakes. My lips fall off and it hurts to think like my look, my forehead hurts. So I've got to get. I always have just a little of this ready to go.

[Dave]

Oh. On camera.

[Tara Ariano]

Wow.

[Pamela Riven]

Oh, thank you.

[Dave]

Oh, you're.

[Pamela Riven]

I grabbed the wrong one. That was so glamorous.

[Dave]

That was glycol.

[Tara Ariano]

Oh, no, my bear spray.

[Dave]

Oh, olive oil. Oh, no. She's walking into a big cauldron. Oh, bugs, buddies, cutting up carrots.

[Pamela Riven]

Always rehearse the bit, you guys.

[Dave]

Well, that's it for listen to sassy. Been great.

[Pamela Riven]

Oh, my God.

[Tara Ariano]

I think we can move on.

[Pamela Riven]

It says medicated. That was SPF 50.

[Tara Ariano]

Oh, my God. Wow. Well, why do you have it on your desk? How. How sunny is your office?

[Pamela Riven]

Because sometimes your kids running by like, bye, Mom, I'll be outside for seven hours. And you're like, oh, okay. On their face and their arms before they leave. But also, this stuff's great. It is great. I just don't. I shouldn't put it in my eyes. Oh, God.

[Tara Ariano]

Oh, no.

[Pamela Riven]

Fuck. Here we go.

[Dave]

About Face is all about things for your face, including faraway smells, which is a subheading that they decided to actually go to print with. Yeah, maybe a four year old wrote it and nobody corrected it.

[Tara Ariano]

Anyways, big. Not this, but this energy with far away smells. We'll come back to it. Oops.

[Pamela Riven]

Even how small it is.

[Dave]

What is it about? Is it about somebody who can fart from across a room and make you smell it in two seconds? No, it's far away. As in lands you have never been to. Smells, I guess, are supposed to be things that are nice. Here's some perfumes that'll make you smell, to use their terminology.

[Pamela Riven]

I like that you wrote. Anyways, I'll give you some far away smells. Yeah, yeah.

[Tara Ariano]

More products for a pretty planet. Redken offers their hair care stuff in refillable containers. Cosmosol has the first alcohol free hairspray, which is better for the air, I guess. And finally, Sebastian has started shipping all its products in biodegradable unbuttered popcorn. Remember when companies thought they should do stuff like this because they really have all stopped? Like I remember the. The shipping. I mean, I guess they're not using popcorn peanuts anymore. Really? But I feel like those plastic bubbles aren't really much better. They're not recyclable.

[Pamela Riven]

Oh, like actual. Okay, now I understand what that means. They popped popcorn. Yeah, and then they. That's what they were storing.

[Tara Ariano]

Yes, that's what they were using instead of Styrofoam popcorn peanuts.

[Pamela Riven]

What a weird smell your male has.

[Tara Ariano]

Well, it's unbuttered. It probably doesn't smell like anything.

[Dave]

That'd be great if you could choose what kind of popcorn you wanted though. Barbecue. Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

You know what? They. They popped it in that Jiffy Pop from Real genius. That's the only way. That's what the factory looks like. Just like a bunch of those. How do they make that much popcorn in a day? Sebastian, where is this a wig you can live with?

[Dave]

Fembot. Speaking of fembot.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah, the fembot is back with her wig. If you're into this whole wig thing. Praise be to Henry Margou in his demi wig. An easier to wear hairpiece designed to be worn a few inches back from your hairline, held in place with an Alice band. It's very. I am a roadie for Aerosmith, but in this picture in particular. But Henry, Margot still makes wigs and I just think that's neat when they're like just doing the one thing still. Nobody knows who we are, but we're the ones who do it. Thank you. We're Henry Margou.

[Tara Ariano]

Yep.

[Pamela Riven]

Cool.

[Tara Ariano]

As a wig sometime user. Would you wear this wig?

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah. I mean, not in this color. I couldn't possibly. But yes. If I could just do this and go with an Alice band. Because what I can't do are these dumb baseball hat extension things. You know, where the wig is coming out of the hat. It's like a whole thing.

[Tara Ariano]

Oh my God.

[Pamela Riven]

No, you haven't seen. Oh gosh.

[Dave]

It's a wig. But you have to have a hat on to wear the wig. What's the point of having that?

[Pamela Riven]

The hat is the wig. Yeah, but like, look, now I'm just typing words into the document. Hold on one second. Let me go back over here to this really expensive shirt I just pulled up for you.

[Dave]

You're wearing a wig, so you have fabulous hair and it has a built in hair hider. That's what they should call it.

[Pamela Riven]

Hair. First of all, they're called head covers. Here's one. Let me get you another one. Your beloved Teemu sells them. Oh, did you disable the chat? What happened?

[Tara Ariano]

Oh, the chat's delayed.

[Pamela Riven]

The chat go away. Oh, it went somewhere else. Oh, that's so strange. It's not letting me send you these chats. Hold on. Sorry. Please pause. It's because I went to Temu Undo. Y'all just undo.

[Dave]

Today on Grandma. Use the Internet.

[Pamela Riven]

My God, if you could see what's happening here. It's so dumb.

[Dave]

He's asking for my credit card number now.

[Pamela Riven]

There you go.

[Tara Ariano]

Can you get like. It's in my purse, stupid.

[Dave]

Yeah, on the kitchen table. Also, I'm going to need my soul.

[Tara Ariano]

16 ads. No, no, no.

[Pamela Riven]

16 ads to go to Temu.

[Tara Ariano]

No, no, no, that's dumb. That's dumb.

[Pamela Riven]

No, she says, well, this is the.

[Dave]

Only use case for this. You're a women's PGA pro golfer and you've also had chemo treatments. That is like the only type of person that's allowed to buy these.

[Pamela Riven]

Well, it's a whole thing. I've seen them on the Internet and I haven't gotten one because they look so.

[Dave]

Because they have no dubious health benefits, they also.

[Tara Ariano]

Thank you.

[Pamela Riven]

Yes, that was a perfect burn. I cannot recover from that one.

[Dave]

Helps keep away spiders. Anti spider technologies built into every head cover.

[Pamela Riven]

It's because in a hair hat I'm gonna look like this costume here. And yes, because it has no dubious health benefits.

[Dave]

Well, we gotta move on.

[Pamela Riven]

Yes. I'm never gonna get out of here.

[Tara Ariano]

Shave to save your skin sounds crazy, but in the winter, you know, you don't show your legs, so you might take a break on shaving them. They're saying if you have dry skin, it may benefit your gams to shave during the winter too, since the action of removing hair from your legs also takes off any dry, dead, flaky skin cells. Hey, you know what else does that cream like? If this is your issue, shaving your legs is really an over correction. And it's also very unsassy for them to be like, hey, shave your legs, Harry. Instead of just being like, you know, if you want to shave before your big party, you can, and if you don't, you don't have to. Which is what their position was earlier. So, boo.

[Dave]

Get a little wolf man's.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah, get a loofah.

[Dave]

Yeah, get a loofah. The term shampoo comes from a Hindi word meaning to knead or to rub. That is something I did not know. Thanks.

[Pamela Riven]

Sassy.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah, we learned.

[Pamela Riven]

Now we try it. This one is about foundations. Many, many kinds of foundation. Another thing I don't really do too much of, but here is a picture of a girl in a cream nice new creamy cardigan sweater, bent over with her hand on her shoulder, dipping her foundation. This is definitely how you're gonna get makeup on your brand new clothes for sure. I don't know. This is such an awkward pose. I think it's so silly looking and not very sassy. Also, it's like this picture is so silly.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah, agree.

[Dave]

All these new pages, they're miscellaneous. Like 10 little blurbs on under a section. Like we try it and worn out and stuff like that. Well, not worn out so much because it has a lot of photos. But they've standardized it along this all lowercase Rounded font as the subheadings all sort of like mixed in with the actual copy. You know, like left to right, ragged, justified. And it's super boring and terrible. They really gotta start breaking out of this. I realize, like, you know, it's somebody's new design bible and they're keen to follow it. But yeah, they really gotta start breaking some rules because it's really hard to tell what section you're in visually, which is something you could kind of do before better what now has taken a drop down in how fun it is. But at least they're still adhering to some of the principles of that, you know, the 90 degree turned and you know, different fonts here and there and stuff like that. But this is a snooze. And it looks like, like a mid tier drugstore product design, you know, like it's. You go to shoppers, drug mart or you know, whatever the hell, you're Walgreens in the States and you're, you know, gotta buy mom some cream of some sort. It looks like this.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah, I agree. A lot of personality has been stripped with this redesign. The only one I wanted to highlight is Revlon's new complexion makeup. It's non pore clogging, fragrance free and contains sunscreen. I feel like now all foundation has like all makeup for your face has sunscreen in it now. And if it doesn't, it should seems obvious to me I need to do all this.

[Pamela Riven]

Dave's just going to make fun of me.

[Dave]

Well, now I have to hear it. What do you got?

[Pamela Riven]

Ah, it's just the moisturizer. It's just the foundation.

[Dave]

How much for a bottle of that moisturizer?

[Pamela Riven]

Oh, well, you mean. Well, that's the others. Okay. If I have to total up all three.

[Dave]

You can't buy it with money. You have to do the Sultan a special favor in order to get this jar of goo.

[Pamela Riven]

The middle one is $54. The third one. The third one is 26. And let's find out the first one, the tried and true, the little Revlon color stay is $16. So I don't use. So you know, they have different jobs. And that middle one that is very expensive lasts a very, very, very long time.

[Dave]

Yeah, the Dr. Jart. Plus, I thought Dr. Jart was outlawed in the 70s or 80s. Stealth high five. Five. That's it.

[Tara Ariano]

Next.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah, next.

[Tara Ariano]

Zits and stuff. Oh, zits and stuff. Confusing bras is our first letter.

[Dave]

Three cups.

[Tara Ariano]

Some friends and I were talking, discussing one of the more embarrassing topics. Bras. I'm not new to wearing one, but what is the difference between. Cross your heart. The kinds that have wires underneath the cups, strapless, etc. Do you have to have a certain shape to wear these? Is there a difference? What are the benefits of each one? First of all, just wondering in Boston fake letter. But also, like anyone who wears a bra does not need to have explained what a strapless bra is for. It's kind of right there in the name. But I will say they're suggesting that when you go shopping for bras, you should wear a clingy top so that you can see how it's going to look under clothes. Is good. I is good practice. And I'll also say the best tip I got, and this might be common knowledge, but when you try it on at the store, put it on the loosest hook because the band is going to stretch and you're going to need to use the smaller ones later after you've washed it in the washing machine the way they tell you not to do. Next skin scarring. When I was nine years old, I got the chicken pox. Stupid me picked them and ended up with several bad scars on my face. I am 18 and still being called Crater Face. Is there any way to get rid of my friends who call me that? Just kidding. Chickenpox scars. This is me. I have a chickenpox scar right in the middle of my forehead. I'm touching this little divot right now. I've never thought about trying to get rid of it, but, you know, again, there's just the one. And I think it's sort of cute and gives my face personality. At least that's what I tell myself. It's certainly less disfiguring than the time that our late dog Gordon, we miss him. Pulled me down the stairs to try and eat sprinkler at our place in la and I hit my leg on a brick like the. The walk of the. In the front of the house. And I still have a dip like in my bone from that incident. That's worse. If I could get collagen shot into that to make my leg look normal, I. I might consider.

[Dave]

Well, you can just follow their advice and get it sanded down to the depth of everything else on your face. I kind of imagine just like a metal grinder, you know, and like there's sparks coming off their face. And it was like, it can cost a billion dollars in 1991 money, right? It's crazy. You're gonna come out looking like a dark man without the bandage.

[Pamela Riven]

They Give you just home dermabrasion kits. Now they don't even like. They don't even say, go in and spend that money. Try it at home. Just put. It's a sandpaperer on your face. What could go wrong?

[Dave]

No, thank you.

[Pamela Riven]

Big ears. My ears stick straight out. I don't want to have plastic surgery. So is there a way I can wear my hair to make them less noticeable? Signed Dumbo.

[Dave]

Stop calling yourself dumbos. Step number one.

[Tara Ariano]

That's what they said.

[Pamela Riven]

Exactly what they said. And they said there's 12 million Americans walking around with their ears sticking out. How did they get this figure that.

[Dave]

Really seems to know they're counting.

[Pamela Riven]

Where?

[Tara Ariano]

Who's. It's in the census.

[Dave]

Yeah, Big ears, question mark.

[Pamela Riven]

They just go out and go, who wants to sign this? And all the people who sign up had their ears sticking out. Obviously could hear it better. And that's why it seems like it's a really high number.

[Dave]

Hispanic Pacific Islander. Big ears.

[Pamela Riven]

Eerie. Eerie Canal. They recommend these little things called eeries to stick your ears to your head. Cynthia. And I was like, let's see what they do now. There's still making these things. They're called ear pins. And there's a million of them. Has the best pictures of before and after. Just like a girl with her ear out and a girl with her ear taped. And in the copy it says before application it's pivotal to avoid moist conditions. So I'm all about ear pins. But then if you want to be jewelry about it, they have something called correctors. And you kind of pop it onto the cartilage and it like bends your ear back. And so if you're someone who likes to have a hundred things on your ear anyway, it's kind of cool looking. I found one on Etsy. It's. But I'm sure this isn't the only kind of corrector. And if. Yeah, it's. It looks like it really hurts, I'm gonna. Yeah, I think it really probably hurts.

[Dave]

The corrector really sounds like a TV series from 1983 starring a guy with black gloves on all the time.

[Pamela Riven]

When you go to the corrector, it does give you some important information that says depending on the stiffness of your ear, it may cause pain or discomfort during the fusion first weeks or months of use. It is necessary that you use it according to the instructions you will receive. And then. I'm not even sure this part made me nervous too. It is possible that marks may be seen due to the use of pliers or sandpaper. But this does not interfere with the function of the product. In any event, it's just a ear binder.

[Tara Ariano]

Wow.

[Pamela Riven]

So if you're into that kind of thing, that's how we're doing it now.

[Tara Ariano]

I love any time they're like, you gotta keep using it until the nerve endings die, and then it won't hurt so much anymore.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah, you heard that. You heard me. That's what you say to him. Put it on. Now we get to vinegar rinse. Just. Just wondering. Says, I read that women in the 19th century covered their faces with brown butcher paper soaked in apple cider vinegar. Should it be part of my daily regimen should it be part of my daily regimen for washing my face? I have oily skin that is very acne prone. Okay. First of all, some tiktoker clearly told my husband about vinegar. And now it is his solution for fucking everything around here. Everything. There's apple cider vinegar in the house. There's capsules of it. He's putting it on our laundry. I've got this one coat from Imogen and Willie that I splurged on. It cost 16 T shirts. And it smells horrible. It smells horrible. I don't understand why it smells so bad. It's not old. We took it to the dry cleaners because I also don't want to just wash it and shrink it. And Jason, yesterday was like time to give it the vinegar treatment. And I was like, keep it away from my clothes.

[Dave]

Does he have a holster? Does he walk around like a cowboy? He's got like vinegar bottles in his holsters.

[Pamela Riven]

God, he just smells like a salad douche. All walking around just like. Anyway, you know. Then I was like, what does this mean, though? So I looked up brown butcher paper soaked in apple cider vinegar. And the first thing I learned was they. Oh, someone was talking about what she had researched about it. And she said, because I heard it in, you know, Jack and Jill, the nursery rhyme. And I was like, what? So after Jack and Jill fell down the hill, later versions add up. Jack got and home did trot as fast as he could caper went to bed to mend his head with vinegar and brown paper.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

Jill came in and she did grin to see his paper plaster Mother Vex did whip her next for causing Jack's disaster. Never fails. Beat a woman in everything old timey. But then this lady was like, yes. So my mother taught me the old fashioned Renaby. My mother taught me the old fashioned remedy for a bad temperature. Soak a strip of brown paper in vinegar and apply to the forehead. As the paper dries, the temperature decreases. Tried and tested and I'm like, we're just not going to make it through this generation. This is what where your kid's got 102 fever and your friend is like, have you tried vinegar on brown paper on his forehead? So that's where I went this morning. Deep into a vinegar rinse.

[Tara Ariano]

Well on the topic of apple cider vinegar, it is also a Netflix Original series that's dropping will have dropped by the time you hear this, so you can listen to us talk about it on our Patreon extrahotgreat.com club. We'll put the link in the show Notes Excellent.

[Pamela Riven]

I can't wait to hear that.

[Tara Ariano]

Poor facts. I heard that if you rub downward when you're applying makeup, it closes the pores so you don't get pimples. And when you wash your face, you should rub up or to open your pores. Does this really help keep you from getting pimples? Signed Anonymous Answer no, your pores are not Venetian blind. I just love how mean and frank that is. But that is the kind of crazy thing that if someone told you, you might be like, oh yeah, that makes sense. Like how they tell you to apply your moisturizer up so that you don't drag down your droopy then and now. Also, I feel like has been on hiatus for a while, but it's back with From Russia with really, really bad hair. Yakatarina won Queen of Europe, a modeling contest in her hometown of Moscow. And they have her before picture and they're, you know, their usual shady selves describing how bad the makeover subject looked before. This is very bad though. This is one of the worst befores. This is very, very damaged hair. I'm surprised they didn't cut it shorter, honestly, because that's a lot of split ends.

[Pamela Riven]

It's a great T shirt she's wearing, though, in the before. I'd like to know who made that one.

[Tara Ariano]

Yep, great point.

[Dave]

Probably cost like 56,000 rubles, right?

[Pamela Riven]

This is worth it.

[Tara Ariano]

Her after is super cute, but I would love to know if it limited her options as a model. Because, you know, they like you to have long hair so they can do more things with it. And if she's just moving from Moscow to New York to try and make it, they might have fucked her over. Good luck.

[Dave]

They cut off so much hair it removed her beauty mark.

[Pamela Riven]

Yep, it did knock the mole right off her. I was like, this is so mean. I'm sure. She had her hair up for the pageant and they just did this, you know, made it messy before. And then I was able to find a lot of her photos from this pageant win and yeah, no, that was.

[Dave]

Her hair after photo looks like she is actually like up a beanbag with a human head because she's got a lace. I don't know what you call that.

[Tara Ariano]

It's crochet.

[Dave]

Crochet, whatever shirty type of thing. And everything else is black. And there's no shadow or highlight definition in the knees up to her chin pose that she's doing. So she just looks like a. Like a wobble.

[Tara Ariano]

Like you're right. Like a weeble.

[Dave]

Weeble. Yeah. Thank you. Can't knock her down. That's a good part.

[Tara Ariano]

We got ads. There weren't a lot of like real advertisers that we. There's a lot of repeats. So we're not going to be talking about the, the major ads. We're just going for the, the marginal stuff. Starting with sign. Oh, the Times. Our do not disturb sign is perfect for hanging on your favorite hangout. Seven choice activities are printed on the sign. This is a sassy original. It's going to cost you 7 95. You might be, depending on where you point your pointer, beautifying myself, having an anxiety attack, talking on the phone, doing my homework, writing in my diary, reading Sassy or breaking up with my boyfriend. I want this for my office. Thank you. I love it.

[Pamela Riven]

I want to get you this more than, you know, like the, the amount of times I just try to find like a surprise. The Internet with a who's sell sassy things. The sneak up will finally bring forth fruit. It doesn't.

[Tara Ariano]

No. No it doesn't. Sadly. This is also of course, as we mentioned up top, the Sassiest girl in America issue. And as part of that they have a fake news report from Merry Go Round, the apparel store which was the sole sponsor of this year's camp. This year's contest. Marry Go Round Blitzed by Sassiest Girls. Subhead King Kong Enchanted. That's the only reason because this is a new location at Merry Go Round. It's a three story shop in the Empire State Building. And based on these photos they have like a mini Empire State Building with King Kong climbing it inside the store.

[Dave]

Okay. And do they like climb up into his hand so they can be the Fay Wray?

[Tara Ariano]

I think he's a little small for that, sadly. But they also made them all put on the same outfit and some of them are Rocking it. And some of them aren't. And it's a good thing for them that these pictures are very small. But you can see that in the visual aids.

[Dave]

Looks like a medium successful cult from these photos.

[Tara Ariano]

Yes, it does.

[Dave]

Blood for Kong. Next one, page 79. We're starting to deal with those little tiny cheapo ads. In the back is Boyfriend rap. Rap Rap rap. Boyfriend rap. Join the Trend. Relate, innovate, participate. 1, 900, 446 boys $2aminute.

[Pamela Riven]

Yo, I wrote that.

[Dave]

Yeah. How many times did you call Boyfriend rap?

[Tara Ariano]

And were you crying?

[Pamela Riven]

I didn't have to call it. I wrote for it. I worked it. That's actually my phone number. It was. You just called me up and I'd be like, is he cute? Do you wanna say, I didn't have to? And then you would call actually, and you would hear me go, oh, no. And then he said we were better off as friends. And I had my phone numbers crossed. This is my favorite. This is one of my favorite shitty ad pages we've ever had with boyfriend, rap poetry contests galore. The Jingle My Bells boxer shorts.

[Tara Ariano]

Yep, Dave had those highlighted as well.

[Dave]

Yeah, very crude first draft outline of boxer shorts. You can get one that says Jingle my bells with the bells down below. Or you can get the 12 incher question mark boxer shorts.

[Pamela Riven]

The ruler glow glows in the dark. These are some Spencer's shorts.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

Perfect. Oh, God. You mail it to Optimistic Inc. Bless them, they work. Then you can just send a letter to R.E.M. dead Letter Office. Or we're looking for someone like you. In the upper right corner, the Production Network of London TM says, imagine yourself jumping on the jet plane and flying out for an all expense paid photo shoot. A $15,000 value on Sunny and exotic locations. There's a picture of last year's winner. It says she won. She's from Poland. I looked her up. I think I found her Instagram. But what's important to note is what you send to the Production Network of London TM in Chicago, Illinois. Surprise twist is at least one photograph, a short biography and $25. The fee includes key secrets on how to get into top modeling agencies. Entry deadline, 25th of each month. So I don't know. This is such a scam. This is such a sad scam. But it is one of the more expensive scams I've seen back here. And again, this is for young women. And I find that you could say no to some of these ads. That's all I'm saying. Sassy. This one. This one's rough. This one's rough. 25.

[Tara Ariano]

What if I told you I got a solicitation yesterday from a journalist who wanted me to try to get into a list of top podcasters on the Chicago Weekly? Very prestigious list, obviously, for 10 podcasters. Uplifting and motivating audiences. If that's not me, I don't know who is. Would be a 200 to 250 word paragraph and it would only cost me. Do you want to guess?

[Pamela Riven]

Oh my gosh. Is it a T shirt?

[Tara Ariano]

It's more than a T shirt.

[Pamela Riven]

Oh my gosh. How much is it?

[Tara Ariano]

$500. Jeez, who's doing this?

[Pamela Riven]

Oh, man.

[Tara Ariano]

Shocking. And yet not so shocking, I suppose. Depressing. Maybe the word on page 81. More fractional ads at the top of the jump line of another story. I just love this one. Beautiful. It's the top of the ad and the illustration is. Is a hand holding a mirror. And in the mirror reflected is not a beautiful face. It's three question marks. So, like, dear Riddler, we want you to apply to this modeling contest and it's the same thing. Send $8 and two photos to Mirror Mirro in Northside Station, Atlanta. Photos returned with evaluation certification. I bet it says you're beautiful and you just need to pay for classes to get even more beautiful. Still, that's probably true, but this sounds horrible.

[Pamela Riven]

Like, when I read it, I was like, who? I would never do this. And first of all, it does say, are you absolutely gorgeous? How about beautiful, pretty, attractive, or even.

[Tara Ariano]

The dreaded cute like that news radio joke?

[Pamela Riven]

Honestly, let our panel of Hollywood trained beauty experts and prize winning photographers tell you for sure in complete privacy. This is awful. Awful. Photos returned with evaluation certification. Oh my gosh. This is Are you hot or not? Snail mail for this is snail mail.

[Tara Ariano]

Are you gorgeous, pretty with great hair? Beautiful pretty and tall, attractive. Was not in that episode of newsradio. But cute, of course, is. Is cute is pretty and short and. Or hyperactive like Beth. Exotic, ugly. This month's diary is titled I like trees as much as the next guy. But. And it is the story of how they went to a retreat and Neil was supposed to take pictures. And guess what, you guys? Neil fell down on the job. But that's not the point. She describes all of them going to this retreat, all 17 of us in a little cabin in the woods for three days, tearing apart last year's issues, then tearing apart Neil's sketches for the redesigned pages. You see in this issue scribbling story ideas all over big 1991 calendar, trying to decipher teen magazines from France and Japan, renting videos, Dirty Dancing, the classic she in April Fool's Day, people sharing beds. Neil getting up early to cook, driving into town to get supplies. This should be a fantasy camp that Jane Pratt offers through her new newsletter. Because all of this sounds like fucking heaven to me. Every. There's no part of this I don't like other than that Neil is there. Like, truly. This sounds incredible. I'm so jealous.

[Pamela Riven]

Did you see lately some reel that was making the rounds about a friend who did, like, a cozy going away for her friends that they went to a camp? You were not to talk all day. You must do cozy activities during the day, whatever that means to you. Then they gather for a meal and then they play games all night.

[Tara Ariano]

Perfect. That's. I mean, heaven. Truly.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tara Ariano]

Say what? The first one is in response to their pop culture feature where they went shopping with Kim and Thurston from Sonic Youth. And we won't relitigate, you know, him being terrible, but this is a story from a fan who says they were gonna just hang out outside of a club that was only over 18 just so that they could try to hear songs from, you know, the Curb. And then they ran into Kim and Thurston ahead of time and they snuck them in and, like, dedicated the first song to them. Autographed their sneakers. This is lovely. This is such a dream fan story. I'm so happy to read it. Adorable.

[Pamela Riven]

It was great. It starts with, this magazine is too sporny for words. And I. I was. Is this a real word? I. Even the Internet was like, it's Polish. I don't. Is it an old sassy term? I don't remember.

[Tara Ariano]

No, I think they're just trying to get it going. That was my guess.

[Pamela Riven]

Thanks, Francesca.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah, seriously. The model in Coatings November was sitting on the beach with no footprints around her. How did they get her there? The answer today would be Photoshop, but apparently what they did. They joke that we used a big crane. Just kidding. The photographer asked the model to take a big giant step into the frame and mess up the sand as little as possible. Neat photo magic. Happy and unhappy tofu eaters. Thank you for your article on vegetarianism. I'm writing to let people know how important it is to eat properly. Shortly after altering my diet, I came down with mono. I suffered for seven months. They found it was due to lack of vitamins, especially protein and iron. Whoever told you that your mom was wrong. You can't get mono that way. It's a viral infection.

[Pamela Riven]

I feel like it went the other way around. Mom, I completely altered my diet. I have mono because of the vegetables. That's the doctor said it's the vitamins, protein, iron. I'm sorry. It was definitely the vegetables that gave me motto.

[Tara Ariano]

You're right.

[Pamela Riven]

Look, I put it in the magazine.

[Tara Ariano]

Shut up, Mike. Here's letter number nine for Spike to blush at. Blah blah blah about Spike. Like Mikey. Babe, we really don't think it is necessary for you to be spewing your opinions of musicians you hate. Our prime examples how you called Nelson, Millie Vanilla criticizing John Cougar Mellencamp and smashing a vein cd. We listen to metal, rap, country, everything. All artists are to be taken seriously. Except new kids on the block, mind you. Well, you kind of undermine your argument there, Sylvester.

[Dave]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

What?

[Dave]

A.

[Tara Ariano]

Toad secretion update. We were waiting for it. I read some people lick toads. You can only purchase this toad at a pet shop, okay? I don't know where else they think people are getting toads. Or in Africa. You can't just lick any toad off the street. You can also boil the toad in water and let all his secretions and body oils boil out of him. Then let the water cool and drink it. I have no idea how this got started. Which part? What are you talking about? This is crazy.

[Dave]

Have you boiled the toad today, sir?

[Pamela Riven]

That guy went on to become Marilyn Manson.

[Dave]

Went on to become mayor of his town.

[Tara Ariano]

Like that tracks me or Towed the wet sprocket.

[Pamela Riven]

That's right. You leave him and all of them out of this. They're perfect still to this day. But speaking of what people went on to, Tim Versane is the writer of our next letter to the editors. It is with great pleasure that I enclose the Saddle Shoe Appreciation Society of America award for the Advancement of Saddle Shoe Wearing in America for Sassy magazine. You received this award for your layout entitled Anytown USA in your October 90 issue. It says since its inception in 1989, this award has been presented to only three magazines. Again, enjoy youy Award. I am sure this man sent this award in and it made me try to find out who else could have possibly won this award. And what I learned is Tim Verthain currently owns and curates and runs the world's smallest record store with his daughter up in Minnesota. So you know what? Stay quirky. I love it, Tim. Thanks. Cute. We have letters on your dates from hell. And the second letter says your Karen's article was really gear fab the hell is happening? Is it sporny? Is this a real word? What's going on?

[Tara Ariano]

Both of those.

[Pamela Riven]

It was really gear fab.

[Tara Ariano]

Okay. They just stuck together Gypsy from Bedford Texas stuff stuck together. Two Beatles era slang terms gear and fab just mean cool. But I've never, this is the first time I ever saw them like as a compound word.

[Dave]

Yeah. Gear fab. Sounds like the name of a 3D printer company.

[Tara Ariano]

Yeah.

[Pamela Riven]

Yes. I had to return my gear fab. Oh well, thanks.

[Tara Ariano]

Finally inside out. This is where they're trying out a bunch of different functions of their brand new computer program they're designing the magazine on for the very first time and it's, it's a bunch of goofy shit. Neil is heavily represented. At least this is part of his job. But I, I made sure that we wanted, that we highlighted this because I need Dave's thoughts.

[Dave]

That wasn't my thoughts, that was just something that was coming out of me. My insights were coming out if you know what I mean.

[Pamela Riven]

Very sporgy.

[Dave]

So this is. I would put a hundred bucks down that this is either pagemaker or quarkxpress given the time period. Everybody goes through this whenever they have a new design tool or they're new to the hobby which is you like to use every tool in your toolbox whether you should or you shouldn't. And photography's the same way. It's like oh I put all the filters on this one like you shouldn't. But you know, you'll learn that eventually. This is sort of emblematic of that first week with the new program where you're like I gotta do everything it's got. I don't know how I'm going to do automatic footer page numbers but I need it. But yeah, this is a dog's breakfast of a page and I can't get mad at it.

[Tara Ariano]

But yeah, this is the bit.

[Dave]

Yeah it's a bit. But also it did make my eyes hurt which you know is the point but also is annoying at the same time. So you know, well done.

[Tara Ariano]

And that's it this time it's the January 1991 slumber party. We'll be catching up on the December 1990 quiz How Wasteful Are youe? And taking the January 1991 quiz How High is your self esteem? Probably pretty low once I find out how wasteful I am. Will also be playing some of your latest calls so get them in at 7:20. Sassy go my plug. This week I really had to reach back to find something that was in Any way Sassy adjacent and it's this my review of Going Dutch. My new favorite show. Not really, but kind of starring Gen X icon Daniel Dennis Leary. We'll link it in the show notes. You can find it at crack And.

[Pamela Riven]

I'm linking the Oscar nominated instruments of a beating heart. This is by Emma Ryan Yamazaki and it is for all of you band kids out there like Tara. It is about a second grader who really wants to get a part in this orchestra that is welcoming the first graders to their new school. It is so good. I'm still crying.

[Tara Ariano]

Okay, I'll never stop.

[Dave]

Also is the prequel to a yes song. You can follow Tara at Tara Ariano. You can follow Pam at Pam. That was a terrible joke at Pamela Riven. You can follow the show at Listen to Sassy. I think most of those things work on Blue Sky. Maybe Instagram. I forget what we're still on. Basically everything's going to next time my might be just on pigeon mail. Who knows Terrible out there. You can support us up media.

[Pamela Riven]

Yes, go ahead. Sorry.

[Dave]

You can support us on Patreon. It's $5 a month. Keeps the lights on here at Listen to Sassy and then you get the full PDFs of the issues that we're talking about. Access to our discord early episode drops a whole bunch of great perks like that. Go to listentosassy.comclub to join support your indie podcast.

[Pamela Riven]

Yeah, we don't ask you for $20 just to tell you that you're pretty. You can also call us. Our hotline is 720 Sassy Go. Actually Dave, we should just charge you $21. This is a very good idea. Leave us a voicemail about the show or the magazine. We may play it on a future episode. You can find all kinds of information, links to our visual aids and contact info for [e-mail] thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time.

[Tara Ariano]

You got that right buddy.