Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s

Episode: July 1991 Teen Life: Hamburger U, Girls' Self-Esteem & Things You Can Measure In Pints
Hosts: Tara Ariano, Pamela Ribon, David T. Cole
Release Date: December 9, 2025

Episode Overview

In this nostalgic romp through the July 1991 issue of Sassy magazine, Tara, Pam, and Dave break down the issue’s major features, discuss recurring 90s teen themes, and riff on everything from fast food management school to navigating breakups, girls’ self-esteem, bodily functions, Cleveland’s cultural scene, and the eternal question: how do you know if he really likes you? The trio delight in their signature mix of empathy, sarcasm, and digressions—serving both fond memories and biting commentary.

Major Discussion Points & Insights

1. Cringe-Inducing Budgeting (00:00–01:00)

• A brief (and humorous) aside about personal budgeting devolves into banter about meal subscriptions and money management apps.
  • Notable Exchange:
    • Pam: "I can't cook." (00:07)
    • Tara: "You know this." (00:08)

2. Feature Recaps

a. “Her Sister Amy” – Life with a Neurodivergent Sibling (03:52–07:18)

• Leslie, age 22, photographs her 18-year-old sister Amy, who has cri du chat syndrome.
• Focus on empathy, daily life, and the impact on the family.
  • Pam: "I felt empathetic for everyone involved. But it seems like this girl has a good life. I hope she still does." (06:25)
• The article avoids exploitation and self-pity, instead offering an intimate look at family dynamics.

b. “Dump That Can Do” – How to Break Up (07:18–10:49)

• Step-by-step guidance for ending harmful relationships, with some caveats about using friends for break-up validation.
  • Pam: "That feels like a trap for your friend... and then two weeks later you get back together..." (08:04)
• Modern reflections: Tara checks advice relevance with her own nearly-teen and realizes cultural gaps ("What's a bank teller?" [10:12]).

c. “Would You Like Some Fries With That Diploma?” – Hamburger University at McDonald’s (10:49–13:42)

• Mike reports on McDonald's management training school (“Hamburger University”), both admiring and poking fun at its cult-like, teamwork-driven culture.
  • Pam: "It's essential to that—a glaring nonstop emphasis on teamwork. Like, what do you think people learn when they take business courses?" (11:45)
  • Dave: “It’s McDonald’s, not McDonald.” (12:05)
• Deep dive into the McJordan burger, management training, and a riff on what an “Animal House” at Hamburger U would look like. (13:09–14:13)

d. “Why You Liked Yourself Better When You Were 11” – Girls’ Self-Esteem (14:28–17:00)

• Explores Harvard research showing girls often lose confidence in adolescence; 12-year-old Alicia Ostern pushes back and runs her own study.
  • Pam: “Christina refers to them as theories. They are not. They’re findings.” (14:28)
  • Side discussion on women's continued struggles with confidence and STEM fields.
• Later, they trace what became of Alicia (she’s now a successful attorney/landlord in NYC). (16:27)

3. Notable Regulars, Features, & Humor

a. Fiction – “Serenade” by Seth Kaufman (19:49–22:37)

• The hosts detect a male author’s heavy hand and witness a classic awkward teen encounter centered on guitar playing and mild sexual tension.
  • Tara: “You can always tell when the fiction is not written by a young woman in this magazine.” (19:59)

b. Let Me Hear Your Body Talk / Health Tidbits (22:51–24:43)

• Discussion of supportive friends during smoking cessation, anger possibly being depression or a chemical imbalance, and men’s brains aging faster than women’s.
  • Dave: “According to a study at the University of Pennsylvania, men's brains deteriorate faster than women's as they age. Can confirm.” (24:47)

c. Things Measurable in Pints (25:24–28:38)

• Unhealthy US states, and the revelation that humans can generate up to three pints of gas per day—leading to a flurry of fart jokes.
  • Dave: “I could blow three pints over tea this week.” (27:36)
• Mushroom storage tips and a whimsical exploration of whether produce is breathing and metaphors for suffocating dreams in the fridge. (28:01–28:46)

d. Advice Segments (“What Now?”/“Help for Him”) (29:10–32:54)

• Guidance on safe music listening volumes and panicky first-date experiences for teen boys.
  • Pam: “This is exactly what happens in the series premiere of Beverly Hills 90210.” (31:07)

e. Sibling Rivalries – “What He Said” (33:09–36:37)

• Sassy staffers’ brothers recall their most horrid acts toward sisters, leading to a digressive, jokey analysis of whether they look like serial killers in their photos.

f. City Spotlight – Cleveland, Ohio (36:46–39:06)

• Mix of sincere and sardonic takes on Cleveland attractions, history, and pop-culture references (REM, 30 Rock, the legendary “hastily made Cleveland tourism video”).

g. “It Happened to Me” – Teenage Motherhood (39:14–44:07)

• A now-20-year-old recounts getting pregnant at 18, raising a child alone, and struggling with the realities of single motherhood.
  • Pam: “There’s some stupidity along the way...” (42:05)
  • The hosts highlight the lack of discussion about contraception and the complex, sometimes dubious math of surviving as a young single parent.

h. Stuff You Wrote – Teenage Letters & Poems (45:15–50:18)

• Hosts look up and report the fates of Sassy’s letter-writers (career outcomes, deaths, and professions).
• Highlights a dark, posthumous poem and some lighthearted musings about swatches and boys.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Pam (on breakups and friends):
  “It feels like a trap for your friend, but…” (08:28)

• Tara (on generational differences):
  “Are you putting up with behavior from him you wouldn’t normally tolerate in a bank teller…? And my kid said, 'What’s a bank teller?'" (10:12)

• Dave (on McJordan burger):
  “Michael Jordan, famous barbecue advocate.” (13:28)

• Pam (on self-esteem studies):
  "Girls are still lagging behind boys in the self-esteem area and in STEM." (15:31)

• Tara (on “It Happened To Me”):
  "I was the cringe face emoji, teeth out the whole time." (40:27)

• Dave (on pints of gas):
  "I could blow three pints over tea this week." (27:36)

• Pam (on sibling stories):
  "There are two Andes, and they both look like serial killers." (35:21)

Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Start | Highlights | |--------------------------------------------|----------|---------------------------------------------------------------| | Budgeting Banter/Intro | 00:00 | Food, budgeting, and subscription woes | | "Her Sister Amy" | 03:52 | Photographing neurodivergent sibling, family empathy | | "Dump That Can Do" | 07:18 | Break-up guidance, friend traps, generational gap | | Hamburger University Feature | 10:49 | Fast food management school, Mike's tone, McJordan burger | | Girls' Self-Esteem | 14:28 | Confidence loss in adolescent girls, Alicia's counter-study | | Fiction: "Serenade" | 19:49 | Awkward male-written teen romance, guitar posturing | | Let Me Hear Your Body Talk | 22:51 | Smoking, self-improvement, comedic riffs | | Health & Pints of Gas | 25:24 | US health stats, gas humor, mushroom storage | | Advice/Help For Him | 29:10 | Music volume, first-date panic, car repairs | | "What He Said" Sibling Panel | 33:09 | Brothers on tormenting sisters, photo analysis humor | | Cleveland, Ohio Spotlight | 36:46 | Tower City Center, Lake Erie, Rock & Roll Hall of Fame | | "It Happened To Me": Teen Mom Story | 39:14 | Teenage pregnancy, choices, realities | | Stuff You Wrote / Viewer Mail | 45:15 | Tracking Sassy contributors, poetry, swatch-wearing boys |

Lasting Takeaways & Tone

This episode balances sharp, 90s-aware nostalgia with honest reflections about gender, growing up, and pop culture, all filtered through the hosts’ quick wit and deep affection for Sassy. Whether joking about cousin-kissers at Hamburger U, skewering dubious teen magazine advice, or sincerely processing self-esteem findings, they keep the tone irreverent but thoughtful, serving a breeze of humor with slices of candor and, occasionally, real empathy.

This is ideal listening for Gen-Xers, lovers of vintage youth culture, or anyone curious about what pre-internet teen life really looked (and smelled… and farted) like.

Listen for Yourself

• Quiz Mention: Listeners are encouraged to take the July 1991 quiz at listentosassy.com.
• Voicemail Line: 720-SASSY-GO (“How many pints do you fart?”)
• For more: See full episode show notes for links to Cleveland videos and reference books.

Summary by Listen To Sassy’s biggest nostalgic fan, for all who missed the era or just the issue!