November 1990 Slumber Party: Spacing Out, Chasing Boys & Counting Tampons

Summary

Podcast Summary: Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s Episode: November 1990 Slumber Party: Spacing Out, Chasing Boys & Counting Tampons
Release Date: October 15, 2024
Hosts: Tara Ariano, Pamela Ribon, and David T. Cole

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Introduction

In the November 1990 Slumber Party: Spacing Out, Chasing Boys & Counting Tampons episode of Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s, hosts Tara Ariano, Pamela Ribon, and David T. Cole take listeners on a nostalgic journey back to the golden era of Sassy magazine. Celebrating the magazine's impact on Gen-X teens, the trio delves into quirky quizzes, personal anecdotes, and engaging listener calls that encapsulate the essence of teenage life in the early '90s.

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Opening Banter and the Boy Crazy Quiz

The episode kicks off with a humorous exchange about boy obsession, setting the tone for an evening filled with relatable teen experiences.

• David (00:17): "You are boy crazy. You are so boy crazy. You are crazy for boys that don't exist..."
  David humorously lists fictional boy names, highlighting the exaggerated nature of teenage crushes.

• Jenny's Commentary (00:54): "He is Hot."
  Short and impactful, Jenny underscores the superficial criteria often associated with teenage crushes.

The hosts then transition into a "How Spacey Are You?" quiz, exploring listeners' tendencies to get distracted or forgetful.

• Kelly (01:55): Discusses her quiz answer, demonstrating self-awareness about her own forgetfulness.
  "I would just listen to as far as I will know my way from wherever in the list of how he's directing me." (02:53)

• Jenny (04:01): Shares insights on memory and directions, adding personal flair.
  "I have a box of keys. I don’t even know what they do." (08:43)

The quiz continues with questions about multitasking, book retention, and phone etiquette, revealing the hosts' playful competitiveness and self-deprecating humor.

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Listener Calls: Teenage Life and Hilarious Mishaps

The heart of the episode lies in the teen life calls, where listeners share their personal stories and experiences, often with a comedic twist.

1. Sarah's Driver's Ed Experience (20:10):
   Sarah recounts a chaotic driver's ed class, amusingly blending responsibility with humor.
   "I laughed so hard that I was real afraid that I was going to wake up my friends." (20:10)

2. Hayden's Tampon Troubles (22:32):
   Hayden discusses the anxiety surrounding tampon usage and her father's strict instructions, blending teenage concerns with parental influence.
   "I get nervous that he’s going to give a lecture..." (23:48)

3. Kate's Eating Mishap (24:31):
   Kate shares a funny story about choking on an apple during a podcast recording, highlighting the unpredictability of live conversations.
   "I almost choked on a piece of apple..." (24:31)

4. Jill's Overalls Incident (39:53):
   Jill narrates an embarrassing moment at a music festival involving overalls and a porta potty, emphasizing the awkwardness of teenage fashion choices.
   "I just have to add they were short overall, they were adorable." (40:46)

5. Megan's Perfume Predicament (42:43):
   Megan humorously apologizes for overusing her family's rare perfume, blending fragrance obsession with playful regret.
   "I feel really terrible. Your shopping experience did not produce the results that you desired." (42:43)

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Pop Culture and Nostalgic References

The hosts and callers reminisce about 90s pop culture, weaving in references that resonate with nostalgic listeners.

• Eminem's Popcorn and Raisinette (29:56):
  Renee shares her funny struggle with movie snacks, critiquing the pervasive marketing of junk food.
  "I had to stop going to the movies because I would get a large popcorn..." (29:56)

• Groove Is in the Heart Incident (34:05):
  A caller describes a disruptive roommate who played "Groove Is in the Heart" loudly, blending music obsession with personal inconvenience.
  "He would announce that he was headed for his constitutional." (34:05)

• Mad Magazine and Gang Members (46:13):
  Tara recalls an amusing encounter where gang members rushed to grab the latest Mad magazine, showcasing unexpected intersections of subcultures.
  "They were fully gang members... they were rushing over to grab the latest issue of Mad." (46:13)

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Personal Anecdotes and Host Interactions

Throughout the episode, the hosts share personal stories and engage in light-hearted banter, offering insights into their own teenage experiences.

• Kelly's Key Loss Trauma (08:43):
  Kelly recounts the traumatic event of losing her keys as a child, highlighting the long-lasting impact of teenage mishaps.
  "The reason this was a traumatic event was because it was on a giant Garfield keychain that I treasured." (09:21)

• Dave's Multitasking Struggles (05:09):
  Dave humorously admits his inability to handle multiple phone calls simultaneously, reflecting common teen multitasking challenges.
  "I can't remember the last time I got two phone calls at the same time." (05:09)

• Jenny's Emotional Colon Blow (47:48):
  Jenny describes her intense emotional experiences, blending humor with genuine reflections on teenage emotions.
  "Jenny has eaten four bowls of emotional colon blow, and now she's experiencing everything on tap." (47:56)

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Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Tara, Pamela, and David reflect on the intense discussions and share plans for future episodes. They emphasize the importance of balancing nostalgic reminiscence with current listener engagement.

• Jenny's Reflective Monologue (44:32):
  Jenny opens up about her past struggles with Sassy magazine, providing a deeper emotional layer to the episode.
  "I sort of fell ap... I started like rethinking my entire life." (44:32)

• Hosts' Light-Hearted Sign-Off (53:38):
  The trio concludes with humorous remarks and teasers for upcoming topics, ensuring listeners look forward to future episodes.
  "Go watch TikTok instead. Hug a dog." (53:57)

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Notable Quotes

• David on Boy Obsession (00:17): "You are boy crazy. You are so boy crazy. You are crazy for boys that don't exist."
• Kelly on Memorable Quizzes (02:53): "I would just listen to as far as I will know my way from wherever in the list of how he's directing me."
• Jenny on Teen Multitasking (47:56): "Jenny has eaten four bowls of emotional colon blow, and now she's experiencing everything on tap."
• Tara on Reflection (44:32): "I sort of fell ap... I started like rethinking my entire life."

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Listen To Sassy masterfully blends humor, nostalgia, and heartfelt stories to recreate the quintessential teenage experience of the early '90s. Through engaging quizzes, relatable anecdotes, and lively listener interactions, Tara, Pamela, and David offer a comprehensive and entertaining reflection on life as a Gen-X teen. Whether reminiscing about lost keys, awkward slumber parties, or the impact of Sassy magazine, listeners are treated to a rich tapestry of stories that celebrate the enduring legacy of a beloved teen culture icon.

Transcript

[Tara]

What I'm coming to you now with is all the comments that I had, and we'll see if you even know what I'm talking about, because some of them were very long ago. Okay?

[Dave]

It is November 1990. You are boy crazy. You are so boy crazy. You are crazy for boys that don't exist. Here are some of the boys that don't exist that you are crazy for. Glary, Darius. Moonshadow, Jimson, Twist. Raul. Pennytouch. Large Donatello, Ulysses S. Slant.

[Pam]

Boxcar.

[Dave]

Charcals, Topo, Chico, Fern, Gary. The Emperor's New Grary. An American Grary. Grarey Goes West. Handsome Tad the Robot Man.

[Jenny]

He is Hot.

[Dave]

Razor, Corsair, Hyperx, Mad Cats, Logitech, Bananas, Rebel, Rocky Fist, Victory Cobra, Oscar, Daylight. And Ants. Okay, yes, it's time to listen to Sassy.

[Jenny]

Most ants are female.

[Kelly]

Oh, my God, it just got real. Toast Alone. London up in this bitch. Wow. The diarist. So ahead of her time.

[Jenny]

We've ordered some pizza because it's. It's slumber party time.

[Kelly]

That's right. Pizza's on its way. We're gonna have to stop when it gets here so someone can go to the door and get it. Let's start with the quiz from this month. The November 1990 quiz is how spacey are you?

[Jenny]

Sissy Spacey. I was Kevin, and then I was like, I don't want to be Kevin Spacey, so I'm sissy.

[Kelly]

God, space sick. I'll go first. Question number one. You're riding on your bike and realize you're lost after pulling into a gas station to ask for directions. You A, remember the gist of what the attendant tells you and think you'll probably get there. Okay. B, immediately memorize all of the instructions, including the color of the fence. You are supposed to turn left at C, realize as you pedal away that you've already forgotten every word the guy said. Now, this is one where I was like, I'm definitely not spacey. And then a lot of these, I was like, ooh, I might be more spacey than I think, but this is one where I feel like I am right in the middle, which is, spoiler, where I ended up scoring. I A, remember the gist of what the attendant tells you and think you'll probably get there. Okay? Because I know I would not remember an entire list of directions to wherever I'm trying to go. I would just listen to as far as, like, I will know my way from wherever in the list of how he's directing me.

[Jenny]

Do you think you'd remember better if you had some road sense.

[Kelly]

Here we fucking go.

[Jenny]

No, I am also definitely an A. If not C, just tell me, take a left at the giant M or something like that. But then when they're telling me, go down three things and take a left at Fletcher. What?

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Are you saying you want directions in an emotional language in order to get where you need to go?

[Jenny]

Yes, Dave, you are starting to understand.

[Dave]

You know that diner that fills you with nostalgia, nostalgic feelings, or are you going to take a left there?

[Jenny]

I would never get lost.

[Kelly]

I would also just add as a sidebar, anyone who tries to give you directions, and they're like, go east. Fuck off. Straight to jail. That is no help to me at all. Stop it.

[Jenny]

The fun fact that Austin's downtown streets are the rivers in Texas from west to east is a fun fact that gives me no directional sense. I don't understand when people just go, new York is a grid. I'm like, I. Okay, you're naming every street two different names, so don't get mad at me when I can't find Fifth Avenue.

[Kelly]

No. Anytime you can say it's at the corner of first and first, someone has made a mistake. That should not be.

[Jenny]

I polled number 10, which is, have you ever accidentally left a person on hold for more than five minutes while you talk to someone else on call waiting A, five minutes? Try five hours. B, no, never. Or C, sure, once in a while. This is pretty tough, I don't think. I'm definitely a, no, never. I was trained on this because if you were on the phone with my dad and you so much as looked in another direction while on the phone with him to just look at what might have been catching. He's not in the room, by the way. He could sense. He could sit and he'd just go, you just call me some other time. Or, that's enough. And he'll hang up. But if you did go, what? He's like, I gotta go.

[Kelly]

Bye.

[Jenny]

So, like, undivided attention on the phone. I would certainly. I am like, can you please. Do you mind, please, holding for one second? Cause I am getting another call, and then I will negotiate this situation I'm now in. Two people on the phone.

[Kelly]

I can't remember the last time I got two phone calls at the same time. So this was like a science fiction question for me. It does not apply to. To my life at all. But. But I'm also a no, never. And I think my dad and your dad had a lot in common because My dad was very much. He would come home, he would call your name. You couldn't just go. Yeah. Or from wherever you were. You had to come to him in the house. He needed to see your face.

[Jenny]

Yeah. I try to implement this with my child, and she's a little like, I feel like you heard my. Yeah.

[Kelly]

Mm.

[Jenny]

And she's right.

[Dave]

Was your dad paranoid about, like, replicants or something?

[Kelly]

No, no. He just wanted me to be respectful.

[Dave]

Sounds like a power trip to me.

[Kelly]

Well, you've met him.

[Dave]

Number 12, when you sit down with a book, do you read entire pages without actually absorbing a word? Yes. No. What was the question? I had to restart a chapter four times in this latest book I've been reading, because I would go back to it, you know, a couple days later, I'm like, I don't remember any of these characters doing whatever they're supp. Supposed to be doing. I reread it and I go back, rinse and repeat. So. Absolutely. C. This is the quiz. Where to. Nobody's surprised. I was the worst at, like, I got all the low scores. Can I read you my scores?

[Kelly]

Yes.

[Jenny]

Yes.

[Dave]

C, A, B, B, C, B, C, A, B. And at this point, as I'm typing in all the answers, I type in B on the wrong keyboard. Not my phone, but on my computer keyboard. And interrupted the. Again with his podcast discussion of Scream 2 with a clip for framing. Diarrhea feeling. BCC, CBC.

[Jenny]

Yeah, that's a multitasking issue, but, yeah, so.

[Kelly]

Oh, Dave.

[Dave]

Yeah, this is. This was. It wasn't a wake up call. It was just. It was just. Just a confirmation of everything that's wrong.

[Kelly]

Confirmation call.

[Jenny]

Yes. You did that. You put on hold for five minutes while you were texting something else. Tara, where did you get.

[Kelly]

I got real smug when I got to question 11. Which. Which of the following statements most closely resembles something you'd say? A, I lose my keys frequently. B, I am not a person who loses keys. C, I sometimes inadvertently leave my keys in the door. I really, really want to be.

[Pam]

B.

[Kelly]

And most of the time I am. But there definitely was an instance where I. When we lived in Toronto, I did leave my keys in the door overnight.

[Jenny]

Oh.

[Kelly]

Nothing happened, but that did occur, which.

[Dave]

Is lucky because usually we had raccoons, and they're very smart.

[Kelly]

They would have taken.

[Dave]

And they have no morals.

[Kelly]

They don't look at.

[Dave]

They're wearing the burglar masks.

[Jenny]

Yeah. Yeah. When a raccoon tells you who they are, believe them. I don't have keys, but I have One key fob that, you know is for the car. And I don't think I'm the person. I really sure. I'm not the person who lost one of the two of them that we had. But Jason was pretty sure it was me, so I went through every bag. Do you know how hard it is, Dave, to go through every purse I found to tell you to date these. This archaeological dig I went on, I found so many tampons, and I was like, oh, remember these?

[Kelly]

Aw.

[Jenny]

I used to have to put one in each purse just in case. The surprise of every month. Anyway, I didn't have that key, and it cost a lot to replace that fob that I know I didn't lose. That's fine. I've never lost a key.

[Kelly]

I never lost my keys except once as a child, and it was like a formative event because.

[Dave]

Keys to what?

[Kelly]

To my house.

[Dave]

Wow.

[Pam]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Keys to the house.

[Kelly]

Yes. I was latchkey kid. You know, this. This was in, like, grade three, too.

[Dave]

Like, a lot of responsibility. Well, apparently, you weren't up to the challenge.

[Kelly]

I guess not. But if you would let me finish. The reason this was a traumatic event.

[Dave]

Was when you're talking to me, please come and see me in person. Tara. I just don't want to hear you. I want to see you.

[Jenny]

That's why you guys zoom for most of your days.

[Dave]

Did it start this. This whole father power trip thing? Did it start after you lost your keys?

[Kelly]

No. But the reason it was sad is because it was on a giant Garfield keychain that I treasured. And I never got it again. I never even saw such a thing. For sale was huge. It was, like, gold toned for some reason, and it was very special. And that was a sad day.

[Dave]

Now they're just washing up on the shores of France.

[Kelly]

All those Garfield key swaps they got from Wascana Lake in Regina. Hold for giggles.

[Jenny]

To France, somehow to Reunion Island. I have a box of keys. I don't even know what they do. They're at least 20 years old, some of them. Why won't I get rid of them? What if I need to get back into the office at pervasive software? Off 183.

[Kelly]

All right, so Dave already said he got in.

[Jenny]

Whatever the worst is you got up in the 20s.

[Kelly]

Know that old phrase about people who'd forget their heads?

[Jenny]

They weren't teeny.

[Kelly]

That's him. I was in the middle. I got somewhere between 10 and 19, and I did note it down on my. It's 11.

[Jenny]

I got 11, too. I care.

[Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Jenny]

Because, oh, my God, we're spacey twins.

[Kelly]

Oh, my God, that's so cute.

[Dave]

All right. Sissy and Kevin back together.

[Jenny]

That's right.

[Kelly]

All right, so we are also now.

[Jenny]

You're NASA. That's how spacey you are. Dave is NASA.

[Kelly]

Nice. We're gonna backtrack as well to the September quiz because we skipped that slumber party and then we forgot to. And when I say we, I mean me. Put it on our last slumber party because that's how spacey I was last month. We're gonna rate our boy obsessiveness. Pam, you're up first.

[Jenny]

All right. Dave's been waiting for this disclaimer, which.

[Dave]

Is, did the page burst in fire?

[Jenny]

The page said, no, no, we're not ready. We're not ready for you. And they weren't. Because I'm just gonna tell you, to be honest, a lot of these had more than one answer possible for me. So I just picked everything that was true.

[Kelly]

Wow.

[Jenny]

And gave myself points accordingly.

[Dave]

So did you go over the limit? Did you get like 52 out of 44?

[Jenny]

I absolutely did. As you can see, my number is 36. I scored a 36 when the highest score you could get was 29.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Wow.

[Dave]

Your self esteem is so dependent on whether persons of the male persuasion find you desirable that you find it hard to think of anything else. That's Pam. Except vitamins.

[Jenny]

I didn't even read what it meant, unfortunately. Boy, obsessiveness can really mess up your life. Hanging. Look at me thriving. There's a whole world out there. Half of it completely dude free. Just think of all that female bonding you're missing out on. I went and joined a derby team. So take that, Sassy. Which I wouldn't have done without Sassy magazine either. The point is, number three, what are your party expectations? A, to have a good time and talk to a lot of people. B, to meet your future boyfriend or husband. There's no C, and clearly the answer is A and B. What are we even debating here?

[Dave]

The answer is C. Snacks.

[Jenny]

That's true. They did not give one. They did not give you a C. They did not give you a C. You had. So did you pick A? What would Dave pick?

[Dave]

Oh, God, I hate hate parties. I would. I just don't want to have a bad time. I don't want to necessarily have a good time. I just don't want to, like, leave with less than I came with. That would be my plan for our party. And then to meet your future boyfriend. Husband? Probably not.

[Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, I think Dave's true answer for this is, like, to have a good time and talk to a lot of people. Because Dave only wants to go to parties he throws where he knows every person. Right?

[Dave]

Yeah, maybe.

[Kelly]

I mean, that is a control thing. I'm with you. So that's not a judgment. I agree with you.

[Dave]

The next one is number four. What do you think of girls who always have a boyfriend? Hey, these answers are wild. A, they're genetically superior and I wish I could be them. Nazi super women are our superiors. B, they're fortunate. C, they will probably need to have a guy around like Pam.

[Jenny]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave]

Boys fueled my power cells.

[Jenny]

They didn't have one on there for me, which was. That's who I am. So that's not. And I'm not gonna call myself genetically superior. And I wish I could be them because I am them and I don't see any genetic superiority there. They're fortunate. I felt fortunate. And yeah, I probably really need to have a guy around.

[Kelly]

I'm sorry to tell you, Dave, I picked A because that is what I thought at the time when boys were not interested in me at all. I really envied girls who always had boyfriends. For sure. I chose for my highlight questions. Number six. Do you find yourself concentrating on minute details of a boy's behavior? Like his tone of voice when he talks to other girls, how many times he looks at you per day, whether he signs his letters with the word love, etc? A, I do that with every guy I like. B, rarely. C, no way. I was A on that as well. No CIA analyst has gotten down the dossiers of information about anyone. Like I have about boys that I liked where I was trying to.

[Dave]

Tara, the love criminologist.

[Kelly]

That's exactly. Yeah, exactly.

[Jenny]

You have to do the work. You have to.

[Kelly]

Yes, I'm the men to list when it comes to. And I'm never going to read to anyone from my diaries of this time in my life, but if I did, it would be pages of. And then he did this and it probably means this. And it's like so unproductive. And yet that is the truthful answer. A, I do that with every guy I like. Everyone.

[Pam]

Yeah.

[Jenny]

Tara, you and the world are missing out on not revisiting these important dossiers.

[Kelly]

No, I will not. I don't even know why I still have them. I don't want to look at them again. You still have them.

[Jenny]

This is very exciting.

[Kelly]

I can never show them. Show you where they are.

[Jenny]

You want to cut your shoulder length hair way short. Your best friend says, do it, but a guy you like says, don't. You don't do it. Chop it all off or get something in between. I mean, you don't do it. You're still trying to figure out if he likes you.

[Kelly]

That's right.

[Jenny]

You don't do it. You're not gonna be like, guess what? Click.

[Kelly]

That's right.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Jenny]

What aggressive move is this? These are girls who knew how to neg.

[Dave]

I think you should use bonafide. Somebody said to Pam, some guy three.

[Jenny]

Years ago, you need a tincture.

[Dave]

What did you guys score?

[Kelly]

I scored 19. So I'm in the middle again, but I feel like, not accurate. There are other questions they could have asked me that would have been closer to the truth. Because a lot of these are like, assuming you get a boy eventually. And that was not the case. It's really.

[Dave]

So Tara steps up to the strongman thing at the carnival, puts the hammer down. The thing goes halfway up.

[Kelly]

That's right.

[Dave]

No, here comes Pam. Her hammer is, for some reason, ten times as big.

[Kelly]

It is. Yeah.

[Dave]

She's got fucking muscles upon muscles on her arms. She hits the thing and we never see the bell again.

[Jenny]

Never again. It went to. Go find me my man. And it rains boys. It's raining boys. So we should make a song about that.

[Dave]

Yes. Your boy obsessiveness has a gravity.

[Kelly]

Well, how did you score, Dave?

[Dave]

I don't know. I didn't actually take this one because it wasn't really. I mean, I could have flipped it, but I don't.

[Jenny]

It's a real shame.

[Dave]

Well, no, I started to do it and then like, a lot of the questions were very like. You couldn't really even just flip it because the.

[Kelly]

No, it's true.

[Dave]

High school boy, girl politics. Don't flip 50. 50 like that. So true. Like the thing where, like, you're talking to like, okay, flipping the language. You're talking to the other guys about the girls. How much time do you spend? Like, none. Zero.

[Jenny]

None.

[Dave]

No.

[Kelly]

Zero.

[Dave]

Zero.

[Kelly]

What?

[Jenny]

Pretty much never.

[Dave]

Yeah. Not like they're talking about. So the options are 90, 60, 25 or less. I mean, it'd be 25 or less. But the question is sort of like outside the culture.

[Jenny]

Wow.

[Dave]

Too busy talking about video games and whatnot.

[Kelly]

Yeah. I knew it.

[Jenny]

It gives Tara's category some advice here. When you're obsessing on Mr. Fabulous, for example, pick up a book, jump on your bike, or dive into your homework instead. Three places that you can just obsess about boys. I don't understand this advice at all. If I'm picking up a book, he's fanfic'd right into it.

[Kelly]

Oh, yes.

[Jenny]

Jumping on my bike. Gonna go past his house if I can. And if not, pretend he's riding with me.

[Kelly]

Yes.

[Jenny]

And then dive into my homework. I'm gonna call him up and do.

[Kelly]

That homework with him.

[Jenny]

What are they talking about?

[Kelly]

No, it's true. I mean, especially the bike one. This is before there were podcasts. All I'm listening to is music, maybe. And then I'm just imagining him in all of the songs.

[Jenny]

Just intrusive thoughts. Yes. Or he isn't every song you listen to.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jenny]

Including Girls Just Wanna have Fun. He's just like, look at her. Look at her.

[Kelly]

Because the phone rings in the middle of the night. That's him calling. I just saw one of the tags.

[Jenny]

On this quiz is being like, pam.

[Kelly]

I was waiting for that, Dave.

[Jenny]

Well, I have. I'm fine with this. I'm fine with it. And you know what's funny is, even when I'm, like, working on my year of Dick's, like, what's happening next? That I'm like, she's not boy crazy. I'm not boy crazy. And then I take, like. I don't think of it as boy crazy. It's like just a wanting to share your maturity and experience with someone engaged on a molecular soul level. That's not the same thing as, like, I think of girl crazy. Is that a. There she is.

[Kelly]

Yeah. Boing.

[Jenny]

Like, all of those sounds.

[Kelly]

Right.

[Jenny]

Made for that.

[Kelly]

Right. Cause the Pam psychology is. It's just having a lot of love to give, and boys happen to be the thing that are supposed to receive it.

[Jenny]

That's right. That's what I'm saying.

[Kelly]

It's not even about them. It's just about you.

[Jenny]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jenny]

And then the girls, you know, at a certain point, they're like, that's fine, but I've got this boy. Right?

[Kelly]

Right.

[Jenny]

You can only go so far until we all got older, but at the time, it was limited.

[Kelly]

Should we play some calls?

[Jenny]

All right, let's do some calls.

[Kelly]

Let's start with our teen life calls. Let's hear from Sarah in call number one.

[Pam]

Hey, all, this is Sarah from nearby Chicago. I just had to actually stop this week's podcast slumber party episode because Front Porch Charlie started talking about her driver's ed experience, and I fell out. My driver's ed teacher also used to take us on errands. And most memorably, once took us to pick his children up so he could take them home for his visitation. So not only did I have to drive with Chuck, his name, in the passenger seat and one of our other students in the backseat, but then we had to cram two small children also into the backseat while a student driver was driving for their 45 minutes for their credit. But, yeah, I just had to do that because I laughed so hard that I was real afraid that I was going to wake up my friends. Anyway, I hope everybody has a good day. And I was so happy to see you listen to Sassy talk open with you today. Have a good one.

[Kelly]

Bye now. I feel like someone needs to write the definitive, like the driver's ed teacher movie because the more we hear about people who get this job, it really does seem like they're washouts. They're divorced, they're drunk. This may be why they're driver's ed teachers, because they need to get places, but they're too drunk to drive themselves. Like all of this more. It's rich. There's some. There's something here. I love this story.

[Pam]

Yeah.

[Dave]

This would have been an early 2000s Vince Vaughn movie.

[Kelly]

Yes.

[Dave]

Oh.

[Jenny]

Oh, I had Bill Murray, but yes, yes, yes. Vince Vaughn, too. Yeah. Because then he's like, I'm going to go in there, but you can't come to this one. That's the Vince Vaughn one.

[Kelly]

You wait in the car while you.

[Jenny]

Wait in that car.

[Kelly]

Yes.

[Jenny]

And some sex it is. Just don't come to the door.

[Kelly]

Yeah. Yes. This is like the. The vogue. I mean, Dave is right. The early 2000s when it was like, bad Santa, bad teacher, bad driver's ed teacher. Definitely in that tradition. Thank you for that call. Amazing. Let's hear from Jenny number two.

[Pam]

Hello, Tara, Pam and Dave, this is Hayden Haymaker, Evil Jenny from Indiana. And I wanted to report in. First of all, zero tampons in right now. I am in perimenopause, I suppose. Super pissed to have had a period for the first time in six months a couple weeks ago. Didn't keep the tally of the tampons. Regretting that decision right now. But I'm calling in because tampon topic ongoing here. When Tara mentioned that until very recently she flushed her tampons, a chill went down my spine because when I was growing up and I lived in rural Indiana. Rural Indiana. And we were on a septic tank. So when I. When I first got my period, my dad gave me a lecture about not flushing tampons. And I Didn't. But the reason the chill ran down my spine. My dad died in 2012. But every time this topic comes up, I get nervous that he's going to give a lecture to the person talking. Because when my friends would come over to spend the night in the least creepy way possible, he would intimate that we don't flush things in this house to the point where one of my friends asked me later, what if I poop?

[Kelly]

Love the show. Bye.

[Pam]

Bye.

[Dave]

Hey, Jani. We didn't get closure in that poop story. Still floating in the bowl to this day.

[Kelly]

Also, just for the record, it wasn't until recently it was like, within 15 years that I stopped flushing tampons. So give me a break.

[Jenny]

I would say that's half your blood life, though. You were. You were flushing that stuff.

[Kelly]

That's true. And I guess if we're sharing, I do have a tampon in right now. So now everyone knows.

[Dave]

Ask me how many tampons I have in.

[Kelly]

How many tampons do you have in, Dave?

[Pam]

First of all, zero tampons in right now.

[Kelly]

Brag. Let's hear from Kate. Number three.

[Pam]

Hey, guys, this is Kate from Atlanta. I am. I sound terrible because I almost choked. I almost choked on a piece of apple that I unfortunately stuck in my mouth right before Dave and Pam started doing a inter Sandman tampon commercial. So, yeah, guys, I always don't even have a period.

[Dave]

See, I have no memory of that.

[Kelly]

I don't know either.

[Jenny]

I don't remember okay anymore.

[Pam]

Don't even have a uterus, but I would absolutely buy those. So go ahead and get cracking on that patent application. And my other comment is I had to leave my office because I. I'm catching up on episode and Dave talking about however you say that stupid word I had.

[Dave]

No, that was not me.

[Pam]

I lost it so hardcore that people thought I was upset about something because I had tears streaming down my face because I was trying so hard not to just lose it. Laughing. So anyway, that how you guys have caused me lots of injury and, you know, weird looks from my. From my colleagues. So I just want to say how much joy that brings me and I appreciate you and Tara, I, you know, I love you and you are a brave woman for being on a podcast. These two crazy people. So actually, I love all of you. So anyway, I'm in my car. Sorry if this sounds terrible. Keep up the good work and I'll try not to eat while I'm listening so I don't die. Bye.

[Kelly]

You did.

[Dave]

That was Tara.

[Kelly]

It was Me explaining that to you, it was you learning it. So, you know, I think it was.

[Dave]

Pam learning about it.

[Kelly]

About what? About what a bussy is.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Jenny]

Oh, the bussy. Yes. I'm sorry, I'm still on the tampon.

[Kelly]

Perhaps.

[Dave]

Anyways, it doesn't matter. The conversation was had, I just didn't have any part of it.

[Jenny]

Yeah, I put in a link to small town Titans. If you haven't seen this, this is like a heavy metal group that looks at barcodes and then decides, will it rock? Can they play these riffs? And they did Tampax. That's not how we got on Enter Sandman, right?

[Kelly]

I don't think so.

[Jenny]

I don't remember it at all. But they did do per request Tampax. So we'll put that in the show notes because it's fucking rocks.

[Kelly]

Amazing. Did you think we were going to go a month without Front Porch Kelly? Wrong. Here she is, number four.

[Pam]

Hello, my fancy friends. It's Front Porch Kelly. So listen, I was just listening to the, I don't know, y'all were talking about just on going on a first date, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they were like, we recommend you getting something that, you know, you can cut into small pieces and you know, so you don't look like. Think Pam said, an alpaca while you're eating. My husband and I, when he asked me on our first date, I was like, yeah. He was like, let's just go out to eat. We'll have a couple drinks, you know, whatever. I was like, okay, cool. I said, but I do gotta warn you, like, I'm not one of those. Like, I'll take a piece of lettuce and a breath of fresh air for my entree and a glass of water. Like I actually eat. So wherever you take me, it's not pretty. So he takes me to this place that has like really good burgers and wings. I spilled ketchup on my pants. I had wing sauce on my face, in my fingernails. You know how when you eat wings, it's just like a mess. And when I got an eating, this is how like dignity I have for myself. I leaned back and I was like, if we weren't in public. I unbutton my jeans and I'm like, oh, God, Kelly, this man is never going to call you back and let. Lo and behold, here we are married for almost two years. No, we've been married for a year. See, I don't even know. I don't even keep up. Anyway, I just had to tell that story because it's pretty embarrassing. But also, I just don't give a anymore. This is what it is. Be yourself.

[Jenny]

Everybody needs to sign off with how many tampons are in them right now or what are we even doing?

[Dave]

Yeah, I can't keep track of these people if I don't have a count. I don't have t count.

[Jenny]

I think FPK was sitting at a 3.

[Dave]

Was that restaurant Wild Buffalo Wings or Hooters?

[Jenny]

No, I bet it was some place like it was called, like, Duke's.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Jenny]

You know what I mean? Like, this was a serious place. He was serious about this place.

[Dave]

He's sweat lodge.

[Jenny]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

And it all worked out. It was meant to be. Let's hear some pop culture calls, starting with number five from Renee.

[Pam]

Hello, this is Renee from Pittsburgh, and I'm catching up on my November. Listen to Sassy. And immediately there was a discussion about Eminem's popcorn and Raisinette. And I have to say that I had to stop going to the movies because I would get a large popcorn, a box of plain M&MS, a box of Raisinet, and if there was a second type of M and M, possibly this beloved peanut butter M and M, maybe a second box of, you know, plain M&MS, and put it all into the popcorn, which is like, okay, Renee, that sounds delicious. You're the best, and I love you. But then I would eat the entire. Almost the entire thing, if not the entire thing, before the previews. And that's, like, so expensive and so much popcorn and candy. And then you, like, have a whole movie without any of it with and missing your popcorn and your candy. So I just can't trust myself to go to the movies anymore. Sad but true. Thanks.

[Jenny]

This is what happened to the new Joker movie.

[Kelly]

Explain.

[Jenny]

People were like, I'll just eat everything before it starts. So I'm not gonna go to the movies anymore. This is a real problem that even this past weekend at a movie, my kid and I were like, we're going to put this down. We're not going to touch it until the previews are over.

[Kelly]

It's.

[Dave]

Don't you get free refills of popcorn anymore? They stop that.

[Pam]

Yeah.

[Jenny]

If you get a large. The issue, I think, isn't that you're running out of possibilities for popcorn. It's that you've shoved it all in and then you have to sit through a whole film and you're out of everything. Yeah, it's hard. It's the lifelong issue.

[Kelly]

I'm not normally a popcorn person at the movies. I. I will. I will indulge sometimes. The last time I went to the movies was last week. I got to see free preview of Saturday Night, the Saturday Night Live movie. And when I got out, I realized that I had popcorn all in my pocket of the cardigan that I was wearing that I didn't realize until normally it goes in my bra.

[Dave]

Call that a Mr. Rogers special.

[Kelly]

It mixed it up. We live in a town with an Alamo Drafthouse, and that is the only place we see movies here. And I just wanted everyone to know that even though Alamo Drafthouse has a million delicious things, that particular night I had a fucking salad. And when you eat a salad at the movies, it should count as like. As if you ate a salad every night that week. That's. It should somehow transfer. It's like X. It's like salad time salad. If you have it when your other options are like chicken strips and fries or three bowls of popcorn, which I also could have had. So that's all. I was just bragging. I ate salad at the movies. It was pretty good. At one time I would have that salad again. It was good.

[Dave]

Yeah. I was probably swimming in some terrible dressing.

[Kelly]

It wasn't popcorn oil.

[Dave]

Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah.

[Kelly]

Yes, it was the buttered popcorn salad. I forgot to say that part.

[Jenny]

That sound good?

[Kelly]

Let's hear from Kim. Clip six.

[Pam]

Hey, this is Kim from Goose Creek, South Carolina. And I'm just calling because November 1990 was the most important issue to me. I did order that Bratmobile. I mean, the th Gangdebs fanzine. And I carried around at school so that everyone could kind of see it peeking up over my stack of books so that, you know, everyone knew I was cool because they wouldn't know if they just saw me. And then the Sonic you stuck. That Kim Gordon was so important to me, and I'm nothing like her. Was nothing like her, but she was just extremely important to me. And I'm so, like, happy that she's thriving. And there's some more suck so hard. So anyways, that's all I wanted to say. Razzmatazz.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Jenny]

Woo.

[Kelly]

New sign off. Love it. Two tampons agree. Thurston Moore sucks. That is the official position of this podcast.

[Dave]

What'd he do?

[Kelly]

He cheated on her. Okay, let's hear from Kate. Clip seven.

[Jenny]

You know, it's so hard, I have to say. You're trying. You're trying to listen to anything and you're like, what happened to that person? Then you Google, you're like, oh, my gosh. I should not be listening to this song anywhere. It's ruined. Another song ruined. So we're down to, like, enya and Sarah McLachlan.

[Dave]

Sarah McLachlan and Enya were caught in a Most Dangerous Game type of situation a couple weeks ago. Just so you know, that makes sense to me.

[Kelly]

You hate to hear it. Let's hear from Kate. Clip seven.

[Pam]

Hey, guys, it's Kate from Atlantic. And I forgot I wanted to call earlier when I was listening to the pop culture episode for this November 1990s, when you were talking about delight, or delight, however you're supposed to say the name of that. Because my freshman year of college, I was in a split storm. So half of it was women on one side and then men on the other. And my boyfriend lived in the mail side. And when I would go downstairs on the weekend to, like, go, you know, hang out with him or whatever, there was a guy on his floor two doors down my dorm. Back then, all of the bathrooms were in the hallway, so there's no, like, private suites or whatever. And there was a guy on his hall that would start every Sunday morning with blasting Groove is in the Heart so loud you could hear it on the entire first floor, possibly upstairs on the second floor. He would announce that he was headed for his constitutional. He would take a paper, a Sunday paper, which at the time was gigantic, and go into the bathroom for, like, two hours, like, to take a shit. It was insane behavior. And so now, yes, you're correct, Elite. Awesome. That. That album is great. But I could never hear Groov Is in the Heart ever again. Because I always think of this guy who was just the weirdest person in the whole universe. I don't understand why Groove is in the Heart with his shit song. I don't. The whole thing was very weird. And apparently that was the only time in an entire week that he took a shit. Love you guys. Keep up the good work. I'm sure I'll find some other weird thing and I will call back. All right, bye.

[Dave]

I mean, if he's a busy man, saving it all up for one go a week just makes sense. That's why he was playing it, because in his mind, it was Groovis in the Shark.

[Kelly]

Can you.

[Dave]

That food that you do, you know.

[Kelly]

Can you imagine, though, what state was it in if that is true, that he really did only poop once a week? And that can't possibly be. This was just maybe the one that he made an event out of.

[Dave]

This is the one where you have to go to Ticketmaster.

[Kelly]

Exactly.

[Dave]

Who's the opening act for that show?

[Jenny]

The Turtles.

[Kelly]

We also got some calls about fashion, et cetera, including from Sarah.

[Pam]

Clip 8 Eric from Scotland. Again, because you talked about my facial and the fact that I'm so relaxed that even my stomach gurgled. The facial in question is kind of crazy. Parents. But Pam, I feel like you both heard of this and would appreciate it. Basically, it is a facial massage like you would get on the rest of your body to relax the muscles. Because I have tmj. So use a little bit of stuff. Some almonds and deep tissue massage my face. And then practitioners take their fingers and sticks them in my mouth and pinches that whole tight area and massages from the inside out. And then I get a little mini facial afterwards just to create more blood flow. I will go like 2 weeks afterwards with almost no TMJ pain. Highly recommend. Especially acupuncture doesn't do anything for you. I don't love getting the Botox facial massage thing. My girlfriend got me doing it and it has been an absolute lifesaver. Let weirdos put their hands in your mouth. Dave, I know your response to that, but just trust me on this. Putting gloved hands in your mouth. Who knew? Totally. Totally a left hander. Anyway, you guys are the best. And again, I'm so glad that you're back. All right, have a good one.

[Kelly]

Dave lets weirdos put their hands in his mouth all the time. So don't act like, you know.

[Dave]

Dave doesn't even have to be in a medical situation.

[Jenny]

He prefers if dogs are putting.

[Dave]

Sometimes at the coffee shop, I'm like, I would like a large coffee and for you to stick three of your ten fingers in my mouth. There's a good tip in it for you if you do. I'm not a weirdo.

[Jenny]

I've had this. It's great. They put gloves on. Oh, I think that you just need to expect that you need to. You need to change it.

[Dave]

How are you supposed to taste it?

[Jenny]

Well, and I have a latex allergy, so I have to be like, hang on. What kind of gloves? But the. It's great.

[Dave]

Nitrates are not good for you to.

[Jenny]

Get up in that. All that palate pain, it is great. It's not comfortable. It's not fun when it's happening at all. You're not like, that's the spot. It hurts.

[Dave]

It's just later you pretend you have mandibles. Pretend you're an alien pirate named Captain Mandibles.

[Kelly]

Oh, my. Let's hear from Jill.

[Pam]

Clip 9 hi guys, it's Jill from the Chicago area. I'm actually gonna finish my call this time. I was struck by the overall conversation on today's episode and not in a good way, like in a traumatic way. The last time I wore overalls was approximately 1995. I was at Summerfest in Milwaukee, which is a huge multi day music festival. So I stayed longer than a bunch of my girlfriends did. And it ended up being me and a bunch of the guys, which is only important when you hear the overall part of the story. I went to go use the bathroom, which was a porta potty.

[Jenny]

Oh boy.

[Pam]

And when I took down my overall straps and I just have to add they were short overall, they were adorable. They were navy blue and khaki green stripes. They take down the strap and drop it into the urinal part of the porta potty, which was full because music festival. I don't even remember if I went to the bathroom. I had to get out of there and change my clothes. Like I said, I lived close enough that I could actually walk back to my apartment. None of these jackasses offered to walk me home. And yet I still remained friends with them. I never wore those overalls again. Obviously threw them in the garbage. And I never have worn any overall adjacent product and will never. So Tara, I'm with you, but maybe for a different reason in why I will never get on that bandwagon.

[Kelly]

Okay. She said she was gonna finish her call. That's the end. Just as a PSA to everybody, the Google voice line does have a three minute limit to your messages. So that's what happened there with Jenny.

[Dave]

Oh yeah.

[Jenny]

A master storyteller. I have never had such suspense.

[Kelly]

Not like this. But I was on a road trip, had to pee on the side of the road and definitely did pee on my overalls when I was in about grade three and they also were yellow and that didn't help. So that's not the reason that I was off overalls when they came back in the 90s. But it, you know, didn't help. So Jill, I'm, I'm sorry, but maybe none of your friends walked you home because you smell like me.

[Dave]

Yeah, maybe. Or they just wouldn't be embarrassed by you.

[Jenny]

Yeah, they didn't want to miss the music festival.

[Dave]

They're too busy getting ready to ostracize you.

[Jenny]

Who has ins and outs there?

[Kelly]

Let's hear from Megan Clipton.

[Pam]

Hi, Dave. But this is for Tara and Pam. To Megan. I would just like to apologize for all colors de Babiton related mishaps and boondoggles, et cetera. I'm starting to believe that I am in possession of the last of original green bottle, authentic colors of Benetton eau de toilette on the planet. Am I? Is this it? Because this is the real thing. And I feel, I feel really terrible. Your shopping experience did not produce the results that you desired, which is this beautiful scent that I'm inhaling right now. Again, absolutely. No, no, no service. I have no service to provide here. I have no tips. I'm just breathing in that unmistakable sense. Kevin Coogan forever. And apologies again.

[Kelly]

We did find a version of it in the end, but yeah, it's very possible. You do have the last bottle. So you shouldn't just be willy nilly taking big whiffs while you're on the phone leaving a voicemail for us. Brag.

[Dave]

What you should be doing is figuring out your general sense of health and your diet. Extrapolate how many years you have left, divide that by the number of days you wear perfume and then you know how you can meter out how much of this you can wear.

[Kelly]

That's right.

[Dave]

Colors, colors, colors.

[Kelly]

So in the past we've had Dave Corner, we've had Pam Corner, there's probably been Tara Corner at some point, but Jenny Corner. That's right. We got a four minute voice memo from Jenny, the cigarette ranger without horses herself. So let's find out why there was such a. A lengthy missive from her. Let's go.

[Tara]

Hello friends. Jenny from Saskatoon here. It's been a long time and I need to explain why I disappeared for a while about a year ago. I was pretty heavily into the Sassy magazines and it caused me to have a little bit of a breakdown, I think. I don't know if it was Sassy's fault entirely. Also, I found a whole bunch of letters that I had written to boys and that they had written to me and back when I was a teenager. And it's. I sort of fell ap. Um, I started like rethinking my entire life and I really needed, I needed to take a step away from the 90s for a bit because it caused me to basically. Yeah, I don't know what better way to describe it than to say I sort of lost my mind. So I dove back in and I pounded the last year's worth of episodes in the past three days. So what I'm coming to now with is all the comments that I had and we'll see if you even Know what I'm talking about? Because some of them were very long ago. Okay, so the. So let's start off with me saying pants. Did you ever read the Cynthia Voight homecoming novels? You got them. Did you read them?

[Jenny]

I don't know where they are.

[Tara]

I laughed out loud when I was peeing at work, when I was listening to the podcast. Because at reference to Mr. Sperm merch, did you ever make it?

[Dave]

Is that the Wiggle puffy shirt?

[Kelly]

Maybe. I don't remember that at all.

[Dave]

If that's what it is, then, yes, I did make it. And you could buy it. And I still have the design for it if you really desire one. But you don't.

[Tara]

I do very much remember the talking pastrami story. And I remember I was a fiction writer at the time. Weren't we all? And I remember.

[Dave]

What's that?

[Kelly]

That was the fiction story from Fiction.

[Dave]

Oh, got it. Yeah.

[Tara]

We're thinking, well, if that's what the world wants, I guess I should quit. Tara, I can't believe that you went to Regina and you didn't tell me you could help me in the middle of my breakdown. Where were you?

[Kelly]

I was only there for three nights, one of which I was awakened at three in the morning by my mother snoring, and I had to go down to the front desk and get my own room because it was so loud.

[Dave]

Wow.

[Kelly]

That's not. That is a true fact.

[Dave]

Yeah. Thanks, Mom.

[Kelly]

Yes, and which she denied. She was like, I wasn't even asleep. Like, you were definitely asleep.

[Dave]

I don't sleep, Tara. I don't sleep.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Tara]

Driving badly with your sister, I guess.

[Kelly]

Oh.

[Tara]

I was thinking about how we always complain about Neil and. We. You. You always complain about Neil and how much he sucks and how they let him get away with it, and I think it's because back in the day, that's what we did with men. Cute boys. We let them slide.

[Dave]

What do you think about that, Pam?

[Jenny]

How cute.

[Dave]

No comment for Pam.

[Tara]

We let them dial it in. We encouraged it.

[Jenny]

I was just gonna say, all jokes aside, ask your doctor if revisiting the 90s is right for you.

[Kelly]

I feel terrible.

[Jenny]

I feel. I feel terrible about this.

[Kelly]

We're not even halfway through the list of topics from this call, so, yeah.

[Dave]

This is a trauma crash course. This is how you do it. You just save it up. It's like the guy who shits once a week. Pam. Except for your heart.

[Jenny]

Yes. Oh, do I have some notes from boys you can't just eyeball. I built up bones, muscles to Be able to deep dive like this.

[Dave]

Jenny has eaten four bowls of emotional colon blow, and now she's experiencing everything on tap.

[Pam]

Here we go.

[Dave]

Continuing.

[Tara]

We wanted them to be losers. Not losers so much as, like, not good at things. I don't know. We just let them get away with it because it was cute, I guess. Anyway, I for sure 100% thought that it was Pam, not Lita Ford singing Only Women Bleed. Tara, I. The absolute best clue I've ever had that you don't have children is that when someone makes your bed for you, you remake it.

[Kelly]

There's a right way and a wrong way to do things. I don't know what to tell you that would be true if I had kids or not.

[Jenny]

If you had kids, you wouldn't have time to make your bed.

[Kelly]

I understand her point. I'm just saying maybe I don't have kids because I want my bed to be made right. Do you ever think of that?

[Jenny]

You're right.

[Tara]

I absolutely would have found Ian horrible as a person had I known.

[Dave]

That's the sassiest boy in America.

[Kelly]

Correct.

[Tara]

Known him as a teen. And yet I desperately would have wanted him to love me, and I would have been offended that he didn't. I remember the ads for those freshman dorm books, and I think it's what I thought my adolescence was gonna end up like. Like, I thought that's what gonna be university for me. And I pretty sure I was depressed when that didn't happen. Mad magazine. I also work at a library, and I can say for certainty that we still get it. And one day I was working in the teen services area, and I watched these guys come in, and they were fully gang members. And I saw them come in. I was like, oh, no, they're coming in to deal drugs or whatever, when in fact, what they did was rush over to grab the latest issue of Mad, which I thought was adorable. I also have never had a best friend necklace. So, Tara, the next time you come to Regina, maybe we can get one. I don't know.

[Dave]

Update.

[Kelly]

Pam sent me one. I keep forgetting to wear it on these episodes.

[Dave]

Yeah, snooze, you lose. Jenny, Tara's taken.

[Jenny]

Oh, mine's right here.

[Kelly]

Yeah. You think I'm gonna call you for a best friend necklace after that crack about my driving? I don't think so, lady.

[Tara]

I thought it was funny how the ad for shoes was either the tagline was, you either get it or you don't. And none of you got it that it was about shoes. So I guess you don't get it. I'm pretty sure that the copy of what a bitch. The magazine you had, Tara, with the caboodle ad was Canadian, because I have Canadian copies with Canadian ads that are different. So I think maybe that's the regional thing. I thought it was really funny how you were really angry with Megan for calling and telling you about colors, and then she didn't tell you where they got. Where she got the.

[Kelly]

The.

[Tara]

The perfume from. And I was like. But the previous call was somebody. Was previous email was somebody telling you all about the Australian video for the. The goats, the laughing goats, the fainting goats, the something goats.

[Dave]

Not so easy, is it, Jenny?

[Kelly]

So lubricated goats.

[Tara]

And she described in detail how there was this video and how it was like, you know, they watched tv. It was a very long email about the importance of this goat video. And then none of you described the video to us. So I was like, who's. Who's the Megan now? Way to bury the lead. And I also think it's really funny how the thread through all of these issues is that we have to save the planet. Like, good job, teens. You didn't do it. And finally, I would like to know who the hell writes their diary in second person. Okay. Goodbye, friends. It's good to be back. Smoking stinks.

[Kelly]

I was all ready to be like, well, we didn't describe that video because it was linked in the show notes. And then I went back and I realized it didn't get linked in the show notes. And I would love to blame Dave for not doing it, but then I went back and looked at the copy that I sent, and I just forgot to do it.

[Dave]

So she was so ready to place blame that she went into her archival.

[Kelly]

Material to see if I fucked up and you didn't. It was me. So we will link it in these show notes, and I'm going to also send them to Dave because he should probably put them in that episode's show notes. Lutitude, it seems like maybe you got a little too much of us and you hate us now. I get it. But.

[Jenny]

You can't take that much in a row like none of us can. That's a lot of we know we.

[Kelly]

Don'T spend that much time with.

[Dave]

Human brains aren't made for this.

[Kelly]

I don't spend that much time with David. I live with it.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Jenny]

Before we started this breezy listening to calls, 1. This isn't even the one where someone's like, I accidentally spent eight hours researching what happened to this doxing person. This was breezy. And even Dave's like, here we go, everybody. So just be careful. Yeah, Jenny, be careful. We care about you.

[Dave]

Yeah. Listen at a regular pace. And if you have to do a diet for whatever reason again, just skip those episodes. Don't listen to four years worth in 20 minutes or whatever you did. It's bad for you. Just.

[Jenny]

It's not. Okay.

[Dave]

That goes for anything.

[Kelly]

Yeah, it does. It does.

[Jenny]

Except my boys.

[Pam]

Next time.

[Kelly]

Next time, we'll be discussing the teen life topics of Sassy's first ever reader produced issue. Moms and dads are snorting coke. There's a comic strip and horror scopes. See what they did there? And on the road, it's back my plug this week. I already mentioned it. I watched Saturday Night, the movie about Saturday Night Live. And for Cracked, I did a ranking of all of the people in that movie who played the Not Ready for Primetime Players by Veris Militude. They did not let me use that word in the headline because my editor said no one knows what that means. And he's probably right.

[Dave]

It's one of the forbidden colors of the rainbow.

[Jenny]

Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you next time. If this is your sixth podcast in a row, this is the I'm just gonna be a little TikTok thing. Hey, that's too much. Pam and Tara and Dave, take a break. Go outside.

[Kelly]

Go watch TikTok instead. Hug a dog.

[Jenny]

Thank you so much for listening. No, no, Jenny. All right, we'll see you next time.