November 1990 Teen Life: Dates, Vegetarians & Sleep

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s"

Episode: November 1990 Teen Life: Dates, Vegetarians & Sleep
Release Date: September 3, 2024
Hosts: Tara Ariano, Pamela Ribon, and David T. Cole

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Introduction

In this nostalgic episode of Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s, hosts Tara Ariano, Pamela Ribon, and David T. Cole delve into the vibrant world of Sassy magazine's November 1990 issue. They nostalgically revisit the cultural zeitgeist of the early '90s, exploring topics that resonated with Gen-X teens, including dating norms, vegetarianism, and sleep habits.

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Sassy's Headlines and Cultural Moments

Pam:
"[00:40] It's November 1990. Eminem introduces a new peanut butter." (Note: This appears to be a humorous anachronism, as Eminem was not active in the public eye in 1990.)

The hosts humorously navigate through notable headlines from the issue, blending real events with playful commentary. Highlights include:

• Mike Tyson Lawsuit:
  "[00:15] Sandra Miller is awarded $100 in a lawsuit against Mike Tyson for fondling her breasts."
  Pam expresses skepticism, saying, "That's $100? That can't be right. Hopefully, we fix this kind of misogyny in the near future."

• Mary Robinson's Election:
  "[00:40] Mary Robinson is elected the first female president of Ireland. Awesome. Good job, Ireland. Surely the US Couldn't be too far behind, could it?"
  Tara muses on political progress, highlighting the optimistic tone of the era.

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High School Drama and Moral Dilemmas

A significant portion of the episode delves into a poignant story from the November 1990 issue, focusing on high school social dynamics:

Tara:
"[00:40] But you don't care about that too much because you walked into the bathroom during homeroom to hear the sound of absolute wailing..."
Tara narrates the distressing scene of Sharon Makunsky crying in a bathroom stall, exploring themes of guilt, empathy, and the complexities of teenage relationships.

Dave:
"[02:08] Yes, it's time to listen to Sassy."
Dave transitions the conversation, setting the stage for deeper discussions.

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M&M's Peanut Butter Flavor Debate

A lighthearted segment where the hosts discuss their favorite M&M's flavors, reflecting the magazine's playful content:

Pam:
"[02:22] Then sometimes there were boobs."
Pam humorously reacts to the playful nature of Sassy's content.

Tara:
"[03:03] I would go peanut. If it's an option."
Tara expresses her preference for peanut butter M&M's, sparking a friendly debate.

Dave:
"[02:36] M&M's peanut butter MM's."
Dave shares his enthusiasm, highlighting the connection between the hosts and the magazine's fun sections.

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Dave's 16th Birthday Memories

Dave:
"[05:03] This was the origin story of a hotel girl."
*Dave recounts his memorable 16th birthday, involving a clandestine hotel stay with friends, bowling, and watching Twin Peaks. The story underscores the rebellious and adventurous spirit of the early '90s youth.

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Dating Advice from Sassy Magazine

A deep dive into Sassy's take on teenage dating in November 1990:

Tara:
"[23:35] The concept of, like, you're going out with someone you don't know very well and you're on a date to try to, like, get to know each other better."
Tara critiques the often outdated and overly prescriptive dating advice, contrasting it with modern perspectives.

Pam:
"[25:38] It's the biggest mistake men make. I like you. Do you want to go out with me? Tractor pole."
Pam highlights the humorous yet sometimes misguided advice offered by the magazine.

The hosts discuss the challenges of applying early '90s dating norms to today's context, emphasizing the evolution of teenage relationships.

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Vegetarianism Challenges

Exploring the magazine's stance on vegetarianism and its social implications:

Dave:
"[31:24] This is the article by Kim about how to change your diet, become a vegetarian."
Dave summarizes an article discussing the difficulties of adopting a vegetarian lifestyle in 1990, including societal pushback and limited options.

Pam:
"[32:12] It's a lot more than that. So don't, don't get hung up on that and then build upon that."
Pam reflects on the progress made since the '90s, noting the increased acceptance and variety in vegetarian options today.

The conversation underscores the magazine's role in shaping and responding to teenage dietary choices and the broader cultural shift towards more plant-based diets.

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Sleep Habits and Health

A segment dedicated to sleep recommendations and teenage health:

Tara:
"[17:38] There's a fun fact that you sleep most comfortably in a temperature of 64 to 66."
Tara critiques the magazine's sleep tips, blending humor with personal anecdotes about sleep preferences.

Dave:
"[19:25] They also talk about the ideal sleep position."
Dave discusses the often contradictory and peculiar health advice found in the magazine, highlighting the blend of fashion and wellness.

The hosts humorously dissect the magazine's advice, relating it to their own sleep habits and modern understandings of health.

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Fiction and Creative Expressions

Highlighting the creative side of Sassy magazine:

Tara:
"[40:12] This month's fiction is by Lori Eaton. It's called Breathing Room."
Tara introduces a poignant piece of fiction from the magazine, exploring familial relationships and personal struggles.

Dave:
"[40:12] Yeah, it's really good."
Dave praises the story, emphasizing the magazine's role in fostering teenage creativity and emotional expression.

The segment underscores the magazine's commitment to providing a platform for young writers to explore complex emotions and narratives.

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Health and Beauty Tips

Discussing Sassy's varied health and beauty advice:

Pam:
"[52:17] Paula Abdul was more like Smala Abdrul."
Pam humorously mispronounces names, reflecting the casual and irreverent tone of the hosts.

Tara:
"[46:51] Well, it's a lot more than that. So don't get hung up on that and then build upon that."
Tara critiques the magazine's beauty tips, sharing personal experiences with beauty products and their side effects.

The hosts navigate through a mix of serious and humorous health advice, highlighting the magazine's influence on teenage self-care routines.

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Listener Questions and Sassy's Responses

Engaging with audience queries, the hosts provide sassy yet insightful answers:

Question: "Do you like girls who curse?"
Dave:
"[55:05] Yes, 66%. No, 34%. And yet somehow they only talk to guys who said no."
Dave highlights the irony in dating preferences, using humor to critique societal expectations.

Question: "I'm 16 and really like a 13-year-old. Is it wrong to date him because of our age difference?"
Pam:
"[60:10] That is not the right answer."
Pam provides a candid and responsible response, emphasizing appropriate age differences in relationships.

Question: "Hairy body on my stomach and chest. I have dark hair. Can I make it just go away?"
Pam and Tara:
[Multiple humorous and sarcastic responses addressing the concern with exaggerated advice, blending humor with a touch of empathy.

The segment balances humor with genuine advice, reflecting the magazine's blend of sassy commentary and supportive guidance.

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Conclusion and Future Topics

Dave:
"[75:58] Feature number four. My goodness, more tofu. Lentil loaf, anyone?"
Dave wraps up the episode, teasing upcoming topics and encouraging listeners to support the podcast through Patreon.

Pam:
"[76:48] You can follow Tara at Tara Ariano. Pam is at Pamela Ribbon on Social."
Pam provides information on how listeners can engage further with the hosts and access additional content.

Tara:
"[77:52] Thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time."
Tara signs off with a blend of humor and nostalgia, inviting listeners to join future episodes exploring more of Sassy magazine's legacy.

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Notable Quotes

• Pam:
  "[00:14] See Garden burger. The burger with no meat."
  Discussing the introduction of a meatless burger, highlighting early trends in vegetarianism.

• Tara:
  "[07:21] I was like, oh, you don't know scrapple. And then, like, aggressively tell you the ingredients of scrapple and how you're..."
  Expressing confusion over traditional dishes, reflecting the hosts' varied interests.

• Dave:
  "[17:23] This is mostly a fashion story, but there was like a little bit of sleep stuff in there."
  Commenting on the magazine's diverse content blend.

These quotes capture the playful and candid nature of the hosts as they navigate through nostalgic content.

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Listen To Sassy: Life In The 90s offers a rich tapestry of early '90s teenage life, as seen through the lens of Sassy magazine. The hosts blend humor, nostalgia, and critical commentary to explore how past trends and advice resonate (or clash) with today's perspectives. Whether reminiscing about starched M&M's flavors, navigating the complexities of teenage dating, or critiquing outdated beauty tips, Tara, Pam, and Dave provide an engaging and insightful journey into a beloved era.

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Support the Podcast:
Enjoyed this summary? Support Listen To Sassy on Patreon and gain access to exclusive content, including full magazine scans and a vibrant Discord community. Visit listentosassy.com for more details.

Transcript

[Pam]

Paul is shining shoes. Someday Paul will be a famous chef. He will invent a new wonder food. See Garden burger. The burger with no meat. Uh oh. Paul's testing them on truck drivers and construction workers.

[Tara]

Surprise.

[Pam]

They are tasty and good. Now Paul's famous. He's on tv. He is loved by millions, especially cows. Discover garden Burger. All natural, really tasty. End of story. Because eating good just got great.

[Tara]

It is November 1990. Eminem introduces a new peanut butter. Sandra Miller is awarded $100 in a lawsuit against Mike Tyson for fondling her breasts. $100? That can't be right. Hopefully we fix this kind of misogyny in the near future. Mary Robinson is elected the first female president of Ireland. Awesome. Good job, Ireland. Surely the US Couldn't be too far behind, could it? But you don't care about that too much because you walked into the bathroom during homeroom to hear the sound of absolute wailing coming from the last closed stall at the end of the toilets. You debate walking right back out, but then you'd have nothing to tell anyone about at lunch. You should at least see if the shoes are preppy or goth. They're preppy. There's writing on the side in pen. Sm. Oh shit. This is Sharon. Sharon Makunsky, as she's now known forever. There's no changing it. She's got years of this left to endure. And she's crying in a stall during class time. And it's 100% your fault. Okay? She's crying way too hard to have heard you come in or she would have stopped unless she did hear you come in and knows it's you. So she's crying really hard in order to get your attention. Either way, you have negative seconds to figure out what to do next. Uh oh. A split second decision like this really fucks with your fight or flight, and even more so your sense of right and wrong. So you really have no choice but to zone all the way out and imagine being safe at home, curled around your favorite magazine. That always tells you right from wrong. They'd know what to do right now.

[Dave]

Yes, it's time to listen to Sassy.

[Pam]

So I'm just gonna check my math. Is that $50 a boob?

[Tara]

Then sometimes there were boobs.

[Pam]

M&M's peanut butter. M&M's the best M and M, by the way. So congratulations, 1990 for peanut butter MM's.

[Dave]

Normally when I source the headlines, the regular newsy ones, you don't have to dig too deep for the pop culture and fashion episodes. I go through each day on the New York Times of whatever month we're talking about. But when that one came up, when I was doing my research for the next two episodes, I had to include peanut butter M&Ms. Because I knew they're your absolute favorite. They are also mine.

[Pam]

Pam, what is your favorite flavor?

[Dave]

M and M. Great question.

[Tara]

I would go peanut. If it's an option. I will grab those. The peanut butter. Not peanut. Peanut butter. Peanut butter M and Ms. They're so good.

[Pam]

So we're in agreement. Yeah. Good. We can continue the podcast.

[Tara]

Thanks.

[Dave]

Is there an answer she could have given that would make you say coconut? Oh, yeah. Coconut. Yeah.

[Tara]

Do they make that?

[Pam]

Yeah, they did. Or do. And then my second place silver medal almond. And then third place peanut. I do not enjoy. I genuinely do not enjoy playing M.

[Tara]

And Ms. A regular. Even in like A. And I'm not. I'm not going to play this fucking game with you. Even in A. You're like, no, I said it. Pam. What I'm learning. Dave, did you see that? That was growth. I felt it.

[Pam]

I'm not playing this game with you no more. Back and forth in this podcast, I've learned my less.

[Tara]

That's it.

[Pam]

Information only. Sassy. 1990. This is a November issue. Goodbye.

[Dave]

Yeah, plane is almost never my favorite, but sometimes I just am in a mood for a plane. I don't know. Can't justify it.

[Pam]

The only time I will allow other people to eat plain M and Ms. Is if you're putting it into popcorn. You're one of those weirdos.

[Tara]

That's what I was just about to say. They're great in some popcorn, but I would go Raisinet over any of these peanuts over any of these M&Ms. I would go Raisinette.

[Pam]

Now you're talking my language, Pam. Chocolate covered raisins are delicious.

[Tara]

Delightful.

[Pam]

It is November 1990, Tara.

[Dave]

It sure is.

[Pam]

Harken back.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Pam]

Tell us your experience.

[Dave]

I turned 16 and this is very much the Twin Peaks era. Twin Peaks was in its second season at this point and it was because ABC was like, oh, no. We made a mistake with the show that it's very critically acclaimed but no one actually watches it aired on Saturday nights. And I somehow convinced my parents to rent me and three friends a hotel room that we went and stayed in the hotel. Dave. Very early. Tara loves hotel.

[Pam]

Yeah. This is the origin story of a hotel girl.

[Dave]

It wasn't even allowed. Like, they had to sneak us in because we were like, there was no adults staying in the room.

[Pam]

Watch her spend $400 on a single turd hotel girl.

[Dave]

This was St. Catherine's it was not nice enough to have us spend 400 doll.

[Pam]

The nicest hotel in St. Catherine's it.

[Dave]

Was across the street from the Brick.

[Pam]

On Ontario Street?

[Dave]

Yes, on Ontario Street. Yeah.

[Pam]

Wow. Okay.

[Dave]

It was not very nice.

[Pam]

No. Oh, I know which one you stayed at. The one with the bowling alley.

[Dave]

That's exactly what I was about to.

[Pam]

Say with the bowling alley. You know, the place where you like to sleep. Oh, my God, we got it. We did it in one episode. Guys. It's the hotel with the bowling alley. Too many pins. Only through this one episode.

[Tara]

I feel like you've been leading us to all of these buttons. If I have to be honest, I.

[Dave]

Had forgotten that detail until he brought it up.

[Pam]

It's kismet.

[Dave]

I really had. But yes, it was the one with the bowling alley. And we went bowling also. And then we walked somewhere and had dinner and then we went back to the room and watched Twin Peaks and ate a birthday cake. And what kind of cake was it, Dave?

[Pam]

Chocolate.

[Dave]

Sure was A chocolate wafer cake that my mother had made.

[Pam]

Oh, icebox cake.

[Dave]

Yeah, icebox cake. So it was me, Katie Branscombe, who I am still in touch with. Dave has met her and then my two other friends, Jennifer, who went by Fur.

[Pam]

Oh, I remember her.

[Dave]

Kind of girl. Yeah, you met her once.

[Pam]

Yeah.

[Dave]

And Rachel.

[Pam]

Rachel's dead.

[Dave]

Who I am not in touch with anymore.

[Pam]

RIP Rachel.

[Dave]

Hope she's doing well.

[Pam]

No, she got those industrial like mulchers. You know, they take big rocks and turn them into small rocks. She fell into one of them.

[Dave]

Yeah, probably that. So anyway, that was my 16th birthday and it was super fun and very memorable. Happy birthday to me and Pam.

[Pam]

What terrible tale of love and rejection do you have for us from November 1990?

[Tara]

Well, it's very Groundhog Day up in here. But In November of 1990, I fall in love and get my heart broken by a friend from homeroom who very kindly listens to me, read to him over the phone, a 12 page letter that becomes the origin story for my first comedy show that Goes to Aspen, which eventually inspires Notes to boys. The November 1990 saga is a chapter in the book which leads to the deal that becomes my Year of Dicks, which takes me to the Oscars. So thanks for. For nothing and everything. Eddie Rodriguez.

[Dave]

Oh, full government name. Wow. What if he listens?

[Tara]

He did nothing wrong. He did. He could listen.

[Pam]

Sorry, point of clarification. The 12 page letter was to him.

[Tara]

Dear Eddie Rodriguez.

[Pam]

Okay, all right.

[Tara]

I wanted to talk to him about this friend problem I had, and it ended with, how do I tell him? How do I tell him that I love him so much? Maybe I already did. Dave has pure joy all over his face.

[Pam]

Okay, wait. And then what happened? What'd he say? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all, how many seconds of silence?

[Tara]

A lot. And then I didn't count it, but in. In 1990, November seconds. A billion.

[Pam]

Yeah.

[Tara]

Yeah. And then he had to go.

[Pam]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Forever.

[Pam]

Forever.

[Tara]

He did.

[Dave]

Oh, no.

[Pam]

Was this during school year?

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Pam]

So you had to see him at school?

[Tara]

Yeah, forever. Because Ribbon Rodriguez, we were near each other a lot.

[Pam]

Yeah.

[Tara]

Yeah. So we used to perform reading this letter on stage where Liz Feldman of Dead to Me Fame would pretend to be Eddie Rodriguez making a sandwich halfway through me reading this letter out loud.

[Pam]

Fantastic. No notes.

[Tara]

Yeah. You know what? It was worth it.

[Dave]

Eddie, if you're listening, reach out, call the sassy hotline, let us know how you're doing.

[Tara]

I know where he is. He knows. He's industry ish. I'm gonna keep his privacy life private, but he seems like he's doing.

[Pam]

I see. If you know Pam, you don't get doxed. But if you don't know Pam, you do get doxed.

[Tara]

By the way, I'm not doxing. I am informing us of how we all turned out.

[Pam]

It's fair use. Says Pam from J.

[Dave]

If she's finding it on the Internet, it's fake news. From imagining Pam going on the dark web, she's, like, looking up leaked Social Security numbers.

[Pam]

Dark web. How to find boys for certain.

[Tara]

I'm looking for a plagiarist from the 90s. She was publishing under a pseudonym, Kimmy.

[Pam]

Z. Oh, my God. Spineline. What do we got?

[Dave]

The spine line is more scrapple, Kim.

[Pam]

I don't know what that means.

[Dave]

Scrapple is a really meaty dish. I know there's pork involved.

[Pam]

That's not like a Klingon proverb. Scrapple is a very meaty dish.

[Tara]

If you know someone who knows scrapple, they will stop right now and go, you don't know scrapple. And then, like, aggressively tell you the ingredients of scrapple and how you're.

[Pam]

Triple letter score.

[Dave]

This is how it's described on Wikipedia. Very shadily, I might add. It is a traditional mush of fried pork scraps and trimmings combined with cornmeal and wheat flour, often buckwheat flour and spices. Probably not many, I'm gonna guess.

[Pam]

Okay, so this is a form of glop.

[Dave]

Yeah, it's more like meatloaf looking.

[Pam]

No, but I know, but I mean, in spirit, in the. Somebody invented it. Because it's the bits and bites. It's the pieces that fall off your kitchen conveyor belt, and then you make a delicious dish out of them.

[Dave]

Scraps of meat leftover from butchering, not otherwise used or sold, were made into scrapple to avoid waste. It is a Pennsylvania Dutch dish, so. Yes, exactly what you said, Dave.

[Pam]

Okay.

[Tara]

And that's why it's people from Pennsylvania, like Alo's husband, like these people who have lived in, like, the Amish areas, who will be like, scrapple. It's important. It's a part of your breakfast. It's scrapple.

[Pam]

Okay, so Pennsylvania Dutch. I don't know if this is related or not. Comes from the same area, but what is. What is the Dutch something or other? Like Dutch Dutch cake. What is it?

[Dave]

What?

[Pam]

There's something. Everybody goes Dutch oven.

[Dave]

Well, Dutch oven is a different thing.

[Tara]

Dave, you've mentioned three different things going Dutch.

[Pam]

The brain just leads me to farts. That's why I said.

[Tara]

Yeah, you're trying to find farts.

[Pam]

Dutch, come on, help me out. We all know you go.

[Dave]

Are you talking about the bread? The Dutch crunch bread that they have at Ike's?

[Pam]

No, it's a dish. It's Dutch something, and I will find.

[Dave]

It as there is such a thing as Dutch butter cake. No, but I don't think that's what you're talking about.

[Pam]

Diner. Let's just. Let's do a little live date. Diner. Duh. No, that's not giving anything.

[Tara]

Dutch apple pie.

[Dave]

Damn Dutch butter cake looks real good.

[Pam]

Yeah, I think there was a Bob's burgers episode about it. They're ordering something. I'll search it that way.

[Tara]

Dutch babies. That's what you mean. Diner. Dutch Bob's burgers. Dutch babies.

[Pam]

Yes. What's a Dutch baby? Nobody, I guess nobody knows because nobody brought it up.

[Tara]

It's a pancake.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Pam]

Incorrect. It's the child of two Dutch parents.

[Dave]

A Dutch baby pancake, sometimes called a German pancake, a Bismarck, a Dutch puff hooligan, or a hootenanny. It's like a large Yorkshire pudding.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Dave]

And they're baked in the oven instead of being fried.

[Pam]

All right. No, thanks.

[Dave]

Oh, no, that looks. That looks good to me also. I should have eaten lunch before we started this.

[Pam]

No, because it's like. Basically, I'm looking at it. It looks like a starch bowl with, like, way too Much juicy fruit in the middle. And they put that in. So it's gonna be sloppy. It's good. It's gonna be sloppy.

[Dave]

I think you add the fruit after. I don't think the fruit cooks in it.

[Pam]

Oh, okay.

[Dave]

This looks like it was just sprinkled on top.

[Pam]

I see. Okay. All right.

[Tara]

You know what that is? Starlock Jam. That's what's in the middle.

[Pam]

What? Oh, Starlock Jam.

[Tara]

A jam.

[Pam]

That's it. We got all three from the last one. All three new clips have been used in the subsequent episode. Goodbye, everybody.

[Dave]

Good job. Feature number one. Let's get to it. It's the biggest bummer of the month. It's called Bill is Just one. It's by Katherine, and it is a profile of a boy named Bill who has only recently been reunited with his family of origin after more than a decade and more than 10 different foster families. There's a lot of statistics in this about how many kids are in foster care. And I tried to look up because the estimate was that there was going to be. It's more than 30, but they estimated it could be as many as 400,000 by 1995. And I could not confirm that. But also the number, depending on where you look, it varies wildly.

[Pam]

That is a big house in that.

[Tara]

One foster care center. Yeah.

[Pam]

I'm trying, guys. I'm trying.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Dave]

Shift in foster care in the late 90s increased the number of adoptions of children in the foster system. So that was a positive probably, but question mark, because now there's a lot of debate. And I will link two stories from the New Yorker that are about six years apart. When should a child be taken from his parents and when foster parents don't want to give back the baby. It is a complicated situation because the reason that a person might end up in foster care or be taken from their family is because there's something going on with the family. This was the case for Bill. His mother placed him and his siblings in foster care because she financially couldn't look after them and also had issues with relationships that she was in that were not healthy for her or them. But oftentimes there's bias in the system where if you're a family of color, you might be more likely to have it a ruling placed against you that you're not fit to take care of your children. And that might not be the case. It might just be that you're going through a hard time. So one of the observations Katherine makes is there aren't enough social workers to examine Kids progress. This is related to a law that was in place at the time that after 18 months, a decision was supposed to be made of whether a kid in foster care would either be returned to their original family or be adopted by their foster parents. If that's something the foster parents wanted, that is never enforced, according to Katherine, because there just isn't enough resources. Still a problem today. Slash police department budgets, hire more social workers. You can probably, for all of the overtime that people are falsely and fraudulently claiming, hire like 70,000 social workers in every state and we would literally all be better off. Part of the reason that Bill is highlighted here is that he was returned to his family as a result of a case brought by the aclu. Uh, they talked to his lawyer. His name is Chris Hansen. He was at the ACLU for 60 years. 1973 to 2013, 40 years. He retired as the organization's longest serving attorney. Also worked on a pioneering Internet free speech suit. So that's just an interesting footnote to the story, but, you know, Bill does not seem really optimistic. He is living with his father while his other siblings live with their mother. And the family still has not figured out how to be a family again by his telling. So a better bummer story than usual. Catherine does not try to editorialize too much. Pam, anything to add?

[Pam]

Anything to Dox? Did you dox him? Did you try to figure out where he is now?

[Tara]

No, there's no last name for him.

[Pam]

This is the one point where we want follow up. Pam.

[Tara]

I know, I know. There was no last name for Bill. This was not.

[Dave]

There was.

[Tara]

It was a non starter. Just like how they tried to lose him in the system.

[Pam]

Did you try William.

[Dave]

William Foster care?

[Tara]

Where is William foster care? And it said, dutch babies teacher number two, go to sleep. The first couple pages I was like, Tara, this is a fashion thing that you put in here. And then you go a couple pages further and they're like, how to sleep. And I'm like, okay, but it's really an ad for clothes. This is not.

[Dave]

Yes, it's mostly a fashion story, but there was like a little bit of sleep stuff in there. And I had already teased it in the, you know, the end of the slumber party episode. I was like, let's just leave this here.

[Tara]

Totally. And there is like a whole bunch of stuff on how to get good sleep. So here we go.

[Pam]

As not demonstrated in any of the photos.

[Tara]

No, that's true.

[Dave]

No, they're sitting in a car.

[Pam]

Sitting in a car, trying to sleep with their car. With their ass on the steering wheel. Like. Like. No, you're not getting to sleep that way.

[Tara]

Ladies curled up in very uncomfortable positions, but mostly wearing clothes you can't actually sleep in because there's, like, Rick rack and full coats and it's not a comfy. It's not a comfy situation.

[Pam]

You should never sleep with a koala.

[Tara]

There's a fun fact that you sleep most comfortably in a temperature of 64 to 66. And I was like, I'm going to put this on the wall in my bedroom. Because I am constantly like, it's too hot in here. And I'm not. It's not just.

[Pam]

It's not just menopause.

[Tara]

Put it on my magnet that I put on. It's not just menopause. It's too hot. I sleep best when we go visit my cousins and I open up the window because I sleep all by myself in a little bed next to an open window by a cold brook. And there's, like, icy wind blowing over me. Oh, it's the best.

[Dave]

But I will never. Sleeping with a window open.

[Tara]

I'll never go camping.

[Dave]

No. God, no.

[Tara]

No. I don't want that.

[Pam]

I want to be able to see and smell nature but not be in it.

[Tara]

Yeah, I get that. But I need a comfy pillow. Yeah, I need my soft, soft sheets.

[Dave]

I'm always cold, so I don't necessarily agree with this, but I do, like when it's, like, on the verge of, like, fall into winter, to be, like, very bundled up and just my face exposed to the cold air. That is how I prefer to sleep. But I. I am usually way too cold. I will sleep with socks in the height of summer and have recently because our air conditioning is on. Air conditioning. Our air conditioning is up pretty high.

[Tara]

Well, that's. Yeah.

[Pam]

Our air conditioner is so efficient that we have to keep it lower so it runs longer. So our house is dehumidified.

[Dave]

Yep.

[Pam]

Otherwise, it's too efficient. It shuts itself off. And then we live in Dagobah. That's from Star Wars. Starlight Jam.

[Tara]

This is what kids think old people talk about, by the way. You know, they just sit around talking about their air conditioners.

[Pam]

We were talking about air conditionings when we're in our 20s, too. Well, people just, like, comfort them.

[Dave]

Air conditioning and also how. How they sleep is another topic of interest to people our age. So I will note. This article says researchers recommend the teenagers grab 10 hours all in one big block at a consistent time each night. I'm young at heart. I'm not a teenager anymore, but I love to sleep for 10 hours. Since we've had dogs, I can't. But I do like to, when possible. They also talk about the ideal sleep position. They're like, if you must sleep on your back, put a pillow under your legs. Back sleepers are sickos. I know we've talked about this before, but I stand by it. If you sleep on your back, you're weird. It's weird.

[Tara]

Last night I saw Jason tucked in with his, you know, just the one little face that sticks out like a. Like he just sleeps like a little corpse vampire. That's how he wakes up. And it is every time I am a little like, I gotta poke him. Just make sure doesn't move the whole night.

[Dave]

That's so weird.

[Tara]

Poke.

[Pam]

It's very weird.

[Tara]

It's very weird. And he's so proud of it because he trained himself to sleep that way.

[Pam]

Why? Spy stuff.

[Tara]

Yeah, spine stuff.

[Pam]

And now he goes, spy stuff. Spy stuff.

[Tara]

I'm sorry, I'm legally I'm supposed to say spine stuff.

[Pam]

He's a world famous most dangerous spine.

[Tara]

Most dangerous spine.

[Dave]

His spine master trained him in.

[Pam]

He's really good at spine craft.

[Dave]

Spine craft, yeah.

[Tara]

Yep. It's very like leftover from the Twin Peaks spread. We still have this car and all this flannel. Like, I know. Let's pretend we're sleeping and then we'll put some facts next to it. Over here. It's like, you know, so it's your quality sleep, the shapes of sleep necessities. And then talking about beauty sleep, it mentions some things that you can do. First of all, again, this is the second time that Sassy's concerned about where our blood flows. And again, I'm like, is this true? Where it's like a deficiency of restful sleep can result in lousy muscle tone, ashen skin, and the ever so attractive cranky attitude. It can also divert the blood flow away from your face into your vital organs, which are working harder to keep you awake. What? What is this? Witchery? This drains away color and accentuates the contrast between any naturally occurring under eye circles and the rest of your skin, creating dark circ. I don't know. I don't know. But anyway, then it says, so at night, put some blistex on your lips before bed, but don't, because that's like Carmex. You don't want to do that. Maybe some Vaseline. And then deeply moisturize your hands and feet and recondition your eyelashes. Brush on some Eyelash food. Like eyelash balm. And I was like, what? So then I was like, I'm just.

[Pam]

Imagining eyelashes nibbling like fish food when you're eating.

[Tara]

I immediately started researching eyelash bombs. Went right into some French cosmetics company survey. Almost purchased three items out of the 12 that they automatically put into the cart. Then I was like, what is this? What do people say about this? Oh, it's a scam. Oh, you can't get your money back. Oh, none of it works. And then I had to throw it away. And that was 20 minutes of my life. But I didn't buy it. And that's growth.

[Dave]

You are going to still get those ads on Instagram from now until you die.

[Tara]

Though it's true. Instagram is like, here's what we know about you. Weightlifting and skin creams feature number three, how to have fun on a date with a guy you've never gone out with before in your life. Karen wrote this completely foreign and terrifying experience for me.

[Dave]

Okay, what do you mean?

[Tara]

Imagine?

[Dave]

What part of it?

[Tara]

Well, I haven't really gone on a date.

[Pam]

Pam. Only deals with experiences.

[Tara]

I like.

[Pam]

I've never said anything truer in my life. Come on.

[Tara]

The concept of, like, you're going out with someone you don't know very well and you're on a date to try to, like, get to know each other better. I've never done anything like this. So this advice.

[Pam]

But only because you have obsessed and nurtured some sort of fantasy relationship with them for months ahead of time. Correct?

[Tara]

Not every time.

[Pam]

Okay.

[Dave]

I thought you meant because anyone that I've gone out with, we were already friends, so I knew them already.

[Tara]

Yes. So I didn't need advice on, like, how to be a friend. This is a little, like, how to be a. This is advice on, like, how to be a friend. But when it's not, it's frustrating. Cause it's advice on how to make sure he's having an okay time around you in what you're doing and wearing and saying and wanting. And that, I think, is the. Is what led me astray. Which led me to think, like, I guess I don't go on dates. Cause nobody's asked me on one. That's the truth, Dave. Okay, Pam, like, no one asked me on a date. So I was just out with friends who one day were like, hi, you're still here.

[Pam]

Yep.

[Dave]

But I also think, like, they're sort of approaching this topic In a very 1950s social hygiene film kind of way. Like, I don't think people were Going on dates with people they didn't really already know at this point in history. Like, no one I knew was just getting randomly asked out by guys who were like, I only know your name. Do you want to go out? Do you know what I mean? Like, so a lot of this is, I think, very old fashioned advice.

[Tara]

I see. I would agree. Even this, they even put it in like old fashioned fonts at the top. Like Miss Manners tells you, bring some cash, wear lipstick, Ask him what he likes.

[Pam]

Don't forget, put out.

[Tara]

Yeah, it does have a point about that. So it says, like, don't go to tractor poles. This is number one.

[Pam]

It's the biggest mistake men make. I like you. Do you want to go out with me? Tractor pole.

[Dave]

Okay, but. So it's a picnic in a cemetery, as they suggest, is also a bad idea.

[Tara]

No, it's terrible. I know. You want to take me to the rodeo. Would you rather go eat with me near some dead people?

[Pam]

I mean, I want a good time, not a ghoul time. Am I right?

[Dave]

People pause for laughter in this blurb. In this part of the article though, Christina says, it's fun to go grocery shopping on a first date. And I agree, grocery shopping is fun. It is a great way to get to know somebody too.

[Pam]

Yep. Use utensils. What were you doing before that? Well, some of these are like just basic life skills. You know, make fire, be warm.

[Tara]

It does say, like, eat foods that you can cut into bite sized pieces and eat kindly. Like, eat nicely. And I would genuinely take a class now in how to eat salad in front of someone. Without, like, at writers rooms, you're constantly eating in front of people while talking. And I just keep my hand up like a barrier so no one sees me shovel.

[Pam]

Is it because you fear that? Like, oh, oh, here comes the Z. Is it because you fear the dangling leaf? That kind of thing?

[Tara]

I am. I look like an alpaca when I eat salads. Can I make it all in there?

[Dave]

Can I make a suggestion?

[Pam]

Chopped salad.

[Dave]

Yeah, Ask for it to be chopped.

[Tara]

It comes pre cut.

[Pam]

No, chopped.

[Tara]

All of it?

[Pam]

Yeah. So they take everything you want. I want tomatoes, I want lettuce. I want this and that, peppers. They put it all up and then they take a square choppery thing so everything's smaller.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pam]

So there's no.

[Dave]

And then every bite is a bite size.

[Pam]

You can get it in your mouth without fear.

[Dave]

Yeah. Instead of giant hunks of lettuce.

[Tara]

They didn't have that. November 1990. Thank you for the tip. I'LL ask, I'll ask for it. Pre chopped.

[Dave]

Let's back up to wear clothes. Because this is, this was something that you were concerned about too, Pam.

[Tara]

Yeah, there's just a lot of stuff about make sure that you don't want to look a certain way and make him think like, either you're overdressed and he feels underdressed or you're underdressed and he feels overdressed or are you just like, like just be comfortable and feel good about what you're wearing and then that's it. He can go kick rocks and pound sand and all this, all these phrases. If he thinks what you're wearing makes him feel things.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Tara]

I don't know.

[Dave]

Half of this is like, don't wear shit you're going to be fussing with all night. And I do think that's good advice. Like, don't wear a dress that's too short. Don't wear the blouse that always pops open. Don't wear anything where you're going to be self conscious.

[Pam]

Make sure your fascinator isn't too big.

[Dave]

Yes, but they also, I mean, and don't dress up too much. Like, yeah, don't wear a ball gown. But I also think when they're like, don't dress down or he'll be offended that you didn't make an effort. Like, I disagree that most straight guys would feel that way. I think if they show up and you're in a sweatshirt and jeans, they're like, that's great. Unless they're taking you to prom. Dave, do you agree?

[Pam]

Yeah, I don't care.

[Dave]

Exactly.

[Pam]

Long term strategy, you know, if you go balls out in the first date, like, how long do you have to taper that off till you get to the point where you want to dress like you want to dress.

[Dave]

Right.

[Pam]

Right.

[Tara]

It depends on where you are. If you're at the museum, dress how you want to dress. The one time I did think I was on a date and it turns out I was not, he did walk up and say, wow, you're pretty dressed up. And I was not overly dressed for a dinner at a restaurant on Sunset Boulevard. Like, I was appropriately dressed.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Tara]

This is what I'm saying.

[Dave]

They'll notice more if they think you're like overdid it versus if you look comfortable and relaxed. Yeah, I think Sassy's wrong about that.

[Tara]

I was just wearing the swan dress from Bjork. It was not. It was just your basic Pam going outfit.

[Pam]

Jeez.

[Tara]

And pants and a shirt of some kind. Like how dressed up is a man? There are two options, right? For dressed up as a man. Yes.

[Dave]

Right.

[Tara]

Neither of them are worn to the Bowery. You know what I mean? So, yeah, I. Yeah, it wasn't a date. That was clue number one.

[Dave]

They say bring cash. Quote. Mary Kay also feels that paying for yourself on a first date is to be expected, but quite pessimistically adds that as you get deeper into the relationship, you'll probably end up paying for him too. Tell me your boyfriend's in a band without telling me your boyfriend's in a band is what that is. Your trifling ass musician boyfriend is broke.

[Tara]

Actors too.

[Dave]

Yes, but we do know she is dating a guy in a band. It's come up before. Brush up on current events. Quote. You may have to sit through 45 minutes on why he's saving up for white wilds for his Mustang, but sooner or later he's bound to say something interesting. Is he? Is he? I don't think he is. I think he thinks that is interesting.

[Tara]

It's true.

[Dave]

But yeah, this was the part that I felt about the way you felt about the fashion section, which is like, it's it. She tells you, don't try to be funny or witty. And when you speak neutrally, try to not say too much, like, shut up. Also, talking about current events is actually just a last resort. So I don't know why that's the subject. Like, header for this chunk. That's the last thing they say in case you really run out of every single other thing to talk about. And then kissing is optional. They tell you what to say if he asks you out again on the spot and you're not feeling it. And their advice is like, just say sorry. No, thank you. Don't say sorry if you're not. That's my advice. Forever, for life. Don't say yes to anything you don't want to do. And don't say sorry if you're not.

[Pam]

Feature number four. My goodness, more tofu. Lentil loaf, anyone?

[Dave]

This is the article by Kim about how to change your diet, become a vegetarian. In her opening deck, she's like, I just straight out of the gate, I eat meat. But I was assigned this story by Jane and Mary Kay, who don't. Maybe one of them should write it. I don't know why I mean, eater is writing this article.

[Pam]

I mean, the only thing I could think of is meat on meat. Let's talk meat on meat. You know, I'm a meat eater. You're a meat eater.

[Dave]

Right.

[Pam]

But she doesn't seem to be in the right head space for it. It seems to be very pamphlet brochure sort of discussion. And she seems like the kind of person where the first thing out of your mouth when you say you're a vegetarian say, oh, I could never give up meat. Like, I didn't ask. Don't care what you do. Eat all the meat you want.

[Dave]

Right.

[Pam]

Not my problem. So it seems like that kind of vibe, it's gotten better. But like for so long, the first thing out of people, ah, me. That's how they got that song. It was somebody talking about meat and they went crazy and they thought, I'm gonna put that at the start of that song. And became dogs at this time in 1990, like, it's still pretty tough. It's pretty rough go. And the easiest thing is just not to talk about it. And also like, truly. Yeah, do what you want for any of this. Kind of like I'm doing something a little bit off from the norm kind of thing. Just like, yeah, let them have 20 seconds of talk before you punch back with no meat. Gotta have it or I'll die. Oh my God, how do you live? That's a lot of that. But this is information wise. Sure, fine. There's like some stuff that goes into the weeds. Like who cares about lacto over versus just lacto at this point in time.

[Dave]

Right.

[Pam]

Just get into the part where it's like you don't have to eat like a Rabb it.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Pam]

Like that's the most important thing. It's like that's the first wall you have to break down is vegetarianism is not saladism.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Pam]

It's a lot more than that. So don't, don't get hung up on that and then build upon that. Like, this is so easier today because now you're not a vegetarian. You're a plant first or plant ready meal or whatever the is. Like they based. They've unhipified. Unhipified the language. So it's just plant based now. So you can like. Well, it's just like it's the same delicious flavors I like and it's that same weird brown I like, except now it's not made out of cow. Like that is the right take for a lot of people. I mean, the fact that they're making things taste like meat is another discussion. I don't. That's not the kind of flavor profile I'm looking for.

[Dave]

Right.

[Pam]

But that is so much smarter than what's going on in the 90s, which is people Screaming at each other and not listening to each other.

[Dave]

Yeah. Very late in the piece, considering who the audience is, there's how to live with carnivores, and that's basically like, sell this concept to your parents. Which, as we've spoken about in previous episodes, was difficult for one Pamela Ribbon that we know. But this is kind of gonna be what determines how far you can go with it. Because if you're not buying your own groceries or making your own food, there's. There's a limit to how much you can do this versus just like we're making the same dish for you as we did for everyone else, except you just skipp the part where there's protein, you know, like, that's going to be what it's like for most teenagers.

[Pam]

Yeah. The other part is that around this time, a little after this time, I would say mid-90s, the tipping point happens. Where we've gone from the beginning of time into the 70s, where it picks up steam into the mid-90s, is one area of vegetarianism, which is, as they make a reference to here, the Moosewood Cookbook era.

[Dave]

Oh, yes.

[Pam]

Where it's all, like, lentils and grains and it's stuff and it's all brown and it tastes the same, but is vegetarian.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pam]

You know, like, all our cookbooks look like they also could be covers to Lord of the Ring novels. Like, it's that era. And then in the 90s, it switches where, like, new American food is being. Vegetarian options are coming up through that culinary track.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Pam]

And it changes, and you start to get restaurants that are actually providing vegetarian options that are actually flavor first and not here's a dish with the meat taking it.

[Dave]

Right.

[Pam]

So still, this is the difficult time in 1990, I think. So, like, with that environment, it's super hard to get anybody else on board. And if your whole house isn't involved and you're starting out and you're young, like, forget about it. It's not gonna happen.

[Dave]

So speak to that, Pam, because you lived it.

[Tara]

Well, they grounded me until I ate meat.

[Dave]

That's.

[Tara]

That was what the eventual holdout went through. But for a little while, I was cooking my own meals, and they were making the meals that they knew. It was hard for me to resist, but I resisted because, I mean, and I went. I think I did six months, and then the grounding was too. That was. I couldn't. I couldn't give up my freedom.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Tara]

This week I went to Cafe Gratitude, which I knew of because I live in Los Angeles, but I Always kind of thought it was a joke, but they're still. It's real. Did you guys eat at Cafe Gratitude?

[Pam]

That was in our old neighborhood.

[Tara]

You order by what an I am. So I am sharing. I took pictures of the menu because I was like, this is the most corner of avocado, and I have a milker I've ever been. And I had to order that. I am well. And then I wanted to start with an I am centered. That was a cup of coffee. I am present.

[Dave]

Oh, my God.

[Tara]

And then when I was leaving, he was like, do you want to box any of this up? And he thought I meant everybody's food that was left over. And I was like, yes, Because I am greedy. I am charmed. That's a chai latte.

[Pam]

Wow.

[Tara]

I am. I am supported. That's a gut healing smoothie. I am radiant. That's a pineapple. I am next level. This was a watermelon poke. I am delectable. Some spicy, but it's all vegan. And so then when you order the thing that has, like, a fake brisket, they have to talk to you about whether or not you like mushrooms. Cause really, you're getting mushrooms. I am thriving. That's the soup of the day. It's just so silly that this is what, more tofu lentil loaf, anyone? When people get mad at you about not you, but one about like. Well, I can never. Because they just think it's two seconds before you're like, may I have an I am exquisite? And does the coconut calamari come with, like. What is a coconut calamari? That's coconut.

[Pam]

It's zoodles. It's zoodles with coconut.

[Tara]

Yukes.

[Pam]

But wait, rewind for a second. Was any of this good?

[Dave]

Great question.

[Tara]

Delicious.

[Pam]

It was good. Okay.

[Tara]

Delicious. I enjoyed my meal so much, I don't even like mushrooms. And I was like, oh, I can tell that this is a mushroom by the chomp, but it didn't taste like mushrooms.

[Pam]

Weird experience. Strat time. Can you order Cafe Gratitude through doordash and avoid all the IMs? Or. Or Pam, did you sucked into the I ams?

[Tara]

Well, it's kind of fun to say I am beloved, because what they say after is, okay, so you are grateful. You are present.

[Pam]

No, wait, I am beloved. That's me. That's what David means. You can't have that one.

[Tara]

Well, that's a barbecue brisket, Brussels and butternut Mac and cheese. So how would you be you?

[Dave]

Yeah. You would eat that?

[Tara]

I am well, which is what I ordered was an adaptogenic plant protein bowl. I felt great when it was over.

[Pam]

A what? One more time, please.

[Tara]

Adaptogenic plant protein bowl.

[Pam]

Wow. Getting all Gattaca up here.

[Tara]

Yeah. So we have come. Like, I remember having to go to a raw restaurant with Dan for his birthday, and we were all like, oh, man, this really is raw. This is so raw. Yeah, yeah. We've come a long way pass.

[Dave]

I will say this, though. Kim writes, making yourself meatless by no means makes you a superior being. That's not true. It does. If you don't eat meat, you're better than the rest of us. And I say that as a meat eater.

[Tara]

It's still hard for me. I was like, okay, because I had made, like, a tofu meal the night before, and then I was having this salad. Then I went to Cafe Gratitude. And then that night I was having, like, some beans and rice and a little thing, and I was like, I think I went 24 hours without meat. And I was like, there's chicken in this. Like, I didn't even see it as meat. I was like, pam, you're truly putting chicken in your mouth. The Texan that still says, like, oh, yeah, we're vegetarians, too. We eat fish and chicken more than anything else. Like, it's still in there. It's hard. Yeah, you're vegan. Well, this is just yogurt. Don't you worry.

[Dave]

Yeah, I. I will say I don't generally cook, but last week I discovered how easy it is to make chicken thighs in the air fryer. And sorry to the chicken population, because I'm going to be doing that a lot. They were good as hell.

[Tara]

This month's fiction is by Lori Eaton. It's called Breathing Room. And it's perfect.

[Dave]

Yeah, it's really good.

[Tara]

It's absolutely great. It's about how. Well, I'll just read this one little sentence. The black mist of revolution crept into my ears and pressed against the backs of my eyes. Only a mother could be so irritating. Oh, fucking great. Cause you know why mom asked Jamie, do you want a sandwich? The black mist of revolution crept into my ears and pressed against the backs of my eyes. Only a mother could be so irritating. But it's true. This mom goes on to just, like, suck balls. Yeah, it's fine. But I loved how it began. Jamie and her family are on a road trip because they're moving and things are. Things are weird. Mom's being weird. And Mom's being really weird about how Jamie and her brother, like, are close and makes them feel like Shit about wanting to share a room or be in a bathing suit near each other.

[Dave]

Yeah. She's making it weird for no reason and upsetting the kids. Speaking of upsetting, they're driving, as Pam said, to San Antonio. Which mom is like, you'll probably like it. From what I've heard. They won't. Sorry to our San Antonio listeners. I've never heard one good thing about it other than the Riverwalk, which apparently that's nice. But presumably that's not where they're going to live because her dad is in the military and they're moving to an another base. But we find out that when the sandwiches are being handed out and the pop, there's Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper. So they're a Pepsi family. They have to, like, do this around the cat box that's in the back of the car. Like, presumably a station wagon. But like, we're eating lunch in a closed car that also has a litter box in it. Yuck.

[Tara]

That really took me back. That really took me back. I was like, oh, man. I remember riding road like. Cause we were moving and there's a litter box in the car. Cause the cat's in the car and the silver spoon. But like, you usually put it in the back. Back with like, it's kind of crammed in the suitcases and stuff. So if you stop short, you're not covered in poo. Flickles.

[Dave]

Sure. But find a rest area on the side of the road. That's what they're for. Like, pull over and sit at a picnic table. So you're not eating in the car with the cat shit.

[Tara]

You're probably snacking and singing and sleeping in there at this point. Your sandwiches is just as much in it as you've been in for hours.

[Dave]

There's no.

[Tara]

I don't know. To me, I'm like, we're. We're in it. It's like saying, don't eat in the airplane. People have been farting in here the whole time.

[Pam]

Can I be honest with you? You know, I. You know, guys, I check out when it comes time for the fiction section. So I've actually been on my phone trying to reschedule my doctor's appointment for the. Wow. You don't actually need a doctor's appointment, but your insurance is making you see the doctor within a certain amount of time. So we can make sure you're using the equipment that we paid half of and you paid half of. Blah, blah, blah, doing that. And I just heard eating a sandwich in a car with catch it yes. Now I'm interested. I'm sorry.

[Tara]

That's what Riding in Cars with Boys was originally about.

[Dave]

Anyway, great story.

[Tara]

Yeah. Lori Eaton is an archivist today. And that's not doxxing. I'm just saying, like, she. She still cares about, you know, the creation and management of archival collections, and she is in our archives. There we go.

[Dave]

Reminder that if you want to read this whole story, and you should, because it's great, support us on patreon. It's only $5 a month and you get the full issue. Scan of the full issue, every single page, including all the ones that don't get used for the visual AIDS. Listen to sassy.com click. Let me hear you ba da da talk.

[Pam]

Hello?

[Tara]

Oh, hi. Are you okay? Yeah.

[Pam]

Okay. I've been eating sandwiches next to catch it. I feel a little weird, but I'll make it through.

[Tara]

Okay, well, you know what? Just make sure you hydrate. There's a funky new exercise apparatus from Reebok that you can use at home or at the gym. It's called the Step. And it's just that. A step you climb on and off of. Just hilarious. We totally jump on them now. You don't just step. And Reebok is so proud still that they invented one stair, that there's like a whole thing when you go to Reebok, it's like, remember this, we fucking are the reason that you step on one step all the time. But then I learned they have the convert to benches now. There's like, shelf space inside. You can put your cables on it. It's like, I ordered one for my gym in the garage. I'm excited. It's blue. It gets here in, like a week. This podcast cost me a lot more money than I make. That is what I want to say.

[Dave]

Listen to sassy.comclub to support Pam in buying more equipment for her gym and various discredited beauty products.

[Tara]

I can't help it.

[Pam]

What would be great is that when we get to. What is it? 94. When we were stopping.

[Dave]

November 1994 is the last good issue.

[Pam]

Okay? So when we get there to celebrate the end of the podcast, Pam holds a Things I've Bought but Never Used garage sale at her house. And everybody can come and we can chat and go through Pam's tinctures.

[Tara]

We'll go to a soup plantation for that. We'll get everyone in an Olive Garden so that Dave can have unlimited breadsticks.

[Pam]

Apparently, Olive Garden just changed their breadstick supplier and they're different now. And everybody Hates it. They're like little hot dog buns.

[Tara]

Oh, no.

[Dave]

Oh, dear.

[Pam]

So another mark against Olive Garden, I'm afraid.

[Tara]

Where do you get your Olive Garden info so up to date?

[Pam]

The Internet.

[Tara]

Are you a subscriber to a lot.

[Pam]

Of substacks about Olive Garden?

[Dave]

He signed up for push notifications from Olive Garden.

[Pam]

Susan, who's out there? I get it.

[Dave]

Waking up at 3:23 in the morning.

[Pam]

I was gonna say I would let you know, Pam, but it was in the middle of the morning, so I just being courteous.

[Tara]

Yes.

[Pam]

Vitamin C for one day. Six ounce serving of orange juice, be it fresh, squeeze, frozen or from a carton, has enough vitamin C for one day. Great. What is this? What is this? Grade 2. Doing it like, oh, everybody knows orange juice has vitamin C. Sassy. What the. You know, Earth has a lot of that. You could really use air. Sassy magazine.

[Dave]

Also, this is bad advice. How many oranges should you be eating instead so that you're actually getting some fiber with your vitamin C? Hello. Finally, a study that confirms what we've all suspected. Writing in a journal is good for you. Blah, blah, blah, feelings.

[Pam]

I am creative.

[Dave]

In my experience, it's probably more like I am writing in a journal. Because this was part of our assignment when I was a senior in high school. We had to write a journal entry of half a page every day. But they never test, they never checked it while the semester was going on. You just had to turn them all in at the end of the semester. So I, and fucking everybody else was at home the night before writing, you know, 40 journal entries about whatever they could think of because they hadn't been keeping up with it for the whole year. So writing in a journal is good for you if you actually do it. Not so good if you don't really care about writing in a journal that someone's going to read.

[Tara]

Also none of their business for you to turn in a journal.

[Pam]

Well, that's what you make your journal about, Pam. The right to privacy. Just because they have an institution telling you you have to share your deep thoughts, you don't have to. You can push back against the man.

[Dave]

Yeah, that's one entry and I still have to write 39 more. So I guess I'm gonna do this one about paperclips.

[Pam]

Well, the next one could be about the American Dental association saying that those home tooth bleaching kits are bad news.

[Dave]

Oh, no.

[Pam]

Dear Diary, seems the active ingredient may injure gums and other soft tissues. We think ultra white teeth look fake anyways. Question to Pam. How many teeth whitening kits have you owned over the past 20 years? You can express it in dozens more than I've used.

[Tara]

And are you asking because you think my teeth look nice?

[Pam]

Yes, you are pearlescent.

[Tara]

That lady licking her lips from pearl drops was like, my first. Like, is that supposed to be sexy? Like, it was all so, like.

[Pam]

Is pearl drops the one that has the upside down container that sort of has, like, a funnel? That's the one my parents used when I was a kid.

[Tara]

Me too.

[Pam]

And there was one week where it was cinnamon, and that was very exciting.

[Tara]

That was the one that I had put, like, under my eye and then burned my eyes because I was doing some sort of sassy thing. Well, you put it on your zit and it makes the zit go away, but it was too pearly. I have used tooth whiteners very little. Because it's true. It can like, really make your sensitive teeth sensitive, er, because it, like, burns in them. And I'll tell you what I do have permanently from fucking Invisalign is like, an outline of one of those buttons on one of my teeth. I don't know how to make it go away. And I'm not gonna bleach my teeth. I did buy, like, those little bleach containers during the Invisalign years. And there was some time around then that I was like, all of this is a scam. It's just, I'm gonna put some peroxide toothpaste and use that. And that is as hard as I could. One last thing. Who fucking cares? But I can't stop. I started getting these mouth. This mouth sore in the corner of my mouth. I thought it happened, like, from stress. Then I thought it happened from really. It really blew up when I went to India from, like, the spicy food caused my mouth to, like. And the. The flight attendant was like, that happens to some people when they go to India. And so I just thought it was all that went to the dermatologist, had to use steroids. Turns out it was from Jason's toothpaste, which had extra fluoride in it. One day I was brushing my teeth and I was like, it's burning, it's burning. It's the toothpaste.

[Dave]

Oh, my God.

[Pam]

Well, it's because he has to build up a tolerance to the poison toothpaste. So when he gets poisoned in his line of duty, being a spine doesn't really affect him. Yeah, being a spine. Yeah.

[Tara]

When he's out on his face, he's a tough backbone. Yeah. So I was like, just. I mean, months, months. I had run out of my toothpaste and I was just using his. And he was like, the dentist gave it to me. And then the dentist was like, this is prescription. And I was like, well, it should be because it ate my lip.

[Dave]

Face.

[Tara]

It ate the skin off my lips. Lips.

[Pam]

Last year, I was using Listerine for a little while, and it would make skin off the roof of my mouth fall off in ribbons. And I couldn't figure out that was it for a little while. And I was just like, am I. Am I dying? What's going on? Help dentists. And they're like, I have no idea. Like, how does nobody else have this reaction? Like, literally, it was like. Like a New Year's Eve party with purple, like, streamers falling down the top of my mouth. You could feel them. It's like playing with them. Yeah. And as soon as I stopped using that, it went away. I switched over to something else, but horrifying. It was like something from a horror movie. There's no way that me using Listerine and you using Spine Craft toothpaste is unknown to the industry as a whole. So, you know, part of it is Dr. Inexperience and not seeing test, you know, actual cases with their own eyeballs. So, you know, part of that is getting them all together. But the other part is, why don't we mix all medications in together into one super pillar pill? And then when you take a pill, it has everything in it. I think I solved it. It'll be a big pill. You might have to snap it off in little chunks. But I think if you had a pill that was like, it did everything at once. I mean, I'm. I'm. Look, I'm not a medical professional, but I think this has legs.

[Tara]

And so will you. You'll have extra legs once you're taking everyone's medicines at the same time.

[Pam]

Roof your mouth, extra legs.

[Dave]

Well, speaking of horrifying things that can happen to you, our last item is about improper nail care and how unhealthy it can be. And all of this advice assumes you're going to be taking care of your own nails again. We've talked about this before, but really a sign of the times that this was before it was extremely common for people to go get their nails done for relatively inexpensive. But just a reminder in case anyone forgot, you still have to be really careful about where you go to get your nails done inexpensively, because poor old.

[Pam]

Paula Abdul was more like Smala Abdrul.

[Dave]

Oh, yeah, okay. Mad magazine.

[Pam]

Well, that was what they called her. The letter.

[Tara]

It was sassy. Yeah, yeah.

[Dave]

Oh, right.

[Pam]

Magazine. Tara.

[Dave]

I forgot. Sorry.

[Pam]

Listen to Sassy. You should listen to this podcast. Informative and funny.

[Dave]

A trip in April 2004 to a studio City nail shop that used unclean manicure equipment became a year long ordeal that sent her in and out of the hospital and made her the butt of late night talk show joke jokes. She had a flesh eating fungus from this manicure. And when she testified to the California Senate Business and Professions Committee, she said, content warning. This is so gross. When I. What I saw fly out of my thumb was a green and yellow thick substance that smelt foul and then blood, blood, blood. Being a professional dancer, I'm no stranger to pain. But this time the pain was so excruciating that even my hair touching my thumb caused me to scream cream. So no one wants to get a terrible infection at the nail shop. It's hard to tell whether one you're gonna go to is good or not. But if they open the little envelope of in instruments in front of you, that's usually a good sign. And some of them are like, will advertise how clean they are and try to go to those because it really makes a difference.

[Pam]

Kind of puts Koreatown massage spooge into confidence.

[Tara]

This reminded me to buy. It wasn't in Koreatown where that happened. This reminded me to buy an update my home manicure program which is called Dazzle Dry. It's great.

[Dave]

Okay.

[Tara]

It's great. It's like gel level nails by yourself, three little paintings. And it's not gels, it's just a really hard nail polish.

[Pam]

It's great you're listening to this. But she was holding up her latest Amazon box delivery. How many Amazon box do you have in your house in any one timepan?

[Tara]

I don't have to tell you that.

[Pam]

Okay. Do you know of this thing called the canary box cutter? I think you would enjoy it.

[Tara]

No. What's this?

[Pam]

Okay. It's another thing you can buy from Amazon and get in a box, but then when you open the box and take out the canary box cutter, it's like a little saw that's just made for cutting cardboard into smaller pieces.

[Tara]

Oh, I need this. I'm writing it down.

[Pam]

Canary is from Japan. Make sure you get the real one.

[Dave]

Dave has become an evangelist for this product. He brought it up on extra, extra hot grade.

[Pam]

I should get a commission. So many people bought it.

[Dave]

They should be sponsoring all of our podcasts. You should be Doing live ad reads for the Canary Box.

[Pam]

I should have a YouTube channel.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Tara]

What's the next level? Unboxing? Is unbox boxing. Just watching you D box. I would watch that. Just nice flat stacks.

[Dave]

What he said the question this month. Do you like girls who curse? Yes, 66%. No, 34%. And yet somehow they only talk to guys who said no. No one who likes it was willing to speak to Sassy, apparently. We start out with Aaron, 16, this piano playing, trumpet blowing, cross country and track running, Wisconsin Living dude says foul language once ruined a relationship he was in. Quote, I went out with a girl who cussed a lot. First of all, if you say cuss, no one is interested. And it really bugged me. And I'm not going out with her anymore. I don't really care for that stuff. Oh no. This 16 year old who looks 33 doesn't want to date my swearing ass. I'm so sad. Okay, thumb head. This guy's neck, I somehow is wider than his head and I don't know how that's even possible. He is real weird looking.

[Tara]

These fuckers are lying is what I wrote down. It feels like all of them were gonna say yes. And then they're like, wait, my mom might read this because it's in the Mac. I don' no. You know, it's fine if she has a mouth that makes words, but I just don't prefer. I don't even kiss them. Like I'm just a good boy. Bye.

[Dave]

The only one that comes close to being honest is Evelio, 17. They describe him as a nutty magazine collector. He's like, yes, whatever. I don't know.

[Tara]

That's what you are too, Tara.

[Dave]

Exactly. I might go out with a girl who does curse. A girl on the wild side. He says, we are clearly soulmates. We missed our chance to hoard a house full of magazines together. Also, he is from El Monte, which is where our rip minty burns our hybrid Toyota Camry. That's where I bought it from the huge car lot in El Monte, California.

[Pam]

But the best one is Asif18, who says it's not very feminine. So don't. Don't curse, ladies. But for the camera. Now, I want each of you to try to replicate what the fuck this headshot is and ask. All right, that's captured. That'll be in your show notes.

[Dave]

Thanks.

[Tara]

Great. Watch me eat my chin.

[Pam]

Is he imploding? Is the black hole in his tonsils and his face is getting sucked into his tonsils.

[Dave]

He looks like he's trying to hold a raw egg in his mouth.

[Pam]

It does. That's.

[Tara]

It has some upper lip that I missed in my retelling. Or that he's showing you how to blow into a trumpet. Q Tip's not married, but if you try to look it up on the Internet, it says he is. It gets a little confusing, but last year he found a high school sweetheart via Internet sleuths on the Instagram. Her name is Pam. No relation. She's like, she wrote, I'm here and I'm ready. She's willing to give him another shot. They went to a Prince concert together, and he thinks of her fondly. Pamela sweat.

[Pam]

Okay, so not recently.

[Tara]

No, not recently.

[Pam]

Yeah. Or wow. I don't know either one.

[Tara]

Q Tip has accent this.

[Dave]

Yeah, it was a Prince show, but it's like those Van Gogh experiences where you go and get your picture taken for Instagram for sure.

[Tara]

Help. Wanting a best friend. I'm 16 and pretty popular at my school. There's this one girl whom I've been friends with for a while. I've always admired her a lot and I want be just like her. We're pretty good friends, but I want to be really close. How can I make better friends with her without looking desperate? Sick of trying sassy writes. I have to wonder why you're so desperate to become best friends with this girl. I'm sure she's as cool as you say, but your opinion of yourself seems a little low. The best friendships are between people who have their own personalities. I doubt your friend wants to hang out with a clone of herself anyway. Besides, you can't force people to feel for you what you feel for them. Relationships of any kind have to develop naturally. It could be that this girl already has a best friend friend. Or maybe she's put off because she senses your desperation. Whatever the case, stop trying so hard. If it's meant to be, it will happen. This is so mean.

[Dave]

It's so mean.

[Tara]

She was just like, there's this girl I'm friends with. I don't want to know how to get closer. Ew. Why are you so desperate? Everybody hates. She probably has a better you in her life off, right?

[Dave]

I doubt your friends wants to hang out with a clone of herself anyway. No one said anything about that.

[Tara]

Said that. She said, I. I suggest. I want to be closer. I think she's great. She's like, yeah, she sounds better than you. Leave her alone.

[Dave]

Right?

[Tara]

Oh, my God, it made me so sad for Sick of trying it. Just picture they printed my lip oh.

[Dave]

This is a very sassy answer. In like the dark sassy. It's like stop trying to be such a. You know how sassy can be sometimes.

[Pam]

Younger boyfriend. I'm 16. I really like this guy who is 13. This may sound strange, but he is the nice, nicest person. I know he likes me, but would it be wrong to go out with him because of our age difference? Sassy replies. Of course not. Plenty of 16 year old guys could go out with 13 year old girls. Blah, blah, blah blah. Be prepared to take some abuse from your friends. Three years at this point is like 10,000 years.

[Dave]

Yes it is.

[Pam]

That is not the right answer.

[Dave]

That's too much.

[Pam]

What grades are these people like? Put it in grades.

[Dave]

And 16, let's say. Great. It's grade 11 and grade 8. So you're not even at the same school.

[Tara]

Well, I had a. When I was 16, there was a 13 year old and I was like, you're too young. Well, call me later. Like. And I was a junior and he was a freshman because that can happen. Junior and freshman. But I knew this is. You are too young. Yeah, I don't care how many boys try to get with 13 year old girls. It's not okay.

[Dave]

Yeah, they shouldn't be either.

[Pam]

Next. Help. Hairy body on my stomach and chest. I have dark hair. Same, not peach fuzz. Please tell me why this is happening. I'm 18 and well past puberty. Can I make it just go away? Is there anything a doctor can do? Please help me sign. Jesus Christ. JC Making the assumption now that I've read it, that this is a girl talking, not a guy.

[Dave]

Well, they have help for him as a separate column this month. So if it were a boy, it would probably be.

[Pam]

Well, it could be help unisex and help for him.

[Dave]

You're right.

[Pam]

Right. Hey, speak about itching. Clitoris itching. This may sound crazy, but every once in a while I get a genital itching, not a vaginal itching. It is nearer to the clitoris. Even though it is only occasional, it still worries me. Is this normal? Mild genital itching a few days before you get your period is normal. Since your vaginal discharge is back. As we learned in our first episode of this very podcast, vaginal discharge, along with honorable and dishonorable, is the third way you can get kicked out of the Navy is heavier. Around that time, it is more likely to reach your clitoris and cause an irritation that produces a little itchiness. Okay, here's the solution. And it sounds stupid. For relief Fill your tub with a couple inches of water and add some vinegar. No more than 1 part 2, 4 parts water and soak for about 10 minutes. It sounds like you're making like the worst Bugs Bunny. I'm slowly cooking you in a cauldron. But you don't notice it. I'm now slicing the carrot seed of your puberty.

[Tara]

It's the exact solution I threw into the compost trash yesterday to try to kill some flies and the smell of a carcass. So I don't know that this is great advice.

[Pam]

Add a drop of dawn liquid. You've got a great window cleaner.

[Tara]

Sit on a douche. Holy shit.

[Pam]

Is this the everything pill? It seems to be solving a lot of our problems.

[Dave]

Too many pills.

[Pam]

Anyways, best of luck with your itchy.

[Tara]

Will you please impersonate this kind of itching again? That is spot on. That's spot on. Dave, you have a secret.

[Pam]

It's also the sound of Dave Cross thinking about whether to make you change Mr. Joe hail for him.

[Dave]

Smells bad down there. I wash and wash, but I always seem to smell bad.

[Pam]

I also have an itchy clitoris.

[Dave]

What can I do to help?

[Pam]

This smells bad down there. Smells like a Leonard Skynyrd song, doesn't it?

[Dave]

I don't believe you. Wash and wash. Sorry. Wash more. That's my advice. Yeah, I don't buy it.

[Pam]

After you wash, just cover it with pearl drop.

[Tara]

Putting the same pants back on.

[Pam]

Yeah, that's your problem. You got crotch pants. Got old crotch pants.

[Dave]

That's right. How nipples react.

[Pam]

I will.

[Dave]

I wonder if girls breasts are sensitive. Are they? This was someone who was like, let's look at this. I'm going to get Sassy to write some some erotica for me. And they did. They describe what happens when you have sensitive nipples. So well done to Anonymous for tricking Sassy into specifically Karen. Apparently into, you know, giving you a little free porn.

[Pam]

Girls who like muscles. My girlfriend likes guys with muscles. I don't have any. I'm afraid she'll leave me if I do not bodybuild. What should I do? Sign no name. Whatever you do, don't go to the gym. That's the answer. Don't start going to the gym. Don't feel like you have to go to the gym. Gyms are terrible places.

[Tara]

That's why they invented these T shirts with muscles drawn on them. And you, that's. You put those on. You walk around like.

[Pam]

Is this what you mean?

[Tara]

Ladies, this hat says I get to inspect the bikini.

[Pam]

Alright. It is Time for stuff. You wrote Deborah Nettles.

[Dave]

Deborah Nettles writes almost deaf. The pain of hearing. A mumble. Hesitation. Frustration. What did you say? The sigh of having to repeat. Never mind. Okay, pretty good then. P.S. i wrote this in frustration about my hearing loss. Oh, all right. But I can't be too critical because she died.

[Tara]

I think she died. I think it's her. I went looking around. I'm pretty sure she died and she had a twin. I know too much about Deborah Nettles. I wasn't even gonna bring it up. I didn't highlight.

[Dave]

She didn't.

[Pam]

Wow. Whispering.

[Tara]

I had it. I took it all down.

[Dave]

What?

[Tara]

I had a lot of. Too soon.

[Pam]

Come on. Jesus.

[Dave]

I'm sorry.

[Pam]

Dandelions from Jill. I used to pick the dandelions and bring them to mummy to see your smile. I used to play in the fields and feel sorry for the grasshopper I accidentally stepped on. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Here is that poem as told by future. I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. You created me, Mom. So I guess you're to blame for the love that I feel just from hearing your name. You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami.

[Dave]

I love my mommy. But something about that clip loses something when you can't see everyone looking disgusted. Hearing Bender read it. It. Oh, Futurama. Great show for a while. Not anymore.

[Tara]

Sarah and Christy got together to write have you seen the OB tampon commercial with the girl talking about this environmental problem and how OB tampons are better for the Earth because there's nothing to throw away. Have you noticed that she then throws away a tin can instead of recycling it? Is that hypocritical or is it just a waste of a 30 second commercial? Sarah and Christie from Northville, Michigan.

[Pam]

Wait, hang on. How is there nothing to throw away in an OB tampon?

[Dave]

Because until relatively recently.

[Tara]

Let him guess, let him guess, let him guess.

[Dave]

Okay.

[Tara]

What do you do with it when you're done, Dave? To throw away.

[Pam]

All right, all right. You don't put them in salads, do they? Okay, now I'm guessing the answer is they didn't mean it that way. But do they biodegrade in your area and come out as a nice little burst perfume?

[Dave]

Is that.

[Tara]

That'll make you have a.

[Pam]

Well, it's like there's. It's like. It's like a Tootsie Pop. It's. It's a nice little fragrance center surrounded by cotton.

[Tara]

That's the everything pill. That's how to do it. That's how to administer the everything pill for sure. Right in there.

[Pam]

Does. Wait, hang on, on. I got another one. When you buy a box of OB tampons, do you have to fill out a card with where you live and what time of day you're going to be at your house and somebody comes and takes it for you? Like, takes it out of you for you.

[Tara]

Mom, the OB man's coming down the street. Get him. Get them, Mama. Go get the tampon jar. It's time to put it on the side of the street.

[Pam]

When the OB truck is coming down your street, what song is it playing?

[Tara]

When the red, red robin comes Bob, bob, bob. And along.

[Dave]

No, it's the theme from Jaws. Listen, until I'm gonna say, like a dozen years ago, I just. I'm sorry to the earth, but, like, we've just flushed them down the toilet.

[Pam]

Like, I never.

[Tara]

Now I've learned it the hard way, but I think they mean. Dave, there's no applicator to toss.

[Dave]

That's what they mean.

[Tara]

But speaking of tin cans up your hole, now we know they're filled with lead. So we were. The tin. That trash can, we were putting the lead in.

[Pam]

Wait, what's the vaginas. Sorry, I think I missed something.

[Tara]

They've learned there's some heavy metals in tampons because they are like. We keep forgetting to find out what we're doing to women, you know, and we're just getting around to it. And we have fucked you guys up left and right. Don't put this. That earlier when she said, just put powder all over your smelly parts. You're not supposed to do that either. That stuff gave everybody cancer because of the talc. So, yeah, they're just now getting around to it, Dave, where they're like, so sorry. That was filled with a lot of stuff that we did to bleach the cotton. And you probably were putting heavy metals in your body.

[Pam]

It could be sad, but it also could be your superhero origin story, right? Yeah. Lead down there, woman.

[Dave]

You know, like, there's. There's only so much I can do.

[Tara]

I made paperclip retainers.

[Dave]

So, yeah, I got a tampon in right now. Listen, I'm never gonna use Keeper, okay?

[Pam]

Just one tart.

[Dave]

Never.

[Tara]

When did you put it in? Yesterday or last year.

[Pam]

Is this still the one from when we started the podcast? Just cramming them more up there, as we know. Last time we talked about it, we discovered Tara had 14 tampons up there?

[Dave]

It was today.

[Pam]

So is that 15 or.

[Tara]

Yeah, that's how you never have to throw them away either. Just keep, just keeping. So one day, like a PEZ dispenser, she'll open her neck and a tampon pops out.

[Dave]

Right?

[Tara]

And it's your face.

[Pam]

That's why she won't go swimming. They'll get wet and they'll just drag her right down to the bottom of the ocean.

[Tara]

In this article about our heavy metal tampons. Yeah, yeah, there's a little stack.

[Pam]

Enter Sandman was song for a tampon commercial. What would it be called?

[Tara]

Well, I think you could still call it Enter Sandman.

[Dave]

We're often devil Never Land.

[Pam]

Set you up, knock him down.

[Tara]

Anyways, take my hand and let me guide you carefully into you're off to never bleeding land.

[Dave]

Not to off to never leaking land is probably. That's what you want. You're definitely.

[Tara]

Yeah, I like it. Anyway, Unforgiven is probably the better song though, so. People who menstruate may use more than blank tampons over the course of their reproductive years. Study authors calculated with each tampon. This next part is just for Tara staying in the vagina for several hours at a time. Dave, how many tampons do you think are under this little black box?

[Pam]

So wait. Okay, once again, read it again for me.

[Tara]

People who menstruate may use more than blank tampons over the course of their reproductive years. Years. Oh, give a real tampons in there for several hours. But it doesn't matter.

[Dave]

I'll accept blank. That's not your invitation.

[Pam]

Can you restate the question? Like Gene Rayburn, and then I'll answer. Seriously?

[Dave]

Dumb Dora was so dumb. How many tampons do you think a menstruating person uses in their life?

[Pam]

Okay, so lifetime reproductive years.

[Dave]

Yes.

[Pam]

Not just like per. Whatever.

[Dave]

Yes. They're not using them when they. Their children.

[Pam]

Okay, can you give me a sec to do some math?

[Dave]

Sure.

[Tara]

Okay, sure. He has pulled out an abacus.

[Pam]

Okay, one second.

[Dave]

His results are going to be skewed because like all of my friends, including ones who are younger than me, like Pam are, you know, at some point in the menopause journey in my period could not be more regular, like still. And I'm going to be 50 this year. It's ridiculous.

[Pam]

All right. Right.

[Dave]

It's not a brag, Pam. I'm pretty, pretty mad about it.

[Tara]

Yeah, I've. I'm. I'm like. When people talk about their cramps, I think about it like when you hear about an ex got married or something. You're like, oh, yeah, I remember that feeling. It sucked.

[Pam]

All right, all right. I, I, I, I've. I've assembled my numbers there. No, I was thinking about it.

[Dave]

I was thinking about it, and I just. I don't really have, like, any symptoms, particularly, really, other than just. Just the main one. Like, I don't get cramps.

[Pam]

I have an answer for you.

[Dave]

Whatever. Go ahead.

[Pam]

3,000, 648.

[Tara]

Where. What were your numbers here? Well, you were low, just so you know.

[Pam]

I was low. Okay. How low?

[Tara]

You could. You could double that number and. And then keep going. It is 7,400 tampons over the course of their reproductive years. But now they didn't have diva cups at the time. They didn't have, like, these kinds of. All this is. I guess this is people who are embracing tampon life.

[Pam]

Okay, how many tampons a day?

[Dave]

Depends who you ask.

[Tara]

Yeah, really depends what I did.

[Pam]

This is what I did. I did. I did. Okay, so I did one week a month, and then I said eight for that one week, you know, so you got, like. You know, you got one more, right.

[Dave]

No, it's more than that.

[Pam]

Okay.

[Dave]

You have to. You're supposed to change them every, like, six hours.

[Pam]

Oh, I know. You're supposed to.

[Tara]

And when you're. But when you're having your heavier days, that might be an hour or two.

[Pam]

So why don't you just. Guys use bigger tampons?

[Tara]

Yeah, we tried. Yes. And they do. They make bigger tampons for those days, but it's. It's coming out there, so.

[Pam]

Yeah, but I mean, like, really big.

[Dave]

He's talking about like, a foam roller, like, when you have back problems. Like that size.

[Tara]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's. It would seem like a very high number to me, too, but, you know, thinking maybe you start your preparation period at 13, and, like, Tara, you go until, like, 53, 54, 55, then. Wow, that's a lot of tampons. Well, you're not. You're not like, it's 55. Like, 55 is a pretty normal menopause number, too. So how old are you when you started?

[Dave]

13.

[Tara]

Yeah.

[Pam]

So you have come in close to 7,000 tampons in you now. I mean, in you still.

[Dave]

Well, this is for, you know, this is the average in. In my case right now, as we've discussed, that number might be closer to, like, 60.

[Tara]

She looks like the house from up. Have I made this joke yet? Just all the strings tied to her. She's a reverse.

[Pam]

Tara takes great care not to get colds because she ever sneezed. Oh my God. 7,000 tampons coming out of there. No, thank you.

[Tara]

Oh, no.

[Pam]

That's why we call her the Gatling the Cat. Like.

[Dave]

Next time we'll be talking about the pop culture topics of the November 1990 issue. What now encompasses both special ed and toad licking. D light and flatliners get reviewed. Sonic Youth gets profiled in the days before we all turned on Thurston Moore and more more for my plug this week. We've already mentioned it. This is one month into the run of Beverly Hills 90210 and I have done a podcast about that. It is called again with this I Do it with Sarah Debunting. We've already exhausted Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place and are now on Dawson's Creek. But you can hear us talking about all of those, plus other projects that all of the people on or around those shows have done. You can support us on Patreon over there again with this podcast.com club. And you should.

[Pam]

All right, ladies, you use 7, 400 tampons over your reproductive life. I think together we can figure out a way to get that going down. Let's reduce that number. Let's get it down to that 3800 that I was talking about.

[Tara]

Sounds great, Dave.

[Pam]

You can follow Tara at Tara Ariano. Pam is at Pamela Ribbon on Social. This podcast itself is at Listen to Sassy. And don't forget, you can support us us on Patreon. $5 a month gets you those PDF scans of the whole magazine, not just the visual aids, but all the other stuff. There's a lot of good stuff there. We don't talk about it. It doesn't go into visual aids. That [e-mail] Club also gets you access to our Discord, where Pam, Tara and myself are talking about all your 80s, 90s and beyond memories. What's Pam buying today, you ask? Well, you might find out on the Discord.

[Tara]

You can call us at 7:20 Sassy go to leave us a voicemail about the show or the magazine. We may play it on a future episode at one of our slumber parties. And we'll be taking our November 1990 quiz in a couple of weeks. But you can take it now. It is online at listen to sassy.com and find out how spacey are you. Hey, I said the quiz is how spacey are you? And then you can call us at 7:20 Sassy. Go leave us a voicemail about how it's called how space spacey ar.

[Dave]

We also for we forgot to do this September 1990 quiz which is how boy obsessed are you? And that is going to be a very important one for all of us to share our results on. So we will back up and do that one as well.

[Pam]

Takes the quiz and the magazine just explodes.

[Tara]

Is that your stomach? I never been on a date. I just get married. Hello. 720 sassy. Go. Let us know how it went for you and how many tampons are in you right now. Thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next time.

[Pam]

And good luck with that itchy clitoris.

[Tara]

Oh boy.

[Pam]

That's our new sign up every week now.

[Dave]

Stuff.

[Pam]

I think I found a worse M and M flavor than coconut.

[Dave]

Well, we can start recording again.

[Pam]

No, that's okay.

[Dave]

But what is it?

[Pam]

Bubble gum.

[Dave]

Ew, that is disgusting. Gross. Gross.

[Tara]

It just always. And then you swallow it. You just chomp and then swallow bubble gum.

[Pam]

Bubblegum flavor. Flavor. So I don't know what's in the middle. I think it's probably chunks of kind of stuff in the chocolate.

[Dave]

Yeah, that's revolting.