Podcast Summary:

Live Free with Josh Howerton
Episode: What Wives and Husbands Need to Hear about S*x in Marriage
Date: August 18, 2025
Host: Pastor Josh Howerton
Co-Host: Jana Howerton
Produced by: Lakepointe Church

Episode Overview

This candid, practical episode dives deep into biblical and relational wisdom about sex and intimacy in Christian marriage, with Josh and Jana Howerton openly sharing from their own story, biblical teaching, and direct responses to real questions from listeners. Topics include marital roles, headship and submission, the priority of the home, frequency of sex, emotional and physical connection, and sensitive Q&A about marriage bed boundaries, masturbation, dating, and more. The tone is warm, vulnerable, sometimes humorous, and always rooted in the Bible.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Context, Tone, and Warnings

• PG-13+ Content: This episode is frank about sex, a heads-up given at [01:13].
• Purpose: Equip Christians to approach sex, intimacy, and roles in marriage biblically and with faith, not embarrassment or cultural confusion.

2. Marriage Roles: Headship, Submission, and The Priority of the Home

[11:12 – 28:38]

The Biblical Framework

• A husband’s unique responsibility is to work and provide.
• A wife’s unique responsibility is to prioritize the home—not “her place is the home,” but her “priority” is the home. (12:45)
• Cited scriptures: Titus 2, 1 Timothy 5, Proverbs 31, 1 Corinthians 11.

Modern Cultural Pushback

• “Now, that's like the exact opposite of, like, girl boss, corporate culture. Like, you know, it's totally oppressive to tell a woman to prioritize her home.” (12:41, Josh)
• Josh and Jana refuse to apologize for biblical teaching, urging listeners to embrace God’s good design for flourishing.

Practical Testimony

• Jana set aside her career (in speech therapy) when they were newly married, despite finances not making sense.
• “It did not make financial sense. It was a step of faith. And Jana didn’t make that decision because it was like, ‘well, we got a whole bunch of kids, so I have to be home.’ It was just like—No. Like, we have a biblical conviction that I need to prioritize my home.” (21:52, Josh)
• Vulnerability: Jana admits to “FOMO”—sometimes wrestling with whether she’s missing out professionally, but God consistently reassures her she’s exactly where she’s supposed to be ([23:08]).

Theological Emphasis

• God made Adam for a calling, Eve to help Adam (“…the man, the husband, is primarily oriented towards a calling, and the wife is primarily oriented towards the husband and helping him in that.” - [26:00], Josh)
• Husbands: This reality should humble and call you up, not inflate the ego ([28:38]).

3. Practical Homemaking & Mutual Service

[29:39 – 35:47]

The Lost Art of Homemaking

• Josh praises Jana’s “launchpad” homemaking: rest, beauty, peace, a place where he can thrive in his calling ([29:39 - 32:36]).
• Jana: “I want home to be a place you want to come home to... I want it to be like a safe haven.” ([32:37])

The “En Gedi” Principle

• For both spouses: Home should be an oasis (En Gedi in Song of Solomon 1).
• Husbands need to bring peace; wives create environments of rest and welcome ([33:25]).

Tolkien Inspiration

• Jana’s vision: “Rivendell was the perfect house... merely to be there was a cure for weariness, fear and sadness.” ([34:42])

4. Headship & Submission: What It Really Means

[35:47 – 56:59]

Biblical Commands

• Ephesians 5: “Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord…”
• Submission is not all women to all men, not a call to accept sin or abuse, and not a loss of voice or value.
• “Submission is not waiting until he deserves it.” ([43:03], Josh)

What Makes Submission Easy or Hard?

• “You make that a joy, you make that easy. ... You lay down your life for us.” (37:17, Jana)
• The Howertons share personal examples of “pulling rank”—always out of love and for family well-being, not selfish gain ([44:05 – 54:18]).

Notable Moment

• “Headship is not about having the right to rule, but the responsibility to serve.” (37:19, Josh quoting Paul)

5. Sex & Intimacy in Marriage

[61:22 – 120:27]

The Three Views of Sex

• Sex as God: Sexuality made into identity and ultimate fulfillment (wrong).
• Sex as Gross: Overly negative religious teaching, often leaving people unable to flip the switch in marriage.
• Sex as Gift: The biblical view. “God celebrates it. It's a wonderful gift to be enjoyed, not just for procreation, but recreation.” ([65:05], Josh)

What Wives Need to Hear

• “Make him feel wanted. ... you're the only person in his life who can fulfill his need for physical intimacy. So marriage is the only way that he can get this. He needs it. Sex is important.” ([68:13-68:41], Jana)
• “Start desiring him, pursuing him. Initiate sex with your husband. ... If you do this, this is going to blow his mind.” ([69:03], Jana)
• “Emotional intimacy for [wives] leads to physical intimacy. But for him, physical intimacy leads him to emotional intimacy.” ([69:52], Jana)
• Catching “the little foxes” in marriage—small things that slowly kill intimacy (attitudes, tiredness, selfishness, anger, busy schedules, etc. – [71:45 – 75:16]).

What Husbands Need to Hear

• Monogamy is exciting—“Spending your entire lifetime mastering one instrument, ... you can figure out how to do awesome things that way.” ([83:05], Josh)
• “You can't skip the emotional intimacy and try to get straight to physical intimacy with her.” ([83:05], Josh)
• “She needs to feel beautiful ... sexual attraction for her is also about how good she feels she looks.” ([87:31], Josh)
• “Outserve one another applies in the bedroom.” Posture yourself to serve and delight your spouse—not just yourself.

Medical & Biological Factors

• Seek advice from older women (Titus 2) and go to a doctor for hormonal/health concerns impacting intimacy.
• “Don’t just accept a reality you shouldn’t accept.” ([79:02], Josh)
• “There is no shame in figuring that out… you are going to feel better, your marriage is going to be better and thriving.” ([79:23], Jana)

Infertility/Childbearing and Intimacy

• “If the only time you prioritize your sex life is when you’re trying to get pregnant, what kind of message do you think you’re sending your husband? ... [Physical intimacy] needs to be based on more than [procreation].” ([81:55], Jana)
• Process pain (infertility/loss) honestly, so it doesn’t become a foothold for the enemy.

6. Q&A Lightning Round

[91:22 – 120:27]

Some Key Questions Answered

• What’s not allowed in the marriage bed?
  Forbidden: fornication, adultery, polygamy, rape, incest, homosexuality, bestiality, prostitution, pornography, pagan worship, and anything “that harms, degrades or is unwanted by your spouse.” ([91:25 – 94:42])
• Frequency of Sex
  There’s no universal number; spouses should work together, communicate, and not settle for “I don’t feel like it” as a rule. See 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. ([95:00 – 99:31])
• Masturbation
  The Bible is silent, but lust is forbidden, and the purpose of intimacy is union with one’s spouse. Rare exceptions may apply (travel, mutual agreement), but must be approached carefully. ([99:31 – 102:18])
• Sex before marriage—Is there forgiveness?
  Yes, repent and “own your forgiveness” in Christ—you are washed, sanctified, justified (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). ([102:19 – 104:48])
• Should I break up with someone who leads me into sexual sin?
  If it’s ongoing or intentional, yes—character matters most. ([105:01 – 107:06])
• Co-sleeping and marriage?
  “It might be okay for a very short duration… but you are actively moving away from that.” Kids need to sleep in their own rooms to preserve intimacy as a couple. ([107:09 – 108:01])
• How to know if you’re dating “the one”?
  Draw a grid of must-haves, nice-to-haves, physical boundaries, and mature Christian voices. The answer is found at the intersection of these factors. ([109:59 – 113:15])
• Best thing a wife can do to build up her husband?
  “Treat him with respect and make sure you’re having sex.” ([114:30 – 114:45])
• Can a wife rebuke her husband?
  Yes, but with love, respect, and only when the situation warrants it—remembering mutual submission in Christ. ([114:45 – 116:46])
• Emotional infidelity—What now?
  Draw a circle of intimacy so tight no one else can enter. If crossed, the sinned-against spouse sets clear boundaries for rebuilding trust; the other must hit those targets. ([116:56 – 120:27])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On submission:
  “Headship is not about having the right to rule, but the responsibility to serve. Headship is not about power. It’s about responsibility to serve.” – Josh [37:19]
• On intimacy:
  “Make him feel wanted. Start desiring him, pursuing him. Initiate sex with your husband. … If you do this, this is going to blow his mind. This is your superpower.” – Jana [68:13 – 69:27]
• On monogamy:
  “Spending your whole life mastering one instrument means you can create a masterpiece. … The guy who picks up a new instrument every week doesn’t know what he’s doing!” – Josh [83:05]
• On homemaking:
  “I want home to be a place you want to come home to. … I want it to be a safe haven.” – Jana [32:37]
• On forgiveness after sexual sin:
  “Own your forgiveness. You have been washed. You have been cleansed, purified in the blood of the Lamb... The gospel is real good news.” – Josh [104:48]
• On emotional affairs:
  “When you get married, you are drawing a circle of intimacy so tight that no one else is ever allowed in that circle.” – Josh [116:56]

Timestamps for Major Segments

• **[01:13] Parental warning about explicit marital topics
• [12:45] Biblical teaching on work/home roles for husband/wife
• [18:31] Josh & Jana’s testimony of prioritizing home early in marriage
• [29:39] Homemaking as a launchpad for marriage/calling
• [35:47] Headship & submission in marriage
• [61:22] Theology of sex in marriage (sex as God/gross/gift)
• [68:13] What wives need to hear about sex
• [83:05] What husbands need to hear about sex
• [91:22] Detailed Q&A on marriage, sex, and related challenges

Tone and Style

• Warm, unflinching, practical, and scriptural.
• Frequently vulnerable, gently humorous, and relational—modeling the kind of open, God-centered conversation the hosts hope listeners will have at home and with mentors.

For those who haven’t listened:
This episode offers a robust, biblically-grounded, and empathetic look at marriage, roles, and intimacy. The Howertons use biblical teaching, real-life examples, and straight answers to remove confusion and shame, encourage unity and passion, and help listeners build marriages marked by mutual service, joy, and freedom in Christ.