← Live Wire with Luke Burbank
Live Wire with Luke Burbank
Sona Movsesian, Marcella Arguello, and Brown Calculus (REBROADCAST)
00:51:53
This episode features writer and podcaster Sona Movsesian, standup comedian Marcella Arguello, and music from Brown Calculus.
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A
Hey there. Welcome to Livewire. I'm your host, Luke Burbank. This week on the show, we are talking to Sona Movsessian, who might be the most famous personal assistant in America. She's worked for Conan o' Brien and she's part of the hit podcast Conan o' Brien Needs a Friend. And now she's out with a memoir, the World's Worst Assistant, in which she explains how to be strategically better, bad at your job, but in such a way that you're basically unfirable. We're also going to play a fun little game of Workplace Would you rather with Sona? Then we're going to hear some stand up from the very funny Marcella Arguello talking about the politics of airport parking. And then we've got music from Portland's very own Gemini musical duo, Brown Calculus. It's gonna be a fun show, so don't go anywhere. It all gets started right after this.
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The creative economy is broken, but some people are still making it work.
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We're here to find out how.
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I'm Anna Marie Cox and I'm Open Mike Eagle. Past Due is our podcast about what it really takes to survive as a creative today.
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When one job isn't enough, three still won't cover your bills, and success does not guarantee stability.
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With guests like Paul F. Tompkins, Taylor Lorenz, Adam o', Connover, Jamie Loftus, Rhett.
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Miller, and a whole lot more.
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Past Due with Anna Marie Cox and Open Mike Eagle.
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Wherever you get your podcast, new episodes every week.
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C
This show is supported by Odoo. When you buy business software from lots of vendors, the costs add up and it gets complicated and confusing. Odoo solves this. It's a single company that sells a suite of enterprise apps that handles everything from accounting to inventory to sales. Odoo is all connected on a single platform in a simple and affordable way. You can save money without missing out on the features you need. Check out odoo-o o.com that's o d o o dot com.
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This episode of Livewire was originally recorded in October of 2022. We hope you enjoy it. Now let's get to the show.
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From.
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PRX It'.
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This week, writer and podcaster Sona Movsessian.
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It's Conan o' Brien needs a friend, not Sona Movsessian needs a friend. So if it's terrible, it's not my name on it.
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B
Stand up comedian Marcella Arguello.
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E
Now look, I don't look this good when I fly those listening at home. I Look hot as hell.
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B
With music from Brown, Calculus and our fabulous house band. I'm your announcer, Elana Passarello. And now the host of Livewire, Luke Burbank.
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A
Thank you so much, Elaina Passarello. Thanks everyone for tuning in. We have a very fun show in store for you this week. I've been very excited to talk to Sonam of Cessian for a while, ever since I started hearing her on the Conan o' Brien needs a friend podcast. So we're going to hear that in a minute. We also, of course, asked the Livewire audience a question based on Sona's book and personal experience. The question we asked was, what's the worst job you've ever had? We are going to hear those responses coming up in a moment. First, though, we got to kick things off, as we always do, with the best news we heard all week. This right here is our little reminder that there is still occasionally some good news happening out there in the world. Elena, what is the best news you've heard all week?
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B
Oh, this is so interesting. It's sort of like archives of music history news. All right, back in 2021, unfortunately, we lost a man named Russ Thyrett, who is the former CEO of Warner Brothers. And before he had that top banana job, he worked a lot of jobs finding artists, nurturing artists, mentoring artists, signing artists. He worked with Devo, he worked with Rem and he signed an 18 year old prince. So after Russ Thyrett passed away, an archivist went through his entire estate, soup to nuts, even went up in the attic of what I'm assuming is some kind of fabulous home. And among the things that they uncovered is a quarter inch reel to reel from 1977. So it was like 43 years old. And on it three songs are written, just as long as we're together, my love is forever and Jelly Jam. And right beside them it says in handwriting, right, like in pen, Copyright Prince Nelson, 1977.
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A
Oh my gosh.
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B
The archivist, Jeff Gold, who's also kind of worked with Ross Thy Red and worked at Warner Brothers, started doing his homework and figured out and got confirmation that this is the demo tape that that got Prince his record deal.
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A
That first one where it's got I want to be your lover on it and all that.
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B
Well, that is the record that he recorded after he got the deal. Yeah, and it was a great deal. Apparently they kind of played a bunch of record labels against each other. And one of the reasons Prince went with Warner Brothers, who we know he eventually had some Issues with. But in the original deal, when that was signed, he really enjoyed Thy Red, who took him back to his house and they just listened to music and, like, was really all about the artist. And so that was very attractive to him. But, yeah, this. This is the demo Prince recorded in Minneapolis, playing all of the instruments that got sent out to all of these different places in hopes of landing him a record deal. Listen to this. Burbank. It is now up for auction.
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A
Wait a second. So in other words, I can't listen to it?
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B
Well, technically, you can't listen to the reel to reel, but the auctioneer has, like, repackaged it, so there's a CD that goes along with it.
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A
Okay.
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B
But you would have the actual physical and analog, you know, Prince's voice hammered into this tape in the original box. And I don't know whose handwriting the writing on the COVID is. It's probably not Princess, because it spells out all the words without using any enumeration.
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A
It doesn't use the number two and then, like, you know, some other kind of hieroglyphs.
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B
Nope. So since that's not outrightly owned by Paisley park, it's up for auction. It's available to sort of. So you could. Right now, there's only two bids. You got three more weeks to bid on it. And the top bid right now is only eight grand. So, you know, hock your air fryer.
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A
And I feel like, first, I overpaid for that air fryer. I don't know why I paid eight grand for it. I feel like Prince, of course, is no longer with us, but there are just these little moments of his life that come back. Like, remember when he was a little kid being interviewed by the local news? Somebody found that.
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B
That wasn't that long ago you got.
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A
This demo that, like, a lot of people didn't know about. It's like he's, you know, he's still putting out stuff, even from, you know, wherever he is now. Which I assume is the most glamorous place you can be.
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B
That's right. There's doves everywhere.
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A
That's right. And none of them are crying.
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E
All right.
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Our listeners in California can feel excitement that the magical force that is Dolly Parton has. Has once again made life better in these United States. In California, The Senate Bill 1183 has been signed into law by Governor Gavin Newsom. It's going to provide funding for Dolly Parton's Imagination Library program. The way that the Imagination Library works is it's aimed at encouraging preschool children to sort of develop A love of learning early on, if you're somebody who loves reading and learning, like I know you do, Elena, and like I really did as a kid, you know that feeling of when you're first start being able to read and you just get your hands on a book that totally just captures your imagination and you spend like an entire day in the summertime hidden out in your room just like reading that book or whatever. Well, that's what they want to create for more children. And so basically, you can get a free book mailed directly to your home at no cost to your family. This is going to start June of next year. And right now There are apparently 14 states, five countries that are 20 taking part in this Imagination Library. And so far they've donated over 186 million books. This is gonna cover all 58 California counties. Up to 2.4 million children are eligible for this. And this is a first for this imagination Library. It's the first time that they've had bilingual options available. And so all over California and again already in a lot of other states, kids are going to be able to get a free book sent right to their house thanks to a program started by the one, the only Dolly Parton.
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B
Once again, another reason to quote an earlier best News story quote, be like Dolly on a dinosaur.
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A
Oh, I forgot about that. Wasn't that a kid was using that to like hype themselves up when they needed encouragement.
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B
That was his motivational speech to his mom. And I think, you know, Governor Newsom is gonna make it possible for all of these great young readers to be like Dolly on a dinosaur. Which, by the way, my husband says that to me all the time.
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A
I mean, that is like, we've talked about this recently. That's one of the best things about being in any long term relationship is just the weird stuff you say to each other. So now that you and David have Dolly on a dinosaur, that is to me the best news that I heard all week. All right, let's invite our first guest on over to the program. She's been Conan O' Brien's assistant for the past 12 years. A job that she says, she says she is quite bad at the job. She's also the co host of his podcast, Conan o' Brien Needs a Friend. Which as a listener, I will tell you, she's quite good at that job. She also stars in the Team Coco show, Sona Fixes yous Life. Now, being bad at her job has freed her up the time to go ahead and write a book, which is out now. It's called the World's Worst Assistant. Take a listen to this. It's our conversation with Sonam of Cessian recorded in front of a live audience at the Alberta Rose Theater in Portland, Oregon.
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E
This is nice, Sona.
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A
Welcome to the show. Are you getting used to doing stuff like this? I mean, you've been doing stuff with Conan and kind of the public for a long time now. But, you know, being a celebrity yourself and being on stage and having crowds, does this all feel pretty natural to you at this point?
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D
No, no, no, no. Does it feel natural? No. God, no. This is horrifying. It's nice that you said I'm a celebrity, but I don't think I'm a celebrity. I don't think anything makes you feel like less of a celebrity than working for someone like Conan o'. Brien. Cause, you know, he's a giant, and when he walks around, people just stare at him and they, like, you know, if you can get a same day reservation at a restaurant that you want to go to, I think that's when you're a celebrity. And I still can't do that right now. I'm just. I'm nothing.
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A
Well, that's not true. That was a little.
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D
That's so sad.
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A
That got really.
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I am a nothing person. No, because if you're not a celebrity, you are nothing.
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A
That's right. If there's one thing you've learned in la, you had. Speaking of jobs, you had a lot of jobs before that you write about in the book, before you were working with Conan.
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D
Yeah.
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And one of them was. Well, one. You worked at a watch shop.
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D
Yes.
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Tick time, which it sounds like you really, really put about half of your.
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All into half of my all. That's where I learned how to nap on the job.
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A
What is the key to that?
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D
You know, you just find a comfortable spot and you close your eyes and doze off. It's not as hard as you would think it is. You have to trust the people around you not to snitch. And what else? How many times are you gonna Windex a watch case? You know what I mean? Like, how many times are you just gonna, like, clean things up? At some point you're just, I'm gonna catch up on sleep.
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You also worked at the Hollywood Bowl.
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I did.
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Like, in sort of a store there. And are you familiar with the term quiet quitting?
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I am now.
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Do you think you invented that?
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D
I may have. I may have. Well, so I don't think I quit quietly, though, because I didn't Even quit. I just got fired, which is very different than quitting. I worked at the Hollywood bowl, which is a season the summer. And then for two of those weeks, I asked if I could go to Australia, hoping they'd be like, okay, we can let you go to Australia, but you can't come back. Because I was over it at that point. And they're like, yeah, well, hold on to your job. And so these really lovely people. And I want to say I loved this job. But then when I came back from Australia, I just didn't want to work anymore, so I just stopped going to work. And I kept making all these excuses. I said, oh, my car doesn't work. Oh, I don't feel well. And then at some point, they called me and they're like, we're gonna need you to not come in anymore. And I remember I hung up, and I was in Palm Springs when I should have been at work. And I was like, you know what? That's fair. This is a fair that what you're doing is a good decision.
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A
But look how everything turned out. By the way, we're talking to Sona Movsessian here on Livewire. Her book is the world's Worst Assistant. I'm wondering what your kind of expectations were when you got hired to be Conan o' Brien's assistant. Did you think this was a couple of years of your life or.
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D
Yeah, I thought it was gonna be a couple years. I thought, oh, I'll take this job, and then I'll, you know, step on Conan's back to go to the next thing.
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Which is kind of how it's worked out, in a way.
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D
Yeah, it is kind of.
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A
You're here with your book you wrote.
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D
I've ridden those coattails as much as I can. I've just taken Conan's fame that he's worked really hard on for over 30 years, and I've just used it to my advantage as much as I can. So when I first got the job, I remember them saying, you know, Conan would really like you to work for him for about five years, you know, if you can give a five year commitment. And I said, yeah, but I'm like, I'm not gonna work for Conan for five years. And that was 13 years ago.
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E
Wow.
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And I still work for him, but I didn't know what the job was really going to be. I'd never been a personal assistant before, so I didn't know what to expect, you know, And I was a fan of his, and he could have sucked, and I would have been miserable, but luckily he wasn't. And you know, I've parlayed that into making money for myself.
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A
I want to find out more about that money making aspect to see if when we come back from this break, we've got to take if you were able to achieve what you express as the singular goal of writing this book.
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D
Yes.
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So we will talk more with Sonam of Cession here on Livewire. Back with more in a minute. Look, I'm not saying that I have a coffee problem, but I am definitely telling you that I am reaching for yet another cup of coffee. And if you know exactly where I'm coming from, let me tell you about Fetch Coffee Roasters right here in Portland. They're small batch women owned. And here is the kicker. Every bag that you buy sends a dollar to a dog in need. Think about it. Fetch Coffee Roaster. So basically right now, your coffee addiction, you can consider that to be like philanthropy, which is amazing. They are right now roasting a special blend for Livewire. It's called Get Wired. Plus they've got their great regular roast lineup like Muddy Paws and Zoomies. And if you want to get 15% off right now as a Livewire listener, all you got to do is use code LIVEWIRE. This is on your first order. Use the code LIVEWIRE@FetchGroasters.com Fetch Coffee Wagtail hey, welcome back to LiveWIRE from PRX. We are talking to Sonam of Session about her book, the World's Worst Assistant. Sona works with Conan o'. Brien. One of the things that you and Conan lean into on the podcast, Conan o' Brien Needs a Friend. And the various TV pieces you've shot and even this book is that you are extremely bad at the job of being his assistant.
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E
Yeah.
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A
But I also feel like you could not have had the job for 13 years if you were really as bad at it as you sort of profess.
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D
Yeah, no, you're right. I think that I'm bad at what assistants should do, like scheduling and taking care of their bosses and helping them.
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A
Assisting them.
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D
Those are all parts where I lack. But at the flip side, I think that for working for someone like Conan o' Brien, who is a comedian, comedians love when they just get material from the people around them. And one thing that I have provided Conan with for over the last 13 years is an endless well of material. And I think that's what's really given me the job security that I have is that if he can make fun of me in a group of people and then high five me afterwards, which is the most humiliating thing. If anybody. If you've ever been in a group of people and then one just makes fun of you, and then everyone laughs, and then that person who made fun of you makes you high five them. And you have to, because he's your boss. It is so demeaning. But he lives off of that. So, you know, I think, you know where I suck at just not being a good assistant, where I'm just bad at that. You know, I excel at material. And that's more valuable for Conan than, you know, remembering, you know, a doctor's appointment.
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A
Sure. How important could a doctor's appointment be?
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D
How important?
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A
Mr. O', Brien, we've biopsied that mole, and it's not good. Yeah, I didn't get the memo. Did you and Conan always have this really kind of sort of interesting dynamic, you know, from even the early days of you working with him?
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D
Yeah, I think it started very early. In the very beginning, I wanted to be a professional person. I had a notebook.
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A
Wow. And a notebook.
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D
I had a notebook. I had a pen. And I was like, I'm gonna write things. And then I was very, very, you know, invested in doing a good job for him. Cause I wanted to. And then it just sort of chipped away. And it's not just my fault. I mean, you know, where it really turned sour. Not sour, but where it became this. You know, I was speaking to my grandma on the phone one day, and then I hung up, and I was speaking to her in Armenian, and I hung up the phone, and then he goes, what was that? It sounded like you were arguing with Dracula. And instead of being like, how dare you insult my ancestral language like that, I just laughed. And I think that me laughing gave him license to realize he could go from, oh, you're now a vampire. So that's gonna be my joke about you for the next two years, to the point where someone who gets me a secret Santa, gives me, like, blood wine and does an entire, like, theme around me being a vampire. And then that goes into me needing ancestral soil so that my. I can move about the Right. The land. And, you know, I mean, it just, like, snowballed. And eventually, like, I steal things and I steal babies from. From, like, the marketplace. And, you know, I mean, it just. It's. It's absurd. And I should have. I think it all went back to me laughing at that first joke.
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A
That one joke.
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D
Yeah. And if I just didn't laugh at it, everything would have been different. And I Probably would have gotten fired.
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A
Right. You may be describing a hostile work environment. I'm not sure.
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D
Oh, it's very hostile. Yeah. It's so inappropriately hostile on both sides. It's just we're, you know, I can never work anywhere else. I think that's the thing I learned.
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B
You give him on the podcast so much crap back.
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D
Yeah.
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B
When in your relationship did you feel comfortable just giving it right back to him the way that you do?
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D
That was also very early on. It fell apart so early on. I can't even. I don't even know. I think that when he started making fun of me and then I started laughing, and then I just kind of, like, said something about him being Irish. He's Irish, by the way. I don't know if you guys knew that, but. Yeah, I mean, you know, then after that, when he also. It's all about the way we responded to things. So I would say everything fell apart within the first six months. By the end of the first six months, it was just a mess.
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A
I really, really enjoy the podcast. Conan o' Brien needs a friend. That is Conan and Matt Gourley and you. And I really enjoy the dynamic that the three of you have because, I mean, the show is ostensibly about interviewing these famous people, and you've had on Michelle Obama. Super famous people.
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E
Yeah.
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A
I really enjoy the dynamic between the three of you a ton. When they asked you or Conan asked you, do you want to do this podcast? What. What did you think it was going to turn into?
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D
I didn't know what it entailed. I didn't think anybody. It's not that I didn't think anybody would listen to it. It's that I didn't think that I would have much of a role in it. But I always just tell myself it's Conan o' Brien needs a friend, not Sotom Offsessian needs a friend. So if it's terrible, it's not my name on it, which I think just helps me in general, is if I look bad, Conan looks bad, bad. And I just slither back to obscurity and it doesn't matter. But, you know, he has a lot more on the line. I forgot what the question was.
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A
Just you answered it. You actually forgot remembering the question. You answered it pretty thoroughly.
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D
Okay. Yeah. I have nothing to lose. I think I have nothing to lose in every aspect of my job. So, you know.
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A
This is Livewire from prx. We are talking to Sonam of Session. Her new book is the World's Worst Assistant. I thought this book was really entertaining.
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D
Thank you.
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A
It was really in your voice, which I just find, like, really charming. I'm wondering what it was like for you to write a book, presuming you hadn't written one before this.
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D
Never. Awful. I don't like writing books, really. There's so many words you have to put on the page. I didn't realize that when I wrote it. I mean, you know, I had the idea for it, and I luckily, you know, I wrote a proposal and it sold. And then they said, okay, well, you know, we're hoping to get X amount of words. And I was like, can anybody write those many words? And I think it was something like 60,000. And I thought, okay, I'm gonna send them 20,000. And they are gonna be so bowled over by these words that they're gonna be like, this is good enough. And then I did. And then they said, okay, but, you know, you have to write 40,000 more words. And so I thought, okay, fine. And then it was hard. And then I had. I had twin boys while I was writing it. So I had my twin boys in July, and my deadline was in October. So, you know, I was, like, pumping milk and typing at the same time.
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A
That's how Hemingway did it.
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D
And, you know, you know what? Hemingway, Hemingway and I are on the same level, so that makes sense. We're the same.
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B
Hemingway also, like, inflated the font for a few pages just to make the word count. I think I saw that. And the Sun Also Rises.
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D
I did get to a point where I just thought, just get words onto a page and we'll fix it in post.
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A
There is really a section of this book that is so charming to anyone who ever had to write a paper in school. What was the size font you're using?
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D
Oh, yeah. So I write an entire chapter called the filler chapter, which is everything I did in school, which is, you know, I define words just to add words into the word count. I go on these long tangents about random things, and at one point, I made the font a lot bigger, and I widened the margins.
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A
Yes. Classic moods.
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D
So in the. Yeah, so all just to get as much in there. And I thought, they're not gonna like it. And then they did. So I got away with a lot. I think the problem is I surround myself with people who enable my behavior, and then they reward with, like, book deals and putting me on podcasts and stuff. So I just don't learn. I don't learn my lesson. But, you know, I mean, that's.
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A
Well, maybe the lesson is that you're actually really funny and entertaining.
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D
I don't think that's it. I think that it. I really just think that I just found exactly where I should be, and I'm coasting as much as I can.
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A
So you write in the book that the reason that you wanted to write the book was so that you could pay for a remodel on your kitchen.
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D
I am. October 3rd, demo 6. So we did it. We did it. Oh, my God.
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E
I know.
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A
So it worked.
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D
It did work. It did. I know people thought I was joking, but that. That's why I wrote.
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A
You have the ring of truth to me. Are you still actually, at this point, working actively as Conan o' Brien's assistant?
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D
So when I went on maternity leave, this guy David took over my responsibilities as assistant. And then when I came back from maternity leave, I had a conversation with David and Conan, and I said, this is working for me. I don't know if this is working for you guys. So I think. So when I came back from maternity leave, when you're an assistant, you really have to be available all the time, and you really do have to be able to travel with someone and go off and, you know, go on a full day press conference or whatever. And I just can't do that anymore. So David does it now. But over the course of the last 13 years, I've made myself indispensable, which is part of what I talk about in my book. So, like, the other day, Conan had to do something for his cell phone, and his cell phone is under my.
- [26:58]
C
Name.
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D
So he needed me for that. And I feel like when I do one thing a week that's important, that justifies my existence. So I feel like it's like a long con, and I'm finally at the point where I'm doing absolutely nothing, but he can't get rid of me.
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A
God, that is genius. That is so elegant.
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D
It is. I'm a criminal mastermind. I really think that if I got into crime, I would be running an entire mob myself right now.
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A
Well, let's be honest.
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B
David would be running.
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A
You'd have somebody else running it.
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D
I'd be profiting. You're right.
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A
You'd be home admiring your kitchen. This is Livewire. We're talking to sonam of session. All right, this is the part of the show where we like to give our listeners some practical advice that they can use in their own lives. And we were thinking that because this book is, you know, is the world's worst assistant, maybe we could get some of your Opinions on kind of divisive workplace scenarios, since there's a certain workplace element to your book. So on the table in front of you, Sona, is a jar. We've got five scenarios in there. We call this the Jar of Truth. I know that sounds like Dracula music.
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D
Did you do that on this? No. Okay.
- [28:23]
A
Eyal has been playing that trill for many guests over the years. It's just this time it was appropriate in a sort of Dracula way.
- [28:32]
D
It would be like Conan to call ahead of time and say, play Dracula music at some point.
- [28:38]
A
Okay, so this is how it's gonna work, Sona. We're gonna have you pull a question at random out of the jar. Elena Passarello is gonna read you the scenario, and we'd like to get your opinion. Okay? So take it away.
- [28:48]
B
Okay. Sona, what's worse? Scheduling a meeting at 4:30 on a Friday or scheduling any meeting that could have been an email.
- [29:00]
D
What's worse?
- [29:00]
B
Yeah.
- [29:01]
D
Oh, the 4:30 on a Friday. What are we doing? That's the correct answer. I want to go home at noon on a Friday, so I don't know why anyone would do that.
- [29:14]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [29:14]
A
You speak for us all.
- [29:15]
D
Yeah, I'm sorry, that was a short answer. Did you guys need more. More beef?
- [29:19]
B
No, no, no. That was meaty enough.
- [29:21]
A
That was the correct amount of beef.
- [29:23]
B
Yeah.
- [29:23]
C
No.
- [29:23]
B
All right. I would have beef if you answered.
- [29:25]
D
I meant to say meat and I said beef instead.
- [29:31]
A
That was beefy.
- [29:31]
D
Beefy. You need more beef.
- [29:33]
E
Where is the beef?
- [29:35]
A
Can that be the name of your second book? You Need More Beef by Sonamo? All right, Sona has selected another workplace scenario. Elena.
- [29:45]
B
Okay, how about this one? Are you pro or anti out of office messages that detail someone's vacation location?
- [29:54]
D
You shouldn't do that anyway, because. Hold the phone. Do not ever put on your out of office that you're on vacation, because it could go anywhere. And then someone will be like, they're on vacation. I guess I'll rob them. So don't do it. Just. It's a very basic. I'm out of the office. That's an important question, because a lot of people should not do that. I learned that not the hard way. I didn't get robbed, but I remember someone saying that, and I was like, oh, yeah, because your emails go out to so many people, and someone could be like, they're not home. I'll go rob their house.
- [30:24]
A
Although when you start your criminal syndicate.
- [30:27]
D
Yes, that's true.
- [30:28]
A
You've already got your first heist planned. Yeah, just Read, everyone's out of office. Email.
- [30:33]
D
That's true. And I used to shop.
- [30:35]
E
Why am I talking?
- [30:43]
A
What is the most.
- [30:46]
D
Oh, my God.
- [30:47]
A
What's the most expensive thing you ever shop?
- [30:49]
D
They were never that expensive.
- [30:51]
A
Like, what would the kind of stuff be?
- [30:52]
D
It was like a bracelet from Express. And I used to do it in a. In a. Like, a way where I was like, you know, sticking it to the man. So I would, like, wear it and I'd walk out and I'd even, like, wave my hand. But I. If you walk out with confidence, they're like, that must be her bracelet.
- [31:07]
A
Yeah.
- [31:08]
D
So that. But it was always, like, less than $20.
- [31:11]
A
I had a period of my life when I was younger where I was really into shoplifting baseball cards from the pharmacy across the street from my house until this woman named Gladys who worked there grabbed me by my lapels. I know this sounds like a Norman Rockwell painting. I didn't have a slingshot in my back pocket and, like, a little dog with me.
- [31:30]
D
But you had lapels.
- [31:31]
A
She grabbed me by my shirt, and she said, you have sticky fingers. And I never shoplifted from Craigen's Pharmacy again.
- [31:38]
E
That's good.
- [31:39]
A
Okay, one more before we let you go, Sona.
- [31:42]
D
Aw.
- [31:42]
B
Okay, final question. Who would you like to work for the least? A boss who always goes five minutes over on meetings or a boss who ends a meeting three minutes early and then says they're giving you some time back? Like, cool. I guess you can go pursue your dreams in those three minutes.
- [32:01]
D
Wow, that is so specific. Do people say, I'm giving you your time back? Have you guys all heard that?
- [32:10]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [32:11]
D
Oh, that's annoying.
- [32:12]
B
Isn't that gross?
- [32:12]
D
I'm fine with the five minutes over instead of giving you your time back.
- [32:16]
B
That's a power issue that you don't.
- [32:18]
D
Want to get involved. It's like, you're welcome. Here's three minutes.
- [32:22]
A
Yeah. This interview was actually going to go five minutes longer, but we're going to give you some time back, Sonam. And thank you, Sonam Obsession, everyone. That was Sonam Ovcesian right here on livewire. Her book, the World's Worst Assistant is available now. Hey, special thanks this episode to Tammy McLaughlin Tramell of White Salmon, Washington, and Anthony Mayint of Portland, Oregon. Tammy and Anthony are part of the Livewire member community and are generously supporting our show with a donation each month, which we are very thankful for because it's actually how we're able to keep Livewire going. So a huge thanks to Tammy and Anthony, for all the support. This is Livewire. As we do each week, we ask the audience a question. We asked, what is the worst job you've ever had? This has been because we were chatting with Sonam of session about some of her less glamorous employment opportunities that she's been through. Elena has been collecting up those responses. What are you seeing?
- [33:37]
B
Well, the most common factors, I think, for what constitutes a bad job appear to be lack of air conditioning and bodily fluids from some sort of creature.
- [33:47]
A
Which you know, can sometimes go hand in hand. If there's no AC where you're working and it's the summertime that can lead to some bodily fluids leaking.
- [33:55]
B
Good point. That's a good point. I wonder if that was Jamie's experience. Jamie says, I tested hydrology instrumentation with a scale model of a sewer system in an UN air conditioned metal building in Alabama in August. And guess what they used peat moss to simulate poop.
- [34:14]
A
I mean, you gotta pay a lot for that job, I think. Or you've gotta make sure that the help wanted ad does not indicate what the person's really gonna be doing. Cause that was just a litany of things that sound miserable.
- [34:26]
B
I bet it's one of those job descriptions that has engineer in the title and you're like, oh, hydrology engineer. My mom will be so proud of me. And then you're just shoving poop shaped.
- [34:37]
A
Peat moss through a tube in a big metal building in Alabama in August with no air conditioning. What's another not so great job that one of our listeners had?
- [34:47]
B
I love this one just because it teaches me something. This was anonymously submitted. My worst job was working in a bird food factory making pressed bird seed into the shape of a bell one summer to save up for college. It was hot, sticky, smelly, and turned me off of birds. I never thought that somebody has to turn that birdseed bell into a bell. That's a sculpture.
- [35:11]
A
I'm sure the birds of the world are appreciative though, so hopefully that takes the edge off whoever had to have that job. Okay, one more not so great job that one of our listeners had to suffer through.
- [35:21]
B
Here's one from David who says, worst job I ever had, a nursing home wedding officiant. Just kidding. It was an effing awesome gig.
- [35:30]
A
Okay, I am really glad that that sentence ended like it did because I was thinking that would be one of the most, I think, fun and life affirming gigs you could have would be connecting people up in love at whatever age they might be.
- [35:43]
B
Yeah. Even if it wasn't official. You know, even if folks just wanted to, you know, have a nice little wedding on a Wednesday afternoon before Wapner came on, I think that sounds.
- [35:54]
A
That's how I gotta start getting married. Less legally binding. And, you know, in between the prices right in the people's court, I'm only.
- [36:01]
B
70% sure that my marriage, which took place in Las Vegas via Elvis impersonator, was legally binding.
- [36:08]
A
Thanks to everyone who sent in a response. This is Livewire radio. Let's welcome our next guest to the program. She's a standup comedian, writer, and actor, is also the host and the producer of Woman Crush, the most diverse standup show at the Hollywood Improv Lab. Her album, the Woke Bully, debuted at number three on the Billboard comedy chart. Take a listen to this. The very funny Marcella Arguello live at the Alberto's Theater right here on Livewire.
- [36:42]
D
What's up, Portland? All right.
- [36:47]
E
My name is Marcella. I'm very tall. Take it in. I'm six two. Thank you. I. I love being tall. I get mistaken for a man sometimes. I don't care. Men are respected, girl. So it's fine with me. I. It does bother me sometimes. Like, you know, I was flying here. I'm. I. I live in California. So I came in, and we landed. And so when we land, now, look, I don't look this good when I fly those listening at home, I look hot as hell, okay? But when I fly, I don't look like this. I'm wearing, like, baggy pants, oversized shirts, sneakers, no makeup, glasses, mask, hair pulled back, right? And so we land. As soon as we land, the woman across from me, she jumps out of her seat. And then she goes to grab her bag from the overhead compartment, but she's struggling with her bag, and this foin black dude helps her with her bag. And I was like, I'm gonna struggle with my back, okay? He was buff. I liked it. So when I get out of my seat, I go up to grab my bag, and I'm like, oh.
- [38:13]
F
Owie.
- [38:16]
E
My little wrists. And he looks at me. He's like, you got that, bro? And I was like, yeah, it's all good money. I had to move on with my life at that point. I had no chance with that dude. It was fine. So something happened at the airport, not even in the airport parking lot. So I parked in economy because it's a long trip, okay? So I parked in the economy lot. I walked to the little terminal shuttle bus thing. I'm standing there. There's a dude There. He has a Trump hat on. I don't care. And then this other lady comes up with her little bag, and she sees his Trump hat and she gets so pumped. And it's hella funny, because do you ever wear a band T shirt and you like, oh, my God, Led Zeppelin. Oh, my God, LL Cool J, whatever. And you bond.
- [39:15]
A
You're like.
- [39:16]
E
And you relate. That's what was going on with this Trump hat that I saw. And I'd never seen that before. It was like, Trump 24.
- [39:25]
D
Oh, my God.
- [39:27]
E
They were relating to each other so hardcore. They were loving it.
- [39:32]
D
Oh, man.
- [39:33]
F
Oh, man.
- [39:34]
E
And I was like, man, that's pretty cool that you can, like, just find your people off a hat. And the woman not wearing the hat. The dude was wearing the hat. The woman goes. She said, this airport parking lot is a mess because of the Democrats. And that's where the dude drew the line. He was like, hey, hey, we're at the airport. Airport parking.
- [40:13]
D
It's always been bad.
- [40:15]
E
And I love that. That's where he drew the line. Not immigration, not abortion. It was like, airport parking. Hey, relax. That's all of ours. I was like, I'm glad he has ethics.
- [40:43]
D
I don't even know where.
- [40:44]
E
I don't even know where that falls under, but it cracked me up so hard. Hey, make some noise for yourselves. We do appreciate you coming out and supporting live shows, live anything. It's been such a hard two years. It's been such a hard two years. I know I miss a lot of things from the before times. There's a lot of things I don't do anymore. Like, I don't really go out dancing. I used to love going out dancing. That was my favorite thing to go out dancing. I used to love going to gay bars, you know, gay men, oh, man, they love straight women. Gay men will compliment you no matter what you look like. I once walked into a club looking just terrible. Head to toe. I just got off a flight, right? I just looked terrible. As soon as I walked in, this.
- [41:29]
D
Gay dude was like, yes, girl.
- [41:30]
E
You serving hobo realness, girl. I was like, thank you. Thank you so much. I hate going to straight clubs. I hate it. I hate going to straight clubs. Dudes have no idea how to approach a woman. I once had a dude, he rolls up on me. Literally, he's in a wheelchair. He rolls up. I'm excited. He gestures me down. I'm like, what's up? And he says, and I quote, you would be perfect if you had a big butt. I was like you don't have legs. And I wasn't gonna bring it up. I had no problem with it. I don't like how some of you tightened up there. Just so you know, I'm not the bad guy in that. MLK taught me to judge people by the content of their character. That man was a jerk. Okay, think about it. He could have been clever. He could have been super clever with it. Could have been creative. He could have rolled up, gestured me down. I'd been like, what's up? He could have been like, you ain't got no butt, I ain't got no legs. Together we make a whole person. I'd have been like, yeah, let's go. Follow me, Marcella.
- [42:55]
D
Comedy.
- [42:56]
E
You guys have a good night.
- [42:57]
D
Thank you.
- [42:57]
A
Portland. That was Marcella Arguello recorded in front of a live crowd at the Alberta Rose Theater in Portland, Oregon. You can find Marcella on Instagram. Marcellacomedy. I'm Luke Burbank here with Elena Passarella. You can find us most weeks hosting Livewire right here. We gotta take a quick break, but stick around because when we return, we will hear some music from Portland's own Brown Calculus. Stay with us. Hey, it's your friend Luke reminding you, as if you didn't already know, that Livewire has sort of always been a show that does not really work out on paper. The math doesn't totally math, as they say. We're a weekly national broadcast. We do dozens of live events that are produced on a budget that is mostly held together by, like, duct tape and determination, I guess. So, as you have probably already heard, things are really tough out here in public radio, especially for shows like Livewire. Government arts fundings have been slashed. There are a lot of stations that can no longer pay for the show, and ticket sales and sponsorships are down across the entire industry. These are all the ways that we've been able to kind of balance our books over the years. And those are going away. We have somehow survived for two decades, basically by being too stubborn to quit. And we are not going to quit anytime soon. But we cannot do this alone. If you are hearing my voice right now, we need you to join us to make this radio show and this experience happen. Look, maybe you discovered a musician on Livewire that you weren't hearing on, like, the top 40 radio. Maybe you found, like, your next favorite book or author. Maybe you ugly laughed alone in your car or ugly cried. No judgment. Look, if this show has been there for you in any way, shape or form, we are asking you right now to help us build a version of Livewire that can't be defunded, can't be canceled, and can't disappear because budgets get tight, which is what we're in danger of having happen now. Right now, if you can join our fully charged campaign@livewireradio.org fullycharged, you will help us keep the lights on and keep the weird, wonderful conversations that Livewire is known for flowing. So thank you so much for stepping up and doing your part to keep Livewire going. We can't do this without you. Welcome back to Livewire from prx. I'm Luke Burbank here with Elena Passarello. I was wondering if you are in the mood to play a little station location identification examination.
- [45:53]
B
The answer is not yes. It is. Heck yes.
- [45:56]
A
Perfect. This is where I'm going to describe a place in the country where we are on the radio. You gotta guess where I'm talking about. I know one of these hints will give it away because you usually nail it with the literary references. So I'm going to start with a less obvious clue. This city is home to the headquarters of the American cable channel hgtv. I would not have gotten this from hgtv. Maybe I started off too hard.
- [46:26]
B
I'm assuming it's somewhere in Tennessee because all of their programs take place in Tennessee.
- [46:32]
A
How do you already have the state?
- [46:34]
B
Is it Nashville?
- [46:35]
A
It's the other one you'd be thinking of. It's where Pulitzer Prize winning author James Agee.
- [46:39]
B
Oh, Knoxville.
- [46:41]
D
That's right.
- [46:42]
B
A Death in the Family is one of my favorite books. It's in Knoxville.
- [46:46]
A
That's right, Knoxville, Tennessee, where folks are hearing us on W U o T F M2 in the Marble City.
- [46:54]
B
Hey, the Marvel City.
- [47:03]
A
This is Livewire. Okay, before we get to our musical guest this week, a little preview of what we are doing on the program. Next week. We are going to be joined by Alexis Okeowo, who's a staff writer for the New Yorker, who's going to be chatting about her latest book. It's called Blessings and A Story of Alabama. It's this really fascinating kind of blend of memoir and, and history and reportage where she takes a look at the very complex history of her home state of Alabama, where she was raised as the daughter of Nigerian immigrants. Then we're going to pop back up to Minnesota where a few weeks ago we were talking to Maria Bamford. Yes, that's right. We've got more Maria Bamford for you in the show next week. This time we're going to have Maria answer a bunch of questions from a questionnaire that she wrote for Vulture magazine. Questions like, what would your religion be if you could make up your own? Which is actually a pretty insightful way to get to know somebody. Then we're gonna round out the show with a tune from Seattle's alternative music staple Mr. Pete Drozh, who's gonna serve up his blend of rutsy Americana from his latest album, which is Fade away Blue. That is all coming up next week on Livewire. Don't miss it. All right, our musical guest this week is the Gemini musical duo of Vaughn Kimmins and Andre Burgess, known collectively as Brown Calculus. Their music is dedicated to illuminating the sacredness of black music with a cosmic sound that remains grounded. They were voted one of Portland's best new bands of 2018. Willamette Week describes their music as spacey soul that should be sold in health and wellness stores. Take a listen to Brown Calculus recorded live at the Alberta Rose Theater in Portland. Welcome to the show.
- [48:53]
D
Thank you. We're glad to be here.
- [48:55]
A
What song are we going to hear?
- [48:57]
F
Ooh. Seven seas.
- [48:59]
A
All right.
- [48:59]
B
Yes.
- [49:00]
A
This is Brown Calculus on Livewire. Thank you.
- [49:06]
F
Sam. Spirit needs rest, you should just let it go Spirit needs rest, you should just let it go Spirit needs rest, you should just let it go Spirit needs rest, you should just let it go Spirit needs rest, you should just let it go Oh, I thought that I could see better it was just fog from the weather I know that I can do all things I put my mind to best believe it Deep as the ocean I can see.
- [50:47]
A
Deep.
- [50:47]
F
As the ocean I can see.
- [50:52]
A
Oh.
- [50:53]
F
Deep as the ocean I can see Deep as the ocean I can see straight to the bottom I saw things I never seen before Glowing eyes on that ocean floor Deep as the ocean I can see oh, deep as the ocean I can see Deep as the ocean can can see I can see.
- [51:44]
D
Straight.
- [51:47]
F
To the bottom Deep down I can see straight to the bottom.
- [51:59]
D
Deep.
- [51:59]
F
Down on the ocean floor.
- [52:04]
A
I was.
- [52:06]
F
Deep down down on the ocean floor I was sitting on the ground.
- [52:17]
E
My.
- [52:17]
F
Ancestors gathered round Deep down Deep down on the ocean floor Deep down on the ocean floor I was surrounded by all those spirits I could hear them call me I could hear them pray for me Deep down on the ocean.
- [52:57]
A
Floor.
- [53:02]
F
I was deep down on the.
- [53:06]
D
Ocean floor.
- [53:09]
F
They saw what was coming so they jumped they saw what was coming so they jumped Deep down on the ocean floor I can feel them all around me this There's a safe world down here Deep down On the ocean floor I can see them coming Feel them all around me Deep down on the ocean floor Deep down Deep down on that ground. Thank you.
- [54:18]
B
Thanks.
- [54:21]
A
That was Brown Calculus right here on Livewire. You can get their latest music on Band Camp and their latest single, UFO Days, is out and available now. All right, that is gonna do it for this week's episode of Livewire. A huge thanks to our guests, Sonam of Session, Marcella Arguello and Brown Calculus.
- [54:45]
B
Laura Haddon is our executive producer, Heather D. Michelle is our executive director, and our producer and editor is Melanie Savchenko. Trey Hester is our assistant editor.
- [54:54]
A
Valentine Keck is our operations manager, and Ashley park is our marketing manager.
- [54:58]
B
Our house band is Ethan Fox Tucker, Zach Domer, AKA Pony, Eyal Alves and A. Walker Spring, who also composes our music. Molly Pettit is our technical director and mixer and and our house sound is by Dee Neal Blake.
- [55:11]
A
Additional funding provided by the Marie Lamp from charitable foundation Livewire was created by Robin Tenenbaum and Kate Sokoloff. This week we'd like to thank members Tammy McLaughlin Trummell of White Salmon, Washington, and Anthony Mayint of Portland, Oregon. For more information about our show or how you can listen to our podcast, head on over to Livewire Radio. I'm Luke Burbank. For Elena Passarello and the whole Livewire crew, thank you for listening and we will see you next week. Dear Livewire, when we first met, I was really shy. I had no idea we'd spend so much time together or that you'd be one to fill my heart with joy and make me want to be a better person. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were here. I was busy reading a review from one of our many, many rapturously smitten listeners. Oh, wait. Actually, no. Sorry. This is from Elena. Anyway, the point is, it would be really helpful if you wanted to leave us a review. Feel free to say really nice things about us, and we'll even read them now and then on the show. So you might hear your review of Livewire. Read on the program itself. Reviews help other people hear about the show, and then we can keep doing this for a long, long time because we love having this job. Thank you so much. If you've left a review, and if you're about to leave a review, you can go ahead and do it right where you get the podcast.
- [56:53]
B
From PRX.