The Message Young Adults Are Desperate to Hear

Summary

Podcast Summary: Living Influence with Bill Thrall and Scott Boyd

Episode: The Message Young Adults Are Desperate to Hear
Date: April 2, 2026
Hosts: Bill Thrall and Scott Boyd
Theme: Understanding Identity in Christ — What Young Adults Need Most

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the confusion, shame, and longing for identity that young adults experience—particularly in Christian contexts. Bill and Scott reflect on their years mentoring young adults, emphasizing the desperate need for a message of grace, authentic relationships, and a truer understanding of who God says they are, rather than being defined by behavior or shame. The hosts challenge listeners to consider how their influence and authenticity can help steward safe places for the next generation to discover their God-given identity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Young Adults Are Struggling (02:01 – 07:30)

• Common Experience: Young adults are “drowning in shame and confusion,” trying various religious activities (accountability groups, repeated rededication, etc.) without finding real transformation.

• Anecdote: Bill reminisces about opening his home to young adults—removing all furniture for large groups, valuing their questions and searching spirits.

• Quote:

  “They rededicated my life, some of them. For the fifth time, we had a guy in our ministry...He had the best rededication message I’ve ever heard and he repeated it every year. It just never touched his reality.” – Bill Thrall (03:30)

• Key Learning: The importance of being trustworthy as a mentor, and learning to trust who God says you are.

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2. The Unique Needs of Young Adults (07:30 – 09:55)

• Young Adults’ Reality: They’re acutely aware of their mistakes but not yet in touch with childhood pain; they're shaped by confusion and disappointment.
• Shame & Hiding:

  “If I know I’m doing something wrong, my shame defines me and I will hide from you. That’s just a reality.” – Bill (07:49)

• Role of Mentors: Not to “fix” young adults, but to honor their person and walk with them through life’s issues with empathy and authenticity.

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3. Identity Beyond Behavior (09:55 – 12:29)

• Behavior vs. Personhood:

  “What if I could help a young adult come to an understanding that instead of their doing leading them to become something, their doing was a result of who they are?” – Bill (10:25)

• Breaking the Cycle: Challenges the legalistic mentality of “what would Jesus do?” and instead urges identity rooted first in who God says they are.
• Teaching Grace:

  “Can you really teach grace to a 21-year-old?” – Scott (11:28)
  Bill: “For many of them...as you just said, they’re now caught up with the reality of the downside of life. And so what we can do is give them this message of grace...Trust Jesus with your life.” (12:29)

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4. How Mentors Can Help (12:29 – 15:17)

• Practicing Life Together: Story of a young man who, after becoming a Christian, asked “What do I do now?” Bill and his family welcomed him into their daily life, illustrating how ongoing relationship—more than a single decision—shapes our faith.
• Key Principle: Help young adults find “a somebody” they can trust with their person, so they can address issues with a biblical, grace-based solution.

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5. Navigating Modern Pressures – Authenticity vs. Appearance (15:17 – 19:57)

• The Problem of Comparison: Social media bombards young adults with comparison pressures, both secular and Christian.
• Spotting Inauthenticity:

  “My youngest son, like how many times he said, oh no dad, that’s not a reel, that’s AI...But this ability to spot the fake, they have a real gift for that.” – Scott (19:12)

• Hunger for Realness: Today’s young adults desire “something to stand on...something real now.” (19:57)

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6. Building Safe, Honest Community (20:02 – 22:50)

• Grace and Vulnerability:

  “I think God is hardwiring them for the grace message…Because of what He’s doing today.” – Scott (20:05)

• Revival Among Youth: Bill observes that American youth may be on the brink of transformation because of their hunger for authenticity and grace.

• Practical Application: Build “safe places for the young so they can be real.” (20:12) Avoid idealism and instead foster environments where vulnerability and honesty are valued.

• Media's Contradictory Messages:

  • To young women: “You can be anything you want.”
  • To young men: “You’re the problem.”
  • Quote:

    “They already have captured an essence of an image of who they are. And if it’s driven by shame, they will live defeated. So let’s come back to what a message of grace offers them.” – Bill (21:30)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Mentor’s Responsibility:

  “From that day on, I have always had a sincere sense of responsibility for the lives that God caused me to touch.” – Bill (05:41)

• On Legalism and Grace:

  “It’s not about legalism. It’s not about the law. Jesus took care of that. And there’s this new day.” – Scott (11:18)

• On Community and Being Known:

  “What’s happening in that group for him, he’s discovering a place where it is safe to be known, no matter what is true about him.” – Scott (17:55)

• The Heart of the Episode:

  “Nothing is more important to the heart of God than that you are real and become who He has made you to be...and they need that message desperately.” – Bill (22:38)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:01 – Bill shares early experiences with young adults, rededication stories
• 07:34 – The problem of shame and how it causes hiding
• 09:55 – Discussion of behavior vs. true identity
• 12:29 – The challenge of teaching grace
• 15:43 – Pressures of comparison and social media
• 19:19 – The gift of spotting inauthenticity in this generation
• 20:12 – Signs of spiritual revival and the need for safe, authentic environments
• 21:30 – Media-driven identity and the necessity of a grace-centered message

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Conclusion

Main Takeaway:
Young adults today need mentors and community who see beyond their mistakes, who honor their God-given personhood, and who help them embrace a grace-based identity rather than chasing performance or perfection. The most influential thing anyone can do is to offer a place to be real, to practice life together, and to continually point back to what God says is true.

Closing Words:

“Nothing is more important to the heart of God than that you are real and become who He has made you to be. Nothing’s more important to God. And they need that message desperately.” – Bill (22:38)

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If you’re a young adult or know one, this conversation is a must-share, as it reframes Christian influence from behavior management to genuine, grace-filled personhood.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, guys, I just want to tell you about something else that Bill Voldemort and I are working on. It's called Living Influence Leadership. It's for business leaders who also happen to be Christians. We think we've got some great stuff that can be amazing in your company as it was in mine. Check us [e-mail] welcome to this week's episode of Living Influence. I'm your host, Scott Boyd, here with my friends Bill Thrall and Voldemort Cole. Got two things we're going to remind you of. We've got a book coming out called Living Influence at the authors, Bill Thrall and John lynch, and we're really excited about it. I was describing it to Grace as being in a lazy river. It just carries you along into this message. I'm really excited about you guys getting that chance to do that. If you want to learn more about that, check our website, livinginfluence.com and then the other thing we have is Living Influence Leadership where we want to help come alongside leaders that are Christian on how to change your culture, how to, how to just bring this message into the things that you do. We've got events in September, November. You're going to find those on living influenceleadership.com and so we're going to continue this series. We're to going where we're trying to talk to people that we think are watching our podcast. And so this week it's the Young adult. And we imagine there are young adults who love God, but you're drowning in shame and confusion and trying to figure out how does this work? I have no idea what to do. You might have been trying an accountability group or rededicating your life to Jesus or, you know, you try to think about your parents faith and the model that they did for you just doesn't seem like it meets reality. It confuses you. Bill, how would you speak to the young adult in today's world?

[B]

Yeah, thanks. I want to back up quite a bit this audience, this young adult. You the young adult. It's my favorite audience of all time. Years ago, way, way years ago, we were about outreach. We wanted as many young adults come to Christ as possible. It was an amazing time. And we had Bible camps and we had outreach ministries and we were spending a lot of time with young adults. They were the core of our life. And my dear wife, she's such a sweetheart, we held a meeting on Friday nights in our home. We literally took all the furniture out of our living room and dining room every Friday afternoon to make room for high school and college kids who would sit on the floor. And we had a group called the New Beginning who would stand out on the patio and sing into our living room and dining room and Kristen songs. And these kids would love it. And our neighbors used to stand in the street and just listen to the music. It was a great time. But the critical part was how much we enjoy just being with these young adults because they were all full of these questions about life. And as you just rattle off some of the things they did, I laughed out loud when I first thought about. They rededicated my life, some of them. For the fifth time, we had a guy in our ministry, at our Bible camp ministry, his name was Jim. He had the best rededication message I've ever heard and he repeated it every year at camp. It was so just look, I mean, you talk about rededicating, that kid had rededication down. It just never touched his reality. But that was our emphases. And then what happened is that ministry started to grow and to expand into hundreds. And so all of that time with these young adults, I was learning some of the things we'd been teaching. I was learning how important it was to be someone they could trust. I was learning that and I was all screwed up. I mean, I was going, nobody's going to trust me. I'm all screwed up. And I had to learn, I say this carefully, I had to learn to trust myself with who God says I am and that I had a heart that could be trusted. I wanted that to be true, but I had to believe it was true. And there was this one young man who's now become a lifetime friend, but he was, at the time, he was 18 years old, a long haired hippie. And he came to Christ in my family room. He did something that no one had ever done prior to that time. Prior to that time, we were leading kids to Christ, all kinds of activities and I just kind of left them with Jesus, whatever. I don't know what we were thinking. Well, he became a Christian. I remember very clearly on a Thursday morning, the next morning at 5 o' clock of 6 o' clock in the morning, he's standing at our front door. I said, what are you doing here? What do I do now? He said,

[C]

now I'm a Christian now.

[B]

Exactly what do I do now? Exactly what do I do now? And I went, oh, I'd never thought about that before. Literally, I had never thought it. It changed Me, that man that day at my front door changed me. Because from that day on, I have always had a sincere sense of responsibility for the lives that God caused me to touch. So when you're working with young adults, they need someone they can trust. And when you're working with them, they need somebody. And I read this very carefully. Everybody grows up in a different dynamic of family. But many people grow up in what used to be called every day a dysfunctional family, whatever it is. But you know that a person doesn't begin to get in touch with the pain of their yesterdays until they're in their 30s.

[A]

Yeah. Not only that, we all grew up and thought our family was normal.

[B]

Exactly. Exactly.

[A]

Until you discover you get married and

[C]

your family often marriages. What? Sadly.

[B]

So think about what I just said. When you work with young adults, they haven't even got in touch yet with the reality of the pain that they've experienced, but they are in touch with the confusion and disappointment. And by the way, they're honestly in touch with the things they do that are wrong. That is a huge part of their reality. And so as we talk about this, young adults, as we talk to you as young adults, let me make you a realization. Our job is not to fix you. Stop it. They hate that. Let's imagine we come alongside so that we can honor their person, so we can guide them into dealing with their stuff. That's the best way I could say that.

[A]

So they're intensely aware of the things they're doing wrong.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And your solution is. I need them to know who God says they are.

[B]

Yeah. My solution is they need to understand the significance of their person.

[A]

They need to honor their person.

[B]

Absolutely. Here's our phenomenon as human beings. If I know I'm doing something wrong, my shame defines me and I will hide from you. That's just a reality. Well, what if they meet somebody like one of us or others that they can trust? The key is to help them get in touch with the significance of their person so that their behavior does not define them.

[A]

They meet you and they discover they can trust you because you help them see the significance of their person.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

You see past their behavior.

[B]

Absolutely. And you see I help them to see the way God sees them.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And help them to see the reality of the hope of a life worth living. So it's like, how do I come alongside a young adult to help them understand the significance of their person as God sees them? There's a lot of aspiration in 18 to 28 year olds. A lot of aspirations.

[A]

Sure. Yeah, there should be.

[C]

That's northern dreaming. So it's big.

[B]

They're dreaming. It's big. Big, big, big, big. Well, how do we help them understand all those dreams are significant gifts of God? How do they learn to live into the dreams they have?

[C]

You say this a lot, Scott. It's just the freedom to dream about what can be and just let yourself imagine the impossible.

[A]

What if Christ is really in me and the dreams I have are actually his?

[C]

And if you're thinking about what you know from your parents in your childhood, the image that comes to mind for me is it's almost, I have these dreams, I have this aspiration. I think it's okay. But then there's this patchwork of behavior by which I'm defining myself. Yeah, I'm confused now. I'm confused because that's largely how I was taught growing up. I need to be. Is I need to act a certain way? What is that? Versus. Is it okay to have these dreams that are. But I'm not good enough? I couldn't possibly do that because it's this tension.

[B]

Yeah, it's a huge tension. Voldemort, you said it very, very well, by the way. It's a huge tension. And so let's just back up for a minute and say, what if we actually understood that that's where they're at? They're really in that place based on some bad modeling. The Christian life has become all about behavior, and therefore we have these little gimmicks. What would Jesus do? Or what's the Christian thing to do? I hate both of those things. I hate very much. No, it's not what would Jesus do? Or what's the Christian thing to do? No, no, it's. It's like, what. What if I could help a young adult come to an understanding that instead of their doing, leading them to become something, their doing was a result of who they are?

[A]

I can even get myself confused today.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Okay, so there's like, there's the depravity of my flesh. There's nothing good in me. No, nothing at all. But I think what we miss is that Jesus on his cross changed that.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And that's what being born again is all about.

[B]

Absolutely, Scott.

[A]

Now I have to know the depravity in my flesh.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

To. To reach out and ask God to save me.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And so that's a necessary piece to get to the cross, but then the cross turns it all upside down. And now it's not about legalism. It's not about the law. Jesus took care of that. And there's this new day. And so I keep thinking about this CS Lewis talked about, is it wrong to try to keep the law? And C.S. lewis's answer is, well, no, because unless you really try to give it a go and keep the law, you can't know that you can't. And so you kind of have. And so there's this thing about youth of like, well, they're going to try to keep the law and think that no, it's pretty simple. Just do these things until they find they can't. So part of my thinking, which I'd love for you to respond to, is, well, can you really teach grace to a 21 year old?

[B]

For many of them, they did make a choice, probably somewhere in their young life to acknowledge Jesus as their Savior. Maybe they were baptized and they. And yet, as you just said, they're now caught up with the reality of the downside of life. And so what we can do with young adults, we can give them this message of grace. You who have trusted Jesus with your sin, wouldn't it be a good idea to trust him with your life? What if you trusted him with your life? You mean Jesus can handle me and he's really good at it? You mean he has answers to my issues? You know, Bill, you're idealizing stuff you don't understand. I'm addicted to something you don't understand. I'm constantly living fear. I would say no, I actually do understand. I know what it's like to be addicted to something. I know what it's like to be afraid. But what if I could learn that those addictions and that fear are not at the core of who I really am? What if I could teach you that grace is about who you really are? Who does God say you are? So I go back to that young man who knocked on our door. What do I do now? We began to practice. This is a good statement. He and I began to practice life together. He got married at 18, six weeks after becoming a Christian. And he and his wife. This is not an exaggeration, his young wife, she was 16. They probably ate 200 meals a year at our house. The first four years they were married, they were like our children. But my whole point in that is as a young adult, the issues are bigger than you. How do we help young adults discover a somebody that they can trust with their person so there can be a road to dealing with their issues? I want to say that again. How do we help young adults Find a somebody that they can trust with their person so they can learn to face their issues with a biblical solution. Because of grace. This is an interesting dynamic. My disillusionment can cause me to miss God.

[C]

Now let's put ourselves in the shoes of the guy at the door.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What should they be looking for? Okay, so, yeah, young adults right now. And I know this, in my older kids, they are faced with more comparison and temptation constantly. We know that they're bombarded all the time, right? All the time. It's non stop.

[A]

And they can't get on social media without five things that you need to

[C]

leverage for anything you want.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

For anything.

[A]

Your life.

[C]

And even on the, even on the, on the Christian side, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like, can I create a Persona where I look like my behaviors are good? I'm at. Some of my kids show me images of the stained Bible with the coffee mug next to it and the candle. And then they post that, like, hey, look, I'm, you know, I'm, I'm reading my Bible and lots of quotes and look, and they see that, they see through it.

[B]

Right?

[C]

And that's vague, but I guess my message is. So I'm that person now. And I know I have addictions. It's so easy, I can scroll through them, whatever it is. Are you saying I should be the young adult? I should be looking for someone I can trust? Like, what's my mission now?

[B]

Yeah, your mission, even if it's up here, what your mission is is to come to a quick realization that you are not the answer to your issues. Oh yeah, that's a critical you are not the answer. So you could spend 10 more years believing you are the answer to your issues and never succeed at it. Back to this law principle.

[A]

We can actually spend 40 more years

[B]

or 40 more years. But see, that's a statement of grace.

[C]

I can't solve this myself.

[B]

Yeah. In other words, I say to them, you are not the answer to your issues, but somebody is. Why can't we search together for that somebody for that truth? You see, it's to this reality. They haven't yet. I said this earlier. They haven't yet got in touch with how life has affected them. That'll happen in their 30s. But they are aware that their behavior is bothering them. So it's like, what if we could say, I would say to every young adult listening, listen, find a peer, find a group like your son in his group on college campus. That group is transforming him. Why is it transforming him? What's happening in that group for him, he's discovering a place where it is safe to be known no matter what is true about him.

[A]

Yeah, the youth are entering into life with a bit of an idealized view of what it should be. I mean I, I remember my first job, I worked for the state of Missouri and I wasn't there a year and I could see the hypocrisy in different people and the system. And it's like, oh my gosh, this is terrible. I can't believe this. I need to find somewhere new. And then, then I got another job. It was at 3am and it was a great job. And then I soon discovered, oh my, I can't believe my boss is this way. This is terrible. How could anybody work for somebody like this? And so then I found a new job and it's like, okay, this is a small company, this is great. This is going to work. Until it was like, oh my gosh. And then I had this moment of like, wait a minute, maybe this is how it is everywhere. And I, I gotta, I gotta start working on something different. It's not just this judgment that I've made.

[C]

See, I think that's a good point. And I think today's youth are probably more able to spot fake than ever before.

[B]

I give em a lot of.

[C]

They really can. I mean this is a kind of a funny side thing, but my youngest son, like how many times he said, oh no dad, that's not a reel, that's actual, that's AI. It's like, oh gosh, got me again. You know. But this ability to spot the fake, they have a real gift for that and they can see it in other people, in other adults in the church and they don't want to waste time with it. Never before has there been such a desire like I want something. At least this is what I'm experiencing with my kids friends, is we want something to stand on and we want it now. We want something real now.

[A]

And they want it real. And they're more vulnerable, they're more real

[C]

by far than I was at that age, by far.

[A]

I really think God is hardwiring them for the grace message. Amen. Because of what he's doing today.

[B]

Yeah. There are many leaders who believe the youth in America, just our country, are in a transformational time. There could be another significant revival being driven by the hunger in the youth we're talking about. And you both said something. I just want to pick on it for a minute. How do we learn to build safe places for the young so they can be real. So they can be real. Because so many times, as we said in our last session, Christian parents have created an idealistic family, an idealistic home. The kids smell it a mile away. And they don't want that idealism. They want reality. They want to be challenged by reality. And so to me, I say to them, look, as I get to meet with young adults, two years ago, I went out to Grand Canyon, friend of mine works out there, and I said, get 20 or 30 kids together. I want to talk to them. I just want to find out where their hearts and what they're thinking. And it was a wonderful session. I just loved it. But I said to them, because there were young women in the group, I said, you're a young woman in the group. What is the media telling you you are? What's the message you hear? Simultaneously, four or five yellow, we can be anything we want. We can do anything we want. We have that ability. And I said to the young men, what's the message? To me? We're the problem. It was like an instant, we're the problem because we're men. It was like an instant message that I didn't rehearse it. They didn't know I was going to ask it. Spontaneous. Now, my point in that is I'm not arguing with the press, all that good stuff. What I want to say is they already have captured an essence of an image of who they are. And if it's driven by shame, they will live defeated. So let's come back to what a message of grace offers them. A message of grace offers them a message that says, nothing is more important to the heart of God than that you are real and become who he has made you to be. Nothing's more important to God. And they need that message desperately.

[A]

And that's where we'll end. Thanks for watching Living Influence. If you're young and watching us, please share with your friends. We believe this message could change Christianity in America.

[C]

Amen.

[A]

Thanks for listening to Living Influence. We appreciate you. Just a call to action. We would love it if you would share our podcast with one or two people this week. Thanks again.