← Living The Next Chapter: Candid Conversations with Authors and Writers for Readers Searching for a New Read
Living The Next Chapter: Candid Conversations with Authors and Writers for Readers Searching for a New Read
E352 - Tammy J Cohen - Text Messages to My Sons - How to Connect Deeply with Your Kids in a Digital World
00:43:53
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- [00:02]
A
So there's no right way. First of all, you don't have to. Don't even think like, oh, I have to send the right kind of message. What comes natural to you to say to your children, I love you. You're incredible. You're extraordinary. That's how I started. I bless you. I say that. I bless you. I pray every morning, and you're on my prayers. That's what were my beginning messages. So there's no right is just what you feel. As time goes on and you start, like, hearing things or seeing things or reading things, then you can start saying, oh, I like to share this quote. Like, you know, I see sometimes. All the times I'll see an interesting quote and I'll ask them, what do you think about this quote? Or I'll tell them what I think it means. Things will come to you once, but just start. Start easy with what comes natural to you. I personally think, like anything else, like, if you, if you're a writer and you want to. You want to write, you have to be consistent. You have to make time every day to write correct with the text. I text my kids Monday through Friday. If it comes where I miss a day, I apologize and I say, hey, I didn't get my text to you, but I apologize, but I love you. That takes one second. Okay, so you just. I think consistency is important. I think you make the time. You make it part of your morning routine because everybody's, like, into these morning routines now or. And start simple. Don't, don't, don't stress. Now buy the book. Text message to my sons. Because you have 200 pages of messages that are already written with great quotes. You don't have to be a genius. You can actually just say, okay, I'm going to use that, or I'm going to use two lines to that long message. Because she writes a lot of long message. But at the end of the day, you have the material, so just start because you don't know where it's going to go. And you. Over time, it'll become a routine for you and you'll get more comfortable with it. But just start,
- [02:01]
B
everyone. Welcome back to Living the Next Chapter. I have another amazing author, and as I've told you before, if you want to meet great people, start a podcast because you get to meet some of the most amazing authors from around the world who write incredibly unique books. And Tammy has done just that. She's written a book I've never heard of from any other author, and I've done over 300 episodes, and no one's ever come on to talk about a book like Tammy. So, hey, if you want to learn a great way to write a book, you've just met a really interesting author. Tammy's here on the podcast. She's going to be talking about her book, her journey, and much more. Tammy, welcome to Living the Next Chapter.
- [02:42]
A
Thank you so much for having me, Dave. It's really a pleasure to be on, and I'm excited to share information with your audience.
- [02:49]
B
Great. Good stuff. Now, let everybody know. I hear a little bit of something in that. That accent that makes me happy because I have friends that live in your part of the world. Tell everybody where you're from, Timmy.
- [03:02]
A
I'm a New Yorker. I'm from Manhattan. I've been living here since the 80s. Okay, let's not. I just dated myself. But yes, I've been. I've been Yorker for a very long time in Manhattan, and I've seen lots of peaks of valleys in the city and. But I'm still here, still doing my thing.
- [03:21]
B
Awesome. Yeah. There's something about New York and just I love. I love hearing somebody from New York talk. I'm like, that makes me happy. So I just want to hail a cab or do something right now.
- [03:32]
A
Yeah, this is great.
- [03:33]
B
Yeah, it's good stuff. Good stuff. So you're an author. This is exciting. And you've written something like I've. I talked at the beginning. You've done something quite unique with your book that I haven't heard anybody else do, and I'd love to dive into this. First of all, have you always, like, from a very small person, back in the 80s all the way to today, have you always wanted to be an author or is this something relatively new?
- [04:01]
A
No, And I never thought to be an author. And with text messages, my sons. I didn't start out thinking that it was going to be a book or anything growing up. And I can share this because I know a lot of your audience, probably, they write, you know, So I was always into writing. I loved writing. I love courses that had papers to write. I was always into research, and I always enjoyed reading, and I always enjoyed expressing myself. I felt it was way easier for me to express myself with the written word. I was a letter writer. I mean, growing up, we didn't have any of this online stuff. There was no Internet. So you rode, you wrote letters, you wrote down, you wrote papers. You didn't. Nobody. You didn't. There was no AI to help you. There was no Internet to help you with Anything. And so I was always doing that. And I think the difference between a writer and an author is publishing some of it. Like when you actually put something out that's published, then you're an author, so to speak. So with text messages to my sons and connecting deeply in the world, Devices in all the devices, which is my book, I did not start out needing to write a book. I just wanted to message my voice. I have three sons, and I just wanted to connect with them in a deeper way because they're on devices, they're on their phones, and that's where they get their information from. Nobody's having in person conversations in Manhattan. I see this all the time. I'm in restaurants. I own a restaurant on the Upper east side called 18. People are sitting on their phones, literally at a table with each other. People are sitting on a sub. They're sitting everywhere. They're looking at their phones.
- [05:41]
B
It's.
- [05:42]
A
It's almost like a virus, like non stop engagement and looking at your phone. And so I realized the best way for me to message them and to connect to them would be sending a text because they know, they look at it, versus me trying to call them on the phone, which they weren't picking up. So that's how it all came about. And what happened was as I was doing this messaging with my sons, I would tell friends and colleagues what I was doing, and they were like, oh, wow, that's amazing. She put that in a book. So for all you writers out there who might be wondering the same thing, I was like, okay, how do I do? I don't know how to do that. I have no idea about writing a book. I don't know, what is it? How does I mean? Putting a book together, that's a big deal. So basically I just said, okay, I have all these wonderful messages, but I don't know how to edit. I'm not an editor and I'm not a formatter and I'm not a designer. So what I did was I actually took the. A different route. And some people do everything on their own. I wanted my book to be as professional as possible. I didn't want to have any grammatical mis errors. And I know texts are never written grammatically correct, but I wanted my text to be grammatically correct. I wanted the spelling to be perfect. I wanted to make sure that every quote and I use a lot of quotes and reference a lot of materials because I'm sharing knowledge with my sons. I wanted them to be cited properly. I wanted to make sure that I Attributed quotes correctly and I needed help. So I went to a company that actually is expert in doing these things called Pen for Hire. And they took on that journey. And what happened was took about eight months. We didn't work on it every day, but till a product was available for upload onto Amazon it took about eight months. And I worked with the graphic designer for the covers. And I have a tip for all of the audience. And this is what I learned with writing books, that the COVID is 60% of the buy the front and the back cover because people look at the covers, what grabs their attention, they flip it to the back. They want to get an overview of what the topic is. So if that's 60%, spend a little time and research and money on hiring a designer who can do that. You create that excitement with in the illustration of the graphic on the front so that people want to stop and look. Because we get 60,000 input messages, thoughts coming to us a day. So you want to be able to kind of get attention and doing that with the right cover and back cover is really helpful. So those are the things that I found in that journey that were really important for me, that I needed the help and I wanted to do it. And. And let me tell you something, and this is really interesting because I just thought it was going to be a regular kind of inside where it just was messages. But because I work with an editor and formatter in the same company, they came up with the concept of putting it in text, putting the whole book in text messaging format with emojis, with everything, so that it really felt like you were reading text. And because of that, it's the first book ever written in this format. There's no other books like it. And second of all, my readers, and this is interesting for authors are telling me it's so easy to read. Yeah, I can read this. I read it so quickly and it's amazing. And not just that I can go from chapter to chapter because there's no storyline, there's no character development I don't have to worry about. I'm missing. If I don't read chapter one, I can't go to chapter five. I am the whole book. The chapter sequences are all the category. It's all by category. There are 10 chapters, so the messages fit into the chapter title category. So mindfulness and gratitude is the first chapter. There's leadership, there's determination and discipline. There's family and love. There's all kinds of chapters that have those messages so you can jump around and you're not losing anything. You're not losing your space or where you're at. You're just getting more inspiration along the way. So that's. That's my tips for writing and how. How it came about and why I went the professional way.
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B
I love it. Okay. This is, like, such a unique idea. Like, what kind of feedback are you getting from people who have read advanced copies or people in your community that you've told them about this and they've
- [10:15]
A
seen the book that text messages has been great. I'm getting really positive feedback. People are telling me, like, I. I'm messaging my kids. I started doing it, and some people are like, well, you know, what if they don't? They ask me questions like, well, what if I don't? They don't respond. I go, they don't have to respond. No, don't expect anything. You send the message that you want to your kids, that you want to share with them, that you love them. You want to tell them how proud you are. You want to tell them they're worthy. Don't expect anything back. And you know what? I didn't expect anything back from my kids. I did it because I wanted to connect that differently. I wanted to change the paradigm of our relationship, that every text I'd ever sent in the past with them when they were younger was always a reminder, a command. Okay?
- [11:04]
B
There was no.
- [11:06]
A
I was either yelling at them or I was like, where are you? You know, what did you forget? What do you want? You want money? What do you mean you want. I'm busy. I'll get. Or. I wouldn't even respond sometimes. Now I said, I don't want to do that. Okay? I want to. It's. It's completely different accountability kind of message I'm sending. I'm a human being, and I want them to just hear, you know, love and hear. And I'm learning all these really cool things. I want to share it. So people started, you know, trying it and asking me questions, which I found so cool. Like, I become this expert on what the kids are supposed to be spot how it's supposed to work. So I started saying, yeah, you know what? Just do it. Just do it because you want to. Don't expect anything back. I've had parents tell me that they feel that something's changed, is less tension with their children in their. In their interactions, especially with younger, younger kids, like teenagers. 13, 14. My kids are older now. I found that people have said to me, you know, I feel. I feel good. I feel good. And I feel really hopeful that after we're writing a message and I said, you know, and I. And I explained to people that it's consistency too. Like writing one message or two messages isn't going to change anything. You need to do it daily. I've been doing it for years. Even though the book came out, it's only the messages of 2021 and 2022. I'm still messaging my kids. It hasn't changed. Yeah, you have to kind of figure out what you're going to talk to them about and what you're going to share. But what's happened is, Dave, and I think this is important to note, is that my kids. It does have an impact when you do this, because my kids wrote the forward type of. Because of what it means to them to get these messages. And they're guys. They're guys who grew up in Manhattan. They're not like, mommy, I love you, Mommy, you're the best. It's not like that. It has nothing to do with that. But they wrote what it means to them to know that there's a person who, every day, not just because I'm their mom, but because there's a person out there who takes the time to send them how much. How valuable they are, how much I love them, you know, from this life to the next, you know, how. How they're interested in what I share, and the information is really interesting to them because I'm trying to share everything that I've learned from mentors and great thinkers and people who are way brighter than I am about, you know, things that they discovered after 30 years and you're able to share it. It's a great way to learn and they're interested in it. So, yeah, writing the forward mentalat the fact that people are telling me it's so easy for them to read it. It's so on point. They're drawing messages that they can send to their kids. In the book, we actually, at the end of every chapter, we have blank lines where we say, hey, write your own message. You know, practice, get used. You know, do it so that we want this interactive exchange. That's what I want from. I want people to feel, like, engaged enough that they can take this and interactive enough that they can take this and do it themselves. I've had people reach out to me and this breaks my heart and social media, and they're like, I wish you were my mom.
- [14:22]
B
Oh, come on.
- [14:23]
A
I swear I've gotten those. I've gotten, you know, like, really nice messages and you know, every once in a while you'll get a message that's like, what are you talking about? But I'm like, God bless you. You know, like, whatever your experience is, I hope. I hope that you know that you can get to that place, you know, where you feel. You feel more. You feel better about life and things around you. But, yeah, you know, that's life. But, you know, at the end of the day, I think the feedback's been really positive, and I'm really happy about that. That it's making it some kind of dental.
- [14:57]
B
Yeah. So, okay, the. The guys, they helped write the forward of the book. Tell me a little bit of. Give me some behind the scenes about when you decided to write the book and compile all this into book form and then releasing into the world, what kind of things were the guys telling you? What were your boys telling you about the process of, oh, my goodness, this is going to be a book. Like, they're part of this just as much as you are. So tell us, what was their response when you kind of shared with them the idea that their text messages with their mom would end up in a book someday?
- [15:31]
A
So, first of all, what's. What's really great is that it. They. None of their mess, none of their texts may are in the book. It's all my good.
- [15:39]
B
Okay. All right.
- [15:40]
A
They were also as guys and, you know, I understand this, they were like, you don't put our picture on. We don't want a picture. We don't want our names. I'm like, okay, now every text, as it turns out, before I even thought to write a book, I started off with every text to start talking good morning, sunshine. Because I love that song. You are my sunshine My own sunshine. And I told them when I started writing text that you are my sunshine My only sunshine came into buck. And they're my sunshine Sunshine. Get it? So I was just like, I start every text, good morning, Sunshine, and there's sunshine emoji. And at the. At the end of every text, I sign up with how much I love them. And there's hearts. I don't. I had other emojis in, but it got a little too much with the text, so I've been very consistent. So their names, it's not like good morning, my son, or Good morning, David. You know, good morning, Aaron. Yeah, it's not like that. So I do message each one individually. Sometimes I'll tailor message a little bit more to them, but it's the same message. But I won't do it as a group, I do each one individually. Okay. So they love that they were involved with the process of the book itself. When I said I'm going to put these messages into a book, they were like, go for it. You should do it. Proud of you. You know, like you should do whatever lights you up. Just don't put our picture in there and don't put our like, okay, yeah. And then what was really fascinating for me is they got involved because I was like, which format? Like the formatters would send formats that I was just like not even thinking of this whole text messaging format. I didn't think about it. And I was like, which formats you like? Do you like format one, format two? So they'd weigh in on it. Do you like what car? You know, here's a cover that the company actually, their designers, their formatters came up with this cover. What do you think? And my oldest son was like, no, that's a hard. No. He has a really great graphic designer because he's, he works with that, those kind of marketers and stuff. And he was like, he has a great graphic designer. This is who you should work with for the COVID You know. So they were very involved. And then when I asked them, I said, would you write a forward? They were like, absolutely. So I figured, Dave, that I would have to remind them non stop to write forward. But you know what, all three of them got together and they wrote it in a really timely manner and I was proud of them. So I said, they're into it, you know, that's great. And when it came out, they were so proud. They shared the book, the Amazon link, because it's on Amazon. They shared it with. They share text messages, my sons, with all their friends who purchased it. Their friends were purchasing the book and telling me, Tam, I've known these kids that they're like in early childhood, they're like, tam, this is great. This is amazing. I'm getting it from my parents, like, you know what I mean? And I was just like so touched that they, it took that upon themselves. And you know what, listen, I've had parents say to me, my daughter is so into this. My son is like, don't even start this with me. And I don't even start text messaging. And I'm like, doesn't matter. Yeah, right, doesn't matter. You let him know how amazing, how wonderful, how lovely it is. Because I'll tell you something, this is something that I realized. What do we. When, when, when, when our parent, my parents have passed, what do I Remember from.
- [18:57]
B
Yeah, I.
- [18:59]
A
The memories, things that they might have done that they did. But also like, you look at pictures, you look at certain things. I promise you, when you start sending these messages of love and your kids are going to start sending their kids messages of love, they're going to start maybe sending friends who are going through a hard time messages of encouragement. And then it goes out to the community. It's, you know, it just spreads out. But when you move on to the next, next stage of life, when you're up in heaven and you're a soul, you know what they're going to miss? Those messages. They're going to look at those messages are going to go back to that because that's the connection. I can tell you I saved answering machine messages to hear a voice, you know. Yeah. Our phones, everything's on our phones. We don't even like the videos and everything. So maybe you'll look at your video that your parent. You took with your parent a long time ago. Course. But those messages are what you're going to miss. And that's, that's the mark. It doesn't matter. The money and the material stuff doesn't matter. Yeah, you know, it's those things that matter. So I'm like, however you find that way to connect even deeper with them, do it. It doesn't matter if they're into it or not. They will be into it. It won't even realize later on how much they're into it. They might not realize it today. Tomorrow they will. When they have kids of their own, they'll realize that.
- [20:18]
B
Yeah. Have they, have the guys told you, like separately or privately without telling us what they said? Have they expressed to you how important it was to get those texts? Like, is there stories behind it? Like they were having a bad day or it was like something was going on and your text came through and it was just the right time to hear from their mom that they said,
- [20:40]
A
you know what, that it makes them feel bulletproof. When you start, if, when you have somebody, somebody telling you, yeah, how amazing, how worthy, how, how much you're loved, you feel bulletproof. Because there are tough times, you know, there are days that just aren't that great. And I've also had a lot of messages that talk about that. And, you know, how, how there's good the road, you know, I, I share a lot of information about, you know, how master, you know, masterclass, world class champions, you know, the, the bad days make, where they learn from and they, the, the failures or the tough things are where you learn and where you grow from. It's okay, it's okay to have bad day, it's okay to, you know, not have something that's not going the right way because the road's not straight, it's not smoothly paved. To expect these things and to learn from them because the learning experience is, but it doesn't change how valuable you are. You know, I've also where they've said to me that they felt bulletproof. I've also been very accountable to them, to them in the mess. I feel like as a parent, we have to be accountable too. I'm not saying we have to be their besties and you know, every, every little detail, but I've made it a point to say to them because, you know, growing up we have our own origin story, each one of us. We've seen things in our life. We learn things that aren't necessarily correct or right. We've also have, we're human. So we go through days where we're having a bad day. Now a lot of times I was having, I wasn't happy, you know, in my life. I, I, I was carrying a lot of baggage and things with how I grew up and also, you know, marital things where you're just at odds and what happened is that poor kid is not in the right place at the right time and asks you a question or does something that's not a big deal and you lose your, your mind, you go crazy, scream. I grew up in a house where it was hitting. So you know what? I wanted them to know that it was not them, it was never them. When I would lose my cool or I'd scream and shout or say things that were just not true, I came up with my own baggage and my own origin story of things that I learned growing up that weren't right. I wasn't right. That it was not about them because I don't want them to be have limiting beliefs about themselves or be self sabotaging. Once I started being accountable and you know, and, and sharing my background with them or they started seeing me as human being and it made a lot of difference in our relationship because they realized that I, that it wasn't that I'm sitting here as a parent and I'm saying to them I did things that weren't right. I've, I'm learning along with, I'm learning in this journey.
- [23:29]
B
Yeah.
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A
And that's why it's such a great journey to be on with you. Because everything I'm sharing with you, I'M learning at the same time. So I'm, I'm the same way that you are, and I'm, I'm trying. And I think that made them, probably made the biggest impact also. Besides that, knowing how much they loved and that helped them be bulletproof, that knowing that their mom, you know, trust them and wants to build relationships, but also wants to be honest with them and be a human being. So I think all those things came together. But the funniest thing that they've ever said to me about the messages is they're a little long. Because you know what, once you write, even a paragraph is long in a text, and I like to share. So you go, mom, your message is long, but you're well written. I'm like, thank you. That was one of the funniest things that they say to me. But sometimes we try to get together together every Friday night in, in, in the house for Friday night, for a Sabbath dinner. And we'll talk, they'll talk about a message that they, that they really like. And of course, there's always one of the three that's, that gets a little bit more into it with his, his responses. Usually the responses are, I love you, Great message, heart emojis. But one of my sons, my middle son, Aaron, he's always, he'll always give a little bit, like, wow, you know, don't worry, I, I, I, I, I, I understand, you know, when you felt that way. Or I, you know, he's always been a little bit more empathetic. So it's really interesting to see that too, like how they respond and what, what resonates with them. Yeah.
- [25:07]
B
Okay. So I'm going to ask you to do something. Okay. We didn't plan this. So you're like, oh, no, what's he going to do? For all of us that are listening and we don't get this kind of communication from our loved ones for whatever reason, and we're listening to this longing for a text message from you. Can we do a audio text message from you to the people listening right now? Kind of like, what's, what's kind of what's kind of in your mind today as you start your day? You got a big day ahead of you, got lots of stuff going on. You're gonna be a very busy person. We're looking at our blank phone, no incoming messages. Like, we don't know if anybody really cares how our day is going to be today. And all of a sudden, ping, there's a message comes in from you. I'd Love to know what your message is for us today. What do you want to say to the listener?
- [26:01]
A
Okay, I'm gonna just, you know, I'm gonna make it really easy, actually. I'm going to be nice if somebody,
- [26:08]
B
it'd be nice if somebody wrote a book about this that we could just read from. Right. Wouldn't that be great?
- [26:13]
A
Oh, yes. Okay. So I would, this is what I would say today. Good morning sunshine. Because that's how I started.
- [26:24]
B
I love it.
- [26:25]
A
And I recently had the opportunity to listen to a fabulous speaker who spoke to us about time management and organization. Okay. This is like I would share a topic with my kids.
- [26:41]
B
Yeah.
- [26:42]
A
So here are the questions that we need to consider. Do you want to become laser focused every day? Have you ever wondered why you can't ever tackle your to do list? Do you want to get more done in less time? So really the idea is, is that we're distracted daily by our phones and by messages that are coming in all the time. So since we have busy days, it's. And it's very easy to get distracted, want to avoid busyness. And we want to get. And we want to avoid busyness and become more focused on big picture goals so we can become effective leaders with a clear focus on our big picture. So it always comes back to the daily distractions, productivity saboteurs and loss of focus that keeps us engaged, but not in a good way. So no matter what age or position you are in in life, this is something to be very mindful about, especially in the tech fast paced environment we are in. So I tell my kids, you know, and this is what I'm sharing because you talked about a busy day, a lot going on, like about distractions and how to, you know, know that they're going to happen in life, but to avoid the busyness and keep going. And then I would end it with I love you so much and you're one distraction that I'll always take. Ah, come on, matter to me. And with hard emojis. But you know, usually it's those kind of things where I'm trying to share something that I learned and that would maybe have value to them. One of my favorite things I've always said to them is, is that life is a journey and it's a road. Life is a road. And sometimes the road is flat and beautifully paved and straight. Right. And sometimes there are big potholes and dings all over the road. And sometimes that road will just veer off into a direction that you can't even imagine. And that road is off to nowhere. And then you come back, and sometimes you come to a bridge, and the bridge is really beautifully built, and sometimes that bridge is in great disrepair. This road is your life. And we don't know why we're taking the side road, because we have to. Everything that you're doing, every road that you go on, every. Every place that you wind up, you have to go through it because there's something to learn. You have to navigate the radholes because that's life. And I try to show them that because as young adults, they're in their 20s, my oldest is now 30, they're going through that. They have to navigate. And life is full of that. It's not cherries and, and, and, and flowers and sun and doves flying around, and it's. That's not the reality. So the best thing I can do for them is prepare them and, and, and share these, these things and share what I've gone through so that hopefully it'll rub off on them and they'll say, yeah, like that makes sense, but that failing's okay, and that they're still loved if they fail. They're still loved if something's going to go wrong or something doesn't work out the way they thought it was. And it doesn't mean that they're a failure. Just means, you know, this is something you have to learn. This is a new road, and you have to figure that out. I also want them to know that they. It's up to them. Like, I can't fix for them. Yeah, I can't fix things. They have, but I. They have to. But I can, I can listen and I could help with advice or whatever I've learned that might help them, but I'll always listen to them. You know, these are the things that I, I try to get across and. Yeah, that's always been kind of how, how this has gone. And I think they appreciate it because they, they always respond when I send a message.
- [30:31]
B
Yeah.
- [30:32]
A
Rarely do they not. And if they don't respond, it's. I know they're like, already out and running and the day's gone really quickly.
- [30:38]
B
Yeah.
- [30:39]
A
So I don't take it personally at all. I'm just glad I got the message out.
- [30:42]
B
I like that you said earlier that it's not about the response, it's about your message to them. That's. That's the main purpose. And you said, even if they don't respond, that's okay.
- [30:52]
A
I, I never had any expectations going into this, and I Definitely had no expectations, writers out there for this to become a book. So because I'm not an author, I never was thinking to be an author. I never had any expectations. That means you do it. As a matter of fact, you could do anything you put your mind to. Just. Just go for it. And once you take the first step to write the book, write every book you want to do or whatever you want. Once you take that first step, the next step opens up and so on, and, you know, you get more motivated. And besides the fact there's always somebody who can answer a question and there's always help.
- [31:29]
B
Yeah.
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A
So there's a lot of great platforms out there right now for authors that you can ask questions on that you can learn from. It seems that self publishing is the big thing happening in the author space. So there's so much information out there that you can do it. So don't be shy, do it 100%. Go for it.
- [31:49]
B
I love it. Okay, so I have one more question at the end, Tammy, that I want to ask you to kind of close everything up, wrap it all up in a nice bow. But before I ask you that, as far as where the book is available, I'm on Amazon right now looking at it. I bought a copy today already, so it's on the way. So there you go. So you've sold one in Canada. There you go for sure. But for those that are listening, where they can get the book, obviously I just mentioned Amazon, but where they can get in touch with you as well. I would love for to point everyone to you. So where do we go?
- [32:24]
A
Okay, so the book, as you said, is on Amazon. Text messages to my sons connecting deeply in a world of devices. It's under Tammy T A M M Y J as in Jack is my Milanish Cohen C O H E N Y the J. Because there's a lot of Tammy Cones out there and there's also a Tammy Cohn author. So I said, let me try to separate myself out with the J. So it's on Amazon and it's on several Amazon marketplaces. But Amazon.com for your audience and my website, where you can also go right to text messages to my sons is called www.t as in tom c as in cat tc brand e r a n d consulting dot com. So there is a tab for text message. It's called My book and then it takes you right to Amazon also. You can get it there as well and you can contact me that way. And I have text messages to my sons is on instagram and text messages. My sons is also on Facebook, which of course you can always DM on me there. So it has its own social media pages, text messages to my son. So, yeah, and I'm on, I'm on social media too, under Tammy J. Cohen on instagram and on LinkedIn. Tammy Cohen. So wherever you want to reach me, feel free to reach me. I'm happy to answer any questions or, you know, assist anything.
- [33:53]
B
Okay, now I said I was gonna ask one last question, but before I do that, you did mention at the beginning of the podcast that you have a restaurant.
- [34:01]
A
Yes.
- [34:02]
B
Come on. Okay, please tell us about your restaurant. We gotta talk about that. Can't let that go.
- [34:09]
A
It's called 18E I G H T E E N. And it happens to be a kosher restaurant, but it's been, it's a very cool, funky place and it feels like you're. It's on 81st street on the Upper east side, but you feel like you're downtown in it. And it's very friendly, warm vibe. There's a bar, we have liquor license. We have great sushi kebabs, Mediterranean salads, all kinds of fish, anything. Think of gluten free buns for all of our hamburgers. So we do great grill business and, and it's a nice warm place to hang out. People like going there. It's open almost 14 years. Which day is not easy, New York City, to be open 14 years. Especially growing the pandemic.
- [34:56]
B
Yeah.
- [34:56]
A
So, yeah, we're really proud of that, that we managed to, to be in this space for so long. Yeah.
- [35:02]
B
So I walk through the door with a copy of your book in my hand. I'm going to get an autograph right on my book.
- [35:10]
A
Huh?
- [35:10]
B
All right. Okay, good. I want to just put that out there. That's like, hey, I want, I want to get an autograph. Yeah. So that's good stuff. I love that.
- [35:19]
A
You know what, Dave, if you want me to send you one with an autograph so that you can give it as a gift, you know, you can give the one you have as a gift and keep the one with the autograph. I'd be happy to do that. You know, get your address to me and I'll send you a copy. My pleasure.
- [35:32]
B
It's kind of you.
- [35:33]
A
You don't have to send it for an order, like go back and forth and everything. I'll just send it to you.
- [35:37]
B
Do we get a really good table if we come in and ask for, for, for an autograph with a copy of the Book. Would that help or what?
- [35:43]
A
You'll get the best table. You have to tell me if you're coming to New York. I'm. First of all, you're my guest. Second of all, that's not.
- [35:49]
B
Come on.
- [35:50]
A
If you don't get to New York quickly, I will be happy to send you the book.
- [35:54]
B
See, I'm trying to angle a little angle to get in there. I love it.
- [35:57]
A
Whatever. Whatever works for you.
- [35:59]
B
We'll have. We'll have a link in the show, notes to the website, to the book, to the restaurant, because we want people that are there
- [36:08]
A
it out. E, I, g, h, t. 18 Restaurant. Spell out 18 restaurants on Instagram. So there you go.
- [36:15]
B
Okay, so my final question as we wrap up and thank you for making time for me at the beginning of your day. So excited to have you on again. A very unique book, a very unique author. Be proud of that because you're inspiring a lot of people with this. Beyond what I think you can even imagine, Katie. It's just. There's going to have a ripple effect as people follow your lead and do this in their own home and with their own kids, in their own family. There's going to be impact that's going to go so far and wide as people follow your lead. So to that end, there's a. There's a parent listening, like me, who's buying the book, which I have, and we're going to start this with our kids, and we just don't know how to do this the right way. Do we have to text them every day? Can we do it once a week? What do you say is like, just the beginning of how to start this for ourselves with your book in our hand as a guide? How do we start doing this so that we can maintain this? Some kind of regular schedule of being texting our kids, Any kind of tips for us as newbies, Texting our kids. Where do we start?
- [37:27]
A
That's an excellent question. So there's no right way. First of all, you don't have to. Don't even think like, oh, I have to send the right kind of message. What comes natural to you to say to your children, I love you.
- [37:39]
B
Easy.
- [37:40]
A
You're. You're. You're. You're incredible. You're extraordinary. That's how I started. I bless you. I say that. I bless you. I pray. I pray. I pray every morning. And you're. That's what were my beginning messages.
- [37:53]
B
Good.
- [37:54]
A
So there's no right. There's just what you feel as time goes on and you start like hearing things or saying things or reading things. Then you could start saying, oh, I like to share this quote. Like, you know, I see sometimes all the times I'll see an interesting quote and I'll ask them, what do you think about this quote? Or I'll tell them what I think it means. Things will come to you, but just start.
- [38:14]
B
Just start.
- [38:15]
A
Start easy with what comes natural to you. I personally think, like anything else, like, if you, if you're a writer and you want to, you want to write, you have to be consistent. You have to make time every day to write. Correct. So with the text, I text my kids Monday through Friday.
- [38:31]
B
Good.
- [38:31]
A
I don't do it on the weekends.
- [38:33]
B
Yeah.
- [38:33]
A
I do it Monday through Friday. Why? I, I broke down the hours of the week and I said, a text takes me max 10 minutes. If I can't find 10 minutes a day, then I'm not, I'm not organizing my time at least minimally. Correct. Yeah, yeah. You don't have to do it in the morning. Sometimes I do it in the afternoon, early afternoon. I just make sure I get it out, that's all. And if it comes where I miss a day, I apologize to the next and I say, hey, I didn't get my text to you, but I apologize, but I love you. That takes one second.
- [39:05]
B
Yeah.
- [39:06]
A
Okay, so you just, I think consistency is important. I think you make the time. You make it part of your morning routine. Because everybody's like, into these morning routines now or, and start simple. Don't, don't, don't stress. Now buy the book, Text message my sons, because you have 200 pages of messages that are already written.
- [39:28]
B
There you go.
- [39:28]
A
With great quotes. You don't have to be a genius. You can actually just say, okay, I'm going to use that, or I'm going to use two line to bat. Long message. She writes a lot of long message, but at the end of the day, you have the material. So just start. Because you don't know where it's going to go. And you, over time, it'll become a routine for you and you'll get more comfortable with it. But just start.
- [39:50]
B
Excellent. Well, if your goal was to inspire one parent to follow your lead, and that's. That was your goal to, in all of this, you've just succeeded because you got me. So I'm on. I'm in. I, I'm on Team Tammy right now. I'm all in. So I'm following your lead and I'm following a great example of a parent who cares Loves their kids and wants them to be bulletproof. You got me. So you've. You've met your goal. If that was your goal to inspire one person to do this, I'm in. So thank you for inspiring me and inspiring everyone listening. You're a very creative person and I just wanted to celebrate you as the most unique author I've ever had on my show. So thank you for doing what you do.
- [40:36]
A
It means so much to me and from your mouth to God's ears, for everything. And all the parents listening and all the people listening who just want to connect with somebody they love. You know, I hope that you all find something out of this that you can use and that you can connect even deeper. May the world have more light in it. Maybe share these messages of love, because we really need that now. I feel that we have to counter all of this stuff that's going on. The over engagement on these devices and the message of spreading of disinformation and propaganda and violence and hate that just seems to be coming up all the time. So let's. We can. We're our own army. We can do it. We can go out there and we can change the lot and change the message and share love and light, inspiration and start with our loved ones. Whether you have kids or not, start with any loved one you have, anybody you care about. And Dave, thank you so much for your support and your kind words because it means a lot.
- [41:36]
B
Amazing, Amazing. Again, Tammy, thank you so much for doing this again, everybody. All the links will be in the show notes I mentioned. Please go. And when you buy the book like I have, leave an amazing review. Don't write. Great book, great author. That's nice. Thank you. But I'd much rather see you write and tell everybody why this book is important to you. I'm reading the reviews as I look at your page. Some great reviews from Jack Nash, from Andrea, telling us why they love your book so much.
- [42:04]
A
Yes, we need more reviews because people message me how much they love the book and I'm like, put a review on Amazon. But you know what? That's like another step. But really, if you can leave reviews, that would be amazing.
- [42:16]
B
Yeah, it does mean a lot. It means a lot to the author. It means a lot to other people who come across this book. And for you, listening, that's the one way you can pay back an amazing author. In addition to buying the book. Leave that review and let the world know how important it is to you. Again, Tammy, thank you so much for doing this.
- [42:33]
A
Thank you, Dave. Thank you so much.
- [42:43]
B
Hey. Hey. Well, thank you for listening. It's a new year and we're excited to be releasing even more great episodes of Living the Next Chapter and we want you to come along for the journey. Thank you for being here. If you know of an author that you would love to have featured on the podcast, an author that you enjoy, an author that brings you that excitement that you would just love to hear them interviewed on this podcast, I would love to hear your suggestion for a future guest and some what would be a question or two that you would want us to ask them on your behalf. Go to livinginthenextchapter.com There's a little speak pipe icon there. You can leave me a voice message, tell me who should be on the show and give me some question ideas and I'll use your request and reach out to that author and invite them on and give you full credit for the idea. Livingthenextchapter.com would love to hear your suggestion and thank you for listening. Catch you on the next episode.