← Living The Next Chapter: Candid Conversations with Authors and Writers for Readers Searching for a New Read
Living The Next Chapter: Candid Conversations with Authors and Writers for Readers Searching for a New Read
E673 - Mary Alice Stephens - UNCORKED - Getting sober is one thing, staying sober another
00:41:02
Loading summary
Transcript128 lines
- [00:00]
A
There's two things. There's the writer in me who wanted to write a good book, and getting feedback on the writing has made me feel really good. Like, my favorite comment is, I devoured it in two days. You know, that's exactly what I wanted to achieve. And the other half is helping people who could see themselves in this book or who have loved ones who are struggling with alcohol. When I've heard from those people, that's so meaningful. And that's exactly why I wrote the book.
- [00:33]
B
Everybody, welcome back to Living the Next chapter, the Author Podcast. We get to talk to amazing authors from around the world. I love the show because I get to meet some great new friends and learn about new books and new writers. And sharing these stories with you as a listener, I think is great because again, you get to fall in love with people you might not have met yet, but you're going to love. And excited to have Mary on the podcast today. Lots of good stuff. We're gonna uncork our conversation together and see where we go. Mary, welcome to the podcast. Nice to have you here.
- [01:06]
A
Thank you so much for having me.
- [01:08]
B
Excellent. Let's tell everybody right off the bat, let's start here. Where are you in this big world of ours?
- [01:14]
A
I'm coming to you from Marin County, California, just north of the Golden Gate Bridge.
- [01:19]
B
Wow. Okay. That's kind of a nice place to live. That'd be gorgeous.
- [01:23]
A
It's super pretty, right?
- [01:25]
B
Wow. Okay. Well, we have something tall here called Niagara Falls.
- [01:30]
A
It's on my bucket list.
- [01:31]
B
Right. You gotta come see us. It's not man made, but it's. It's big.
- [01:37]
A
So my great, great, great uncle apparently had a hand in building the dam from over. From Ireland. Probably like 18 years old on the crew.
- [01:48]
B
Really?
- [01:49]
A
Yep.
- [01:50]
B
Wow. Well, that's a story.
- [01:53]
A
Yeah.
- [01:53]
B
I say, well, we put it this way. That's a damn good story because you worked on the dam, right?
- [01:59]
A
Very funny.
- [02:00]
B
There you go, everybody. Dad jokes are for free and you can't give them back. So there. I love that. Awesome. Mary, let's talk a little bit about your journey as an author, because we have authors who listen to this show. They're coming here to be inspired by someone who's further down the road than they are. I have authors listening to the show. They're just starting, maybe even just this week. They have a desire to write a story, to get out there and share their message, but they are lacking in knowledge and they're looking for someone like you who's further down the path. If you could listen to a podcast or a conversation. Before you started your journey of writing as an authority, what would have been helpful for you to hear back in the early days that kind of would have made some of this journey for you a little bit easier or more fun? Is there anything you can share with somebody listening?
- [02:52]
A
Sure. I, I would say everybody has a story to tell and your story is just as valid as any published story out there. So believe in it. Write for yourself. Don't write for a particular audience you think is out there wanting something. Write a story that you need to tell that's going to make you happy and fulfilled and leave your inner critic out the door. So just bring yourself into a safe space and write till your heart's content. And there are so many ways to get help now. Over zoom over local classes, over just starting a writers group to share your work, to kind of give you some companionship. But I would say just get started. Don't, don't freak yourself out that you have to write every day or that there's any rules around it. Just find a good comfy spot that helps you feel inspired and take a whack at it.
- [03:50]
B
As you went through the process of writing, how did you as a person change? Like, how did it help you? Did you find a new lane, a new gear, or some part of you that if you had not been an author, you might not have realize this part of you?
- [04:06]
A
Well, that is a multifaceted question.
- [04:08]
B
I know, right?
- [04:09]
A
I, I wrote for television, for my career, okay? I wrote travel shows, cooking shows, home design, makeover shows. So I, I had a very different experience with writing. It was collaborative, right? There was a crew. I was the producer slash writer. And there'd be an audio person and a video person and the on camera people. And then I had a boss, My boss had a boss. So I had to churn out a script every couple of weeks and immediately get it redlined, you know, and have to fix it on a deadline and move on. So I developed a thick skin really quickly, which I think is important. It's important as a writer of books or essays to know who to get your advice from. Right. Assuming you're not going to have a boss, you don't want to just take anybody's opinion, but you want to really see what soaks in with you. So when I went from writing for other people's voices to writing for my own voice, I just had to make space that there were no rules. You know, I wasn't writing for television so I could cuss If I want, I could have a deep internal monologue because I didn't have to have any video to support it.
- [05:19]
B
Right.
- [05:20]
A
So. And giving myself space on the page to explore my emotions and my experiences, because I wrote a memoir, I think validated for myself what I had gone through. My particular story is a sobriety story. So I think in the writing of that, it deepened my recovery because I was able to see what I had experienced over time. So I got sober 14 years ago, and I wrote about that first year, but it took me years to write that first year. And in that process, I grew emotionally in my sobriety. So the gift. The book was a gift to me to kind of explore my own feelings deeper.
- [06:09]
B
So there's a healing side in the process of writing the book.
- [06:12]
A
Exactly, exactly.
- [06:14]
B
All right. And that probably you wouldn't have experienced it the same way had you not written the book.
- [06:20]
A
Right. I think it's kind of like when you go to therapy and you get great advice and you walk out the door and you forget it two weeks later.
- [06:27]
B
Yeah.
- [06:28]
A
When I go to therapy, because I don't want to waste money, I take notes, and I always have those to look back on. And that way that message sticks with me for years. It's the same in writing your own book. You know that it deepens everything that you've gone through.
- [06:42]
B
Okay. I have, like, two different directions I want to go right now, and I'm leaning towards one, and I'm going to come back to the other one. But when you write for tv, when we're watching it from our side of the television, our side of the screen, we don't really understand the kind of. The writing process for the type of shows you talk about that you've written for. How much scripted is like a home renovation show compared to what we see at the final product. I would think you can't tell what's gonna happen next. So how do you write for that? Can you kind of give us an idea of how you approach writing for some of these unique shows like you've done?
- [07:22]
A
Sure. Some of them. Some of the parts are written in advance, so when the host is talking directly to the camera, it's called a stand up. You write those in advance because you know what your show is going to be about. Then you shoot the action as it happens. And then afterwards, you go back and look through all the tape and you find the great moments and you stitch the show together with voiceover.
- [07:44]
B
Okay.
- [07:44]
A
So the voiceover is what's written and. And then the tease for the next segment is written. Okay, that makes sense.
- [07:52]
B
Yeah.
- [07:53]
A
Yeah.
- [07:53]
B
All right. So did you know anything about, like, home renovation or cooking before writing for these shows?
- [08:00]
A
Not a bit. But that was the most fun part, is learning as you go, because you have experts on the show, so you're learning from them. And then it's your job to just articulate what you've learned in your script. And then if you're, you know, unsure, you can always say to the designer, hey, did I get this right? Or the chef, you know, or the travel expert, you know, there's always somebody to help you back up your validity.
- [08:24]
B
Is it. Is it hard to be in a room with experts and trying to capture the story when you might not have the skill sets that the person in front of you does have as part of the main person on the show?
- [08:39]
A
Not particularly, because those segments are so short and they are written for. For the lay person.
- [08:45]
B
Okay.
- [08:46]
A
That you mainly want to capture that action and that intelligence from the expert from their own mouth, you know, in a sound bite. And you're just writing the bridges, you know, and. And stuff like that. So I don't recall it being a big problem. But it also wasn't a two hour documentary.
- [09:04]
B
No. You know, Yeah, I would be. I think I'm thinking of it from like an intimidation kind of thing where I don't know how to do what you're doing on the show, yet I'm responsible for making this all make sense for the viewer later. So there's going to be elements where I'm like, I don't know what it means to do what you just did. Can you explain that to me so I can put it into context? Like, I would be a little bit of imposter syndrome, maybe. And I think that the authors listening might feel that from a writer's perspective where they don't feel like they have everything they need to tell a good story, yet they're being told to go tell a story and they're like, I don't know what I'm doing in this moment.
- [09:42]
A
Yeah. The good news is whoever that expert is also wants to be articulated properly so they're more than willing to straight, you know, straighten you out if you've gotten something a little wrong. And it's a very collaborative process.
- [09:55]
B
Yeah, okay, that's good. I think that helps kind of give us some context because again, we don't know what happens behind the camera and all we see is the end result. Right. So it's interesting. I love peeling behind the scenes and peeking in and going, oh, yeah, I had someone on the show who, who wrote for the TV show Elf. And I'm like, oh. And then she wrote all the episodes.
- [10:18]
A
So different.
- [10:19]
B
Right. And she just talked about how that was and, and all of that. And it's really kind of like interesting and fun to kind of just get a chance to kind of see something we don't get access to from, from a viewer's perspective. So I love that. That's good.
- [10:33]
A
I agree. I love the behind the scenes stuff.
- [10:35]
B
Yeah. What did you bring with you from writing for TV to your own personal work? You have the freedom of writing whatever you want, however you want to do it now. But what things were you able to bring with you to your own writing?
- [10:49]
A
The number one thing, it's universal to whatever storytelling you're doing is you have to know what it's about. You have to be precise and know what it's about. If you're writing a memoir, it's not about your whole life. It's about a slice of your life. So you've got to hone in what it's about. And then whatever you write needs to support that idea because there could be a lot of things you want to write about, but if it doesn't add to that thesis, then it's probably extraneous and you'll wind up cutting it in the end.
- [11:25]
B
Right. You talked a little bit at the beginning about writing for yourself, but at what point do you then include an audience because you want to sell a book? You don't want to just buy one book for yourself and that's it, you're done. You want to sell these books, you want them people to connect with them. When you write for yourself and to what you want to write about, then how do you bring the audience in so that they feel connected to the story as well?
- [11:47]
A
So there's your personal story, and I guess I'm talking about memoir here. I'm not really qualified to talk about anything else. You have your personal story, but it has to have a universal theme or themes. So my personal story was my sobriety journey. And in addition to that, there are themes of identity, family, belonging, connection, acceptance. Those wider themes are what's going to sell your book in addition to those people who are sober, curious, or newly sober who might benefit from your pages on that level.
- [12:23]
B
Okay, now this is where I want to go. I was talking about that split in the conversation. Now I want to go towards your story. You said sober, curious. I love that. I think that I'm going to Use that often in our world where alcohol is like so much of what we do and all, all these different things that bring people into maybe an addictive lifestyle where this becomes their identity. How does somebody kind of find a space in a social setting when you're on a different path than the majority of the people in the room who don't feel like alcohol is a big thing for them and they're freely passing things around? How do you find your spot in a social environment when you're on this, this path of sobriety? How do you do that?
- [13:13]
A
Well, for me, it was super challenging at first. I'm a big extrovert and I loved going out to parties. And I think the week I got sober, which was in August, I had five events lined up that week alone.
- [13:26]
B
Oh no.
- [13:27]
A
And I was just like, how am I gonna, how am I gonna get through this? And it was very challenging at first. So I got some tips from people like bring your own drinks, you know, non alcoholic drinks. Put them in a red solo cup like everybody else is drinking out of. So people aren't questioning what you're drinking, because they do. They will say, why aren't you drinking? Especially people who knew me, you know, I was always the life of the party, always a glass in my hand. So I had to adjust to that. I, I had some strategies like arrive late, leave early, drive my own car, which I could finally do because I could drive home sober and be more selective about which events I chose to go to. And then, you know, I always used to think 100% of people were drinking. And then I would start looking for the non drinkers in the crowd and be like, okay, maybe I could talk to them and they'll be on the same level as me. Instead of the loud yahoo's in the corner, you know, speaking really loudly and repetitively, which used to be me. And then it takes time, you know, you have to give yourself time and grace and space to navigate the new setting.
- [14:45]
B
Interesting. Okay. All right. I love that. So for, for people that are listening and maybe this is part of their journey where they, they're trying to figure out like how to do, how to interact in these social settings. Then beyond what we've talked about already, what other things can we do? Because I don't want to be like antisocial because.
- [15:09]
A
Right.
- [15:10]
B
You know, this is our community. These are people know us and have known us in one way and now that we're in a new way, how do you communicate with people to tell them that you're on this new journey, is that really up to us to. To. To tell people that we're doing this, or is this a personal story that we're developing on our own? How do you. How do you balance this?
- [15:30]
A
I mean, it was trial and error for me. Sometimes I thought I had a safe audience, and I didn't. You know, they'd be like, you can't have just one, or, you don't drink any more than we do, you know, And I was like, whoa. Because I was so fragile in it. That. That was. That was scary. And other times, people want to go way deep right away, and you're at a party, and you don't want to go way deep. Oh, that's so good for you. How did it happen? Was there something. Did you hit bottom? Like, they don't understand that they're asking you super personal questions, and this is not the appropriate place to deliver it. So sometimes I just wound up fibbing at the beginning, saying, I'm on antibiotics or I'm just taking a little break or I'm not feeling well. And if it was a more intimate setting, I did not have as much of a problem being honest with them.
- [16:21]
B
Okay.
- [16:21]
A
You know, but at a party, that's kind of like a bomb, you know?
- [16:26]
B
Yeah. I had one gentleman on the show. He also had a similar journey with addiction. And when he finally went sober, his wife would have a glass of wine during dinner or at the kitchen counter, and. And she'd be like, can't you just have, like, one class? Like. And that was his closest ally as his partner, and she didn't even fully understand. Right. So I think that's. It's interesting. That's really hard because. Yeah, there's a relationship side to that as well. Right.
- [16:58]
A
Yeah. I got lucky with my husband. He was very respectful. It was also, you know, he was very happy to see that I quit drinking. Um, so he. You know, we set up ground rules around the house, and then when we went out and he checked in, he still checks in with me. And I've been sober for 14 years, so I got lucky.
- [17:17]
B
Excellent. So let's talk, Mary, to the person that's listening, who's at the beginning of their journey with sobriety. What is something that would be helpful for them? We talked to the authors about writing a book. That's great. But there's somebody listening right now that's just at the early days of this, trying to figure out their path. What would have been helpful to hear from somebody at the beginning of all this?
- [17:40]
A
Sobriety is not the end of your life. It's. It's hard at first. Once you get your sea legs, things get so much better. Like all just waking up on a Saturday morning without a hangover, without shame or guilt of what I might have done the night before, being present with my kids, not having stress in my marriage, being able to spend time with myself and enjoy my own company and have self acceptance and feel proud. Those are all the things waiting for you after you get sober. I would say what helped me the most in those early days was community. I did AA in the 12 steps, but if that's not a comfortable idea for you, there's so many on Facebook and Instagram now, so many sober support groups, that there's a million ways for you to have company in this, because feeling like you have to do it alone can be overwhelming. But the minute you meet people, even people you haven't met yet are going to help you so much. And they're chock full of advice and companionship and humor. Like, I have a good sense of humor. And my first couple of weeks of sobriety, I don't. I didn't laugh once and I'm like, this is the worst. I can't go through life like this. And then the minute I walked into a meeting, people were cracking up over stuff that only other problem drinkers would crack up about and feel safe enough to laugh about, you know, and not be judged. It was just, it was just an eye opening, just such a comfortable space for me.
- [19:23]
B
Amazing. So you go in, you're like, I'm going to write about my journey and my story. Is there an element of, of uncorked that you're writing to, to help that reader then too? Because you did mention it's your story, it's your memoir, it's about you. But is there kind of an underlying theme that you're trying to convey to a reader to help them?
- [19:44]
A
Yes, for sure. I mean, I pictured an alcoholic, like somebody asleep under a park bench with the bottle of vodka or the mom hiding in the closet, you know, or hiding booze all around the house or whatever. There's so many layers and levels of alcoholism that mine, I think is super common, but not often talked about or recognized because I hadn't gotten a DUI or lost custody or lost my job. And, you know, I was a quote unquote, functioning alcoholic, meaning everything looked good on the outside, but on the inside I was crumbling and I was doubting and I was like, well, if I can keep it to a couple glasses of Wine on the weekdays, but I binge on the weekends. Does that. Doesn't that mean I have it under control? That's the particular alcoholic I'm trying to reach and tell them that they're not alone and. And their support. And I wanted to walk them through and hold their hand through my first days, weeks, and months of sobriety and up through that first year, just to show them that there's hope and there's light on the other side and their life can get so much better, which I did not believe at all. I decided to get sober because I wanted to for my children and my husband and for my own peace of mind, but I didn't expect it to like it. I thought this is what I just had to do, but I'm so much happier now.
- [21:13]
B
Okay. All right. What. What are we going to get from the book as far as the tone? Kind of. For somebody who's going to read this for the first time, I like to word this question like, what is your love letter to a reader as they get a copy of Uncorked for the first time? They're going to open it, they're going to turn to the first page. Before they do, wait a second. From the author to the reader. Here's my love letter to you and why this book exists and what I hope you get out of it. If you could talk to the reader right now, what would you want to say?
- [21:46]
A
I would say, dear reader, I hope that over these next 300 and so pages, you see yourself in my story and that I can hold your hand through these rough, rough early days and moments. And then I can give you some good belly laughs and also some very relatable, raw, vulnerable moments and some healing wisdom that I learned from the people who helped me out in my early sobriety.
- [22:17]
B
What do you see as a successful transition through the different stages of sobriety? Because I would think it's. It takes a while to kind of work through all the different things. You've had great support with you, which is excellent, but can you kind of outline some of the steps, maybe the early steps that you went through on your journey of sobriety?
- [22:37]
A
Yeah, I think the earliest ones were the hardest for me. Admitting I was powerless over alcohol, and my life had become unmanageable. I was so determined to be like, no, no, I'm not. I'm not that bad. You know, so being able to surrender that. That, yeah, alcohol had control of me. I didn't control my alcohol, and I didn't like how my life was going. So Just being able to surrender to that, that was really important. Having that sober community starting to believe that there is a me in there that was so drowned in alcohol for so many years that there is a me in there who can thrive without alcohol. And you just have to give yourself grace and time and find your trusted people and let them in and let them help you and then meet new people who you will trust in your sobriety journey. Because it's the people who are also struggling or have struggled that will really get you and get you through. So quitting the drinking is the first step. And then with time, emotional sobriety takes over, which means taking a good, honest look at yourself and seeing where you've been wrong, not playing the victim, not saying, this made me drink or that made me drink. You know, you made yourself drink. It's an addictive substance, but you did all that. So you have to look at yourself and see where you can clean up your side of the street and then just live an honest, integral life and give yourself grace and give the people around you grace.
- [24:16]
B
Right? And then I guess the other part of it, too. I mentioned that gentleman with his wife, and she drank wine and he was on his journey of sobriety. You. You kind of are the sum total of the people you surround yourself with, right? Socially, family wise, all that. So do as you join, get on this journey of your sobriety. Do you, do people closest to you feel maybe judged that, well, you're on this path? So are you judging me because I drank alcohol? And now that's uncomfortable that we have this thing now between us, and maybe I'm, as somebody who casually drinks, feeling a little bit judged that, well, here's Mary and she's better than me, or she's on this journey, or now I'm, I'm looking inward going, well, what about me? Maybe I'm like, did you find some problems with your own social circles as you went down this path?
- [25:13]
A
A lot of my friends, because I did surround myself with drinkers, a lot of my friends did have to take a moment and be like, wait a minute, I need to check my own drinking. But. But we were close enough that they could do that in front of me, with me verbally, and they were like, no, you know, I think I'm okay, or, you know, maybe I could take. Cut back a little bit. There were only a couple people who, I think our friendships dissipated because I stopped drinking. And I think they might have been uncomfortable drinking around me because they were uncomfortable with their own drinking. But that's My opinion, I don't. You know, I didn't call them out on it because if they didn't want to hang out with me, they didn't want to hang out with me, you know?
- [26:00]
B
Yeah. Yeah. Because I think that would be an interesting conversation, especially if people know you well and know you the way you were, and then they see you on a different path that could be really convicting, maybe. Maybe encouraging for them to also see if that's a path they need to follow. So there's a good side and a bad side, I guess, to both, Right?
- [26:23]
A
Yeah. I also think, you know, there's a lot of. I was just in Nashville over the weekend with my husband where there's a ton of drinking going on, and there were these party buses going by with people just, you know, going crazy. And I said, you know, I don't begrudge them their fun at all. You know, if that's something they can do once a year, annual getaway, or, you know, once in a while, hats off to them. How fun. You know, I'm not that person. I don't get to do that, but they can. So from me, there's no judgment, because you can't really tell if another person's an alcoholic or not unless you get inside their body. Because something I didn't know about it is. It's also about obsession. I was thinking about drinking all the time. I was thinking about it. Drinking or recovering from it. And you have to be inside somebody's skin to know if that level of obsession is happening. It's different from being a heavy drinker.
- [27:19]
B
And this also extends beyond alcohol. Addiction can show up in a lot of different forms. Right. So people listening to this, maybe it's not alcohol. Maybe it's something completely different. But like you said, when it's all that you think about and it consumes your day to day, that's a warning sign. That's kind of a. Hey, we need to talk to somebody right now.
- [27:40]
A
Yeah. People who don't have a drinking problem don't walk around wondering if they have a drinking problem.
- [27:46]
B
Okay. That clarifies that. Okay. Right. Yeah. And I. Okay, so as an author, as the writer for Uncorked, what. What brings you satisfaction? That this book is in the world and that people are reading it. You're getting great reviews on your website. I'm reading these amazing comments from people and great people that have read the book. What's exciting for you as an author to see this out in the world and. And see the reaction from people there's two things.
- [28:17]
A
There's the writer in me who wanted to write a good book, and getting feedback on the writing has made me feel really good. Like, my favorite comment is, I devoured it in two days. You know, that's exactly what I wanted to achieve. And the other half is helping people who could see themselves in this book or who have loved ones who are struggling with alcohol. When I've heard from those people, that's so meaningful. And that's exactly why I wrote the book.
- [28:50]
B
Okay, when you wrote the book, what kind of resources did you pull from personally and to help support the writing of the book, did you have any kind of go to places that you use as reference points?
- [29:04]
A
What do you mean?
- [29:05]
B
Like just how you wrote the book and how you brought in the context of the content. You have your story, but how else did you add to it?
- [29:13]
A
I see. Well, it sure took me a long time to write it. I would take a writing class and bang out a couple chapters and the class would end and I'd put the book away. And, you know, my kids were 4 and 5 when I got sober and I started writing probably when they were 5 and 7. So it took me over a decade because I would write a few chapters and put it away for a few months. You know, I used my appointment calendars and I would pair those up with pictures, which I take a lot of, and that would bring back all those scenes to life for me.
- [29:43]
B
Okay.
- [29:44]
A
And I'm a ruminator, which is normally a bad thing. But when you're a writer, it's a very good thing because when bad things happen, I roll it around in my head so much that it's kind of set in stone. It was very easy for me to recall those moments and write the scenes. I think my television background helped me write dialogue really easily because I'm used to hearing. Also because you could only write to video and television, I think I'm a visual writer. So I was, you know, it was easy for me to work in the five senses also because I took so many pictures. So I took classes and then I wound up getting a Master of Fine Arts in creative writing in 2022. I did a two year program once my kids were in high school to really finish that book. And then I had, you know, I had beta readers give me feedback on it. I had an editorial assessment done. So an editor gave me 11 pages of notes. That was all I could afford. I couldn't afford a developmental editor. Like, I had no idea it cost money to write a book. You know, this was supposed to be my hobby because I quit my paying job, so. So I put all that together and when I found. Felt like the book was really tight, I cut 30,000 words. You know, I. I got it as tight. As tight of a story as I could. Then I submitted it to a publisher and got accepted.
- [31:15]
B
Well, as. As a parent, as your children age and get into that age when alcohol does become an option for them, what is your hope for your kids based on your story and your own personal experience, how do you navigate that as a parent?
- [31:32]
A
I'm in it. I'm navigating it. My kids are in college. I'm very transparent about my struggles and that my side of the family has the gene and there's a chance they could, that the more alcohol they pour into their bodies before they're 25, the more likely it is there to become addicted. So. But I can't. They don't live at home anymore. You know, I can't live their life for them. It's just like telling them to put on sunscreen because you don't want them to get skin cancer. They're going to listen or they're not going to listen.
- [32:06]
B
Yeah.
- [32:07]
A
So they have to go through their journey and at least they know they have a sympathetic ear in me if, you know, they hit trouble and they can follow my example. But I'm just like every other parent. I'm just going to worry about my kids until, well, I hope I stop worrying someday. But I hear that's not the case.
- [32:25]
B
No, I don't. Yeah, it kind of hangs around. Have you been open as a parent with your kids about your journey and your sobriety? Have they. Do they, do they understand kind of your story through your lens to them?
- [32:40]
A
Sure. I. I was age appropriate, transparent with them. So when they were little enough to ask what meetings I was going to, very little. I would say I'm going to mommy meetings to help me be a better mom. And then when they got to middle school, I told them what alcoholism was and that I had it and that they're susceptible to it. And then in high school, I was like, okay, guys, here's the deal. Try to limit. Try to limit. Try to limit. And I'm sorry, I've lost what your real question was.
- [33:21]
B
Yeah, Just kind of how you demonstrated this and shared your story as they aged.
- [33:26]
A
Right.
- [33:27]
B
Then I get into the college age.
- [33:29]
A
Yeah.
- [33:29]
B
It's going to be more frequent and available for them.
- [33:32]
A
Right. They each went with me to get my sobriety. Chip one went with Me last year. One went with me this year. So they've been to an AA meeting. They have my book. My daughter's read it, and my son is somewhere through it, but they're in the book. So I was, you know, said it's really important to me that you guys read this before everybody else does, so you know what's being talked about about your mom, so. But they're proud of me, and. And they stood up for me at a book reading, which I hadn't even thought they would. They grabbed the microphone and said to the audience how proud they were of me. So that makes me really happy.
- [34:12]
B
Wow. I love that. That's amazing. I like that. And then the other part of AA that I think people might not understand if you've never been to a meeting is the support that they have for family members, for people that are dealing with their addiction and looking through their sobriety. There's supports for your family members as well.
- [34:28]
A
Yeah, that's Al Anon.
- [34:30]
B
Right.
- [34:31]
A
And then adult children of alcoholics.
- [34:33]
B
Yeah.
- [34:34]
A
Yeah.
- [34:34]
B
There's support for them too, as well. I like that.
- [34:37]
A
Right.
- [34:37]
B
It's good. As you celebrate the book and all the amazing reviews again that we talk about on your website, it's really great. We'll have a link for your site in the show notes. But as you celebrate, I'm curious, and it's kind of the title of my show, Living the Next Chapter. Do you have a desire to keep writing, to keep sharing stories? Anything that we can look forward from you as a writer in the future?
- [35:04]
A
I am open.
- [35:06]
B
Good.
- [35:07]
A
I. This book was a burning desire for me. So some. I felt like I just typed it. Like it kind of just. It needed to come out of my body and onto the page. I haven't had that next, you know, I gotta write it thing. I've been writing some essays, so that short form feels a lot more comfortable to me than writing a whole book. Live storytelling. I wanted to try. So, yeah, I'm. I'm open to anything. I wanted to take a watercolor class because I've never been good at art, and I think, who cares? Let me just do something different and enjoy it with no expectations.
- [35:48]
B
Yeah, let's. Let's do this as we kind of wrapping up here as well. Mary, the book arrives at your home for the first time. It's the first time you've had your hands on it as the author, and you get to hold the book for the first time. Can you take us back to that day? What was that day? What was it? Like to. To hold it for the first time and see a reality in front of you. This is real.
- [36:09]
A
Was. Here she is.
- [36:11]
B
Come on.
- [36:12]
A
I like what? All the things. All the things. There's my picture. I just couldn't believe that I was finally holding something that I had written and then it wasn't gonna disappear after the TV show aired. You know what I mean? That it's gonna stick around, right? And that I did that I was just a dream come true. Just a complete bucket list. Ever since I read Harriet the Spy when I was a little kid, I just was like, she's super cool. That book is super cool. I want to write a book. I wonder what it's going to be about. And then when I got sober, I'm like, that's the book.
- [36:53]
B
There you go. I like it. Do you think that the book is going to help open up some doors to get out, share your story in public settings and with meetings and with other people, maybe that you'd love to help and. And support through the book? And do you think it's just going to open some doors for you?
- [37:08]
A
I hope so. I hope more. More than me. I hope that it finds people who need. Who need it. You know, I really. I could have really used a book like this when I was newly sober just to feel less alone and to have, you know, have a laugh and. And have a companion. So I just hope it finds those
- [37:26]
B
people excellent and they're listening for.
- [37:29]
A
Thank you for letting me share today.
- [37:32]
B
I like it. And those people are listening right now. And I. That's why I love having authors like you on the show because it's. It's great to read somebody's story, but when there's that underlying message that there's someone to support you and that you're not alone and it's going to be a journey. But there's great people and great resources. There's, you know, going to the meetings, but there's also a book that you can have right there to keep you as a companion on your journey as well. I love that. Uncorked is there for everyone.
- [38:01]
A
Yeah. Thanks so much.
- [38:02]
B
Excellent. Let's talk about your website, Mary, before you go, so we can send everybody there. It's a beautiful website. Everyone's got to click on the tab and read these reviews. You're going to love them. But, Mary, talk about your website and where we want to send listeners.
- [38:15]
A
Thank you. It's Maryallis stevens.com Stevens with a ph. And everything is on my website. You could also just go to Amazon and pick up Uncorked, A memoir of Letting Go and Starting Over. And I wish all the writers and the readers out there much success.
- [38:34]
B
Excellent. Thank you so much for being on the show. It's great to have you here and I love the idea of the book and that your story can be shared and help so many people. So, again, thank you for making time to be part of the podcast. It's great to have you here.
- [38:46]
A
Oh, thanks for having your podcast. I really appreciate it. You did great work, Dave.
- [38:50]
B
Excellent, everyone. All the information, as always, in the show notes, when, not if, when you buy this book for yourself and buy multiple copies for all the people you love, leave great reviews. All right? Because I know, speaking for our authors that come on the show, they love to hear your thoughts and what resonated with you as a reader, why this book is important for you as a reader. It just reinforces. It helps sell books. I get that. But the authors love to hear your thoughts. So please leave a detailed review, share your thoughts, meaningful comments so that our authors are encouraged to keep writing, keep sharing their story, and other people can come and also fall in love with the book as well. So that's our job as readers. Leave great reviews, and for our authors, just keep writing. It's love having you on the show. Thank you so much for being part of the podcast.
- [39:39]
A
Thank you so much, Dave.
- [39:44]
B
Hey, thank you so much again for pressing play. As you've heard, great guests on the show, and one thing you didn't hear in this conversation is what? What did you not hear? Think about it for a second. That's right. Not a single solitary commercial for a mattress or a supplement or whatever you call it. No. Why? Because we don't want to break up the conversation with commercials. So the fact that you're still here means that you are a fan of the show, I'm assuming. So if you want to help to keep the podcast going and to make me feel really happy, all I really care about is coffee. Okay. I just gotta be honest. I love coffee. I'm drinking one right now. Starting to get cold. I need to warm it up. Helping us with our buy me a coffee link over@livingthenextchapter.com and also in the show notes, helps kind of keep the lights on around here. Remember, I'm doing this for free. I. I'm paying for everything. So I would love to have a little coffee donation. You know, even five bucks kind of fills up my cup. And I would love to enjoy a coffee from you. So if you're interested. Again, thank you for listening, but you can use our buy me a coffee link and fill up the cup. Thanks for being here.