Founder of Shattered Into One: Breaking Free from the Victim Mindset

Summary

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Living The Red Life

Episode: Founder of Shattered Into One: Breaking Free from the Victim Mindset

Host: Rudy Mawer (Ray Gutierrez serving as guest host for this episode)
Guest: Jessica Conrad, Founder of Shattered Into One
Date: November 10, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of Living The Red Life takes a deep dive into mental health, healing from trauma, and the power of breaking free from a victim mindset. Guest Jessica Conrad, the founder of Shattered Into One, shares her own story of overcoming abuse and self-pity, and offers hard-earned insights on personal responsibility, authenticity, and forgiveness. The conversation is candid, energetic, and often humorous, blending deep self-reflection with practical steps for genuine growth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Origin and Purpose of Shattered Into One (01:34 - 02:28)

• Jessica introduces her business, Shattered Into One, rooted in supporting those struggling with trauma, feeling broken, or contemplating suicide.
• Her mission is to help people feel whole again—“learning how to trust themselves again, how to make decisions, how to love life again.”

Notable Quote:

“Shattered into one came about to help people go from feeling shattered into feeling whole and one within themselves.” —Jessica (01:56)

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2. Ditching Toxic Positivity & Embracing Hard Truths (02:28 - 04:10)

• Ray and Jessica critique empty encouragement and toxic optimism.
• They both advocate for “telling people what they need to hear,” even when it’s uncomfortable.
• Jessica emphasizes that healing often starts with confronting painful truths:

  “I want to hurt your feelings because if your feelings are hurt, you’ll make change... I’m going to hurt your feelings to the point where you don’t stay stuck in this place and you can grow out of it.” —Jessica (03:22)

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3. The Power of Voice—Stepping Out of Victimhood (04:45 - 05:57)

• Ray shares that channeling his own pain helped him find his “roar”—his voice.
• Jessica distinguishes between internal voices: love (which drives change) and fear (which keeps you stuck).
• Her pivotal moment: When her sister called her out for playing the victim, prompting a realization that “everything we do in life is a choice. Every way that we think, every decision that we make, every fear that we step into, we’re choosing to do that.” (05:14)

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4. Embracing Darkness and Finding Balance (05:57 - 07:35)

• Ray and Jessica discuss the necessity of “darkness”—acknowledging pain and struggle as key to growth.
• Jessica: “For me, it’s learning to stop looking at it in like a two dimensional and to start looking at it where, yes, there’s this and this, this and that, but we operate in the area between, and that’s the balance.” (07:00)

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5. Ego Death & Authentic Living (07:56 - 09:10)

• The conversation turns to the challenge of letting go of ego and societal expectations, especially in an age of social media distractions.
• Jessica sees authenticity as “the highest frequency we can operate in,” and calls out the need to disconnect from external validation.
• “You’re not stuck anywhere. You’re not a victim to life circumstances.” —Jessica (09:00)

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6. Personal Journey from Victimhood to Balance (09:10 - 11:49)

• Jessica opens up about growing up amid abuse and rejection, trapped in people-pleasing.
• 2012 was a transformative year for her, dedicated to “being selfish” and learning the importance of swinging between selflessness and self-care—eventually finding a middle ground.
• She uses the metaphor of a pendulum or metronome to describe the process of emotional regulation.

Notable Quote:

“If you look at it from like a pendulum, we’re constantly swinging in motion from one side to the other.” —Jessica (10:31)

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7. The Role of Tragedy and Reading in Growth (13:23 - 14:54)

• Jessica recounts a turning point: Her abusive ex-husband exposed her secrets during a family event, forcing her to face reality and let go of shame.
• She credits extensive reading and listening, both to authors and therapy clients, as crucial tools in her healing.
• “When you lose everything and you realize, like, life is still here... you stop relying on people and the external to make you feel like you are somebody.” —Jessica (13:23)

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8. Creating a Sanctuary for Growth (15:28 - 17:18)

• Jessica describes her office as a personal sanctuary, with spaces dedicated to work, client sessions, relaxation, and hobbies.
• She stresses the importance of disconnection—from devices and social media—to recharge.
• “I just joined a volleyball league because I’m like, you need to be social a little bit.” (16:52)

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9. The Work of Shattered Into One—Counseling, Coaching, and Mission Work (17:26 - 22:53)

• Jessica combines counseling and coaching: healing emotional wounds, then helping clients pursue their chosen direction.
• She underscores that simply showing up—even when resistant—signals readiness for healing.
• The I Am Who I Am group: a support circle for both men and women, stressing shared human struggles and non-judgmental support.
• The organization also conducts regular mission work in Belize, providing resources and education for local communities.
• “It doesn’t matter what sex you are. WE all have the same insecurities. Like, we want to be liked, we want to belong.” —Jessica (21:47)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Facing the Hard Truth:

• “I am not the person who will ever tell you what you want to hear, but I will definitely tell you what you need to hear. And a lot of times that is the hard truth.” —Jessica (00:00, 03:22)

On Victimhood as Choice:

• “I was like, I’m not playing a victim. I am a victim. And then hearing that still small voice say, but do you want to choose to be?” —Jessica (05:00)

On Balance and Peace:

• “If I can learn how to find a balance and just kind of be at peace here, then I’m still living in reality.” —Jessica (10:33)

On Shifting Perspective:

• “Instead of, why did this happen to me? I stopped being a victim. And that’s really what I think perpetuates you into…” —Jessica (13:40)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Origin of Shattered Into One & Mission: 01:34 – 02:28
• Tough Love & Facing Reality: 03:22 – 04:10
• Victim Mindset & Taking Responsibility: 05:00 – 05:57
• The Role of Darkness in Growth: 05:57 – 07:35
• Journey from Victimhood to Balance: 09:21 – 11:49
• Transformation After Loss: 13:23 – 14:54
• Creating a Personal Sanctuary: 15:28 – 16:52
• Shattered Into One Programs & Mission Work: 17:26 – 22:53

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How to Connect with Jessica Conrad and Shattered Into One

• Website: shatteredinto1.com
• Social: Facebook & Instagram (Shattered Into One)
• Support Group: “I Am Who I Am” for both men and women
• Mission Work: Volunteer and fundraising in Belize
• Jessica welcomes men and women facing trauma, emphasizing that healing is universal.

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Episode Tone & Style

The tone throughout is raw, honest, at times playful, and relentlessly encouraging of self-awareness. Both speakers embrace vulnerability and challenge, offering a refreshing antidote to toxic positivity with actionable steps for authentic growth.

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This episode is essential listening for anyone feeling lost or stuck in victimhood, for those seeking deeper authenticity, or for entrepreneurs looking to ground their leadership in resilience and realness. Jessica's story and practical insights make clear: breaking free starts with uncomfortable truths, but leads to a flourishing, empowered life.

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Transcript

[A]

I do my most of my thinking out loud in the car when I'm driving and I was thinking about, like, what's the difference between wanting and needing? And I am not the person who will ever tell you what you want to hear, but I will definitely tell you what you need to hear. And a lot of times that is the hard truth.

[B]

The darkness is very real. But darkness already has an implication of negativity, which very much is actually quite the opposite. It's quite positive to understand when you.

[A]

Lose everything and you realize like, life is still here, yeah, I can still move forward. You stop relying on people and the external to make you feel like you are somebody.

[B]

It all goes back to the source. Am I wrong to think that? My name's Rudy Moore, host of Living.

[A]

The Red Life podcast, and I'm here.

[B]

To change the way you see your life in your earpiece every single week. If you're ready to start living the.

[A]

Red life, ditch the blue pill, take.

[B]

The red pill, join me, wonderland, and change your life. Welcome back to another amazing episode of the Living your legacy podcast, Women in Power edition. For Inside Success, I'm Ray Gutierrez. Now that we've got through all of our brands. Joining me today is Jessica Conrad, a fellow Leo that is was birthed the day after I was. So which technically makes me older than you.

[A]

So haha, if it's in the same year, I'm pretty sure I feel it.

[B]

Maybe we're close. Welcome to the show. What brings you to the Red Life podcast, my love?

[A]

I guess my story brings me here. The woman in power, starting on my own business, being shattered into one.

[B]

I. I saw that in the show notes. Let's go right into Shattered into one. Besides being the best Linkin park album that never happened, please tell me what is shattered into one?

[A]

So shattered into one is my mental health business. So I do a lot of work with trauma. Just people who feel broken, lost, can't get it together, suicide, all that kind of stuff. So the darkness of real life I deal with and Shattered into One came about to help people go from feeling shattered into feeling whole and one within themselves, learning how to trust themselves again, how to make decisions, how to love life again.

[B]

Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm sure I am. When folks feel despair, we always try to tell them things are going to be okay, things are going to be this. You always pump them up with positivity. You speak in a high note and you. When in reality. I was just going to say I don't neither. Neither do I. I'm like, no, that sucks. Yeah, sucks. Get real, get over it. Heal, learn, grow. Right?

[A]

Yes. He'll learn, grow. So absolutely. That was. You got to forgive. There's a huge part of forgiveness that's in there.

[B]

There is, yes. And there's also. It's a different podcast. Yes, there is. Forgive. Once we forgive and, and find forgiver. Most importantly, forgive ourselves and remove the shame. Where do you think this energy is? Be it positive, be it negative, because I'm all about, don't tell me what I want to hear.

[A]

Tell me reality what I need to hear.

[B]

What I need to hear.

[A]

You know, it's funny you say that because when I was driving down here, I do my most of my thinking out loud in the car when I'm driving and I was thinking about like, what's the difference between wanting and needing? And I am not the person who will ever tell you what you want to hear, but I will definitely tell you what you need to hear. And a lot of times that is the hard truth. That's the part that everybody else in your life is walking on eggshells around and pit toeing around. And I don't want to hurt your feelings. I want to hurt your feelings because if your feelings are hurt, you'll make change and it's not. I want to hurt your feelings in a way that says I'm better than you or you're not good enough or you should feel ashamed. It's like I'm going to hurt your feelings to the point where you don't stay stuck in this place and you can grow out of it.

[B]

When I had those surges of energy, I lived in Switzerland for a hot minute. And I would have mental breakdowns because I lived in a beautiful, beautiful place, but there was no heart.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it would disrupt the out of me. And when I had my, my, my, my episodes, it was really channeling the pain that I felt. I felt that in San Francisco when I lived in Tenderloin. There's all these people that are not doing well. They're sick, they're feeling anger, but they don't know how to speak up to change it. I took it upon myself to be the lion. The roar.

[A]

Yeah, the voice.

[B]

The voice. Talk about the voice. That finding that frequency, that is the voice.

[A]

So I think everybody has two voices. I mean, you have the angel and demon cartoonish themes. You have love and you have fear and love drives you to make change and fear keeps you stuck. So if your energy is any decision you ever make, if it's rooted in fear. You're gonna stay stuck, you're not gonna do the thing. So it's all about taking that risk. It's stepping outside of the comfort zone. It's becoming comfortably uncomfortable. Yeah. So for me, it was the day my little sister told me, I'm so sick of you playing the victim. And I was like, I'm not playing a victim. I am a victim. And then hearing that still small voice say, but do you want to choose to be sure? And then it's. Everything we do in life is a choice. Every way that we think, every decision that we make, every fear that we step into, we're choosing to do that. And until you realize and take authority in that area, you're going to be controlled by it.

[B]

We see it in movies, we see it in poetry, we see it a lot in Star Wars. You know, step into the darkness, strike me down, and I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine. We, we, we unders. I watch a lot of YouTube University where folks understand the darkness is very real. But darkness already has an implication of negativity, which very much is actually quite the opposite. It's quite positive to understand the yin to the yang.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There is no sun to. There is no sun without the darkness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm very much in the compass of said darkness because I understand there is a, a poetry, a romance to being a villain, to your story. If you are the. The hero or as they call it in wwe, the face. It is very binary. You can either be black or white. You can be a face, you could be a heel. But it's all to the greater good. It all goes back to the source. Am I wrong to think that. What is your thesis here after my TED Talk, so.

[A]

My thesis, yeah. Well, there is black and white, right. We live in a world that sees black and white. Most people operate in the black and the white. There's always going to be a action to a reaction, a this to a that. For me, it's learning to stop looking at it in like a two dimensional and to start looking at it where, yes, there's this and this, this and that, but we operate in the area between and that's the balance. It's not just being on the side, it's not just being on that side. Like you have to have these two things to have wholeness.

[B]

So, yeah, it's even you saying that. It gave me some clarity as to why the angels and demons were so upset when God created man. Because man and women operate in the same frequency as God, because we are the source. We are. We are our own savior. And it takes our life journey to understand that. To understand that, yo, you are the one. You just have to ego death and resurrect.

[A]

Ego death is a big deal.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

The pride.

[B]

Yes. And we live in a dichotomy where it's all pride. It's grab your phone, point at your face, and look how prideful I am. Oh, God, I have wrinkles. I need a filter for a filter of the filter. And I. What I have to say is too long. It's 30 seconds. It should be 15 seconds. What?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I don't know why.

[A]

Why I have a hard time with that.

[B]

The level's truly winning. It's really noisy out there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's no focus.

[A]

It's a distraction. It's all a distraction. So I talk a lot about authenticity, and that's kind of what you're talking about or describing, I guess, maybe to say in a way. And that is the highest frequency we can operate in. It's. There's good and bad, whatever your subjective opinion of that is, you know, it's. It's. Everything is within us. And how I choose to, I guess, display that to the world is. It is what it is like. Everything happens in the moment that it happens. And we're constantly learning and growing from it. If you have a reaction that you don't like, then change what you're doing. But you're not stuck anywhere. You're not a victim to life circumstances.

[B]

Where were you stuck? Where were you victimized? Where were you? Where. What was your. Why was your transformation? Where were you before this version of you?

[A]

I was lost in a world of self pity, I would say, growing up with an abusive father, a drug addicted father, people who don't like you, constantly dealing with rejection for whatever reason, this, that, or the other. It was trying to fit in. I was stuck in a place of trying to fit in. And when I stopped trying to fit in and I just said, eff it, fuck it. To me, it's a pendulum. When you're stuck on one side, you have to swing to the other side because you have to experience what it's like over here. So if I'm the people pleaser who's doing everything for everybody to just like me, then I have to experience. So 2012 was my year. My New Year's resolution was to be selfish. And I told everybody no. And I did nothing for anybody, and I did everything for myself. And I also equally realized I didn't like it there either. So then I started to find. So like this black and white world. If you look at it from like a pendulum, we're constantly swinging in motion from one side to the other.

[B]

I call it metronome.

[A]

Metronome. So if I can find how to operate down here versus this swing to this swing to this, and that's like that. Extreme emotional reactions to things. If I can learn how to find a balance and just kind of be at peace here, then I'm still living in reality.

[B]

But your lipendum is slowing down. Have you noticed that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You went from here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To here. And that's the pendulum of slowing down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's your interpretation of this? The speed slowing down? Is that life? Is that your, your fight for that next decade?

[A]

I think the slowing down part means that I'm willing to sit in a restful place. I don't have to be go, go, go. I don't have to conquer the world. I don't have to do everything all the time and be this, whatever that. I think it's. This is where I'm at. This is what I'm doing. I take time for me, I take time for family, I take time for my friends. I take time for reading and studying and business. Like it's a balance between all the moving parts together, but they all make each other move, I think the most effectively. So as long as I'm at peace, that's when I know my pendulum is here.

[B]

How did it get you to speak this way? What, what was the transformation for you? Like, I'm sure you didn't just wake up one day and you were born. You're like, you're. You've ascended. What was your, your journey to become this, I don't know, open, transparent.

[A]

I. To be completely transparent.

[B]

Yes, please.

[A]

My, My first husband was very psychologically abusive. A narcissist, very much so. Like malicious intent, narcissism. And I was living a lie. I was doing a lot of things that I was ashamed of. I didn't want my family to find out. And I went home on a trip to visit to go to my sister's baby shower. She was having her first child and I was planning on going there to kind of be like, this is what I've been doing with the past like eight years of my life. And instead of him letting me do that, he called and left a voicemail on my parents answering machine with everybody who was there, of course, for my sister's baby shower. Heard everything that he said and of course, it was, you know, blown way out of proportion.

[B]

Jeez.

[A]

And then he called me and told me to have fun in my intervention when I got home.

[B]

Oh, my God. Eye roll.

[A]

And as much as I was just, like, livid, I was so hurt and so angry at the same time. But it made it to where I couldn't sugarcoat anything.

[B]

Sure. Yeah.

[A]

And I just had to face the reality of my life and my choices, and whoever shamed me or rejected me or were gonna be people that weren't gonna be in my life anymore. And I just had to accept that. And so when you lose everything and you realize, like, life is still here. Yeah, I can still move forward. You stop relying on people and the external to make you feel like you are somebody. So all of the tragedy, when I learned to look at it and be like, okay, so how did this actually equip me and shape me to be a better person? How can I learn? Instead of, why did this happen to me? I stopped being a victim. And that's really what I think perpetuates you into. And I read, like, all of this stuff back here. If you could fill this all with books. That's my house.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

I read and I learn from people and I hear their stories. I mean, I'm a therapist, so people tell me their stories every single day. And every single day, I'm reminded that we're all in the same shit show together.

[B]

We're all in it.

[A]

We're all in. We're all here. So it's better for me to love you and to accept you as you are as opposed to trying to change you into being the person that I am otherwise. That's just my narcissism trying to make you like me instead of saying, I can accept you and our differences, and that's what can help us actually grow and be better as people together.

[B]

Are you listening or educating in your day to day? What's your current venture?

[A]

Both. So I listen all day long to clients. I work with probably seven to nine people daily.

[B]

As do we.

[A]

And then 20 hours a week is committed to my doctorate program. And that's all research, reading, writing, fun, fun stuff.

[B]

Do you have, like, a sanctuary that you do this in that you sit at home and like, make the time to be this version of yourself that operates at this level, it creates at this level.

[A]

And you have to. It's a lot of sacrifice. I have an office that has four different places I sit.

[B]

Sanctuary, not office.

[A]

My sanctuary. You're welcome. I want my Sanctuary is my desk where I do all of my schoolwork and writing and research. And then behind that I have a little chair. And that's where I do all my one on one client conversations. I want the whole energy.

[B]

I want. I want you to.

[A]

Next to. I have all my plants, like my plant room. That's the energy. And then I have a seating area where I do my podcast, where we record the podcast next to my bookshelf. And then I have like this big Papillon chair. My dogs usually are sitting in it. That's like their huge dog bed. But that's where I go when I just want to read and like, relax. Like, not reading for research, but just reading. Hopefully that'll be a bigger space one day. But it's just one room right now. But yeah, sitting. Anytime I'm outside when I want to do like meditation and prayer and journaling, like, I do that outside. I sit outside when it's nice out when it's not, I have to sit by the window and just reminisce about sunny days. But it's so important to just be still to. To close and shut everything off. Like, I don't sleep with my cell phone by my bed anymore. I don't wear an apple watch. I disconnect from social media just from the WI fi as much as I can because it just. It's such a constant energy drainer. Sure, sure. So I disconnect and I just joined a volleyball league because I'm like, you need to be social a little bit. So now I get out a little bit and do some physical movement too.

[B]

So what's your day to day? Like, what's getting you out of bed? Like, how are you monetizing the experience called your life, your brand, you.

[A]

So what gets me out of bed every day is one. I have people who right now need me. They need me to be the voice that helps them remember why they're here, that helps project them onto the path of which they're trying to find. I do a little bit of counseling and coaching together. So, like, we work on the healing portion of things first. And once they get to that emotional liberation stage of their life, we work on, well, where do you want to go and how can we get you there? And that's when the coaching side really kind of steps in and kicks in.

[B]

How do you know when folks aren't ready for the emotional liberation or sad breakthrough? Some folks are not ready to see the Matrix, not ready to see Zion.

[A]

When they're not doing the work. I would say, so if I have. When I have clients that come in and they're very resistant, that's when I kind of let them just take the lead where I'm like, all right, you know, it's your time. This is your space. It's your money. When you're ready to. But even when they're not ready to, they are. Like, if you're here and you're showing up, you're ready. You might not feel strong enough or equipped to do anything yet, but, like, just keep coming. You're here.

[B]

We see that all the time with our clients. There is a form of resistance, the unknown. We are very much in a old Miami beach building. But growing up in Miami, this is very much what Miami beach is like. It's very much still stuck in the 80s, or you got crypto money down Brickell, which is where homeboy Kofi's at. But it's Miami. It's very much still 1980s, 70s, tribal. And we've. We've documented how clients show up to our building. Go. Is this really. And then they walk into the room and we start to journey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And to a science. We can almost predict what a client will respond to what we say and how we say it, even to the day. We even have a superstition here. It's like, don't ever say it's going to be an easy day, because something will always happen to change.

[A]

So what does really an easy day mean?

[B]

Beats me. I. Last time I had an easy day, I was 14 years old.

[A]

I don't know. There's just so many subjective terms we use in this life frequency called life. Yes. Yes. And to me, easy is. I don't even know if I would say what easy is like not having to try. And if I'm not trying, then why would I want to do something easy?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

It's not helping me grow. Growth is forward. Easy is. You're this. You're like, where are you going if you're just doing the easy thing?

[B]

Yeah. My philosophy is like, why did I even open up my eyes when I can just dream state and be in this zone and create realities beyond me, and then I have to wake up in this dimension and physically create it. That being said, how do you feel so far? Like, how do you feel after your experience today, filming your episode? What are we gonna learn about you? I gotta take a selfish moment where we're over time, but I don't care. It's Friday. It's our time. What is reality like to you as a Leo as a. Like, I, I'm so prideful as a Leo. Like, I understand what it's like to be a leader, lead with fire and a pride. Speaking as a lion is a tribe. What, what is your tribe? What does your pride look like following?

[A]

I think it takes true leadership is when you can sit back and let people show you who they are and then you can encourage them to be the best version of themselves. To the. That's really, to me, what leadership is.

[B]

Yeah. You want to, you want to arm your generals and you want to feed your. Your army. Absolutely. So how do people find you? How can people follow you on your journey?

[A]

You can find me on Facebook and Instagram. I have a website. It's called shattered into one. Shatteredinto1.com you can follow our mission. We do mission work in Belize. We're always looking for volunteers. We're always doing tons of fundraising because they need things down there. And that's what we do is we put funds together and we take stuff down there and we help build their buildings and put their kids through school and fundraise and fundraise and fundraise. So that's a big one. And then we have the I am who I am group. It's a support group. It's for men and women both. A lot of what I do is with women, but I get a lot of really positive feedback from the men that I work with. So I really, really actually enjoy when you grow up abused by men. Like you kind of subconsciously develop like a hatred for the male species. But working with men and really seeing that it's no different for them than it is for women, like, y' all feel victimized just as much as we do. And we all have the same insecurities. Like we want to be liked, we want to belong. It doesn't matter what sex you are. So I work with a lot of men. I get a lot of feedback from the guys too. And so the I Am who I am group is for both men and women. And we just meet and we talk about what we're going through and we support each other through that journey and we be as non judgmental as we can in whatever space that we are.

[B]

Right on. Jess. You know, I really appreciate your time and energy in this talk from one crown to the other. And it's quite the honor to speak to the Shattered into one per se. So thank you so much for, for turning your negativity into a positive and truly leading as a true lion.

[A]

I appreciate it.

[B]

It's quite an honor, and thank you for wrapping up such a hectic week for us here at Production and happy Friday. And from us to lions from Miami. Thus concludes yet another episode of the women in power, living your legacy podcast for Inside Success. She's Jessica. I'm Ray. Good night.