If you have communication problems, you’re probably not fighting about what you think you’re fighting about. And that’s good news. Because the real issue is usually conflict & repair, not the “topic” and with clear boundaries, you can start to repair trust instead of repeating the same fight.

Dr. Lisa is joined by Mika Ross, a Nationally Board Certified, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and relationship coach based in Missouri. Mika has over 18 years of experience in the field, specializing in individual and couples therapy. Together, they unpack what conflict resolution in relationships really looks like, why defensiveness in relationships keeps couples stuck, and how to stop arguing with your partner when every conversation starts feeling loaded.

This conversation is full of real-life examples about the moments that so often turn into the same exhausting fight on repeat. Dr. Lisa and Mika talk about how to repair a relationship after a fight, how to stop fighting with your partner without chasing resolution too fast, and how to repair a relationship by getting underneath criticism and into the softer emotions that are usually driving the whole thing. You’ll also hear why even well-intentioned concern can land as criticism, why old conflict patterns have so much staying power, and what it looks like to come back together in a way that builds trust instead of doing more damage.

As you listen, I’d love for you to consider: What are you and your partner really fighting about underneath the surface? Where are criticism and defensiveness getting in the way of connection? And what might change if the goal stopped being to win the argument and started being to repair the relationship?

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Why You Keep Having the Same Fight

06:06 When Criticism Starts the Spiral

17:45 When Good Intentions Land Wrong

23:45 Boundaries, Hurt, and Repair

34:48 Why You Don’t Need to Fix It Right Away

43:23 What Healthy Conflict Repair Looks Like

56:18 Getting the Right Support

And if this conversation brought up that tender awareness that you and your partner keep missing each other in the same painful ways, I’d love to offer you a next step. You can schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team at Growing Self as a kind, thoughtful place to begin. It’s a private, secure space where you can share what’s been happening in your relationship, what you hope will feel different, and let us help you find the right support for you. Thousands of people have transformed themselves, their relationships, or their careers through Growing Self. You can too. Answer three quick questions, and we’ll help you get matched with the right expert. It only takes a couple of minutes.

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

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