If you’re trying to improve marriage and it feels like you’re doing it alone, this is for you.

When your spouse is checked out and every “we need to talk” goes nowhere, it’s exhausting.

Maybe you’ve asked for date nights. You’ve suggested couples therapy. You’ve tried to discuss communication problems and you’re met with “I don’t know,” “No,” or silence. In this episode, we’re talking about why that happens… and what actually helps.

Feeling lonely in your marriage can make you question everything. You may be wondering what to do when you’re the only one trying in a relationship, or whether your partner is emotionally checked out for good. It’s easy to assume that if your spouse refuses couples counseling, there’s nothing left to work with. But relationships are systems. When one part changes, the system shifts.

I’m joined by Dr. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D., author, pastoral counselor, life coach, and creator of the Save the Marriage program. With more than 30 years of experience helping couples in crisis, Lee specializes in situations where one partner is resistant or disengaged. Together, we unpack the pursue-withdraw cycle, why chasing your partner often backfires, and how small, invitational shifts can begin rebuilding connection.

We also talk about the myth that “it takes two to tango,” the three levels of connection in marriage, and how to approach a partner who seems emotionally unavailable without escalating pressure. And we explore the harder question: when do you stop trying? How do you know you’ve done what you’re willing to do?

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 What to Do When You’re the Only One Trying in a Relationship

03:10 Why Couples Drift Apart Over Time

09:46 How One Person Can Change a Struggling Marriage

13:12 The Three Levels of Connection in Marriage

21:48 The Pursue-Withdraw Cycle and How to Stop Chasing Your Partner

33:09 How to Rebuild Hope in a Failing Relationship

42:19 Practical Steps to Reconnect With an Emotionally Checked-Out Partner

50:02 When to Stop Trying in a Marriage

55:54 Resources for Couples in Marriage Crisis

If you’ve been carrying that heavy feeling of being the only one fighting for your marriage, you don’t have to figure this out alone.

Clarity doesn’t come from another argument. It comes from one grounded conversation with someone who understands relationship systems and can help you sort through what’s possible and what your next step needs to be.

If that would feel helpful, I’d love to invite you to schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team at Growing Self. You’ll answer three quick questions so we can help you find the right support for you. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes.

Let’s find the right support for you—whether that means couples counseling, discernment work, or individual coaching to help you stop chasing and start feeling steady again. You deserve clarity. You deserve support. And you deserve to feel less alone in your marriage.

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast:

Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.
Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com