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Love Your Life Show: Personal Growth, Mindset, + Habits for Busy Moms
Sober: Why Midlife Women are Choosing an Alcohol Free Lifestyle
00:39:29
Are you questioning whether that nightly glass of wine is actually serving you? Feeling like you're stuck in the "wine mom" cycle but not sure how to break free? I'm sitting down with Emily Allen, a certified alcohol-free life coach,
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- [00:01]
A
Hello, listeners. Today on the show I have Emily Allen. She is a certified alcohol free life coach who empowers women in midlife to break free from wine, mom culture and begin their next chapter. Full of confidence, clarity and true freedom. Her unique approach combines alcohol free living with midlife transformations, helping women turn this major life transition into an opportunity for, for profound personal growth. We talk about all the things today and I think you're just going to love it. And they specifically, I love how she addresses specifically midlife and some of the challenges we face. And listen in because this is awesome. And listen until the end because I have a treat for you all. All right, let's welcome Emily to the show. Hello and welcome to the Live youe Life show. Emily, I am so glad to have you here today. Thank you.
- [00:55]
B
I'm so happy to be here too.
- [00:57]
A
Yeah, well, we were just talking and talking before I started recording. I'm like, we have to start recording. And I think the main thing I'm super excited about for listeners to listen into is, is just engaging in, in a shame free space, this conversation about alcohol and the potential of possibly drinking less or being alcohol free. I, you know, the listeners of this show are high functioning, intelligent, educated women who are very interested in their mental and physical health. Yet where alcohol is concerned, sometimes I see them and my past self almost like we're wearing blinders. And it's like this sort of like maybe I hear a study that I know alcohol increases my risk of breast cancer and it increases my risk of colon cancer and I think like nine other cancers and how it affects my metabolism and my sleep and makes menopause symptoms worse. You know, all the things. And yet, like, there's a part of the brain that's like, oh, but that's not me. Like, I don't have that drinking problem or, you know. Yeah, that. And also, you know, but wait, like everyone's doing it so it can't be that bad. Or everyone's doing it, so how could I stop? So I just. I'm so glad you're on today. And I just real quick, I'd love to hear how you got into this space. Like, how did you get into being a certified alcohol free coach?
- [02:27]
B
Yeah. Yeah. So I was, I had become a daily drinker, like over a period of time. It wasn't immediate and I wasn't really even aware of it. Almost it kind of snuck up on me. But I realized one Covid hit that even though I wasn't going out with friends, because that was always sort of the excuse, like, you know, we get together, we go out, we have drinks. And then when I was home and I realized, oh, it's five o' clock and I don't have to drive anywhere, I don't have to go anywhere, I can, you know, start drinking now and I could just sit even like after dinner and still be in my kitchen drinking, you know, doing whatever, looking at the Internet and it, I was really shocked when I realized like how it was such a habit for me and how I really almost was. Didn't know if I would be able to stop. I didn't ever express that to anybody, but I felt inside I was like, if I do this when I'm just sitting at home alone, you know, why, like, why can't I just not? So I decided to try dry January of 2021 and was super nervous leading up to it and thought, oh my gosh, I hope I can do this, but nobody really is going to know. I didn't talk about it much beforehand, but I started buying all sorts of non alcoholic things, like kind of trying to get prepared. Yeah, it's like something and so about, you know, I made it through that first day and I was just like, oh my goodness, I can do anything if I can make it through that. And so I just kept going and kept going. And by like three weeks into January, I felt so much better than I'd felt in years. And I knew, I mean, it was obvious this was the direct course correlation. This is the only thing that's changed. And just from then on, you know, I just got into my new lifestyle and started to figure out things and I kind of was doing it on my own. I didn't really have a support group at the time. And then after a couple years I found out about this certification for alcohol free life coaching. I'm like, that's perfect. I would love to be able to share my experience and support other women and just educate to see. So I got certification and here I am.
- [04:49]
A
Here you are. And I love it. And it is, it's, you know, if listeners are listening and not watching the YouTube. Well, even if you're watching the YouTube, you can't tell Emily looks like she's 18. But we, if we are, we figured out we're both the same age, 53. And it's. So I just want to mention that because it is, you know, something that can be done at any stage of your life. And also I love midlife. You know, I talk a lot on the show about midlife awakening and sort of coming to, like, what kind of life are we living? And that's what I'm hearing in your story, that you're just like, wait a minute. If I'm drinking alone, like, what am I doing? Why am I doing this? What is going on? And that little, you know, that inner, like, niggling. I think of it as, like, our inner warrior. Just, like, tap, tap, tap. Like, hey, I'm not sure this is really in alignment with all your wellness goals, and I definitely appreciate you sharing that with us. I also think it's important. I read somewhere that alcohol, like, the older we get, stays in our system, like, we metabolize alcohol differently and that it could stay in our system for up to 72 hours. And so it's interesting how you said, like, after three weeks, you're like, oh, I start to see how much better you're feeling. That's been my experience, too, that it, you know, sometimes, first of all, we're having one glass of wine every night. We're never. Not with alcohol bathing our system. And then sometimes if we're having, you know, a beer Sunday with the games, and then Tuesday, we're back again at some, you know, like, we're still. We actually are never experiencing what it feels like to not have alcohol in our body. So I. I guess, you know, one of my things on this show is I like bringing some truth and knowledge to the listeners that we may not know about. And I know there are a lot of big dollars behind the alcohol industry, and they do a magnificently manipulative job of leading us to think that alcohol is helpful, if not healthy. And so I guess, can you speak to that listener who might have clicked on this episode thinking, like, wait, what? Like, alcohol isn't good for me. And it's not, you know, like, what have you learned about alcohol, women and aging that they might like to know?
- [07:04]
B
Yeah, and you touched on several of the big topics, especially, like, the breast cancer risk being increased by alcohol and the other. The eight others, nine total, that they've found direct correlation with. And then the menopause symptoms or, you know, perimenopause symptoms, too. You know, alcohol does not help with hot flashes because it causes that vasodilation that gives you that sense. Even if you're younger, you can feel that. That sense. And then, even as, you know, as we get older, the risk of dementia, if you have. Have alcohol as a consistent part of your life, it increases your risk of dementia, too. So at this age is a perfect time to stop or, you know, or Cut back because you want to preserve that brain health. Of course. And then the way that it's. You brought up the marketing. And I also found that because I kind of started drinking more when I had younger kids and that whole like mom wine culture was just targeted. I was like the perfect target for it. I mean it was like, you know, hard day putting the kids to bed, have a glass of wine, have a little play date, have wine with your friends, Rose all day. Like just all of that really. I've know I fell victim to all of the games.
- [08:25]
A
Like there are different like containers for like mommy juice and like oh my goodness. Yeah. And everybody knew listeners to get fired up by like I can't stand it when I hear that there's, you know, big dollars led by industries, mainly led by men that are targeting me and my vulnerability with how hard friggin mom and life is to try to get me addicted to a substance that causes cancer.
- [08:52]
B
Exactly.
- [08:53]
A
Yeah. I'm not in for that. Thank you. I wanted, I want to look at this.
- [08:58]
B
Yes, I know, I know. And, and it's just so normalized and it almost. And then you also feel like if you're not participating you're going to be left out, ostracized or whatever. I mean, I know when I was with friends, if we knew somebody who didn't drink, you would think, oh, what's wrong with that person? I mean that was how we were led to believe that this was normal and not drinking was somehow not normal. Which makes me crazy for sure too.
- [09:25]
A
That's still there. Like I, when I've been alcohol free for a while now and when people hear that I'm not, that I just choose not to drink or like I have no sensitivity around it anymore. So I just am like, I don't have a water or I'm not thirsty or something. They're like their first instinct is that I must have been, you know, the kind of drinker that would pass out on the floor at noon on that. I have a big problem. So that's still there. And so I, I definitely empathize with the listener who's thinking like, but wait, maybe you know, I'm not that bad or maybe like how do I even do this? So I, how do you help moms feel safe? Starting to maybe consider this or to step out of this culture since it does seem to be everywhere. Like that, that, that fear of missing out type thing.
- [10:18]
B
Yeah. And also being like labeled as having a problem or you know, that's. We think. Because I remember thinking that if I decided to change my relationship, what would people think? And that was one of my big things that held me back. And then also like losing my social, my friend friendships that were based more around drinking. So those were like my two biggest fears. And the way that I encourage women to, you know, just to dip a toe in is even just having, having that kind of plan before you go out. If, you know, tonight I'm going out with friends and I'm not going to drink. I mean, even if you have somebody in your group who you feel really comfortable with, you could even say to that person before, by the way, I'm planning to not drink tonight. I'm just doing an experimen. You know, can you kind of have my back or whatever? And then you kind of go in already feeling like this person, even if they're drinking, which is fine, but they're not gonna judge me or ask me questions and they might prevent somebody else from or just support me in that decision. So kind of having that already in place. And if you don't do that also just, you know, there's so many mocktails and non alcoholic beers and just if you have that in your hand even before other people get there or you know, order it and if somebody asks, you know, just say, I'm just, just an experiment. Wanted to give it a try.
- [11:46]
A
Yeah, I like your idea of thinking ahead of time. Like, I, I think that's wonderful no matter what your relationship with alcohol is like. I like, I mean, as we talk about a lot on this show, Intentional Living. So if you're like, no, I'm going to keep drinking, thank you very much. Have an idea of how much you're going to drink when you go out. That's always helpful. It's always, you' always going to feel better about yourself if you're like, tonight I'm going to have three drinks. And you know, same thing with all the things we do, warriors, like, have an idea of how long you're going to be on Instagram before you pick up the phone to get on Instagram. You're going to feel better after you put it down. And so that part of it is great. I like if you're thinking of going alcohol free. Yeah. Think like, what kind of drink would I order? I know a woman I was working with, we thought ahead because she was a member of a popular golf country club in the area where we lived. And she said, you know, all the ladies, like when we go to this lunch meeting, they all have their drinks and she Just thought ahead that she was going to go up to the bar and get her club soda with a lime and it would still look like she's drinking something, but she wasn't going to wait for the waiter or waitress to come to the table. Like those kind of things. Whatever you need to do to feel comfortable. And that's what I'm hearing you say, just get started. Maybe you need to tell a friend or you know, that, that piece of it. And, and, and I guess one of the things that's interesting to me with this fear of what other people are going to think is what I found is that, you know, a lot of people didn't care. Like they weren't like, wait a minute, Susie, let me sniff your club soda. Like, you know, like they're just like, if you don't stand there and you're like, everyone here, you hear like, I am not drinking tonight. Like, they're just like, they're not going to freaking. Like you're going out with your same friend group. They, they're not noticing, you know, or caring. The people who care are the people who have problems with their own decisions. Usually they might have like a little, you know, if they're like, hey, I'm going up to the bar, can I get everyone a beer? And you're like, no, I'm good. They might have a little like, oh wait, like curiosity because they care about you. But the people that are going to rib you like a, like a little middle schooler are the ones who are questioning their own. They, they want you to partake with them. And that's telling in itself.
- [14:05]
B
Yeah, yeah, definitely. And then real. Yeah, that first couple times you do it and you realize nobody cares or nobody's like, oh my gosh, why didn't I do this a long time ago? But yeah, it's. And to me it's just been, I'm sure with you too, it's just been the practice of the repetition of it over and over. And now I don't care. Like before when I maybe would have ordered a mocktail. Now like you said, water is fine. Like I don't have to have something that looks. But it was a great way for me to ease into alcohol free life for sure.
- [14:36]
A
And that does two things, like just getting started. So like doing the mocktail or doing the club soda or whatever, it, it helps it so that you get over that edge of like realizing it's not that big a deal. Like it, you know, other people aren't like, wait, everyone stop conversation like that that sort of thing. It also helps break the habit in our brain that we have, thinking that we need alcohol to have a fun time because we have, you know, the club soda Atlanta. We're still laughing with our friends or we're still getting along and we're breaking the habit of needing, you know, what big alcohol has told us. Like, you need wine to calm down at night or to wind down or to feel better. Or this experience is made better with alcohol type marketing. And we're like, actually it's not because the experience that I have then I'm going to sleep worse. I'm going to have, you know, I'm increasing my risk of cancer and I'm more cloudy and I'm. Yeah. Increasing my risk of dementia. So. Interesting. Well, what, what do you like, specifically? I, I like how you said that you had your two fears that, you know, you had the, like, what will other people think? And that fear of losing friendships. Can we speak a little of the fear of losing friendships? Like for the woman who's thinking, yeah, but what if, like, this is my group of ladies, we get together and we drink and that's what we do.
- [16:01]
B
Yeah. And that for me, it was easier because it was during COVID so I wasn't in those situations. So I kind of had a bubble that. But what I've, you know, recommend for other women is you also can kind of change up the way that you get together with people. Like instead of dinners, it's, you know, breakfast or coffee or something that's in the daytime. That's not necessarily associated with alcohol. Now, of course, there are the booy brunches and all of that, but, but being, you know, mindful of choosing those and, and suggesting those options and also just doing things that don't, that aren't at restaurants or, you know, places. Going out, going out for a walk and, and then in the big, you know, the typical, like when you think of how you normally get together with your friends just being okay with maybe feeling uncomfortable and then knowing that if the people don't want you around for whatever reason because you're not drinking, then that it is what it is, you know, and you go out to. You might lose some people, but they probably weren't really your people to begin with if they're not supportive of your decisions or try to make you feel less than. I didn't experience, you know, anything quite like that. So I don't think that it's necessarily common. But I also thought, you know, if there were a few friends that just Sort of faded away. And I feel like it might be because of that. And again, it's like, oh, wow. And I've made so many other friendships since then. Just doing the things that I never did before, things that I was always, you know, didn't like going, doing yoga and things that I just never thought that I was supposed to do for whatever reason and then doing that. And I've met so many wonderful people. So you. It switches, which is also common in midlife. You know, these friendships kind of fade in and fade out and you just have to be okay with that and realize there's something better for you on the other side.
- [18:04]
A
Yeah, I like how you're framing it because when we're thinking like, oh my God, I might lose friends, we're sort of more in like a victimy, like unempowered stance versus they like, no, let me see what this does with my friendship. It's more empowering. And that, that was my experience too. And that's what I hear from a lot of people. And, and yes, there is the reality that some friendships might fade away, but if you're thinking of it, some of that might be your choice. And so again, I think just getting started and still going to the, like, if you still want to go to the, you know, how you get together with your girlfriends and you drink and you, you know, at a restaurant and you eat and you aren't drinking, then go and see what it's like and be the sober one there, and that's fine. And I know that I still to this day get together with people and they'll all be drinking and I'm sober and I love their, like, I love being around them. And so that's fin. And I also know that back when I stopped drinking in 2020 or 2019, that even before that, I guess when I was weaning off of it, that there were groups that I would get together with and I'd go, I'd still do the same thing and I'd be the sober one. And I just was like, I'm not enjoying this as much. And it was coming more from me that I'm like, like that. That wasn't as enjoyable to me. And then I tried to maybe meet with those ladies in different environments, like you were saying, like on a walker. But they didn't want that. They wanted the. And everyone's at a different stage and a place. So I think midlife, again listeners, is a time when we want to get out of the people pleasing or the middle school sort of feeling like we all have to do the same thing to fit in and look more for the depth in our relationships, that we can be different and still get together and have different ideas on drinking, on parenting, on, you know, all the things, and still have a place where we enjoy people's company.
- [20:01]
B
Yeah.
- [20:02]
A
Which then opens us up into this more depth of living, which is. Which is nice and gets sort of judging, like, they're right or they're wrong or I'm right or I'm wrong. It's like, no, everyone can be just different.
- [20:18]
B
Yeah. And. And just getting to. I feel like I even got to know my friends better since then, because, you know, you can. Conversations can go deeper, quicker. And so that's been another, like, total positive side effect.
- [20:34]
A
Yeah. I really appreciate it. I got to know my friends, but I also got to know myself better.
- [20:38]
B
Yes.
- [20:39]
A
I got to know more. I'm like, oh, like, I actually don't enjoy this, like. Or, oh, I do enjoy this. Like, what I'm enjoying, like, comedy hour, you know, and it doesn't matter if I'm drinking or not. I guess that's the thing that I would like listeners to hear is that the fact of me, when I was cutting, drinking out, it was a big thing in my life. It was like, okay, and I was doing a lot of thinking and what's gonna happen? And now it's like, I spend no time thinking about it at all because it just doesn't matter. Like, it's. It's just not even a. It's like, am I going to smoke a cigarette? No, I'm not. Like, so I'm not gonna have a drink, but does that. Does that improve or, you know, increase or decrease the quality of the fun I'm gonna have at the comedy night? No, Like, I'm just. I'm sorry, I'm not doing, like, that's not what I do there. So I think that's helpful, too, to sort of see the other side of how, like, it. I get that it probably feels like a big thing right now, and you just need to do the thing.
- [21:40]
B
Yeah.
- [21:41]
A
Yeah. What do you say? Like, what about those friends and family members who don't support your decisions or growth? Like, they're like, oh, are you sure? How about just one? Or how do you help people with that?
- [21:56]
B
Yeah. And again, I. Thankfully, I never had that happen to me, which is amazing. I'm sure it still could, but at this point, I'd be like, no, thanks. You know?
- [22:05]
A
Yeah.
- [22:06]
B
But I would say just speaking your truth and just Explaining, I mean you don't have to give them a whole lot of information. Obviously I know you don't ever have to over share at all. But even just saying I'm just doing this for myself for today or tonight, I'm just experimenting with this. I tried it before and I felt better. You know, just anything that just shows that this, you're doing it for yourself, you don't really care what they think about it and nobody can argue. I mean I'm sure somebody could find a way to argue with you but nobody should argue with you about something that you're doing to take care of yourself. And if they do, you know, you just have to.
- [22:45]
A
Yeah, I think this is where. Yeah. Listeners of the show again who've listened to my some of my tools and I can link one below in the show notes tools on how to deal with emotionally immature people or narcissists. The two tools that are coming to my mind are a broken record and don't go deep. So it's like have your phrase. Like if you're going to a family event where you know, you know Aunt Betty is going to pressure you or your sister's going to pressure you, your mom's going to pressure you, have your broken record phrase that I'm not drinking tonight. I'm not like you could just or no that's not for me or like don't go so just have it. And you just keep repeating it so they keep coming back at you like oh come on. But just one, you're like I'm not drinking tonight or, or like I don't want to talk about my drinking with you. That's another thing. Like think about some of the boundaries we've set with, you know, grandparents or parents in life commenting on our weight or our kids weight or our clothing choices or like a great broken, I don't, please don't comment on my clothing or I don't like you know, please don't comment on my weight. I don't want a discussion about my food choices. It's also equally valid and permissible to say I don't want to talk about my drinking with you. Like it's, it's really no one's business but my own. So I just encourage people to have again think ahead of time and have a broken record phrase and then don't go deep with the person. Deep stands for defenders. Engage, explain or personalize. Like if there is that person that is not that as you're saying Emily, that true. Like you know, friend of yours that is supportive of you. They may not understand what you're doing, but they're like, all right, I support Emily. Then don't get defensive. Well, I just heard this podcast with Susie and Emily. You know, don't engage. Well, I was drinking every night. Don't explain and don't personalize. It's about them. It's not about you. They are uncomfortable. They are emotionally immature. They are, you know, trying to influence you so they feel better. So we just step out of that whole dynamic. And I think it's really important because I did have people pushing and saying, oh, just come on, just this once, or, why not tonight? Or, like, it'll be fun for everyone. Or. And it is just that broken record, like, sorry, no, I'm not. And I would say I'm not drinking tonight. Less details, the better. I guess there's one more thing I would say with people like that that are sort of committed to pushing their. Their way of being. And it's like, no, sorry, change the subject. You know, like, oh, are you wearing new shoes? Like, I'm you.
- [25:10]
B
Yeah.
- [25:10]
A
And they're like, wait, why do you not have an ipa? Like, they're like, you don't drink club soda. You know, what's going on? It's like, oh, yeah, I'm not drinking tonight. What are those new pants? Where'd you get them? Or, you know, whatever. Like, just. And then say, oh, all of a sudden, I have to go to the bathroom and just something.
- [25:26]
B
Take the.
- [25:26]
A
Take the control back, is. Is what I'm saying.
- [25:30]
B
Yeah.
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A
What about the listener who is thinking, like, yeah, but my spouse drinks, you know, or my spouse and I connect through drinking. Do you? Yeah, for that.
- [25:42]
B
And. And my husband continued to drink. He was not ever, you know, a big. He was not, like, a wine drinker. So he would drink beers on the weekends or whatever, but not even many. And. And was always supportive of my decision. And then, you know, I think just gradually over time. He has not. Hasn't drank an alcoholic beverage in a couple. Maybe a couple years. I'm not. I'm not 100, sure. But I've heard of other people that said, like, their spouse is like, oh, what? How are we gonna have fun? Like, you're boring now, or what? You know, just things that say that this is not what they signed up for. Right. And. And I think just, again, just owning your, like, truth. This is for me, and I will still go do things, you know, with you. We can still do the same things. It doesn't require alcohol to have to be a fun experience for me and. But yeah, and just standing your ground saying what's true for you and not putting judgment on them. I know. I feel like people might think that you're judging them because they still are drinking.
- [26:47]
A
You're not.
- [26:47]
B
But just maybe making that as clear as you possibly can to them that that's not your purpose or intent, but that you can still do things and finding new things to do, too. If you always went to, you know, to a bar, like, if that was your Friday night thing, switch it up and do, like a comedy show or just something that's different, get you out of that whole routine, and you can find. You can find new things that you like to do together, I think.
- [27:17]
A
And speaking to that, like, it can be a place, like you said, that your friendships got stronger. It can be a place where the marriage gets stronger, too. It's. Midlife is really a pivot point where we can sort of. We have opportunities to make things better, or we have things to sort of rest in, like a stable. You know, I call it sometimes stable misery. Like, we can keep doing the same thing over and over and over, or we can sort of expand and make things stronger. And in that sense, it could be a place in the marriage to get stronger, even if it's just the part of maybe you're still doing the same things, but you're speaking up for yourself more. And. And you're. I mean, that is one of our stages of development that some of us miss, many of us miss, where we differentiate, where we. Where we make it okay for husband to be doing one thing and wife to be doing another thing. And we still love each other. And that can be a. I mean, I. Funny, because that is the situation for my husband, too, is that when I started not drinking, he was still drinking. And. And I, you know, I simply. I. It was very easy for us because I just said, it doesn't work for me. Like, it was a decision I was making. And it's almost. I sometimes see this in couples, that it's sometimes easier to speak up with the spouse than it is with the friends. Because, first of all, if you're in a heterosexual relationship, you can just be like, it's like hormones, you know, and they're just like, oh, how do you do it? Right. Exactly. And in that sense, if you do have the spouse, that's saying you'll be boring. I think that, again, is a great time to sort of push the relationship into growth, to trust the relationship and say, okay, well, you know, Maybe I have this little fear that I'll be boring too. And yet this is something I really want for my health. So maybe we can work together. I don't want to be boring, you know. And yet this is the new me. I'm trying to figure out what I like and that sort of thing. I know for, you know, varied months my husband and I would still go to the bar that we used to like to go to and I would just get my, I would get sparkling water there and we still had a great time because it was, we were outside like we were still enjoying the environment. And I remember at one point he then ordered a non alcoholic beer and.
- [29:30]
B
I was like, what's going on? Like, are you okay?
- [29:34]
A
Exactly. But it is, I see, I guess I see equal amounts. So my husband now doesn't drink either, as you said, yours doesn't. So I see equal amounts of that. Just sort of like you leading the way and them seeing like oh, actually we are still having fun and instead we're getting more in touch of what we actually like doing. I, I also see the relationships where the husband is still drinking and it's totally friggin fine. Like he's having his drinks and she's not and they're, it's. It's like, okay, we don't need to all. Again, it's that stage of development where we don't need to be like twinsies and doing everything together that the relationship can have enough of a growth where we can do different things and still be fine. We can sit with our, and we can have boundaries, you know, sitting with our. Maybe he starts getting whatever in his speech and we're like actually I don't like it when you talk to me that way. Freaking fine. Like. Or it's not fun to be around you when you're, when you've drinking so much. That's great. Totally. And then you go take care of. You go try out that new crochet set that you haven't gotten started on. I really appreciate that a lot. Like the, the permission to help the listener. So if you had a listener that's like, okay, I just, I want to try like what are some of the most successful ways to start experimenting with drinking less or being alcohol free that you see?
- [31:04]
B
Yeah, definitely changing up your evening routine. I mean that to me because that was set in stone what I did. And it was like clockwork basically. So that for me was the hardest part was what am I going to do when I normally pour that first glass of wine while I was making dinner or whatever, and I just, you know, started substituting it with sparkling water and just something. I would still even put it in the same wine glass that I used before, you know. And so just getting into, like, I'm going to change this routine and it, you know, the neural pathways will work with you and you can change them. I love that. Yeah. And it does take a little bit of time. It wasn't like the first night and I was done. I mean, it took several. It took a couple months, really, of just doing that over and over and over again to when it felt like, this feels. This feels normal now. This feels right. So if you're just, you know, taking a little experiment, just try to find something else that you're going to substitute for that glass of wine whenever you would normally have it and, and embrace that change for yourself. So that would be the first step. And then also trying to find ways to ground yourself more because it can be a physically taxing experience as your body is eliminating alcohol. So becoming more mindful of taking time to do something that grounds you, whatever it is, if it's yoga or if it's meditation, really adding that in more during those first, you know, few days where you're trying this out and just giving your body permission to adjust to the changes and not being. Thinking, oh, well, that just means I need to go have a drink because I don't. I don't feel good.
- [32:50]
A
Right.
- [32:51]
B
Those are great, like entryways to me, just to start out, to kind of plan those ahead of time, too, before you start. And then having like, the mocktails or things on hand that you're going to substitute because just more than likely you're going to want something other than just water, you know.
- [33:08]
A
Yeah, yeah. Well. And yeah, what I'm hearing is like, maybe get it out of the house, like when, you know, have that proactive so that it's like it would. You're making it, you know, when we start a new habit or we're trying to break an old one, friction is a big thing. So, like, making what you're talking about is like making it easier ahead of time to think ahead of time. What am I going to do? Okay, I'm going to pour my lacroix in that wine glass. Or, you know, when I go in and sit down by the tv, I'm going to have hot cocoa instead of my beer, you know, that sort of thing. Think ahead in that way. And then we want to increase friction. So it's like, if you are like, no, no, No, I want to have wine. Well, you have to get in the car, put on real pants, get in the car, wherever and get it. And then by that time you might be like, forget it. So, yeah, it's interesting and I, I appreciate your second point there of, of like, taking care of yourself, because it does take, you know, first of all, getting alcohol out of your system if, if you're used to having it there. It's like, you know, anything like cutting sugar out of your system to notice. I also want to speak to the point of. Many of us, myself included, used alcohol as a way to numb myself out from life. Like, I'm having a hard day, so let me have my drink. And the beauty of alcohol is that it does numb parts of your brain, so you're. You can be unaware of what's happening, which then when we remove that, we then see what is happening. And that is a great reason to get a coach like you or, or me to just have some support there that it's, you know, it's normal. It's not like that stuff wasn't there before. You just were numbing and not seeing it. So you don't have to change anything. It's just sometimes, you know, the awareness of it can feel quite heavy, that if you do take it away, well, then, oh, my gosh, look at this marriage or these friendships are my life. And that's okay. Any day is a new day to start new things. So I really, I really appreciate your. Your support. I think that's a great place to finish up. But I do like asking, is there anything you wanted to share or that you want to communicate with listeners that you think we've missed or that would help them?
- [35:22]
B
Yeah, and I, I do have a. It's called the Mindful Month kit that I've created. And it's sort of for this kind of what we were just talking about for women who were, you know, curious about. Not necessarily I'm going to quit alcohol for these 28 days, but I want to experiment with it. And, and so that has a mocktail recipe book and a digital mocktail recipe book and a daily journal, because that journaling really helps too, like, kind of working through those feelings like you're saying that are going to start popping up. So there's 28 guided journal prompts and five audio meditations, again for, like, a craving. Because sometimes just taking that, that five to 10 minutes and listening to a meditation, that craving is going to, you know, go away. It's not going to stay forever. So just as a way to kind of get you through that. And then even like a wind down evening wind down meditation in the morning meditation. I have five different ones to get you through those. And one before you go like a social situation one. So one that kind of get you prepped in your mind before you go out. Yeah, yeah. So that's something that again, it's just like a little way for somebody to try it out and see if you know how they feel at the end of the 28 days.
- [36:41]
A
I'll definitely put that in the show notes. That's wonderful.
- [36:44]
B
Oh, thank you. Yeah. So I think any decrease in the amount of alcohol is a great first step. You don't have. It's not all or nothing. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. That's such a hard way to think about anything. So going in with an open mindset and just curiosity.
- [37:01]
A
Yeah, I really appreciate. Because we hadn't really mentioned that. But it is like it doesn't have to be all or nothing. It is. I think if listeners are listening to this and they're feeling a little like, let me see. You know, just start paying attention to when you're. How much you're drinking. When you're drinking and why you're telling yourself you're drinking is a good place. And from there that sounds like both of us. That's how we made our, you know, sort of. It was. It was easier for me when I decided I was like, okay, I'm done for now. I, I never said I'm never going to drink again. But I was like, for now I'm done and I'll just see. That's. Yeah, my big thing was like, it's not working for me.
- [37:40]
B
Right.
- [37:41]
A
It's like. And just bring attention. Then it's like, no, that's all this nonsense that the big alcohol is telling you that it makes things better. It's like, well, not for me. Thank you. Yeah, it doesn't. So thank you so much for taking your time and coming on today. Emily Pure Tree talking to you. I loved it.
- [37:58]
B
Oh, you too. Thank you so much.
- [38:00]
A
All the links below, listeners on how to find her, how to find that great 28 day helpful kit and reach out to Emily and tell her how much you loved listening to her. That was great. Thank you.
- [38:12]
B
Thanks.
- [38:13]
A
Yay. I love listeners like you that listen until the end of the Love youe Life show. Thank you so much and thank you for listening into this great conversation with Emily Allen. I really enjoyed it. And you're. Here's the treat for listening in In October in the Love youe Life School, we are stopping one. We are looking at one behavior that we do and we are stopping it for the month. And that behavior could be drinking for you. It also could be eating sugar. It could be looking at your phone first thing in the morning. It can be. We have lots of different opportunities, but I just wanted to let you know that that's what we're doing in the Love youe Life School. And if this episode and this topic resonated with you and you're like, yes, please, that is the great next step for you. We start in a couple days, so just head over to the loveyourlife school.com and we'll get you started. I'm super excited to help us all in looking at the things that we're doing and making sure that we're living that life. The things that we're doing are setting us up to live a life that we love. So let's go warriors. And I'm here supporting you. It's a shame. Free zone. We all do things that are not helpful for us and how do we stop doing those things? Well, the best way and the fastest way to do it is to get a coach. So that's what I'm doing next month and I would love to help you. Let's go.