Two Daily Habits to Boost CONFIDENCE

Summary

Love Your Life Show with Susie Pettit Episode: Two Daily Habits to Boost CONFIDENCE
Date: September 17, 2025
Host: Susie Pettit

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Episode Overview

In this uplifting and practical episode, certified life and wellness coach Susie Pettit delves into the topic of confidence—a listener-selected focus—exploring why it is foundational to well-being and success. Susie breaks down two commonly misunderstood truths about confidence and delivers two simple, actionable daily habits to help busy moms (and anyone else) actively cultivate authentic self-confidence.

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Main Discussion Points & Key Insights

1. The Root of Confidence

• Confidence as a Feeling, Not a Trait

  • Confidence is not an innate trait, but a feeling generated by our thoughts.
  • Quote, [03:24]:
    “Confidence is a feeling. It is not something you’re born with or born without—like freckles. Not a character trait that only certain people have. Confidence is a feeling that comes from our thoughts.”
  • Thoughts such as “I’m prepared and capable” inspire confidence, whereas “I’m not good enough” fuel self-doubt.

• Our Thoughts Shape Our Emotional Reality

  • We can choose and train supportive thoughts, even when new or uncomfortable with a task (like Susie’s lighthearted story about learning to crochet).
  • Quote, [05:09]:
    “I actively practice thinking confident thoughts, like…‘It makes sense that this is uncomfortable. This is new for me.’ That works with crochet and that works with setting a boundary.”

• Why Confidence Matters

  • Lack of confidence surfaces in many life arenas:
    • Difficulty with boundaries, body confidence, social events, people-pleasing, relationships, burnout, and even sexual satisfaction.
  • Quote, [01:48]:
    “Where our confidence is low, burnout and resentment are high, and we feel disconnected from ourselves and the people around us.”

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2. Two Common Truths About Confidence (and What People Get Wrong)

A. It’s All About Thought Management

• We are not stuck at our current confidence level—managing our thinking can accelerate change.
• Quote, [07:12]:
  “Learning that confidence is not something that you’re born with…it comes from your thoughts. And learning to manage your thoughts is so powerful.”

B. Confidence Is a Spectrum, Not a Binary

• See it as a sliding scale—with confidence and self-doubt at opposite ends.
• The more we indulge in self-criticism and comparison, the further we get from authentic confidence.
• Cultural and family dynamics (especially for women or people raised by narcissistic/emotionally immature parents) can heighten self-doubt, reinforcing a habit of looking outside ourselves for validation.
• Quote, [08:41]:
  “We were taught to seek validation…like there’s some right or wrong judge in the sky, which has us spinning in self-doubt and outsourcing our power.”

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3. Two Daily Habits to Boost Confidence

A. Pillow Pride: End-of-Day Self-Recognition

• Each night, consciously identify one thing you did well or can feel proud of—however small.
• This begins to override the brain’s negativity bias, especially at the end of a tiring day.
• Quote, [10:53]:
  “Pillow pride: What’s one thing I did well today? Maybe you wore the bathing suit, even if you didn’t take your cover-up off. Maybe you said no to something you didn’t want—celebrate that.”
• Susie underscores that this practice may feel uncomfortable at first; it’s normal and worth persisting.

B. Draw a Line in the Sand: Stop Out-Loud Self-Criticism

• Commit, even for a week, to stop verbalizing negative thoughts about yourself—especially in your toughest area (parenting, body image, etc.).
• Quote, [13:11]:
  “Draw a line in the sand and decide: no more. Say it’s your parenting…You can be a good and bad parent at the same time. We’re done talking negatively about ourselves.”
• The aim is to treat yourself as you’d want a lifelong companion to treat you—because you are, in fact, your lifelong companion.
• Quote, [14:16]:
  “The only person, frankly, you’re going to be in relationship with for the rest of your life is you. Do you want to be with someone who’s critical, nitpicky, and pissy? No, I don’t.”

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4. Making It Stick & The Support You Deserve

• Susie acknowledges it’s normal to struggle with consistency—most listeners drop new habits before they become routine.
• Her role (and the Love You Life School) is to provide tools, coaching, and accountability so these shifts become second nature.
• Quote, [15:45]:
  “It’s actually my job to teach you how to habitualize these things.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Self-Determination:
  “What if no one knows better than you, dear listener? Let that sink in—how would it change your life?” ([09:36])
• On Habitual Practice:
  “Our brain is wired to scan for what’s wrong. At the end of the night, our brain doesn’t have much energy. And a tired brain is a mean brain.” ([11:28])
• On Your Relationship With Yourself:
  “Your life is a result of the thoughts you’re thinking…draw that line. Set this boundary with yourself.” ([14:16])
• On Community and Support:
  “The more of us out here feeling calm and confident, the better this whole world gets.” ([18:21])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:20] Why confidence matters in every area of life
• [03:24] The truth: confidence is a feeling created by thoughts
• [05:09] Example: Susie learns to crochet and challenges her own thoughts
• [07:12] Confidence on a spectrum; importance of thought management
• [10:10] Introducing the two daily habits
• [10:53] Habit #1: Pillow Pride—end-of-day self-recognition
• [13:11] Habit #2: Draw a Line in the Sand—stop self-criticism out loud
• [15:45] Overcoming habit drop-off & the value of ongoing support
• [16:09] The Love You Life School—building habits with community and coaching

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Tone & Closing

Susie’s tone is warm, encouraging, and candid—she blends personal stories, gentle humor (“I can’t even really say [crocheting] with a straight face!”), and clear, action-oriented advice. She frequently calls listeners “warriors,” affirming their capacity for growth:

“Your messy amazingness. We are all imperfectly perfect. I love you truly. You are awesome. Your life and how you feel in your life matters to me.” ([18:21])

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Action Steps for Listeners

• Try Pillow Pride each night: name something you did well.
• Pick one area and commit to no out-loud self-criticism for a week.
• For deeper support, consider joining Susie’s Love You Life School for accountability and skill-building.

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Summary Prepared for Busy Listeners:
This episode offers both mindset shifts and two powerful mini-habits to immediately start fostering greater confidence—reminding us all that confidence is not fixed, but rather, built through daily self-respect and self-acknowledgment. Susie’s compassionate, direct advice makes it accessible, practical, and encouraging for anyone wanting to lead a braver, happier life.

Transcript

[Listener]

Foreign.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Intro/Outro)]

Hi, this is the Love youe Life show with Susie Pettit, certified life and wellness coach. Join Susie as she helps you with your wellness and mindset so you can live a life you love. Let's go, Warriors.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

Hello, warriors. How are you today? Yes, you the amazing person listening right now. The one who takes time to invest in herself to listen to shows like this that support your happiness and growth. I love my listeners. I call you guys warriors for a reason. You are the people making this world brighter, and I'm so glad you're here especially for this episode. Thank you. I guess I should back up. My name is Susie Pettit. I am a certified life relationship Peter. Parenting. They have lots of certifications. Adhd. There's. Anyhow, I am here if you're listening. Let's just say I'm your coach for today.

[Listener]

Okay.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

And I recently asked on Instagram what topics you guys wanted me to talk about next. And guess what came in at the top of the list? Confidence. Confidence feels so good, right? So I'm so excited to coach on this and to teach about this today in this episode. I'm so glad you're here.

[Listener]

We.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

We all have some understanding that confidence affects some area in our life. I think that's why people are like, oh, yeah, I'd like to work on confidence. And yet what I want to tell you as a coach is that I truly think confidence is at the base of every single emotional struggle or problem we humans have.

[Listener]

Okay.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

Sure. We think of confidence in terms of like, well, I need confidence to ask for a raise or to share that speech or to have that conversation. Well, it also is at play in so many other areas.

[Listener]

Okay.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

Of when, like, when we struggle to speak up and say our boundary or why we won't go out and wear a bathing suit, or maybe why we don't go to a certain event. Why we people, please. Buying that is lack of confidence. Why we stay in relationships that don't feel fulfilling. I did that for years because I lacked confidence. Why we worry about what other people think of us. I see it all over in my life. It impacts our parenting, our friendships, even our level of sexual satisfaction, where our confidence is low, burnout and resentment are high, and we feel disconnected from ourselves and the people around us. So I'm in. Like, thank you for sending this. These recommendations in. I'm always available to you to tell me what topics you'd like me to podcast on. And for today, we're doing confidence because this is work worth doing. A little skill building Here goes a long way. And by the end of this episode, I want you to understand two truths about confidence that I see most people getting wrong. And I have two simple practices that you can use this week to grow your confidence, to feel more confident. And if you stay with me to the end, I have a special invite for you to see how to take this work even deeper. But we're not there yet, so let's get going. The first thing I want you to understand is confidence is a feeling. It is not something you're born with or born without. Like freckles, not a character trait that only certain people have. Confidence is a feeling that comes from our thoughts.

[Listener]

Okay?

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

And if you're new to this show and you're like, what? Feelings come from our thoughts? Yes. Get the podcast roadmap smbwell.com roadmap for the foundations foundational exercises episodes teaching about emotional intelligence. Keep listening, though, because just hold on to this understanding that confidence is a thing. Feeling that comes from our thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings. Always. If you think I'm prepared and capable, you will feel confident. If you think I'm not good enough or I'm going to mess this up, we're going to feel self doubt, anxiety. Same situation, different thought, different feeling. And that's amazing news, because if your thoughts create confidence, you can choose new thoughts. You can train your brain even when you stink at something. Okay, Case in point. I have started crocheting. I can't even really say that with a straight face. Here's what's true. I bought a crochet kit for myself, and there's a part of me that wants to learn how to crochet. And I have watched two YouTube videos and done maybe four rows of stitching. Okay, well, guess what? I stink. It doesn't look anything like what the YouTube video is telling me what it should look like, et cetera. And in the past, I might have thought, I'm no good at this. Or I might have thought, I don't think I'm coordinated enough for this. Crocheting isn't for me. Okay, guess how? Thinking those thoughts would have me feel pretty much the opposite of confidence, eh? I'd be like, oh, yeah, somehow there's something about me that I should know how to crochet the minute I pick up one of those little hooks. No.

[Listener]

Okay.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

Luckily, I know confidence comes from my thoughts. And I've been at this for a while, so I actively practice thinking confident thoughts. Like, it makes sense that this little ball of knotted thread looks awful. I Am a beginner. I say to myself, do another row, sweetheart. Every stitch and row you practice will get you closer to learning this. Another one of my favorite thoughts to think when I'm doing something new is it makes sense. This feels uncomfortable. This is new for me. That works with crochet and that works with setting for a boundary.

[Listener]

Alright.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

For many of us who were raised in families with narcissist or emotionally immature parents, we have a very deep feeling of not being good enough or and not doing it well from the beginning can feel very uncomfortable, very unsafe. It wasn't safe for us kids. And so it's super important to do the work that we do in the Love youe Life school and that I do in private coaching to rethink this, to understand that we're adults now. It makes sense that our nervous system is still freaking out because it reminds us the past and when we were kids and it was more possibly dangerous for us to not do something correct. And yet today, right now, in this moment, we get to practice something different with our nervous system and our thinking. The nervous system work I'm not going to address in this podcast that's, you know, contact me for coaching. That's beautiful work we get to do. I've done that today. I want you to focus on the thinking, just understanding that when we're learning, it's messy. No matter what that new thing is, we're not going to have confidence the first time you get on a bike or the first time you're crocheting. Keep practicing, keep crocheting, Suzy, keep practicing your conversation skills or whatever it is you're working on.

[Listener]

Okay?

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

Keep at it. This is why learning that confidence is not something that you're born with. It comes from your thoughts. And learning to manage your thoughts is so powerful. Choosing support thoughts that support you rather than tear you down. And this is the second thing I want you to know is that confidence is on a spectrum. It is like picture a sliding scale. On one side we have confidence, on the other side we have self doubt. So it makes sense that the more time we spend thinking and indulging in self doubt, critical thoughts, second guessing, comparing ourselves with other people, the further we swing from confidence. And so to build confidence, we don't just push those confidence thoughts, we also have to look at our self doubt thoughts and challenge those. This is a small especially important for women, especially important for those of us who've been around emotionally immature people or narcissists, and also women raised to doubt ourselves. We were taught to seek Validation. Did I do this right? What do you think? Is this okay? Like, how many people do we have to ask, right? We're socialized to believe there's some right answer out there. Like there's some right or wrong judge in the sky which has us spinning in self doubt, outsourcing our power to someone or something outside of us.

[Listener]

Ick.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

Sure. Like, the system works really well that way. When we're like, oh, if she thinks this is right, then it's right. But at some point in our 30s, 40s, and 50s, we get to that. Like, oh, no, I'm done with this. And I actually shouldn't even mention a chronicle a chronological age, because it's an emotional development. It's what we do in the Love youe Life. School. We don't stop growing once we done with formal education. We're still growing. We're still here on Earth. School. And then this new stage of development that we get to at some chronological age is when we don't think as black or white or right or wrong as much. We stop thinking so rigidly. We stop following along like a good little girl and we get a little more into the gray and question, like, wait a minute. How does that person outside of me know better? Know what's better for me than what? Than me?

[Listener]

Hmm.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

Right. What if I can decide what's right or wrong for me? What if no one knows better than you, dear listener? Let's sink in to how that would change not only our lives, but the world. Thinking like, what if I get to decide? And what if I'm the one who knows? Yum. Right? So let's take these two confidence truths and lean into this juicy awareness that it is inside of you, my dear listener.

[Listener]

Okay?

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

It's inside of you, this ability to lean into your life. And so the two practices that I'd love for us to look at to build confidence, I want you to think of them like pedals. On your car. We have the accelerator, which are thoughts that create confidence. They move us on that sliding scale towards confidence. And we have the break and thoughts that move us on that sliding scale towards self doubt. So we want to press the accelerator on confidence and break the self doubt. Let's look at how the first one I love calling Pillow Pride. Pp Each night, when your head hits the pillow, pause and think, what's one thing I did well today? Keep it simple. Don't let perfectionism creep in.

[Listener]

Okay?

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

It's possible if you haven't done this, if you haven't stopped to feel proud of yourself. It's going to feel really uncomfortable. Let it feel uncomfortable and do it anyhow, right? Pride pillow. What's one thing I did well today? What's something I can feel pride about today? Maybe you're working on feeling confident in your body and you wear the bathing suit to the beach. Even if you didn't take your cover of Bob. Celebrate that. Maybe you're practicing relationship communication and relationship confidence and you said no to that person who asked you to do the thing that you really don't want to do. It's a big celebration. Or maybe someone gave you something you don't want. Like you ordered food at the restaurant and you ordered it. It's so funny how we give our authority away. Like you ordered it, you know, without the salsa or whatever, and they brought it with the salsa and you spoke up for yourself. Celebrate that. Or maybe you went for a walk when you really didn't feel like going for a walk. Celebrate that. Our brain is wired to scan for what's wrong. And at the end of the night, our brain doesn't have much energy. And a tired brain is a mean brain. And by doing this pillow pride, you can start to build the habit of confident thinking. We're trying to think more positively and confidently about ourselves. So point out to your brain tonight how you're awesome. The second thing I'd like you to practice is a break. And we want to draw a line in the sand and decide. My dear listener, for goodness sakes, you are done speaking meanly to yourself. You are done. Done criticizing yourself in your head. Done criticizing yourself out loud. If done feels too big, then just say, I will not for this next week, Dear Susie, I promise I will not say negative things about me outside. Out loud, I mean, or outside, if that's what you have to do. Okay, so someone comments on your appearance or your parenting or your cooking or your social skills. Commit no negative talk out loud. And if you've been listening to me for a while, we're not doing no more negative talk at all.

[Listener]

Okay?

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

Choose an area. Where do you talk about your. Talk negatively about yourself to yourself. Where are you the most critical about yourself? Draw a line in the sand and decide no more. Say it's your parenting. Okay? Confidence is all about understanding that we are like complex individuals. You can be a good and a bad parent at the same time.

[Listener]

Okay.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

Or your appearance. You can be like. Let's take appearance in terms of, like, wellness and health. You can be doing a lot of really good things for your wellness. And you can be doing some bad things for your wellness. That's okay. We're done talking negatively about ourselves. There's so many reasons for this. First of all, it is a choice. You choosing to think you stick stink at a certain area that you're at right now in life is a choice. And what is the freaking point? Like, yes, I think other people might agree with me that, that I stink at crocheting right now. Why would I waste any moment of my precious life thinking that thought?

[Listener]

I just don't.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

I'm like, whatever. Like, maybe I'm probably also awful at other things that I've never tried. Oh, well, I'm not going to think about it. Buying in the sand. Life is short. Also, the other reason why it's so important to draw this line in the sand is do you know that the most, the only person, frankly, you're going to be in relationship with for the rest of your life is you. You. You are the most important person in your life. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who's critical, nitpicky and pissy? No, I don't draw that line. Set this boundary with yourself. Your life is a result of the thoughts you're thinking. And we are not. We're just drawing a line. We're not thinking negatively about ourselves anymore. So I want you to just ponder this. The thoughts we're thinking create confidence. They accelerate our confidence or they are brakes for our confidence. And yet these aren't things we're taught in school. We aren't taught that our thoughts create our feelings and their feelings lead us to take action and then we'll get the results. No, we learned about parallelograms and, I don't know, things that happen in Europe in 1888. Like things that I'm like, why do I need that now? No one taught us how to handle negative thoughts or build confidence. And yet these skills affect us every day.

[Listener]

Alright?

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

And I want you to practice these things today. Do the pillow pride. Draw the line in your sand.

[Listener]

Alright?

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

And if you're the type of listener who listens to podcasts like this and you're like, okay, I'll do that. I'll do that. And we do that for a day or a week or a month. And you're like, oh, wait, what pillow What? There's nothing wrong with you. That's normal. You have a full life. It is actually my job to teach you how to habitualize these things. Which is why I want to mention that this is your lucky day. That the Love youe Life School is open for an enrollment right now.

[Listener]

Okay.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

The Love youe Life School is my online membership, community and classroom where we take what I teach you here in the podcast where we didn't learn the stuff we didn't learn in formal education. I teach you and we actually apply it inside the school. I coach you personally if you want it. I give you accountability, support and practical tools.

[Listener]

All right.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

And why this is a great day and lucky for you is that it's open for enrollment right now. And what we're working on next month is to help you. It will help you build and grow your confidence. Next month's theme is called Quit something. Okay. Students are going to choose one thing that they're going to quit. Not because someone tells them they should quit it or blah, blah, but because they want to.

[Listener]

Okay.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

Maybe they're quitting eating sugar for the month. Maybe they listened to last Week's episode with Dr. Thompson and they want to quit sugar. Or maybe they want to quit looking at their phones after 6pm or they want to stop quit gossiping or they want to quit talking negatively about other people. Maybe they're quitting eating between meals. They want to quit complaining. It doesn't matter what it is. What matters is the process. Because when you set a goal you actually want and follow through with support that I'm going to give you, it is life changing and it's how you build confidence. And if you've been listening for a while thinking, you know what, I want to do this work and you keep coming back, take this as your sign. The doors are open. It's such a small investment. Hey, come join us. Instead of doing the same thing over and over and feeling like crud. Head to smbwell.com lifeschool I think it's also like the life love your life.

[Listener]

School.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

Or click the link in the show notes. Probably not confusing you.

[Listener]

Okay.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

And the extra bonus is if you join. If you're listening to this in September 2025, if you join while it's still September, you get access to this whole months of training which are freaking awesome. I have taught and I'm teaching on the four happiness habits and I'm helping students habitualize them into their lives like win, win, win. All around, such a great thing and such a small price to pay for your self development and feeling better about yourself. I would love to see you in there. The more of us out here feeling calm and confident in ourselves and our decision, the better this whole world gets.

[Listener]

Okay?

[Susie Pettit (Host - Main Content)]

And add to that the fact you're still here at the end of the episode tells me you're the type of listener who takes her self development and how she shows up in this world seriously. I love people like you. I want you to hear that no matter whether you do one night of pillow talk or not. You right here. Your messing amazingness. Messy amazingness. We are all imperfectly perfect. I love you truly. You are awesome. Your life and how you feel in your life matters to me which is why I want you to join the Love youe Life school or to get coaching from me. And I also want you to hear no matter what you friggin do, I see you. I honored that you're the type of person that listens to these podcasts and I just give you a big online hug.

[Susie Pettit (Host - Intro/Outro)]

Thank you for listening to the Love youe Life show. If you want to hear more from Susie and support the show, be sure to subscribe to this podcast on itunes. Also leave a review and share this podcast with friends and family. Go get em warriors.