← Love Your Life Show: Personal Growth, Mindset, + Habits for Busy Moms
Love Your Life Show: Personal Growth, Mindset, + Habits for Busy Moms
What the Outback Taught Me About Perfection and Anxiety
00:21:35
What can the Australian outback and a Dr. Seuss story teach us about perfectionism and anxiety? - Ever hear yourself saying “I’ll feel better once ‘this’ is over” or ‘this’ is done? Like, once your kid gets through this thing or your partner learns ho...
Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:00]
A
Foreign. Hi, this is the Love youe Life show with Susie Pettit, certified life and wellness coach. Join Susie as she helps you with your wellness and mindset so you can live a life you love. Let's go, warriors. Oh, hello, warriors, and welcome back to another episode of the Love youe Life Show. I am Susan. So thrilled you're here. I'm Susie Pettit, a certified life and relationship coach, and today I'm going to share a little something, something a little different with you. In the beginning of September, I did something I have never done before, Warriors. I took two whole weeks off of work, so that was new. And I went willingly on a camper van trip with my husband. I say willingly because I did go on a camping trip once before when I was a young child with my parents, and that was not so willingly. So this one I willingly went on and I took two weeks off of work. I we went through Australia's Outback. I had never been in the Outback. Through a waterfall region to the Great Barrier Reef. It was adventurous. It was beautiful. And as often happens when I'm on these trips, my brain's just like firing all these podcast ideas and I just get so excited to come back and share them with you. Life really did remind me of some things on this trip that I already know, but I get to keep learning. And funny enough, these lessons, it seemed like everything that came up for me on this trip kept circling back to one of my favorite kids books, one of the favorite books I used to read all the time to my sons. And if you ask, if I paused right now and asked them which one, they would know. It's Dr. Dr. Seuss's Sala Saloo. The title, something like, you know, I had trouble in getting to Sala Saloo. Have you read that one? Well, don't you don't to go grab it now. I will have a link in the show notes because it is a magical one. But it comes up so often for me and my kids and my husband. We just sort of say, oh, Sala Salut. And we roll our eyes. All right. And I will be talking about it in this episode. And if you haven't heard about it at all, no worries. Like I'm telling you enough so you will get what I'm sharing from it. And what I will be sharing is two big takeaways that I had from that cute little book that I've raised my sons with. But also that came up for me in my trip. And it there, it's just, it was comical. I laughed a lot. And by the end of this episode, you also will have some more tools to help you when you're feeling anxious to turn down what I call perfectionist thinking. To lean out of worrying so much, to adjust our expectations so we can feel more calm and in control in our everyday life. And if you're up for that, let's go. This is called the Love youe Life Show. That's what I am always trying to help you do, is teach these little tips and life lessons that help us live a life we love. So first, the book Salas Al. The basic premise of this book is that there's. And I won't go too big into it, but it's. It's literally probably like a 20 page book, like a Dr. Seuss book. Um, the premise is that there's this character who isn't happy with his current life. I'm just going to say it's a he. You've no idea. It's like one of those Dr. Seuss characters. But there are certain hardships with where that he lives and what he's experiencing that he's not so happy about. And so one day he hears of this magical land called Salis Salu, on the banks of the beautiful river Wahoo, where they never have troubles, at least very few. And so he leaves his house and starts a journey to this magical place. And along the way, as you can imagine, he encounters various challenges that one might say are far worse than what he had experienced back in his original home. Yet he keeps repeating this phrase about how he needs to get to Salisilu, the land where they never have troubles, at least very few. Because doesn't that sound nice? Yet if you've read the book, you know that of course when he gets there, when he gets to Salisalu, he has problems too. That life is all about ups and downs, positives and negatives, that there is no promised land. And yet warriors, isn't this what we do in real life? We imagine that there's this place where everything will feel calm and easy. Like we say things to ourselves, like, well, once my kid gets through this phase, then. Or once my husband learns how to, you know, process his emotions better, then. Or once I lose that weight, once we get the addition on our house, then feel happy, then everything will okay, then it'll all be alright. This is what life coaches and psychologists called the Arrival fallacy. And I did it for years, okay? That sense of when we arrive, life will feel good. Okay, then I'll get the College degree, then that I'll get. I'll get married. I'll have the house. I'll even have a white picket fence for goodness sake. Sense sake. But life doesn't work out like that, does it? Because the truth is, and this is what we learn as we mature and maybe we work with a coach, that life is always 50 50, depending on where we're directing our focus. There will always be things going well and always be things that aren't. And this was my first big reminder on my road trip that things are 50 50. Okay, you might. I'll share some pictures of my trip this week on Instagram and in this blog post and you'll see pictures of me on that. And these amazingly beautiful tropical beaches. Like, they're so beautiful your eyeballs almost hurt. The color of the water, the color of the sand. Okay, well, guess what? I couldn't go in that water because I was in croc country and there are 20 foot salt water crocodiles in the water ready to eat me up. Or maybe you see a picture of me in the rainforest delighting in the sound of the. Like the. The birds just were so amazing, you guys. They were just unique and, you know, and so I'm walking in this tropical rainforest and seeing waterfalls that are bigger than anything I've ever imagined. And guess what? I'm carrying a snake bite kit because there also are the most unique and tropical poisonous snakes. Or we'd be driving through the outback and see more wild kangaroos and emus and people way more. And what did that also mean? Well, that I wasn't getting my soy cappuccino anytime soon. All right, so first big reminder on my trip and reminder of the Salas Salute book is life is always 50 50. There will always be something. No matter how good all those pictures of your friends look on Facebook. No one is immune to this. No one is immune to this. This also comes into play in our parenting when we think, okay, if she can just get through this experience with her math teacher, or if that mean girl just gets out of her class or if he just figures out this sports challenge, then it will all be okay. Then I can exhale. Then, then, then, then. Sorry, mamas. Okay, we best learn to exhale now and figure out how to manage our discomfort now. Because whenever she figures out, whatever it is the friend drama or the math homework or the sports thing, there will be something else. It is the human condition. We will always have something. We get the new addition, then. Oh, then we get to decorate it, then we get to do so when we're thinking there's some magical, solid salute a place where all our problems disappear. We keep raising our expectations and then what happens? Boom. Expectation hangover. We set ourselves up for a disappointment. It's that like, oh, I thought this would feel better there. And emotional maturity comes when we accept that struggles and challenges are part of it. They're part of the human journey. That's why we're here. That's my belief, that we are here to constantly learn and evolve about learn about ourselves and evolve. And that learning doesn't feel comfortable. And the better we get accepting this truth and supporting ourselves through it, the better our life will feel. So it doesn't necessarily feel so uncomfortable to me anymore because I'm not resisting it. So I'll put a link in the episode that's changed people's lives on loving, detachment and popcorn parenting. And if you haven't listened for a while, re listen to it. Because learning to get comfortable with discomfort is a secret sauce to living, understanding and accepting that life is 50. 50 does not mean we can't enjoy our moments. And for me, I've found the opposite to be true. That when I expect it, when I'm like, of course. Sala salute chuckle I soften and relax into a looser, calmer way of being. It allows me to stop this perfectionist thinking, like perfectionist fantasy that there's some place in the future where things will all be great. Salulia. No, there isn't. Okay. And it allows me to live more in acceptance of now and in the present moment and letting other people have the experiences they're having. So that's the first lesson. Can you think of where you're doing this in your life? Where you're thinking it'll be better, then no shame. This is what humans do. And our first step out of it is to notice that we're doing it to start thinking differently. So think about it. Where are you thinking this way in your life? That once I get through this, then it'll be better. Bring it to a coaching session. I would love to know and support you in this. Okay. The second lesson I was reminded of on my trip was essentially like the futility of anxiety. Literally like the number the 100% total waste of time worrying as is like it is so futile, it is so useless, it is so ineffective. I know the great Dr. Wayne Dyer says something about how, you know, worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair thinking you're going somewhere. If you've been coaching with me, you've heard me say, like, worry is a useless emotion. It's indulgent, and yet I do it. It's very normal for us humans to worry. Our brains like things that are familiar. And so when things are not familiar, our brains feel uncomfortable. They feel uncomfortable with unknown or new things. And so they try to come up with a plan for these new things to feel more secure, to feel more in control. And boy, did I notice I was doing that on this trip. Well, I didn't do a lot of pre worrying before I left. Once I was on the trip, guys, I was very aware that I was trying to control a lot of aspects so I would feel more safe. Like, I carried that snake bite kit with me when I was hiking. Okay. Or I wore a headlamp when we took walks at night. Or I googled snakes in the area and then I wouldn't go walking in the. I like walking in the early morning and where I live, I can walk in the morning safely without getting attacked by a crocodile or a snake. But. But here when I was traveling, I couldn't. So I would wait until the first light. I didn't swim where there were deadly jellyfish signs. Oh, and I wore hats so these massive bats wouldn't try to nest in my head. I tried so many things, and yet similar to real life and trying to control all these things that could go wrong, you just keep. And I have a super funny story to tell you about this. So here I am, I'm trying to control all the things that are out of control and trying to like, think of all the things that could like, google the snakes, wear the hat. Da, da, da. Okay. Well, Paul and I love walking after dinner. We do this every night, whether we're at home in Marilla or we're on our camping trip. So one night we set off on a normal walk after dinner and we were doing all the responsible, quote unquote safe things. Like we had our headlamps on so we could see the poisonous snakes because earlier in the trip we had seen a four foot snake at night. Okay. We were walking single file down this dirt road instead of side by side because we wanted to have a little bit of room by the side of the road so we could see if a crocodile jumped out, I was wearing my hat, et cetera, et cetera. Okay. So we're walking along. If I pause to reflect on it, I think I was feeling semi calm. Okay. As calm as you can be in the pitch dark walking in a land where all these species are here to kill you okay? And I heard this scurrying in the leaves, and the side Paul was walking in front of me, and I heard the scurrying in the side of the road, and I turned my light to see what I thought were baby squirrels. So as I'm like turning my light looking at them, I say to my husband, I'm like, oh, cute. Look, squirrels. And I stopped to get a closer look. Well, right then I should have known, right? There are not squirrels in Australia, okay? And basically any animal I can't identify right off the bat is going to be poisonous and deadly. But somehow I'm still in my northern hemisphere brain here, even though it's like three plus years later. Okay, and what happens? Well, my normally calm husband essentially, like, chucked me to the other side of the road, saying, no, cane toads, which apparently are some sort of toad that has been introduced up in the area where we are, where there's a lot of sugar growing. Whatever that's cane, whatever that's called. Sugar cane. Thank you. Growing. And so they've been introduced there, and they literally shoot deadly poison at you. What the what? Oh, my gosh. So that's not bad enough. Listen. So at that point, I'm 100% spooked out, and I'm like, okay, walk is over. Like, turn around. But we're camping and so we still need to go to the toilet block. Well, I was so spooked, so we walked. It's just. It was like maybe three minutes more to the toilet block. And I say to him, I'm like, hey, can you come into the females with me? Because we hadn't seen another human for four hours. And I was like, can you just come pee in the stall next to me? Okay? So he comes in and we go into the stalls next to each other, and I hear him chuckle, and I'm like. So I'm like, what? And he says, good thing you didn't choose this bowl. I find out that there was a huntsman spider, which. Google huntsman spider. Okay. Bigger than my hand on the inside of the toilet bowl. And since I'm not a man, where, like, where would my butt have been one inch from. Sorry if it's tmi, but I just need to get you in the picture that I am totally freaking out over these cane toes that almost kill me. I still am away from where I'm spending the night. And I almost just sat down that on a massive spider. Oh, my God. Right? But here's the lesson that worrying tricks us. It makes us Feel like what we're doing is helpful. And yet warriors. You could have said, Susie, like how about go at it, Susie. Worry about all the possible things you might, you know, come into counter with on this trip and that could harm you. And I never ever would have thought of cane toads. I didn't know they existed. Or the possibility of sitting on an 8 inch spider. I hadn't even thought to worry about those things, thank you very much. And this is the point. This is exactly how anxiety tricks us. We spend hours, days, sometimes years preparing for all the bad things that might happen. But here's the truth. Most of these things never happen. Most of them never happen. The other truth, the things that do happen, they're often things we never even considered. So all that worrying, all that anxiety, all that not enjoying our life, it doesn't actually protect us. Instead, it steals our joy from the present moment. First of all, it can keep us so we never go on the road trip in the first place, but it steals our joy in the present moment. And this also happened in Sala Saloon. The poor main character was looking for trouble in front of him. He was walking and then he got attacked from behind. So in the book, this is what he says. And I'm reading here, he says, so I said to myself, now I'll just have to start to be twice as careful and twice as smart. I'll watch out for trouble in front and back sections by aiming my eyeballs in different directions. Well, guess what happens? You turn the page and he says, then new troubles came from above and below. A skirt at my neck, a screen at my toe. That's the exact life adventure we're in. Warriors. It's my exact Aussie adventure experience for sure. On that road trip, I kept having to remind myself, reasonable precautions, yes, but then let go, stay present, enjoy the moment. Because while my brain was busy spinning out about crocodiles, I would miss the fact that the sun was setting in the most glorious colors. Or I was swimming in waterfalls. Or how magical wild kangaroos look when they're hopping. So, my dear warriors, where might you be doing this in your own life? Worrying. Trying to control all possible negative scenarios. Thinking more about what could go wrong than what could go right. We have a choice, my dear ones. To let fear lead us or to intentionally direct our brain towards faith, presence and possibility. You know what? I vote for for you. So let's wrap it up. My experience and adventure was definitely both and amazingly awesome with some terror thrown in. Sounds about right for life, right? Like that's parenting. That's job. I freaking love my job and there are parts of my job I don't like. I freaking love parenting. And I hated parts of parenting. Okay, so the first thing is there is no magical solid salute. Life will never be 100% perfect. It is 50 50. Always stop waiting for the perfect time and choose to live today. And the second is that anxiety lies. Worrying is useless. You cannot prepare for every bad thing that could happen. Reasonable precautions are smart, but after that, direct your brain to stay in the present, to stay in faith, to stay in confidence that you can handle what happens. That you don't actually like to touch the frog, that you don't sit on this like things. All in all, it's all good. If I can remember this while road tripping through the outback surrounded by crocs, snakes, stingers, sharks, then we can all bring it into our daily lives. Whether you're driving your kid to school, initiating a difficult conversation with your mom or your spouse, or just staring down the to do list, please don't wait for perfection and don't give anxiety the driver's seat. Life is happening right now. Let's live it. All right, thank you so much for listening today, warriors. If you're a new listener of the Love youe Life show, welcome and you'll want to grab the podcast Roadmap to get the foundational episodes. You can find that@smbwell.com roadmap all one word or I'll put it below in the pink lettering of where your purple lettering where you're listening to this. And if you've been a listener for a while, thank you. I love making episodes for you. You know what else I would love is to get this message out to more people. Can you think of one person who might enjoy this episode? If each of us did that, we would double this show's reach and that would be awesome. Thank you. Thank you for sharing, thank you for listening, and thank you for being you. I send you a great big hug from the safe room of my house. I love you. I support you. I'm on this journey with you. Till next week, dear warrior. Journey on.