Episode 278: Quick Chat - Beginnings, Middles and Ends

Welcome to the LYS Podcast. These quick chats are written around an idea that stands out to me that I want to chat with you about. Something that we can discuss in under 15 minutes that will hopefully be as interesting to you as it was to me.

Todays is about how our lives are not one big story, they are made up of a bunch of smaller stories - lots of beginnings, middles, and ends. And I especially want to talk a little about the messy middles.

Tune into the audio for this quick chat that I hope will give a little reprieve if you’re stuck in a messy middle, some hope if you’re at the end of something you didn’t want to end, and maybe some excitement at what new beginnings may be around the corner.

This week I read an email from Mary Alice Arthur, a story practitioner that I had on the show on episode 217 where we talked about “What is the most important story in the world.” Her email really hit home with me and I wanted to share it with you.

Today we’re talking about how we like to think of life as one big story, but in reality life is made up of a bunch of shorter stories - There are new beginnings, new adventures, new experiences, new starts. And there are other stories in our lives that are ending - the end of a project, the end of a job or a relationship, the death of someone or something. But the part I want to talk most about is the MESSY MIDDLE. The messy middle strikes me right now because it’s such an uncomfortable place where we often don’t know what is going to happen next. How will we find our way through? There is a lot of unknown.

One of the ways you can tell you’re in the Messy Middle, Mary Alice says, is that things don’t make sense any more. What you used to do isn’t working. Things feel out of control.

This was comforting to me to acknowledge that confusion may be part of the process of living because I must be in the messy middle of a lot of things. Menopause is upon me and the “me” I used to know is no longer the “me” that is here. My body is weaker, my skin is less resilient, my energy and drive have abandoned me. I’ve been really struggling with not recognizing who I am. Really struggling. So when I read her ideas on the middle, I thought, “Oh, I’m in the messy middle. I don’t know how this is going to turn out because I don’t have it figured out yet. I haven’t figured out hormone adjustments. I haven’t come to grips with a slower self. I haven’t relaxed into acceptance yet. Perhaps it’s not the end of the world as I know it, it’s just the messy middle.”

I’m also at a loss as how to deal with my adult children who are struggling with depression and existential crisis. Nothing I do helps them. I’m at a complete loss and it’s painful. I must be in the messy middle.

We’re looking at a variety of financial investments. The pieces aren’t coming together as fast as I’d like. It’s dragging on. I guess we’re in the messy middle.

Mary Alice asks the question: What do you do when you’re in the messy middle? She suggests that sometimes the best thing to do is simply make a move. Get your hands dirty.

I think this is great advice. I probably like it so much because it gives us power. I have a number of thought quotes at my desk. They say things like: “Yes…and” This saying reminds me that when something happens the best move is simply to acknowledge it and then decide the next best move.

The next sticky note thought on my desk says, “Get curious about new ways of doing things.” The next one says, “Follow your intuition.”

The pattern here is that all these reminders are about taking action. We won’t get any where - we’ll stay exactly where we are if we don’t push on the gas. So push on the gas and steer as corners come up, but just sitting there isn’t going to change anything. Even when you don’t know where you’re going, putting the car in motion is a great start.

As I end this quick chat I want to point out the over-used but true quip that when one door closes another opens. If you’re in an ending, it’s not the end of everything, there will be new beginnings. And sometimes a thing has to end to bring you the next new and wonderful beginning.

If you’re at a beginning there can be so much excitement and possibility. Great things still to be experienced.

I’ll use me as an example: I’m at the end of a youthful body and the energy that went with it, but I’m at the beginning of a recreation of what the last part of my life can look like. I am at a place of exploration and that can be very exciting to recreate, to be curious about what I want now. What needs to shift, what gets to be different. What is good for 54 year-old me.

Beginning, Messy Middle, End = they are all necessary and part of the process of living. Make the best of each one by being aware of the story you are telling yourself during the process. It’s always about mindset.

Blessings to you as you navigate your new starts, your messy unknowns where you just take action to keep moving through the story the best you can, and the endings where things get tied up and make a lot more sense, or goodbyes bring emotions, new outlooks, new beginnings.

It’s all part of life. We signed up for all of it. Good luck in your navigation.

See you in two weeks for the next episode of the LYS podcast and please share this with someone who might need a quick bit of inspiration.

Also, please note that the Love Your Story podcast will be taking a leave from publishing at the end of 2024. Please let me know how the podcast has made a difference in your life. Thanks for being a part of our audience.