Episode 280: Quick Chat - What's My Intention: Determining Your Intended Outcome Situationally

Welcome to the LYS Podcast. Let’s talk about road maps! Ever wished you had a road map to help life go a little smoother?

How many every-day situations do we just barge our way through? For most of us - that would be almost all of them. We head to a family party only to leave having gotten in a fight with a sibling because we got caught up in a reactive situation. We go on a walk with a friend and feel frustrated that the conversation was so focused on their bad relationship. We head into a client meeting and come out feeling like that could have gone better and we should have gotten more accomplished.

It’s a simple question: How could this experience have gone better if I’d clarified ahead of time what I wanted out of this interaction. Stay tuned because this tool changes everything.

This simple idea today is about checking in with yourself before you head into any situation, to see what you really hope it holds for you. This is SOOO simple, but so powerful. #LIFEHACK

Setting a clear intention before entering in to an interaction is a tool that shapes the dynamics of human interaction. It shapes your stress levels. It shapes what you allow to bother you and what you let slide. It shapes what you talk about and what you don’t talk about. It shapes what you focus on. It shapes your energy. In summary - it provides a simple road map for you, for the interaction, guiding your thoughts, words and actions.

This proactive approach fosters first - clarity for you and second, greater success in getting what you want from the situation.

When you are clear with yourself, about what you want to get out of an interaction you are much more likely to get that outcome-

Let me show you what I mean: I’m taking my boys skiing. If I identify before hand that my purpose with this outing is to build relationships with them, then I can clarify ahead of time that it’s not about doing the hardest runs I can find, it’s not about penny pinching by heading to the car at lunch to eat PB & Js. It’s about relationship building. Once I know that I can forgo my own desire to hit the hardest trails, if they don’t want to go on those same trails and it’s not a big deal. There is no struggle on the hill and I’ve already decided I’m not going to go shooting off to do my own runs. I already know that it’s about spending time with them and enjoying the runs they want to do. I can also choose to splurge on a lunch because they are young men who love a big juicy burger - I’ve identified before hand that t’s not about the money, it’s about the time with them. We can sit around the table and talk and enjoy ski lodge burgers.

Example #2 - Before a client meeting I might identify with myself that despite a huge list of things I need to cover with my clients, that this meeting is all about helping them understand the process involved in buying a home so they are clear on what to expect. It’s not about getting paperwork signed, or overwhelming them with all the dotted i’s and crossed t’s - even though those things are in my mind. When I stop and pin point what I really want from this meeting I can direct it, stay on point, not get discouraged that everything doesn’t get done, not force too much on them. Again, this pre determination allows me to proceed smoothly and unemotionally through the process of what I want to accomplish in this interaction and let all the other factors fall away for now.

One of the things I personally love about this is how much peace it brings to me in my interactions. It’s a great tool to help manage emotions. Interactions with family, friends, bosses, clients, etc. can all be very complex.. I have hot buttons and money issues. I have expectations and reactions to a myriad of things. This compass allows me, and YOU, to know ahead of time exactly what we want out of this and it helps us take better control of our emotions and reactions when they don’t align with the outcome we want.

Try it. You may feel like you already know ahead of time, but as you start practicing it you will find that there are usually a lot of other ideas mixed in with it - like a little resentments, or past expectations, or messages your tempted to throw out that are unhelpful, or selfish intentions, money concerns - real or imagined …..lots of things get mixed in with our interactions, so when I take the time before hand to get clear on my intention for that experience, every time they go more smoothly. Every time I let go of the things I need to let go of before I engage.

Whether the intention is to foster collaboration or resolve conflict or build a relationship or convey information, —having your intention clear in your own mind aids you in structuring your thoughts and approach. It allows you to let go of unneeded expectations, it allows you to be assertive where needed and laid back when appropriate.

This road map, this compass allows you to steer yourself, the conversation, the interaction in the desired direction.

Wayne Dyer said, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

I think this quote encapsulates the whole Love Your Story podcast, but today it is a reminder that when we stop, check in with ourself about what we hope to get or create in an upcoming situation, gathering, meeting, party, a communication, that it changes how we approach it and you will find it WILL change how you interpret it as it is unfolding. You will see it differently and you will have a map that shows you what matters in that moment and what doesn’t.

I hope this quick chat about taking a moment to Know Your Intention will change things for you. Simple, but powerful. USE IT PEOPLE! USE IT!

Join us in 2 weeks for my interview with Sohale Sizar and the texts that remind you to think about what you’re grateful for.